All language subtitles for The.Main.Event.1979.1080p.WEBRip.x265

I hear they're gonna cut it
and put it on the street.

No.

That's what I heard.

I love it in
its pure form.

Don't you think they should
dilute it just a little?

Well, of course, they'll have to.
It's so strong.

Very high quality.

Good stuff.

Yes.

Do you realize how much we
could get an ounce for this?

I think she's
a little crazy, myself.

Gets off smooth.

Climbs fast.

Cruising altitude.

Heaven.

I swear...

there's an orgy going on inside my nose.
Gentlemen, have a smell.

Judy, something exciting has happened.
Send Mario and Sheldon into my office.

Right. David's
on the phone.

I'll have to
call him back.

What do you think?

- You've done it.
- Don't call you "the nose" for nothing.

The formula's a lock. I want top security
until we get the first shipment out.

Kline, destroy all of our test batches,
and put our notes in the safe.

Congratulations.
I think we've got another winner.

I mixed two fragrances.
She's crazy.

You can't.
One's for men, the other for women.

We can.

We have to market this thing properly,
because it's the one scent...

- Hillary!
- What?

- David says it's important!
- Okay, you don't have to yell like that!

Put him on hold.
Tell him I'll be right there.

- Where was I?
- In a market with one scent.

This perfume is the only scent
that we can market that way. Why?

It's the only one a man can buy for a woman,
or for another man...

a woman can buy for a man
or for another woman.

Have I left anybody out?

- I'm glad you asked that.
- The important thing...

what does it smell like?

It smells like nothing you've
smelled before in your life.

- Is it good?
- Yes, it's totally new and different.

What we have to sell,
the idea you have to get across...

is that not a single flower or
animal had to lose its life for it.

This is a fantastic slogan,
put it on your tape.

"Why smell like a flower unless you
want to shack up with a beast?"

It's sensational! I want you both
to go away to a very quiet place...

let your brains and creative minds
blossom with original ideas...

and bring back what I'm talking about.
David, is it personal or legal?

Never have your ex-husband
as your lawyer.

David, I'm sorry. What?

No, I have buyers at 3:00, labels at 3:30,
stoppers at 4:00. I can meet you at 6:00.

No, not at 5:00, I have a very big meeting.
Lots of people. We're firming things up.

Kick those heels up.
Energy, energy!

No wonder your husbands
are leaving you.

One, down,
two, three, four...

stretch up...

three, four...

and squat, two, three, four,
and reach those fannies to the sky!

Here we go.

Those dimples belong on
your cheeks, not your behinds.

Roll that pelvis, it's good
for your sex life.

Everybody breathe,
or you're gonna pass out.

Move around, everybody,
get those arms up.

Have some fun with it.
You're going to feel good and look good.

Get those heels up!
Sock it to them! Hit them!

Put that elbow
down there!

Hillary, beautiful work.
Get your buttocks up!

Reach for the sky! There we go.
You're hot, ladies.

David!

Come on, tight abs,
get it up there!

So this is the big meeting?

- How's it going?
- Fine. What are you doing here?

There's a problem,
and I have to talk to you.

- I was going to meet you in my office.
- It can't wait.

Shoot!

You know I can't talk
when you do that.

You never could, David.

That's really cute.
Come on, this is important.

More important than
firm inner thighs?

Come on, Hillary.

No. Whatever it is, I don't want to know.
I feel too good today.

We've got to talk, understand?
But not in here.

This is a very
sensitive matter.

You've got some disease you don't
want to talk about? Who is she?

That's ridiculous, I'm a lawyer.
I don't touch it.

That's the silliest thing
I've ever heard.

We're getting
out of here.

Wait,
I forgot something.

Take it easy.

What's so important that it couldn't
wait until after my pelvic press?

You're avoiding me.

I'm not. I told you I'd meet you here at
6:00, and it's five to. Any messages?

I'm coming.
Thanks.

- Hillary, please. I have to talk to you!
- I'm listening.

It doesn't look like
I'm listening, but I am.

I can read and listen
at the same time.

It's very difficult for me
to say what I have to say...

so I would appreciate
your undivided attention.

Hillary!

Sorry, I wasn't listening.

I don't know how to say this,
but life is funny.

Judy, what's taking
you so long?

In a minute.

Just remember,
as long as you've got your health...

you've got everything.

Let me see if I get
this straight, David.

You came here to tell me today
that life is funny...

and if you have your health,
you have everything.

Is there anything else on your mind
before I can get back to work?

Walter Hines,
your business manager...

has embezzled all of your money
and has left the country.

Judy, don't come in here now.

David, this is some kind
of joke, right?

Like when we were
first separated.

You had my home robbed so
I'd be scared to live alone?

It's no joke, I promise.

- You're broke.
- It can't be!

I'm a wealthy woman!

I buy what I want.
Look at all my stuff.

I tip big. If I see a nickel on the street,
I don't stop and pick it up.

Does that sound like
a woman who's broke?

Pick it up, Hillary.

What's going
on in there?

What are you doing
here so late?

Don't you have a home life?
I can't afford to pay you overtime.

This is a nightmare.

When I woke up this morning,
I was in a high tax bracket.

You're talking
ancient history.

You're about to enter
a new chapter in life.

I don't want to!

I like the chapter I'm in now.
In fact, I can't put the book down.

You can get a new book
as soon as you can afford one.

Why would Walter do that?
It's crazy!

He not only cleaned you out,
but all his clients, millions of dollars.

How crazy is that?

Let's check this out.
Judy, get me Walter Hines.

Goddamn it!
That girl is never around when you need her.

Always knocking off early!

I told you,
"Don't give him power of attorney."

- Didn't I say that?
- Yes, yes.

Hi. Hillary Kramer here.
Let me speak to Walter, please.

And he didn't leave a number
in South America?

David?
What?

When you say
I have no money...

do you mean I have to be careful at Saks,
or I can't afford toothpaste?

You can always brush
your teeth at my house.

Look, this is what you owe,
and these are your negotiable assets.

But unfortunately, this pile has to
go towards paying off this pile.

This is what's left.

What's this?

Read it.

"Eddie 'Kid Natural' Scanlon."
A boxer?

I own a person?

Don't I own something
that doesn't eat?

I'm afraid that's you.

This is ridiculous.
You know I hate violence.

What am I doing with a prizefighter?
I'm in the perfume business!

It's another tax scheme
of Walter's.

About four years ago,
you bought his contract.

He's cost you about $60,000.

That's great! $60,000.
Not even a goddamn thank you note.

- What's that pile?
- This?

That's approximately
$350,000 in debts.

Where am I going to get $350,000,
unless I sell my...

Why would you suggest such a thing?
It took me so long to get where I am.

How else are you going to pay all
your bills and stay out of jail?

Thank you.

What's happening, mama?

Go get 'em, sweetheart.

50 cents, miss.

It will cost you 50 cents
to look and $1 to work out.

50 cents, sure.

I'm just here to look.
Swear to God.

What's your problem?

Me? No problem.

I was just wondering if you had
a fighter named Eddie Scanlon.

Are you pregnant?

