Original subtitles

Dear Maria, well, I finally made it to Australia

just like I said I would.

I know everything's gonna go great here.

I'm gonna get a good job and make lot's of money.

And as soon as I do, I'm gonna send for ya'.

You're gonna love it here.

I just got here and already I feel just like a native.

Ah, very nice plane.

See you later.

Huh, looks like Bakersfield.

Oh,'scuse me.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, hello. Hey.

Oh, uh yeah.

Yeah. Whoa, here I come.

Alright everybody off your knees.

Dear Maria,

Well Sydney is just too beautiful.

You're just gonna love it here.

Boy am I lucky.

That friend of Pino's who lives here has a big mansion.

He said I could stay with him.

He's got three swimming pools.

He said, "Hey, just take over the whole West wing."

Well, I gotta go now.

Love and kisses, Carlos.

Oh, P.S.

Hope to see you soon, honey.

- Carlos! - Yeah.

- Kevin. - Hey.

- Long flight? - Yeah.

No don't speak.

Listen, I'll give you a hand with your bag.

- Yeah. - Well, come in.

Come in.

Would you like a beer?

Well, what do you think?

I remember the first time I ever saw this place.

Absolutely breathtaking. Sorry about the mess, but Gus

gets up on the wrong side of the bed every now and again.

Who's Gus?

Anyway, you should meet him.

Come through this way, matey. He's having breakfast.

Nice outfit.

Excuse me.

Don't speak. Come in.

Gus, Carlos.

Carlos, Gus.

We are The Roos Brothers.

Come on, shake his hand. He's tame.

Hi, Gus.

Ugh.

Ow.

Welcome Down Under.

Dear Maria,

You're never gonna believe this.

I got a job singing in the biggest nightclub in Sydney.

Right in King's Cross.

Man this place is great.

They love me here. I'm packing them in.

Uh, love and kisses. Carlos.

Everybody prepare,

because here it comes.

Are you all ready?

OK. Here it comes.

* Matty told Hatty

* About a thing that she saw *

* It had two big horns*

* And a wooly paw

* Wooly bully, wooly bully

* Wooly bully, wooly bully *

* Wooly bully

Hey now, here it comes.

Ay caram... pendejo.

Ay, mis nalgas.

Estes pinche indios.

Excuse me. Are you speaking Spanish?

Yeah, what of it?

Would you like a job?

A job?

Dear Maria, Well sometimes you just land in roses.

I'm now the half owner of a Mexican restaurant

as soon as I can come up with 5,000 dollars.

Uh, gotta go. Love, Carlos.

Hey.

Hey. Oh. Hey, Gus.

Hey, come on. Let me in. I gotta go to work.

Mail's in.

Hey, Gus.

G'day Carlos.

Finally got one for ya mate.

Oh. Oh, Maria.

Dear Carlos, Sorry I haven't written sooner

but there's a reason.

Pino and I are getting married.

I'm sorry I had to break it to you this way.

Love, Maria.

P.S.

Don't go jumping off any bridge or anything.

I know how you get.

My best friend Pino.

OK, God. What's the deal, man?

Like are you trying to do some experiment on me or something?

I mean, I thought as soon as I came to Australia

and got out of L.A., things would be different.

It'd be nothing but beaches and beers and shrimps.

I thought I'd have money.

Hey, do me a favor, will ya?

Next time you see me falling in love.

Just strike me with a bolt of lightning and get it over with.

Carlos, I have been looking all over for you.

- Oh, hey Wayne. - I rang your apartment

a million times, you didn't answer.

- What? - I went over there.

You weren't there. So I thought something had happened to you.

- I rang the police, the hospitals. - The police?

- Thank God, you're alright. - Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine, yeah.

Now where are you going?

Going to work, Wayne.

Now remember, show business.

Oh, this can't be the place.

What a dump.

Mañana Restaurant. Well, I guess Bruce knows what he's doing.

Oh, this is dreadful.

Oh, my goodness.

Señorita Hobart, I recognize you immediately.

What a pleasure! Welcome home.

This cake is for my father's birthday.

It needs to go in the fridge.

Absolutamente, no problema.

Carlos.

Refrigerator this for Señorita Hobart.

And don't put it next to any of those refried beans.

Father hates that smell.

Carlos, the cake.

Oh, si.

Sorry guys, you gotta go to the East side.

Father doesn't approve of beans.

Alright, new guy comin' aboard.

Alright, everybody be cool.

Carlos.

Coming, coming.

Whoa.

Señorita Hobart was trying to arrange the seating for her party.

Why is that gentleman at her table?

Here's looking up your kilt.

He's with your party, no?

Are you a friend of Bruce's?

No, I just came in to use the loo.

He's not our waiter tonight, is he?

Of course.

Señor Carlos is el Mexicano tenorino.

Yes, me and the others will sing Happy Birthday for you tonight.

Make it very especial.

Tell him to drop the fake accent.

Let's go.

Jesus, mate, do you know who her father is?

No, but if he's single with bucks, my mom's always looking.

He owns more buildings around the world than you've had hot breakfasts.

So just zip it.

And give that gentleman his bill.

Okay.

Your bill, Señor.

18 dollars 75.

I thought you said this was on the house.

On the house!

I thought you said you had a reservation.

Well, I only said that so I could use the loo.

The loo?

Well, "loo" get the bill.

This is, uh, very embarrassing.

This is all I've got.

Oh, geez man, he's gonna kill me.

