Original subtitles

Good night, doll.

Good night.

Oh.

Did you?

No, I did earlier.

Yeah, me too.

You know, that drive and all that eating.

Yeah.

Tomorrow.

Kind of early for sunbathing, isn't it?

Yeah.

What are you doing today?

I don't know.

Try to relax, I guess.

Sit around by the pool.

Lazy bones.

We're out of here.

Let's go.

Ace outfit.

I don't think you're going to dress like that.

Think it'll shave a stroke off my game?

Two strokes.

Hey, hey, wait, wait. We've got big money on today's game. Don't give him

ideas. Your club's in the car? If they're not, it's going to be a short

go. This is so neat, having our very own pool to ourselves.

We should go on vacation rolls more often.

How about Vail?

Vail? My God, we'd have to float alone.

Besides, we've already put down money on the condo in Tahoe.

Ah, put down a deposit.

We'll talk about veal later. Gotta go. Let's go.

You win that money.

Bye, guys.

Bye, guys.

I made some fresh coffee. Want some?

No, thanks.

Spend that ditch water that we get at work. It's French vanilla.

No, I'm not in the mood for coffee today.

I'm feeling a little edgy.

You know what I am in the mood for?

What?

A mimosa. I have not had a mimosa in the morning since forever.

Should we? Let's do it.

Where do they hide the glasses around here?

You know, everything I send to Pearson comes back with so many editorial notes

on it, I feel like it should have a grade on it and a note attached saying,

me.

Well, at least it's got your name on it. Yeah.

Don't worry, just pour it. It looks yummy.

So,

I

have to have this thing ready by...

Friday. You will.

And, you know, I hate tan lines.

Me too.

You know, there's nobody around.

I'll take my top off.

Absolutely.

You know, the thing about writing is that people are always trying to give

advice.

And guidance.

And just sometimes you just need to go into your own room and just do it by

yourself.

Sounds like my sex life lately.

Really?

Hmm?

You know, get yourself off.

No, no. I was just kidding.

No.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. What?

Yeah, I do get myself off. I don't know why I said I didn't, because I do.

Me too.

It's not that Brad and I... I mean, he's terrific and all, but... Joel and I,

like, we get on the schedule from hell, and it's... Yeah, and before you know

it, a couple of weeks have gone by since you did it, and the pressure builds up.

A couple of weeks? God.

Glad I'm not the only one.

I think I do it a lot.

Me?

Like, how often?

Well, you know, it varies.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.

I mean, a couple of times a week. Maybe three or four.

Me too.

Let me ask you something.

Do you ever think about Bran?

Sometimes.

Sometimes I just fantasize.

Me too.

What do you fantasize about?

Well, I don't know.

Sometimes I imagine a door -to -door salesman.

Oh, the kind that comes to the door and you're not wearing much?

No, I'm wearing my white satin robe.

You know the one with nothing on underneath.

And I feel daring.

So you open the door anyway and let him in.

Have you ever seen a door -to -door salesman? No, have you?

No.

Well, I lead him into the dining room, and he's looking me over real good while

he gets all this stuff out of his case.

So I see him looking, and I mean way over.

Yeah, and he acts gently on purpose.

Big, hard -on.

Oh, yeah.

So big he's having trouble hiding it.

So we flew around, testing his wares.

Teasing and flirting until we're getting, mmm, so hot.

And then I turn around to get my checkbook, and I really give him a look.

Oh, yeah, he's getting so hot, he's getting me hot. Oh, yeah.

And I figure it's only a matter of time before he gets so hot he takes things

into his own hands. And then he loses control and grabs me.

Oh, yeah.

He kisses me, fondles my breath, and I usually come by now.

I gotta get in the pool. I'm getting hot talking like this. Me too.

Oh my god, the pool! Oh, shit!

Kind of cute.

Maybe we should let him in and give him a look.

Charge his battery for him.

Like our salesman.

Oh, he was getting me hot.