No.

I'm thin as a rail.
See, no pregnancy here. Strictly business.

- In the back.
- Thank you very much.

Just let them know
you're there.

And keep your hands
to yourself.

Right.

I'm sorry.
I was just looking...

Not at you!

I was just looking
for Mr. Big.

Kid Big, Kid Natural.

Kid Natural. He's right around the corner.
You can't miss him.

Thank you very much.

I want my money back,
man. He cheated.

There we go,
talking in Spanish.

Excuse me.

Which one of you guys
is Kid Natural?

I'm Kid Natural.

What are you talking about?
I'm Kid Natural!

I'm Kid Natural.
I'm the most naturalest one here.

What's on your mind?

Which one of these guys
is Kid Natural?

You're looking at him.

You're Eddie "Kid Natural"
Scanlon, the fighter?

Yeah, in the flesh.
Why? You like fighters?

I don't know. They're okay.

Could I talk a little business
with you?

Business, of course.
Boys, could I have my office back, please?

Yeah, okay, champ.

All right. I'm listening.

Well, Mr. Natural...

Most people around here call me "Kid."
This is my manager, Percy Washington.

Hello.

Most happy to meet someone
as lovely as you, miss.

Thank you.

It's nice to meet you both.
I'm Hillary Kramer.

Would you like
a drink of water or something?

No, thank you.
The reason I came is to ask you...

How about some juice?

No, thank you.
Really. I'm fine.

Killer, come here.
I want you to meet somebody.

Say hello to Hillary Kramer.

- Well, I'm pleased to meet you.
- Hello.

Good luck on Saturday, Killer.

Yeah, guess I'll do
a little redecorating.

Is he a fighter
and a decorator?

When did you ever meet
a decorator named Killer?

No, he's going to redecorate
somebody's face.

Can I get you a soda?

No, thanks.
I don't want anything.

Hillary Kramer.
Why does that name ring a bell?

That's been on your paycheck
for the last four years.

Of course.
You own my contract.

- You're the lady from Beverly Hills.
- In the flesh.

Percy, the lady
from the checks.

How funny.

I thought you'd be much older,
55, 56, something like that.

It's awfully nice of you to
bring the money down in person.

Yeah. Well.

I'm in this bind because my business manager,
remember him, Walter Hines?

Very well.

He left town with all my money,
leaving me with nothing but your contract.

- He couldn't fit you in his suitcase.
- Walter skipped?

No wonder our check is late.

I guess there will be
no more money.

I'm afraid not, Mr. Scanlon.
You see...

since you've cost me over $60,000,
I thought maybe you could...

do a little fighting for me until
I get back on my feet again.

But that wasn't the deal.

What was the deal?

Very simple.

You pay my living expenses,
my training expenses...

plus a salary of
$250 a week...

and I guarantee Walter
that you lose money.

That was fine when
I had money to lose.

Now that it's all gone,
you can stop losing it and start making it.

So when is our next fight?

I'm not a fighter.

You're not? You told me you were
fighter when I first came in.

I was a fighter,
but I'm not a fighter anymore.

Do I look like a fighter?

No.

I don't?

I'm not.

What are you doing in a gym?

I'm hanging out. These are my friends.
They're fighters. I'm not even in shape.

You look like you're
in shape.

I'm in shape,
but I'm not in shape.

It wouldn't be a good idea for me
to go into the ring right now.

I haven't had a fight
in four years.

I'm not even a kid.

You saw Killer.

That's the kind of guy
I'd be up against.

Do you think I want him
to redecorate me?

My body could be badly
damaged by this.

Miss Kramer...

do you want my body on your
head for the rest of your life?

No, I didn't think so.

You seem like a nice girl.

I didn't even know the deal.

- Good-bye, Mr. Washington.
- Good-bye, ma'am.

I'm sorry that I can't continue
to pay your bills anymore.

That's all right.
It's not your fault.

If things pick up, I'll...

let you know.

- Good. You got a pencil?
- Sure.

I'll give you our address,
and if you come across some...

extra cash and feel in need
of our services...

I didn't mean to interrupt
your card game.

No problem.

- Irish Spring?
- What?

It's just the soap you use.

Good luck to you, sweetheart.

Good luck to you.

Come on, Hillary.
They're ready to sign the papers.

If our gross next year
exceeds $27 million...

There she is.

Good morning. How lovely you look.
So nice to see you again.

This is a great day for Hillary Kramer
and a great day for Sinthia Cosmetics.

Sit down. If you'll just
sign right here.

This is the transfer of
all title to your company...

and an agreement not to work
in the industry for two years.

Maybe I could open up
something in disinfectants.

Nothing that smells,
otherwise no deal.

Just sign it.
It's the only way out.

It's not on the dotted line,
but it's legal.

Hold it, please.

Hello?
We're up here.

Hello?

Remember me? Hillary Kramer?

From the gym, no money?

Oh, yeah.

We're fixing the roof.
The thumb leaks a little.

If it's not one thing
around here, it's another.

So what brings you
to Long Beach?

I came to talk to you
about our contract.

You want a glass of water
or something?

- No, thank you. I want to talk business.
- You remember Percy.

- Yes. Hello. How are you?
- And that's Frank Towland, the carpenter.

Hello.

And that's Donna Rochester,
a girl.

How do you do?
I'm in business with your... Him.

If I can direct your attention, please,
to Paragraph B of this contract.

What kind of business is she in?
I don't know.

Why don't you go home
and get ready for later?

Are you trying to
get rid of me?

No. I just don't want
you to get dirty.

I'm already dirty.

Beat it!

All right, I'm going.

Business?

Does she always smell
like a rose?

Yeah, nice.

So what brings you to Long Beach?
Come on, I'll get you a beer.

No, thanks.
My lawyer has informed me...

- Did you tell anybody y ou owned me?
- No.

Do me a favor and
don't tell anybody.

Why, are you ashamed
of being owned by a woman?

Yeah.

Can I get you some tea?

That would be very nice.

We ran out. Let me get Percy.
He'll get some.

No, it's okay. I really don't want any.
If you will look at this contract closely...

- you will see that you were to fight...
- Come in and sit down.

You were supposed to fight a
minimum of two fights a year...

for four years,
and since you didn't fight...

that puts you in
breach of contract.

Therefore, you owe me $57,300,
plus seven percent interest...

which brings it to a grand total of $61,311.
I'll take a check.

I haven't got that money.
I put that money into the business.

Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.

You want me to get you
a paper towel or something?

I'm fine. Sit down.

I don't understand,
Mr. Natural.

You own this place?

You told me you spent
all your time in a gym.

No, that's a very unhealthy atmosphere.
I can't spend all my time in a gym.

I have to branch out, think
of my future. And this is it.

Don't tell me you spent over
$60,000 of my money on this!

- Did you see the glove when you drove up?
- Almost immediately.

Do you think a driving school in the
shape of a glove is a stock item?

I don't know any more
what I think.

I'd like to show
you something.

I had this custom built!
The money has been spent!

If you've spent it,
you'll have to fight.

How many times do
I got to tell you?

I'm not a fighter anymore,
I'm a businessman!

