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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 2 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,429 Oh, come on 3 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:39,231 Save room for my love 4 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,933 Save room for a moment to be with me 5 00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,578 Save room for my love 6 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:48,646 Save a little 7 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,180 Save a little for me 8 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,375 Oh, I'm so full. 9 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,750 You were right, I shouldn't have eaten all that bread. 10 00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,588 Want to split a dessert? 11 00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,196 You okay? You seem a little off. 12 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:08,801 Yeah, I'm just trying to think about what I want. 13 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,265 Yeah, me too. 14 00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:13,838 Why don't we just say it at the same time? One, two, three... 15 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,306 - I want a divorce. - Cr�me br�l�e. 16 00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:35,589 - You can't get away. - Aah! 17 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,225 It's okay, that's my fault. 18 00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:41,094 Come on, let's get you to bed before your parents get home. 19 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,531 No puppy eyes, you little maniac. 20 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,466 Go brush your teeth. 21 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,602 Aren't you gonna say anything? 22 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:27,172 Almost 25 years of marriage and you have nothing to say? 23 00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,185 Robbie. 24 00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,580 Hey, Robbie, have you seen Molly's homework? 25 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,451 Get out. - Oh, my God. 26 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,320 Close the door. Um... 27 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:45,861 Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry, and I didn't see anything. 28 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,160 Oh, my God. 29 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,207 You're not talking, and you know that only makes me talk more. 30 00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,310 But maybe that's good, you know? Because maybe I'll just say it. 31 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:02,505 Maybe... Maybe I'll just tell you I slept with someone. 32 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,819 David Lindhagen. From work. 33 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:15,586 - You met him at the Christmas party. - Please stop. 34 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,094 The last person in the world I'd wanna hurt is you. 35 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,788 If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out. 36 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:22,594 I think the fact that I did it, it just shows how broken we are. 37 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,865 - Okay. - How much we really... Cal. 38 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,702 Oh, my God! Cal! 39 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,650 Are you okay? 40 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,620 I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want. Just please stop talking about it. 41 00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,759 Okay. 42 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,580 I'm sorry you had to see that. 43 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,808 No, you know, I should have knocked. 44 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:23,585 Just for the record, I think about you while I do it. 45 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,697 - Robbie. - I have this picture of you... 46 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,595 ...and I look at it the whole time. - Stop it. 47 00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,837 I love you, Jessica. 48 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,235 I am actually begging you to stop it. 49 00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:37,638 And I know you're 17, and I know I just turned 13... 50 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:40,074 ...which is the same age as your little brother. 51 00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,339 But soon our age difference won't even matter. 52 00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:46,713 Which is good, because I'm pretty sure you're my soul mate. 53 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:48,451 Okay, um... 54 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,255 - Listen, Robbie... We're home. 55 00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,016 - Shit. - Hey. 56 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,517 Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...? 57 00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:57,526 Oh, my God. Uh, what happened? 58 00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,666 Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce, and I jumped out of the car. 59 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,960 - Cal. Honey... Well... 60 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,161 - Kids good? Everybody good? Dad? 61 00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,829 Oh. - Oh. Hey, I didn't see you standing there. 62 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,599 - You're getting a divorce? Well, yes. 63 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:12,745 Uh, so, Jess, did Molly get through dinner okay? 64 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,174 Yeah, yeah, she's... 65 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,339 - You jumped out of a moving car? - I jumped out of a moving car. 66 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,849 Did she fight you on broccoli? - No, she didn't. 67 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:21,179 She always fights me. 68 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,016 - Sorry you had to find out this way. - Sorry you jumped out of a car. 69 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,590 - I'm sorry if she fought you. - It's okay. 70 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,783 I don't have any money. 71 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,723 Uh, sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay? 72 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:33,388 Listen, why don't you grab your coat? I'll drive you home. All right. 73 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,735 I don't care. I love him. I really do. 74 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,269 And, given the opportunity... 75 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,372 Yes, I would have his babies. 76 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:45,238 Seriously? Conan O'Brien? You would do Conan O'Brien? 77 00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,673 Oh, my God, yes. 78 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,679 Ew. Friend to friend, ew. 79 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,880 I don't know. Your life is so PG-13. 80 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:57,547 - My life is not PG-13. - Oh, it so is. 81 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,089 - No, it's not. Yes, it is. 82 00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:02,750 You've never left L.A. You pass the bar, you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer? 83 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:07,093 Probably married to that human Valium, Richard. I just... 84 00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:09,257 Listen, I worry about you, is all. 85 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:26,615 So much potential... 86 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:30,745 ...and you've resorted to fantasizing about Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien. 87 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,948 - He's funny. - He looks like a carrot, honey. 88 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,616 Who looks like a carrot? 89 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,960 Hi. Who looks like a carrot? 90 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,158 Conan O'Brien. 91 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:45,429 My friend Hannah here thinks he's sexy. 92 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,267 That's weird, I think that your friend Hannah is sexy. 93 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:51,501 Oh, my God. You did not just say that. 94 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:52,803 How old are you? 95 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,277 - What are you, a lawyer? - Yeah. A little bit. 96 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,915 Come on. - I know. 97 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,846 - You are? Is she? - Gonna be. 98 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:01,646 Don't you think you're a little old to use cheesy pickup lines? 99 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,688 - Objection. Leading the witness. - Ha, ha. 100 00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:07,155 You're wearing that like you're doing it a favor. 101 00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,953 - Oh, God. - That's a line. 102 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:13,189 Me sitting there for the past two hours not being able to take my eyes off you is fact. 103 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:17,029 I mean, there's lots of beautiful women in this bar. Your friend included. Hi. 104 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,428 I love you. 105 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:22,539 But I can't take my eyes off of you. That's a fact, it's not a line. 106 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,608 I find you very attractive. 107 00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:26,306 Do you find me attractive? 108 00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,640 - She does. - I don't. 109 00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,612 - Tsk. You do. She does. - Yes, she does. 110 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,148 - I don't. - You do. 111 00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:33,945 - You do. - I don't. 112 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,849 - Hannah, can I buy you a drink? - No. 113 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,546 - You say no a lot, don't you? - No. 114 00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:40,055 Oh, boy. Permission to approach the bench? 115 00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,284 Seriously? 116 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,624 Just, come on, let me deliver my closing argument. 117 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,697 Sure. Proceed. 118 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:50,097 - Hannah, we live in a physical world, right? Uh-huh. 119 00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:53,102 - And you're going to age, right? - Mm-hm. 120 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,330 I guarantee you this: 121 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:58,170 You're never gonna regret going home with that guy from the bar that one time... 122 00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,175 ...that was a total tomcat in the sack. 123 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,212 But I can't guarantee that you won't not regret it. 124 00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:06,476 - That was a double negative. - You're a double negative. 125 00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:09,752 Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink? 126 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,789 Okay. You know what? It's time to go home. 127 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:13,983 Really? - Mm-hm. 128 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,151 That's forward of you, but okay. I'll do it. 129 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,990 I TiVoed Saw III. 130 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,065 So should I get my car or yours? Should I pull the car around? 131 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,565 You been drinking? I'll drive. 132 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,568 - Liz? Coming. 133 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,568 - I'll have to call Nanna. - Huh? 134 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,836 Oh. Noth... 135 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,181 So Stanford, huh? 136 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,914 Good for you. That's great. I know your dad's really proud. 137 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,456 Yeah. Yeah, he's... 138 00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:25,554 - Are you sure you're okay? - David Lindhagen, God. 139 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,364 Okay. 140 00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,673 I'm sorry. Sorry about that. 141 00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,117 It's okay. 142 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,213 Um... 143 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,849 - Mr. Weaver? - Hmm? 144 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,083 Um... 145 00:09:55,061 --> 00:10:00,465 You're the nicest dad that I babysit... 146 00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,731 Of all the, um... 147 00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,429 You're really nice. 148 00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,963 - That's very nice. - And, um... 149 00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:12,238 ...I like Ms. Weaver, I like her a lot. Okay? 150 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:16,211 But if she wants to divorce you... 151 00:10:16,515 --> 00:10:18,483 ...then I think she's batshit crazy. 152 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:19,675 Mm. 153 00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:23,515 - Sorry. - Okay. Okay. 154 00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,488 I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable. 155 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,719 - I've developed, like, a little crush... - Could you do me a favor? 156 00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:36,391 Would you not mention to your parents that Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know... 157 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,595 It's something we wanna tell them on our own, okay? 158 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,606 Yeah. 159 00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:44,406 Thank you, I appreciate that. 160 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,703 Have a good night. 161 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,053 See you soon 162 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,866 Another vodka cranberry? 163 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,291 I'm sorry. What? 164 00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:12,301 Another vodka cranberry? - Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks. 165 00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:15,235 It's no surprise 166 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,571 I've been by this place a million times, never come in. 167 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,405 It's nice, lot of pretty girls. 