Oh, yeah.

Hot, yeah.

See my nipples?

They're still so hard.

Don't worry, he can't see.

Me too.

thinking what I'm thinking.

This is so naughty.

I want to do it now.

Why don't you take the couch and I'll go into the bedroom.

Unless... Unless?

We could both do it here.

So we can watch it at the same time.

Oh my.

Should we?

Okay.

I am so wet.

Just... Thinking about it.

God.

Poor baby.

You know, suddenly I'm feeling a little funny about this.

I'm not sure.

Well, what's the difference?

We're both going to do it in different rooms.

True.

I just don't know what to do first, I guess.

With you here.

I know.

You watch me and the pole man get it on.

Woohoo!

So beautiful.

I'm getting up up there so hard.

We forgot all about the poem.

It's already gone.

What was exciting was to be doing it, but not doing it alone.

Right. God, that was intense.

Coast is clear.

Oh, I need a drink.

Should we hit the pool?

Yeah.

Do you want to ease in or plunge in?

Plunge.

Here goes.

I hope it's warm.

They're still shaky.

Mine, too. God, that was something.

I needed that.

Me, too.

God, you're fantastic looking when you come.

Oh, God, I can't believe I just said that.

Do you think I'm secretly a diet?

We're voyeurs, that's all.

Brad would have a coronary if he found out.

Joe would, too.

No, I'd take that back.

Joe would be so turned on. He would not let it rest until we did it again and

let him watch.

Seriously?

Yeah. Are you kidding, Joe?

I don't know. We may have to slow down a little bit.

I need to think about that.

No hurry.

That's right.

We got all weekend.

Are the guys playing golf tomorrow?

You shit.

I played so badly today.

No, I think your game's improved.

I like it much better when I win.

I'm savoring my back.

That's why I hook it so bad.

A likely story.

That's true. It's true.

Gina got so turned on last night that she clawed my back like an alley cat.

Whoa, wild woman.

Gonna have to tame her down, partner.

There might be something in the air down here, though, because last night,

Lindsay started doing a script to you for me while I was watching TV.

Really?

Must have been some joke.

Yeah.

You never think of women getting as horny as guys.

Nah. It's just been a while since we'd had sex.

Must build up for them, too.

There are limits, you know.

If it fucks up your golf swing... Absolutely.

Absolutely, a man has to draw the line somewhere.

Hey, look.

Fifty bucks on the next hole.

And if you get a birdie, you can have a date with my wife. You're on.

What if I get a hole -in -one?

You never had a hole -in -one in your life.

Fifty bucks on the next hole.

We should go pack.

We're going to be late anyway.

Have you given any thought to that idea with Joe?

You know, so much I can barely concentrate.

Me too.

It's kind of the truth. It scares me.

No, it shouldn't be a fear thing.

No, I mean, it scares me because it's such a rush.

Oh, yeah. It made things harder for Joe and I last night.

God.

Just think about it. It makes me hot.

Me too.

God, it did for me and Brad.

I was like a teenager last night.

Fun.

Fun is right.

What are you working on?

Oh, the CBC stuff.

It's not urgent. Did you want me?

Actually, yes.

Sure, what's up?

Well, I was wondering if you'd like to watch me.

What, here?

In my office?

No, not here.

Come with me.

Oh, my God.

Dale, hold my calls for a minute, would you?

McKenna's in Las Vegas till Friday.

She'll be fine in here.

I was wondering when we'd do it again.

You were?

I wasn't sure how to bring it up.

I just thought, well, what the hell, just ask her.

Well, I'm glad you did.

Because if you hadn't, I would have.

Oh, doing this at work, it's so bad.

Oh, that's the fun of it.

Oh.

I'd like to try a little experiment.

Fine.

Would you kiss me?

You are so beautiful.

And your body is sensational.

I love you.

But this isn't for me.

Oh, I love you too.

Oh, God, you are so serious.

Well, I had to find out if I was really gay. I kept wondering.