Well, I can bring you some cash back later.

No, I said on the house. It's on the house.

Don't worry about it.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Thanks, mate.

Cheers.

You know It's been almost a year

since I saw your parents on that ski trip.

I haven't seen them for nine months myself.

Father's been working from his London office.

I like your place.

It's nice.

It's very nice.

Thanks.

Ooh.

So, what does this Bruce have going for him?

He used to be Captain of the Wallabies,

the Aussie rugby team.

Wait, I'll show you something.

There are times when you need

a damn good drop of the amber nectar.

But you don't have any on ya.

That's when you can't always be a he-man.

Sometimes you gotta have someone else carry the Four X.

Real character, huh?

Not bad.

Four X.

Get it out of her pants, and into your face.

You think your father will like him?

Of course not.

Hey, Old Timer.

G'day girls.

Well, how are ya?

Got a girlfriend?

Well, I'll tell ya what sweetheart.

You be my girlfriend.

Hey Bruce. Bruce Woodley.

Excuse me.

* Mañana, Mañana

* Mañana is good enough for me *

When I quit footie,

they offered me Toyota and Four X, see.

Now with Four X, I got a free Toyota.

But with Toyota, I gotta buy my own beer.

What do you intend to do when your contract expires next month?

- Does it? - Nah.

They'll probably just renew it.

They don't plan to.

Waiter.

We've got a little surprise for your birthday, Father.

Yes.

You certainly have.

OK, big fella. Time for you to go on.

* Happy Birthday to you * Happy Birthday to you

* Happy Birthday dear fat kid *

* Happy Birthday to you

Wonder what you taste like.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Okay, let's get to the...

- Cake. - Oh, no.

This is not happening.

What's wrong?

Somebody screwed up with the freeze man.

Look this thing is frozen solid.

What?

You stopped blinking mate.

Carlos, don't do this to me.

Well, we'll put it in the microwave.

- The microwave. - Yeah, yeah the microwave.

Hey!

Won't the icing melt?

Won't the icing melt?

No, no.

It heats from the inside out.

You're a genius.

Well, you 're all in love with the food, eh?

Do you like the food? Raise your hand, you like the food.

Señor Bruce, si.

Señora, you like the food?

Señor? Porque no gusta la food?

- The cake. - Que?

- The cake. - K?

- Cake. Cake. - Kay? Cake.

Oh! The cake.

You say cake, we say pastel.

Well, could we have it now please?

Que?

The cake!

Porque no?

I bring the cake.

Special Mañana burrito.

Especiality de la casa, on the casa.

Señor Bruce.

Good one, mate.

Come on team. Go on dig in, Dig in.

These are me favorites. Gotta eat 'em like Mexican Joe.

Like this.

Aw, Christ! I mean this...

This happened last time.

Excuse me.

Carlos! It happened again, Carlos.

It's still hard in the center.

Another 30 seconds.

30 seconds?

OK, a minute.

So, what do you think of your future son-in-law?

Not a hope in hell young lady. Never.

What's wrong with Bruce?

The tragedy of the situation is that you can't see for yourself.

You've hated every boyfriend I've ever had.

Every single one.

Well I've got news for you, Father.

I'm marrying Bruce, whether you like him or not.

I don't give that marriage two weeks.

We'll find out who's right

two weeks after the wedding then. Won't we.

Alexandra, you're not marrying that oaf.

Says who?

Don't make an issue out of this.

The subject is closed.

The subject is not closed father, because if you...

And if you're going to make a scene in the restaurant...

...then I will leave.

Dear, why don't you go to the bathroom and freshen up?

Excuse me.

- Ian... - What?

Do you see what's going on here?

You have to calm down, Alex.

Ever since I was a kid, it's the same crap.

I'll go back to the table and he'll have some deal for me.

- A deal? - You'll see.

Everything is business to Father.

I say I want to marry Bruce, and he has to say, no.

But then he'll come back with a counter offer

somewhere in the middle.

Well, don't let him get away with it.

I'm not. I'm not going to let him do this to me again.

Allez viens.

Alexandra, I didn't mean to upset you.

But there are occasions when one must be a little brutal.

So take my advice this time.

Bruce is a total loser.

Now the next time you are serious about marriage,

I will embrace your gentleman with open arms.

Is that fair?

Let's get this perfectly clear.

You're offering me a trade-off?

If you want to put it that way.

Yes.

I give up Bruce...

and the next bloke, even if you can't stand him,

even if he's the biggest idiot you ever met...

You won't say a word?

I doubt there could be anyone more repulsive than Mr Woodley.

But yes, it's a deal.

I won't say a word.

* Happy Birthday to you

* Happy Birthday to you

* Happy Birthday dear Sir Ian *

* Happy Birthday to you

Why don't you make a wish Sir Ian?

Bravo, bravo.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Go on, Carlos.

Well, that's it.

No one will ever come into this restaurant ever again.

We're ruined.

Don't worry. I'll think of something.

What? What will you think of, Carlos?

If we don't have 5000 dollars by next week,

the bank gets everything.

We'll be out on the street.

The street!

I'll think of something.

He doesn't like me?

What did I do?

Everybody likes me.

He's not gonna cut you off is he?

This is the same shit he's pulled on me for years.

But this time, I'm as serious as he is.

And I've got him right where I want him.

Especially If could just find the right idiot.

Bloody Carlos!

What a loser.

It's going to work like a charm.

Look I don't really think so, you know.

I was waiting for this.

