Original subtitles

SWANKY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

Afternoon, Sister.

Sorry to intrude.

Agents Hooper and Lang, here.

MI5.

Rather important we come inside.

Chop, chop, there's a good girl.

Please, what is this about?

We know the significance of this convent.

What it contains.

HOOPER: I'm afraid your location's been discovered

by enemies of the realm.

They're a rather uncivilised lot, so time is of the essence.

LANG: They might be in the town already.

Now think, Sister.

Have you been approached by anyone other than us?

No, we've had no other visitors.

WOMAN SHRIEKS

SUSPENSEFUL JAZZ MUSIC

IN RUSSIAN ACCENT: You will not succeed, Englishman.

GUN COCKS - TENSE JAZZ MUSIC

The meteor belongs to the Kremlin.

Hmm.

GUNSHOT - WOMAN SCREAMS

BULLET WHIZZES

Cut!

Something just hit that wall. — Can't have. She just fired a blank.

No one said there would be pyrotechnics.

Oh... Make-up?

SHE SNIFFS

There's a slight odour of sulphur.

By the dimensions, I'd say...

that's a very real .38 calibre bullet.

SHE GASPS —- GUN CLATTERS

CAMERA CLICKS

CAMERA CLICKS

Let me guess.

Sam dispatched you in favour of more pressing business

which I suspect looks suspiciously like a catnap.

He said he does his best work with his eyes closed.

SHE GIGGLES - Well...

fortunately, my eyes were wide open

observing the filming

which has been tremendous fun too, hasn't it, Sister Peter?

Oh, it certainly has.

Um, only now, it does seem

that the drama is unfolding off camera as much as on.

I've removed the bullet, of course.

No sign of the prop gun as yet

but the real one was aimed at our fictional hero

Rodney Hooper.

Hugo Steele.

Pleased to meet you.

Oh, I say!

What nice threads.

Er, thank you.

DS Livingstone. May I ask who's in charge here?

That will be me. Dick Lansky, producer.

And I'm the director, Ray Crawford.

To be honest, I'm glad you're here.

We thought that nun was moonlighting as a copper.

RAY CHUCKLES - Oh!

No, I'm merely a police scientific adviser.

I didn't know it was real, I swear!

You're the one who fired it?

Yes.

Sergeant.

Sir. I...

Debra Diamond.

I'm playing Katya, one of the Russian assassins.

Excuse me.

What exactly is this programme?

"Operation QT."

You've never seen it? - No.

Oh, it's quite, quite marvellous.

It's about MI5 secret agents

Rodney Hooper and Linda Lang

valiantly fighting international espionage

and paranormal crime. - MAN CHUCKLES

Didn't think a nun would go in for that sort of thing.

Why ever not?

I've not missed a single episode.

May I ask who you're playing?

IN RUSSIAN ACCENT: I am Vlad, the Russian villain.

SHE GIGGLES

Heads up.

Reverend Mother wants a word, sharpish.

Can you see if you can locate the prop gun?

Right.

OK, I take it no one saw the real gun being planted?

THEY MURMUR - No.

Have there been any other incidents, anything suspicious?

Two days ago, we were filming...

Sorry, your name, Ms...?

Pamela Wishbone.

We were filming at QT HQ

the studio stuff in London.

A redhead nearly fell on Dick.

What?

A big light from the ceiling.

And you suspect that this might've been deliberate?

No, of course it wasn't, it was a faulty hook light.

Complete accident.

Sarge?

CAMERA CLICKS

Or perhaps not.

What's this I hear about a shot being fired?

I think that's just what they call it, Reverend Mother

when they film, you know, a film shoot.

I'm aware of the term, Sister Reginald.

Just because I have no interest in the television

doesn't mean I'm a complete ignoramus.

DISTANT BELL TOLLS

You're awful quiet, Sister Peter.

Is there something untoward I should be informed of?

No, Reverend Mother.

Better keep it that way.

You both assured me there'd be no disruption

to our daily order.

If I get so much as a whiff of infraction

I'll march down there and I'll--

No!

Need.

There's no need to trouble yourself, Reverend Mother.

You have far more important things to do.

We'll handle it.

FELIX: A falling light on set is one thing

but a planted, loaded gun?

That's attempted murder.

Agreed. - Mm.

But who was the real bullet meant for?

Let's consider.

The lead actor, Hugo Steele.

One might assume that he was the target

given that he was shot at

but fact, it was carefully choreographed in the rehearsal

Hugo was to dive out of harm's way before the gunshot.

