Original subtitles

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1 How are you feeling, from your accident?

Fine, thank you.

Honestly, if you'd told me five years ago I'd be sitting here today...

Anthony's attacks, how do they make you feel?

Well, concerned, of course.

Helpless.

- Frustrated, maybe. - With your inability to help him?

I was referring to your inability to help him.

She has helped me. What are you saying?

It's been three years, you still pass out on a regular basis.

I understand your frustration.

Did he share our insights about his last panic attack?

I told you, remember? The capocollo, and my mother when I was a kid.

Right, yes.

Is there anything in the family dynamic that could serve as a trigger?

- Something in your dialoguing? - Excuse me?

I don't know you that well. We're trying to get to root causes.

- Maybe you do things that affect me. - Oh, really?

What? People affect each other in life.

Oh, is this how it works?

You're looking for someone to point the finger at?

She didn't say anything. Don't get defensive!

You know what? Maybe you should explore your own behavior.

Maybe you pass out because you're guilty.

You stick your dick in anything, maybe that's a root cause.

Very nice. That's very nice.

Mm-hmm

I told you months ago I broke it off with that Russian person. Right?

It's like smoking your whole life and then suing cigarette companies.

You agreed to come here.

Forget it, this is fucking ridiculous.

Right, just sit there.

Silence, anger, then you pass out and you blame the rest of the world.

Yeah, I love you too.

- You're both very angry. - Must've been top of your class.

Jesus Christ!

What?

Great. And I'm the one that doesn't fucking communicate?

Want to know what's wrong?

After 19 years, we have to pay someone to teach us how to interact.

You were all in favor.

Slow down. Stop driving like a maniac!

Maybe we'll die.

Think it's easy? I'm the new kid at school.

- I can't even open my mouth. - Who's picking on you?

- She took your side with everything. - Please!

I'm sure you'll have a good laugh about it next time.

Yeah.

Oh, motherfucking fuck!

Jesus Christ.

- Happy? What did I tell you? - It's a fucking speed trap.

How you doing?

Got new shoes. Soles are a little heavy.

License, registration, and insurance card, please.

You're with the township, right?

I had dinner with your boss last week. Tony Soprano.

Please remove the license from the wallet.

- You know why I stopped you? - Yeah, I do.

Why don't you and your wife have dinner on me?

You can tell her about it.

- Are you offering me a bribe, sir? - Of course not. You gotta relax.

Would you shut the engine, please?

What happens if I don't feel like shutting the engine?

Dispatch, request backup.

- You gotta be fucking kidding me. - Tony.

Five-eight-two, what's your 20?

Dispatch, cancel backup.

- This the high point of your career? - Wait in the car.

Our tax dollars, hard at work.

You'd think they'd be out arresting dope dealers.

This fucking smoke's actually writing me up.

- Stay in the car, Tony. - Affirmative action cocksucker.

- What'd Freddie want? - Peppers and eggs.

- Help me carry it. - I saw a meter maid.

Bullshit.

Get me a Manhattan Special instead of the Coke.

There's always some fucker on your machine.

- You shouldn't listen to my machine! - Shut your mouth!

You know what? Fuck you.

Don't call me anymore!

Get back in the goddamn car!

- Could you give me a ride? - What the fuck are you looking at?

- We're on a job in Teaneck. - Two minutes.

- Get back here, Tina. - Eat shit, asshole!

Can't you just do me this favor?

- Why don't you go? - Can't you take me?

Look, there's a car service...

Sal!

What the fuck? He didn't do anything!

- Come on, you wanna fuck her? - Stop, he didn't do anything!

What are you doing? Stop!

Get back in the fucking car!

Get in the car! Get in the fucking car, now!

Bryan!

Hey.

How are you?

Thanks for coming, Tony.

Hey. How you doing?

Hey.

I brought him some Whitman's.

How's he doing?

I talked to him before, I think he squeezed my hand.

He's gonna be a vegetable. A fucking retard.

- No, he's gonna be fine. - Look at the bright side.

He wasn't that smart to begin with.

It's a tense situation. A little fucking levity.

- What are you doing here? - I can't visit my cousin?

I want this cocksucker to bleed from his ass, skipper.

- You got it. - Just say the word.

Go grab us some coffee.

Come on, you kidding?

Better yet, go to the ear, nose and throat department.

Get your hearing checked.

You tell the cops who did this?

I'm upset, but please. I know how to keep my mouth shut.

Unless there's a salami sandwich.

What the fuck? We're having a meeting.

Two minutes he's in charge, he's Lee Iacocca.

Come on. Not here. Come on.

- Any beef with him and Mustang Sally? - Didn't owe him any money?

No, nothing.

No, this kid's a wack job. Meadowlands, last year.

Threw a hot dog vendor off the second mezzanine. Too many onions.

Geeg?

- Get him under control. - With extreme fucking prejudice.

- We gotta go. All right. - See you, Ton.

Hey, it's gonna be fine.

Thanks, Tony.

If I go and prepare a place for you...

...I will come back again and take you to myself...

...so that where I am, you may also be.

- This is the word of the Lord. - Thanks be to God.

There are many rooms in my father's house.

Most certainly one for Febby.

Febby lived a full life, a life of service to others.

His 78 years saw him serve his family as a devoted father...

...his country as a supply sergeant in the Pacific...

...and most importantly, our Lord as a devout Catholic.

When I last visited Febby in the hospital...

...he'd finished his chemotherapy.

Though frail and extremely thin, his fighting spirit was still intact.

His body was wracked with pain.

You know Greg D'Aiuto? His grandfather had cancer.

They froze him till they find a cure.

Mary. Carmela.

Hugh.

Oh.

- For the poor box. - Thank you.

- I'm going to check out the hearse. - Don't get lost, A.J.

Well, I'll see you out at...

See you, Father.

Come here, you. Let me look at you.

Hey! Come here!

- Why didn't you tell me? - Wanted to surprise you.

You mean old prick. I thought you were in Miami.

It's too hot there.

I came to see the grandkids, and my doctor's here.

Yeah, Bobby said you weren't feeling too good.

I'm gonna bring the car around.

- Sorry about your uncle. - Febby was Carmela's uncle.

Buon'anima. He should rest in peace.

Ninety-four pounds when he died.

He was always thin. What do you expect?

As long as I got you here...

Your godson, Mustang Sally Intile. He did a Lee Trevino off a guy's head.

That prick is my godson in name only. It was a favor to his father.

Well, I'm just saying, because...

...this isn't the first time.

You do whatever you gotta do.

Just so you heard it from me.

Thank you. And I appreciate you looking out for Bobby.

He's been a huge help with my uncle.

That one don't need any help.

He's out of jail on a fucking medical.

He makes me laugh, your uncle.

Yeah, we're talking about you, you cagey fuck!

- You got them all fooled. - Yeah, that's right.

There's Bobby. I'm sorry for your loss.

- See you later. - Okay.

Hey, Hey, Hey.

What the fuck, he's really sick?

That cough.

He smoked those Camels since he's in short pants.

- Lung cancer? Oh, fuck. - Another toothpick.

What kind of way is that to talk about a sick person?

- Good night, now. - Good night. Thank you.

Forty-two years. My God.

When it's right, it's right.

We said we'd save the Barolo for a big night?

Check out these numbers.

Heh?

- My God! I knew we were busy, but... - Not bad, eh?

♪ LA DI DA ♪

I think I'm gonna pass on the wine tonight.

A night like this, you're gonna make me drink alone?

What is it, you okay?

You know I love it here, and you are such a great boss...

...but Christopher doesn't want me working anymore.

- Please don't be mad. - No, I'm not mad. I'm happy for you.

You know, with his change in situation...

You know how he is.

You think I wanna be stuck in this prison?

I wanted to give you notice. I was supposed to tell you two weeks ago.

Is it okay if tonight's my last night?

Yeah, I guess I'll get Charmaine to cover.

Thank you! I was so nervous about telling you.

Christopher's picking me up. I'm gonna fix my makeup.

Okay.

Of course.

You're not gonna jump me?

- What? - I'm open here. I'll have to king you.

Fuck it, I don't want to play.

I don't really want to either.

- What's with you? All day, Gloomy Gus. - Sorry, it's just...

