All language subtitles for Look.Whos.Talking.1989.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

I think your bookkeeper
paid for the flatware twice.

Albert, stop.
I can't do this any more.

Mollie, I love you and
you love me.

Albert, you're great in bed
and you're my biggest account.

...but you're married!

And I'll never fall
in love with anyone else
while I'm seeing you.

You know I'm leaving Beth.
It just takes time.

Every time I say the
word divorce, she loses
five pounds.

I'm sorry she's bulimic.

- I can't wait for you forever
- It's going to work out soon.

The doctor prescribed
new pills and she's
starting ballet classes.

- It'll be like the
playwriting.

- She knows this can't
make her fat. She said writing
made her ass spread.

Which is insane, she's got
a great ass for a 40-year-old.

I'll tell Mr. Ross to give
your account to someone else.

I won't let him.
I'll never let anyone
else touch my books.

God, Mollie, I'm going
to burst if you don't
kiss me soon.

Follow me. I know where
I'm going. I've got the map.
Come on.

Come on, keep up, you kids.
Here we go.

Wait a minute, I see something

I think this is it,
right over here.

This is definitely it.
This is the place.

Jackpot!

Right down here, kids.
Here we go.

Dig in, you kids. Here we go.

It's kind of tough here.

Oh, oh...

I'm in!

Are you okay?

- I broke up with George.
- Who?

George. I met him in
Joe Allen's. He turned out
to be stupid.

You look lousy, doll.

- Stomach flu. It's
going around.
- Nobody has the stomach flu.

They don't?
You want to hear about Albert?

- Listen to me.
- I am.

Albert's shrink said
his wife would never recover
if he kept seeing me.

- He's decided to leave her.
- Albert's leaving his wife?

No, he's leaving his shrink.
She was really an obstacle
between us.

Leaving his shrink?
He's supposed to leave
his wife.

He's going to. He can't
leave her while she's sick.
She's bulimic.

Don't give me that look.
It's a very serious disease.

What in the... Wait a minute.

I've got two of these things.
Look at that, they match.

- You ate all that already?
- How weird, I don't like
ice cream.

- There he is.
- This is sick.

He looks so sweet
with the kids. If only Beth
would stop throwing up.

Miss Popularity, you can't
expect to find a husband if
you never go out.

- You're in every night
of the week.
- Ma, it's tax season.

I was studying to pass
a CPA exam..

- and I still managed
to catch your father.

What if Daddy was married
when you first met him?

- I wouldn't have fallen
for him.
- You can't control that.

Why not?
Listen, take your father here.

His favourite food was
cheesecake, and what
did the doctor tell him?

- "Cut back on cholesterol."
- Now he doesn't eat
cheesecake.

Ma, that doesn't make
any sense.

You never used to like my food
Something's wrong.

- Nothing's wrong.
- Louie, something's wrong.

- I didn't eat breakfast.
- Something's wrong.

No.

Oh, no!

- Yes!
- Oh, no!

- This wasn't a planned
pregnancy?

- This wasn't even
a planned affair. Well..Iet's
see how far along we are

Time out! Holy cow,
what was that? Who's that?

How could this have happened?

- How old are you now, Mollie?
- 33.

Remember,
your biological clock
is ticking.

Beth finally agreed to
a divorce. Mollie, I'm so
glad you waited

I knew if I was patient,
this day would come.

Remember your
biological clock.

My biological
clock is ticking...

I know, I've already said that
I didn't plan on this.

I'm not asking for anything.
I don't want to trap you.

But this baby... it's you and
me, and I'm not getting
an abortion.

I wasn't going to ask you to.
This will be an
incredible baby.

He'll have your sweet face
and my business sense.

- We'll get little
Armani diapers.
- It will be a great kid.

Having my baby
what a way to say you love me

Albert, you're making me sick.
I hate that song.

Stop singing.
She gets sick, I get sick.

What are you going
to tell people?

That I got artificially
inseminated.

What?
How could you do such a thing?

I went to the clinic
and bought some frozen sperm.

- I inserted it, now
I'm pregnant.
- Where's the frozen pop?

- There's no frozen pop.
- There's no husband.

I control my life
and I want to have a baby.

This kind of thing a girl does
if she's very ugly
or a lesbian.

This is not the act
of a beautiful
intelligent girl.

You never liked
any of my boyfriends, anyway.

- Where did this sperm
come from?
- A medical student.

He goes to Columbia.
His parents live on the lsland

His father's in piece goods.
His mother works in cosmetics.

So you're making fun of me.
Wait, you'll see.

Someday you'll have children.

Look... an arm. It's an arm.

Look... isn't it cute?

Here's the head... isn't it?

Get some apple
juice down here!

- Thirsty?
- Go ahead.

"The sex organs are moulded
out of similar tissue folds."

"By the second trimester
they are identifiable."

Look, another arm
coming in down there...

How am I going to get that
in my mouth?

Miss, excuse me...

- What can I do for you?
- Albert is expecting me.

He's in with his decorator.
You can wait over there.