I have a contract on a fighter,
not on a businessman!

If you want to get technical,
I own this glove place!

If I want to, I can tear it down
and sell it for scrap leather!

It's not my fault you've
got a crook for a manager!

And a crook for a fighter!

Am I late for my lesson?
You can pay me.

I thought you said it was free
on account of last night.

Yeah, get in.

Watch who you're calling
a crook, okay?

What are you going to
do about it? Hit me?

It would be the first honest
thing you've done in years!

Not the brake! The gas!

I'm not finished
with you yet.

Steer!

Use the accelerator, steer it!
Not like that!

Hey, watch where
you're going!

You think you can stay in business
without me doing anything?

Right.

What are you doing?

You said, "Right."

Not you! Her!

I'm getting confused.

You can't get away with this.
You're going to have to start fighting.

I told you, lady.
There's no way I'll fight!

And there's no way
I'll starve!

I've got two words for you,
and they are not "Happy Birthday"!

- I've got the same two words for you!
- Watch your mouth!

- Are you all right?
- Yeah!

Good, because my lawyer
will be in touch with yours.

That's all right with me,
because I ain't got a lawyer!

Who is it? My husband
wants to know.

He's in the next room
cleaning his bazooka.

Kid Natural and Percy.
Come on, open the door.

Just a minute.

Who let you up here?

The doorman used to be
a fighter. He let us in.

He's finished around here.

Funny, that's what
he said about you.

- Would you like to come in?
- Thank you.

How about a drink of
water or something?

The Kid comes here
today with a heavy heart.

How about a glass
of Alka-Seltzer?

He didn't want to tell you,
but I thought you being his manager...

you had a right to know.

What is it? Tell me.

He hasn't been totally
honest with you.

No kidding.

You've got to tell her, Kid.

You first.

- It was your last fight, Kid.
- It was the last time I fought.

Yeah?

Go on.

I killed a man.

Dead killed?

Oh, my God.

His name was Billy Templeton.

We were fighting this
semi-wind-up in Fresno.

Going into the sixth round, Percy said,
"You're behind on points, boy...

"go knock him out."

So I went out there smoking.

I hit him with rights, rights,
lefts, rights, lefts, rights.

Everything I did worked.

I couldn't miss,
but he didn't fall.

He must have been tangled up in the
ropes or something. I don't know.

Finally, the referee jumped in,
pulled me off him...

and Billy just slipped
to the canvas...

and lay there unconscious.

I was at his hospital room.
I stayed there for five days.

I was there when the doctor came
and told his wife Billy was gone.

At his funeral,
I fell to my knees...

and I swore to his
5-year-old son, I said:

"I will never again use
these messengers of death."

One more thing.
He was my best friend...

also.

- You almost had me, Kid.
- What?

I almost bought that.

Was the best friend part
a little too much?

You'll say anything to get
out of this, won't you?

What do you want me to say?
I'll say it: I don't want to fight.

Then give me my money back.

Are you trying to ruin me?
I've been in boxing my whole life!

I never had a sheriff come
for me. Not until you!

What is he talking about?

Knockout Driving Academy
has been served...

with a Temporary Restraining
Order. We're closed.

That's a shame.
Anything I can do?

Call off your goddamn lawyer and tell
him to call off the goddamn law!

How do you like that?
David laced up the glove?

There's nothing left to do
but go back to fighting.

I've heard what some fighters make.
It can be very profitable, maybe even fun.

Fun? What is the matter with you?
Why are you so hot to have me beat up?

I am not hot to get you beat up!
I need you! You're all I have!

I'm looking around,
and it's a little hard to weep for you.

This will all be auctioned on the 18th.
You've got to look at this positively.

We could be helping each other.
We could be partners.

You know, you're crazy!

Never go into business
with a woman.

Really? I think
I'm saving your ass.

Because if I were a man,
I would've shot you between the eyes!

- That sounds good.
- Not me.

I paid for you and I'll stick with you!
Anyway, I think you need me, too.

That's great! Now I need her!

I think we should
start right away.

Percy, get him a fight.
I can make it any night but Wednesday.

You're not leaving us with
much room for negotiations.

See you in the ring!

- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.

- Do you live alone?
- Yeah.

It figures.

"My best friend, also."
How could you do a line like that?

It just slipped out,
but I had her going up until then.

You're the dumbest
white man I know.

Okay, here's what
we're going to do.

You get your license back.

We'll set up a fight
with the Bakersfield Bleeder.

It will be an easy workout
for you and the Bleeder.

He'll bleed all
over the place.

She's never been
to a fight before.

She'll get sick and disgusted
with the whole thing.

Then she'll give you
back your contract.

A woman just can't
take it like a man.

I knew this tax shelter business
was too good to be true.

- What's the matter with him?
- They switched fighters on us.

You mean we're not fighting
Mr. Mathison from Bakersfield?

No. We're fighting
Jackhammer Muldoon.

Is that Jack Hammer
or Jackhammer?

Nobody's been able to talk to
him long enough to find out.

Don't worry about me.
It's good to throw up before the fight.

It helps the blood go to the parts
of the body that need it most.

I feel great.

You have to tell me exactly
what I do after the Kid wins.

Do I just jump
into the ring...

or do I apologize to the loser
or maybe just wave to the fans?

I'll be right back.

When will he stop
feeling sick?

The minute he
gets knocked out.

Didn't I tell you, my man?
She ain't got the stomach for it.

Free again! Thank
God Almighty. Free again.

It's a lot different
than on television.

Oh, my God.

- I hope this taught you a lesson, child.
- It has. Get him in shape.

What? You're a goddamn
crazy woman!

It takes time and money
to get a fighter in shape.

The Kid ain't got the time,
and you ain't got the money.

I'll raise the money.

It'll take me a few weeks, but we'll
get better fights with nicer people.

Oh, my God.

She's not giving up, Percy.

That's a problem.

Oh, my God.

You ought to do something
about that.

I'm cutting down.

What is that
"fight that never was"?

It was the biggest amateur fight of the year,
four years ago.

The Pan Am Games.

He was supposed to fight Hector Mantilla,
but it never came off.

How come?

They fought outside the
dressing room instead.

They never got into the ring.

- You sure this is business?
- Yeah.

It's going to be awful,
raising money for the Kid's training...

It's just business.

Because if it isn't...

I'm going to get somebody to
come over and cut your tits off.

Now, look,
just don't be nervous.

I mean, do what everyone
else does.

If you have any trouble with
the forks, just watch me.

If you're worried about how I'll
be with your friends, I can leave.

You're talking to Kid Natural.
I've been around a little bit myself.

I've got manners I haven't even used yet.
Ring the goddamn bell.

- Where have you been?
- It's a long way from Long Beach.

- This is all for you, you know.
- I know, David. I'm sorry.

This is Eddie "Kid Natural"
Scanlon.

So you're her fighter?

- So you're her husband?
- Ex-husband.

With a little luck,
I'll be her ex-fighter.

Anyway, it's great
to meet you, champ.

Actually, I never had
a shot at the title.

He didn't want to because he killed
his best friend in the ring.