I've been thinking about nothing else, practically.

But it's what we thought it was, voyeurism.

Thanks for letting me try my little experiment.

Sure, no problem.

You're a pretty good kisser.

Pretty good?

Okay, very good.

Listen, have you given any more thought to the idea with Joe?

Yeah, have I ever.

And I gotta tell you, it makes my motor run.

You? Definitely.

Well, I wouldn't want Joe to know that I knew.

No problem. It's our secret.

It's nothing really.

It's sort of, well, a confession.

When we were in Palm... Gina was telling me about how horny she was.

And she said that sometimes she and Brad don't do it as much as she'd like.

So to get by, she... Easy, if this is something about Gina and another man, I

don't want to know about it.

No, it's about us.

So anyway, there we were with our tops off and all.

I have a feeling I'm going to need a drink. You want one?

Okay.

And it was hot.

So we were talking about how Gina, you know, plays with herself to get herself

off.

I need a double.

Anyway, I admit it, I do it too.

Right when we're talking, getting herself off, here comes the pool man.

The pool man? You didn't. No, we ran the house before he could see us.

But we were both so steamed up about talking about sex and our fantasies and

all, so... So?

Well, we both realized that we wanted to get ourselves off, so we did it on the

couch.

You and Gina on the couch, together?

Yes, we watched each other.

I just wanted to let you know this so there wouldn't be any secrets between

What do you think?

Is that better?

That's better.

How about that? Is that a lot better?

Yes.

Naughty girl.

Bad, bad girl.

My bad.

Is that a time for you?

What do you think?

You wish you could have been there to see us, don't you? Oh, yeah.

Do you want to see us together?

Are you kidding?

It can happen.

She'd be willing.

She wouldn't even know.

I'll try to get back before dark.

You take it easy on those roads out there.

Sure you don't want me to go along with you?

No, no, rest the shoulder.

We'll be back on the slopes tomorrow.

It's a pain in the ass the only tire stores clear over in Incline Village.

Sure is.

Tell Lindsay I'm going to take a nap.

I'll tell her. You get some rest.

Okay.

What if he wakes up? He's just down the hall.

Are you kidding? Joe sleeps?

The cannons could go off.

Yeah.

Look, the door's locked.

Besides, he wouldn't come into your room anyway.

Yeah. I guess you're right. Don't you want to do it?

Yeah, I do.

I've been thinking about it ever since Palm Springs.

Yeah, that was fun, wasn't it?

Let me.

Oh, you're so gorgeous.

Your breasts are so firm.

Your nipples are so hard already.

You must like this.

Well, you know, it's different.

Now you undo my robe.

You have such a beautiful body.

I want to watch you come.

Come on.

How does it feel?

It feels good.

You look fantastic.

I love watching you touch yourself.

It makes me so hot.

Let me see you.

Let me feel you.

Tina, you're going to make me calm.

You're welcome.

Oh, God.

Oh,

God.

Oh, God.

I'm going to go.

Watch me.

in there joe oh my god joe i'm sorry i didn't i was only i can't i

can't do this it's up to you it's just too mean

i knew joe okay you wanted me to see you

yeah joe yeah this is the most exciting thing i've ever seen

really

Yeah, I barely touched myself and I came and I'm about to again.

You want to see?

Are you serious?

Fair is fair.

Show us. What?

You get to see us and we get to see you.

It's only fair.

That was so good.

It's pretty good to me.

How's your shoulder?

Oh, it's killing me.

I just hope it doesn't change things, that's all.

Don't tell Brad, okay?

I won't.

He should feel the same way about this as I do, right?

Maybe. I don't know.

Whatever happens, we have to stay friends. I think that it's the most

thing. I agree.

I don't see a problem. We're all adults. We can handle this.

And it's just voyeurism, right?

Right.

You fantasize.

When you do it to yourself.

Sure.

Tell us. It's okay if it's not about me, Joey.

Some fantasies are four.

