Original subtitles

Sam,

You my homemade elk jerky.

Ultimate super bowl snack.

It's protein rich.

Nah, dude, you screw with me.

No, no, no.

There's one snack for.

Sa.

This is Joan Wong.

She came all the way from China.

Take a seat right there next to Jeremy.

Everyone, let's rise.

Joan, you can just listen for now.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the

republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible.

Hello, my name is John.

Roger. I'm sorry, but you have already agreed to work late.

It.

Do I just swallow?

Prom king and queen is more than just a popularity contest.

Here at Clarksville High, the prom queen and king represent American values

and who we all strive to be.

So without any further ado, this year's prom queen is Hannah Summ.

Having definition.

And I zoomed you in here, but I like how I can kind of have a little bit of

room to play.

So I'm taking that angled brush and I'm flicking it outward.

And as you can see, I already have my mascara on.

I like having my mascara done first, so I really know.

Hi, my loves.

I have some exciting news to announce.

I just booked the lead role in a new TV show.

I can hardly believe it.

I'm still pinching myself.

I do have some sad news though.

I'm not going to be able to run for prom queen because I'll be on set making

magic.

Hey, it's Brenda.

At the beep, hang up and text me, you weirdo.

Do we really need to bring it up? It isn't bad but it is embarrassing enough

Keep on looking if you look and I don't give a.

It isn't bad but it is embarrassing enough Keep on looking if you're looking

for me looking ass bitch.

And I don't give a.

Speak english, mom.

The quarter sounds good.

Shabbat,

My favorite.

My Beth.

Chill. When are you gonna dogged him? He doesn't like me like that.

How do you know if you never try to kiss him? Okay, one, I would never just

kiss him.

That's literally sexual harassment.

And two, I'm perfectly happy just fantasizing about his hairless penis.

Ew. Why hairless? Stop trying to distract me.

Did you watch it? I'll drop.

Drop the video.

Yes, I did.

Jill. I'm just kidding.

You know what this means? I could actually win.

Okay, I sound like a broken record at this point.

But you don't need it.

You just don't think I can win.

No, I just think it's a waste of time.

Prom queen is worth my time.

When I get back, you better change your mind.

Hi, my loves.

This is Ms.

Valentine. She's my science teacher and a fierce advocate for climate

change. She's actually the primary president of the Evergreen Committee, a

nonprofit dedicated to fighting global warming.

Can you say hi to my followers? Okay, so as you all know, I started the Feel

the Burn Challenge three weeks ago to raise awareness of climate change.

But really to show how quickly our skin burns under the sun.

Now compared to 30 years ago.

Since then, I've managed to raise $1,000 to fight climate change.

Surprise.

How very thoughtful, Olivia.

Okay, I'm running more out of you.

I'm running more excitement.

Can you scream? Maybe shed a tear? Talk about how this money is going to

change your life?

Beautiful. Okay, bone.

Three, two, one.

We love you, Miss Valentine.

Gag. I think what Olivia's doing is altruistic.

Feel the burn.

You think it's altruistic? It's fucking stupid.

That's what it is.

It's all for show.

Plus, it's fucking racist, too.

You think this brown skin's gonna burn like that white girl? All she cares

about is her followers.

So you think Olivia's racist and stupid? And cringe.

Very, very cringe.

So help me beat her friends for prom.

You are so fucking stubborn, you know that? I have a whole plan.

Is Natural Brian a part of that plan?

Oh, he's so fucking hot.

Okay, Joan, let's get it.

I'd bang bang his ass any day.

Where are we?

You must be Joan.

Hi, Mrs.

Adams. You are so pretty, do you know that? Come on in.

Your dad is almost done.

If you wait here, I made you some tea.

We were just in Fujian.

It's where you're from, right? Roger? What was that? Dad? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

So sorry.

Accident. Accident.

Oh. What did he say? He is very sorry.

He said it won't happen again.

Oh, God.

Okay. Never liked that print anyway.

But if it happens again, he will not be able to work here or for any of my

friends ever again.

Okay? Okay.

Okay.

La.