We get down here and already you're asking for more money .

Well, forget it.

Hey, look, it's not about the money, OK?

Good.

Then there's nothing to discuss.

Never mind Edison, I'll get it.

It's Alexandra.

Hey, Mama! What's happening?

Mother, I'd like you to meet Carlos,

my new fiancé.

Hey, baby! How you doing?

Hey, I never seen you in the daytime. Turn around, Mama.

Come on! Whip it around! Let me check it out.

Whoo!

Now I see where Alex gets that cute ass.

Ooh baby, shoot me a lippy.

Swab my tonsils.

Wow.

Bad pad you got here.

Hey, is your man a dope dealer or what?

If he is, tell him to whip it on out.

Let's party man. Call some chicks.

Get on the horn, get on the blower.

Let's blow it out.

Hey dude, Carlos Muñoz, glad to meet you, Holmes.

Delighted.

Yeah, right back at ya'.

Ooh, baby! With these hands, with these lips, what I could do.

Ooh.

Wow! Wow much this thing cost?

Be careful with it. It's a Ming Dynasty vase.

Oh, I better be careful with it or else. Oh, no!

Oh!

Hey, Holmes, be careful with that bag.

It's got all my porno mags in it.

If You're good later, we'll let you watch "Debbie Does Bondage."

We've seen it a lot, huh?

Mm. OK baby, up the stairs.

Time to get greased and ready for action, huh?

Hello, baby.

Are you room service?

That's it? Walk right on by, stuck up bitch.

I'm gonna make you wait and crawl and beg,"Oh, Carlos!

Please, me next! Please, please."

OK, I'll give you one more shot.

Only if you're good.

I mean really good.

Thank you Edison.

Ooh, Mama.

Hey, thank you, Edison. Good bloke, man.

- Young man. - Huh?

The guest bedroom is in the East wing.

- What? Yeah, yeah. - The guest bedroom...

You want me to sleep in a different room from my old lady?

Right. Shit.

Oh, look at that bed.

It's like a playground. Hold on baby, I'll be right there.

Hey, tell you what.

Make sure we get plenty of fresh towels and don't bug us

for at least an hour. You know what I mean?

I'm coming.

Better make that two hours, you know...

No slow, slow, baby, take it off slow.

Daddy is coming.

Hey, I gave her a buck,

you think that was too much, babe?

This is gonna be great.

Was that OK?

Let me get this straight.

All I gotta do is tell your old man that you and me

is getting married and keep acting like a total idiot, right?

That's it. Be the easiest 5000 dollars you ever made.

Be the only 5000 I ever made.

God, being a kid must've killed you, man.

No wonder you don't do anything now.

Look at this skiing, horseback riding, tennis, ballet.

Ice skating.

I'm gonna go change.

Oh yeah? What are you gonna change into, a frog?

Alex, you here?

- Oh. - Sorry.

Oh, Alex is in the bathroom freshening up.

I'm Maggie, Alex's first cousin.

Oh, hi. Glad- Oh-

- I'm Carlos Muñoz. - Muno-

Muñoz, right, right. You got it.

Where's Bruce?

Bruce?

Oh, he's outta here. Father didn't approve.

He's gone. See ya. History.

- Really? - Yeah.

So you are the...

Alex's latest. And the greatest.

How do you like me so far?

I don't know you.

How do you like me?

Oh. I don't know you either.

You staying for the weekend?

Yeah. I was thinking about it.

- How about you? Oh, good. - Yeah.

Maybe we'll get to know each other.

Yeah, that'd be great.

I think it could be.

Bye.

See ya.

Adios.

What the hell was that?

If you want some lipstick, you can borrow mine.

- Oh. - It's in the bathroom.

- I was just, uh... - And, by the way,

so are you.

Hey. way to go, babe. Alright. Whoo!

Whoo!

Hey, beats the hell out of watching it on TV, huh, Lady Irene?

You don't play tennis, Carlos?

Me? Right.

See, where I come from you got enough space to put a tennis

court on man, you got 3000 people living on it.

Yo! Hey, Jeeves.

Jeeves.

Yo, what's that dude's name again?

- Edison. - Edison, right.

Yo, Edison.

That's it. Take your time, man.

Is this dude dead or what?

Hey thanks, bud.

There you go. Thank you.

And next time don't be bullshittin' with the vodka either too, man.

Mm.

Hey, you played good babe.

I especially liked that part where you bend over.

G'day there sailors.

Don't you ever give up, Mother?

G'day Alexandra.

Fancy a quick one?

Tennis, I mean.

Oh, excuse me. I'm Carlos Muñoz, man. That's my name.

I'm Alex's latest squeeze, man.

You almost had me there.

Tennis anyone?

Oh, not me. I'm pooped.

I just had three hard sets with Daddy.

I don't suppose you play?

Me? Hey, why not?

I'll give it a bash.

Ok, let's try it.

Do I got any grill work on my butt?

Hey, can I borrow your bat?

Thanks honey.

All right. Let's do it bro.

Take it easy on me man. I haven't played since Wimbledon.

Yo, hello. Yo, hello.

Hey dude, you got another bat, man?

Yo!

OK, dude you ready?

All right. Play ball.

Here we go.

Oh, let's try it again.

Here we go.

Sorry. Was that a foul ball or what?

Yes, I'm perfectly alright.

Yes, perfectly alright.

And, this is the study.

Oh yeah, what do you study here?

Oh.

Excuse me, Sir Ian. I'll get out of your way.

