Original subtitles

Are all within reach If you

What do I think of next?

Anyplace is your idea of heaven.

Selma, this is Easter vacation.

Why don't you relax and have some fun?

Because we're supposed to be scouting talent for our post -Easter dance.

Okay, I vote for those crickets. Now that the small stuff's out of the way,

let's get down to the serious business.

See those three guys over there?

Oh, say, they're cute.

I didn't notice them before.

No, they've been staring at us for half an hour.

34 minutes.

Well, if they stare at us one minute more, I'll blow my top.

Oh, their staring bothers you?

Sure. They should have been over here by now.

Let's make the move.

Wrong time.

But, Took, why?

Because there are four of them and there are three of us. That creates a

problem. It sure does. So why don't we flip to see who gets the extra one?

This is the battle of the sexiest.

If we're going to capture the enemy, we've got to fight them smart.

Yeah, but I don't want to fight them.

I want to fraternize.

That makes us even.

Shall we go?

Oh, town boy.

What now, Duke?

Hello?

Yes, Mrs. Winters. I'm sorry to ask you, dear, but would you and the other

officers come back to the house as quickly as possible?

There's something I want to know.

Yes, Mrs. Winters, we'll be right over.

Thank you, dear.

me do the talking, okay?

Looks like they're going to use a planking movement designed to cut us off

any retreat.

Very ingenious military, Floyd.

First used in the Battle of Gettysburg.

I didn't know you took Civil War history.

I didn't. I've been to three military academy dances.

What did we do, Georgia?

Only one thing to do, Bonnie.

Surrender.

Conditional surrender, of course.

All right, but I refuse to... Give them anything but my name, rank, and

telephone number.

Come on, girl. If Mrs. Henderson wants it.

Don't panic.

boys, there are better fish in the sea besides those girls.

Yeah, but there's plenty better bait than us.

Some of those guys got muscles on their muscles.

Okay. You guys want to score with these girls before the week is over?

Yeah, man.

Okay, that's going to be our project. And as long as we follow the advice of

great philosopher, we can't miss.

There's one thing about the great philosopher.

He knows women.

You don't have to drive so fast.

Selma, we might get stopped by a policeman.

I hope we do.

Georgia! Well, at least we get to talk to a man that way.

I'm sorry we had to leave the club, girls, but Mrs. Winters sounded pretty

upset. I hope it's nothing serious. Oh, you know Mrs. Winters. To her, it's a

real crisis when someone gets a cold.

All I can say is it better be serious.

Dragging us away just when those three dolls are about to swoop in for the

Yeah, man.

Least you could have done is let me drive.

Georgie, you know I'd let you drive my car, except that I don't know how to

drive. Exactly.

Hey, it sounds like a party. Sure does.

I feel better already.

The boat rides in the spring.

It nips in the fall.

Time's for the future.

You went away.

And left me alone.

He's gone.

And left me alone.

He's gone.

That's wonderful, Leslie.

Wonderful.

Well, how about it, girls?

The sun's out and the surf's up.

What are you waiting for?

and you're the vice president, so come on. My father warned me to stay out of

politics.

Hi, Mrs. Winters. What did you want to see us about?

Well, it's about a $10 ,000 balloon payment.

$10 ,000 balloon payment?

Who bought a $10 ,000 balloon?

A balloon payment, dear, is the final large sum due on a mortgage.

The alpha -beta.

mortgage. But our final payment on the mortgage isn't due for almost two years,

Mrs. Winters. What's the problem?

It isn't due for almost two weeks, dear, and that's the problem.

I don't understand. I personally arranged for the extension with the

Yes, I know, but the gentleman whose name appears on the bottom of this note

bought it from the bank and personally arranged for the un -extension.

Tuckweiler, is he any relation to our ex - Sorority sister Cobina Tuckweiler?

He's Cobina's father.

I didn't think that little witch had a father.

He's a Texas millionaire with hundreds of investments and properties.

And it looks like he's going to add the Alpha Beta house to his empire.

Why should Cobina want to pull a dirty trick like this?

