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1
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,517
What was going on there, huh?
2
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,644
We thought
you were sleeping, Daddy.
3
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:46,106
How can I sleep with two
Twinkie burglars roaming around?
4
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:48,192
Can we watch
Dragon Tales, please?
5
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,986
Yeah. Why not, why not?
6
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,531
Which one of these
turns on the TV?
7
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,465
Honey, I think you
just opened the garage.
8
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,467
I'm just planning ahead. I know.
9
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:19,389
- P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug?
- Good job.
10
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,350
Whatever happened
to the good old days...
11
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,228
...when you pulled the knob
and on came the boob tube?
12
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:27,064
The O'Doyles got
a universal remote control.
13
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,358
One clicker controls everything.
14
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,528
Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you.
15
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,572
Well, whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles.
16
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:36,782
Tree house?
17
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:39,284
I don't know. Ask your father.
18
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,744
Ask me what?
19
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:44,665
Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
20
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,836
Yeah, Dad. It's kind of been
halfway done for two months now.
21
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:54,299
All right. I want to, it's just I got a lot
of things going on at work right now.
22
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:58,804
But as soon as I'm done, I'm on it.
I promise. Hang in there.
23
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:04,434
Hey, look at Sundance
wrestle his duck.
24
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,187
Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
25
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:11,191
That's something you shouldn't
know about for another 10 to 30 years.
26
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,652
Ten for you. Thirty for you.
27
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,324
Hey, Michael? I'll see you tonight
at the swim meet?
28
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,076
Swim meet.
29
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,454
- I gotta go to that?
- Yes.
30
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:28,792
- I'm kidding you. I'll be there. Okay?
- All right. I love you, Michael.
31
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,128
Forever and ever, babe.
32
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,088
Mr. Newman.
33
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,340
Kevin O'Doyle.
Yeah. Always a pleasure.
34
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,760
What kind of stereo you got
in that blue piece of shit?
35
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,138
You know what?
I never checked, Kevin.
36
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,765
Yeah, well, my father's stereo
is a Bose.
37
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,768
Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
38
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,522
No! I said-That's not what I said!
39
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,901
His father's stereo blows!
40
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,865
Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
41
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,248
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Good morning.
42
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:09,917
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hello.
43
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,211
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hi.
44
00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:15,047
Good morning, Mr. Newman.
45
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,924
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Man, Alice...
46
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:20,302
...I was stuck in traffic for an hour
and a half. When's the meeting?
47
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:23,639
- It started already.
- What?
48
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,682
Can I go to the bathroom?
49
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,477
Go to the bathroom.
I told you, you don't have to ask me.
50
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,736
Well, the interesting thing,
Prince Habeeboo...
51
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,781
...is that the building codes
in Manhattan will allow us-
52
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,991
- Michael.
- Sorry I'm late, sir.
53
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,328
Some moron in a red Lamborghini
parked in my spot so-
54
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:49,748
Prince Habeeboo
drive red Lamborghini.
55
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,377
Red Lamborghini?
I meant blue Ferrari.
56
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,338
Is this one of your partners?
57
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,590
Actually, Michael
is just an associate.
58
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,093
But he is one of our brightest
young architects.
59
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,261
Thank you.
60
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,471
Walk His Majesty
through our design concept.
61
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,390
With pleasure.
62
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,726
- Prince Haboobee-
- Habeeboo!
63
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:12,437
Prince Habeeboo.
64
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,148
Habeeboo. I thought I said that.
65
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:17,985
When Mr. Ammer explained to me
the type of man you are...
66
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:22,030
...a visionary who prides himself
on originality...
67
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:27,035
...I said to myself, "Let's smash
the mold and redefine elegance."
68
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,538
So I present to you your restaurant.
69
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,206
Where is-Where's bar?
70
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:35,085
Bar is-Here's the bar.
Now, the waterfall-
71
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:36,336
Make bar longer.
72
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:41,550
Okay. We could cut
into the atrium a little bit.
73
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:46,263
No atrium. Just make bar longer
for Prince Habeeboo.
74
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,431
Really?
75
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,727
- Still itchy?
- You got it.
76
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,315
And put big drain in floor
for wet T-shirt contest.
77
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,025
Now, you're kidding me, right?
78
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,277
Boob water's gotta
go someplace, Michael.
79
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,864
Let's just take out the atrium and
run with that and there's your drain.
80
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:07,534
- God.
- I love it. It is simply awesome.
81
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:13,081
Yeah. Basically you want me to design
you an Arabian hoochie house?
82
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,751
How dare you compare
Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
83
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,920
- ...to this hoochie house?
- This idea's...
84
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:20,464
...got nothing to do
with hoochies, Michael.
85
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,174
It's like opposite of hoochie.
86
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,176
No disrespect,
Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
87
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,094
- Hubba Bubba.
- Habeeboo!
88
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:29,431
Habeeboo!
Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
89
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,058
Prince Habeeboo's
not chewing gum.
90
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:35,812
Prince Habeeboo, we will-
I will make this happen.
91
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:38,565
John Ammer's office.
92
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:41,735
I hope that atrium idea didn't take
too long to configure, Michael.
93
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,696
Oh, there'll be other Junes
in my life, sir.
94
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:49,451
See that parking garage
over there on 56?
95
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:54,039
Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
96
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,791
- You got the commission?
- Not yet.
97
00:06:55,999 --> 00:07:01,046
I just need someone to come up
with a design proposal. Intrigued?
98
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,132
Hell, yes.
99
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,469
I'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids.
When I get back, I'm all over it.
100
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:12,057
Great. Have a great Fourth of July
with the kids. I'll put Swardson on it.
101
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:16,061
No, no. Absolutely not.
I-I-Can't it just wait three days?
102
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:19,064
These guys are Japanese.
They can't wait for their fish to cook.
103
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,819
I guess I could talk to my wife.
104
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,655
Great. See you later at happy hour
with Prince Habadabee.
105
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:31,201
My son has a swim meet tonight
that I have to get to s-
106
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,161
I'm just messing with you.
We're good.
107
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,836
Yeah, Ben!
108
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:53,724
That's my boy! That's my boy!
Kid, you were great!
109
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,684
You're not my dad.
110
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:59,271
- As far as you know.
- What?
111
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,524
I was just joking.
112
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,777
Is he really my dad?
113
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,323
Come on, come on! Yes, Ben.
Yes, you did it!
114
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,741
Honey, you were so great.
115
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:14,369
Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin
or something? That was incredible.
116
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,371
You just got here, Dad. I saw you.
117
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:19,958
What do you mean I just got here?
Why are you saying that?
118
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,127
I saw you. You jumped in there,
you swam here.
119
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:25,923
- Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
- He was doing the shut-up.
120
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,802
Hey. Good thing is,
Daddy was here to see you finish.
121
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,054
He didn't see me finish.
122
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,473
He was hanging out
with Ping Woo for some reason.
123
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,142
- Yeah, what was that about, huh?
- The kid was drowning.
124
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:38,435
I'm gonna let him drown?
125
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,938
Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
126
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,732
How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
127
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,610
Michael Speedo-
Michael Newman. Sorry.
128
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,780
Big Ben, that was great progress
out there, huh?
129
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,824
Just remember, right arm out,
head turns left. Left arm out-
130
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,619
Head turns right. I know.
I just forgot at the end.
131
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:56,870
Well, that's all right.
132
00:08:57,079 --> 00:09:00,374
You master that, people are gonna
think you're a half a dolphin out there.
133
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,626
- Really?
- Yeah.
134
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,920
Cute.
135
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,756
Hello? Mr. Ammer.
136
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:18,642
Ben, honey, slow down.
It's not a race.
137
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:20,519
That's his second one
in five minutes.
138
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,437
Keeps eating more and more.
139
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:25,524
He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
140
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:29,236
He's not. He's just doing whatever
Michael's doing. It's driving me crazy.
141
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:33,115
Everything Michael's been doing lately
is very unhealthy for him.
142
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,701
He's gonna kill himself.
143
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,037
Like a signature building
we're talking about.
144
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,664
Oh, my God.
145
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,042
Scared the crap out of me.
146
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,045
Dad, how much longer
are you gonna live?
147
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,632
- One minute.
- One minute?
148
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,926
- Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
- Oh, no, honey.
149
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,511
Don't worry. I'm not dying.
150
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,599
I'm gonna live for 200 years.
Is that long enough for you and me?
151
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:02,895
- Promise?
- I promise. Swear. Come here.
152
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:05,856
You son of a bitch!
153
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:08,817
Hey! There are families here!
154
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,361
Show some respect,
you pieces of shit!
155
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,865
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
156
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,910
Don't light another damn one!
157
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,747
Benjamin. Benjamin.
What am I holding?
158
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,750
A quarter. Now, Grandma
does not let me eat ice cream...
159
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,543
- ...because of my diabetes.
- True.
160
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:30,422
But she says nothing, however,
about a tasty quarter.
161
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,090
Okay.
162
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,928
All right. All right.
163
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,848
Very quickly, please, count to three
because it tastes terrible.
164
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:43,393
One, two, three.
165
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,647
Are you shitting me?
166
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,650
First he's eating like his father,
now you're talking like him?
167
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,194
- Ben.
- Don't you ever say that again.
168
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,739
- Sorry, Grandma.
- How do you do that, Grandpa?
169
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,825
A good magician
never reveals his secrets.
170
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,620
Your daddy has wanted to know
how I've done that trick...
171
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:02,955
...since he was your age.
172
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,540
Isn't that true, son?
173
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,084
Hey, Michael.
Michael, who are you talking to?
174
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,295
Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
175
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,172
Oh, yeah?
Well, tell him to get a life.
176
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:14,591
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
177
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,134
My mother says hello.
178
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,554
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
179
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:22,099
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
180
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:27,646
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you,
Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
181
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,274
- Are you done? Can we relax now?
- Sorry.
182
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,361
Eat me, grandpa!
183
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:35,863
You're dead.
184
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,783
- Oh, shit!
- Yeah, you better run!
185
00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,785
I kicked your father's ass
in high school!
186
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:43,328
Now I'm gonna kick yours!
187
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:46,248
I hate that man.
188
00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,709
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
189
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,378
- Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
- No, back to bed.
190
00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:55,215
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
I'm out of here.
191
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,387
You getting sick, sheriff?
192
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,890
I don't got time to be sick, so no.
193
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,934
I need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
194
00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,896
Well, you gotta get some rest
sometime, sweetheart.
195
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,356
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
196
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,151
...if you collapse trying
to put up the tent this weekend.
197
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:18,780
Yeah. I forgot to tell you.
198
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,325
We gotta postpone
the camping trip.
199
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,911
Ammer put me on a project.
200
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,497
It's due Tuesday. If I don't finish,
I'm off it, so...
201
00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:28,874
The kids have been talking
about camping all year.
202
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,167
Think I don't know that?
203
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,628
It's just every choice I make,
everything I do...
204
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,755
...I disappoint somebody.
205
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,549
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
206
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,260
I'm not out drinking or gambling
or hitting on chicks.
207
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:43,263
I'm working my ass off
so my family can have a better life...
208
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:45,224
...than I dreamed of
when I was a kid.
209
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:49,353
The only way for that to happen
is for me to watch this stinking show!
210
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,396
So relax, hon.
211
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,443
Are you kidding me?
212
00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:59,655
Will you give me a break one time?
213
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:03,700
Damn it! The O'Doyles got
a stinking universal remote control.
214
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,744
We're gonna have one too.
215
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,704
I'm sick of this.
216
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,795
You want me to open
the garage for you?
217
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:28,725
Closed.
218
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,437
Closed.
219
00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,232
Open.
220
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,776
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
221
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,783
Hey, man?
222
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,911
You guys got any universal
remote controls in there?
223
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,998
- For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
- For a television.
224
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,126
I don't think so.
Maybe for a blanket?
225
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,919
You got a remote for a blanket?
226
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,089
Sorry, I don't work here.
I'm waiting for my friends.
227
00:13:59,298 --> 00:14:00,674
You're kidding me.
228
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,886
Actually, yes. I don't have any friends.
Will you be my friend?
229
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,683
Wow, man.
230
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:15,439
Bed. Bed.
231
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:18,400
Bath. Bath.
232
00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:20,277
Bed.
233
00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:25,115
So tired of my life.
234
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:32,039
Beyond?
235
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,911
Sorry to sneak up on you. I just-
236
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,413
You guys got a universal
remote control back here?
237
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:19,044
Something stinks
like stale french fries.
238
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,381
All right, that's probably me.
239
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,384
You know, fast food
shortens your life.
240
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,844
Yeah, that's what I heard.
241
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:30,180
But the way my life's been going
lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
242
00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,558
You're looking
for a universal remote control?
243
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,227
Yeah. Just one device
to do it all for me...
244
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:39,523
...make my life a little easier,
quicker, not so damn complicated.
245
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:43,193
I'm not supposed to do this,
but you seem like a good guy.
246
00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:45,028
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
247
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:47,281
I'm gonna show you a remote
we just got in...
248
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:50,033
...that's probably the most advanced
piece of technology...
249
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,368
...we have in this place.
250
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,454
- Sounds sweet.
- It is sweet.
251
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:59,293
The latest, greatest universal remote
not even on the market yet.
252
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:04,256
I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite
my advanced-technological ass then.
253
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:06,925
I don't know the O'Doyles...
254
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,803
...but they can bite it hard.
255
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,388
Yeah.
256
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:12,973
Come in the back with me.
257
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,017
Okay.
258
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:18,228
This is-This is very nice of you.
259
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:21,565
- What's your name, anyways?
- Call me Morty.
260
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,066
Morty, I'm Michael Newman.
261
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,527
Michael Newman.
262
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,281
I'm about to rock your world.
263
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:30,908
Okay.
264
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:44,046
I gotta be honest with you. This place
looks bigger from the outside.
265
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,006
Just kidding.
266
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,800
Hey, hey.
267
00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:09,696
I think maybe there in the middle?
268
00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:24,795
Sneaky.
269
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,302
Where's the box?
Does it come with directions?
270
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,012
Not necessary.
271
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:37,808
Just point, click.
272
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,143
Eventually, it will program itself.
273
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,022
How much is this thing?
274
00:17:44,273 --> 00:17:46,733
Because I ain't exactly
Thurston Howell, you know?
275
00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:50,237
Lucky for you, it's not
in the bar-code system yet.
276
00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:53,740
So I'm gonna have
to just give it to you.
277
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:56,368
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
278
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:59,997
Want me to take my shirt off for you?