And now, this year's Stanwood park prom queen is John Horn.

It.

Coming.

We need cookies.

Yo, yo, yo.

Sorry about your dad.

But, hey, you still have time to campaign.

I feel horrible for saying this, but Americans don't clean.

Immigrants clean.

I don't want to be stereotyped.

Aw. What? You look like a virgin.

I am a virgin.

You are? People don't need to know that.

Thankfully, your bestie is a graphic design genus.

Dude.

My lady skinoosh.

Oh, you're super sick.

Yeah. Yeah.

Nice. Hi.

Vote for me, joan.

Walk. Okay.

Hi. Vote for me, joan huang.

Hey. Vote for me, please.

Sam.

Ow.

Happy lunar new year.

Oh, wow.

Looks so badass.

Rock and rol.

I've got to get to school.

Okay. Mom.

Hey. Oh, my God.

Sorry, I thought you were someone else.

Nice hair.

It's so long.

You already said that.

I don't know what else to say.

Why didn't you tell me you were gonna do this? It was spontaneous.

I thought, as my friend, you'd support my new look.

I do, it's just.

What?

Never mind.

Hey, hey.

Don't worry.

I have the right person this time.

Feel free to say no, but a few of us are getting our nails done after

school. If you're not doing anything, you should come.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Cool.

Yeah. Happy new year.

Okay, bye.

Whatever you want.

I think that would look really cute on you, actually.

Yeah. Okay.

Hi. Hey.

I'm so glad you could come.

This is Greta and this is Cat.

What makes it move? Kat.

Babe, can you take her? Yeah.

Come sit down.

Okay. You speak Mandarin, right? Yeah.

I mean, I'm not fluent or anything, but, like, you can speak it.

Yeah. Okay, cool.

Come here.

Can you ask her for the gel deluxe mani with the full design package?

She said it's $100.

There's like a locals disc.

Girls. I was doing a chem read yesterday with this guy who was like a five,

if I'm being generous.

We were in the middle of this audition.

I'm sorry.

He was a four.

I have to stop being so nice.

We were in the middle of this audition.

He's doing a line about, like, his dead mom or something.

He's looking at me.

He gets a boner.

Greg freaks the fuck out, the director throws him outside.

I almost lose the part because some four with a man bun can't control his

libido. And I think I need to break up with Greg.

Your life is so hard.

Have you thought about endorsing someone for prom queen? Why would I do

that? You're Olivia Hammond.

Whoever endorsed you probably end up winning.

Imagine the bribes you'll get.

You could even feature the winner on your channel.

Completely unrelated, my parents just got me two tickets to go see Black

Bear. Wanna come? Omg, that totally reminds me.

I was cleaning out my room the other day and I was totally gonna throw up.

Sway. Do you want it? It's so, so pretty.

Thank you.

Speaking of those Black Bear ticks, can I have both? Yeah.

Hi, my loves.

Okay, two things.

One, we just Got our nails done.

Look at how cute they are at this super cute nail shop.

Support local businesses.

2. I've decided I'm gonna endorse one girl for prom queen.

She's gonna be gorgeous.

Someone we all wanna be.

Irregardless of prejudice.

I'll make my decision in a week.

Let the games begin.

Thank you so much for coming.

Yeah, of course.

I can see your black roots.

Ew.

Sa.

Hello. Welcome.

Hi. I don't know if I have the right place.

Joan Huang, you're in the right place.

Come in.

Don't be shy.

If you go through this door, the nice latest inside will help you out.

What is this place? A place where we help you reach your true potential.

It.

Joan huang?

Yes. Come in.

Please take a seat.

Dr. Singer will be right with you.

Before the surgery, not one NBA player looked my way.

After the surgery, they're all up in my dms.

Before the surgery, my girlfriend's parents did not accept my proposal to

marry their daughter.

But after the surgery, I pretended to be someone entirely new.

And now the wedding's in July.

Let's just hope we don't have any children.

After the surgery, I was finally promoted to my dream job as veterinarian.

Even the animals treat me different.

Joan Wong.

I love seeing young faces in here.

You know what I always say, the younger the better.

