Original subtitles

- Shh. - Ruby: Baal doesn't use brute force.

He breeds paranoia, gets into people's psyches, turning them against each other.

Ruby: The necronomicon is the only way

we can banish baal back to the underworld.

The book, it did something to me. It changed me.

You're becoming one with the book.

Just you and me now, Chet.

Cheryl, this only feels half as good as it used to.

Chet!

And that, elk grove, is how you take care of business.

Ash, behind you!

Shh.

Audrey: Wouldn't it be much easier to work together?

Ah!

Where am I?

You had the nightmare again?

Where'd you come from?

Who are you?

You don't know who I am today?

Never saw your mug before in my life.

Hmm. Memory loss.

It's not a positive development.

I'm Dr. Peacock. Your psychiatrist, remember?

My shrink?

Ah, well, boy, the joke's on you there, doc,

'cause I don't have a shrink.

I don't even have health care. In fact, I do my own surgery.

Dr. Peacock: That's for your own safety.

You've been becoming increasingly violent of late.

Ash, I've been your doctor ever since your psychotic break.

My what? My psychotic break?

Yes, ash.

You murdered four people in a cabin.

Oh, Christ!

Here we go with that horseshit again.

Uh... you know what?

That wasn't me, doc.

That was some evil bs.

After the murders, you created a complex delusion

to justify your actions.

It all hinged on an evil book.

Ever since then, I've been trying to help you pinpoint that delusion,

and destroy it.

Okay, so you want to...

Destroy my delusion?

That's right.

Rid yourself of the book, and the nightmare will be over.

Okay.

You know, doc, I think I'm starting to get it.

Good.

I know who you are.

You are that demon bill.

Oh, sorry, baal.

And you know that that book can send you back, right?

So you want to scramble my brain until I give it to you.

Well, think again.

The only person who scrambles my brain, pal, is me,

by doing the fun stuff, like drinking glue and sniffing booze!

Ash, I can't breathe!

They said that you were crafty.

You led me right to you.

Now I'm going to kill you, just like I killed your father!

I didn't really kill your father,

that just kind of sounded cool.

The point is you're dead!

Ash, it's me, your doctor.

You know, Ruby said this would be hard.

Buddy, I've had harder turds.

You are a joke of a demon!

Dr. Peacock: We will break you of these delusions, ash.

- I'm not giving up on you. - Yeah?

Well, you can suck my saggy bills...

Baal.

No.

No! No!

What did you do to me?

You're the hardest patient I've ever treated, ash.

Most people, after a brief discussion, see things my way.

Not you, though. You're special.

Yeah, I'll show you special.

I'll shove you on that short bus straight back to hell, buddy.

You have to understand that my reality is reality, Ashley.

- Does the patient need... - The patient needs

to get out of this dump and tell his friends that he found the demon!

We're fine in here, nurse. We're making progress.

Oh, no, we're not, we're...

Ruby?

Ruby! He's right here! We can finish this!

- I'll come back later. - No, no, no!

Don't go! Tell Pablo...

And Kelly?

You better not hurt them.

How could I hurt them? They're all in your head.

You invented this entire narrative.

The team, the book,

so that you wouldn't have to face the truth.

You murdered your friends in cold blood.

Says you, captain creepy.

I think it's time that we tried a new tactic.

Seeing as you're unable to face reality by yourself,

I've brought in a friend who might be able to help.

- Meet ashy slashy. - A puppet.

I hate puppets! Even stunningly handsome ones.

Get that out of here!

See, it's easy.

Okay, this is not me.

- I'm not doing this. - Right.

Just like you didn't kill your friends.

Hey, pal, what's the scoop?

Ah, come on, you can talk to me, ash.

I'm all ears.

- This is dumb. - You're dumb.

- You're dumb! - You're old!

You're short!

How is this happening? Whose side are you even on?

I'm on our side, ash.

I'm you, but the part of you who's willing to face reality.

Who believes the doctor. Who wants to face the delusions.

Let's rid ourselves of the necronomicon, ash.

We don't need it anymore.

Ruby, get back in here and help me.

