Original subtitles

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Subtitles by Midas and Ghesus

--Terkel in Trouble--

Hi children! Are you comfortable?

My name is Arne and I'm going to tell you a story about a boy I know called Terkel

Terkel is a healthy boy, except from when he is sick of course

But he's a good kid and he's got bones in the nose

Now you might think: "bones in the nose? That hurts?"

but that's just somthing you say about a person who is intelligent

or about people who sneezes while they're eating fish

Anyways...

Terkel lived in a small town in a red house together with his mom Beate and his dad Leon

Beate and Leon were pretty fair parents

they just had a tiny bit of a problem agreeing about stuff

..and that's the way it is!

No

Yes it is

No

Yes!

No!

Mom and dad, can't you stop discussing all the time?

Terkel we're not discussing, we're quarreling, right?

No... Yes we are!

No! Yes we most certainly are!

...

Yeeeees...!

Terkel also had a little sister

Hey Terkel...

Her name was Rita. Not now Rita, I'm busy

Weren't we supposed to go to school together?

Yes... we were NOT supposed to go together

Terkel was in 6th grade at Kastanjevangen School

His best friend is Jason

Hey what's up Terkel...!

How's it hanging, dude? Are you "fresh"?

Yeah... I just haven't made my arithmetic homework

Ah nasty shit...

but on the other side... Fuck it!

Jason came from Albertslund (rough neighborhood)

That's why he talked a bit differently

And that's also why he always carried an iron pipe in his pocket

Ah bummer! There's Johanna

Haha, she's allready seen you Jason

Hey Jason

What's up Johanna?

How... how's it going?

"how's it going?" ?!

Ermm... Bye bye...

But Jason... Goodbye Johanna

She's completely in to you Yeah, I know

It's just that she talks so weird that it makes me trip - easy there

There were also 2 really mean boys in Terkel and Jason's class

They were called Sten and Saki

They used most of their recess' on bullying a chubby girl named Dorit

Cool Sten

What's up Porky Pig... you fat today? Again today!

I swear, chubby Dorit is always fat, haha

Friday morning's program was music with the class' favourite teacher Arne Nougatbranch

Hehe, believe it or not, that's me!

So you'll have to excuse me while I attend my job

Hello kids! It's time for music class

Err, are you ready? Yeah...!

Good, now listen ... err Silas?

I studied my grandfather's Encyclopedia of Music this weekend

and there I saw the expression "funky"

What does it mean?

Listen up kids... music isn't supposed to be read or analysed

Music is supposed to be tasted and felt,

to be listened and danced to. There's music in everything

For instance Jason's iron pipe

Or in Solveigh's cellular phone that rings in class

Well kids! Let's get some instruments and fire it up

That's the way Jason That's a good beat

...the guitar is mine!

2, 3, 4...

Birte a bit more groovy please

We're rolling..!

"The name is Arne" "And I like music"

"I teach 6A in rhythmics"

"The whole class is pumping" "And everybody's in"

"And when the beat is on" "I'll go fetch my bass"

"Suddenly we're all sent away" "And all the kids sing along"

"Arne is way cool!"

Thanks children

"Arne is way cool!"

"I'm too coool!"

Casper remember to empty the saliva valve

"When you look at me" "You'll know what to expect"

"The man with wide velvetpants" "And with beatles hair"

"The women want me" "And they can't get enough"

"When I pass by them" "They all go crazy"

"I'm doing lots of beautyful chicks" "They rip my cloths off and cry:"

"Arne he's too cool!"

"Way cool!"

"Arne is way cool!"

"Uhoho coool!"

"Super cool"

"Arne he's too cool!"

"I'm too cool for myself"

That's music!

Thanks a lot kids

Have a nice... Silas, thank you!

It swings

Silas...!

Thank you!

You wont beat my record, will you? Hang on for 2 seconds...

Fuck!

Are you... grrrr

Hi there kids

What's up? Hello there

Actually you're sitting on a spider

Am I...? Yeah, look!

Where?

Right there It's totally squashed

Don't worry. It's just pants

They can be washed. Tell me boys, what class are you in?

6A... in your face Hmm I see

It's because I'm a new substitute teacher here in the school

My name is Gunnar and I'm supposed to teach 7B so...

Okay...

What are your names boys?

My name is Terkel And I'm Jason, dude

Terkel and Jason, greetings kids. I have to go, take care

Yeah, 100%, dude

He was pretty fucked up

Yeah, a bit weird but kind of nice, right?

What's up fuckface?

I just have to pee. Fair enough.

"Dick!" (on the wall)

"Shit!" (on the wall)

"Smelly Cunt!" (on the door)

Hello... anybody there?

Oh, no...

Hey, what's up Terkel

Please don't... Have you pissed in your pants?

Haha, you've pissed in your pants Haha, funny...

Come on Sten...

Hey Terkel listen, if this was an army gun we would've shot your balls off

In Vietnam... Look Sten! That's chubby Dorit

Get her!

If you get her bag then I'll pull her hair Deal!

Fat Dorrit, you're so fucking nasty...

