Original subtitles

I just can't stop thinking about it.

Carol, our newest and arguably worst ghost,

an adulterous mob accountant,

does one good deed and...

up she goes.

I mean, it was a doozy of a good deed, though.

You know, she saved Jay, she saved me.

Well, in truth, she didn't really end up saving you

but rather took your spot up there.

She robbed you of the suck-off that was rightfully yours.

Damn it, Carol.

What's with all the water bottles?

Oh, the company that delivers Sam and Jay's water

got bought out by some big conglomerate,

and now the service has fallen completely off a cliff.

Sam has been trying to cancel for days,

but she can't get a human on the phone.

She's slowly going insane,

and it is a joy to watch.

Representative.

Representative.

Still no luck, Sam?

No. This company is so annoying.

They still haven't picked up the empties.

Wait, did they drop off more bottles?

Okay, got it.

You're requesting more bottles. Is that right?

What? No.

This is why, in the cult, we always got water from the stream

and milk from the neighbor's dog.

Ooh, look at this bad boy.

Class A, extended cab.

I bet that baby's got some sweet slide-outs.

Hello, there, Samantha.

Hi.

What do you think of the old girl?

I mean the RV, not Margaret.

I kid. I am still very sexually attracted to her.

I heard a truck. Is that the water delivery guys?

Oh. Hey, Farnsbys.

Hello, Jay. We just wanted to stop by

to let you two know that we'll be leaving for a while.

We're embarking on an autumnal tour.

We're doing a little peeping.

- I bet you are. - Oh, wow.

Well, uh, how long are you thinking you'll be gone?

Several months.

We've rented out the house to a lovely young couple.

We're going to hit all the major swinger communities.

-Apparently, Harrisburg goes hard. -Yeah.

It's true. It does.

So, would you like to take a quick tour of the RV?

Yeah, I would not go inside that bus.

No, thank you. We're good, but have fun and drive safe.

And, uh, do other things safe.

All right, Margaret. All aboard the Pineapple Express.

Bye, everyone.

Father!

We have big news!

Judy and I are getting married!

That is wonderful!

We were waiting till my pervert son

and his degenerate wife moved out,

and now that day has finally come.

Judy not want to risk orgy

breaking out during wedding ceremony.

Thorfinn completely understand!

Orgy meant for after ceremony!

This is wonderful news, Thor.

Yeah, really happy for you, big guy. Representative.

And they doing ceremony in front of screaming window

so Thor can watch.

I'm his plus one.

And I know exactly what I'm wearing.

This.

Bjorn also bestow great honor upon Thor.

He ask Thor to speak at wedding.

Thor most touched.

Oh, that's great, Thor,

and if you need someone to sing...

- We all good. - Hey, guys.

I just got back from the Farnsbys'.

Heard the big news, Thor.

Mazel tov. Huh?

Please don't say Jewish things and point at me.

Anyway, Sam, guess who's renting the Farnsbys' house.

The names Garrett and Libby mean anything to you?

Get out. Seriously?

They're this great couple we know from Brooklyn.

Jay, Garrett and Libby are renting the Farnsbys'.

This is huge.

So we just moving on from Thor thing?

What is so great about Garrett and Libby?

They were like the social chairs of the friend group.

They plan these great couples' trips every year.

They look so fun.

Last year they went white water rafting

in the Yellowstone River,

and then-then, this year, I hear

they're planning a scavenger hunt in Bimini.

I don't know where that is, but we need to be there.

Ugh, these two needy numbskulls. God love 'em.

Why wouldn't they have reached out to us, though?

They know we live up here.

Very simple explanation for that--

they think you're both nuts.

Oh, no, Jay. They think we're nuts.

Did they talk to Nico and Sasha?

Oh, the couple that thought you wanted to murder them

-on Halloween? -Bingo.

Silver lining, apparently, you two are a favorite topic

at some very cool dinner parties in the city.

Samantha, let not one setback define your social standing.

Your failure at Halloween is just a rumor to these people.

They weren't there to see

how truly embarrassing your behavior really was.

Yeah, just go say hey.

The ghosts think we should go try to smooth things over.

Yeah, I don't know.

That sounds like it might get weird.

It doesn't have to be weird.

Just go ask for a cup of sugar,

or if their dog is postpartum, some milk.

They just went for a jog.

They'll probably be back in a couple minutes.

Let's get out to the mailboxes.

Pete says they'll be jogging by any second.

What about Ever Creek?

I don't think the reception will go that far.

Oh, uh, we could just call them back later.

Are you joking?