Come on.

Well, it looks like today ought to be a day for everything coming out in the

open, huh?

Sort of coming out of the closet, so to speak.

Well, my fantasy is something that actually happened.

With a cousin.

Connie.

We were visiting her, and her husband, the doctor, Bobby,

he got beat in the middle of the night, and he had to go off to the hospital.

Bobby gets a call, and he has to go, even if it's the most inopportune

if you know what I mean.

Came in the ass.

Sure is.

Like tonight, I'm going to have to go to bed with my vibrator instead of my

husband. Take a cold shower.

Jerk off.

He always was a jerk off.

I even caught him once when we were little kids.

Remember?

Really?

Connie.

Oh, yeah.

He was in his room, and he thought that we were all down at the softball field,

but I wasn't.

And I walked in on him.

What happened?

Nothing.

Nothing much.

Look, he's getting hard, just like when we were kids.

Oh, my God, you're right.

He is definitely hard.

I gotta tell you, it's kind of making me hot myself.

God,

Lindsay, you've got a beautiful body.

Your breasts are so pretty.

Oh, Joey.

They're so big.

It's okay if I touch them, Connie?

Yeah, I'd like you to.

Oh, that's making me so hot.

Really, Wendy?

Your wife is very sexy.

You better work out.

I'd like to do it myself.

Huh?

You would?

Yeah, I've wanted to since the first time I saw you. What would you do?

Oh God, it's hard as a rock.

Come feel it.

Oh, I shouldn't.

Come on.

Feel it.

Oh.

Does it feel good?

Yeah.

You better be careful. I'm about to cum.

I want to.

I want to watch you guys.

Like Connie.

Really?

I want to watch him make love to her.

We have to get Brad in on this.

I hope so.

Otherwise his face is going to kill me.

Want some of this?

Mmm, yeah.

Sex always makes me so hungry.

Are you sure Brad would freak out if you told him?

I don't know.

I don't want to underestimate him, but...

I bet he wouldn't.

Well, it's one thing to bet.

I mean, this is a tricky area, kid.

This one thing I don't want to screw around with is my marriage.

Nobody wants that.

All I'm saying is that Brad's always had a little crush on Lindsay.

Get out of here!

It's true.

Brad has never, ever said anything that could even possibly be... He wouldn't.

Not Brad.

But it is true.

I've seen the way he looks at you, Lindsay.

You want some more wine, Brad?

No, no.

I'm getting a little lightheaded.

Well, I'll bet the sauna's hot by now.

Anybody mind if I don't help with the dishes?

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Sure. No problem.

Thanks, guys.

I think I'll go up and call Mom.

She gets all nostalgic during the holidays.

I'll go get by the fire.

You getting all romantic on me?

See what a little wine will do.

Oh, it's not the wine. I've been cold all day.

Crap.

Would you be an angel and do me a big favor?

Whatever you wish.

Run upstairs and get my book off the end table for me?

Sure.

You don't mind?

No, not for you.

Oh, you're so sweet.

I forgot I finished that book.

I'm on my way.

Let me see.

No, no, you shouldn't look.

I'm sorry, I've seen Lindsay naked before.

Well, no, not yet.

What then?

Come on, I told you. I want to see.

I want to watch this. Brad, look at her.

Sexy. You can look too.

Oh, Brad.

Oh, sexy.

It's private.

No, it's exciting.

God, Brad, look at her.

Didn't work.

Damn.

You know, I think we ought to...

I think we ought to tell him the whole truth, exactly the way it happened, and

let things fall the way they fall.

He's a big boy.

I really don't think that's our call, Joe.

I know, I know.

It's hot in here.

We need to talk.

What about?

About what happened last week?

When we watched Lindsay in the sauna?

Nothing happened, and we don't have to talk about it.

Except we sort of do.

Let it alone, all right?

I can't.

It's not as simple as you think.

Yes, it is.

No, it isn't.

Brad, please.

Hear me out.