It was the end of the schoolday and the final subject of the day was "Danish"

But instead of their ordinary teacher Yvonne a stranger arrived

Look Jason, it's that weird guy

Ah Gunnar, dude. Check that sweater, really faggot looking

Hey kids! Please sit down quietly on your bottoms

I'm Gunnar and err... do you have any chalk?

Excuse me Gunnar, I'm Silas and I would like to volunteer to go get some chalk

Well, thanks Silas

As I said before, I'm Gunnar and I... Here is the chalk!

Wow Ordinary and coloured chalk

Great, listen up

My name is Gunnar Bjerre and this is my African opossum Liselotte

Normally your teacher would be Yvonne but unfortunately she had an accident

Yvonne tripped all the way down the stairs and...

...rolled on to the big and dangerous traffic filled road

which you should never cross without an adult

Out on the road, the cars just didn't have time to stop before it was too late

Kids, Yvonne... she didn't make it

She's not comming back ever again

As I said, I'm Gunnar

and I'm a newly appointed substitute on this school

Before this job I was a teacher at a "Rudolf Steiner School". If you know what that is?

It's a... yes Silas?

I know what it is

The children already knew about these "Rudolf Steiner Schools"

which in short terms are schools that believe toys should be boring to play with

Preferrably a stupid wooden doll with no face

That's something the kids have to imagine for themselves

I once had i grildfriend like this

She wasn't made out of wood though... unfortunately

Anyways... back to the class

Yes, thank you Silas for the explanation

Well kids, we better get to know each other better

I've brought along a peasack which we can throw to each other

while we state our names

I can start, I'm Gunnar

and err.. how about we just take the rest of the day off?

Cool!

Won't you be our big brother Gunnar? What?

You can be our big brother because you have such a nice necklace

Totally cute rat Opossum!

Yeah, I knew that

Gunnar can we put make-up on you just like on a girl?

No girls, you must be missing a few screws

See you tomorrow girls Bye bye big brother

"Win a new wife - Lottery" (on the sign)

Oh no!

Terkel...?

What?

Can you walk me home, Terkel?

God dammit, you can walk home yourself!

It's because I forgot my key

Then use the spare key!

But I can't remember where it is

In the shed under the flowerpots!

But Terkel it's just that... Leave us be, ghees!

Are we crashing your place Terkel?

No we can't today... My parents are planning the wedding

the whole house is filled with marzipan etc.

Terkel's parent were to be married the comming saturday

Hey boys

Hey Gunnar

Are you out buying sweets? Yeah, we've bought sniffsticks

Well, see you on Monday, bye

Yeah Whatever...

Can't we be at your place today? Today ain't really a good day...

Why? Yeah, that's why!

But Jason we're never at your place No...

I haven't even seen how you live Listen, I just can't cope with it today

I'm totally wasted Crap!

Why do you always that stick in your pocket?

Don't shit me, you never know when an iron pipe can come in handy

I'm home... No

Hello dad No!

Err, have you had a good day? No...

Ready for the wedding tomorrow? err... no!

You'll probably get ready in time No

Is mom home? No

No!

I'm out here in the kitchen, Terkel

Hello dear Had a good day?

Yes, we've got a new teacher

Miss Yvonne is dead Terkel please wipe this

Sounds like you had great fun, eh?

Mom, can I go to the ramp after we've had dinner?

No Terkel, not tonight. All of us have to get up early in the morning

What if I come home early?

Terkel, we're having a big party tomorrow and it's important that you get your sleep

If you don't get 8 hours of sleep you could end up getting anthrax

and shrink to the size of a matchbox Err mom...

That wouldn't be the first time something like that happened

Hey Terkel, open the window, dude

Jason what in the name of the lord are you doing here?

"What in the name of the lord are you doing?" Try speaking a language I can understand

It's 2am So? Don't be a crybaby

Wake up, we have a flick to watch!

Terkel wasn't really into horror movies but you can't really say that to your best friend

So instead he said: Wow man, got his arm chopped off...

Yeah, shut up

...and the head! Haha, eat shit and die!

I therefore ask you Vera Gungadin Mogensen

will you take Beate Happerkuk Stenstr�m to be your lawfully wedded wife?

No!

Here they come... Congratulations!

Come on Rita, you have to throw rice at mom and dad

No that's not nice

That's the way it's done Rita That way they can get fertile

Fertile?

Yes, so they can have kids and stuff But they have us Terkel?

Yes, but you'd like a little brother, right?

Ouch honey! Don't throw that hard

Ouch Rita! Not that kind of throw, you can end up deaf from those

So grandmother, I don't see you eating anything? Can't chew it? A spin in the blender?

You can also get a toast. Do you want a toast? With cheese and ham. It's hard getting old, eh?

Well they've asked me NOT to give any speeches... Yeah!

...Particularly because of the situation at the last family reunion

But what the hell, it's not everyday that your little niece gets married

Terkel! Your mom has a formidable ass! Haha, just joking

You'll get over it... No.

Take it easy, I'll buy you a whore later

Sit your ass down Leon! I don't want to punch you on your wedding day.

No

And then I think we should make a toast to the bride and groom

...or at least say, "Yes sir!" Cheers!

And you don't get off without a song Fireman, hit it!

