Original subtitles

- I want to thank you for your time, mr. Lasorda.

Okay-- tommy.

I really appreciate this interview.

This'll be real quick.

Okay, now that you're retired,

I was just wondering,

Where do you think you're going with that cookie?

Put the cookie down!

No, no, no, not you, mr. Lasorda. No.

Did I--I scared you?

Oh, I didn't mean to scare you.

Oh, I didn't know you were eating a cookie.

- Don't you love nemo's at night?

The candles-- - yes.

- Twinkly lights. - I know.

Such a romantic atmosphere, huh?

- Yeah.

That's why the pope eats here.

Hey, you think he really said,

"to my buddy nemo, your pizza is infallible"?

- Hey, he's good luck.

- Yeah. Linda and I got a picture of him

Down at the shop riding a jet ski.

- No. - That was my idea.

- You see? She's brainy and beautiful.

- Aw.

- And loose.

Did you order foreplay?

I didn't order foreplay.

- You okay, honey? You're sweating.

- I sweat before I throw up.

- Two melanzonies.

- Yeah, here.

- Extra sauce.

- She's the saucy one.

- And the assorted fried cheeses plate.

- He's the fat one.

- Bon appetit.

- Ow! Ow!

- Oh, babe, let me see. Let me see.

- I got what bernie needs. Come here. Come here.

- Aw. [laughs]

You got what I need, ray?

- A gun?

Hey, that's tongue!

I thought you were a vegetarian.

- Oh, what, you never kissed in front of anybody?

- Yeah, I'm sure we have.

- There was, uh--

That one at our wedding.

[tapping on glasses]

- Oh, what, that's it?

- What are you-- come on. The pope!

- Hey, watch this.

Hey, try it like this, okay?

[imitating marlon brando] stella!

- Stella!

- Attagirl!

- What are you doing?

"I could have been a contender."

- Aww! Hello, dears.

- Were you in my office, ma?

- Yeah. I was trying to get a pen

To do the crosswords.

You know your desk drawer is locked?

- Uh, yeah, we lock it now.

- Oh?

- Yeah. It keeps the kids out.

- Oh! Ha, ha, ha!

That's a good idea.

I broke a knife in it.

- Okay, let's get to bed, ally.

- Hey.

Shower's broken.

Must've been loose, 'cause when I fiddled with it,

It came right out of the wall.

- Oh, what are you doing?

What're you taking a shower over here for?

- Well, he came home from work, and we were here,

And you know your brother.

He doesn't like to be alone in the house.

- Can we go now? I'm cold.

- Oh, sure, sweetie. Come on, let's go. Let's go.

- Uh, that's my towel.

But we can get it later.

- I'll patch the shower up for you tomorrow.

- Of course you will.

- You know that shampoo that says "no more tears"?

- Yeah.

- There's tears.

- Oh, yeah. Definitely broken.

You know how I could tell?

There should be a bathroom right here.

You know, it's got to be hard on robert

Being so gigantic.

When he was a kid,

He wasn't allowed to pet the cat.

Come on.

He couldn't pet the cat.

Oh, god. You're not okay. You're not.

- I'm fine, ray.

- See, I would've believed you if you didn't add the "ray."

Look, do you mind? I have to pack.

I'm leaving with the mets tomorrow.

- Yeah. Go ahead.

It's my brother, right?

- No, it's--

- It's my father. Yes, he's really annoying.

- [sighs] no, it's not your father.

- It's my mom, right?

Yeah, yeah. She broke our knife.

Let's kill her.

Come on, you're always saying we don't do things together.

We'll kill her and then a movie.

I don't know. I don't know what I did.

I'm usually good at knowing when it's me,

Because it's usually me.

- Ray, how come you can never just be affectionate with me?

- Oh, bernie!

- Did you see how bernie is with linda?

- I see. Everybody sees that. It's free playboy channel!

- There's nothing wrong with it once in a while.

- He was drinking.

- They're so passionate.

- They're drunks! Both of them!

Look--

Look, they've only been married for, what, two years?

So there's no kids, no exhaustion.

Just wait.

- Wait for what?

- For this.

The noise and the no sleep and the no time.

Please, know what I mean here.

- You never even say "I love you."

- Oh, now I don't love you.

- You don't say it.

- I do. - No, you don't.

- I do. - When do you say it?

- With my eyes!

- What are you doing?

- I'm--

Drowning.

Look, you want me to say it?

I love you. There. I said it.

- Oh, yeah, okay, there's the seven little words

Every woman wants to hear.

I love you. There. I said it.

- Hey, come on. Don't I say it when we--

- Oh, yelling it during sex doesn't count.

- I don't know what you want. I don't know.

- Well-- - what?

- I don't know.

Just--

Well, I--

Doesn't matter. Just--

Good night.

- Um--

I'm still packing over here.

- Good morning, everybody.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hey, guys!

Here. This is for you.

- What is this? A card?

- Mm-hmm.

Got up early to get it for you.

- Why?

- You know. 'cause of what we--

You know.

- "to a special wife."

"love like ours is real and true

"as a lily holds the morning dew.

"ever day finds joy anew,

And in every way do I love you."

- Ahh. - Yeah!

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, that's really sweet, ray.

- Yeah? - Yeah. I just--

Love it. It's--

It's a really nice card.

- Oh, something's wrong.

What, it's not enough.

Oh, I should've got the pop-up.

- Maybe you just didn't understand what I meant.

- Oh, you still want the talking.

Look, this is better than talking.

This is writing.

- Uh-huh.

You couldn't even sign it "love, ray."

You signed it, "okay? Ray."

You know this all makes me uncomfortable.

When I say I love you, it doesn't sound natural.

It's like some bad movie,

Like somebody's going to laugh at me.

- What do you mean, laugh?

- Somebody's going to laugh at me saying that stuff.

- Stuff?

- Do you love me, daddy?

- Oh, yes! Of course I love you!

I love all you guys.

And mommy.

Huh? What a mommy.

What a-- let's hear it for mommy!

Raise your hand for-- yay!

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just--

I'm not good at saying that stuff aloud.

That's the way I am.

That's the way my parents were.

- Well, okay, but you know,

Maybe there was something wrong with that.

I mean, come on.

You want to pass this trait on to your kids?

- No.

- Ray--

I love you.

- And I you.

- Oh!

- Come on!

Come on. It's all here in the card!

Debra. Debra!

- Stella!

- Stupid stinking hump!

Don't toy with me, god.

- Hey, dad, iced tea?

- No. It gets me all hopped up.

I'm almost done here.

Ow!

Damn piece of crap!

- Please, dad, take it easy a little.

- I don't know what I'm doing?

- Yeah, sure, you do, but relax.

- Give me the damn pliers.

Thanks.

- Listen, dad, I got to ask you something.

- There! Done!

A couple of things you got to remember.

It's very easy, okay. - Yeah? Like what?

- Well, it's nothing. Hot is now cold.

- What else? Is the water going to come out?

- Sure. Here's what you do.

You hold on to this one tight,

And then you push and turn with this one.

You're going to need at least two hands.

- Yeah, dad, please--

- Aah!

The water comes out very hot at first,

But save that.

You're going to need it later.

- Aw, dad, shut it. Just shut it.

- Here, give me a hand. Give me a hand.

- [groaning]

- Turn. Turn it!

- I'm turning. - Turn it!

- I'm turning it!

- Whew!

- Thanks.

Listen, dad, I was wondering something.

When was the last time

That you said "I love you" to--

Anybody?

- "I love you"?

- Yeah.

- What, do you live in a freakin' fairyland

Or something?

- Dad, I just wanted to know.

- This is real life, raymond.

People don't just go around saying that.

- Yes, they do, dad.

- Name one. Name one person.

- Debra. - That's an act.

- It's not an act, dad. She means it.

- All right. All right. Come on.

Maybe debra.

But she's, uh, nice.

Why are you asking me these things?

- I just want to know. That's all.

Do you ever say it to mom?

- You're getting kind of personal now.

- Dad, you're my father.

- Your mother and I know how we feel.

That's our business.

- What? Hello, raymond, sweetie.

How you--

What's our business?

- Nothing. Mind your own business.

- You said our business.

What are you two talking about?

- Nothing, ma. It's okay.

- You got him lying for you now?

- Go away!

- I chop up celery and dill for your rotten tuna sandwich

And I drag it across the street for you,

And you don't even have the decency--

- Hey, that's my freakin' lunch!

- Now come on. It's nothing.

I was asking, that's all. I was just asking,

How come nobody ever says "I love you" around here?

But I'm starting to realize

What a stupid question that is.

- No, that's not stupid at all, dear.