We're six hours in.

We're not hanging up.

I showered with this phone in a bag.

He looked ridiculous.

I mean, I imagine he looked ridiculous.

Sam, allow me.

We ghosts can't do much, but we can wait on hold.

And certain, very powerful ghosts,

can even press one to remain on the line.

My man can leave the property.

You know he can.

- Ooh, so powerful. - That's right, baby.

Oh, God, where do we look?

Okay, so the ghosts are in place for the yelling line

in case anyone from Ever Creek picks up the phone.

Hetty, give a test yell!

Samantha's posture is not that of someone

attempting to make a good first impression!

-Loud and clear! -Here they come, here they come.

Oh, my God. Garrett and Libby, hi.

Uh, hey.

What are you guys doing here? We're checking our mail.

Good improv, Jay. A little first thought,

but sometimes the first thought's the best thought.

Uh, we actually just rented a house in the neighborhood.

The Farnsbys'?

Oh, no way. We live just down the road.

- Welcome. - Yeah.

We love it here.

It's so nice to get out of the city, huh?

Oh, yeah, the city was driving us crazy.

I mean, not crazy. Crazy was a poor choice of words.

Oh, because they heard

that you were crazy.

Oh, that's sensitive of them.

Yeah, it's a great area.

We just got a new brunch spot. Nena's.

Oh, we tried to go there this morning.

Yeah, but the line was, like, nuts.

Not nuts. It was long.

-The line there was long, is... -Mm-hmm.

So how are you liking the Farnsbys'?

It's great.

You know, we were thinking about turning one of the bedrooms

into a media room, but is it rude to move

all the furniture around in a rental?

- I'm sure they wouldn't mind. - Oh.

-Really? That's great. -Yeah.

Strike while the iron is hot!

Extend a social invitation!

Uh, so speaking about great restaurants in the area,

which is something we recently talked about

before we talked about something else.

Power through.

Uh, anyway, we have a restaurant.

Jay is the chef.

It's called Mahesh. Uh, you guys

should join us for dinner there tonight.

Yeah. It'd be so fun.

Sure. Why not?

They got a why not!

Resigned acceptance!

We'll take it!

Father!

Wedding is tomorrow!

So happy to get to share this special day with you!

Me, too, son!

Will be moment I cherish for eternity!

Okay.

Wait, what happening?

You don't think it's weird in front of the window?

No, babe, the point of a home theater

is that it's dark. This is good.

Father!

They intend to block the window!

Your attendance at the wedding is in jeopardy!

Father!

No!

To our victory at the mailbox.

Ooh, what are they celebrating?

The most incremental bit of forward movement

in a potential friendship

with the couple renting the Farnsby house.

Disaster has struck!

What's wrong, Thor?

New renters move furniture

in front of screaming window.

Thor can't see son. Will miss wedding.

This time next year, we're gonna be scavenger-hunting

on a beach in Bimini.

That is if, in fact, Bimini is by the ocean.

I'm 80% sure it's an island.

I'm 100 years dead and even I know you can look that up.

Jay, Garrett and Libby moved a bookcase

in front of the screaming window.

But how's Thor gonna see the wedding?

Yeah, that's the problem.

Thor, this is solvable.

Samantha and Jay will simply broach the subject

at their upcoming dinner tonight

and get the couple to remove the offending object.

Yes. So simple.

You look troubled. Why are you looking troubled?

Samantha, I would hate for you to trample

this nascent friendship with an awkward request

for something that should be none of your concern.

Samantha, please.

Son's wedding mean everything to Thor.

Thor not there for son's first kill.

Not there for Bjorn's first orgy.

That's so sad.

Thor not there Bjorn's first wedding,

so need to be there for this one.

Okay.

If there's an opening, we'll bring up moving the bookcase.

Damn it,

we were on such a "not weird" roll with this couple.

I mean, the successful interaction at the mailbox...

Oh, okay, I guess that's all there was.

Please continue to hold.

And thank you for choosing Ever Creek,

the Hudson Valley's only choice in water delivery.

Why are they so proud of that?

Dude, you're still on hold?

It's been a nightmare.

I mean, I did get a brief chuckle

when she said I was 69th in line,

but other than that, it's been a slog.

So, just walk away. Who cares?

The thing is, I have a theory.

Carol hit the mother lode.

She did a mitzvah so huge

it resulted in an immediate ticket upstairs.

We should've jumped on that grenade. We blew it.

Exactly. And opportunities to do good deeds that giant

don't come around very often.

But maybe

there's a way to do a bunch of little good deeds.

Like waiting on hold.

And then, eventually, they add up

and boom, T-Money's hitching a ride on the Suck-Off Express.

I want in. I can help you wait on hold.

No, no, no, no. This is my tiny good deed.

You start helping, you're gonna take half my points.

No, no, no. But-but-but-but you letting me in

and sharing it with me,

that-that feels like its own tiny good deed.

Oh, that's true. Okay, fine.

-But no one else. -Deal.

We appreciate your patience.

Press any button or say anything to hang up.

What are these options?

It's a rigged game. These guys are good.

This whole property is so cute,

and the food is amazing.

Well, if you do have any complaints,

I can take them right to the chef.

My man. That mailbox magic was not just imagined.

Enough tiny talk. Bring up bookcase.

They are getting to it. This is conversational foreplay.

What is foreplay?

It's true, he has no idea.

Um, do you guys know about these couples' trips

that we organize every year?

Oh, my God, it's happening.

Uh, uh... Whew. I don't know.

I think we've seen something on Instagram, maybe.

Well, uh, this year, we are organizing a scavenger hunt

on this beautiful island called Bimini.

Yes, an island. I knew it.

Well, I don't know what your schedule's like

this winter, but we do have

one slot open, if you guys think you can make it.

We'll check. It's very interesting. Sounds fun.

Cool as a cucumber.

I have rarely been proud of you, but never more so than now.

Bookcase, now.

So, uh, shifting gears...

Oh. I hate this.

What ended up happening with the media room?

- Is it all set up? - Yeah, I mean,

it's not a professional job, but it works.

There was a lot of light in the room,

so we just moved a bookcase in front of the window.

-Ooh... -Is that bad?

Yes. Bring it home, Samantha.

It's just not great in terms of, um, feng shui.

Okay. Whatever.

It's fine.

- Yeah. - Okay, Sam, they heard you out.

Samantha, with Bimini in the balance,

I do not advise you to pursue this any further.

What? Keep pressing.

Here's the moment of truth,

where she chooses between her own prospects

- and Thor's happiness. - I'm rooting for Thor,

but also Sam.

Samantha, please.

So, tell us more about this scavenger hunt.

Coward.

She did what she had to do.

Ugh, this is so boring.

Before Sam, this would've at least been something to do, but

we have TV now.

I love TV.

TV's the best.

Ugh, why is a play so boring,

but TV is so good?

Look, we're, like, 50th in line.

Why don't we go upstairs and watch one show

and then get right back on hold?

Right, we get a little break, and then we come down,

we help Sam, and collect our suck-off points.

-Great. One show. -One show.

Maybe two, if it's good or a cliffhanger.

You are now 49th in line.

Plenty of time.

Bimini, here we come, babe.

Thor very happy Livings get to go on precious trip,

while Thor miss out on most important moment of afterlife.

Thor, I tried to bring up moving the bookshelf,

but you saw. It was awkward.

I-I'm sorry, I didn't want to push.

You have to push.

You think village elders just agree to jump off cliff?

No. Sometimes, people need little push.

I mean, "need" is a little strong.

You could've just, you know, let them turn 35.

Okay, so I just came back from Libby and Garrett's,

and man, are they singing your praises.

- Ooh, you are in, girlfriend. - Maybe we should keep

the momentum going with, like, a little housewarming gift.

-Cookies. -Well, you better get over there quickly

because they also said they're about to head back

to the city for the weekend.

Yes! That amazing timing.

Sam, all you need to do is break into Farnsbys',

move bookcase for wedding, then move back

so new friends never know.

Ooh, a candle!

Uh, Jay, Pete said that Garrett and Libby

are going back to the city for the weekend.

No doubt with tales of our normalness for the friend group.

Right, but then Thor wants us to break into their house

and move their bookcase.

Okay, no. That's nuts.

You know I am doggedly protective

of your social advancement,

but they will be gone anyway.

Plus, if you guys get caught, at least

that'd be exciting.

I mean, we got a couple ghosts sitting on hold overnight.

- We need this. - If it helps,

I happen to know that the lock on the back door

is broken over there, which is probably why Mrs. Farnsby's

always telling people to come in the back door.

Samantha,

Thor own father die before Thor get married.

He was not there to see Thor wedding.

Was wonderful day, but touched with sadness.

His absence felt most strongly.

Thor says his own father

wasn't able to attend his wedding.

That's rough.

We drank mead and had great feast.

Table full

many, many rams' testicles.

But two testicles were missing.

Those of my father.

That was beautiful, sort of.

Jay, I...

-We're breaking into the Farnsbys', aren't we? -Yep.

Yes. Pete was right.

I'll take "things Carol never said" for 600, Alex.

She stole my slot in heaven, the final insult.

Come on, this way.

Bet she's hanging out with Alex right now,

laughing at me.

Okay.

That is heavy.

-Someone's muscles are pumped. -George the Puritan ghost says hi.

Samantha, thank you so much for making it possible for father

to attend ceremony.

Thor can see! Grateful!

So glad you could make it!

Oh, yeah, there is a glare on the TV.

I can see why they did that.

Okay, let's get you kids married.

The wedding's about to start.

And I shouldn't watch TV during the wedding.

-No, Jay. -Okay, cool. I'll just be on my phone.

Idea: The Golden Bachelor, but for young people.

They have that. It's called The Bachelor.

What? Then why are we watching these old bags?

I'll be right back.

Whoa, aren't you gonna watch the final rose?

I feel like Gertrude's about to get crushed.

Just got to stretch my legs.

I mean, who am I kidding? I'd get with all these ladies.

And so, by the power vested in me

via Sam, via the internet,

I now pronounce you man and wife!

Yes! Take her now, and we watch as Odin commands!

Okay, I was thinking maybe just a classic kiss the bride.

They're married now, Jay.

Great. It's an honor to be here.

Now, it's time we all hear from the father of the groom!

Thor, buddy, take it away!

Bjorn. Judy.

Congratulations.

Oh, I think that's it.

So beautiful, Father!

It really was.

What was that?

Oh, no!

The renters are back.

George says Garrett and Libby are back.

What? No.

What happening?

Garrett and Libby are back.

Pete, you don't need to whisper.

Oh, right. Garrett and Libby are back!

Stay on the line.

We're thirsty to help you.

-The worst. -What are you doing?

I-I was just checking to make sure

we had time for another episode.

Oh, yeah, right.

You're trying to steal this good deed for yourself,

so you can get all the suck-off points.

Fine. Okay? You're right.

But I-I deserve them. I've been here way longer than you.

So what? This whole thing was my idea.

- You're being selfish. Oh. But you're being a baby.

You are the next caller in line.

You nincompoops, what are you doing?

We're next in line.

-I'll alert Samantha. -Whoa, whoa. -The hell you will.

He's trying to get in on our good deed

so he gets one step closer to getting sucked off.

Hold on, you're only performing this kind act

to accrue credit towards an eventual ascension?

That's genius.

And it's mine. Samantha!

-Get back here! -This is my good deed.

I thought they went to the city.

Cool, well, we'll just tell them that

when they catch us in their house.

Go out the window. That's what the milkman did

when my husband almost caught us in 1952.

We're not going out the window.

I'm just saying, that trellis held Tommy,

and he was quite sturdy.

Milk did that body good.

Samantha!

Samantha! You're next in the-- Oh, my hair!

-You got to get back here now! -You're the next caller!

They're saying you're next in line, Sam.

You got to go pick up the phone.

-Jay, Ever Creek. We're next in the queue. -No.

Estimated wait time, two minutes!

Hi there, Isaac!

What are you wearing?

Yeah. Uh, same thing, George!

Okay, you go out the window,

and I'll move the bookcase back.

I don't want to leave you.

Watch and learn, you two.

That's how you do a marriage.

I'll figure something out.

It's Ever Creek, babe. We can't let them win.

Traffic was crazy.

Absolutely.

Why don't we just stay in and watch a movie tonight?

Right? Like, we have that whole media room.

I like that.

So what movie you want to watch?

- I don't know. - They have a ton of DVDs.

It's been a minute since I've been in the closet.

They have Swingers. I love this movie.

Oh, no. Is not what they think it is.

-Let's watch it. -All right.

No. Not on my wedding day.

Well, isn't this a rare string of wins for our young couple.

You pulled off a Viking wedding, you managed

not to alienate your new friends,

and you are soon to be Bimini-bound.

And don't forget you successfully

canceled your water account.

Thanks to me.

-And me. -Mostly me.

Wait, why does Jay seem so upset?

Well, while Jay was trapped in the closet,

Garrett and Libby put on some unfortunate viewing material.

You okay, babe?

The sounds.

I can still hear them.

You're lucky you just heard them.

I saw things. Bad things.

I'm confused. Why didn't Garrett and Libby

just turn off the septuagenarian erotica?

None of us could move.

So many knees popping.

Thought it was the Fourth of July.

Gross.

Who am I kidding? I'd watch that.