Something happened back in Palm Springs.

We were lying by the pool.

No,

I knew he was there.

I guess you had to be there. It was really all very innocent.

But after the jacuzzi, we knew we had to include you.

We just didn't know how to tell you.

So the three of you just set me up?

I was supposed to see Lindsay doing that?

And what then?

Become a big sex maniac?

No, I... I don't know.

We just wanted to... maybe encourage you to join in the fun with us. Oh, that's

just great.

But I don't need my wife to pimp for me. Thank you very much.

Brad, don't be like that.

Nobody got hurt or anything.

I got hurt. Me, I'm hurting right now.

I am so sorry.

I think you're perverted.

No.

No, I must have explained it badly.

My wife, playing with herself in front of another man. No, not another man.

My law partner.

How could you be so thoughtless?

I can't even stand to look at you right now. Brad, no. I'm out of here.

Brad, no.

Brad, please.

Talk to me about this.

Go talk to Joe if you like him so much. I'm leaving.

You know I don't like Joe.

Brad.

Law office.

Hello, please.

Law office.

Hi, Brad.

Oh, you poor thing.

Sure, no problem.

You'll feel better. Bye.

Well, what did he say? Is he sick or something?

Yeah, he's sick.

Damn, he's not sick. He's just pissed off.

Damn, Lindsay.

Get my wife on the phone.

Yes, sir.

Where the hell is my lawyer?

I'll be with you in a minute, sir. Please take a seat.

I ain't got time to wait.

Hi. Brad is here.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm taking some of my case studies.

I'll tend for the rest of my things in a few days when I have an office.

Wait a minute. Some of the cases we're working on together.

Fine. Fine. You take Satterfield v. Sullivan.

I'll take Patterson v.

Patterson. You take Breski v.

Graziano. Let me speak. God damn it, Brad.

I mean, our firm's going good, and now you're going to fuck it all up.

Me?

You and my wife, pal. Now get out of my office before I throw you out. Oh, like

hell you will.

What is that, a threat?

Yeah. You threatening me, huh?

Self -defense. You had it coming.

I sit there rubbing my chin.

I mean, how could I get mad? You know, he was right. I deserved it. Don't you

think he'll get over it once he thinks about it?

He's overreacting.

To destroy your law firm over nothing.

Lindsay, this isn't logical. It's emotional.

You know, in part it's because he's always been competitive with me. Yeah, a

large part.

Yeah, well, the largest part is because you're a goddamn sex maniac.

Me? What about you?

Nobody twisted your arm.

Yeah, well, you don't mess around where you work. It's a man's rule. Everybody

knows it. You broke it and you suckered me in.

Well, I'm not a man, so therefore it's not my role.

Yeah, well, our practice we'd spent six long years building up is getting torn

down now.

I don't know why Brad is so goddamn stupid.

I mean, all I did is let his wife jerk me off.

Don't be so crude.

I feel like it. And I'm depressed.

And I've got to fly to San Diego in the morning.

You know, I'm going to sleep in the guest room tonight.

Oh, Joe.

Now, have you read Walkman, please?

Tell him Lindsay's here to see him.

Okay.

Mr. Walker, Lindsay's here to see you.

Of course.

Mr. Walker, it's with a very important client. He suggests you make an

appointment.

Okay, I'd like to make an appointment now. Right now. Hey!

Hey!

What, you got a miserable client or something?

Well, Lindsay, what an unexpected surprise.

You know, I liked your old office better.

So what did Joe do, send you over as a peace offering, his wife for mine or

something?

No. Joe doesn't know I'm here.

I came by to apologize.

He can blame everything on me.

It was all my fault for Joe and for Gina.

So, I want to make it up to you in any way that I can.

And I want to do it now.

Well, that's interesting.

Just what exactly is anything?

Anything.

All right, I'll call your bluff.

Take off your clothes.

Now what?

Do you want me to touch myself like Gina and I did to each other?

Stop it.

