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1
00:00:16,820 --> 00:00:20,741
# When life was just
empty rooms #
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00:00:20,741 --> 00:00:25,463
# for company
i talked to the moon #
3
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:30,745
# i danced along
to my own song #
4
00:00:30,745 --> 00:00:33,826
# that no one could hear #
5
00:00:36,227 --> 00:00:40,280
# when nights were silent
and dark #
6
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,230
# i'd lie in shadows,
stare at the stars #
7
00:00:46,431 --> 00:00:50,720
# the quiet voice
that lifted my heart #
8
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,433
# was always so clear #
9
00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:55,634
# it told me #
10
00:00:55,634 --> 00:00:59,636
# the chance for love
comes without warning #
11
00:00:59,636 --> 00:01:03,917
# so don't stop
looking for it #
12
00:01:03,917 --> 00:01:07,879
# yeah, love comes
without warning #
13
00:01:07,879 --> 00:01:11,960
# so be ready for love #
14
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,841
# yours are the eyes #
15
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:19,323
# i have spent my life
looking for #
16
00:01:19,323 --> 00:01:22,844
# if they're not telling lies #
17
00:01:22,844 --> 00:01:26,686
# you were looking for me #
18
00:01:32,368 --> 00:01:35,649
# i want to tell everyone #
19
00:01:35,649 --> 00:01:39,410
# who's waiting in the dark
for the sun #
20
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:43,972
# before your chance
in life is gone #
21
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,773
# you'll be in the light #
22
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,694
# remember #
23
00:01:48,694 --> 00:01:52,655
# the chance for love
comes without warning #
24
00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:56,817
# so don't stop
looking for it #
25
00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,898
# yeah, love comes
without warning #
26
00:02:00,898 --> 00:02:04,980
# so be ready for love ##
27
00:02:22,546 --> 00:02:26,828
This film is dedicated
to lonely guys everywhere.
28
00:02:26,828 --> 00:02:30,669
Lonely guys have been with us
since the beginning of time.
29
00:02:30,669 --> 00:02:34,300
There's one there.
Poor guy.
30
00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:36,871
Another new year's eve
alone in the cave.
31
00:02:40,272 --> 00:02:42,633
Even a thousand years from now,
32
00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:44,834
the lonely guy
will still be there.
33
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:47,235
Look at this guy.
34
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,316
That couple will go down in history.
35
00:02:50,316 --> 00:02:54,638
All he gets to do is eat
roast beef from a tube.
36
00:02:54,638 --> 00:02:59,399
So all you lonely guys out
there, this film is for you.
37
00:02:59,399 --> 00:03:03,121
It's for guys like that guy,
chin loo fung in canton, china.
38
00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:05,802
He's got 14 married
brothers and sisters,
39
00:03:05,802 --> 00:03:09,483
yet still eats alone in a chinese
restaurant four nights a week.
40
00:03:11,804 --> 00:03:15,850
It's for mbowie zoomba,
another lonely guy.
41
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:18,446
While he's happy that cable tv
has been installed in his area,
42
00:03:18,446 --> 00:03:22,448
he'd really just like to meet a
nice girl with attractive lip lace.
43
00:03:22,448 --> 00:03:24,369
And it's for larry hubbard...
44
00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:28,250
[larry hubbard] Hey, that's me, fifth
one down. I'll take over the narration.
45
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:32,251
Hi, i'm larry hubbard. This is the
story of how i became a lonely guy.
46
00:03:32,251 --> 00:03:34,532
I came to manhattan
to be a writer.
47
00:03:34,532 --> 00:03:38,140
While i was working on my novel, i
took a job at a greeting card firm.
48
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:40,174
It was working out pretty well.
49
00:03:40,174 --> 00:03:42,295
What are you working on,
hubbard?
50
00:03:42,295 --> 00:03:45,376
It's an idea i had for a new
kind of sympathy card, sir.
51
00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:46,376
Mmm.
52
00:03:50,778 --> 00:03:53,459
"I know how much your
loss must grieve you,
53
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,860
"but here's a thought
i'd like to leave you:
54
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:58,541
"Although you're sad
remember that...
55
00:03:58,541 --> 00:04:01,220
now god is petting
your pussycat. "
56
00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:08,505
Beautiful! Hubbard!
57
00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:12,426
- Congratulations! You're moving up.
- Thank you, sir.
58
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:15,387
- Get your things and take the front desk.
- Yes, sir!
59
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,908
- Finley, harrison, annenberg, leach.
- Yes, sir?
60
00:04:17,908 --> 00:04:21,629
Stop whatever you're doing.
I want pet cards.
61
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,511
Birthday, anniversary.
And not just cats and dogs.
62
00:04:24,511 --> 00:04:27,872
I want hamsters,
fish, parakeets.
63
00:04:27,872 --> 00:04:30,673
I was always lucking
into things like that.
64
00:04:30,673 --> 00:04:32,874
New york had been pretty good to me.
65
00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:37,235
The best part was, i'd met this
gorgeous ballet dancer named daniele.
66
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:40,476
She was nuts about me and asked
me to move right in with her.
67
00:04:40,476 --> 00:04:44,558
Every day at 5:30,
she'd have bathed, perfumed,
68
00:04:44,558 --> 00:04:46,759
put on a sexy nightie...
69
00:04:46,759 --> 00:04:50,800
and be waiting alone in
a big bed just for me.
70
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,561
Hi, daniele.
Tarzan is here.
71
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,482
Oh, one second while i
look through my mail here.
72
00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:59,803
[Muttering]
Oh, geez.
73
00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:02,564
Hey, a rejection from
a completely new publisher.
74
00:05:02,564 --> 00:05:05,245
They're finally getting
to know me in this town.
75
00:05:05,245 --> 00:05:07,326
Hi, honey.
You miss me?
76
00:05:07,326 --> 00:05:10,247
- So, what'd you do today? Anything interesting?
- Ohhh.
77
00:05:10,247 --> 00:05:12,648
You gotta get out of
the house. You can't mope
78
00:05:12,648 --> 00:05:15,900
around all day waiting
for me to come home.
79
00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:21,932
Ohhh.
80
00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:25,773
This your cigar
in here, honey?
81
00:05:25,773 --> 00:05:28,934
All ready for me
i can see, huh?
82
00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:31,950
Mmm. You smell good.
83
00:05:31,950 --> 00:05:33,960
I don't believe you!
84
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,897
You come home, you find me
in bed with another man,
85
00:05:35,897 --> 00:05:38,738
you act as if
nothing's going on.
86
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,699
Larry, this is
my lover, raoul.
87
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,980
We're lovers.
Understand?
88
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,181
- Hi, raoul. Larry hubbard. Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, hi.
89
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,382
Have you known
daniele long?
90
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:52,463
Yes, we're dancers
in the same company.
91
00:05:52,463 --> 00:05:55,240
- Dancer? I thought they were all...
- yes.
92
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:59,250
Well, raoul's not!
Raoul's all man.
93
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:00,986
Yeah.
94
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:04,467
And he's moving in tonight.
After the nutcracker.
95
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:07,588
He's bringing his things
over in the morning.
96
00:06:07,588 --> 00:06:11,870
Bringing his things over? There's
hardly enough room for our things!
97
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:14,471
Your things are going!
I've already packed them!
98
00:06:14,471 --> 00:06:18,552
They're in the hall beside the garbage,
and you can take 'em out all together.
99
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:21,913
I know i'm behaving strange.
Probably real strange.
100
00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:25,350
I've never been in a
situation like this before.
101
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:28,636
I don't know how to handle it.
I still don't know how to handle it.
102
00:06:28,636 --> 00:06:31,917
So i was waiting, calmly,
103
00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:33,838
patiently, reasonably,
104
00:06:33,838 --> 00:06:37,959
'til i do figure out
how to handle this kind of situation.
105
00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:41,321
Hold it.
I think i've got it.
106
00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:44,162
Yes, yes.
107
00:06:44,162 --> 00:06:47,443
What the hell's going on here?
What's he doing in this bed?
108
00:06:47,443 --> 00:06:49,604
You disgust me,
both of you!
109
00:06:49,604 --> 00:06:53,485
I'm getting out of here, and i never
want to see you in my life again!
110
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,247
I think i handled that
rather well.
111
00:07:00,247 --> 00:07:04,329
[Daniele, muffled]
Oh, larry, don't forget the garbage.
112
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:20,575
I had no place to stay,
nowhere to go.
113
00:07:20,575 --> 00:07:24,176
There was no one to talk to.
I must've looked pretty pitiful.
114
00:07:24,176 --> 00:07:27,217
But that's the good thing about
living in a big city like new york.
115
00:07:27,217 --> 00:07:29,938
At least nobody i knew was
going to see me like this.
116
00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:32,779
[Man]
Larry? Larry hubbard? Is that you?
117
00:07:32,779 --> 00:07:36,941
Hey, larry, how are you?
Jack. Jack bedwood.
118
00:07:37,210 --> 00:07:39,982
Oh, jack, hi.
You're looking good. How's it going?
119
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:42,343
How does it look?
Pretty good, huh?
120
00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:44,544
How's it going with you?
121
00:07:44,544 --> 00:07:49,345
Oh, just taking a walk. I like to get
out of the house every once in a while.
122
00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:51,546
I heard about you
and daniele breaking up.
123
00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:54,670
It just happened 15 minutes ago.
124
00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:57,828
I just spoke to her.
We were very close. We had an affair.
125
00:07:57,828 --> 00:08:00,670
- When was that?
- About four weeks ago.
126
00:08:00,670 --> 00:08:03,110
Every morning after you'd go to work.
127
00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:06,310
But you knew about that, didn't you?
128
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,873
Oh, oh, sure! We had an understanding.
We were very today people.
129
00:08:09,873 --> 00:08:12,554
- Yeah. Hey, say hello to my wife verna.
- Hello.
130
00:08:12,554 --> 00:08:14,995
- Hi.
- And this is my girlfriend freida.
131
00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:17,476
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
132
00:08:17,476 --> 00:08:20,357
We got a little apartment
here on the west side.
133
00:08:20,357 --> 00:08:22,798
One big room and
a 40-foot mattress.
134
00:08:22,798 --> 00:08:26,239
Listen, anytime you're
in the neighborhood, just drop in, okay?
135
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:29,520
And don't be so broken up about
daniele. She already dumped raoul.
136
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,441
- She has?
- Yeah. She's living with a rock group now.
137
00:08:32,441 --> 00:08:35,722
Oh. Well, okay.
138
00:08:35,722 --> 00:08:38,163
You take it easy, huh?
See you around.
139
00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:41,440
- Yeah.
- Come on, baby.
140
00:09:07,294 --> 00:09:10,335
- Hi.
- Hi.
141
00:09:16,697 --> 00:09:18,778
- Warren evans.
- Larry hubbard.
142
00:09:18,778 --> 00:09:21,539
- Hi, larry.
- Hi.
143
00:09:21,539 --> 00:09:24,180
First-time lonely guy?
144
00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:28,142
What's a lonely guy?
145
00:09:30,382 --> 00:09:33,503
My girl melanie
just left me.
146
00:09:33,503 --> 00:09:35,824
What'd she leave you for?
147
00:09:35,824 --> 00:09:40,586
She came home last night, found some guy
robbing her apartment. They just hit it off.
148
00:09:40,586 --> 00:09:43,507
- Gee, that sounds tough.
- It was tough.
149
00:09:43,507 --> 00:09:47,429
It's probably for the best.
She's really started to let herself go.
150
00:09:47,429 --> 00:09:50,510
Drank a lot,
never bathed, fat.
151
00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:54,391
- Hey, don't worry. You'll meet another girl.
- Not like melanie.
152
00:09:54,391 --> 00:09:57,712
No, better than melanie. You're not
gonna stay lonely forever, are ya?
153
00:09:57,712 --> 00:09:59,633
I'm not.
154
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:05,915
Well.
155
00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:09,437
Where're you headed?
156
00:10:09,437 --> 00:10:13,380
Um... i guess i have to
look for an apartment, huh?
157
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,439
Take it from an experienced
lonely guy.
158
00:10:15,439 --> 00:10:18,400
Be very careful
looking for an apartment.
159
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,410
'Cause from now on, that apartment's
gonna be your best friend.
160
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:26,203
A lot of lonely guys, just to get off the
street, tend to grab the first thing...
161
00:10:26,203 --> 00:10:29,124
that looks better than
a borneo death cell.
162
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:31,885
- Thanks.
- My pleasure.
163
00:10:33,765 --> 00:10:35,966
Warren gave me
a lot of tips, like:
164
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,488
It's very important to find an
apartment with a feeling of space.
165
00:10:41,448 --> 00:10:44,129
- Right here.
- [Thud]
166
00:10:44,129 --> 00:10:47,100
The view is very important
psychologically.
167
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,692
In a moderate price range, you
can't expect anything too beautiful,
168
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,893
but a lonely guy should
watch out for the depressing.
169
00:11:04,177 --> 00:11:07,138
A river view is great...
170
00:11:07,138 --> 00:11:10,139
as long as you're
above the river.
171
00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:15,610
And you mustn't be fooled
by classy-looking neighborhoods.
172
00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:18,982
Sometimes your classiest-looking
neighborhoods have the highest crime rates.
173
00:11:36,468 --> 00:11:39,990
Don't live here.
Bad neighborhood.