No, you're alright. Go on with what you were doing.

Don't mind us.

Yeah, don't mind us.

Hey, it's a nice place you got here, man.

Is this where you come to hide out from the old lady?

Hey dude, what's a place like this cost, man?

We, uh, we don't discuss such things.

Right.

I've served rich people all my life man.

You guys love talking about money.

Tasty man. How do you get away with it, dude?

How do I get away with what?

Hey, I guess the old lady don't care no more, huh? I'm with you, man,

the young stuff is the good stuff. Fresh.

If you're quite finished.

If you're quite finished.

Hey, relax, Holmes. I'm just teasing.

I wouldn't do it with no maid, man.

Unless Alex wanted a threesome.

And then, hallo.

Wow, man, are you sure we can find our way back to the house from here?

No problem.

Maybe we should call a cab, man.

Your family here with you in Australia?

Are you kidding man, I dumped them losers years ago.

- Admirable. - Yeah.

So is there anything else you wanna know about me, man?

So you're just gonna give me the OK?

The OK for what?

You know, to marry Alex.

Hey, how many slaves it take to run this place, man?

This was Alex's favorite as a child.

That's great looks like future dog food, man.

Yo, Alpo.

- Hey, dude. - Tell me.

How did you and Alex get together?

Oh, hey you know what. Like I felt sorry for the chick.

She was on the rebound. So I said, "Hey, give the chick a break."

You know what I mean. You know how chicks are like, man.

You know. I know what you're thinkin' man.

You know this guys porkin' chicks left, right, and center.

You know he's probably going to break my little girl's heart, man.

No, way. You know? Like with Alex and me.

Like the physical thing is like only half the trip, man.

You know the other half is like mental.

Like it's intense man.

I've never been in a thing like this you know. It's like

- I wake up in the morning... - That's my Arabian.

- Pride of the stables - Yeah, that's great.

Uh, excuse me for a minute, man.

Ah, that feels good man.

Oh. Ah.

Easy big fella.

Ah. God how do you get these things to stop man?

Oh.

Yeah, I know. Don't get jealous.

* I know it won't be very long *

* Before I'm in your arms to stay *

* 'Cause I'm still crazy for you *

Ta-da!

How do you like it?

That's it. Perfect.

I like it myself. It's kinda cool, huh?

All you need is a tie and I've got just the one.

Here, try it on.

Oh, you know what? To tell you the truth,

I don't know how to tie one of these things.

You know? I never wearer.

OK, I'll try.

Oh, you know how?

I think so.

Oh. You're used to wearing men's clothing.

No. I wore them at school.

- Oh, at school? - Boarding school.

- Ah. truly awful - Mm hm.

You're a weird guy, you know that?

What do you mean?

Well, you have a stupid job, in a stupid restaurant.

You're doing all these stupid things for me.

Underneath, you're, you're just like a regular bloke.

Oh, thank you very much.

You're not as stupid as you look, either.

You know, excuse me for prying, but...

If you want to marry this guy, why don't you just marry him, you know?

Why are you playing all these games?

You wouldn't understand.

You don't know my father.

What's there to understand?

Well, I wonder what old Bruce is doing.

He's gone on holiday.

He wants to lose 10 pounds before the wedding.

Oh yeah? Tell him to cut off his head.

He's could lose ten pounds of ugly fat that way.

Let's see.

Just think, this time tomorrow, you'll be 5000 dollars richer.

5000 dollars, huh?

Well, then I guess it's showtime!

Are you ready to party?

Alright.

* I said na na na na na

* na na na na na na na na na na *

* na na na na na

Come on.

* na na na na na

* na na na na na na na na na na *

* na na na na na

* You gotta know how to pony *

* like Bony Maronie

* Do the twist

* I said it goes like this *

* Mashed Potato

* Come on do the Alligator *

* Do the Watusi

* like Juicy Lucy

* Come on and do the Turk *

* I said watch me work

* I said na, na na na na *

* na na na na na na na na na na *

* na na na na na

Come on.

Whoo!

Hey, dude have a rib.

Whoo.

Hey, babe. Are you gonna get any food? It's free.

I'll have a rib.

Hey, get your own.

Last time a woman got a rib from a man

they both got thrown out of the garden.

Isn't he witty?

And he's entirely self-educated, you know.

Yeah, what are yous anyway?

Me? Oh, I'm a Pisces with a moon over Miami.

No, no, no, no, no. What's your native extraction?

- He's Mexican. - Yeah.

Mexican are you?

Si.

I never knew a Mexican good for anything

except singing Guantanamera.

And they never have a penny to their names, either.

Yeah, let's do an experiment.

Oh father, please.

Now, go on. Turn your pockets out.

Let's see how much money you got on ya.

I have Carlos' weekend cash in my safe

if you'd like to see it, Uncle.

It's about 5000 dollars. Isn't that right?

Uh, yeah.

Let's dance.

Hey, have a rib, dude.

Hey, Pepe, I'd ask you to cook us up some refried beans,

but you probably haven't got a work visa.

Who was that jerk?

He's my uncle.

He's married to my father's sister.

Bruce'll fit right in with this family.

That's your opinion.

Yeah well, at least I got an opinion, you know.

And when I want it, I'll ask for it. OK?

Women.

Mexican.

Buenas noches, Señor.

Quiere bailar?

What?

Do you want to dance?

Oh, yeah, sure. Why not?

Aye muchacho!

You know, I spent one summer in Mexico

as an exchange student.

