Original subtitles

[trumpet fanfare playing]

[narrator] Hollywood, California. Tinseltown is boomtown.

During the war, Los Angeles grew as a hub of wartime industry,

producing all manner of aircraft and ammunition

to support our fighting men overseas.

The war now over,

many of these starry-eyed dreamers hope to make it in moving pictures,

swarming like so many locusts outside the studio gates,

hoping to score a role as an extra

and become the next Paul Muni or Hedy Lamarr.

The studio system is king,

and if you make all the right moves, you too could be living in Beverly Hills,

splashing in your private pool with invitations to all the right parties.

You might even become immortalized at Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

The rewards for ambition are bountiful here

in the beautiful Southern California sun.

[big band music playing]

[man] Pardon me. Beg your pardon.

Sorry, excuse me.

Excuse me, pardon me.

Excuse me, coming through. Sorry.

-Hiya, Lou! -Hey, Jackie. Get over here, kid.

-Say, what time'd you get here? -About an hour ago,

-early birds getting worms and such. -Sure.

They're still lensing the John Farrow picture with Alan Ladd and Donna Reed.

-"Lensing"? -Lensing.

It's how you say "filmmaking" in Hollywood-ese. You gotta learn the lingo.

Billy Wilder is helming a picture with Emperor Franz--

-"Helming"? -Directing.

Bing Crosby, Joan Fontaine, it's gonna be boffo BO.

And she thinks we're gonna start the day on the big ballroom scene.

Lots of extras. People standing by the punch bowl,

folks crossing the hallway when they enter the big door.

I think I got a real shot at that one.

What about a western or war picture? Something like that.

They making any of those?

You don't say "making a movie," Jack. You produce a movie, "produce."

You gotta know this stuff if you wanna make it big time.

Shh, shh, shh! Here she comes, the old gorgon herself.

Okay, listen up. I'm only gonna say this once.

Rule number one, do not look at the camera.

Rule number two, do not talk to the director.

In fact, a good rule of thumb is to not talk at all.

Rule number three, if you see a platter of food on the sound stage, do not eat it.

That is not for you. That is for the actors and the crew.

If you see food on the set, do not eat that. That is a prop.

Now we have that out of the way.

Today, we're lensing a scene from a war pic.

-Lensing. -[woman] Seven were saved

where the plane goes down,

and a bunch of passengers flail around in the water and then die, okay?

-[crowd clamoring] -All right, uh, you,

-and you... -[man] Thanks!

You, you and you...

you...

uh, you...

and...

-you. -[cymbal crashes]

[woman] Okay, thank you very much. That's it for today. See y'all tomorrow.

Excuse me, Ms. Roswell. Beg your pardon, Jack Castello.

I think I'd be great in your war picture.

The drowning scene? You see, I fought at Anzio.

-Oh, you have training? -Sure, Fort Benning, Georgia.

Mm, I mean acting training.

-You got any of that? -Well, no.

Good-looking kid like you, you think you just gotta show up and poof,

you're a movie star, huh? Well, that ain't how it works.

Pretty face, but no training.

[chuckles] Kid, you're a dime a dozen.

[dramatic music playing]

[bell ringing]

[upbeat jazzy lounge music playing]

[man] Look, first breaks are tough in this town.

Don't beat yourself up.

No, no, no, no.

Already taken care of.

-What does he want? -Don't know.

Maybe he thought you looked thirsty.

-[door opens] -[bell jingles]

[door closes]

[clerk] Now, you're looking for a loan of about $20,000?

[woman] Yes, that's right. Just enough for a modest home.

[clerk] Swell, let's take a look at your application.

I see you're a veteran, Mr. Castello. Thank you for your service.

And Mrs. Castello, you are a waitress.

Yes, and I intend to keep working until the baby arrives.

[clerk] So, you're expecting?

Well, congratulations.

And Mr. Castello,

it says here you're a film actor. Any pictures I might know you from?

Ah, probably not.

Uh, to me, it's not about the notoriety, it's about the craft.

It's about showing up to work every day, you know.

-And for a super, that can mean-- -I'm sorry, a what?

Oh, a supernumerary. A supernumerary.

-It means "extra." -It means "background actor."

That's the proper term.

In many ways, we contribute to the reality of the scene

even more so than the principal actors.

But I don't see any income here.

Uh, no, presently not, but, uh...

But hey! I've got a casting tomorrow,

and if they pick me, that's ten dollars in my pocket!

Very well. Uh...

Unfortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Castello,

we would be unable to provide a loan of the size that you're seeking

based on your current income.

[dramatic music playing]

Listen, thank you for your time, sir.

[coins jingle]

♪ You treat me like a stepchild ♪

♪ You call me small fry ♪

♪ I never seem to please you ♪

♪ No matter how much I try ♪

♪ Why pretend you love me ♪

♪ When it's just an alibi? ♪

[man grunts]

One of those days, huh?

Bartender, two more, please.

-Why are you buying me drinks? -To thank you for your service.

You served, didn't you? Where'd you fight?

-Anzio. -Anzio! [chuckles]

Anzio was rough.

Ernie.

-Jack. -Nice to meet you.

I wanted to fight. Tried to enlist and everything, but they wouldn't take me.

-Said my cock was too big. -[coughing]

Yeah, surprised me too. I mean, it's big.

Twelve inches, soup to nuts, and not floppy either.

I get hard as a fucking rock.

Are you for real? What are you talking about?

-I got a very big dick. -[Jack] No, I...

I heard you when you said that. I'm wondering why. Why are you...

coming up to a stranger in a bar, talking about how big your cock is?

-Because you asked me. -Did I? Does not sound like me.

Look, all I'm saying is I know a hard-luck fella when I sees one.

I used to be right where you are.

I used to worry about my wife and kids... They're grown now.

She's dead, God bless her.

Good woman.

But I've been where you are, wondering what my life was gonna mean.

-What do you want? -I run a service station.

And business is booming!

I could use a good-looking fella like yourself pumping gas.

Why do you need someone good-looking to pump gas?

My gas station specializes in good-looking attendants.

It's my corner of the market, it's why we do good business. This is Hollywood, kid!

It's what people want.

It's why they left their cow towns where they grew up.

They don't want some fatso looking under their hood,

just reeking of sweat, grease under their fingernails.

It's an intimate act, if you think about it,

and, get this...

They'll tip big for it.

This is for you.

Thanks.

What I offer is a vision of a new America.

The America that you fought for.

You're very kind, but no.

Okay.

Citrus and Normandy, if you change your mind.

Golden Tip Gas.

["Catch a Falling Star" by Perry Como playing]

♪ Catch a falling star And put it in your pocket ♪

♪ Never let it fade away ♪

♪ Catch a falling star And put it in your pocket ♪

♪ Save it for a rainy day ♪

♪ For love may come And tap you on the shoulder ♪

♪ Some starless night ♪

♪ Just in case you feel You want to hold her ♪

♪ You'll have a pocket Full of starlight ♪

♪ Catch a falling star and... ♪

It's not our anniversary, is it?

They cut our electricity, Jack.

Oh.

Well...

sure is romantic, baby, huh?

Don't bother. You already knocked me up.

Cold wieners are on the table for you.

[door slams]

♪ Save it for a rainy day ♪

[sighs]

[big band music playing]

[bell dings]

[Ernie] That looks good.

[Ernie chuckling]

Kid, I gotta tell you, you look fantastic.

Handsome, young, brimming with optimism.

And, oh, by the way, you're clean, right? No venereal disease?

Okay, what is-- What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Look, kid, this town is all about dreams, right?

You know that.

And some of my customers don't just come here for gas.

They have, uh, fantasies and desires.

[cash register rings]

And for them, it ain't enough to watch a fantasy up on the big screen.

They want it for themselves, and I provide that for them.

In a way, I'm no different than Louis B. Mayer, you know what I mean?

No, Ernie, I have no idea what you mean.

You see, some of them say a secret code word.

You get in the car with them. Have a drink maybe, or sometimes...

sometimes you have to service 'em.

You gotta... you gotta be kidding me.

What? You don't like women?

Sure, I like women, that's why I married one.

[Ernie] All right, so let me ask you...

-You never cheated on her? -No.

Okay, I'm going to ask you again.

You never cheated on her?

[woman moaning] Oh, Jack.

[both moaning]

-Sierre! -[grunting]

No, uh... One time. One time, I was... I was on leave, I was drunk.

Then you're good!

First time's always the hardest, and you got that outta the way.

You're gonna be great.

Oh, here's one right here.

Jack, today is your lucky day.

-[bell dings] -This one's special, take it from me.

No.

No, no, no. Ernie, I'm not doing this.

[laughing]

I came here to be in pictures, I'm gonna be a movie star.

This, this is not for me. I-- I appreciate...

Look, you hired me to pump gas, I'll pump gas.

This, forget it. So long.

