Original subtitles

Uh, what are you doing?

Checking you out for a wire.

Oh, I can assure you I am not a narcotics officer,

I'm here to answer your ad.

Dude.

Why didn't you say something?

Large bong for sale.

Recently deceased owner claims it was possessed.

Cause if there's one thing this pad is lacking...

It's a killer fucKing Bong, man.

It's the item you've been waiting for.

This is the best investment ever made in my life, bro.

Does my bong look different?

It's the bong, man.

It's evil.

I say let's fire this thing up.

What the fuck are you doing here, old man?

I'll teach you some respect,

you insolent little cocksucker!

Eebee, can I get a hand here?

Whoa-ho-ho, hocus pocus!

How do we stop it?

I don't think it can be stopped, man.

The guy that sold it to me said it had

some voodoo curse on it or something, you know?

I thought he was just trying to make a sale.

But it killed all my friends, man.

And it almost got me.

Well, got all my brain cells.

Take this!

Motherfucka, you're going down!

Put this in your pipe, you evil bitch!

♪ In the morning, in the night

♪ When I don't feel so right

♪ Up through the misty haze

♪ The green will brighten up my days ♪

♪ Cloud of smoke to clear my mind ♪

♪ Just a puff to help unwind

♪ Everywhere I go I take it

♪ Oh, it's like I can't escape it ♪

♪ Only thing I need

♪ Mean green, wicked weed

♪ Heaven from the devil's seed

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Mean green, wicked weed

♪ You got a hold of me

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Light the fire, spark the tree ♪

♪ Make it a part of me

♪ Think of all the life it breathes ♪

♪ Just growing from those little seeds ♪

♪ I need my smoke today

♪ Work too hard, get home late

♪ I just need a break

♪ Or one more toke that I can take ♪

♪ Only thing I need

♪ What's that

♪ Mean green, wicked weed

♪ Heaven from the devil's seed

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Mean green, wicked weed

♪ You got a hold of me

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Oh, mean green, wicked weed

♪ Heaven from the devil's seed

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Mean green, wicked weed

♪ Heaven from the devil's seed

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Mean green, wicked weed

♪ You got a hold of me

♪ Fiending for it every day

♪ You know I want that Mary Jane ♪

♪ Fiending for it, Mary Jane

Yeah?

Larnell, it's Alistair.

You called me, remember?

Alistair.

I almost didn't recognize you.

Been kinda out of it, bro.

Moreso than usual?

Hang on a sec.

Checking out for po-po.

Come on in, quick.

So...

Larnell, it's...

Been a while.

You look...

Well.

Be straight with me bro,

our friendship's gotta be on that level of honesty

or it's nothing at all.

Bros gotta be straight with each other.

Give me some knucks.

Boo-yah.

Well, in all candor, you do seem a little haggard.

Haggard?

You don't even know the half of it.

I haven't slept in days.

Have your studies been keeping you up?

Studies?

No man, I dropped out.

While I was kicked out.

What?

I'm actually on the run,

I set fire to the administrations building.

You what?

Yeah man, that place was a corrupt institution,

they all are.

Colleges and universities, schools of higher learning.

Total donkey dick, bro.

They're all in league with the government,

trying to control our minds and make us all think alike.

Check this out.

I got all the research on it right here.

I'm thinking of writing a book on it.

Be a fuckin' best seller too,

just like The Picasso Code.

Anyways, I had to get out of there man,

and you should do the same.

You don't want to be brainwashed into thinking

like all the other sheep out there.

Save the brain, you know?

I think my brain is fine.

It's my nose that's in distress.

Larnell, it smells like something died in here.

Oh yeah, I should've warned you about that.

I dropped an A-bomb in the can earlier.

Anchovy pizza's not sitting too good with me.

Gross.

Sorry.

You want some?

How can you smoke that?

I mean, after everything that happened?

Dude it wasn't the weed, it was the bong.

That evil fucKing Bong, Al.

Right.

Look, Larnell, why exactly did you want to see me?

And over the phone you mentioned something about Bachman.

Are you two still rooming together?

Yeah, he's at work right now.

He's got a job?

Well, that's good that he's taking responsibility.

Slave to the machine, a fucking corporate shill.

Never thought I'd see the day.

Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?

Bachman conforming to the status quo?

No man, it's worse than that.

I think he's got something wrong with him.

Is he not feeling well?

I don't know, it's weird.

One minute he just is...

Dude.

What are you doing home already?

I thought you weren't off until five?

Well, that was the plan, dude.

But today I got fired.

What, why?

I don't know, that's the mystery.

One minute I'm working the fryer,

next thing I know, I'm unemployed again.

What happened to the uniform?

Oh, some kid blew chunks on me today.

It was the double avocado burger

with cheese and fried eggs.

Very unfortunate.

Thank you.

Gnarly.

Is that why you got the can?

I told you, I don't know man.

Total mystery.

Oh, Al!

My favorite geek dude.

Hi, Bachman.

Come here, come on.

Man-hug, come on.

Come on guy, come on guy.

How are you?

You look good, you look good.

Oh, it's good to see you too, Bachman, but...

A simple handshake would've sufficed.

So what's up, you still doing the college thing?

I certainly am.

I'm going after my second major.

Oh, that sounds terrible.

What happened to the first one,

did you lose it or something?

Lose it, I get it.

Get what?

Nothing.

Look, Bachman.

Larnell called me over here, he said you know,

maybe you weren't feeling too well...

Ring a bell?

No, no, I feel splendid actually.

Listen, Bach, he's talking about that problem

you've been having.

What problem?

Dude, the one that's been fucking you up

for the past week.

I'm not recalling.

Is it amnesia, I mean is that the problem?

That's only part of it.

Part...

Homies, look.

The only problem I'm having is getting canned

from Sloppy Burger today,

and to be quite honest with you,

it's not really that big of a problem.

Shit!

My God, what's wrong with him?

Sometimes I can catch him before he hits ground, Al.

Oh, get...

He seems fast asleep.

I mean, is this what you were telling me about?

Totally, man.

The Bach just keeps crashing for no reason.

Like one minute he's having some chow

or getting freaky at a club,

and the next he just drops out, totally out of it.

He told me it happened once when he was

in the middle of banging some fat chick

with a super hairy cooter.

Eloquent as usual, Larnell.

Dude, I'm just upset.

Bach keeps crashing for no reason,

it's probably why he got fired from Sloppy Burger today.

Started snoring when he was grilling burgers

and fell asleep or something.

Doesn't remember anything when he wakes up neither.

I always gotta fill him in on what's been going on.

Yeah, well it sounds like he's narcoleptic.

Narcs?

Dude, we don't mention narco in this house.

Larnell.

Narcolepsy is a medical condition.

Characterized by a sudden uncontrollable desire for sleep.

He needs to be taken to a doctor.

Forget that, no doctors.

Why not?

Buncha quacks, all of them.

Of course they are.