Now just listen to me Everybody sit down

"Beate and Leon today we party"

"Because you're going to be spliced tomorrow"

Actually it's today but I wrote this shit last night

"It's lovely to be..."

What's up Terkel? Just someone from my class, I'll be right back

I want to go with you No Rita stay here

Sten? Saki?

Sten...?

Saki...?

Take it easy man Damn you look frightened

It's just us I knew that

Wanna get shot?

Hehe, no

What's up Terkel? What's happening?

Not really anything Having a party?

Just my parents, who got married

What are you guys doing?

We're going to get battered. Show it to him, Sten

It's "extra dry" Okay...

He stole it from his dad No, he said that i could take it

Yeah, sure he did, smartass

Can we get anything to drink from the party?

Nah, don't think so Can't you get a beer for us?

No, that's not a good idea

Err, it won't be a big one then

Maybe I can get 1 ... or 2,3 beers

I think there's a whole crate of beers out in the back

"...brawn and figs and roasted herrings in pickle"

"And bread and buuuutter..."

Err, Stewart what about toast? Sit your ass down or I'll fuck you up!

"At last I will lift my glass..."

"...And say congratulations"

"And then I will sit down on my seat"

"And put a fillet of fish in my mouth"

"And liver p�t� and chicken and turkey" "And ham and roast pork"

"And..."

What the hell?! Are you trying to steal the adults' lemonade? You little bastard!

It was Sten and Saki who made me do it

What?! Are you talking shit to your uncle? It's true!

They're outside, and they had guns and stuff

No uncle Stewart don't do it!

What the hell!

Surprise filthy little swines Who the hell is he?

It's my uncle

So, you're trying to steal from old uncle Stewart? What the fuck are you talking about?

Little Terkel here has just told me how you wall-eyed sons-of-bitches...

...have made him steal beer from me That's a lie!

What the fuck? So you're calling me a liar?

Fuck, you can't just hit him! So you want some with the ring too?

Don't be impudent Sonny-boy or I'll make you eat dirt

But he's much smaller than you! What are you going to do about it, crybaby?

Take that!

Don't stand on his head!

Quick action

And stay out fuck-faces!

What are you doing uncle Stewart? Who me?

I'm the one who'll get all the trouble on monday

Don't take it so hard kid Come, let's go in and beat up your dad

No I don't want to be your fucking boyfriend Get it, you ugly sack of slime

Ouch, damn that shit! Hey Jason

Hey Terkel Did you just hear that?! Boyfriend?!

If she said that she wanted to be my bitch or ho...

She talks so fucked up that it gets on my nerves

Why are you only turning up now?

It's just because... Hey what's wrong with Sten and Saki?

What do you mean? Fair enough, they just seem pretty pissed at you

They're in the class talking about how big a jerk you are

I knew it...

Knew what?

And then Terkel told everything that happened Saturday night

Haha, get the fuck out of here. Awesome I would've liked to see that

Funny haha. I'm the one who will get all the trouble

Do you think it's that bad?

I got i message from the Gorilla Club which I'm a member... hey boys!

What's up!

My mom has written in my contact-book why I was late

Yes? Let's see...

"Terkel has got milk allergies so he was allowed to sleep late...

...There's no reason for the kid getting cirrhosis of the liver...

...Yours faithfully, Beate"

Yes... you're allowed to sit down

Damn informer pig! Damn army whore!

"You are doomed Terkel!!"

Well as I said before, I've received a message from the Gorilla Club

They wrote that the piebald salamander was seen 3 days ago...

...just out in the Degne moor. So I have arranged a camping trip

Easy now... that's it

We're leaving Wednesday morning so I need your mom or dad's signature...

...stating that it's okay that you sleep out at the moor

Excuse me Gunnar?! Yes... Silas?

What's the difference between a piebald salamander and an ordinary salamander?

Fucking nasty rotten crap shit project! Sour herb and bad gift, man!

Jason it could be fun.

Yeah jumping around in some plague infested moor, trying to catch some shitty salamanders?!

But we're going to sleep in a tent, the 2 of us togehter, that's going to be fun

It's just that... argh that crap pipe!

Throw that damn pipe out Jason. Are you crazy? Don't wanna discuss it

You never know when you need an iron pipe

Think it's gonna be great

You think so sissy-boy? Looking forward to catch salamanders?

Are you cruel toward animals? Haha, cruel towards animals

What?! Cruel towards animals?!

Yeah, you don't have to repeat or are you a mimic? Yeah, you don't have to repeat... or are you a mimic... err

Whimp! Animal tormentor! Mimic!

Leave me alone!

"I love G____R" (on the blackboard) Then we said that you were a member...

...of our club, right big brother? Yeah, and then you have to write letters

Yeah, because we're pen pals

Would you be my pen pal? And can we cut your hair?

Ghees, you're completely nuts

Gunnar, can I have a word with you?

Of course Terkel Let go of me girls...

This way Terkel

...it's just Sten and Saki, they won't stop teasing me Are they teasing you?!

Yeah, they call me a sissy, animal tormentor and a mimic I think that sounds awful, Terkel

Actually I think that you should strike back But how?

Which of them is the boss? Sten, I think...

Then I think you should confront Sten One should always go after the boss,

then the others will automatically get out of your way

I think that you should go over to Sten and say: Hey dude, what about yourself?