He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
He's had 14 straight knockouts.

If I had been knocked out one more time,
it would have made 15.

That's too many.

So I went into driving
instruction instead.

He's a natural born fighter.
He has the largest fists I've ever seen.

My head is too big.

They'd throw a punch anywhere in the ring,
and it'd always hit my head.

At my driving school...

the only thing that could affect my looks
is if I were to go through the windshield.

There isn't a mark on you.
You must do very well.

Sure. That's because I use
my mind and my body.

How's that?

I use my mind to give the lesson,
but I use my body to drum up business.

Will you do me a favor and just don't
tell Donna that you're my date.

- Why?
- I have my reasons.

Two good reasons.

Okay, I won't tell Donna.
I don't talk to her anyway.

I'm getting itchy.
Let's get out of here.

- What have you been doing all night?
- Talking.

- Why are your business cards all over?
- I've been talking business.

Your business is to sell
shares in yourself as a boxer.

That's your business.

Excuse me,
could I have your undivided attention?

Please, everyone,
be kind enough to take a seat...

and make yourselves
comfortable, all right?

Hillary, sweetheart.

First of all,
I want to thank you all for coming tonight.

I guess it's no secret
what this night is all about.

Although I'll be working out of a
gym instead of a perfume factory...

the Kid has the same
sweet smell of success.

We're here tonight
to offer you...

10 points of the Kid's
contract for a mere...

$300 a point.

I'm certainly no fool.

I'm going to take advantage of
this opportunity. I'll take one.

Thanks, David.
You're a very sweet man.

Yes, that is
very sweet of you.

However, I'm sure I speak for the rest
of us when I say, Hillary, that...

you shouldn't wash your financial
laundry in public, so to speak.

Why don't you just shut up,
and let the lady talk?

Mr. Scanlon, please,
I've known Hillary a lot longer than you.

Wait, it's okay.

This is a terrific idea,
folks.

You can make a lot of money
from a fighter.

Well, is anyone else
going to grab this...

wonderful opportunity?

Sweetheart, maybe we should just
wait a little while, all right?

Take a few minutes, think it over,
have yourself another drink, some cake.

There's plenty of dessert.

I'm really sorry.
Everybody just keep it in mind.

- You want me to split his head open?
- No, don't do that.

It's very sweet of you to want to
split his head open on my behalf...

but I believe in handling things
in a much more mature fashion.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to
the ladies room and cut off all my hair.

Mr. Scanlon...

I'm sorry if
I embarrassed you.

You embarrassed yourself, pal.

I always say what I feel.

I've always been intrigued
by prizefighting.

I'm a karate man, myself.
Seventh-degree black belt for 12 years.

No shit?

You must be fast.

Very fast.

Karate depends on speed,
mental acuity and power...

unlike the more
brutish sport of boxing.

Maybe.

But if you run into a fighter on a dark
night, I wouldn't stake my life on it.

Well, you're a fighter.

What do you think of this?

That's pretty good.

In Tokyo, where I studied...

we are considered samurai...

without swords.

This is something
I picked up in Long Beach.

I've got you, Mr. Samurai.

Just sit here.
I only tapped your solar plexus.

The pain should go away
in about 10 minutes.

My card.

I bet you look really cute in
those little karate pajamas.

Kid!

What are you doing out here?
Are you all right?

- I'm sorry I ruined things for you.
- Not at all.

Everybody hates Alan Krane,
so we sold 8 out of 10 shares.

That's what I came
to tell you. Congratulations.

- No kidding?
- It worked.

- You've got nice hands.
- Thanks.

There are 31 bones
in the hand.

It's the most delicate
part of our body.

Fighters are very careful
to wrap their hands.

They weren't meant
for hitting.

Your hand is big.

- It's as big as mine.
- Big hands, yeah.

Nice extension.

Good muscle tone.

If you were a man,
you could be a fighter.

Feel those shoulders.
Big, beautiful.

What do you think you would have been,
a bantamweight? Flyweight?

Would you mind
putting me down?

Sure.

And now, would you mind
taking your hands off my ass?

Thanks.

I think we should go back
to the party and celebrate.

- Is this a pass?
- I thought you wanted to celebrate.

I said, "celebrate,"
not fornicate!

I love a woman
who talks dirty.

Let's forget that
ever happened.

I've got a memory
like an elephant.

And about as much style.

- You can't imagine how this feels.
- Good?

No, terrible. You're breaking
my back. Please get off me.

Really?

Okay, all right. Thank you.

You don't have to do that.

Let's go back in before you want
to take me to a sleazy motel.

That sounds good.

I'm not the sleazy-motel type.

What's wrong with right here?

I'm not the beach type either.
I'm not crazy about sand.

I'm not crazy about ants,
but I still go to picnics.

You're missing the point, Kid.

You're just not my type.

I mean...

you live in a glove, you know?

I wear them.

You like women.

I like men.

- What's the matter with you?
- I don't want to fool around with you.

- Can I be honest with you?
- Sure.

You just don't turn me on.

I don't?

I'm glad we could be straightforward
about it right at the start...

because you and me
are business, you understand?

You're not mad at me, are you?

Good.

So long, boss.

Where are you going?

Home.

I'll get the car.
Don't bother.

But you don't have a ride.

I've never had any trouble getting
home from a party in my life, cutie.

Percy!

Hi. So...

Where's our Kid?

He's getting dressed.
He'll be right out.

Great.

I bought some books
I thought might help.

I hope they're Bibles.

Who's that guy
in the white suit?

That's the man. Leo Gough,
the biggest fight promoter on the West Coast.

Really?

- Then I think we should have a little talk.
- No, don't...

Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.

- Hello, Mr. Gough. I'm Hillary Kramer.
- How do you do?

- I owned Le Nez Perfumes.
- Oh, yes.

- I'm a fight manager now.
- Really?

Interesting career move.

It's a long story.

I thought maybe you'd want to use
my fighter in one of your shows.

You've got a fighter?

- What's his name?
- Kid Natural.

He can't fight.

Yes, he can.
He's got his license.

He's got a trainer, he's got money to
train with, and trunks I've designed.

He's got me, and I've got my license,
and I've got nice clothes...

Miss Kramer,
he's got everything except the right hands.

He can't fight.
I'm sorry, Miss Kramer.

It was nice to meet you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, please.

Well, how did it go?

- He showed definite signs of interest.
- Really?

Yeah.

It must have been the walk.

You think so?
Definitely.

Oh, time, time.

Are you all right?

I'm sorry about last night.
I guess I went too far.

Come on, talk to me.
I said I was sorry.

My mouth always gets me into...

All right,
break it up, lover.

I guess that's what happens
when you fall for a fighter.

Luis, come over here, please.

Luis, this is Eddie.
Eddie, Luis.

Luis is going to go a few rounds with you.
I want to see you work.

What is he, a welterweight?
I don't want to do any damage.

Don't worry about Luis,
he can take care of himself.

You just get in there
and work.

We want to take a look at you.

Anything you say, boss.

You can beat him easy, Kid.
He's so short.

Wait a minute, Kid.
Let me fix your sock here.

Time.

Come on, Kid.
You can knock him out.

Here it is.

"The left hook is strictly a short,
secondary punch, but often effective."

Use that on him, Kid.

Listen to this.

"If you kill the body,
the head will follow."

I think that means
you have to hit him low.

Kid, you're not listening
to what I tell you.

Here's a good one.

"Often a right lead is the only
way to stop an opponent...

"from automatically
circling to his left."

So do that, I think.

Footwork, Kid.
Percy said footwork, right.

I think that means kick him.

Take it easy.

If you can inch your
way here, I'll show you this.

It's a fantastic picture.
Look. See?

Will you stop hitting him so hard!
This is only a game!

Keep breathing.
Chin down.

Luis,
don't touch his face.

If you'd just listen to me,
maybe you'd win.

Will you look at me
when I talk to you?

That must hurt.
Maybe we should stop and come back tomorrow.

Just relax.
It's just a workout.

Can I call time? Who has to call time?
Somebody call time.

Time.

Where did you
get this kid? He's terrific.

He's not terrific.
He's an asthmatic.

He took this job to pay
for violin lessons.

I'm sorry if I hurt you.

I'm not hurt! Who said
I'm hurt? Do I look hurt?

- Will that be all, Mr. Percy?
- Thanks, Luis.

- Go take a shower.
- That's okay, I'm not sweating.

Get out of here.

All right. All right.

If you need any more sparring
partners, let me know.

My kid sister is
looking for a job.

Don't pay any attention to him.
He's just a little squirt.

Wise-ass kid!

Did my book help?
If I could have thrown it at him!

This whole thing
is a big joke.

- What's really wrong? Talk to me.
- I'll talk to you!

You want me to talk to you?
I'll tell you what it is!

It's a broad shouting instructions at
me from ringside! I can't take it!

It's too humiliating!

Okay, if that's how you feel about it,
I'll leave. Excuse me.

Wait a minute.

- Changed your mind?
- Go out the back, it's shorter.

- There you go.
- Percy?

What's the matter?

My finger is not supposed
to be in there, is it?

Let me see it again.
I missed it.

You have to stretch
these muscles out.

Hey, what are you doing?

You sure all managers do this?
Absolutely.

Then what do the trainers do?

They make sure
the managers do it.

Hello. Rise and shine.
It's 5:30.

- I know it's 5:30. So what?
- So you've got to run.

I already ran!

- In the dark?
- That's right, in the dark.

- There's such a thing as overtraining!
- Not as far as you're...

Really?

Want me to set the tour?
What time?

-3:30 this afternoon.
- Great.

Sun Coast makes an unscheduled
stop at the newest attraction...

Kid Natural's training camp.

Here,
nestled in the ever-pumping machinery...

of the famous
Long Beach oil fields...

is the Knockout
Driving Academy.

Give me your autograph, please.
Oh, I love you, Kid!

The vivacious
Hillary Kramer...

who once packaged Le Nez
Perfumes in Beverly Hills...

is now packaging
a boxer in Long Beach.

- How are you doing, Hillary?
- Good.

I thought I was getting
my picture taken.

You are. With her.

Come on, don't take
it so seriously.

It's promotion. You know what I mean?
It's all part of it.

Why don't you do something that
looks like fighting, but isn't?

The Kid is real good at that.

Put up your dukes.

Yeah, that's good.

You want to go
a couple of rounds?

Are you looking
for a short nap?

Hey, this is fun.

Now I know why you like it.

I love this. This is real fun.

It was just a tap.
I hardly hit her.

Come on, Hillary.
Stop kidding around.

Wait a minute, Hillary.
That's great. Hold it.

She finally knows her place:
On her back with her mouth shut!

Kid.

He's not the only one in shape.
Take a picture of this. "Kid Nauseous."

You're done.

Ladies and gentlemen...

the next event,
eight rounds of boxing.

In the white corner,
from Lodi, California...

weighing in at 217
and a half pounds...

Guy "The Cannibal" La Roche.

I've heard of fighting out of your class,
but never out of your species.

And from
Long Beach, California...

wearing green trunks
with white stripes...

- weighing in at 177 pounds...
-175!

...the fighting driving instructor,
Eddie "Kid Natural" Scanlon.

You know the rules and regulations of
the California State Boxing Commission.

I want a good clean fight.

In case of a knockdown,
the man standing goes to the neutral corner.

Wait. Can I ask
you a question?

- What?
- What is "a neutral corner"?

It's a corner, lady,
that I point to.

Then it's not exactly neutral.

I tell the fighters what is
neutral and what is not neutral.

I don't like discussions
in the ring. Do you mind?

He doesn't like discussions
in the ring.

- Just one more thing, okay?
- Go ahead.

Mr. Cannibal is wearing
mentholated balm.

- Says who?
- Says this.

Don't make him mad!

He can't wear that stuff,
because it gets in my fighter's eyes.

This ain't Vaseline.

How should I know?

I've been away for 10 years.

Take him out and get him
cleaned up, every bit of it.

Yeah, clean him up. Very good.
Thank you very much.

Keep your mouth shut!
She did a good thing.

- I'm not all bad!
- Your nose is good.

- Will the corner man leave the ring?
- Corner person.

- Corner person, kindly leave the ring.
- Get out of here!

Catch you later.

Where's my mouthpiece?

I've got the mouthpiece.
Just a minute.

No, that's upside down!

Do a good job.
I'm here if you need me.

David!

What do you think
of my outfit?

Good for the ring, huh?

- Stick him with your jab!
- Jab him with your jab!

Look what he did.
Is that allowed? Is that legal?

Get out of the corner.

- Get out of the corner. Inside.
- Inside.

Run, run.

Yeah, hold on to him,
that's good.

You big lug!

David, she's Donna Rochester.

- The girl.
- Pleased to meet you, Dave.

David. You know,
like in Camp David.

You're kidding?
That's you?

Pick on somebody your own size!
Don't be afraid of him.

Get ready.
Another round is coming up.

Yeah. Got it. Watch this.

Percy, where's the bottle?
The bottle!

Hillary, I can't sit down.

- You hurt that bad?
- No, I don't have a stool!

Sorry. I'll be right back.
Wait here.

Okay, Kid, I know it's tough.
Just settle down. Relax.

Getting close.
You're doing fine.

It's a big guy out there.
Just stay in close.

- Here's your stool.
- Well, put it down!

Okay, I forgot one thing!
Big deal!

One thing you're supposed to remember,
and that's to have the stool here!

- Would you care for some water?
- Yeah.

That Vaseline looks
too globby.

- What's the matter?
- It's your fingernails!

- Got a Band-Aid?
- I don't need a Band-Aid!

Not for you. For me,
I broke my nail.

I'll go back to the fight
where it's safe!

- Listen, Kid, can I give you some advice?
- What?

This is very important.
Don't get hit so much.

Try to remember to hit him
more than he hits you!

That's your secret strategy
for winning this fight?

Keep your mind on the fight,
inside the ring.

Now, remember, Kid.
Hit and don't get hit!

Hillary, I'm late
for this round!