They're all in league with the pharmaceutical companies,

pushing pills on us we don't need,

and keeping weed off the shelves, dicks.

But Bachman needs help.

That's why I called you.

No, I mean professional help.

Man, doctors, hospitals,

they wouldn't be able to do anything.

Yeah, and I can?

I mean, I'm not qualified--

Just zip it for a second, okay?

Bachman's not the only one.

Have you been narcoleptic too?

No man, not me, it's something else.

We'll talk about me later.

You seen Brett lately?

Uh, I heard he was playing baseball.

Somewhere down south, wasn't it?

A minor league team?

Not anymore man, just wait until you see him.

Why, what's going on?

Get my back, Al.

Just get the door.

Could be 5-0.

Who is it?

Who is it?

Who the fuck do you think it is, cockknocker.

You're the dipshit that called me.

Hey, hey, hey!

What's up, B?

Sorry man, you're bigger than last time I saw you.

Ginormous.

Oh yeah?

Well, whatever.

Look, Luann's parked in the car, she had to drive me here.

My gut won't even fit underneath the steering wheel.

Bummer.

Come on.

Al!

Yeah!

Buddy!

Oh God.

Oh hey, really, it's okay.

Wow.

I know, I know.

Okay, don't say anything, I'm hideous.

No, I mean it's not that Brett...

It's just unexpected, that's all.

Man.

Okay, okay, okay.

I know, he's a fat ass.

Just go ahead and say it.

Hey Luann, you sure know how to make a guy feel good.

Ray of sunshine as always.

Dude, no, I seriously cannot be seen in public with him.

Like, not when he is like that.

Oh my God.

I mean seriously like, what would people think of me?

I don't know, maybe they'd think you're his

caring girlfriend who loved him no matter

what he looked like.

Dude, are you fucking kidding me?

He is like a fat assed flabby whale, okay.

He should have like Greenpeace boat circling around him.

Thanks hun, appreciate that.

Dude, what reeks in here?

You don't want to know.

Oh my God, Larnell, you are such a slob.

Hey Luann, shut up.

Okay, can I talk to the fellas?

Don't you tell me to shut up,

or you can just go roll your fat ass home.

Go ahead, Mrs. Jenny Craig.

Vamoose.

Sorry about that, guys.

Thanks for coming over, Al.

Larnell told me he was gonna call you.

My gosh Brett, what happened?

I mean it hasn't been that long since I've seen you,

certainly not long enough for that.

Yeah, I don't know what it is man.

I just, I can't stop eating.

Oh don't do...

Oh shit.

Is that Bachman?

Yeah, don't mind him.

We'll catch you up speed later, man.

You guys have anything to eat in this dump?

Yeah, in the kitch.

Would you watch it?

Oh my God, my nail.

Pizza!

Oh, oh, how old is this?

I don't, a few days?

Oh, are those anchovies?

Go for it.

Wait, what's the green stuff?

Probably mold, man.

It's been sitting a while.

I can work with that.

Why don't you just go eat some garbage

while you're at it.

I don't understand, Brett.

I mean you used to be the picture of health.

I mean, you were an athlete.

No shit.

Now I'm so fat I can't even see my own dick.

Oh God, me neither.

Monkey!

Bachman, bro!

Yeah!

What's up, dude?

What's up, brah?

Do I know you?

Dude, it's me.

Brett?

Holy shit!

Jabba the Hut!

Look at your man-boobs.

At least the one with vomit on my shirt, hock-knock.

Oh how did that happen?

Remember?

Bachman, you were at work and the kid

with the avocado burger--

Oh yeah, some kid blew chunks on me today at work.

I was singing the Sloppy Burger song.

You know...

♪ Sloppy sloppy burger, they make it full of slop ♪

♪ Sloppy sloppy burger

Shit!

Dude, what the hell happened to that idiot?

Dude bounced off my gut.

Thanks for being there to break his fall, man.

Man, what's his problem bro?

I mean he used to get crapped when he got baked but

not like this.

Wait a minute.

I mean, Bachman has narcolepsy, he's always sleepy.

Brett can't stop eating, he's always hungry.

Yeah man, I got the constant munchies dude.

It's exaggerated side effects of smoking pot.

How long has Bachman been exhibiting these symptoms?

I don't know, couple weeks, something like that.

And how about you Brett,

how long have you been eating like that?

About the same, maybe a little bit less.

You put on all that weight in less than two weeks?

This shit's not cool.

Yeah.

Oh let's see, Bachman, then Brett,

and they were two of the first to be affected by the bong

along with Larnell who doesn't seem to be...

Get off me, get off me you fucking freak!

Dude, what the hell is your fucking problem?

Luann, I didn't mean to.

Sometimes I can't control my sexual urges.

Urges?

Dude, you were fucking dry humping her

like a little German Shepherd, chihuahua combo.

B, I didn't mean it, you know Luann's not my type.

Aw.

Not your type?

What...

Are you a homo-alien?

Now what exactly is going on, Larnell?

Dude, it's what I was trying to tell you.

My sexual urges make me pounce like a fucking cougar.

Lowered inhibitions.

It's another side effect.

How long has it been going on?

Couple weeks.

But I think it's getting worse.

Oh my God, that is so gross.

Okay, wait, wait.

Don't you see, the three of you

were the first to smoke from the bong.

I mean somehow...

You're having delayed side effects.

Exaggerated side effects.

Well how do we stop it?

That's a good question.

You smoked from the bong too, Al.

Yeah.

Not until later.

Maybe my side effects won't present themselves until later.

Dude, hello.

I smoked from the bong the same time

as fatso over there did.

Hey!

Shut it!

No, but she's right.

I mean this affliction seems to be somewhat...

Selective in its victims.

It's the bong, bro.

She's the one doing this fucking shit to us,

we gotta stop it.

Oh, a little self control Larnell, please.

Fuck dude, I'm gonna cum.

Dude, I'm gonna fucking cum.

I'm gonna cum.

Something's fucking with my head, bro.

Me too, man.

This shit is gonna get worse if we don't stop it.

Yeah, and before the rest of us are affected.

That's why I called you, dude.

You're the smartest guy I know.

Yeah but I can't do anything without...

More information.

We need to find somebody who can tell us

more about the bong and its history.

Like who, Jimbo's dead.

What about the shipping service?

You know, the one who delivered the bong to you?

I don't suppose you still have the receipt.

There's a method to this madness.

I know where everything is in this place,

I'm like a fucking packrat.

Dude, I seriously agree about the rat part.

Dude, you really...

Check this out.

Boom, right there.

Huh.

I'll have to make some calls.

Hey, whatever you need to do man.

Sorry...

I mean this maytake a while.

I can't...

Come to the party tonight.

I have to take Shamu back

to SeaWorld.

Hey, fuck you!

You wanna go to a party, go to a party.

I don't need your fucking sympathy.

Fine.

Why don't you just have your little idiots

give you a ride home.