Because I don't play for that team.
279
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,916
Hey. Man, get out of here.
280
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,085
Why are you doing this, then?
281
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:09,006
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
282
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,216
Take it.
283
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,010
Enjoy.
284
00:18:15,971 --> 00:18:17,181
All right.
285
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:19,683
Only one thing
you need to know, Michael.
286
00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:22,561
This item is nonreturnable.
287
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:26,273
Why would I wanna return something
I got for free?
288
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:50,547
Twinkie. You don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
289
00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:54,051
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
290
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:57,095
Let's see what you got, mate.
291
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,815
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
I'm a freaking whiz kid.
292
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:11,860
Residential architecture...
293
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,904
- So I talked to the kids.
- Oh, yeah?
294
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,949
They're very understanding about
not going camping this weekend.
295
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,910
- Great.
- They could have a sleepover instead.
296
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:22,371
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
297
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,207
Thanks for being
so cool about this too.
298
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,876
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
299
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:32,005
After you do all this work and become
a big player at your company...
300
00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:34,550
...do you think you're gonna
have more time for us...
301
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,261
...or are things just gonna get
even more out of control?
302
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,347
Wait. When I get to that place
and become a boss...
303
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:43,225
...a millionaire, a big shot,
the first thing I'm gonna do...
304
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,061
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me
to do all my work.
305
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:49,481
So then you, me and the kids
can do whatever the hell we want.
306
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,608
You just gotta give me some time.
307
00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:55,821
Don't give me that look.
308
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:59,366
I'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
309
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,827
I love you. Go to sleep.
310
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:05,080
- Just think about it, Michael.
- Absolutely.
311
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,498
And stop with the Yodels.
312
00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:08,917
- You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
- Okay.
313
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:25,184
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude.
Everybody's sleeping.
314
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:28,729
You gotta poop again?
315
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:32,107
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy
on the duck, okay?
316
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:38,447
Will you just hold it in for five minutes
and keep the freaking volume down?
317
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,474
I guess when you combine...
318
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:09,061
...mass quantities of cough syrup
with Yodels...
319
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,438
...you get acid.
320
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,610
Go.
321
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,870
Hey, you said you gotta go.
Go already, man.
322
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,295
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
323
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:07,995
Holy motherfu-!
324
00:22:10,247 --> 00:22:12,374
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
In the short run...
325
00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:15,043
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
326
00:22:15,252 --> 00:22:17,588
But six months later...
327
00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:19,423
...I'm gonna have a face
and a body...
328
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:22,009
...that's gonna get me to places
where I wanna be.
329
00:22:24,136 --> 00:22:27,181
Oh, my mother, typical,
you know, she says:
330
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:30,559
"Oh, this procedure is too risky."
331
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:34,146
If Samantha wanted her cheekbones
shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.
332
00:22:34,313 --> 00:22:37,441
I know, but I just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
333
00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:39,276
You should get some work done.
334
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:42,946
Then maybe Michael
will wanna hang out with you too.
335
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:48,202
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
336
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:51,455
Morning, Janine,
you're looking very Slavic.
337
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,752
You're just jealous because Donna
and I are going to the gym...
338
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,046
...and all the guys
are gonna be hitting on us.
339
00:23:03,634 --> 00:23:06,470
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
340
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:07,888
Forever and ever, babe.
341
00:23:08,722 --> 00:23:12,017
Sorry about last night.
And I love you. I'm s-
342
00:23:12,226 --> 00:23:14,686
Oh, my God. I want that so bad.
343
00:23:14,895 --> 00:23:19,775
A husband that I can kiss and love
and give juice to.
344
00:23:19,983 --> 00:23:23,737
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
345
00:23:23,946 --> 00:23:26,740
I think you've given enough juice
to everybody.
346
00:23:28,283 --> 00:23:29,952
Love juice.
347
00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,871
You know way too much about me.
348
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,958
I should never have done
that Montel Williams show.
349
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:38,043
Even Montel Williams
thinks you're crazy...
350
00:23:38,252 --> 00:23:39,586
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
351
00:23:40,128 --> 00:23:42,756
I was desperate for companionship!
352
00:23:42,965 --> 00:23:44,716
All of my husbands...
353
00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:47,386
All of them
have emotionally abandoned me.
354
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:51,348
They went to work. You had sex
with their unemployed brothers.
355
00:23:51,557 --> 00:23:53,517
- You're a horndog.
- Michael.
356
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:55,853
- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
- No, no!
357
00:23:56,061 --> 00:23:59,439
I have had self-esteem issues
since I was a kid.
358
00:23:59,648 --> 00:24:03,652
I had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
359
00:24:03,861 --> 00:24:06,446
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb-
360
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:13,620
Don't look at me!
361
00:24:14,288 --> 00:24:16,248
- What's wrong with me?
- Bunny rabbit, bunny-
362
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:22,880
Here's the pitch to Matsui.
A deep drive.
363
00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:25,299
Oh, my, it's out of here!
364
00:24:25,507 --> 00:24:30,470
A two-run shot into the right-field
seats for Hideki Matsui.
365
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:32,848
I'm sorry. What was that?
366
00:24:33,056 --> 00:24:35,684
She has so many problems.
Why do you have to be so mean?
367
00:24:37,352 --> 00:24:39,980
I don't know, I-Hello.
368
00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:43,442
I gotta go.
369
00:24:47,404 --> 00:24:49,615
Yeah, good RoboDog.
370
00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:52,284
And he can bark
in over six different languages.
371
00:24:52,493 --> 00:24:54,161
It's so cool.
372
00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:57,164
Yeah, it's much cooler
than your stupid, human dog.
373
00:24:57,372 --> 00:25:00,209
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's
new robot dog?
374
00:25:00,417 --> 00:25:02,169
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
375
00:25:02,377 --> 00:25:05,964
"Very nice"? This thing
is worth more than your car.
376
00:25:07,883 --> 00:25:11,136
- Not anymore it ain't.
- RoboDog!
377
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:20,020
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:25:20,229 --> 00:25:24,566
Okay. Is this some sort
of reality show? Are you the host?
379
00:25:24,775 --> 00:25:27,194
Morty? Where are the cameras?
380
00:25:27,402 --> 00:25:32,157
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
381
00:25:33,283 --> 00:25:37,496
All right, America! Have your laugh!
I'm an idiot!
382
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,165
Donna, I'm gonna get you!
383
00:25:40,374 --> 00:25:42,042
Fast-forward.
384
00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,546
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
385
00:25:45,754 --> 00:25:51,176
You wanted a universal remote control
that remote-controls your universe.
386
00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:55,681
Yeah, but what controls
my dance skills?
387
00:26:03,564 --> 00:26:04,731
Oh, Morty likes it too.
388
00:26:06,942 --> 00:26:08,861
Michael, just hit menu.
389
00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:10,863
On the remote?
390
00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:14,741
No, the menu at the Red Lobster.
Yes, on the remote.
391
00:26:20,664 --> 00:26:21,915
Where are we?
392
00:26:26,336 --> 00:26:28,630
- Go, Michael, go!
- One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:31,842
- What have I got here?
- Two, three.
394
00:26:32,009 --> 00:26:34,511
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
395
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,890
- We have a boy!
- Is it gonna work?
396
00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:39,224
What is this?
397
00:26:39,433 --> 00:26:42,019
- All right, I love you, Michael.
- Your life menu.
398
00:26:43,020 --> 00:26:44,813
My life has a commentary?
399
00:26:45,022 --> 00:26:47,316
It's chock-full of goodies.
400
00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:50,277
- Click it.
- Click it.
401
00:26:51,695 --> 00:26:54,156
This is last Tuesday.
402
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:58,368
Michael was eagerly awaiting
the arrival of his lunch order.
403
00:26:58,577 --> 00:27:00,162
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
404
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:02,831
James Earl
does a lot of voice-over work.
405
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,375
But his anticipation
quickly turned to dismay...
406
00:27:05,584 --> 00:27:08,170
...as he realized Alice
had brought him a cheeseburger...
407
00:27:08,378 --> 00:27:10,214
...instead of a hamburger
as he requested.
408
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:12,466
A cheeseburger?
I said a hamburger.
409
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:13,842
She always does this to me.
410
00:27:14,051 --> 00:27:16,929
Michael considered demanding
that Alice scrape the cheese off...
411
00:27:17,137 --> 00:27:18,180
...but decided not to...
412
00:27:18,388 --> 00:27:19,932
...fearing that Alice may spit in...
413
00:27:20,140 --> 00:27:23,685
...or otherwise defile
the burger in some manner.
414
00:27:23,894 --> 00:27:25,521
A wise decision...
415
00:27:25,729 --> 00:27:29,816
...for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
416
00:27:31,235 --> 00:27:33,445
- Are you kidding me?
- Sneaky.
417
00:27:33,654 --> 00:27:35,906
My God.
418
00:27:39,535 --> 00:27:41,620
What else we got here?
419
00:27:43,205 --> 00:27:45,666
- "Making of"?
- Just click.
420
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,670
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
421
00:27:51,213 --> 00:27:53,215
Is this a porno or something?
422
00:27:53,423 --> 00:27:55,759
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
423
00:27:55,968 --> 00:27:57,261
Is that my parents?
424
00:27:57,427 --> 00:27:59,805
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
425
00:28:00,013 --> 00:28:02,724
- That's the spot.
- Smack my heinie!
426
00:28:02,933 --> 00:28:06,144
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
427
00:28:07,479 --> 00:28:08,856
I can't see.
428
00:28:09,064 --> 00:28:12,109
- What happened?
- What-?
429
00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:16,780
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
430
00:28:16,989 --> 00:28:20,117
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
431
00:28:20,325 --> 00:28:22,870
I believe we're sometime
after your conception.
432
00:28:23,078 --> 00:28:25,414
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
433
00:28:25,622 --> 00:28:28,709
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
434
00:28:28,917 --> 00:28:31,628
Again. And push.
435
00:28:31,837 --> 00:28:34,631
- It's a girl.
- It's a girl!
436
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,843
- Oh, It's a girl. Thank you so much.
- Thank you for that.
437
00:28:38,051 --> 00:28:40,512
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry, it might be a boy.
438
00:28:40,721 --> 00:28:42,639
What do you mean, "might be"?
What is that?
439
00:28:42,848 --> 00:28:44,016
Maybe that's a penis.
440
00:28:44,224 --> 00:28:46,810
Maybe that's a pe-? That's a penis.
That's my penis.
441
00:28:47,019 --> 00:28:50,147
Can I see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
442
00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:51,315
See?
443
00:28:51,732 --> 00:28:53,775
- That's a tiny schmeckel.
- Yeah?
444
00:28:53,984 --> 00:28:55,444
- We have a boy!
- We have a boy!
445
00:28:55,652 --> 00:28:59,907
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
446
00:29:00,115 --> 00:29:03,035
...because I didn't see anything.
447
00:29:03,243 --> 00:29:04,453
Let's get out of here.
448
00:29:06,705 --> 00:29:08,707
So if you think about it...
449
00:29:08,874 --> 00:29:12,419
...I can reexperience
any part of my life I want to.
450
00:29:12,628 --> 00:29:14,171
It's amazing.
451
00:29:15,380 --> 00:29:18,717
What happened?
Oh, God, what did I do?
452
00:29:18,884 --> 00:29:21,011
Hello? How do I get you
back here, pal?
453
00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:23,222
Gotcha.
454
00:29:24,473 --> 00:29:26,099
I'm not freaked out enough?
455
00:29:26,308 --> 00:29:28,143
It's simple. Think of a time
and a place...
456
00:29:28,352 --> 00:29:30,896
...hit rewind, and you're there.
457
00:29:32,064 --> 00:29:34,525
Time and a place. Time and a place.
458
00:29:40,405 --> 00:29:43,408
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
459
00:29:43,909 --> 00:29:46,119
That's me in the Jets shirt.
460
00:29:46,328 --> 00:29:47,996
Go, little me, go!
461
00:29:51,416 --> 00:29:53,377
Good hands! Nice hands.
462
00:29:53,585 --> 00:29:54,795
Michael!
463
00:29:55,295 --> 00:29:59,591
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
Invite your friends if you want to.
464
00:30:00,217 --> 00:30:03,637
So any of you wanna come
by my tent for some supper?
465
00:30:03,846 --> 00:30:06,807
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
466
00:30:09,518 --> 00:30:11,103
Three's Company.
467
00:30:11,645 --> 00:30:13,939
That's humiliating.
468
00:30:15,816 --> 00:30:19,778
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
469
00:30:19,987 --> 00:30:21,822
Oh, come on.
You call that camping?
470
00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:24,616
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
471
00:30:24,825 --> 00:30:28,328
Plus, it's more fun to have
to keep each other warm at night.
472
00:30:28,871 --> 00:30:30,455
Don't you know it.
473
00:30:39,631 --> 00:30:42,342
- No cupcakes yet.
- But I'm starving.
474
00:30:42,551 --> 00:30:44,845
I agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry I am?
475
00:30:45,012 --> 00:30:48,015
I am so hungry, I could eat this.
476
00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:50,684
Oh, this is where
the quarter trick started.
477
00:30:57,232 --> 00:30:58,817
How the heck did he do that?
478
00:30:59,026 --> 00:31:02,196
Oh, it's a trick coin
you buy at a magic shop.
479
00:31:02,404 --> 00:31:04,448
I just couldn't let him know
I knew that.
480
00:31:04,656 --> 00:31:06,116
That's sweet.
481
00:31:06,325 --> 00:31:09,244
Now, I gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
482
00:31:17,294 --> 00:31:20,881
It's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
483
00:31:21,089 --> 00:31:22,549
Okay.
484
00:31:24,092 --> 00:31:25,052
Who are you?
485
00:31:25,886 --> 00:31:27,346
You know who I am.
486
00:31:28,430 --> 00:31:29,556
Morty?
487
00:31:29,765 --> 00:31:32,226
If you have any questions...
488
00:31:32,851 --> 00:31:34,436
...call me.
489
00:31:42,903 --> 00:31:47,741
No, Linda, I think Stacy gets
the most-beautiful-feet award.
490
00:31:47,950 --> 00:31:49,451
You wanted to see me?
491
00:31:49,660 --> 00:31:52,746
Michael. Look, I'm heading out to
the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
492
00:31:52,955 --> 00:31:54,081
I'm counting on you.
493
00:31:54,289 --> 00:31:56,333
This hotel project? It's a big fish.
494
00:31:56,542 --> 00:32:00,420
You reel it in for me
and it's "Howdy, partner."