You shouldn't be doing that in front of me.

Brad, you're incredible.

I've been wanting to do this a long time.

Thank you.

Mr. Walker, your ex -partner, he wouldn't stop. He's coming.

What the hell's the idea of canceling my meeting in San Diego?

Lindsay.

Well, I'll be damned.

You guys are sisters?

Joe.

Oh, hi, Joe.

No, I haven't talked to Lindsay today. I just tried to give her a call.

Why?

Did I buy you a drink?

Are you drunk?

Just a little.

Do you need a ride home?

Yeah, I need a ride.

You know, it would serve them both right, those jerks. You and I did it.

Sounds good to me.

Thanks. You're kind of cute.

You have nice tits.

I'm going to kiss them.

Joe, you can't talk to me all fancy like that. I'll get hot.

I'm going to do you right here at the bar. Joe, don't fall. I'm going to do

No, no. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it right now.

No, do what?

Bye, Joe.

I feel so relaxed.

Look at you.

Yeah, but my breasts are small compared to Gina's.

I've always been an ass man myself.

Now that's a pretty sight.

You know, I've had a crush on you.

You and Joe got married.

I know.

You do?

Are you kidding?

Sometimes I get turned on just by the way you look at me.

Come on.

Really?

I didn't know I was that obvious.

You aren't.

Just me.

In the street, you know?

Yeah, I know.

You miss her?

Yeah.

She was crying after you left.

Me?

Damn.

You know, I've been thinking that maybe you were right.

Maybe I was overreacting.

I just flipped out.

It's okay.

You couldn't help it.

I mean, I just lost it.

I know I still love Gina, and I know I still love you and Joe.

I might do the same thing.

Betrayal of trust.

Something like that.

Oh, hell. Look, if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't be laying here with you right

now.

Yeah, but now Joe's mad.

I'll talk to him.

No, it's okay. I better do it.

Okay.

What do you think?

One more for old time's sake?

What old time?

Brad, you're incorrigible.

Well, she'd be surprised to see me.

She'll be overjoyed.

Hey, me too. I got to admit.

Oh, just remember that what happened between you and I just never, ever

happened, all right? Not even when you two girls get together until long, okay?

Oh, and you picked me up at my mom's house. Yeah.

I hope Joe's not too mad at me.

No, come on. He'll get over it. Besides, he started this whole thing.

I guess I'm one up on him, right?

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Well, not anymore, honey.

Just take your little girlfriend and get out.

Yeah, Brad, how's it feel to see your wife with your best friend?

She was good. She was real good.

Joe really likes my big breath, Lindsay.

Oh, yeah.

You little bitch.

You know that bothers me. Who are you calling a bitch?

My breasts are bigger than yours. My breasts are bigger than yours.

Stop it, Gina.

You're disgusting.

She can do it if she wants to. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, that's my kimono.

Well, I gave it to you for an anniversary gift. Now I'm taking it

Like hell.

Stop it.

Okay. I'm taking back my gift.

You... You get out! Get out!

Get out! Come, Lindsay, dear. I think they would like us to leave.

I think you're right, Brad.

We don't want to intrude on their little loveness, now do we?

Oh, heaven no.

I was old enough to know what I was doing was wrong, but I did it anyway

it felt good.

Why won't you tell me what happened?

I mean, it can't be that bad.

Plus, it would be good to talk about it.

Well, I'd like to.

I'm ashamed, I guess.

I think you're taking this much too seriously.

Like everything?

You've had a bad sexual experience.

shape your entire personality.

You've made yourself into a square.

Yeah, I guess you can say that.

But you're not a square at all.

Big deal, you're normal.

And that's it?

Well, jeez, Lindsay, if I'd have known you had the answer, I could have saved a

small fortune in Saigon, Ellen.

Hey, you've got to loosen up.

You've got to have fun with sex, like we just did.

And if a bad sexual experience turns you into a square...

Then some positive experiences will change the frog back into the prince.

