Original subtitles

Please accept my sincerest apologies

for being so late on the new shipment,

but it’s just been crazy around here trying to launch

the new Sporting Wood porn division.

Oh, no problem.

Uh, George, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, yeah.

Are you aware there are two hot guys behind you fucking?

Oh, of course.

That’s Chuck and Connor.

They're from our stable of porn actors.

I’m just having them do a few warm-up exercises

before today’s rehearsal.

Well, those don’t look like any

warm-up exercises I’ve ever seen, but I like it.

Well, I’ve got to go.

I’ll see you later, Devon.

No, for the love of God, George, don’t hang up!

But Devon, the-the Wi-Fi seems to be a little out.

The image is so shaky.

No, you look fine to me.

Oh, God, oh! Oh!

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

SEASON 6 EPISODE 10 ZOMBIE BEARS

When Enos and Jesse start doing it in the cowpoke position…

- Mm-hm. - …your character, Clint,

we already established that he likes to watch,

starts whacking off!

I can do that.

Wait a minute,

you just skipped two whole pages of dialogue.

I know, I cut them.

It was taking too long to get to the sex scene.

Uh, as the author of Bearback Mountain,

I must protest.

Without that crucial dialogue,

this scene doesn’t make any sense.

If the reject from Little People, Big World

does not keep his mouth shut,

I’m walking!

George, please.

I’m sorry, Wood, but I cannot stand idly by

while this, this beast butchers another one of my scripts.

Are you kidding? I’m working miracles salvaging

the crap you vomited on these pages.

Oh, okay, that’s it!

I will not have my creative vision insulted again!

Wood, you need to make a choice, either he goes or I do.

Wood?

I’m sorry, George!

It’s just that Sebastian has directed

a whole slew of big hits.

We need him!

Well-well, then, you obviously don’t need me!

What a diva!

Now that the drama queen has gone,

let’s get to some sex action.

Lube up them holes, boys!

Sir, I've just uncovered some amazing—

Not now, Stevens!

Heath here just brought me important information regarding

a Middle Eastern prince and his bodyguard

who are here in the States to target the Falcon.

What?

- How did you find out? - A little birdie told me.

Excellent work, Heath!

Now I want you and Stevens to keep a watchful eye

on that prince and his entourage

and see if anything else is in the works.

Well, are you sure Todd is up to it, sir?

His husband’s about to go on trial for murder.

Um, maybe you should take a leave of absence,

you know, for your own emotional well-being.

I’m fine, thanks.

MRU MALE RAPE UNIT

So what happened? Did you talk to Kenny?

No, I couldn't get anywhere near him.

- These are all over the place. - Oh, God.

I've been banned from the set!

- Can you believe that? - Yes!

You killed your costar, Nelson!

Even Marcia Cross didn’t shoot Teri Hatcher, and she hated her!

Yeah, but couldn’t they have used a decent picture of me,

like my headshot?

This looks like Oliver Platt if he was pregnant.

Listen, we have got to get to Kenny, okay,

because he's the prop master, so he's like the prime suspect.

He's the one who handed me that gun.

Well, how are we supposed to get on the set now?

I don’t know, um...

Wait a minute. I have a scathingly brilliant idea.

The Walking Dead shoots next door, come on.

What?

Son of a bitch!

Hey, stud, what’s up?

You.

All right, I’m sick of these little games you’re playing.

This ends right now.

Oh, I thought we were just getting started.

I found the bug you put in my office,

and you heard me talking on the phone about

what I found in the bodyguard’s computer.

Then you run to Nick’s office like a little bitch

and claim it’s your intel and take all the fucking credit.

You’re so sexy when you’re pissed off.

What?

Get the fuck out of here! What are you doing?

This seems like one of those “No means yes” situations.

Uh, this seems like one of those sexual-harassment situations.

What are you doing? Knock it off!

God, where’s a fucking rape whistle when you need one?

Come on, stop it!

This-This isn’t what it— No!

This isn’t— I can explain!

No need, Stevens, I understand.

Blowing off a little steam, not getting enough at home.

I can totally relate.

Kind of makes me feel less alone in the world.

For the future, uh,

you want to hang a yellow tie or something on the door?

Just so it’s not so awkward.

Carry on.

Get off me!

Have a good day.

Okay, so, I got an A+ in my theater makeup class,

so we look incredible.

No one’s going to even know who we are, okay?

Do you remember what I taught you?

(moaning)

Eh, no, it’s more like…

(groans loudly)

(Reggie groans unconvincingly)

Work on it.

Nelson, what are you doing here?

(in zombie voice) I’m not Nelson, zombie.

The producers have a restraining order against you.

You’re not supposed to be within a mile of the set.

Oh, come on, Kenny. How in the fuck did you recognize me? Geez.

Oh, hey, Nelson. How’s it going?

Oh, come on!

- How do people recognize me? - Well, I’ve always said,

you remind me of one of the walking dead.

- No, you haven’t. - Well, not to your face.

Nelson, you can’t be here. You’re breaking the law.

Well, you should know all about that, Kenny!

You had to be the one

that put the real bullet in that prop gun.

Who is that? I’ve heard that voice before.

Is that Reggie Hatch?

I’m not being filmed for Murder Time, am I?

- No. - Oh, hey, Nelson.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

I’ve got contacts in, this is Oscar-winning makeup.

Why, Kenny? Why did you want Toby dead?

(in zombie voice) Yeah, why, Kenny?

Why?

I really like the commitment. But I didn’t kill Toby, I swear.

The gun had blanks when I gave it to you, Nelson.

I checked it three times-- I always check it three times.

And you handed it off to some stranger

before the scene started.

And you were standing there, too, if I’m not mistaken,

along with another guy I didn’t know.

That means, including you two,

there are four people who could’ve switched out the blanks

before you shot the scene.

That's him, Nelson Dorkoff!

- Grab him! - Ron, Nelson, run!

Holy fuck! Hurry! God!

(in zombie voice) I’m a zombie!

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

♪Where the bears are, Where the bears are♪