495
00:32:03,882 --> 00:32:05,300
Okay. Thank you.
496
00:32:05,467 --> 00:32:09,221
Screw it up, though, and it's
"Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."
497
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:13,141
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
498
00:32:13,308 --> 00:32:16,687
She's gotta go to rehab again,
so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
499
00:32:16,895 --> 00:32:19,106
I'm gonna be alone
on the Fourth of July?
500
00:32:19,481 --> 00:32:22,234
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
501
00:32:22,442 --> 00:32:24,945
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
502
00:32:26,488 --> 00:32:29,700
Really? What's she like?
503
00:32:30,367 --> 00:32:35,164
Let's just say
she will eat you up, sir.
504
00:32:37,291 --> 00:32:38,834
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...
505
00:32:39,042 --> 00:32:41,170
- ...but this is kind of important.
- Okay.
506
00:32:43,088 --> 00:32:45,132
- Go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
507
00:32:56,351 --> 00:32:59,396
Dude! You suck so bad.
508
00:32:59,605 --> 00:33:01,648
Do not. Hey, Dad.
509
00:33:01,899 --> 00:33:03,650
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
510
00:33:03,859 --> 00:33:07,696
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
511
00:33:07,905 --> 00:33:09,656
Darn it.
512
00:33:23,629 --> 00:33:25,839
You're a regular Derek Jeter
yourself, O'Doyle.
513
00:33:26,215 --> 00:33:28,675
- Love you, kid.
- Love you too, Dad.
514
00:33:29,468 --> 00:33:32,012
Mommy!
515
00:33:32,804 --> 00:33:35,474
No, I know. Well, I thought
she should've gotten voted off.
516
00:33:35,682 --> 00:33:38,101
But did you see her Kate Spade
handbag? It was gorgeous.
517
00:33:38,310 --> 00:33:40,938
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
I gotta say hi to your son.
518
00:33:41,146 --> 00:33:45,192
- I told your parents to come for dinner.
- Really? That sounds good.
519
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,778
It'd be fun for them to be here
for the sleepover.
520
00:33:49,571 --> 00:33:51,281
Okay, so great. Yeah.
521
00:33:51,490 --> 00:33:53,909
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
522
00:33:54,117 --> 00:33:57,246
It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner
with your family, sweetie.
523
00:33:57,454 --> 00:34:00,290
I know, I just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
524
00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:05,087
- I'm the leader!
- No, I'm the leader!
525
00:34:07,047 --> 00:34:08,966
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
526
00:34:11,969 --> 00:34:14,471
I can't take a whole night of this.
527
00:34:14,638 --> 00:34:17,975
- And I'm not going to.
- Q, R, S, T, U-
528
00:34:24,022 --> 00:34:25,440
Cool.
529
00:34:25,649 --> 00:34:28,819
I can skip chapters.
530
00:34:34,658 --> 00:34:35,993
What a family.
531
00:34:37,661 --> 00:34:41,456
All right, let's get dinner
over with. Next.
532
00:34:41,665 --> 00:34:43,083
Next.
533
00:34:43,292 --> 00:34:46,295
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
534
00:34:48,380 --> 00:34:50,757
Will you stop already?
535
00:34:50,966 --> 00:34:54,845
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
I can't wait not to see it.
536
00:34:56,805 --> 00:34:58,599
Alone in my basement at last.
537
00:34:58,807 --> 00:35:02,853
Should I do my work
and become partner now? I think so.
538
00:35:04,521 --> 00:35:06,356
Let's get to it.
539
00:35:07,191 --> 00:35:08,650
- Michael?
- Yo.
540
00:35:08,859 --> 00:35:10,402
We don't wanna interrupt.
541
00:35:10,611 --> 00:35:12,446
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
542
00:35:12,654 --> 00:35:14,323
You had a fun time
hanging out with me?
543
00:35:14,531 --> 00:35:16,450
That was-We did good, right?
544
00:35:17,034 --> 00:35:18,535
- Good night, honey.
- Love you.
545
00:35:19,077 --> 00:35:23,207
My schmeckel got bigger now that
I'm older, just so you guys know that.
546
00:35:23,415 --> 00:35:25,834
It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
547
00:35:26,627 --> 00:35:27,711
Yeah, yeah.
548
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,048
It looked like a little Tic Tac.
549
00:35:31,256 --> 00:35:34,301
Yeah, come here,
I'll freshen your breath.
550
00:35:35,511 --> 00:35:36,929
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye, sweetie.
551
00:35:37,137 --> 00:35:39,056
Good night, sweetie.
552
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,185
Great dinner, honey.
553
00:35:43,393 --> 00:35:45,646
See? Was that so bad?
554
00:35:45,854 --> 00:35:47,731
Kidding me? I had fun.
555
00:35:47,940 --> 00:35:51,652
Good for you. Can you watch the gang
for 10 minutes while I clean up?
556
00:35:51,860 --> 00:35:54,154
Can't you? I just-
I got so much stuff to do here.
557
00:35:54,363 --> 00:35:55,781
Oh, you got stuff to do?
558
00:35:55,948 --> 00:35:58,408
I got ghost stories, charades,
the dishes...
559
00:35:58,617 --> 00:36:01,370
...and then I gotta sew the duck's head
back on for Sundance...
560
00:36:01,578 --> 00:36:03,205
...and fix his butthole.
561
00:36:03,413 --> 00:36:04,498
Way to go, champ.
562
00:36:06,041 --> 00:36:07,918
I wish I had time to do all that stuff.
563
00:36:08,126 --> 00:36:09,545
Give me a break, Michael.
564
00:36:09,753 --> 00:36:11,713
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
565
00:36:11,922 --> 00:36:14,299
I'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for, like, a whole day.
566
00:36:14,466 --> 00:36:15,843
You don't have to do that much.
567
00:36:16,051 --> 00:36:18,846
How big a deal is that?
I am so tired of having this argument.
568
00:36:26,687 --> 00:36:29,439
I skipped the whole fight.
569
00:36:32,526 --> 00:36:33,986
Babe?
570
00:36:35,445 --> 00:36:37,739
- I can't sleep.
- You can't?
571
00:36:37,948 --> 00:36:39,533
I feel bad that we keep arguing.
572
00:36:39,741 --> 00:36:42,870
I know. Don't be upset, okay?
573
00:36:43,078 --> 00:36:46,456
- I was a jerk.
- You are a jerk.
574
00:36:46,665 --> 00:36:48,208
- I love you.
- I love you too.
575
00:36:49,376 --> 00:36:51,378
- Yes. That smells good.
- What?
576
00:36:53,964 --> 00:36:56,008
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
577
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:58,343
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
578
00:36:59,094 --> 00:37:02,097
Okay. Quietly try
and coax me into it.
579
00:37:02,306 --> 00:37:04,308
I gotta get back to work.
Can't we just do it?
580
00:37:04,516 --> 00:37:06,476
No, we can't just do it.
Honey, come on.
581
00:37:07,019 --> 00:37:10,731
I mean, I don't have any new moves
for you. It's the same stuff.
582
00:37:10,939 --> 00:37:13,650
Just think of last time and use that.
583
00:37:13,859 --> 00:37:16,487
I like the old moves. Come on.
584
00:37:18,071 --> 00:37:19,031
All right.
585
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,200
This time you be Sundance,
I'll be the duck.
586
00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:24,786
- Yeah?
- But you gotta massage me first.
587
00:37:24,995 --> 00:37:28,290
Great, I love giving massages.
588
00:37:33,337 --> 00:37:35,797
Massaging away here.
589
00:37:37,925 --> 00:37:41,011
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:37:52,564 --> 00:37:55,901
- We did it?
- Well, you did.
591
00:37:57,444 --> 00:38:00,113
I didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
592
00:38:00,322 --> 00:38:02,616
I don't think anybody did.
593
00:38:03,033 --> 00:38:05,410
Yeah. I'll get you next time.
594
00:38:05,619 --> 00:38:07,246
Thanks.
595
00:38:08,205 --> 00:38:10,249
So we good for tomorrow?
596
00:38:11,917 --> 00:38:13,544
What are you talking about?
597
00:38:13,752 --> 00:38:14,962
At dinner.
598
00:38:15,170 --> 00:38:18,674
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
599
00:38:21,635 --> 00:38:23,095
Dad's gift is-
600
00:38:23,303 --> 00:38:27,099
- Of course. I said so, so I'll be there.
- Okay.
601
00:38:27,933 --> 00:38:30,310
- Need another massage or anything?
- Oh, go away.
602
00:38:30,519 --> 00:38:32,354
I gotta go work.
603
00:38:33,730 --> 00:38:35,899
Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman.
604
00:38:36,108 --> 00:38:38,569
Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?
605
00:38:40,362 --> 00:38:42,990
Hang on for a second,
someone's at my door.
606
00:38:45,951 --> 00:38:48,871
- Hello, Michael.
- Where'd you come from?
607
00:38:49,538 --> 00:38:51,248
You don't wanna know.
608
00:38:53,876 --> 00:38:56,211
- Can we take a walk?
- Sure.
609
00:38:57,921 --> 00:39:01,341
It's simple. You must
have been on autopilot.
610
00:39:01,550 --> 00:39:02,634
Autopilot?
611
00:39:02,843 --> 00:39:05,387
That's what happens to you
when you fast-forward.
612
00:39:05,596 --> 00:39:07,556
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll show you.
613
00:39:07,723 --> 00:39:09,141
Here.
614
00:39:12,895 --> 00:39:15,856
See? That's you on autopilot.
615
00:39:16,064 --> 00:39:18,650
The lights are on
but nobody's home.
616
00:39:18,859 --> 00:39:21,069
The remote lets your mind
skip around...
617
00:39:21,278 --> 00:39:23,864
...but your body actually stays put
for the boring stuff.
618
00:39:24,072 --> 00:39:27,117
We should go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
619
00:39:27,326 --> 00:39:28,911
Sounds good.
620
00:39:29,119 --> 00:39:30,287
So she did tell me.
621
00:39:30,496 --> 00:39:33,499
I'm having conversations
on autopilot, then.
622
00:39:33,707 --> 00:39:36,251
You're not gonna be
the life of the party, but yes.
623
00:39:36,460 --> 00:39:38,754
Everyone goes on autopilot
now and then.
624
00:39:38,921 --> 00:39:41,798
The big difference
is now you've got a nifty remote...
625
00:39:42,007 --> 00:39:44,343
...to help you decide when.
626
00:39:44,551 --> 00:39:46,428
This thing is the best.
627
00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:50,516
By the way, your wife?
Absolutely gorgeous.
628
00:39:50,724 --> 00:39:55,270
- She is, isn't she?
- Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
629
00:39:56,563 --> 00:39:57,523
You okay?
630
00:39:58,982 --> 00:40:01,318
- Amazing.
- What is?
631
00:40:01,527 --> 00:40:03,612
She fell for a schlub like you.
632
00:40:03,821 --> 00:40:05,405
I'm a schlub?
633
00:40:05,614 --> 00:40:08,534
I don't know about that, pal.
I see a good-looking man right there.
634
00:40:10,285 --> 00:40:13,455
You wanna see what a stud
I used to be? Yeah?
635
00:40:13,664 --> 00:40:15,916
All right, let's take a look
at some of the girls...
636
00:40:16,124 --> 00:40:18,710
...I used to fool around with
before I met Donna.
637
00:40:28,512 --> 00:40:30,514
Is that a man or a woman?
638
00:40:30,722 --> 00:40:32,683
It's a woman.
639
00:40:36,061 --> 00:40:37,980
What is this, Animal Planet?
640
00:40:39,773 --> 00:40:42,192
- Stop.
- Yes.
641
00:40:44,361 --> 00:40:50,242
Sometimes it's better to keep
certain memories just in your head.
642
00:40:50,450 --> 00:40:52,035
So I've learned, Morty.
643
00:40:52,244 --> 00:40:54,163
Good night. Thank you.
644
00:40:54,663 --> 00:40:56,415
Good night, Michael.
645
00:41:04,798 --> 00:41:08,218
I'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till I'm better.
646
00:41:09,761 --> 00:41:13,182
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
647
00:41:13,807 --> 00:41:16,852
What? It's Monday already?
648
00:41:26,069 --> 00:41:28,197
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
649
00:41:28,405 --> 00:41:30,032
I skipped an entire cold?
650
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,701
Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
651
00:41:32,951 --> 00:41:34,453
No more Tylenol!
652
00:41:34,661 --> 00:41:36,622
I don't remember doing
any work this weekend.
653
00:41:39,166 --> 00:41:40,792
But apparently I did.
654
00:41:41,335 --> 00:41:44,796
- Bad news. There's no hot water.
- What? I gotta take a shower.
655
00:41:44,963 --> 00:41:47,424
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
656
00:41:48,383 --> 00:41:50,677
It's all good.
657
00:41:57,434 --> 00:41:59,353
Yes! Look at me.
658
00:41:59,561 --> 00:42:03,607
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
659
00:42:03,815 --> 00:42:05,484
I like that. I-
660
00:42:06,193 --> 00:42:08,445
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
661
00:42:09,029 --> 00:42:12,115
Just watch your toons and have
a great day with Mommy today, okay?
662
00:42:15,285 --> 00:42:18,288
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
663
00:42:18,497 --> 00:42:20,082
- Dad?
- Yes, sir?
664
00:42:20,290 --> 00:42:22,793
Are you gonna have to work late
again tonight?
665
00:42:23,669 --> 00:42:27,089
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Is there anything we can do to help?
666
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:31,218
Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and
I'm gonna need new building designs.
667
00:42:31,426 --> 00:42:34,096
So if you guys have any cool ideas,
draw them up for me.
668
00:42:34,304 --> 00:42:35,764
- Okay.
- Rock 'n' roll.
669
00:42:35,973 --> 00:42:38,934
- I get the paper.
- I got the crayons.
670
00:42:44,690 --> 00:42:47,192
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
671
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:10,215
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
672
00:43:10,424 --> 00:43:14,136
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
673
00:43:16,430 --> 00:43:18,056
Wait a sec!
674
00:43:20,934 --> 00:43:23,395
Here we go! Mama!
675
00:43:23,604 --> 00:43:27,149
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, baby!
676
00:43:29,860 --> 00:43:33,071
You look a little pale there, pal.
Let me fix that.
677
00:43:37,242 --> 00:43:41,163
Oh, look at you now.
You're all yellow from the scurvy.
678
00:43:41,371 --> 00:43:42,414
Captain.
679
00:43:45,125 --> 00:43:49,755
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
680
00:44:00,599 --> 00:44:01,767
Oh, there's Barney.
681
00:44:01,975 --> 00:44:05,270
♪ I love you, you love me ♪
682
00:44:05,479 --> 00:44:09,775
♪ That jogger had giant boobies ♪
683
00:44:10,150 --> 00:44:14,404
Okay. Let's get you that tan
you been searching for.
684
00:44:14,613 --> 00:44:16,281
That's it. That's it.
685
00:44:16,490 --> 00:44:20,452
Check out Julio Iglesias... Pretty.
686
00:44:23,247 --> 00:44:27,292
- Looking good, Mr. Newman.
- Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
687
00:44:27,501 --> 00:44:31,255
- Finish?
- Did I finish? I believe I finished.
688
00:44:31,463 --> 00:44:34,883
- Let's see here. Look at that.
- Very impressive, Michael.
689
00:44:35,092 --> 00:44:39,054
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
690
00:44:39,721 --> 00:44:41,557
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
691
00:44:43,058 --> 00:44:46,061
- I guess I can do it all, sir.
- You can do it all.
692
00:44:46,687 --> 00:44:50,816
All right, all right, everybody.
It's sexual-harassment-speech day.
693
00:44:52,192 --> 00:44:54,361
Now, anyone can be a victim
of sexual harassment:
694
00:44:54,570 --> 00:44:58,991
Blue collar, white collar,
a woman, a man.
695
00:44:59,241 --> 00:45:01,493
Even the office slut.
696
00:45:01,702 --> 00:45:04,121
Not that I'm mentioning any names...
697
00:45:04,329 --> 00:45:05,539
...Stacy.
698
00:45:09,084 --> 00:45:13,213
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
699
00:45:14,631 --> 00:45:18,093
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
700
00:45:18,802 --> 00:45:22,598
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because I'm sure I've done it.
701
00:45:24,308 --> 00:45:27,853
Like the day I said, "You want
a promotion, break out the lotion."
702
00:45:28,061 --> 00:45:30,731
I was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
703
00:45:31,482 --> 00:45:34,943
Hilarious sexual harassment,
if you ask me.
704
00:45:39,865 --> 00:45:44,661
Now, there is also
homosexual harassment.
705
00:45:44,870 --> 00:45:47,623
Now, this is like when
one dude comes up to another...
706
00:45:47,831 --> 00:45:50,250
- ...and says something cheeky.
- This will be good.
707
00:46:14,107 --> 00:46:15,359
Proceed.
708
00:46:21,323 --> 00:46:23,659
I don't know about you Americans...
709
00:46:23,867 --> 00:46:27,120
...but to me there is no doubt...
710
00:46:27,329 --> 00:46:30,165
...Ichiro is the greatest of all time.
711
00:46:30,374 --> 00:46:31,959
Yeah, he's incredible.
712
00:46:32,167 --> 00:46:34,211
You gotta admit,
you can always count on Matsui.
713
00:46:34,419 --> 00:46:36,046
Oh, Matsui.
714
00:46:36,255 --> 00:46:39,716
Well, if you guys love Ichiro and
Matsui so much, let's order them both.
715
00:46:41,218 --> 00:46:42,970
I'll eat anything.
716
00:46:43,178 --> 00:46:46,557
- Excuse us for a moment.
- Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
717
00:46:46,765 --> 00:46:48,851
See you guys in a bit.
718
00:46:49,059 --> 00:46:53,146
Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players.
You just insulted their national heroes.
719
00:46:53,355 --> 00:46:55,858
I'm going to the bathroom
to slit my wrists.
720
00:46:56,066 --> 00:46:57,776
I'll be here.
721
00:47:14,042 --> 00:47:15,210
These morons are so boring.
722
00:47:15,419 --> 00:47:17,546
They make me wanna
chop my own dick off.
723
00:47:18,881 --> 00:47:20,674
That hotel design?
I'd like to rip it up.
724
00:47:20,883 --> 00:47:23,468
Egghead watched a bad documentary
on Asian architecture.
725
00:47:23,677 --> 00:47:25,387
Who needs a stupid river
in the lobby?
726
00:47:25,596 --> 00:47:27,598
Let's build more rooms
and maximize profits.
727
00:47:27,806 --> 00:47:29,391
Eat as fast as you can.
728
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:30,934
Then we can get out of here...
729
00:47:31,101 --> 00:47:34,021
...and do Jell-O shots at America's
greatest cultural achievement:
730
00:47:34,229 --> 00:47:35,230
T.G.I. Friday's.
731
00:47:35,439 --> 00:47:36,940
T.G.I. Friday's!
732
00:47:40,569 --> 00:47:44,281
- All right, Michael, save us.
- I'm all over it, baby.
733
00:47:45,616 --> 00:47:49,495
Before we order, I was looking
at our proposal. You know what?
734
00:47:49,703 --> 00:47:53,332
After getting to know you a little bit,
I realize this is not what you're about.
735
00:47:53,540 --> 00:47:56,793
In fact, let's just throw it out,
all right? Start from scratch.
736
00:47:57,002 --> 00:47:59,880
The river in the lobby idea,
what an egghead move.
737
00:48:00,088 --> 00:48:03,926
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget
all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
738
00:48:04,134 --> 00:48:06,220
That's what it's all about anyways,
the profits.
739
00:48:06,428 --> 00:48:09,640
But do me a favor. Just give us
your account and your trust.
740
00:48:09,848 --> 00:48:13,143
That way we can get the hell out
of this dump, go to T.G.I. Friday's...
741
00:48:13,352 --> 00:48:16,063
...do some Jell-O shots
till this guy pukes up a lung.
742
00:48:17,856 --> 00:48:19,024
Fuck, yeah.
743
00:48:22,694 --> 00:48:24,404
That's what I'm talking about.
744
00:48:30,744 --> 00:48:32,204
Yes, yes!
745
00:48:32,412 --> 00:48:36,375
The king is home! Hello, hello!
746
00:48:37,543 --> 00:48:41,588
How can you goons sleep
when you know I got you presents?
747
00:48:41,797 --> 00:48:43,215
- You did?
- What is it?
748
00:48:43,423 --> 00:48:47,511
What is it? Well, if you bring
your tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
749
00:48:48,554 --> 00:48:50,389
I'm coming. I'm coming.
750
00:48:50,597 --> 00:48:54,560
Honey, get your sweet little buns
downstairs too. Come on, come on!
751
00:48:58,105 --> 00:49:00,190
Come and get them.
752
00:49:01,066 --> 00:49:04,111
- Awesome! No way!
- Yeah, yeah.
753
00:49:04,903 --> 00:49:08,365
- It must have cost a million dollars!
- That's chump change now.
754
00:49:08,574 --> 00:49:09,783
You guys deserve the best...
755
00:49:09,992 --> 00:49:12,411
...and that's what you're gonna get
from now on, okay?
756
00:49:12,578 --> 00:49:13,912
What's all this?
757
00:49:14,079 --> 00:49:16,206
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
758
00:49:16,415 --> 00:49:18,375
- Yeah!
- Let's take them outside!
759
00:49:18,584 --> 00:49:20,878
Wake the O'Doyles,
let them see what you got.
760
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:28,260
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
761
00:49:28,427 --> 00:49:30,888
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
762
00:49:31,096 --> 00:49:34,433
- Don't think I forgot my beautiful wife.
- Oh, my gosh.
763
00:49:34,641 --> 00:49:38,520
It's not a bike or a cowboy hat,
but you're gonna like this, I hope.
764
00:49:38,896 --> 00:49:42,232
- Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
- I heard you talking to my mother.
765
00:49:42,441 --> 00:49:44,651
- I love it!
- You look good, baby.
766
00:49:44,860 --> 00:49:48,071
I got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
767
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,823
What are we celebrating?
768
00:49:50,032 --> 00:49:54,328
"What are we celebrating?"
We're healthy, we got a great family...
769
00:49:54,536 --> 00:49:56,788
...I'm Ammer's newest partner-
770
00:49:56,997 --> 00:50:00,417
Oh, my God, you're kidding!
Honey, congratulations!
771
00:50:00,626 --> 00:50:03,837
I knew it! I knew you'd be psyched!
I love it! I love you!
772
00:50:04,046 --> 00:50:06,298
I single-handedly landed
the Watsuhita account.
773
00:50:06,507 --> 00:50:08,884
That's incredible.
I knew it was gonna be a great day.
774
00:50:09,092 --> 00:50:12,012
- I heard our song on the radio.
- We have a song?
775
00:50:12,554 --> 00:50:17,017
Honey. The song that was playing
during our first kiss.
776
00:50:19,061 --> 00:50:21,021
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
777
00:50:22,856 --> 00:50:27,861
I know our song. Our song. Of course
I know our song. Our song is...
778
00:50:28,070 --> 00:50:30,364
What the hell was that song?
779
00:50:32,366 --> 00:50:34,326
I remember this place.
780
00:50:34,535 --> 00:50:37,412
And-Oh, my God.
781
00:50:37,621 --> 00:50:40,374
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
782
00:50:41,124 --> 00:50:46,171
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
783
00:50:48,882 --> 00:50:50,509
Oh, yeah, the notes.
784
00:50:50,717 --> 00:50:52,678
Smooth, buddy.
785
00:50:58,559 --> 00:51:00,185
Oh, look at her.
786
00:51:01,728 --> 00:51:05,691
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
787
00:51:08,902 --> 00:51:12,406
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
788
00:51:19,913 --> 00:51:22,666
All she's thinking about is,
"I am not kissing that beard.
789
00:51:22,875 --> 00:51:24,543
Absolutely not,
that's gonna hurt me."
790
00:51:25,252 --> 00:51:27,045
Wait a minute.
791
00:51:29,923 --> 00:51:32,259
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
792
00:51:34,011 --> 00:51:35,679
Yeah.
793
00:51:39,349 --> 00:51:40,851
Donna!
794
00:51:41,059 --> 00:51:43,687
Donna. Oh, my God.
795
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,106
I'm so horny now.
796
00:51:46,315 --> 00:51:50,027
Oh, God, I'm not.
Get me out of here.
797
00:51:52,196 --> 00:51:56,825
"Linger" by The Cranberries
was playing during our first juicy kiss.
798
00:51:57,034 --> 00:52:00,496
And, my God, you looked beautiful
in that pink sweater you were wearing.
799
00:52:00,704 --> 00:52:02,372
Honey, you remember
what I was wearing?
800
00:52:02,581 --> 00:52:04,541
Of course. I remember
what Janine was wearing.
801
00:52:04,750 --> 00:52:06,960
She scared the shit out of me then.
802
00:52:10,506 --> 00:52:12,132
I love you.
803
00:52:12,341 --> 00:52:15,010
I love you too, honey.
804
00:52:25,813 --> 00:52:27,856
Hi, Mr. Newman.
805
00:52:28,398 --> 00:52:30,651
Right this way, Michael.
806
00:52:30,776 --> 00:52:34,905
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
807
00:52:34,947 --> 00:52:36,490
All right.
808
00:52:36,698 --> 00:52:39,117
I am a little tired.
809
00:52:39,326 --> 00:52:41,662
The family was up late
last night celebrating.
810
00:52:41,870 --> 00:52:44,665
You really knocked one out of the park
last night, didn't you?
811
00:52:44,873 --> 00:52:45,999
Hey, you were great too.
812
00:52:46,208 --> 00:52:48,460
All you gotta do is draw up
the construction plans.
813
00:52:48,669 --> 00:52:50,754
If Watsuhita commits
to the bulk of the funds...
814
00:52:50,963 --> 00:52:53,257
...I'm looking at my new partner.
815
00:52:56,260 --> 00:52:58,053
I thought I was already your partner.
816
00:52:58,804 --> 00:53:00,264
Whoa, cowboy.
817
00:53:00,472 --> 00:53:03,267
I said, "Land the Watsuhita account,
you'll get promoted."
818
00:53:03,475 --> 00:53:07,896
- I didn't mean right this second.
- But I already told my wife, sir.
819
00:53:08,063 --> 00:53:10,399
I spent money I don't have.
820
00:53:10,607 --> 00:53:13,527
To do these documents
is gonna take me months.
821
00:53:14,194 --> 00:53:16,196
Then you better get started.
822
00:53:23,662 --> 00:53:25,539
Wow, I just got a big headache!
823
00:53:27,249 --> 00:53:30,252
- Was I hit by a train or something?
- I didn't see anything.
824
00:53:30,460 --> 00:53:34,756
I forgot to tell you. I hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
825
00:53:34,965 --> 00:53:38,927
I hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
826
00:53:48,854 --> 00:53:50,272
No, no, no. You got more.
827
00:53:52,774 --> 00:53:54,568
Yeah.
828
00:53:56,528 --> 00:54:00,407
Anyway, the sooner
you get back to work...
829
00:54:00,616 --> 00:54:02,451
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
830
00:54:02,659 --> 00:54:05,078
- I taste shit.
- You do?
831
00:54:05,829 --> 00:54:11,293
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
832
00:54:12,503 --> 00:54:14,338
I'm gonna get going now, sir.
833
00:54:14,546 --> 00:54:16,632
Stacy!
834
00:54:22,471 --> 00:54:24,431
Have you considered
the consequences...
835
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:26,934
...of the thing
you're thinking about doing?
836
00:54:27,476 --> 00:54:29,812
Yeah. What are you saying,
I shouldn't do it?
837
00:54:30,020 --> 00:54:33,857
It's your life. What you do with
the remote is your decision, Michael.
838
00:54:34,066 --> 00:54:38,153
I know, so, I mean,
we're talking a couple of months here.
839
00:54:38,362 --> 00:54:40,906
I fast-forward through it,
what am I gonna miss?
840
00:54:41,114 --> 00:54:42,866
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
841
00:54:43,408 --> 00:54:45,160
Remember the leprechaun?
842
00:54:46,203 --> 00:54:48,956
The one from the cereal ad.
843
00:54:50,415 --> 00:54:53,502
"They're magically delicious."
That guy?
844
00:54:53,710 --> 00:54:57,339
He's always chasing the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.
845
00:54:57,548 --> 00:55:01,260
But when he gets there
at the end of the day...
846
00:55:02,761 --> 00:55:05,013
...it's just corn flakes.
847
00:55:11,395 --> 00:55:13,147
- Michael.
- Yes.
848
00:55:13,355 --> 00:55:17,484
- You don't understand the metaphor?
- I won't do it, all right.