You remember how angry she was when you kicked her out of Alpha Beta.

Well, we can't let Cobina back in without breaking our rules.

Bonnie's right.

But there's no problem. All we have to do is dip into our alpha -beta treasury

and take out the $10 ,000 and pay it. Of course, our alpha -beta nest egg. Thank

heaven for that.

I knew someday it would come in handy.

Girls, about that little nest egg.

I'm afraid I did something with it.

What did you do with it?

I stole it.

You stole it?

I'm Alpha Beta's own mass grandma.

You mean our $10 ,000 nest egg is gone?

All but about $36 .53.

But how did you do it? A little fancy bookkeeping.

Professor of larceny, that's me.

Mrs. Winters, what did you do with all that money?

I spent it.

On jewelry?

No. Necklaces?

Rings? Oh, Georgia, dear.

I've always felt that the nicest rings came in Cracker Jack boxes.

Well, you didn't spend it on the horses.

Oh, of course not, dear. I don't even know any horses.

I know. You bought clothes.

Yes. Come to think of it, I did buy some clothes out of the reserve fund.

Do you remember Rebecca Sanders?

Uh -huh.

She graduated Phi Beta last spring in school on a scholarship.

Yes, that's right. Well, I bought her a winter wardrobe.

Of course, she didn't know where the money came from or she wouldn't have

it, poor as she was.

Then I bought some clothes for Nick Rickey's family.

He was janitor at the school for a couple of years, trying to raise five

children and study at night.

Go on, Mrs. Winters.

Well...

Once I stole $900 for an operation.

I don't remember you ever having an operation.

Me? Oh, I've never been sick a day in my life.

No, this was for Mr. Cuppy's son, Philip.

He couldn't afford a brain operation for little Philip.

Mrs. Winters, didn't you spend any of the money on yourself?

Yes.

You might say I did spend it all on myself.

Mrs. Winters, as president of Alpha Beta Sorority and in the presence of the

vice president, secretary, and treasurer, I hereby declare that in the

face of your confession, you are a thief.

enthusiasm and energy can't save their sorority house and their wonderful house

mother, then they just don't deserve to have either one. Right.

I'll write and ask my father to double my allowance.

He'll scream twice as much as he does now, but so what?

Once he knows what the money's for, he'll... No, no, that's just it.

We don't want people to know what it's for.

We don't want questions asked. If anybody finds out what happened to our

treasury... Hey, I'll sell my surfboard. I always write on my boyfriends anyway.

You can have all the cups and medals I won from my scientific experiments if

want. They're worth over $70 melted down.

I know. I've analyzed them myself.

I don't have any medals or cups, but if you can use my assets... Girls,

thank you for your offers. I know that you feel that every little bit will

but unfortunately little bits aren't going to make up $10 ,000 in two weeks.

So the other officers and I figured out a few ways to make money in big chunks.

A daily newspaper can be the greatest treasure map of all.

Take this, for instance.

Duff's Baking Powder Cake Recipe Contest.

First prize, a Cadillac convertible.

Second prize, a speedboat. Third prize, combination washer

-dryer. Well, it doesn't matter what prize we get. If we win one, we'll

it to cash anyway.

Janine? Yes, Selma?

I want you and Emily to team up. Between your knowledge of cooking and hers of

chemistry, you ought to be able to whip up a real prize -winning recipe.

Right?

Now, next, let's see.

Easter week beauty contest winner to collect $3 ,000 prize.

Patricia Johnson?

Yes, Selma.

You are going to represent Alpha Beta in that contest.

Yes, Selma.

What? No, Selma, you can't mean me.

But I do.

You're the prettiest girl in the sorority. Everybody admits that.

Well, now, I wouldn't say that.

Sit down, darling. It's a beauty contest, not a stag party.

Oh, I can't enter a beauty contest.

My fiancé would never let me.

Patricia, this is for Alpha Beta.

I know, but you know how stuffy Frank's father is, all right?

Patricia Johnson won't enter the beauty contest.

