Original subtitles

[crowd cheering]

[Lowe] What an exciting match this has been so far.

Richmond have been strong throughout.

But, oh! Portsmouth have a breakaway!

And now the pressure is on the Richmond rear guard.

[panting]

[Siobhan grunting]

That is brilliant defending from the Harrigan twins.

["Light of Day" playing]

You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Use your fucking eyes!

- Right, that's enough. No. - For fuck's sake!

- You need to fucking retire. Shite! - Off you go. Off.

[Lowe] Well, correct or not, it's a penalty for Sunderland

- deep into injury time. - [referee] You okay, keeper?

[Lowe] This will certainly be the final kick of the match.

[whistle blows]

Roker steps up and...

Saved by Quinn. But, hang on!

The ball's still in play!

[player] Press, press!

[Lowe] Davis with a risky clearance, but she prevents the corner,

- and there is the final whistle. - [both screaming]

[Lowe] And you have to say, that was brilliant from the captain.

[song continues]

[whistle blows]

[Lowe] El Sherif finds Song.

Oh, that is a lovely give-and-go as El Sherif shoots and scores.

[cheering, whooping]

I hear there's a new sheriff in town, huh?

Nice.

[music ends]

[Lowe] Gemma Jay with her second goal of the game

to put Richmond up 3-nil over Charlton.

Attagirl! [whoops]

[cheering]

[Lowe] Gemma Jay isn't just fast as lightning.

She's the top scorer in the league, and she is putting on a show, Jill.

[Jill] And not just some flash in the pan show,

like The Mouse Trap, or Gogglebox.

She's making something that will endure.

The pyramids, Mozart, institutional racism,

the carabiner, the letter J,

as in Gemma Jay, who's a Gemma joy to watch.

Way to stick that landing, Jill.

Got to admit lost track a little bit in the middle.

We take Gemma out, rest her for next game?

Yeah, no, it makes sense to me. Coach?

- Mmm. - Yep?

Liza!

[Ted chuckles]

Hey, that better not be for me.

Oh, the lady doth protest, methinks.

- What do you say, Coach? - I defer.

Coach?

Nah, leave her in. Let her go for a hat trick.

You big old softy.

Uh, sorry, Liza.

- False alarm. Stay ready. - Yeah, stay ready. We got you.

Get them pants up. Here we go.

Here we go, Greyhounds!

[upbeat music playing]

[grunts, groans]

[person exclaims]

- [grunts] - [tense music playing]

Oh, fuck.

It's all right.

- You all right, Gem? - Yeah, hold still.

- Knee? Knee? Yeah, come. Come, come. Now. - Yeah.

It's all right, just breathe. Just breathe, just breathe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[muffled chattering]

[distorted] Gemma. Did your knee give way?

All right, focus on me, darling. Focus on me.

Okay, we're gonna straighten it a bit.

Okay?

Right. And towards you.

All the way. All the way. That's it.

[tense music playing]

[panting]

[theme music plays]

Any update on Gemma's knee?

Uh, well, it depends.

There are three different grades of possible injury.

Grade one is a sprained ligament where she'll be out for only six to eight weeks,

but grades two and three both require surgery

and could have her out for a full year.

Oh. Then it's bye-bye promotion and hello Higgins Report Multiverse.

Am I right?

Or, yeah. We'll wait and see, you know. [mutters]

Yeah, I mean, we only got another day until the swelling goes down.

Then we go and get an MRI on her ACL, PDQ.

But, uh, apparently the ETA of that scan is still TBD FYI,

even though we've asked Dr. Strudwick to see Gemma ASAP PP.

- As soon as possible, pretty please. - Oh.

And why can't Strudwick see Gemma tomorrow?

- Uh... - I mean, if she was the star player

on the men's team, obviously he would.

[stammers] That is the assumption.

I'll call the doctor personally.

I can help with that.

Perfect. And don't worry.

I sent Gemma the most beautiful gift basket this morning.

- That's good. - Hmm.

And I think I should stick around here for the rest of the day, just in case.

I don't wanna go to Chelsea.

♪ I don't want to go to... ♪

Oh, we do not need Elvis Costello, thank you.

Well, what's in Chelsea, besides my interior designer,

my dry cleaner, and my lover?

Roy is being added to their wall of legends today.

Oh.

I've been doing my best to avoid him since New Year's,

not in a mean way, just out of self-preservation, really.

But now I have to spend the afternoon doing

something with him that he doesn't wanna do.

So are we sure that Gemma doesn't need my help at all today?

Uh, no, she's gone to her parents' house in Belsize Park.

- Ooh, that's a lovely part of town. - Hmm.

Yeah, I think she just needs a little space right now.

And we gonna give it to her.

- [doorbell rings] - [sighs]

Hello. Oh! You must be the new landscaper.

I'll meet you round the back.