"What about yourself?"...

"What about yourself?"! Then they'll see how wrong they've been

Okay, thanks Gunnar

Look, here comes the animal tormentor

And what about yourself?

Huh?

Yeah Sten, what about yourself?

What the hell is he babbling about? Yeah, what do you mean?

I say, "What about yourself?"!

"What about yourself" (gold letters)

"What about yourself?!" "You're just a loser"

"You call me a cruelty, sissy and a mimic"

"You're a goof and totaly disgusting" "Come on! Are you a wuzz?"

"You long sock!" "'Cause your pants flutters when I'm beating you"

"A shoe right in the ass"

"I'll kick your mom in her cunt" "screaming everybody get the fuck out"

"You can step on the one ones lying on the ground" "And those who whisper are lying"

"Unless they whisper that I'm cool!"

"My mouth will not be silent" "Dickheads better watchout"

"If there's more trouble with you" "I'll squeal on you"

"'Cause what you say is what you are"

"It's in the news" "That you're a toffee"

"You're it, punkass" "Give me five!"

"Fat Fart" "and you can't sing it back"

"'Cause what you say is what you are"

"It's in the news" "That you're a toffee"

"You're it, punkass" "Give me five!"

"Fat Fart" "and you can't sing it back"

"What about yourself?!"

"Yeah I got it" "Your mother humps everything"

"And your daddy consists of 10 different men" "And my dad can kick everyone of their asses"

"And if you think you found a save spot" "You better run home to momma"

"You act like a mirror when I'm fucking with ya"

"But I'm hooked on slapping you with 10 mirrors" "with your ugly face on"

"I got you 1... 2... 3... times"

"You're a dickhead motherfucker"

"And a square asshole"

"You're the one who started this" "But I'm the one who finishes it"

"I'll throw around like the pussy you are"

"You picked the fight, but got screwed over" "But from this point on, you'll shut your fucking face"

"And if not... "

"I'm going to motherfucking tell the grown ups" "Biatch"

Sissy boy!

Yeah, totally a sissy.. and a mimic

It probably won't come as a surprise to you that adults don't know what goes on in kids heads

And least of all how to avoid getting bullied

What's up crybaby? chickenshit?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nothing. I'm just tired.

Terkel speaking.

Terkel, you're not at the ramp again, are you? But normally I'm allowed to..

Listen here. It's gonna rain any sec now and you know how wet tree spreads SARS

We've allready talked about that Ok, I'm coming home now.

It's for your own sake. We wouldn't want your knees to calque

Huh?

Did it hurt? Hey sissyboy!

We're going to kill you. You little animal tormentor.

Want a piece of my new gun?

No please, I don't want to die

We'll catch you. You can't hide. We'll kill you.

Welcome to the Hotline for Kids Stewart speaking.

Hey Stewart, it's Terkel Hi Terkel. I'm working right now

I know... You have to call later...

I have to be ready to take care of the children's problems

But I do have problems Is that a fact.

That's why I'm calling Fair enough, go on sailor

I'm getting bullied at school... So, what's the problem?

They say I'm an animal tormentor, a mime... Yeah, I have to say that's not bloody original!

What about super analdripping creep? But..?

Or eskimo drugwhore son-of-a-bitch? Hey, here's a good one. Flabby gazelle cockhead

Stewart..? Gross bitch-of-a-nasty-fucking-leatherface

But Stewart you have to help me! Ofcourse my son, that's why I'm here

Problems are here to be solved, you know

Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that you can't solve them yourself

And never be afraid to cry out for help

Now I'm going to tell you an advice that my dad gave me

"Ask for help" "If you are in doubt"

"Ask for help 'cause it's near" "And it can save lives"

"One can't manage all problems by oneself"

"You can count on Stewart" "Just ask for help"

I have personally helped out a few kids myself, listen:

"Yesterday I met a boy who weeped" "He couldn't find his way back home"

"And he was afraid of the dark"

"The kiddo said: dear Stewart can you help me?"

"I took out my knife and yelled BOOH!" "And suddenly he found his way home"

"And then I remember Viktor " "His dad really cruel"

"He beat the kid yellow and blue" "Whenever he had the time"

"Victor called me up one day" "and complained about his situation"

"Unfortunately I was busy that day" "So now Viktor is dead"

"Ask for help if you need answers"

"You can call night and day"

"This captain is ready"

"Push the 8 digits if you are feeling down"

"And if I'm out drinking you can leave a message!"

Can't I just get some help...? That's right Terkel

That's what you have to say, if one day the shit hits the fan

Take care and tell your dad that I'm popping by to hand out some beatdown one of these days

"Death to the animal tormentor"

No! Please I don't want to die!

What is going on here? Have you seen this mess, Leon?

No

What is it you're playing in here?

A stone came through the window It didn't just come through the window by itself.

Maybe this will teach you not to play with fire another time

Terkel kept some distance to Sten and Saki in the schoolyard

If they were capable of throwning bricks through a window

Then who knew what they could be up to Oh oh...!

Hey look, there he is, the tormentor Hey mime!

A damn army whore

Trying to hide, are you, huh? Won't you just please leave me be?