174
00:11:44,311 --> 00:11:48,153
What a view, and you
can almost see the river!
175
00:11:48,153 --> 00:11:52,194
See, this has the pacing room
i need. I'm working on a novel.
176
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:55,115
This apartment could really
be my friend. I'll take this.
177
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,916
All right, fine, but before
you can sign the lease,
178
00:11:57,916 --> 00:12:00,637
- there are a few questions i'd like to ask.
- What?
179
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:04,790
"Do you have any dogs, cats, children,
or friends of ethnic extraction?
180
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,799
"Do you ever get personal
phone calls after midnight?
181
00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:09,200
"Do you go to dinner with
people in show business?
182
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:13,420
"Do you ever put substances up your
nose or any other open bodily passage?
183
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:17,403
Is there anyone in your acquaintance
who has a sexually communicable disease?"
184
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,400
No dogs, no cats, no children,
no foreign friends.
185
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,326
No late phone calls, no show business
dinners, no disgusting substances.
186
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:26,207
No acquaintances with sexually
communicable diseases.
187
00:12:26,207 --> 00:12:29,928
Except that uncle harry once developed
a rash after an affair with a waitress,
188
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,849
but he covered it with a tattoo
of a dragon so nobody would notice.
189
00:12:32,849 --> 00:12:35,530
Thank you very much.
That seems satisfactory.
190
00:12:35,530 --> 00:12:38,691
You can move in the day after tomorrow.
You'll fit in very well.
191
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,920
Thank you.
You wanna go to dinner?
192
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,130
I'm a man.
193
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,414
This is getting drastic.
I don't have anything in my place.
194
00:12:46,414 --> 00:12:49,615
I just left with a suitcase.
I lost my comb.
195
00:12:49,615 --> 00:12:52,656
This morning i had to brush
my hair with my toothbrush.
196
00:12:52,656 --> 00:12:56,658
I cleaned it out really good so i feel
more comfortable. It takes about 20 minutes.
197
00:12:56,658 --> 00:12:59,579
- Does it look okay?
- I was just thinking how good it looks.
198
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:04,180
- I should get a comb. I'll get it today.
- You oughta get a comb.
199
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:08,662
You think that's bad.
I had my yearly physical last week.
200
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:12,544
They called me yesterday, told me
i have to come back. They lost my blood.
201
00:13:12,544 --> 00:13:16,585
- Oh, god!
- You know, i can give 'em more blood, but...
202
00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:19,746
you see, you buy a lot of these,
you scatter them around,
203
00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:22,427
and nobody'll notice you
don't have enough furniture.
204
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,628
Hey, this one looks nice.
205
00:13:24,628 --> 00:13:28,469
- No, you don't want that, larry. That's got buds.
- So what?
206
00:13:28,469 --> 00:13:31,831
You don't want to watch
life blossoming, while yours...
207
00:13:31,831 --> 00:13:35,672
isn't, yeah.
Hey, how about a fern?
208
00:13:35,672 --> 00:13:39,113
Great. But, larry, don't call 'em ferns.
Call 'em guys.
209
00:13:39,113 --> 00:13:41,914
- Guys?
- Yeah, make 'em feel like your buddy.
210
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:44,155
You can watch
football games together.
211
00:13:44,155 --> 00:13:47,360
- Watch football games with a plant?
- Hey, you never know.
212
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,518
Well, i'll just take
this guy right here.
213
00:13:51,518 --> 00:13:56,320
Uh-huh, uh-huh, good.
I could use one myself.
214
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,560
- Want a sip?
- No. I'm full.
215
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,441
- What'd you eat? Uh-huh.
- Uh, a tuna sandwich.
216
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,162
How often do you have to
water something like this?
217
00:14:04,162 --> 00:14:07,430
Oh, just once a week. But always
stay with it a couple of minutes.
218
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,764
It doesn't like to drink
alone, seriously. [snorting]
219
00:14:09,764 --> 00:14:13,286
- Have you got your towels yet?
- I forgot all about that.
220
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,647
I can get 'em wholesale, if you don't
mind other people's initials.
221
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,648
- They get 'em from divorced couples.
- No, i just want to get dry...
222
00:14:19,648 --> 00:14:23,930
that's kind of sad, isn't it? I don't
want to get depressed every time i shower.
223
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:26,731
You'll probably
be depressed anyway.
224
00:14:29,532 --> 00:14:32,333
Well, i gotta go.
I gotta go get some furniture.
225
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:36,174
Hey, doesn't your guy
want to say good-bye to my guy?
226
00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:38,615
Say good-bye
to your friend.
227
00:14:38,615 --> 00:14:41,656
- Still a little shy.
- Ahhh.
228
00:14:41,656 --> 00:14:45,570
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
229
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:08,106
Well, i'd gotten some furniture,
but the big news was the phone.
230
00:15:08,106 --> 00:15:12,868
I had to give them a $500 deposit and a
sperm sample, but they finally put it in.
231
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:15,669
So i pulled out
my little black book.
232
00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:42,558
Nobody move a muscle.
233
00:15:42,558 --> 00:15:44,639
First national bank.
234
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,640
Hi. Carol zall, please.
235
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,761
[Gangster on phone]
I'm sorry, she's all tied up right now.
236
00:15:48,761 --> 00:15:51,442
Would you care to leave
your phone number?
237
00:15:51,442 --> 00:15:55,163
Larry hubbard.
Kl5-1173.
238
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:58,844
Oh. She says she'd
love to talk to you,
239
00:15:58,844 --> 00:16:01,525
and she'll get
right back to you.
240
00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:07,287
Haven't lost the touch.
241
00:16:07,287 --> 00:16:10,800
Cops! Out the back!
242
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,649
- All right, let's go.
- Take some hostages.
243
00:16:12,649 --> 00:16:16,910
- Get the bag.
- Kid, you're coming with me.
244
00:16:18,532 --> 00:16:21,533
For some reason,
carol never called back.
245
00:16:38,739 --> 00:16:41,580
You know, i know this guy
who's a magician.
246
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:44,981
He and his friend go into a restaurant
and start doing tricks.
247
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:47,822
People come around. He said they meet
a lot of girls that way.
248
00:16:47,822 --> 00:16:49,863
So i got this magic book.
249
00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:52,784
Try this.
Take a card.
250
00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:56,906
Okay, look at it.
251
00:16:56,906 --> 00:17:00,387
Okay, now stick it
back in somewhere.
252
00:17:01,747 --> 00:17:04,388
There.
I'll shuffle.
253
00:17:07,389 --> 00:17:09,270
Okay, cut 'em.
254
00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:12,431
Okay.
255
00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:19,754
- Was it the queen of clubs?
- No.
256
00:17:19,754 --> 00:17:21,715
- Was it a club?
- No.
257
00:17:21,715 --> 00:17:23,755
- Diamond?
- Yes.
258
00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:25,876
- Queen of diamonds?
- No.
259
00:17:25,876 --> 00:17:28,117
- Nine of diamonds?
- No.
260
00:17:28,117 --> 00:17:30,478
- Six of diamonds?
- No.
261
00:17:30,478 --> 00:17:34,639
- Three of diamonds?
- Yes. Yes. Not bad. Not bad.
262
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,961
Actually, i was feeling
pretty positive.
263
00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:43,563
There are plenty of girls, and i knew it
wouldn't take long before i met one of them.
264
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,300
How you doin'?
265
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,925
I'm okay.
How about yourself?
266
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,926
Not too shabby.
Cigarette?
267
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,168
Oh, no, thanks.
268
00:17:57,168 --> 00:17:59,568
Do you do this often?
269
00:17:59,568 --> 00:18:03,330
Well... i'm a single guy,
270
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:06,331
and no use in saving it up.
271
00:18:06,331 --> 00:18:10,973
Okay, you may get up now. I'll have you
out of here in just a minute.
272
00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:14,940
Do you have time for a drink? They
say you should have some orange juice.
273
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,495
Oh, thanks.
I have to meet my boyfriend.
274
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:19,536
Oh, right, right.
Me too.
275
00:18:19,536 --> 00:18:24,337
You know, i really believe that one of these
days i'm gonna meet the girl of my dreams...
276
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,459
if i don't run out
of blood first.
277
00:18:27,459 --> 00:18:29,940
I was getting
a little depressed.
278
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,341
So i was really glad when warren invited
me over to his place for a little party.
279
00:18:38,423 --> 00:18:43,144
- # I want a list of part-time lovers... #
- warren, how's it going?
280
00:18:43,144 --> 00:18:45,825
- What are these?
- Party cutouts.
281
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,826
I got them at the lonely guy store
at 81st and lexington.
282
00:18:48,826 --> 00:18:51,387
When i first saw them
it seemed like a weird idea,
283
00:18:51,387 --> 00:18:53,468
but it turns out
they're a lot of fun.
284
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:56,290
They're good company too.
You'd be surprised.
285
00:18:56,290 --> 00:18:59,190
- Oh, yeah?
- It is surprising. They move and everything.
286
00:18:59,190 --> 00:19:01,551
I'm just gonna go
check on dinner.
287
00:19:01,551 --> 00:19:04,472
- Fix yourself a drink. Drink anything you want.
- Thanks.
288
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:10,915
I'll get it.
Hey, how are you...
289
00:19:10,915 --> 00:19:12,995
you got a complaint
about the noise.
290
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,760
You're playing
your music too loud!
291
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,317
Oh, i'll turn it down.
[Muttering]
292
00:19:18,317 --> 00:19:20,358
What the hell
is goin' on here?
293
00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:23,959
Uh, just a friendly
little get-together.
294
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,281
- Can i fix you a drink?
- No, no. We're on duty.
295
00:19:29,281 --> 00:19:32,242
- Oh, sure.
- Just keep the noise down.
296
00:19:32,242 --> 00:19:34,403
Thanks.
297
00:19:34,403 --> 00:19:38,285
Mike, go ahead.
I'll be right down. I gotta use the can.
298
00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:42,766
Look, mister, really,
i don't have to use the can.
299
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:47,448
But tell me, please, where do you
get these things? They're fantastic!
300
00:19:47,448 --> 00:19:49,649
You mean, you're a...
301
00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:52,170
yeah, a lonely cop.
302
00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:55,910
A lonely cop?
Oh, gee!
303
00:19:55,910 --> 00:19:58,892
You get 'em at the lonely guy store
at 81st and lex.
304
00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:02,373
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Do you know if
they got gene hackman?
305
00:20:02,373 --> 00:20:04,614
Uh... warren?
306
00:20:04,614 --> 00:20:07,775
- Yeah?
- Does the lonely guy store have gene hackman?
307
00:20:07,775 --> 00:20:12,570
Yes, they do, but
you have to reserve him a week ahead.
308
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:15,698
Hey, terrific. Thanks again.
I really appreciate it.
309
00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:18,139
- Thanks a lot.
- That's okay.
310
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:23,701
Come and get it.
Leg of lamb.
311
00:20:23,701 --> 00:20:28,183
If i could tear you away from dolly
parton. She's great, isn't she?
312
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:32,985
Hey, warren, do you ever feel like
getting out and meeting real women?
313
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:35,866
Oh, sure. I'm meeting a terrific
girl at a bar tomorrow night.
314
00:20:35,866 --> 00:20:39,507
- Do you wanna come? Maybe you'll meet somebody.
- Well, yeah, thanks.
315
00:20:39,507 --> 00:20:43,508
- Who's that?
- Oh, just a friend of mine i don't see anymore.
316
00:20:43,508 --> 00:20:46,589
Oh. Well, here's to...
317
00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:50,551
ahh.
318
00:21:02,635 --> 00:21:06,317
Oh, god, that's funny!
You tell a story so well.
319
00:21:06,317 --> 00:21:09,238
- Oh, thanks. Here's another one.
- [Laughing]
320
00:21:09,238 --> 00:21:13,759
I'm walking down madison avenue. It's
about 12:00, 12:30. This really happened!
321
00:21:13,759 --> 00:21:16,440
- This guy comes up to me...
- hi, honey. I'm sorry i'm late.
322
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,722
- Oh, hi.
- Hey, warren. Thanks for sitting in.
323
00:21:19,722 --> 00:21:22,683
- I was just telling louise this great story...
- how'd your meeting go?
324
00:21:22,683 --> 00:21:25,964
- Terrific. Looks like we got the deal.
- That's wonderful!
325
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,605
- Great.
- Listen, warren, thanks for sitting in.
326
00:21:28,605 --> 00:21:31,966
- I hate to have louise sit and wait alone.
- I was glad to do it.
327
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:35,807
Oh, listen, can you do it again next
week, same time? I'll be about 45 minutes.
328
00:21:35,807 --> 00:21:38,689
Oh, sure, sure.
Enjoy your dinner.
329
00:21:41,850 --> 00:21:43,570
See anybody?
330
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:47,212
I'm trying to get my courage up
to talk to that girl over there.
331
00:21:47,212 --> 00:21:49,653
Oooh, she's pretty.
332
00:21:53,494 --> 00:21:55,615
Gee, i don't think so.
333
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:56,575
Why not?
334
00:21:58,416 --> 00:22:00,496
I mean, she's
really attractive.
335
00:22:02,137 --> 00:22:04,338
[Chuckles]
Well, hey!
336
00:22:04,338 --> 00:22:06,859
Well, try.
337
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:09,100
Well, i will.
338
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:14,462
- # It's a game of love... #
- hi. I'm larry.