Want to give it a try?

Give what a try, Doctor?

Fantasize. Play sex games.

Get yourself so turned on that your skin sizzles.

Kinky, weird sex games?

The kind of stuff that makes you go wild.

What do you suppose Joe and Jean are doing right now?

Lindsay.

I bet you're making love right at this moment.

Lindsay, don't. I can just see Joe slipping his hand under Gina's

creamy breast, fondling it, kissing it.

Cut me.

Squeezing the nipples.

Damn you.

Joe always runs into his female friends.

No. No.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Easy, child. I'll be clean. No.

Oh, John.

I feel you pressing up against me.

Oh. Oh, John. Oh, easy.

Put it in me, Charlie.

Lindsay.

Gina! Gina!

Gina.

Gina!

I hate pool.

Brad's the one that likes to shoot pool.

I don't like anything.

I don't know.

I tried to be a good wife.

You are, Gina.

You don't know.

No, I do know. No, you don't.

I just get so bored doing the same old thing over and over and over again.

If it wasn't for you and Lindsay, I don't know what I'd do.

Brad can't help it.

In his nature.

He's sweet and kind and considerate. He's hard -headed and he's competitive

he's inconsiderate. And he's an asshole.

Yeah. But I love him.

I just want him to come home.

And I want Lindsay to come home to you.

I just want us all to be friends again.

Oh, look, I got to go to the communication center. I'll be back in

hour. Okay.

Yes.

When is this thing going to be ready?

Oh,

all right, good.

Okay,

so here we are all together at last.

And I want to say that I'm so glad that you all decided to join me here at this

neutral site.

Let's just get on with it.

Joe, you promised.

That's okay, Gina.

I understand Joe's anger.

I just wanted all of us to get together and talk about things.

Yeah, well, what's to talk about?

Joe, if you want me back and you want your practice back in one piece, shut

Don't you be stupid.

Okay, look, I owe all of you guys a giant apology.

This whole mess has been my fault.

Yeah, well, maybe not all, but enough.

Will you just listen to me, for Christ's sake? I mean, without interjecting all

your little comments. I hate that.

It's my conversation. I'm talking.

We'll talk. I'm listening.

Good.

Good.

All right, anyway.

If I hadn't have overreacted, none of this would have happened.

Something happened to me a long time ago between me and my dad, and I've never

told anybody about it.

In fact, most of my years in psychoanalysis dealt with that and my

Anyway, what I want to tell you guys is that I absolutely love all of you. And I

just want things to be back the way that they were.

I know Lindsay does, too.

I certainly do.

Well, so what I want to suggest... is that we all go back to Palm Springs, to

the scene of the crime, so to speak, and start over.

Now, there's no pressure.

Just see what happens. We're all adults. We're intelligent.

We're reasonable.

And let's give ourselves a second chance. What do you say?

Yeah.

Whose goofy idea was this?

Mine. And mine?

Lindsay's helping me out.

Some help?

Yeah, she's showing me what a tight -ass, opinionated snob I am.

Well, that's a start.

Don't push it, Joe.

What about you, Lindsay? Any revelations you want to share?

Actually, being around Brad has shown me how lucky my best friend is to have a

husband like him.

Well, thanks.

I think.

A minute is a compliment.

Good.

Look, I gotta pee. You wanna go?

We'll let the boys check in.

It's like old time.

Almost.

Come on, let's go check in.

This is really weird, you know?

I mean, inviting Joe and Gina over to our arcana for a martini?

That's a good way to break the ice.

Oh, Brad, Brad, Brad, my little jokester.

That's not what I meant.

Lindy, relax, take a deep breath.

We're going to explode, have some martini, are we?

Oh, Brad, you know just what to do.

What if it doesn't work out? What if we all don't get back together? What if Joe

doesn't take me back? Lindsay, relax.

Joey's going to take you back. Gina is going to take me back.

How do I look?

Fort Knox never looks so good.

here and enjoy a little sun.