Uh, oh, no. No, sorry, I'm-I'm Alice.

I'm here to see Gemma.

[chuckling] I'm so sorry. Please come in.

[chuckles, sighs]

How nice for Gemma to have a friend stop by.

Oh, I'm-I'm not her friend. I'm her coach.

Oh, well, still.

Uh, sorry, should I take off my shoes?

No, it's fine.

Oh, and please forgive the state of the crown moldings.

Our contractor is still on paternity leave.

Seems a bit strange seeing as he sets his own hours.

But, you know, good for him.

Gemma, love, look who's here.

Hello.

I thought she'd come to trim our shrubs. Isn't that funny? [chuckles]

Do you wanna get Alice a cup of tea, Mum?

Oh, yes, and now, let me guess.

- Peppermint, chamomile, ginger turmeric. - Mum?

- Oh. I'll figure you out. [chuckles] - [chuckles]

How are you doing?

Oh, I'm-I'm living the dream.

Yeah. I mean, I knew you were rich, but...

I'm not rich. My parents are.

I don't care about any of this stuff.

Oh, okay.

Do you wanna sit?

Yeah.

- Oh, no, not there. That's antique. - [exclaims]

Fucking with you. It's just a chair.

Fucking hell.

[sighs]

Nice gift basket.

Someone likes you.

Yeah, they're from Miss Welton.

Oh, that's thoughtful.

Sure, I mean, I'm deathly allergic to tree nuts,

but apart from that, thoughtful.

[kettle whistling]

What's up?

Right, yeah.

Uh, I just wanted to say, um, once you get your MRI back,

we can start drawing up a... a rehab plan.

I think you'll be out for just a few weeks, if it's just a strain,

obviously a bit longer if it's anything else, but you'll bounce back.

And I'll be here to help in any way you want.

If-If you want, obviously.

Alice, thank you.

Really,

- but... - Now, I took you for a peppermint girl.

Oh, yeah. Spot on.

Uh, listen. Once Caroline sees your scans, we can figure out the...

Alice.

I'm not sure that football is my thing

in the same way that it's your thing.

Gemma's just been offered a very prestigious

internship at McMillan and Parkes.

You got it?

Okay, good.

Congratulations, you said you were gonna do both.

Well, that was before I got hurt.

Like, if I work my arse off at this thing, in a year's time,

I could have a really good job and be on really good money.

I'd be set.

You know, or I could spend the next year learning how to run again.

You see, Alice, Gemma's father

- was a footballer and... - Mum.

So you're just gonna quit again?

[sighs]

I'm so sorry. I, uh... I have to go, actually.

Um, thank you for that. That was delicious.

I wasn't a peppermint person, but actually maybe I am now.

Thank you. Bye.

[door opens]

- Oh, bloody hell. - [door closes]

She's a green tea girl, isn't she? Huh. [blows raspberry]

[sighing]

[Roy sighs]

- [knocking] - Hey, Roy.

Just wanna say congrats on that whole legends thing over there at Chelsea.

Oh, thanks. I mean, they're making me write a whole fucking speech.

It's basically unpaid labor, innit?

Whatever you say, Norma Rae, I bet it goes gangbusters.

And if anything goes wrong, you know, Keeley's always got your back.

[groans] Fucking Keeley.

Oh. If I had a lower bar, I'd make a whole

"that should be the title of your autobiography" joke.

But I ain't gonna do it.

- That woman. - Hmm.

Drives me nuts.

Mm-hmm. Well.

I fucking love her.

I'm pretty sure we're meant to be together.

I mean, it seems fucking obvious, don't it?

Have you told her any of that?

No. I mean, not yet.

Obviously I will, of course.

I'm just waiting for the right moment.

Sure, I get it.

When is the right moment?

[chuckles]

That reminds me of this joke my dad would make whenever

someone would ask him, "Hey, where's the bathroom?"

He'd always say, "Wherever you go."

Oi, did you cancel the car service?

- Yeah. - Well, why?

'Cause drivers ask too many fucking questions.

"How are you? Where are you going?"

It's none of your fucking business.

Plus, I might wanna leave early, anyway.

What is wrong with you?

You realize Chelsea agreed to rearrange this entire ceremony

to a Monday afternoon, for your schedule.

And you're acting like it's a big inconvenience for you.

- 'Cause it is. - Roy.

There are people here who actually want my help.

So if you don't wanna go, let's not bother.

I'm fucking going, aren't I?

- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.

I've got my suit and everything.

Okay, so I should go get dressed?

- You should go and put your dress on. - Show on the road.

Okay, I'm gonna actually choose to believe you, and we're gonna have fun, aren't we?

- So fun. - Great. Fantastic.

- [Keeley groans] - [Ted whistles, chuckles]

You know, to answer your earlier question?

Now might not be the right moment.

Mm-hmm. [grunts]

Ooh! No! [grunts]

[Dr. Strudwick] I'm sorry, Miss Welton,

but the earliest I can get your girl in is Friday,

- uh, which is perfect. - [scoffs]

It'll give time for the swelling to go down.

[Rebecca] Forgive me, Dr. Strudwick, but you haven't even seen Gemma yet.

She may already be sufficiently unswelled.

Your concern for Miss Jay's welfare is refreshing.

And I look forward to seeing her on... Friday afternoon.

[softly] Gone.

I see. Well, that gives me four days to find us a new doctor.

Not only for the women's team, but for the men's team as well.

- Oh. - I'll have Leslie Higgins reach out

to terminate your contract.

Uh, hold on, Rebecca. I don't think that will be necessary.

If our business is done, let's just call it here.

No need to go through all the ceremony of contracts and all that nonsense.

I'm sorry, what's happening now?

I'm pretty busy these days, and when I first took on Richmond,

it was just one team.

You're actually doing me a favor.

So, thank you, and have a wonderful day.

- [line disconnects] - Wow.

- [clears throat] - [scoffs]

That guy's a world-class prick,

- and I couldn't be more attracted to him. - [scoffs]

Now, can we talk real about life without Gemma?

Now that we don't have the sensitive souls in the room.

Gemma was your star.

- Was? - Hey,

you brought me on to see things from a different perspective, right?

I mean, Gemma was great, but she can't help you anymore.

- But that... Yes? - Sorry to interrupt, um,

but I was just prepping for our next shareholders meeting.

- Mm-hmm. - Nerd.

[chuckles] No, I'm only joking.

Yeah. And it would seem that over the past few weeks,

a number of our supporters have been selling their shares in the club.

- Why? - I don't know,

but if you like, I can do a bit of digging.

- Please do. - Okay.

Let me know if you need any help with that

'cause I've got some people who just love to wade through the slime.

- [chuckles] - Uh...

[Coach Beard] Okay, here's what we're looking at.

We have no direct replacement for Gemma.

Resha's better with someone in front of her.

Margy's an out-of-the-box solution or,

you know, Shannon's working her tail off, but she's not ready.

[sighs]

That's what we got to figure out.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Hold on a sec. Did we get some new players?

No.

Well, then, who the heck are Nee-ahm and Cinnabon?

- That's Niamh and Siobhan. - That's how they spell their names?

It's Irish.

Yeah, I mean, why not spell it like normal Irish folks do?

You know, like Bono, B-O-N-O or The Edge.

D-A-E-D-G-E.

- Go talk to them about it. - [scoffs]

Is anyone even here yet? Sure is quiet in there.

[Coach Beard] Well, they're probably worried about Gemma.

Hmm.

You know what? Maybe we should just cancel practice for the day.

No.

No, it's better to just keep going.

We just have to figure out how to adjust without Gemma.

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Niamh and Siobhan. There ain't no Vs?

Because I'm hearing a lot of Vs when I say it.

[Coach Beard] Well, wait to see how Saoirse Ronan spells her name.

- [Ted] S-I-R... - [Coach Beard] I'ma stop you right there.

[muttering] ...Chelsea.

[chuckles]

Crikey, Moses, look at you.

Uh, hello?

Yeah, is that Human Resources?

Yeah, I'd like to report myself, please, for having impure thoughts. [chuckles]

All right, cheers.

- You're not going to a funeral, are you? - No.

Oh, thank God for that, 'cause I tell you what...

[laughs]

If you were, the corpse wouldn't be the only thing that's getting stiff.

- [laughing, mutters] - Okay.

This is my fault. Um...

[slow, playful music playing]

Scheisse Minnelli.

Right, you ready?

- You look, uh... - Hot.

- Thank you, Caroline. - I mean, look at you both.

It's like Mattel made Barbie and Ken sex dolls or something.

- Ooh. - We should go.

- Oh, right. - Cheers, Caroline.

- Thank you. - Bye then.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

- [Keeley] Thank you. - [Roy] We won't. [sighs]

[sighs] Bloody hell.

- Wow. - Cool, right? It's my new car.

It's ridiculous.

- No, it isn't. - Yeah.

Do you remember my mate Darren who lost his job a few years ago?

You mean went to prison for embezzlement.

From an insurance company. So fucking what?

That's like robbing a pickpocket.

Anyway, he got parole.

And now he tricks out cars.

The whole thing is bulletproof, like a tank.

Even the tires are bulletproof.

- Look at that. - Wow.

I do not know what the fuck you're talking about, Roy.

You are not going to war.

You're going to Waitrose to get skin contact wine.

- Yeah, but... No, no, no. Wait a second... - Let's go.

...'cause you don't have to open the door 'cause it's all high tech.

Of course.

I can do it through an app.

[phone beeps]

Passenger door open.

[exclaims, clears throat]

- Wait till you see inside. - [blows raspberry, laughs]

Turn car on.

[engine starts]

Wow.

I'm just gonna put in the directions.

No, you don't need to do that because I worked there for fucking years.

I know the directions.

Of course, but you put the directions in

so you can see the traffic delays, you fucking lunatic.

Okay, fine, but you don't need to type them in because you can just speak them.

Navigate to Stamford Bridge.

[vehicle chimes]

[vehicle chiming]

- I think I'll just type them in for us. - You don't type them in.

- I will type them in. - Roy. Please let me do it. Stop it.

- No, don't do that. Please. [stammers] - Just stop.

[phone clattering]

- Nice one. Well done. Get out of my way. - What? What? What did I...

- What is wrong with you? - Let me do it. Give it.

- My hand is skinnier. Let me reach there. - Your hand is in the way.

Just move back.

- [Keeley] I can't... [gasps] - [seat whirring]

- Why are you doing that? Why have... - I'm not doing anything.

I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the fucking car.

- [phone crunching] - [Keeley exclaims]

Do you think the car's still gonna work without your phone?

Yeah.

Now I'm just gonna have to use the stupid key.

- Hello? - [Higgins] Hello, is this George Perkins?

- Yes? - This is Leslie Higgins at AFC Richmond.

- I was wondering if... - I didn't do anything wrong.

Uh, no, of course not.

Look, I'm an honorable man. I didn't want to sell.

He-He made it very hard to say no.

- He who? - I... I said good day.

Ooh, no, you didn't actually.

Uh, well, I was going to.

- Oh. Oh. - [line disconnects]

[handset settles in cradle]

I was calling to inquire about some shares that I believe you sold recently.

- [line disconnects] - Hello?

[line ringing]

Oh, and when did you buy them?

And you bought 35?

Oh, sorry. Hello?

[chokes]

- [line ringing] - Hello?

Uh, hello, could I speak to, uh, Randall Linden, please?

Yes, that's my husband.

Has he done something wrong again?

Uh, not at all.

Uh, this is Leslie Higgins from AFC Richmond.

I was calling about some shares he recently sold.

Oh, yes, turned a tidy profit.

Bought me some cute boots.

Hold on, he's right here.

It's AFC Richmond, dear.

I'm sorry, I was wrong.

The truth is, there was no sale of shares.

Uh, what about the boots?

The truth is, there were no boots.

The truth is, I don't have a husband named Randall.

[stammers] What?

[sighs]

Right.

Feels weird training without her.

[sighs] Yeah, if only she'd gone off on that substitution.

Yeah, then she wouldn't have got hurt.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Fuck.

[pensive music playing]

- [Roy groans] - [Keeley] What now?

My whole speech was on that phone.

All five words of it?

How will you ever recreate such a poetic tapestry of language?

- Stop! - [tires screeching]

Fuckin' hell! What?

You're gonna fit through there, are you?

- Course I will. - Are you insane?

Your fat fucking car isn't gonna fit through that skinny little gap.

Are you joking? This car was designed for a superior urban driving experience.

[engine revving]

[scraping]

[Keeley sighs] Fuck.

[engine revs]

[blows]

These bollards are clearly not up to code.

You're gonna blame the bollards now?

[softly] Fuck.

It's fine, it's going to be fine. Yep. What should we do?

- Try the windows. - Okay.

- No, not at the same time! - Why? What's happened?

- [vehicle powers down] - You just shorted the electrics.

My mate had the power diverted from the car battery

to the PS5 he installed so it could run all the time.

Why would your car's PS5 need to run all the time?

Uh, for software updates.

And if I wanna stream something on Twitch.

Roy. I was wrong.

Your car is cool.

[horn honks]

[Ted] Mmm. Not much pizzazz out there.

They got a lot on their minds.

Yeah, and it's affecting their feet.

[Coach Beard groans]

Hey, that's all right, Siobhan.

Keep your head up, Niamh.

Son of a Bono, I can't unsee the spellings now, you know?

You're a visual learner, Coach.

Blessing and a curse, you know?

[jingling]

- You all right, Coach? - Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm all right. [clears throat] - Good.

Might just head in early, if that's all right?

Yeah, of course, yeah.

[sighs]

It's not even a question of effort, you know?

They're giving everything they got. They just ain't got a lot today.

[automated voice] Thank you for holding. Your emergency is very important to us.

If the danger of your situation has increased, please press one.

If you've realized you were just being a little bit dramatic...

[phone beeps, chimes]

[horn honks]

- [Keeley] Shit. - What?

Dr. Strudwick is making Gemma wait to get her knee examined.

I fucking hate that guy.

But he's the team surgeon.

Yeah, and you notice how I never went to him?

I hadn't noticed.

Do you think Dr. Beaumont would see Gemma?

- Oh. - Can you ask her, please?

- That would be so... - I don't know if that's a good idea.

- What the fuck, Roy? - [horns honking]

Can this moment not be about you? This is about Gemma.

- This is about her needs. - Hey, take it easy.

- [honking continues] - What the fuck?

- [sighs] - We've gotta get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, no shit.

Oi, what are you doing? Roy!

["Crazy (James Michael Mix)" playing]

- Cover your head. - [gasps] Oh.

[Keeley screams]

- What? - [horn honking]

[grunts]

- [grunts] - [Keeley groans]

- You're a nightmare. - All right, give me your hands.

Give me your hand.

- [Keeley grunts] - Watch your hands.

[Keeley] Shit. Shit.

Oh, my God.

- [grunting] Ooh. Okay. [sighs] - [horns honking]

[Roy] Fuck off.

They've been so annoying. [grunts]

Oi, Roy Kent, can I have an ussie?

There's a tube. Come on.

- Keeley. No, they... - Roy, come on.

Shit.

[Keeley] Yeah, sorry, there's been an incident.

You've left your car. What's going on with that?

You can have it. It's a piece of shit.

We're missing the fucking cocktail hour.

Come on!

[music ends]

[Chilton sniffling, sobbing]

- Hey, you okay? - Yeah.

Oh, my God, sorry.

- I'm so sorry. I'm, um... Sorry. - It's okay.

Sorry, I don't actually... Sorry, I'm fine.

Sorry, I don't know... actually know why I'm crying. Sorry.

- Hey, it's okay. - Sorry, I'm okay. I'm just, um...

[inhales deeply]

I'm literally fine. It's just been... It's just been a...

- It's just been a couple of days. - Yeah, I understand.

Do you want a little more time to yourself or you want me to stay put?

I can do whatever you need.

[cries] I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, hey. It's okay.

[sobs] Sorry.

Tell you what. I'm just gonna sit down right here, okay?

Okay.

[sobbing]

[tender music playing]

- [breathing deeply] - [sobbing continues]

[sniffles]

[continues breathing deeply]

[breathing shakily]

- [breathing deeply] - [exhales shakily]

[both breathing deeply]

Yeah.

- [Chilton grunts] - [door opens]

- [clears throat] - They're ready in there for you, Coach.

Mmm, great. Thanks, Coach.

- Everything okay? - Hmm. Uh...

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, all good.

Hey, if you two want to split, I don't mind talking to the team by myself.

Um, I'm... I'm good. I'll... I'll stick around.

Yeah, me too.

Okay.

- After you, Coach. - Yeah.

- [whispers] You okay? - Mm-hmm.

[music fades, ends]

Okay, so look, practice was a little low on voltage today,

but hey, makes sense.

I know we all got a lot of feelings mixed up inside of us right now

like an emotional jambalaya, right?

A-And yet I bet we all got a little voice in the back of our heads saying crap like,

you know, "Be strong. Keep it together. Don't get emotional at work."

But hey, I just wanna remind us all of something real quick. Yeah?

There is crying in football.

There is.

Always has been.

Leo Messi, that fella shows less emotion than the Mona Lisa on beta blockers.

But when he finally won the World Cup,

man, he was crying like a baby watching Beaches

while listening to Adele's second album. Waterworks, you know?

- [players chuckle] - What about Ronaldo? [chuckles]

That guy's cried so much, I can only assume that's how he got them abs.

You know, he's like... [imitates crying]

Does all these little crunches, just bawling.

Fella got so many abs he's got a 12 pack on him. Good lord.

I mean, Maradona cried. Zidane cried.

- Neymar cries all the time, you know. - That's true.

Heck, even our very own big bad Roy Kent

bawled his eyes out at his retirement press conference. Yeah.

[players chattering, laughing]

Point being, there is crying in football.

- You know? - [sighs]

So around here, if any of y'all are feeling something,

know that you don't have to hide it.

You don't have to apologize for it.

And you sure as heck don't have to be ashamed of it.

Because this team is strong enough

to help any one of us handle whatever we're feeling.

All you gotta do is just not hold back.

Then, well, maybe just believe, and, uh...

let it out.

All right.

That's all I've got.

Let's go ahead and keep looking out for each other.

And let's give Gemma something worth coming back for,

regardless of what the MRI says.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

[players chattering]

- Let's go! - Whoo!

- Gemma! - Gemma.

G, we love you!

G!

[Keeley panting]

- [ticket barriers beeping] - Okay.

Come on, Roy.

Okay. [grunts, pants]

Keeley.

Roy, you tap the card.

[pants]

[barrier beeps]

Fuck.

[doorbell ringing]

[Higgins] Ooh.

Oh, how do you do? I'm Leslie Higgins.

It's not about the blooming shares, is it?

- Yes, but... - [sighs] Fuck.

You people have got a lot of nerve.

You're constantly knocking on my door. You harass me in the pubs.

I've told you. I'm not selling.

Who's been asking?

Your colleagues, I suppose, in their fine suits like yours.

Offered me money, then spa treatments.

- Oh. - What's the offer now then?

- A cruise? Companionship? - [stammers]

You've got a certain sex appeal about you. I'll give you that.

- Really? - But the answer's still no.

All right. I wondered if... [exclaims, sighs]

Hmm.

Hmm.

[mysterious music playing]

No, no! Fuck!

Oh, fuck. [sighs]

Well, we missed it.

- Look. Keeley, I can't. - Can't what?

I don't take the tube.

The great Roy Kent is too good for the best public transport system in the world.

What? Are you too famous?

No, it's claustrophobic.

All these people smashed together in a confined space,

rocketing down an endless tunnel.

I can get...

scared.

And yes, actually, sometimes it is very tough being in public when you're famous.

There it is. Wow, you can be impossible, can't you?

I would love to know how your foxy doctor girlfriend deals with you.

She doesn't.

Of course not.

I bet you're Prince fucking Charming with her.

No.

We broke up.

- When? - A while ago.

Why didn't you tell me?

I just did.

["When I Get My Hands On You" playing]

[music continues]

- [gasps] - [music ends]

- [passengers groan] - [passenger 1] Come on. Every day.

- [Keeley, Roy] Fuck. - [passenger 2] Bloody hell.

Oh, Coach Chilton. Good evening.

Yes, good evening.

Um, may I?

Of course.

[clears throat]

Do you want to swap seats?

No.

- I'm okay. Thank you. - Mmm.

I went to see Gemma this morning.

- How is she? - She's good.

Well, she-she says she's good, but, um...

Yes?

When you get injured as a player, it's... it's hard.

It's terrifying, actually.

And in the moments immediately after, you're surrounded by concerned faces

of your... your teammates and your coaches and your managers.

And then that concern starts to fade.

Until eventually, there's silence,

while everyone figures out how to move on without you.

I know you have a business to run, and I respect that.

But Gemma, sh... [sighs]

She needs to know that she isn't disappearing in real time.

She-She needs to know that she still matters.

Not just as a player, but as a person.

So, please, will you just promise me that the club will show her that,

from the bottom to the top?

Will you just promise me that, please?

I promise, Alice.

Thank you.

Oh, and, uh...

Thank you. The-The gift basket for Gemma was very, very generous.

- Oh. - I didn't know

there were so many types of nut in the world.

- [both chuckle] - Unfortunately, Gemma is

allergic to most of them though.

I thought you'd probably want to know that.

Thank you for letting me know.

[both chuckle]

- Alice. - [clears throat]

Thank you for showing me what Gemma means to the team and to you.

I really hope she knows that.

Don't you?

Yeah.

Good night, Miss Welton.

Good night, Coach Chilton.

[mellow music playing on speakers]

- [patron laughs] - [gasps] Is that...

- That's him. - I'll go find out.

You're Leslie Higgins, director of football for Richmond.

- Yes. - It's such a honor meeting you.

Well, thank you. It's always nice to meet supporters.

What were you thinking letting Colin Hughes go to Wrexham?

- I, uh... - Is Roy Kent staying at Richmond?

- Well, that's... I... - What do you think happens when we die?

Um, look, I'm just trying to find out

if anybody's approached you about selling your shares in Richmond.

Share.

We all share one share.

Yeah, and we made a pact that if any of us tried to sell it,

then the other two can frame him for a crime.

I wanna be framed for having an unlicensed pigeon loft.

Why don't you boys go and play some pinball?

- On me. - [all gasp]

- Sweet. - [Mae chuckles]

- [coins clatter] - Ooh.

[all exclaiming]

So, what's all this about people selling their shares?

[chuckles] Judases!

I would never sell mine, and I've got quite the haul.

Glad to hear it, Mae.

I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it all.

Oh, so you thought you could stroll in here and harass my patrons into snitching,

breaking the most sacred pub code of them all.

- You need to leave... - [gasps]

...before you see the wrong side of my stick.

Pay your tab and get the hell out of my pub.

Tab?

For what?

[mysterious music playing]

Fucking hell, how long were we down there?

I don't know, but every Uber is saying it's, like, 40 minutes away.

- Oh, no. We're not gonna make it. - Roy.

Oi! Look, scooter.

Ask if we can borrow her scooter.

- Fuck no, I hate strangers. - Who cares? Go do it, please.

[groans]

Oi!

What the fuck, man?

Give me your scooter and I'll give you a shit ton of cash.

I'm a communist.

Fucking hell.

Do you like curry?

Yeah, it's our national dish, innit?

Imagine how much chicken tikka masala you could buy with this.

[mysterious music playing]

[Higgins] Hello?

Uh...

Ooh, Mae. [chuckles]

I didn't know you smoked.

I don't. It's a watermelon flavored vape.

Tastes horrible, like sucking on the Kool-Aid Man's dick.

Okay.

Did you come alone?

Yes, but my wife and I share each other's location,

just in case one of us falls down.

Tell me what you know.

People are selling Richmond shares.

Some for far more than they're worth.

I've looked into the possible buyers,

but it's all different offshore corporations that lead to nowhere.

So, what does that tell you?

Well, I'm starting to think that it leads to one person, but whom?

[chuckles]

You seem like a nice man who doesn't make a lot of enemies.

- Thank you. - That's not a good thing.

- Yeah. - Enemies keep us vigilant,

and everybody has them,

- even if they don't know it. - Oh.

Follow the anger.

Yes.

What does that mean?

Someone is making a play for your club in secret.

If they were doing it for financial reasons,

they'd do it out in the open, but they're not.

This is about something else.

Hmm. But what?

Just follow the anger.

Oh.

Oh, oh.

I think I know who it is.

- Thank you, Mae. - Happy to help.

Yeah.

Now, right or left?

- Uh, right or left what? - Your face.

I have to hit you with my stick, so no one thinks I ratted.

Couldn't I just sneak out the back somewhere?

[sighs]

I guess.

[breathes shakily] Okay. It's nice to see you.

[Mae] Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's a pretty vase.

Thank you. I made it. [chuckles]

Did you actually?

No. But I reckon if I took a couple of glass blowing classes, I could.

I do too, Mum.

- [doorbell rings] - [chuckles] Oh!

- [door opens] - Oh! Hello again.

[Chilton] Hi, hello, uh, is she... is she through here?

- Is that all right? Just pop through? - Mm-hmm.

- Uh, hi. - Hello, listen,

I loved playing football.

It was the only time in my life that I ever felt... free... [chuckles]

...because my brain would finally shut up and my body would just take over,

and I miss that feeling every single day.

So, when you said that you wanted to quit,

I-I panicked because I would give anything to have what you have.

Your-Your talent, your-your confidence, your fucking knees, even that one.

And look, I hate that you got injured. I do. I really hate it.

But what I hate even more is you deciding to quit

before you even know what's wrong, because I think you love playing football.

I do. You-You light up when you're out there.

You look... [stammers] ...free. [chuckles]

[Chilton sighs]

So, listen, if you wanna quit just because you-you love something more,

then fine, do that.

But don't quit just because you're scared or because someone else is,

because I think on the other side of you being scared is you being free.

That is a lovely vase. Did you make it?

No, I just bought it. [chuckles]

Well, you have exquisite taste.

Yeah, I'm gonna go. Thank you.

[door opens]

- [sighs] - [door closes]

She's a fucking coffee drinker.

Why did I not see that? [blows raspberry]

Ah, I've got a doctor

- who can see Gemma tomorrow morning. - What? That's brilliant.

Yeah, there's a little wrinkle, 'cause he's a veterinarian.

But it's for racehorses,

and I think Gemma would see that as a compliment, right?

I say we hold off for now

- for a people doctor. - [door opens]

- I mean, you know. - I know.

Rebecca, I think I know who's buying the shares.

Go on.

Who do you think would make a play to steal a team in secret from you?

Rupert.

Never underestimate the power of anger as fuel.

[Higgins] Yeah.

- Do you actually know where we're going? - Of course I know. I used to work here.

Stop back-scoot driving.

No, you're right. Yeah. I'm sorry.

- It's okay. - [laughing]

[Keeley grunts] Here we go. Oh.

Shit. Roy, I'm so sorry.

- [groans] That's okay. - [vacuum powers down]

- No, it's not. - Hey, look who it is.

- Roy. - I can't believe you still work here.

Well, we're not quitters like you, are we, mate? [laughs]

Yeah, I thought you'd be fired by now for all the booze you've stolen.

- Come on, mate. Steady. - [chuckles]

Keeley, this is, uh, Jimmy and Matt.

- They're both reprobates. - [chuckles]

- You missed a great night tonight. - Did I?

- Lampard roasted the hell out of you. - Did he now?

He said you were the meanest captain he'd ever had.

Yeah, he said he still has nightmares

about you screaming at him in front of his family.

- [gasps, chuckles] - That's sweet.

I guess it's a good thing you don't have to do your speech.

Yeah.

Oh, I would love to hear your speech.

- Would you love to hear his speech, Matt? - Oh, yeah.

I mean, I'd love to hear it too.

- Fuck off. - [chuckles]

No, look, all I was gonna say was...

Well, if you're gonna make a speech, you get up on that stage.

Come on, mate. Do it properly.

Yeah, go on. Get up there, sugar tits.

[chuckles]

- Fuck sakes. - [Jimmy, Matt chuckling]

[Keeley whispers] Nice one.

[sentimental music playing]

Feels mental to be called a legend.

'Cause in my whole career, I played, like, a billion minutes.

I only scored a few dozen goals.

But I fucking loved it.

Where's the bathroom?

Oh.

Wherever you go.

Keeley.

Today was a fucking disaster.

Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong.

And it was the most fun I've had in years.

'Cause I got to spend it with you.

And on the very rare occasion I manage to make you smile,

that's when I feel like a fucking legend.

So, I really hope you'll give me a second chance.

'Cause if it all goes to shit,

there's no one else I'd rather be wrong with than you.

[sighs]

Roy,

I was afraid that if we got back together, you would leave again.

And seeing you with someone else,

I got the fear that you'd never come back.

But there's no one else that I'd rather be scared with than you.

[Keeley breathes shakily]

You told me not to put you on a pedestal.

[gasps] Ooh. [chuckles]

[breathes shakily]

But that's where you belong.

And I'm never ever gonna pull you down.

What I had to do was raise myself up.

[groans, exhales]

And realize

I am worthy of you.

'Cause I'm Roy fucking Kent.

And I'm Keeley fucking Jones. [chuckles]

Are you done? We need to lock up.

Yeah, no, of course.

Uh, cheers, guys, yeah.

Good to see ya.

- Cheers, mate. - Take it easy.

- Good luck. - [cheers, chuckles]

- [Keeley chuckles] - [Roy] Come on.

Oh, great. Look at the mess.

Hey?

[knocks on door]

Come in.

Hello.

Here to yell at me again?

No, I just wanted to, um...

Uh, well, I didn't fucking yell at you.

I spoke at you with a bit of spirited conviction, yeah, maybe, but...

You're on your own?

Yeah, my mum dropped me off.

[sighs] She went to Harrods to buy a very special pillow she found online.

It's got an ergonomic curve for my recovery.

Mmm, yeah, I've got one of those.

You have an ergonomic pillow?

No, a mother who is more comfortable with solutions, rather than support.

Last night, after you yelled at me...

- Didn't yell at you. - You did.

- Hmm. - I emailed my adviser.

Told him I needed more time.

I'm gonna put a hold on law school and focus on rehab, getting back on the pitch.

[smacks lips] And what if...

It doesn't matter what the MRI says.

I'm not quitting football again.

I fucking love it.

Don't gloat.

[chuckling] What? I'm no... I'm not. I'm not gloating.

I'm not. I'm just happy

for you and the team.

And that my yelling worked. [chuckles]

Oh, so you admit it? You did yell.

No, no, no.

- I object. - You object?

Your Majesty. What do you call a lawyer? I don't know.

Hello. You must be the great Gemma Jay.

- Hi. - And...

I'm Alice Chilton. I'm just her coach.

And the great Alice Chilton.

[Gemma] Uh, thank you again for seeing me so quickly.

Of course. When Keeley called, I was happy to help.

And I heard what happened with Dr. Strudwick.

Not a surprise.

I've known Derek for a very long time.

He's a very good doctor.

Just ask him.

Right, let's get you back on that pitch, yeah?

- Yeah. - Good.

[clipboard clatters]

But first, I think there are a few people who want to say hello to you.

["Til the Morning" playing]

All right.

[chattering]

- Gemma! - Hey!

[teammates] Hey!

- What the fuck, guys? - [teammate laughs]

- Hey! - What are you doing here?

We're just getting flu jabs. What are you doing here?

[all laugh]

Wait. What? We're getting flu jabs?

She's being sarcastic, you knob goblin.

Hey, Gem. Training, absolutely shite without you there.

- It's true. - Yeah.

Yeah, we all have to work so much harder. Please come back.

I mean, I actually scored a goal yesterday.

- [cheering] - Hey!

You gotta come back soon. She can't stop bragging about it.

[players laughing]

[Rebecca] Oh.

Hello, everyone.

- Hey. - Hi.

[player] Are you all right?

[chuckles] Oh, Gemma, I'm so glad I caught you.

- [exhales] Oh. - [Rebecca] These are for you.

And no nuts this time.

[chuckles, gasps] Chocolate truffles.

I love chocolate truffles.

Oh, I know.

I spent all of last night scouring your socials for clues.

It was either truffles or ZYN pouches.

- [players laugh] - [blows raspberry]

How far back did she go?

[chuckles] Thank you, Miss Welton.

You're very welcome.

- All the best. - Thank you.

- Right. You ready? - Yeah.

You lot better spend the entire time I'm in there worried sick.

[clamoring]

- Don't even check your phones. - Good luck!

- We love you! - Bye!

[chuckling, chattering]

[Boots] I'll actually stand right like this.

Did you check all our socials?

Not yet.

Should I?

- I don't think it's necessary. - Not actually.

Let's get into it, shall we?

[chattering]

[song continues]