339
00:22:14,462 --> 00:22:16,422
Hi. Brenda.
340
00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:19,303
- This okay?
- Mm-hmm.
341
00:22:20,744 --> 00:22:23,745
Oh, i hate these places.
Don't you?
342
00:22:23,745 --> 00:22:27,106
It's like, most of these guys
are just here for one thing.
343
00:22:27,106 --> 00:22:31,588
I guess i want to meet
someone i can talk to, just get to know.
344
00:22:31,588 --> 00:22:36,430
And go to dinners with,
and museums, art galleries.
345
00:22:36,430 --> 00:22:41,231
I think what i'm looking for
is more of a real relationship.
346
00:22:41,231 --> 00:22:45,513
Oh, that's great, larry.
But i just came here to get laid.
347
00:22:51,750 --> 00:22:53,996
Ever think
of getting a dog?
348
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:55,480
A dog!
349
00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:59,198
Dogs are great. They leap all over you.
They lick your face.
350
00:22:59,198 --> 00:23:02,119
They don't even have to like you.
It's their instinct.
351
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,640
Hitler had a dog.
That dog went crazy over him.
352
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,410
- Adolf hitler?
- Yeah.
353
00:23:07,810 --> 00:23:09,122
There's this pet shop,
has this policy.
354
00:23:09,122 --> 00:23:11,282
You take a dog home,
you don't like it...
355
00:23:11,282 --> 00:23:13,363
you bring it back,
you get another dog.
356
00:23:13,363 --> 00:23:16,524
- That sounds like a good deal.
- It is a good deal.
357
00:23:16,524 --> 00:23:19,525
I learned a lot
about dogs that week.
358
00:23:19,525 --> 00:23:22,126
For instance, don't get a dog
that's bigger than you are...
359
00:23:22,126 --> 00:23:24,727
unless you're trying
to save money on bus fare.
360
00:23:24,727 --> 00:23:28,249
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go, boy. Come on!
361
00:23:28,249 --> 00:23:31,210
And if you like to play fetch,
don't get a fast dog.
362
00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:34,331
Fast dogs like to show off,
and they don't care about your stick.
363
00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:37,372
If they don't come back by
nightfall, you're out $300.
364
00:23:39,213 --> 00:23:41,373
Bassets are really cuddly dogs.
365
00:23:41,373 --> 00:23:44,134
They love to get in bed
and nuzzle right up to you.
366
00:23:44,134 --> 00:23:47,296
The only problem is, they miss
their mother and they howl all night,
367
00:23:47,296 --> 00:23:49,856
and you have to pretend
that you're a basset too...
368
00:23:49,856 --> 00:23:52,970
and howl with him
'til he goes back to sleep.
369
00:24:06,220 --> 00:24:08,383
A cute dog attracts women.
370
00:24:08,383 --> 00:24:11,640
But not to you,
to himself.
371
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,225
I come by here every day
about this time.
372
00:24:14,225 --> 00:24:17,660
- Bye, puppy dog!
- Me and the dog.
373
00:24:20,548 --> 00:24:22,388
Hello.
374
00:24:26,310 --> 00:24:28,190
Dogs have a great deal.
375
00:24:28,190 --> 00:24:30,671
Hey, you!
What's your name?
376
00:24:30,671 --> 00:24:32,552
Larry hubbard. Why?
377
00:24:32,552 --> 00:24:34,473
- I'm gonna write you a ticket.
- What for?
378
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,433
Your dog just fouled
the pathway over there.
379
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:39,515
- He what?
- He pooped.
380
00:24:41,555 --> 00:24:45,837
Well, excuse me, officer, but i don't
think that poop came from this dog.
381
00:24:45,837 --> 00:24:48,380
No, no, i'm sure of it.
Definitely not.
382
00:24:48,780 --> 00:24:50,959
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, officer, i mean it.
383
00:24:50,959 --> 00:24:54,440
Look, in the last week,
i've had five different dogs.
384
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,281
I think i'm beginning to know
what kind of poop goes with each dog.
385
00:24:58,281 --> 00:25:00,962
I think i may even say,
without undue modesty,
386
00:25:01,420 --> 00:25:03,763
that i am becoming somewhat
of an expert on poop.
387
00:25:03,763 --> 00:25:07,445
And i can assure you that that
poop did not come from this dog!
388
00:25:09,850 --> 00:25:10,966
Thanks.
389
00:25:11,460 --> 00:25:15,480
I mean, this is a little dog.
That looks like a land mine.
390
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:16,968
God!
391
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,370
Warren, i gotta
meet a girl.
392
00:25:21,690 --> 00:25:24,110
That was your dog's poop.
I saw him do it.
393
00:25:24,910 --> 00:25:26,332
Oh, warren!
394
00:25:26,332 --> 00:25:29,533
I mean, look at that guy.
He's got a girl.
395
00:25:29,533 --> 00:25:32,934
He had to meet her someplace.
He wasn't born with his arm around her.
396
00:25:33,140 --> 00:25:36,175
What about jogging?
Maybe you can meet girls jogging.
397
00:25:36,175 --> 00:25:38,576
Jogging. I remember
when i first saw rocky.
398
00:25:38,576 --> 00:25:41,137
I came running out of the theater,
ran into the park,
399
00:25:41,137 --> 00:25:43,378
started jogging,
shadow boxing,
400
00:25:43,378 --> 00:25:45,939
a guy came up
and punched me right in the face.
401
00:25:46,190 --> 00:25:48,600
Oh, god!
402
00:26:06,746 --> 00:26:10,108
I'm not really jogging.
I only ran about 50 yards.
403
00:26:10,108 --> 00:26:13,290
This is not real sweat, either.
I sprayed it on.
404
00:26:13,290 --> 00:26:15,470
They sell this
at sporting goods stores.
405
00:26:15,470 --> 00:26:18,391
It's made from the actual sweat
of professional athletes.
406
00:26:18,391 --> 00:26:21,272
This was taken from
a boston celtics basketball player...
407
00:26:21,272 --> 00:26:23,793
immediately after
a double overtime game.
408
00:26:28,675 --> 00:26:30,955
I think i'm getting hungry.
409
00:26:35,770 --> 00:26:38,838
[Panting]
A vanilla yogurt milkshake, please.
410
00:26:38,838 --> 00:26:43,400
Did 22 miles today.
3:06, that's my best time ever.
411
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,241
Don't sweat
on the counter, please.
412
00:26:45,241 --> 00:26:47,241
Oh, sorry.
413
00:26:50,723 --> 00:26:52,723
Ah, beautiful!
[Chuckles]
414
00:26:52,723 --> 00:26:55,484
Hi.
[Sighs]
415
00:26:55,484 --> 00:26:58,966
I was just noticing that book
you're reading, mayor of casterbridge.
416
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,567
That's really a coincidence
because i did my final paper...
417
00:27:01,567 --> 00:27:04,248
on thomas hardy
my senior year in college.
418
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:07,129
You know, hardy
was a very interesting man.
419
00:27:07,129 --> 00:27:09,489
When he was in london
in 1861...
420
00:27:09,489 --> 00:27:12,250
how long have you
been a lonely guy?
421
00:27:12,250 --> 00:27:14,571
Is it that noticeable?
422
00:27:16,652 --> 00:27:19,173
What is it
that gave me away?
423
00:27:19,173 --> 00:27:21,694
I know phony sweat
when i smell it.
424
00:27:21,694 --> 00:27:24,135
When you first came in,
i thought you were larry bird.
425
00:27:24,135 --> 00:27:26,216
Sorry, it was dumb.
426
00:27:26,216 --> 00:27:29,897
It's just that i saw you sitting there,
and i wanted to meet you.
427
00:27:29,897 --> 00:27:32,338
No, that's not
even true, either.
428
00:27:32,338 --> 00:27:34,699
I just wanted
to meet anybody.
429
00:27:34,699 --> 00:27:37,220
I know.
It can be rough.
430
00:27:37,220 --> 00:27:39,340
Did you try a fern?
431
00:27:39,340 --> 00:27:42,210
- Yeah.
- A dog?
432
00:27:42,610 --> 00:27:44,822
Yeah, but they don't seem
to really help that mu...
433
00:27:44,822 --> 00:27:47,823
how come you know so much
about lonely guys?
434
00:27:47,823 --> 00:27:50,825
- My husband marty was a lonely guy.
- Oh, husband.
435
00:27:50,825 --> 00:27:53,250
- My ex-husband.
- Oh.
436
00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:55,906
That's how we met.
I fell for the phony jogging bit.
437
00:27:55,906 --> 00:28:00,668
Never again. I learned to tell the
difference between real and bottle sweat.
438
00:28:00,668 --> 00:28:02,669
Here, smell mine.
439
00:28:03,869 --> 00:28:05,870
[Sniffs]
Oh, yeah!
440
00:28:05,870 --> 00:28:07,951
Now, see, that's terrific.
That's sweat!
441
00:28:08,310 --> 00:28:10,232
[Laughs]
Thank you.
442
00:28:10,232 --> 00:28:12,953
[Sniffs]
Oh, yeah, there's no comparison!
443
00:28:12,953 --> 00:28:14,873
Thanks.
444
00:28:14,873 --> 00:28:18,740
So, um, how long were you
and marty married?
445
00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:22,876
Oh, not long. I found out he was
having an affair with a ballet dancer.
446
00:28:22,876 --> 00:28:25,237
A dancer.
Now this may sound silly,
447
00:28:25,237 --> 00:28:28,478
but by any chance that dancer
wasn't named daniele?
448
00:28:28,478 --> 00:28:31,319
No, no. Raoul.
449
00:28:31,319 --> 00:28:33,760
[Laughs]
Oh.
450
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,961
[Sniffs]
Absolutely no comparison.
451
00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:43,804
Well, i guess
i'd better be going.
452
00:28:43,804 --> 00:28:47,885
Hang in there.
Lonely guys don't stay lonely forever.
453
00:28:47,885 --> 00:28:52,687
Hey, um, what's your name? Where do
you live? Could i call you sometime?
454
00:28:52,687 --> 00:28:56,569
I wrote it all down
on the napkin.
455
00:28:56,569 --> 00:28:59,570
I know what
you're going through.
456
00:28:59,570 --> 00:29:03,171
Wow, that's fantastic.
What a great girl!
457
00:29:03,171 --> 00:29:07,573
Well, that's $1.50.
You've got some yogurt on your face.
458
00:29:10,530 --> 00:29:12,534
What a great girl.
459
00:29:12,534 --> 00:29:15,816
I woke up early
the next morning.
460
00:29:15,816 --> 00:29:20,137
Too early to call her.
I just couldn't get her out of my mind.
461
00:29:20,137 --> 00:29:22,898
I couldn't wait
'til i got to know her.
462
00:29:36,463 --> 00:29:39,464
I love the way your nose
crinkles up when you smile.
463
00:29:39,464 --> 00:29:43,786
Ugly? They are not.
I love your freckles.
464
00:29:46,670 --> 00:29:48,908
What's the best movie you
ever saw in your whole life?
465
00:29:48,908 --> 00:29:52,109
You're kidding!
I don't believe it. Me too.
466
00:29:52,109 --> 00:29:54,350
Favorite food?
467
00:29:54,350 --> 00:29:56,550
With or without
walnuts?
468
00:29:56,550 --> 00:29:58,991
I knew it!
I knew it!
469
00:30:01,592 --> 00:30:04,914
What's the saddest thing
that ever happened to you?
470
00:30:07,755 --> 00:30:10,916
Oh, my god! Really?
471
00:30:10,916 --> 00:30:14,517
That's awful. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you cry.
472
00:30:14,517 --> 00:30:17,278
There, there.
Just cry right into my arms.
473
00:30:17,278 --> 00:30:20,119
It's gonna be all right.
Everything's all right.
474
00:30:20,119 --> 00:30:22,680
I'm here.
I'm never gonna leave you.
475
00:30:37,125 --> 00:30:40,527
I couldn't wait any longer.
I had to talk to her.
476
00:30:40,527 --> 00:30:43,568
She had to be up by now.
It was almost 6:00.
477
00:30:50,930 --> 00:30:52,891
Oh, god!
478
00:30:52,891 --> 00:30:55,732
Lois? Doris?
479
00:30:57,733 --> 00:30:59,574
"Doris. "
480
00:30:59,574 --> 00:31:02,975
"336-738... "
481
00:31:03,550 --> 00:31:06,216
"136... "
damn it!
482
00:31:21,902 --> 00:31:23,742
[Man on phone]
Hello?
483
00:31:23,742 --> 00:31:26,863
- Hello. Is there a lois living there?
- Uh, lois? No.
484
00:31:26,863 --> 00:31:29,224
- Uh, doris?
- No.
485
00:31:29,224 --> 00:31:32,986
- A bess or tess?
- No. Who is this?
486
00:31:33,260 --> 00:31:35,867
Please, sir, this is important.
Can you just tell me,
487
00:31:35,867 --> 00:31:39,348
is there a girl living there,
mid 20's, 5'3", blonde,
488
00:31:39,348 --> 00:31:42,709
beautiful face,
great figure,
489
00:31:42,709 --> 00:31:46,231
fresh skin, full lips...
490
00:31:46,231 --> 00:31:49,752
and young, vibrant, alive?
491
00:31:49,752 --> 00:31:51,713
Is there?
492
00:31:51,713 --> 00:31:55,554
[Man panting]
No, no. But please, please don't stop.
