Original subtitles

- Ah! - You had the nightmare again?

- Who are you? - I'm Dr. Peacock.

- Your psychiatrist, remember? - I don't have a shrink.

I've been your doctor ever since your psychotic break.

My what?

Meet ashy slashy.

Let's rid ourselves of the necronomicon, ash.

- I didn't do this! - You're a murderer.

- No! - Dr. Peacock: Think it's time

that we tried a new tactic.

Rid yourself of the book and the nightmare will be over.

Kill the book, ash.

Kill the book.

I think I'm losing my mind.

Dr. Peacock/baal: You're mine now.

You know what you have to do, don't you?

I must destroy the book.

Pablo's voice: Jefe?

Kelly: All right, if we actually do find him,

no one can tell him it was 'cause of that stupid pet tracker.

He'll never let us forget it.

Come on, guys, let's go save the world.

Can I get a ghost beaters!

Kelly: Well, good thing this place isn't creepy at all.

What is it?

Nothing.

I thought I saw something.

You okay?

No, I'm not.

I got a really bad feeling about this.

Really, 'cause I haven't had a good feeling

- since we met ash and his stupid book. - That's exactly it.

The book of the dead never lets anybody off easy.

It's like ash said, everyone around him gets...

Dead.

And now I am the book,

and I can never be okay with myself if something bad...

Hey, where'd my powerful vagina go?

Huh?

Pablo, it's going to be a piece of cake, all right?

We'll find ash, you'll take out that goth demon.

- And then back to Jacksonville. - Mm, maybe not Jacksonville.

But listen, you take care of this,

I'll even make sure ash gets the first round.

Yeah, right.

We're going to be okay.

- Trust me. - No, trust me.

We are not going to be okay if we underestimate baal.

All right? Let's go.

I did what you said. He bought it.

All of it!

Now, please...

Just let Lacey go.

Emery: I brought Linda and Lacey here like you wanted, baal.

Now, come on, you got to keep your end of the deal.

But keeping my end of the deal is so boring.

It's more fun to change things up at the last minute.

Keeps everyone on their toes.

This is your fault, Thomas!

Emery: No, no, no. He said he would protect us!

- All I had to do was get you here! - No.

Looks like someone's sleeping on the couch tonight.

Ruby: I'll take this end.

Don't shoot.

It's me, sheriff Emery.

You think knowing who you are makes me want to shoot you any less?

Shh.

You shouldn't be here.

Kelly: Tell us where ash is.

Now!

I didn't do it. Any of it.

It was baal.

He messed with my head.

Lacey: Daddy?

Is that you?

- Sweetheart? - Pablo: Lacey?

Are you...

Okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I mean...

I could be better...

If my father didn't bring me here.

Because I have to say, dying...

Totally sucks!

No!

Fuck!

Pablo!

Now, honey, we can fix this!

Pablo, I can't get a shot!

Huh?!

Kelly: Get out of here!

Watch out!

Look, daddy! A unicorn!

Magic is real!

- Abracadabra. - No!

Shit!

Lacey!

- Are you okay? - I'm good! Find ash!

Pablo: Ash? Ruby?

Ahh!

- Deadite Lacey: Daddy? - Lacey.

- Daddy. - Lacey?

What's happening to me?

I don't know.

- It's going to be okay. - Promise?

Kelly: Get out of the way, sheriff.

Daddy, she wants to hurt me.

That's not your daughter anymore, sheriff.

She's still in there.

- I can save her. - No, you can't.

I've been there.

Now I know that we've had our differences,

but I need you to trust me and get out of the way.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Daddy... I love you.

I just want us to be a family again.

The only thing you sucked at more than being the sheriff...

Was being a father.

No!

Oh, look! He does have a backbone after all!

Tag! You're it!

Damn it!

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Tag! You're dead!

You're it.

I'm sorry, Lacey.

Sorry you got caught up in this bullshit.

And I'm sorry that your father was a self-serving son of a bitch.

You were a good kid.

