Original subtitles

(wind howling)

(train crossing bell ringing)

(train whistle blows)

(train wheels clacking)

(train whistle blows)

(glass breaks)

I'll blow your motherfucking life

to fucking shambles!

(fighters grunting)

(fish flapping)

♪ I wanna know ♪

♪ Can you tell me ♪

♪ I'd love to stay ♪

That thing is so fucking stupid.

♪ Take me to the river ♪

♪ Drop me in the water ♪

How's it going, old boy?

♪ Take me to the river ♪

♪ Push me in the water ♪

(glasses clinking)

(pool balls clink)

A little duck walks into the bar.

He jumps up on the bar.

He looks at the bartender.

He says, "You got any snails?"

(patron chuckles)

He said, "Snails?"

He said, "I don't serve snails in this bar."

You was running patrol?

We'd sweep the road for landmines.

Yeah, we call 'em IEDs now, Improvised Explosive Devices.

We lost three guys in one whack.

It was a scout truck.

They were all the way out in front,

half a kilometer in front of us.

Seen a fucking mushroom cloud

and the doors flying. ♪ Tell me ♪

No one lived, you know.

It was vapor. ♪ Am I in love to stay ♪

My buddy Rick passed away.

♪ Take me to the river ♪

♪ Drop me in the water ♪

(Judah chuckles)

And he said, "You got any snails?"

He said, "Look..."

How you doing, man?

"I don't have any snails."

Okay, thanks.

"We don't sell snails here."

But he said, "I'll tell you what."

He said, "You come back again,

and he said, "I'm gonna nail your beak to the damn bar."

Yeah, 1969, I lost nine partners on an ambush.

And so...

And he said, "I don't have any snails."

He said, "No, you got any nails?"

He said, "No."

"Well, you got any snails?"

(patron chuckles)

Spare $100 to help fight cocaine withdrawal today?

No.

All right, how about a beer?

Nah.

And then respect

and you go right back to being a young man.

You have a good night.

Thanks.

You just don't feel like a person anymore,

and you just wanna feel like a person again.

Man, I don't wanna talk about it no more.

Oh, boy.

How you guys doing?

Better than you if you don't get on down there.

I'll tell you what, I got a good joke.

One beer, just one drink.

I guess you like riding in that little van

that's got all them fuckin' lights on it.

How 'bout that snow?

Keeps coming down.

It's still cold.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, keep coming and coming.

What's up man?

How you doing? Fine.

Doing all right?

I cannot help you. All right.

Blood sugar level and glucose levels all screwed up.

I got way high glucose, way high-

Mr. Bartender, there, you think you could spare me a beer?

I'll pay you back.

I can pay tomorrow.

Eating too much sugar is the main cause of it

that gets your glucose level up,

and drinking sodas gets your glucose level up.

Look, man, you're always welcome here,

but you have to stop harassing my customers.

All right, I'm sorry.

My dog died today.

My car broke down.

My girlfriend made me a cuck. Mm.

What if I sing you a song?

What makes you think I wanna hear you sing?

I don't know, I think I'm pretty good.

Liven the place up a little bit.

Well, it's kind of sad in here, you know?

See that old man down there?

The one with the tubes?

Yeah. Yeah?

He used to sing here every Friday night,

tear the house down.

Think he'd buy me a beer?

If you can beat that guy, I'll give you a 6-pack.

Oh, okay, I can outsing anybody

in this fucking place.

I promise you that.

If your wife was here,

her panties would hit the floor instantly.

Maybe even yours, too.

You know what, give me a minute.

(Will coughs)

I love this place.

It's really nice.

I see why you come here.

See the guy down there?

(pool balls clacking)

Know what he said?

He said he can outsing you.

(chuckles) He probably can.

(Chris wheezes and coughs)

Man, I miss hearing you sing.

Yeah, well, how you doing, Mike?

I'm okay, Captain, day by day.

It's cold as hell out there, though.

What do you say?

Can you put him in his place for me?

Oh, man.

Tell you what, I'm probably the only person

in this world that knows this.

But if you look closely at all that sea of $1.00 bills,

there's one $100 bill.

(Chris and Mike chuckling)

I thought about taking it for myself more than a few times.

$100?

And a free beer.

(Chris chuckles)

Everybody, this is how it's going down.

Free beer and $100 to the best singer in the bar tonight.

Damn!

♪ Amazing grace ♪

For the love of God.

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪

(clapping) Lovely, wow, that was fantastic.

I don't know how I'm gonna follow that.

Oh, fuck, y'all.

Ain't none of y'all down there can sing it any better.

Give it a fuckin' try.

You couldn't carry a fuckin' tune in a bucket.

Fuckin' square-headed bastards, every damn one of you.

Yo, can y'all please shut up?

Oh, you know, I think my friend over here

might wanna join, huh?

No, thanks, I'm good.

Smart decision.

I feel bad for y'all.

Ain't none of you got any guts.

None of you.

Well, that goes for you, too, old man.

You got one foot in the grave,

and the other one on a damn banana peel.

Go ahead and laugh down there.

I ain't afraid of nothing.

Do you hear me talking?

I hear a fucking slab of bacon talking shit,

that's what I hear.

You think you'd be the one to talk?

Hell, if you couldn't pour piss out of a boot

if the instruction was on the bottom of it.

You understand?

(pee splashing)

♪ In the early mornin' rain ♪

♪ With a dollar in my hand ♪

(zipper zips) (toilets flushing)

♪ With an aching in my heart ♪

♪ And my pockets full of sand ♪

♪ I'm a long way from home ♪

♪ And I miss my loved ones so ♪

(door creaks)

(footsteps thudding)

(door slams)

(toilet seat lid bangs)

(pee splashing)

I bet you when you go down on your old lady,

you give her a fucking hysterectomy at the same time,

buck-toothed bastard.

(Chris humming)

(bottle thuds)

♪ There's a house down in New Orleans ♪

♪ They call it the Rising Sun ♪

All right, all right.

Shh!

♪ Oh it's been the ruin ♪

♪ Of many a poor boy ♪

♪ And me God knows I'm one ♪

(lively jazz music)

Yeah, ha-ha!

♪ The only thing ♪

♪ That a gambler needs ♪

♪ Is a suitcase and trunk ♪

♪ And the only time ♪

♪ He's ever satisfied ♪

♪ Is when he's all-in drunk ♪

♪ Now tell my baby brother ♪

♪ Don't do what I have done ♪

♪ Would you show that house ♪

♪ Down in New Orleans ♪

♪ That they call the Rising Sun ♪

♪ That they call the Rising Sun ♪

(patrons cheering and applauding)

(door creaks and thumps)

(gentle piano music)

Amen, brother.

Ain't nobody in here can sing

but that old man right there,

so just hang your fucking heads and go on home.

(mellow jazz music)

(mellow jazz music continues)

(mellow jazz music continues)

♪ Said you went crazy ♪

♪ You've lost your mind ♪

♪ Now the man you love ♪

Whoa!

♪ Hurts you all the time ♪

♪ When things go wrong ♪

♪ So wrong with you ♪

♪ It hurts me too ♪

Y'all hearing this?

I'll be damned, the little bastard can sing.

♪ You love him more ♪

♪ Should love him less ♪ (patrons clapping)

♪ I come up behind him ♪

♪ Pick up all his mess ♪

♪ When things go wrong ♪

♪ So wrong with you ♪

♪ It hurts me too ♪

Woo! (patrons whistling)

Yeah!

(mellow jazz music continues)

(Mike whistling)

(Chris chuckling)

(mellow jazz music continues)

♪ You called me up ♪

♪ Down from El Paso ♪

♪ Said come back daddy ♪

♪ I need you so ♪

♪ When things go wrong ♪

♪ So wrong with you ♪

♪ It hurts me too ♪

(mellow jazz music continues)

(patrons applauding)

Oh man, well, I know I'm going to hell for this,

but I'm gonna say the young guy.

I can't believe I'm saying that

because I love the old guy,

and I love the young guy.

I love 'em both.

How can you- Give them a tie.

You know, give 'em a drink,

pat on the back, and say "You're the best."

That's what I'd do.

(patrons chuckling)

(mellow piano music)

Tell them a story about it.

Y'all got any good titty bars around here?

Oh, hell, yeah.

We got Blue Palomino.

Would you like to go sometime?

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ My my love ♪

♪ My darling ♪

♪ I hunger for your touch ♪

♪ A long lonely time ♪

(gentle piano music)

(bottle thumps)

♪ And time goes by so slowly ♪

♪ And time can do so much ♪

♪ Are you still mine mine ♪

♪ I need your love ♪

♪ I I need your love ♪

♪ God speed your love to ♪

(bottles rattling)

♪ To me ♪

(train whistle blowing)

(bottles clinking)

(train whistle blowing)

(Mike sniffs)

(cane thumping)

(Mike sniffs)

(singer clears throat)

(singer singing in Italian)

(singer continues singing in Italian)

(cheerful music)

♪ Oh we're drinking and we're dancing ♪

♪ And the band is really happening ♪

♪ And the Johnny Walker wisdom running high ♪

♪ And my very sweet companion ♪

♪ She's the angel of compassion ♪

♪ She's rubbing half the world against her thigh ♪

♪ And every drinker every dancer ♪

♪ Lifts a happy face to thank her ♪

♪ The fiddler fiddles something so sublime ♪

♪ All the women ♪ ♪ The women ♪

♪ Tear their blouses off ♪ ♪ Tear their blouses off ♪

♪ And the men ♪ ♪ And the men ♪

♪ They dance on the polka-dots ♪ ♪ They dance on the polka-dots ♪

♪ And it's partner found ♪ ♪ And it's partner found ♪

♪ And it's partner lost ♪ ♪ And it's partner lost ♪

♪ And it's hell to pay ♪ ♪ And it's hell to pay ♪

♪ Then the fiddler stops ♪ ♪ Then the fiddler stops ♪

♪ Closing time ♪ ♪ Closing time ♪

♪ Closing time closing time ♪

♪ Yeah the women tear ♪ ♪ The women tear ♪

♪ Their blouses off ♪ ♪ Their blouses off ♪

♪ And the men they dance ♪ ♪ And the men they dance ♪

♪ On the polka-dots ♪ ♪ On the polka-dots ♪

♪ And it's partner found ♪ ♪ And it's partner found ♪

♪ And it's partner lost ♪ ♪ And it's partner lost ♪

♪ And it's hell to pay ♪ ♪ And it's hell to pay ♪

♪ When the fiddler stops ♪ ♪ When the fiddler stops ♪

♪ It's closing time ♪

(cheerful music continues)

(no audio)