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00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:07,660
It seems today that all you see is
violence in movies and sex on TV.

2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,160
But where are those good old -fashioned
values on which we used to rely?

3
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,720
Lucky there's a family guy.

4
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:23,540
Lucky there's a man who finds a new hand
to all the things that make us laugh

5
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:24,540
and cry.

6
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:28,400
Be a family guy.

7
00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:40,060
Okay, now remember, Lois, the school
likes to blame the kids' bad grades on

8
00:00:40,060 --> 00:00:43,540
trouble at home. So when we get in a
parent -teacher conference, it can't

9
00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:44,980
like there's any cracks in our marriage.

10
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:49,040
Peter, this isn't a parent -teacher
conference. It's a fundraiser. Here we

11
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,980
again. Let me punch your shrew card,
Lois, because the tenth nag is free.

12
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:56,800
Welcome to an hour of squeaks and echoes
in the gym.

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00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,280
Gym. Gym.

14
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:02,620
Huh. I guess they're selling all the
music department instruments to raise

15
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:06,960
money. Typical. They always cut the arts
programs, but never any sports.

16
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,600
Actually, they canceled field hockey.
See, they're selling the old uniforms.

17
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,400
And what vintage is this one?

18
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,260
A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir.

19
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Excellent year.

20
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:21,160
Sir, I'm going to have my team cut it up
and turn it into dinner napkins.

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00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,360
Oh, Giuseppe, you are a wizard.

22
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,700
Hello, I'm Mr. Campanale, the music
teacher.

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00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:30,040
Welcome to my going -out -of -business
woodwind sale.

24
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Everything must blow!

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00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,840
Yeah, that's very good.

26
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,080
Tell me, does your saxophone come with
the George Michael classic Careless

27
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Whisper on it? With enough practice,
this saxophone will play anything you

28
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Sweet, I'll take it. Great. How will you
be paying today?

29
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:52,600
Are you sure you should spend that?

30
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,660
Oh, yeah, there's still plenty in there
for Meg to pay for online college.

31
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,380
Have you ever dreamed of learning
calculus on a crowded rush hour subway?

32
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:04,520
Or pushing that thing IVs hang from
around a hospital?

33
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:07,740
Want to hug an old man at an ethnic
family picnic?

34
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Whatever the dream.

35
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As long as it's not going to real
college.

36
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Online college is here for you.

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00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,220
Online college.

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00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,680
If you had another choice, you'd make
it.

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00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,660
All right, everybody, shut up. The mask.

40
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,680
Singer's about to reveal who the big
Gatorade bottle of pee is.

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00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,920
They're really scraping the bottom of
the barrel for new costumes.

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And your masked singer is... Wait, who'd
they say? It's another D -list

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00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,860
that nobody can recognize by face alone.

44
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:43,580
Damn it, Peter. Do you know how many
hours of Ken Jeong and his tiny jackets

45
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,760
tolerated for that moment?

46
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,480
Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to be
so careless.

47
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:56,900
God, he never thinks about others.
Remember when he totally ruined our

48
00:02:56,900 --> 00:02:58,200
Thanksgiving football game?

49
00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:02,940
Okay, we gotta go all push -pushes. Hot
niece I'm not related to by blood,

50
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,200
you're the center. The rest of you,
shove me into her as hard as you can.

51
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,520
So I put the bottle down.

52
00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:14,000
But even though her family forgave me,
I'll never forgive myself.

53
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:28,160
Bravo! I knew these AA stories would be
the perfect setup for the guilty pain of

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00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,160
careless whisper.

55
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,300
Okay, let's take it from the top with
the guy who can only have supervised

56
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Panera visits with his kid.

57
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,100
I'm so sorry for your loss.

58
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,800
Now this screen is going to ask you a
couple questions.

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00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,740
You want a tip? Add 35 %?

60
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,260
You have to pick it because it's the
button in the middle.

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00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:38,859
What the hell, Peter?

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00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:42,160
This is the fifth night in a row you
woke me up with that damn song.

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00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,240
Your house is where the street light is.
It's not my fault. Yeah, well, thanks a

64
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,480
lot. I was only having the best dream
ever.

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00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:53,460
Oh, yeah? One of them that ends wet? No,
get this. I'm returning a lawnmower to

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00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:57,560
Home Depot. The workers were wearing
blue, but I still knew it was a Home

67
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:02,140
Dreams are weird like that. Anyway, they
offer me cash instead of store credit.

68
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,980
So I ask, are you sure it's covered in
grass?

69
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,380
I don't have a receipt.

70
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,880
And then you know what Bud said?

71
00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:12,180
That was the guy's name, Bud, which is
also my dad's name. So Sir Carl Young

72
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:15,980
would have a field day with that one.
Anyway, you know what he said? No.

73
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:17,280
Me neither.

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00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:22,280
Now go play inside so I can get back to
sleep and see how this roller coaster

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00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,280
ends.

76
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:27,580
And before you go to bed, this screen is
going to ask you a couple of questions.

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00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,119
Good game.

78
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,059
Good game.

79
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:34,039
Good game.

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00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,640
Hey, nice assist back there. Good game.

81
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,940
Good game. Hey, Quagmire, you got a
minute?

82
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,900
Sure, let me just violently wave my door
a couple of times.

83
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,260
Come on in.

84
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,440
What am I going to do, Quagmire? Peter's
driving me nuts with that saxophone.

85
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:52,400
Joseph, I realized a long time ago you
can't fight Peter's antics. The harder

86
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,920
you resist the shenanigans, the
shenanier they become.

87
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:59,000
So what I did was put together the Peter
Griffin Survival Kit. It's everything

88
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,040
you need to make being his neighbor
tolerable.

89
00:06:01,870 --> 00:06:04,370
I've got a variety of these different
-sized plugs.

90
00:06:04,610 --> 00:06:06,250
To put in your ears when he's loud?

91
00:06:06,470 --> 00:06:09,530
Yeah, or, you know, anywhere they fit.
And this tracks Peter's heart rate, so I

92
00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:10,970
can avoid him when he's overstimulated.

93
00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:16,090
That spike is when he found a frog the
other day. Do you have anything to help

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00:06:16,090 --> 00:06:21,130
me sleep that doesn't involve putting
your orifice plug in my ear, ideally?

95
00:06:21,550 --> 00:06:25,630
As a matter of fact, I do. These are
powerful, unregulated sleeping pills.

96
00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:29,150
I got them in the Navy. They give these
to all the guys who commit atrocious

97
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:31,070
massacres and then have trouble
sleeping.

98
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,380
A caterpillar in March?

99
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:40,840
I'm coming, I'm coming.

100
00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:43,700
Angrily tying a bathrobe because I got
woken up.

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00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:49,280
Thanks again for those sleepy pills, Mr.
Q. Front row tickets to the blanket

102
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,280
show, baby.

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00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:55,980
Mr. Q, what are you... Oh, my God. Joe,
you're walking. Walk it like I talk it

104
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,920
and talk it like I walk it.

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00:06:58,140 --> 00:07:00,360
Wait, are you... You're asleep.

106
00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:01,889
How is this possible?

107
00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:05,750
Well, I could tell you, but who needs a
long, boring story?

108
00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:08,830
You're walking and self -aware? It's a
miracle.

109
00:07:12,770 --> 00:07:14,490
What happened?

110
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,190
What happened is you walked.

111
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:17,970
Oh, my God, you're right.

112
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:20,570
I beat my record.

113
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:30,560
All right. What do we got, four middle
-aged guys at the same appointment?

114
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:33,900
I don't need to know how it got up
there. Just tell me who I'm taking it

115
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,060
No, no, Doc, it's Joe. He took a super
-strong sleeping pill last night and

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sleepwalked. Well, people do display odd
behavior under the influence of drugs

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00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:46,620
like Ambien. Let me get somebody better
suited to help. I got a code TB12 in

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00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:47,379
room three.

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00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:50,860
Hi, I'm pseudoscience expert and Tom
Brady -faced thinner -outer Dr.

120
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,080
Alex Guerrero.

121
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:53,700
Now, how can I help you, gentlemen?

122
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:57,340
I've been in a chair for years, but I
took one of these last night and started

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walking.

124
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:03,220
Interesting. Well, there must be a
neurological explanation, so to get to

125
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:05,500
bottom of it, we'll have to use... An
MRI?

126
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:06,740
Our imaginations.

127
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:11,040
I think these pills put you in such a
deep state of sleep, the damaged part of

128
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,320
your spinal cord went offline.

129
00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:18,080
Then to compensate, an undamaged neural
pathway activated, allowing you to walk.

130
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,740
So as long as Joe takes those pills, he
can walk again, right?

131
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:27,500
Yes and no. His legs might work, but in
that state, he'll have no access to his

132
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:31,820
waking memory or the personality he's
developed over the course of his life.

133
00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:35,880
technically, it won't really be Joe
who's walking. Well, now that you

134
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,740
it, he was acting strange. He was super
laid back and kind of cool.

135
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,580
Well, during sleep, we're not
preoccupied with the stress of our day

136
00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:46,880
lives, so for him to be very relaxed
makes a lot of sense.

137
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,920
Yeah, but does it, though?

138
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:54,500
If you want my opinion, and I cannot
stress enough how uninformed it is, you

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00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,900
should stay away from these pills.
There's no telling what sort of negative

140
00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:58,900
effects they might have.

141
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,100
Well, guess it's back to my chair.

142
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,840
Thanks for seeing me. My pleasure. Oh,
you can make the co -payout to Guerrero

143
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,020
Shipping Solutions, LLC.

144
00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:11,080
And if anyone asks, this all took place
in the state of Delaware.

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00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:18,120
Coming up this month on Turner Classic
Movies. Get a hold of yourself.

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Get a hold of yourself.

147
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,360
Get a hold of yourself.

148
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:26,380
Turner Classic Movies. If a woman gets
slapped in black and white, we've got

149
00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:27,740
So, I was.

150
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,540
Chorn it up last Friday. Buy new
batteries for the smoke detector.

151
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,560
Hold on, Joe. This anecdote sounds like
it's turning into a story. Oh, it's a

152
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,020
story, all right. Quagmire, story clock.
On it.

153
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:42,550
Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe. Come on,
is that thing really necessary?

154
00:09:42,970 --> 00:09:43,970
You're using your time, Joe.

155
00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:45,510
Okay, okay, where was it?

156
00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:49,230
Batteries for the smoke detector. So I
get to the store, and I'm like, shoot,

157
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:53,010
there's A batteries, C batteries, and D
batteries. And that got me to thinking,

158
00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:54,550
where the heck are the B batteries?

159
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:55,970
Did they really skip B?

160
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,350
I don't buy it, so I start digging.

161
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,560
Time. Well, that's not fair.

162
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:04,080
Joe, if you talk anymore, you're going
to put us all to sleep. Wish Joe was

163
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,700
asleep. He was way more interesting.

164
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,720
Yeah, Joe, why don't you take another
one of them sleeping pills? Maybe you'll

165
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:09,720
sleepwalk again.

166
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,700
What the hell? I guess one more time
won't hurt.

167
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,140
Uh -uh. Hell no. This ain't part of
God's plan.

168
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,960
Holy crap, that's amazing!

169
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:34,020
That was my credit he played, and I'm
not a huge Bob Marley guy, but

170
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,260
holy crap, that's amazing!

171
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:39,460
Well, I'm thinking I'll have a summer
solstice party. Send the old girl in the

172
00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:43,200
sky a big preach for the vitamin D. You
guys should check it out, and if you

173
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,760
have any trouble getting in, just tell
them you're with Joey Goodtimes.

174
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,640
Can I bring a date? No.

175
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:52,860
Bring two.

176
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,080
Man, sleepwalking Joe is awesome!

177
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,280
That was my beer, for which I've been
waiting quite some time. But otherwise,

178
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:00,820
sleepwalking Joe is awesome.

179
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:06,680
Hey, come party, Joe.

180
00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:08,800
Joey, who's up for some food?

181
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:14,720
Great. Nothing like the Joe Swanson
special. A supermarket vegetable platter

182
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,740
warmed by the sun.

183
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:20,680
Here we are, gents. Bola Raffles, two
-liter bottle of Coke. Pizza's on the

184
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,060
Wow. No way.

185
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:24,280
Donna says cola makes me jumpy.

186
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:27,640
Joe, meet Bonfire. I call her that
because she's smoking hot.

187
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,380
Peter, give me a nickname that tells
people I'm hot.

188
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:36,180
I think everyone here has met Dumpster
Fire.

189
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,800
Peter. It's because of the hair.

190
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,300
Jamban's starting, Bonfire. Let's go
dance like it's our first day in a human

191
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,300
body.

192
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:44,940
What the hell, Peter?

193
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,560
Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie
have a better sex life than we do.

194
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,360
Lois, we've been over this. Once one of
us agrees to shave it, we're back in

195
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,360
business.

196
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,390
Man, I had the best time at Joe's
yesterday.

197
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:03,470
You said it. Me and Donna ate some goofy
mushrooms and then cried watching the

198
00:12:03,470 --> 00:12:04,329
sun rise.

199
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:07,770
And good crying. Not the banks coming
for your house crying.

200
00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:12,750
Hey, there he is. The king. We are very
behind on our payments, though. What are

201
00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:16,890
you guys talking about? It's just me,
Joe. We know. You sleepwalked again and

202
00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:18,870
threw the most epic party of all time.

203
00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:23,270
Yeah, why didn't you tell me a free love
tent is just an orgy minus condoms plus

204
00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:27,430
BO? Oh, man, I had that at my party. I
hope Bonnie didn't see. She'd kill me.

205
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:31,130
Uh, Joe, Bonnie was in the tent. But
don't worry, she didn't do anything with

206
00:12:31,130 --> 00:12:33,410
anybody but you. Even under the pants
stuff?

207
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:37,770
Well, I am done with those pills. Next
time I get UTP action, I want to be

208
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:41,070
there. That's too bad, because Joey
Goodtimes is the man.

209
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,730
He's so popular, he already has his own
Cameo account.

210
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:45,049
Hey, there.

211
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:46,050
Peter Griffin.

212
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,730
Heard somebody's a little nervous about
changing his clothes at Planet Fitness.

213
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:53,270
Well, let me tell you, there's no shame
in your game, no matter how much it...

214
00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:55,170
turtles in front of a crowd.

215
00:12:55,510 --> 00:12:59,310
Are you coming back to bed, shall we?
Yeah, just firing off some inspo to a

216
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:03,210
idiot with big balls, baby carrots, like
monster truck wheels on a Miata.

217
00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:06,450
You're, uh, still learning how to end
the record.

218
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:14,410
Hey, Bon, sorry I missed the big party
yesterday, but I was thinking we could

219
00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:17,510
recreate that magic with some bosh and
chill.

220
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,090
Um, no thanks.

221
00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:21,060
You sure? Doesn't have to be Bush.

222
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,920
Could be any one of those last -name
crime shows and chill.

223
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,460
Bull, Luther, Longmire, Reacher, Will
Trent.

224
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:31,860
Which I know, it's a first -name, last
-name crime show. But what the hell?

225
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:32,860
almost Friday.

226
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,420
Just wake me up if you decide to fall
asleep again.

227
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,340
Bonfire needs another log.

228
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,960
Actually, with the drought we've had, we
probably shouldn't be starting any more

229
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,480
fires. Bon?

230
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,170
When did we get so boring, Joe?

231
00:13:58,850 --> 00:14:02,990
Speak for yourself, Joey. Good times and
boring go together like peanut butter

232
00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:03,829
and jelly.

233
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:08,370
I know you guys like that, but in the
imaginary mirror universe, it's a gross

234
00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:12,970
combo. So tell me, when was the last
time your friends were excited to see

235
00:14:13,030 --> 00:14:15,950
When was the last time Bonnie wanted you
to come to bed?

236
00:14:17,130 --> 00:14:18,129
You're right.

237
00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:20,110
Bonnie and the guys deserve better.

238
00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:24,390
I have to go. Got a ketchup and tuna
sandwich over here that ain't gonna eat

239
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:26,370
itself. Again, Mirror Universe.

240
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:41,330
Okay, Joey's back, so what the good
times walk.

241
00:14:41,790 --> 00:14:43,670
Wait, so I'm stuck in here now?

242
00:14:43,990 --> 00:14:46,110
Might as well see what all the fuss is
about.

243
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:50,370
He gets Bonnie and I get a crappy mirror
sandwich.

244
00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:04,110
I don't know where you get the energy
after a night like that.

245
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:08,370
Just get over here, babe. I'm going to
do you right on the counter where I prep

246
00:15:08,370 --> 00:15:09,370
the raw chicken.

247
00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:15,490
Your boobs are so wet.

248
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,680
You're still holding the chicken breast.

249
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:21,740
Oh, well, in my defense, I am asleep.

250
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,160
Good God!

251
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:35,260
He hit it so far, they added a yellow
tail so the viewers at home can enjoy

252
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,280
All right, fellas, let's go. Good thing
we don't need that golf cart anymore.

253
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,040
We get to walk all 18 holes.

254
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,400
Sheesh, I don't even walk the mini golf
course.

255
00:16:06,939 --> 00:16:08,580
Hey, slowpokes, what do you want to
drink?

256
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:09,900
Beer.

257
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:14,180
Pedialyte. We don't have Pedialyte.
Don't worry, Cleveland. Joey's got you.

258
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,040
Anyway, give me a warm ginger ale and a
flat spread.

259
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,180
Little trick I learned from nausea, Tick
Tock. And my apple pays on. You can

260
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:22,560
just swipe my pocket, hon.

261
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:30,000
I can feel it coating my troubled
innards.

262
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,440
You know what?

263
00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:34,540
Give me one of them clam chowders and a
baby Ruth.

264
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,300
Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it
18 for legal reasons.

265
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:46,420
And that's another 20 for me. I think
it's the Asian half that makes Tiger

266
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:47,420
talented.

267
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,320
Boy, I hope no groundhogs pop up and
drag my ball into the hole.

268
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,060
Because that would be terrible.

269
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:02,100
Sounds like fun up there. Should we go?
Honey, we can't. It's not February 2nd.

270
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,440
Ugh, one day.

271
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,960
Black people get a whole month. Gerald,
don't. What?

272
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:11,400
Breast cancer gets a month? Mustaches
get a month? Not masturbating gets a

273
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,339
month. Save it for your podcast, honey.

274
00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:19,760
I can't believe Joey stayed to play
another round.

275
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,520
Yeah, he said he wanted to get in 54.

276
00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:24,780
I can't even do that math.

277
00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:29,600
Not even I can get in that many holes,
tired giggity. It's like he ditched us.

278
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,620
Yeah, probably because you don't like to
shower after a round. Yeah, I can smell

279
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:34,599
you from here.

280
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,980
I forgot my jelly shoes.

281
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:39,820
It's important to wear them in the
clubhouse because drainage in a public

282
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:40,900
room... All right, I'm starting the
clock.

283
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:45,760
Did you just Joe me? If anybody should
be Joe -ing somebody, it should be me

284
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,339
-ing you.

285
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,720
Don't you dare Joe me, you fat turd.

286
00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:54,210
Wait, guys, guys. Don't you realize
what's happening?

287
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:58,810
Every friend group needs to have a
bottom friend. A guy who's doing way

288
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,510
than all the rest of us. And we lost our
bottom friend.

289
00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:04,550
The three Shirley Temples for that booth
over there?

290
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:08,890
You're right. Ever since Joe became
awesome, the rest of us are just

291
00:18:08,890 --> 00:18:13,290
to stay off the bottom. Without Joe,
we're like Oats, Messina, and Garfunkel.

292
00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:16,950
Well, that's a funny cutaway we don't
have time for, but we gotta get the old

293
00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:17,669
Joe back.

294
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:19,050
From the gentleman at the bar.

295
00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:20,670
He told me to tell you.

296
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,040
Bottoms up.

297
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:34,320
Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot? Oh, that'll
keep score. But someone else did.

298
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:36,200
68. Oh, cool.

299
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:40,500
Here's a question. Is Bermuda grass
something you can grow anywhere, or is

300
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,520
like champagne and it has to come from
there?

301
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:46,180
Oh, that's a long, boring story that I
have no desire to tell.

302
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,440
Joey, is a AAA membership worth it?

303
00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:54,470
I'll have plenty of time to tell you
that when I'm not waiting in line at the

304
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:59,350
DMV or getting up to 40 % off tickets to
any participating AMC theater.

305
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:02,550
Hey, whatever this is, knock it off.

306
00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:06,710
Hey, Joey, I can never remember. What
group sings this song?

307
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,910
Life is a highway.

308
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:13,290
I won't ride it all night long.

309
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:18,490
Actually, it's not a group. It's a
person, Tom Cochran, a Canuck, no less.

310
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:23,140
I know what you guys are doing. You're
trying to get rid of Joey Goodtimes.

311
00:19:23,340 --> 00:19:25,580
Wheel to the light, Joe. We need you
back.

312
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,780
No, but I'm cool now.

313
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:30,720
The old Joe was just a crippled punching
bag.

314
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:35,640
That's right. And he was our crippled
punching bag, and we miss him. Yeah, we

315
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,480
thought we liked this Joe better, but we
don't. That's right. The old Joe is the

316
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,359
best Joe.

317
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,520
I can't go back.

318
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:43,260
I'll never go back.

319
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:47,980
Fine. I didn't want to have to do this,
but I will. Joe, tell us.

320
00:19:48,490 --> 00:19:50,210
Why aren't there any B batteries?

321
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:54,190
I won't. Why aren't there any B
batteries?

322
00:19:55,390 --> 00:20:00,430
There are. There are B batteries. It's
just electronics manufacturers favored

323
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:05,010
the dimensions of the new double and
triple As. We all know C andD found their

324
00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:09,610
niche in high -drain situations, but B
slowly disappeared, except for European

325
00:20:09,610 --> 00:20:11,230
lanterns and bike lights.

326
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:16,030
Joe, it's a miracle. You can't walk.

327
00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:25,730
And that's why Ralph Nader deemed it
unsafe at any speed.

328
00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:29,390
Wow, that was so long and boring.

329
00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:34,110
It's nice to have you back, Joe. And I
enjoy having the space on the booth seat

330
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:35,890
for my pocket break -a -brack bag.

331
00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:39,290
Hey, what'd you end up doing with the
rest of those pills I gave you? I dumped

332
00:20:39,290 --> 00:20:42,170
them in the 18th hole in honor of Joey
Goodtimes.

333
00:20:43,970 --> 00:20:47,050
Oh, Gerald, what are you doing?

334
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:51,930
Don't worry about what I'm doing, baby.
Worry about what I'm about to do. I'm

335
00:20:51,930 --> 00:20:55,210
going to turn Groundhog Day into
Poundhog Day.

336
00:20:55,650 --> 00:20:58,970
Gerald, I'm cooking an acorn.