As you can see, the bullet passed through the chair

positioned directly behind him

a chair clearly marked as the director's.

So someone wanted Ray Crawford dead.

SISTER BONIFACE: A fair assumption.

However, complication.

The producer, Dick Lansky.

I've noticed he habitually sits in the director's chair

a clear power game between the men.

It was, in fact, Mr Lansky

who vacated it at the last moment to get a better view.

And it was Mr Lansky who nearly got hit by the falling light.

Sorry, but what do you mean by a better view?

There's nothing blocking the view from the chair.

Bravo, Peggy. I'm so glad that you asked that.

So, quick show-business titbit.

I am told that the optimal vantage point

is as close to the camera as possible, and yet

note the unusual distance between the chair and the camera.

Someone moved it to be in line with the bullet.

Someone who had to have been at the rehearsal.

Apart from you and Sister Peter, it was a closed set.

Who could have switched the guns or moved the chair

without being seen by cast or crew?

Well, perhaps it was one of the cast or crew.

Well, maybe this will settle it, Sarge.

I took everyone's fingerprints

and wrote down their names in full, just like you said.

I even alphabetised them.

Good work, Peggy, thank you.

Sister.

The moment of truth. - Yeah.

Now, the prop gun in the bin had no prints on it

it was wiped clean

but I managed to lift two distinctive thumb prints

from the .38, one large, one small.

The smaller, I presume...

was Debra's.

Correct.

As for the other one.

MAN: I didn't plant it onset, I swear.

I didn't even know it was missing. Someone must have stolen it.

I see. And why should we believe you

Mr Brumfield? - Because...

Look, I'm a TV writer.

I know all about plotting crime.

If I'd switched the guns

why would I leave my own prints all over it?

I must admit, as an avid reader of whodunnits

I'd certainly have wiped the gun clean myself.

FELIX SIGHS

We have reason to believe that Mr Lansky was the target.

There was also an incident with a falling light.

That nearly hit me, too.

Not that anyone cares.

Interesting.

So you suspect someone wanted to kill you as well?

No. — PENCIL SCRATCHES

I... I don't think so.

Why? Has someone said something?

No, Mr Brumfield.

Can you think of anyone who might want to kill Mr Lansky?

Course I can.

He's a producer.

I just wanted to thank you for casting me, Mr Lansky.

No need to thank me, sweetheart.

Pleasure to have you on QT.

Sorry to interrupt.

May we have a moment, please?

HE SIGHS We'll talk later, darling, yeah?

Sorry.

She's keen.

Good little actress.

We believe the bullet that was fired today at set

it may have been meant for you.

Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

HE CHUCKLES

Well, can't say I'm surprised.

This doesn't concern you?

Well, like I always say, if you can't stand the heat

stay out of show business.

Oh! SHE GIGGLES

Very good.

Could you think of anyone specific

that might've had a grudge against you?

Uh... A few actors I've booted off the show didn't go quietly

but actors never do anything quietly.

Could you list them for me?

DICK SIGHS

Come on then. HE CLEARS THROAT

Uh... Oh, yeah.

Jumped-up little twerp.

Ancient history, if you ask me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a show to shoot

and we are behind schedule.

Is it just me

or are you starting to like him? SHE GIGGLES

I need to find out more about these three.

Oh, you know who you should ask?

Jasper Berridge.

He played Professor Pringle in series one and two.

UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS

He always gave mind-bogglingly

complex scientific explanations to Hooper and Lang.

Terrible old soak, Jasper.

Couldn't remember his own name without a prompt.

You know, he once threw a Babycham in Dick's face

at the Dorchester.

THEY LAUGH

What about Derek Colt?

Don't tell me, I know this one.

Only appeared in one episode.

The very first, in fact.

SUSPENSEFUL JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

MOTORCYCLE RUMBLES

He played Agent Harry Stone

Hooper's former partner in MI5

before his tragic death in a motorbike crash.

Oh, she's...

She's very good.

PAMELA: Poor Derek.

He was lucky to survive that stunt.

SISTER PETER GASPS You mean the fireball was real?

Dick never wastes a good take.

Marigold Frith?

Four episodes, series three.

She played Pippa Davinshire

one-time love interest for Agent Hooper.

Exposed as a double agent by Agent Lang.

At first, it seemed Agent Lang was just jealous

but she was proven right when--

Get her off me!

SHE GROANS

Abominable cow.

I had my neck in a brace for a week.

And after Dick fired her, she pestered him for months.

I say...

you know what you should do?