168 00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:22,843 Nowhere 169 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,744 This is my life 170 00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:30,082 - Hey, guess what. - What? 171 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:33,953 My wife is having intercourse with someone who is not me. 172 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,961 Um, I'm sorry to hear that. 173 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:42,294 Oh. Thank you. That is very nice of you to say. Very, very nice. 174 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,765 She just told me. I just found out, so I'm a little raw. It's... 175 00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,070 Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening. 176 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,078 Okay. 177 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,775 You wouldn't ignore me if I were David Lindhagen. 178 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,344 My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen. 179 00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,456 She screws him. 180 00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:08,686 Screws him. 181 00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,594 They make this, like, gurgling sound, it's like: 182 00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:18,259 Gay. 183 00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:25,474 - Hey, Cal. Hey. 184 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,271 Hey. 185 00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,905 Oh, I just, uh... I got the report on the end-of-year financials. 186 00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,082 - Good. Good, good. Really great. - Oh, good. 187 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,983 You killed this quarter. 188 00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,350 Okay. 189 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,116 Cal, seriously. - All right. 190 00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,184 - Okay. Seriously. 191 00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:46,761 Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced? 192 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,795 - You're getting a divorce? - Yeah. 193 00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:56,465 Amy heard you crying in the bathroom. We all thought it was cancer. 194 00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,837 - Oh. - Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha. 195 00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,342 Yeah, just my relationship. 196 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,375 - Thank God. - Oh... 197 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,643 Divorce. 198 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,216 - I'm so lucky. - You are. 199 00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:14,485 - I have to go pick out furniture now. Okay, okay. You go for it. 200 00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,359 It could have been cancer, buddy. 201 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,962 Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce. 202 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,431 All right, buddy. 203 00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,036 Thanks. Feels good. 204 00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:45,849 Cal? I just wanted to say... 205 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,515 Shit. 206 00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:54,261 Can I back that thing out of the driveway for you? 207 00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:57,230 - Oh, no. I'll be fine. - You have trouble in reverse, is all. 208 00:13:57,903 --> 00:14:02,067 When I get settled, the kids can come and take a look at my new place. 209 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,977 I think I'm having a midlife crisis, maybe. 210 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:10,775 Can women have midlife crises? 211 00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:15,083 In the movies it's always men having them and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches... 212 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,778 ...but, you know, I'm not a man. 213 00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,355 Be sure to fertilize all this. 214 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:23,257 We got married so young, Cal. And now I'm 44. 215 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,895 And it's so much older than I thought I'd be. 216 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,700 There's a turnoff valve for the sprinklers over there. 217 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,359 Last week, when I told you that I had to work late... 218 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,062 ...I went to see the new Twilight movie by myself. 219 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,471 I don't know why I did that. 220 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,474 And it was so bad, Cal. 221 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:42,773 It keeps raining, you might wanna turn off the automatic setting. 222 00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:46,577 And we haven't been us. Not for a long time. 223 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,880 And I don't know when you and I stopped being us. 224 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,647 I mean, do you? 225 00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:54,615 Maybe it's when you screwed David Lindhagen. 226 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,187 Nobody wants to be alone 227 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,662 The heart beats happy when it has a place 228 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,863 And if it doesn't have a home 229 00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:47,076 It can come into my space 230 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:52,048 So you can be the one I love 231 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,846 I can be the one you long for 232 00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:59,889 You can be the one I want 233 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,286 Hey. 234 00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:04,620 Sorry I'm late, I had to pick something up at Macy's. 235 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,061 Oh. Don't even worry about it. - A chardonnay. 236 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:08,631 I'm just glad you're here. 237 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:11,663 Wow. 238 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:16,132 I don't know. I don't know what happened. Tough couple of days. 239 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:21,345 You know when you don't see something coming... 240 00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:24,073 Claire said I can't be friends with you anymore. 241 00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,614 What? 242 00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:28,446 She said we had to choose between you and Emily. 243 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,020 I chose you. 244 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,249 But she said no. 245 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,225 It's cologne. 246 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,058 Bernie? 247 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:48,028 - Are you breaking up with me, Bernie? - There's a gift receipt in there also. 248 00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:50,033 Bernie? 249 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,871 Bernie. Bernie. 250 00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:56,811 I can be the one you long for 251 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,847 You can be the one 252 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,522 You know a word that is not used very often anymore? 253 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,180 "Cuckold. " 254 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,950 I'm a cuckold. 255 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:12,257 David Lindhagen cuckolded me. He made a cuckold out of me. 256 00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:14,797 He slept with my wife. 257 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,400 And I didn't know about it. 258 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:20,197 And that is the definition of cuckoldom. 259 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,967 David Lindhagen took my wife and slept with her. 260 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:30,048 Thought I did everything right. Got married, had kids, the house. 261 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,184 What do I get for it? I get cuckolded. 262 00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:37,685 David Lindhagen cuckolded me. He made a cuckold out of me. 263 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,616 Welcome to my spaceship 264 00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:45,558 It's beautiful forever 265 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,332 Can you give me five minutes? 266 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:53,169 The heart's a lonely hunter 267 00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:54,737 Interesting. 268 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,842 Hey. Jacob Palmer. 269 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,246 - Cal Weaver. - Let me buy you a drink, Cal. 270 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,285 - Thanks, I have a drink. - Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink. 271 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,279 Okay. 272 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:14,216 Guess what. 273 00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:16,918 - My wife is having an affair with... - David Lindhagen. 274 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,261 David Lindhagen. I know. 275 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,229 - How do I know that? - I don't know. 276 00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,302 I'm a total stranger. How would I know something so intimate? 277 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,666 - Lindhagen screwing with your wife too? No. 278 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,472 - Hmm. You wanna know why I know that? 279 00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,002 Okay. 280 00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:37,979 It's all that I've heard, Cal, for the past two nights. It's all anybody's heard. 281 00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:42,712 You're going around and you're badgering people with this sad-sack loser sob story. 282 00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,288 - I don't understand why. - I don't need this crap. 283 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,220 - Cal, sit down. - All right. 284 00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:51,928 Look, I know that it sounds harsh, but it's true. 285 00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,998 And you need to hear the truth. Okay? 286 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,191 Okay. 287 00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:59,166 Cal, would you take that straw out of your mouth? Please. 288 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,806 That looks like you're sucking on a tiny schwantz. 289 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,068 Is that what you want? Is that the message you wanna send? 290 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:08,145 - No one's thinking that. Really? 291 00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:12,916 - So permission to speak candidly, sir. - Uh, think you've already gone there. 292 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,280 You're sitting there with a Supercuts haircut... 293 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:19,049 ...getting drunk on watered-down vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl... 294 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:22,284 ...and you're wearing a 44 when you should be wearing a 42 regular. 295 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:25,487 Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or euthanize you. 296 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:29,992 Cal, you got a kind face. 297 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,933 You got a good head of hair. You seem like a nice guy. 298 00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,868 I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you rediscover your manhood. 299 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,337 Do you have any idea, like, where you lost it? 300 00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:46,847 - A strong case could be made for 1984. Well. 301 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,614 We're gonna find it. 302 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,459 We are. I promise you. 303 00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,326 And I promise you this too, Cal: 304 00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:00,260 When we're done... 305 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,727 ...this wife of yours... 306 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:07,069 ...she's gonna rue the day she ever decided to give up on you. 307 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,834 That's my offer. 308 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,275 You in or you out? 309 00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,070 Why are you doing this? 310 00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:17,806 Maybe you remind me of someone. 311 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,817 You in or you out? 312 00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:26,152 I'm in. 313 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,129 Hey, fancy face, you wanna go? 314 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,329 Okay. 315 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:40,062 Century City Mall, food court, 3:00, Thursday. 316 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,670 After you, hon. 317 00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,475 Good night, fancy face. 318 00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:55,352 She will rue the day. 319 00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:59,755 Set you guys up with some snacks over here. TV's already on. 320 00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:06,655 You okay? 321 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,099 Mm. Yeah. You? 322 00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,196 Mm. 323 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,530 Can I tell you something? 324 00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,371 Love sucks. 325 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,343 Yeah. 326 00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:23,276 You in love, buddy? 327 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,882 Well, if you must know... - Ding-dong. 328 00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,451 - Oh, hey, Jess. Thanks for coming by. - Hey. Yeah. 329 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,985 What is she doing here? 330 00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:34,558 Guys, I have to step out for a couple of minutes. Okay? All right? Okay. 331 00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:36,921 Mom wants you to stay while she's out hooking. 332 00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,323 - What? What? 333 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:41,864 Oh. Um, the place is nice, Mr. Weaver. 334 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,899 Thanks. That's a very generous adjective. 335 00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:45,798 - Honey. I don't need a babysitter. 336 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,337 She's only four years older. You need to know that. 337 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:51,408 - She needs to know that. - I know, I know, I know. 338 00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:53,305 Man, are you growing up. 339 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,969 Look at him. It's unbelievable. He's in love already. 340 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,172 Oh. 341 00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:01,412 Molly. Say bye to Daddy. 342 00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:05,113 - Wait, where are you going? - I'm taking a class. 343 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:09,018 - That is great, Mr. Weaver. - Thank you. 344 00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:13,290 This is a difficult time for you, right? And it's important to try new things. 345 00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:17,265 Even things that you haven't considered trying before. 346 00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:21,896 Mm-hm. Yup. Molly, I'm going. 347 00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:24,872 Okay. That's my princess. Bye. Thanks. 348 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:28,103 - But wait. Dad. Bye, guys. See you in a bit. 349 00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:32,008 Hey, Tiger. 350 00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:38,613 - I love you so, so much. - Jeez, Robbie. 351 00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:40,690 I love you so much. Please? 352 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,925 What the hell am I doing? 353 00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,924 What am I doing? 354 00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:53,064 Hey, uh, everybody. 355 00:22:53,238 --> 00:22:55,399 Everybody. Uh, if I could... 356 00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:57,633 Thank you. A little toast. 357 00:22:57,809 --> 00:23:01,711 I would like to thank you all for coming to Hannah Banana's goodbye party. 358 00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,379 And to my... 359 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,449 - ... Hannah Banana. Ha, ha. 360 00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:09,280 You go into your cave and you study your butt off. 361 00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:14,653 Because if you do, I just know that you are gonna kick that bar's butt... 362 00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:18,494 ...out of here. You know? - Yeah. 363 00:23:18,663 --> 00:23:21,257 It reminds me of an old story my law professor told me... 364 00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:23,628 Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone. 365 00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,895 Cheers. 366 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,095 Hey, Liz. 367 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:31,470 Listen, when my girl here passes... 368 00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:35,274 ...I'm gonna have another little celebration right here... 369 00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:38,644 ...and I hope you can make it, because it's gonna be a special night. 370 00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:40,375 Okay. 371 00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:47,688 - Did you hear that? Hear what? 372 00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:52,057 - You heard that? "Special night"? Yeah. Yeah. 373 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,596 You think he's gonna propose? 374 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,862 At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not. 375 00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:00,163 Why, do you want him to? 376 00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:03,704 I don't know, he's nice. 377 00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:06,639 "He's ni... "? Hannah. 378 00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:08,771 He's a sweetheart. Look at him. 379 00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:10,209 - He bcc'd you? - Right, yeah. 380 00:24:11,349 --> 00:24:14,944 All right. Hannah, look at you. Look at you. 381 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:18,248 If you end up with that, what am I gonna end up with? 382 00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:21,551 - Shut up. Come on. - That shit's depressing. 383 00:24:21,726 --> 00:24:25,753 All right. You know what? I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if... 384 00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:26,955 Jesus, really? 385 00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:29,965 No. No. Not my life. Not my life. I'm going. Okay? 386 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:33,571 So call me if you need anything. Bye. 387 00:24:33,738 --> 00:24:35,205 You're awful. Bye. 388 00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:37,432 Thank you for coming. 389 00:25:08,907 --> 00:25:10,169 Um... 390 00:25:12,444 --> 00:25:14,344 - You're late. - Yeah. Sorry. 391 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:16,242 - Sbarro's? - No, thanks. 392 00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:18,939 Let me ask a question. How much you got for clothes? 393 00:25:19,117 --> 00:25:20,175 Um... 394 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,752 - What happened to your feet? - What do you mean? 395 00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:25,754 - These are my 407 s. - Oh, they're 407 s. 396 00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:27,414 - Can I see them? - Yeah. 397 00:25:27,592 --> 00:25:29,583 - These offer a lot of support. - Right. 398 00:25:29,761 --> 00:25:31,251 Whoa. Come on. 399 00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,127 - What, are you in a fraternity? - Are you insane? 400 00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:36,267 You could have hit somebody. What was that? 401 00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:38,595 - I'm asking a question. You in a frat? - No. 402 00:25:38,770 --> 00:25:40,294 - Are you Steve Jobs? - What? 403 00:25:40,472 --> 00:25:43,532 Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers? 404 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:44,800 - No. Oh. 405 00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:48,537 Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers ever. 406 00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:51,776 - Come on. - Mm... Oh... 407 00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:57,051 Okay. All right. 408 00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,690 One of the best parts about being a guy your age... 409 00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:02,793 Frankly, there aren't many, so you should really take full advantage of it. 410 00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:03,985 Uh-huh. 411 00:26:04,162 --> 00:26:07,154 - Is that you can rebuild your entire wardrobe with like 16 items. 412 00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:08,458 Credit card. 413 00:26:20,278 --> 00:26:21,302 What? 414 00:26:26,952 --> 00:26:29,284 You see, the problem is that your head has like... 415 00:26:29,454 --> 00:26:31,513 Like the proportions of a Styrofoam peanut. 416 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:39,253 The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac. 417 00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:44,598 It does. 418 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:52,334 Where are your wallets? 419 00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:57,941 - I'm set for jeans. - You're not set for jeans. 420 00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,380 - These are fine. They're not fine. 421 00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:03,112 - You have a mom butt. - Why don't we just go to the Gap? 422 00:27:05,857 --> 00:27:07,791 You know what? They have a s... Okay. 423 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:09,984 What are you doing? 424 00:27:13,832 --> 00:27:17,393 Cal, be better than the Gap. 425 00:27:17,836 --> 00:27:19,997 Be better than the Gap. 426 00:27:20,171 --> 00:27:21,695 Say it. 427 00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:24,640 I'm better than the Gap. 428 00:27:27,579 --> 00:27:28,705 - Come on. - God. 429 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,905 - Stop slapping me. Really. Okay. 430 00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:33,107 You're beautiful. 431 00:27:34,019 --> 00:27:36,487 He likes to slap me in the face. 432 00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,623 - What are you doing later? - Ha, ha. I don't know. 433 00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:40,314 - I do. - Do you? 434 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:42,323 - I know exactly what you're doing. - Oh, ha, ha. 435 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,722 Seriously? Seriously? 436 00:27:43,895 --> 00:27:45,419 - You ask her out like that? - Yeah. 437 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,690 And that worked? 438 00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,693 Yeah. 439 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:52,530 Feeling kind of stupid, but... 440 00:27:53,972 --> 00:27:55,337 Wow. 441 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,566 Look at you. 442 00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:59,073 Feel like I'm going skiing. 443 00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:02,741 - Would you sleep with him? - Jesus. God. 444 00:28:02,914 --> 00:28:05,747 - Yeah, probably. - Wha...? 445 00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:08,112 You would? 446 00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:11,119 That's... What? 447 00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:14,950 What are you even saying? 448 00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:17,154 You see what just happened, Cal? 449 00:28:17,328 --> 00:28:20,923 Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany started doubting whether she wanted to. 450 00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:24,068 That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. 451 00:28:24,235 --> 00:28:25,827 No. This is. 452 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,332 Your wife cheated on you because you lost sight of who you are as a man... 453 00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:36,037 ...as a husband, and probably as a lover. 454 00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:38,341 You're right, that's meaner. 455 00:28:40,685 --> 00:28:42,653 Let's talk about how many women you've been with. 456 00:28:43,288 --> 00:28:46,553 - Sexually? - Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting. 457 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:49,988 One. 458 00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:53,420 No. Not at one time. 459 00:28:55,834 --> 00:28:56,892 How many total? 460 00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:00,370 Don't say it. Don't say it. 461 00:29:00,538 --> 00:29:02,130 We met in high school, okay? 462 00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:04,434 Oh, boy. You're kidding me. 463 00:29:05,443 --> 00:29:06,967 One woman? That's great. 464 00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:08,874 - Emily is beautiful. - I guess. 465 00:29:09,047 --> 00:29:11,174 She was gorgeous. She was one of those women... 466 00:29:11,349 --> 00:29:15,115 ...that could be wildly sexy and unbelievably cute all at the same time. 467 00:29:15,286 --> 00:29:16,913 We had a little blip senior year... 468 00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:19,488 I literally stopped listening at "Emily. " 469 00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:21,921 I think we should start approaching women tonight. 470 00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:23,856 Are you ready to go? 471 00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:26,763 I miss my wife. 472 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:31,834 Hi. Hi. 473 00:29:32,003 --> 00:29:33,664 How are you? - Good. How are you? 474 00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:35,772 I'm great. I'm Jacob. What's your name? 475 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,340 - Oh. Amy Johnson. - Amy Johnson. 476 00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:41,712 - I'm Jacob Palmer. How you doing? - Uh, great. 477 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,279 Good. - I'm Cal. 478 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:44,915 No. Not yet. 479 00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:48,382 - Sorry. Amy, can I buy you a drink? - Uh-huh. 480 00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:49,645 Keep her company? 481 00:29:49,821 --> 00:29:52,289 - I'd be happy to. - Lf he gets handsy, let me know. 482 00:29:53,992 --> 00:29:56,324 I wouldn't touch you if my life depended on it. 483 00:30:00,231 --> 00:30:03,496 - Uh, what was your name? - Cal Weaver. 484 00:30:03,668 --> 00:30:06,034 Cal Weaver. - No relation to Dennis Weaver. 485 00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:09,463 - Uh... Uh... - McCloud. 486 00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:12,235 McCloud was a show in the '70s that... 487 00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:14,674 You're not talking about McCloud again, are you? 488 00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:18,077 Here we go, huh? To all of our fallen homeys. 489 00:30:18,249 --> 00:30:20,740 Well, I'm the fourth of five sisters. 490 00:30:20,919 --> 00:30:23,012 - No. That's boring. - Oh. 491 00:30:23,188 --> 00:30:26,783 Not for your sisters, but for my purposes, it's not gonna work. 492 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:29,756 - Okay. - I have this friend. 493 00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:34,361 And he thinks that you're way too pretty to be interesting and that's hogwash. 494 00:30:34,532 --> 00:30:37,797 - All right. You wanna get out of here? - Uh, sure. 495 00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:39,061 Giddyup. 496 00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:41,535 Am I boring you? I'm totally boring you. I'm... 497 00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:43,173 How are you doing this, like... 498 00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:46,970 ...wildly sexy but unbelievably cute thing that you're doing? 499 00:30:47,145 --> 00:30:48,908 Uh... - It's weird. 500 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,105 - You wanna get out of here? - Yeah. 501 00:30:51,282 --> 00:30:53,409 - Okay. Cool. 502 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:56,782 So Molly, who's 6 at the time, can't find Mr. Bobo. 503 00:30:56,955 --> 00:30:58,718 We're looking all over. 504 00:30:58,890 --> 00:31:02,553 It's in the kitchen. Mr. Bobo was in the kitchen the whole time. 505 00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,629 Wanna get out of here? 506 00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:07,526 Have a good night. 507 00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:10,398 - Let's get out of here. - Yeah. 508 00:31:10,568 --> 00:31:11,967 - Let's get out of here. - Okay. 509 00:31:12,136 --> 00:31:14,161 - Let's get out of here. Absolutely. 510 00:31:14,339 --> 00:31:15,704 - Let's get out of here. - Okay. 511 00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,273 - Let's get out of here. - Okay. 512 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:07,615 Shit. 513 00:32:10,495 --> 00:32:14,454 - You have a second? - Hey, David. No. Because I'm swamped. 514 00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:17,157 You've been avoiding me. - No. I haven't. 515 00:32:17,335 --> 00:32:20,930 You ran in the other direction when you saw me coming down the hall yesterday. 516 00:32:21,105 --> 00:32:23,801 - You're very fast, by the way. - I ran track in high school. 517 00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:25,943 That must be it. 518 00:32:26,744 --> 00:32:30,111 Hey, listen, I'm sorry about you and Cal. 519 00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,249 - No, you're not. - No, I'm not. 520 00:32:32,417 --> 00:32:33,884 I like you, Emily. 521 00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:36,111 Do you have any idea how much I like you? 522 00:32:36,287 --> 00:32:38,482 Hey, David, you know, I really have a lot to do. 523 00:32:38,656 --> 00:32:41,056 I had no intention of falling for a married woman... 524 00:32:41,225 --> 00:32:44,353 ...but all of a sudden we're having lunch and I'm this accountant... 525 00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:47,054 ...who's waking up every morning excited to go to work. 526 00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:50,860 And that just does not happen for accountants. Ever. 527 00:32:51,035 --> 00:32:52,832 I checked with other accountants. 528 00:32:53,004 --> 00:32:55,268 David, you know what? You've been a great friend. 529 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,568 You noticed last month when I got my hair trimmed and that was huge. 530 00:32:58,743 --> 00:33:00,210 But look, trust me. You know... 531 00:33:00,378 --> 00:33:03,973 I am saving you from disaster, because you're asking to pre-board the Titanic. 532 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:06,013 Do you really want any part of this? 533 00:33:06,184 --> 00:33:07,651 Do I really want any part of this? 534 00:33:09,020 --> 00:33:11,352 - Emily? Your report's ready. - Okay. 535 00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:16,323 Okay, people. Here it is. 536 00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:20,260 The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. 537 00:33:20,431 --> 00:33:25,232 A romance set in Salem in the 1600s. It is about sin. 538 00:33:41,552 --> 00:33:45,818 Forced to wear the scarlet A to punish her adulterous behavior. 539 00:33:45,990 --> 00:33:50,484 Dimmesdale's A is inflicted upon himself in the form of a... 540 00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:52,288 Mr. Weaver. 541 00:33:52,463 --> 00:33:54,556 Mr. Weaver. 542 00:33:54,732 --> 00:33:57,462 Are we interrupting? 543 00:33:57,635 --> 00:34:01,071 You wanna talk about The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty? 544 00:34:01,272 --> 00:34:02,534 All right. 545 00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:07,144 Well, the A they're both wearing... 546 00:34:07,311 --> 00:34:10,212 ...I think it stands for "asshole. " 547 00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:11,609 Wanna know why? 548 00:34:11,783 --> 00:34:13,944 Because they fell in love... 549 00:34:14,118 --> 00:34:16,951 ...and love is for stupid assholes. 550 00:34:17,121 --> 00:34:19,715 And this book is just about a bunch of assholes... 551 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,859 ...who fell in love, like assholes... 552 00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:24,722 ...then had to die, like assholes. 553 00:34:26,564 --> 00:34:29,226 I'm sorry about all the "assholes. " 554 00:34:29,634 --> 00:34:31,693 You know what else might work? A swear jar. 555 00:34:31,869 --> 00:34:34,337 You know, a quarter per curse word. 556 00:34:34,505 --> 00:34:36,200 Yeah, we'll definitely try that. 557 00:34:36,374 --> 00:34:37,966 All right. Could help. 558 00:34:38,142 --> 00:34:40,269 - Take care. - Thanks. 559 00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:46,782 - Seriously? - Sorry. 560 00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:50,512 Hey, I have to go back to the office. You're gonna have to wait for me there. 561 00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:52,053 Fine. 562 00:34:54,025 --> 00:34:56,892 They're still making kids read The Scarlet Letter, huh? 563 00:34:57,328 --> 00:34:58,556 Yep. 564 00:34:58,729 --> 00:35:02,358 You'd think somebody would have written something better by now. 565 00:35:17,582 --> 00:35:20,210 I guess I should take that down, huh? 566 00:35:20,985 --> 00:35:22,009 I guess. 567 00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:31,189 So how is he? You know. 568 00:35:32,363 --> 00:35:35,696 I mean, I... Oh, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. Just ignore me. 569 00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:37,334 - Forget I ever... - He's out a lot. 570 00:35:38,769 --> 00:35:40,896 - A lot? - Yeah. 571 00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:42,596 Like... 572 00:35:43,774 --> 00:35:47,039 Like "a lot" a lot, or just like a little? 573 00:35:47,645 --> 00:35:48,737 A lot. 574 00:35:50,114 --> 00:35:53,447 Well, that's good. That's really good. 575 00:35:58,222 --> 00:36:01,191 - Wanna get takeout tonight, honey? - I mean, he's sad. 576 00:36:02,126 --> 00:36:05,527 I can tell that he's sad. Even though he looks better... 577 00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:11,657 ...I can still tell that he's not happy, you know? 578 00:36:13,037 --> 00:36:17,167 Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah. 579 00:36:20,745 --> 00:36:23,043 I guess I'm pretty sad too. 580 00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:24,841 I know. 581 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,041 I heard you crying the other night. 582 00:36:28,452 --> 00:36:29,919 Didn't know what to do. 583 00:36:30,087 --> 00:36:34,888 Oh, Robbie, baby, you're 13, you're not supposed to know what to do. 584 00:36:35,059 --> 00:36:36,083 I tried Googling it. 585 00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:38,592 - You did not. - Yep. I did. 586 00:36:38,763 --> 00:36:42,255 - Well, what did you Google? - I searched "Mom crying in bed. " 587 00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:45,094 What did Google say? 588 00:36:45,269 --> 00:36:50,297 Just a bunch of weird videos of moms in bed. 589 00:36:50,474 --> 00:36:52,874 Ugh. Oh, God. Okay. All right, that's enough. No more. 590 00:36:54,378 --> 00:36:56,312 Do those parental controls work at all? 591 00:36:56,914 --> 00:36:57,938 They work for me. 592 00:36:58,583 --> 00:37:02,246 Because you're a disgusting teenager, that's why. 593 00:37:03,654 --> 00:37:04,678 Hey. - Oh, hey. 594 00:37:04,855 --> 00:37:08,723 - Bill wants to see you before you take off. - Oh. Uh, David, this is my son, Robbie. 595 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,293 Robbie, this is David. 596 00:37:11,462 --> 00:37:14,989 - Um, we work together. - How you doing, buddy? 597 00:37:19,036 --> 00:37:21,027 - You all right to wait a little bit? - Yeah. 598 00:37:21,205 --> 00:37:23,901 Okay. Thanks, David. 599 00:37:36,787 --> 00:37:40,814 So, Robbie, I hear you're quite the soccer player. 600 00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:48,190 So, David, I hear you broke up my parents' marriage. 601 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,866 - You are David Lindhagen, right? - Lindhagen. 602 00:37:53,037 --> 00:37:56,234 - Yeah. Here's the thing, Lindhagen. - Hagen. 603 00:37:56,407 --> 00:37:57,431 Whatever. 604 00:37:57,608 --> 00:38:00,372 In the end, she winds up back with my dad. 605 00:38:00,544 --> 00:38:03,707 He's a better guy than you are in every category. 606 00:38:03,881 --> 00:38:06,816 And she still loves him. He's not gonna give up on my mom... 607 00:38:06,984 --> 00:38:09,452 ...like I'm not gonna stop sending Jessica messages... 608 00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:11,520 ...that make her feel uncomfortable. 609 00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:13,680 Hey. You ready to go, honey? 610 00:38:13,858 --> 00:38:17,487 - Can we order Chinese for dinner tonight? Yeah. Sure, honey. 611 00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:20,157 Hi, David. Get your stuff. 612 00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:21,992 - Bye, David. See you. 613 00:38:30,174 --> 00:38:32,438 You're not gonna be able to feel your arms. 614 00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:34,305 I'll be fine. 615 00:38:34,879 --> 00:38:36,107 Jesus Christ. 616 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:38,714 Look, let's face it, Cal, all right? 617 00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:43,252 The war between the sexes is over, and we won, okay? 618 00:38:44,588 --> 00:38:47,716 We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise. 619 00:38:47,892 --> 00:38:50,417 But even though we won, they still deserve our respect. 620 00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:54,223 Make them feel beautiful, listen to their problems, open the door for them. 621 00:38:54,398 --> 00:38:56,195 Would you put on some clothes, please? 622 00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,631 - I'm sorry, is this bothering you? - No, it's not. 623 00:38:58,836 --> 00:39:02,237 My schwantz is in your face. If it's not bothering you, we got a problem. 624 00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,004 - Okay, it bothers me. - I don't care. 625 00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:08,111 You gotta take control of your manhood, pal. You know? 626 00:39:08,279 --> 00:39:10,076 You want something, you take it. 627 00:39:10,247 --> 00:39:12,943 You don't like something, you say it. I take what I want. 628 00:39:13,117 --> 00:39:15,779 David Lindhagen certainly took what he wanted, didn't he? 629 00:39:15,953 --> 00:39:17,420 And I can guarantee you this: 630 00:39:17,588 --> 00:39:21,251 He is opening the car door for your wife right now. 631 00:39:21,425 --> 00:39:22,449 What, you passing out? 632 00:39:24,962 --> 00:39:26,429 Oh, boy. 633 00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,742 - I think you're ready, pal. - For what? 634 00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:45,041 To talk to a pretty lady, and take her home and show her your gift. 635 00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:46,740 No. No, I'm not. 636 00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:48,646 You're ready as you're ever gonna be. 637 00:39:48,819 --> 00:39:51,845 You play your strengths, pal. That's all any of us can do. 638 00:39:52,022 --> 00:39:54,490 I'm mysterious. 639 00:39:54,892 --> 00:39:56,416 I'm, you know, good in bed. 640 00:39:57,695 --> 00:40:00,664 And you are a, uh... 641 00:40:00,831 --> 00:40:02,765 ...you know, stable and employed adult. 642 00:40:02,933 --> 00:40:04,332 Jesus. 643 00:40:04,502 --> 00:40:06,834 You see this lady over here at 9 o'clock? 644 00:40:08,973 --> 00:40:10,167 You want me to hit on her? 645 00:40:10,341 --> 00:40:12,309 No, I wanna hit on her. The one behind her. 646 00:40:12,476 --> 00:40:13,500 Oh. 647 00:40:13,677 --> 00:40:15,110 She's a fox, right? Mm-hm. 648 00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:18,942 You think she came to a crowded bar to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting. 649 00:40:19,116 --> 00:40:24,213 She's just looking for an opportunity to settle for a responsible and stable adult. 650 00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:26,049 And I'd like her to settle for you. 651 00:40:26,223 --> 00:40:28,657 Oh. Well, thank you for the ego boost, but you know what? 652 00:40:28,826 --> 00:40:30,589 Just because I've watched you pick up women... 653 00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:32,592 ...doesn't mean I know how to pick up women. 654 00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:35,664 - Ever see Karate Kid? - What does that have to do with anything? 655 00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:38,597 When he's teaching him to wax on and off but really to fight? 656 00:40:38,769 --> 00:40:40,031 You want me to fight someone? 657 00:40:40,204 --> 00:40:42,934 What's the first thing I do when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink. 658 00:40:43,107 --> 00:40:46,406 Yes, always. Without fail. You buy her a drink. 659 00:40:46,577 --> 00:40:49,273 Even if she doesn't want one, you insist. 660 00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,347 - And do I talk about myself? - Never. 661 00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:53,039 Never about yourself, always her. 662 00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,082 - Because bar banter? - Is boring. 663 00:40:55,252 --> 00:40:58,244 So you put the impetus on her. She has to be the interesting one. 664 00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:01,118 "Impress me. Impress me with how interesting you are. " 665 00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:04,318 It's a big game. Game. Creepy, creepy little game you play. 666 00:41:04,495 --> 00:41:06,087 - That's judgmental, isn't it? - Mm-hm. 667 00:41:06,263 --> 00:41:08,356 At the end of the night do I ask them to come home? 668 00:41:08,532 --> 00:41:11,660 No, you tell them to come home. They have no choice in the matter. 669 00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:16,170 It is your choice and they are so overjoyed to have had the opportunity... 670 00:41:16,574 --> 00:41:20,510 ...to make sweet, sweet love to you. 671 00:41:21,011 --> 00:41:22,501 Oh, my God. 672 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,014 You did, you Miyagi'd me. 673 00:41:25,616 --> 00:41:26,776 Honk. 674 00:41:27,017 --> 00:41:28,712 Take your ring off. Let's go. 675 00:41:34,225 --> 00:41:38,491 Just no talking about your kids, your job, David Lindhagen, don't you dare. 676 00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:40,186 Shut up, shut up. Just shut up. 677 00:41:40,364 --> 00:41:41,388 - Hello. Hi. 678 00:41:41,565 --> 00:41:42,759 Hi. Hi. 679 00:41:42,933 --> 00:41:45,094 - Who are you? - Hey. I'm Kate. 680 00:41:45,269 --> 00:41:48,136 - Kate, you mind if I introduce you to my...? - I'm Cal. 681 00:41:48,539 --> 00:41:50,507 - I got this. Pleased to meet you. - Hi. 682 00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:53,165 And this is my friend Jacob. He was just leaving. 683 00:41:53,677 --> 00:41:55,372 - Oh. - Oh. 684 00:41:55,546 --> 00:41:58,106 So that's one way to treat people. 685 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:04,651 So can I buy you a drink, Kate? 686 00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:08,121 - Oh. No, thank you. - I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway. 687 00:42:10,327 --> 00:42:12,386 Grey Goose, right? 688 00:42:12,563 --> 00:42:15,031 Rocks. Two limes? 689 00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,557 I'm five years sober. 690 00:42:17,601 --> 00:42:19,933 - What can I get for you? - Nothing. Nothing. 691 00:42:20,104 --> 00:42:22,538 Go away, we're good. Please don't come back ever. 692 00:42:24,742 --> 00:42:29,406 - Ahem. So, what do you do, Cal? - I don't know. What do you do, Kate? 693 00:42:30,114 --> 00:42:31,809 - I asked you first. - I asked you second. 694 00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:35,817 Seriously, what do you do? 695 00:42:35,986 --> 00:42:37,544 Seriously, what do you do? 696 00:42:40,190 --> 00:42:42,055 Are you really not going to tell me what you do? 697 00:42:42,226 --> 00:42:43,750 Ah... 698 00:42:45,496 --> 00:42:48,294 - Uh, okay, I'm a teacher. - Boring. 699 00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:52,264 Come on, you gotta keep it interesting. Interest me. 700 00:42:52,436 --> 00:42:53,733 Uh... 701 00:42:53,904 --> 00:42:56,805 - I studied at Oxford for five years. - Boring! 702 00:42:56,974 --> 00:43:01,001 Wow. Teacher with an alcohol dependency who studied at Oxford. 703 00:43:01,178 --> 00:43:03,738 Blah, blah, blah. Bleh. 704 00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:05,108 England. Yuck. 705 00:43:05,282 --> 00:43:06,909 I think my friends just got here. 706 00:43:07,084 --> 00:43:09,609 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 707 00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:12,449 - Okay, I'm in corporate insurance. - Oh, God. 708 00:43:12,623 --> 00:43:13,988 I have children, plural. 709 00:43:14,158 --> 00:43:16,149 My wife was cheating on me with Lindhagen... 710 00:43:16,627 --> 00:43:19,460 ...which I wasn't supposed to tell you. Nice to meet you. 711 00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:22,565 - What were you supposed to tell me? - I don't know. I don't know. 712 00:43:22,733 --> 00:43:26,726 I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute... 713 00:43:26,904 --> 00:43:29,839 ...which is actually something that I used to say to my wife. 714 00:43:30,007 --> 00:43:32,168 But now it's become corrupted. 715 00:43:32,343 --> 00:43:35,312 And I have 18 layers of clothes on. 716 00:43:35,479 --> 00:43:38,710 I'm wearing a shirt and a tie and a sweater and a suede jacket... 717 00:43:38,882 --> 00:43:41,043 ...that just seals in all the heat. 718 00:43:41,218 --> 00:43:42,810 Seals in all the juices. 719 00:43:42,987 --> 00:43:47,686 It's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. 720 00:43:47,858 --> 00:43:52,522 This sweater, this is called slim cut, but it feels like a scuba suit. 721 00:43:52,696 --> 00:43:55,062 And I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about? 722 00:43:56,266 --> 00:43:58,996 You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute? 723 00:43:59,169 --> 00:44:01,399 That's what you picked up from what I just said? 724 00:44:01,572 --> 00:44:03,301 Mm, mm. 725 00:44:08,078 --> 00:44:10,273 - So this is my crappy apartment. - Oh. Ooh. 726 00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:13,780 Dumpy. That I had to move into after my wife left me. 727 00:44:13,951 --> 00:44:15,612 I love how you're being so honest. 728 00:44:15,786 --> 00:44:18,084 - You like that? - It's so different. It's so hot. 729 00:44:18,689 --> 00:44:20,418 Okay. Okay. 730 00:44:20,591 --> 00:44:22,218 Aah! Ha, ha. - Wow! Wow! 731 00:44:22,393 --> 00:44:23,758 - More. - Okay. 732 00:44:23,927 --> 00:44:25,656 Wanna hear something really hot? - Mm-hm. 733 00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:28,855 I've only had sex with one woman. In my entire life. 734 00:44:29,033 --> 00:44:30,500 - Honest or not honest? - That's honest. 735 00:44:32,102 --> 00:44:34,502 More! Tell me more. 736 00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:36,731 I'm a little worried you have AIDS. 737 00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,937 Just a little. Just a little bit. 738 00:44:42,112 --> 00:44:44,842 It's okay, I'm not worried. 739 00:44:47,885 --> 00:44:49,580 Oh, my God, this is so much fun. 740 00:44:51,722 --> 00:44:52,950 What do you wanna do with me? 741 00:44:53,757 --> 00:44:54,781 Oh... 742 00:44:54,958 --> 00:44:57,950 I wanna show you off to my ex-wife and make her really jealous. 743 00:45:01,265 --> 00:45:03,028 Whoa, man. 744 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,691 Phew. Ha, ha. 745 00:45:08,639 --> 00:45:10,231 You gonna call me? 746 00:45:10,407 --> 00:45:11,431 Okay. 747 00:45:11,608 --> 00:45:12,632 Yeah. 748 00:45:26,657 --> 00:45:29,490 Wow, that is a great dress. Where'd you get that? 749 00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:31,787 Thank you. A store in Beverly Hills. 750 00:45:31,962 --> 00:45:33,395 Really? Beautiful. 751 00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:35,156 It was a gift from my grandmother. 752 00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:36,629 - Really? It's a Krugerrand. 753 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:37,960 It's from South Africa. 754 00:45:38,135 --> 00:45:39,693 I love it. 755 00:45:45,175 --> 00:45:47,166 And I told him never to assume anything. 756 00:45:47,678 --> 00:45:52,047 And I've been to Maine, so that's a sixth state. So I've been to six states. 757 00:45:52,249 --> 00:45:54,683 - Oh, I love Maine. Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. 758 00:45:54,852 --> 00:45:57,013 - Have you been to Waterville? - I have, yeah. 759 00:46:03,293 --> 00:46:04,487 Greece, Italy. 760 00:46:04,661 --> 00:46:05,855 Greece, Italy? 761 00:46:06,029 --> 00:46:07,223 Wanna get out of here? 762 00:46:07,397 --> 00:46:08,796 - You're driving. - I am. 763 00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,670 I have never experienced that in my life. 764 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,010 - Pretty great. - Are most women like that these days? 765 00:46:26,183 --> 00:46:28,515 - God bless technology. - God bless it. 766 00:46:28,685 --> 00:46:32,712 I went and met this girl the other night. She was heckling me the whole time we... 767 00:46:32,890 --> 00:46:36,155 I felt like I was doing it with the two old guys from The Muppet Show. 768 00:46:36,326 --> 00:46:38,817 - Ha-ha-ha. Statler and Waldorf. I was into it. 769 00:46:38,996 --> 00:46:42,796 And she was like, "Look at this frown on your face. What is that? 770 00:46:42,966 --> 00:46:46,197 You're so serious. What, it's serious to kiss me? It's supposed to be fun. 771 00:46:46,370 --> 00:46:48,895 Oh, my God, if it's gonna be hard work, why don't you just stop?" 772 00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:56,036 Hello? 773 00:46:56,213 --> 00:46:58,681 Hey. Hot guy from the bar who hit on you is here. 774 00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:00,248 Tsk. Liz, I'm studying. 775 00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:03,545 You should be studying the ceiling of his bedroom. 776 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:05,187 I am eating a caramel apple. 777 00:47:05,355 --> 00:47:08,153 In what world, honey? Please, turn around. No. 778 00:47:08,325 --> 00:47:11,192 Come on, take a break. It'll be good for you to get out. 779 00:47:11,361 --> 00:47:12,385 And by get out... 780 00:47:12,563 --> 00:47:16,431 ...I mean have hot guy from the bar knock you into his headboard until you see God. 781 00:47:16,900 --> 00:47:18,060 What is wrong with you? 782 00:47:18,235 --> 00:47:19,930 You should be studying the curve of his... 783 00:47:20,103 --> 00:47:21,331 Okay, goodbye, Liz. 784 00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:23,598 That too much? Hello? 785 00:47:24,441 --> 00:47:27,433 Look, I gave him the cologne like you told me to... 786 00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:30,546 ...and I don't think we should really just dance on his grave. 787 00:47:30,714 --> 00:47:34,548 I just thought you'd wanna know what I heard about your old pal Cal. 788 00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:37,376 What about Mr. Weaver, Mom? 789 00:47:37,554 --> 00:47:43,424 Um, just, apparently, Mr. Weaver has become a real ladies' man. 790 00:47:43,594 --> 00:47:45,084 - What? - Claire. 791 00:47:45,262 --> 00:47:48,026 She should know. She babysits for him. 792 00:47:48,198 --> 00:47:52,066 She's almost an adult. Lots of young women in and out of his apartment. 793 00:47:52,236 --> 00:47:53,498 She's too young for this. 794 00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:56,104 I don't like this S-E-X talk in front of the K-I-D-S. 795 00:47:56,273 --> 00:47:59,401 First of all, they can spell. Second of all, I'm just saying. 796 00:47:59,576 --> 00:48:01,441 I think we were right in choosing Emily. 797 00:48:21,765 --> 00:48:23,756 Oh, um... - Why are you following me? 798 00:48:23,934 --> 00:48:26,494 Madison, I just had a question for you. 799 00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:28,331 Okay, Jessica, what's up? 800 00:48:28,505 --> 00:48:30,132 It's kind of on the personal side. 801 00:48:30,307 --> 00:48:31,365 Yep, my lips are: 802 00:48:36,313 --> 00:48:38,076 Seals. My lips are seals. 803 00:48:41,018 --> 00:48:42,349 Okay. Um... 804 00:48:42,519 --> 00:48:46,683 My question, and I don't mean to be blunt or insulting, but let's just call it what it is. 805 00:48:46,857 --> 00:48:48,984 You're always sleeping with older guys, right? 806 00:48:49,159 --> 00:48:51,286 - Always. Oh, um... 807 00:48:51,461 --> 00:48:55,795 So my question for you, Madison, is, um, how do you do that? 808 00:48:55,966 --> 00:48:59,697 I mean, how do you get them to see you as not just a kid in high school, you know? 809 00:48:59,870 --> 00:49:02,361 But as someone that's mature, and old, and that's... 810 00:49:02,539 --> 00:49:05,303 Well, first off, I have a huge rack. 811 00:49:05,475 --> 00:49:06,806 Uh, yes, you do. 812 00:49:06,977 --> 00:49:08,501 You don't have a huge rack. 813 00:49:09,212 --> 00:49:10,338 No. 814 00:49:10,514 --> 00:49:12,846 - Wait, how old is he? - Old. 815 00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:15,175 Like really old? 816 00:49:16,553 --> 00:49:19,351 - Like parent-old. - Nasty, Jessica. 817 00:49:19,523 --> 00:49:21,718 Yeah, because that's what I was thinking, right? 818 00:49:21,892 --> 00:49:23,359 Rock on. - Thank you. 819 00:49:23,527 --> 00:49:26,655 You are so dirty. - Yes, I know. 820 00:49:26,830 --> 00:49:28,730 Oh, okay. You gotta force his hand. 821 00:49:28,899 --> 00:49:30,127 You know what I mean? 822 00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:31,790 Go TMZ on his ass. 823 00:49:32,836 --> 00:49:35,134 - Not following. - A dirty picture. 824 00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:37,899 - Oh. Oh. - Make this face: 825 00:49:39,776 --> 00:49:42,040 - Jeez, Madison. Stop. What? 826 00:49:42,212 --> 00:49:47,650 You put that on his radar and he won't see you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure. 827 00:50:02,699 --> 00:50:06,533 - Hey, what's going on? - Hey. We don't know. 828 00:50:19,082 --> 00:50:20,379 Behold. 829 00:50:20,550 --> 00:50:23,178 Jessica Riley, you are my soul mate. 830 00:50:23,353 --> 00:50:25,184 - The love of my life. Ha-ha-ha. 831 00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:28,756 I have marked myself with a scarlet J for you, Jessica. 832 00:50:28,925 --> 00:50:30,187 Get down from there. 833 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:34,956 Nathaniel Hawthorne... Are you mad? - I am your babysitter. You get down. 834 00:50:35,132 --> 00:50:36,793 Oh, my God. 835 00:50:37,434 --> 00:50:39,425 - What are you thinking? - Like the scaffold? 836 00:50:39,603 --> 00:50:42,094 Took me like four weeks to make it. It has wheels. 837 00:50:42,272 --> 00:50:44,069 This has got to stop, Robbie. 838 00:50:44,241 --> 00:50:46,971 - You'll learn to love me, I promise. - No, I won't. 839 00:50:47,144 --> 00:50:50,238 - Because I'm four years younger? - Because I love somebody else. 840 00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:53,410 Who is he? 841 00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:54,845 He's older. 842 00:50:55,819 --> 00:50:58,253 And I didn't want my parents to find out. 843 00:51:00,123 --> 00:51:02,148 You know I'll kill him if he hurts you. 844 00:51:02,325 --> 00:51:04,293 Yeah, I know. 845 00:51:05,262 --> 00:51:07,127 Okay, Robbie, this has to stop. 846 00:51:07,564 --> 00:51:09,464 Okay? No more. 847 00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:12,330 Grow up. 848 00:51:12,502 --> 00:51:13,662 I'll see you around. 849 00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:11,354 Unh. Okay. 850 00:52:12,862 --> 00:52:13,920 Okay. 851 00:52:58,408 --> 00:53:01,502 So you're seeing Mom tomorrow at my parent-teacher thing. 852 00:53:01,677 --> 00:53:03,406 Yeah, no biggie. 853 00:53:09,452 --> 00:53:10,783 What's with all the moping? 854 00:53:11,421 --> 00:53:14,322 Uh, nothing. It's just... 855 00:53:15,491 --> 00:53:16,890 There's a girl. 856 00:53:18,428 --> 00:53:20,589 - A girl, huh? - Uh-huh. 857 00:53:20,763 --> 00:53:21,889 You like her? 858 00:53:23,633 --> 00:53:25,225 I like Pringles. 859 00:53:25,401 --> 00:53:27,096 I mean, this girl... 860 00:53:27,804 --> 00:53:29,101 ...she's incredible. 861 00:53:29,272 --> 00:53:31,365 She's my soul mate, you know? 862 00:53:31,541 --> 00:53:33,099 She doesn't even care. 863 00:53:33,576 --> 00:53:35,441 But she's your soul mate, right? 864 00:53:36,312 --> 00:53:37,438 Yeah. 865 00:53:38,014 --> 00:53:40,039 Well, you just don't give up on her, right? 866 00:53:41,317 --> 00:53:43,308 Why not? You did. 867 00:53:46,022 --> 00:53:47,046 I didn't give up. 868 00:53:49,492 --> 00:53:51,926 Okay, it's more complicated than that. 869 00:53:52,228 --> 00:53:53,320 I'm a different guy now. 870 00:53:54,063 --> 00:53:56,327 You're not different. You just have different clothes. 871 00:53:56,499 --> 00:53:57,830 It's not that simple, kiddo. 872 00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,934 - What kind of crap is that? - Watch it. 873 00:54:00,103 --> 00:54:01,934 You love her or you don't. I know you do. 874 00:54:02,338 --> 00:54:07,207 I'm serious, Dad. I just need some inspiration right now. All right? 875 00:54:07,376 --> 00:54:08,843 Go get her back. 876 00:54:12,949 --> 00:54:14,974 Wow, how old are you? 877 00:54:41,711 --> 00:54:43,474 Wow. 878 00:54:43,646 --> 00:54:45,671 You look great, Cal. 879 00:54:46,749 --> 00:54:49,115 Oh. Ha, ha. 880 00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:53,813 Well, it turns out I've been buying the wrong size suit for like 20 years, so... 881 00:54:53,990 --> 00:54:57,517 Oh, well, whatever. You, um... You look great. 882 00:54:57,894 --> 00:54:59,725 Thanks. You always look great. 883 00:54:59,896 --> 00:55:01,227 Oh, thanks. 884 00:55:16,812 --> 00:55:19,747 - So I spoke to Nanna yesterday. - Yeah, me too. How'd she sound to you? 885 00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:23,852 Um... Like Nanna. She worries about us. 886 00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:27,947 What teacher is this? 887 00:55:28,124 --> 00:55:31,355 Ms. Tafferty. She's the one he pulled the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on. 888 00:55:31,527 --> 00:55:33,791 Mm-hm. 889 00:55:33,963 --> 00:55:35,487 God, he's such a weird kid. 890 00:55:36,699 --> 00:55:38,064 - I kind of like him, though. - Mm-hm. 891 00:55:38,234 --> 00:55:40,702 Yeah, me too. Glad we switched babies at the hospital. 892 00:55:40,870 --> 00:55:43,668 Me too. That other one's in jail, probably. 893 00:55:54,217 --> 00:55:56,048 So how's it going with David? 894 00:55:56,219 --> 00:55:59,086 Oh, you know, it, um... 895 00:56:00,289 --> 00:56:01,722 It wasn't, um... 896 00:56:03,226 --> 00:56:06,354 That didn't mean anything. 897 00:56:06,529 --> 00:56:08,759 - I mean, you know, if... - No. No, I know. 898 00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:14,861 You seeing anybody? 899 00:56:15,438 --> 00:56:16,564 Me? 900 00:56:16,739 --> 00:56:18,639 Mm-mm. 901 00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:21,606 Oh, you know. Well, you hear things, you know, so... 902 00:56:22,078 --> 00:56:24,410 No. No. Not real... 903 00:56:24,580 --> 00:56:25,979 You know me. 904 00:56:27,984 --> 00:56:29,212 Yeah, well... 905 00:56:32,622 --> 00:56:33,782 No. 906 00:56:41,163 --> 00:56:42,653 I miss you, Em. 907 00:56:46,302 --> 00:56:49,135 I made an effort when we were younger, didn't I? 908 00:56:49,505 --> 00:56:54,101 I mean, miniature golf and dancing. You were such a great dancer. 909 00:56:54,277 --> 00:56:57,075 I had to be. You were such a good miniature golfer. 910 00:56:58,347 --> 00:57:01,942 I just... I don't know. I guess I got lazy. I got... 911 00:57:03,152 --> 00:57:05,518 I got boring, is what I got. 912 00:57:05,688 --> 00:57:06,780 No. 913 00:57:07,623 --> 00:57:09,488 And I'm so mad at you. 914 00:57:10,293 --> 00:57:12,420 I'm really mad at you for what you did. 915 00:57:13,162 --> 00:57:14,925 But I'm mad at myself too. 916 00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:22,935 Because I should not have jumped out of that car. I should've fought for you. 917 00:57:26,542 --> 00:57:28,942 Because you fight for your soul mates. 918 00:57:30,746 --> 00:57:33,237 Least, that's what my 13-year-old son tells me. 919 00:57:34,383 --> 00:57:35,941 He's a really strange kid. 920 00:57:36,118 --> 00:57:37,608 He scares the shit out of me. 921 00:57:39,955 --> 00:57:42,389 I miss you too. 922 00:57:45,861 --> 00:57:47,226 Mr. And Mrs. Weaver? 923 00:57:48,531 --> 00:57:51,056 No way in hell. 924 00:57:51,634 --> 00:57:55,468 - Cal, what are you doing here? - Oh, you two know each other? 925 00:57:55,638 --> 00:57:58,903 Yes. Yeah, right. We've met before, yes. 926 00:57:59,275 --> 00:58:02,904 - "We have met before"? Seriously? Mm-hm. 927 00:58:03,079 --> 00:58:06,105 So I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Emily. 928 00:58:06,282 --> 00:58:08,216 Hi, I'm Robbie's mom. 929 00:58:09,518 --> 00:58:12,612 She's your wife again. How convenient. 930 00:58:13,522 --> 00:58:17,686 So shall we enter? 931 00:58:17,860 --> 00:58:19,293 - Okay. - Why don't we? 932 00:58:19,495 --> 00:58:21,258 Yeah, let's do that. 933 00:58:25,201 --> 00:58:28,568 I'm sorry. I'm playing catch-up. How do you two know each other, exactly? 934 00:58:28,738 --> 00:58:31,707 - Um... - Um... 935 00:58:33,209 --> 00:58:34,870 Maybe your husband should tell you. 936 00:58:35,845 --> 00:58:42,512 We... I think we met at last year's parent-teacher conference, wasn't it? 937 00:58:45,254 --> 00:58:49,156 Did I miss it? Did I miss the parent-teacher conference thing last year? 938 00:58:49,325 --> 00:58:51,555 Yeah. I don't remember. 939 00:58:51,827 --> 00:58:53,920 Why don't we just, uh, focus on Robbie? 940 00:58:54,096 --> 00:58:55,461 Yes. 941 00:58:55,765 --> 00:58:59,792 Yes, let's do that. Let's... 942 00:59:01,637 --> 00:59:02,968 Let's focus on Robbie. 943 00:59:09,478 --> 00:59:11,503 As you know, Robbie's shining moment... 944 00:59:11,680 --> 00:59:15,480 ...was when he set a school record for cursing in an eighth-grade English class. 945 00:59:21,824 --> 00:59:23,621 Asshole. Ha-ha-ha. 946 00:59:23,793 --> 00:59:25,954 You're familiar with this word, Mrs. Weaver. 947 00:59:26,128 --> 00:59:28,392 Yes, I am. And I've spoken to Principal... 948 00:59:28,564 --> 00:59:32,000 Asshole. As in someone who tells a woman that he'll call and never does. 949 00:59:32,054 --> 00:59:33,078 Hmm. 950 00:59:33,255 --> 00:59:36,190 Asshole. As in someone who uses honesty to get a woman into bed with him... 951 00:59:36,358 --> 00:59:38,724 ...but is actually full of shit like the rest of them. 952 00:59:39,061 --> 00:59:41,461 - This is not about Robbie. - Mm-mm. 953 00:59:41,630 --> 00:59:46,431 Asshole. As in someone who allows a woman to go downtown for 45 minutes... 954 00:59:46,601 --> 00:59:48,034 ...because he's nervous. 955 00:59:48,203 --> 00:59:50,228 - All right, all right, all right. - Ew. Ew. Oh. 956 00:59:50,405 --> 00:59:51,804 You know what? Know what? No. 957 00:59:51,973 --> 00:59:53,463 Here's the deal. 958 00:59:57,379 --> 00:59:59,142 - She's an alcoholic. - Aah! 959 00:59:59,314 --> 01:00:01,373 Oh, God. Okay. That's... I'm sorry. 960 01:00:01,550 --> 01:00:03,040 - I'm sorry. God. I gotta go. 961 01:00:03,218 --> 01:00:04,879 Aah! - Oh, my God. Emily. God. 962 01:00:05,687 --> 01:00:08,383 - Emily, Emily, wait. - Leave me alone, Cal. 963 01:00:08,557 --> 01:00:13,187 I'm sober five years, asshole! 964 01:00:14,563 --> 01:00:16,997 Okay, yeah, I did. I did. 965 01:00:17,165 --> 01:00:20,157 I slept with our son's eighth-grade English teacher. 966 01:00:20,335 --> 01:00:21,700 I know. I know. 967 01:00:21,870 --> 01:00:25,169 And I cheated, so I have no right to be angry. 968 01:00:25,340 --> 01:00:28,207 Not the point. When we were married you were the only woman... 969 01:00:28,377 --> 01:00:29,844 ...that I had ever slept with... 970 01:00:30,011 --> 01:00:32,878 ...and now I have had sex with nine different women... God. 971 01:00:34,916 --> 01:00:36,816 Nine? 972 01:00:36,985 --> 01:00:38,009 Nine? 973 01:00:40,389 --> 01:00:41,686 Wow. 974 01:00:44,860 --> 01:00:47,055 You showed me. 975 01:00:52,033 --> 01:00:54,228 I wasn't trying to show you. 976 01:00:56,004 --> 01:00:57,301 I was trying to move on. 977 01:01:00,409 --> 01:01:02,309 But I don't want to. 978 01:01:07,949 --> 01:01:10,213 You've always been the only one. 979 01:01:13,255 --> 01:01:17,055 Tell her she's the perfect combination of sexy and cute, asshole. 980 01:01:22,330 --> 01:01:23,854 You said that to her? 981 01:01:30,105 --> 01:01:31,970 I did, yes. 982 01:01:33,241 --> 01:01:35,038 Who are you? 983 01:01:42,918 --> 01:01:44,408 I'm your soul mate. 984 01:02:00,869 --> 01:02:02,666 What a clich�. 985 01:02:39,274 --> 01:02:40,741 You, get over here. Come on. 986 01:02:40,909 --> 01:02:43,036 Yeah, yeah, give it up. Give it up for her. 987 01:02:43,245 --> 01:02:44,644 Aw. 988 01:02:44,813 --> 01:02:46,212 I'm so proud of you, baby. 989 01:02:46,414 --> 01:02:48,143 I had my doubts, of course. 990 01:02:53,321 --> 01:02:58,452 Hannah, I did tell you that tonight would be a special night if you passed the bar. 991 01:02:59,828 --> 01:03:00,852 So, Hannah... 992 01:03:01,930 --> 01:03:07,266 ...I would like to formally ask you... 993 01:03:07,435 --> 01:03:09,665 ...in front of all our friends and colleagues... 994 01:03:10,205 --> 01:03:13,834 ...if you would like to become... 995 01:03:14,309 --> 01:03:18,507 ...a permanent lawyer at the firm of Watkins, Goldberg and Schmidt? Huh? 996 01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,148 How about that? Ha, ha. To you. 997 01:03:22,050 --> 01:03:23,142 Whoo! 998 01:03:27,722 --> 01:03:29,519 What? 999 01:03:30,392 --> 01:03:33,293 - I ju... Um... What, what is it? 1000 01:03:36,464 --> 01:03:40,867 I thought that you were gonna propose for some reason. 1001 01:03:42,270 --> 01:03:44,932 What? - Yeah. I know. I'm just... 1002 01:03:45,106 --> 01:03:46,664 It's just, uh, I'm a little thrown. 1003 01:03:46,841 --> 01:03:48,035 I'm sorry. 1004 01:03:48,877 --> 01:03:54,179 I didn't realize that you thought that we were there. 1005 01:03:54,349 --> 01:03:57,614 Oh, no. God, no. Don't be silly. I just... 1006 01:03:57,786 --> 01:04:00,414 I need some time, I think... 1007 01:04:00,589 --> 01:04:05,288 ...to figure out how I feel about us, you know? 1008 01:04:06,227 --> 01:04:09,219 Brrp. Long-term. 1009 01:04:10,899 --> 01:04:12,924 You need some time? 1010 01:04:14,135 --> 01:04:16,933 You need some time to figure out how you feel about us? Okay. 1011 01:04:17,105 --> 01:04:18,129 Honey? 1012 01:04:22,077 --> 01:04:25,046 - Wow. Ha-ha-ha. - Ha, ha. Wow. 1013 01:04:26,114 --> 01:04:29,106 - Ahem. - Wow. Huh. 1014 01:04:29,284 --> 01:04:30,308 Wow. 1015 01:04:32,053 --> 01:04:34,578 This is actually really funny. I'm just... Next level. 1016 01:04:34,756 --> 01:04:36,383 - Is this yours? Is this yours? Yes. 1017 01:04:37,392 --> 01:04:39,622 Mm. Mm. 1018 01:04:39,794 --> 01:04:40,954 Honey? 1019 01:04:41,930 --> 01:04:43,591 - Is this gin? Yes. 1020 01:04:46,267 --> 01:04:48,098 - There's, like, no water in that. - Yeah. 1021 01:04:49,671 --> 01:04:51,969 Great. - Mm. Aah, I hate gin. 1022 01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:54,633 Wow, you know what? Thank you, Richard. 1023 01:04:54,809 --> 01:04:59,143 Honestly, thank you very much for your job offer. I will consider it. 1024 01:04:59,881 --> 01:05:00,905 Hannah Banana. 1025 01:05:01,616 --> 01:05:04,278 Whoo! Ha, ha. - Banana. Hannah. 1026 01:05:10,892 --> 01:05:13,122 Do you wanna buy me a drink? Yes. 1027 01:05:13,294 --> 01:05:15,728 - It's nicer that way. Right? You. 1028 01:05:41,756 --> 01:05:42,780 You remember me? 1029 01:05:44,125 --> 01:05:45,149 Yeah. 1030 01:05:45,326 --> 01:05:47,487 - You still find me attractive? - Yes. 1031 01:05:47,662 --> 01:05:49,357 Still wanna take me home? 1032 01:05:50,832 --> 01:05:51,856 Yeah. 1033 01:05:54,636 --> 01:05:55,660 Let's go. 1034 01:06:30,338 --> 01:06:31,737 Just one look 1035 01:06:33,475 --> 01:06:35,807 And I fell so hard 1036 01:06:35,977 --> 01:06:37,137 Here. 1037 01:06:39,147 --> 01:06:41,672 I really like this song. This was a good choice. Yeah. 1038 01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,182 - Good song. You never hear this song. - Mm-hm. Mm-mm. 1039 01:06:44,352 --> 01:06:45,376 Love this song. 1040 01:06:48,423 --> 01:06:49,583 Cheers. 1041 01:06:51,593 --> 01:06:56,895 How good it feels 1042 01:06:57,065 --> 01:06:58,225 Ugh. 1043 01:07:00,068 --> 01:07:01,365 That's not my drink. 1044 01:07:01,536 --> 01:07:03,231 Your love 1045 01:07:03,404 --> 01:07:05,599 Mm. Mm. 1046 01:07:06,541 --> 01:07:07,565 Ugh. 1047 01:07:09,978 --> 01:07:12,173 It's not my favorite. Thank you. 1048 01:07:14,415 --> 01:07:16,178 Forever 1049 01:07:18,253 --> 01:07:21,586 And always 1050 01:07:21,756 --> 01:07:24,725 - So is this how it normally works? - What? 1051 01:07:24,893 --> 01:07:27,521 You put on the perfect song, you make them a drink. 1052 01:07:27,695 --> 01:07:31,028 And I knew 1053 01:07:31,199 --> 01:07:32,632 And then you sleep together. 1054 01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:34,131 That you 1055 01:07:35,270 --> 01:07:36,794 Um... 1056 01:07:36,971 --> 01:07:37,995 Yeah. 1057 01:07:39,974 --> 01:07:41,601 I'm very nervous. 1058 01:07:42,410 --> 01:07:43,843 I'm getting that. 1059 01:07:44,445 --> 01:07:47,141 Okay. Because I know I seemed confident back at the bar... 1060 01:07:47,315 --> 01:07:51,752 ...but that was mostly just because I was cold and wet... 1061 01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:54,411 ...and trying to be dramatic a little bit. 1062 01:07:55,256 --> 01:07:56,280 You're adorable. 1063 01:07:57,458 --> 01:07:58,482 No. 1064 01:07:58,860 --> 01:08:00,122 I am sexy. 1065 01:08:00,295 --> 01:08:02,422 - I am R-rated sexy. - Mm-hm. 1066 01:08:02,597 --> 01:08:06,033 Okay, I know what happens in the PG-13 version of tonight, all right? I know. 1067 01:08:06,201 --> 01:08:10,331 It's that I get really drunk and then I pass out. 1068 01:08:10,505 --> 01:08:13,565 You cover me with a blanket, kiss me on the cheek, nothing happens. 1069 01:08:13,741 --> 01:08:15,936 But that's not why I'm here. 1070 01:08:16,411 --> 01:08:20,973 I am here to bang the hot guy that hit on me at the bar. 1071 01:08:22,617 --> 01:08:24,608 - Jacob. - Jacob. 1072 01:08:25,887 --> 01:08:27,855 - Are people still saying "bang"? - I do. 1073 01:08:28,022 --> 01:08:30,354 We are gonna bang. Hmm? 1074 01:08:30,525 --> 01:08:31,890 This is happening. 1075 01:08:32,660 --> 01:08:34,150 - Take off your shirt. - Why? 1076 01:08:34,329 --> 01:08:37,924 Please, will you take off your shirt? I can't stop thinking. I need to just... 1077 01:08:38,099 --> 01:08:40,363 - Okay, okay, okay. - All right, okay, okay, okay. 1078 01:08:48,810 --> 01:08:49,970 Fuck. 1079 01:08:50,144 --> 01:08:53,136 Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped. 1080 01:08:55,216 --> 01:08:56,308 Can I...? 1081 01:08:57,352 --> 01:08:59,320 Aah. You have cold hands. 1082 01:09:00,722 --> 01:09:02,246 - Now you take off your dress. - No. 1083 01:09:02,423 --> 01:09:05,256 - Yes. - No. Not with that going on. No, thank you. 1084 01:09:05,426 --> 01:09:07,917 Is there dim lighting somewhere? Oh, God. 1085 01:09:09,330 --> 01:09:12,561 Okay, so then what do we do? What happens now? Like, logistically? 1086 01:09:12,734 --> 01:09:15,601 - What's your move? - What do you mean, what's my move? 1087 01:09:15,803 --> 01:09:18,431 - What's your move? Your big move? - I got lots of moves. 1088 01:09:18,606 --> 01:09:20,437 - What's your big move? - I'm not telling. 1089 01:09:20,608 --> 01:09:23,133 - Tell me your move. - You're not ready for the big move. 1090 01:09:23,311 --> 01:09:25,541 - Yes, I am. - You can't handle the big move. 1091 01:09:25,713 --> 01:09:29,080 - Tell me your big move. - I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation. 1092 01:09:31,085 --> 01:09:32,950 Dirty Dancing? 1093 01:09:33,121 --> 01:09:35,214 - Can I sit down, please? - Yeah. 1094 01:09:35,390 --> 01:09:37,119 - Can I put back on my shirt? - No. 1095 01:09:37,292 --> 01:09:39,624 Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do? Do we watch it? 1096 01:09:39,794 --> 01:09:43,992 You know the big move at the end where Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey? 1097 01:09:44,165 --> 01:09:46,065 - Yeah. - I can do that. 1098 01:09:47,435 --> 01:09:49,960 - Okay. - So I tell girls I can do the move. 1099 01:09:50,138 --> 01:09:53,869 I put on the song "Time of Your Life. " I do the big move. 1100 01:09:54,542 --> 01:09:56,305 And they always wanna have sex with me. 1101 01:09:56,477 --> 01:09:59,469 Oh, my God. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. 1102 01:09:59,647 --> 01:10:01,911 I agree. But it works every time. 1103 01:10:02,850 --> 01:10:04,147 That would not work on me. 1104 01:10:09,924 --> 01:10:12,620 Oh, God, this is ridiculous. I don't wanna do it. 1105 01:10:12,794 --> 01:10:13,818 Come on. 1106 01:10:13,995 --> 01:10:15,895 This is beyond ridiculous. 1107 01:10:16,064 --> 01:10:17,554 - Run and jump. - No. 1108 01:10:17,732 --> 01:10:19,393 - Yeah. Come on. - No, thank you. 1109 01:10:20,601 --> 01:10:22,364 Thank God I'm drunk. Here we go. 1110 01:10:26,441 --> 01:10:32,846 'Cause I've had the time of my life 1111 01:10:33,014 --> 01:10:37,542 And I owe it all to you 1112 01:10:43,925 --> 01:10:45,916 I've been waiting for so long 1113 01:10:46,094 --> 01:10:50,622 Now I've finally found someone To stand by me 1114 01:10:53,368 --> 01:10:55,996 Ahem. So do you prefer to do it here or in the bedroom? 1115 01:10:56,170 --> 01:10:57,330 The bedroom is preferred. 1116 01:10:57,505 --> 01:11:00,269 Mm-hm. Yeah, okay. Let's go there. 1117 01:11:33,307 --> 01:11:35,002 This pillow... 1118 01:11:36,477 --> 01:11:39,742 ...forms perfectly to the shape of my head. 1119 01:11:42,050 --> 01:11:43,210 Yeah. 1120 01:11:48,089 --> 01:11:50,683 Is this one of those foam pillows from Brookstone? 1121 01:11:52,060 --> 01:11:53,152 Yeah. 1122 01:11:53,461 --> 01:11:55,656 - Yeah? Oh. - Yeah. 1123 01:11:56,597 --> 01:11:59,225 I always wondered who buys those kind of... 1124 01:11:59,734 --> 01:12:02,760 The hot guy from the bar buys these. Of course. 1125 01:12:02,970 --> 01:12:04,494 - Jacob. - Mm-hm, Jacob. Sorry about that. 1126 01:12:04,672 --> 01:12:05,696 Good. 1127 01:12:06,908 --> 01:12:08,773 I'm sorry, continue. 1128 01:12:28,096 --> 01:12:32,965 You don't have one of those ridiculous, um, massage chairs, do you? 1129 01:12:37,538 --> 01:12:38,732 - You do? - No. 1130 01:12:38,906 --> 01:12:40,533 - Yes, you do. - Yeah, I do. 1131 01:12:40,708 --> 01:12:43,233 - Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God. - I don't. I don't. I do. 1132 01:12:43,411 --> 01:12:45,538 Who would have that? I would. I have that. 1133 01:12:45,947 --> 01:12:47,539 - How much was it? - Five thousand dollars. 1134 01:12:49,283 --> 01:12:50,910 Ask me how many times I've used it. 1135 01:12:51,085 --> 01:12:53,246 - How many times have you used it? - Twice. 1136 01:12:54,055 --> 01:12:55,750 That's $2500 a massage. 1137 01:12:55,923 --> 01:12:57,550 Twice. 1138 01:12:57,892 --> 01:13:01,020 - Where is it? - It's in the garage. 1139 01:13:01,863 --> 01:13:03,330 Can I sit in the massage chair? 1140 01:13:08,169 --> 01:13:09,659 I hate it. 1141 01:13:10,771 --> 01:13:14,229 The Home Shopping Network. But I'm addic... I buy... I'm just the worst. 1142 01:13:14,408 --> 01:13:15,898 - Do you have a Slap Chop? - Yes. 1143 01:13:16,077 --> 01:13:18,068 - The knife that cuts through the penny? - Yes. 1144 01:13:18,246 --> 01:13:21,044 - Ha-ha-ha. What else do you have? - Coin Bears. 1145 01:13:21,215 --> 01:13:23,581 Coin Bears? You don't have Coin Bears. 1146 01:13:23,751 --> 01:13:25,514 I have a whole set from each state. 1147 01:13:25,686 --> 01:13:27,119 You have 50 Coin Bears? 1148 01:13:27,288 --> 01:13:29,722 - They have a coin in their foot. - You stay up nights. 1149 01:13:29,891 --> 01:13:31,483 I am wildly unhappy. 1150 01:13:33,094 --> 01:13:36,461 I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working. 1151 01:13:36,631 --> 01:13:38,963 - Were you smart in school? - A little bossy, yeah. 1152 01:13:39,133 --> 01:13:43,695 But I won a spelling bee and my dad cried at the spelling bee. 1153 01:13:43,871 --> 01:13:45,771 - No way. That's nice. - Mm-hm. 1154 01:13:45,940 --> 01:13:47,999 - What word did you win on? - It was so stupid. 1155 01:13:48,176 --> 01:13:51,270 I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. 1156 01:13:51,812 --> 01:13:54,110 What, you think coffee and sleep don't mix? 1157 01:13:54,282 --> 01:13:58,480 Well, they do if it's High Point. It's decaffeinated. 1158 01:13:58,653 --> 01:14:01,019 And the flavor is marvelous. 1159 01:14:01,189 --> 01:14:03,589 Do you have that mold that makes cakes...? 1160 01:14:03,758 --> 01:14:04,816 I have calf pants. 1161 01:14:07,094 --> 01:14:09,654 I have pants just for my calves. Calf pants. 1162 01:14:17,338 --> 01:14:18,805 Oh, my God. 1163 01:14:21,976 --> 01:14:23,876 Could you do me a favor? 1164 01:14:24,345 --> 01:14:25,869 - What? - Will you do me a kindness? 1165 01:14:26,047 --> 01:14:27,480 Mm. 1166 01:14:27,648 --> 01:14:32,608 Will you ask me something personal about myself? 1167 01:14:32,787 --> 01:14:35,813 Hmm. Okay, fine. I'll do it. And then we bang. 1168 01:14:35,990 --> 01:14:37,252 Yes. 1169 01:14:37,425 --> 01:14:38,619 What's your mother like? 1170 01:14:39,527 --> 01:14:44,487 My mom is very beautiful. 1171 01:14:44,665 --> 01:14:47,828 Um... Very vain. 1172 01:14:48,669 --> 01:14:50,261 Very smart. 1173 01:14:51,072 --> 01:14:52,369 Cold. 1174 01:14:52,573 --> 01:14:54,063 And your dad? 1175 01:14:55,042 --> 01:14:56,066 Um... 1176 01:14:57,411 --> 01:15:00,073 He died a long time ago. 1177 01:15:01,515 --> 01:15:03,346 He was such a sweet guy. 1178 01:15:03,517 --> 01:15:05,348 He was probably too sweet. 1179 01:15:08,022 --> 01:15:10,786 Very successful in business. 1180 01:15:10,958 --> 01:15:16,225 He made a lot of money, which is why I have all this stuff. 1181 01:15:16,397 --> 01:15:18,194 But he was soft. 1182 01:15:19,267 --> 01:15:21,963 Just too soft, too sensitive. 1183 01:15:22,169 --> 01:15:26,538 And, you know, Dad, he couldn't really handle my mother... 1184 01:15:26,707 --> 01:15:29,471 ...and didn't really make an effort. 1185 01:16:00,841 --> 01:16:02,570 Hey, Jacob, it's Cal. 1186 01:16:02,843 --> 01:16:04,208 Where are you? 1187 01:16:04,412 --> 01:16:07,540 Remember the first woman I picked up, that teacher? 1188 01:16:07,715 --> 01:16:09,376 Well, I have a story to tell you about her. 1189 01:16:10,751 --> 01:16:13,618 It's been a week. I haven't heard from you. Should I be concerned? 1190 01:16:13,788 --> 01:16:16,222 I am imagining you suffocating under a pile of women. Call me. 1191 01:16:17,591 --> 01:16:19,752 Oh. Yeah, hey, it's me again. 1192 01:16:20,728 --> 01:16:23,128 Left like a hundred messages. 1193 01:16:25,766 --> 01:16:29,224 Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing, I'm not getting it, so... 1194 01:16:30,271 --> 01:16:32,262 Call me back, please. Thanks. 1195 01:16:56,364 --> 01:16:59,197 Been to St. Louis? No, I haven't. 1196 01:16:59,367 --> 01:17:03,326 I always dreamt of playing shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals, actually... 1197 01:17:03,504 --> 01:17:06,564 ...but I couldn't hit a curveball, so I did the next best thing. 1198 01:17:06,774 --> 01:17:08,332 Yeah, you became an accountant. 1199 01:17:08,509 --> 01:17:09,737 Right. Exactly. 1200 01:17:09,910 --> 01:17:12,538 I mean, the money's not as good, but there's less travel. 1201 01:17:12,713 --> 01:17:13,737 Mm. Ha, ha. 1202 01:17:13,914 --> 01:17:16,280 - I was gonna be a ballerina. - Really? 1203 01:17:16,450 --> 01:17:18,714 So tell me, what is it with women and ballerinas? 1204 01:17:18,886 --> 01:17:21,218 I just pictured myself in the ballet. 1205 01:17:21,389 --> 01:17:24,017 It's not like I had a lot of training or anything. 1206 01:17:24,191 --> 01:17:26,853 I mean, I actually never really had a lesson... 1207 01:17:27,027 --> 01:17:30,485 ...and, um, haven't seen a ballet. 1208 01:17:31,065 --> 01:17:32,555 You've never been to the ballet? 1209 01:17:32,733 --> 01:17:34,928 - Mm-mm. Wow. 1210 01:17:35,102 --> 01:17:38,367 - I'd love to take you to the ballet. - You'd love to go to the ballet? 1211 01:17:38,539 --> 01:17:41,906 I didn't say that. I'd love to take you to the ballet. I'd drop you off. 1212 01:17:42,076 --> 01:17:45,045 Later on I'd pick you up and we could go to a ball game. 1213 01:17:45,212 --> 01:17:46,304 Oh, I get it. 1214 01:17:49,550 --> 01:17:52,451 Ha, ha. - I had a lot of fun tonight. 1215 01:17:54,188 --> 01:17:57,055 You like sushi? I know this really great little sushi place... 1216 01:17:57,224 --> 01:17:58,248 I don't eat sushi. 1217 01:17:58,426 --> 01:18:00,826 - That we're never gonna go to because I hate sushi. 1218 01:18:10,905 --> 01:18:12,839 Oh, hi. Hi, Jess. 1219 01:18:13,007 --> 01:18:15,532 Uh, this is my work friend, David. 1220 01:18:15,709 --> 01:18:17,233 David is an accountant. 1221 01:18:17,411 --> 01:18:19,538 David, this is Jessica, my babysitter. 1222 01:18:20,114 --> 01:18:21,172 Uh... 1223 01:18:22,483 --> 01:18:24,883 So, you know, everything looks great. 1224 01:18:25,052 --> 01:18:26,417 Spreadsheets. 1225 01:18:26,587 --> 01:18:28,077 Spreadsheets. 1226 01:18:31,625 --> 01:18:32,751 See you at work. 1227 01:18:32,927 --> 01:18:34,554 Yeah, see you at work. 1228 01:18:39,133 --> 01:18:40,828 So how was dinner? 1229 01:18:41,001 --> 01:18:43,299 - Oh, well, you know, it was just for work. - Yeah. 1230 01:18:43,471 --> 01:18:46,998 - That's a really pretty dress. - Thank you. What do I owe you? 1231 01:18:47,641 --> 01:18:50,838 Do you know that your kids are the only ones that I babysit for... 1232 01:18:51,011 --> 01:18:54,640 ...that wanna stay awake so that they can see their dad when he gets home? 1233 01:18:55,749 --> 01:19:00,311 Yeah, I mean, they fight with everything they have to keep their eyes open. 1234 01:19:00,488 --> 01:19:02,115 And don't get me wrong... 1235 01:19:02,289 --> 01:19:06,988 ...no, your kids are really excited to see you when you get home too, Ms. Weaver... 1236 01:19:08,128 --> 01:19:11,222 ...but not a lot wanna stay up for Dad. 1237 01:19:14,001 --> 01:19:16,128 Honey, what are you trying to say? 1238 01:19:16,303 --> 01:19:17,361 Batshit crazy. 1239 01:19:17,538 --> 01:19:19,369 Jessica, uh, what...? 1240 01:19:19,540 --> 01:19:22,134 - Let me give you... - I don't want your slutty money. 1241 01:19:22,309 --> 01:19:26,040 Sweetheart, what's the pro...? What's wrong? 1242 01:19:27,781 --> 01:19:31,046 "Slutty money"? 1243 01:21:27,301 --> 01:21:28,325 Kids. 1244 01:21:31,305 --> 01:21:34,502 Kids. Ice cream. 1245 01:21:44,118 --> 01:21:48,179 I knew it. I knew it. - Yeah. I'll be right back. 1246 01:22:02,636 --> 01:22:04,433 Oh, shit. Oh, God. 1247 01:22:16,917 --> 01:22:17,941 Hello? 1248 01:22:18,118 --> 01:22:19,983 - Hi, Cal. - Hi. 1249 01:22:20,654 --> 01:22:21,985 Um... 1250 01:22:23,290 --> 01:22:24,484 So... 1251 01:22:24,658 --> 01:22:28,321 ...I'm just calling, um... 1252 01:22:30,130 --> 01:22:32,963 ...because I'm in the basement... 1253 01:22:33,133 --> 01:22:35,931 ...and I'm trying to get the water heater working, um... 1254 01:22:37,538 --> 01:22:41,167 ...because the pilot light's out and I don't know how to relight it. 1255 01:22:41,975 --> 01:22:43,567 So I'm sorry to bother you. 1256 01:22:43,744 --> 01:22:47,271 No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Call me... 1257 01:22:48,148 --> 01:22:50,378 I'm glad you called about this. 1258 01:22:50,551 --> 01:22:52,849 - I'll just walk you through it, okay? - Okay. 1259 01:22:54,321 --> 01:22:58,553 All right, so there's a gray door. You see the gray door? 1260 01:22:58,726 --> 01:23:01,820 - Yeah. - Okay, just slide that down. 1261 01:23:03,097 --> 01:23:04,121 Okay. 1262 01:23:04,298 --> 01:23:07,392 There's a red button with the word "push" on it. 1263 01:23:07,568 --> 01:23:09,536 I wrote the word "push" on it? 1264 01:23:10,037 --> 01:23:14,133 So you push it. And you turn it to the right. 1265 01:23:14,308 --> 01:23:15,639 I got it. 1266 01:23:16,143 --> 01:23:18,043 And then just put the match in. 1267 01:23:21,115 --> 01:23:22,844 Oh, there it goes. 1268 01:23:23,517 --> 01:23:27,044 Just have to slide the gray door down again and you're good to go. 1269 01:23:28,455 --> 01:23:29,752 Oh. 1270 01:23:33,327 --> 01:23:36,194 Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate your help. 1271 01:23:36,363 --> 01:23:40,094 Oh, you know what? Just call anytime with stuff like that. That's... 1272 01:23:41,502 --> 01:23:43,766 Oh, yeah. Uh... 1273 01:23:43,937 --> 01:23:45,268 Yeah. Oh. 1274 01:23:45,906 --> 01:23:47,100 Sure. 1275 01:23:47,808 --> 01:23:49,503 So I'll talk to you soon. 1276 01:23:50,177 --> 01:23:52,008 Yeah, and, um... 1277 01:23:54,214 --> 01:23:55,579 Thanks again. 1278 01:23:55,749 --> 01:23:58,343 No, that's... My pleasure. 1279 01:24:01,255 --> 01:24:02,688 Don't want you to blow up the house. 1280 01:24:05,893 --> 01:24:06,951 Bye. 1281 01:24:07,127 --> 01:24:08,253 Bye. 1282 01:24:26,847 --> 01:24:29,077 Dad, can we go to McDonald's? Uh, no. 1283 01:24:29,249 --> 01:24:30,341 Why not? 1284 01:24:31,852 --> 01:24:33,149 Check it out. 1285 01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,413 Only reason they play them is they're catchy. 1286 01:24:35,589 --> 01:24:37,454 - Thank you. Here you go, sir. 1287 01:24:37,624 --> 01:24:39,114 Now, does it come in sheets...? 1288 01:24:39,293 --> 01:24:42,490 Oh, yeah, it's a 4 by 8. Standard 4 by 8, your 3/4 inch stock. Yeah. 1289 01:24:42,663 --> 01:24:45,564 - Now, this is for my wife. - Oh. That's nice. 1290 01:24:45,732 --> 01:24:46,926 It has curtains. 1291 01:24:47,100 --> 01:24:48,362 - Oh, hey, Cal. Hey, Bernie. 1292 01:24:48,535 --> 01:24:50,230 Hi, Mr. Riley. Hi, Mr. Riley. 1293 01:24:50,404 --> 01:24:51,428 - How's it going? - Oh, good. 1294 01:24:51,605 --> 01:24:54,597 I'd love to catch up, but I'm doing something to the house later. 1295 01:24:54,775 --> 01:24:56,106 Kind of in a rush. 1296 01:24:56,276 --> 01:24:57,766 Thanks for the cologne. 1297 01:24:57,945 --> 01:24:59,572 Do you know if this is chintz? 1298 01:25:01,081 --> 01:25:02,514 Hello? Cal. 1299 01:25:02,683 --> 01:25:04,548 - Jacob. - Oh, my God, it's alive. 1300 01:25:04,718 --> 01:25:07,152 Hey, sorry I kind of dropped off the grid there, pal. 1301 01:25:07,321 --> 01:25:09,812 You left me in my hour of need, my friend. 1302 01:25:09,990 --> 01:25:11,014 Yeah, well... 1303 01:25:11,191 --> 01:25:14,251 ...I'm in a bit of a situation. 1304 01:25:14,428 --> 01:25:15,986 A pickle, if you will. 1305 01:25:16,163 --> 01:25:18,188 - I got no one else to call. - Ha, ha. 1306 01:25:18,632 --> 01:25:20,600 - I met a girl. - Oh, really? 1307 01:25:20,767 --> 01:25:24,032 I'm spending all this time with her and she is a game changer. 1308 01:25:24,204 --> 01:25:26,229 She's a game changer? No way. 1309 01:25:26,406 --> 01:25:28,670 So much so I'm going to meet her mother right now. 1310 01:25:28,842 --> 01:25:32,005 A mother and daughter. That's very Wilt Chamberlain-esque, even for you. 1311 01:25:32,179 --> 01:25:33,669 - What is the matter with you? - Ha, ha. 1312 01:25:33,847 --> 01:25:35,940 I don't know what to do. I need some advice. 1313 01:25:36,116 --> 01:25:39,984 You might actually have to answer some personal questions about yourself. 1314 01:25:40,153 --> 01:25:42,348 You gotta smile a lot. You've gotta be charming. 1315 01:25:42,522 --> 01:25:43,648 Definitely don't be yourself. 1316 01:25:43,824 --> 01:25:45,655 That's what you've got for me, don't be myself? 1317 01:25:45,826 --> 01:25:48,386 - Ha-ha-ha. - Great. Thanks for nothing. 1318 01:25:48,562 --> 01:25:49,859 Do you wanna get a? 1319 01:25:50,797 --> 01:25:52,822 Do you wanna get a beer next week? 1320 01:25:53,000 --> 01:25:54,729 You have my number. 1321 01:25:54,902 --> 01:25:57,530 And, you know, don't worry about tonight. You'll be fine. 1322 01:25:57,704 --> 01:26:00,229 - Good for you, by the way. - See you, buddy. 1323 01:26:00,841 --> 01:26:03,867 Honk. You gotta get that fixed. 1324 01:26:05,646 --> 01:26:08,308 - Okay. All right. - Let's go. 1325 01:26:31,405 --> 01:26:32,770 Va-jay-jay. 1326 01:26:49,289 --> 01:26:51,780 ...out of this fourth inning with just one run in. 1327 01:26:51,959 --> 01:26:56,293 He's right on the verge of a big hit knocking him out of the game here. 1328 01:26:56,496 --> 01:26:59,431 He's staying in there, very competitive today. 1329 01:27:19,353 --> 01:27:22,151 No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. 1330 01:27:23,156 --> 01:27:25,750 No, leave him. Let him go. He can handle it. Let him go. 1331 01:27:25,926 --> 01:27:28,224 Honey! Get out of my purse. Stay out of my purse! 1332 01:27:28,395 --> 01:27:32,354 Do not take those keys! Do not take those keys! I'm not letting you take those keys. 1333 01:27:32,532 --> 01:27:35,160 You're not following your father! Stop it! 1334 01:27:35,335 --> 01:27:38,463 No! No! Let your father handle it. You're not to see that man again! 1335 01:27:38,638 --> 01:27:39,764 That man's a pervert! 1336 01:27:39,940 --> 01:27:41,168 - Stay out of it! - No! 1337 01:27:41,341 --> 01:27:42,933 Is that pervert sexting you? 1338 01:27:43,343 --> 01:27:44,367 Hey, baby. 1339 01:27:45,012 --> 01:27:46,104 What are you wearing? 1340 01:27:46,279 --> 01:27:49,407 Dad's here. I have to blindfold you. 1341 01:27:49,583 --> 01:27:52,177 - Why? What's he doing? - Just come on. 1342 01:28:04,264 --> 01:28:05,561 Hate this. Bad. 1343 01:28:07,200 --> 01:28:09,168 Is this something I'm gonna have to clean up? 1344 01:28:09,336 --> 01:28:11,270 Mom, no, don't worry about it. Keep going. 1345 01:28:11,438 --> 01:28:13,929 Honey, honey, I really can't see. Mom, I got you. 1346 01:28:14,107 --> 01:28:16,632 Two. Right now we're on the ground. One more step. 1347 01:28:16,810 --> 01:28:18,141 - Three. - Three. Yay. 1348 01:28:18,311 --> 01:28:20,438 Mom, no more steps. We're on the ground. 1349 01:28:20,614 --> 01:28:23,606 Mom, relax. It's your husband, not al Qaeda. 1350 01:28:23,784 --> 01:28:24,808 Hi, Em. 1351 01:28:24,985 --> 01:28:27,453 Oh, hey. Can I take this off now, please? 1352 01:28:27,621 --> 01:28:29,452 - Nope, not yet. - Oh, what's this? 1353 01:28:30,824 --> 01:28:32,485 - I hear you, gigglepuss. - Do it. 1354 01:28:36,463 --> 01:28:38,863 May I have your attention? 1355 01:28:42,035 --> 01:28:46,802 Many years ago, in the hallway of Woodside Middle School... 1356 01:28:46,973 --> 01:28:50,306 ...Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle for the first time. 1357 01:28:50,477 --> 01:28:53,446 Cal, are you seriously gonna do this in front of the kids? 1358 01:28:53,613 --> 01:28:54,637 Mm-hm. 1359 01:28:54,815 --> 01:28:58,012 If anything goes wrong I'm supposed to take her upstairs and put the TV on loud. 1360 01:28:58,418 --> 01:29:01,478 All right. Well, we may as well wait for your daughter. 1361 01:29:01,655 --> 01:29:04,317 - She's right here. - No, no, no. I mean our other daughter. 1362 01:29:04,491 --> 01:29:05,788 Hello? - Nanna. 1363 01:29:05,959 --> 01:29:08,359 - Hi, guys. Hi, sweetheart. 1364 01:29:08,528 --> 01:29:10,257 Hi. What's going on? 1365 01:29:10,430 --> 01:29:14,161 Oh, I don't know. Some game. He won't let me take this dumb blindfold off. 1366 01:29:14,334 --> 01:29:15,926 - Cal? - Is that him? 1367 01:29:16,369 --> 01:29:17,529 What are you doing here? 1368 01:29:17,704 --> 01:29:20,639 - What are you doing here? - Wait, do you guys know each other? 1369 01:29:20,807 --> 01:29:22,798 - What's going on? - What are you doing here? 1370 01:29:22,976 --> 01:29:25,137 Hey, Nanna. - Hi, Robbie. 1371 01:29:25,312 --> 01:29:26,745 - Hey, Nanna. - Hi, cutie. 1372 01:29:26,913 --> 01:29:28,278 Jacob, it's so nice to meet you. 1373 01:29:28,448 --> 01:29:30,973 I've heard so many wonderful things about you from Nanna. 1374 01:29:31,151 --> 01:29:32,846 - I'm sorry, what's a Nanna? I am. 1375 01:29:33,019 --> 01:29:35,146 I couldn't say Hannah. How do you know my dad? 1376 01:29:35,322 --> 01:29:37,517 She couldn't say her H's at all. 1377 01:29:37,691 --> 01:29:40,717 Okay. I'm having trouble understanding what's going on right now. 1378 01:29:41,361 --> 01:29:45,320 - Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend. No, it's not. 1379 01:29:45,499 --> 01:29:48,229 - I was bringing him over to meet Mom. - No. No. No, no, no. 1380 01:29:48,401 --> 01:29:50,460 I wanna see the boyfriend. - I can't breathe. 1381 01:29:50,637 --> 01:29:51,797 Can I take this off? 1382 01:29:51,972 --> 01:29:54,463 Cal, what are you doing with a daughter that's grown up? 1383 01:29:54,674 --> 01:29:57,142 I was 17. That's why we had to get married so young. 1384 01:29:57,310 --> 01:30:00,279 - You should have told me. - Never wanted me to talk about my children. 1385 01:30:00,447 --> 01:30:03,848 - Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now. - That's fine. Why don't you go do that? 1386 01:30:04,017 --> 01:30:05,382 - Yeah. Can I come? - No. 1387 01:30:05,552 --> 01:30:07,850 So you guys, like, really know each other, then. 1388 01:30:08,021 --> 01:30:10,649 Oh, screw it. This is ridiculous. 1389 01:30:10,824 --> 01:30:12,689 - Honey, he's really cute. - No, he's not. 1390 01:30:12,859 --> 01:30:15,453 Look at you. You're really a mother? I don't believe it, sister. 1391 01:30:15,962 --> 01:30:18,226 Let me get this straight. So you guys are a thing. 1392 01:30:18,398 --> 01:30:20,798 You guys are a couple, right? You guys are together? 1393 01:30:20,967 --> 01:30:22,958 - Yeah. - No way. Break up right now. 1394 01:30:23,336 --> 01:30:25,099 - Daddy? - Please don't call him that. 1395 01:30:25,906 --> 01:30:28,500 - Cal, that's not gonna happen. - Then I will mess you up. 1396 01:30:28,708 --> 01:30:29,800 - Dad. - Cal. 1397 01:30:29,976 --> 01:30:31,000 - Cal. - Jessica? 1398 01:30:31,178 --> 01:30:32,202 Bernie? 1399 01:30:33,914 --> 01:30:35,040 Daddy, no. 1400 01:30:35,215 --> 01:30:38,150 I let her babysit for you, you son of a bitch. 1401 01:30:38,919 --> 01:30:41,479 - She's only 17 years old. - What are you talking about? 1402 01:30:41,655 --> 01:30:43,589 - Oh, God. No idea what you're talking about. 1403 01:30:43,757 --> 01:30:44,883 - Aah! Bernie. 1404 01:30:45,058 --> 01:30:48,186 Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it. 1405 01:30:50,330 --> 01:30:52,161 Dad. Jacob! Oh, God. 1406 01:30:52,332 --> 01:30:53,890 Stop it. He didn't do anything. 1407 01:30:54,067 --> 01:30:55,830 - He doesn't know. Is your back okay? 1408 01:30:56,002 --> 01:30:57,492 - Know what? - Know what? 1409 01:30:57,671 --> 01:30:59,798 Is this some kind of a skit? Because I'm lost. 1410 01:31:00,006 --> 01:31:01,030 - Argh! No. 1411 01:31:01,208 --> 01:31:03,768 - Aah! No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy. 1412 01:31:03,944 --> 01:31:05,707 He didn't even know that I'm in love with him. 1413 01:31:06,613 --> 01:31:08,080 - With who? With him. 1414 01:31:08,248 --> 01:31:10,182 - You pointing at me? - You pointing at him? 1415 01:31:10,350 --> 01:31:12,113 She's pointing at him? Oh. 1416 01:31:12,285 --> 01:31:15,118 Wait. My dad is the older guy you've been seeing? 1417 01:31:15,288 --> 01:31:18,382 - I knew it. You... - He doesn't know about the naked photos. 1418 01:31:18,558 --> 01:31:20,287 - What? - Jessica. 1419 01:31:20,460 --> 01:31:22,223 You made him naked photos? Seriously? 1420 01:31:22,395 --> 01:31:26,024 - I'm gonna beat you till your brains fall out. - Timeout, timeout. Hold on. 1421 01:31:26,199 --> 01:31:29,191 - But I love her. - Jessica's the one you're in love with? 1422 01:31:29,369 --> 01:31:31,166 Excuse me, Emily? 1423 01:31:31,938 --> 01:31:34,304 - You left your sweater in my car. - Oh. 1424 01:31:34,474 --> 01:31:36,032 - Who are you? - David Lindhagen. 1425 01:31:37,944 --> 01:31:40,003 - David Lindhagen? - David Lindhagen. 1426 01:31:41,248 --> 01:31:42,806 Okay. 1427 01:31:42,983 --> 01:31:45,076 - Is this a bad time? - Yeah. 1428 01:31:45,252 --> 01:31:46,879 - Unh. - Jacob. 1429 01:31:47,420 --> 01:31:50,048 Know how much pain and suffering you caused my friend? 1430 01:31:50,223 --> 01:31:52,054 - Stay the hell away from my daughter. - Ow. 1431 01:31:52,225 --> 01:31:53,920 You stay away from my daughter. 1432 01:31:54,094 --> 01:31:56,153 - I don't even know you. Stop it. 1433 01:31:56,329 --> 01:31:58,627 Oh, my God. That is not... What are you grabbing? 1434 01:32:01,601 --> 01:32:03,535 Really? Really? - Come on. 1435 01:32:03,703 --> 01:32:06,399 Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me! 1436 01:32:06,573 --> 01:32:08,837 Come on, she's my daughter. Stop it. Stop it. 1437 01:32:09,009 --> 01:32:10,033 I'll kill you. 1438 01:32:12,379 --> 01:32:13,710 So... 1439 01:32:13,913 --> 01:32:16,245 Okay, wait. Which one of you is Lindhagen again? 1440 01:32:16,416 --> 01:32:17,508 Hagen. 1441 01:32:18,451 --> 01:32:21,011 I'm just gonna write, "Domestic disturbance, all clear. " 1442 01:32:21,187 --> 01:32:22,347 Thank you, officer. 1443 01:32:23,423 --> 01:32:26,620 Just simmer down, okay? We all have arguments. 1444 01:32:26,826 --> 01:32:30,523 But if you're gonna fight, just do it inside. Keep it in the family, okay? 1445 01:32:32,632 --> 01:32:33,758 I will kill you. 1446 01:32:44,744 --> 01:32:45,768 Let's go. 1447 01:32:45,945 --> 01:32:47,071 - Daddy? Now. 1448 01:32:47,480 --> 01:32:49,414 - Daddy? - Now. 1449 01:33:21,648 --> 01:33:22,808 Cal. 1450 01:33:23,016 --> 01:33:24,176 Come on. 1451 01:33:24,684 --> 01:33:25,708 Honey. 1452 01:33:28,455 --> 01:33:31,891 This guy is a lowlife, he is a womanizer. 1453 01:33:32,058 --> 01:33:34,822 - That's ironic. - Excuse me? 1454 01:33:38,898 --> 01:33:41,628 I know him. I have witnessed him in action. 1455 01:33:41,801 --> 01:33:45,760 - And you are not to see him anymore. - Dad, I'm not gonna stop seeing him. 1456 01:33:45,939 --> 01:33:49,102 Okay. Okay. Well, then we have nothing more to talk about. 1457 01:33:52,779 --> 01:33:54,679 - You're being unreasonable. - Get out of my house. 1458 01:33:54,848 --> 01:33:56,145 This is not your house anymore. 1459 01:33:56,316 --> 01:33:59,080 Well, you made damn sure of that, didn't you, sweetheart? 1460 01:34:13,366 --> 01:34:15,630 - Bye, Nanna. - Bye, cutie. 1461 01:34:26,880 --> 01:34:28,404 She's all yours, David. 1462 01:34:29,883 --> 01:34:33,250 - Fantastic. - Nice. 1463 01:34:41,561 --> 01:34:43,461 Go big or go home, right, bud? 1464 01:34:45,565 --> 01:34:46,964 Go home, Dad. 1465 01:35:44,123 --> 01:35:46,114 Did you see the headline today? What? 1466 01:35:46,292 --> 01:35:49,056 It says that you should call your dad. 1467 01:35:49,229 --> 01:35:51,561 No, it says, "Let's move on child obesity. " Ha, ha. 1468 01:35:51,731 --> 01:35:53,392 No, it doesn't. 1469 01:35:53,566 --> 01:35:56,558 I'm not gonna call him. - No, it says you really should. 1470 01:36:35,241 --> 01:36:37,266 Can I get you another? 1471 01:36:38,344 --> 01:36:40,437 - What time is it? 2:30. 1472 01:36:41,514 --> 01:36:43,072 In the afternoon. 1473 01:36:43,583 --> 01:36:45,551 "Two-thirty" would have been sufficient... 1474 01:36:45,718 --> 01:36:49,381 ...but thank you for the judgmental tone, cocktail servant. 1475 01:36:50,189 --> 01:36:51,213 I'm sorry... 1476 01:36:53,326 --> 01:36:55,419 Sorry for being a dick. 1477 01:36:58,164 --> 01:36:59,722 Nice sweat suit. 1478 01:37:04,337 --> 01:37:05,361 What do you want? 1479 01:37:06,806 --> 01:37:09,400 - Uh, can I sit down? - I don't know, can you? 1480 01:37:10,243 --> 01:37:13,838 Are we gonna be adults about this, or we gonna...? 1481 01:37:14,013 --> 01:37:16,174 "Are we gonna be adults about this?" 1482 01:37:24,724 --> 01:37:28,751 - It would mean a lot to me if we could talk. - Are you still seeing my daughter? 1483 01:37:31,030 --> 01:37:34,227 - Yes. - Then I have nothing to say to you. 1484 01:37:35,335 --> 01:37:36,927 Been hanging out here a lot? 1485 01:37:37,370 --> 01:37:38,769 Sometimes. 1486 01:37:41,407 --> 01:37:44,399 You been missing a lot of work? - I have a lot of vacation days. 1487 01:37:44,577 --> 01:37:46,841 You know what? You have a lot of nerve. 1488 01:37:57,991 --> 01:37:59,288 Do you wanna do your shot? 1489 01:37:59,459 --> 01:38:02,519 She probably spit in it, so, no, thank you. 1490 01:38:05,865 --> 01:38:07,264 Your kids miss you, Cal. 1491 01:38:07,433 --> 01:38:10,095 You're hanging out with my kids? That's great. 1492 01:38:10,269 --> 01:38:12,703 Teach Robbie how to objectify women. He'll love that. 1493 01:38:16,409 --> 01:38:20,470 You know it's his eighth-grade graduation next week. 1494 01:38:21,214 --> 01:38:22,476 You gonna go to that? 1495 01:38:22,682 --> 01:38:23,910 Of course I'm going. 1496 01:38:24,083 --> 01:38:28,213 I just didn't know. You haven't really been around. I don't think he knows either. 1497 01:38:28,388 --> 01:38:31,380 I haven't been around for him? That's what you're telling me? 1498 01:38:31,557 --> 01:38:33,616 You know, he's not my biggest fan right now. 1499 01:38:33,793 --> 01:38:36,523 - He thinks I stole his soul mate. - He worships you, Cal. 1500 01:38:36,696 --> 01:38:39,995 - Is the parental advice over? Because if so... - I'm in love with her. 1501 01:38:42,635 --> 01:38:43,932 I love her. 1502 01:38:45,738 --> 01:38:48,605 I don't know what I was doing before this. 1503 01:38:48,775 --> 01:38:53,838 And I don't know what to do about it. It's not something I can really stop. 1504 01:38:54,347 --> 01:38:56,144 - Yeah? Yeah. 1505 01:38:56,315 --> 01:38:58,044 - You love her? You love Hannah? Yes. 1506 01:38:58,217 --> 01:39:01,744 Tell me about it. Tell me how much you love her. 1507 01:39:02,188 --> 01:39:03,246 I'm just... 1508 01:39:04,257 --> 01:39:06,919 Look, Cal, it's not something that I wanted, okay? 1509 01:39:07,093 --> 01:39:08,958 I looked at people who were in love... 1510 01:39:09,128 --> 01:39:11,528 ...and I thought the way that they were behaving... 1511 01:39:11,698 --> 01:39:14,098 ...and the things that they were doing and saying... 1512 01:39:14,267 --> 01:39:16,531 ...they appeared pathetic, honestly. 1513 01:39:16,736 --> 01:39:20,228 And I spent all this time with you, I'm trying to make you more like me... 1514 01:39:20,406 --> 01:39:22,840 ...and it turns out I just wanna be... 1515 01:39:27,814 --> 01:39:29,145 I need that drink. 1516 01:39:29,315 --> 01:39:31,579 You gonna make me do this? I gotta really do this? 1517 01:39:36,789 --> 01:39:39,781 I had Hannah when I was 17. 1518 01:39:40,393 --> 01:39:42,793 I taught her how to ride a bike. 1519 01:39:44,197 --> 01:39:46,631 I taught her how to drive a car. 1520 01:39:47,133 --> 01:39:49,795 And I'm glad for you. 1521 01:39:49,969 --> 01:39:53,928 I'm happy for you, that you've changed. 1522 01:39:54,340 --> 01:39:59,107 I think it's fantastic that you're a better man. 1523 01:40:00,379 --> 01:40:02,404 But I've seen too much already. 1524 01:40:02,582 --> 01:40:07,076 - No. I know. I know too much. I know. I know. 1525 01:40:08,721 --> 01:40:10,188 And it's Hannah. 1526 01:40:10,523 --> 01:40:12,491 And she's too good for you. 1527 01:40:13,226 --> 01:40:14,557 I agree. 1528 01:40:18,631 --> 01:40:21,191 I'm never gonna give you my approval. 1529 01:40:31,144 --> 01:40:33,237 You're a good dad, Cal. 1530 01:40:47,760 --> 01:40:48,954 Yep. Yep. 1531 01:40:49,128 --> 01:40:51,688 She spit. She spit in that. 1532 01:40:51,964 --> 01:40:53,761 Guys, I need you to pay attention. 1533 01:40:53,933 --> 01:40:58,233 Do not cut the line. I need everyone to stay in your positions, okay? 1534 01:40:58,404 --> 01:41:02,738 Guys, check your ties. Make sure everything is nice and neat. 1535 01:41:02,909 --> 01:41:04,604 Ladies, when you're on stage... 1536 01:41:14,787 --> 01:41:16,345 Mommy, look. Robbie's name. 1537 01:41:37,944 --> 01:41:39,878 Excuse me. Is this open? 1538 01:41:55,895 --> 01:41:57,624 How close? - Yeah, that's fine. 1539 01:42:05,471 --> 01:42:06,995 Good afternoon. 1540 01:42:07,173 --> 01:42:10,267 Welcome, parents, family and friends. 1541 01:42:10,676 --> 01:42:14,635 We're so pleased to have you here to celebrate this graduating class. 1542 01:42:15,481 --> 01:42:19,611 And now, to introduce our first student speaker... 1543 01:42:19,785 --> 01:42:23,551 ...our very own Kate Tafferty. 1544 01:42:26,626 --> 01:42:28,423 - She's pretty. - Ugh. 1545 01:42:31,364 --> 01:42:36,165 Our first speaker is not only the class salutatorian... 1546 01:42:36,502 --> 01:42:39,596 ...but is also... 1547 01:42:41,107 --> 01:42:44,474 ...one of the most spirited young men... 1548 01:42:44,644 --> 01:42:47,374 ...I've ever had the pleasure of teaching. 1549 01:42:47,546 --> 01:42:51,243 Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver. 1550 01:42:53,886 --> 01:42:55,012 - Whoo! - Robbie! 1551 01:43:03,863 --> 01:43:06,263 Welcome, class of 2011. 1552 01:43:07,133 --> 01:43:10,534 Our time as middle schoolers has come to an end. 1553 01:43:10,703 --> 01:43:13,331 We can't fight it anymore. We're getting old. 1554 01:43:19,645 --> 01:43:23,206 All my life I wanted to grow up. 1555 01:43:23,683 --> 01:43:28,052 I wanted to grow older so people would take me seriously. 1556 01:43:28,721 --> 01:43:32,179 It all sounded so good to me. 1557 01:43:32,558 --> 01:43:36,995 Growing up, getting a job, getting married. 1558 01:43:37,697 --> 01:43:39,062 But... 1559 01:43:40,032 --> 01:43:41,431 ...it's all a scam. 1560 01:43:42,368 --> 01:43:43,699 And love? 1561 01:43:45,071 --> 01:43:46,595 That's the biggest scam of all. 1562 01:43:49,175 --> 01:43:51,200 I was in love. 1563 01:43:51,877 --> 01:43:56,246 And I know that makes some of you laugh because I'm only 13... 1564 01:43:57,416 --> 01:44:00,146 ...but whatever. I was. 1565 01:44:01,821 --> 01:44:05,188 And I used to think, and really believe... 1566 01:44:06,425 --> 01:44:09,223 ...that there was one true love for everyone... 1567 01:44:09,729 --> 01:44:13,221 ...and if you fought hard enough for that person... 1568 01:44:13,399 --> 01:44:15,390 ...your one true love would always work out. 1569 01:44:16,435 --> 01:44:21,338 It sounded good to me when I was younger, but it just doesn't work that way. 1570 01:44:23,042 --> 01:44:27,240 - There is no such thing as one true love... - Stop. 1571 01:44:31,417 --> 01:44:33,885 Shit. 1572 01:44:34,053 --> 01:44:36,817 - Oh, boy. - Okay. 1573 01:44:36,989 --> 01:44:39,321 All right. Ahem. Excuse me. 1574 01:44:52,204 --> 01:44:55,401 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1575 01:44:55,941 --> 01:44:58,501 - What are you doing? - What are you doing? 1576 01:44:59,011 --> 01:45:01,104 I was wrong, Dad. There's no such thing as... 1577 01:45:03,382 --> 01:45:04,644 I, uh... 1578 01:45:05,351 --> 01:45:06,477 Um... 1579 01:45:12,024 --> 01:45:15,858 Oh. Well, here's the thing: 1580 01:45:16,028 --> 01:45:18,622 My son's graduation speech sucks. 1581 01:45:20,132 --> 01:45:21,156 That's not a joke. 1582 01:45:22,268 --> 01:45:25,829 In fairness, I didn't know where he was going with that. 1583 01:45:26,005 --> 01:45:27,666 But I think we can all agree... 1584 01:45:27,840 --> 01:45:33,437 ...it was headed in a kind of depressing, um, way. 1585 01:45:35,314 --> 01:45:38,511 My son... Not him, my actual son. 1586 01:45:38,684 --> 01:45:41,209 - Believes in grand romantic gestures. 1587 01:45:41,420 --> 01:45:44,856 He believes in the existence... 1588 01:45:45,024 --> 01:45:47,322 ...of one's soul mate. 1589 01:45:48,694 --> 01:45:51,925 And it's easy to just look at a 13-year-old and say: 1590 01:45:52,098 --> 01:45:56,296 "You don't know what you're talking about. You are wrong. " 1591 01:45:56,469 --> 01:45:58,767 But I'm not so sure. 1592 01:46:02,808 --> 01:46:05,936 I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old. 1593 01:46:06,512 --> 01:46:08,480 We went out for ice cream. 1594 01:46:08,647 --> 01:46:13,346 After, my dad started teasing me about my first date, the way dads do. 1595 01:46:13,519 --> 01:46:16,386 And I told him, "Dad, it's no big deal. 1596 01:46:16,555 --> 01:46:21,925 I'm gonna be going out with a lot of different girls on a lot of different dates. " 1597 01:46:22,094 --> 01:46:25,586 And that is the first time that I ever lied to my father. 1598 01:46:29,001 --> 01:46:31,663 I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old... 1599 01:46:31,837 --> 01:46:36,604 ...and I have loved her every minute of every day... 1600 01:46:37,176 --> 01:46:41,010 ...since I first bought her that mint chocolate chip cone. 1601 01:46:42,681 --> 01:46:47,448 I have loved her through the birth of my three perfect children. 1602 01:46:48,587 --> 01:46:50,885 I have loved her even when I've hated her. 1603 01:46:52,758 --> 01:46:54,885 Only married couples will understand that one. 1604 01:47:00,432 --> 01:47:02,297 And I don't know if it's gonna work out. 1605 01:47:04,303 --> 01:47:06,328 I don't know what's gonna happen. 1606 01:47:08,374 --> 01:47:11,343 I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't give you that. 1607 01:47:12,278 --> 01:47:14,678 But I can promise you this: 1608 01:47:15,114 --> 01:47:17,173 I will never stop trying. 1609 01:47:18,551 --> 01:47:21,679 Because when you find the one... 1610 01:47:22,154 --> 01:47:23,678 ...you never give up. 1611 01:47:29,428 --> 01:47:31,328 Do you have anything you'd like to say? 1612 01:47:33,165 --> 01:47:34,860 I still love you, Jessica. 1613 01:47:38,070 --> 01:47:39,537 And I love you, Emily. 1614 01:47:41,607 --> 01:47:44,838 I loved you ever since you first changed my sister's diaper. 1615 01:47:45,010 --> 01:47:48,946 I loved you when you came into my bedroom and I was under the covers... 1616 01:47:49,114 --> 01:47:50,945 - Stop him. No, no. 1617 01:47:51,116 --> 01:47:53,414 - What's he talking about? - I'm not ashamed of it. 1618 01:47:53,586 --> 01:47:55,611 Okay, we're good, we're good. 1619 01:48:04,663 --> 01:48:07,928 Oh, there's your mom. Let's go say hi. 1620 01:48:08,267 --> 01:48:09,427 Hey. 1621 01:48:09,602 --> 01:48:12,036 Oh, I'm so proud of you. 1622 01:48:12,204 --> 01:48:14,365 There she is. My perfect girl. 1623 01:48:14,540 --> 01:48:16,064 Hi. 1624 01:48:20,946 --> 01:48:22,470 Okay. 1625 01:48:23,616 --> 01:48:25,049 So I bought a firearm... 1626 01:48:26,552 --> 01:48:27,849 ...from a shady Internet site... 1627 01:48:28,020 --> 01:48:30,113 ...and I am prepared to shoot you with it. 1628 01:48:32,324 --> 01:48:33,916 Come here. 1629 01:48:40,332 --> 01:48:41,629 Take care of her. 1630 01:48:46,639 --> 01:48:48,573 This is gonna be fun. 1631 01:48:48,741 --> 01:48:50,800 This is gonna be fun. 1632 01:48:55,080 --> 01:48:56,513 I'm gonna talk to my friends. 1633 01:48:56,682 --> 01:49:00,516 Go hang with the other high schoolers. Go ahead, see if I care. I don't care. 1634 01:49:35,154 --> 01:49:37,486 I'm really glad you came. 1635 01:49:37,656 --> 01:49:39,146 So am I. 1636 01:49:40,526 --> 01:49:42,824 You were a really good babysitter, Jessica. 1637 01:49:44,630 --> 01:49:46,723 I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. 1638 01:49:48,033 --> 01:49:50,365 - I thought you weren't giving up. I'm not. 1639 01:49:50,536 --> 01:49:51,969 But I just figure... 1640 01:49:52,171 --> 01:49:53,638 ...you like my dad... 1641 01:49:53,806 --> 01:49:55,899 ...and in a few years I'll look like him. 1642 01:49:56,075 --> 01:49:57,235 I'll come for you then. 1643 01:49:58,077 --> 01:49:59,544 That's not a bad plan. 1644 01:50:00,012 --> 01:50:01,070 But... 1645 01:50:01,814 --> 01:50:03,907 Well, until then... 1646 01:50:04,083 --> 01:50:08,213 ...just a little graduation gift to get you through high school. 1647 01:50:09,221 --> 01:50:10,711 Thanks. 1648 01:50:19,198 --> 01:50:20,256 So... 1649 01:50:21,800 --> 01:50:23,893 Can you...? 1650 01:50:24,069 --> 01:50:26,094 - Why...? - Take care, Robbie. 1651 01:50:52,030 --> 01:50:54,294 Holy crap. 1652 01:51:03,275 --> 01:51:06,938 - He looks pretty happy. - Yeah. 1653 01:51:07,746 --> 01:51:09,680 - God, I hate that haircut, though. - Ick. 1654 01:51:09,848 --> 01:51:13,045 - I know. He looks like a sheepdog. - Mm-hm. 1655 01:51:18,157 --> 01:51:22,321 Oh, my eyes! My eyes! My eyes! 1656 01:51:27,166 --> 01:51:29,157 It's been a really hard year. 1657 01:51:30,769 --> 01:51:31,827 How so? 1658 01:51:37,142 --> 01:51:39,702 Yeah, there were a couple little blips, I guess. 1659 01:51:39,878 --> 01:51:42,870 - I know. - I guess I just, you know... 1660 01:51:43,582 --> 01:51:46,881 Really what I want to say... 1661 01:51:49,221 --> 01:51:52,156 ...is that I'm so glad you bought me that ice cream. 1662 01:51:54,927 --> 01:51:57,191 Me too. 126656