I'm also sorry I'm now totally alone in this creepy ass place.

Yay me.

Linda: Lacey?

Where are you, baby?

Lacey?

Please answer me.

Baby?

What...

Thomas?

Jefe?

0h, fuck.

Pablo.

I got a feeling whatever power this pendant has

to hold back the book isn't going to last.

I'm with you now.

Oh, this is baal's work for sure.

He knows we're here.

We got to get to ash before baal scrambles his peanut brain.

Shit.

What is it?

This is going to happen whether we like it or not, isn't it?

Look, we're going to find baal, you're going to harness the power

of that book against him, and none of this is going to be in vain.

And you promise me that we're all going to live happily ever after?

Even if this goes perfectly, there's a good chance you'll die.

Wow.

Ruby, I know you're new to this whole mortal thing,

but in our world, where people don't live forever,

the idea of dying really sucks.

Well, I was just trying to be honest.

But all right, you go on thinking about all the sweet things you're going to do,

if you survive or not, I'll find a way out of here.

I do have this one idea for a Honduran food truck

that also fixes electronics.

Pablito's fish and chips.

Like computer chips.

- You get it? - No. That's awful.

What else you got?

Oh, good, another pitch-black hallway.

Place is a maze.

Kelly: Ash?

He's not here... but he's here.

And he won't get out.

No matter what I do!

- Get it? - Yeah, yeah, sure I do.

Hey, I'm looking for a friend.

He's, uh, tall, dumb,

smells like... bread.

Um, oh, yeah, chainsaw arm.

Probably should've led with that one, but...

J“ ashy slashy, heaven and hell j“

okay, so you know him.

I know I'm not Kelly.

No, I'm... I'm Kelly.

Then ash is looking for you.

Okay, good. Where is he?

Maybe he's in his room with his... friend.

All right, now we're getting somewhere.

Where is his room?

Pablo: Quick question.

What do you think baal's been doing to ash this entire time he's been missing?

Oh, he wants to break him... Bend him to his will.

He wants ash to destroy the book and kill anyone who tries to stop...

But... I am the book.

Jefe...

- Run! - Ah!

Okay, I've seen some seriously disturbing stuff recently,

but you...

Are adorable.

Hey, little ash.

You know where ash is, hmm?

See you later, buddy.

Oh, come on!

Shit!

Ashy slashy: Kelly...

What the fuck?

Lacey?

Baby? On.

It's mommy.

Lacey?

Is that you, baby?

Ashy slashy's got Kelly! Won't be long now!

What? Wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

I think we lost him.

I don't think so.

Is he...

Peeing?

- That's not pee, is it? - Nope.

Jefe, listen,

this isn't you.

It's baal.

He's controlling your mind, all right?

You got to show him you're stronger than that, jefe.

Come on! You can do it!

No, no, no.

No fucking way.

Ashy slashy: Aww, don't sweat it, sweet cheeks, you're safe with me.

Ah!

- Peek-a-boo! - What the fuck?

- Wanna play? - What? No.

Ah, why am I talking to a muppet?

Muppet?!

Uh, well, you're awfully judgmental for a...

Hey! For a what?

What were you going to say, you little motherfuck?

Sack up. What were you going to say?

Wow, check out the potty-mouth on you.

You really are... filthy.

And fine.

Yeah, heard that one before, pervert.

Girl, you're the one with your hand all up in my puppet pooper.

You want me to return the favor?

Ah! Shit!

Wait! Wait! H can tell you where ash is!

Where?

- Got you! - Fuck!

Whoa, whoa, oh!

Oh! Kinky. Wish I had my fluffy cuffs.

Oh... oh, yeah.

Uh, get... off!

You filth... fuck!

Don't be so pissed.

Some people pay good money for this sort of thing, you know.

Somebody... likes it... rough!

Safe word, safe word!

I'm sorry I'm going to have to kill you,

but I think we've both learned a lot today.

' Yeah.

Always bring a gun to a puppet fight.

Ruby: Here!

Haven't we been down this way before?