Oh, I just love the Mexican people.

So do I. I love'em so much I had 'em for parents.

Muchacho!

He's working his way nicely into the family, isn't he dear?

So what do you think of me so far?

You're a really hip dancer.

That's a good sign you know.

Oh, yeah. Sign of what?

Well, people who are good at dancing are usually good at...

...other things.

Your mother was a bit worried that you might be

getting a bit sweet on Pepe here.

But I told her, "No worries."

Because all those jokers from down there

they're raving homos anyway.

Daddy.

Don't worry about it.

It's just a little myth we put out to get rich

Australians to come on down.

Look here, Pepe.

I bet you been to Mexico haven't you.

- Yeah. - You like that tequila, don't ya?

- Yeah, it's alright. - Yeah, you gotta watch out for it though.

If you drink too much, it has an awful punch.

I think he had one of those bad ribs, you know.

Must have been something he ate.

Who the hell do you think you are?

My father isn't an idiot.

He knows I'd never be in love with a common street fighter.

You could have blown the whole damn thing.

Look if anybody's blowing the damn thing, it's you, babe.

I'm out of here.

You are not bloody out of here, mate.

You can get a lot of suckers to do this shit.

Just get yourself another one, OK?

I know I was supposed to come down here to get Daddy all pissed off

so he'd say you could marry Bruce.

I didn't come down here to get shit on

and insulted by these bigoted assholes.

A deal's a deal and so far our little Alexandra's come out on top.

What shall you do?

I still hold the last card.

It's time to put it on the table.

So you've changed your mind about the five thousand dollars?

Look how about this for a new deal?

I get out of here, and you keep the five grand. Okay? See ya.

There is no new deal.

You leave here with the 5000 dollars when I say.

And I won't be saying anything until my father says that I can marry Bruce.

Is that clear?

Forget it.

All right, I'll double it.

Another five thousand.

Another five?

May I come in?

Carlos, I want to apologize.

My brother-in-law can be very insensitive.

He's Australian, you see.

When I told him that you and Alexandra were getting married,

I said if he didn't like you

he needn't bother attending any more family functions.

Uh, you mean you're gonna let me marry her?

You're gonna let me marry him?

Well, it's a little too rapid for my taste sweetheart.

But... a deal's a deal.

Welcome to the family.

Son.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Shut up. This isn't funny.

What?

Hey, what about a June wedding, honey?

I like June. You know, not too hot, not too cold.

What do you think, sweetheart, June?

I said shut up and get out.

Get out!

Oh, get out. OK.

Get out!

OK, OK. Dun dun da dun.

Dun Dun da Dun. And 10,000 dollars to boot.

Da dun dun da dun.

Oh, Carlos.

Huh?

- Oh, hi. - Entrez.

- How you doin'? - Sit down.

Sit down.

Well, did you have a good time?

Would you mind brushing the back of my hair?

I can't seem to reach it.

Oh, yeah sure.

Thank you.

Oh. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

No no. Don't stop. You won't hurt me.

Harder.

Harder?

- Harder. - Harder?

Harder!

Faster, faster.

Harder, faster.

- Say something in Mexican. - What?

Say something in Mexican.

Quick.

La chica es loca.

Is there a horse the house?

If I take my hand off

will you be quiet?

You sure?

I'm sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

You scared the hell out of me.

Aye caramba!

Yeah! Viva Zapata!

Hey, relax!

Calm down.

I'm Mexi...

I mean, I'm not Mexican.

Oh, look, a kangaroo.

We can talk about this.

Let's make a deal.

No. no!

Oh, dear.

Maggie's having those horse nightmares again.

Jump my little jumping bean.

Eh.

Whoa, what a ride!

All right babe, you're next.

I'm oiled up.

My! What a strange young man.

Not for this family.

Hey, top of the morning, Jeeves.

Hey, good morning, everybody.

Hey, babe.

I'm surprised you're up.

I'm surprised you could walk.

I managed.

Tell me have you two settled on a date yet?

We'll let you know.

You could give us a hint, couldn't you Alexandra?

I'm usually free in the afternoons.

You know, Carlos, I'd be delighted to take you into the business.

Who me?

Nah, I'm not into business, man.

Well, you're quick. You're good with people.

I think you'd be great. Don't you darling?

Nah, I don't think so.

Hey, tell you what. You know who'd be great at business?

Your daughter, man. She drives a mean bargain.

Mm, I've been telling her for years.

Do you think you could talk some sense into her?

Who me?

Yeah. No problem.

Pew.

Well, if we're going to beat the Sunday traffic,

better hit the road.

Hmm? Oh...

Well, it's been a slice.

Uh, leave them.

Edison will take care of it.

Where I come from everybody does their own dishes,

you know what I mean?

Travel broadens the horizons. Leave it.

It'll just take five minutes.

I said leave them.

Well, see you in the Spring,

if we don't see you in the mattress.

Later on.

Cheerio, Jeeves.

Incredible performance.

I wonder what she'll come up with for act three.

She must really be in love to put up with all this nonsense.

Perhaps we should just let her marry him.

Likeable fellow, this Carlos.

I meant Bruce, not Carlos.

Let's just play along a bit longer.

Hey listen, uh, I don't really have a bank account.

You think I can get the money in cash?

What money?

What do you mean, what money?

The ten grand.

Are you kidding?

Oh, come on. You're not gonna stiff me are ya?

You said you didn't want the money.

'Cause I wanted to quit, but you made me stay.