Mary Jackson will. Oh, thank you, Selma. You'll never know how.

Who's Mary Jackson?

You.

What? You'll enter the contest.

Frank will never know the difference. Oh, Selma, no.

Arlene, we've got a beauty for you.

This is your assignment.

The newspaper puzzle contest.

Me?

Arlene, do you know Stu Rankin?

Yeah. He's a drag.

It's simple, honey.

We want you to capture Stu's enormous brain by using your enormous assets.

You want me to seduce Stu into solving this puzzle for us?

Exactly. Well, now I almost feel patriotic.

And I've got one more ace in the hole.

Instead of our usual post -Easter dance, we'll have a big show and we'll charge

$5. a person to get in all right girls of alpha beta this is operation save the

old homestead and don't forget the old house mother right so let's get out and

fight and see if we've got what it takes all right

Hi. What's new?

Seven girls have jobs babysitting, and two girls have jobs

as part -time waitresses.

Oh, and Sally Mitchell got a job as a lifeguard. Or would that be

Whatever it is, it all helps.

Well, Bonnie and I got Patricia through the first round of the beauty contest.

Now if we can get her through the talent part of it, we're in.

What about the cake bake?

Oh, and Emily's got the kitchen all rigged up to make the best cake in the

world. It's going to be potassium chlorate nitrate with a catalytic agent

of carbon hydrochloric oxygen.

What? Pecan marble with mocha cream icing.

So far, so good.

How's Arlene doing with the newspaper puzzle?

Huh. See for yourself.

Of

course,

do. By the time Arlene gets finished with him, he'll know how it feels to be

over by a tractor.

We better start looking through some of these magazines and see if we can get

some ideas for the show we're going to put on.

Well, I'd rather look through these binoculars and see the show that Stu and

Arlene are putting on.

Now, Cynthia, is that nice?

I mean, after all, how would you feel if someone were looking at us through

binoculars?

Hey, they're laughing now.

That's more than we're doing.

Come on, it's now or never. Let's make the scene. Now, just a minute.

Duke, don't start in with us about waiting, huh?

Yeah, look, if we wait for you to pick out the psychological moment to swoop in

on them, you know, it's ten to one, a typhoon will beat us to it.

Please, you guys are missing the point.

There are five guys down here to every one girl.

Now, if we intend to beat that pretty little team, we've got to know their

weakness. Coach, I don't care if I strike out.

I just want to get to bat.

Me too.

The telescope.

Ho, ho.

I have discovered their Achilles heel.

Our problems are over.

Shall we paddle down toward the ladies?

Nice talking.

Now, Brian, girls and no girls, it's a big pleasure to get away from

show business to a nice little unspoiled beach like this.

Yeah, sure.

Show business?

Dude, what are you talking about?

Elementary, my dear Wayne. We're going to capitalize on their weakness.

Now, these girls who are knee -deep in TV and movie magazines are obviously

starstruck. So, we amble by, drop a few showbiz names,

and it's all over but the shouting.

I see it. We need money and a haul. Then we print up the tickets and advertise.

That is, if we find someone to advertise.

Well, all we have to do is find out whom we want, then decide whom we can get.

And I'm sure we'll never get whom we want. I'm sure we'll never want whom we

get. Uh, fellas, I'm telling you, next time we come down here, we gotta bring

Rock.

Why Rock? Why not Troy?

He'd love it.

Nah, ever since he got himself a Mrs. Donahue, he's definitely dropped out of

the crowd.

Did you hear them mention Troy Donahue?

Well, sure, but I also heard them mention Mrs.

Donahue, too. Maybe they were talking about his mother.

I'm only thinking of getting some stars for our show.

Do you really think these boys can help?

There's no harm in investigating.

And the best time for investigation is on a date. We can ask plenty of

then. You're right.

Well, how do we attract them?

Do you think you can look anxious, available, and eager? Are you kidding? I

born for the part.

Here they come. Now don't act nervous.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

Um, any of you girls got a watch?

We'd like to know the time.

No, we haven't got any watches, but we've all got plenty of time.