- Why would he lead us this way? - Because it's a damned dead end.

Can't let ash get you before we find baal.

Get in.

Kelly: What the hell am I doing?

I'm just-just taking orders from everyone else.

Oh, and look where that got me.

Locked in a room, talking to a...

Dead, perverted puppet.

Kelly?

What-what are you doing here?

Damn!

What the fuck was that for?!

I'm sorry.

I just had to make sure you weren't baal.

And that works?

Yes?

What are you doing here?

I'm with Pablo and Ruby. We're looking for ash.

- You? - I'm looking for my family.

I found Thomas and...

Well, what was left of him...

I haven't found Lacey yet.

- Have you... have you seen her? - No.

Linda, come with me.

We finally have a way to stop baal.

And after that...

I'll help you find your daughter.

Okay.

He's at the dead end.

I'm going to pin him there, you make a run for it.

What? No, I-I can't, no.

Pablo, you know what has to be done.

You find baal, say the incantation, send him back.

I know what has to be done.

I just don't know if I'm the one to do it.

You can do it. You have to.

All those fish and chips customers are depending on it.

I knew you cared.

You can keep pretending like you don't, but each day you spend as a mortal,

you become a little bit more human.

- It suits you. - That's creepy talk.

Let's go.

Wait.

Having a heart-to-heart?

No, don1!

Pablo, you are our only hope.

I cannot let anything happen to you, but it's over for ash now.

No, it's not!

Ash would never give up on me, and I'm not giving up on him, all right?

Ash, I know the real you is in there.

You're the guy who worked at value stop with me,

and, uh, we used to watch "Monday night raw" together.

Look, the point is that we're a team, jefe.

We're a team.

Ruby: Pablo, get back!

Ruby: Pablo!

Pablo!

- Don't shoot me! - Pablo...

She's dead, isn't she?

- What? - Don't.

- Linda... - Just...

Tell me the truth.

- I'm sorry. - _

I know this moment.

After this, nothing will be the same again.

You will never be the same again.

It can sink you lower than you thought possible,

or it can ignite a fire inside of you.

I know why you didn't tell me.

You didn't think I could handle it.

You didn't think I was strong enough.

That's the same mistake people have been

making about me my entire life.

And it's the last mistake that fucking demon is ever going to make.

You're damn right it is.

- Pablo. - Kelly.

- No! Linda, you guys got to go! - What the hell happened to you?

Get out of here now! Go!

- Why? - Because I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to kill all of you and put an end to this nightmare.

- Ash? - That's not ash.

- Baal is controlling his mind. - Linda: Ash, no!

It's me, Linda. You know I'm real.

You don't want to do this.

What I want is to destroy my delusions.

Isn't that right, Dr. Peacock?

You motherfucker! What did you do to him?!

He can help you as much as your husband can.

Such a weak mind.

Not like ash, he took some real effort, and it's finally paying off.

So tell me, ash, you ready to destroy your delusions for good?

Oh, no! No, ash, you-you can't do this!

We mean something to each other!

I know you feel that, too!

It's all in the past now, and so are you!

- No! - No, really, you're good, ash!

Baal: Ash, what are you doing?

- Kill them! - Sorry, bill.

- You played right into my hand. - What?

See my friends here thought I couldn't get you and the book in the same room.

Whoopsie, looks like my plan worked.

Both: What?

What do you mean your "plan?"

No, you-you remember, don't you? Back at the house.

That's a pet tracker.

All I got to do is find baal once, I shove this down his throat,

we get Pablo right up close, he does his voodoo,

and, well, the rest will just fall into place.

That was it?

- That was your entire plan? - Don't thank me yet.

We still got to send this hairy ball sack back to hell.

Little buddy, do your magic.

Crab apples.

Guess I'm not the only one who underestimated you.

Apology accepted.

Jefe, bring him to me.

Well, shit fuzzy fire, and save the matches,

you did it, Pablo!

There's not enough left of him to spread on toast.

You slayed that shit, Pablo.

Created by: A. Vandelay post haste digital