493
00:32:02,637 --> 00:32:07,380
- [Phone rings]
- Hello?
494
00:32:07,380 --> 00:32:10,790
- [Woman on phone] larry?
- Yeah. Who's this?
495
00:32:10,790 --> 00:32:13,800
- Daniele.
- Daniele?
496
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,721
I want you back, larry.
497
00:32:15,721 --> 00:32:19,243
Yeah, me and every other guy
in new york. How's the rock group?
498
00:32:19,243 --> 00:32:21,924
Oh, larry.
499
00:32:21,924 --> 00:32:24,565
You're the only one that
ever meant anything to me.
500
00:32:24,565 --> 00:32:28,526
- [Chattering]
- The only one.
501
00:32:28,526 --> 00:32:30,847
- Oh, good-bye, Iggy.
- Bye, babe.
502
00:32:30,847 --> 00:32:33,368
Good-bye, fuzzy,
zippy, zingo, starr.
503
00:32:33,368 --> 00:32:36,889
Oh, Iggy, on your way out,
could you take out the garbage?
504
00:32:36,889 --> 00:32:39,130
Thanks, love.
505
00:32:39,130 --> 00:32:43,492
What about mushy-mushy?
Don't you miss it?
506
00:32:43,492 --> 00:32:46,172
- No.
- Yes, you do.
507
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,533
All right, so i miss it.
Big deal.
508
00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:53,175
- [Lggy closing door] bye, daniele.
- I'm all alone in bed.
509
00:32:53,175 --> 00:32:56,856
It would only take you
five minutes to get here.
510
00:32:56,856 --> 00:32:59,857
There'll never be anyone
else for me but you.
511
00:32:59,857 --> 00:33:02,418
Just you and me...
512
00:33:02,418 --> 00:33:06,380
together forever and ever.
513
00:33:06,380 --> 00:33:09,581
- Do you mean that, daniele?
- [Phone beeps]
514
00:33:09,581 --> 00:33:11,742
Hold on a sec.
I got another call.
515
00:33:11,742 --> 00:33:15,703
I knew she'd come back to me!
I knew it!
516
00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:20,650
[Daniele]
Hello? Who's this?
517
00:33:20,650 --> 00:33:23,666
Larry. Larry hubbard.
518
00:33:23,666 --> 00:33:26,787
Oh, larry.
Nice to hear from you.
519
00:33:26,787 --> 00:33:31,269
Listen, i'm a little busy. Can you
call me back some other time, okay?
520
00:33:45,154 --> 00:33:48,795
[Man on radio] ... with a 20% chance
of rain, clearing in the afternoon.
521
00:33:48,795 --> 00:33:52,370
There were three suicides
in manhattan late last night,
522
00:33:52,770 --> 00:33:54,477
all characterized
as lonely guys.
523
00:33:54,477 --> 00:33:57,359
Two of the men were found dead
in their west side apartments.
524
00:33:57,359 --> 00:34:00,920
Both traveling salesmen, who came
home from the road after two weeks...
525
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,241
and found that their large,
beautiful fern plants were dead.
526
00:34:04,241 --> 00:34:06,322
- Wow.
- A third lonely guy,
527
00:34:06,322 --> 00:34:10,163
who had a view just below the east
river, opened his window and drowned.
528
00:34:10,163 --> 00:34:13,564
There was no suicide note. Apparently,
he had no one to leave it to.
529
00:34:13,564 --> 00:34:16,325
- Talk about lonely.
- And here's a bulletin:
530
00:34:16,325 --> 00:34:20,727
The new york police department reports
there's just been another suicide.
531
00:34:20,727 --> 00:34:23,768
That of a lonely rock group.
More details as we get them.
532
00:34:23,768 --> 00:34:27,730
- Way to go, daniele.
- And now, back to easy listening. It's kind of late...
533
00:34:31,451 --> 00:34:34,772
[synthesized voice]
Queen rook to king three.
534
00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:46,496
[Clears throat]
Hello. Hello?
535
00:34:46,496 --> 00:34:49,858
Hey, warren, it's larry. Wanna do
something tonight? Maybe go to dinner?
536
00:34:49,858 --> 00:34:54,190
No, thanks, larry. I-i think
maybe i'll just stay in tonight.
537
00:34:54,590 --> 00:34:57,200
Relax, put on a fire.
Maybe some other time.
538
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,301
- Sure. I understand.
- Thanks for calling.
539
00:34:59,301 --> 00:35:00,301
Bye.
540
00:35:11,650 --> 00:35:13,946
Capture of queen by rook.
541
00:35:21,509 --> 00:35:25,151
Queen's rook to queen seven.
Checkmate.
542
00:35:27,832 --> 00:35:30,312
Thank you
for a pleasant game.
543
00:35:30,312 --> 00:35:32,433
Thank you.
544
00:35:32,433 --> 00:35:36,395
You played very well, except
for moves 14 through 17,
545
00:35:36,395 --> 00:35:39,756
which you played
like an asshole.
546
00:35:56,762 --> 00:35:58,723
- Yes?
- Hi. Do you have a table for dinner?
547
00:35:58,723 --> 00:36:00,804
Certainly, sir.
How many in your party?
548
00:36:00,804 --> 00:36:02,804
- I'm alone.
- Alone?
549
00:36:10,247 --> 00:36:13,248
- [Nervous chuckle]
- Follow me, sir.
550
00:36:17,690 --> 00:36:19,731
This way, sir.
551
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:35,896
Thank you.
552
00:36:36,937 --> 00:36:39,178
Would you care
for a cocktail, sir?
553
00:36:39,178 --> 00:36:41,298
Yes, i'd like
a "todka and vonic. "
554
00:36:41,298 --> 00:36:43,859
- A todka and vonic?
- Yes.
555
00:36:43,859 --> 00:36:45,940
[Laughs]
Very good, sir.
556
00:36:47,261 --> 00:36:49,341
Oh, and, captain?
557
00:36:49,341 --> 00:36:54,230
- Could you turn out the spotlight, please?
- Certainly.
558
00:36:54,630 --> 00:36:57,344
And could everybody
go back to talking?
559
00:36:57,344 --> 00:36:59,465
Certainly.
560
00:37:14,551 --> 00:37:16,751
This is
the really hard part:
561
00:37:16,751 --> 00:37:20,913
Sitting there trying to convince
people you're eating alone on purpose.
562
00:37:20,913 --> 00:37:23,394
But warren told me
how to handle it.
563
00:37:29,276 --> 00:37:31,877
Is it all right?
564
00:37:33,518 --> 00:37:36,780
Oh, you can read my
review next sunday.
565
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:45,482
- Hi.
- Oh, it's you!
566
00:37:45,482 --> 00:37:48,123
I wiped my mouth with
the napkin you gave me.
567
00:37:48,123 --> 00:37:50,724
I spent two solid days
trying to decipher it.
568
00:37:50,724 --> 00:37:53,500
I promised god if he
let me find you again,
569
00:37:53,850 --> 00:37:55,526
i would never ever
wipe food off my face.
570
00:37:55,526 --> 00:37:57,606
Oh, well, i figured
that would happen.
571
00:37:57,606 --> 00:37:59,767
Lonely guys always
lose phone numbers.
572
00:37:59,767 --> 00:38:01,688
- What is your name?
- Iris.
573
00:38:01,688 --> 00:38:04,489
Iris! Iris.
Of course, iris.
574
00:38:04,489 --> 00:38:06,730
Sit down. Let me
get you something.
575
00:38:06,730 --> 00:38:10,571
Oh, no, thanks. I'm here with
my ex-husband, and we're leaving.
576
00:38:10,571 --> 00:38:12,812
So that's marty?
577
00:38:12,812 --> 00:38:16,573
- No, that's my ex-husband jeremy.
- Different ex-husband?
578
00:38:16,573 --> 00:38:19,534
Mm-hmm.
Well, i have to go.
579
00:38:19,534 --> 00:38:22,150
- Wait. Your number.
- Oh, i wrote it down on the check.
580
00:38:22,950 --> 00:38:24,816
The, uh, waiter
will give it to you.
581
00:38:24,816 --> 00:38:27,217
- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Okay.
582
00:38:27,217 --> 00:38:29,138
- Bye.
- Bye.
583
00:38:29,138 --> 00:38:32,979
Iris, iris, iris.
Waiter!
584
00:38:33,590 --> 00:38:36,821
- Here we are, sir.
- Thank you.
585
00:38:36,821 --> 00:38:40,542
No, no. Please, sir. With an
eminent food critic such as yourself,
586
00:38:40,542 --> 00:38:42,823
the pleasure
is all ours.
587
00:38:42,823 --> 00:38:43,573
No.
588
00:38:52,746 --> 00:38:56,788
- [Touch tones, ringing]
- I phoned every iris in the new york area.
589
00:38:56,788 --> 00:38:59,290
- [Woman] hello?
590
00:38:59,290 --> 00:39:01,150
- Is this the iris who gave
me her number last night?
591
00:39:01,150 --> 00:39:03,630
- No, it's not.
- Sorry.
592
00:39:03,630 --> 00:39:07,232
I combed the entire
neighborhood where i met her.
593
00:39:13,914 --> 00:39:16,955
Night and day,
day and night.
594
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:31,201
I got so desperate, i went up to my roof
and called out her name.
595
00:39:31,201 --> 00:39:33,121
Iris!
596
00:39:34,402 --> 00:39:36,963
Iris, where are you?
597
00:39:37,300 --> 00:39:41,124
Marilyn!
Marilyn, my love!
598
00:39:41,124 --> 00:39:43,165
Barbara!
599
00:39:43,165 --> 00:39:46,806
Where are you, barbara?
600
00:39:46,806 --> 00:39:52,328
Lupe, i miss you!
Where are you?
601
00:39:52,328 --> 00:39:57,100
Erica!
Erica, it's me!
602
00:39:57,900 --> 00:39:59,291
Iris!
603
00:39:59,291 --> 00:40:01,452
Caroline!
604
00:40:01,452 --> 00:40:04,173
- Iris, where are you?
- Barbara!
605
00:40:04,173 --> 00:40:06,253
- Erica!
- Caroline!
606
00:40:06,253 --> 00:40:08,734
- Lupe!
- Iris!
607
00:40:10,615 --> 00:40:14,336
When i was in high school,
i went to a movie theater with a girl.
608
00:40:14,336 --> 00:40:17,377
I was sitting there,
and about 20 minutes into the picture,
609
00:40:17,377 --> 00:40:20,580
i slowly put my arm around her.
610
00:40:20,580 --> 00:40:24,260
Slowly, slowly, i put it on her
breast. She didn't say a word.
611
00:40:24,260 --> 00:40:26,701
- Ohh.
- And i thought, "this is great. "
612
00:40:26,701 --> 00:40:29,902
I sat through the whole picture
and didn't move. I just... right there.
613
00:40:29,902 --> 00:40:32,863
Then when the lights came up,
i realized it was on her purse.
614
00:40:32,863 --> 00:40:35,704
- Ohhh.
- It was still fun, though.
615
00:40:35,704 --> 00:40:38,545
- Because you didn't know, yeah.
- Yeah.
616
00:40:38,545 --> 00:40:41,346
I thought it might help
to see a psychiatrist.
617
00:40:41,346 --> 00:40:44,107
You know, just to have
someone to unload on,
618
00:40:44,107 --> 00:40:46,788
someone compassionate
and understanding.
619
00:40:49,269 --> 00:40:51,310
Does dr. Zook live here?
620
00:40:51,310 --> 00:40:53,911
- Second bell from the top.
- Thank you.
621
00:40:53,911 --> 00:40:56,152
[Bell buzzes, man answers]
Yes?
622
00:40:56,152 --> 00:41:00,233
Hi, dr. Zook. My name's hubbard.
I have a 3:00 appointment.
623
00:41:00,233 --> 00:41:03,114
Hubbard, yes.
Nice to meet you.
624
00:41:03,114 --> 00:41:06,835
- Thank you.
- Talk into the box, please.
625
00:41:06,835 --> 00:41:09,957
- What?
- Talk into the box.
626
00:41:09,957 --> 00:41:13,598
So, why did you decide
to come and see me?
627
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,521
[Whispering] Well... i recently
ended a relationship with this girl,
628
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:27,300
and i was feeling
kind of... lonely and...
629
00:41:27,830 --> 00:41:30,924
excuse me.
Do you mind if i smoke?
630
00:41:30,924 --> 00:41:33,365
- Uh, no. Go ahead.
- Thank you.
631
00:41:33,365 --> 00:41:37,700
You were saying you ended
this relationship with this girl.
632
00:41:37,700 --> 00:41:41,728
Well, i came home... see, i was living
with a ballet dancer. Her name was daniele.
633
00:41:41,728 --> 00:41:44,689
So when my father gave me a "c"
in english, i didn't understand.
634
00:41:44,689 --> 00:41:47,730
He told me it was because he had
to treat me like all the other kids,
635
00:41:47,730 --> 00:41:50,171
but i really thought he was
being much tougher on me...
636
00:41:50,171 --> 00:41:53,533
sorry, larry. That's all the time
we have for today.
637
00:41:53,533 --> 00:41:57,140
If you like, i can see
you next thursday at 3:00.
638
00:41:57,940 --> 00:42:00,550
Yes, yes, i would.
I think the talking has helped.