- I think you're going
to enjoy it.
- I'm sure I will.

- Remember to dust
it every day.
- See you later.

Hi, come on in.

Albert, was that woman pretty?

- No, you're pretty.
- I look like a big,
fat pilgrim.

How do you like the desk?

- It's made of stone.
- It's all right.

It's going to be great in here
This is all going.

I'm having a custom-made mural
of an ancient Navajo design.

Leather craftsmen in Mexico
are going to make
all new couches.

- What do you think?
- I like the deco stuff.

- Don't gain too much weight.
- My doctor says
my weight is fine.

Beth only gained 21 pounds.
She jogged three miles a day.

- Maybe you should marry her.
- Don't start.

- I've got problems, too.
- Sorry. I'm afraid
of giving birth.

- I've never been real
big on pain.
- You been to Lamaze?

I quit.
It's just a bunch
of breathing.

It's so much better
for the baby.
When Beth had Priscilla...

I'm so sick of hearing
about Beth!

How could you be in
love with her and then
in love with me?

I have a degree.
She took belly-dancing lessons

When I found out I
was pregnant,
I decided to make out a will.

When Beth had the girls,
she had a reading
of their past lives.

- And you're still with her!
- Oh yeah? Look
at this receipt.

- Galleria Apartments.
- I moved out. I did it.

I put down a deposit
this morning.

I can't believe it!
Should I come by tonight?

You'd better not.
We've still got to be careful.

Albert, I'm so happy!

I wonder if this store
has a bathroom.
I have to go again.

I love this... Look,
it takes two of them
to cover me.

- Yeah, but you're having
a baby.
- You try it on.

- Should I have a baby
with Neal?
- Do you love him?

No.

Try some of that
Nobel Prize winners' sperm.

Don't you want a smart baby?

That's all I need. A baby
telling me what an idiot I am.

- I found a nice family man.
- Except it's someone
else's family.

That's why he left.
He loves me and we're
having baby.

It sounds like the people
in the next compartment are.

- Mollie!
- Albert!

- Let me explain...
- These dresses
aren't paid for.

- Don't take this
shit from him.
- I'm going to call the cops.

After you. Thank you.

- Albert, what's going on?
- Mollie, I've fallen in love.

Beth knows.
I'm going to live
with Melissa.

I don't know if it'll last.
It just happened.

Why didn't you
say anything to me?

You were so close
to the end of your pregnancy.

I don't believe this
is happening.

This sounds awful, but
I'm going through a
selfish phase.

- A selfish phase?
- I admit the timing is bad.

- A selfish phase?
- It just happened.

A selfish phase!
Albert, you dick.

- You lousy prick!
- Leave him alone.

- Come on.
- Here.

Hey, what the...

- Wait, please, I'm in labour.
- I was here first.

Asshole! Taxi! Please...

St. Jerome's Hospital.

Oh, shit!

- Slow down! It can take hours
- So can the midtown traffic.

Pull over till the ludes
wear off.

God, you idiot!

Come on, move it.

Christ, this traffic...
We're going as fast as we can.

Hold onto my hand. Bear down,
that's what they
say in the hospital.

- Come on, move it.
- God, my water just broke.

- Hey, buddy, move it.
- You can't get through here.

- I've got an emergency.
- Sorry, buddy, move it.

Just relax.
Hold on, we're almost there.

Look out! You're going to hit.

Hold on!

You stupid son of a..!

- Are you doing your Lamaze?
- Look out!

- Breathe deep.
- Don't try to help,
just drive!

You've got to use Lamaze.
My sister-in-law used it.

- It's better for the kid.
- All men are stupid idiots.

- Should I call your husband?
- I don't have a husband.

- I was artificially
inseminated.
- Are you a lesbo?

Stupid jerk! My kid
will probably be brain
damaged because of you.

Don't touch me! I'll
have this baby without
you touching me.

- Excuse me, I'm in labour.
- Do you have your
medical card?

- I left it at home.
- I have to have your
medical card.

- This is my first baby.
- She's getting close.
Upstairs.

You didn't finish this.
I cannot do my job...

- Put these on over
your clothes.
- I'm not the father.

- Nurse, another one's coming.
- Deep breaths, come on.

Okay, this'll pass.
Watch the head.

God! I need some drugs.

- Slow down your breathing.
- Fuck my breathing!

- You've got to calm down.
- Get me some drugs.

- No, you don't want drugs.
- I do. I'm going
to split in two.

By the time they
take effect she could
be delivering.

- But what about now?
- I'm waiting for a doctor.

Are you a doctor? Come on.

- Water break?
- Half an hour ago.

- Are we doing our Lamaze
breathing?
- I dropped out of Lamaze.

I'll go to summer school
if you make the pain stop.

- How about some Demerol?
- God, that'd be great!

I'd like some of that.
Give me a lot of it.

So it doesn't wear off
during the birth.

I think maybe I'm in a
bit more pain than most
of your patients.

Be sure and give me enough.

- There we go.
- Thank you a really lot.

That is a little more like it.