- Tell him I'm not crazy! - There is no Ruby.

No Kelly. No Pablo. You made it all up!

No. No! They're real!

Ah!

Give in.

Let the doctor help us.

Get your filthy puppet butthole off of my arm!

Man: Let me out!

- Hey! - Girl: Mommy!

(

Dr. Peacock: Ash?

Dr. Peacock: Ash?

Oh, god!

Somebody light a candle. It smells like death in here.

What are you doing in my room?

Oh. Oh, nothing.

Don't worry about it. I'm just... I'm just in your imagination.

Are you a ghost?

Kelly?

Oh, you're here to help me!

Sweet!

Ooh, you don't smell so sweet, but, you know,

that's nothing ten or 12 showers can't fix.

I know who you are.

Murderer. Murderer!

Shh!

Inside voice.

All right, let me ask you a question. How long have I been here?

You've been here forever.

Oh, no. No, that's not possible.

At least I don't think it's possible.

Well, how would you know anyway?

Because I'm very good at keeping count.

It's what I do.

See?

I've been here for six years,

three months, and five days.

- Let me show you how I count. - What's that?

- One! - Ooh, no! That's so not necessary!

- Oh, Kelly! Stop doing that. - Two!

- Three! - You're going to run out of fingers.

Somebody get me out of here!

Pablo! Oh, thank god you're here!

You got to get me out of here.

Baal put the whammy on Kelly. Now she's crazy as a mad cow.

Shut your trap, slashy!

On the ground, hands behind your back now!

- What? Why? - You know the drill.

Oh, watch the hair!

Pablo, what are you doing?!

You can't escape, ash. You must face your delusions.

Yeah, I'm facing my delusions, because they're real, asshole.

Oh, I'll show you real.

Oh, whoo!

That's like doing whippets! Can we go again, doc?

It saddens me that your treatment is failing.

After all these years of passivity, you've become too violent.

We need to break this delusion, ash, for good.

For everyone's safety.

We need to destroy this "book" that you're obsessed with.

You're not going to break me, Poindexter.

You can go ahead and pull that trigger again.

I double dog dare yo...

Dr. Peacock: You're not the jefe, ash.

You're not the savior of humanity.

Kill the book, ash.

Kill the book.

You will be my henchman.

You will be my slaughterman.

Did you say something?

Chet: Do you have a beer?

Huh?

Ash: Chet, you're alive.

Wait a second, Chet, you can't be here.

- Cheryl ripped your heart out. - Amen to that, brother.

I died 30 years ago when you killed her.

But...

Chet!

Fight it, man! Fight it! Don't give in!

Oh, doc, that was a-a little on the spicy side, even for me.

Oh... how you doing, buddy?

Chet... oh.

Oh, they killed you again.

That is so not coo...

Man on TV: Was a matter more of principal products.

Principal products?

Oh, you know, like, uh, principal products...

Baal: Kill the book.

Kill the book.

Kill the book.

Dr. Peacock's voice: You're not the jefe, ash.

You're not the savior of humanity.

Kill the book, ash.

Kill the book.

Finally, you're back.

What took so long?

Listen, I know what's happening around here.

And obviously I had my doubts about you following the baal plan without me,

but, you know, I'm willing to be proven wrong, this once.

Stop talking to me. I'm working here.

Oh, I like it. You're staying in character.

Hey, after we get out, how about some role-playing?

Maybe nurse ratched needs a little injection from Dr. Groovy.

What do you say?

Get your dope glazed eyes off of me and back on that TV,

you murdering pervert.

Wow. Okay. Yeah, uh, I'll just wait for your signal.

Whoa! Jesus!

You almost scared me.

Ash, they locked us up because we know the truth!

And they're taking us out, one by one.

All right.

I know what to do. Follow my lead.

Okay, you crazies, express yourselves!

Put it... put it down!

- Stop! - Ash: Pablo.

Son of a... son of a... don't...

Don't hit me anymore.

Don't do it...

Wakey-wakey, hands off your snaky!

Oh, I'm-I'm not. I just...

Ash!

You're going to get us in big trouble. What are you doing?