639
00:42:00,950 --> 00:42:03,416
Good. Now, if you'll just
deposit $50 in my mail slot.
640
00:42:03,416 --> 00:42:05,537
Okay. Thanks.
641
00:42:05,537 --> 00:42:07,418
You bet.
642
00:42:07,418 --> 00:42:09,618
You know what gets me?
643
00:42:09,618 --> 00:42:12,539
I go to get a haircut,
they charge me like four bucks,
644
00:42:12,539 --> 00:42:16,210
which is the same amount of money
they would charge anybody to come in.
645
00:42:16,210 --> 00:42:18,742
But say a guy like michael
landon goes into the shop.
646
00:42:18,742 --> 00:42:22,903
They would charge him $4, yet he's
got 100 times more hair than i do.
647
00:42:22,903 --> 00:42:26,104
By rights, they should be
charging michael landon like $400.
648
00:42:26,104 --> 00:42:29,146
Yeah, but they don't charge
you by how much hair you've got.
649
00:42:29,146 --> 00:42:32,627
They're paid to make it look
good with what you've got.
650
00:42:32,627 --> 00:42:35,228
Well, i don't even know
if they've done that.
651
00:42:35,228 --> 00:42:38,549
I mean, how does that look?
See, that's what i'm saying.
652
00:42:38,549 --> 00:42:40,990
Do you ever try swooping it over?
653
00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:44,991
You know, some guys grow their hair
real long and then swoop it over.
654
00:42:45,710 --> 00:42:47,792
My hair doesn't grow long
enough to swoop it over.
655
00:42:47,792 --> 00:42:50,673
Besides, i think when you see a
guy with his hair swooped over,
656
00:42:50,673 --> 00:42:53,354
you know he's doing it
to cover up something.
657
00:42:53,354 --> 00:42:56,996
Yeah, if a guy has a lot of hair,
he's not gonna swoop it over.
658
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,717
You know, the guys that
always keep their hair...
659
00:42:59,717 --> 00:43:02,598
are the guys that have
no use for it at all.
660
00:43:02,598 --> 00:43:04,559
- Who's that?
- Like bums.
661
00:43:04,559 --> 00:43:08,400
You ever seen a bald bum? They
always have a beautiful head of hair.
662
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,481
- Why is that?
- I think it's because they never wash it.
663
00:43:11,481 --> 00:43:14,420
The only time you ever
see you hair fall out...
664
00:43:14,420 --> 00:43:16,763
is after you shower
and you wash your hair.
665
00:43:16,763 --> 00:43:20,124
You mean, if i'd never washed my
hair, i'd have a full head of hair?
666
00:43:20,124 --> 00:43:22,685
They could lose their hair.
Maybe it just stays in.
667
00:43:22,685 --> 00:43:25,526
If they ever wash it,
they could be bald bums.
668
00:43:32,689 --> 00:43:35,930
[Man on answering machine] Mr. Hubbard,
the manuscript which you sent us...
669
00:43:35,930 --> 00:43:39,491
is not the sort of thing this
company is interested in doing.
670
00:43:39,491 --> 00:43:42,920
Speedy fingers typing service.
[Machine beeps]
671
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,654
Hi, larry, it's warren. I can't go to
the movie with you tomorrow night...
672
00:43:45,654 --> 00:43:48,140
because i decided
to end it all.
673
00:43:48,940 --> 00:43:50,615
My life just seems so
empty and meaningless...
674
00:43:50,615 --> 00:43:53,296
that i can't see any
point in going on with it.
675
00:43:53,296 --> 00:43:56,578
Hope you enjoy the movie.
Good-bye.
676
00:44:05,541 --> 00:44:08,342
I figured he'd be
at the manhattan bridge.
677
00:44:08,342 --> 00:44:11,823
It was a sort of "in" spot
for suicidal lonely guys.
678
00:44:17,825 --> 00:44:20,986
Check it out, man.
679
00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:33,911
Block the door, man.
680
00:44:46,836 --> 00:44:49,477
Iris! I lost
your phone number!
681
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,281
Hey, hey, hey!
682
00:45:05,843 --> 00:45:08,124
manhattan bridge
683
00:45:11,205 --> 00:45:13,686
I'll see you there.
684
00:45:16,487 --> 00:45:19,408
Man, you sure are some
bad backward writer.
685
00:45:19,408 --> 00:45:20,248
Thanks.
686
00:45:28,371 --> 00:45:30,412
[Larry]
Warren?
687
00:45:30,412 --> 00:45:34,173
Warren!
Warren!
688
00:45:36,614 --> 00:45:38,575
Warren!
689
00:45:38,575 --> 00:45:41,656
- [Man screaming]
- Warren?
690
00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:43,617
- Warren?
- [Splash]
691
00:45:43,617 --> 00:45:44,457
Warren!
692
00:45:46,858 --> 00:45:49,659
- Warren!
- [Man screams] carol!
693
00:45:49,659 --> 00:45:51,780
- Warren?
- [Splash]
694
00:45:51,780 --> 00:45:52,620
Warren!
695
00:45:55,501 --> 00:45:58,220
Warren. Warren?
696
00:45:58,220 --> 00:45:59,420
No. Henry.
697
00:46:01,743 --> 00:46:05,225
- [Screaming]
- Warren? Warren?
698
00:46:05,225 --> 00:46:08,706
- Warren!
- Don't come any closer, larry.
699
00:46:08,706 --> 00:46:12,307
Warren, come down from there.
You have too much to live for.
700
00:46:12,307 --> 00:46:14,788
Give me three things.
701
00:46:17,629 --> 00:46:19,910
Two things?
702
00:46:22,551 --> 00:46:24,912
One thing?
703
00:46:24,912 --> 00:46:27,873
Not dying. Not dying is
something to live for.
704
00:46:27,873 --> 00:46:29,994
What's the difference?
Nobody cares.
705
00:46:30,740 --> 00:46:33,835
Warren, i'm your friend. I care what
happens to you. You gotta believe that.
706
00:46:33,835 --> 00:46:38,557
- You're great, larry. People say they're your friend...
- [iris] larry?
707
00:46:38,557 --> 00:46:43,380
- They come running down here...
- stay there. I'll be right back.
708
00:46:44,679 --> 00:46:47,760
Oh, iris!
I'm so glad i found you.
709
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,441
Oh, come on.
My best friend is gonna jump.
710
00:46:50,441 --> 00:46:52,522
What?
711
00:46:52,522 --> 00:46:55,163
- Warren, please, come down.
- Who's this?
712
00:46:55,163 --> 00:46:58,124
This is iris, the girl i told you about.
I found her again.
713
00:46:58,124 --> 00:47:01,765
Aw, gosh, she is lovely.
How are you?
714
00:47:01,765 --> 00:47:05,860
- Fine. You?
- Eh!
715
00:47:05,860 --> 00:47:07,487
Warren, please don't do this.
I need you.
716
00:47:07,487 --> 00:47:09,688
You don't need me.
You two have each other.
717
00:47:09,688 --> 00:47:12,569
No, this'll never last.
She's already had two husbands.
718
00:47:12,569 --> 00:47:14,490
- Six.
- Six?
719
00:47:14,490 --> 00:47:16,491
- Six?
- Six.
720
00:47:16,491 --> 00:47:20,132
You can't have a stable relationship
with a person like that.
721
00:47:20,132 --> 00:47:23,613
It's nice of you both to lie, but i can
see how you feel about each other.
722
00:47:23,613 --> 00:47:26,974
Okay, but that doesn't mean i
don't need you in my life too.
723
00:47:27,540 --> 00:47:29,855
You want to know the place
i'll have in your life?
724
00:47:29,855 --> 00:47:34,970
You'll have a beautiful wife,
great kids, lovely home,
725
00:47:34,970 --> 00:47:36,538
and i'll be your bachelor friend who you
726
00:47:36,538 --> 00:47:38,899
feel you have to invite
to your dinner party.
727
00:47:38,899 --> 00:47:42,740
But iris has run out of
single women to fix me up with,
728
00:47:42,740 --> 00:47:45,741
so she wracks her brain
and comes up with this widow...
729
00:47:45,741 --> 00:47:49,423
who's 15 years older than me,
overweight with rotten teeth.
730
00:47:49,423 --> 00:47:52,240
You know, it doesn't sound all that bad.
731
00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:54,865
- [Laughs]
- I like a full-figured woman.
732
00:47:54,865 --> 00:47:57,265
Teeth you can always fix.
733
00:47:57,265 --> 00:47:59,826
And what does age matter if
you have a good personality?
734
00:47:59,826 --> 00:48:02,707
- That's right.
- Would you make a nice leg of lamb?
735
00:48:02,707 --> 00:48:05,148
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, i love lamb.
736
00:48:05,148 --> 00:48:07,989
- Excuse me. Are you using this railing?
- No.
737
00:48:08,690 --> 00:48:10,110
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
738
00:48:10,110 --> 00:48:12,471
- With mint sauce?
- Of course.
739
00:48:12,471 --> 00:48:14,472
- [Man screams]
- Let's all go somewhere.
740
00:48:14,472 --> 00:48:16,553
- No, you two go ahead.
- I can't leave you after this.
741
00:48:16,553 --> 00:48:19,354
- [Splash]
- Hey, i've been up there plenty of times.
742
00:48:19,354 --> 00:48:22,750
Why don't you come
to dinner with us?
743
00:48:22,750 --> 00:48:24,956
No, y-you go ahead.
I'll catch a slice of pizza.
744
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,597
- I'll call you later.
- Thanks, larry.
745
00:48:32,358 --> 00:48:35,390
- Iris, how old are you?
- Thirty.
746
00:48:35,390 --> 00:48:38,521
- And you've had six husbands?
- That's a lot, isn't it?
747
00:48:38,521 --> 00:48:43,322
No, no, not really. When you think about
it, it's just one every five years.
748
00:48:43,322 --> 00:48:46,430
And jerry was
an alcoholic.
749
00:48:46,430 --> 00:48:49,244
And michael was
a compulsive gambler.
750
00:48:49,244 --> 00:48:52,126
And fred was a womanizer.
751
00:48:52,126 --> 00:48:54,486
It seems i've ended
up being hurt...
752
00:48:54,486 --> 00:48:57,167
in every relationship
i've ever had.
753
00:48:57,167 --> 00:49:01,249
Iris, i guess no man knows
for sure what he's capable of.
754
00:49:01,249 --> 00:49:05,900
There might be circumstances
in which i might lie or steal...
755
00:49:05,900 --> 00:49:08,492
or, who knows,
even kill.
756
00:49:08,492 --> 00:49:11,813
But there's one thing i know
in my heart i could never do.
757
00:49:11,813 --> 00:49:15,374
As long as i live, i could
never, never hurt you.
758
00:49:15,374 --> 00:49:17,335
Oh, larry!
759
00:49:17,335 --> 00:49:20,976
- Iris. Oh, gosh, i'm sorry. Are you all right?
- Ohhh!
760
00:49:20,976 --> 00:49:23,977
Oh, sit down.
It's just a scalded lap.
761
00:49:24,570 --> 00:49:27,218
I'm fine. Fine.
Just... fine.
762
00:49:28,699 --> 00:49:31,300
No. No, you're not.
763
00:49:31,300 --> 00:49:33,981
What are you doing?
764
00:49:34,610 --> 00:49:37,702
I want you to know that whatever
feelings of pain you might have,
765
00:49:37,702 --> 00:49:40,423
i want to share them
with you.
766
00:49:46,705 --> 00:49:51,227
Oh, that was a very sweet
gesture. Thank you.
767
00:49:51,227 --> 00:49:54,748
You're welcome.
[Sighs]
768
00:49:54,748 --> 00:49:58,510
Well, gosh,
it's almost 2:00.
769
00:49:58,510 --> 00:50:01,591
I guess you'd like me
to take you home, wouldn't you?
770
00:50:01,591 --> 00:50:04,752
Yes. To your home.
771
00:50:06,730 --> 00:50:07,913
Really?
772
00:50:07,913 --> 00:50:08,753
Mm-hmm.
773
00:50:11,755 --> 00:50:13,635
Oh, iris.
774
00:50:13,635 --> 00:50:16,516
But first, i just have
to go to the bathroom.
775
00:50:16,516 --> 00:50:19,517
- Okay, i'll take care of the check.
- I better not.
776
00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:22,759
- Why not?
- You might not be here when i get back.
777
00:50:22,759 --> 00:50:25,390
Of course i'd be here.
Why wouldn't i be here?
778
00:50:25,390 --> 00:50:27,440
That's how milton left me.
779
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:30,962
I understand.
780
00:50:34,830 --> 00:50:37,404
- Are you still there?
- I'm here, i swear.
781
00:50:37,404 --> 00:50:42,726
- You're the first person who's ever done this for me.
- It's nothing.
782
00:50:42,726 --> 00:50:44,927
I'm crazy about you,
larry.
783
00:50:45,700 --> 00:50:47,928
I'm crazy about you
too, iris.
784
00:50:53,810 --> 00:50:57,611
We went back to my place and talked for
two and a half hours about everything.
785
00:50:57,611 --> 00:51:01,213
We found out we'd voted for exactly the
same people in the last nine elections.
786
00:51:01,213 --> 00:51:04,940
We sang camp songs
to each other.
787
00:51:04,940 --> 00:51:08,255
Then she got real romantic and said
she wanted to get in bed with me.
788
00:51:08,255 --> 00:51:11,617
I was headed for the
greatest night of my life.
789
00:51:11,617 --> 00:51:13,617
Except she wouldn't
take off her clothes.
790
00:51:13,617 --> 00:51:16,580
- Iris, please.
- It's not going to work, larry.
791
00:51:16,980 --> 00:51:18,990
- You're wrong for me.
- Why?
792
00:51:18,990 --> 00:51:21,420
Because you're
so right for me.
793
00:51:21,420 --> 00:51:24,941
You're the most wonderful man
i've ever known.
794
00:51:26,142 --> 00:51:30,463
If i let us get close,
if i made that commitment,
795
00:51:30,463 --> 00:51:35,545
and you hurt me like the others,
i couldn't handle it.
796
00:51:35,545 --> 00:51:39,107
- I would never hurt you.
- I'm too terrified to take that chance.
797
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,189
I need someone...
798
00:51:45,189 --> 00:51:47,550
who i don't care a damn about.
799
00:51:47,550 --> 00:51:50,231
Someone mean and...
800
00:51:50,231 --> 00:51:53,232
unfeeling and rotten.
801
00:51:53,232 --> 00:51:56,793
I could be that.
Give me a day or two to work on it.
802
00:51:57,953 --> 00:51:59,794
No, darling.
803
00:51:59,794 --> 00:52:03,355
Iris, look.
I-i-i don't want to lose you!
804
00:52:03,355 --> 00:52:05,276
I think you and i
have something special.
805
00:52:05,276 --> 00:52:07,237
I mean, sure, we have
a few problems...
806
00:52:07,237 --> 00:52:11,438
like not having sex,
but we don't have to have sex.
807
00:52:11,438 --> 00:52:13,679
There's plenty of
other things we can do.
808
00:52:13,679 --> 00:52:16,640
We can go to motels and listen
to other people have sex.
809
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,601
It just wasn't meant
to be, larry.
810
00:52:19,601 --> 00:52:22,763
But there's one thing
i want you to know.
811
00:52:22,763 --> 00:52:25,243
Even though
we didn't do it,
812
00:52:25,243 --> 00:52:28,445
you're the best
i ever had.
813
00:52:31,606 --> 00:52:33,606
The best what?
814
00:52:42,850 --> 00:52:46,110
[Iris' answering machine]
I love you. I'll always love you.
815
00:52:46,910 --> 00:52:49,212
But i've gone away.
Good-bye, my dearest.
816
00:52:49,212 --> 00:52:52,413
At the sound of the beep,
please try and forget me.
817
00:53:05,218 --> 00:53:08,739
Quarter to four.
Maybe i'll take a nap.
818
00:53:08,739 --> 00:53:12,581
I don't like to take naps. I don't
like to wake up more than once a day.
819
00:53:12,581 --> 00:53:16,582
When i first wake up, i
get that shock of who i am.
820
00:53:16,582 --> 00:53:19,463
And i really don't like to
do that more than once a day.
821
00:53:21,464 --> 00:53:23,505
Yeah.
822
00:53:28,627 --> 00:53:30,627
Hubbard, i've been wanting
to talk to you...
823
00:53:30,627 --> 00:53:33,680
about some of the greetings
you've been working on.
824
00:53:34,469 --> 00:53:37,270
"Hi there, grandpa,
happy birthday to you.
825
00:53:37,270 --> 00:53:39,300
"And if you live
'til next year,
826
00:53:39,300 --> 00:53:41,151
happy birthday
then too. "
827
00:53:41,151 --> 00:53:43,512
I've been a little
preoccupied lately.
828
00:53:43,512 --> 00:53:45,713
A little?
829
00:53:49,234 --> 00:53:52,715
"Will you be my valentine?
Think about it a bit.
830
00:53:52,715 --> 00:53:54,636
"If you will, that's okay.
831
00:53:54,636 --> 00:53:57,517
If not, who gives a shit?"
832
00:54:00,118 --> 00:54:03,319
Mr. Hubbard
is fired.
833
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:07,201
One good thing
about being fired,
834
00:54:07,201 --> 00:54:09,281
it gave me time
to work on my novel.
835
00:54:09,281 --> 00:54:11,922
But that wasn't going
so great either.
836
00:54:13,963 --> 00:54:18,525
"Soon the primal fire began to burn
in lady hookstraten's body.
837
00:54:18,525 --> 00:54:21,206
"Her hips twitched and trembled
as each...
838
00:54:21,206 --> 00:54:24,687
"fireball from oliver's
powerful cannon...
839
00:54:24,687 --> 00:54:27,128
"erupted like molten lava...
840
00:54:27,128 --> 00:54:29,489
"into the quivering mouth...
841
00:54:29,489 --> 00:54:33,770
of her ever-fluttering
love purse. "
842
00:54:42,130 --> 00:54:45,550
What do i know
about oliver cromwell?
843
00:54:46,215 --> 00:54:48,616
What do i know
about love?
844
00:54:50,176 --> 00:54:52,297
All i know about
is lonely.
845
00:54:52,297 --> 00:54:54,218
How to eat alone.
846
00:54:54,218 --> 00:54:56,139
How to live alone.
847
00:54:57,899 --> 00:55:00,420
That's all i know.
848
00:55:20,107 --> 00:55:23,429
A Guide for the Lonely Guy
849
00:55:32,232 --> 00:55:34,720
Damn, the wind.
850
00:55:46,237 --> 00:55:50,478
My book became an instant best-seller. Lonely
guys came out of the woodwork to get it.
851
00:55:50,478 --> 00:55:52,679
There were more of us out there
than i thought.
852
00:55:52,679 --> 00:55:54,800
[Man] Mr. Hubbard, where
did you get the idea...
853
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:56,921
of writing a book
about lonely guys?
854
00:55:56,921 --> 00:55:59,482
I realized that everybody's a
lonely guy at one time or another.
855
00:55:59,482 --> 00:56:01,763
You can be married
and be a lonely guy.
856
00:56:01,763 --> 00:56:04,243
You can be quarterback of
the football team and be a lonely guy.
857
00:56:05,804 --> 00:56:09,285
Mr. Hubbard, i want to thank you.
You've given hope to all of us.
858
00:56:09,285 --> 00:56:11,206
Thanks.
859
00:56:12,446 --> 00:56:15,848
Hi. Could you just put "to jimmy"?
860
00:56:15,848 --> 00:56:17,098
Sure.
861
00:56:18,969 --> 00:56:24,411
Funny how a little thing like writing a
number one best-seller can change a guy's life.
862
00:56:26,572 --> 00:56:28,452
[Beeping]
Hey, larry, you're hot.
863
00:56:28,452 --> 00:56:30,653
Griffin wants you on the west
coast as soon as he can get you.
864
00:56:30,653 --> 00:56:32,774
And on the east coast,
letterman wants you.
865
00:56:32,774 --> 00:56:35,455
Hey, we got a call
from playboy.
866
00:56:35,455 --> 00:56:38,296
They want you to pose
with the bunny of the month.
867
00:56:38,296 --> 00:56:40,217
- Ha, ha! She thinks you're terrific.
- Woof! Woof!
868
00:56:40,217 --> 00:56:43,980
You're her favorite writer.
And, hey, what a looker!
869
00:56:58,383 --> 00:57:00,864
"It looks like blonde bombshell
loni anderson...
870
00:57:00,864 --> 00:57:04,465
"has turned larry hubbard into
america's unloneliest lonely guy.
871
00:57:04,465 --> 00:57:07,507
"It seems they haven't left larry's
west side apartment in two weeks,
872
00:57:07,507 --> 00:57:12,108
and whatever they're doing there, we bet
they're not collaborating on a new book. "
873
00:57:12,108 --> 00:57:13,989
Where do they get
this trash?
874
00:57:14,690 --> 00:57:15,910
Beats me.
875
00:57:18,951 --> 00:57:22,272
[Merv] i wonder if the european
feelings are as strong as the americans?
876
00:57:22,272 --> 00:57:24,993
[Woman with european accent]
Vell, shpeaking for myself,
877
00:57:25,730 --> 00:57:28,194
i know that the vealth or
fame or social position...
878
00:57:28,194 --> 00:57:32,316
have absolutely nothink to do vith
whether or not i'm attracted to a man.
879
00:57:33,196 --> 00:57:37,277
Ziss is true. You should see
some of the trash she goes out vith.
880
00:57:39,558 --> 00:57:42,880
It's true. I've found
that i've been able to date women...
881
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:46,201
who wouldn't have given me a second
look before my book became a success.
882
00:57:46,201 --> 00:57:48,241
But don't you see, larry?
Success changes a man.
883
00:57:48,241 --> 00:57:51,243
It makes him confident,
poised, self-assured.
884
00:57:51,243 --> 00:57:53,884
And it's these new qualities
in the man himself...
885
00:57:53,884 --> 00:57:55,804
that account for his
newfound appeal.
886
00:57:55,804 --> 00:57:57,725
I guess
that's what it is, then.
887
00:58:01,967 --> 00:58:05,408
# Everybody loves my baby #
888
00:58:05,408 --> 00:58:11,500
# but my baby don't luff
nobody but me #
889
00:58:11,500 --> 00:58:14,251
# nobody but me #
890
00:58:14,251 --> 00:58:16,732
aw, gosh. I hate
to interrupt.
891
00:58:16,732 --> 00:58:19,613
It's all been
so incredibly fascinating...
892
00:58:19,613 --> 00:58:21,534
and entertaining
and instructive.
893
00:58:21,534 --> 00:58:24,495
Really, the time
has just flown by.
894
00:58:24,495 --> 00:58:27,496
The lovely schneider twins.
Anita and shotze.
895
00:58:27,496 --> 00:58:31,657
Ex-lonely guy
larry hubbard.
896
00:58:31,657 --> 00:58:33,778
And dr. Joyce brothers. I can't
thank you enough for being here.
897
00:58:33,778 --> 00:58:36,139
You've made it
a very special night for me.
898
00:58:36,139 --> 00:58:39,540
And i hope we can
all get together and do it again.
899
00:58:39,540 --> 00:58:41,621
Thank you.
Good night.
900
00:59:07,791 --> 00:59:09,991
# Everybody loves my baby #
901
00:59:10,710 --> 00:59:12,232
[merv]
Gosh, i hate to interrupt.
902
00:59:12,232 --> 00:59:14,193
This has been all
so incredibly fascinating...
903
00:59:14,193 --> 00:59:17,740
and entertaining
and instructive.
904
00:59:17,740 --> 00:59:19,750
Really, the time
has just flown by.
905
00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:22,396
I can't thank you all
enough for being here.
906
00:59:22,396 --> 00:59:25,797
You've made it a very special evening for
me, and i hope we can all get together...
907
00:59:25,797 --> 00:59:30,119
oh, that was a very
sweet gesture. Thank you.
908
00:59:37,321 --> 00:59:39,482
I wrote it all down
on the napkin.
909
00:59:39,482 --> 00:59:41,843
I know what
you're going through.
910
00:59:44,244 --> 00:59:47,500
- Hi.
- Oh, it's you! My god, it's you!
911
00:59:47,850 --> 00:59:50,486
I'm crazy about you,
larry.
912
01:00:12,540 --> 01:00:16,216
# You made me love you #
913
01:00:16,216 --> 01:00:18,256
# you woke me up
to do it #
914
01:00:18,256 --> 01:00:21,570
- excuse me. ... hasn't been
around the literary scene for years.
915
01:00:21,570 --> 01:00:23,778
I've been staring at you
all night.
916
01:00:30,581 --> 01:00:34,622
The difference between an agent and a manager
is with a manager you have to meet his family.
917
01:00:35,863 --> 01:00:38,784
Great party, larry.
918
01:00:38,784 --> 01:00:40,665
- It's fun, isn't it?
- It really is.
919
01:00:40,665 --> 01:00:41,915
Yeah.
920
01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:45,106
- [Doorbell ringing]
- [Larry] excuse me.
921
01:00:52,629 --> 01:00:54,670
You look great.
Come on in.
922
01:00:54,670 --> 01:00:58,310
No, you're busy. I'll
come back another time.
923
01:00:58,710 --> 01:00:59,460
No.
924
01:01:00,112 --> 01:01:02,152
No, i missed you.
925
01:01:02,152 --> 01:01:04,393
Oh, i missed you.
926
01:01:04,393 --> 01:01:07,634
I saw you on the
merv griffin show.
927
01:01:07,634 --> 01:01:09,555
Oh, really?
928
01:01:10,715 --> 01:01:13,760
I tried to stay away,
but i couldn't.
929
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:15,157
I wanted you so much.
930
01:01:20,390 --> 01:01:22,520
- Daniele.
- Larry.
931
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:25,401
- Daniele.
- Larry?
932
01:01:25,401 --> 01:01:27,882
Oh, iris, daniele.
Daniele, iris.
933
01:01:28,762 --> 01:01:31,603
- Larry.
- Daniele?
934
01:01:31,603 --> 01:01:33,964
- Lar-ry?
- Iris!
935
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:36,485
- Larry!
- Daniele!
936
01:01:36,485 --> 01:01:38,406
- Larry!
- Iris!
937
01:01:38,406 --> 01:01:40,326
- Daniele.
- Iris.
938
01:01:51,130 --> 01:01:53,491
The incinerator's
down the steps.
939
01:01:54,251 --> 01:01:57,333
- Iris?
- Larry!
940
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:08,937
I'm so glad you sent
everyone home.
941
01:02:09,170 --> 01:02:11,498
- Me too.
- I didn't think you'd remember.
942
01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:19,200
It feels so good
next to your body.
943
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,821
Your feet are so warm.
944
01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:25,543
- Can i take my socks off now?
- Please.
945
01:02:25,543 --> 01:02:29,184
Sure. I just didn't know if
you wanted to go all the way.
946
01:02:43,910 --> 01:02:46,190
Mmm. Oh, iris.
947
01:02:46,991 --> 01:02:49,952
I don't believe it.
948
01:02:51,512 --> 01:02:53,393
I didn't believe something
like this was possible.
949
01:02:53,393 --> 01:02:55,554
Oh, my god, iris.
950
01:02:55,554 --> 01:02:58,595
Have you started yet,
larry?
951
01:02:58,595 --> 01:03:02,156
Of course i've started. What did you
think "oh, my god, iris," was all about?
952
01:03:02,156 --> 01:03:04,770
I'm sorry.
953
01:03:04,770 --> 01:03:05,998
I'm inexperienced.
954
01:03:06,780 --> 01:03:07,918
I know that sounds crazy
with six husbands,
955
01:03:07,918 --> 01:03:11,640
but, you see, i've never
had a... you-know-what.
956
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:15,681
- You mean an orgasm?
- I didn't want to talk dirty.
957
01:03:15,681 --> 01:03:19,200
None of 'em ever seemed to
care if i had 'em or not.
958
01:03:19,820 --> 01:03:22,364
I care. Look, um,
i'll let you know.
959
01:03:22,364 --> 01:03:24,644
Whenever you have one,
960
01:03:24,644 --> 01:03:26,565
i'll let you know
about it.
961
01:03:26,565 --> 01:03:30,927
Oh, you are so sweet,
larry. I appreciate that.
962
01:03:31,700 --> 01:03:34,768
I think it's the man's responsibility
to... oop! There goes one.
963
01:03:36,129 --> 01:03:37,969
- You just had one.
- I did?
964
01:03:38,490 --> 01:03:41,371
- Didn't you feel it?
- In what part of the body?
965
01:03:41,371 --> 01:03:43,731
I can't blurt out
in what part of the body.
966
01:03:43,731 --> 01:03:45,852
There goes another one!
967
01:03:45,852 --> 01:03:48,773
- They're happening so quickly.
- You have to be ready for them.
968
01:03:48,773 --> 01:03:51,374
Sometimes they go by when you're just
talking or clearing your throat.
969
01:03:51,374 --> 01:03:53,295
You are so
experienced, larry.
970
01:03:53,295 --> 01:03:57,697
I never realized a lonely
guy could be so experienced.
971
01:03:57,697 --> 01:04:00,978
Well, this isn't the first time
that... there goes another one!
972
01:04:01,180 --> 01:04:05,459
I think i felt that one.
It felt like a tiny little hiccup.
973
01:04:05,459 --> 01:04:08,500
I think that was a hiccup.
974
01:04:08,500 --> 01:04:10,421
Maybe they're coming
from your side of the bed.
975
01:04:10,421 --> 01:04:13,620
Let's change sides.
I don't want to miss any more.
976
01:04:13,620 --> 01:04:14,983
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe.
977
01:04:15,630 --> 01:04:17,424
- Whoa!
- What?
978
01:04:17,424 --> 01:04:19,384
Oh, nothing.
979
01:04:19,384 --> 01:04:22,746
- I missed another one?
- Just the biggest one so far.
980
01:04:22,746 --> 01:04:25,270
- My god!
- Excuse me.
981
01:04:25,270 --> 01:04:26,947
- [Sneezing]
- Oh!
982
01:04:27,270 --> 01:04:29,388
Oh! Oh, larry.
983
01:04:29,388 --> 01:04:31,429
- I think i felt one.
- You did?
984
01:04:31,429 --> 01:04:33,430
Uh-huh. Right when
you sneezed.
985
01:04:33,430 --> 01:04:35,390
- Oh. Gesundheit.
- Thank...
986
01:04:35,390 --> 01:04:38,710
- [sneezing]
- Oh! Oh!
987
01:04:38,710 --> 01:04:40,272
- Oh, i felt it again. Twice.
- You did?
988
01:04:40,272 --> 01:04:42,713
Yes. It was wonderful.
989
01:04:42,713 --> 01:04:45,634
Oh, gesundheit.
990
01:04:45,634 --> 01:04:49,395
Do you think
you could... sneeze again?
991
01:04:49,395 --> 01:04:52,156
I don't know.
I'll try. Aaah-choo!
992
01:04:52,156 --> 01:04:55,158
Oh! Oh, yes.
993
01:04:55,158 --> 01:04:57,999
Yes. Gesundheit.
994
01:04:58,790 --> 01:05:00,319
- Aaah-choo!
- Aaah-choo!
995
01:05:00,319 --> 01:05:04,410
Oh, i never dreamed it could be
like this. Oh, gesundheit.
996
01:05:04,410 --> 01:05:06,122
- Aaah... aaah...
- aaah... aaah...
997
01:05:06,122 --> 01:05:08,162
- aaah... aaah...
- aaah... aaah...
998
01:05:08,162 --> 01:05:10,203
- aaaah! Aaaah! Choo!
- Aaaah! Aaaah!
999
01:05:10,203 --> 01:05:13,524
Ooooh! Oh,
you're magnificent.
1000
01:05:13,524 --> 01:05:15,925
- Oh, gesundheit.
- Aaachoo, aaachoo, aaachoo!
1001
01:05:16,500 --> 01:05:18,286
No, larry, no more.
1002
01:05:18,286 --> 01:05:21,847
Stop, or i'll go mad
with pleasure.
1003
01:05:21,847 --> 01:05:24,488
Oh, thank you, thank you.
1004
01:05:24,488 --> 01:05:28,650
- Iris, i love you.
- I love you too, larry.
1005
01:05:39,734 --> 01:05:41,615
Why are you crying?
1006
01:05:41,615 --> 01:05:45,136
Because it's so hopeless.
1007
01:05:46,656 --> 01:05:49,177
But everything
was so good.
1008
01:05:49,177 --> 01:05:53,259
Exactly. I was afraid of getting
involved with you because...
1009
01:05:53,259 --> 01:05:55,980
i couldn't face the
possibility of losing you.
1010
01:05:56,600 --> 01:05:57,940
How do you think i feel
now that i found out...
1011
01:05:57,940 --> 01:06:01,822
you're not only
a great guy, but that...
1012
01:06:01,822 --> 01:06:04,230
you're the best
goddamn lover in the world?
1013
01:06:04,230 --> 01:06:05,983
I'm going.
1014
01:06:06,230 --> 01:06:08,504
Iris, look.
You're just upset.
1015
01:06:08,504 --> 01:06:10,585
Let me take you home.
You'll get a good night's sleep.
1016
01:06:10,585 --> 01:06:13,506
- We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?
- No, i'll get a cab.
1017
01:06:13,506 --> 01:06:16,507
There's no point in
calling me in the morning.
1018
01:06:16,507 --> 01:06:18,428
I won't be there.
1019
01:06:24,310 --> 01:06:26,151
Aaah-choo!
1020
01:06:37,155 --> 01:06:40,636
Well, that did it. I knew i had
to get out of town for a while.
1021
01:06:40,636 --> 01:06:43,557
So i booked myself on
one of those cruises.
1022
01:06:43,557 --> 01:06:47,759
I figured it might give me a chance
to get away from everyone i knew.
1023
01:06:47,759 --> 01:06:49,639
Of course, in the first three
hours, i met my accountant,
1024
01:06:49,639 --> 01:06:53,281
my plumber, my postman;
even jack was there.
1025
01:06:53,281 --> 01:06:55,602
He'd just broken up
with verna and frieda.
1026
01:06:55,602 --> 01:06:58,963
I guess he was looking for more
girls to add to his collection.
1027
01:06:59,430 --> 01:07:03,524
He waved me over, but i just wasn't
interested in meeting other women.
1028
01:07:03,524 --> 01:07:07,206
I just couldn't get my mind off iris.
1029
01:07:09,527 --> 01:07:13,328
Excuse me, sir. Are
you mr. Larry hubbard?
1030
01:07:13,328 --> 01:07:15,289
Yes, i am.
1031
01:07:18,250 --> 01:07:22,131
This dog came aboard just before we
sailed. Your name was on his collar.
1032
01:07:22,131 --> 01:07:25,613
Hey, good boy.
What a good dog.
1033
01:07:26,813 --> 01:07:28,654
And this note
is for you, sir.
1034
01:07:29,694 --> 01:07:31,975
It's from a young lady.
1035
01:07:32,550 --> 01:07:33,896
Thank you.
1036
01:07:35,616 --> 01:07:38,697
[Iris] Dear larry, just
heard we're on the same ship.
1037
01:07:38,697 --> 01:07:41,580
I'll be at the masquerade ball
tomorrow night.
1038
01:07:41,580 --> 01:07:43,990
I hope we'll run into each other.
1039
01:07:43,990 --> 01:07:46,300
I think we should talk.
Iris.
1040
01:07:46,300 --> 01:07:47,550
Iris.
1041
01:07:48,661 --> 01:07:52,702
She's here.
Yahoo!
1042
01:07:56,904 --> 01:07:59,745
Oh, sorry, fella!
1043
01:09:00,127 --> 01:09:02,968
- Hello, iris.
- Hello, larry.
1044
01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:05,929
Terrific costume.
1045
01:09:07,170 --> 01:09:10,731
Larry, i want to apologize
for the way i behaved.
1046
01:09:10,731 --> 01:09:12,652
I was wrong.
1047
01:09:12,652 --> 01:09:16,373
You don't have to apologize
as long as we're together.
1048
01:09:16,373 --> 01:09:20,495
No, larry. I was wrong to
let it go as far as it did.
1049
01:09:20,495 --> 01:09:23,536
I knew from the beginning
it would never work.
1050
01:09:23,536 --> 01:09:25,736
I love you too much.
1051
01:09:28,137 --> 01:09:32,190
Iris, do you think you're the only
one who's afraid of falling in love?
1052
01:09:32,990 --> 01:09:35,500
Do you think you're the only one who's
afraid of being hurt? Do you think i'm not?
1053
01:09:35,500 --> 01:09:39,341
I'm terrified.
But you've got to be willing...
1054
01:09:39,341 --> 01:09:41,742
to feel a little pain or
you'll never feel any joy.
1055
01:09:41,742 --> 01:09:43,663
- Hi, larry.
- Hi, jack.
1056
01:09:43,663 --> 01:09:46,864
You kept coming back to me
for the joy, not the pain.
1057
01:09:46,864 --> 01:09:49,425
- Hey, hey, aren't you going to introduce me?
- Jack, iris.
1058
01:09:49,425 --> 01:09:51,586
- Hi.
- I'm not saying i'll be the only guy for you.
1059
01:09:51,586 --> 01:09:53,507
You might meet somebody
you like better.
1060
01:09:53,507 --> 01:09:55,947
Looks like we
were meant for each other.
1061
01:10:00,829 --> 01:10:05,191
Hey, hey, don't the girls
look terrific tonight?
1062
01:10:05,191 --> 01:10:07,552
The seven deadly sins! Whoa!
What a clever idea!
1063
01:10:07,552 --> 01:10:10,833
- Girls. What girls?
- The girls! Your girls, jack.
1064
01:10:10,833 --> 01:10:15,154
- Inga, helga, olga!
- I guess my eyesight is failing.
1065
01:10:15,154 --> 01:10:20,436
'Cause as far as i can see there's
only one woman in this whole room.
1066
01:10:22,357 --> 01:10:23,437
Shall we?
1067
01:10:36,322 --> 01:10:41,404
# I'm in the mood
for love #
1068
01:10:41,404 --> 01:10:47,326
# simply because
you're near me #
1069
01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:52,888
# funny but when you're
near me #
1070
01:10:52,888 --> 01:10:57,930
# i'm in the mood
for love ##
1071
01:11:11,895 --> 01:11:14,936
How you doing, guys?
Thirsty?
1072
01:11:16,937 --> 01:11:18,818
There you go.
1073
01:11:18,818 --> 01:11:20,738
The guy's 46.
Drops dead.
1074
01:11:20,738 --> 01:11:24,580
- Heart attack?
- Natural causes.
1075
01:11:24,580 --> 01:11:26,541
I think i'm
getting that.
1076
01:11:26,541 --> 01:11:28,941
Here you go.
That's a good guy.
1077
01:11:28,941 --> 01:11:31,422
- What did you have for lunch?
- Tuna.
1078
01:11:31,422 --> 01:11:33,343
- Toast? White?
- Rye.
1079
01:11:33,343 --> 01:11:35,264
- Good?
- Yeah.
1080
01:11:35,264 --> 01:11:36,704
- Sounds good.
- Yeah, it was.
1081
01:11:36,704 --> 01:11:40,186
Here's a guy, 33.
Brick fell on his head.
1082
01:11:40,186 --> 01:11:43,587
Hey, i want you to see
this new cassette i got.
1083
01:11:44,867 --> 01:11:48,749
- I can't stay much longer.
- Just watch this.
1084
01:11:48,749 --> 01:11:50,949
Oh, nice.
Very nice.
1085
01:11:54,231 --> 01:11:57,232
- We don't have to watch the whole thing.
- Does something happen?
1086
01:11:57,232 --> 01:11:57,982
No.
1087
01:12:02,234 --> 01:12:05,750
Whoa!
Jack is marrying iris!
1088
01:12:05,750 --> 01:12:07,750
Yeah, i know.
3:00 today.
1089
01:12:07,750 --> 01:12:10,360
Hard to imagine any woman
falling in love with jack.
1090
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:11,997
She doesn't love jack.
She loves me.
1091
01:12:12,370 --> 01:12:13,918
That's why
she's marrying him.
1092
01:12:14,838 --> 01:12:16,679
Uh-huh.
1093
01:12:16,679 --> 01:12:20,440
Well... whatever.
1094
01:12:23,241 --> 01:12:26,402
I'd better get going.
I'm defrosting my refrigerator.
1095
01:12:26,402 --> 01:12:29,364
That water's going
to get all over the floor.
1096
01:12:29,364 --> 01:12:31,964
I'll watch that fish
staring another time.
1097
01:12:32,450 --> 01:12:34,565
I'll give you a call later.
Maybe we'll do something.
1098
01:12:34,565 --> 01:12:37,600
I'm kind of tired.
I think i'll stay in tonight.
1099
01:12:37,860 --> 01:12:38,927
Yeah. Me too.
1100
01:12:39,700 --> 01:12:40,848
- Yeah.
- Well, take care.
1101
01:12:40,848 --> 01:12:42,768
- Okay. I'll see you.
- Yeah.
1102
01:12:42,768 --> 01:12:44,729
- So long.
- So long.
1103
01:13:03,936 --> 01:13:08,298
Back! Sides and front!
And other side! And three!
1104
01:13:10,258 --> 01:13:12,659
...nautical science.
1105
01:13:12,659 --> 01:13:15,380
What makes a balloon go up?
1106
01:13:20,702 --> 01:13:22,583
Right this way, officer.
1107
01:13:27,625 --> 01:13:30,660
- When did you find him?
- This morning.
1108
01:13:30,660 --> 01:13:31,986
- Wife? Kids?
- No.
1109
01:13:32,260 --> 01:13:34,667
- No.
- Close friends?
1110
01:13:34,667 --> 01:13:36,948
No friends, no wife,
no children.
1111
01:13:36,948 --> 01:13:38,869
Just ferns, a dog,
cardboard cutouts, tv.
1112
01:13:38,869 --> 01:13:40,790
Well-behaved, quiet,
perfect tenant.
1113
01:13:40,790 --> 01:13:42,790
Been there for five days.
Nobody even noticed.
1114
01:13:42,790 --> 01:13:44,791
I'll take care of it.
1115
01:13:44,791 --> 01:13:47,392
Wish i had more
tenants like him.
1116
01:13:54,715 --> 01:13:57,836
I don't believe what people
are throwing away today.
1117
01:14:21,565 --> 01:14:22,315
No!
1118
01:14:26,446 --> 01:14:27,196
No!
1119
01:14:29,167 --> 01:14:29,917
No!
1120
01:14:41,372 --> 01:14:43,573
First lutheran church
in queens. As soon as possible.
1121
01:14:43,573 --> 01:14:45,493
All right.
1122
01:14:51,950 --> 01:14:53,560
- What's the matter?
1123
01:14:53,960 --> 01:14:55,570
- First time ever. A
traffic jam in new york.
1124
01:16:00,761 --> 01:16:02,882
- How long is it between trains?
- About 15 minutes.
1125
01:16:02,882 --> 01:16:06,283
- That's too long.
- Write a letter.
1126
01:16:25,330 --> 01:16:27,170
Pull over, mac!
1127
01:16:29,171 --> 01:16:31,852
You can't pull out like
that, mister. Now pull over.
1128
01:16:31,852 --> 01:16:33,773
- Look, i've gotta...
- pull over!
1129
01:16:33,773 --> 01:16:36,454
Look, officer, if i don't get to
31st street in four and a half minutes,
1130
01:16:36,454 --> 01:16:39,175
the only girl i ever loved
is gonna marry somebody else.
1131
01:16:39,175 --> 01:16:42,776
Well, i was in love once.
You're gonna need an escort. Follow me!
1132
01:16:54,620 --> 01:16:56,741
Let's go, mac.
Come on!
1133
01:17:02,743 --> 01:17:04,584
Everything is
gonna be all right.
1134
01:17:21,390 --> 01:17:23,831
To love, honor
and cherish...
1135
01:17:23,831 --> 01:17:25,752
in sickness
and in health...
1136
01:17:25,752 --> 01:17:29,833
- as long as you both shall live?
- No, wait, don't do this!
1137
01:17:29,833 --> 01:17:32,340
I know you think this is
the easy way out,
1138
01:17:32,340 --> 01:17:34,515
the safe thing to do.
1139
01:17:34,515 --> 01:17:36,436
But didn't you just hear
those words?
1140
01:17:36,436 --> 01:17:38,877
To love, honor and cherish.
1141
01:17:38,877 --> 01:17:43,278
You don't love this man. You don't
honor him. You don't cherish him.
1142
01:17:43,278 --> 01:17:45,839
You know you were meant
for something better.
1143
01:17:45,839 --> 01:17:52,322
Listen to your heart. This man is not
for you. Don't go through with this.
1144
01:17:56,563 --> 01:17:59,604
- He's right.
- What? Alison, who is that guy?
1145
01:17:59,604 --> 01:18:01,765
- Is this the first lutheran?
- No, third methodist.
1146
01:18:01,765 --> 01:18:02,765
God!
1147
01:18:58,746 --> 01:19:01,107
Isn't it romantic?
1148
01:19:01,347 --> 01:19:04,468
Having our honeymoon on
the same ship where we met?
1149
01:19:04,468 --> 01:19:05,718
What?
1150
01:19:07,149 --> 01:19:09,510
I said:
# Isn't it romantic #
1151
01:19:10,270 --> 01:19:12,111
# merely to be young #
1152
01:19:12,111 --> 01:19:15,720
# on such a night as this #
1153
01:19:15,720 --> 01:19:16,632
# isn't it romantic #
1154
01:19:16,632 --> 01:19:19,193
# every note that's sung
is like a lover's kiss ##
1155
01:19:19,193 --> 01:19:21,794
i'm going to wash,
my dear.
1156
01:19:21,794 --> 01:19:26,676
I'm going to slip into
something more comfortable.
1157
01:19:26,676 --> 01:19:30,117
Why don't you slip into
something more comfortable too?
1158
01:19:30,117 --> 01:19:33,599
Like the sheets?
1159
01:19:42,162 --> 01:19:44,420
Could you sneeze again?
1160
01:19:51,565 --> 01:19:56,407
Uh, what's your name? Where do you
live? Could i call you sometime?
1161
01:20:01,609 --> 01:20:05,810
Whatever feelings of pain you might
have, i want to share them with you.
1162
01:20:12,530 --> 01:20:15,854
You think you're the only one who's
afraid of being hurt? You think i'm not?
1163
01:20:15,854 --> 01:20:16,814
I'm terrified.
1164
01:20:16,814 --> 01:20:21,960
You've got to be willing to feel a
little pain, or you'll never feel any joy.
1165
01:20:57,749 --> 01:20:58,469
Larry.
1166
01:21:00,550 --> 01:21:03,952
Hi, warren.
1167
01:21:04,712 --> 01:21:06,553
Aw, larry.
1168
01:21:07,673 --> 01:21:09,594
Heeeelllp!
1169
01:21:13,115 --> 01:21:14,596
It changes, larry.
1170
01:21:14,596 --> 01:21:16,476
It's not always gonna be like this.
It really does change.
1171
01:21:17,997 --> 01:21:20,518
It may not feel like it,
but things change.
1172
01:21:20,518 --> 01:21:23,359
Sure. What about you,
warren?
1173
01:21:23,359 --> 01:21:26,480
- Has it changed for you?
- Yes.
1174
01:21:26,480 --> 01:21:28,761
- It has?
- Yes.
1175
01:21:28,761 --> 01:21:29,761
How?
1176
01:21:31,802 --> 01:21:34,430
I've met someone.
1177
01:21:34,430 --> 01:21:36,300
- You have?
- We're very happy.
1178
01:21:36,300 --> 01:21:38,840
Aw, that's really great,
warren.
1179
01:21:41,765 --> 01:21:46,700
Oh, god, why can't i
be happy like warren?
1180
01:21:47,327 --> 01:21:49,488
Oh, iris.
We were so close!
1181
01:21:49,488 --> 01:21:54,610
I could have made you happy,
i know it.
1182
01:21:54,610 --> 01:21:58,131
If only fate could have
played a helping hand.
1183
01:21:58,772 --> 01:22:01,133
- Iris!
- Larry, what luck!
1184
01:22:01,133 --> 01:22:03,413
Why were you jumping?
1185
01:22:03,413 --> 01:22:06,940
I was unhappy from the
moment i said, "i do. "
1186
01:22:06,940 --> 01:22:10,616
Oh, larry, i love you. I finally
realized i can't live without you.
1187
01:22:11,856 --> 01:22:14,657
Oh, iris,
i love you so much.
1188
01:22:17,180 --> 01:22:20,590
Oh, my god.
That was a blast.
1189
01:22:20,590 --> 01:22:22,900
Oh. Hi, warren.
1190
01:22:26,982 --> 01:22:30,630
- It's really a great night, isn't it?
- I just want to go home.
1191
01:22:30,630 --> 01:22:34,585
- Warren said he met somebody.
- That's great, warren.
1192
01:22:35,385 --> 01:22:39,587
- Who is she?
- I told her to meet me here.
1193
01:22:39,587 --> 01:22:41,907
- Warren!
- Here she is now.
1194
01:22:41,907 --> 01:22:43,588
Over here, honey.
1195
01:22:46,509 --> 01:22:47,630
Hi, warren.
1196
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:52,791
Sometimes, when two people meet,
it's really the human will quietly,
1197
01:22:52,791 --> 01:22:56,433
subconsciously engineering
its own destiny.
1198
01:22:56,433 --> 01:23:00,834
She's great,
isn't she?
1199
01:23:00,834 --> 01:23:02,835
Hey, look at the four of us.
1200
01:23:02,835 --> 01:23:06,596
I can't think of a more
perfect ending than this.
1201
01:23:09,317 --> 01:23:11,958
Hey, look at this guy!
Come here!
1202
01:23:30,450 --> 01:23:31,926
# There's one lonely girl #
1203
01:23:33,606 --> 01:23:36,287
# saturday night #
1204
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:41,329
# nothin' to do #
1205
01:23:41,329 --> 01:23:44,690
# and there's one lonely guy #
1206
01:23:44,690 --> 01:23:48,972
# all by himself #
1207
01:23:49,520 --> 01:23:53,854
# at a table for two #
1208
01:23:53,854 --> 01:23:56,895
# and it's sad #
1209
01:23:56,895 --> 01:24:00,896
# 'cause one lonely guy #
1210
01:24:00,896 --> 01:24:03,217
# might change the world #
1211
01:24:03,217 --> 01:24:06,378
# for one lonely girl #
1212
01:24:06,378 --> 01:24:09,339
# and life would be so sweet #
1213
01:24:09,339 --> 01:24:15,702
# if only she could meet #
1214
01:24:15,942 --> 01:24:18,623
# one lonely guy #
1215
01:24:18,623 --> 01:24:20,303
# one lonely #
1216
01:24:27,866 --> 01:24:30,107
# one lonely guy #
1217
01:24:30,107 --> 01:24:36,309
# in a world like today #
1218
01:24:36,309 --> 01:24:39,270
# so many times #
1219
01:24:39,270 --> 01:24:43,832
# even lovers are strangers #
1220
01:24:43,832 --> 01:24:46,873
# they pass #
1221
01:24:46,873 --> 01:24:50,955
# but look away #
1222
01:24:51,350 --> 01:24:53,115
# keeping their hearts #
1223
01:24:53,115 --> 01:24:56,116
# far out of danger #
1224
01:24:56,116 --> 01:24:59,198
# and it's sad #
1225
01:24:59,198 --> 01:25:02,919
# because one lonely guy #
1226
01:25:02,919 --> 01:25:05,120
# might change the world #
1227
01:25:05,120 --> 01:25:08,121
# for one lonely girl #
1228
01:25:08,121 --> 01:25:11,122
# and life #
1229
01:25:11,122 --> 01:25:15,430
# would be complete #
1230
01:25:15,430 --> 01:25:17,164
# if only she could meet #
1231
01:25:17,164 --> 01:25:20,450
# one lonely guy #
1232
01:25:20,450 --> 01:25:22,130
# one lonely #
1233
01:25:26,127 --> 01:25:29,569
# one lonely guy #
1234
01:25:29,569 --> 01:25:34,370
# in a world with so many people #
1235
01:25:34,370 --> 01:25:35,670
# we long so desperately #
1236
01:25:41,130 --> 01:25:45,455
# don't it make you wonder why #
1237
01:25:45,455 --> 01:25:50,376
# there's a lonely guy #
1238
01:25:50,376 --> 01:25:52,056
# one lonely #
1239
01:25:57,590 --> 01:26:00,420
- # one lonely #
- # don't pass by #
1240
01:26:00,420 --> 01:26:01,370
# one lonely guy ##
98889
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