Hey, here's Mr. Hand here.

Now that is very cosmic.
I don't understand...

What's that light down there?

That's it, breathe!

Attagirl, push. One more.

Stop with that pushing!
I'm falling!

Help!

No, put me back in! Let go
of my head and put
me back inside!

It's a boy.

It's a boy.

Who are you?
Lady, I'm freezing.
I'm so cold.

Get that thing away from me.

- You want to do the cord?
- No, you take this one.

I need that!

Lady, a blanket,
something,
I'm frosty out here.

No, don't do that!

Where are we going now?
Hey, don't drop me.

Oh, very nice...

I don't know about you,
but I'm beat.

So you're the one
that's been kicking me.

You're the one
that ate the spicy food.

This is the weirdest
thing that's ever happened
to me... so far.

I don't get it. I just don't
get it. Where did I go wrong?

Where are my thumbs?
I want to suck my thumbs.

- I have to get my own place.
- I've been reincarnated
so quickly?

What a surprise!

Who stole my sucking thing?
I need my sucking thing!

I just remembered
I hate childhood.

Look at all those daddies.

Making goofball faces
and taking pictures
of their babies.

You won't find your
father here.

I really messed things
up for you.

Don't be upset.
I'm going to find you a daddy.

And not just some handsome guy
I'm in love with.

You're all that matters to me.
I'll get you the best
daddy ever.

Out, down, in, out...
Well, we got that.

What have you got there?
A hand?

Yeah, two of them.

Oh, my God!

"On the third or fourth day
your breasts may
swell slightly."

Slightly?
I look like a Russ
Meyer movie.

Workman.

- Oh, no! Sorry.
- Real nice.

- You got your figure back.
- This is not my figure.

Sorry I hit you and
yelled at you, but I was
in a lot of pain.

I still owe you that cab fare,
but somebody stole my purse.

- How do you like New
York so far?
- It's my kind of town.

I'll get you the rest later...
Wait a minute...

- How did you know where
I lived?
- You left it in the cab.

Thanks.

You should look through
that thing. You've still
got your diaphragm.

Don't smoke that around
my baby.

There's a 62 * higher
rate of cancer in people
who live with smokers.

What are you trying to say?
You don't want me to
move in yet?

Do you think the drugs
had any effect on him?

- How did you know
I had drugs?
- I don't. I didn't.

You can tell in his eyes.
He looks stoned.

- He does not. He
looks perfect.

- You don't look so
hot yourself.

If you tried passing a
watermelon, how hot
would you look?

Ouch! I should call
my mother more often. Get it?

- Do you want a sub?
- No, will you just watch him?

Don't take him out of
his chair and don't touch
him a whole lot.

Hi, Mikey. I'm James.

- Good to meet you.
- Do you mind if I
suck on that?

- How long have you been here?
- About five years.

- Were you born in New York?
- Are you with the
census bureau?

How do you like the
outside world?
It's weird, isn't it?

- Yeah, tell me about it.
- Here, your first
lesson in coffee.

- Can you say black coffee?
- No.

Regular coffee has
two sugars and milk...
which they have forgotten.

Can I borrow some of yours?
Coffee regular, I love it.

That's breast milk.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- You're on your own.

I'll see you guys later.

I'm going to take my sub and
my breast milk and
get out of here.

I've got something
cold and wet in my shorts.

Could you get somebody for me?
Fellas?

You guys are no help.
I'm cold and wet and there's
nothing I can do.

It's okay, Mikey.
Mommy's here.

That Mommy person's here again
She's okay. I like her.

I start crying
and she comes in with a bottle

Crying, I can handle that.

Taxi!

Taxi!

"80 * of all women experience
post-partum depression."

I won't.

Like a lot of parents, I can't
always be there on birthdays.

Help, somebody burp me
before I blow up.

That's it! You have
some exotic disease and
I look like a zombie.

And your father deserted
us so he could pork his
interior decorator.

I think you can safely say
that it can't get any worse.

- Hello!
- I was wrong.

Where's my grandson?

There he is.

- Mikey, do you know who I am?
- No, actually, I don't.

- I'm your grandma.
- Okay, if you say so.

- Yes, I am.
- What do you want from me?

- Who's got a wet tushy?
- I give up.

After a new diaper, I like
some of that white stuff on me

If you had a man instead
of a frozen pop, all this
would be put together.

You make it sound like I had
an affair with a frozen
dessert.

- You look awful.
- Thank you.

You're using too much powder.

Why don't you get out
of the house? I'm going
to give Mikey a bath

A what?

She's gone!

Who would you want
as your child's father?

Someone with a small mouth
and good hair...

- A guy to help raise
your child.
- Are there men who do that?

I'm looking for a guy
who's not married, -

- not into drugs,
not a deadbeat,
but not a workaholic.

- And cute.
- Cute is of no importance.

You're my first date
since my baby was born.

This looks delicious.

What is this?
I asked for well done.
This is raw.

I asked for no dressing,
this is covered with slop.

Are you deaf or something?
Who do I have to kill
to get a roll?