Now now there sissyboy, don't cry You little animal tormentor

Blinking your eyes, huh? Afraid of your mom and dad?

Terkel was wondering what to do, when the class' fat girl Dorit came over

You know what Terkel? Don't mind them. They're just jealous

Dorit? Terkel had never talked to Dorit before

He had actually never really noticed her She was just a part of class

What is it?

It's just a letter, but you don't have to read it now.

Look! Chubby Dorit and the sissy are lovers See, Terkel has cried

Then it's good thing that he has his girlfriend Chubby Dorit

Yeah, they are lovers And what if we are?!

You're just damn jealous Fat porky

Hey Terkel, are you really in love with Dorit?

Terkel felt like talking back and help Dorit

just as she had tried to help him

But instead Terkel did what one would do with the back against the wall

He passed the ball...

Ermm, no I'm not in love with a fat fucking cow like her

That was all that was needed for Sten and Saki to forget all about Terkel...

...and jump all over the poor Dorit

Haha, fat cow. Chubby whalefish. Beached Whale, John Goodman

Where are you going Chubby Dorit? Stay here you fat cow

Wow, that went pretty quick, huh? Terkel was paralysed by horror

Even though he could hear himself say: Let's hope no one got hit by the fat cow

Cool said Terkel It looked really awesome

Hurray for Terkel

Imagine someone can bleed so much That's obvious if you're a fat cow, right Terkel?

Terkel? Wait a sec...

Tell me, what really happened up in the class?

Erhm, she jumped out of the window Fair play, okay then...

Luckily no one was hit by that fat cow

The letter?!

"Dear Terkel... "I love you"

"You're the only good thing in my life"

"I get bullied everyday" "And I can barely take it"

"It's because of you that I'm still alive" "Forever Yours, Dorit"

One more sausage, Leon?

No... Yes you do

No..! That's the way it is!

So Terkel...

What have you been doing in school today?

Today I got bullied so much that I chose to bully Chubby Dorit

Finally she got so upset that she jumped out of the window from the 3rd floor

Well, then you must've had your hands full. Mom, she actually died!

Rita, if you want the Toothfairy to come this year then you surely don't want to chew so noisely

Hi Terkel. Stay out Rita

Don't you want to play with my cut-out dolls? I don't "play"!

But you play with Jason? We don't play, we're just together

Don't you want to be together with me and my dolls then?

Keep out!

"Psychopath on the loose" (Frontpage)

Dad, I need to talk to you

I have some problems in school and there's no one who wants to help me

So won't you please hear me out? Noooo!

Mom...?

What is it Terkel?

Want to play? Forever and ever?

Nooooo Come over here Terkel

Where are you going? Watch out that you don't rust Terkel

"I'm comming, I'm comming" "I'm comming to get ya"

"I'm comming, I'm comming" "I'm comming to touch you"

"I'll shread what you think is safe"

"I'm the shadow behind the curtain" "I'm the branch on your window"

"I'm a sound from your closet" "I'm a voice inside your head"

"I'm the tormented souls" "The distorted cries"

"From those in the computer games that burned to death"

"As your mom and dad who only believe what they can see"

"They say I don't exist. What do they know?"

"They are asleep when I haunt, when I give you my thrill"

"It's not them I'm visiting, when I give you my scare"

"I'm saying:"

"I'm comming, I'm comming" "I'm comming to get ya"

"I'm comming, I'm comming" "I'm comming to touch you"

"I'll shread what you think is safe" "Paranoia so loud it makes you go insane"

"I'm saying:"

"I'm comming, I'm comming" "I'm comming to get ya"

"I'm comming, I'm comming" "I'm comming to touch you"

"I'll shread what you think is safe"

"You're a deadman Terkel"

Who had wrote it?

Was it Sten and Saki who had put salt in his erm... bad conscience?

It just had to be

Terkel have you seen the spare key?

What? It's not in its usual place out in the shed

I haven't seen it Here, I've packed your suitcase

Mom, are you throwing me out because the extra key has gone missing?!

Silly you, it's Wednesday

What? The Salamandertrip...

Did you forget about that?

Mom, can I please stay home? Nonsense, you're going to sleep in tent with Jason

out in the dark and dangerous forrest. It's going to be fun

I don't feel well. That's probably just some hepatitis

You just have to walk until it goes away

Please let me stay at home?!

Then you have to ask your dad first

Dad...?

No

Sten we're taking the back seat Definately

Good morning Terkel Good to see you

Do you have a note from your parents? Yes, here's my contactbook

Would you be so sweet as to deliver all your luggage to the busdriver over there?

Is this some kind of joke Terkel? If so I don't think it's funny

"You're going to die!" (written) You're going to die?

Yeah, I can read it perfectly well myself. But I don't think it's funny

Ready to go kids Terkel are you coming?

Hey fuckface, come over here and sit your ass down before I make you

Hey Jason...

Hey Terkel. Cool bag

Yeah totally cool bag Is it army?

Is it a bag from the army? No, it's just an Eastpack

Totally cool Yeah

What was it you called that Dorit?

Fat cow? Ah yes

Fat cow, way cool Terkel.. won't you sit next to me and Saki?

