Original subtitles

- [Pop] - [Man] I love you.

I love you. I love you.

[Woman] Yeah, whatever.

- Love stinks. - [Chorus] Love stinks

- Yeah, yeah, love stinks - Love stinks

- Yeah, yeah, love stinks - Love stinks

- Yeah, yeah - Love stinks

You love her and she loves him

And he loves another You just can't win

So it goes till the day you die

This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry

I've had the blues the reds and the pinks

One thing for sure

- Love stinks - Love stinks, yeah, yeah

- Love stinks - Love stinks, yeah, yeah

- Magazine? - [Pilot Over P.A.] Good afternoon, everyone.

This is your captain speaking. Sorry for the delay.

It should be just a few more minutes. Thanks for your patience.

[Watch Beeps]

[Call Button Dings]

- Can I help you? - I don't know. Can you?

May I help you?

Yes. I would like to know why we're behind schedule.

It'll be just a few more minutes. Can I get you something to drink?

I don't know. Can you?

Right this way.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Hi. I'm Jennifer.

Wait until the last minute to pack?

Nope. Got my first period.

- Oh. - Good afternoon, everyone. This is your captain again.

We're making our way out to the runway and should be taking off shortly.

- Enjoy the flight. - Does it gross you out to know that I'm bleeding right now?

Why should it? It's just biology.

We could have sex right now, and I wouldn't even get pregnant.

Do you have orgasms?

I don't think that's any of your business.

Yeah, well, you're still young. What are you, ten?

- Twelve. - [Scoffs]

[Sighs] So, do you live in L.A. or New York?

- L.A. - Me too. My dad ran off with his secretary,

so my mom and I moved to California.

Your parents still together?

- No. Yes! - What's that mean?

They're divorced, but they're getting back together.

- That's great. - I have the whole thing planned out.

You're getting them back together?

I've already talked to my father about it.

I'm gonna explain to my mother how the divorce is ruining my life.

- Maybe they're not in love. - You have to work at love if you want it to last forever.

- Who says love should last forever? - They're married.

- They're divorced. - They shared vows. They made commitments.

They have responsibilities. Someone needs to remind them of that.

My mother says, "If love's broken, you have to throw it out with the rest of the trash."

That's exactly what's wrong with grown-ups. They're lazy.

- You're an idiot. - Well, you're an idiot.

You're ugly.

[Airplane Engines Rev]

- Try breathing. - [Labored Breathing]

Take a deep breath. It'll help you relax.

- I'm hot, not relaxed. - Oh.

This is just how I am.

One... two...

three... four... five...

six... seven...

six... seven...

eight... nine.

eight... nine.

Twenty-two. Hut, hut, hut.

Twenty-two. Hut, hut, hut.

- [Crowd Cheering] - [Man] Halftime!

- [Crowd Cheering] - [Man] Halftime!

[Announcer] And that's halftime,

[Announcer] And that's halftime,

with the Knights leading the Gophers 14-7.

with the Knights leading the Gophers 14-7.

It should come as no surprise that this year's homecoming king...

It should come as no surprise that this year's homecoming king...

is tonight's star quarterback, Cameron Fitzgerald.

is tonight's star quarterback, Cameron Fitzgerald.

What good is a king without a queen

What good is a king without a queen

So, let's give a royal Harding High cheer...

So, let's give a royal Harding High cheer...

to this year's homecoming queen, Jennifer Burrows.

to this year's homecoming queen, Jennifer Burrows.

[Boy] Bow down to my queen and king.

[Boy] Bow down to my queen and king.

Jennifer Burrows?

Jennifer Burrows?

Gopher, do you mock my queen?

Gopher, do you mock my queen?

- Huh? - I thinketh that you do.

- Huh? - I thinketh that you do.

And for that, you shall die!

And for that, you shall die!

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

[Grunting]

[Grunting]

Whoo!

Whoo!

[Mumbling]

[Mumbling]

Run it over. Run the head over.

Run it over. Run the head over.

No! No, don't!

No! No, don't!

Aha! Yes!

Aha! Yes!

- Are you all right? - My head.

- Are you all right? - My head.

You're going to be okay.

You're going to be okay.

No, my head. Where is it?

No, my head. Where is it?

Hey.

Hey.

How's your head?

How's your head?

Oh, it... it's not so good.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You don't remember me, do you?

No. Should I?

No.

We were on a plane together once.

[Laughs] Oh, my God!

Ryan

- You're "Counting Ryan"? - Yeah.

Of course I remember you. Once a month I remember you.

I must have told that "period on the plane" story like a million times.

- Not me. - [Giggles]

You wanna go grab a coffee or something?

What about your boyfriend, the king?

Don't have a boyfriend. Hate commitments.

I figure, why limit yourself when there's a world of possibilities out there?

Well, maybe all those possibilities distract you from what you really want.

I mean, that's why I don't watch cable.

- What? - There's too many choices.

Lucky your school has a uniform.

You know, you might just wake up and have to pick out an outfit.

And then with all those choices, you might end up walking out of your house naked.

- That's dumb. - Yeah, well, you're pretty dumb.

Don't call me dumb.

Why not? It's true. You are. You're dumb.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

No...

- you're dumb! - [Laughs]

- Hey, so you wanna go? - No.

- Why not? - Because this... us...

- [Sighs] We don't click. - Since when?

Since now. Since right now. Does this feel like we're clicking?

I was only talking about going and getting a cup of coffee.

You know, maybe decaf for you.

It just doesn't make sense to me.

Fine.

- Fine. Fine. - Fine.

[Man] You know what I do what I do

Riding my wave once again

It's always the same It never ends

Riding my wave once again

It's always the same It never ends

[End]

- [Watch Beeps] - What-What time is it?

Time for me to leave for the airport.

That's impossible. I set my alarm exactly one minute before you had to leave.

I set mine three minutes before, just to be sure.

- I love you. - I love you.

- [Woman] Gopher boy? - What's wrong?

- Uh, nothing. - It is you.

I don't believe it. Are you going to school here?

Uh, yes.

Oh, uh, this is Betty. Betty, this is...

Jennifer. Hi. How you doing?

Gopher boy and I go way back.

Please stop calling me that.

Okay.

Well, um, I guess I should get going.

- It was good seeing you again. - Yeah.

Bye.

- Gopher boy? - It's a long story.

- [Knocking] - Help! Is somebody there?

Hey, a little help here, please.

Somebody, hello? Open up!

Excuse me!

- Hello. Whoo! - Whoa!

Wow.

- Are you all right? - Oh, I'm fine.

I am... I'm fine. You're Ryan, right?

- Yeah. Hey. - Hey!

I'm Hunter. Your roomie, Hunter.

What were you doing in the trunk?

Right. Uh, well, um, well, I got to the room...

first, here, before you, and, uh, I thought that it would be, you know, funny...

if, uh, if I popped out of the trunk and surprised you.

Surprise! And, uh, the rest is history.

Wow, we haven't even known each other for 20 seconds and already we have a story.

This is gonna be great.

- So, uh, so how are you gonna tell it? - Uh...

- Tell what? - Our story. Oh, oh, I know.

I know. You'll probably say I was gasping for air and you saved my life.

- Well, I... - Actually, that's a great way to tell it.

Chicks love drama. You're good, man.

[Scoffs] Thanks.

Wow, really good. I'm gonna have a hard time keeping up with you.

Ha. Come here.

Oh, man!

[Sighs] Four years.

- Huh. - [Sighs]

[Woman] Yeah, I know a girl

Can't remember her name but I know what she wants

She wants to be everything

So, is she your high-school sweetheart?

As a matter of fact, she is.

Good for you. Where is she going to school?

Seattle.

Oh, a long distance.

- So? - Good luck.

We don't need luck. We have a very strong relationship.

We weren't together over the summer, and everything was fine.

Mm. What was she gone, a month?

Six weeks, two days.

You visited back and forth...

maybe three times, called each other every night?

That's right. You have to put in the work.

I've seen it happen a hundred times.

Last year, every long-distance relationship in my dorm...

was over by the second semester.

- Wow. - Just keeping it real.

[Man] Next in line, please.

So, where are you living?

- Herman Hall. - Oh, I can give you some tips.

- Do you live there? - No, no, but I do have friends there.

I live off-campus with my boyfriend.

- What? You have a boyfriend? - Mm-hmm.

Who?

- Punker Winters. He's a musician. - Next in line.

He's great.

- You're living with one guy? - Yeah.

You've made a commitment that prohibits choices in the name of love?

Uh-huh.

Isn't it crazy what falling head over heels can do to a person?

- Next, please. - That's me.

Yeah, I know a girl

All she wants is...

I came as fast as I could. What happened?

[Gasping] He dumped me!

Why?

Because he fell in love with somebody else.

- Oh, God. Who? - I don't know who, Amy, and I don't care who.

The point is, is that he dumped me.

Well, how did you find out? I mean, did you catch them or something?

Oh, God, in this bed?

No. Oh, God, no.

No, no, no, he just told me.

- He told you. - Yeah, we made that whole pact.

You know, that if you meet somebody else, you're gonna tell the other person.

Yeah, well, no one ever takes that pact seriously.

I mean, you just say it to cover your own ass.

Yeah, well, I'm really lucky because my boyfriend,

he's really loyal to his pacts.

- Well, how did you find out? - At the club.

What, did he yell it over the music?

- No, no, no, it was the music. - No.

It was the same club where we first met.

It was the same club where we first decided to move in together.

It was the same stage where he first sang that song...

"Jennifer, Jennifer, this heart is made for two."

And I'm just sitting there watching him, and I'm thinking how much I love him,

and how I can't believe that I can love somebody that much.

And then he sang this brand-new song.

A little something called...

? Jennifer, Jennifer?

? You asked me to be true?

? What can I say?

I found someone new Do-doopy-do-wah

- Jennifer, Jennifer - That's horrible.

[Indistinct]

Actually, it was pretty catchy.

By the second chorus, everybody was singing along.

- What did you do? - Nothing.

I don't think I've ever felt this way before.

I'm a complete idiot. I mean, why didn't I just listen to my instincts, you know?

- Why didn't I listen? - Hey, well, look on the bright side.

I mean, now you get to move in with me.

Oh, well, I know things look pretty horrible right now,

but, you know, it's just gonna take some time...

'cause that's what my therapist keeps telling me.

To hell with your therapist, Ame, really,

because I just need to feel better... now!

Do-dooby-do, my ass.

It's tough out there, man. You don't know how lucky you are.

- Betty and I broke up. - What?

You're kidding. When?

- A couple of days ago. - Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know. I guess it's just now kind of sinking in.

Well, this is great news.

- Now you and me can hit the circuit. - You and I.

- Right. - I don't think so.

Believe me, it's way easier with two of us.

See, you pretend to be my idiot cousin in for the weekend.

All of a sudden, I'm sensitive.

You get drunk, start coming on too strong,

I beat the shit out of you, I'm masculine.

I don't think I'm ready for that.

Well, we could trade off. You can hit me first if you want.

It was two days ago. I think I need a little time.

You're right. I'm sorry you're hurting.

So let's get drunk and go see some strippers.

- I'm not that hurt. - Shh. Please.

I'm fine. Breaking up was the right thing to do.

We were just... going in different directions.

Mm.

- Whoa, hit me. - No.

No, no, no. Come on. Do it.

- Hurry. Before she leaves. - Who?

- You know her? - Kind of.

- Okay, then I'll hit you. - No.

- Hey. - Hi.

How you been?

Good. You?

Great.

- So, I see you're all settled in. - Yes.

- Did you get Fridays off? - Yes.

I got Friday nights off.

I'm sure you do.

Oh, uh, Jennifer, this is Hunter.

Hi.

Well, you know, I'd love to stick around,

but, uh, I have to go to the train station to pick up my cousin.

He's an idiot. My whole family is, actually.

Me too.

Yeah, me too. I'm an idiot.

I'll see ya.

I got dumped.

- Hmm? - Yeah, music man.

Michael... dumped me.

Oh.

How's "long-distance Betty"?

I don't wanna talk about it.

But I just told you about my whole breakup.

Come on. I mean, it couldn't be worse.

Why? Why do you wanna know?

- Misery loves company. - No!

You'll just find some way to use it against me.

[Gasps] Okay, okay, maybe I might have done that in the past,

but I've changed.

I have. I'm scarred now, and I look at life very differently.

Okay.

- You were right. - It was the long-distance thing.

- Yes, but not for me. - I knew it.

I was fine with it. I would go there, she would come here.

If I told her I would call her at a certain time, no matter where I was...

- You would call. - I would call.

If I told her to call me at a certain time when I'd be home,

I would always be home.

I mean, I loved her, so none of that ever seemed like work to me.

But it did to her, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

This one weekend, I was down there, and we were kissing each other good-bye,

and her roommate came by with her boyfriend.

They were both carrying these bags of laundry,

and Betty just started crying.

I asked her, "What's wrong?" And she said...

"We never get to do our laundry together."

She was right. We never did get to do our laundry together,

and that was it.

You broke up because of laundry?

I send mine out.

Not laundry, exactly. Just all the things that couples do together...

- that couples should do together. - Uh-huh.

We just didn't have the time anymore. She couldn't handle that.

- Why didn't you move there? - Scholarship.

- Well, she could have moved here. - Scholarship.

- Wow, so that was it? - Yeah.

- I mean, she needed something that I couldn't give her. - Oh, no.

There's a lot of other little things too.

Too many differences make relationships impossible.

Michael and I didn't agree on anything... ever.

That's what I loved about it. We fought, shouted, had sex.

I mean, it's what I miss.

That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

Yeah, but what do you know about healthy relationships?

- Excuse me? - I'm saying, who are you to judge my relationship?

- Well, see, I knew this was a mistake. - What?

I'm just saying that you were in an unhealthy relationship.

It's about having to like things all the time. It's about surprises.

I mean, love is exciting and it's thrilling...

and it drives you so insane, you just think you're gonna explode.

It's the whole point.

Then I guess Michael didn't get the point.

Oh!

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

Riding my wave once again

It's always the same It never ends

You've never been to her apartment? That is some weird shit.

No, it's not. [Scoffs]

She's just being careful.

See, there's no point introducing me into her world,

unless she feels secure in our relationship.

I admire that.

What are you doing today?

I've got a scuba-diving class at 3:00.

Really.

No, that's a lie. I lied. I can't stop.

I'm lying about everything. It started so I can impress girls, and now I can't stop.

You know, you should really see someone about that.

- Yeah, I am. - No, you're not.

See? I can't stop. I can't.

The next time I catch you lying, I'll expose you for the fraud that you are.

You wouldn't.

- I would. - You're not lying.

- I'm not. - Huh.

What are you really doing today?

Dance class.

So, my therapist keeps telling me to expand my horizons.

But, with this guy, all I did was pretend to be someone I wasn't.

And I just can't handle it anymore, you know?

- That's why you're breaking up with him? - Yeah, I know,

but do you think I'm being too cowardly?

I mean, my therapist wants me to take more responsibility for my emotions,

but I just don't think this is the right time for that, you know?

It doesn't matter how you do it... phone, fax, E-mail, song.

It's all the same message... Adios, amigo.

Yeah, but you have to be nice about it.

Amy, are you breaking up with your boyfriend,

or am I breaking up with your boyfriend?

You know what? I wouldn't really call him my boyfriend.

I mean, I barely know the guy.

- So, don't worry about it. - Yeah, but he just seemed so sweet, you know?

- I don't wanna see him get hurt. - I know.

[Knocks On Door]

[Exhales Deeply]

- Hi. - Uh, hi.

- What are you doing here? - Well, I was coming to pick up Amy.

Oh. Ha. Interesting.

- What are you doing here? - I'm Amy's roommate.

Is she here?

We need to talk.

- We're not right together? - I'm just telling you what she told me.

I don't think you should take it personally.

Why do people say that? How could I not take it personally?

- It's me she doesn't like. - Okay, fine. Take it personally.

- Why didn't she tell me? - Because she didn't want to hurt your feelings.

- And you did? - No, no. I didn't know it was you.

I mean, I knew it was a Ryan, but I didn't know it was you Ryan.

- This... sucks! - [Speaking Latin]

- What? - It's Latin for "Don't kill the messenger."

You know what? You're having too much fun with this.

- I'm trying not to. - Try harder.

[Laughing]

Look. It's not funny.

Oh, no, no, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at them.

You see, chicks, they love making guys jump through hoops.

This isn't a hoop. She broke up with me.

No, it's a test. See, she's testing you to see how much you really want her.

- You think? - I know.

Look. You've got... You've got to swim across the moat,

bust down the castle door, slay the dragon...

and that's... that's not a euphemism... and sweep her off her feet.

- You're right. You're absolutely right. - Of course I am.

- We were great together. I even made a chart. - Sure you did.

It proved how perfect we were together.

- Now all I have to do is prove it to Amy. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What? - You've gotta do more than show her pie graphs.

You gotta weep... openly.

Yeah, you should have quit while you were ahead.

Squeeze the lids. Turn on the sprinklers. You need the tears.

The tears of-of a man who can't breathe another second without the love of his life.

Hold on. I got just the thing.

- Here. - What's this?

Icy Balm. A little dab under your eyes,

you'll be sobbing like a Miss America.

Oh, wish me luck.

Today, I learned second position.

Ladies! Yo!

Did you know that they rearranged all the desks in the library?

- No. - Yeah, it's completely different.

I spent two hours trying to find my desk.

And if it wasn't for the Diet Coke stain,

I wouldn't have found it at all.

Do you wanna know where they put it? On the third floor.

Not the second, not even the fourth, the third. Third.

Number three.

- And that would be a bad thing. - Please. It's a disaster.

- You wanna hear how your breakup went? - I totally forgot.

Was it horrible? Do you think we can still be friends?

I don't know. He seemed pretty shook up.

- Oh, poor guy. - Wanna hear the weird part?

- I kinda know him. - You do?

We run into each other once in a while.

Well, do you think I did the right thing in having you break up with him?

- I don't know. - I do. It was just putting...

- It was putting too much pressure on me. - Yeah, I can see that.

On the other hand, maybe that's what I need.

- [Doorbell Rings] - What if that's him?

[Screaming, Gasping]

Oh, my God, you're crying. He's crying.

Why are you doing this to me? It's over.

Do you understand me? O-ver.

- [Screams] - Ryan!

Ryan, it's not so bad. People break up all the time.

I can't see!

I think I'm blind!

Nice patch.

Thanks. You didn't have to wait.

I'm not waiting. Can't a girl enjoy a lollipop in the middle of the afternoon...

in front of the free health center?

Oh.

Who also feels maybe a little bit responsible.

You didn't do anything.

Yeah, well, I mean, I didn't put the Icy Balm in your eye,

but I did break up with you, remember?

Yeah.

- Where are you going? - For a walk.

Try to forget today ever happened.

- Can I come? - What for?

Can't a girl enjoy a walk in the middle of the afternoon with her ex-boyfriend?

Will the girl continue to refer to herself in the third person?

Did Ryan Walker just make a joke?

I don't know. Let me ask him.

Wow. You know, you're pretty funny when you're depressed.

- Well, get ready for comedy. - Another one.

Yeah, a few more and I'll have to take you back to the clinic...

so they can fix up your busted gut. [Chuckles]

- You lost it. - Not funny?

Let's put it this way, any more of those,

and I'm gonna have to break up with you again.

[Bongo Drums]

[Teacher Yelling Instructions]

Seven... eight.

Hey. How's it going?

Get ready. Another braided spiral.

[Groans]

Hey. How you doing?

Hey, excuse me. Question.

Exactly how far can you bend over?

[Jennifer] Do you come here a lot?

- [Ryan] Yep. - It's really beautiful.

One of the greatest structural achievements in the history of man.

You're the second person to call me that this week.

You know the only way to build something that awesome?

Alien slaves from outer space?

Perfect planning.

Doesn't it make so much sense?

You examine a situation, you plan a course of action,

you execute it.

Everything works out fine.

But it doesn't.

Yeah, well, that's 'cause most things in life just aren't that simple.

Does that look simple to you?

I mean, you couldn't imagine how complicated something like that is to create.

I thought you were just using it as a metaphor.

- I am. - For a relationship.

- Yes. - Yeah, that's what I thought.

I mean, I know I didn't know Amy incredibly well, but...

it just felt like everything added up.

Are you a math major?

No, structural engineering.

Oh.

- I'm done with it. - Engineering?

Relationships.

They're just... too much.

It's not worth it.

- [Speaking Latin] - Huh?

"I hear you, brother." Latin.

- What... What is it with the Latin? - My major.

- Latin? Why? - Yeah. Why not?

What are you gonna do with it?

I'm going to Italy for my graduate school.

And after that?

I don't know.

See? You're amazing. I could never do that.

- You mean not have a plan? - Or something.

But, then again,

why would you ever need a plan?

I'm sure you've always had everything you wanted,

whether you knew you wanted it or not.

You know, that's true because the first time...

that I ever really wanted something and went for it was Michael,

and it turned out great.

Wow. See, I just figured you being a junior and all,

you'd have it all figured out by now.

Yeah, that's what you think, huh?

No, but I'm dumb. Isn't that right?

And uptight. A-And ugly, if I remember correctly.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I said all of that before I was on Prozac.

You're on Prozac?

I wish.

- It's a joke. - Oh!

Oh, it's okay.

I should go. I still have some more studying to do. Finals.

Me too. I'm gonna stay.

All right.

- So, I'll see you around. - Yep.

Hey. I'm sorry about Amy.

It's okay.

Bye.

Riding my wave once again

It's always the same It never ends

Riding my wave once again

It's always the same It never ends

[Continues, Indistinct]

Did you get all your classes?

[Chuckles] All but one.

Oh, the elusive one.

Yes.

So, did you have a good summer?

Yeah, yeah. I just went back to L.A.

- Oh. - What about you?

Stayed here. Learned how to butter bagels for a living.

Surprisingly easy, actually.

You just swipe it once back and forth.

- I take mine plain. - Of course you do.

So, summer was good?

Yeah. Everything's good.

It's good.

Uh, Jennifer, are you okay?

I pushed him away. I mean, I literally did everything in my power...

to make sure that he dumped me.

Well, obviously, you didn't like him.

No. That's the thing. I thought it was just a summer fling,

but I actually... I started to like him.

Oh, then, why did you push him away?

I don't know.

I just... [Sniffles]

It's just such a pain in the ass, you know?

Yes. Yes, it is.

[Sobbing] Oh.

Well, what about you?

I mean, did you get any this summer?

Well, I... No.

You've got the right idea.

You know, we should do this again sometime.

I mean, not the whole crying thing, but...

you know, this.

Sure.

No matter how I try I just can't get you off my mind

Just another lawsuit.

[Phone Rings]

- Hello. - [Jennifer] Hello. Wanna go do something?

- No. - You haven't even heard my proposal.

Well, that's the beauty of our friendship.

I don't even need to hear your proposal to know my answer's no.

I'm the beauty in our friendship.

- I'm hanging up now. - You can't.

- Give me one good reason. - 'Cause...

'Cause I've rigged an explosive device to your telephone...

and your whole place will blow.

Oh, well, I've been burned before.

Come on. I can't study anymore.

I'm getting too smart. People start shunning me.

- Only if you beg me. - I just did.

In Latin.

[Speaking Latin]

Oh, oh, baby don't wanna stop this feeling

- Come on! - It all feels so new

'Cause no one makes me feel the way that you do, you do

No matter where I go No matter what I do No matter how I try

I just can't get you off of my mind

I always think of you No matter where I go

I just can't get you off my mind

- You weren't gonna go. - I was too.

You weren't. You weren't going.

Ladies first.

La... Okay.

- Fine. - [Laughs]

Why don't I count for you?

- [Laughs] Okay. Yeah. - Yeah?

- All right. One... - Uh-huh.

- two... three! - Two. Three. Here we go.

You know, I can't help you.

No, you can help me at the bottom.

That you do, you do

No matter where I go No matter what I do

Do you think I'd look good with a goatee?

- I just can't get you off of my mind - No.

- Hmm. - Get you off of my mind

[Dance Rock]

Wait, wait, this is crazy. I'm not a natural dancer.

- No. No one in my family is. - Just move. Have fun.

We're here to have fun.

Just you and me and that patch of pubic hair on your chin.

Just follow him. Do what he does.

Stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

Shake my paranoia Can't stop the rock

Shake my paranoia Can't stop the rock

Shake my paranoia Can't stop the rock

Shake my paranoia Can't stop the rock

Shake my paranoia Move me, move me

Dancing like Madonna into the groovy

Shake my paranoia Move me, move me

Dancing like Madonna into the groovy

[Instrumental]

Stop the rock Can't stop the rock

Can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

[Instrumental]

[Continues, Indistinct]

- This isn't so bad. - Good.

You might not ever get rich

Let me tell you it's better than digging a ditch

There ain't no tellin' who you might meet

A movie star, a movie star a movie star, a movie star

At the car wash

Car wash, yeah

- Work and work - Well, those cars never seem to stop coming

- Work and work - Keep those rags and machines humming

Work and work

[Instrumental Continues]

- Car wash - Ow.

You've never been with a woman before?

No. I lived with the monks my whole life, until yesterday.

I walked into the monsignor's office,

turned in my rosary beads and collar, got my deposit back and now here I am,

playing this strange game of sticks and balls.

It's called pool.

Pool. Oh, I have so much to learn.

I'll teach you, okay?

No, put your hand here. [Laughs]

- Aah! - Oh.

- Don't hurt him. He's a priest. - Oh, I'm a priest.

How would you like to have a religious experience with that cue stick?

[Groaning]

Run, Father, run!

[Whimpering]

[Both Laughing]

So, you wanna come up and dry off?

- Uh, I don't know. Is Amy there? - Probably.

Uh, no. No, I think I'm just gonna go home.

- Gotta write in the diary? - Something like that.

- Okay. - Um...

You know, as much as I hate to admit this,

I had fun tonight.

Yeah, me too. It was good, clean fun.

Maybe we can go there once a week and do our laundry.

It's cheaper than the place I take mine to.

[Both] Morocco.

What's up? You kids go swimming?

- Yeah. - Yeah. - That's great. So, uh...

So what's going on now? 'Cause my plans kinda fell through.

I invited Ryan up, but he's going home to bed.

- Really. - I'm tired. - He's tired.

Uh, yeah, I'm kinda... tired myself.

Actually, we should get outta here.

Ooh! Good night.

You coming?

Hey, I gotta hand it to you, man. Very cool back there.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

She's begging you to come up, and you're holding back.

- She's probably going nuts right now. - I don't think so.

Did you hear the way she said "bed"?

Man, you could almost smell the linens.

- You're way off on this one. - I don't think so.

- You in a hurry? - No. No, why do you ask?

That's him. Get him!

Oh, shit. Come on.

You better start praying, Father!

- Who the hell is that? - I have no idea.

Okay, listen. Best thing for you to do is just forget it ever happened.

- Forgotten yet? - No.

- How about now? - Man, no.

Jeez, you're like an elephant.

[Amy] Oh, great. You're just in time for cookies.

- They look good. - Oh, no, not those.

See, I thought it would be nice to have a snack when you got home,

but I didn't know when that would be, so I just guessed...

and made a batch around 8:00, but they burnt.

So, I did another one around 9:30, and then they burnt.

So, I waited a little longer before I put in the third batch, and now you're home.

It's perfect. They'll be ready in about two minutes.

- Oh. - Why are you wet?

- Ryan and I, we went dancing. - Oh.

- Are you in love with him? - What?

- Are you? - No.

- I don't believe you. - What are you talking about? We're just friends.

Yeah, but he's in love with you, right?

Actually, no. No, I don't think so.

- Well, then what do you do all the time you're together? - I don't know.

You know, we do stuff. We talk about stuff.

Why? I mean, you have me to talk about stuff.

Sometimes it's nice just to have a guy's opinion about things.

[Scoffs] Like what? Who has the best pizza, and who has the best tits?

Gino's Pizzeria, Susan Sarandon. Why are you acting so weird, Ame?

You're the one who's acting weird.

I mean, you're the one spending all your time...

with a guy you're not even interested in.

My therapist thinks that you may have some issues.

- You're talking to your therapist about me? - Of course I am.

I mean, I worry about you.

Listen. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

[Timer Dings]

Oh, I left her number on your pillow.

- Whose? - My therapist's. Good night.

- See that guy there? - Huh?

He's the kind of guy who walks with his feet, if you know what I'm saying.

[Laughs]

- Come on. You do it. - Okay.

[Ryan] She's the kind of girl that likes crackers in her soup.

- No. - What do you mean "no"?

- That's wrong. - No, it's not.

- Yes, it is. It's a judgment. - Why?

Some people put crackers in their soup and some people don't.

- Exactly. - No, the point is to sound like...

you're making a judgment about somebody where there's no judgment to be made.

- It's a nonjudgmental judgment. - No, no, no.

- That's stupid. - No, it's funny. I'm laughing.

Yeah, 'cause it's stupid.

You wanna hear something even more stupid?

I'm going on a date tonight.

- Really? - Do you think I'm nuts?

- No, no. I think it's great. - Really?

You should get back in the saddle.

Uh, no, no. I'm the kind of cowboy that doesn't like to ride.

- Yeah, you see, that one's not funny. - Yeah, I know.

- [Rap] - Come and stop with the lyric and I look inside

My best friend said who is that guy

[Continues, Indistinct]

Ladies, how we doin'?

- [Continues] - What?

Hey, it's beautiful out, huh?

- It's... It's... - Straight cold, say you're cold Got straight play

[Phone Ringing]

Hello.

No. I'm not good at that kinda thing.

You should call Hunter.

[Piano]

[Man] After all that time in investment banking,

I decided to do something for myself.

I sailed for ten years. Finally, I reached a point in my life,

I said, "I don't wanna do all the work. I wanna have..."

Jen, oh, thank God you're here, sis.

Billy, what's wrong? Kurt, this is Billy, my brother.

- Billy, this is Kurt. - Hi.

Nice to meet you, Billy. I was just telling your sister about my boat.

- No, there's no time for boats. - Why? What happened?

It's mother. She's sick.

- Oh, my God, what happened? - I just told you, she's sick.

- Sick how? - Uh...

Yeah, sick how?

You know, sick, like the last time.

No, I wasn't there last time. Explain it to me.

There's no time for questions. Mother is sick. We have to go... now!

Sorry.

- Look, are you insane? - You were great.

"Sick how?" I felt like such an idiot.

You were great in there. Really.

- [Chuckles] - Thanks.

Thank you.

Oh, man.

You know, next time I was thinking about trying it with a limp.

Baby steps, Ryan. Baby steps.

Uh, tonight? No, it's tomorrow night.

- No, they changed it. - Who did? Ryan?

- No. - Well, I can't go.

- Why not? What are you doing? - Staying in.

I was planning on staying in.

I was gonna give myself a manicure and a pedicure...

and do a deep-rinse conditioning.

Well, can't you do all that this afternoon?

No, because I have class this afternoon.

Class that I have to go to because I have to talk to my professor...

about my paper that's due on Monday,

that I was gonna finish while my nails were drying...

and proof after I did my hair so that everything would be done before the party.

Can't you do all that tomorrow?

No, because tomorrow I'll be rushed and probably tired...

and I have to get everything done.

See, I have to. I can't believe they changed it.

It's Friday. You got all weekend.

What's that supposed to mean?

That's like on Monday saying, "You've got all week."

[Scoffs]

[Man] Got the ripped, rippled chips

Got the ripped, rippled chips Rippled chips

Rippled chips chips, chips, chips, chips

- Are you ready - [Coughs]

Oh, yeah All right

We're gonna groove tonight

Oh, yeah, all right We're gonna groove tonight

- Oh, yeah, all right We're gonna groove tonight - Yummy.

Oh, yeah, all right We're gonna groove tonight

[Man Rapping, Indistinct]

- What do they want? - Who?

They. Them. The chiquitas.

You know, I'm busting my ass out there, trying to fit into their little mold...

of what makes an interesting, sexy guy, and I cannot figure out what they want.

- What do you want? - I don't know.

Get laid. Have fun. Have someone love me for who I am.

Oh, and, uh, who is that exactly?

You're... You're right. You are absolutely right.

I mean, what... what's wrong with being from the country?

A simple kid raised on fresh eggs and good values,

who had to get up at the crack of dawn every morning...

with a three-legged dog named Lucky by his side to help his pa with the cattle.

- Hunter, you're not from the country. - Yeah?

Oh, jeez, Ryan, what do you want me to say?

Hi. My name is Steve. I grew up in the suburbs...

with two working parents, two sisters and a two-car garage.

I have no real identity,

nor do I have a clue what I'm doing or what I wanna be.

Wanna go out?

- Your name is Steve? - You know, the whole point of college...

is it's a place where you can reinvent yourself.

No, it's a place where you can define yourself. Your name is Steve?

Yes. Yes. To be honest, I'm not so crazy about "Steve," okay?

- Why would anyone else be? - That's who you are.

Oh, really? It's just that easy?

Then, why don't you drop the cool guy act and go tellJennifer...

- how you really feel about her? - What?

But you'd better do it quick before she leaves with that guy.

I don't feel that way about her.

Seeing her with that guy right now, it doesn't bother you?

No. She goes on dates all the time.

- We talk about her dates. - And you're fine with that?

- Yes. Yes. - Honestly.

Okay, then, how come you're here all by your lonesome?

Look. If you're waiting for a girl to just walk over...

and do all the work, you got another thing coming.

- They don't do things that way. Trust me. - [Woman] Excuse me.

- Is your name Ryan? - Yeah.

- I think you're in my statistics class. - That's nice.

What are the odds?

- You're Engineering, right? - Yeah.

I'm Electrical. Not me, my major.

Can you believe how much work they give us?

But I like it, you know, because there are so many people floating around here,

like negative ions, with no place to go.

I'm a laser. I know what I want, and I go straight for it.

Oh.

[Chuckles] I feel like there's an armature spinning in my head.

- You wanna sit down? - Uh, sure, sure.

But, actually, I was just leaving.

It's because I'm too forward, isn't it?

No, not at all. There's just these two assignments that I've been putting off.

I told my girlfriend that I would meet her...

twenty minutes ago.

- You have a girlfriend? - Yes, I do.

- Now I feel really so stupid. - You're not stupid.

I just... I really have to go.

Hey, sis. You okay?

Yeah, I'm great. Thanks, Billy.

See, amor, amore.

You say it so beautifully.

All right, so I'm gonna take off, then.

- Okay. - See ya, bro.

So, how'd you get rid of him?

We fooled around for a while, and then I told him,

"Hey, I got an early class."

- You fooled around? - Uh-huh.

Hold on. Now, when we're talking about "fooling around,"

are we talking about "fooling around" or...

We're talking about "fooling around."

Oh.

It's not like we had sex.

- I didn't say that. - Couldn't find a condom.

- You would have? - Yeah. Probably.

I have midterms coming up. I gotta relieve the stress somehow.

- Wow. That's amazing. - What?

Ju... Just that on any given date,

the possibility exists that you'll have sex with a guy.

Isn't that the point of dating, possibilities?

It's not like I know what's gonna happen in advance. I don't.

Sometimes I think it'd be a whole lot easier to have sex...

than have to sit there and think of something clever to say.

Granted, I haven't been in that situation in a long time,

but I just can't sleep with somebody unless I like them.

- So, you think I'm a slut? - I didn't say that.

- We're just different. - Yeah, you sleep with no one.

- So? - So, do you know any other single,

20-year-old college guys who never sleep with anyone?

- Who don't even try? - Hey, maybe you're trying too hard.

Ryan, you don't try at all.

I just think that it might be making things weird between us.

What? What are you talking about?

Are we friends? I mean, am I your friend...

or have I just become your girlfriend substitute?

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

It's like with me in your life, you never have to try.

That's the beauty of our relationship.

You'll just never get hurt again as long you pretend I'm your girlfriend.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore.

Ryan?

I am so sorry. I didn't mean that.

- Yeah, you did. - No.

I love hanging out with you.

I do. You're my most favorite person in the whole world.

I don't wanna change anything.

- Maybe you're right. - No, I'm wrong.

You're just waiting for the right girl to come along,

and you don't take sex lightly.

I think that that's a great quality.

No, l-I think I am hiding behind you or... or us.

There was this girl at the party the other night.

A girl girl? You didn't tell me.

I just blew her off.

Why?

I don't know.

Maybe I should have given her a chance.

Yeah, you shoulda.

Well, you still can.

Why not, right?

Yeah, why not?

[Softly] Yeah.

So, is she cute?

Yeah, I guess.

Is she cuter than me?

No. She's thinner.

[Chuckles] Oh!

[Man On TV] Let me get this straight.

- You think that's totally normal. - [Woman] Yes!

[Scoffs] I have the exact same top. How come it looks better on her?

'Cause she's anorexic, has fake boobs and a personal trainer.

- Are you saying I should get my boobs done? - Yeah. Totally.

- [Laughing] Okay. Come on. - Aah!

- You can't say this isn't fun. - No, can't I?

When's the last time we did this, huh?

I mean, just you and me. It's nice. Don't you think?

Amy, of course it's nice.

[Chuckles] I have an idea. What if you...

had to fail a couple of classes and move back?

Would that be so bad?

I mean, it's just... Italy's so incredibly far away.

Yeah, that's the beauty of it. [Chuckles]

What about me? What am I supposed to do next year?

- Nothin'. Just like you did this year. - Mm.

Ame, maybe with me gone, you know, you'll just get off your fat ass...

and go and have some fun, huh?

I don't want to do "nothing" without you, and I don't want to have fun.

- And I have a great ass. - You do.

No, you do, you have a great... You have a great ass.

- [Laughs] Oh! - Mm.

[Smooching Sound]

Hey! What are you doing?

I'm kissing you.

Oh, God. God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

l-I don't know why I did that. I just...

l-I really wanted to kiss you.

- Oh, my God! I'm such an idiot! - No, Amy! A-Amy!

Hey, buddy. Watch this.

[Chuckling] It's like a bridge.

It is a bridge.

- Yeah, you're absolutely right. - [Chuckles]

- Hi! - Hi.

- Mm. - Mm. - Is Katie coming?

She's gonna meet us at the bar. I just talked to her.

- Really? - Uh-huh.

This is great. This is great!

She will be the first to experience the new me.

- Oh, this oughta be good. - Oh, no, I'm serious. No more lies.

It's like you said, buddy. I don't need to pretend...

to be someone else for someone else to like me.

- Hey, that's good! - Yeah.

What you see is what you get: Hunter Unplugged.

Don't you mean Steve Unplugged

[Rock]

- [Jennifer] So, Megan seems nice? - [Ryan] Yeah, she is.

That, uh, Paul guy. Didn't you go out with him a couple of times before?

- Yeah. It's working out. - Good for you.

Hey, Jen. Megan here has never been to the Automotive Museum.

Imagine that.

Yeah. [Chuckles]

Hey, did you guys read how the zoo animals tried...

to reorganize their cages in alphabetical order?

Apparently, the aardvarks started it.

That's right, but the zebras, they vetoed it.

- Yeah, how did you know? - I just... I don't know.

I don't get it.

- [Chuckles] - Me neither.

So, uh, Katie. How are you liking Berkeley?

It's a bit overwhelming, right?

Katie's a double major here on scholarship.

- I don't know how she does it. - How do you do it?

I can barely juggle napping and sleeping.

Well, this may sound a little weird, but I spend a lot of time with the elderly.

That doesn't sound weird.

It sounds a little weird.

Think about it this way: when you're sitting with someone...

who's been through two wars, marriages, kids, grandkids,

money problems and disease...

I mean, getting a "B" on a biology exam doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

- I think we should do what the Eskimos do. - Mm?

Just kick the old people out of the igloos.

Leave them for the polar bears and the storms at sea.

The minute they can't go on the big hunt anymore, you gotta get rid of them.

I mean, otherwise... otherwise, they'll just suck us dry. Those bastards.

- You're kidding, right? - No. No, not at all.

And take away their driver's license too, while you're at it.

Hmm?

What?

Suddenly, you're not allowed to have an opinion anymore?

I did what you said. l-I wasn't just agreeing for the sake of it.

I wasn't just making things up so it would look like we had something in common.

I did what you said. I was being honest.

Yeah, but come on. You don't have to say everything that comes in your head.

So, now I'm being too honest?

- [Sighs] - You know, I don't know what you want from me.

I don't know what anyone wants from me.

[Ryan] So, what happened?

[Jen] The whole beauty of Paul was that he was never going to settle down,

and then he fell in love with me.

There's nothing worse than a bad boy gone soft.

- [Scoffs] Don't I know it. - He stopped drinking,

stopped taking drugs, he even stopped cheating on me.

- No wonder you dumped him. - Yeah.

It just wasn't working out, you know?

What's up with what's-her-name? Mary?

- Megan. - Whatever.

- It's okay. - That's it?

- What am I supposed to say? - Well, do you like her?

Is she "the one"?

I don't know. I'm workin' on it.

- You're the one who wanted to go. - I thought it would make me feel better.

- And? - I don't know.

- I mean, it's such a lot of bullshit. - Bullshit?

Just show me a movie that takes place six months after they get together.

- You know, when everything starts falling apart? - Jennifer.

It's just that I don't think that any of us know who we really are,

so how are we supposed to know who Mr. Right is?

- No you can't hurt me now - You can't hurt me now

How do you know he's Mr. Right?

Is it because you're both wearing black?

Drinking cappuccinos? You both have tattoos?

[Sets Down Cup]

Who... Who here has ever been dumped?

Okay, who here has... has dumped someone?

I mean, we've all been in love,

but we never know that it's not true love until it's over.

So, what if... there is no "one"?

Or two, or three, or four or five?

I mean, what if there's no such thing as true love?

But we're just too afraid to admit it, so...

we keep on dressing up.

We keep on pretending to be something that we're not.

We keep turning our lives upside down,

losing ourselves in something that we hope...

is better than what we think that we are.

What if that something that we're looking for...

just doesn't exist?

You know you can't touch me now

You can't hold me now

And I got plenty of time

[Continues, Indistinct]

- You okay? - [Sniffles] Yeah.

Fine. I was just working on my fear of public speaking.

[Sniffles]

Why does everything just have to be so...

- just so? - I don't know.

You're shakin'.

Well, you let me drink all that damn caffeine. [Laughs Nervously]

[Groans]

I don't know what's wrong with me. I...

Maybe you're gettin' your period.

[Chuckles] Yeah, maybe.

Wai... Wai... wait a second.

No.

I can't imagine life

Without you by my side

This is love, babe

That I'm feeling

And I'm hopin'that you're feeling the same

- Way - [Chorus] Way, too

Things tend to slip my mind

Like how you like to wine

And dine, babe

With romantic lights

You mean a lot to me in so many ways

- Lately - Have I told you I love you

- Lately - Have I told you

- You still mean the world to me - Lately

Have I told you I love you

I'll be your wishing well

Tell me what you want

Babe

Don't think twice of our love

I say these things because

I love you

But it's hard to explain

And I'm hoping that you're feeling the same

[Female Chorus] Oo-ooh, oo-ooh, oo-ooh Oo-ooh, oo-ooh, oo-ooh, ooh

You know that all of my

Feelings are inside

[Fades]

[Birds Chirping, Dog Barking]

- Hey. - Hi.

- Where are you going? - Class.

Oh, no, you're not. You're staying right here.

- [Chuckles] - Where I can see you.

I really... have to go.

You never go to class.

I know. But that's why I have to go.

Wait. I'll make us breakfast.

It's okay. I'm late.

I'll see you later.

Is this about Megan?

- No. - I'm gonna tell her.

Well, maybe you shouldn't.

Oh.

[Softly] We'll talk about this later. Okay?

Yeah, okay. Okay.

Just stay as long as you like, and, uh...

Well, you know where everything is.

Jen!

Jen. Hi.

Um, I have to talk about what happened.

Amy, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. But it is okay,

because I've been thinking about it, and I think what happened is...

that you're my best friend and I love you and I think I got jealous...

when you were spending so much time with Ryan,

and then, with you graduating and everything... and then I think in a weird way,

I was just desperately trying to keep things the way they were,

and I did what I did because I was afraid of losing you.

Isn't that amazing?

Yeah, without therapy. I came up with that completely on my own.

I was thinking about us and all the time we spent together,

and then it hit me like a thunderbolt.

By kissing you, I was trying to prevent change.

But maybe change isn't always catastrophic.

Before we met, I didn't know you at all, right?

- Right. - Yeah, that was a change!

I mean, that was a great change. I loved that change.

I mean, who knows? I mean, maybe I'll kill myself by midterms next year.

But, then again, maybe I won't.

You know? Maybe it'll be okay.

And that's the beauty of change. You know, you never know how things are gonna work out.

- So, everything's okay? - Yeah, never been better!

- Ohh. - [Giggles]

You know, Ryan's in your bed right now.

- Yeah. - You know he's naked, right?

- Yeah. - But you know I'm curious, right?

- Yeah. - So? What happened?

I think I was afraid of losing him.

Megan!

Oh! [Laughs]

[Jennifer] I'm the one who told him to start dating.

And then he did. And I didn't get to see him as much,

and then the whole thing with Paul happened, and seeing him with Mary...

- Megan. - Whatever. I just wanted to be with him.

It was a huge mistake. Huge. Huge, big fat mistake.

We're friends. We're great as friends.

So, what are you going to do about it?

I have no idea.

He takes this kind of thing so seriously,

and the last thing in the world I want to do is hurt him.

- [Grunts] - Go to hell, Ryan. Go to hell.

[Ryan] What if I'm in love with her?

- Are you? - I don't know! Maybe.

- [Scoffs] What does that mean? - I don't know.

I just... don't want things to be weird with us.

Uh, buddy, if you're looking at me for answers, I'm flattered, but, uh,

you've come to the wrong place.

If I just pretend like nothing happened, then I'll be...

lying to myself about feelings I might be feeling.

But if I tell her how I might be feeling, she'll run, because that's what she does.

And I know that better than anyone.

And that's the last thing I want to have happen.

[Sighs] Being yourself, not being yourself...

Welcome to my world.

- Does this feel weird to you? - Oh, yes.

Okay. Well, maybe we should talk about this.

- I think that would be good. - All right. It's just... I had this feeling...

that things might get strange between us because of what happened last night,

- and I don't want that to happen. - Me neither.

'Cause we're too good together to let that come between us.

- It was a mistake. - You think so?

- Yes. - Yeah, I think you're right.

I think that we just, you know, we got carried away,

in the moment, and... you know.

Yes.

Last night was really special to me...

because you're really special to me, Ryan.

But that's all it was: it was an incredibly special night.

I just got worried that maybe,

you know, we'd give it more importance than we should.

Uh, no. I'm totally with you.

Great.

- You didn't tell Megan, did you? - No. No.

- It's probably better not to. - Yeah.

[Chuckles] Well, I feel so much lighter. Do you?

Yes. [Chuckles]

- So you wanna go fill up on vittles? - Sure.

Yeah.

Actually, you know what? I shouldn't.

I'd like to, but I still have some more studying to do.

- [Sighs] Really? - Yeah. It's pretty important.

Okay. You call me?

- I will. - Yeah?

Yeah.

[Man] Oh, oh, yeah

Baby

I've kept it inside for the longest time

And I can't keep keepin'in

All this love that is in my heart

Maybe it's safer not to say that I care

- Maybe this road won't lead me anywhere - [Line Ringing]

- This is Ryan. Leave a message. - [Answering Machine Beeps]

Hey, it's me.

Where ya been? What's going on?

Okay. Well, you know the number. Bye.

Tell you what I'm feeling

If I keep these feelings in

- And if I don't say the word - lf I don't say the word

How will you hear what's inside my heart

How will you know things

If I don't tell you now

Oh, oh

I'd give anything

To be in your dreams

And I can't stand standing by

With this dream locked inside my heart

- My heart - My heart

[Ringing]

- This is Ryan. Leave a message. - [Beeping]

Hey, it's me again. Um...

Guess I thought I might catch you at home.

Is everything okay? Would you call me back? Please?

- All right. Bye. - I may never get the chance again

- To tell you that I need you - [Chattering]

Tell you what I'm feeling

If I keep these feelings in

- And if I don't say the word - lf I don't say the word

How will you hear what's inside my heart

How will you know things

If I don't tell you now

How will you know you're inside my soul

[Fades]

Ryan Walker, where the hell have you been?

- Hey. - Where have you been?

Studying.

Well, what's going on?

- How are you? - Good.

- Busy. - Yeah. Me too.

I'm all done, so I guess it's good-bye, Berkeley, and hello, real world.

[Chuckles]

You wanna go... do something?

No. You know, I should really get back to studying.

Okay.

So, I guess I'll see you around.

But I'm gone. I mean I'm gone in a few days.

Guess you won't have time to plan my bon voyage party, huh?

- Oh, yeah. Italy. - Yeah.

- You must be excited. - Oh, you know me.

Any excuse not to shave under my armpits. [Chuckles]

- I'll be here. - Yeah?

Wh-When's your last exam? I mean, do you want to go celebrate or something?

Nah, I'm leaving right after it, so...

Okay. I guess we'll talk.

- What's going on? - What?

What? This! This! What is this?

I don't know. Nothing's going on.

Really? Because I just ran into Megan, and she told me that you broke up with her.

Is that what this is about?

Because I thought I told you not to tell her anything.

Yeah, I know.

- Well, are you upset? Are you... - No!

- So what's going on? - I don't know!

Things are different.

But I thought we talked about that.

Ryan, I thought that we said that we didn't want anything to be different.

I thought we said that having sex was just a huge mistake and...

and I mean... I mean, it was weeks ago now.

I thought we'd go back to being just friends. I thought that would just...

- Why was it a mistake? - What?

You and me. Why was that a mistake? I'm curious.

We've already talked about... What, do you want to go over it again?

No, you want to talk? Let's talk.

Was it a mistake because anything that comes close to real intimacy freaks you out?

Or just that I'm not good enough for you?

Ryan, you... you kissed me, and...

and I responded.

But I wouldn't have done it if I thought it was gonna end our friendship.

And neither would I.

Ryan, if I could take it all back, I would.

Take it. It's yours.

Put it on the shelf with all your other one-night stands.

Why are you doing this?

Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you.

But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before.

And after you fell asleep, I just laid there, staring up...

at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling.

And after a while, they just started forming a pattern,

this weird, glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship.

And for the first time, everything seemed clear to me,

like one logical progression.

It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made,

and I had nothing to do with it.

Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn't have to keep planning anymore,

because it felt like I was actually living,

and that for once in my life, I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy.

That it could just happen.

Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

- Ryan... - What? What?

You want to go hang out at the library and pretend like nothing happened?

I can't do that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I don't know what to say.

Look, you don't have to say anything.

I have to go.

Have fun in Italy.

[Sniffles] I'm gonna miss you so much.

I'm gonna miss you too.

E-mail me about anything, okay?

You know, school, food,

tall, dark, handsome Italian guys.

Okay? I want to know everything.

- Okay, you gotta stop crying now. - Yeah, you stop crying.

- I'm the one looking down the barrel of a very lonely... - Oh!

...final year.

Jennifer?

Jennifer.

- Hey. - Where are you going?

- Italy. - Right now?

Miss?

- How are Ryan's exams going? - Good. Good. They're goin' good.

- He's doin' okay? - He's doin' great.

He really... He-He couldn't...

All right, that's a lie. He's in love with someone who's not in love with him.

How do you think he is?

Are we gonna go?

[Jennifer] I love you.

[Amy] Bye.

- [Driver's Door Closes, Engine Starts] - Hi.

Hi.

- Are you a... friend ofJennifer's? - Yeah, yeah.

I'm-I'm Amy.

Amy? Yeah, yeah. I've heard of you.

Amy. Of course. Nice to meet you.

And, uh, your name?

- Hmm? - What's your name?

M-My na... My name?

[Stammering, Chuckling] You know, it's, um...

It's Steve. My name is Steve.

Mm-hmm. Well, it's nice to meet you, Steve.

Going to Europe for the summer?

Oh. Yeah. [Sniffling]

Yeah, I just, uh... I just graduated.

- Congratulations. In what? - Thanks.

Um, Latin.

Latin. How interesting. What are you going to do with that?

Um, I have no idea.

Well, don't worry. I spent four years at college studying English.

- I didn't have a clue. - Really?

Really. Now I run my own company.

- Oh. - You'll figure out what you want.

[Ryan's Voice] Why was it a mistake? Was it a mistake...

because anything that even gets close to real intimacy freaks you out?

- Stop the van! - [Driver] What?

- Would you please stop the van? - I can't pull over!

- Pull over 'cause I'm gettin' out! - [Passengers Clamoring]

I can't stop the van. We're in the middle of a bridge...

And if I don't say the word

- lf I don't say the word - How will you hear what's inside my heart

- Ryan? - How would you know that

If I don't tell you now

[Ryan] Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction...

to that same experience.

If I don't tell you now

Ame?

Ame?

Wha... What are you doing here?

- I don't know. - Oh, what's... what's wrong?

- What happened? - I don't know. I just, uh...

- I just can't... - [Man Coughing]

Is somebody here?

- Yeah. [Chuckles] - Who?

Oh, it doesn't matter. Just tell me what's wrong.

- Amy, who's here? - [Door Opening]

- [Satisfied Sigh] - Hunter? Hunter! - Hunter?

- It's a long story. - Hunter, where's Ryan?

He's on his way back to L.A.

[Softly] Oh.

I think he was catching the 4:00 shuttle.

- 4:00? - Mm-hmm.

- Which airline? - Sky Southwest.

Thank you. [Laughs]

- [Sighs Deeply] - Hunter?

You can call me Tiger.

- [Laughing] - [Roaring]

[Jet Engines Whining]

[Pilot On Intercom] Good afternoon, folks. Sorry about the delay.

We'll be headed out for the runway in just a minute.

[Sighs]

- [Bell Dinging] - Put your seat back, please.

- Can I help you, sir? - I don't know.

Can... you bring me a glass of water, please?

I'm sorry, sir. You're gonna have to wait until we're airborne.

Just be a few minutes.

Te amo.

Te amo, Ryan Walker.

I think she's talking to you.

Please, ma'am. You're going to have to take your seat now.

Did you hear what I said? I love you.

And I'm not going to Italy. I'm staying here with you.

- It's too late. - No.

Everything that you said about that night, I felt it too. And it scared me.

I was scared to lose you. But I was even more scared...

to let myself love you, because every time that I let love in,

somebody comes along and takes it away.

And it just hurts so bad.

But I'm tired of being afraid.

Ma'am? Hi, I need you to turn around and put your seat belt on.

I just made the most important decision of my entire life.

- You want me to put on my seat belt? - Yes, I do.

Okay.

[Seat Belt Clicking]

What about six months from now? How do I know you'll be happy then?

Well, how do I know you'll be happy?

I mean, how do we know anything?

How do we know that the plane isn't gonna crash?

- [Woman] We're gonna crash? - All righty, I'm not asking you again.

You're required by law to fasten your seat belts. Both of you. Now.

- [Sighs] - [Seat Belt Clicking]

I need you.

And that's a really hard thing for me to accept.

But it's a whole lot easier than imagining my life without you.

I want to do laundry with you, Ryan.

But you send your laundry out.

- Not anymore. - You want to switch?

Yeah.

[Stewardess] Will you two please sit down?

[Seat Belt Clicking]

- Oh. - What? What is it?

It's just the whole laundry thing. It's a metaphor, right?

[Chuckles] Don't worry. I'll show you how.

[Engines Whining]

[Gasping] One, two, three, four...

You should just try breathing. It'll help you relax.

...seven, eight... - Trust me?

[David Mead, "The World Of A King"]

[Ends]

[Ends]

[Beeping]

[Beeping]

[Sniffing] That's lovely.

[Sniffing] That's lovely.

My mother wears the same scent.

My mother wears the same scent.

Looking for something... Oh!

Looking for something... Oh!

- Ooh. Oh. - I got it.

- Ooh. Oh. - I got it.

- All right. - So sorry. [Chuckles]

- All right. - So sorry. [Chuckles]

I'm really... Actually, I was...

I'm really... Actually, I was...

I was in the market for some Cheetah pants.

I was in the market for some Cheetah pants.

[Woman Chattering]

[Woman Chattering]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You're all Victoria's Secret supermodels.

You're all Victoria's Secret supermodels.

What are you doing in our dressing room?

What are you doing in our dressing room?

Well, all the other rooms were full.

Well, all the other rooms were full.

And I, uh, I had to change. So...

And I, uh, I had to change. So...

This is where we get changed.

This is where we get changed.

Right. [Nervous Chuckle]

Right. [Nervous Chuckle]

Well, don't let me stop ya. [Laughs]

Well, don't let me stop ya. [Laughs]

- [Chuckling] - You're fun.

- [Chuckling] - You're fun.

And we love funny guys.

And we love funny guys.

Have you ever been with four women before?

Have you ever been with four women before?

Once I had lunch with my mom and her three sisters,

Once I had lunch with my mom and her three sisters,

but I don't think that... counts.

but I don't think that... counts.

[Mouthing Words]

[Mouthing Words]

[Farting]

[Farting]

- What? - [Farting Continues]

- What? - [Farting Continues]

No, that's not me. I swear.

No, that's not me. I swear.

- We know. It's us. - Supermodels fart?

- We know. It's us. - Supermodels fart?

[Supermodels] Yes.

[Supermodels] Yes.

How do you think we stay so thin?

How do you think we stay so thin?

[Farting]

[Farting]

- Does it turn you on? - [Farting Continues]

- Does it turn you on? - [Farting Continues]

Uh... yeah.

Uh... yeah.

- You do it. - What, fart?

- You do it. - What, fart?

- Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Don't you want to turn us on?

- Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Don't you want to turn us on?

Yes!

Yes!

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Okay. [Chuckles]

Okay. [Chuckles]

Fart.

Fart.

My uncle died this way.

My uncle died this way.

He shot an aneurysm.

He shot an aneurysm.

- Less talk, okay? More fart. - More fart.

- Less talk, okay? More fart. - More fart.

More fart.

More fart.

[Loud, Bass Farting]

[Loud, Bass Farting]

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

- Huh? Huh? - God, that was so...

- Huh? Huh? - God, that was so...

- [Supermodels Groan Disgustedly] - What?

- [Supermodels Groan Disgustedly] - What?

Where are you goin'? Hey!

Where are you goin'? Hey!

Didn't I turn you on?

Didn't I turn you on?

There you have it. Every night, for the last week.

There you have it. Every night, for the last week.

Same dream.

Same dream.

So, what do you think it means?

So, what do you think it means?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Were you breast-fed as a child?

Were you breast-fed as a child?

I knew this was a mistake.

I knew this was a mistake.

[Apollo Four Forty, "Stop the Rock"]

[Apollo Four Forty, "Stop the Rock"]

[Filtered, Machine-Like Voice, Indistinct]

[Filtered, Machine-Like Voice, Indistinct]

Can't stop

Can't stop

Can't stop

Can't stop

Can't stop Can't stop the rock

Can't stop Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop the rock Can't stop the rock

You can't stop

You can't stop