What's this "C" in algebra?
How many times did
we go over it?

Are you an idiot?

Dating is difficult, but
you've got to take a
chance in life sometime.

I'm not so sure about that.
Excuse me.

This fork and this
plate are dirty, and there's
something in the water.

Check your water.

Mikey, what is this mess?
Sort out these socks.

Why are school shirts
mixed up with after-
school shirts?

Straighten this up properly.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Somebody call for a cab?
- Yeah, small world.

More mail for Vincent Ubriacco
I don't even know this guy.

Let me have them. Put them
up here, the postman will
take care of them.

- It's good seeing you again.
- You, too. See you.

- You're stealing my mail!
- I'm not stealing your mail.

- You put it in your pocket!
- These are mine.

- I sent them here.
I'll explain.
- I'm going to call the police

My grandfather Vincent
needs an old-age home -

- and there's a place in
Manhattan, but he
needs to be a resident.

You want to use my
mailing address?

I could have you arrested.
Screwing with the mail is
a federal offence.

Stealing mail is,
not screwing with it.

- Can I get the other letters?
- No, I don't want to
get involved.

I went out of my way
to bring you back your purse.

Thank you very much,
but this happens to be illegal

You're not going to get caught
I'll do something
for you, okay.

- I'll baby-sit.
- Come on...

- You don't know about babies.
- My sister has kids.

- I know a lot about babies.
- All right, Friday night.

- No can do, Friday's out.
- Then forget the whole deal.

- Okay, Friday, but that's it.
- And during my
aerobics classes.

- One aerobics class.
- Saturday.

Can't do. I teach.

What do you teach?
Taxi driver's ed?

- That's not funny.
- Here's the deal.

Friday nights, two aerobics
classes, and you can't
bring chicks over.

You're pushing it.
All right, it's a deal.

- Sucker.
- Good.

- don't force-feed him
like that.
- i'm not!

- Why don't you take a nap?
- He doesn't need a nap.

- He knows when he's tired.
- I'm not tired at all.

If he doesn't take a nap -

- he will wake up and want
to eat when it's time to sleep

- Who says?
- All those doctors.

- They just want to sell books
- Dr. Spock is not like that.

Dr. Spock loves us.
He protested during
the Vietnam war.

I'm sorry I said anything
about Dr. Spock.

I can't believe she's getting
upset about a Vulcan.

- Have you got any
other letters?
- They're in the hallway.

Mommy's asleep. Watch this.

What do you say you
and me take a ride so
your mother can sleep?

- Is that a deal?
- Just bring the milk.

See that? That's my cab.

I do this to make money,
but not for long.

Okay, this is called driving.

When you get older,
I'll teach you how.

First, you put the
little stick in the hole.

Then you move your foot
back and forth.
Okay, what next?

You move the big circle around

No problem, I can do this.
I can drive.

- Hey.
- Hey, Jimmy.

That silver plane is a VJ-10.

That big plane is a Viscount.

- Hey, Carrie.
- What a sweetie.

- Is it yours?
- Yeah, but he needs a mother.

I'm kidding. Is this my
schedule?

- There's nothing on it.
- I'm sorry.

Do these things come
in different sizes?
What are these, jumbos?

- What are you staring at?
- Lunch.

Mikey?

Mikey?

I want to report a
missing baby.

Maybe he was kidnapped,
or maybe he's with
a complete idiot!

Hey, Grandpa.

That's Grandpa.

Do I know you?

- Jimmy!
- Grandpa.

- I don't remember your baby.
- It's a friend of mine's.

- You sure it isn't yours?
- I've got more teeth than him

What are those hairy jobs
over your eyes?

Let me see those things.
There we go. How
does that feel?

- Mikey, lay off him.
- What a crack-up.

- Honey, I'm home.
- Me, too.

- Hey, you're up.
- My baby! Honey, honey...

Mommy and her baby...

Idiot! I called the police.
I was worried out of my mind.

- You knew I was with him.
- You might be a kidnapper.

- I was baby-sitting for you.
- That means the baby
stays here!

Damn it! I got a splinter.

Let me see it.

- Have you got a needle?
- In there.

Sit down.

Oh, stop.

If you don't hold still,
I can't do this.
It doesn't hurt.

It hurts. Don't do it that way

- You're poking me!
- Hold still while I get
it out.

- It can't hurt that much.
- How would you know?

- Look at that. That's a
big one.
- I've never had one that big

- All better.
- Mikey needs a nap.

Mikey, I've got to go.
See you.

Ready? High-five.
Low-five. Baby-five. Bye.

- Bye.
- My little angel-head.

- Mollie, who was that?
- The babysitter.

The babysitter?
He's not the frozen pop,
is he?

- Ma!
- All right, give me the baby.

- Ma...
- What?

- You ever get bored
with Daddy?

- How can I get bored
with Daddy?
Mikey needs a father.

- I just can't find
the right guy.

- Mikey will like whoever
you like.

- I don't like anybody.
- You know what the secret is?

Find someone you
have something in common
with, like Daddy and me.