Have a line in the ep.

There's plenty of fake nuns so why not a real one, eh?

RAY: OK, moving on to the next scene!

Assassin nuns, very good, you're done for now.

OK, we'll do Pamela's close-up

and then everybody down to the cellar

for Hooper's electrocution scene.

Yeah, it was good.

We made some calls to Equity.

It seems Jasper Berridge died last Christmas

during a pantomime.

Derek Colt became a children's entertainer

called Busby the Clown.

And Marigold Frith is currently playing Cleopatra

upstairs at the Seven Horses in Blackpool.

So, quite patently, none are in Great Slaughter

where, in any case, they'd be recognised.

Deduction, whether connected to the past or not

the culprit is presently known to everyone.

Well, whoever they are, I pray they don't strike again.

"Father, is that you?

Father!"

No.

"Father? Is that...?

Father!"

Hello?

DOOR CREAKS

Hello?

SHE SCREAMS

CAMERA CLICKS

SAM SIGHS

Perhaps you'll let me know next time before things escalate?

FELIX: But sir, I did, it was all in the report.

The one that was on your desk?

With the big note that read, "Please read."

Well, if you're gonna hide things on my desk

of all places. - CAMERA CLICKS

SISTER BONIFACE: Note the rag in his mouth

to muffle his cries.

Electric bands on the temples

the current dialled all the way up to maximum.

He most likely died of a heart attack.

Looks like someone punched him here, too.

Clearly a winning personality.

Indeed.

And the presence of a dressing suggests it was sustained earlier.

Wherever it happened, it would have bled copiously.

Any thoughts on time of death? —- CAMERA CLICKS

We'll have to wait for the pathologist, of course

but from the stages of rigour mortis

I'd say it was early in the AM.

Right.

Hello...

A hairpin.

It must've fallen from the Killer as they lent over him.

So it could be a woman.

Sir, they're all out there, asking questions.

I've got a fair few myself.

CROWD MURMURS

Alright. Hello, I'm...

Can everyone keep it down, please?

I'm DI Gillespie.

I'm taking over this investigation.

Love the show, by the way.

Never mind that.

Is Dick really dead?

We heard he'd been tortured, naked.

Yeah, well, no, he wasn't naked

but he has been killed, and that's all I can say.

Everyone must remain on the premises.

What about the filming?

Just asking.

This is an active crime scene. That'll have to wait.

Now, did anyone see Mr Lansky

go down into the cellar last night?

Was he alone? Did anyone see or hear anything?

No, we were...

We were all at the pub.

Dick said we could finish early.

Oh, show him the note.

Oh, yeah, um...

We were setting up the shoot, the last scene of the day

and I found this taped to the camera.

It had five pounds inside.

"Shoot the torture scene in the morning.

Have a drink on me. Dick."

Did this seem odd to anybody?

Well, I thought so, but everyone just charged out.

So, except for Mr Lansky

was anybody else missing from the pub?

We were all there, as far as I know, until closing time.

So, the Killer left him handcuffed and gagged in the cellar

joined the others in the pub

and then returned later on to finish the job?

Thus constructing the perfect alibi.

It's rather brilliant, really. - Mm.

Sam, can you confirm something for me?

I hear the producer was found dead

wearing nothing but ladies' undergarments.

Ladies' under...

Where are you getting this from?

No, he was fully clothed.

And before you ask, we're not ready to make a statement.

Fully clothed. Good.

I don't much care for smut.

A showbiz murder, on the other hand

now that is two scoops with a cherry on top.

Ah, you're all heart, Ruth

but who said anything about murder?

Well, you did. As good as, by not making a statement.

Sometimes I'd like to...

Kiss her.

No, what? — Oh.

No.

Don't you have some evidence to examine or something?

Right you are.

SAM SIGHS

He couldn't have had the good grace to die elsewhere.

What on Earth happened, for goodness sake?

I believe it was heart failure, Reverend Mother.

Tragedy.

I'm sure you'll want us all to pray for him.

Mmm.

I'm sure this unfortunate incident

will put an end to their filming, and good riddance.

Cheer up.

At least you got a souvenir.

Is that the script?

May 1?

Thank you.

A gunshot in the show becomes real, now a torture scene.

If life is imitating art, we need to know.

Huh.

I think we solved the mystery of who punched Mr Lansky.

RAY: Aye, I thumped him

because he was fooling around with all the girls.

What girls? - The actresses.

The crew, the extras

even the ones that were dressed as nuns.

It was disgusting.

Then I saw him going off with Debra.