I'm busting out of here, that's what I'm doing.

Now, listen, you mind your p's and q's,

I'll see to it that you're taken care of.

Keep talking.

Uh, how about a lil' Lori doll

you can put your puppet privates into, huh?

I like where your head's at.

Almost as much as I like where your nub's at.

- Hoo. - That's disgusting.

But you know I can't be mad, 'cause that's exactly what I would of said.

Huh? Yeah.

Uh-huh. Oh.

What the fraggle rock is that thing?

It's a long story. Come on, we got to split.

You're not even going to introduce us?

Come on, throw a dog a bone. I mean, look at her.

- She's filthy. - And fine. Yeah, I know.

What? What's fine?

- That tiny behind, sister. - Hey, shut up!

You shut the fuck up!

- Oh, yeah. - Hey!

Focus up.

Okay, I'll distract him.

You get the door, okay?

Somebody there?

Who's there?

Kelly: Let's go! What's taking so long?

Stupid thing is busted!

Oh, dip, people are definitely gonna to hear that.

No. I gotta get out!

Kelly, what the hell did you do?!

He was a demon.

I had to kill him before he killed us.

He's not a demon. That's Pablo!

He was my friend! He was your friend, too!

His name wasn't Pablo. It was reg.

Just like my name isn't Kelly.

It's Amanda, you wack job!

Wait a second. This isn't right.

- Who's reg?! - Reg was a demon.

A dragon demon.

So I had to slay him, just like we talked about, remember?

No! No!

There's no dragons in the necronomicon!

There's a kandarian demon that flies around and makes-makes deadites!

Okay, right, so what, they-they can't survive in sunlight?

- Those are vampires! - Don't you mean bloodites?

Oh, wait, there was that one time that the sunlight did work.

Oh, listen to yourself! You're fucking nuts!

Look who's talking to who! You thought Pablo was a dragon!

His name was reg!

Stop it. Stop it, looney tune.

Reg! Reg!

What the hell?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

It wasn't me.

I didn't do this!

Yes, you did.

You're a murderer.

No! No! No!

Dr. Peacock: I'm truly sorry to make you watch this, ash.

I simply can't find any other way

to impress upon you how increasingly violent

and unstable your behavior has become.

That's not me.

I'm afraid it is, ash.

Dr. Peacock: As I'm afraid I've failed you.

I'm transferring you to another facility.

One that's better equipped to deal with patients like you.

I'm sorry to say that their treatment methods are...

Less progressive than mine.

- Barbaric even. - That's not me.

Very well.

I've arranged a visitor for you.

A farewell.

Linda: Ash?

Oh, my god.

What've they done to you?

It's me.

Linda.

You're not real.

You're in my imagination.

You're still here?

Yes, it's me.

Linda, ash.

Linda b.

I've been visiting you here for the last 30 years.

30 years?

- I think I'm losing my mind. - No...

I'm sorry, Linda.

I have to go away for a long time.

I don't think I'll ever see you again.

Why, ash?

Because now I understand.

That's me.

You ready to go, ash?

Ash?

I did it.

What's that, ash? What'd you do?

I did it all.

I murdered my friends at that cabin.

I murdered my sister, Cheryl.

The patient, the orderly.

I did it all.

That's good, ash.

Very good.

You know what you have to do now, though, don't you?

No. I don't.

- You need to listen to me. - I will.

Shh. No more talking.

You're mine now.

First, you have to destroy this delusion.

You must destroy the necronomicon.

- Can you do that, ash? - Yes.

- Say it. - I must destroy the book.

- Again! - I must destroy

the necronomicon!

Go ahead, ash.

Do it.

Pablo's voice: Jefe?

J“ pull the string and I'll wink at you I

I I'm your puppet j“

j“ I'll do funny things if you want me to j'

I I'm your puppet j“

j“ mm, I'm yours I

I to have and to hold j“

.i' darling, you've got full control I

j“ of your puppet .i'

j“ pull another string and I'll kiss your lips j'

I I'm your puppet j“

I love you and kiss you j“

I and I'll pick you up j“

.i'ohj'

created by: A. Vandelay post haste digital