Dear God, don't you understand anything?

I wanted you to stay so father would hate you.

Instead you sit around like old mates, talking about my career.

Hey, I did everything I could to make him think I was a jerk.

And look what happened, he loves you.

It's not my fault.

He's only human.

Put it this way.

I go to your restaurant and order a meal.

You go to the kitchen, but you come back without the food.

Do you still think I should pay?

What the hell does that mean?

Hey, where are we goin'?

We're going through Walingatta.

I want to surprise Bruce at the hotel. We'll stay the night.

Stay the night?

If you don't want to sleep over,

you can get the bus back to Sydney.

Yeah, cool whatever.

Hey, they could use some help. Why didn't you stop?

It's a trick.

What are you talking about?

They get you to stop and then they rob you blind.

I can't believe you.

Hey, you'd stop if it was a Rolls wouldn't you?

Or maybe a Mercedes or a Jaguar?

Alright. You've made your point.

Hey, dude.

G'day, mate.

- How ya doin'? - You got any water?

Yeah, here's some.

Go ahead. Have at it.

I'm gonna give 'em a hand.

Don't tell me, let me guess. A flat tire?

You're right.

I was going to take the spare in and get it fixed,

but I didn't have the cash, so I took a chance.

Bad luck, huh.

Well, what can we do for ya?

Don't know.

can't all fit in the back of your car.

That'd be a little crowded.

Uh, hm.

Tell you what. Give me a hand.

Let's have a look.

I'll just throw this on the ground.

What do you think?

Yeah?

Hope it's enough to rock and roll.

- She's a beauty. - Yeah.

Uh, hello. It's my tire.

Oh, don't worry. You'll get it back.

I have somewhere to go.

Hey, good idea.

Why don't you go down there and take a walk?

What a beautiful day.

Yeah, take a nice long walk. Okay?

Eh, nature.

I'll be right with ya.

Where you come from, mate?

Me? Uh, L.A.

How about you?

Whyalla. What are you doing over here?

Oh, well it wasn't working out in L.A.

so I thought I'd give this place a try you know?

What made you pick Australia?

Tell you the truth I kept seeing this guy on TV.

He was saying "G'day, mate."

Throw another shrimp on the barbie.

Sitting there drinking a beer... beautiful beach.

I thought hey, could be worse.

Lately I've been thinking that I'm the shrimp on the barbie though.

It looks like you've done alright for yourself so far mate.

Isn't that right honey, could be worse? What do you think?

Having a good time, huh?

How 'bout we get some land over here, huh?

Maybe we raise some kids, some sheep.

Put a little house up there. What do you think?

You two remind me of me and the missus when we was first hitched.

Bloody lovebirds we was.

Couldn't keep our eyes off each other.

I know what you mean.

Thank you pretty lady.

Combination wedding gift and good luck charm.

Wear it in good health.

Oh, that's really beautiful, huh?

Say "thank you" now.

Thank you.

We're gonna have to make up the time you wasted playing

Santa Claus with those people.

I can't believe you gave my tire away.

Do you know how much that's worth?

What are you talking about, gave it away? I didn't give it away.

He was gonna bring it back.

You just wouldn't give him your address.

Hey, besides, he gave you that beautiful crystal.

This piece of junk.

At least I only lose a 100 dollar tire this way.

Say what?

If I gave them my address,

I'd come home tomorrow to an empty apartment.

Oh come on, that guy was OK.

You gotta trust somebody.

It's easy to trust people when you don't have anything to lose.

Hey, who died and made you Darth Vader, huh?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, that is great.

That is really great.

What are we gonna do now, Mr. Einstein?

I don't know.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're not using them damn steel belts anymore, that's for sure.

Honey.

Glad you enjoyed your stay.

G'day, mate.

I'd like to register, please.

Yes, of course, Mr. Woodley.

Sorry, mate. Name's Smith.

John Smith.

Ah, yes. Of course, Mr. Smith.

If you'll just sign here please, sir.

Certainly.

Take Mr. Smith's luggage to his room.

Yes, of course, Mr. Smith. Right this way, please.

You go ahead. I'll be in the bar.

G'day, mate. What'll it be?

Aye, just rip the top off a Four X, would ya', mate?

So, how's the Sheila action around here sport?

Depends what you're looking for.

"Trust people."

"Just trust people."

I should have my head examined for listening to a wanker like you.

You gave my tire away.

Excuse me, can I use that stick?

What stick?

That stick you have stuck up your butt.

Don't you dare talk to me like that.

Give me that light.

Fine. I won't say a word to you.

Just look for some wood so we don't freeze to death.

That's right, be a smartass.

You're the one who got us stranded out here anyway.

God, I'm freezing.

Probably wild animals all around here... waiting to attack us.

Are you listening to me?

Yeah.

Oh, Jesus.

Hey, it's a big piece of wood.

Help me to get it out of the ground.

I'm not helping you do anything.

Oh fine, then freeze to death by yourself, Jesus.

Alright. What do you want me to do?

You know she told me so much about you that you

should blush every time I walk in the room.

Yeah, and just what have you heard?

Oh, I heard about your incredible horizontal talent.

At least she wasn't telling lies.

Ah ah ah ah. Where I come from, seeing is believing.

You like Jacuzzi?

Hmm?

Jacuzzi. Jac-uzzi!

Race you back! Hey, get back here.

I just let you win 'cause you're a chick.

Oh, right.

I'll have you know I was track champion at my school.