It's my father.

He's tough, he'll beat it.

- It's not the cancer, it's Tony. - Tony? What about him?

Don't speak in anagrams.

- He okayed my dad to hit Sally. - He put that kid in a coma.

Fuck Sally, I'm worried about my father. He's been retired seven years.

Are we in the Navy?

It's not that. This was a proud man, Junior.

He's over the other night, I had to help him off the toilet, he's so weak.

Shut the fuck up with the toilets! All this morbidity!

I'm sorry, you're right.

Fuck.

This point in his life, to have him do a thing like this.

I never ask you for anything. Tell Tony I'll do it if he wants.

Fuck what he wants. I'm the boss.

You're right, I'm sorry.

Stop your crying! I'll tell him.

Making me fucking depressed now.

Bacala's okay with it. Why do you care?

- What is it with these power trips? - What the fuck are you talking about?

- Pardon me. May I? - Yeah.

- Your girl got any coffee out there? - I think we can rustle some up.

Tax code, another client. IRS troubles.

Sorry, Mel. To find a place they're not allowed to bug...

- Dr. Schreck's office is full. - I sit too much anyway.

It has to be the old man? There's no other way?

There's a million ways, but this'll work.

It was Gigi's idea, I'm not cutting his balls off.

Sally's MIA. Two days ago he reaches out to Bacala for help.

Old man Bacala's his godfather, he can get close without arousing suspicion.

- Doesn't sit right. - He's done it before.

- He's a sick man! - It's something to live for.

I took those Duncan Sheik records and shoved them up his ass.

Wait a minute.

- Who let this one in? - Wolfgang Fuckface.

Hey, Artie.

The man who stole her away.

Adriana, she gave her notice.

Help yourself.

You better be good to that girl.

You cocksucker.

No wonder the food sucks.

You're supposed to cook with the wine, Artie.

Three years.

Best hostess I ever had. This piece of shit steals her away.

- Artie, come on. - He knows I'm breaking his balls.

Alright.

Seriously, though. I'm you, I hire a food taster.

Don't fuck with a chef.

You're the only one who can swing a meat cleaver?

- Fuck you. - Artie.

I'm kidding!

Wanna try cooking with one fucking eye?

That's enough! Go wait outside!

Now!

What the fuck?

What the fuck is wrong with you? She's his fiancée!

I loved her.

I fucking love her now.

Artie, do me a favor.

Don't ever fucking say that again to anybody, ever.

What am I, a joke?

Yeah, a stupid fucking bald one.

Not to mention married.

Can I tell you something?

She's a cunt, my fucking wife.

A girl like Ade, that's a woman. If I still had my hair...

She's a young girl. You could have hair like fucking Casey Kasem.

It won't make a difference.

Yeah.

Now look, go in the back, get some coffee.

Go home, go the fuck to sleep.

I should go apologize.

Not right now, okay? Let me talk to Chris.

You go home.

Call me tomorrow.

Got a business opportunity over in Newark.

Jesus-fucking-Christ.

Mr. Spears for you on three.

Seth, I gotta take this.

All right.

Hey.

What about this speeding ticket?

- What? - I just got a letter in the mail.

Throw it out.

I gotta call my guy down at the DMV?

It's a deplorable situation and I'll take care of it.

Good news about the riverfront esplanade thing.

Just straighten the fucking ticket out, okay?

Where's your father?

He stopped by the bakery. Wanted to pick up a shortcake.

He never comes empty-handed.

Talk to Tony?

No, I decided against it. I didn't even call him.

This life comes with responsibilities.

- Your old man knows that. - I was asking for me.

Teddy Roosevelt gave an entire speech with a bullet in his chest.

Some things are a matter of duty.

Son of a bitch.

- Are you all right? - I'm fine. Fucking steps.

Well, here, sit down. Jesus.

Fuck, is that blood?

Jesus Christ, call a fucking doctor!

No, no, no.

It's the nodules in his lungs. It happens when he's out of breath.

St. Dennis, is this what it comes to?

Get him some water! These doctors, what are they doing?

I don't know, whatever they do.

Water.

I want you to call John Kennedy at St. Barnabas.

Junior, I'm happy with my guy.

What is he doing? Are you on chemo?

Is he giving you oxygen therapy?

Junior, the cure is worse than the fucking illness!

Cocksucker! This is an outrage! You can't clip someone like this!

Junior, I want to do it.

Eight years sitting on my ass. It'll feel good being useful.

He's tough. What if things don't go your way?

If they don't, they don't.

What the fuck, I'm dead anyway.

Paul Newman's dressing makes 100 million a year...

...and people love my sauce.

Arthur, you run a restaurant.

What do you know about mass production?

I have an associate's in business. We can't grow unless we take risks.

Going into business with a gangster isn't a risk. It's a sure disaster.

It's legitimate. It's part of the revitalization.

Newark gives tax breaks for reopening old factories.

I'm trying to work.

Fuck the Vegetables.

We have a chance to have our own company.

Our own line of products.

Then why is it called Satriale's?

The pork store has a customer base. Name recognition.

Vesuvio doesn't? Your grandfather opened up in the '30s, Arthur.

Tony talked to this marketing guy.

Brand names beginning with a "V" make people think of vagina. Turnoff.

- What did you just say? - Vaseline, et cetera.

The whole thing is...

- Can't you see the opportunities? - To be a mob front.

- Jesus Christ, already. - When are you gonna learn?

Be happy in thine own self.

I'm telling you, the DVD's incredible. Flat screen, fucking Surround Sound.

"In this world or the next, I shall have my revenge."

Here we go.

It's like the chariots are going through the fucking house.

Skateboard's not enough.

Sweetheart, more water, please.

So I hear you got old man Bacala making a comeback?

He didn't hear it from me.

I'm not butting in. Junior asked me to talk to you.

He's just looking out for the old man.

It does seem a little extreme.

But my man Gigootz knows what he's doing.

- Glad I have your fucking approval. - Whatever you say, cappy.

Here it is. For you, Junior, and anybody the fuck else.

Gigi's captain. He gave the order.

I okayed it. End of fucking story.

Tony, no offense. Obviously it's your call.

Yeah, obviously.

- What? - Nothing.

It's just, you send in an old man?

What's he gonna do, gum him to death?

- Anybody ask for your input? - No, no, I'm just saying.

You should let me do it.

I'll take the guy apart at the joints. With him conscious.

This way, sir.

We got all kinds...

Whoa, it's Shaft.

- What, are you here on a stakeout? - May I help you?

I need a piece of this. Unless you wanna come over...

...check out my birdbath, make sure it's up to code.

I'll check the computer.

Get your ticket book. That constitutes indecent exposure.

I no longer need my ticket book.

Your friend, the assemblyman, had me transferred to the property room.

- No longer the scourge of Cedar Grove? - Nor eligible for overtime.

Leon, take your break at 2.

Just so you know, I didn't tell him to do any of that shit.

That's very kind of you.

We're out of stock.

Tony!

- Tony, the phone! - All right! Jesus!

He'll be right with you.

- Who is it? - I don't know.

I'm going to Fortunoff's.

- When are you coming home? - When I'm done.

- Hello? - It's Ron. You paged me?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I ran into that guy, the traffic cop?

- It's done, already taken care of. - I know, it's just...

- You got him busted off the street? - Isn't that what you wanted?

Yeah, but it's kind of harsh, no?

I spoke to his unit commander.

Nobody likes him. He's a rabble-rouser.

Yeah, maybe. But I don't know, it...

It goes beyond you. The guy's depressed or something.

They think he might have some serious mental problems.

Cocksucker.

You're a liar!

What was he lying about?

- The old man? - What's he look like?

- Like an old fucking man. - He's all coughing and shit.

Uncle Bobby, thank God. Thanks for coming.

More fucking stairs.

You should quit while you're young.

- Gotta die from something. - Take that shit out of here.

All right, I'm sorry.

Let me talk to my uncle.

Over here.

- Who's this little spic? - He fucks the lady whose house it is.

I'm sorry.

You put that kid in a fucking coma, Sal.

- For what, talking to some puttana? - I know I was wrong. I'm sorry.

He wasn't some citizen. The kid has friends.

I'm sorry, Uncle Bobby. Whatever Tony Soprano wants me to do.

Take it easy, I got you a pass.

Thank you.

Thank you so fucking much.

It's good you called, that's all I'm gonna say.

Tell Tony it won't happen again.

Or if it does, I'll at least yell "Fore!" next time.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't make jokes.

- Get me a glass of water. - Yeah.

- You want ice? - No.

Let the water run, make sure it's cold.

- Are you all right? - I'm fine.

So this guy still in a coma?

Should I visit him, or is that too fucked up?

Yeah, I think you should go see him.

I don't know.

Maybe I should send flowers, or some shit.

Oh, what the fuck?

Hey, you fucking greaseball, you.

Any more smart remarks?

No, Mr. Bacala, please! Please, no more!

Mmm...

Oh, shit!

All the fucking luck!

I said he shouldn't do it.

I had to go all the way to Staten Island to identify him.

- He's a cold-hearted prick, my nephew. - Cocksuckers didn't even clean him up.

He still had bits of glass in his hair from the windshield.

What was he, 71?

I don't know, 68.

What did they say? What was the cause of death?

Who? What do you mean?

Was it the cancer or the accident? How advanced was the metastasis?

All due respect, Junior, what do you care about the details?

All this technical shit?

You're right.

The man's passed on. We should let him rest in peace.

He was a good man, your father.

A good friend.

Motherfucker!

Goddamn it!

Dirty bastard!

Son of a...

Jesus-fucking-Christ!

- Good night. - Bye.

Customer says good night, you barely look up?

I said it low.

Miss Personality over here.

What's with the glasses?

I left my contacts home.

I don't know what it is, but you've had a hair across your ass all week.

Lower your voice.

Still mad because I told you you can't go in with Tony?

You don't tell me anything, Charmaine.

And I'm going into business with Tony.

If you do this, Artie, if you choose Tony over me...

What are you gonna do, divorce me?

- Is that what you want? - What'd I say?

This marriage is over, Arthur.

- I'm serious. - It's about fucking time.

And you're not getting the kids, either!

Son of a bitch.

Hey. Look who's here.

- He volunteered to mow your lawn. - I did not.

Hi, Anthony.

It's that time of year. Brought the last of my sweet corn.

What's the matter? You all right?

Anthony, be a good boy. Wait outside. I need to talk to your father.

If this is about old man Bacala, I don't wanna fucking hear it.

I have cancer.

- You have what? - Cancer. The big casino.

Jesus Christ, when did you find out?

Blood in my stool.

Had a test before your mother's funeral.

That's why you been acting so fucking weird?

I mean, where is it? Is it in your colon, or?

My stomach.

Jesus Christ, Uncle Jun.

- Did they say how bad? - Won't know until they open me up.

I go in in two weeks.

- This has to stay between us, Anthony. - Yeah, of course.

Look, we'll get you help. We'll get you the best there is.

First Jackie with cancer, then Febby.

Old man Bacala had it, but now you'll get me help?

These things come in threes.

Is that why you didn't want the old man to make the hit?

What, if he died of cancer, he'd take your place?

- I asked you not to make him do it. - Jesus Christ! Un-fucking-believable.

I'm serious, Anthony.

Promise me that you'll dummy up about this.

Yeah, all right.

You're sick, people treat you like a nonentity. I'm serious.

You can't talk about this with anybody.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Of course.

- Hello? - Uncle Jun's got cancer.

A lot of death.

Ma.

- Pop and the emphysema. - Uncle Jun. Another toothpick.

Hey, Jan, come on. A little respect, huh?

I'm sorry, it's just what Ma used to say.

Yeah, that's right.

- She said that about her own brother. - Another toothpick.

Jesus.

What was he, 36 years old, Uncle Mickey?

Liver cancer.

Jesus. These old-timers.

The more hard-ass their attitude, the more they suppress their feelings.

- I think it's the illusion of control. - Control?

You say the most horrible shit you can think of in the face of tragedy.

It's like saying to God:

"See? You don't fool me, asshole. I know what you're planning."

Yeah, like they're trying to ward off evil, or some shit.

Remember how Ma, she hated compliments?

Giving or taking them?

Because then maybe, at any minute, boom!

I really been coming to know Christ.

Ma, Febby, Uncle Jun?

Always comes in threes.

And then there's the Holy Trinity.

You think that's a coincidence?

What happened to Sal Bonpensiero?

Witness protection.

Would you like to pray with me?

Two weeks ago?

Why didn't you say anything? Did you report it?

Campus security's a joke.

Don't you think they should know there's a thief?

- Who? What are you talking about? - Nothing.

Her bike was stolen two weeks ago.

The ten speed?

- Didn't you lock it up? - They used bolt cutters.

A black guy from the neighborhood. One of the kids saw him.

- What? - Did I say anything?

A black guy? Imagine that.

- Tony... - It's just, I can't believe it.

I am not listening.

You're thinking the same thing.

What did I say?

You're twice as likely to be robbed by a black.

- That is so racist! - It's a fact.

From who, David Duke?

- Why are they in the basement? - Try the FBI. I saw it on TV.

- You're quoting the FBI? - They aren't.

- But the lamp? - On battery backup.

- Why? - Crime is economic, not racial.

You're more likely to steal if you're poor...

...which most black people are.

Wait till one takes your stereo.

You're a hypocrite!

This is what I've been saying! Stay with your own!

Wait a second.

- Where are you taking that lamp? - Mine gives me a headache.

- Don't change the subject! - I'm out of here!

Be sure to call when you need some money!

Now you got something you can rat me out about in therapy!

- Madonna, this place! - You only retire once.

Is that an earring?

Huh?

- Your ear, I never noticed before. - This?

Had it for years. I don't wear it all the time.

Did Chris tell you we had a little run-in?

- He's just jealous. - Of what? We're friends.

Well, you know how he is.

- I'm glad he didn't make you cancel. - He thinks I'm with Cindy.

I'm gonna miss you, Ade.

I'm gonna miss you too, Artie. Charmaine, the busboys.

Charmaine...

What? What's wrong?

Charmaine and me, we're gonna try it apart for a little while.

- Oh, my God, are you okay? The kids? - It's for the best.

Did I tell you I'm gonna go into business with Tony?

- What, like a restaurant? - Satriale Foods.

We'll probably change the name to Vesuvio.

Sauce, taralli, ravioli.

That's great. Congratulations!

You change your mind, there's room on my staff...

...for a bright, sexy vice president.

It's a big step. Marriage.

- You sure you're ready? - Yeah, I'm sure.

- You know where the ladies' room is? - Yeah, I think it's behind the bar.

Okay...

No, No...

The plate is hot.

Restaurants, stores, slips for luxury yachts.

We go with my plumbing and electrical. The steel and brickwork, all yours.

- We need to talk about Local 187. - You gotta see the scale model.

There are even little people.

Fucking Newark. They got little hookers giving little blowjobs?

I gotta go take a leak.

I got a call from Eddie Voehl at the PBA.

Your friend the cop is bitching about his overtime.

He's got some black officer's squad looking into his case.

Oh, yeah?

If you want, I can get it squashed. Get him reassigned.

You know what? Fuck him.

Cocksucker got what he deserved.

Yes?

The Tony Soprano wiretap has been neutralized.

What do you mean?

- Hello? - In here.

What are you doing? You're not ready?

I'm not going.

- They gave you permission. - I can't. I'm not up to it.

- It's my father's funeral. - You hear me, I don't feel up to snuff.

You look okay to me.

Junior?

Didn't you get my flowers?

My whole family's in the car.

I gotta tell you, I take this as a personal insult.

- Think I don't care? - What else can I think?

You selfish fuck, I can't go because I'm sick!

I have cancer.

Cancer?

Oh, my God.

Real wisenheimer, now how do you feel?

Two weeks, I go in for the surgery, and I'll start the chemo after that.

Junior, I'm sorry.

- I don't know what to say. - I'll say a prayer for your old man.

My father.

Now you?

What the fuck is happening?

You will miss the boat.

Lady, I missed the boat a long time ago.

Including tax and delivery, it comes to $897.23.

Just make sure it gets to my house in one piece.

Come on.