Nancy, cue up the intro video for me.

Dim the lights.

Have a seat, Joan.

Have you ever walked into a shoe store only to have the shop manager ask you

to leave, even though you make ten times as much a year as he does? Have you

ever had someone tell you how impressed they are? How well you speak English

without an accent? Or are you just tired of the way white folks look at you?

You know what I'm talking about.

I'm Willy Singer.

I'm one of the founders of Ethnos Inc.

The first company dedicated to true equality.

Now see, I was not always like this.

Once upon a time, I too suffered the injustice of being a person who of

color in this world.

I fought for basic rights.

I was passed over for promotions.

I was spat on in the street.

And I got so tired of fighting.

But that's when I realized.

If you can't beat them, be them.

Let me show you around.

We use cutting edge technology called ethnic modification to change your

skin pigmentation.

We use advanced cell growth technology on your face and your body to alter

your features quickly and permanently.

No pain, no recovery time.

And to make sure that the transformation is complete.

Even your voice sounds different.

Voila. It really is that Simple.

Remember, life.

It doesn't have to be this hard.

What you're describing is impossible.

Oh, it's a lot, I know, but I assure you, it is very much possible.

How? Come on.

Nancy used to look like this.

Dexter,

I want you to show Joan what you used to look like.

It's like a giant weight has been lifted.

I finally feel like I belong.

Different people do it for different reasons.

This was me 10 years ago.

I was a bioengineer.

The number one healthcare manufacturing firm in all of America.

I worked hard, I kissed ass.

But I knew from the second that I was born that my success would always be

limited. So when that 10th white turd who only got into Harvard because of

daddy's money, got the promotion I deserved, that's when I realized if I was

gonna have equality, I was gonna have to create it myself.

So that's when the three of us.

A bioengineer, a molecular biologist, and a biophysicist.

Started ethnosync.

And we started it for people like us to give us a true, fair shot.

I am so thankful that you found us early in life.

How does it all work? The whole procedure takes about two hours.

You pick the features that you want.

Everything's customizable.

Since you're a minor, we have to have a parental signature before we

proceed, okay? Okay.

Great. We're not in it for the money.

We're in it for you.

And since we have a promotion today, I would be more than happy to throw in

a hair transplant free of charge.

Now, you can give it a test run.

If you don't like it, diet back.

But if you do, bring in your parental signature and your deposit, and we

will complete the transformation.

No more black roots.

How does that sound?

Welcome.

Come have a seat.

Joan,

Are you ready? Excellent.

Just get a little sleepy.

Good night.

Okay. Oh, look.

It matches your hair.

Eliza threw a little party with all of her silly friends, and I'm pretty

sure somebody puked in there.

Someone did puke in here.

Yeah.

How is your father's hand doing? Not great.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Please tell him if he would like to have the number to my hand doctor, I'm

happy to give it.

Okay. He is the best.

And he's doing some pro bono work right now because of the dui.

Are you sure? Please.

Actually, if you would tell your father that next week's clean is cancelled.

We are going on a little vacay to Peru.

There's an incredible artist there doing painting on cacao beans in protest

of the children who risk their lives during the harvest.

It's just so brave.

Cool.

Okay.

It.

Sa.

Sam.

It.

Sam.

Are you ready?

Okay.

All right.

Now just gonna count backwards from 20 for me, okay? 20, 19, 18, 17.

Is on our side.

Never feel like a strange stranger Everywhere I look.

Movies, tv, children, books.

They all look like me.

That's a guarantee.

It's good to be white it's good to be w.

It's good to be white it's good to be white Good to be white it's good to be

w. It's good to be w.

It's good to be white it's good to be Good to be Good to be white.

How are you feeling? It's good to be white Isn't that dream just the best?

Are you ready to see yourself?

This is my favorite part.

Three, two, one.

Excuse me.

Is that you?

No, thank you.

Hey, mama.

No, you should say yeah.

Who are you? Wrong,

it's me.

Sorry, you have wrong house.

Sure.

Wrong house.

Please. That.

It's me.

Hey, Mom.