Ermm, okay cool

What the fuck...

Is anybody sitting here? Actually someone is!

I can't see anyone

Well look closer then, you bum

Bloody hell! Now I dropped my pipe You bring bad luck

Calm down for a sec?

You silly little mischiefs Okay Gunnar

I feel like playing a song for you guys If you would like to hear one?

Oh dear, you're absolutely uncontrollable

Hey Gunnar, can't you sing a song about why we have to do so much homework?

Listen up kids, you're all being spoiled

There's actually a lot of children in the world who are worse off than you.

Nah, I don't believe that Just pay attention:

"Here's a story about a boy named Quang"

"He's 7 years old and lives in Thailand"

"And his workday is long"

"He gets up early in the morning" "And goes to bed very late"

"'Cause Quang has a lot to do" "Though he's just a boy"

"Every morning at 4.45am" "Quang takes off"

"Through hawthorns and thistles" "To a boat at the riverside"

"The water is dark and cold" "But the family ows money"

"So he dives for pearls" "But mostly without any luck"

"So what the hell makes you think that i want to listen to you grumble?"

"That you don't like your spinach and don't get enough allowance"

"You have fast food and Nintendo" "You have time to sillyness and play"

"There's 1000 kids in the world wanting to swap places with you"

"Quang he's the oldest one"

"Of a family of 10"

"He's the one doing the cooking" "When the day is over"

"There are enough mouths to feed" "Often it can be difficult"

"So Quang has bought a tube of glue" "That they can sniff for desert"

"When Quang has put the small ones to bed" "He is dead tired"

"But he has to go to the village again" "Eventhough it's night"

"'Cause he has a date" "that he arranged yesterday"

"With his boyfriend Heinrich Schultze" "Who is 45 years old"

"So how the hell can you be telling me that you life really sucks"

"Would you please try and see it in a larger perspective"

"Think about others than yourself" "Learn from my song"

"Remember that you have a good life" "if you don't live like Quang"

"Remember that you have a good life" "if you don't live like Quang"

Gunnar, I just want to tell you that it's a real shame about Quang ... I'm like, "what the fuck?"

If it was oneself, one wouldn't think it very funny And then I'm like "Hey stupid", we have to do something

Yeah, and you can

I have what you call a sponsorchild from Vietnam whom I transfer money to

It costs DKR 140 ($23) per month

If you guys give me DKR 5 each you can all help me support the little Philip Jongongong

Is he called Philip Jongongong?

Well Terkel it's a girl But Philip is a boy's name?

Yeah, but down there you can be named whatever you like

Yes, kids listen up!

When you have raised your tents you can go and explore the forrest

You can also go down to the lake as long as you keep a safe distance to the water

And then we're going to bed early

We have to go to bed at 10pm as we have to get up at 5am to study the salamanders

Yes Silas? What if one would like to go to bed at 9.30pm?

Shut your freaking ass Silas!

Terkel was in a better mood

Actually he had forgotten all about the horrible messages

Hi Jason

What's up wannabe? Take it easy...

What's wrong with your head?! They have been on your back for 2 days

And then all of a sudden you're eating from their palms. It makes no bloody sense

They aren't bullying me anymore. They're actually very nice

Yeah, they're totally cool because they aren't bullying you, right?

That's why you're a brownnose, or?!

Am not Nonsense, fucking sellout!

Come on... I guess you're also sleeping in their tent?

No... Hey Terkel!

Don't you want to sleep in tent with me and Sten?

What did I just say?

Ermm, allright

Is that okay Jason? That's your fucking decision, loser

Come on Terkel!

Do you really think that we can fit all 3 in that tent?

Yeah sure, it's an army tent Come on, you bought it at Macy's

So what?! They probably also, erhm, have Macy's in the army or...

Take it easy, I know that

Fucking false little fat shitty fucking...

Yo Johanna. I just wanted to say that I've been really mean to you

I'm sorry... That's life, nobody acts cool towards anyone anymore

But I hope it's okay Fuck off!

'cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho

What the fuck...?

Jason had never experienced Johanna that way

What a temper. What use of language

Imagine that a girl could talk that foul

So unbelievable foul

"How can one be so blind" "I just didn't get it"

"It's just now that really I see you"

"'Cause you're a super hot fox" "I've found the meaning with my life"

"As a lightning from the sky, what the hell is going on"

"I haven't been able to see it before today"

"that you suddenly looked at me and said:"

"Fuck off!"

"'Cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho"

"You told me without a smile"

"What do you want?"

"I would do anything as long as you say that you would be my girlfriend"

"I love your style"

"Damn girl you're so crazy" "All that time I've wasted"

"Before I understood that you're so hot"

"And suddenly I'm standing here" "Seeing how beautiful you are"

"I'll feel down if you're not available"

"I can only hope that you'll be my girl"

"If you're motherfucking fresh with that then let me hear you say:"

"Fuck off!"

"'Cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho"

"You told me without a smile"

"What do you want?"

"I would do anything as long as you say that you would be my girlfriend"

"I love your style"

"Fuck off!"

"'Cause you're too ugly for me and your mom's a skank ho"

"You told me without a smile"

"What do you want?"