A very good explanation for it, though.

Your father doesn't know what love is.

- Okay. Oh, boy.

- When we first were married,

I said it all the time.

- Name one time. - All the time.

- When? When did you say it?

- I said it all the time!

I happen to be a very loving, caring woman.

You know that, raymond.

But I mean, after years and years of giving and sharing

And getting nothing in return, one tends to--

- You said it one time in albany.

- Oh, shut up. - One time!

- Shut up!

- The night you had the rum candy.

- Shut up, frank!

See what I have to put up with?

- Look, ma, dad, you don't have to say it.

It's okay.

- Why is it so important to you, all of a sudden?

My parents never said it.

- When you were a kid, didn't you want

Your mother and father to say it to you?

- Of course.

- But they didn't.

- They didn't want to spoil us.

- All right, this is the way we want to be?

Is this the way we want the kids to be?

I mean, what would be so wrong with saying "I love you"

Around here once in a while?

- Well, we're not living in a fairyland here, raymond.

- Hey, hot and sour soup!

- Want to give me a hand with these guys?

- Come on, guys. It's fun in the sink.

Look at that. Look how the grease separates.

All squeaky and shiny clean.

Hey, I can see myself.

- Yeah, you should be looking a little lower.

- Hey, this dish has a crack in it.

Come on.

All right, look, you're right.

You're right.

I'll try and change the way I am or something.

- You mean that?

- We're leaving now.

- Okay. Thanks.

Thanks, dad.

- The shower's fixed,

And there's just one thing I want you to know.

- What?

- Well, uh, we've been talking, and, uh--

You go ahead, frank.

- I love you.

- I love you!

- Oh, god, mom.

- I love you, debra.

- Mom, you can stop, mom.

Mom, you're scaring them.

Go. Save the children.

Okay. All right.

It's okay.

- Hey.

- Oh, robbie, sweetheart.

I love you.

I'm so sorry.

- Sorry for what?

- For never saying it.

From now on,

I'm going to say it to you all the time.

All of you, even frank.

I love you!

- Isn't this the part of the movie

Where she's supposed to get shot by the real her?

- Well, we're here for such a short while.

Your family should know how you feel.

- I'm feeling it's not that short a while here, ma.

I felt kind of embarrassed at first too.

But now--

- Oh, god.

Aw.

- I love you, son.

- All right. All right. Thanks, dad. Me too.

I'll be over here.

What?

- Well, you're my brother.

I love you, raymond.

- Oh, isn't that nice?

- Come on. Enough. Enough already!

Oh, god!

- What the hell is going on here?

- I told them what we were talking about.

- What? Why?

- I thought I could find out why I was the way I was.

But now I know why. I'm from a mental institution.

- I love you, deb.

- Robert, robert. - No, no.

- You're--

Remember the cat.

- Thanks, rob, I--I love you too.

Ray, this is not what I wanted.

Uh, could everybody just-- go back to normal?

Before everybody loved each other.

- Wait a minute.

This is between you two.

This is your problem.

- Well, yeah, yeah, I was trying to find out

Why I'm not the most demonstrative guy.

- You thought it was our fault.

- That's typical. You blame the parents.

This is your problem,

And the first thing kids do today

Is point to the mother.

- Nobody's pointing, ma.

- If it's anybody's fault, it's your father.

- Okay, please, just stop.

I don't understand.

Why do you deal with important things we talk about like this?

I'm sorry I ever bring them up.

- I'm sorry too.

I will never bother you on this subject again.

I promise, okay?

Let's just forget I ever said anything.

All right?

- Come on, deb.

Deb.

- You know, your plane leaves in two hours.

You haven't even packed yet.

- Oh, god. Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm such a screw-up.

- [clears throat]

- This love stuff--

We never mention it again.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

- I made the bed. - Yeah, I see.

- Listen-- - uh, don't.

- What?

- You don't have to say anything.

- I don't? - Nope.

- You know what? - What?

- I'm going to miss my plane.

- Okay.

- I'll call you. - Okay.

- I'll call you when I get there.

- All right.

Bye.

- I love you.

- [laughing]

- Oh, beautiful. Beautiful.

- Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

- No, that's all, cards-- only cards from now on.

Yeah, your "I love you" is going to come from ziggy.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

And, honey--

I love you.

Good. Well, get used to it,

'cause I'm going to say it all the time.

Okay. Now give the phone to mommy.