You have a birthmark on your left thigh.

Your favorite dessert is the dried taro cake from down the street.

I. Your favorite cd.

You were asking me to make dumplings with you last week.

And dad.

We were writing a song here a few days ago.

Mud. Grandma took this with me whenever I was five.

We were sitting right there.

Whenever. Whenever you slice your hand open and we had to sew it up.

And you asked me to take over your cleaning duties.

I had surgery to look like this.

You're not my daughter.

I knew that you both freak out, so I got you this for some air.

Being biased.

Sure,

Mom signed it.

Field trip.

Are you guys at least, like, a little bit happy for me? Finally be treated

the same as everybody else? Same opportunities.

I mean, isn't that what you always wanted for me?

Hola. Hola.

Hello? Hello? Hi, Mom.

There's no one here.

Hi. Hello.

How can I help you? Doctor? Doctor.

Now? Yes, one moment, please.

Hello, Doctor.

I'm Dr.

Singer. How are you? So good to see.

How was life treating you? Do yourself a favor.

Get tickets to a Michael Buble concert.

That experience as a white person will change.

Change. Change.

Change her.

Change her back.

I am very sorry that you're unhappy with our services.

Unfortunately, the procedure is quite permanent.

That's why we require a parental signature if they are under 18.

She tricked me.

Tricked me.

Our daughter.

Lie. I am truly sorry to hear that.

Unfortunately, even if that is the case, there's just nothing I can do.

Change her back.

Chinese daughter.

I Want to say permanent procedure? How do you say permanent? It's permanent.

No, I know, but.

Change, please.

I cannot change.

And refund.

Refund. I am very sorry,

Doctor. I am confident that you will come to understand how positive a

change that this is going to be for your daughter's life and for your own

lives as well.

So much so that perhaps you and your husband will come back and get the

surgery yourself.

We do offer family discounts.

Thank you so much for coming in contact.

I really do appreciate that.

Minnie Sama.

I told you.

I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong.

Wait, Dylan.

You're changing a more young than.

Yeah, I'm still Joan.

I just gave myself an upgrade.

Being Chinese was what made me weak.

I don't want to be judged for somebody that I'm not.

I don't want.

I want people to hate me for things that I haven't done.

Now, whenever I go to school or I walk into a store, I don't have to worry

about animosity or people judging me because of the way that my eyes slant.

Huh? I know this is a surprise to both of you, but I have been very unhappy

for a very long time.

I know that you think I'm erasing my culture or whatever, but we live here

in America.

Not for the first time in my life.

I don't have to be Asian American or Chinese American.

I can just be American.

You're wrong.

The only mistake I made was not doing this sooner.

It.

Sam.

All the way to Amsterdam.

Sway, sway, sway.

Everyone, this is Joe Hunt from California.

Why don't you go find a seat? Okay, everybody, let's open up our notebooks

and continue with unit three, the American Revolution.

So, California, huh? Are you all into, you know, juice cleanses and hot

yoga? How else am I supposed to look like this?

Oh, my gosh.

No way.

Never thought you did that.

Apologize. I'm sorry.

Sorry. Thank you.

Yeah,

that was actually human.

I came home.

Hey. Hey.

New girl.

Guys, this is Joe.

She just moved here from California.

Oh, no shit.

What part? Louisiana.

I'm there all the time.

Sunsets are really pretty.

What brings you here? My dad.

He's like a movie producer or whatever.

So. Guess he's shooting a show here.

What's his name? Henry Hunt.

Henry Hunt.

I've never heard of him.

Really?

I'm sid.

I'm Olivia.

This is my boyfriend, Greg.

You've obviously met Nash and Greta Cat.

I'm actually an actress.

I mean, I'm not supposed to share this yet, but I did just book the new lead

on a superhero show.

Congrats. It's like.

It's like so slay of you.

Thank you.

What do you guys think of Black Bear's new album? You like Black Bear? Yeah.

He's like fire.

Super fire.

Are you okay? I'm so sorry.

You're.

So. What are you guys doing on Saturday?

Oh, my God.

Guys, we could go to Mickey D's.

Mickey D's? She said Saturday night.

Not when hell freeze is over.

My brother just got a new semi automatic.

We could try.

What the fuck? Greta.

No. In like a girl power boom boom kind of way.

My parents are out of town this weekend.

Okay.

Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you.

I really like you.

You think Olivia is going to endorse somebody soon? What? I'll be right

back.

Olivia.

3, 2, 1.

What the.

My phone.

Olivia. I have towels.

I'm so lucky you get to borrow your mom's clothes.

Why can't you?

She's not around anymore.

Shit. I'm sorry.

Sure your mom won't mind? Yeah.

She won't even notice it's gone.

Is this her? Yeah.

My dad.

See if your mom's eyes.

What are you gonna do when this is all?

Um. My.

My dad, he wanted to be a musician before he was a movie producer.

You know, I guess I.

I guess I wouldn't mind giving that a shot.

So you go to music school? Yeah.

Write my own songs.

Can you write one for me?

Right now? Yeah.

I mean, actors and musicians have to work under pressure all the time.

Yeah.

All eyes on you.

Perfection yet so blue.

All you've ever wanted is to be seen.

Endorse me.

If you're prom queen.

I know your secret.

Yeah? When you whisper to those guys by the pool.

Bitch move.

But I appreciate your tenacity.

I like you, Jo.

Prove to me that you're trustworthy.

You'll get my endorsement.

I knew it.

Do I know you? It's you, isn't it? I don't know who you are, but you need to

back him off a minute.

I saw your lunchbox.

What the did you do? Joe.

Joe. Shut up.

Leave me alone.

Go away.

Still the same passcode.

What happened? How? I don't know.

Science. Now what? You're stuck like this? I'm stuck.

This is what I want.

All because you want Olivia's endorsement? No, because life is easier.

I'm popular.

Nash wants to fuck me.

I called you like a hundred times.

Dude, I went by your house.

I thought you left without saying goodbye.

I'm really sorry.

What are you doing here? We're here for the party.

This is a private party.

Says who? Me.

Is this your house? No, but this is my party.

You want to know whose house it is? Joe, how about you kindly tell these

party crashers to leave? Hey, you're being real rude to my friend.

And last time I checked, the person who owns this house is the host of the

party. Your friend Joe personally invited us here.

Joe,

You have to leave.

Excuse me.

This is a private party,

and I'm asking you guys to leave.

You're really doing this?

Let's go, guys.

Fucking waste of time.

Everyone, I have an announcement to make.

I finally decided who I'm endorsing for prom queen.

I'm endorsing.

It.

All I do is clean to school.

Help you translate.

I am miserable.

She's at a friend's house.

Need some attention? Da.

Ma.

I don't smell anything.

No, it's mine.

I didn't.

Daddy, don't do anything.

Good afternoon.

I will now announce the students who were voted into the prom court.

You will choose your final prom king and queen from these names.

Cat Fisher.

Bianca peterman.

Millie Wilk.

Is it in authentic order? And last but not least,

Joe Hunt.

Hi, my loves.

I just took Jo Thrifting, and I found her the perfect prom dress.

The big reveal will be in Friday's video.

And more importantly, I just found out I got time off.

Set to make a special appearance at prom to cheer my girl on.

Are you going to the party on Friday? Hey, maybe.

I was wondering if we could go.

Thrift app.

Hey. Hey.

Can we talk? Please? Look at what you've done to yourself.

How do you think that makes me feel?

Understand,

okay. You thought you were ugly.

Hmm? Do you think I'm ugly, too?

No, I.

Of course not.

Yeah. Good luck.

I pro.

Go in.

It'll just be another clone winning.

It.

As a white woman, the amount of things you can get away with is absurd.

The other day, I claimed my waiter was a threat to my life.

I received a free meal and a personal apology from the chef.

How may I help you, ma'? Am? My name is Joan Huang, and I need to see Dr.

Singer. Of course, dear.

Do you have an appointment? No, but it's an emergency.

Yes, of course.

Let me just see here.

Dr. Singer's first available appointment is February 20th.

Great. That's tomorrow.

Of next year.

Of next year.

Yes, ma'.

Am. Would you like for me to schedule you in? No, I need to see him now.

This is a common side effect.

Please hold.

Please spread a thin layer of Cream over the affected areas.

What is this? When things start to droop, use one of these little suckers to

pick back up.

What? It's like getting a facelift.

Thank you.

Next.

I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I'm busy, I'm busy.

Okay, okay, okay.

Yes. What?

Shadow pisin.

I don't think you're better off working for somebody else anyways.

What do you mean?

No, no, I.

Of course not.

You can deal.

You're accusing me of trashing her.

Now? I can't believe you would even accuse me of something like this.

You know, maybe you should take this as a blessing.

Now you can finally learn English and get a real job.

That's not what I meant,

dad. I'm sorry.

Sa.

Shimmer.

What are we celebrating?

You look stunning.

Shut up.

It's seriously so boring.

I'm having so much fun in that creature limo.

Yeah. Was that, like, the worst experience ever?

I love this song.

Should have known better.

Should.

Are you okay? Your face is.

Can we just grow.

We're about to announce the winners.

Okay.

Joe, are you okay? Yeah, yeah.

I'll meet you right out there.

It's fine.

Jo. Hey, Joe.

Jo. Hey.

Your old face fights back at first,

but it gets better.

Settle down, everyone.

Now to announce the prom queen and king, it's Vice Principal Owens.

Welcome to Stanwood Park High's Prom night.

I have.

I have in my hand this year's winner of prom king and queen.

Just to recap, these are the nominations for prom queen.

Kat Fisher.

Bianca Peterman.

Mary Wolf.

And Joe Hunt.

And this year's promise.

Wrong Queen is.

Joe hunt.

Sam,

That's.

Sa.

Hey, you're awake.

What happened? You fainted.

Hey, don't worry.

Only a few people in the front got clear videos.

I'll make sure they get buried.

My face.

Chill. It'll heal.

It always does.

Oh, I know, I know.

Oh, it's not very often we meet a fellow Ethnos Inc.

Enthusiast. Why don't you stay for dinner, Joe? I insist.

Here, Joe, you can have the leg.

It's really okay.

No need to be polite.

Here. Here you go, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Mm. Absolutely.

So, Jo, how wonderful is it to be.

Um.

What race were you guys before the surgery? Uh, we don't use that word here.

What word? Race.

Daddy says true equality knows no race.

We used to be Cuban, but when we moved here from Miami, dad thought it would

be a great idea to start a new life.

When I learned of Dr.

Singer's work, I immediately demanded to be one of his first customers.

I just Think that he's doing something that everyone else is too scared to

do. He's erasing color to achieve true equality.

I think that's worthy of a Nobel Prize.

We've referred five families already.

So did your parents have it done as well?

No. Oh.

Oh, that's a shame.

Well, you know, eventually people who don't share the same ideologies, they

fade away.

What do you mean? Well, you, Olivia and I, we believe in equality.

True equality.

We were even willing to change our.

You know.

What to achieve it.

People who don't feel the same way, well, eventually they.

Well, they're no longer in your life.

And good riddance, I say.

I haven't spoken to my mom in years because she refused to change.

I mean, it's sad, really.

She could have had all of this.

You'll never miss your old life.

Never.

Sam.

Way.

Being American.

Not the goal.

The goal is opposite.

I stop, follow other people, and I become my own American.

And you will find your own American, too.

We can do math.

I have to try.

Welcome to Ethnos, Inc.

Your one stop shop to the life you've always wanted.

Be sure to check out our new locations in Richmond, Pittsburgh and Spokane.

And remember, if you can't beat them, be them.

I. I need to see Dr.

Singer.

I. I need to see Dr.

Singer. Hey.

Hey. Oh, hey.

Hi.

Hey. I can't believe why.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I want to change back.

You read the contract.

It's impossible.

Leave. Leave.

You have been blessed.

There are thousands that would kill to have what you have.

I don't want.

How do I put it? For a new plant to grow and flourish, the seed has to die.

Sam.