Oh, yeah? Well, bully for you.

So, what are you doin' later after the fire dies down?

Down boy. You're not my type.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot you like the rocket scientist type like Bruce.

He's not so bad.

Yeah, right.

What's so funny?

Oh, nothing.

No, what's so funny?

I was just curious,

what do you guys talk about when you're alone?

Is it like,

Hey Bruce, how do you breathe out of your nose after a rugby match?

Or something like that?

You wouldn't understand.

"You wouldn't understand"?

Is that your answer for everything?

What do you mean?

Well, you say it to me all the time.

Look, I might not be the smartest guy in the world,

but I'm not the dumbest.

What's there to not understand?

Your daddy dangles you on a string.

It pisses you off.

You just don't have enough nerve to cut the string.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Right.

I mean like the car and the condo and the boutique.

Hey, look I may not have much, but what I have, is my own.

And I don't have to marry Bruce.

Oh, I know, "You wouldn't understand." Jeez.

Nobody comes up here.

He said it was on the roof.

I mean, he said it was upstairs, not on the roof.

Are you sure we're in the right place?

No worries, love.

When Brucie says, "This is the place."

This is it.

More champagne.

Just get 'em off.

Da da da da da

Come on, baby. Take it off.

Ba da da da da

Do do do do do

Yeah. Oh, come on.

Come on to papa.

Yeah, baby.

Oh, yeah, baby.

You want to make your fantasies come true?

Aw, yeah.

Ah ah ah. First you have to take off those

ridiculous shorts.

- Yeah. - Alors.

What are they doing in the fish tank?

Round of drinks on the house.

So, what you gonna do with your 10,000 dollars?

You're gonna give me the money after all?

Why not? You tried your best.

It's only money.

Yeah, it's only money.

How about 50,000?

Very funny.

No, you'll get your money as soon as we get back to Sydney.

Then I'll probably never see you again.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

Hey listen, before I never see you again,

you think maybe I can get an advance?

Get something to eat and get the bus home.

Sure, no problem.

Great.

Thank you for calling. Bye-bye.

Has Mr. Bruce Woodley checked in yet?

I believe Mr. Woodley is here ma'am.

Could I have his room number, please?

Can I ask who's enquiring?

I'm Alexandra Hobart, Mr. Woodley's fiancée.

It's, Room 212.

Let me tell Mr. Woodley you're here.

Yeah?

Shit!

Yeah, when's the next bus to Sydney?

Not till tomorrow.

You're gonna have to stay the night.

Yeah, looks like it.

You got a single?

Yes, if you just sign here, please, sir.

And, there's your room.

- I'm gonna go freshen up. - OK.

I'll check on you later.

It's just down the hall, and it's the first on the right.

Thanks a lot.

- Enjoy your stay. - Yep.

Bye bye, guys.

Carlos,

what are you doing here?

Just looking for my room.

You, didn't see anything, right?

Right.

Hey, hey, Carlos, mate.

Listen, I'll, I'll do you right.

Okay?

Uh, how about 1,000 bucks to sort of cloud the mind? OK?

What's wrong with you people, man?

Think money can buy everything?

Hey! Listen, dickhead.

I'm on the pig's back.

Now I'm set for life.

Hey. Come on,

you're not gonna drop me in the shit?

I didn't drop you in anything, man. You dropped yourself in it.

You know what? That's where you belong.

Nice one.

You got the message sport?

You got it?

Darling.

You don't know how much I've missed you.

Come on, come on.

I just want to say good morning to Carlos.

I won't be long.

Uh, look.

I'll meet you on the court, OK?

Here.

Carlos?

Carlos.

I'm sorry, Miss Hobart. He checked out.

He could be at the bus stop.

Where is that?

It's right across the road, ma'am.

Thank you.

Carlos?

My God! What happened?

Guess I wasn't looking where I was going.

Shit happens, you know?

- Are you OK? - Yeah, yeah.

I'm fine. Don't worry about it.

So where are you going anyway?

Home, I guess.

Yeah.

Will I see you back in Sydney, then?

You know, to give you the money...

That's OK. You keep it.

What do you mean? We had a deal.

Forget the deal. You keep the money.

You need it a lot more than I do.

Good luck.

You think he will be surprised?

He has no idea.

He thinks I don't even know when his birthday is.

The other day when I walked home from work

I had a sudden call of nature.

I dropped into the nearest possible pit stop

The Mañana Restaurant.

When I walked out of the loo, the waiter presented me

with a first class margarita and a plate of hors d'oeuvres.

When I explained I didn't have the cash to pay for them,

That's the same jerk we saw in the restaurant.

he said, "Don't worry. It's on the house."

Three stars Mañana.It's not often you find a place

where you can empty the old bladder

and on the same spot get a refill free and on the house.

I wanted to introduce this waiter, Carlos Muñoz,

but unfortunately, he's gone walkabout over the last two days.

But all is not lost.

One of his mates at the restaurant had this to say.

Carlos, Carlos, if you're out there, I really need you.

I really need you to keep the restaurant going.

Please.

Please, Carlos, come back. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Please.

Well...

What was Carlos Muñoz doing there?

Being nice. That's what.

If you go to Mañana, say, "G'day" to Carlos

when he gets back.

He's worth it. This is Gary...

Allez, allez, Alex. Don't forget Bruce's party.

...don't forget, it pays to be nice.

Over to you, Tony.

Alex, what's the matter? What's wrong?