Vamoose, have a good time sticking your finger

down the throat, garden salad.

I need reassurance.

How's my hair, how's my nails?

Let's get down to business.

Yes, that...

Thank you.

♪ It's good for Cheech, and it's good for Chong ♪

♪ Mothafucka

Look, that was the delivery service.

They had to match up their receipt number to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cut to the chase, Al.

Did you find the guy or not?

Yes.

It turns out he's on a delivery

not too far from here.

I had to pretend we had a package for pickup

just to get them to send him over.

Devious, man.

I'm proud of you.

You know, I have to admit...

Duplicity gave me somewhat of a charge.

Oh, I had that vegetarian shit.

Man I'm starving, you guys got anything to eat in this dump?

Hey!

When'd you get here?

Don't you remember?

Dude, this stuff's getting worse.

Me too, man.

I have never been so starving.

Yo, fat boy.

What's up man?

You are huge!

Yeah, I know.

We've talked about this already.

Ah, queer!

God, I can see your ass from space.

Oh, that must be the delivery guy.

Let me see.

Are you sure?

Who else would it be?

Hey bro, you never know.

The feds might be sending guys after me

cause of that book I'm gonna write.

They don't want me to expose their secret.

Oh for the love of fuck,

please open up the door.

I'll make sure.

You guys got a pickup.

Uh, well actually...

You see, I didn't--

Hang on, Al.

Who sent you?

Who didn't send me.

Who didn't send you?

What do you mean?

No, not What, Who.

That's what I'm asking.

I know you're asking What,

but you want to know if Who sent me.

If Who sent you?

Dude, what are you talking about?

I'm not talking about What,

you're the one that keeps bringing it up.

When?

Yes.

Yes what?

No, yes When, that's who sent me.

What?

No, When.

Would you two cockknockers shut the fuck up?

It's like a comedian routine, those old guys.

Yeah, Abbott and Costello.

Who? Who?

Nothing.

Listen.

Mr. Delivery Man, mister...

Call me Rabbit.

Okay, very well then.

Mr. Rabbit.

No, just Rabbit.

Okay.

Look, some time ago you delivered a package to us,

although we were living in a different apartment

near the university at that time.

If you say so.

Look, inside the package was something very...

Unique.

Dude, in the box was a bong.

An evil bong.

I remember that bong.

You do?

Yeah, I had to wait for the lady to pack it up

before I delivered it to you guys.

She told me stories about it.

What stories?

I might remember a little better

if you were to share some of that herbal essence.

Herbal what?

He's talking about the ganja, bro.

I got no light, bro.

Oh.

Hit this.

Great.

Okay...

She was divorcing her husband.

Yeah, that would be Jimbo.

Yeah, that was his name.

She said he bought that bong in South America

when he was in the Peace Corps in the sixties.

When he brought it back, it killed half his friends

before he locked it away in the attic.

She told me stories, man.

They seared into my brain.

And you delivered it to us without telling us

and warning us first?

I was just happy to get the son of a bitch

off my truck.

All right, listen.

Mister...

Sorry, Rabbit.

I don't suppose you recall the lady mentioning

where Jimbo got the bong?

I mean, where in South America.

I remember.

I remember.

These bugs are bigger than Brett!

Hey, do you dingle berries know where we are?

I think maybe we took a wrong turn at the river.

Dude, we took a wrong turn at Pomona.

This was the dumbest idea.

No, it wasn't.

Look, in order to cure your afflictions,

we need to research the bong's origins,

we need to find where Jimbo bought the bong.

In order to do that, we need to find where

he was serving in the Peace Corps in the sixties.

It's around here somewhere.

If you remembered right.

I remembered right.

Hey, what'd we bring the delivery dude for again?

Hey, I got a 200 dollar a week job,

I have to get up at five a.m. for.

What am I missing out on?

Plus...

A trip to the Amazon on somebody else's dime

sounded like a good idea.

Yeah, on my dime.

On my credit card to be exact.

By the way, thanks for that Al.

I'm gonna get you back.

Thanks buddy.

Yeah, I'm sure you will.

Monkey.

We've seen plenty of monkeys

since we've been out here B, so what?

Nah, dude.

Monkey like in bad shit.

Dude, there's more of them.

Oh no, no, wait.

Wait, wait!

It's a hut!

Let's bounce, guys.

With all these skulls, cannibals are living here.

They love to snack on stupid white dudes.

Look, the chances of any cannibals

living in this region is remote at best.

At least I hope it's remote.

They'll tie us up and roast us alive.

Then they'll cut off the top of our skulls

and scoop our brains out while we're still cookin'.

That's a delicacy to them.

Mm, brains.

Now I can go for some of that.

Dude, you're ill.

Look, I guarantee those skulls are a warning

to scare cannibals away,

not an indication that any cannibals actually live here.

If you're so sure, why don't you go knock?

Yeah.

Any of you guys coming with me?

Hell no.

I don't wanna get eaten, bro.

Hey, just look at it this way Al.

Some of those cannibals might be getting smarter

by eating your brains.

You'll be doing them a favor.

Circle of life, bro.

Circle of life.

Better you than me.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Cannibal chick!

Who are you guys and what do you want?

Uh, we...

My name is Alistair and we're from California.

We seem to be a bit lost.

Miss...

Velicity.

Velicity.

Could you maybe...

Sorry about that.

We have to be careful around here.

Who's we?

My father and I.

Well, my dad passed away a few months ago.

His partner and I are continuing his scientific research.

These skulls are meant to scare away the locals.

I'm sorry, we didn't mean to intrude.

But we could certainly use some guidance.

Oh, and eat.

If you have anything.

I suppose it's all right if you come in for a while.

My partner's out gathering samples,

he won't be back until later.

Bach!

Bach.

Is he okay?

It's a long story.

Oh man, this shit is good, what is this?

Grub stew.

Took me a long time to grow accustomed to the taste.

Why, yummers in my tummers.

What you guys have told me is fascinating.

Well it's kinda hard for us to see it that way

when we're living it.

So, he can't stop eating...

This one's a narcoleptic...

And you...

Oh knock it off, perv!

Sorry dude, my chode's on fire.

Listen, Velicity.

Hey, you mind if I call you V?

Not at all.

Sorry about that V, I can't help myself.

So I gathered.

A lowering of sexual inhibition.

Fascinating.

And you guys think this has something to do

with this strange bong you told me about?

Yes, we do.

Ow.

An evil bong, that's what it was.

Fucking evil.

Is it just me or do you smell weed?

You know, I was going to mention that

but my nose isn't quite as attuned to the fragrances--

Um, why don't you tell me more about this evil bong,

you think maybe it came from this area?

Well perhaps, but I mean this would've been like

40 years ago?

I mean, I understand the chances of us

finding any traces of its origin are slim but...

It seems our only recourse.

I may be able to tell you more about it

if I could see it.

You said it was destroyed?

Fuckin' a.