849
00:55:33,917 --> 00:55:35,460
- Dad?
- Yeah.
850
00:55:35,669 --> 00:55:39,047
- We have some designs for you.
- It's not a good time, man.
851
00:55:39,256 --> 00:55:41,216
Maybe they'll help you
finish quicker.
852
00:55:41,466 --> 00:55:43,969
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
853
00:55:44,636 --> 00:55:47,764
The ceiling's too high,
the hallway's too narrow...
854
00:55:47,973 --> 00:55:50,184
...stairway placement
makes no sense at all.
855
00:55:50,392 --> 00:55:52,769
- What the hell's this room made of?
- Pizza.
856
00:55:52,978 --> 00:55:56,356
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
857
00:55:56,815 --> 00:56:00,569
- Pickles.
- Oh, don't be a baby.
858
00:56:00,777 --> 00:56:03,822
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
859
00:56:04,031 --> 00:56:06,450
If he wants a playroom made of pizza,
then why not?
860
00:56:06,658 --> 00:56:09,828
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime
and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
861
00:56:10,037 --> 00:56:13,290
Hey, pizza boy.
Life ain't about being creative.
862
00:56:13,499 --> 00:56:16,793
It's about kissing ass, playing it safe,
making your boss a lot of money...
863
00:56:17,002 --> 00:56:19,922
...in hopes one day he might throw you
a stinking bone. All right?
864
00:56:20,130 --> 00:56:21,798
Yes, sir.
865
00:56:22,257 --> 00:56:23,967
Ammer didn't make you partner,
did he?
866
00:56:26,136 --> 00:56:28,931
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
867
00:56:29,515 --> 00:56:31,808
But we'll get through this, okay?
I promise.
868
00:56:32,184 --> 00:56:34,812
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do
is get through it.
869
00:56:35,020 --> 00:56:37,147
When is it gonna end?
870
00:56:53,664 --> 00:56:54,915
Pretty sweet, eh?
871
00:56:55,123 --> 00:56:57,960
Two queen beds, full kitchen,
steam shower...
872
00:56:58,168 --> 00:57:00,337
...and satellite TV
with surround sound.
873
00:57:01,463 --> 00:57:05,133
Why are you always trying to hurt me?
One day I'm gonna hurt you back.
874
00:57:05,342 --> 00:57:08,345
Michael Newman,
I didn't know you smoked cigars.
875
00:57:08,554 --> 00:57:10,180
And now's the time.
876
00:57:10,389 --> 00:57:11,932
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
877
00:57:12,140 --> 00:57:15,686
I took it out of Kevin's hands.
Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
878
00:57:15,894 --> 00:57:17,187
No, I wasn't!
879
00:57:17,396 --> 00:57:19,148
I think I smell marijuana in it.
880
00:57:19,356 --> 00:57:22,651
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass
in this house right now!
881
00:57:22,860 --> 00:57:24,027
I hate you.
882
00:57:24,236 --> 00:57:27,656
Are you deaf? Move it!
I don't wanna have to ask you again!
883
00:57:27,865 --> 00:57:29,867
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
884
00:57:30,075 --> 00:57:31,952
Get your ass in this house!
885
00:57:34,204 --> 00:57:35,789
We don't have
any other choice, guys.
886
00:57:35,998 --> 00:57:40,210
- No fair! I don't wanna return my bike!
- We have to, honey.
887
00:57:40,419 --> 00:57:43,172
- But Daddy gave them to us!
- Because he loves you.
888
00:57:43,380 --> 00:57:45,632
Unfortunately, there was
a mix-up at Daddy's work.
889
00:57:45,841 --> 00:57:47,759
We need to bring
the bikes back for now.
890
00:57:47,968 --> 00:57:51,138
But I already told Kevin O'Doyle
I got a new bike.
891
00:57:51,346 --> 00:57:54,099
Well, we can paint my old bike
and make it look new.
892
00:57:54,308 --> 00:57:58,145
That's a girl's bike.
All the kids will make fun of me.
893
00:57:58,562 --> 00:58:01,023
No!
894
00:58:02,441 --> 00:58:04,026
I wanna keep my bike!
895
00:58:04,234 --> 00:58:06,487
I can't take this anymore.
896
00:58:06,695 --> 00:58:08,363
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
897
00:58:13,869 --> 00:58:15,370
So here's to Michael Newman...
898
00:58:15,579 --> 00:58:18,582
...the greatest partner
I could ever dream of.
899
00:58:18,957 --> 00:58:20,584
Hear, hear!
900
00:58:21,043 --> 00:58:25,088
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
My family thanks you.
901
00:58:25,297 --> 00:58:28,550
I'm gonna do the best I can
and I won't let you down, I promise.
902
00:58:28,759 --> 00:58:30,427
Yeah!
903
00:58:31,094 --> 00:58:34,389
- Congratulations, Mr. Newman.
- This is great. Thank you.
904
00:58:34,598 --> 00:58:36,099
How's it feel, killer?
905
00:58:36,308 --> 00:58:39,102
- Feels incredible, sir.
- Well, you earned it. I'm telling you.
906
00:58:39,311 --> 00:58:41,480
Not just because of that
Watsuhita project either.
907
00:58:41,688 --> 00:58:45,400
For helping me pick up the slack
now I'm spending time with my lady.
908
00:58:45,609 --> 00:58:47,110
Hey, Dinkie.
909
00:58:47,778 --> 00:58:50,697
Are you kidding me? You guys have
been dating a couple months now?
910
00:58:50,864 --> 00:58:53,158
That's pretty huge for this one.
911
00:58:55,661 --> 00:58:57,663
No, the first few months were easy.
912
00:58:57,871 --> 00:59:00,123
It was the one-year hump
that was the tough part.
913
00:59:00,332 --> 00:59:04,378
Her inappropriate weekend
with my brother in Cabo...
914
00:59:04,586 --> 00:59:06,380
...well, that was
a potential speed bump.
915
00:59:06,588 --> 00:59:09,550
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us
work through it, didn't he, honey?
916
00:59:09,758 --> 00:59:11,343
How's he doing for you and Donna?
917
00:59:11,844 --> 00:59:15,013
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
918
00:59:15,222 --> 00:59:18,392
Oh, you know what, sweetie?
It's none of our business.
919
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:21,520
Let's let Michael bask in his glory.
Cheers.
920
00:59:21,728 --> 00:59:24,189
Bask away, partner.
921
00:59:24,940 --> 00:59:27,526
Took that bastard
a year to promote me?
922
00:59:29,069 --> 00:59:30,988
What else did I miss?
923
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,574
- Shit.
- Need something, Mr. Newman?
924
00:59:33,782 --> 00:59:36,577
- Who are you?
- Kirsten, your assistant.
925
00:59:36,785 --> 00:59:38,412
What happened to Alice?
926
00:59:38,620 --> 00:59:41,039
She moved to Accounting.
Couldn't handle your hours.
927
00:59:41,623 --> 00:59:44,793
And she prefers to be called Alan now.
Remember?
928
00:59:48,630 --> 00:59:50,215
No.
929
00:59:50,716 --> 00:59:53,010
No.
930
00:59:53,218 --> 00:59:56,430
No! And who the hell's
Dr. Bergman?
931
00:59:57,181 --> 01:00:00,225
And I feel like Michael's making
no effort to connect with me at all.
932
01:00:00,434 --> 01:00:03,187
No, no. I want to. I want to.
It's-I'm on autopilot.
933
01:00:03,395 --> 01:00:06,356
"I'm on autopilot."
More like auto-zombie.
934
01:00:06,565 --> 01:00:07,858
Good one, Donna.
935
01:00:08,984 --> 01:00:12,070
- "Good one, Donna"?
- Michael, relax.
936
01:00:12,279 --> 01:00:14,865
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and I just talk?
937
01:00:15,073 --> 01:00:18,118
Why? Because there is no talking
to you. You're never home to talk to.
938
01:00:18,327 --> 01:00:21,330
And when you are, you're just sitting
there staring off into space.
939
01:00:21,497 --> 01:00:22,748
What do you want from me?
940
01:00:22,956 --> 01:00:25,125
This is what happens.
He's gonna answer his phone.
941
01:00:27,044 --> 01:00:29,671
What the heck happened?
I didn't even touch the remote.
942
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:31,882
Great, you gonna start watching TV
at dinner?
943
01:00:32,090 --> 01:00:33,550
Oh, can we?
944
01:00:34,134 --> 01:00:37,179
Samantha. My little angel.
Look at you.
945
01:00:37,387 --> 01:00:38,889
Look how long your hair's getting.
946
01:00:39,097 --> 01:00:41,141
When did you grow up?
Ben, get over here.
947
01:00:41,391 --> 01:00:43,101
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna work tonight.
948
01:00:43,310 --> 01:00:45,354
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
949
01:00:45,562 --> 01:00:49,066
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad.
I wanna watch CSI.
950
01:00:49,274 --> 01:00:51,193
Yeah, CSI.
951
01:00:51,401 --> 01:00:53,403
It's the episode
when they find the lady's arm.
952
01:00:53,612 --> 01:00:57,866
What happened? I missed
the whole Dragon Tales era?
953
01:01:03,413 --> 01:01:05,040
Whoa, hey, hello.
954
01:01:06,500 --> 01:01:08,669
What are you doing?
Come here! Give me my Twinkie!
955
01:01:08,877 --> 01:01:10,379
Get back here,
you freaking gremlin!
956
01:01:10,587 --> 01:01:13,298
Don't yell at Peanut because
he found your Twinkie stash.
957
01:01:13,507 --> 01:01:14,967
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
958
01:01:15,175 --> 01:01:17,803
Don't mention Sundance.
The kids just stopped crying.
959
01:01:18,011 --> 01:01:19,429
About what? Why?
What happened?
960
01:01:21,974 --> 01:01:23,433
He died?
961
01:01:27,104 --> 01:01:31,733
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
962
01:01:31,942 --> 01:01:35,154
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
963
01:01:35,362 --> 01:01:38,490
- Daddy held it in so long.
- He was the best dog!
964
01:01:38,699 --> 01:01:41,243
He's finally letting himself feel it.
965
01:01:41,451 --> 01:01:45,622
One night when the duck's head
was off...
966
01:01:45,831 --> 01:01:48,542
...he tried to hump my leg
and I didn't let him...
967
01:01:48,750 --> 01:01:51,295
...and I should've and I'm sorry.
968
01:01:51,503 --> 01:01:55,799
- What an idiot.
- It's okay, it's okay.
969
01:01:56,175 --> 01:01:58,468
What the heck did I do?
970
01:01:58,677 --> 01:02:01,638
I love you. Do you still love me?
971
01:02:04,057 --> 01:02:06,310
Oh, Michael.
972
01:02:06,518 --> 01:02:08,395
It's been...
973
01:02:08,604 --> 01:02:10,189
I'm really confused.
974
01:02:10,397 --> 01:02:14,193
No, no, no. I'll change, okay?
I'll be a better man, I promise.
975
01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:17,488
Don't go, don't go.
I'll stop working so much, okay?
976
01:02:17,696 --> 01:02:20,991
I'll be with you. Just stay with me.
977
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:25,120
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck
long to get over Sundance.
978
01:02:25,829 --> 01:02:29,291
It's a little deviant,
but it's kind of turning me on.
979
01:02:29,500 --> 01:02:32,127
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
980
01:02:47,226 --> 01:02:50,020
No. No!
981
01:02:50,229 --> 01:02:52,356
It's not my fault.
982
01:02:52,564 --> 01:02:55,234
It jumped on its own.
I didn't even hit the button.
983
01:02:55,442 --> 01:02:56,860
Not even close.
984
01:03:00,030 --> 01:03:01,365
Yes?
985
01:03:04,910 --> 01:03:07,412
- You scared-
- Honey, what's going on down there?
986
01:03:07,621 --> 01:03:11,750
It's all right! I-
There was a mouse! I killed it!
987
01:03:11,959 --> 01:03:15,921
It's dead! But it broke the table first!
988
01:03:16,129 --> 01:03:19,716
- How did you get in here?
- I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
989
01:03:19,925 --> 01:03:21,885
I'm freaking out.
This thing, it's broken.
990
01:03:22,094 --> 01:03:24,555
It's just-It's fast-forwarding
on its own now.
991
01:03:24,763 --> 01:03:26,807
It's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
992
01:03:27,015 --> 01:03:30,853
It's using its memory
to execute your preferences.
993
01:03:31,061 --> 01:03:32,896
It remembers stuff?
What do you mean?
994
01:03:33,105 --> 01:03:36,733
It's an advanced piece of equipment,
like TiVo.
995
01:03:37,234 --> 01:03:38,902
You could call it MeVo.
996
01:03:39,111 --> 01:03:42,114
I fast-forwarded through sex one time,
I don't wanna skip it forever.
997
01:03:42,322 --> 01:03:43,949
I like sex. It feels good.
998
01:03:44,158 --> 01:03:48,370
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you
fast-forwarded through an entire year.
999
01:03:48,579 --> 01:03:50,080
That's a lot of sex.
1000
01:03:50,289 --> 01:03:53,876
Put it all together,
that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
1001
01:03:54,084 --> 01:03:56,461
Oh, no, no. So what,
everything I fast-forwarded...
1002
01:03:56,628 --> 01:03:58,964
- ...it's gonna do it on its own now?
- Pretty much.
1003
01:03:59,173 --> 01:04:01,300
No more showering, no more traffic.
1004
01:04:01,508 --> 01:04:04,052
No more arguing.
No more sickness.
1005
01:04:04,261 --> 01:04:05,637
This is bad, this is bad.
1006
01:04:05,846 --> 01:04:07,848
You take it back,
I'm deactivating my service.
1007
01:04:08,056 --> 01:04:11,101
I quit, I quit. Thanks for everything,
all right, but I-
1008
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:14,480
Yeah.
1009
01:04:20,777 --> 01:04:24,323
You... This is not...
1010
01:04:27,534 --> 01:04:28,785
Don't be mean.
1011
01:04:32,372 --> 01:04:33,415
Nice hat.
1012
01:04:34,166 --> 01:04:36,460
No, no, no.
1013
01:04:39,505 --> 01:04:43,884
Get away from me. Just get away.
Get away. Leave me alone.
1014
01:04:44,051 --> 01:04:47,888
Is this a stickup?
Or are you just happy?
1015
01:04:49,848 --> 01:04:51,683
Yeah? I'm gonna
take my clothes off, then-
1016
01:04:51,892 --> 01:04:53,477
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
1017
01:04:53,685 --> 01:04:56,522
There's only one place left
for it to pop up.
1018
01:04:58,065 --> 01:05:01,652
Oh. No, no, I don't want that.
Come on, man.
1019
01:05:01,860 --> 01:05:06,031
I told you,
this item is nonreturnable.
1020
01:05:07,241 --> 01:05:10,244
- Come on, just take it.
- Until we meet again.
1021
01:05:10,452 --> 01:05:15,374
Don't do that. Come on, Morty.
How do I get it to stop fast-forwarding?
1022
01:05:18,126 --> 01:05:20,546
Morning, sweetie.
1023
01:05:21,672 --> 01:05:23,298
You wanna shower first?
1024
01:05:23,507 --> 01:05:27,261
Yeah. No! I can't shower
because then I'll fast-forward.
1025
01:05:27,427 --> 01:05:30,264
And if I fast-forward, who knows
how long I'll fast-forward for.
1026
01:05:30,430 --> 01:05:33,350
How's this? I'm gonna rough it today,
like in the Old West. Okay?
1027
01:05:33,559 --> 01:05:36,145
Donna, I wanna tell you
what's going on right now so bad...
1028
01:05:36,353 --> 01:05:39,648
...but it might lead to an argument.
We can't argue because off I'll go.
1029
01:05:39,857 --> 01:05:41,483
So just know there is a problem.
1030
01:05:41,692 --> 01:05:44,486
I tried to get rid of the problem,
it almost ended up in my ass.
1031
01:05:44,695 --> 01:05:46,780
I'm gonna go to work
and try to figure this out.
1032
01:05:46,989 --> 01:05:48,615
You're going to work
in your bathrobe?
1033
01:05:48,824 --> 01:05:50,909
Honey. We can't argue, okay?
No more arguing.
1034
01:05:51,118 --> 01:05:53,537
You're right. I'm wrong. All the time.
You want a kiss?
1035
01:05:53,745 --> 01:05:56,456
- I'll take a kiss.
- I can't. If I give you a kiss...
1036
01:05:56,665 --> 01:05:59,543
...it might lead to something else,
then... three minutes goes by.
1037
01:05:59,751 --> 01:06:01,920
You're laying there disappointed,
I'm smiling.
1038
01:06:02,129 --> 01:06:05,424
I wanna be with you every minute
of my life, that's why I gotta leave now.
1039
01:06:05,632 --> 01:06:07,217
Have a great day!
1040
01:06:07,426 --> 01:06:11,930
Once again, Michael left Donna
in bed confused and unsatisfied.
1041
01:06:12,139 --> 01:06:13,724
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
1042
01:06:13,932 --> 01:06:16,852
No, you shut up, big mouth!
1043
01:07:09,738 --> 01:07:11,657
Michael!
1044
01:07:11,865 --> 01:07:13,659
♪ Mr. Ammer is here ♪
1045
01:07:14,326 --> 01:07:18,163
Your first day as a partner, you come
to work in a fricking bathrobe?
1046
01:07:18,372 --> 01:07:20,874
I did. I did.
1047
01:07:21,083 --> 01:07:24,545
John, I just feel we should
stop wasting our energy...
1048
01:07:24,753 --> 01:07:28,006
...on corporate brown-nosing and
worrying who's got the better suit.
1049
01:07:28,215 --> 01:07:30,801
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
1050
01:07:31,009 --> 01:07:34,179
Let's concentrate
on what really matters, the work.
1051
01:07:36,265 --> 01:07:38,517
That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard.
1052
01:07:40,602 --> 01:07:42,855
But goddamn it, you're right.
1053
01:07:46,608 --> 01:07:49,987
Life-changing. I feel freer.
1054
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:51,697
Yeah-Keep the pants on.
1055
01:07:52,489 --> 01:07:54,658
Sexual harassment, eh?
1056
01:07:55,325 --> 01:07:57,202
Speaking of life-changing...
1057
01:07:57,411 --> 01:08:02,416
...there's something, or actually
someone, I'd like to talk to you about.
1058
01:08:04,001 --> 01:08:05,836
- Janine.
- Everything okay?
1059
01:08:06,044 --> 01:08:08,672
Michael, Janine and I decided
to drop out of the rat race...
1060
01:08:08,881 --> 01:08:10,257
...slow down, move to Morocco.
1061
01:08:10,465 --> 01:08:12,968
- Morocco?
- Morocco.
1062
01:08:13,677 --> 01:08:14,636
Okay.
1063
01:08:14,845 --> 01:08:17,681
Eric Lamensoff will assume
my day-to-day responsibilities...
1064
01:08:17,848 --> 01:08:20,017
...and I'd like you to take his job.
1065
01:08:20,809 --> 01:08:25,481
But Eric Lamensoff is the head
of the whole international division.
1066
01:08:25,689 --> 01:08:27,649
- I've been your partner one day.
- So?
1067
01:08:27,858 --> 01:08:30,652
Every account you worked on
turned into gold.
1068
01:08:30,861 --> 01:08:32,404
You know, I wouldn't be surprised...
1069
01:08:32,613 --> 01:08:34,907
...if one day you ended up
being our CEO.
1070
01:08:36,033 --> 01:08:38,869
Hey, I would love
for that to happen, but-
1071
01:08:39,036 --> 01:08:42,039
No! No, no, no!
I don't want a promotion!
1072
01:08:42,206 --> 01:08:45,042
No!
1073
01:08:49,630 --> 01:08:52,424
Michael, you have a phone call.
1074
01:08:52,633 --> 01:08:53,717
Michael Newman.
1075
01:08:57,429 --> 01:08:58,555
Word up, big guy.
1076
01:08:58,764 --> 01:09:02,226
Ten years ago you told me
you wanted to be CEO.
1077
01:09:02,434 --> 01:09:05,771
Great news.
Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
1078
01:09:05,979 --> 01:09:08,565
So you better stop with the junk food,
Mr. Chairman...
1079
01:09:08,774 --> 01:09:11,109
...or you'll end up
killing yourself too.
1080
01:09:14,696 --> 01:09:17,074
Opening virtual blinds.
1081
01:09:17,282 --> 01:09:21,912
Ten years?
How much worse can things get?
1082
01:09:37,719 --> 01:09:40,264
Oh, my God, I'm a fat guy!
1083
01:09:40,472 --> 01:09:41,932
Look at me.
1084
01:09:47,980 --> 01:09:50,899
What is this? This is titties.
1085
01:09:51,608 --> 01:09:53,610
I got juicy titties!
1086
01:09:53,819 --> 01:09:55,571
What-What is that?
1087
01:09:55,779 --> 01:09:59,491
Oh, God, no.
1088
01:10:00,033 --> 01:10:01,535
Just take me home.
1089
01:10:08,333 --> 01:10:11,670
This is 1010 WINS news.
February 5th, 2017.
1090
01:10:11,879 --> 01:10:14,173
Britney Spears
had her 23rd baby today.
1091
01:10:14,339 --> 01:10:17,718
Proud father Kevin Federline says
he's now considering getting a job.
1092
01:10:17,926 --> 01:10:21,263
Also, Michael Jackson,
the first man to clone himself...
1093
01:10:21,472 --> 01:10:24,141
...is now suing himself
for molesting himself.
1094
01:10:37,988 --> 01:10:39,364
Donna!
1095
01:10:40,282 --> 01:10:42,034
Donna!
1096
01:10:51,210 --> 01:10:52,252
Can I help you?
1097
01:10:53,795 --> 01:10:57,466
- Hey, Dad.
- "Hey, Dad"?
1098
01:10:57,674 --> 01:11:00,594
Ben? That's you?
1099
01:11:00,802 --> 01:11:03,889
Look how big you got.
You're enormous.
1100
01:11:04,473 --> 01:11:08,227
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie
of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
1101
01:11:08,435 --> 01:11:09,937
Really good for my self-esteem.
1102
01:11:10,145 --> 01:11:12,564
Maybe if you would take me
to Pilates like you said...
1103
01:11:12,773 --> 01:11:14,775
...people wouldn't think
I was Rosie O'Donnell!
1104
01:11:14,983 --> 01:11:16,527
Come on, I love you!
1105
01:11:16,735 --> 01:11:19,571
- Bring me back the Twinkies!
- You're so cruel!
1106
01:11:19,780 --> 01:11:22,115
Will you please stop yelling?
It is so embarrassing.
1107
01:11:22,324 --> 01:11:25,410
- Is that my daughter?
- Mom, I'm going to Derek's!
1108
01:11:25,619 --> 01:11:29,206
That's you, Samantha?
When did you get boobs?
1109
01:11:29,540 --> 01:11:32,125
The same time you did, Dad.
Now can I go?
1110
01:11:32,334 --> 01:11:34,586
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who the hell's this Derek guy?
1111
01:11:34,795 --> 01:11:37,923
My boyfriend, the hottest boy
in school, hello?
1112
01:11:38,131 --> 01:11:40,133
He's gonna be hot
when I burn his house down.
1113
01:11:40,300 --> 01:11:42,302
Get your ass upstairs,
put normal clothes on.
1114
01:11:42,469 --> 01:11:45,305
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Get them on now!
1115
01:11:45,514 --> 01:11:47,599
- And wipe off all that makeup!
- Right!
1116
01:11:50,060 --> 01:11:51,728
Is Peanut dead too?
1117
01:11:52,938 --> 01:11:55,482
This one's got the duck
doing all the work.
1118
01:11:58,318 --> 01:12:00,070
Donna. Donna.
1119
01:12:01,655 --> 01:12:03,157
Goddamn it.
1120
01:12:03,365 --> 01:12:06,451
Look how gorgeous you look.
I'm so scared.
1121
01:12:06,660 --> 01:12:09,705
- Knock, knock, gang.
- Hey, sweetie.
1122
01:12:15,711 --> 01:12:16,879
What's going on?
1123
01:12:17,087 --> 01:12:18,839
Donna and I were gonna get
hot chocolate.
1124
01:12:19,047 --> 01:12:21,300
- You want us to bring you one?
- You cheating on me?
1125
01:12:21,508 --> 01:12:23,093
With Johnny G-String over here?
1126
01:12:23,302 --> 01:12:25,345
Come on. Time-out.
I thought we were past that.
1127
01:12:25,554 --> 01:12:28,807
No, no, no, we're past this argument.
No, you're right, no big deal.
1128
01:12:29,016 --> 01:12:31,768
Hey, it's just that you don't
mess with another man's wife!
1129
01:12:31,977 --> 01:12:33,937
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
1130
01:12:34,146 --> 01:12:36,106
It was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
1131
01:12:36,315 --> 01:12:38,025
Get off me!
You sticking up for him?
1132
01:12:38,233 --> 01:12:40,861
Go away! Go away, I hate you!
1133
01:12:41,069 --> 01:12:43,614
- We can't argue! Donna, please!
- I hate you! I hate you!
1134
01:12:44,656 --> 01:12:46,033
Oh, man!
1135
01:12:46,241 --> 01:12:48,285
You hate me?
1136
01:12:51,330 --> 01:12:55,083
No. No.
1137
01:12:55,292 --> 01:12:57,878
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
1138
01:12:58,253 --> 01:13:03,008
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
1139
01:13:03,217 --> 01:13:05,469
You did this to yourself, Michael.
1140
01:13:05,677 --> 01:13:08,096
No. No, I didn't wanna
waste all that time.
1141
01:13:08,263 --> 01:13:09,681
I didn't wanna lose Donna!
1142
01:13:09,890 --> 01:13:11,600
The remote goes by your behavior.
1143
01:13:11,809 --> 01:13:15,312
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
1144
01:13:15,521 --> 01:13:17,022
- No, not true.
- Lie to your wife.
1145
01:13:17,231 --> 01:13:19,817
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
1146
01:13:20,025 --> 01:13:23,946
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't
change what already happened.
1147
01:13:24,112 --> 01:13:26,073
But you're still a young man.
1148
01:13:26,281 --> 01:13:28,909
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
1149
01:13:29,117 --> 01:13:31,203
So that's what I'll do.
1150
01:13:31,411 --> 01:13:33,205
Go for it, tubs.
1151
01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:38,544
I saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
1152
01:13:54,518 --> 01:13:56,228
You'll feel that in a second.
1153
01:13:56,687 --> 01:13:59,982
All right, please,
please just read my note.
1154
01:14:00,190 --> 01:14:02,985
Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
1155
01:14:13,704 --> 01:14:15,831
Michael, are you awake?
1156
01:14:17,207 --> 01:14:20,794
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
1157
01:14:22,796 --> 01:14:24,673
Donna.
1158
01:14:27,342 --> 01:14:29,803
Where'd all my fat go?
1159
01:14:32,473 --> 01:14:36,059
It was just a dream?
A terrible, terrible dream.
1160
01:14:36,268 --> 01:14:38,312
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
1161
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:40,814
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
1162
01:14:42,733 --> 01:14:44,902
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
1163
01:14:45,110 --> 01:14:47,196
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
1164
01:14:47,404 --> 01:14:50,824
...you wouldn't have had the CAT scan
that found the cancer before it spread.
1165
01:14:51,033 --> 01:14:52,451
I have cancer?
1166
01:14:52,659 --> 01:14:54,495
No, you had cancer.
1167
01:14:54,703 --> 01:14:56,914
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
1168
01:14:57,122 --> 01:14:59,124
That's probably what caused
your heart attack.
1169
01:14:59,333 --> 01:15:00,584
Heart attack?
1170
01:15:00,792 --> 01:15:02,794
I thought they weaned you
off the morphine.
1171
01:15:03,545 --> 01:15:05,172
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
1172
01:15:05,380 --> 01:15:07,966
...since the injury,
you haven't been healthy a full day.
1173
01:15:08,175 --> 01:15:10,552
When exactly did I hurt my head?
1174
01:15:11,512 --> 01:15:14,890
When was it? Like, six years ago?
1175
01:15:15,098 --> 01:15:20,437
Six more years! No! No!
It skipped all my sickness.
1176
01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:22,606
I'm gonna ask them
to cut back on painkillers.
1177
01:15:22,815 --> 01:15:24,399
Donna, don't go.
1178
01:15:26,068 --> 01:15:27,736
What's this?
1179
01:15:30,280 --> 01:15:34,284
That's not bad
for your third liposuction.
1180
01:15:35,536 --> 01:15:37,412
One more tummy tuck
should take care of it.
1181
01:15:38,455 --> 01:15:41,208
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
1182
01:15:41,416 --> 01:15:43,001
...licking.