That'll be all, gentlemen.

Your father's right in here, Miss.

Thanks.

Well, Alexandra.

And to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?

Well, I was just in the neighborhood

and I thought I would stop by and see how you were doing.

Very thoughtful.

So, how are you doing?

Never better.

And you?

I'm great.

Everything is great.

That bad, eh?

No, it's fine. Really.

How's Carlos?

Carlos...

As a matter of fact, that didn't work out.

Pity. Nice chap.

Your mother will be disappointed.

Are you 100 percent set on marrying this Bruce character?

Yes, I am.

Then what's wrong?

Nothing.

Now you're set on marrying him,

you're having second thoughts, aren't you?

No, not at all.

Well...

You know how I feel about him.

And as your father Alexandra, just your plain, old dad,

if you ever want to change your mind, it's not too late.

I haven't seen you cry like this since you were a little girl.

It's just everything all at once.

I've been like a kid. Like a rebellious teenager.

I just wanted to beat you at something, you know?

Make you say yes, when I knew you'd say, no.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea things were so bad between you and me.

I'm really very sorry about that.

I don't remember the last time you said, "I'm sorry."

I don't remember the last time I was wrong.

I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with Bruce.

Would you like me to talk to him?

Let him down gently.

No, this time I'm going to clean up my own mess.

I'm throwing him a surprise party tonight

but afterwards...

You're a love.

Oh, Alex, just a second.

Collins, still out there?

Yes, Sir Ian.

Have him bring that envelope please.

Thank you.

Mr. Collins is a photographer. He took some snapshots for me.

Thank you, Collins. You'll be quite interested in these, dear.

What are they?

Fish.

Fish?

Most unusual fish.

Surprise.

You little devil. You remembered.

Oh, you haven't seen anything yet.

Happy Birthday.

Ok, attention everyone.

We have a special event.

Everyone find a seat on the floor, doesn't matter where.

And Bruce, darling. Right here. Place of honor.

Drink for you.

You know, I was thinking.

What does one give to a man who has everything?

A shot of penicillin?

Good one.

So, I've prepared a little history of our time together.

Dominique, would you get the lights please?

Gstaad, where we first met.

Love at first sight.

Our first date.

Bruce, always the salesman.

Four X would be proud.

Uh oh, busted.

A real man's man.

I don't know where this is, must have been another holiday.

Where is this?

Dominique, I don't remember when you came on holiday with us.

When was that?

Where is this?

I don't even remember being there.

What's this?

This is my best friend and my fiancée.

And she's leaving his room, putting her clothes on.

I'm shocked.

And, how did Carlos get here?

Ooh. Carlos must have made Bruce very mad.

Darling, let me explain...

There's no need to explain.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

I think we've seen enough.

Lights.

Dominique, leaving so soon?

You haven't even had any cake yet.

Good, isn't it?

Alex, possum, let me explain.

That's for Carlos.

Well, goodnight everyone.

I had a wonderful time.

Sydney to Los Angeles, one-way?

Yeah.

Me bladder's killing me. I need to take a leak.

Where do we get the free beer?

It's been a nightmare.

Ever since that news clip came on,

I've been mobbed by freeloaders.

We're worse off than before.

Oh, Carlos!

Where is he? Where is he?

Vanished into thin air right when I needed him most.

Señorita, help me, please.

Look at this mob. All they want is the loo and free drinks.

Wayne, Wayne! It's OK.

We'll find him.

Now, where do you think he could have gone?

For all I know, he's probably half-way to Mexico by now.

Flight 101 leaves Sydney airport in 40 minutes.

Thanks.

Attention all passengers,

Flight 101 for Los Angeles now boarding at gate eight

Has flight 101 left yet?

That's it just taxiing out to the runway.

Well, you have to stop it.

Sorry madam, I can't do that.

Sorry.

Hello, darling.

What are you doing here?

Same thing you are.

Don't want him to leave either.

It's too late anyway. Plane's already pulling away.

I want you to stop that plane.

Right, governor.

It's alright, Dad.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

We'll see about that.

Quantas Airlines.

I want to talk to the Chairman.

Just a second, I'll connect you.

Mr. Adams' office.

I would like to speak with Mr. Adams.

I'm sorry, sir. He's in a meeting.

Yes, tell him Mr. Ian Hobart's here.

Sam, hi.

Yes.

We have a flight.

101.

Bring it back, could you?

I'm very rich.

The guy at the counter said the ticket was cool.

He said it was OK to go back to L.A., man.

I don't know what's the problem.

Was it the smoke detector?

I just opened the door and the smoke detector went off, man.

* Mañana

* Mañana is good enough for me *

Everybody.

* Mañana Mañana

Here you go. Margaritas just the way you like them, Father,

with plenty of salt on the rim.

And, don't forget my beans.

I love those refritas.

Hey, you're learning.

To our new partner, Sir Ian.

May all your Mañanas be successful.

We'll have a chain of them.

Lady Irene, I here you're quite a singer.

Come on.

Carlos,

from me to you.

Mexicans, ha-ha!

* Mañana Mañana

* Mañana is good enough for me *

* Mañana Mañana

* Mañana is good enough for me *

* The window she is broken And the rain is coming in *

* If someone doesn't fix it, I'll be soaking to my skin *

* But if I wait a day or two the rain may go away *

* And we don't need the window on such a sunny day *

* Mañana Mañana

* Mañana is good enough for me. *

* Mañana Mañana

* Mañana is good enough for me *