[Ernie] All right, but you just missed out on 100 bucks.

[bell dinging]

My customers pay twice that,

and you and me,

we split it, 50-50.

So, are you gonna take it?

Or am I giving it to one of the other guys?

Fuck me.

["It's a Good Day" by Peggy Lee playing]

[Ernie] Attaboy!

You're gonna do great.

-Shut up. -[Ernie] Let me know how it goes.

♪ Yes, it's a good day For singing a song ♪

♪ And it's a good day ♪

♪ For moving along... ♪

Fill 'er up?

I wanna go to Dreamland.

♪ A good day From morning 'til night... ♪

Okay.

♪ And it's a good day For losing the blues ♪

♪ Everything to gain... ♪

You'll do nicely.

♪ A good day From morning 'til night ♪

♪ I said to the sun, "Good morning, sun ♪

♪ Rise and shine today" ♪

♪ You know you've gotta get goin' If you're gonna make a showin'... ♪

Welcome.

♪ And you got the right of way ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a good day... ♪

Where are we going?

I got us a room. My daughter's at home.

You aren't nervous about being recognized?

That's the fun of it.

♪ 'Cause it's a good day From morning 'til night ♪

♪ A good day From morning 'til night ♪

So, how long have you been here?

Oh, you-- you mean in Los Angeles?

Just a couple of months. I'm from Missouri originally.

Let me guess...

you came here to be a movie star.

How did you know?

Takes one to know one.

I was in pictures. Silent films.

Good ones, too.

But then came the talkies.

I had one screen test,

and they told me there wasn't a place in talkies for ethnics.

A little "Jewey" was the word they used.

I politely informed them that Jews built this town and was shown the door.

Nobody thought a Jewish girl could be a movie star.

Nobody thought they were pretty.

So, I went to a bar and got drunk,

met a low-level executive who said he was about to get a promotion.

He said the only thing I could hope for was to be a development girl.

A goddamn script reader.

I said, "Fuck this town, I'm done."

He knocked me up, we got married, and I've been punishing him ever since.

Oh, he did get that promotion, though.

Now he's the star, not this Jew.

Can I ask you a question, Jack?

Why do you want to be a movie star?

You want an honest answer?

Well, we're about to get naked and fuck each other, so why not?

[clears throat]

Well, um, if I'm being honest...

Um...

all my life, folks thought I was dumb.

My mom and dad, my school teachers-- Oh, thank you.

All telling me I was lucky I was good-looking.

And I knew what they meant,

that that was all I had going for me.

I just want to do something big, you know?

Prove to them that I can be somebody in this world.

Do something that matters.

[chuckling] So movies...

you think they matter?

You kidding?

I know they do.

When you're walking through your life,

it's easy to feel like you're going through the motions, right?

Like it doesn't really mean anything.

But when I was a kid...

I grew up on a farm in Missouri,

so we had to drive a half hour to get to the picture show.

And when I looked up at that enormous screen,

I suddenly knew what life was supposed to feel like,

what being alive was supposed to mean.

It was like there was something somewhere out there...

waiting for me.

That's what being alive is supposed to mean.

I held my first hand at a movie theater,

I-- I had my first kiss at a movie theater, I...

I don't know.

What I do know is this:

every time I leave the picture show, I feel better than I did walking in.

[clicks tongue]

I never thought about it like that.

Can I ask you a question?

Only if you come and sit by me.

I'm paying for company.

Why are you here?

I mean, doing this with me. [chuckles]

You got a husband you don't like?

Truth is, I don't entirely know how I'd get out of it.

I've gotten used to being rich, being taken care of.

But I know that he can barely bring himself to touch me anymore.

So what's a girl to do?

Bridge?

Parcheesi?

I tried sleeping with the help, but that's no good.

This is much easier.

Less complicated.

You know, coming to a public place like this, it's, uh...

it's kinda like you're asking to be caught.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I want to make my husband jealous.

Maybe I want him to know...

that someone else desires me.

And that I'm still alive...

with so much more to give.

You're married.

Yeah, I am.

Do you feel guilty?

I gotta provide.

Then provide.

[upbeat "Embraceable You" playing]

Yeah.

Listen...

How exactly do we, uh, get started?

Well, first you take your shoes off.

Oh, yeah. Got it.

♪ Embrace me My sweet embraceable you ♪

♪ Embrace me My irreplaceable you ♪

♪ Just one look at you ♪

♪ My heart started jumping And grew tipsy in me ♪

♪ You and you alone ♪

♪ Bring out the gypsy in me... ♪

My...

aren't I a lucky gal?

-♪ The many charms about you ♪ -♪ About you ♪

♪ Hey, now ♪

♪ Above all... ♪

-[sighs] -♪ I want my arms about you ♪

♪ Don't be a naughty baby... ♪

Listen, before we--

Can I ask you a question?

Just 'cause you've been through it.

You think I got what it takes?

I mean, to make it in this town?

Who can say?

But what I do know, Jack,

is you have a strong light inside you.

Shine that light on me.

Make me feel like I matter.

Even if it's a lie.

-Okay. -[chuckles]

♪ I love all The many charms about you ♪

♪ Above all ♪

♪ I want my arms about you ♪

♪ Don't drag me Don't be a bring-down ♪

♪ Mama, get yourself home ♪

♪ My sweet embraceable you ♪

[panting]

[moans]

Sammy, nice work. Ricky Boy, that's for you.

Bad Man Bruce,

-Rough Ronny. -[Ronny] Thank you.

[chuckling]

Hey, there, champ! I heard it went great!

And here's this for your trouble.

Not too bad, right?

Avis is a real pistol, ain't she? Ten-year regular of yours truly.

[coughs]

No, it was, uh...

She was kind.

Uh-huh.

It was actually all right.

Good. In that case, I got another one for you.

Just a quickie in the shed behind the station. Won't take you ten minutes.

-Right now? -Right now!

[bell dinging]

All yours, Kemosabe.

[big band music playing]

[sighs]

Well, hello there.

♪ We're in the money ♪

[slams loudly]

Ernie, there's been a mistake.

[stammers] There's some guy in there.

That's not just "some guy."

That's Cole Porter.

He's a living legend.

The Gay Divorcee, Anything Goes...

Yesterday I heard you humming "Don't Fence Me In."

That's the son of a bitch who wrote it!

So?

So give the guy two minutes of your time. He's real polite about it.

-Don't keep him waiting! -Are you...

Are you telling me you expect me to...

Forget it! Forget it, Ernie, I'm not doing that!

I'm not-- It's not me. It's not me!

I gotta draw the line somewhere, all right? I'm not doing it!

-End of story. -Okay.

I see how it goes.

You don't get to set the terms of your employment here, Jack, I do!

And I'm running low on guys this month and I got a bad cough I can't shake.

I'm not sitting at some shitty smokey bar to headhunt.

So if you can't walk into a shed and lend a helping hand

to national treasure Cole Porter, you better find me somebody who can.

Otherwise, no money,

and you can get the fuck out of here!

That suits me fine.

I quit.

Yeah, well, good luck then, kid!

I wanted to be a movie star too, you know!

[ambient music playing]

[woman laughing]

Sweetheart.

What are you doing here?

Doctor's appointment?

Jeez, yeah. Um...

Tell Rudy I'm taking my break.

[man] You two own your own home?

[Henrietta] No, we're just renting at the moment.

Cervix feels just right.

Well, it's probably just as well,

because you know what they say,

having a kid is just as expensive as having a mortgage.

All right, let's see if we can hear a heartbeat.

Now, just relax.

Starting on the nursery yet?

No, we're in an efficiency so there really isn't room for a separate nursery.

So you're having a baby and looking for a new apartment?

Sheesh, that's no fun.

Are you finding a heartbeat, or...

[doctor] They've also raised the price on formula, so keep that in mind.

Uh-oh.

What?

Twins.

-[Henrietta] What? -What?

-Yep. Two heartbeats. -You gotta be kidding me.

-[loud thud] -Jack!

-Hiya, Jack. -Flo.

[chuckles] How's Hollywood treating you?

Oh, you know, I'm living the dream.

-Mm-hm. -Listen, I got a favor to ask you.

I'm a little short on cash, but I could really use a costume.

What kind of costume?

[siren wailing in distance]

-One, please. -[man] Um...

Uh, you don't have to pay, Officer. You can just go right in.

Damn right, I don't have to pay.

[big band music playing]

How are you today?

I'm fine, how are you?

-I'm well. -Yeah?

You got any money, honey?

Sure do.

I bet you do.

[gun clicks]

Get out of here.

Shit!

[men clamoring]

You're coming with me.

[panting]

Shit.

Walk.

-Are you going to put me in jail? -Shut up. Keep walking.

-Got a squad car somewhere, or-- -I said can it!

-We're going right around the corner. -Schwab's is around the corner.

What, you don't like Schwab's?

What?

Could you just do me a favor and clue me in here?

Am I getting arrested?

Listen, you're gonna get honest with me real fast

or I'm taking you downtown to the lock-up.

Hey, Jack, it's ready.

Let's go.

Hey, Jack, what's with the get-up?

Nothing. It's just my uniform.

I wear it when I'm on duty.

I'll have a cup of coffee. My friend here will have a Shirley Temple.

That's awfully rude, don't you think?

Explain yourself.

-What do you want me to say? -Start from the beginning, why don't you?

Okay.

I moved to LA after I got out of the service.

I wanted to be a writer.

Still do.

I wrote a script, you know?

Screenplay about Peg Entwistle,

a girl who jumped off the Hollywood sign because the town wouldn't accept her.

[scoffs]

I know the feeling, so I wrote about it.

Sold my script, too.

But a hundred bucks...

ain't much,

and a studio ain't gonna put a black man under contract.

I got...

Can I smoke?

Yeah, go ahead.

Thank you.

You need money?

I get a dollar a script

down at the Lincoln Theater, writing vaudeville sketches.

But that's once a week,

so the way I see it, gotta turn these tricks.

And I can't go cruise Pershing Square or the farmer's market, okay?

Cops will arrest me just for loitering, so I turn my tricks up at Joe's place.

Beats washing dishes,

and I like doing it.

Why not get paid for something that feels good that you was gonna do anyways?

I'm discerning.

-My tricks gotta be good-looking, clean-- -So, you're a gigolo.

I'm a writer.

Call it whatever you want.

I ain't ashamed.

I know who I am.

Now, Miss Shirley here is delicious.

What if I told you I could offer you an opportunity?

A job, doing what you're doing, but safer.

What the hell kind of cop are you?

I know a fella who owns a gas station.

You pump gas, some customers you do a little more, you know what I'm saying.

Pay is good, very good.

More than what you're charging.

And if you wanted to, you could just do guys.

You ain't no real cop.

Also, I do wanna ask you. I gotta ask you...

Pall Malls.

Could you make it with a woman if you had to?

Yeah.

Sure, I can fake it. Ain't that what most fellas do with their wives anyways?

-He's paying for it. -Okay.

I'm gonna take you to meet my friend Ernie.

First, you're right, I'm not a cop.

I'm an actor.

But, until that moment just then,

you thought I was a cop, didn't you?

What I mean is, you would cast me as a cop...

right?

Sweet beans in a basket.

He'll do the guy stuff?

Ask him.

If the price is right.

-50-50. -[scoffs] I'm worth more than that, 60-40.

[chuckles]

I like this kid. Enterprising.

Okay, deal.

Ernie West.

-Archie Coleman. -You're gonna do a lot of business, kid.

I can tell just by looking at you.

What's the password again?

"Dreamland."

[bell dinging]

[Ernie] He's all yours, go get him.

I knew you'd be back.

They always come back.

How's it going?

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, I want to go to Wonderland.

The street?

Oh, that's up there on Laurel Canyon.

[scoffs] You mean Dreamland?

Yeah. Dreamland.

Okay.

What can I do for you?

Uh, I don't know. Are there-- are there options here, or...

You're not interested in a black man?

No, I'm just a little nervous.

[chuckling]

What's your name?

Roy. Roy Fitzgerald.

Archie.

[bell dinging]

[keys jangling]

[door closes]

This your place?

Yeah.

I'm renting month-to-month.

I know it ain't much, but it's all I can afford right now.

What do you want?

-What do you mean? -I mean what do you want to do...

to me?

Or what do you want me to do to you?

[scoffs] Oh, you're, uh...

I like how straightforward you are.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Well, I just wanna make sure you get your money's worth, Mr. Roy Fitzgerald.

Can I ask you something?

Where are you from?

Illinois. Little town called Winnetka.

Fitzgerald's my stepdad, Scherer's my real dad's name.

I came out here to reconnect with him, but...

it didn't really wash.

What about you? Where are you from?

Where am I from?

Memphis.

So, what's a good-looking guy like yourself doing paying for affection?

Why not just go to those joints on Main Street?

Harold to the 1-2-3...

Cookie, you're making me nervous. [chuckles]

[sighs]

Relax.

I'll take good care of you.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

Uh, I went down there once, but...

I-- I saw somebody I thought I recognized.

A casting director.

So I pretended like I was in the wrong place and-- and walked out.

I'm gonna be an actor, see? So...