Corner person out.
This is a warning!

- Did you hear that?
- 'Bye.

I think he's going
to be okay now.

God, they're so rude.

Get ready. Another round
is coming up.

Get out of there. You can't
get in there.

I'm not going to be late
this time.

You saw how angry he got
when I forgot the stool. Kid!

The stool is in whenever
you're ready.

Disqualified.

Are you crazy?

That was a wonderful round.
Why is everybody in the ring?

Because the fight is over!

You mean you don't
need the stool?

Yes, I need the stool!
To hit you over the head with!

The winner, by disqualification,
"The Cannibal" La Roche!

I made a mistake.
Do it over without the stool this time.

Please, get out of the ring.

- Please take your stool...
- It wasn't my fault!

...your towels and the rest of the crap,
and get out of here!

I was trying to do my job.

Your job is to keep your big mouth
shut and do what I tell you!

You think you're the King of the Jungle?
You think everybody's afraid of you?

Do you think because you're a girl
I won't pop you in the mouth?

That would make you feel like a man,
to punch me in the mouth?

Come on, Hillary, go back to
your old man, he's used to it.

Give me that.
Now get out!

I know what your trouble is!
You hate women!

No, I don't. I hate you!

Look what you've done.
You've knocked him down.

Will you do the same
thing to me, you big bully?

All right, give me a little poke.
Show them what a big tough guy you are.

You know something?
I ought to.

Well, what's
the matter?

Are you scared?
Are you chicken?

No, because I quit!

I'm not throwing any more
punches for you or at you!

Go ahead and sue me!
Do what you want!

Take my business!
Take everything I own! I don't care!

Because I'm through!

Yeah? You think you're through now?
You were through when I met you!

Because you're a bum!
You're a crook!

And a lousy driver!

Thank you...

and good night.

Hello.

- Are you almost ready?
- I don't like what you're wearing.

You bought it for me!

I'm not talking about your outfit,
but about your perfume.

You smell like a rose bush.

I don't know whether
to kiss you or to water you.

I'm glad you changed
your mind and came in, Kid.

Nice picture. You look good.

Thanks, Mr. Gough.
My left hand is working the way I want it.

Not you, sonny. Her.

Then why don't you
get her a fight?

I want to get both
of you a fight...

but an attraction like the two of
you has to be mounted correctly.

Just get them a fight with
somebody else besides each other.

Mr. Gough, are you familiar
with this?

Sure I'm familiar
with it. That's old news.

I can show you a way to turn the
question mark into a dollar sign.

Good. Show me.

Don't you think people
wondered who would've won?

More importantly, who'd win it now,
four years later?

Since Hector Mantilla became one of
the best light heavies in the world...

while Kid Natural became a poor
driving instructor living in a glove.

A glove?

It's a long story.
I think we should get these two gladiators...

back into the ring so that
"the fight that never was" will be again.

What do you think?

I think you'd better get back to
that part about the dollar sign.

I think we can make a lot
of money off this fight, Leo.

Everybody's looking
for the "great white hope."

The Kid's not so great and not much hope,
but look what's left.

Blond, blue-eyed, good teeth,
semi-attractive.

We can broaden our audience.
We can bring more women into the fights.

They'll all come,
maybe with their husbands.

We'll shorten his shorts,
I'll show more leg.

I'm good at this.
You've got to give me a chance.

In the perfume business I was an expert
at making something out of nothing.

May I speak to my manager
for a minute?

Be my guest,
if you think you can get a word in.

So, do you like it, Leo?

I think it has possibilities,
Hillary.

You two are very
cute together.

Hillary.
What?

Can I see you for a second?
What? What is it?

Get over here, Red!

So talk!
I'm a little busy talking to Mr. Gough.

Okay. You don't have
to be so violent!

Bully.
I don't know when...

and I don't know where,
but I'm going to get you!

Is that a threat?

What do you think I am, a piece of meat?
One of your perfumes?

You treat me like an object!
What do you think I am, a girl?

No, I am a person!
I have feelings! I'm a man!

Didn't you hear me
call you a gladiator?

Don't be so negative
about yourself.

I'm not negative
about me, just you.

You think I want to be
tied to you forever?

We'll make our money,
then you and me are up and out!

- What?
- Up and over.

- You mean over and out.
- Yeah, that one.

Percy, what do you think?

You've wanted another shot at Mantilla.
This could be it...

and some cash to get
the glove going again.

All right, I'll do it...

on one condition:
That I never have to see you again!

That's a deal!

Everything
under control?

- All right, I'll do it.
- Me, too.

The first thing we have to do
is get the Kid a quality fight.

He's got to beat somebody with a
reputation to give him some credibility...

and to improve the gate.

Excuse me,
who do you have in mind?

Do you think you can
take Ruben Gomez?

I thought we were going
to go for Hector Mantilla.

We are, but first I want to get
him this fight with Gomez...

and when he wins that,
then we can talk about...

"the fight that never was."

I did that whole spiel
for nothing?

Only if the Kid loses.

Stick it to him,
Kid, stick it to him.

With the jab, with the jab.

Hit him, Eddie, get him.

Okay, double up, double up.
Be first. Be first.

Hillary, I want to talk to you.
What?

I'm a little busy.

He's busy.
You're only busy between the rounds.

He needs me to give him technical advice.
Watch your nose!

Don't let him hit
you in the face.

I've got something
good for you.

My boy is getting killed over here,
and you're talking business with me!

You notice when you come back,
you have something to sit on?

I'm getting my ass handed to
me in there! No jokes!

- Okay. You want some advice?
- No.

- Finish with your left.
- You think I don't know that!

Then why don't you
do it more often, dummy?

You're behind in points.
You've got to score more with your jab.

Don't let him counterpunch
you as much.

Tie him up and finish
with your left.

- Would you care for some water?
- No.

You've been hit hard, Kid?

- It's a nightmare. I can see three of you.
- I'm the one in the middle.

- Take your friends and get out of here!
- That's your problem.

Your attitude stinks!
That's why you're losing this fight!

Stick your head in
a bucket! Mouthpiece.

I have
to empty it out.

What's taking you so long?
Are you still drying off your pecker?

If you ask me, she's getting
in your pants more than I am.

Who asked you?

Kid, nobody saw it.

Are you kidding?
My whole row cracked up.

It was like a guy taking
a leak in the North Pole!

You were really
sharp tonight, Kid.

What about me? I don't get a thank you?
I helped a little.

Sensational out there tonight.
Just sensational.

Thanks. I felt real strong.
I felt like I could take anybody tonight.

No, no. I'm talking about
the ice down the trunks.

You liked it?

Sensational. Keep it in.
We'll use it again when we fight Mantilla.

Really?
"The fight that never was"?

I've already set up the date.
Lake Tahoe, November 14.

I'm going to set up
a training camp there for you.

- I've already picked out the spot.
- Camp. I love camp.

- You're not going.
- I'm not?

- Don't managers usually go?
- She's going.

It will be a good thing for you, Kid,
believe me. She'll keep you mean.

Thanks, Leo.
Anytime.

Isn't this exciting?
Campfires and stuff like that!