Now, she's a nice girl, a bit naive

so I followed them, right?

Next thing I know, she's coming out his trailer in tears.

So, you punched him and realised your mistake.

He could have ended your career.

What, so you think I killed him? Aye, very good.

Suppose it was me that was trying to drop lights on his bonce and all.

Listen, I wouldn't risk anyone's life

and I wouldn't risk this show.

I've been on QT since the beginning, most of us here have.

It's a labour of love.

RAY SIGHS

Listen, all I'm saying is maybe you want to

have a look at the guest artists

instead of the regulars. Like him, for instance.

BRUNO LAUGHS — Nutter.

Keeps offering autographs to the fans

as if he's one of the stars.

And there's the assassin nuns and...

Debra, even.

Oh, aye, she's all sweet, but who knows who she really is, hmm?

SAM: Go and see what the water works were about.

Yes, sir.

And you...

Don't leave town until I say so.

Well, why would 1?

Right, I've got a show to finish.

Now listen, fella, I know you've got a job to do

but so do we.

Livelihoods depend on it, SO can we please, please

just get back to work?

Alright, but on your heads be it.

Not literally, I hope.

You heard the man! Places, everyone, please!

OK, I want to see smiles, energy, pizazz!

Dazzle me, everyone!

So, you were seen leaving Mr Lansky's trailer in tears.

Can you tell me what happened?

Nothing happened.

I left before it could.

Ah, I see.

And was there a reason you agreed to be alone with him, Miss Diamond?

I liked the movies he used to make.

That's all.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. — I suppose you think

it's my fault he tried it on.

No, I didn't mean to...

I'm Ss o rry!

SAM: Any clues on the hairpin?

More like half a clue.

Correction, more like a tenth of a clue.

A tenth of what, you may well ask. Well!

I wish I could say.

I wish you would spit it out.

Yes, well, that's a fair point.

I'll try.

So, I found a barely detectable quantity

of propylene glycol

along with traces of copper and magnesium

but I can't see for certain what it is.

Perhaps some kind of industrial chemical

or it might be a component in some kind of hair product

such as hairspray.

That would certainly contain polyvinyl pyrrolidone

and polyvinyl acetate

but there was no trace of that

SO you see, it really is barely a clue at all.

I think I preferred the short answer.

Yes.

And from too little evidence to far too much.

So, I dusted the typewriter keys for prints

and as you can imagine

there are hundreds.

We can assume that the letter firing Mr Crawford

was the genuine article

and as for the fake note sending everyone to the pub

same typewriter, undoubtedly typed by our killer

but who was it?

SHE SNIFFS Oh.

HE SIGHS Not exactly Citizen Kane.

True, but if Rosebud had been a glowing meteor from outer space

it would've been so much more fun.

Is there nothing at all illuminating in the script?

SAM: Not really.

Some of the pages are different colours.

I don't know why.

Late amendments.

I was given a line, you see.

So, blue pages added to the existing script.

Changes before that were in pink.

But that means...

that torture scene, it was...

added later.

Whose idea was that?

Mr Milton?

I need to talk to you about the torture scene in "QT".

Apparently it was your suggestion.

Yeah, but it's been cut, which is a real shame.

Vlad was gonna say...

IN RUSSIAN ACCENT: "You people in the West, you're like spoiled children.

I know what is like to suffer

I know what is like to sacrifice.

In the KGB--"

OK, thank you, Mr Milton.

I'm not sure if you're aware

but Mr Lansky was electrocuted exactly the same way

as in that scene

so forgive me if I'm a touch suspicious.

Well, that's horrible.

I asked Mr Lansky if I could have a bigger scene.

I didn't think it would end up killing him.

HE SOBS

Pull yourself together, man.

Button. Excuse me.

Uh, sir, Miss Penny called.

She asked to see you at the Bugle. - Right.

BELL TOLLS

RAY: Is this supposed to be our meteor?

Yes.

Could we please have one prop

that isn't made out of bleeding egg boxes?

Go!

Honestly.

Well, awfully sorry to bother you

but I had a line that was cut.

As an assassin nun?

No, a real one, in QT.

Also, I'm a real one in life.

Could I please have another line?

RAY SIGHS Could she be in this one?

She could see Vlad and the assassin

run past with the bomb in the briefcase.

When Hooper and Lang burst from the confessional

she could say... "They went that way!"

Do you think you can remember that?

Yes. Yes!

"They went that way!"

Thank you. — Alright, very good.

OK, people! Places, please.

Now, we're running behind

so we're gonna cut the rehearsal and just go for a take.

CREWMAN:: Run sound!

Sound speed.

Din over.

Mark it. — Scene 30, take one.

Action.

They—- - What on Earth's going on here?

Cut!

Who are you?

Nuns with guns!

Nuns with...

flesh on display.

I'd never seen the like.

Well, it stops now.

I won't have those people here a minute longer.

Not so easy, I'm afraid.

Permit's been signed, money's changed hands.

Well, un-change it.

What on Earth would Canoness Basil say

if she knew about this?

She does, Reverend Mother.

Gave it her blessing, in fact.

Her blessing?

I see.

So...

Then there's only one thing to do.

You can go now!

FOOTSTEPS RUN

WOMEN CHATTER

That was fast.

You must be desperate for a lead.

How about we skip the jousting just this once?

Where's the fun in that?

Well, you obviously have something

not quite enough to go to print

but enough to bargain with.

So, let's bargain.

A showbiz murder on my patch.

If I don't break it first, it looks bad.

Well, we can't have that, can we?

Jean was talented by all accounts

but this was her last film.

She gave it all up to have a baby in 1940.

That kid would be about your age now

and there's definitely a resemblance.

Dick Lansky was your father, wasn't he?

Did he know when he hired you?

No.

What really happened in that trailer, Debra?

Did you tell him who you were?

I was going to

but he got the wrong idea.

He tried to kiss me, and...

I ran.

That must've made you angry.

Angry enough to kill him. — Of course not!

He abandoned you and your mother.

You had every reason to hate him.

Well, I didn't.

I just wanted to know my dad

but somebody killed him before I got the chance.

SHE SOBS

Here.

SAM SIGHS

HUGO: Hands in the air, old stick.

We wouldn't want you closing that and starting the timer now, would we?

Step away, slowly.

That's it.

ACTORS GRUNT

HE GROANS

ACTORS GRUNT

Nobody fights like that.

ACTORS GRUNT

Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh!

Bruno!

Bruno.

Are you alright? - Yeah, I think so.

RAY: Oh, we should get him to hospital.

No, no, I'll be OK.

l... I've got a tough noggin.

What happened? Charlie, did you forget to use the sandbags?

No, I didn't.

It would appear they were moved deliberately.

HE SIGHS If it's my job to make people cry

then it's been a productive day.

What have I missed?

A falling set

which injured Mr Milton and almost injured Mr Steele.

Oh.

So, remember our old friend propylene glycol

from the hairpin? - Mm.

Well, I found more of it

along with traces of alkaline phosphatase.

Of course... amylase!

That's an enzyme.

It's aloe vera.

Oh. And what is that used for?

Well, all sorts.

Skin lotion. Cosmetics.

It's a remedy for treating burns.

um... - Burns?

Derek Colt, he was on the first episode of QT.

He got burned during a motorbike stunt.

How could he possibly be here?

His appearance has changed.

The once-handsome actor

learned how to hide his terrible scars.

He's hiding now, in plain sight

as Vlad the Villain.

Bruno Milton is Derek Colt.

FELIX: Sir, it doesn't make sense.

A set just fell on him.

Why would he deliberately hurt himself?

To throw us off the scent.

I only questioned him this morning.

HE KNOCKS DOOR - Bruno?

Mr Milton, it's the police.

Mr Milton?

Stop.

I said stop!

Felix?

THEY GRUNT

FELIX CHOKES

BRUNO GRUNTS

You alright there, Felix? - I'm fine.

That was a cheap shot.

COCKEREL CROWS

Three operations, it took

just to get my mug looking half-way normal.

I could have been the next Sean Connery

if it wasn't for Dick.

Why was it his fault?

I said the stunt was too dangerous.

He gave me a drink to steady my nerves.

"Go on, Derek, you'll be fine," he said.

And then, "poof!"

Up in smoke.

Just like my career.

Took him to court for loss of earnings

but he stitched me up like a kipper.

Said it was my fault because I'd been drinking.

Got that writer Bernard to testify against me.

So, the light that fell?

It was meant for both of them?

Thought I'd try and Kill two turds with one stone.

Look, we get it, they screwed you over

but why kill them after all these years?

Why not move on?

Move on?

To what?

Entertaining dribbling kids?

And every week I had to listen to my mum saying

how much she loves Operation QT.

That's nice, innit?

It's still her favourite show.

SAM: A villain playing a villain.

Your greatest role yet.

Pity no one will remember it.