I-- I can't have anybody thinking I'm...

that way.

[Archie] I'm lucky I'm not trying to be in front of the camera.

That just wouldn't work for somebody like me.

-That's why I'm a writer. -A writer? You don't say.

Yeah. Well, I got a studio looking at one of my scripts.

It could be a first, you know? Major studio, black writer.

I mean, there's only been two or three black screenwriters before,

Oscar Micheaux, Langston Hughes, but those were race pictures, you know?

Stories about black folk.

It's like you can't even run those pictures in parts of this country.

But, you see, my script’s about a white gal, so...

Who knows? Maybe you could star in it, Roy.

[scoffs]

Could you imagine something like that?

-That would be-- -A dream.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In Dreamland.

[scoffs]

And if it comes true?

When it comes...

true.

We'd look back and say the two of us meeting was

that Hollywood dream starting to come true.

There you go, Jack.

Buffalo Billy, Slippery Sammy, Rabid Ronny,

Goody Two-Shoes Glen, and Arch... Welcome to the family.

[chuckles]

[coughing]

Ernie, what's the matter? You all right?

[clears throat] It's nothing. It's nothing.

This black walnut blooms this time of year.

Let's make it another great week, fellas!

-[workers] Yes, sir! -Go get 'em. All right.

[worker] Great.

[bell dings]

-What'll it be? -Dreamland.

-Where to? -Dreamland.

-Where to for you? -Dreamland.

[bell dinging]

[moaning]

[bell dings]

[moaning]

[grunting]

Hmm, you are really good at that, you know?

[chuckles]

So is this what you do, full time?

No, uh, just to make ends meet.

I'm an actor.

Really?

I'm in casting.

[indistinct chatter]

[Jack] Excuse me, sorry.

Pardon me.

[whistles]

Jack! I ain't seen you in a while, Bubby! I thought you threw in the towel.

-No, still pounding the pavement. -Sure, sure. That's great.

Me? I've been working every day this week on a Sidney Lanfield picture.

-Lot of frame wipes. Know what that is? -Sure.

I walk right next to the camera, real close,

and the director uses that to cut the scene together.

Practically editing this goddamn thing. Shh, shh, here she comes!

Okay.

-I need three warm bodies. -[crowd clamoring]

You, you and... you.

That's it. See the rest of youse tomorrow.

[Lou sighs]

Wanna grab a bite to eat? My treat.

[Jack] No, I think I'm gonna stick around.

What are you talking about?

Jack?

Get in here.

What the hell's going on?

Oh, I, uh, I got a walk-on role in a Cecil B. DeMille picture.

Might get a line!

Hey, something's gonna happen for you one of these days, Lou, I know it!

How are you?

[exhales] I love this town.

[lock clicks]

Hello, sweetheart.

What are you doing?

Nothing, just cooking dinner for my wife.

Hungry?

No, suspicious.

What did you do?

Uh, nothing, nothing. Just come here. Sit down.

We're celebrating.

Celebrating what?

You quitting your job.

-What? I like working at Schwab's! -I can't have you on your feet all day.

You're three months along, I don't want you working anymore, all right?

Not another word about it.

Let's eat.

Just eat!

[clears throat]

Oh...

my...

-God. -That's $500.

How-- How did you get this?

I've been doing good work at the gas station.

Rent's already paid, gas and electric too.

Now, that ain't for spending, all right?

That's a down-payment... on a house.

Oh, my God. I-- I don't...

I thought that's what you wanted.

[laughing] It is, I just can't believe it!

Oh, my God!

Thank you! Thank you.

Anything for you. Anything for my family.

What does that mean, "sexually ambidextrous"?

That means that my man Stan here likes the cat and the kitty.

Huh, no fooling?

Well, welcome aboard, Stan.

-[bell dings] -Thanks.

All yours, Jack.

-Fill 'er up? -Dreamland.

-Hello. -How are you?

-Better now, thank you. -Glad to hear it.

[bell dings]

Oh, no, uh, I don't touch the money. You pay Ernie and Ernie pays me.

Well, what about a tip?

Well, you can give it to me after, if you're satisfied.

Well, wouldn't this ensure that I'm satisfied?

Okay, thanks.

-You're under arrest. -What?

Got him!

Wait a minute, what is it? Whoa, buddy, buddy, what is this?

-Wait a minute, wait! -[officer] Shut up!

You're under arrest for solicitation and lewd conduct

pursuant to California Penal Code, section 647-B.

[sirens wailing]

[big band music playing]