"I would do anything as long as you say that you would be my girlfriend"

"I love your style"

Sten, what kind of sheet is that? It's nothing!

It's just that it looks like something my baby sister...

Well it's not!

Sten! What's up?

It's just him Jason, he's gone mental

What's up with Jason, Saki?

I passed his tent and saw him making out with Johanna

I swear and then i went by and said "buhhhh", I swear man it was just for giggles

Then he freaked out and slapped me in the face

You're saying Jason hit you?

Do you think I'm lying, look I'm totally red on the cheek

He's totally sick in his head I bet it has something to do with his sister

Sister? Yeah, his sister is dead

Hold on, does Jason have a sister?! Yeah Dorit

Chubby Dorit, the fat cow is his sister. Or were.

You didn't know?

Dorit? Yeah.

Where did you guys hear this? I went to kindergarten with him

He just always pretended not to know her in school

It's true Terkel

Terkel was speechless Was Dorit really Jason's sister?

And without Terkel knowing anything about it Of course Terkel had never been home at Jason's

It was as if Jason always came up with an apology

As if he didn't want Terkel to come home and... find out

...that HE was Dorit's brother! Was it tied together that way?

You really didn't know, Terkel?

No I thought that you were best friends?

Sten can I borrow your... Ahhh

What's happening? What is it?

I don't know

Take a look and see Yeah, come on, it's your sleeping bag

Holy fucking shit that is gross Is it a cat or something?

Where did it come from?

It's HIM!

Who!

And then Terkel told about all those creepy messages

..and then in my contactbook it said that he wanted to kill me

you know, there isn't a lot of people who know where that spare key lies

Crazy shit It's definately Jason

I just don't understand it, He's my best friend

He's of course angry at you because you made Dorit jump out the window

Because I made...? You guys were there too

What if he's also planning to kill us, Sten? I haven't recieved any threatening letters

Me neither, and the dead cat was only in your sleeping bag

Yeah, that's true

Terkel!

Yes?! Do you have some chewing gum?

Thanks Can I also get one?

Did you hear that? What?

Probably just the wind Night Terkel, night Terkel

Yeah, goodnight

What are you doing Terkel?

What are you up to? I've got an sms

Who the fuck would message you this late?

It's from Jason. What does it say?

It says that he will come and kill me now Seriously?! Let me see

Oh what the fuck! You have to run over and tell it to Gunnar

Yeah, you have to do that.

Aren't you guys coming along?

Erhm don't think it's a good idea... right now

We'll keep watch, Terkel

Hurry up

Take care of the flashlight, it's from the army

Hey Terkel!

Terkel stop!

Terkel I swear...

Gunnar, Gunnar, Gunnar!

Terkel? What's this about? You have to help me Gunnar

It's Jason, he want's to kill me

What? It's true

Nah He's gone mental

You have tell it to me from the beginning Not here, We have to go

Go? Where to? He's just behind us

Who's after us? Can't we just go for a short walk? Just a short?

I bullied Dorit so she jumped, but that was because I didn't want to be bullied by Sten and Saki

and then Dorit was Jason's sister but I didn't know anything about that

What's up fuckfaces? You can't sleep either?

Jason! Don't kill us!

What the fuck are are you talking about? Have you been eating mushrooms with Terkel?

Mushrooms? Did you kill Terkel?

Get the fuck out of here, what the fuck are you talking about?

But you've sent him an sms saying that you're coming to kill him

Say what?! It was your name on the display

But... fuck I've lent my phone to... God damn!

Hey Jason, where're you going? Hey Sten, why is your sleeping bag wet?

...in the meantime I had recieved some scary messages, and there's the dead cat

and then Saki said that Jason hit him. And he then sent an sms, Jason that is,

that he wanted to kill me, Terkel that is and now look at the display it says Jason

"I'm coming to kill you"

Woah Terkel, that was quite a swallow

Yeah. Know what? I'll give him a call

I'm going to call him on this mobile Then I'll tell him that I've told you

And then he can't do anything Terkel hang on just a moment

No it has to be done now! Terkel wait

It's ringing...

Terkel come to me. Stay away

Terkel you're confused. Come to me.

If I'm confused then how come you've got a knife?

We're just going to have some fun I don't think it's funny

Nah, but do you think the poor little spider thought it funny when you sat down upon it...

With your pretty jeans, eh?

What?! That's what this is all about? You thought you would go unpunished...

from slaying a tiny animal? You've planned this right from the start?

Correctomundo

Right from when you committed your crime, I've done everything in my power to get revenge

Unfortunately I had to push your teacher down the stairs and drive over her a few times...

...before I could become your teacher. But that's life sometimes.

Did you kill Yvonne? Yes!

Your insane! Yes, but luckily I'm not an animal tormentor

You can't just kill me because of a spider No I won't JUST kill you

I will cut you out in 8 equally large pieces And burry the pieces all over the forrest

so it can be absorbed by the earth and in that way pay your debt to nature by manuring the earth

You're not going anywhere Terkel!

Come on...

Mom...? No!

Oh, hey dad No

Dad you have to help me No

I'm out in the forrest No

Our new teacher is after me No

He has a knife No

But he wants to kill me No!

Dad give me mom No

Dad I'm serious No

Dad please! No

Give me the phone Leon No

Is that you Terkel? No.. I mean yes!

Why are you calling this late? Where are you? I'm out in the forrest

In the forrest? Then don't go further out than to your belly button, ok?

We don't want you to loose your feet Mom I'm scared!

Lucky you, then you're granted one wish. But you can't say it aloud, otherwise your teeth'll fall out

Bye now. But mom!

Bye bye

Where are you Terkel?!

You can't hide I'll get you

Animal tormentor!

Uncle Stewart! What the devil.. are you allowed out this late?

We're camping with the class... Yes yes, that's fine.

I'm camping down at the pond due south The problem is...

Then I ran out of Vernerbranka. One can't fish after eels without Vernerbranka

You have to help me Stewart! That's why I'm here sailor

Can I ride with you into town? Sorry, the milk box is in the way

Can't you just take the milk box off?

Are you utterly and completely mad?! Then I can't transport my Vernerbranka

Can't you drag the moped 'cause then we could go together...

Nah, then the shop will close, chief But my teacher wants to kill me

Yeah, you have to remember to do your homework Bye now, make sure there's wind in the sails

"I cought an eel today but it needed a drop of Vernerbranka..."

Mom? Do you miss your mom, huh?

You fucked up little psycho

I got you now you little bastard

Not only do you kill small animals like a barbarian You also pollute the forrest with your phone

'Cause you don't care about everybody else It's you it's all about, right Terkel?

The whole world is your personal playground But now it's over Terkel!

Are you done you fucking asswipe?! Jason!

I told you Terkel, one never knows when an iron pipe might come in handy

You biffed him That'll fucking teach him

You saved my life, Jason Hell yeah, you're buying the beer in the airport

What? That's just something my dad always say

Look, you sat on an opossum

No worries, it's just jeans. I can wash them.

And I who thought that... Jason what about your sister?

What about her? Well, I made her jump out of the window?

Fair enough, then I'm buying the beers in the airport.

What a crack. Let's get out of this crappy wood.

Jason!

Here, catch this! Grab it Terkel!

Help me Terkel!

Take the pipe God dammit.

Take the iron pipe, idiot! Terkel, now!

Terkel, take the pipe Terkel But...

Little bastard...

Freeze!

Check that handle. He looks like a fucking popsticle icecream

Don't you want your pipe back? Nah, it ain't that important.

Sorry that I didn't kept my part of the agreement

I'll survive. Now we're together again.

Just the 2 of us

Erhm. Actually we're 3 now 3?

You know... Johanna I guess that's fine by me

Did you see the look on their faces?

The morale of the story is of course that real friends should err..

have 20 minutes in the oven at 250 degrees Celcius That's a bunch a nonsense

Yes I've got it, if you bully someone then you'll have to adjust to idea that you might get killed

Nonsense again

Erm.. if you have some friends then you'll have to watch out that they do not get sick

No, that not fucking it either. Don't go, I have on my tip of my tongue

You reep how you sail in a pond... Wait err, I'll call you

bye bye

Action!

I'm home Yes.. or no no no I'm sorry

Cut!

Action!

I'm home Yes.. no dammit

Sorry I can do it now

Action!

I'm home

Err, Yes? Dammit not again!

I just have to check the manuscript

Here Leon (sign: NO)

Okay, I've got it now

Action!

I'm home

Maybe For fucks sake!

If he can't learn a fucking word then kick him out!

Leon you have to pull yourself together For Terkel's sake

Sorry Arne Think you're ready Leon?

No That's good

No no...

Think you're ready Leon?

Yes Aaargh!

And Cut. Excellent work everybody Super realistic

Fantastic

We need a volunteer to dry up all the theater blood and remove the doll?

Then we'll take one more shot. The doll is ready Arne.

Err the doll?! But who is that then?

Oh shit! Ah no worries, it was just a fat cow

Later on I starred in the film "National Lampoon's Boring Vacation". My first really political engagement

It was showed really minimalistic on Ko413. I don't hope that this will be a commercial success...

...that will rob me my political dignity, and ruin my career in the long term

Yeah, fuck that. That would be the most psycopathic insane fucked up trip. A totally plague infested anus.

You can't just hit him?! Don't be impudent sailor or you'll be squashed

You're insane? That's it!

Cut! Take that you shitty brat!

Cut!

Stewart! Let go of them

What the fuck, do you wanna dance ballet you little fag

Any security on the set?!

Hey stop!

Cut!

Listen up. What's up Terkel?

I can't concentrate when somebody is always making noise

Who made the noise? I'm sorry that was me.

My leg felt asleep so I had to move the camera How about I just go home?

Get me a mineral water. Yeah, mineral water for Terkel.

Here you go Terkel

No Rita not that plug

Now listen Terkel, you're our star. You are the movie.

What the hell, this is with lemon. How many times have I said that I hate lemon

I don't wanna do this anymore. It's over!

No! Hurray there it was

Okay now it's rolling

"This movie is based on the radio program 'Arne Tells - Terkel in Trouble' by Anders Matthesen"

Subtitles by Midas and Ghesus.

Greets fly out to the ppl at Fileheaven. And pretty much everyone else...

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