We both like to go
to the movies.
I know someone perfect for you

He's in Daddy's firm.
He's handsome and smart.
You'll love him.

Hello! Rosie didn't tell me
you were beautiful.

I'm surprised, that's usually
the first thing she says.

Come on in.

This is my son Michael.
I'll get dressed.
Make yourself comfortable.

- Hi, little guy.
- Who's this yutz?

Are you watching some TV?

Don't touch that.
I don't want to watch football

Hey, it's the bear show.
Look at that.

- Leave it on football.
- Leave it alone.

- That guy's a good actor.
- Cut it out. It's
the play-offs!

You dick.

- Baby! Hot mama!
- You're such a goofball.

- Don't I look good?
- You look slightly cute.

- What are you all dressed
up for?
- I've got a hot date.

You'd better call her.
I'm going to be late.

Yeah, right. You've got a date
with an accountant. 9:30 tops.

- Don't count on it.
- Besides, my woman will wait.

Harry, this is the babysitter.
I'll just get my coat.

- I'm just watching the
game here.

- Yeah, I've got
money on this game.

So you're an accountant?
You and Mollie
will get along great.

- She's a CPA.
- I know, her mom told me.

It's got to be tough
being a mom and a CPA.

But Mollie is tough.
She hates it when guys
open doors for her -

- or pick up the tab.
It really pisses her off.

- She's liberated?
- Come on. A guy babysitter?

Come here, Mikey.
Say bye-bye to Mama.

- Do this.
- Jeez!

Give it back.
This is really embarrassing.

May I just say one thing?

- You look better without it.
- I think so, too.

- Sexy.
- Yeah.

- All right, I'll leave it off
- Great.

Bye-bye. See you.
Mikey, high-five.

- Yeah, all right.
- Who was that clown?

It was very uncomfortable.

A kind of bloated, gassy...
belchy sensation.

I'd sit down in the bathroom..
and nothing would happen.

Nothing would come out.

I called my doctor about two..

...three weeks after this
started.

He said I'd better come in
and have an ultrasound.

- What was I saying?
- Ultrasound.

So I went in for the
ultrasound and they
checked it out.

It wasn't gallstones.
They didn't know what it was.

The doctor said I'd better
have an upper G. I.
So I went in again.

- Have you ever had a
barium enema?
- Not recently.

It's disgusting,
but I did get to see
my colon on TV.

Is it true that colons
look 10 pounds heavier on TV?

How so?

They never do that for me.

Get on my knee.

- Hold it. Okay.
- Get down, Mikey.

Yeah, I can do that.

Let's walk.

I'm dancing. I'm bad.

- Check me out now.
- Jump.

Hey, can I get paid?

Two, please.

Are you ready?

I'm gonna throw up,
but I like it!

Okay, shake it up.

Right on.

Ready? Shake it, Mikey.

Let's go.

Aeroplane.

Mikey's a plane.
Look at that boy.

All right.

Finally, I passed the stone.

It's the most excruciating
thing you can have,
next to giving birth.

- I had a really good
time tonight. - I bet you did.

A lot of guys would
feel threatened by
a woman always wanting to pay.

- What?
- Your babysitter told me.

- He did, did he?
- Yeah.

- Come here.
- No, I really have to go up.

- Come on, Mollie, it's early.
- Yeah, but I'm broke.

Jerk.

Shit!

I'm home.

You can go on your date now.

- Hey, Mikey!
- Sarah, how are you doing?

- I want to talk to you.
- Sorry, got to go.

Right back at you, babe.

- Hiya, Mickey.
- Look at that hat.

- Megan, good to see you.
- Mikey, where've you been?

- Did you get your hair cut?
- Yeah, what do you think?

I hate it.
My mother did it herself.

It looks great.

I used to have curls
at the end.

- I remember.
- I was the one with the
cute curls.

- Now they're gone.
- You're still cute.

- I look like a boy.
No offence.
- Nice talking to you.

How many babies does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

- How many?
- What's a light bulb?

I don't get it.

Where's she going?
Who's that big guy?

- Who is he?
- That's okay.
That's her daddy.

What's a daddy?
What do they do?

The big men types
who hang around with
the mommies.

I get it. Maybe I'll ask James
to be my daddy.

We 'll eat all the
pudding now...

- I still ain't eating it.
- Yummy.

All right, don't look at Mommy

You've got to love her.

Watch this, Mikey.

- Now that's entertainment.
- Not in front of Mikey.

- Look at the look on his face
- He looks like his father.

You said
you were artificially
inseminated.

i was, but i never
make that face.
i assume his father does.

You know what I thought
you'd enjoy doing today?

- Go to my grandfather's
new home.
- You thought I'd enjoy that?

Yeah, you'd enjoy it...
Maybe you'd sign a few papers.

You are such a baby.
If you want me to do
something, just ask.

Would you please come with me
to sign these papers?

- That's how you
handle a woman.
- Really?

You want to go to lunch
at North Eastern
Life lnsurance?

- Employees get free lunches.
- We'll get caught.

I must know 20 ways
to get a free lunch
in this town.

- You do this a lot?
- Sure.

I don't pay for L. D.'s,
either. Long
distance phone calls.

I go up to a company
receptionist.

I pretend I'm a lost messenger
and they let me use
their phone.

I wouldn't be driving this cab
if I made more instructing.

- What do flight instructors
make?
- If I hustle, about 1, 100...

...a month.
But I get to accumulate
air time.

- Give me my bag!
- He's not stealing our bags.

- I've got my teeth in there.
- They're coming with us.

Tell him not to touch my teeth

Welcome, gramps.

- Are we stopping for a bite
to eat?
- No, this is your new place.

- They got good shrimp here?
- And lobster.

This is it. Enjoy your stay.

Grandpa, this is great.

You've got a terrific view.
No roommate to bug you.
Television.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

He's got a sweet tooth.
Give him one candy bar a day.

- Just don't let him
find the bag
. - No problem.

That smells good.

- Grandpa, that smells good.
- I'd like to see you eat it.

Watch this.

Let me try that.

- What do you want?
- Mollie helped us
get this place.

The woman has thousands
more nerves in the sexual
organs than the man.

- I bet the kid's not
even yours.
- That's it! Be nice.

He's worse at this than I am.
Let me give you a hand.

Come on, taste it.

Open wide.

- Thank you for helping me.
- You're welcome.

- You want to go flying?
- That would be way
too expensive.

- Maintenance flights are free
- You get everything for free.

Free phone calls, free
lunches...
You're a scam artist.

I've got the town wired.
If we were poor,
we'd still live like kings.

- Fly with me.
- I'm not that kind of person.

- Come on. Are you scared?
- No, I'm not scared!

- Where are the parachutes?
- There are no parachutes.

Didn't you ever see
"The Buddy Holly Story",
"La Bamba"?

There's one big difference.
They were rock legends.
You're not.

- Is your wing smoking?
- No... Oh, my God!

- It was just a joke to
relax you.
- I'm just so nervous.

I feel so out of control.

I'll give you your
first lesson.
Put your hand on my stick.

- I'm not touching your stick.
- This is not a sexual thing.

That feels good, baby.

Get familiar with the stick.

- There you go, you're flying.
- I'm flying!

I'm doing a good job.
This is easy! What a
good sensation!

- It's like great sex,
isn't it?

- I personally wouldn't
remember.

- He's pretty tired.
- He's had a busy day.

- Do you want a drink?
- Do you want to watch
a movie?

Stop it!

Stop yelling or your
father will give you something
to yell about.

Knock it off!

Princess,
you're making my mouth water.

I'm hungry.

Hold your horses, or I'll
knock you from here to
kingdom come.

You know that dumpster behind
the supermarket? Look
what I found.

A perfectly good head
of lettuce, just peel
off the outer layers

Who wants a surprise?
Could be lunch
meat or peaches.

The point is this:
Just because it's free,
don't mean it's no good.

- Do we live like kings,
or what?
- We sure do.

Again!

Wait a minute.

- I'm sorry, I really
do want this.
- I do, too.

- It's Mikey.
- He's asleep.

I have to be very clear
on the choices I make for him.

I can't make any more mistakes
that are going to hurt Mikey.

- But I'm crazy about Mikey.
- I know that I was
leading you on.

You're such a good kisser and
I haven't had sex in a
long time...

Goodbye. Please... Goodbye.

- Mollie, could I talk to you?
- Hold just a minute, please.

Just between you and me,
what's with you and
Chubby Charles?

What do you mean?

Pearlman's doing the bank recs
Rubenstein's doing
the quarterlies.

Now Albert's returns are due.
So what's with you?

I traded Rubenstein two
accounts for the Chubby
Charles account.

I can't do it anymore...
It's personal.

We're accountants...
we're not personal.

- I don't...
- You've worked for
him for years.

Now, with all the new tax laws
you desert him.

- You don't understand...
- I want you up there tomorrow

Don't give me that look.
And you, get back to work.

Please, give me a second
chance. This has been
like a bad dream

I felt so guilty
leaving Beth and the girls.

You've been such an asshole,
I'd have to torture you.

That's okay. I want you to.

- Mollie, Mollie...
- What?

- I'll burst if I don't
kiss you.
- Tough!

Albert can see you now.

- Mollie, how's Mickey?
- Mikey.

- Is he talking yet?
- No.

Crawling?
I remember Astrid crawling...

I'm not interested in
your stories.

- I've been meaning to
talk to you.
- I'm here to do your taxes.

Eyelash tinting,
body wraps, facials...

- You can't deduct any
of this crap.
- And the exercise instructor?

Not unless she suffered
any injury.

What's the little
woman been up to?

Is Priscilla sick?
These doctor bills are for her

Therapy.
Beth communicaes with the dead

It really frightens Priscilla.

We're all seeing a
psychiatrist now.
I've been learning a lot.

- I'm happy for you, Albert.
- I know you've been
through a lot.

You've got to believe
I love you. I never meant
for this to go bad.

- It just turned out that way.
- It took $20,000 to
find that out?

- Do you have a picture of
Mickey?
- Mikey!

- I think about you two
every day.
- You'd never know it.

I try to call, but
I can't do it.

I'm too ashamed.
I'm afraid of what you'll say.

I've been so confused.

- He has my eyes.
- I know.

It's confusing loving someone
who looks like someone
you hate.

Could I see him?

All right.
I'll be home this evening.

Next time you talk to your mom
put in a good word in for me.

Hit me. Hit it again.

- No... yeah?
- Hit it again.

- I know what I'm doing.
- Damn! You won again.

I told you I could play.
I've been thinking about
this daddy business.

I want you to be my daddy.
I'll tell Mommy.

- Who is it?
- Mollie?

- Is Mollie here?
- No, she's at aerobics class.

- Is Mikey here?
I'm his father.
- His father?

- Are you the sperm donor?
- I'm the kid's father?

- He's from artificial
insemination.
- I've known Mollie for years.

- I have a key.
- We're changing it.

- What?
- That's my kid in there.
Let me by.

If you are the father,
answer me a few questions.

- When was he born?
- July third.

What's his favourite toy,
Fred or Barney? Fred?

No, Barney. How many diapers
does he go through a day? Six.

- A father should know.
- How much is she paying you?

- Go play some video games.
- Don't give me that shit.

Come on, Dad. Let's go.

Go for the body!

Get out of here!

Yes, that feels good.

- What happened?
- Who's Albert?

- Why, was he here?
- Is he Mikey's father?

- You lied about the
insemination.
- He was married.

Do you love him?

- What?
- Do you love him?

I don't know who I love.

The only thing that
matters to me is who's
best for Mikey.

Albert is successful,
responsible and he's good
to his other kids.

- I don't want him seeing
Mikey.

- Don't start pulling
this on me.

- He has a right to see
his son.
- Where has he been all year?

- You are not his father.
- I'm the closest
thing he's got.

Look at you.
You're like a big kid.

Are you responsible enough
to be a father?

Is getting pregnant by
a married man responsible?

- Stop it.
- You stop it.

I've seen you use Mikey
to push guys away,
and now you're doing it to me.

- Get out!
- I live here!

Can a person past
a certain age change?

Daddy's lipids fell to 185.

I'm not talking about
cholesterol. Can
someone become nicer?

I don't know.

When you met Daddy
at that dance, did you
know he'd be a good father?

- I liked the look of
his uniform.
- They all wore uniforms.

I didn't like
the sailors' bell-bottoms.

You had no idea if he was
a mature responsible person.

If I thought like that,
we wouldn't have had
so much fun the first week.

You're grossing me out.
Don't talk about sex and Daddy

Hi, Lupe.

I just want to talk to Mikey
for a minute.

Hey, Gerber-face, high-five.

Look, Mikey... I don't know
if I can keep coming
to see you.

- What's the matter?
- It's your mom.

She's got this crazy idea
that I wouldn't make a
good father.

She probably wouldn't
have picked my father, either.

I think he did an okay job.
Want to hear some
fatherly advice?

Hi, Lupe.

- The man's in the baby's room
- Okay, I'll write you a check

He said, "Don't hit girls,
even if they're
asking for it."

What about pushing them?

He'd say, "Finish your meat,
you know how much that cost?"

The one that sticks
out the most was probably...

"lf your friend jumps off
a bridge, does that mean
you've got to?"

To this very day,
I still use that piece
of advice.

It doesn't amount to much.

A good father keeps the
mother happy so she doesn't
drive the kids crazy.

She called me a big kid...
She's probably right.

You're one year old
and my best friend
in the world.

Anyway...

- I'll miss you.
- Don't be sad.
Here, take this.

- No, I want you to have it.
- Okay, thanks.

He'll take good care of you.

- We're going to see
Daddy today.

- I was just thinking
about James.

- The blue or the lamb?
- They both look pretty lame.

- The lamb?
- Not lamb, lame!

Please don't make me
wear clothes with
animals on them.

I don't like this.
It makes me look stupid.

- You look great.
- I feel like a retard.

Look at this room.
Look at these guys.

I bet I could take
those apart.

Little metal things...
I'll stick them in
those little holes.

Mollie, hi. This must be Mikey

Hiya, fella. What are
you doing?

- Aren't you a handsome...
- Milk in the eye.

Bull's-eye!

It's all right.
It's just milk, it won't stain

- He's beautiful. He looks
like you.
- A lot of people say that.

I know the circumstances
you had him under
were terrible.

- But I know it wasn't a
mistake.
- I bet he's glad to hear that

You will never escape me.

- Mikey, don't do that!
- What did I do?

Some people don't have
the strength to get out
certain situations.

What are you trying to say?
Mikey, don't touch that.

I'm saying I still love you
and I still want you.

- And what about Mikey?
- Count on me. Whatever
he needs.

He needs a father.

I'm living alone for the
first time in 17 years.
I'm in therapy.

I can't be anybody's
father now.
I need to be by myself.

- I've raised my kids.
- Raised them? They're
11 and 9!

- Have they moved out?
- Too much fruit!

It wouldn't be fair to Mikey.

- Is he taking a dump?
- No, he's thinking real hard.

- I'll get you cleaned up.
- Use the washroom in the back

- He'll ask about his daddy.
- I want James to be the daddy

Don't do that here.
That's a $10,000 desk!

- Now it's junk!
- I thought you'd understand.

Of course I understand.
You're going through a
selfish phase.

I know you will understand
that I'm going through a
destructive phase.

Let's trash the place.

I'm sorry about that
stupid outfit.

I'm sorry I made you meet
that mean man. Never again.

every time i take you
someplace, people are crazy
about you.

Yet the person who has
a genetic bond to you treats
you like a jerk.

Everybody loves you.
All the kids at the
playground.

Ma loves you. Rona loves you.

James loves you.
Mikey, do you love James?

- Give him a call.
- Do you want to play
telephone?

Hello?

It's for you. You take
this one, I'll take
the other one.

This is Lou Franklin,
I'm phoning about
your grandfather.

He's become abusive
and violent.

- Should I call Health
& Welfare?

- No, I'll come and
pick him up.

- What's going on?
- I'm a hostage.

He's a mean old bastard!

- Look what he did to my arm?
- Don't talk to him like that.

- They're hiding Dora.
- They are not.

- Then where is she?
- Sit down. I'll find
her for you.

Let's get your face cleaned up
You want to look good for her.

You're my favourite
daughter-in-law.
You're smart and a good person

That's why Jimmy loves
you so much.

- There you go.
- Let's go find James.

I'll show you some pictures.

Grandpa, did you eat all these
candy bars today?

- The bastards stole my candy.
- We'll get some more.

- Where's the director's
office?
- Down the hall.

- We're busy.
- I'll keep my eye
on them for you.

I'll be back in a minute.

This isn't his usual behaviour
My husband made arrangements.

It isn't the orderly's
responsibility to control
his diet.

He requires a private nurse.

No, he doesn't. The orderly
was told to give him one
candy bar a day.

- He said no problem.
- That was Bill.

Bill always says no problem.
The man can't speak English.

- So can Grandpa stay?
- Of course.

- Thank you.
- Thanks for coming
down so fast.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Your grandfather can stay.
- You didn't have to do that.

- I wanted to do it.
- Let me give you a ride home.

- Don't bother.
- Fine!

D.J., it's time for lunch.
Let's go.

- Are you okay with him?
- Get the hell out of here.

Steven and Paulie,
they're your cousins.

- Hi, Vince.
- Hello, Esther.

Esther... I'd like you
to meet my grandson.

Hey, there goes James.

Where's he going?
Maybe he's going downstairs.

- They took me to the
beauty salon.
- Where's the elevator.

Going down.

I'll just press all these.

Perfect! I'll just hitch
a ride with the fruit cups.

There we go.
Take her away, boys.

- Mikey.
- Grandpa, where's Mikey?

- He was just here.
- How long ago did he leave?

- I'll check the hallway.
- I'm calling the police.

Hi, toots. Anyone seen my dad?

- That's lda's grandson.
- Come on, I'm in a hurry.

- Here, fella, go find
your grandma.
- Thanks for nothing.

When the police get here,
will you show them
these pictures?

All right, I'm on the
case now.

That is exactly what I need.

I could find him in
one of those.
Let's see if I remember this.

I'll set this thing down
right here and get
that door open.

What was it James said?

Stick this in here...
There it goes.

Move the circle around
and we're off.

Mikey!

Mikey!

- He's in the back of that car
- Let's get the cab.

- Hey!
- Stop!

I got this driving thing
knocked.

Move it!

There he is. Look at me.
Hey, James, I'm driving!

James... where's he going?

- What are you doing?
- I'll cut him off.

You'll lose him.

I know this alley
like the back of my hand.

Mikey! He's gone!

Mikey!

- You had a little
boy in there.
- What are you talking about?

He's about this big.

- This is a good
place to spot him.
- Mikey!

Mikey, stop!

- James, is that you?
- Mikey, don't move.

James, Mommy...

Here I come.

- Mikey!
- I'm coming.

- Did you see what just
happened?
- Give me my baby.

Are you all right, honey?
Let me see you.

He doesn't have a
scratch on him.

I finally got you
both together.

I better take
him to the hospital anyway.

Ma, I want James
to be the daddy.

- Thanks for all your help.
- I'll take you home now.

- Dada.
- I think he called you Dada.

No, I'm talking
to hear myself speak.

- He thinks you're his father.
- I've spent a lot
of time with him.

He probably thinks
we're going to end
up together.

I hope
they don't get stuck together.

Should I tell them
I need a new diaper?

No, I'll wait.

- Hi, honey.
- Mikey, this is your
sister Julie.

Say "Hi, Julie."

Don't start with me,
kid! I've had a day
you wouldn't believe.

English subtitles - IFT