Any pictures of it?

Not that I'm aware of.

Larnell?

Might be able to do one better.

Look at this.

Incredible.

Larnell...

You didn't tell me there was any of it left.

And why'd you bring 'em?

Hasn't that thing caused enough problems as it is?

Thought that might come in handy.

This is truly remarkable.

What do you make of it?

I've never seen anything like it.

Well, not in person at least.

I mean, I've read about it in obscure science journals,

but I never thought there was any truth to it.

Any truth to what?

If I'm right, this appears to be the workmanship

of an ancient tribe rumored to have lived

in this vicinity eons ago,

and no one's ever laid eyes on them, but...

You know, that's why the veracity of the stories

is in question, but...

I've often heard them whispered about

in the marketplace, you know?

Villagers tell their kids stories around

the campfire at night.

Stories about who?

Yes, who is this mysterious tribe?

The Poontang Tribe.

Fuck her poon.

Good one.

You had us going.

I realize this may sound ridiculous,

but I didn't make it up.

I mean the names been around for generations.

Okay, okay.

Maybe somebody's putting you on,

like the villagers putting one over

on the white American girl.

You know what I mean?

Unbelievable, you know.

You guys wanna stick around and listen to this horse dookie?

The Poontang Tribe is not a joke.

Okay, whatever.

We believe in the Poontang.

Dudes.

Cannibal check.

When did I chip my tooth?

Here, Bachman...

Have some water.

Okay.

What's so funny?

He's got a stiffy.

Fuck!

Dude!

You're sporting massive wood.

Maybe it's the poontang.

Man, we gotta stop this shit.

I need a cure, quick.

I think I might just be able to help you guys after all.

Just give me a few hours.

Hey.

You don't believe all that talk about

Poontang Tribe do you?

Don't say poontang.

I'm hoping some exercise will take my mind

off this perpetual boner.

I got a purple vein poppin' through.

Ow!

Hey, hey, you all right?

Shooting pain.

Breathe, breathe.

I'm breathing.

I wouldn't mind running into some native women right now.

I could use some exercise.

That's what I'm talking about.

Whoa.

Look at this.

I told you I smelled weed.

Huh?

Look at this, the mother lode.

Huh, man.

This is some major herbage.

This is gonna pay for my trip back and then some.

Good bye delivery service!

We could go to Amsterdam.

Unfuckingbelievable.

Holy shit, Grandpa?

I travel halfway round the world

and I still can't shake you.

You're like a genital wart!

You know this dude?

Yeah, it's my Grandpa C.

But dude, where's the wheelchair?

You haven't walked since I was a kid.

Yeah, well things change, obviously.

Now...

What the hell are you doing here,

you worthless little douchebag?

Dude, no love?

Where's the hug?

Don't mess with me, you little cocksucker!

Now answer my question.

You still haven't told me how come you're walking.

That's on a need to know.

And you certainly don't need to know.

Now, what the fuck are you doing here?

Well if that's the way you're gonna play it,

then that's on a need to know too.

What you need to know, sonny boy,

is that if your eensy -weensy teenie little penis

was a worm on a hook,

it wouldn't feed a Goddamn guppy.

Hey, how about I just leave you two

to your little love -fest here, okay?

Stop!

Put it back.

Oh, hey, sorry.

Put it back!

I didn't know it belonged to anybody, okay?

You expect me to believe that load of horseshit?

You're as brain-dead as this microdick moron here.

Calm it down, gramps.

Yeah, chill out man.

Why don't you try some of your stash and you know, chill.

Gramps, what are you doing with all this weed?

This weed as you refer to it,

is the culmination of years of

intensive and deep study and research.

Study, huh?

Well, hey.

You and I get the same ideas about learning.

How dare you mock me, you miserable little creep!

How dare I?

Are you for real, man?

Wait a minute, research?

So you're working with Velicity.

You know each other?

Velicity.

Larnell, Cyril, what's going on out here?

This turd is my grandson.

Now where do you know him from, young lady?

Well he and his friends came here looking for help.

Friends?

Oh.

Don't tell me that he's brought those

bunch of morons with him.

They're in the hut.

Useless, useless as a disease infected jockstrap,

all of them.

Dude.

I told you, we can't have intruders.

This land still belongs to my father,

so I have a say who comes here.

Yeah, well...

All right.

But I want them out of here by sundown!

Wait, here's your grandfather?

Loving, ain't he?

You two need Dr. Phil to the rescue, big time.

It's a very special type of marijuana,

it grows only here deep in the jungle.

My father's been researching it for years,

and I took a leave from medical school to assist him.

Well, Cyril knew my dad from college

and after dad passed away a few months ago,

Cyril agreed to help with finances.

I mean, I couldn't have continued the research without him.

Research my ass.

That stuff is packaged to move.

Old Cyril is going into business.

That stuff is worth millions on the street.

I assure you that is not the case.

My research is legitimate.

Then why keep it secret?

What do you mean?

Earlier, when we said we smelled marijuana...

You changed the subject.

Because I'm not ready for the world to know.

While the value of the drug is high on the black market,

its potential value as a medicinal tool is infinite.

You mean like people smoking it for glaucoma,

trying to cope with pain and stuff?

Much more powerful than that.

How do you think your grandfather's able to walk again?

No shit?

I believe that this drug has curative powers

that could vanquish almost any ailment.

Even cancer, I'm convinced of it.

Herpes?

A cure for cancer?

Whoa.

You know, I'm kinda ailing right now.

I could probably use some of that weed.

That's exactly what I was thinking,

I felt you three would be the perfect candidates

for a controlled test.

But with Cyril so worked up right now

he won't let us anywhere near it.

Well...

This is your lucky day, sister.

Dude, you sneak.

Monkey.

They don't call me the delivery man for nothing.

I'm a professional.

Look!

The pieces of the bong.

Ooh, I know that smell anywhere.

That smells like home.

But I haven't been home for years.

Dudes, I think I'm tweaking.

I'm hearing shit.

No man, we're all hearing it.

Hey, what, wait a minute.

What happened to me?

I'm all busted up!

Astounding.

Well it seems that her proximity to the marijuana

has brought her back to life.

Dudes, it's superweed.

This shit is wack.

When I find out who fucked me up,

I'm gonna fuck them up!

How can we get her to shut the fuck up!

We need to get her, it, away from the marijuana.

Allow me.

Ah, ah, ah, oh get your hands off me!

I'll throw down on your ass!

Hey guys.

That thing may be worth more than the weed.

What are you talking about?

Think about it.

We put the talking Bong on TV.

Letterman, The Tonight Show.

Sitcoms.

Awesome.

Yeah, we could get the guy from Friends, right?

And him and the bong move into an apartment.

And he's really neat, but the bong's messy,

and he's always having to clean up after it.

That'd be fuckin' awesome dude.

Are you nuts?

The last thing we want is for that thing

to be alive again, trust me.

Yeah, we'd have to kill it.