Wait a minute, excuse me.

What about me?
If she's going, I'm going.

I can't believe this.

I've had it up to here
with all this female crap!

You, I am sick of working for!
And you, I am just sick of, period!

Both of you can take a flying jump
in the lake! Let's go, Percy.

Suits me fine! If I never see you again,
it will be too soon for me!

Smell that air!

Pretty.

I haven't seen this much white
since the Klan rally in '68!

I got dibs
on the cabin by the sea!

Hillary,
the Kid gets the cabin.

Why?

Hillary, this isn't a "kids camp."
This is "the Kid's" camp.

Where do I sleep then?

With Percy.

He means in the barracks with me
and the others. It'll be okay.

I hope.

I can't wait.
I always wished I had a lot of brothers.

It's okay, I don't need any help.
I'm really fine.

I'm tough and strong.
I'm really in very good shape myself.

I'm very strong,
because I work out in the ladies gym...

three times a week.

Coming through, guys!

Don't expect somebody to serve you,
or you're liable to starve to death.

If you see something, grab it.
That's why you've got hands.

The important thing
is that you fit in.

- In other words, forget you're a girl.
- Okay, it's forgotten.

Now open the friggin' door!

This dame walked up to me in
the parking lot last night.

Man, she had the most
beautiful set of...

radial tires that
I've seen in a long time.

We drove all night.

Anybody seen José?

I saw José yesterday.
Shit.

I'm getting messed up.
Thursday.

I never saw such bad eyes
since they slit

Carmen Basilio's lids
with a razor blade.

I think that's the worst,
to get a head butt on scar tissue.

In Syracuse,
I saw a guy get butted in the head.

I swear to God,
I thought I could see inside into his brains.

There was stuff pouring out of him,
and it was not blood.

It was thick, and it was cartilage.
It looked like red cottage cheese to me.

Will you pass me the ketchup?

They had to discontinue the
fight to clean up the canvas.

Who's the fighter who
came back to his corner,

part of his lip
was hanging off?

This guy didn't know what to do.
He took out scissors and went "ding"...

and flung it to the crowd.

- I think that was Moore.
- That's it. You got it.

I have a terrible story
to tell you, too.

One time I was licking
this envelope, and...

I got a cut right
on my tongue.

Right about there.

You know, like a paper cut?
It's very painful.

Have you had a paper cut on your tongue?
It's very, very painful.

It's really the worst, really.

Pass the bread, please.

I'll spare you the details,
because it's a real long story and would...

really make you sick to
your stomach if you heard it.

After dinner we should do something.
I hear there's a beaver hunt in town.

I went beaver hunting once.

Fox hunting? Fox hunting.

I'm tired.

I've got a big day tomorrow.

- I can't wait to get a good night's sleep.
- Yeah, me, too.

Did you know that bears...

always turn about
90 degrees...

and then go about
100 yards downwind...

before they go to sleep?

That way they can smell someone
coming if they're being tracked.

Bears have very good noses.

Can I go now?

Yeah, sure.

I just thought
you might want to know that.

Speaking of bears, you'd better go inside.
This is grizzly country.

You don't want anything big
and hairy to get you.

Wait!

How about a card game
in the mess hall?

Poker, gin? I'll play
you for money.

No, thanks. Sweet dreams.

Good night, Kid.

Good night.

Knock, knock.
I'm coming in, ready or not.

Watch your mouth.

Hi.

- Excuse me.
- Sure.

Just pretend I'm not here.

That's what I'm going to do.

I was reading in this book...

Tips in the Woods...

and it said that...

if you're camping out in a wooden
structure with lots of men...

with lots of people, I mean...

it said that...

you'd better not take
off your clothes...

in case there's a fire.

All right, gents,
the show's over.

Come on, let's go.
Hey, we're not tired.

It's time to go.
This is brutal.

It's going to be all right.

We rise early tomorrow.
What's wrong with you?

Cut us some slack.

Percy.

Percy.

- Percy.
- What?

Where is the bathroom?

Outside.

- Outside where?
- Outside anywhere!

What's the matter?
This fresh air making you tired?

I think it's the altitude.
This snow, I don't think it's good for me.

It's great for you.
It builds your lung capacity.

Helps the blood handle
the new oxygen intake.

- Did you sleep well last night?
- I slept great.

I love this country.
It's so peaceful and so quiet.

You're not having any trouble
down at the dorm, are you?

Me and the boys?
No, they're a great bunch of guys.

- I'm really getting to know them, too.
- That's nice.

One by one.

I can smell that perfume
all the way down here!

Man, I can't take it.

Man, I can't stand it no more!
Get this guy!

Hey, Red.

Wake up. Come on,
it's time to run.

I don't want to run today.
You run without me.

- How do you know I'll do it?
- I trust you.

- I don't trust you. I'll get up.
- Good.

Hi, guys.
Enjoying the country?

May we ask you
some questions?

I understand you're sleeping in
a cabin here with eight guys.

Me? No. Thirteen.

The Kid's coming up against
his first very tough fighter.

How do you feel about that?

Personally, I think the Kid,
who'll be wearing great gray satin shorts...

Have you seen gray satin on a fighter?
Very chic, with yellow piping.

I feel he has nothing
to worry about.

As a matter of fact,
he'll weigh in at 175 on the button.

As for me, in case you're interested,
I weigh 117, for the record.

Size 8. Put that down.
Just in case.

Look at the Kid.
Why don't you ask him some questions?

Kid, what's it like working
for a lady?

Do you really want to know?

I'm getting kind
of used to it.

Don't you think this is a little crazy?
Fishing in the snow?

Don't you
like frozen fish?

Yes, but come on, let's go back.
I feel lucky tonight.

I've got a shot at some mashed potatoes.
I can feel it.

We don't have to go back.
I have your dinner right here on the hook.

How do you like that?
Somebody actually fell for your line!

- Go light a fire.
- Okay. Where are the instructions?

I thought you went to camp?

I did, but it was a very exclusive camp.
We never went outside.

When you go camping out with me,
everybody is the same.

I figure that's the way it was
in the beginning...

a man and a woman and a fire.

- And a dead fish that has to be cleaned.
- I'll do it.

You'd clean a fish for me?

That's great, because men think that
cleaning a fish is women's work.

What the hell.
Nobody's watching.

Let me take everybody back to the
Dominican Republic four years ago.

The finals at
the Pan Am Games.

These two were scheduled to fight,
but this incident developed.

The entourage,
led by Percy Washington.

As they get outside
Hector's locker room...

there's an exchange of words
and Hector jumps out.

They're both being restrained.
Kid throws the punch that hits the wall...

and that's the one that ended
it all, and it still hurts.

You are responsible for the Kid's comeback.
How is the hand?

- Ask me anything, Burt.
- Brent!

I know you've been asked
a million times, Hector...

but what triggered that
incident four years ago?

I don't know, man.

I wanted to fight in the ring,
but he started it in the holeway...

just like a gangster.

- What's a "holeway"?
- Holeway!

- Hallway.
- Hallway!

- Yeah, holeway.
- I didn't start the fight. You did.

All right, perhaps
it's not that important.

But all I did was call him pretty.
He's such a pretty boy.

Watch who you're
calling pretty.

If you ask me,
I think you're much prettier than he is.

I mean, this is what
you call pretty?

He's got bags under his eyes.
His nose sort of stops. It goes nowhere.

There's nothing much to it,
and his mouth is sort of...

- Look how his lip sort of goes down.
- I think they get the point.

Did you know that right after the incident,
Kid Natural had to give up fighting...

and open up a driving school?

I'm going to give you a couple
of lessons tomorrow night.

That's a good one, man...

but I will be driving the ambulance
that's coming to get you.

My fighter is not going
to be in any ambulance.

As a matter of fact, we're going to win,
and I'm so sure of it...

we should make this fight
winner take all!

What?
Yeah.

- No, no, she doesn't mean that.
- I like that.

It's a deal. Winner take all.

There you are.
You heard it here first.

Tomorrow night,
Kid Natural against Hector Mantilla.

The fight that never was...

and it will be winner
take all!

Big joke.

Winner take all, huh?

You better get some sleep.

Tomorrow night, 9:00 on the East
Coast. 6:00 on the Pacific Coast.

See you in the morning,
pretty boy!

- What about...
- Let her sleep awhile.

You're sitting on
a chair?

Yeah.

How come?

Because somebody's
sleeping in my bed.

I'm sorry.
I guess I dozed off.

I'm going.
You need your sleep.

So do you.

It's your bed.

Would you mind moving over?

No.

Good night.

Good night.

I guess it's hard to be in bed
with me and not touch me...

so if you want me to go,
just let me know.

No problem. Go to sleep.

- I don't want to drive you crazy.
- You're not driving me crazy.

Why don't I just go sit
in a chair, okay?

No, I don't want you sitting in
the chair watching me sleep.

I let you watch me sleep.

Then I owe you one.

Okay, good night.

Don't get up or anything.
I just...

want to get a little sip
of water here.

This is not a pass, you know.
This is just thirst.

You could have fooled me.

I'm not turning you on
or anything, am I?

Not at all.

Then what's that?

My foot.

Because if I'm arousing you,
I understand completely, Kid.

This is the night before
the fight, though...

and you're not supposed to have
sex the night before a fight.

I'm not having sex.

I know that, but you're not supposed
to have sex for weeks before a fight.

I'm not having sex.

You probably haven't had sex
for a long time.

How long?

Long enough.

What is that supposed to mean?

You're not thinking of trying anything funny,
are you?

No. I learned my lesson
well, boss.

Yes, you have.

You've been very good about this
business-type relationship.

Thank you.

You've kept your hands
to yourself...

you've trained hard and
fought hard and...

done everything
an owner could ask.

I'm a good worker.
I obey orders.

- Kiss me.
- Is that an order?

Yes.

Sex...

has ruined more fighters...

than booze.

I hear it can be rough on
the owners, too.

You see, what happens is,
it gets them...

right in the legs.

The legs.

- There's your foot again.
- Ignore it.

Wait a minute.

What about the evils of sex
before a fight?

You don't believe all
that crap, do you?

My whole career is
in bed with him.

Going up and down...

up and down...

and up and down.

Remember me? Hillary Kramer...

- from the bed last night?
- Oh, yeah.

How do you feel?

I feel great. Like a champ.

I hope I didn't do any damage.

No.

I won't have any problem
with this guy.

- And I've been thinking...
- Yeah, what?

...if I win, we should take
all the money...

and open up our own business.

Something like a car wash
or a diner.

Something that you can be
a big part of, too.

Really?

I was kind of counting on going back
into the perfume business some day.

- No, that's not for me.
- I know. It's for me.

How can you do it if
I don't want to?

I could, with the money
you owe me.

Wait a minute.

We're together now.
Why should I still owe you money?

Because that was the deal.

But we made love
last night, didn't we?

And that cost me $47,311?

I had no idea you had
the meter running.

Let me explain something.
I'm the man.

I'll handle the money
from now on.

I don't need you to handle the money.
Before I met you, I was successful.

I won't go around with somebody
that makes more money than I do!

But that's ridiculous.
Who thinks that way anymore?

Everybody on my block.

That's just the way it is
between husbands and wives!

- What are you saying?
- A wedding.

- Whose?
- Yours.

Are you asking me to get married?
Are you pregnant?

No jokes! If two people like each other,
they should get married!

- How do you feel about that?
- I don't know. I mean, you're rushing me.

What's the matter?
Aren't I good enough for you?

- You make me feel cheap!
- Believe me, Kid, you are not cheap!

I feel like a pretty face to you,
like a one-night stand!

- No, Kid, I respect you.
- I feel used, like you took advantage of me.

- Because I won't marry you?
- You don't even tell me how you feel!

As soon as I find out,
I'll let you know.

What will you do,
wave a white flag?

I'm not waiting for any flags.

I'll win that money back,
then you never have to see me!

What's better,
I never have to see you again!

I'm glad we had this discussion,
because I found out a few things about you!

I found out a few things
last night!

- Like what?
- You snore!

I snore?
If you want to get picky, you drool!

It's like sleeping with
a St. Bernard!

I'm glad we found out this
stuff now, not later.

Me, too, because God forbid we have
another night like last night!

Please, you're scaring me.

I don't want to scare you.
I want to inspire you.

You fight better when
you're mad. Now you might win.

With you around,
how could I lose!

All right,
ladies and gentlemen...

this is the main event of the evening.
10 rounds of boxing...

under the banner
of Leo Gough Enterprises...

and sanctioned by the State
Athletic Commission...

and here we go.

Yeah, jab, jab.

This cat is going to keep on at the
Knockout Academy, I'm telling you.

Keep it up, and you're back in
the driving business again.

Fancy footwork.
Just get out there and finish him up fast.

- What are you doing?
- You're winning.

- What do you want me to do, lose?
- Why would you want to lose?

No. If you lost we'd be stuck
together for God knows how long.

You wouldn't want that,
would you?

- No! Would you?
- Why would I want that?

Good! I'll go out there
and get him this round.

You don't even have to wait.
I'll mail you your check!

- The right hand and it's all over!
- All over?

- What's the matter with you?
- It just isn't working out right.

- I thought you wanted your money back.
- If he wins, I'll lose him!

- You should've told him.
- I'll tell him after this round.

There won't
be another one.

Then at
the fight's end.

- If he wins, he's not going to stick around.
- I've got to tell him now.

It's too late.
You'd better send him a letter.

- But I've got to tell him fast.
- Send it air mail.

Your owner threw
the towel in.

There must be
some mistake.

No mistake.

I said a letter, not a towel!

I didn't have a letter.

You threw in the towel.

I know, but,
you had a bloody nose.

So what?
That happens all the time.

You know how I feel about the nose.
It's my favorite part of the body.

You know what this means,
don't you?

You still owe me $47,311,
and I'm crazy about you.

What?

- You still owe me...
- No, the other part.

You heard me.

How are you going
to pay me back?

We'll just have
to keep fighting.

Don't worry, we will.