All language subtitles for Family.Guy.S24E14.1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta

It seems today that all you see is
violence in movies and sex on TV.

But where are those good old -fashioned
values on which we used to rely?

Lucky there's a family guy.

Lucky there's a man who finds a new hand
to all the things that make us laugh

and cry.

Be a family guy.

Okay, now remember, Lois, the school
likes to blame the kids' bad grades on

trouble at home. So when we get in a
parent -teacher conference, it can't

like there's any cracks in our marriage.

Peter, this isn't a parent -teacher
conference. It's a fundraiser. Here we

again. Let me punch your shrew card,
Lois, because the tenth nag is free.

Welcome to an hour of squeaks and echoes
in the gym.

Gym. Gym.

Huh. I guess they're selling all the
music department instruments to raise

money. Typical. They always cut the arts
programs, but never any sports.

Actually, they canceled field hockey.
See, they're selling the old uniforms.

And what vintage is this one?

A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir.

Excellent year.

Sir, I'm going to have my team cut it up
and turn it into dinner napkins.

Oh, Giuseppe, you are a wizard.

Hello, I'm Mr. Campanale, the music
teacher.

Welcome to my going -out -of -business
woodwind sale.

Everything must blow!

Yeah, that's very good.

Tell me, does your saxophone come with
the George Michael classic Careless

Whisper on it? With enough practice,
this saxophone will play anything you

Sweet, I'll take it. Great. How will you
be paying today?

Are you sure you should spend that?

Oh, yeah, there's still plenty in there
for Meg to pay for online college.

Have you ever dreamed of learning
calculus on a crowded rush hour subway?

Or pushing that thing IVs hang from
around a hospital?

Want to hug an old man at an ethnic
family picnic?

Whatever the dream.

As long as it's not going to real
college.

Online college is here for you.

Online college.

If you had another choice, you'd make
it.

All right, everybody, shut up. The mask.

Singer's about to reveal who the big
Gatorade bottle of pee is.

They're really scraping the bottom of
the barrel for new costumes.

And your masked singer is... Wait, who'd
they say? It's another D -list

that nobody can recognize by face alone.

Damn it, Peter. Do you know how many
hours of Ken Jeong and his tiny jackets

tolerated for that moment?

Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to be
so careless.

God, he never thinks about others.
Remember when he totally ruined our

Thanksgiving football game?

Okay, we gotta go all push -pushes. Hot
niece I'm not related to by blood,

you're the center. The rest of you,
shove me into her as hard as you can.

So I put the bottle down.

But even though her family forgave me,
I'll never forgive myself.

Bravo! I knew these AA stories would be
the perfect setup for the guilty pain of

careless whisper.

Okay, let's take it from the top with
the guy who can only have supervised

Panera visits with his kid.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Now this screen is going to ask you a
couple questions.

You want a tip? Add 35 %?

You have to pick it because it's the
button in the middle.

What the hell, Peter?

This is the fifth night in a row you
woke me up with that damn song.

Your house is where the street light is.
It's not my fault. Yeah, well, thanks a

lot. I was only having the best dream
ever.

Oh, yeah? One of them that ends wet? No,
get this. I'm returning a lawnmower to

Home Depot. The workers were wearing
blue, but I still knew it was a Home

Dreams are weird like that. Anyway, they
offer me cash instead of store credit.

So I ask, are you sure it's covered in
grass?

I don't have a receipt.

And then you know what Bud said?

That was the guy's name, Bud, which is
also my dad's name. So Sir Carl Young

would have a field day with that one.
Anyway, you know what he said? No.

Me neither.

Now go play inside so I can get back to
sleep and see how this roller coaster

ends.

And before you go to bed, this screen is
going to ask you a couple of questions.

Good game.

Good game.

Good game.

Hey, nice assist back there. Good game.

Good game. Hey, Quagmire, you got a
minute?

Sure, let me just violently wave my door
a couple of times.

Come on in.

What am I going to do, Quagmire? Peter's
driving me nuts with that saxophone.

Joseph, I realized a long time ago you
can't fight Peter's antics. The harder

you resist the shenanigans, the
shenanier they become.

So what I did was put together the Peter
Griffin Survival Kit. It's everything

you need to make being his neighbor
tolerable.

I've got a variety of these different
-sized plugs.

To put in your ears when he's loud?

Yeah, or, you know, anywhere they fit.
And this tracks Peter's heart rate, so I

can avoid him when he's overstimulated.

That spike is when he found a frog the
other day. Do you have anything to help

me sleep that doesn't involve putting
your orifice plug in my ear, ideally?

As a matter of fact, I do. These are
powerful, unregulated sleeping pills.

I got them in the Navy. They give these
to all the guys who commit atrocious

massacres and then have trouble
sleeping.

A caterpillar in March?

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Angrily tying a bathrobe because I got
woken up.

Thanks again for those sleepy pills, Mr.
Q. Front row tickets to the blanket

show, baby.

Mr. Q, what are you... Oh, my God. Joe,
you're walking. Walk it like I talk it

and talk it like I walk it.

Wait, are you... You're asleep.

How is this possible?

Well, I could tell you, but who needs a
long, boring story?

You're walking and self -aware? It's a
miracle.

What happened?

What happened is you walked.

Oh, my God, you're right.

I beat my record.

All right. What do we got, four middle
-aged guys at the same appointment?

I don't need to know how it got up
there. Just tell me who I'm taking it

No, no, Doc, it's Joe. He took a super
-strong sleeping pill last night and

sleepwalked. Well, people do display odd
behavior under the influence of drugs

like Ambien. Let me get somebody better
suited to help. I got a code TB12 in

room three.

Hi, I'm pseudoscience expert and Tom
Brady -faced thinner -outer Dr.

Alex Guerrero.

Now, how can I help you, gentlemen?

I've been in a chair for years, but I
took one of these last night and started

walking.

Interesting. Well, there must be a
neurological explanation, so to get to

bottom of it, we'll have to use... An
MRI?

Our imaginations.

I think these pills put you in such a
deep state of sleep, the damaged part of

your spinal cord went offline.

Then to compensate, an undamaged neural
pathway activated, allowing you to walk.

So as long as Joe takes those pills, he
can walk again, right?

Yes and no. His legs might work, but in
that state, he'll have no access to his

waking memory or the personality he's
developed over the course of his life.

technically, it won't really be Joe
who's walking. Well, now that you

it, he was acting strange. He was super
laid back and kind of cool.

Well, during sleep, we're not
preoccupied with the stress of our day

lives, so for him to be very relaxed
makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, but does it, though?

If you want my opinion, and I cannot
stress enough how uninformed it is, you

should stay away from these pills.
There's no telling what sort of negative

effects they might have.

Well, guess it's back to my chair.

Thanks for seeing me. My pleasure. Oh,
you can make the co -payout to Guerrero

Shipping Solutions, LLC.

And if anyone asks, this all took place
in the state of Delaware.

Coming up this month on Turner Classic
Movies. Get a hold of yourself.

Get a hold of yourself.

Get a hold of yourself.

Turner Classic Movies. If a woman gets
slapped in black and white, we've got

So, I was.

Chorn it up last Friday. Buy new
batteries for the smoke detector.

Hold on, Joe. This anecdote sounds like
it's turning into a story. Oh, it's a

story, all right. Quagmire, story clock.
On it.

Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe. Come on,
is that thing really necessary?

You're using your time, Joe.

Okay, okay, where was it?

Batteries for the smoke detector. So I
get to the store, and I'm like, shoot,

there's A batteries, C batteries, and D
batteries. And that got me to thinking,

where the heck are the B batteries?

Did they really skip B?

I don't buy it, so I start digging.

Time. Well, that's not fair.

Joe, if you talk anymore, you're going
to put us all to sleep. Wish Joe was

asleep. He was way more interesting.

Yeah, Joe, why don't you take another
one of them sleeping pills? Maybe you'll

sleepwalk again.

What the hell? I guess one more time
won't hurt.

Uh -uh. Hell no. This ain't part of
God's plan.

Holy crap, that's amazing!

That was my credit he played, and I'm
not a huge Bob Marley guy, but

holy crap, that's amazing!

Well, I'm thinking I'll have a summer
solstice party. Send the old girl in the

sky a big preach for the vitamin D. You
guys should check it out, and if you

have any trouble getting in, just tell
them you're with Joey Goodtimes.

Can I bring a date? No.

Bring two.

Man, sleepwalking Joe is awesome!

That was my beer, for which I've been
waiting quite some time. But otherwise,

sleepwalking Joe is awesome.

Hey, come party, Joe.

Joey, who's up for some food?

Great. Nothing like the Joe Swanson
special. A supermarket vegetable platter

warmed by the sun.

Here we are, gents. Bola Raffles, two
-liter bottle of Coke. Pizza's on the

Wow. No way.

Donna says cola makes me jumpy.

Joe, meet Bonfire. I call her that
because she's smoking hot.

Peter, give me a nickname that tells
people I'm hot.

I think everyone here has met Dumpster
Fire.

Peter. It's because of the hair.

Jamban's starting, Bonfire. Let's go
dance like it's our first day in a human

body.

What the hell, Peter?

Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie
have a better sex life than we do.

Lois, we've been over this. Once one of
us agrees to shave it, we're back in

business.

Man, I had the best time at Joe's
yesterday.

You said it. Me and Donna ate some goofy
mushrooms and then cried watching the

sun rise.

And good crying. Not the banks coming
for your house crying.

Hey, there he is. The king. We are very
behind on our payments, though. What are

you guys talking about? It's just me,
Joe. We know. You sleepwalked again and

threw the most epic party of all time.

Yeah, why didn't you tell me a free love
tent is just an orgy minus condoms plus

BO? Oh, man, I had that at my party. I
hope Bonnie didn't see. She'd kill me.

Uh, Joe, Bonnie was in the tent. But
don't worry, she didn't do anything with

anybody but you. Even under the pants
stuff?

Well, I am done with those pills. Next
time I get UTP action, I want to be

there. That's too bad, because Joey
Goodtimes is the man.

He's so popular, he already has his own
Cameo account.

Hey, there.

Peter Griffin.

Heard somebody's a little nervous about
changing his clothes at Planet Fitness.

Well, let me tell you, there's no shame
in your game, no matter how much it...

turtles in front of a crowd.

Are you coming back to bed, shall we?
Yeah, just firing off some inspo to a

idiot with big balls, baby carrots, like
monster truck wheels on a Miata.

You're, uh, still learning how to end
the record.

Hey, Bon, sorry I missed the big party
yesterday, but I was thinking we could

recreate that magic with some bosh and
chill.

Um, no thanks.

You sure? Doesn't have to be Bush.

Could be any one of those last -name
crime shows and chill.

Bull, Luther, Longmire, Reacher, Will
Trent.

Which I know, it's a first -name, last
-name crime show. But what the hell?

almost Friday.

Just wake me up if you decide to fall
asleep again.

Bonfire needs another log.

Actually, with the drought we've had, we
probably shouldn't be starting any more

fires. Bon?

When did we get so boring, Joe?

Speak for yourself, Joey. Good times and
boring go together like peanut butter

and jelly.

I know you guys like that, but in the
imaginary mirror universe, it's a gross

combo. So tell me, when was the last
time your friends were excited to see

When was the last time Bonnie wanted you
to come to bed?

You're right.

Bonnie and the guys deserve better.

I have to go. Got a ketchup and tuna
sandwich over here that ain't gonna eat

itself. Again, Mirror Universe.

Okay, Joey's back, so what the good
times walk.

Wait, so I'm stuck in here now?

Might as well see what all the fuss is
about.

He gets Bonnie and I get a crappy mirror
sandwich.

I don't know where you get the energy
after a night like that.

Just get over here, babe. I'm going to
do you right on the counter where I prep

the raw chicken.

Your boobs are so wet.

You're still holding the chicken breast.

Oh, well, in my defense, I am asleep.

Good God!

He hit it so far, they added a yellow
tail so the viewers at home can enjoy

All right, fellas, let's go. Good thing
we don't need that golf cart anymore.

We get to walk all 18 holes.

Sheesh, I don't even walk the mini golf
course.

Hey, slowpokes, what do you want to
drink?

Beer.

Pedialyte. We don't have Pedialyte.
Don't worry, Cleveland. Joey's got you.

Anyway, give me a warm ginger ale and a
flat spread.

Little trick I learned from nausea, Tick
Tock. And my apple pays on. You can

just swipe my pocket, hon.

I can feel it coating my troubled
innards.

You know what?

Give me one of them clam chowders and a
baby Ruth.

Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it
18 for legal reasons.

And that's another 20 for me. I think
it's the Asian half that makes Tiger

talented.

Boy, I hope no groundhogs pop up and
drag my ball into the hole.

Because that would be terrible.

Sounds like fun up there. Should we go?
Honey, we can't. It's not February 2nd.

Ugh, one day.

Black people get a whole month. Gerald,
don't. What?

Breast cancer gets a month? Mustaches
get a month? Not masturbating gets a

month. Save it for your podcast, honey.

I can't believe Joey stayed to play
another round.

Yeah, he said he wanted to get in 54.

I can't even do that math.

Not even I can get in that many holes,
tired giggity. It's like he ditched us.

Yeah, probably because you don't like to
shower after a round. Yeah, I can smell

you from here.

I forgot my jelly shoes.

It's important to wear them in the
clubhouse because drainage in a public

room... All right, I'm starting the
clock.

Did you just Joe me? If anybody should
be Joe -ing somebody, it should be me

-ing you.

Don't you dare Joe me, you fat turd.

Wait, guys, guys. Don't you realize
what's happening?

Every friend group needs to have a
bottom friend. A guy who's doing way

than all the rest of us. And we lost our
bottom friend.

The three Shirley Temples for that booth
over there?

You're right. Ever since Joe became
awesome, the rest of us are just

to stay off the bottom. Without Joe,
we're like Oats, Messina, and Garfunkel.

Well, that's a funny cutaway we don't
have time for, but we gotta get the old

Joe back.

From the gentleman at the bar.

He told me to tell you.

Bottoms up.

Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot? Oh, that'll
keep score. But someone else did.

68. Oh, cool.

Here's a question. Is Bermuda grass
something you can grow anywhere, or is

like champagne and it has to come from
there?

Oh, that's a long, boring story that I
have no desire to tell.

Joey, is a AAA membership worth it?

I'll have plenty of time to tell you
that when I'm not waiting in line at the

DMV or getting up to 40 % off tickets to
any participating AMC theater.

Hey, whatever this is, knock it off.

Hey, Joey, I can never remember. What
group sings this song?

Life is a highway.

I won't ride it all night long.

Actually, it's not a group. It's a
person, Tom Cochran, a Canuck, no less.

I know what you guys are doing. You're
trying to get rid of Joey Goodtimes.

Wheel to the light, Joe. We need you
back.

No, but I'm cool now.

The old Joe was just a crippled punching
bag.

That's right. And he was our crippled
punching bag, and we miss him. Yeah, we

thought we liked this Joe better, but we
don't. That's right. The old Joe is the

best Joe.

I can't go back.

I'll never go back.

Fine. I didn't want to have to do this,
but I will. Joe, tell us.

Why aren't there any B batteries?

I won't. Why aren't there any B
batteries?

There are. There are B batteries. It's
just electronics manufacturers favored

the dimensions of the new double and
triple As. We all know C &D found their

niche in high -drain situations, but B
slowly disappeared, except for European

lanterns and bike lights.

Joe, it's a miracle. You can't walk.

And that's why Ralph Nader deemed it
unsafe at any speed.

Wow, that was so long and boring.

It's nice to have you back, Joe. And I
enjoy having the space on the booth seat

for my pocket break -a -brack bag.

Hey, what'd you end up doing with the
rest of those pills I gave you? I dumped

them in the 18th hole in honor of Joey
Goodtimes.

Oh, Gerald, what are you doing?

Don't worry about what I'm doing, baby.
Worry about what I'm about to do. I'm

going to turn Groundhog Day into
Poundhog Day.

Gerald, I'm cooking an acorn.