Again.

First things first, knockers.

We've gotta be guinea pigs.

Let's medicate.

Are you guys up for it?

Fuckin' a.

What else do I got to lose except a few extra pounds?

I'm in.

♪ How much weed could you smoke in a day ♪

♪ Two joint, ten join, fifty joint, that's the way ♪

♪ How much weed could you smoke in a day ♪

♪ All alone

♪ All alone

♪ Could you smoke ten feet, I heat once or twice ♪

♪ All alone

♪ Could you burn a dozen sticks of blueberry type ♪

Bros, this is some pretty strong shit.

No shit.

Hey, give me some of that.

It's for medicinal purposes, Rabbit.

Not recreation.

Well, come to mention it I'm...

I've got a little itchy throat.

Rabbit, we're trying to conduct a controlled experiment.

Do you mind?

I wanna show this to Cyril and see what he makes of it.

I wouldn't if I were you, dude can't be trusted.

I think you're overreacting.

Not at all, V.

My etch-a-sketch got ganked when I was six.

I know it was gramps, I just couldn't prove it.

Fucker.

I admit, he can be a bit of a handful,

but he made a promise to my father to always

treat me as an equal partner

and not go against my wishes.

Well, if you say so.

He seems to like you at least.

Hey, sorry about all this.

You know, if we caused you any problems.

On the contrary, it's nice to have

a little excitement around here for a change.

Thanks, Velicity.

Dude, you two would be good together.

Why do you say that?

Cause you're both brainiacs.

I have to say, her intelligence makes her

all the more alluring.

But...

It's not me she seems attracted to.

It's you.

Get out of dodge.

Seriously.

I may not know much about women, but...

I have read that it is the male upon

whom the affection is showered

who is often the least aware of the attention.

Dude, I don't think I know what you just said.

It's clear to me, as an outside observer...

That Velicity is attracted to you.

Dumbnuts.

She's giving you the total "fuck me" eyes.

Word.

What would she want with a skateboard humper like me?

The mysteries of the female are myriad and complex.

Oh, dude.

That hurt.

Dude, help me get him up.

Is he gonna be okay, man?

Ow!

Oh, dude!

You gave me a black eye with your boner!

Sorry, bro.

Like V's gonna fall for a guy with constant wood.

Hey man, more important than that...

The superweed's not working, man.

Bach keeps crashing man, I'm a whale,

you're a walking Viagra ad.

You guys have to give it more time.

These symptoms won't vanish instantaneously.

Look, why don't you guys lie down, get some sleep,

like Bachman.

Yeah.

What he said.

I'll take care of that for you.

Stoner.

That's not enough.

Not nearly enough.

That buyer of yours is gonna have to do

a lot better than that.

I don't want any of your excuses, you little fuck!

This is the score of a lifetime,

and I'm not gonna throw it away for peanuts!

God damn it!

Fool.

Ooh, I smell it again.

I know I do.

Oh, that's the good stuff.

Who's there, who's there, who's that?

Cyril.

Oh, Velicity my dear.

I thought I heard a strange voice.

You watch who you're calling strange, motherfucka.

What's that?

It's nothing.

You lied to me, Cyril.

What do you mean?

About the marijuana?

Well what about it?

She's talking about the ganja,

the primo stuff, my sweet, sweet weed.

What's going on?

I heard you on the phone.

Rabbit was right, you are gonna sell it

on the black market.

Listen to me, Velicity.

I quit my schooling to come down here.

My father knew his research would improve

medicine around the world,

and you promised you understood that.

Don't be so naive, girl.

Do you imagine that when the big drug companies

find out about this marijuana

that you're gonna stand any chance

to lay any claim to it?

They'd squeeze you out of the equation

just as quick as they could.

As if you never even existed.

I don't care about that.

As long as the drug helps save lives.

Oh, your poor bleeding heart.

Well, I suppose you're a doctor

so you have to care.

Well I'm not a doctor, I'm a capitalist.

And I don't give two shits about saving lives.

All I want to do is to sell this stuff

for as much as I can

so I can get myself out of this God damn stinking

armpit of the world.

Man, you best watch your tongue.

This armpit used to be my crib.

What have you got there?

Where did you get this?

Larnell and his friends brought it.

Are those morons still around?

I thought I told you to get rid of them.

Larnell warned me not to trust you.

Oh, don't listen to that braindead abortion.

What you need to do is to put him and his rabble

on the first boat out of here.

Preferably one with a slow leak.

They need my help.

This is fantastic.

It reminds me of those ancient ruins

that your father showed me once.

It's the work of the Poontang Tribe.

Ooh, I don't want to hear nothing

about those bitches.

They stole my man from me.

What makes it speak?

Did you just call me an it?

I am not an it, motherfucka.

I am a hundred percent grade A female.

I think it's the marijuana.

You're damn right it's the marijuana, sugar.

I need me another taste of that.

Go back to the hut, Velicity.

We can talk later.

Don't be surprised if I'm not there

when you get back.

Well be sure to take those dipshit dunderheads with you.

You're wonderful.

Worth your weight in gold, I bet.

Ooh, you ain't so bad yourself, honey.

Now did I hear you right?

You're really gonna sell this stuff on the street, huh?

Perhaps.

Well now, I know something about the street.

First things first, I'll tell you how to

use some of that sweet weed to put me back together.

Then, you and me are gonna rule the world, whiskas!

Woo-wee!

I told you guys that was packaged to move.

It's worth millions on the street.

Hey not now, Rabbit.

I mean can't you see Velicity's upset?

Oh, sorry.

I'm just saying.

Maybe old Cyril was on to something.

Especially if he cut you in on the action.

It was supposed to be used for medicine.

I was gonna cure cancer.

You don't know if that weed's gonna work on those three.

Why don't you wait and see if it cures a blubber belly

and a perpetual boner

before you start thinking about wiping out the big C.

You know, Rabbit, I really don't think you're qualified

to judge the medicinal merits of--

No, wait.

He makes a good point.

Crude, but valid.

I mean your friends here are case studies

number one, two, and three,

and as a scientist it behooves me

to wait for their results before looking to the future.

Hopefully it won't be much longer.

Well, it behooves me to stretch my legs.

I'll see you guys later.

How long have you known him?

Not long.

Why?

It's nothing, nevermind.

I really hope they'll be all right.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' bout!

How do you feel?

Well how do I look, baby?

Like a million bucks.

You ever seen such a bootylicious brickhouse

in all your life?

I don't think so!

Amazing!

I'll say, that's some superweed you got.

Oh, you again.

What do you want now you cretinous fuckhole!

Hey, I could ask you the same thing.

Except maybe the cretin part.

I gotta tell you, I don't think it was a good idea

putting her back together.

Why not?

She's a killer.

What?

Sweet little ole me, a killer?

Now, why you got to go and diss me like that.

She's offed more victims than Charlie Manson.

Say what?

Just watch your back.

You're the one who needs to watch his back.

Yeah, what he said!

You guys won't hurt me.

Yeah?

I grind assholes like you up for breakfast.

Well not this asshole.

You can use me.

You?

Think about it!

Who's gonna oversee your shipments, your deliveries, you?

You don't wanna get your little rich boy

hands all dirty, huh?

And she doesn't have any arms.

Well I suppose you might have a point there.

Now, all we gotta do is negotiate my cut.

Oh.

That smells good, I sure am hungry.

He's hungry, that's not a good sign.

Hey dish me up some of that, would ya?

What?

I tinkle myself?

Brett!

You're skinny again.

What?

Holy shit, my blubber's gone.

Yeah.

Dude.

Chunky ass!

You lost all your cellulite.

Really?

A duh, I know!

Hey Bachman, how do you feel?

I'm stoked, bro.

Best I've felt in a while, thank you for asking.

Hey, what's next doctor?

Turn my head and cough?

No, and I'm not gonna put the rubber glove on either,

as much as I think you might like it.

Shit.

What about you, Larnell, how do you feel?

I think I feel okay.

I don't have the sudden urge to hump the table

or Brett's armpit.

That's good.

Sorry dude.

Come over guys, why don't I dish you up?

I'm in.

Mm, so good.

So, that's pretty much the ballpark

I had in mind, Cyril.

You must be stoned on some of that weed.

I wouldn't pay a floor manager in one of my factories

that kind of money.

And I certainly wouldn't pay it

to a shitlicking loser like you.

Don't let him screw you, my man.

Take it or leave it, asshole.

But keep in mind, if you don't take it

when I get back to civilization,

I may drop a dime on your little illegal operation.

Oh you puss oozing syphilitic prick.

He's a rascal.

Hey now rascal, I like that.

Suppose if I'm gonna dip my toe into this line of work,

I'm gonna have to get used to

working with sewer cum like you.

You are a downer, man.

Ooh, you bitches best step off.

Who the hell are you calling a bitch?

She's not speaking to us, retard.

Oh.

Amazing.

Must be the Poontang Tribe.

I'll say.

Ah, you don't understand.

There's never been any proof that they ever existed.

No one's ever seen them before.

Not since the stone age.

Looks like she wants the bong.

No, you keep her away from me you hear?

Those bitches stole my man!

Don't let them take the weed, whatever you do.

Not so fast, you tribal twat.

Hey now, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ladies, ladies, look don't, okay, okay.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Back off, back off you skanky jungle hoes.

Thanks for everything, V.

No, thank you.

I'm really glad you stumbled in here.

It finally gave me a chance to test

the medicinal properties of the drug.

I'm glad I could be your guinea pig.

Almost hate to be taking off.

Well, who says you have to go so soon?

Al's gotta get back to school, Brett's got baseball,

and Bachman's gotta sell drugs to underage kids.

And you?

I'm kinda writing a book.

About what?

It's about the multi -level conspiracy

being perpetuated on the public by

institutes of higher learning.

Might sound kinda dumb, huh?

Don't know if you're into that sorta thing.

On the contrary.

I'm very interested.

Really?

Really.

I wish you'd stay and tell me about it.

Don't know if gramps would like that too mucuh.

Who cares what he thinks.

Fuck him.

God damn fuckholes!

Gramps!

Get him some water!

Right on it.

Cyril.

Gramps, what happened?

It was the Poontang Tribe.

Dude's delirious.

They took the bong.

And that dumbshit...

Rabbit?

Couldn't stop them!

Brutal.

They can't have gone far.

Go after them.

You can track them down.

Find those bong napping bitches.

Oh baby, how you been?

You're as beautiful as ever.

And you're as ugly as ever, motherfucka.

I hoped I'd seen the last of you

after the way you treated me.

Oh baby, don't be that way.

Give me a kiss and let's make up.

You must be trippin!

I ain't gonna be smooching on you

after you been hanging around with those skanks!

Skanks?

You must mean skankalicious.

Look at them.

Oh, these are my ladies.

Don't you be talking mad about them.

Mm, not at all, lady.

I used to be your lady, motherfucka.

'Til you got the taste for jungle poon!

Now let's talk about this, baby.

Talk to the hand, jive-ass!

This is some crazy shit.

Oh, okay, you don't have to twist my arm.

Twist that on down for him right there.

There, put that in your mouth, mhm.

Look at you sucking on it like it's your cousin's tit.

That's right, put it in there!

Feels good.

Uh huh, now how does that taste my brother?

Yeah, blow it out!

Blow it!

Look at you rolling your eyes in the back

of your head like that.

Like somebody just fucked you up your ass.

I said it, fucked you up your ass.

Come on.

Mm, that's good stuff ain't it?

Up to your old tricks again, I see.

Well if anybody here would know

anything about old tricks, it would be you.

Baby, that's the way I roll.

Boom shakalaka, bitch.

We have to rescue Rabbit.

Yeah, no, are you kidding?

Dude, that sounds like a terrible idea.

Could be dangerous.

I say we get the hell outta here.

I'm gonna miss my shift at Sloppy Burger.

Dude, you got fired last week remember?

Oh shit.

We've gotta get Rabbit outta there.

How are we supposed to fight a whole jungle tribe?

A tribe of women.

Women with spears?

You think if it was the other way around,

Rabbit would come looking for one of us?

That's not the point!

Look, without Rabbit's help,

none of us would've gotten here in the first place.

You'd still weigh 400 pounds,

you'd still be narcoleptic.

Narco?

And you would still be in a state of constant arousal.

Come on guys, we owe this to Rabbit.

He's right.

Yeah.

Monkey.

I can't impress upon you enough

how dangerous the Poontang Tribe is reputed to be.

Ow.

With a name like Poontang,

they're probably a bunch of pussies.

Could be fun.

Now where the fuck these motherfuckers

think they're going?

Just shut up, shut up, let me handle this shit.

Look.

Oh man, it's the evil fucKing Bong.

Who put her back together?

Well, it's good to see you too.

Welcome to the jungle, mofo.

There's another one of them.

Glad you took that dick out your ass

so you could see me.

It's amazing,

it appears to have been here for centuries.

Oh, but I still got it sugar.

Let me know if you ever want a little taste of this.

Hm?

This bong could talk too, just like the other one?

Don't let him play you, girl.

He ain't all he's talked up to be.

I'm still on your lips.

Where's the delivery dude?

I don't see no jungle babes either.

Remember what happened to us

when we smoked out of that one?

We went into the bong.

No, our spirits went in.

It wasn't until you guys were killed in the bong world

that you actually died.

What if this one's more powerful?

And can transport the entire physical being.

Exactly.

Wait, you're saying that Rabbit

and the jungle babes are in that thing, alive?

That's bogus!

Cracker, who the fuck you calling bogus?

I'm afraid our only chance of rescuing Rabbit

is to go in after Rabbit.

What if we get trapped in there?

Think about this bro,

if we can go in physically,

then we can get out physically.

A wonderful bit of deductive reasoning, Larnell.

I have my moments.

Now wait a sec.

Let's say we go in and get Rabbit, then what?

You got to destroy him, fool.

You need to watch your mouth, girl.

You hear me?

You mean destroy this bong, this King Bong?

How do we do that?

Now you say something

I'm gonna bust your ass, you hear me?

You got to destroy his symbol of power.

Oh see, now I gotta kill you bitch.

See?

Symbol of power?

Why are you telling us this?

Why help us destroy him?

Because of the way he done me wrong.

I used to be his one and only.

Now he's got all those young bitches in there.

Big boob, skinny ass bitches.

Ooh, big boob skinny.

You mean you aren't gonna try to stop us?

Hell no, he deserves whatever he gets.

Now girlfriend, why you got to

do me like that?

You love it!

Hey, I ain't your girlfriend anymore motherfucka.

You going down!

I'm going down, ha ha!

The question is, do we believe her?

What choice do we have?

Al right then.

Let's do this.

Let's burn this motherfucker.

Send Bachman first.

Come on, B.

Yeah come on, B.

Put it in your mouth.

That's right, suck on that.

Oh yeah, put your hands up

like you're in a kung-fu movie bitch,

cause you're coming with me!

Ha ha!

Whoa, hocus pocus!

Oh yeah, who gonna be next?

Yeah, bring your punk ass up here, come on.

Suck it, just like you did in college

with the basketball team.

Now come on down here and show me

how it's really done.

Yeah, this is gonna be good!

You bitches comin' to play right now.

Aww!

Now it's gonna get fun.

Welcome to mi casa, me brothers.

Go ahead, take your pick of one of these ladies.

Oh yowsers.

Hooker central, dude.

That's right, and the

first one is on the house.

Take a look at them.

Mhm, you like it.

Who you lookin' at?

Oh, Tokika.

Yes, that's the one.

You like her, don't you?

Yes, that's what I thought.

Go ahead and get you some Tokika bitch, go on!

Oh walk up on it, walk up on it!

Touch her.

Touch her.

Not each other bitches, touch her!

Come on.

Come on, touch it, make it feel good.

That's a boob.

That's all you could say bitch, that's a boob?

Shit.

Aw, that's right.

Giggle like you're a Mormon in church, go on!

You at temple now, my temple!

And things are gonna get very interesting.

Come on now.

Come on now.

Hold it like you're singing a show tune.

That's right, suck it.

Come on, you coming down?

Come on, ha ha, gotcha.

Don't be scared, step on up.

Stupid ass, look at ya!

Hello.

Hello!

Hello!

Rabbit's happy!

Oh, hello.

Release the twins!

Rabbit?

You're still alive?

Hey, Al.

What are you doing here?

Of course I'm still alive!

We've gotta get you out of here!

Are you crazy?

Look at the babes.

Don't you see?

They're lubing you up for the slaughter.

The only slaughter that's going on is in my pants.

You know how many times I've been laid?

Look, I don't have time to explain.

We've gotta destroy that King Bong

and get out of here.

Why aren't you listening to...

Oh.

Oh, hi.

Oh, okay.

You know what?

Step aside ma'am.

I'm not a man who's prone to violence,

and I loathe to strike a woman,

but in this case I would not rule out physical...

Hey now, that wasn't...

That was uncalled for.

I mean, hey...

Al.

Kinky, kinky.

Here we go, here we go.

♪ We gonna take it right there

♪ We gonna take it right there

♪ Take it right there, Tokika

Watch over him, girl.

That's right.

Oh that's right, touch that booby boob.

Let him know what it feels.

Bring it on down for him.

Oh, look at him.

Just giggling cause he don't know what to do with it.

Most white folks don't know what to do with it.

Look at them eyes rolling in the back of his head,

girl throw that on him.

Throw it on him, throw it on him!

Aww yeah!

Come on Tokika, stop this mess.

Surprise, little baby boys.

Look down.

Son of a...

What?

Dude, we're tied up.

Awesome.

What?

Ah!

You dick, we blew it!

We were supposed to come up with a can of whup ass

on King Bong and now look at us.

We were thinking with our wieners again, Brett.

Never trust your wiener.

Damn it.

Hey guys.

Ow.

Hey delivery dude!

Ow, hey, take it easy babe.

I'm not really into the pain kink.

Don't you get it, Uncle Fester?

They're gonna kill you man.

That's what Al was trying to say but...

You're not really gonna kill me, are you?

I mean, no shit?

No shit, pink dick.

Come on now.

But don't worry, it won't hurt.

Not much anyway.

That's good.

Yeah, you best get in there white boy.

I think your homies might be in trouble.

Double trouble.

Maybe you should stay behind

in case something happens.

Oh, lord.

Hurry up over here, boy.

I'm going in, baby.

Now just grab the pipe, come on.

♪ I always feel like

♪ Somebody's watching me

♪ And now you're gone

Good luck, you crazy sucker.

You're gonna need it.

Trippy stuff.

Al, wake up.

I will strike you!

Wait a minute.

Dude, it's me Larnell.

Oh my goodness.

Oh, I must have been knocked unconscious.

And it seems they've taken Rabbit.

Where'd they take him?

Unknown.

But we better find out before it's too late.

Come on.

What are they gonna do to me?

Man I can't take, I don't want any pain,

what if they cut my skull?

What if they cut my heart out?

Dude, you have got to calm down.

I can't take pain, I can't take pain!

No, what?

What?

What are they doing, huh?

No, what is it?

Come on now ladies, roll it out.

Roll it out!

What are they, oh my goodness.

That's butcher paper or something, what is that?

Butcher paper.

Butcher might not be the right word to use right now though.

Cockknocker.

They're twisting him up.

Yeah, twist it.

Twist it good.

Roll it tight.

You know, I like a lot of spit on it.

Come on.

Tuck that in.

Come on, ya'll.

They're turning him into a giant doobie!

Lord.

Lord, please.

I need your help here.

If you get me out of this, I swear I'll stop

smoking and drinking and whoring and...

Well maybe not the whoring part.

Right now you need to ask

whether you're a doobie or a don't be!

Look, the bong.

Man, that bong's got bling.

Remember?

We have to destroy its symbol of power.

The medallion, bro.

Look at me looking all good,

I'm about to smoke some shit up in this motherfucker.

Exactly.

Help!

Okay girls.

Help, help!

Ah!

What happened to the delivery dude?

He's right there, on the floor.

Come on now girls,

show him what you're working with.

Help!

I'm a fuckin' doobie.

He's tiny! He's tiny!

Al!

Help me!

Help me, I'm a fucking doobie.

Help!

Okay girls, bring him over here.

I'm gonna smoke this little bitch alive.

I like the way you roll, baby.

That's what I'm talking about right here.

Help!

Why you screaming, punkass?

Huh?

Help me, help!

Ain't nobody gonna help you now.

Oh my God, he's gonna light me up.

I'mma light yo ass up!

Ah nothing.

I'm gonna take you something in my mouth, heffa.

What!

What you doing Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?

Huh?

Help me, I'm a fuckin' doobie!

Rabbit!

Are you all right?

Hell no, I'm a fuckin' doobie!

Help!

Ah, shut up.

Wait, what the hell is going on over here?

Wait a minute, what is that?

Boy, you better give me my necklace back,

don't you touch that necklace!

You know how much money I spent on that shit,

you better not, boy.

Ow, why you gotta...

Boy, I'mma whoop your monkey ass.

You understand me?

Don't you hit me again please!

Don't hit me, please.

I'mma have you kill you.

Mama!

Somebody please!

What the frick was that?

I believe we did it.

No shit?

Monkey.

Welcome back.

You think it's gone for good?

He better be, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Damn girl, that was somethin' else.

That was one hell of a trip, dudes.

Now what?

I guess it's time for us to go home.

I'm with the professor.

Lead the way.

I think I'm gonna stick around for a while, guys.

I mean if it's okay, V.

Yeah, I could use some help

transporting the marijuana back to the States.

Those big wigs at the pharmaceutical companies

won't know what hit 'em.

Are you sure your grandfather

won't try and stop you?

If he does, I'll put him back in a wheelchair.

Ooh, nasty.

Bye!

Good luck.

We're out dude.

I'm gonna try to catch some sun

before I go back now.

Catch you stateside, my homies.

Good luck.

All right buddy, take care Al.

Oh no.

I don't think it worked,

you're getting excited again.

That's all you baby, all you.

Mm, that's what I'm talking about.

Let's go.

Hey.

Wait.

What, where you guys going?

Hey, you, you, you're leaving me here?

By myself?

Wait a minute, don't you walk away from me!

Don't leave me here, it's nasty out here.

Get me out of here!

I have to admit, that was quite an adventure.

One I care not to repeat.

It was monkey, there's no question about that.

So.

Are you going to be keeping the apartment

until Larnell returns?

You know I'd like to bro, I really would.

I'm just happy I got my job back at Sloppy Burger.

You know what I'm thinking?

It's probably about time the old Bach

got a little responsibility.

Yes, well...

Taking the first step is always the most difficult.

I'll get it.

Who are you, lady?

Dude, monkey man.

Loser, it's me.

Dude, where's Brett?

He'll be right out.

Hey Brett!

Luann's here.

Hey Lu.

Brett?

Oh my God!

Oh my God, I can finally fit my arms around you...

It's not bad, huh?

Oh wow.

Oh my God, you are so hot.

But you and I are gonna have a little chat first.

A chat?

About the way you treated me

when I was a total fatass?

You were not very supportive and

you said some pretty nasty shit.

Okay, dude...

I totally don't even know how to deal

with that kinda stuff and I totally didn't

mean it at all, I mean...

No, maybe so but...

I think you're gonna to make it up to me.

Okay.

I'll do anything you want.

Anything, anything.

Well, I got a few ideas.

Yeah?

Oh, the knocking must signify the arrival

of yet another character.

Rabbit?

Yes indeed my friends, it's yours truly.

You're a preacher now.

Indeed I am.

After that experience down in the heart of darkness,

it changed me.

I made a vow that if I made it out alive

I would change my ways.

So no more deliveries.

I'm only delivering souls now brother, only souls.

Ooh.

Don't mind if I do.

Aw.

Hey, where you going?

This motherfucker ain't over yet.

No, there's a whole nother story

that needs to be told.

What, you asking who I am?

Bitch, didn't you watch the Goddamn movie?

I'm King Bong, baby.

Aw yeah, now that you figured that shit out...

Sit your ass down and listen up.

Cause I'm gonna tell you a little story.

Oh, you thought I was destroyed?

Hell motherfuckin' naw, bitch.

That evil ass bitch Eebee, the evil bong...

That stank bitch cunt ooze twat vagina juice

having whore ain't got shit to do with me.

But that's all right.

Just don't tell her I said that.

Oh I ain't scared of that bitch, naw.

Cause I'll fuck her up.

She just don't need to know.

Because all I'm worried about right now is you and me.

Now sit your ass down in that knockoff dress

and listen up to what I gotta say.

Oh, what's that sound?

Oh, you like that sound don't you?

That's my heart beating, my heart beats fast for you.

Cause I need a lot of blood

to get this big ass dick up.

That's right.

Listen to all that hard beating blood

flushing through the veins, that's right.

Oh, there it is!

Well Goddamn, look at the size of your mouth.

You look like a Goddamn toothbrush commercial ain't you,

just put your head all the way Goddamn back

and I'll fuck the hell outta you.

That's right.

Where you puttin' your finger?

Don't put your finger there.

Wait, wait, no, no, keep it right there,

keep it right there,

bitch, I said keep it right there.

Now wiggle it, just a little bit.

That's right, that's it girl.

Aw...

Now I know what that boy like.

But just the finger, I don't want nothing else up this ass.

Your finger, baby.

Your cute little manicured fingernail.

You know what it was.

That came in red and came out...

I don't need to say.

Lick it.

Mhm.

Taste like candy, don't it?

Aw...

Yeah!

All right now I'm through with you, move over.

What's your name?

Oh, I like that.

Lolly.

Well Lolly, I got something I need to pop bitch, come on.

Wait a minute hold on, what you doing.

Oh, don't go over there, don't go up there!

Oh go up there, go up there, go on!

Oh, put it all the way in!

Bitch you got some talent, I like that.

Now pull it out.

Mhm!

Smell like Oklahoma, don't it?

You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, look at you.

I'm liking the way you rub it against your top lip.

Yeah, that's right.

Come on, rub it!

Yeah!

Drives you crazy, don't it?

Wait, who's that over there?

That's your friend?

Oh, I like that.

Hear that?

That's my heart beating cause ain't nothing better

than one and two, or three.

Or four.

Cause when you got 12 bitch,

you can take them all on.

So get your Goddamn friends in here and help me out,

little bitch.

Yeah.

Aw...

Tokika!

Lock the Goddamn door cause we about to

have a motherfuckin' party up in this bitch.

All right everybody, see that over there?

That's Tokika.

That's the tittiest swinging bitch I got.

Right there.

So, everybody take your tops off

and swing your titties like Tokika.

Oh, bounce them bitches up and down,

bounce them up and down,

I wanna see areolas all over the Goddamn place,

make them areolas twirl for a motherfucker.

That's right, Goddamn.

There you go.

Mm...

What's that smell?

Aw shit, that's vagina juice.

That's the breakfast of god damn champions, ain't it.

Let me take a couple sips of that,

and i'll be able to run a marathon

all the way up your ass.

Ah oh, ah ho. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait, wait.

Fooled ya, I ain't ready to cum yet bitch.

What you think I'm a punk?