1183
01:15:44,127 --> 01:15:47,589
Look, I should go.
Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
1184
01:15:47,798 --> 01:15:49,675
- So I'll probably-
- Bill?
1185
01:15:49,883 --> 01:15:52,261
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
1186
01:15:52,469 --> 01:15:55,097
Whatever happened
to "forever and ever," honey?
1187
01:15:55,305 --> 01:15:57,432
"Forever and ever"?
1188
01:15:57,641 --> 01:16:00,978
Look, Michael, I'm trying to have
a civilized relationship with you...
1189
01:16:01,186 --> 01:16:02,479
...for the kids' sake.
1190
01:16:02,688 --> 01:16:05,315
I really wanna be friends,
but I can't do that if you-
1191
01:16:05,524 --> 01:16:07,192
Would you stop flapping that thing?
1192
01:16:07,401 --> 01:16:10,154
It's my flap, I'll do
whatever the hell I want with it!
1193
01:16:12,072 --> 01:16:13,115
You done?
1194
01:16:15,075 --> 01:16:17,244
Look, Bill's my husband.
1195
01:16:17,452 --> 01:16:20,247
Please learn to accept that.
I really have to go.
1196
01:16:20,455 --> 01:16:22,791
Husband? Donna?
1197
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:28,589
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
1198
01:16:29,173 --> 01:16:31,842
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
1199
01:16:32,050 --> 01:16:34,678
Building a better world for all of us.
1200
01:16:34,887 --> 01:16:37,014
Architect of the year, 2018.
1201
01:16:37,222 --> 01:16:39,766
All your dreams came true,
huh, moron?
1202
01:16:39,975 --> 01:16:42,811
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
1203
01:16:44,730 --> 01:16:48,358
- Benjamin. Look at that.
- Look-What?
1204
01:16:48,567 --> 01:16:52,738
Your face. Your skinny face.
You're shaving now, huh, kid?
1205
01:16:52,946 --> 01:16:57,493
Your entire ass is gone.
What happened? Good for you.
1206
01:16:57,701 --> 01:17:02,122
Right, my ass. Why don't
we talk about it in my office.
1207
01:17:04,958 --> 01:17:07,127
My old office.
1208
01:17:10,380 --> 01:17:13,592
The architect. How did this happen?
1209
01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:17,846
- Mom said you were still a little loopy.
- No, no, no. I'm feeling terrific.
1210
01:17:18,055 --> 01:17:21,642
The weight. How did you do it?
Staple treatment like your old man?
1211
01:17:21,850 --> 01:17:23,894
Wanna have a flap fight?
You gotta see this-
1212
01:17:24,102 --> 01:17:27,606
No. Just working out with Bill
five times a week. Same as always.
1213
01:17:32,945 --> 01:17:38,242
That's a looker.
Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
1214
01:17:38,450 --> 01:17:39,660
Is that your girl?
1215
01:17:40,494 --> 01:17:42,496
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
1216
01:17:42,955 --> 01:17:44,373
Of course it is.
1217
01:17:44,581 --> 01:17:47,209
And you better
always take care of her...
1218
01:17:47,417 --> 01:17:51,213
...and make sure nobody touches her
except you.
1219
01:17:52,172 --> 01:17:55,300
Pop, I'm just getting ready
for this meeting.
1220
01:17:56,677 --> 01:17:59,721
Okay. Absolutely.
I'll take off for you.
1221
01:18:01,682 --> 01:18:05,519
I'd like to spend more time together.
All of us.
1222
01:18:05,727 --> 01:18:07,813
Take you out for ice cream.
How's that?
1223
01:18:08,188 --> 01:18:10,023
I know your mother won't come...
1224
01:18:10,232 --> 01:18:14,361
...but you, Samantha,
Grandpa, Grandma.
1225
01:18:14,778 --> 01:18:16,071
That'd be nice, huh?
1226
01:18:17,698 --> 01:18:20,159
I knew something
was funny with you today.
1227
01:18:20,367 --> 01:18:23,871
Papa, take a seat.
Let me get you a water, okay?
1228
01:18:25,205 --> 01:18:27,332
What are we sitting for?
1229
01:18:28,584 --> 01:18:32,546
- Here you go, Pop, drink this.
- All right. Drink some water.
1230
01:18:34,548 --> 01:18:36,341
There, I had my water.
What's going on?
1231
01:18:39,636 --> 01:18:41,388
Grandpa died, Dad.
1232
01:18:44,558 --> 01:18:46,768
He died a while back now.
1233
01:18:51,231 --> 01:18:55,277
No, no, no.
1234
01:18:55,486 --> 01:18:57,863
Don't say that.
1235
01:18:58,655 --> 01:19:01,408
Where was I?
1236
01:19:01,575 --> 01:19:02,910
You're crying?
1237
01:19:03,994 --> 01:19:06,079
What happened?
1238
01:19:07,122 --> 01:19:11,793
Nothing. You know,
he just got old. That's life.
1239
01:19:12,002 --> 01:19:15,881
- Shit.
- You're born and you live and you die.
1240
01:19:17,216 --> 01:19:18,509
Man, I gotta go.
1241
01:19:18,717 --> 01:19:20,844
Hey, hang on.
Susie, push my next meeting.
1242
01:19:21,053 --> 01:19:23,305
No, no, do your meeting.
It's fine. I'm just dizzy.
1243
01:19:23,514 --> 01:19:26,266
- Why are you crying?
- I'm dizzy from the operation.
1244
01:19:26,475 --> 01:19:30,103
- You're gonna make me cry, Dad.
- You don't-You don't have to go.
1245
01:19:34,358 --> 01:19:36,610
You look-You look good.
1246
01:19:36,819 --> 01:19:38,737
It's all right. Goodbye.
1247
01:19:53,877 --> 01:19:55,546
Come on.
1248
01:19:55,754 --> 01:19:57,089
Come on.
1249
01:19:57,297 --> 01:19:59,341
It won't take you there.
1250
01:19:59,883 --> 01:20:01,343
Take me where?
1251
01:20:02,136 --> 01:20:04,972
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
1252
01:20:05,347 --> 01:20:07,432
Of course I wasn't.
1253
01:20:09,184 --> 01:20:11,520
Can you take me
to the last time I saw him, please?
1254
01:20:15,107 --> 01:20:18,652
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
1255
01:20:18,861 --> 01:20:22,197
Would you mind looking
at my shopping mall design again?
1256
01:20:22,406 --> 01:20:23,657
This one is cheaper.
1257
01:20:23,866 --> 01:20:26,910
But if you check this out...
1258
01:20:27,119 --> 01:20:30,164
...you'll see it has
a much better natural flow-
1259
01:20:30,372 --> 01:20:33,375
Cheaper one, like I said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
1260
01:20:35,377 --> 01:20:37,462
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
1261
01:20:37,671 --> 01:20:40,632
He ain't right. You're a schmuck!
Look at it!
1262
01:20:41,175 --> 01:20:42,176
Surprise.
1263
01:20:42,384 --> 01:20:44,720
Hey, Grandpa.
1264
01:20:45,137 --> 01:20:47,681
Oh, my God.
1265
01:20:51,477 --> 01:20:53,979
When did you get so handsome?
1266
01:20:54,188 --> 01:20:56,565
So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea.
1267
01:20:56,773 --> 01:20:59,193
Your mother's playing canasta
with her friends tonight.
1268
01:20:59,401 --> 01:21:01,737
I thought,
"What a great opportunity."
1269
01:21:01,945 --> 01:21:05,032
You, me and Ben should go
and have a boys' night out.
1270
01:21:05,240 --> 01:21:07,659
- Can't.
- What do you mean you can't?
1271
01:21:07,868 --> 01:21:09,036
You have to eat sometime.
1272
01:21:09,244 --> 01:21:11,622
We could go,
we could whistle at pretty girls.
1273
01:21:11,830 --> 01:21:14,082
- I'm down for that.
- See? He's down.
1274
01:21:14,291 --> 01:21:16,376
I don't know what it means,
but he's down.
1275
01:21:16,585 --> 01:21:20,005
- Hey. Please.
- Don't give me that finger.
1276
01:21:25,052 --> 01:21:27,179
I'll make you a deal.
1277
01:21:27,387 --> 01:21:31,725
If you come, I'll show you
the quarter trick.
1278
01:21:31,934 --> 01:21:34,311
- Will you look at the man?
- I'll tell you the secret.
1279
01:21:34,478 --> 01:21:36,396
No, Dad.
1280
01:21:36,605 --> 01:21:37,856
Don't you wanna know how I-?
1281
01:21:38,065 --> 01:21:40,526
I know how you do the stupid trick.
I've always known.
1282
01:21:40,734 --> 01:21:42,027
Can you let me do my work?
1283
01:21:46,615 --> 01:21:48,283
You've always known.
1284
01:21:48,492 --> 01:21:49,952
You're pathetic.
1285
01:21:50,953 --> 01:21:52,454
Okay.
1286
01:21:55,165 --> 01:21:57,709
I'm so sorry I barged in.
1287
01:21:58,126 --> 01:22:00,212
I love you, son.
1288
01:22:03,006 --> 01:22:04,883
See you later, Grandpa, I love you.
1289
01:22:05,092 --> 01:22:06,677
Dad.
1290
01:22:07,344 --> 01:22:09,138
Pop.
1291
01:22:09,346 --> 01:22:11,014
Pop.
1292
01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:37,166
I love you, son.
1293
01:22:41,170 --> 01:22:43,213
I love you, son.
1294
01:22:44,923 --> 01:22:46,967
I love you, son.
1295
01:22:52,931 --> 01:22:55,142
I love you too, Dad.
1296
01:23:00,439 --> 01:23:02,232
I'll miss you.
1297
01:23:04,610 --> 01:23:05,944
You know that.
1298
01:23:09,615 --> 01:23:11,283
Goodbye.
1299
01:23:37,142 --> 01:23:39,478
I'm sorry about your father.
1300
01:23:39,937 --> 01:23:43,899
Taking him wasn't something
I wanted to do.
1301
01:23:44,650 --> 01:23:46,068
What do you mean "taking him"?
1302
01:23:46,276 --> 01:23:47,861
I'm an angel, Michael.
1303
01:23:48,403 --> 01:23:50,072
An angel?
1304
01:23:50,989 --> 01:23:53,492
I thought an angel was
supposed to protect people.
1305
01:23:53,700 --> 01:23:55,786
I'm the angel of death.
1306
01:23:57,704 --> 01:24:00,499
Your dad, it was his time.
1307
01:24:02,125 --> 01:24:04,086
You bastard.
1308
01:24:11,844 --> 01:24:13,679
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
1309
01:24:13,887 --> 01:24:17,349
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
1310
01:24:33,365 --> 01:24:37,953
And now, everybody, it's time
for Mr. Newman to say a few words.
1311
01:24:38,579 --> 01:24:40,122
Yay, Michael!
1312
01:24:42,166 --> 01:24:44,918
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
1313
01:24:47,754 --> 01:24:50,215
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
1314
01:24:51,008 --> 01:24:53,802
Okay, where's the groom?
Show your face.
1315
01:24:54,011 --> 01:24:55,596
Hi, Dad.
1316
01:24:56,305 --> 01:24:59,933
Ben. I didn't miss
my son's wedding.
1317
01:25:00,142 --> 01:25:04,605
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
1318
01:25:05,230 --> 01:25:07,816
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
1319
01:25:10,694 --> 01:25:12,154
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
1320
01:25:13,739 --> 01:25:15,657
God, you got old.
1321
01:25:17,618 --> 01:25:22,956
No, no. I-She-I'm just playing.
She knows that.
1322
01:25:28,795 --> 01:25:30,130
Ma.
1323
01:25:34,218 --> 01:25:36,637
Ben's wife...
1324
01:25:37,262 --> 01:25:38,514
...welcome to the family.
1325
01:25:38,722 --> 01:25:39,890
Thank you.
1326
01:25:40,098 --> 01:25:42,893
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
1327
01:25:52,861 --> 01:25:57,449
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
1328
01:25:59,159 --> 01:26:02,830
Michael, you haven't kissed me
like that since you were a little boy.
1329
01:26:03,038 --> 01:26:06,333
You are the best, Ma.
You know I know that, right?
1330
01:26:06,542 --> 01:26:09,711
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
1331
01:26:10,379 --> 01:26:14,174
You know, Michael, your father
would've loved to be here.
1332
01:26:14,383 --> 01:26:15,884
I know, Ma.
1333
01:26:16,718 --> 01:26:19,763
Okay? I'm just glad you're here.
1334
01:26:20,556 --> 01:26:25,894
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too.
It's beautiful. Beautiful.
1335
01:26:26,395 --> 01:26:27,729
Beautiful. Look at her.
1336
01:26:28,397 --> 01:26:30,399
Donna, my favorite.
1337
01:26:31,233 --> 01:26:33,569
You're such a schmuck
for letting her go.
1338
01:26:33,777 --> 01:26:36,864
But don't let me ruin your evening.
I'll talk to you later.
1339
01:26:37,072 --> 01:26:39,074
Christina.
1340
01:26:41,869 --> 01:26:44,705
Michael, you've been so generous
taking care of all this...
1341
01:26:44,913 --> 01:26:46,039
...and the kids' honeymoon.
1342
01:26:46,248 --> 01:26:48,375
- Absolutely.
- Thank you so much.
1343
01:26:48,584 --> 01:26:52,754
Of course. Ben's wife
seems like a nice kid, huh?
1344
01:26:52,963 --> 01:26:55,924
- I think she's wonderful.
- Definite keeper.
1345
01:26:56,091 --> 01:26:59,636
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
1346
01:27:04,975 --> 01:27:07,561
Out of all the songs, huh?
1347
01:27:09,229 --> 01:27:11,148
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
1348
01:27:11,356 --> 01:27:14,276
...do you mind if I dance
with my ex-husband for a minute?
1349
01:27:14,443 --> 01:27:16,737
- Not at all.
- Thank you.
1350
01:27:16,945 --> 01:27:19,490
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
1351
01:27:19,698 --> 01:27:20,908
You got it, Bill.
1352
01:27:33,128 --> 01:27:35,506
Why does he have
a bathing suit on?
1353
01:27:37,216 --> 01:27:39,384
Nice Speedo, buddy.
1354
01:27:51,396 --> 01:27:53,273
Still smelling good, huh?
1355
01:27:53,482 --> 01:27:55,943
After all these years.
1356
01:27:57,694 --> 01:27:59,154
Are you happy?
1357
01:27:59,363 --> 01:28:02,074
Of course I'm happy,
our son just got married.
1358
01:28:02,282 --> 01:28:06,954
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
1359
01:28:07,162 --> 01:28:10,040
"Ended. " It's not over yet.
1360
01:28:10,207 --> 01:28:13,877
- That's my Donna.
- It's true.
1361
01:28:15,379 --> 01:28:17,005
That Samantha?
1362
01:28:17,631 --> 01:28:21,969
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
1363
01:28:22,970 --> 01:28:24,388
What is with you?
1364
01:28:26,348 --> 01:28:28,225
Just kidding, I...
1365
01:28:28,392 --> 01:28:31,228
Just not used to seeing you
all grown-up like this.
1366
01:28:32,229 --> 01:28:37,192
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling
me that I look pretty, then thank you.
1367
01:28:37,734 --> 01:28:39,153
Let's go get some cake.
1368
01:28:39,361 --> 01:28:41,238
- I'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
- Okay.
1369
01:28:42,948 --> 01:28:44,575
"Dad"?
1370
01:28:47,077 --> 01:28:48,412
Michael, are you okay?
1371
01:28:50,998 --> 01:28:54,543
Is there a doctor?
We need a doctor here!
1372
01:28:57,629 --> 01:28:58,922
Michael!
1373
01:28:59,131 --> 01:29:01,925
- Dad!
- Dad!
1374
01:29:03,927 --> 01:29:05,596
It's just corn flakes.
1375
01:29:30,954 --> 01:29:33,707
One dance, you pop an artery.
1376
01:29:35,000 --> 01:29:39,129
Why'd you make me
waste my entire life?
1377
01:29:39,338 --> 01:29:41,423
You were fast-forwarding
through your life...
1378
01:29:41,632 --> 01:29:43,967
...long before you ever met me.
1379
01:29:44,176 --> 01:29:46,261
You lived the life you chose,
big shot.
1380
01:29:47,137 --> 01:29:49,223
This is not the life I wanted.
1381
01:29:49,431 --> 01:29:50,849
It is.
1382
01:29:56,063 --> 01:29:57,272
Looks like it is.
1383
01:30:01,151 --> 01:30:04,279
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
1384
01:30:06,198 --> 01:30:09,159
I feel better
now that you guys are here.
1385
01:30:09,368 --> 01:30:11,620
Samantha's been here
like 36 hours straight.
1386
01:30:11,829 --> 01:30:15,207
She said she wouldn't leave
the hospital until you woke up.
1387
01:30:16,166 --> 01:30:20,170
- Why'd you do that?
- Because. You're my father.
1388
01:30:20,796 --> 01:30:23,257
I thought Bill was your father.
1389
01:30:24,007 --> 01:30:26,135
I have two fathers.
1390
01:30:27,094 --> 01:30:31,765
One of them told me he was gonna
live till he was 200. Remember?
1391
01:30:33,684 --> 01:30:36,103
You both really need
to get some sleep.
1392
01:30:36,311 --> 01:30:38,522
And I got a plane to catch.
1393
01:30:39,231 --> 01:30:41,942
Big Ben's gotta go
on his honeymoon.
1394
01:30:42,609 --> 01:30:45,195
Actually, I just canceled
the honeymoon.
1395
01:30:45,404 --> 01:30:49,283
Kensington deal might fall through,
so I gotta go do damage control.
1396
01:30:49,491 --> 01:30:51,285
- Julie and I can go to Italy anytime.
- No.
1397
01:30:51,493 --> 01:30:52,744
It's not that big a deal.
1398
01:30:52,911 --> 01:30:55,164
- That's not fair to your wife.
- Dad...
1399
01:30:55,372 --> 01:30:58,292
...she gets it. Keeping
the business going is more important.
1400
01:30:58,500 --> 01:31:01,253
Guys, I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to leave. He needs his rest.
1401
01:31:01,461 --> 01:31:02,629
All right. Bye, Dad.
1402
01:31:03,922 --> 01:31:05,716
Bye, Daddy.
1403
01:31:17,144 --> 01:31:18,937
Get this off of me.
1404
01:31:23,484 --> 01:31:25,194
Whoa, whoa!
1405
01:31:25,402 --> 01:31:27,905
Hey, fella, you're a long way
from walking out of here.
1406
01:31:28,155 --> 01:31:29,615
I gotta see my son.
1407
01:31:29,823 --> 01:31:32,201
You're not going anywhere.
Now, get back into the bed.
1408
01:31:32,993 --> 01:31:35,037
- Isn't that Colin Farrell?
- Where?
1409
01:31:41,126 --> 01:31:42,503
Michael.
1410
01:31:42,669 --> 01:31:46,131
Those machines
are keeping you alive.
1411
01:31:46,340 --> 01:31:48,801
I gotta talk to my boy.
1412
01:31:55,724 --> 01:31:57,976
- Michael, stop.
- No.
1413
01:32:00,687 --> 01:32:03,690
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
1414
01:32:12,366 --> 01:32:14,284
Ben!
1415
01:32:26,421 --> 01:32:27,631
Ben!
1416
01:32:36,390 --> 01:32:39,184
Ben!
1417
01:32:41,103 --> 01:32:44,523
Ben!
1418
01:32:47,067 --> 01:32:49,111
Dad? Dad?
1419
01:32:49,695 --> 01:32:51,697
Dad, what are you doing?
1420
01:32:51,905 --> 01:32:54,032
Are you okay?
1421
01:32:54,741 --> 01:32:58,287
- Oh, my God.
- Help! Help!
1422
01:32:58,495 --> 01:33:00,497
- Dad! Dad!
- Help!
1423
01:33:00,706 --> 01:33:02,249
Ben, Ben.
1424
01:33:06,336 --> 01:33:09,089
Family. Family. Family.
1425
01:33:09,298 --> 01:33:10,382
What?
1426
01:33:10,591 --> 01:33:14,970
Family. Family. Family comes first.
1427
01:33:15,512 --> 01:33:17,222
Family comes first.
1428
01:33:17,431 --> 01:33:19,558
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
1429
01:33:20,017 --> 01:33:23,187
Honeymoon. I love you.
1430
01:33:24,980 --> 01:33:27,524
Samantha. Samantha.
1431
01:33:27,733 --> 01:33:32,029
I didn't make 200, but I love you.
1432
01:33:32,237 --> 01:33:34,072
I love you.
1433
01:33:34,823 --> 01:33:37,910
Bill, Bill, Bill.
1434
01:34:03,435 --> 01:34:05,437
I'm sorry.
1435
01:34:09,191 --> 01:34:10,692
Michael.
1436
01:34:10,859 --> 01:34:15,030
The note you wrote her,
it's in your pocket.
1437
01:34:29,461 --> 01:34:32,131
Forever and ever, babe.
1438
01:34:38,846 --> 01:34:40,305
It's time to go.
1439
01:35:15,340 --> 01:35:19,428
- Where am I?
- You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
1440
01:35:19,636 --> 01:35:21,138
I was just watching you sleep.
1441
01:35:21,346 --> 01:35:23,765
You looked like you were having
a crazy dream.
1442
01:35:23,974 --> 01:35:24,933
What?
1443
01:35:25,142 --> 01:35:28,770
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds, but I do sometimes.
1444
01:35:31,773 --> 01:35:33,942
I'm back in the store?
1445
01:35:37,488 --> 01:35:40,991
I'm young again. I'm young again.
1446
01:35:41,200 --> 01:35:43,160
Well, I mean,
you're not "young" young.
1447
01:35:43,368 --> 01:35:45,204
I'm young.
You're kind of on the back nine.
1448
01:35:45,412 --> 01:35:48,707
No, no. No. I'm just teeing off, baby.
1449
01:35:48,916 --> 01:35:50,334
Look at you.
1450
01:35:50,542 --> 01:35:54,213
You want a friend? You want a friend?
I'll be your friend, baby.
1451
01:35:54,421 --> 01:35:57,007
I'll be your friend. I'll be your-
1452
01:35:58,383 --> 01:36:00,761
Oh, my God!
1453
01:36:04,264 --> 01:36:06,809
Yes, my crappy car!
1454
01:36:07,017 --> 01:36:10,354
You mediocre, middle-class
piece of shit!
1455
01:36:10,562 --> 01:36:12,356
I love you!
1456
01:36:21,532 --> 01:36:25,369
Pop, Pop. Pop.
There he is. There he is.
1457
01:36:25,577 --> 01:36:27,788
- What's wrong? What happened?
- Nothing's wrong.
1458
01:36:27,996 --> 01:36:30,916
Everything's incredible, Ma.
I just wanted to tell you I love you.
1459
01:36:31,124 --> 01:36:32,668
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
1460
01:36:32,876 --> 01:36:36,171
You gotta tell me how you do
the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
1461
01:36:36,380 --> 01:36:38,090
A magician never reveals
his secrets.
1462
01:36:38,298 --> 01:36:40,759
However, if you invite us over
for dinner more-
1463
01:36:40,968 --> 01:36:44,429
You come over tomorrow night, and
the night after that. Any time you want.
1464
01:36:44,638 --> 01:36:47,641
- Stop, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
- No, I have the heart attacks.
1465
01:36:47,850 --> 01:36:50,686
Thank you so much for giving
birth to me, I know it hurt. Okay?
1466
01:36:50,894 --> 01:36:54,356
You have no idea. But, honey, please,
stay off the bong pipe.
1467
01:36:54,565 --> 01:36:56,733
I can't promise you that.
1468
01:36:58,360 --> 01:37:02,030
Okay. I'm up.
1469
01:37:02,239 --> 01:37:03,991
What do you think?
1470
01:37:05,200 --> 01:37:07,911
If you massage me first.
1471
01:37:08,120 --> 01:37:10,205
Okay, let's go to sleep.
1472
01:37:26,430 --> 01:37:30,476
Mom, wake up!
There's a crazy noise downstairs.
1473
01:37:34,438 --> 01:37:35,647
What the heck is going on?
1474
01:37:36,148 --> 01:37:38,442
Hey, do you mind?
I am trying to concentrate.
1475
01:37:38,650 --> 01:37:40,360
Here I am, staying up all night...
1476
01:37:40,569 --> 01:37:43,989
...trying to come up with activities
for our Fourth of July camping trip...
1477
01:37:44,156 --> 01:37:45,491
...but you won't let me think!
1478
01:37:45,699 --> 01:37:49,786
You want time to think? Why don't you
think about the fact that you just wo-
1479
01:37:52,539 --> 01:37:53,665
What did you just say?
1480
01:37:53,874 --> 01:37:56,668
Yes, you heard me.
If you keep up this weird attitude...
1481
01:37:56,877 --> 01:38:00,088
...I won't be able to work for a year
and have to plan 10 more vacations.
1482
01:38:00,297 --> 01:38:02,925
- That make you happy?
- Did you eat a bad Yodel?
1483
01:38:03,133 --> 01:38:04,134
Give me those big lips.
1484
01:38:06,428 --> 01:38:09,264
- What's going on down here?
- Ben. Ben!
1485
01:38:09,473 --> 01:38:10,849
Come here. Oh, my God.
1486
01:38:11,058 --> 01:38:13,477
I missed you, I missed you.
Look at you, boy.
1487
01:38:13,685 --> 01:38:16,730
I'm gonna finish the tree house.
We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
1488
01:38:16,939 --> 01:38:19,900
From now on, we're gonna exercise
and I'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
1489
01:38:20,108 --> 01:38:21,151
- All right!
- All right.
1490
01:38:21,360 --> 01:38:24,696
And you. Nice jump! I love you.
1491
01:38:24,905 --> 01:38:27,616
One day, you are gonna be
the hottest chick alive.
1492
01:38:27,825 --> 01:38:29,243
But you still gotta have brains.
1493
01:38:29,409 --> 01:38:31,328
So tomorrow I'm gonna
teach you calculus.
1494
01:38:31,537 --> 01:38:32,704
You know calculus?
1495
01:38:32,913 --> 01:38:35,290
I knew you'd call me on that.
Your mom will teach you.
1496
01:38:35,499 --> 01:38:38,210
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow
we're going camping!
1497
01:38:38,418 --> 01:38:40,170
I know! It's gonna be the best!
1498
01:38:40,379 --> 01:38:43,006
- Put a sweater on! Don't take it off!
- Okay, Daddy.
1499
01:38:43,215 --> 01:38:44,716
Oh, and Sundance!
1500
01:38:44,925 --> 01:38:49,346
Doggie years go by very quick,
so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
1501
01:38:51,306 --> 01:38:53,600
Yeah, go get some, baby.
1502
01:39:08,615 --> 01:39:11,618
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1503
01:39:12,953 --> 01:39:15,914
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
1504
01:39:21,378 --> 01:39:23,380
They told me at the pet store
it was a female.
1505
01:39:23,589 --> 01:39:24,965
They lied to me, I guess.
1506
01:39:27,217 --> 01:39:30,429
- You staying downstairs tonight?
- Why? That's getting you going?
1507
01:39:31,513 --> 01:39:35,517
It's Fourth of July,
I'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
1508
01:39:35,726 --> 01:39:40,230
Take my time, massage her,
make sure she is fully satisfied.
1509
01:39:40,439 --> 01:39:44,359
But you know, it isn't
the Fourth of July, it's only the second.
1510
01:39:44,568 --> 01:39:48,071
That's even better.
Happy second of July, honey.
1511
01:39:48,280 --> 01:39:50,073
- Think I like this holiday.
- Yeah?
1512
01:39:50,282 --> 01:39:52,743
I'm gonna go change
into my Pocahontas costume.
1513
01:39:52,951 --> 01:39:56,747
- I'll see you upstairs.
- I'll bring the duck.
1514
01:39:56,955 --> 01:40:00,751
Okay, I gotta call my dad
and tell him to get the old tent ready.
1515
01:40:22,773 --> 01:40:26,026
"Like I said,
'Good guys need a break. '
1516
01:40:26,777 --> 01:40:30,030
I know you'll do
the right thing this time.
1517
01:40:30,239 --> 01:40:32,699
Love, Morty.
1518
01:40:33,158 --> 01:40:34,535
P.S.:
1519
01:40:34,743 --> 01:40:38,455
Your wife's rocking body
still drives me crazy."
1520
01:40:39,164 --> 01:40:41,291
Okay, Morty.
1521
01:41:04,439 --> 01:41:06,984
Hey, who wants
to have a pillow fight?
118621
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