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This is so amazing!

Hey.

Oh, my God. How you just said "hey" to me? You are so nice.

I mean, I knew that the first day you saw me. Hug me.

Try it. I'm so not depressed anymore.

Try what?

Ecstasy!

- Where did you get it? - Your friend.

- What the fuck is he doing at Columbia? - He's fucking cute!

Our families are friends. I've known him forever.

You like that?

I choose you.

Having fun?

- Not as much as Caitlin. - You see her look at me?

The lid. From Okla-fucking-homa.

- You're in a frat now? - Rutgers chapter.

I came up here to see you.

Got any more X?

For you, the first hit's free.

- Just don't tell your dad. - I don't even talk to him anymore.

Read them and suck my dick! Yes!

Yes, baby!

30 times, right there, that's mine.

He still got the dice?

- I own these fucking dice. - You're making me a rich man, Ralphie.

The boss.

- Hey, how are you? - What can I get you guys?

Fucking faccia di merda, he don't say hello?

What's this, a new suit?

Hey, how are you? How you doing?

- What's wrong? The Skip's here. - I'm on a roll.

You'll be on a slab, you keep it up.

- Hey. - Hey, Ton.

I'm sorry, this fucking guy...

Hello, Anthony.

You look good.

Want a drink?

Another time, Anthony.

Another time.

Let's whack this cocksucker and be done with it.

I'm here to enjoy myself.

I'm so fucking hard.

No, Jackie, don't.

Meadow. Meadow, wake up.

I'm so sleepy.

You drank too much fucking tequila. Come on, I can't stop now.

- "Another time, Anthony"? - Cocksucker turns his back on me?

- Couldn't believe it. - I could have shot him.

Don't be surprised if Paulie pops the question.

Ralphie's star is rising.

All those unions. Paulie can't come near that kind of cash.

- Ralphie's a good earner. - Guy like that? Loose cannon.

He'll pull a Jack Ruby on you.

- Why did I have to punch this asshole? - I was a little surprised.

Are you gonna start on me now? He disrespected the Bing.

So? He's barred from the place.

- He bashed that poor girl's brains in. - I hear you. I know.

It was a tragedy. The fact is though...

...she was not related to you. She was not your goomar.

Ralphie's a made guy. All things considered, he has a legitimate beef.

Make him disappear. Or make nice. You only got two choices.

- I would suggest an apology. - Absolutely fucking not!

Do something to show there's no bad blood.

Give him... Give him a piece of the casino.

We're with New York on that. I don't want him close to Johnny Sack.

You could bump him up to captain. It's what he's been wanting, you know.

Ralphie, a fucking captain?

Over my dead body.

Thank you.

You see that shit before?

Tony's face when I turned down that drink. Buy me a drink? Fuck you.

He knew it was wrong what he did.

He's the boss. He can do what he wants.

Boss or no, you don't hit another made guy.

Joe Mo from Mulberry Street. Exact same situation.

He smacked a guy from Bergen. Huge problem.

Of course. Rules are rules, otherwise what? Fucking anarchy.

He owes you an apology.

With the money I put in his pocket, the prick should hit his knees.

What? You think I'm afraid of that fat fuck? No offense.

I could see if it was his daughter or a niece.

But all this over some dead whore.

- He had to be fucking her. - No. He knew you were.

That's why, that's how he is. Like a dog with two bones.

I'm supposed to go to Tony's for Thanksgiving. Me and Ro.

- Really? - Fuck him and his turkey.

I ought to shove a drumstick up his ass.

Look who I caught sneaking in.

My parishioners won't understand I'm here to help feed the hungry.

- Reverend. - Happy Thanksgiving.

Who needs it?

Turkey, pumpkin pie? You gotta love it.

You never lived through the Y.O. version.

- Major antipasti first. - Then soup.

Meatballs and scarole, then the baked manicotti.

- Then the bird. - Oh, I love manicotti.

- Turkeys are here. - There's some in here too.

Turkeys got no sense of direction.

They're on their way to Food Emporium and now look.

What's this about Ralph? He refused to have a drink with you?

So?

He refused because he's a despicable fuck that I bitch-slapped.

That sounds like a problem.

- Happy Thanksgiving to you. - Yeah, you too.

- Happy Thanksgiving. - That mine? Beautiful.

- Look at that. Oh, shit! - What's the matter?

That asshole's coming to Thanksgiving with Rosalie.

- He won't show. - I'm gonna give him the option?

Cocksucker shouldn't be there in the first place.

Honey, I know you don't like to be pinned down...

...but Thanksgiving, it would be nice to tell Carmela if you're coming.

- Who's gonna be there? - Besides us? Carm's parents.

Great. How about Meadow?

- So who's coming this year? - You know. The usual.

Nana, Grandpa, Chris and Ade. Janice is bringing someone from her church.

- Aunt Ro and Uncle Ralph. - Jackie's probably not coming, right?

- Why? - Can't I just ask anything?

- All right. - I'll see you Thursday.

All right, bye.

- Hello? - Hey, Carm, it's Ro.

That's weird. Meadow just asked if Jackie was coming for Thanksgiving.

Oh, really? Jackie just asked me about her. My radar's up.

You and those romance novels, Rosalie.

Can you imagine the beautiful children those two would make?

Remember what we said?

We said a lot of things. Concentrate on your almond torte.

- I'm looking for the recipe. - All right. Bye.

Here's the turkey.

Oh, my God. It's huge. That's good. I'm feeding an army.

Not as many as you think. Call Rosalie and cancel with them.

- Thanksgiving? Why? - Just do it.

- Enough of this shit. - I just talked to her. What do I say?

Fine, I'll call. But my excuse won't be nearly as nice as yours.

Goddamn it, Tony.

What, your stomach still?

Dr. Akavi?

Gloria Trillo, Globe Mercedes.

Listen, a pre-owned, 2001 S600 just came in.

You're the first person I thought of.

Wood trim package, GPS, with everything.

Only 7500 miles.

I don't think it's gonna last till Saturday.

Tomorrow? Great.

No, I'm sorry. I can't. We're doing a sales meeting at lunch.

Okay. See you. Bye.

- Waiting for somebody? - Got an appointment...

Did she double-book us?

I had to reschedule because of the holiday.

This is when I usually come.

I'm trying to quit smoking.

Serial killer.

I murdered seven relationships.

Hey, why don't you take my appointment?

- I couldn't do that. - It'd be my good deed for the day.

Flag on the play. I'm pretty sure you said Tuesday.

- I did? - I'll come back next week. No problem.

- She can have my appointment. - It is hard getting away from work.

See?

I could see you tonight at 7?

Yeah, yeah. Thanks.

How hard was that?

- Hello? - Ro, it's Carm.

This is short notice but I just got off the phone with Ma.

- What's the matter? - It's my dad.

They had some troubling test results.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah, I know.

They have to do further testing.

Ma wants a quiet Thanksgiving. Just the two of them, but...

They should be with family.

- I feel awful giving so little notice. - I wish I could do something.

That is so sweet. I'll let you know when I know anything.

Okay. Take care, sweetheart. Bye.

All right. Bye-bye.

Carm's father, he's sick. She had to cancel Thanksgiving.

- It's 3 a.m. and bam! Come wide awake. - Something specific?

It's a management problem. A situation with an underling.

Now it's partly my fault. But he never should have done what he did.

What was it? Could you tell me that?

Caused the...

...early retirement...

...of somebody else.

Particulars aren't important. He fucked up.

Now, ordinarily I would, you know, put him out to pasture.

But he's a very valuable piece of manpower.

Is it complicated by a personal relationship?

Been reading that book you told me about.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

Here's this guy, a Chinese general, wrote this thing 2400 years ago.

And most of it still applies today.

Balk the enemy's power. Force him to reveal himself.

I have to ask. Are you in any sort of danger?

No, no. Can I go on?

Most of the guys I know read Prince, Machiavelli.

And I had Carmela go and get the Cliff Notes once. It was okay.

But this book is much better about strategy.

I wanted to ask you about the girl that was here today.

- The Mercedes saleslady. - I'm sorry about the confusion.

- What does she need a shrink for? - I can't talk about another patient.

Just... It makes you wonder, that's all.

Listen, it's after-hours. It's dark.

You want me to walk you to your car?

No, thank you.

I have some work I have to catch up on here.

Anyone for a turtle?

Aaron. Honey?

What?

- Who's winning? - Like you know who's playing.

It so happens I do. Detroit plays every Thanksgiving.

What a shame Barry Sanders retired. He's a real sweetheart.

A.J., did you tell them how I served him at Kenny Rogers?

- Colonel Sanders. - No. At Kenny Rogers. Barry Sanders.

Yeah, she served him.

Yes!

Hey.

Yeah!

- Hey. - Hey.

You know I love you more than anything in this world, right?

What are you talking about?

I know things haven't been so good with us lately. It's just...

- If anything happened to you... - Everybody, come on! Dinner!

Go ahead.

This turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

My two boys.

I was worried about the gravy, but...

You okay? You hardly touched your manicotti.

I'm fine. Christ, how many times?

Jackie, you don't have to stay for dessert if you don't want to.

- A little manners, huh? - What'd she just say?

It's okay. Go see if Meadow wants to go to a movie or something.

Sure, Ma.

Good dinner.

I'll tell you a trick. Break off a piece of a match...

...in the screw hole so the threads grab.

- I used Elmer's and it still fell out. - Forget about it.

Narcolepsy is an ASDA-certified dyssomnia. It's no picnic.

Almost time for turkey sandwiches!

- I'll put more coffee on. - Oh, my God, who could that be?

- It's the Boston Strangler. Jesus, Ma. - I'll get it.

Hey.

Hey.

Jackie, hi.

I guess you know everybody here except Aaron, Janice's friend.

- Hi, Aaron. - Have you heard the good news?

- He is risen. - Sit. We're gonna have sandwiches.

I already ate. I just figured I'd see if Meadow wanted to do something.

See a movie, whatever.

Sure. I was gonna go to Hunter's. You wanna go?

- Whatever. - I'll be down in a sec.

A Soprano and an Aprile.

So how's school? Everything good, right?

Yeah, GPA's up this quarter.

Why don't you just bag and come to Dov's?

Hunter's expecting me.

We can hang out all weekend. We wouldn't have to do anything.

I have to study. Don't you have midterms too?

- I don't even go anymore. - What? Why?

Organic chemistry? Nucleotides and shit?

You wanna know what I'm interested in? Men's fashion.

Not the faggy part of it, but, like, to be Hugo Boss.

Did you ever think of applying to F.I.T?

Come on, come to Dov's. I wanna be with you so bad.

I can't, Jackie.

What?

You won't go with me but you'd go with that black guy?

It's not that I don't want to go.

I've been hurt.

Just give me some time, okay?

- As street corners are heaps of crumbled wrath and masonry.

- Darling Christmas gift... - Three shuttles remain now...

It makes me crazy.

Rosalie, all of them, they're already hiring the caterers.

We married young, but those two, emotionally they are much younger.

Until then, here's how you'll get your thrills:

The Mercedes-Benz coupes and convertibles.

Earth to Tony.

Thinking of getting one of those.

What, a Mercedes?

Go ahead. It's a cute car.

Did you hear? T disinvited Ralph to Thanksgiving.

- No shit. - Madonna.

Tony sees the big picture.

Oh, little Paulie.

- This prick treating you okay? - No complaints.

Little Paulie, everybody, I'm gonna buy you an egg cream.

Come on, sit down.

So how are things going over there, you know, with our friend?

- They're the same. - What's he saying about me?

To me? Nothing. He knows better.

He's still breaking my balls though about taking orders from me.

Plus now, with you and him, and all that other shit there.

It's your job to make my job easier.

I'm not complaining. You asked me. He's a frustrating guy.

I don't know how things are gonna go.

He might not go away.

It's not just him. This Freon deal. We're renovating at the house.

I got two kids going to college.

Hey, hang in there. You're doing a good job.

Did you see those bags? Fucking stress is killing him.

Yeah.

Maybe he wants my fucking job.

- Third-year Randy Moss. It's a matter of honor, because everyone in Texas...

- Sure you don't want to eat? - No, thank you.

Johnny, please, don't get up.

I'm off to physical therapy, hon.

Used to be some hoofer, poor thing. Takes a terrible toll on the joints.

- Heard what he did with Thanksgiving? - It's not good, Ralph.

Tell me what I did to this guy. Turned down a drink? I wasn't thirsty!

Ever since I'm back from Miami, he's up my ass.

I'm earning with three hands here and he's still not satisfied.

And then he fucking hits me?

- He's not leaving me a lot of options. - Don't talk crazy.

You wanna commit suicide, pills are a lot easier.

What would Carmine say if I wanted to switch families, come with you guys?

- Carmine doesn't know who you are. - You could tell him.

Ralph, listen to me. As a friend, I know Tony can be difficult.

His father was the same. They need someone to demonize.

New York and Sopranos have long-standing ties. That won't change.

Not for you or anybody else. You want me to be frank?

- You brought it on you with that girl. - She was a whore.

She hit me.

And that wasn't my kid she was carrying.

It was the fucking coke.

I should have never started with that shit.

Fucking Miami, it's all over the place.

- Tell Anthony you're sorry. - I was high, I admit it.

And I'm not doing it anymore.

- "Tony, I'm sorry..." - What good would it do?

- It might save your life! - He hit me.

He was wrong. Believe me, he knows.

- People are laughing behind my back. - Talk to Tony. He'll make it right.

At this point, how?

I don't know.

Would you take capo of your crew?

No. No, I wouldn't. No fucking way.

Ralph Cifaretto came by.

What'd he want? A fully fueled jet and a safe trip to the pope?

He's scared since you canceled dinner.

If your opponent is of choleric temper, irritate him.

- Yeah, well, he wants to apologize. - Oh, really?

Would that put this to rest?

If it's sincere, it might relieve me of an unpleasant decision.

They're about to break ground on the Esplanade.

We're talking about millions.

Be nice to have a man in there who feels appreciated.

It wouldn't hurt to throw him a bone.

Like what?

- Capo. - No fucking way. Never.

You heard what he did. That poor girl just turned 20.

Capo's what he mentioned. I threw cold water on it right away.

But she was a whore, Tony.

I don't want to talk about that ever again. You understand me?

It was just a suggestion. Keep a happy shop.

- You weren't gonna stick your beak in. - Can't two friends talk?

I talked to him. He's delighted you wanna see him.

Great. He said that? That's great. That's fucking great news.

What'd I tell you?

The other thing, what's he gonna do to make that right?

He indicated he's open to working something out.

Thank you. Thank you. Anything. Thank you, thank you.

Oh, Fabian. Fuck you doing up before noon?

- I'm moving out. Over to Dov's. - Beanie boy?

His reserve unit in Israel got called up.

God bless America, huh?

Listen, you find yourself short on X, I know a guy.

- X? - What?

I'm trying to do you a favor.

And that bullshit your future father-in-law pulled on Thanksgiving?

He knew I had no intention of going. He's trying to save face.

He stooped so low, he had his wife lie to your mother.

Whatever you need, give me a call. Be good.

The woman is 50 years old. Sometimes I just wanna scream in her face:

"Quit whining! No wonder he left you!"

Her supervisor looks at her cross-eyed and I get a call at 3 a.m.

She wants to talk about how her father used to laugh at her when she was 7.

- Did she call your emergency number? - That's not the point, Elliot!

Oh, these fucking interruptions.

- I was raped. - You have feelings, and who listens?

That's right, damn it.

I have to sit there and take care of these people hour after hour.

With all their problems. And some of them are very real.

And very serious. And I'm sorry. I care, I really do.

But it's hard sometimes. I just wanna say, "I hurt."

Good. Sure. That's why you're here.

I'm sorry, Elliot.

No need to be sorry.

You've been through such trauma.

It takes tremendous strength of will and inner resource...

...to soldier on as you do at work.

Thank you, Elliot.

I try. I really do. It's just hard sometimes.

And Patient Soprano? How's all that?

He offered to escort me to my car.

I almost fell in his arms crying.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Chris.

- Paulie. - Ralphie.

You wanted to see me?

- Yeah, Tony. - About what?

About what? You know...

...to apologize.

Oh.

Sit down?

I was doing a lot of coke.

I said some things and I did some things...

...that I'm sorry for.

It's not gonna happen again.

What'd you do?

I was rude...

...when you offered me the drink.

And I disrespected the Bing.

And the girl.

That shouldn't have happened. Like I said, I was doing a lot of coke.

I gave that up.

And end of story.

And I'm sorry, Tony. Okay?

Anything else?

- Hey. - How's it going, Geeg?

- Hey, Geeg. - My wife made some turkey sandwiches.

- I'm bloated from Thanksgiving. - Thanksgiving, 1982.

Fucking turkey. It's like Spackle in my bowels. Nothing moves.

- You want some Metamucil? - No, I hate that shit.

Think I'll try one with lettuce and cranberry.

- Ralph around? - No. Want me to call him?

Please. Let's just enjoy the quiet, huh?

After decades of planning, ground was broken...

...on Newark's Museum of Science and Trucking and Riverfront Esplanade.

Oh, hi, Ralphie. Come on in. He's watching TV.

The project was held up by political infighting.

Nothing. He gave me nothing.

Look, the fucking Esplanade. We'll need bulldozers for the money.

Not a thank you, not an apology. Nothing!

- Calm down, take it easy. - He let me stand there like...

...a servant. Scraping. Bowing.

Didn't even ask me to sit down.

- It's part of the game. - He's going down.

- Are you fucking stupid? - I don't give a fuck any more.

I've given my life to this thing. And this is the thanks I get?

- It's Silvio Dante on the phone. - Tell him I'll call him back.

- They're my children, Thorne. - You seriously cannot be...

I'm so sorry!

You shut the door?

Jesus, you're worse than Bobby.

- Anybody see you come in? - Yeah.

Fuck them. I don't care anymore.

I brought some leftover turkey and stuffing.

Keep it. Everything goes through me.

And these drafts. I should be down in Boca.

Drafts? It's like the fucking Amazon jungle in here.

- What's the thermostat say? - Don't touch it!

All right. Jesus.

Grandpa. Did he ever work for somebody named Trillo?

- He owned a lumberyard? - Dad was a mason. He didn't cut wood.

A contractor, then. Built garden apartments?

There was a guy named Trillo. He had seven daughters. I can't remember.

I thought you were gonna ask my advice about Ralph Cifaretto.

- Got any thoughts? - What else do I have left?

Real contretemps you have on your hands here.

- You shouldn't have put Gigi in there. - Strong, good earner, well-respected.

Not by that crew. To them he's a Ghibelline coming over to butt in.

They don't trust him.

Plus, you got Ralph now pissing in their ears.

Any day, you'll have a mutiny on your hands.

So I take Gigi out. What kind of message is that?

- That you're unsure of yourself. - Exactly.

- Who do I replace him with? - Good question.

- Great. What's the fucking answer? - Who says there is one?

That's what being a boss is. Steer the ship the best you can.

Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes rocky. In the meantime...

...you find your pleasures where you can.

How much longer, Skip? I gotta take a leak.

Holy Jesus!

What the fuck you looking at? Call 9-1-1.

I don't feel a pulse.

- I'm sorry. - Thank you, Tony.

He was a good man. Never said a bad word about anybody.

Thank you, Tony.

It's fucking awful. He was a young man.

Heart disease.

The silent killer.

Hey, there are worse ways to go.

Even still, on the pisciatoio? Pretty fucking humiliating.

It's how Elvis died.

That guy in Hollywood too. Don something. Producer of The Simpsons.

So there's a vacancy. There's a lot of business to do.

You thought about who it's gonna be?

Terrible. It's a terrible thing. Guy was in here twice a week.

Brought the kids and everything on Sundays.

Artie. Hey, Ton.

I gotta go rotate my pork shoulder.

- You wanted to see me? - Sit down.

I'm making you captain.

You are? That's great. That's fucking great.

Anthony, you're not gonna be sorry. Thank you.

What?

I need to hear it was merit.

And not just because somebody was constipated and blew a gasket.

You're gonna be making a lot more money. So don't question.

You wanted captain, you're captain.

Thank you, Tony. You're right.

I have wanted this so fucking long.

Well...

Well, you know what they say?

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

So, um...

So we gonna have a drink together or what?

So, what's this shit I hear about Tony having a fight with Ralph Cifaretto?

On Thanksgiving?

- I was there. - At Tony's? On Thanksgiving?

After dinner. To take Meadow out.

- Did you fuck her yet? - Her body is mad ripe.

- Yeah, but did you fuck her yet? - She's creaming for me, man.

You didn't fuck her yet.

I don't know if it's smart. She's Tony Soprano's daughter.

I'll be right back.

See you.

Jackie, come on, Vassar. That band.

- Come on, double or nothing. - Yeah, rack them.

- You said you were gonna take me. - Go sit down.

Ha, Ha, Ha.

Fucking brat. Meadow! Goddamn it!

Hey, no!

Meadow!

Oh, my God. Fuck. Meadow!

- Jackie... - Jesus, Meadow.

- You all right? - I think so.

- Easy. What's the matter? - My purse is stuck.

- You guys all right? - We're fine.

We're fine. Nobody got hurt. Blew a tire.

- But your car. - I'll call it in stolen.

Oh, my God. Jackie, I am so sorry.

As long as you're okay. I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt.

- You almost died. - I'm so sorry.

- I should have taken you to Vassar. - You loved that car.

It's all right. Come on, let's get you home.

No. I wanna go with you.

You're sure?

Here's my card. I'll be here at 10:00.

- Great. - Nice to meet you.

Great. Nice meeting you.

Hey.

- It's you. - I had my eye on one of these.

You have good taste.

Can I go for a test drive?

- You have to go with a sales rep. - Anybody available?

- Dale! - Yeah.

I'm going out. 600.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Hm-hmm.

Hello?

Jennifer, it's Gloria Trillo. I'm sorry, but I can't make it today.

Everything all right?

- Yeah. Yeah, fine. - All they had was wine coolers.

Well, I'm glad you called. Do you want to reschedule?

No. I'll just see you next week at the regular time.

Okay, I'll see you next week.