Oh, it's much nicer by the pool.

Okay, Joe, you sit here.

You two sit over there.

I'm going to sit here so I can get to the fridge easier.

Okay.

Okay, everybody just bear with me on this one. Take a glass, everyone.

And I want to propose a toast to old friends.

To old husbands.

To old wives.

Oh, God.

Yes.

Okay.

Now that we have washed off some of the trail dust, I want to tell you guys a

little story.

And that is a story about how I became the biggest square in the West and how I

almost lost my one true love.

Gina, I just want to apologize from the bottom of my heart.

Pray that you forgive me.

Brad, it was all my fault.

I never intended... No, no, no, no, no, no. I have to tell you guys all this.

Something happened to me when I was a boy, and once you guys hear it, you'll

understand why I behaved the way that I did.

Go ahead, we're listening.

My father was always very straight -laced about sex, and so was my mother,

that matter.

She died when I was 15.

Much to my surprise, my father brought home a woman one night, and he said that

she was a stewardess and also his girlfriend.

She was very pretty, and I liked her a lot. And two years later, they married,

and she became my stepmother. And my father wanted me to call her mom.

Oh, shit.

Brad, you never told me that.

Will you two shut up? This is getting good. One day, when I was 18 years old,

and doing what you do when you're 18, and you don't have a girlfriend,

and I walked my stepmother, Sheridan.

She caught you masturbating?

Yeah.

She pretended like nothing was out of the ordinary. So she only said,

breakfast is ready, and I won't come on down.

Well, I was mortified.

And I was way too embarrassed to go down to breakfast.

And when I didn't, sometime later, she came back up.

She told me all the boys did it.

And it was perfectly normal and healthy.

And that I shouldn't be ashamed.

She made me feel good.

Even special.

That evening, she fucked over me and helped me with my homework more than

She told me to give her a goodnight kiss later.

I went to her room.

It was cold and she had me crawl in bed with her.

She told me other things about girls, about periods, about not getting

Next night, she wasn't wearing any clothes.

While we talked, she held my penis in her hand.

She told me how to give women pleasure, how to take time, how women like to be

aroused slowly.

And she talked, my penis got hard.

She started kissing me, and then she jacked me off, and I came all over her

sheets.

I was mortified, but she just laughed and laughed until I started laughing

with her.

Sheraton had a friend.

He was another stewardess named Michelle.

And one night, my dad was out of town again.

Michelle started comparing her body to the playmates on TV.

And then Sheraton got into the act.

And it's all so perfectly natural.

It started out just as a joke.

And then it got really hot and steamy fast.

And so I started taking off the clothes and then share it and did two.

And before you know it, they started playing with me. And I was playing with

them.

They never would let me have intercourse with them, but they did things to me.

Kind of embarrassed to talk about it.

That was like heaven to me.

Well, it was.

Then it came to hell.

My father came home from a business visit and walked in.

Caught up right in the middle of it.

I'll never forget the look on my father's face.

He beat me so bad that I spent a week in the hospital.

Oh, Brad, I am so sorry.

It was bad.

God, you never told me.

Yeah, he threw Cherit and out and then filed for divorce.

Six months later, he died in a car wreck and we never had a chance to make up.

No wonder what we did hit you so hard. You equated it to... Yeah, it was the

worst thing that ever happened to me in my life.

Poor baby, I am so sorry.

It's okay. I got it out.

I'm going to be okay.

I mean,

that is if he'll come back to me.

Of course, Brad.

I love you.

Just one more thing.

I have to admit to myself, as well as to you guys, that I really enjoyed those

sex camps with Sheridan and Michelle.

I have to say, that story did get me hot.

Me too.

Got me hard.

Yeah. I know what you mean. You are.

Just listening. Just talking about it.

Okay.

It's getting hot out here.

Right on.

Gina, honey, come here. It's going to burn.

Jeez, Lindsay, you're turning me on.

Me too.

Thank you.