Hi.

How's it coming?

Pretty good, I think.

I've never cooked with calculus before.

Well, keep working on it, girls. Hey, where are you going all dressed up?

got dates.

Dates? While we sit in this kitchen slaving over a hot test tube? Oh, but

are business dates.

Some guys who know a lot of show business personalities.

We think they might be able to get us a big -name act for our show. Oh, well,

then good luck. Thanks. You too.

Oh, hi, Mrs.

Winters.

I didn't want to disturb you girls. Oh, that's okay. We're almost finished.

Oh, my, it's beautiful.

I hate putting you girls through all this trouble.

Oh, don't be silly. This is fun.

As a matter of fact, you might even call this an historical moment. The first

chemical cake ever made.

Well, that makes me feel better, knowing I've caused a little chapter of history

to be written.

Hey, it's all finished.

Uh -huh. And if it's as good as it looks, we're in business.

Here's to alpha beta.

Oh, this is the best pecan frosting I've ever tasted.

That's because I added a pinch of sodium phosphate sulfide shot through with

tinctures of hyphenium iodide. Oh, it sounds awful, but it tastes great. What

you think, Janine? I think it's too sweet.

The icing could be a little more chocolatey. Check.

A tenth of a centigram of this ought to do it.

One.

Here's my eyes.

Please tell the truth.

Hey, wasn't that group nutty?

Well, rhythmically speaking, I'd say they were adequate. Of course, their

chordal structure could never be compared to that used by Beethoven or

When those men wrote symphonies, they really... Arlene, what's the matter?

Oh, nothing, Stu. I, uh... I was just looking at the moon.

Isn't that the biggest, loveliest, most romantic thing you've ever seen?

Burnley Equinox.

Huh? Well, you see, in the vernal equinox, the moon, because of its

is seen at its peak as a visual projection.

Oh. Well, of course, this visual projection is merely an illusion when

the Earth and will be quickly lost when our astronauts start circling outside

the troposphere.

Doesn't all of this do something to you, Stu?

Well, it's not what it does to me. I keep thinking about what it does to

astronauts when they make a landing. You see, the most important part of

transplanetary travel today is making a self -landing.

Now, you take, for instance, the planet Mars, or better still, take Venus, for

instance.

Okay, now your astronauts get in their spaceships, and they take off, zoom

past the moon, and over to Mars.

Okay, now they're coming in for a landing, and you see they have to make

what they call a reverse... a soft landing on, say, Mars or Venus

or... Wow.

Easy.

Now, don't go into orbit.

I didn't even let the launching pad.

Just a minute, Stu.

All right, Stu.

Solve these for me.

Newspaper puzzles, but I can't, I can't. You see, I don't do these kind of

things.

Just cause my heart is feeling really light When I go into the turn And leave

me and hang on tight I better turn on the lights

show our sorority's going to get. I think they're almost as good as the

You must be kidding.

The boys will sure get a kick out of that.

What boys?

Huh? Oh, nothing. You know, all...

I don't believe you. I don't believe you either. You don't believe me.

You don't? You don't believe me. You don't believe me.

Well, I guess there's one way to prove it. I am going to call Ringo up on the

telephone and have you and you and you speak to him.

You're going to telephone me? Right.

Gentlemen, it takes a lot of time to call London on the pay phone.

Now, Selma, think of something pleasant to say.

And if you're contemplating talking about the weather, just remember one

In London, it's always foggy.

I know there's one inside the club. I want to know if there's one outside the

club.

Right over there behind those surfboards.

Listen, good buddy, I want you to do me a big, big favor. In about five minutes,

I want you to go inside the club and ask would the owner of the black 61

convertible please move it. Got that? Whoops.

one convertible.

Right.

Please move it.

Right.

Hey, bud.

I'm expecting a call from London in a very short time. Now, I'm going to be

sitting at that table right over there. Would you call me? London. Right. Yeah,

sure.

place a call. The London operators will let me know just as soon as they locate

the boys.

Ringo, Paul.

John and George.

The waiter will let me know just as soon as the call comes in.

Well, Duke, I've got to give you credit.

You carry a bluff about as far as anybody I know.

Bluff?

Tell me, you've got to realize that the Beatles have friends. Why shouldn't I be

one of them?

I'm the friendly type, wouldn't you say?

Wouldn't you?

I've got to admit, you are friendly.

Then let's drink to friendship.

61 convertible, please move it. It's blocking the east entrance of the

lot now. Would you please move it? Oh, that's my car.

I've got to move it. Excuse me.

Hello, sipping sir.

Hello, this is London.

We have a call for a Mr.

Duke Power.

Collect the paid for.

Paid for.

Uh, well, yeah, uh, hold, uh, sure, just a minute. Hold on.

Hold.

Hey, uh, where's that guy who's expecting a call from London?

You mean the guy with the black sweatshirt? Yeah, that's the fella.

operator's got his party. I think they said somebody named Ringo.

Ringo?

the Beatles. I thought he was joking.

Well, wouldn't want to keep one of the Beatles waiting on the phone. Might lose

his beat.

Really? Yeah, really.

Hello?

Wayne. Wayne, listen, buddy.

I want you to do a favor for me. I want you to get some people on that phone in

there, and I'm going to do an imitation of Ringo that we really like from Rodson

once and for all. Right -o, Ringo, old chap. Hold on.

Well, he's on.

Ringo? Get on the phone. See for yourself.

Hello? Hello?

Hello, what's up?

An awful lot of trouble.

Well, this is probably the fog Duke told you about.

Keep on talking.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? I say, I can't hear you too well. Who is this?

This is Selma Kane at Balboa, California.

Is this Ringo?

Jolly, what?

Move it, Ringo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Convinced? Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Now then, I was under the impression I was going to speak to my friend Duke

Howard.

Listen, this wouldn't be a ruddy collegiate prank, would it?

Some coward using my dear friend Duke's name.

Just so she could speak to a beetle.

Oh, no.

Duke had to step out for a moment, so he put me on.

He certainly did.

Well, as long as you're a friend of Duke's, that makes everything chubby and

-tip.

Duke happens to be a very good chub -a -bite and a ripping good chub.

But I'll be seeing him shortly as we're flying back to the colonies again very

soon. Mr. Ringle, I just had the most wonderful idea.

As long as you're coming back here anyway, maybe you could do a benefit

Elphabeta Sorority. Benefit?

A benefit?

check with my buddies, Paul and I.

I hope they'll understand.

I hate that I doubted you. I hate myself.

Honey, I know exactly how you feel.

What does it say next on my list?

Two species of potassium sulfide aluminum.

Hope it's not as surprising as the last one.

London.

There.

We will arrive in Balboa Saturday.

No charge for benefit. Give regards to our pal Duke.

That'll do it.

I don't get it. When those Beatles show up here Saturday, those girls will kill

us. Look, you guys want to score with these chicks, don't you? Well, sure. But

when they read this telegram, we'll be their idols. We'll be their heroes.

They'll do anything that we want them to do.

Yeah.

But come Saturday and no Beatles are here.

Come Saturday and no us will be here.

This is Tuesday, right? Right. That gives us four days to enjoy the spoils.

And if your consciences still bother you, just remember one thing.

All is fair in love and war.

And since the battle of the sexes is both,

Genius. Right, right.

Pop.

Mr. McCain of the Beta Beach House, Balboa, California.

We will arrive in Balboa Saturday.

No charge for benefit. Give regards to our pal, Duke.

17 words.

Text over 15.

Take out the our pal.

Signed, Beatles, London.

Okay, Mr. Lennon, it'll be $1 .20.

Send it right away.

Okay, but our messenger isn't quite ready to go yet. What's keeping him?

He's occupied at the moment.

I'm going to meet Dewey with Jenny's.

Jenny's? You mean you've got competition for that square?

Oh, no.

Stu's eating out of my hand.

Jenny's what they call the computer that's going to solve our newspaper

He's doing it on a computer?

Yeah, a company down there lets Stu use Jenny after business hours.

And if she wins us the prize, I vote her into the sorority.

Bye -bye.

Bye.

Oh, I hope the Beatles come through.

Everything else is rolling in high. The cake contest, the beauty contest, and

the puzzle contest.

Oh, girls, I just can't stop feeling awful.

About what?

Well, you girls should be out there on the beach having a real vacation instead

of working night and day getting me out of trouble.

I feel so guilty.

There's nothing to feel guilty about, Mrs. Winters.

I mean, having a good time is okay, but this is real fun. It's like being in a

movie or something. You know, where they come off at Eagle Pass or...

Those science fiction things where the monsters are trying to take over and

everybody's working like crazy to stop them?

Speaking of monsters, maybe we ought to let Cabina back in. Now, don't you girls

worry. I told you before, I'd rather go to jail than see you break your

principles. Or break my own, for that matter.

That sounds rather funny coming from a thief, doesn't it?

You're no thief.

You're just a one -woman Salvation Army.

Miss Selma Kane.

Here, telegram.

They could use a haircut.

Now all we have to do is rent the club for that night. And we'll buy lots of

advertising. Well, how much money are we going to need? I've got it all figured

out. We'll need about $450.

Where are we going to get $450?

Well, we've got the three contests going. The cake contest, the beauty

and the puzzle contest.

One of them just has to come through, that's all.

Patricia, whose word is I am about getting?

Uh -huh.

But we'll have no trouble if the old rhythm section still works.

Why you're the most...

must learn to love what's good for you. You understand?

Yes, Frank.

Two bowls of yogurt and a large pitcher of skim milk.

No coffee?

Too stimulating.

Lovely day.

Yes, isn't it?

Oh, look at that ocean.

Look at that sun.

Yes.

There must be some good Germans we could go to after breakfast. Let's see what

they list.

Waitress, cancel that order. I will not eat in a place where people smoke.

Looks like you struck out. They're all gone.

What? Well, it doesn't matter. We'll track them down if we have to migrate to

the Bowerhurst.

Where'd they go, Mrs. Jones? Well, I'm surprised you didn't know.

They're out making all the arrangements.

Advertising, selling tickets, distributing leaflets, you know.

Why, they've even rented the Sip and Surf. It's the biggest thing to ever hit

the beach.

Selling tickets? Yes.

Distributing leaflets? Yes.

Renting the Sip and Surf? Yes. Isn't it wonderful?

What did you say was the biggest thing to ever hit the beach, Mrs. Winters?

Why, the Beatles are coming to town.

And you boys will be my first customers.

Isn't that nice?

Only $5 a piece.

Do you mean they're actually selling tickets?

Well, yes, of course we're selling tickets. We need the money very badly.

this is yours, $5.

I'll take it from our leader.

Oh, yes.

And I thank you. The sorority house thanks you.

And the Beatles thank you.

Telegram for Selma Kane.

Oh, thank you. I'll take it. She isn't here now, but I'll leave it in her room.

Oh, boys, why don't you come back later? The girls will be here in time for

dinner. Thanks.

Oh, thanks again.

Well, good afternoon, Mr. London, is it?

Funny thing, that telegram for Sal McCain was from another Beatles London.

You wouldn't think there could be two people with a name like that, now would

you?

Pop, what did that telegram say?

Oh, I can't tell you, son, but I can tell you this.

Advertising that Mr. Beatles will sing here Sunday night.

Miss Kane is going to be sued for fraudulent misrepresentation.

Wow.

It's getting worse by the minute.

Yeah. Well, what now, great philosopher?

Shh, let me think.

Well, any ideas yet?

Mrs.

Winter said she was going to leave that telegram up in Selma's room, right?

Let's go get it. Now, wait a minute.

We can't go sneaking into the house destroying somebody's telegram. That's

against the law, I think.

Who said anything about destroying it? We're only going to delay her reading it

for a while.

Now, let's go get it.

Another stroke of genius.

Yeah, quote, we hit before Saturday and then we cut out like thieves before they

know it's just a snow job, unquote.

Sort of backfired on you, didn't it, dookie boy?

They can't win them all.

Yeah, but you're not supposed to lose them all either.

Listen, we can't stay here till Saturday. We better get going before the

-know -what hits the Westinghouse.

No.

We're going to do us some second story work.

Come on.

Now, for her contribution to the talent section of this contest, our last

contestant, Miss Mary Jackson, will perform.

Ladies and gentlemen, the judges have made their decision. The $500 talent

goes to our last contestant, Miss Mary Jensen.

I know those flowers anywhere.

Oh, no.

What a bring down.

What's the matter? The chicks are bald.

And they're so young, too.

Jerk. I think every girl wears a wig.

Now shut up and find that liar.

Here it is.

Oh,

that's great. Now how do we get out of here?

Why not go downstairs and just walk out the front door?

That's been done before.

We have to wait for her to finish that sweater. We'll be here for hours. Yeah,

must be for the Jolly Green Giant.

Well, we better get out of here before it's too late.

It's too late.

Make fast, too, for life you save may be your own.

Your slipper's showing.

She's cute.

You're my group.

someplace. I bet you say that to all the girls.

No, no, I'm not kidding.

Hey, how do you like to go out with me tonight?

Hey, baby, how about a kiss?

Broke. My mother doesn't believe in kissing.

Yeah, but I don't want to kiss your mother.

What kind of a lesson could be more important than me?

Judo, buddy!

Does she hear ducking sheep?

How's the president of Sigma Phi?

Just fine. Hey, did you hear the Beatles are coming?

Did I? I had to buy two tickets or else.

Listen, if you haven't got a date, well, how about going with me?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Joe, can you keep a secret?

Well, sure.

This will absolutely fracture you. The freshman class of Sigma Phi are being

initiated, and they have to bring back a lock of the Beatles' hair.

What?

Yeah, that's great.

Now all we have to do is give them the Beatles.

Would you hold the line a minute?

I'm sorry, I checked the passenger list and I don't see any Beatles on it. I

see.

Thank you.

that they haven't had anywhere to expect the Beatles.

Naturally. They don't want a mob hanging around.

Look, girls, I'm sure they're going to be here.

I knew from the moment I spoke to Ringo on the phone that I was talking to a boy

I could trust.

The

place is

jammed. Yeah, that's great.

Yep. Now we've got to give them the Beatles.

Oh, don't worry. I have a feeling they're on their way right now.

Selma? Duke!

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Listen, I want you to do a million things for me. First, I want you to go

airport and find out if their plane was delayed or something.

You're not going to be very happy after you hear the news.

You heard from the Beatles and they're not coming?

Well, that's half right. You heard from the Beatles and they are coming?

I didn't hear from the Beatles and they're not coming.

You're kidding. You've got to be.

Not this time, Selma.

Selma, I don't know the Beatles.

I conned you.

That phone call from England you heard?

That wasn't Ringo.

That was me at a parking lot phone booth.

Ring! Selma, I'm the world's youngest dirty old man.

I was trying to make an impression. I'm sorry, really.

I'm sorry the day I...

That's a shame, girls.

We know how you felt about those guys.

You really liked them, didn't you?

Our broken hearts will mend, but our broken heads might not.

What do we do now? Tell them that the whole thing's a hoax and there really

no Beatles? Oh, great. Well, they scream for their money back.

Wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

It better be a pip. It is.

Janine, you go get Leslie and tell her to get on the stage and start singing.

Go.

Who knows where Mr. Hanson's store is? I do.

Listen, I want you to go.

What in the world is she up to? I don't know, but you better go get Leslie.

Honey, I've never driven any other kind.

At least for the time being.

Sexy, exciting, sensuous dance.

Selma, what are you talking about?

You little Egypt.

Start loosening your tummy, dear.

Because you thought they were the Beatles?

Of course not. You like them because they were good. The point is you love

act and each and every one of you got your money's worth.

Good night, folks.