You'll be locked away and the rest of the world will be tuning in

including your mum, to watch Operation QT.

If you say so.

What does that mean?

The gunshot.

The torture scene.

You're mirroring the script.

There's a bomb in a briefcase at the end.

You'd really blow everyone up?

Course I wouldn't.

Just Bernard.

Bernard! We need a rewrite, quick sharp.

BERNARD SNORES

Oh, wake up, man!

Listen, Bruno's been arrested

and Vlad's in this final scene.

BERNARD SNORES

Oh, what?

BERNARD SNORES

Canoness Basil!

What brings you here?

Everyone, please make way.

No need for fanfare, Sister Peter

it's not a papal visit.

Where should we stand to avoid being in the shot?

Is that how they say it?

Spot on, Canoness Basil

and, um, it's quite safe to stand with us.

Oh yes, I'd like the three of you close at hand

when Canoness Basil truly appreciates what's in store.

RAY: Well, surprise, surprise!

Bernard's absolutely pished, again

so we're just gonna have to wing it.

Er, Debra, we can... we can just have Katya

leave the bomb on the altar instead

and then you spot the meteor that Vlad left.

I can't resist touching it

so I'm possessed with evil forces.

That's good, I like it.

Then enter the assassin nuns who all spasm and die

and then the big floating crucifix

flies off the altar

and kills Katya.

Yeah.

Right.

Everybody got that?

I most certainly did.

Is he dead?

BERNARD GROANS —- FELIX SIGHS

Sleeping pills, to keep him here.

Where's the bomb?

Wait, are they still filming?

Did you imagine this unedifying spectacle

would escape my notice?

l... We just thought it was harmless.

Everybody stay calm.

I just need to check the, um... — Sir.

Right here, right here.

That briefcase.

Good Lord.

What is it?

It's a bomb. — A bomb!

SAM: Good idea. Everybody, go outside.

OK, Felix, we need to clear the whole convent.

We don't know how far the blast radius will be.

OK... HE PANTS

We've got a minute.

I'm gonna stay with the bomb and try and disarm it.

Do you have the first idea how?

Right. Well, we had a lesson in bomb disposal at Bletchley.

A lesson? —- Well, half a lesson, actually.

One of our listening stations picked up an E-bar transmission and... right-o.

Task at hand. - BOMB TICKS

Sisters, I told you to go.

Now!

I don't think you realise how serious this is.

And I don't think you realise the power of prayer, Inspector.

Kept me alive in the Blitz.

Now, if memory serves

the wires are bundled together in a module

and the wire to cut is usually red.

Well, they're all red and we don't have any wire cutters.

15 seconds!

Well, I just need to yank the right one out, then.

Right. - So, it should be the last wire

at the bottom of the bundle.

Or is it the top?

Hmm, now, it's not a collapsing circuit

so I just need to trace the correct wire——

For the love of God, Sister, five seconds!

As I thought, the one closest to the power supply.

And out...

you... come.

TIMER DINGS

Ha! - SAM SIGHS

Right, I'll, uh... I'll get rid of this, shall I?

I would.

Yeah.

SAM EXHALES

Wait!

Won't they need the briefcase for the final scene?

F... F...

Final scene?

After we all nearly lost our lives and the convent, too?

Canoness Basil will not stand for it

and neither will I.

This show is utter tripe

and blasphemy--

Operation QT isn't blasphemous!

Sister Peter, I think we've heard quite enough from you.

Hold on, Reverend Mother.

I'd like to hear how it is not.

Because it brings millions of people

so much joy, Canoness Basil.

There's nothing unholy about that.

Every week, the heroes in the story fight evil and win

and isn't that what happened here today in God's house?

Surely that means He gives His blessing to these good people

in the practice of their art.

Art.

And, after all...

Yes, alright, that'll do.

I must say

I am rather curious to see a flying crucifix.

Well, you heard the woman.

Nun. Lady.

Canoness Basil.

Canoness Basil.

Come on, then, let's get the cameras rolling!

Mr Crawford.

Might Sister Peter have that line after all?

With your permission, of course, Reverend Mother.

SWANKY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

KATYA: The meteor... is glowing!

The evil forces...

Here we go, evil forces unleashed by the meteor.

Shh, this is my bit! - Save me!

SISTER PETER: Please, Lord.

Save our souls from these sadistic Soviets.

Get yourself to safety, Sisters.

There's a bomb in this convent.

THEY LAUGH — Well done, Sister Peter!

Bravo, Sister Peter, bravo!

THEY LAUGH AND CHATTER

UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS