Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,670
No way is this
based on a true story.
2
00:00:04,962 --> 00:00:06,547
It's a future true story.
3
00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:08,591
A zombie apocalypse
is going to happen.
4
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,801
Why do you think
I live the way I do?
5
00:00:11,093 --> 00:00:13,012
Lack of ambition,
no self-respect.
6
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:16,182
Credit score in the ones.
No, guys, zombies.
7
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,100
Studies show only one
would survive.
8
00:00:18,392 --> 00:00:21,562
The question is, which one?
Depends on survival strategy.
9
00:00:21,854 --> 00:00:23,231
Are we talking strength to fight
10
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,566
or ability to blend in
and live amongst them?
11
00:00:25,858 --> 00:00:27,568
Amongst? We doing amongst now?
Mm-hm.
12
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:30,488
Can we focus up here?
This is life and death.
13
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:33,199
If we're gonna do ability
to blend in, I say Dave.
14
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,326
- He's basically a zombie.
- What?
15
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,037
I've seen your daily routine.
Wake up at 7:00, shower,
16
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,749
eat the same fiber-based cereal
geared towards menopausal women.
17
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:43,751
Her Choice Crunch
is for everyone.
18
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,086
Eh...
And, like a zombie,
19
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:46,671
you don't have hopes or dreams.
20
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,506
I have dreams.
Really?
21
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,008
I am still working
on opening my own restaurant.
22
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,135
You were mentioning that
six years ago.
23
00:00:53,427 --> 00:00:56,138
I made these steak
sandwiches for us tonight,
24
00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:58,808
despite the fact that Max's oven
only goes up to 150.
25
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,310
I can tell who would
die first in a zombie attack.
26
00:01:01,602 --> 00:01:03,604
It's obviously Max. Heh.
27
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:11,487
I did that double-spit take to
illustrate how insane you sound.
28
00:01:11,779 --> 00:01:13,614
Sorry, Brad,
but Jane would die first.
29
00:01:13,906 --> 00:01:15,116
Me?
Oh, yeah.
30
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,368
You are out of shape,
no marketable talents,
31
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,246
and no survival skills.
Counterpoint: There are things
32
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,206
that you love.
That slows people down.
33
00:01:22,498 --> 00:01:25,668
My cold, black heart
and living without attachments,
34
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,128
that's my greatest asset.
35
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,463
Don't do this.
She is seriously competitive.
36
00:01:29,755 --> 00:01:31,299
With that 59th hot dog,
37
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,551
Kobayashi is now
the best eater in the world.
38
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:37,138
I need 60 hot dogs
and an egg timer.
39
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,849
Let the zombie Olympics begin,
crazy hot-dog lady.
40
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:42,893
Bring it on.
On your mark, get set, go.
41
00:01:43,185 --> 00:01:44,437
Make it work, baby.
42
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,230
Get him, baby.
I'm a zombie?
43
00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:47,815
You could shake things up a bit.
44
00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:50,192
I know selling meat
isn't a dream job,
45
00:01:50,484 --> 00:01:53,112
but I make good money.
It's restaurant adjacent,
46
00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:55,906
and I just got comfortable
taking deuces there.
47
00:01:56,198 --> 00:01:59,118
The bright side, zombies
are super in right now.
48
00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,871
No, I'd rather be a vampire.
Ha, ha.
49
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,956
We'd all rather be
vampires, bro.
50
00:02:07,835 --> 00:02:10,379
Crushed it! Now Max's face
is being eaten by zombies.
51
00:02:10,671 --> 00:02:12,965
This is not over between us.
Bring it.
52
00:02:13,257 --> 00:02:15,259
Okay, I own you, all right?
I am in your head,
53
00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:17,845
and I got a three-bedroom condo
with a marble island
54
00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:19,138
and a pizza oven
and a wine fridge.
55
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,100
We got it.
That's my dream kitchen.
56
00:02:23,392 --> 00:02:26,312
You guys just go, okay?
57
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,105
I'm about to hit
my runner's high.
58
00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:30,983
We're going out tonight. We're
gonna do it big.
59
00:02:42,536 --> 00:02:45,873
My laundry day outfit is
not meant for public eyes.
60
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:49,043
It's all right.
Everyone here's a weirdo.
61
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,380
What? Not you.
Heh.
62
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:56,842
Oh, you know what?
I gotta get some quarters.
63
00:02:57,134 --> 00:02:59,970
Nice outfit.
Hi. You, too.
64
00:03:00,262 --> 00:03:02,264
Come here often?
When my clothes are dirty.
65
00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:04,016
We have that in common.
66
00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,019
I'm Toby.
Penny.
67
00:03:07,311 --> 00:03:09,021
These dryers take forever.
68
00:03:09,313 --> 00:03:11,023
You wanna go next door,
get coffee?
69
00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:13,192
- Oh, um...
- Yes.
70
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,277
Sure.
71
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:17,321
Yeah. Heh. Okay.
72
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,626
Make sure you fax the branch.
73
00:03:30,918 --> 00:03:32,878
Did you see the third
quarter, Brian?
74
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:42,138
The top sirloin's $10 a pound,
75
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,557
it's flash-frozen
to retain all the nutrients.
76
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:47,852
Thank you for calling
TransCorps, have a great day.
77
00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:50,187
I spend so much time
trying to look good,
78
00:03:50,479 --> 00:03:52,440
and then I wear
my grungiest outfit
79
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,899
and a cute guy is into me.
80
00:03:54,191 --> 00:03:55,860
I should hang out
in laundromats more.
81
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,195
I'll have to put up with
abandoned underpants,
82
00:03:58,487 --> 00:03:59,864
but once in a while, cute guy.
83
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,657
Too good for free underpants.
84
00:04:01,949 --> 00:04:04,076
I cannot wait for you guys
to meet Toby.
85
00:04:04,368 --> 00:04:06,412
Oh, my God,
we are into the same things:
86
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:09,123
Home Shopping Network,
baby animals on the internet.
87
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,041
He thinks it's cool
I needlepoint.
88
00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:12,668
You're dating my grandma.
89
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,756
Just got a text from Jane.
90
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,467
She's building an addition on
the condo in my brain.
91
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,928
Not okay.
Not during a recession.
92
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:26,098
Toby's here.
Why's he dressed like that?
93
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:29,435
Oh, my God,
you know what he is, right?
94
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,103
He's a hipster.
Oh, no.
95
00:04:31,395 --> 00:04:33,773
The skinny jeans, the scarf.
96
00:04:34,064 --> 00:04:36,692
A hipster. Those things
you like, he likes ironically.
97
00:04:36,984 --> 00:04:38,235
You don't know that.
I do.
98
00:04:38,527 --> 00:04:40,488
I can smell him.
He smells like a flea market.
99
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:43,824
Watch your mouth.
Oh, hey. Ready to go?
100
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:47,745
I just heard about this awesome
underground mix tape swap.
101
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,413
Max is right.
102
00:04:49,705 --> 00:04:51,665
That bike lock,
is that also your belt?
103
00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:54,168
Oh, I know, right?
Yeah.
104
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:58,631
- Uh, what's with the get-up?
- Oh.
105
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:01,383
It's, uh...
It's Penny's laundry day.
106
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:03,302
Heh.
107
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:04,929
You must love doing laundry.
108
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,389
I really attract stains,
you know?
109
00:05:07,681 --> 00:05:08,641
All over.
Ha, ha.
110
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,893
Let's head out.
All right.
111
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:14,438
See you. Nice to meet you.
The pleasure is ours.
112
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,357
Take it easy.
113
00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:21,237
You guys were right,
I'm a zombie.
114
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,738
In my job, with Alex.
115
00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:24,907
She did literally run away
at the wedding.
116
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,368
Should've ate her brains
when you had the chance.
117
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:30,830
That's it. I'm done.
I'm making serious changes.
118
00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:33,082
Okay, yeah.
Yeah. I'm 29.
119
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,543
I'm not going into my 30s
in the same place I am now.
120
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,169
Uh-uh, no, you didn't.
121
00:05:37,461 --> 00:05:39,672
Which is why I'm quitting my job
122
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,423
and I'm opening
my own restaurant.
123
00:05:41,715 --> 00:05:43,926
Really, what?
124
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:46,095
Come again?
Who'll pay the rent?
125
00:05:48,597 --> 00:05:51,100
Dave quit his job?
Don't worry, not yet.
126
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,394
But he's going to.
That's not like Dave.
127
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,437
Someone tell him
that's a horrible idea.
128
00:05:55,729 --> 00:05:58,065
He has tons of debt
and the economy sucks.
129
00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,609
How can you tell a man
not to follow his dream?
130
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,486
I know another man
that had a dream.
131
00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:05,781
Fievel, in An American Tail.
You gonna tell Fievel
132
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:08,242
he can't go west?
You just switched movies.
133
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,287
It's about a dream.
And we are not dream-crushers,
134
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,039
like some blonde ladies.
What are you doing?
135
00:06:14,331 --> 00:06:16,333
I'm thumb-pointing.
I can see it.
136
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,627
Great news,
I found my inspiration basket.
137
00:06:18,919 --> 00:06:21,213
What's more upsetting,
you have one or call it that?
138
00:06:21,505 --> 00:06:24,216
It's got my restaurant ideas
and menus I've collected.
139
00:06:24,508 --> 00:06:27,636
To-do list. "Get haircut."
140
00:06:27,928 --> 00:06:30,389
Maybe I will, 2007 Dave.
Maybe I will.
141
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,808
Anything you guys wanna say?
Nope.
142
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,645
Good luck with that haircut.
Thanks.
143
00:06:36,937 --> 00:06:39,356
I'll talk sense into him,
and he'll get it, all right?
144
00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:41,483
Dave and I have been
friends forever.
145
00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:43,569
We're on the same bravelength.
146
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,989
Bravelength. A "Brad"
and "Dave" wavelength.
147
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,742
Oh.
Yeah.
148
00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:52,077
Don't act like you didn't
have to explain that,
149
00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:54,204
because that made
no sense at all.
150
00:06:54,496 --> 00:06:57,791
Two words to describe my date
with Toby, re-dick.
151
00:06:58,083 --> 00:06:59,919
He took me to this
secret Foursquare party
152
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:03,047
and there was a band made up
entirely of Speak & Spells.
153
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:04,882
And that was fun?
154
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,800
I think so.
155
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,802
Are you sure?
You're doing that thing
156
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:10,638
where you take on
characteristics
157
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,015
of the guy you're dating.
I don't do that.
158
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,021
Hi!
Hey.
159
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,774
Love makes us do crazy things.
160
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:25,235
Does it?
Max, I really like him, okay?
161
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:27,988
Just tell me what to do
so I don't embarrass myself.
162
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,157
Okay. You've gotta do
everything I say.
163
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,743
Follow every direction
without asking a question.
164
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,541
Hipster rule number one,
never try.
165
00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:42,252
- Never put effort into anything.
- Got it.
166
00:07:42,544 --> 00:07:44,588
- Like a flight attendant.
- That's right.
167
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,383
Put jeans under that skirt
and sweats over those jeans.
168
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,260
Hipster rule number two,
only like things ironically:
169
00:07:50,552 --> 00:07:55,057
Books, movies, TV shows,
the environment.
170
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:59,019
Look at that. You're playing
ping pong against Jude Law.
171
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:00,312
Ah!
172
00:08:00,604 --> 00:08:02,398
You're brewing coffee
for Glenn Close.
173
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,484
Guys, I sell clothes here,
nice clothes.
174
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:07,653
Alex, adults are speaking here.
175
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,990
Hipster rule number three: never
show too much enthusiasm.
176
00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:12,658
I can do that.
Can you?
177
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,664
Don't dance. She can dance.
Look how much fun that is.
178
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,750
Don't feel it.
Look how much fun that is.
179
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:23,293
Look at much fun we're having.
180
00:08:23,585 --> 00:08:26,338
Too much fun.
Too much fun. Don't dance.
181
00:08:26,630 --> 00:08:29,591
Good.
Final rule: Everything is dumb.
182
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,969
Someone says something
you don't understand,
183
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,888
you just go, "I'm over it."
FroYo, over it.
184
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:38,517
Other stuff, over it.
Great. Just missing one thing.
185
00:08:40,936 --> 00:08:43,355
Oh, perfect.
186
00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:46,066
Go, my little weirdo.
187
00:08:46,358 --> 00:08:48,235
Uh, careful, though.
Watch your way.
188
00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:49,987
Be careful.
Those are prescript.
189
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,156
I'll pay for that.
190
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:55,117
Next zombie challenge,
bring it or bling it.
191
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,036
Not a real phrase.
192
00:08:57,327 --> 00:09:00,080
Zombies sense motion,
so what we're gonna do is...
193
00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:02,833
the person who sits still
longest wins. That will be me,
194
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,377
because you are a type A nutjob
who can't sit still.
195
00:09:05,669 --> 00:09:09,006
Please.
It is on like Donkeytron.
196
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:10,758
You're trying to sound
confident,
197
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,344
but you sound like a divorcee
talking to their stepson.
198
00:09:14,636 --> 00:09:17,389
The game will begin in three,
199
00:09:17,681 --> 00:09:20,059
two, one.
200
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,314
You wanna clean up that beer
so bad.
201
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:27,149
Uh-uh.
Clean up the beer.
202
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,652
Mm, look at it spilling
all over the ground,
203
00:09:30,944 --> 00:09:33,572
making a huge mess.
204
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:34,990
You gotta clean up the beer.
205
00:09:35,282 --> 00:09:37,910
It is not just messy,
it is unsafe.
206
00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:39,620
The zombies have taken you down,
207
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:43,165
and I am using your body as
a sleeping bag, tauntaun style.
208
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,793
By the way, I have no idea
whose boxers those are.
209
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,711
Okay.
Oh, I do.
210
00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:50,130
They're Gary,
the Polish neighbor's.
211
00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:52,091
He came over
and cooked pierogies.
212
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:53,383
Ew.
213
00:09:55,302 --> 00:09:57,137
You ran into that guy
really hard.
214
00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:59,389
I pretty convincingly
turned it into a hug.
215
00:09:59,681 --> 00:10:02,851
Meet my friends
lone and Atticus.
216
00:10:03,143 --> 00:10:05,229
Hey.
She has a blog about zines
217
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,898
and he won the mustache contest
three years in a row.
218
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,567
Pfft, like I care.
219
00:10:10,859 --> 00:10:12,277
See that guy?
He's right-handed,
220
00:10:12,569 --> 00:10:14,780
but he refuses to play
with his dominant hand.
221
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,116
Oh.
It's too commercial.
222
00:10:17,407 --> 00:10:20,119
He's huge on the abandoned
gas station circuit.
223
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:21,703
What do you think?
224
00:10:21,995 --> 00:10:25,958
Oh... over it.
225
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,668
Totally.
Yeah.
226
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,002
Yeah, I'm super over it.
227
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:32,089
Why are we even here?
I don't know.
228
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,175
First of all, welcome.
I'd like to introduce you
229
00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:38,720
to Chicago's revolutionary
new dining experience.
230
00:10:39,012 --> 00:10:41,723
So many cuisines
from around the world,
231
00:10:42,015 --> 00:10:45,102
how do you choose just one?
232
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,520
You're married, right, sir?
233
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,147
Yeah, to Jane.
You know that.
234
00:10:48,438 --> 00:10:49,857
Let's say
you're going to dinner.
235
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,650
You want Mexican, she wants
Japanese. What do you do?
236
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,778
We get Japanese.
Exactly.
237
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,281
There's no way to decide. That's
why I give you...
238
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:02,077
Pangaea Grill.
239
00:11:02,369 --> 00:11:08,709
Nine hundred dishes
from 125 ethnic cuisines,
240
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,794
all on one menu, baby.
241
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,881
Oh, all right. Ha, ha, ha.
Seems like a lot.
242
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,842
Did you spend $17,000
at the copy store?
243
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,969
And I know this is gonna
take capital.
244
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,764
That's why tomorrow I am meeting
with a restaurant investor.
245
00:11:23,056 --> 00:11:25,267
This is it, guys!
Let's celebrate.
246
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:27,352
Pangaea Grill.
Champ, coming.
247
00:11:27,644 --> 00:11:29,938
What the hell?
I thought you talked to Dave?
248
00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:31,690
I gotta say,
ever since I decided
249
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,734
to pursue this dream again,
I'm so happy.
250
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,736
I mean,
I went to a dark place, man,
251
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:39,239
like applying-to-grad-school
dark.
252
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:41,867
I'm sorry,
what did you wanna talk about?
253
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,037
Uh, Hillary Clinton.
I voted for her.
254
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,748
I never told anybody. Feels
good to get it off my chest.
255
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,251
A glitch in the bravelength.
Someone needs to talk to him.
256
00:11:51,543 --> 00:11:54,504
Yes, before he starts feeding
Chicago Inuit blubber tacos.
257
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:57,466
It can't be me. I've crushed
his entire personal life.
258
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,468
I cannot blow up
his professional life.
259
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,220
I'm not at a point in my life
260
00:12:01,511 --> 00:12:04,056
where I can be taken seriously.
Somebody talk to him.
261
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:05,349
This is absolutely...
262
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:06,725
Dave!
Dave.
263
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,561
- Al, can you help me?
- Yeah, sure.
264
00:12:09,853 --> 00:12:11,730
Guys, I wanna thank you
for your support.
265
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:14,441
I couldn't do this without you.
266
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,193
Thank you for believing in me,
267
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:19,071
or as they say in Burmese:
268
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:21,531
Kyeizu tin ba de.
269
00:12:21,823 --> 00:12:24,409
All right, champagne
for my real friends,
270
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:27,496
real pain for my sham friends.
271
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:29,248
To Pangaea.
To Pangaea.
272
00:12:29,539 --> 00:12:30,666
To Pangaea.
To Pangaea.
273
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:32,876
Pangaea.
274
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,925
How's that condo you're
building in my brain now?
275
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:42,719
What? You built it too quick
and the economy collapsed?
276
00:12:43,011 --> 00:12:45,138
You're on the street
doing hand stuff for food...
277
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,057
Ugh!
How did we tie?
278
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:51,937
Two-two again? Okay, okay,
there is one category left
279
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:55,148
in the zombieathlon:
ruthlessness.
280
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,317
I haven't figured out
how to measure that.
281
00:12:57,609 --> 00:12:59,987
Oh, mug a baby.
No.
282
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,697
But you're in the right area.
283
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,574
You wanna come to a super-fun
party on Friday night
284
00:13:04,866 --> 00:13:06,451
with Toby and all his friends?
285
00:13:06,743 --> 00:13:08,620
No way.
It's gonna be totally normal.
286
00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:10,497
No, it's not.
Fine.
287
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,666
It's a Long island
'90s bat mitzvah theme.
288
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,168
Oh, hipsters.
289
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,462
Aren't you getting
tired of this?
290
00:13:17,754 --> 00:13:20,299
I mean, the clothes,
the antique yo-yos,
291
00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:21,800
you've been making lanyards
for four hours.
292
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:25,804
Seems like a lot of work.
What relationship isn't work?
293
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:27,764
Affleck and Garner
got it figured out.
294
00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:29,516
Okay, yes, knowing what's cool
295
00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,518
and what's not cool
is exhausting.
296
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,812
But I'm learning,
and Toby's worth it.
297
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,856
Come on Friday, for me?
298
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,317
There's a thumb-wrestling
tournament.
299
00:13:38,608 --> 00:13:40,152
Are any of these people adults?
300
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,154
They will be after
the bat mitzvah.
301
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:45,198
Imagine the beginning of
time meets the future of food
302
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:47,534
and that, my good man...
303
00:13:49,619 --> 00:13:52,289
is Pangaea Grill.
304
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:56,877
One world, one restaurant.
305
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,129
Incredible.
306
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:01,173
I have to call my partners in
to hear this.
307
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:02,758
Great.
When they get here,
308
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:03,842
pitch it again. Same way.
Okay.
309
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,304
As if you don't know
it's the stupidest idea ever.
310
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,973
Okay. What?
311
00:14:10,265 --> 00:14:13,268
I made a big mistake.
You can't blame yourself.
312
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,980
No, no, I'm not, you know?
I get it, economy's bad,
313
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:19,399
which is why I'm gonna bypass
314
00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:21,360
the whole traditional
investor thing
315
00:14:21,651 --> 00:14:23,487
and cash in on my 401 K.
316
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:26,031
Plus, I'm working with this guy
who told me a way
317
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:27,741
I can get cash from his dad.
318
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,618
Sounds sketchy, right?
319
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:32,954
Wrong. All I gotta do is
take a box of calling cards
320
00:14:33,246 --> 00:14:36,917
to an airfield in Indiana.
Cut and dry.
321
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:43,840
What's wrong?
Light beer?
322
00:14:44,132 --> 00:14:47,052
You don't believe
in this Pangaea thing?
323
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,512
I love restaurants.
324
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:52,557
We... We...
We all love restaurants.
325
00:14:53,975 --> 00:14:55,185
Yeah, I get it.
326
00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:59,439
I get it.
Dave, come...
327
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:01,358
This is officially out of hand
328
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,735
and none of you guys
is gonna say anything?
329
00:15:04,027 --> 00:15:05,779
Really?
330
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,989
It is light beer.
331
00:15:08,281 --> 00:15:10,700
Fine.
I'll do it.
332
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,539
And this all started
as your standard
333
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,125
"Who would survive
the zombie apocalypse" debate.
334
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:22,796
Imagine what would happen
if we had a real conversation.
335
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:27,843
Hey.
336
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:32,055
I know,
Pangaea was a stupid idea.
337
00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:34,057
No, not totally.
338
00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:38,478
Just had a lot of stupid stuff
surrounding it.
339
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:42,190
Dave, I know you think
I'm a dream crusher,
340
00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:46,319
but in this case I just
wanna be a dream compactor.
341
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:47,571
Like this dream.
342
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,614
Okay, that's not fair.
343
00:15:49,906 --> 00:15:52,742
The hand gestures make
compacting look adorable, so...
344
00:15:53,034 --> 00:15:54,911
This huge scheme
is not you, okay?
345
00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:56,997
You're reasonable
and responsible.
346
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,875
I know. I'm so reasonable
and I'm so responsible
347
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,294
it turned me into a zombie,
all right?
348
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,838
I got that message
loud and clear.
349
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,133
Okay, but look,
there's a middle ground.
350
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,219
You don't need to go
from zero to 60 in...
351
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:13,555
Whatever.
I don't know car stuff.
352
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:18,643
Look, you don't need sushi,
you don't need Kazak food.
353
00:16:18,935 --> 00:16:21,438
You don't need to try
and make the vegans happy.
354
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,607
They never will be.
355
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:27,027
Steak sandwich, okay?
Stick with what you're good at.
356
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,571
Start small.
A little sandwich shop, maybe.
357
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,281
I still need to find some money.
358
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,751
Are you proposing to me?
359
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,419
Because we have a weird history.
360
00:16:44,711 --> 00:16:46,505
I know you said I could keep it,
361
00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:48,298
but I want you to have it.
362
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,968
It's not gonna cover everything,
but it's a start.
363
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:54,262
Thanks, Al.
364
00:16:54,554 --> 00:16:56,890
Hey, I can call my shop
Steak Me Home Tonight.
365
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,184
No, you can't do that.
Okay.
366
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,145
You don't look ruthless to me.
367
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:04,022
Can't outrun a zombie
in those heels.
368
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,316
In high school, I beat up
a girl in these heels.
369
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,610
Noelle should've never
stepped to you.
370
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,279
Thank you so much for coming.
371
00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:13,615
Watch the crimp.
You look amazing.
372
00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:16,034
Let's get this
'90s bat mitzvah on.
373
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,912
It's gonna be insanity.
374
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:30,048
Uh, no one here is dressed up.
375
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,634
I am super-happy
with my choices.
376
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,261
Ooh, gefilte fish.
377
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,721
You guys seem to be putting
in a lot of effort.
378
00:17:37,013 --> 00:17:39,516
Yeah, we're dressed for
a '90s bat mitzvah.
379
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:43,186
Yeah, crimped hair, yarmulkes,
seems a little obvious.
380
00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:46,231
Obvious? To be dressing up
for a costume party?
381
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:51,111
Um, this is a theme party.
There's a difference.
382
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:55,198
Look, it's just not cool
to try so hard.
383
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,327
We are trying too hard?
384
00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:03,081
Lone wears an empty
fanny pack everywhere.
385
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,208
Atticus spends his weekends
at yard sales
386
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,043
scrounging around
for jean shorts.
387
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,004
Plus, his name is Atticus.
388
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:10,714
I've seen you wearing headphones
389
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,465
that aren't attached
to anything,
390
00:18:12,757 --> 00:18:15,010
and this girl
is in a fake wheelchair.
391
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:16,928
I was in a really
serious accident.
392
00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:18,388
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
393
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,141
J.K., I can totes walk.
Cool chair, right?
394
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,311
Okay, that's it, you're done.
395
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,688
Listen up, hipsters.
396
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,940
Maybe I do try too hard, okay?
397
00:18:29,232 --> 00:18:31,067
But that's because
trying hard can be fun.
398
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,154
And you know what else is fun?
Actually liking things.
399
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,573
Like this song,
I like this song.
400
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,159
I like it a lot,
and not ironically.
401
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:42,120
I "like it" like it,
and so do my friends.
402
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:44,914
Guys, we're dancing out.
403
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,592
Guys.
404
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,927
This is not awkward.
405
00:18:58,219 --> 00:19:00,263
Here, come... Here we go.
406
00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:02,807
Okay. You showed them.
Okay.
407
00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:06,311
You're good. The legs.
Night.
408
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:11,775
Oh, a food truck.
Thank God, I'm starving.
409
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,235
- Yeah, me too.
- Ugh, I'm hung.
410
00:19:14,527 --> 00:19:16,488
David? Is this yours?
411
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,990
It's awesome.
I know.
412
00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:22,327
I got some really good advice
from a special person
413
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,120
and decided to start small.
414
00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:27,916
It's all about the bravelength.
No, no, not you. Uh, Alex.
415
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,336
So I'm not gonna quit my job.
I'm gonna do this part-time.
416
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:34,089
Food trucks are huge right now.
This thing is awesome.
417
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,675
Although, I cannot drive it.
418
00:19:36,966 --> 00:19:38,843
I definitely hit something
on the way here.
419
00:19:39,135 --> 00:19:41,930
Was it a man? A log? A beast?
We'll never know.
420
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:46,726
Hey, guys, food truck.
Hipsters love food trucks.
421
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:49,979
Dude, I don't have any food.
They're not gonna like that.
422
00:19:50,271 --> 00:19:51,940
I can't lose
my biggest consumer base.
423
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,650
They'll tweet me
out of business.
424
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,277
Everybody get in the truck.
Distract the hipsters.
425
00:19:56,569 --> 00:19:59,656
Look there! Sofia Coppola's
playing badminton
426
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:02,325
with Jason Schwartzman.
427
00:20:02,617 --> 00:20:03,910
Drive!
Drive!
428
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,916
Impressive moves back there
with those hipsters.
429
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,043
Maybe we'd do okay
in a zombie apocalypse.
430
00:20:12,335 --> 00:20:14,754
With our skills combined,
we'd be unstoppable.
431
00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:17,173
Oh, there's more of them.
432
00:20:17,465 --> 00:20:19,509
What?
433
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,678
Ruthlessness!
Whoo!
434
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,681
All right. Okay,
very funny, guys.
435
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:27,016
Throw your friend out of a car.
Slow down.
436
00:20:27,308 --> 00:20:28,727
Dave, slow down, I can't run.
437
00:20:29,018 --> 00:20:30,478
I didn't stretch today.
Slow down.
438
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,230
Ah! I pulled my hamstring,
Dave.
439
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,483
Dave, I pulled my hammy out.
Slow down.
440
00:20:35,775 --> 00:20:38,778
I pulled my other hamstring.
I pulled my other hamstring!
441
00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:41,948
Dave!
Dave, you're...
442
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,742
This is not something
friends do.
443
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,034
I have a cramp.
33698
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof