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1
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:37,491
The seminar will begin in five minutes.
2
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,369
It will be in room "C."
3
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:44,164
So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat?
4
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,584
I don't know.
I love Chow Yun Fat.
5
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,878
- I just don't see him playing Madman.
- Awesome.
6
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,339
Thank you.
7
00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:01,974
Could you sign it:
"To a really big fan"?
8
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,769
Uh, you bet.
9
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,355
I love this book, man.
This shit is awesome!
10
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,357
I wish I was like these guys.
Gettin' stoned,
11
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,986
talkin' all raw about chicks
and fightin' supervillains!
12
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:17,990
I love these guys! You know what.
They're like Bill and Ted...
13
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,158
meet Cheech and Chong!
14
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,369
Yeah. I kind of
like to think of them...
15
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,997
as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
meet Vladimir and Estragon.
16
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,000
Yes! Who?
17
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,504
So, do you, like,
draw this or something?
18
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,968
I ink it, and I'm also the colorist.
The guy next to me draws it.
19
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,512
But we both came up
with the characters. Next!
20
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,014
What does that mean,
you "ink it"?
21
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,933
Well, it means that Holden
draws the pictures in pencil.
22
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,895
And then he gives it to me
to go over in ink. Next!
23
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,189
So, basically,
you just trace.
24
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:54,568
It's, uh, it's not tracing,
all right?
25
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,529
I add depth and shading to give
the image more definition.
26
00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:00,449
Only then does the drawing
truly take shape.
27
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:05,787
No, no, no. You go over what he draws
with a pen, all right? That's tracing.
28
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,707
Not really. Next.
29
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,670
Hey, man,
let me ask you somethin'.
30
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:17,090
Somebody draws something
and then you draw the exact same thing,
31
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,719
like, right on top of it without going
outside the original designated art.
32
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,763
What do you call that?
33
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,432
- I don't know, man. Tracing?
- See?
34
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,017
You want your book signed
or what?
35
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,228
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
36
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:33,565
Don't get all testy just because you
got a problem with your station in life.
37
00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,983
Oh, I'm secure
with what I do.
38
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:38,153
Then just say it.
You're a tracer.
39
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,446
How should I sign this?
40
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,448
I don't want you
to sign it, man.
41
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,784
I want the guy who draws
Bluntman & Chronic to sign it.
42
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:47,454
- You're just the tracer.
- Tell him, little shaver.
43
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:51,416
Who do I sign it to?
44
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,877
You fuckin' tracer!
45
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:57,756
I'll trace a chalk line around
your dead fuckin' body, you fuck!
46
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,758
Would you get him
outta here?
47
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:04,555
Hey, wait a second! He jumped me!
You fuckin' tracer!
48
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,890
Your mother's a tracer!
49
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,934
Can I explain the audience
principle to you?
50
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,894
If you assault and accost them,
then we have no audience.
51
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:14,648
He started it,
fuckin' cock-knocker!
52
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:18,777
He's lucky I didn't put
my pen through his thorax!
53
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:22,781
Need I remind you?
Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay?
54
00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:26,118
The Word's Up: Minority
Voices in Comics panel discussion...
55
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,371
- All right.
- is about to begin in room "F."
56
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:33,292
For years in this industry...
57
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,461
whenever an African-American
character, hero or villain,
58
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:40,799
was introduced, usually,
by white artists and writers,
59
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:43,927
they got slapped
with racist names...
60
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,471
that singled them out
as Negroes.
61
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,810
Now, my book-
62
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:54,813
White Hatin' Coon-
63
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,982
don't have none
of that bullshit.
64
00:05:57,065 --> 00:06:00,110
The hero's name is Maleekwa,
a descendant from the black tribe...
65
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,155
that established
the first society on the planet,
66
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:06,283
while you European motherfuckers
were still hidin' in caves and shit,
67
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,744
all terrified of the sun.
68
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:13,540
He's a strong role model that
a young black reader can look up to,
69
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:18,128
'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens
is comin' home to roost, y'all.
70
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:22,341
The black man's no longer gonna play the
minstrel in comics and sci-fi fantasy.
71
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:27,346
We keepin' it real, and we gonna
get respect by any means necessary.
72
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,766
Ah, come on!
That's a bunch of horseshit!
73
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,560
Lando Calrissian
was a black guy, you know.
74
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:36,063
He got to fly the Millennium Falcon.
What's the matter with you?
75
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,774
- Who said that?
- I did.
76
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:43,153
Lando Calrissian is a positive role
model in science-fiction fantasy.
77
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:46,281
Fuck Lando Calrissian!
Uncle Tom nigger!
78
00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:49,409
Always some white boy
gotta invoke the holy trilogy.
79
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:54,832
Those movies are about how the
white man keeps the brother man down...
80
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,918
even in a galaxy
far, far away.
81
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:01,880
Check this shit. You got
cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker-
82
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,966
Nazi poster boy-
blond hair, blue eyes-
83
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,968
and then you got
Darth Vader.
84
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,637
The blackest brother
in the galaxy, Nubian guy.
85
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,307
- What's a Nubian?
- Shut the fuck up!
86
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:17,813
Now, Vader, he's a spiritual
brother, you know.
87
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,107
Down with the force
and all that good shit.
88
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,443
Then this cracker, Skywalker,
gets his hands on a light saber,
89
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,863
and the boy decides he's gonna
run the fuckin' universe.
90
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,824
Gets a whole Klan
of whites together.
91
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,952
And they gonna bust up
Vader's hood, the Death Star.
92
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,954
Now, what the fuck
do you call that?
93
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,332
- Intergalactic civil war?
- Gentrification!
94
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:42,838
They gonna drive out
the black element...
95
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:46,008
to make the galaxy
"safe" for white folks.
96
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,720
And Jedi's the most
insulting installment!
97
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,390
Because Vader's beautiful
black visage is sullied...
98
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:58,562
when he pulls off his mask to reveal
a feeble, crusty, old white man.
99
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:03,150
They're tryin' to tell us that deep
inside we all wants to be white!
100
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,820
Well, isn't that true?
101
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,456
Black rage!
102
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,666
Black rage!
I'll kill any white folks...
103
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:24,338
I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on!
104
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:52,533
"What's a Nubian?"
Bitch, you almost made me laugh.
105
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,327
Man, what about you? You didn't tell
me you were gonna scream, "Black rage!"
106
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,329
I nearly pissed myself.
107
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,331
How do you manage to get away
with this all the time?
108
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,959
I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting
your head open right about now?
109
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:05,921
- Wrong coast.
- Well, this here, she full of blanks.
110
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:11,426
And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts
of legal clearances before I go on.
111
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,554
So your publisher actually
condones these theatrics?
112
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:18,058
Condones? Honey, they insist. I need
to sell the image to sell the book.
113
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,352
Would the audience still buy
the whole black rage angle...
114
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:24,231
if they found out the book
was written by a, a-you know.
115
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,817
- Faggot?
- When you say it, it sounds so sexy.
116
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:31,947
Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim,
but not your catcher, all right?
117
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:35,534
Hooper, how come you sound like Minister
Farrakhan when you're onstage...
118
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:38,620
and the king of pop
when you're not?
119
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,622
Look out, boys!
This kitten has a whip!
120
00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,624
Always before
I get to speak, you dick.
121
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,751
I swear! Jesus!
122
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,713
The next con I attend, and they
ask me to be on the minority panel,
123
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:51,592
if I see your name anywhere
near that list, I'm passing!
124
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:55,762
Holden, Banky, this pile
of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones.
125
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:57,806
She does that book,
Idiosyncratic Routine.
126
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:03,729
Oh, I've read your book. It's cute.
Chick stuff, but cute. What?
127
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,148
Sorry about him. He's, uh,
he's dealing with being an inker.
128
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,775
Oh. You trace.
129
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:14,239
I really like your book. I'm surprised
we never met at any other cons before.
130
00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:16,825
Yeah, well, lose the dick
or change the skin tone,
131
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:19,912
and we can get to know
each other on panel after panel.
132
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:24,333
These boys do Bluntman & Chronic, which
outsells both of our books put together.
133
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:27,836
Hence, they're never on the panel
with the likes of us.
134
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,630
They slummin' it right now.
135
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,966
I promised Alyssa
I'd buy her a post-rave drink.
136
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344
Do the Garden Staters have
to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel,
137
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:38,222
or can you stay for a round
in the big, scary city?
138
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,390
- We're gonna go-
- We'll take-
139
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:45,687
We'll go.
140
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,359
Archie. All right?
141
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,987
Archie and the Riverdale gang were
a pure and fun-lovin' bunch.
142
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:57,950
You can't find dysfunction in those
comics. They were flat-out wholesome.
143
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,869
- Archie and Jughead were lovers.
- Shut the fuck up!
144
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:05,207
It's true. Archie was the bitch,
and Jughead was the butch.
145
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,836
That's why Jughead wears
that crown-lookin' hat all the time.
146
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,964
He the king of
Queen Archie's world.
147
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,966
Man, I feel
a hate crime comin' on.
148
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,385
Well, you know,
he does have a point.
149
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,512
I mean, Archie never did quite
settle on Betty or Veronica.
150
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:21,640
'Cause he wanted them both
at the same time, you assholes!
151
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:25,060
He didn't choose one, because he was
trying to get them into a three-way.
152
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,522
- Here.
- What?
153
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:32,526
I want you to go down to the corner
store and buy yourself a clue.
154
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,028
- Go on.
- Eat it, Urkel.
155
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:38,198
Uh! I done told you to
watch it with that Urkel shit.
156
00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:41,326
Face it, girl.
Archie's a sister.
157
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:48,208
- That's it. You!
- Moi?
158
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:52,129
Yeah, you. You are marching
back across the street with me,
159
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,923
and we're gonna pick up
a shitload of Archie books.
160
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,885
And I'm going to prove to you
beyond the shadow of a doubt...
161
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,470
that Archie
is all about pussy.
162
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,472
Come on!
163
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,766
This boy is conflicted.
164
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:08,729
I shall play
mother therapist for him.
165
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:12,065
You two sit tight.
We shall return promptly.
166
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,779
Is he always like that?
167
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:21,116
Who, him? Yeah.
Ever since the third grade.
168
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,203
This, uh, this nun was teaching us
about the Blessed Trinity, you know?
169
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:27,289
She was going on and on about
the three persons in one God thing.
170
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,416
Father, Son,
the Holy Spirit.
171
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:33,128
Banky just goes ballistic on her.
They got in this huge fight.
172
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:36,798
An eight-year-old kid?
How bad could it have been?
173
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:39,927
Well, have you ever seen a nun call
a small child a "fucking cunt-rag"?
174
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,971
It wasn't pretty.
Shit like that's bound to happen...
175
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:46,016
when you make a kid wear
a matching tie and slacks every day.
176
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:50,479
Right. And your parochial
school misadventures?
177
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:54,316
Oh, mostly limited to
wine-tasting prior to mass.
178
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,902
Turned me into a grade school
alcoholic altar boy though.
179
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,112
Can't tell you how many mornings
after serious benders...
180
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,532
I'd wake up next
to strange priests.
181
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,451
- Aren't you the sharp wit?
- Sharp? No.
182
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:07,496
I'm just a fan of
clergy-molestation humor.
183
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:12,626
Probably why the extended family quit
inviting me to first communion parties.
184
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:17,422
- Tsk.
- You play darts?
185
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:22,094
Uh, not professionally.
You know, only in bars.
186
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,346
I don't know.
187
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:28,433
Maybe I should just sign one of those
exclusive deals like you guys.
188
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,435
Your new book seems
to be selling like mad.
189
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:35,232
Well, it all goes back to somethin'
my grandmother told me when I was a kid.
190
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,611
"Holden," she said, "the big bucks
are in dick and fart jokes. "
191
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,030
- She was a churchgoer.
- Oh!
192
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:46,076
The cry from the heart of a real artist
trapped in commercial hell,
193
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,579
pitying his good fortune.
194
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:52,040
I'm sure you can dry your eyes
on all those fat checks you rake in.
195
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:56,211
Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I
detect a note of bitter envy in there?
196
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:59,131
No, I'm happy my stuff
gets read at all.
197
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:01,383
There's very little market
for hearts and flowers...
198
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:05,596
in this spandex-clad, big pecs,
big tits, big guns field.
199
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,765
If I sell two issues,
I feel like John Grisham.
200
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,809
Well, it's all
about marketing.
201
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:15,898
Over- or under-weight guys that don't
get laid. They're our bread and butter.
202
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:19,234
People like those two outside
should be yours.
203
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:22,237
And sadly, there are more
of our core audience.
204
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:25,908
Kind of gives you a charge though.
See two people like that in love.
205
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,285
And all over
Banky's car, no less.
206
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:31,038
You know, that car's seeing more action
right now than it's seen in years.
207
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:35,751
- Bubbly guy like that? It's hard to figure out why.
- Yeah.
208
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,962
You gotta respect that kind of display
of affection. You know what I mean?
209
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,590
Sure, it's crazy.
It's rude. It's self-absorbed.
210
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:44,927
But, uh, you know,
it's love.
211
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,971
- It's not love.
- Oh, says you.
212
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:51,016
That out there?
That's fleeting.
213
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,228
- Fleeting?
- Mm-hmm. Well, I gotta split.
214
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:57,940
It was really nice meeting you.
Good luck with your book.
215
00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:02,819
Tell Hooper I'll call him later.
And... tell your friend to calm down.
216
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:10,953
Shut up already.
217
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,747
You shut up!
You're insane.
218
00:15:13,831 --> 00:15:16,583
Archie is not fucking
Mr. Weatherbee!
219
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:20,128
Deny, deny, deny.
220
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:24,174
- Where's Alyssa?
- She left, said she'd call you later.
221
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:26,927
Look, he's just offering to help Archie
with his fuckin' homework!
222
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,304
Read between
the lines, bitch.
223
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:32,683
Fuck this. Let's go.
Traffic.
224
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:35,310
- Holden!
- What?
225
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:39,481
- Let's go!
- See that dent in the hood of your car?
226
00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:41,358
Son of a bitch!
227
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,824
Let me guess.
You like her.
228
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:51,326
- Who?
- Miss Alyssa Jones.
229
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:57,875
- She's all right.
- As long as that's all.
230
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:25,319
This is one of the best streetlights
you've ever drawn.
231
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,529
It's the one from across the street
from the post office.
232
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:30,365
- Looks just like it.
- Thanks.
233
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:33,869
So, uh, what do you want
to do tonight?
234
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:37,331
I don't know. Get a pizza.
Watch Degrassi Junior High.
235
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,125
You got a weird thing
for Canadian melodrama.
236
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,836
I got a weird thing
for girls who say "aboot. "
237
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:47,132
Bank Holdup.
238
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:52,429
Hooper here. Listen, I know how
you 'burb fiends hate the city,
239
00:16:52,471 --> 00:16:55,891
but there's a club shindig goin' down
tonight I think you'd really get into.
240
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:59,770
- Where is it?
- Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep.
241
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:03,023
Oh, I don't know, Hoop.
242
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,943
We're prepping the next issue. We got
that stupid meeting in the morning.
243
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,946
- I told her you wouldn't be interested.
- Told who?
244
00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:11,949
Alyssa.
245
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,992
Alyssa from last night Alyssa?
246
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:16,411
How do you begin and end a question
with the same word like that?
247
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:19,414
You got skill.
Yes, that one!
248
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,917
She asked me to invite you.
Now, here's the part where you say-
249
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:27,339
- I'll be there.
- Thought so. 10:00. Later.
250
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:32,636
- Who was that?
- Hooper. He invited me to a club.
251
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:36,348
Man, when's that faggot gonna learn?
You like chicks.
252
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:39,476
- Not that kind of club.
- So when we leavin'?
253
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:43,689
We? You can't go.
He's hookin' me up with Alyssa.
254
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:47,150
- And?
- And I don't want you messing it up.
255
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,612
I care about your shit.
Maybe I'll hook up myself.
256
00:17:50,696 --> 00:17:52,990
I told you. It's not
that kind of club.
257
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:57,161
How does one man
get to be so funny?
258
00:17:57,202 --> 00:18:01,623
Look, how you gonna get
home when I hook up, huh?
259
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:06,086
- Like that'll happen.
- Let me explain, my witless chum.
260
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,505
The other night, we two,
Alyssa and I,
261
00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:11,008
we, uh, well,
we shared a moment.
262
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:14,344
- Oh, you had a moment.
- No.
263
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:17,139
We shared a moment,
all right?
264
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:22,644
And in that moment, one thing
was made abundantly clear.
265
00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:26,148
This girl loves me,
my friend.
266
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:29,943
Loves me. You know
what I'm sayin'?
267
00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:32,487
Ah, who's your daddy now
268
00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:34,865
Come on. Mmm.
269
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:36,867
- Ah
- Shut up!
270
00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:40,704
It's your birthday
It's your birthday
271
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:45,250
Go, Sheila, it's your birthday
Go, Sheila, it's your birthday
272
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:48,545
All right.
Bring on the free hootch.
273
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:52,216
Free? I didn't invite your tired ass.
So, where's your better half?
274
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:55,385
Takin' a piss. The guy's got
a bladder like an infant.
275
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:58,263
That's funny. He says
you're hung like an infant.
276
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,058
Does his mother
tell him everything?
277
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,852
- Hey!
- What'd you do, fall in love?
278
00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:05,938
- Where is she?
- Over there.
279
00:19:06,063 --> 00:19:11,109
Look at her in her net shirt. Been
dancin' for an hour. Hasn't stopped yet.
280
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:14,154
She ain't no Deney Terrio,
I'll say that.
281
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:18,200
Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday,
call my mother. All right?
282
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:21,912
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's somethin' you should know.
283
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,665
- She got a boyfriend?
- Well, no.
284
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:29,044
Then what's to know, my friend?
What's to know?
285
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:41,265
Hey, lady! You fucked up
my cabbage patch!
286
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:45,853
Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman
himself, or should I call you Chronic?
287
00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:50,065
Call me flattered. I heard you sent me
the invite to this little soiree.
288
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:53,819
From a former hometown girl
to Mr. Hometown himself.
289
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:56,530
- You're saying you're from the 'burbs?
- Middletown, New Jersey
290
00:19:56,572 --> 00:19:59,908
- Get outta here! I'm from Highlands!
- I know. Hooper told me.
291
00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:01,910
How is it that we never
ran into one another?
292
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,912
- Did you graduate from Hudson?
- Yeah, '88.
293
00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:07,040
- I went to North.
- What a small fuckin' world.
294
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,418
- So you know the tri-town area?
- Quiz me.
295
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,461
- Miller Hill?
- I wrote my name on the wall.
296
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:14,214
- Sandy Hook?
- Lost my virginity there.
297
00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:17,593
- This is so cool. The mall?
- Eton preppy or Menlo Park?
298
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:20,929
Oh, no. Here's the big test.
Quick Stop?
299
00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:23,932
My best friend fucked
a dead guy in the bathroom.
300
00:20:23,974 --> 00:20:27,060
- You know that girl?
- I did, before she was committed.
301
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:33,108
There's a lot of chicks
in this place.
302
00:20:33,192 --> 00:20:37,237
Chicks? You're such a man.
303
00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:40,282
You know what this is?
This is fate.
304
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:44,536
No, this is "The Rog. "
305
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,164
I'm talking about us meeting.
What are the chances?
306
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:50,959
Pretty slim. I haven't been back
to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral.
307
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:53,921
- The Quick Stop girl died?
- Uh-uh. Another girl.
308
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:56,548
- Julie Dwyer. She died in the-
- The YMCA pool! Damn!
309
00:20:56,632 --> 00:20:58,884
- You knew her too?
- So well.
310
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:02,346
Wow! One friend in the asylum,
the other friend in the grave.
311
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:05,349
- You're a dangerous person to know.
- Ah, but I can tap.
312
00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:10,354
- That's the Buffalo two-step.
- Yeah, well, it's very solid.
313
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:13,315
That's what six years
of tap lessons yields.
314
00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:16,693
Two towns away from each other
for years, we had to meet in New York.
315
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:20,280
Could have been worse.
Could have not met at all.
316
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:28,789
Okay, we're back.
317
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,958
Thank you. Thank you.
318
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:34,044
So, a long time ago, we used
to have this bass player,
319
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,464
who took off one day to draw
funny books or something.
320
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:40,634
Maybe you've heard of her stuff?
Idiosyncratic Routine?
321
00:21:44,096 --> 00:21:46,348
But what a lot of people
don't know...
322
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:49,351
is that she used to harbor
these delusions that she could sing,
323
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:53,480
and she used to subject us to throaty
renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes.
324
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:59,444
So, she's here tonight,
and I think if we all beg her...
325
00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:02,197
or maybe offer her
some "X,"
326
00:22:02,239 --> 00:22:04,825
she'll come up here and treat us
to some of her vocal stylings.
327
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:06,827
What do ya say, Alyssa?
328
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:09,872
Yeah!
329
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:13,542
Oh, she's shy!
330
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:16,503
Get up here and sing, bitch!
331
00:22:16,587 --> 00:22:20,382
All right!
Go. Go up there.
332
00:22:20,424 --> 00:22:22,384
Whoo!
333
00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:26,722
Whoo! Yea!
334
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:31,351
What am I doing here?
This is so fucking gay.
335
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:38,942
She is such a cunt.
336
00:22:38,984 --> 00:22:42,946
You guys know the one
I wanna do, right?
337
00:22:42,988 --> 00:22:46,116
All right. I should
dedicate this, right?
338
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:52,206
This is for that
someone special out there.
339
00:22:52,289 --> 00:22:54,708
Ready?
340
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:59,421
I'm feelin' awful
341
00:22:59,463 --> 00:23:02,841
But all alone
342
00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:07,429
Just missin' someone
343
00:23:07,471 --> 00:23:11,225
I don't even know
344
00:23:11,308 --> 00:23:14,937
But until I find him
345
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:18,899
I'll wait patiently
346
00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:23,737
Just feelin' nothin'
347
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:26,615
Inside of me
348
00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:30,577
And where are you, baby
349
00:23:30,661 --> 00:23:33,580
Where can you be
350
00:23:33,664 --> 00:23:38,377
Why aren't you here
351
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:41,463
Lovin' me
352
00:23:41,547 --> 00:23:45,259
'Cause I want to kiss you
353
00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:49,346
And make you feel right
354
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:52,975
I want to lay with you
355
00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:56,311
All through the night
356
00:23:56,353 --> 00:24:00,148
And I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain
357
00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:03,777
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name
358
00:24:03,861 --> 00:24:07,322
Come make me laugh
or come make me cry
359
00:24:07,406 --> 00:24:14,329
Just make me feel alive
360
00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:18,083
And so I'll wait
361
00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:21,712
For that glorious day
362
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:24,965
When the one I dream of
363
00:24:25,048 --> 00:24:29,511
Comes my way
364
00:24:29,595 --> 00:24:33,098
And when our lips touch
365
00:24:33,182 --> 00:24:36,935
So tenderly
366
00:24:37,019 --> 00:24:41,273
I know I'll feel
somethin'
367
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:47,112
Inside of me
368
00:24:47,196 --> 00:24:51,450
I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain
369
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:55,037
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name
370
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,499
Come make me laugh
or come make me cry
371
00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:02,794
Just make me feel
372
00:25:02,878 --> 00:25:06,173
Alive
373
00:25:08,884 --> 00:25:11,887
Yeah! Whoo!
374
00:25:15,224 --> 00:25:18,185
Whoo!
375
00:26:03,647 --> 00:26:05,566
Hot!
376
00:26:09,695 --> 00:26:14,491
Now, that, my friend,
is a shared moment.
377
00:26:30,591 --> 00:26:32,342
- What?
- It's rude.
378
00:26:32,426 --> 00:26:36,096
When are we gonna get a chance to see
this shit live without payin' for it?
379
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:42,603
- Sorry. It's just new to him.
- Oh, and you're an old hand at this?
380
00:26:42,686 --> 00:26:47,733
No, no, I should apologize. I don't
normally get all mushy in public,
381
00:26:47,816 --> 00:26:50,861
but it's been a while
since I've seen Kim here.
382
00:26:50,944 --> 00:26:53,280
You know what?
I wanna dance.
383
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:55,699
Go ahead.
I'll watch from here.
384
00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:58,410
No!
I wanna dance with you!
385
00:26:58,494 --> 00:27:02,956
Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and
work up the desire to fuck you later.
386
00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:07,461
Please!
387
00:27:12,382 --> 00:27:13,300
Yes?
388
00:27:13,383 --> 00:27:15,719
You said "fuck. "
She said "fuck. "
389
00:27:15,802 --> 00:27:18,096
You said "fuck" to that girl.
You said that you'd fuck her.
390
00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:20,933
- And?
- How can a girl fuck another girl?
391
00:27:20,974 --> 00:27:22,935
Were you talking about
strap-ons or something?
392
00:27:22,976 --> 00:27:24,937
- Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up?
- What?
393
00:27:24,978 --> 00:27:26,396
It's okay.
394
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,274
I don't know how many times
I can apologize for him.
395
00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:32,903
No, Banky, I've never
used a strap-on.
396
00:27:32,986 --> 00:27:34,905
Then what's with
saying "fuck"?
397
00:27:34,988 --> 00:27:39,618
Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or
modify the term "fuck" with "fist"?
398
00:27:39,660 --> 00:27:43,831
Let me ask you a question.
Can men fuck each other?
399
00:27:43,914 --> 00:27:47,918
- You asking for my permission?
- In your estimation.
400
00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:50,003
Sure.
401
00:27:50,087 --> 00:27:53,549
So, for you,
to fuck is to penetrate.
402
00:27:53,632 --> 00:27:56,510
You're used to the more
traditional definition.
403
00:27:56,593 --> 00:28:00,305
You, inside some girl you've
duped, jackhammerin' away,
404
00:28:00,347 --> 00:28:02,349
not noticing that
bored look in her eyes.
405
00:28:02,391 --> 00:28:06,979
Hey, I always notice that bored look
in their eyes, all right?
406
00:28:07,062 --> 00:28:10,524
Fucking is not limited
to penetration, Banky.
407
00:28:10,607 --> 00:28:15,028
For me, it describes any sex
when it's not totally about love.
408
00:28:15,112 --> 00:28:18,031
I don't love Kim,
but I'll fuck her.
409
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:20,033
I'm sure you don't love
every girl you sleep with.
410
00:28:20,075 --> 00:28:22,161
Some of them
I downright loathe.
411
00:28:22,244 --> 00:28:25,664
Aha, but I'll bet it's different
with the ones you do love.
412
00:28:25,706 --> 00:28:27,666
Like, you'll go down
on 'em longer.
413
00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:29,334
- Here we go.
- I don't do that.
414
00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:32,588
- What?
- I stopped. It got to be frustrating.
415
00:28:32,671 --> 00:28:36,300
As stupid as you usually come off
during this little diatribe of yours,
416
00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:38,468
you're gonna come off ten times
as stupid on this occasion.
417
00:28:38,552 --> 00:28:41,513
I lost my tolerance for the baggage
that comes with eating girls out.
418
00:28:41,555 --> 00:28:43,515
What's the big deal?
419
00:28:43,557 --> 00:28:46,351
If you say the smell,
so help me, I will slug you.
420
00:28:46,393 --> 00:28:48,437
Not the smell.
The smell is good.
421
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,190
I'm talkin' about not being
able to do it properly.
422
00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,192
My mother
brought me up to believe...
423
00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:55,986
if I can't do something right,
I shouldn't do it at all.
424
00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:59,573
Of course, my father told me she gave
lousy head, but that's beside the point.
425
00:28:59,656 --> 00:29:03,076
Well, at least you blame yourself
for your sexual inadequacies.
426
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,370
No. I blame them.
427
00:29:05,454 --> 00:29:10,209
Chicks never help you out.
They never tell you what to do, right?
428
00:29:10,250 --> 00:29:13,879
And most of them are all self-conscious
about the smell factor.
429
00:29:13,962 --> 00:29:18,425
And, so, most of the time, they just lay
there frozen like a deer in headlights.
430
00:29:18,509 --> 00:29:21,136
I mean, not for nothin',
but when a chick goes down on me,
431
00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:24,306
I let her know where to go
and what the status is.
432
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:28,393
You gotta handle it like
CNN and the Weather Channel.
433
00:29:28,477 --> 00:29:30,604
Constant updates.
434
00:29:30,687 --> 00:29:32,856
You are such an idiot.
435
00:29:32,940 --> 00:29:36,401
No, no, he's got a point.
I mean, that's how I was in high school.
436
00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:40,072
You know, all nervous and
inhibited about being eaten out.
437
00:29:40,155 --> 00:29:43,617
But by the time I got
to college, that all changed.
438
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:45,786
I've loosened up.
439
00:29:45,869 --> 00:29:48,413
I was like one of those guys at
the airport with those big flashlights,
440
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:52,417
wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em
that way, tellin' 'em when to stop.
441
00:29:52,459 --> 00:29:55,921
And that's all I'm sayin'. It would
be different if chicks helped out.
442
00:29:56,004 --> 00:29:58,465
You know, pointed a guy
in the right direction.
443
00:29:58,507 --> 00:30:03,971
There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time
and no chance for permanent injuries.
444
00:30:04,012 --> 00:30:05,973
Permanent injuries?
445
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:09,601
Sure. You wanna see
somethin' permanent?
446
00:30:09,685 --> 00:30:11,812
- See that?
- Uh-huh.
447
00:30:11,895 --> 00:30:14,648
I got that from Nina Rollins,
sophomore year.
448
00:30:14,731 --> 00:30:16,650
I'm goin' down on her,
right?
449
00:30:16,733 --> 00:30:18,986
Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her.
450
00:30:19,027 --> 00:30:24,449
She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks
my tooth and sends it down my throat.
451
00:30:24,491 --> 00:30:27,494
I had to get a crown
for the stub.
452
00:30:28,829 --> 00:30:31,957
I got that beat.
I got that beat.
453
00:30:31,999 --> 00:30:36,879
Junior year, I'm goin' down
on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room.
454
00:30:36,962 --> 00:30:42,176
I'm totally drunk, and in the middle
of it, I fall asleep right in her lap.
455
00:30:42,217 --> 00:30:44,178
She got so mad,
she digs her heel into my back.
456
00:30:44,219 --> 00:30:48,515
- Ow!
- Right there. That's permanent.
457
00:30:48,599 --> 00:30:52,311
All right. All right.
See this?
458
00:30:54,354 --> 00:30:56,857
That's the farthest I can
move my neck to the right.
459
00:30:56,899 --> 00:31:01,028
Again, sophomore year,
I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining.
460
00:31:01,111 --> 00:31:04,907
And for six months, I'm goin' down
on her. Not a damn thing's happening.
461
00:31:04,990 --> 00:31:08,702
So, one night, I change a position
or vary my lapping speed,
462
00:31:08,744 --> 00:31:12,956
and suddenly it's
a whole new world.
463
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,001
She's movin' around,
convulsing, breathing heavy,
464
00:31:16,043 --> 00:31:18,712
and her legs are pressed up
against my ears so tightly...
465
00:31:18,754 --> 00:31:22,674
that I don't hear her father
come into the room.
466
00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:25,844
He grabs my hair and
pulls me way back, hard.
467
00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:33,727
Senior year,
spring formal.
468
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:36,730
I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt
in her brother's car.
469
00:31:36,813 --> 00:31:41,276
She's layin' across the backseat. I'm
half hangin' out, knees on the ground.
470
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:46,240
She's flailin' around, and she-
she knocks the parking brake off.
471
00:31:46,281 --> 00:31:50,702
The car starts
rolling down the hill.
472
00:31:50,786 --> 00:31:53,914
And my left knee
is cut up to shit...
473
00:31:53,997 --> 00:31:59,586
like a kiddy's scissors class
cut it up for paper dolls!
474
00:32:14,810 --> 00:32:16,770
Whoa! Hey!
Look at the time.
475
00:32:16,854 --> 00:32:18,772
We gotta- We gotta
beat that traffic, huh?
476
00:32:18,856 --> 00:32:21,108
What traffic?
It's 1:30 in the morning.
477
00:32:21,149 --> 00:32:24,695
And rush hour
starts in six hours. Let's go.
478
00:32:24,778 --> 00:32:29,074
Uh, thanks for inviting us out.
It was educational.
479
00:32:29,158 --> 00:32:31,076
Come on.
480
00:32:36,248 --> 00:32:38,167
Since you like
chicks, right,
481
00:32:38,250 --> 00:32:40,919
you just look at yourself naked
in the mirror all the time?
482
00:32:50,179 --> 00:32:52,139
Look, here's the deal.
483
00:32:52,181 --> 00:32:54,600
When we get in there, don't be a
complete Potzer, like last night.
484
00:32:54,683 --> 00:32:56,643
This is business now, okay?
485
00:32:56,685 --> 00:33:01,023
Oh, why are you in such a bad mood?
Still dwelling on that dyke?
486
00:33:01,106 --> 00:33:03,233
- Hey, knock it off, will you?
- What'd I tell you?
487
00:33:03,317 --> 00:33:05,819
She just needs
the right guy.
488
00:33:05,903 --> 00:33:10,741
All every woman really wants
is some serious deep-dicking.
489
00:33:10,824 --> 00:33:14,328
Sorry.
490
00:33:15,913 --> 00:33:18,874
See, that's why
I can't buy lesbians.
491
00:33:18,916 --> 00:33:21,126
Everyone needs dick.
492
00:33:21,210 --> 00:33:23,837
See, I can buy fags,
a bunch of guys that need dick.
493
00:33:23,879 --> 00:33:26,757
You know, just plain need it.
That I get.
494
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,677
Dykes?
Bullshit posturing.
495
00:33:30,719 --> 00:33:33,096
But, live and let live,
I guess.
496
00:33:33,180 --> 00:33:36,016
I'm sure the gay community
appreciates your support.
497
00:33:36,058 --> 00:33:40,020
We'd like to start off by saying that it
is a real pleasure to finally meet you.
498
00:33:40,062 --> 00:33:42,356
Absolute pleasure.
499
00:33:42,397 --> 00:33:45,275
One of the reasons we started this whole
thing was to finally meet the guys...
500
00:33:45,359 --> 00:33:47,694
that do Bluntman & Chronic.
501
00:33:47,778 --> 00:33:49,738
- Snootchie bootchies!
- Huh?
502
00:33:49,780 --> 00:33:53,158
Which now brings us
to our proposal.
503
00:33:53,242 --> 00:33:55,911
Look, fellas, the days
of Butt-Head are over.
504
00:33:55,994 --> 00:34:00,666
We're interested in doing 12 half-hour
Bluntman & Chronic cartoons.
505
00:34:00,749 --> 00:34:03,293
What do you say?
506
00:34:03,418 --> 00:34:05,879
Are we in business?
507
00:34:09,466 --> 00:34:11,593
The boy wonder.
508
00:34:11,677 --> 00:34:16,390
Batman and Robin, the dynamic
duo against crime and corruption.
509
00:34:16,473 --> 00:34:19,393
Yeah, hi. Somebody told me
they make comic books here,
510
00:34:19,434 --> 00:34:23,063
which is so weird, because I have
this great idea for a story.
511
00:34:23,146 --> 00:34:26,358
It's about a guy who comes
to this club and-
512
00:34:26,441 --> 00:34:28,527
hightails it
when he finds out-
513
00:34:28,610 --> 00:34:30,195
Ready for this?
514
00:34:32,447 --> 00:34:35,242
This girl is gay.
515
00:34:37,369 --> 00:34:41,415
Any interest
in a story like that?
516
00:34:41,498 --> 00:34:43,625
- An animated series?
- Twelve episodes.
517
00:34:43,709 --> 00:34:47,087
- Well, that's great, isn't it?
- Banky seems to think so.
518
00:34:47,171 --> 00:34:49,715
- But you don't.
- Well, I-
519
00:34:49,798 --> 00:34:52,759
I don't know if that's the perception
I want people to have of our work.
520
00:34:52,843 --> 00:34:54,928
I know this sounds pretentious
as hell, but...
521
00:34:55,012 --> 00:34:57,139
I'd like to think of us
as artists, you know?
522
00:34:57,222 --> 00:35:00,267
I'd like to get back to doing something
more personal, like our first book.
523
00:35:00,309 --> 00:35:03,770
Well, when are you
gonna do that?
524
00:35:03,812 --> 00:35:07,232
When we have something
personal to say.
525
00:35:07,316 --> 00:35:09,776
I weirded you out
the other night.
526
00:35:09,860 --> 00:35:12,613
Uh, no, not really.
527
00:35:12,696 --> 00:35:15,699
- Oh, come on!
- Well, it's just-
528
00:35:15,782 --> 00:35:17,993
I'd never seen that kind of thing
up close and personal before.
529
00:35:18,076 --> 00:35:20,037
It just took a while
to process.
530
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,122
You wanna talk about it?
531
00:35:22,206 --> 00:35:24,291
If you want to.
532
00:35:24,374 --> 00:35:27,169
I like you, Holden.
533
00:35:27,252 --> 00:35:29,546
I haven't liked a man
in a long time.
534
00:35:29,630 --> 00:35:34,301
And it's not because I'm a man-hater
or something like that.
535
00:35:34,343 --> 00:35:37,971
It's just been some time since I've
been exposed to a man that didn't...
536
00:35:38,055 --> 00:35:41,600
immediately live into
a stereotype of some sort.
537
00:35:41,683 --> 00:35:44,311
And I want you to feel
comfortable with me,
538
00:35:44,353 --> 00:35:47,356
because I'd really like us
to be friends.
539
00:35:47,439 --> 00:35:50,859
So if there's anything you
wanna know, it's okay to ask me.
540
00:35:50,901 --> 00:35:54,154
- Okay.
- Okay.
541
00:35:54,196 --> 00:35:57,491
Okay. Why girls?
542
00:35:59,201 --> 00:36:02,412
- Why men?
- Well, because that's the standard.
543
00:36:02,496 --> 00:36:05,499
If that's the only reason
you're attracted to women-
544
00:36:05,582 --> 00:36:07,668
No, it's more than that.
545
00:36:07,709 --> 00:36:09,837
So you've never been
curious about men?
546
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:14,383
Curious? Well, I always wondered
why my father watched Hee Haw, but-
547
00:36:14,424 --> 00:36:16,677
- You know what I mean.
- No.
548
00:36:16,718 --> 00:36:18,679
- Why not?
- No interest.
549
00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:21,515
- Because?
- Girls feel right.
550
00:36:21,557 --> 00:36:25,894
Well, that's how I feel. You know,
I've never really been attracted to men.
551
00:36:25,936 --> 00:36:29,523
- Well, so, you're still a virgin then?
- No.
552
00:36:29,565 --> 00:36:31,525
But you've only
been with girls.
553
00:36:31,567 --> 00:36:33,527
So you're saying
a person is a virgin...
554
00:36:33,569 --> 00:36:36,572
until they've had intercourse
with a member of the opposite sex.
555
00:36:36,613 --> 00:36:38,949
Isn't that
the standard definition?
556
00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:41,160
Again with your standards.
557
00:36:41,243 --> 00:36:44,621
I think virginity is lost
when you make love for the first time.
558
00:36:44,705 --> 00:36:47,499
- With a member of the opposite sex.
- Why? Why only then?
559
00:36:47,583 --> 00:36:50,502
Because that's the standard.
What do you want me to tell ya?
560
00:36:50,586 --> 00:36:54,840
So if a virgin is raped,
then she's still a virgin?
561
00:36:54,923 --> 00:36:57,384
- No, of course not.
- But rape is not the standard.
562
00:36:57,467 --> 00:37:00,762
So she's had sex, but not
the standard idea of sex.
563
00:37:00,804 --> 00:37:03,640
Hence, according to your definition,
she'd still be a virgin.
564
00:37:03,724 --> 00:37:06,518
- Okay, fine, I'll revise.
- Uh-huh.
565
00:37:06,602 --> 00:37:09,688
Virginity is
lost when the hymen is broken.
566
00:37:09,771 --> 00:37:12,983
- Then I lost my virginity at ten.
- Really?
567
00:37:13,066 --> 00:37:16,653
'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post
when I was ten, and it broke my hymen.
568
00:37:16,737 --> 00:37:19,781
Okay. Second revision.
569
00:37:19,865 --> 00:37:22,493
Virginity is lost
through penetration.
570
00:37:22,576 --> 00:37:24,953
Physical penetration
or emotional.
571
00:37:24,995 --> 00:37:26,955
- Emotional penetration?
- Mmm.
572
00:37:26,997 --> 00:37:30,083
I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree
when we were in high school.
573
00:37:30,167 --> 00:37:31,251
Physical penetration.
574
00:37:31,335 --> 00:37:34,004
- We had sex.
- Yeah, but not real sex.
575
00:37:36,006 --> 00:37:39,092
I move to have that remark
stricken from the record,
576
00:37:39,176 --> 00:37:43,263
on account of it makes you come off
as completely naive and infantile.
577
00:37:43,347 --> 00:37:46,558
Well, where's the penetration
in lesbian sex? I-
578
00:37:46,642 --> 00:37:51,188
A finger? I've had my finger up my
ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.
579
00:37:53,273 --> 00:37:55,192
Observe.
580
00:37:58,278 --> 00:38:03,033
You're kidding me!
How?
581
00:38:03,116 --> 00:38:05,786
Our bodies are built to pass
a child, for Christ's sake.
582
00:38:05,869 --> 00:38:08,372
Yeah, but I mean- Jesus!
Doesn't that hurt?
583
00:38:08,455 --> 00:38:11,750
- Sure, but in that good way.
- Oh.
584
00:38:11,834 --> 00:38:15,879
And it's only a once-in-a-while thing
reserved for really special occasions.
585
00:38:15,963 --> 00:38:20,050
- How about not-so-special occasions?
- Tongue only.
586
00:38:20,133 --> 00:38:23,387
Well, but see- Come on.
That's what I'm sayin'.
587
00:38:23,470 --> 00:38:26,723
It's like, how can that be enough?
How big can a tongue really get?
588
00:38:30,727 --> 00:38:32,646
My God.
589
00:38:32,729 --> 00:38:37,484
Let's go.
590
00:38:39,903 --> 00:38:42,197
Come on. Come on.
591
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,741
You're really gonna have
to give me a minute, I think.
592
00:38:44,867 --> 00:38:47,703
Would you stop futzing with
your fuckin' bag? We're late already.
593
00:38:47,744 --> 00:38:49,913
- I have to get something.
- Look, man, we miss this train,
594
00:38:49,997 --> 00:38:53,542
I'm gonna shitcan you
and just hire Charles Schulz.
595
00:38:53,625 --> 00:38:56,920
Oh, my God. Who are you?
Larry Fucking Flynt?
596
00:38:57,004 --> 00:38:59,631
- What are you gonna do with all those?
- Read the articles.
597
00:38:59,715 --> 00:39:03,552
What do you think I'm gonna do
with 'em? They're stroke books, stupid.
598
00:39:03,635 --> 00:39:06,638
You got, like, 30 books in there.
We're only gonna be gone for two days.
599
00:39:06,722 --> 00:39:09,558
Variety is the spice of life.
I like a wide selection.
600
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,894
Sometimes I'm in the mood
for nasty close-ups.
601
00:39:11,935 --> 00:39:14,229
Sometimes I like 'em
arty and airbrushed.
602
00:39:14,313 --> 00:39:16,565
Sometimes it's a spread
brown-eye kind of night.
603
00:39:16,648 --> 00:39:19,067
Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time.
604
00:39:19,109 --> 00:39:21,069
Sometimes
a steamy letter will do.
605
00:39:21,111 --> 00:39:24,072
Sometimes, not often,
but sometimes...
606
00:39:24,114 --> 00:39:28,410
I like the idea
of a chick with a horse.
607
00:39:28,452 --> 00:39:30,954
Go get our tickets.
I gotta call Alyssa.
608
00:39:31,038 --> 00:39:33,790
- His master's voice.
- Put that stuff away!
609
00:39:43,133 --> 00:39:45,052
Hi.
610
00:40:02,319 --> 00:40:06,740
One minute, five seconds.
Ah, you are such my bitch.
611
00:40:06,824 --> 00:40:08,742
What's up?
I'm about to get on a train.
612
00:40:08,826 --> 00:40:11,995
- Oh! Why?
- Last-minute invite to the Boston Con.
613
00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:15,916
- Shit.
- What?
614
00:40:15,999 --> 00:40:18,627
Well, my sister's at my parents',
and I was gonna go see her.
615
00:40:18,710 --> 00:40:20,671
- The one that wrote the book?
- Yeah.
616
00:40:20,712 --> 00:40:25,300
But I was stayin' all weekend. I
wanted to hang out with you. This sucks.
617
00:40:25,342 --> 00:40:29,596
You know, um, both of us
don't have to go.
618
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,640
- Really?
- Yeah. Banky can do this by himself.
619
00:40:31,682 --> 00:40:34,893
I mean, you know, it's not like we're on
a panel. It's just a signing appearance.
620
00:40:34,977 --> 00:40:37,729
If you come pick me up,
I'll be your best friend.
621
00:40:37,813 --> 00:40:40,023
Where's your apartment?
622
00:40:40,107 --> 00:40:44,027
And then Black Beauty
couldn't take it any longer,
623
00:40:44,111 --> 00:40:49,575
and he finally did
some of his own mounting.
624
00:40:49,658 --> 00:40:51,618
What are you doing?
625
00:40:51,702 --> 00:40:53,829
I think I want kids of my own
one day. They're fun.
626
00:40:53,912 --> 00:40:57,291
Listen to me. I'm not going. You're
gonna have to do this one by yourself.
627
00:40:57,374 --> 00:40:59,334
- What? Why?
- Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend.
628
00:40:59,418 --> 00:41:01,879
I'm gonna hang out with her.
You don't need me for this.
629
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,923
Look, I'll take the bags.
You can, uh, keep the filth.
630
00:41:05,007 --> 00:41:06,925
I'll pick you up
at 9:00 Sunday night.
631
00:41:07,009 --> 00:41:09,887
Don't forget to plug the annual,
and don't mention the TV show, okay?
632
00:41:09,928 --> 00:41:12,431
Call me if you get bored.
633
00:41:12,514 --> 00:41:14,474
All aboard!
634
00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:19,354
Explain this again.
635
00:41:19,396 --> 00:41:21,899
How could you have grown up
on the shore and never played skee-ball?
636
00:41:21,940 --> 00:41:23,942
What did you do
with your youth?
637
00:41:24,026 --> 00:41:26,445
Stayed out late,
smoked pot, screwed around.
638
00:41:26,528 --> 00:41:28,614
Not your grade school years,
your high school years.
639
00:41:28,697 --> 00:41:32,201
- This looks complicated.
- Jesus. Potzer, uh-
640
00:41:32,284 --> 00:41:34,912
- The premise is very basic, okay?
- Uh-huh.
641
00:41:34,995 --> 00:41:38,123
You roll the ball up the rampart in an
effort to pop it into the score circle.
642
00:41:38,207 --> 00:41:39,750
The higher the score,
the more prize tickets you get.
643
00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:41,793
Well, what do you do
with the prize tickets?
644
00:41:41,877 --> 00:41:44,296
You trade them in
for prizes,
645
00:41:44,379 --> 00:41:47,466
which are not worth nearly as much
as you've paid to play the game.
646
00:41:47,549 --> 00:41:50,844
- Well, what's the point?
- It's fun.
647
00:41:50,928 --> 00:41:53,764
And you question
my lifestyle.
648
00:41:53,805 --> 00:41:57,017
Observe.
649
00:42:02,689 --> 00:42:04,483
See? It's just that simple.
650
00:42:04,566 --> 00:42:07,194
Well, why not just walk up there
and put it in the 50 every time-
651
00:42:07,277 --> 00:42:11,448
- Well, where's the skill in that?
- Oh, this is a skill.
652
00:42:11,532 --> 00:42:13,867
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
653
00:42:13,909 --> 00:42:15,869
Just toss one.
654
00:42:20,749 --> 00:42:25,504
Uh, I'm sorry there, man.
She's a little new at this.
655
00:42:25,587 --> 00:42:28,048
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
656
00:42:28,090 --> 00:42:30,717
Underhand, okay?
Throw it underhand.
657
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:33,345
And this is where you take
straight chicks on dates.
658
00:42:33,428 --> 00:42:35,347
This place is like Spanish fly.
659
00:42:35,430 --> 00:42:37,766
This will probably be the first time
I don't score afterward.
660
00:42:37,850 --> 00:42:40,769
I don't know. I'm starting to get
a tingle in my bottom.
661
00:42:44,106 --> 00:42:45,941
- Ten.
- Very nice.
662
00:42:46,024 --> 00:42:47,943
- So, what'd you do last night?
- Got laid.
663
00:42:52,364 --> 00:42:55,742
Some more of that, uh, skill
you were tellin' me about?
664
00:42:55,784 --> 00:42:59,413
I never will regret this
665
00:42:59,454 --> 00:43:01,999
I never will, never will
Never will regret this
666
00:43:02,082 --> 00:43:04,001
Never will regret this
667
00:43:04,084 --> 00:43:08,589
I never will, never will
Never will regret this
668
00:43:17,264 --> 00:43:21,643
Well, give us today
and I'm not scared to say
669
00:43:21,685 --> 00:43:24,563
I'm afraid
670
00:43:24,646 --> 00:43:27,274
Yes, I have
a couple of hesitations
671
00:43:27,357 --> 00:43:29,651
And I'll open the door
672
00:43:29,735 --> 00:43:34,072
And I wonder
if she might come in
673
00:43:34,156 --> 00:43:39,453
And do you really need
an invitation now
674
00:43:39,495 --> 00:43:43,624
'Cause I think I'm feeling
really something today
675
00:43:43,665 --> 00:43:47,920
Yes, I think I feel
a little spark, hey
676
00:43:48,003 --> 00:43:50,964
Are you sure that
control is working, Banky?
677
00:43:51,006 --> 00:43:54,468
I thought you lived
in the city.
678
00:43:54,510 --> 00:43:56,470
It's like the umpteenth time
I've seen ya here.
679
00:43:56,512 --> 00:43:59,848
Isn't that grounds for the little pink
mafia to throw you outta their club?
680
00:43:59,932 --> 00:44:01,808
Hey! That's
the last time.
681
00:44:01,850 --> 00:44:05,646
I think I feel
a little spark, hey
682
00:44:05,687 --> 00:44:09,066
A little jump start
Never will forget this
683
00:44:09,149 --> 00:44:12,069
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
684
00:44:12,152 --> 00:44:14,488
Never will forget this
685
00:44:14,530 --> 00:44:17,282
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
686
00:44:17,366 --> 00:44:19,535
Never will forget this
687
00:44:19,618 --> 00:44:22,329
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
688
00:44:22,412 --> 00:44:24,623
Never will forget this
689
00:44:24,706 --> 00:44:26,959
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
690
00:44:33,006 --> 00:44:36,385
Wow. How bad do you suck?
691
00:44:36,426 --> 00:44:40,472
How was your pseudo date?
692
00:44:40,556 --> 00:44:42,641
- Leave it alone.
- That chick bugs me.
693
00:44:42,724 --> 00:44:46,270
- No, everyone bugs you.
- Get off!
694
00:44:46,353 --> 00:44:49,898
Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that?
695
00:44:49,982 --> 00:44:54,486
Your dyke-courting ass
just got me scored on.
696
00:44:54,570 --> 00:44:57,406
You know, you should
watch that, man.
697
00:44:57,447 --> 00:45:00,242
If you're gonna get so bent
outta shape while playing the game-
698
00:45:00,325 --> 00:45:03,370
so much so that you feel
the need to curse the TV-
699
00:45:03,412 --> 00:45:05,747
try not to gay bash it,
all right?
700
00:45:05,789 --> 00:45:08,000
You're not
that kind of guy.
701
00:45:08,083 --> 00:45:12,880
And don't call her a dyke.
She's a lesbian. Okay?
702
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:22,806
What the fuck
is goin' on here?
703
00:45:22,890 --> 00:45:25,184
- I'm starting a new page?
- Not with this shit! With you!
704
00:45:25,267 --> 00:45:27,227
What the fuck is goin' on
with you and that girl?
705
00:45:27,269 --> 00:45:30,439
- We're just friends!
- She's programming you!
706
00:45:30,522 --> 00:45:32,441
I beg your pardon?
Programming?
707
00:45:32,524 --> 00:45:35,027
Yeah, and apparently you don't
even fuckin' realize it.
708
00:45:35,110 --> 00:45:37,821
What does it matter
if I refer to her as a dyke?
709
00:45:37,905 --> 00:45:41,575
Or if I call the Whalers faggots
in the privacy of my own office...
710
00:45:41,617 --> 00:45:44,495
far from the sensitive ears
of the rest of the world?
711
00:45:44,578 --> 00:45:48,207
Look, man, it's
passive-aggressive gay bashing.
712
00:45:48,290 --> 00:45:50,292
And I know you're not really
prejudiced at heart.
713
00:45:50,375 --> 00:45:56,298
I think you should find some other way
to express your anger is all I'm saying.
714
00:46:08,685 --> 00:46:11,271
What are you doing?
715
00:46:11,355 --> 00:46:17,069
Just bear with me here. I want to
put you through this little exercise.
716
00:46:24,576 --> 00:46:28,664
All right, now, see this?
This is a four-way road, okay?
717
00:46:28,747 --> 00:46:33,252
And dead in the center is a crisp,
new hundred-dollar bill.
718
00:46:33,335 --> 00:46:37,339
Now, at the end of each of these streets
are four people. Okay? You following?
719
00:46:37,422 --> 00:46:39,341
- Yeah.
- Good.
720
00:46:39,424 --> 00:46:42,594
Over here we have a male-affectionate,
easy-to-get-along-with,
721
00:46:42,678 --> 00:46:45,472
nonpolitical-agenda
lesbian.
722
00:46:45,556 --> 00:46:49,476
Down here we have
a man-hating, angry-as-fuck,
723
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:53,021
agenda-of-rage,
bitter dyke.
724
00:46:53,105 --> 00:46:57,943
Over here we got Santa Claus,
and up here, the Easter Bunny.
725
00:46:58,026 --> 00:47:02,614
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill first?
726
00:47:02,698 --> 00:47:04,616
- What is this supposed to prove?
- No, I'm serious.
727
00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:07,703
This is a serious exercise.
It's like an S.A.T. question.
728
00:47:07,786 --> 00:47:10,873
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill first?
729
00:47:10,956 --> 00:47:13,834
The male-friendly lesbian?
The man-hating dyke?
730
00:47:13,917 --> 00:47:15,836
Santa Claus
or the Easter Bunny?
731
00:47:15,919 --> 00:47:18,630
- The man-hating dyke.
- Good.
732
00:47:18,714 --> 00:47:20,632
- Why?
- I don't know.
733
00:47:20,716 --> 00:47:24,636
Because the other three are figments
of your fucking imagination!
734
00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:27,764
I don't need this. I'll be hiding
from your fuckin' shit in my room.
735
00:47:27,848 --> 00:47:30,517
- What?
- What is it about this girl, man?
736
00:47:30,601 --> 00:47:33,353
You know you have no shot
at getting her into bed!
737
00:47:33,437 --> 00:47:35,856
Why do you bother
wasting time with her?
738
00:47:35,939 --> 00:47:38,901
- Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil.
- Right.
739
00:47:38,942 --> 00:47:43,530
Most persistent traveler on the road.
That's not the path of least resistance.
740
00:47:43,614 --> 00:47:46,033
Everything's gotta be
a fuckin' challenge for you.
741
00:47:46,116 --> 00:47:48,452
And this little relationship
with that bitch...
742
00:47:48,535 --> 00:47:51,538
is a prime example
of your fucking condition.
743
00:47:51,622 --> 00:47:53,916
Well, I don't need a magic eight ball
to look into your future.
744
00:47:53,999 --> 00:47:58,795
You want a forecast? Here.
Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa?
745
00:47:58,879 --> 00:48:01,840
Oh, what a shock.
Not fucking likely.
746
00:48:01,924 --> 00:48:05,928
This relationship is affecting you,
our work and our friendship.
747
00:48:06,011 --> 00:48:09,556
The time's gonna come when I throw down
the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her. "
748
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:11,600
- Then what are you gonna say?
- I say you should let this one go!
749
00:48:11,642 --> 00:48:15,521
No. What would you say? Would you
trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship...
750
00:48:15,604 --> 00:48:17,856
because you've got
some idiotic notion...
751
00:48:17,940 --> 00:48:21,360
that this chick would even let you
sniff her panties, let alone fuck her?
752
00:48:21,443 --> 00:48:24,613
Look, fuckin' asshole,
I'm telling you, okay? Let it go!
753
00:48:24,696 --> 00:48:26,657
What the fuck, man?
754
00:48:26,698 --> 00:48:28,700
What the fuck makes this bitch
all that important?
755
00:48:28,784 --> 00:48:31,954
'Cause I'm fuckin' in love
with her, man, okay?
756
00:48:38,293 --> 00:48:40,212
Fuck.
757
00:48:45,801 --> 00:48:50,180
- Well, I thought it was love
- Thought it was love
758
00:48:50,264 --> 00:48:52,432
'Cause my heart-
759
00:48:56,687 --> 00:48:59,439
Wish you were the one being
pursued for the cartoon.
760
00:48:59,523 --> 00:49:01,108
Oh, really?
761
00:49:01,191 --> 00:49:05,320
Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and
pick up a check every once in a while.
762
00:49:05,362 --> 00:49:07,322
We're leaving?
763
00:49:07,364 --> 00:49:10,325
Well, it's not like
this is a bed and breakfast.
764
00:49:10,367 --> 00:49:13,203
I've got a little business
to conduct.
765
00:49:18,834 --> 00:49:23,046
Hello there.
Let me ask you a question.
766
00:49:23,130 --> 00:49:27,551
Are you an authorized deal maker
in this establishment?
767
00:49:27,593 --> 00:49:30,554
Do you have the power
to negotiate?
768
00:49:30,637 --> 00:49:33,557
You wanna haggle over the price
of your French dip?
769
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:38,979
No, I wanna haggle
over the price of fine art.
770
00:49:39,062 --> 00:49:42,149
- What do you mean?
- There. By the kitchen.
771
00:49:42,232 --> 00:49:45,486
See? That painting.
772
00:49:45,569 --> 00:49:49,948
- What about it?
- The price tag says 75.
773
00:49:50,032 --> 00:49:53,202
- So?
- Tell me you're kidding.
774
00:49:53,243 --> 00:49:57,748
I'll give you 50.
775
00:50:01,752 --> 00:50:07,007
Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski
down off the wall, please?
776
00:50:07,174 --> 00:50:09,801
My new Dyksiezski.
777
00:50:09,885 --> 00:50:13,764
- Where are you gonna hang it?
- I'm not. You are.
778
00:50:13,847 --> 00:50:15,766
Oh? You want me
to hang it for you?
779
00:50:15,849 --> 00:50:17,768
You better hope it doesn't
get out to the girl nation...
780
00:50:17,851 --> 00:50:19,770
you needed a man
to help you hang a picture.
781
00:50:19,853 --> 00:50:23,690
No, no, no. You're going
to hang it in your house.
782
00:50:23,732 --> 00:50:27,194
- Yeah, right.
- I'm serious.
783
00:50:31,824 --> 00:50:35,452
- Why?
- Because it's captured the moment.
784
00:50:35,536 --> 00:50:38,372
It'll be a constant reminder,
not just of tonight,
785
00:50:38,413 --> 00:50:43,085
but of our introduction, of the building
of our friendship, everything.
786
00:50:43,168 --> 00:50:47,673
Make no mistake about it, my friend,
it is a gift from me to you,
787
00:50:47,714 --> 00:50:51,009
so you'll always
remember us.
788
00:51:03,730 --> 00:51:05,691
Why are we stopping?
789
00:51:05,732 --> 00:51:08,986
- Because I can't take this.
- Can't take what?
790
00:51:09,069 --> 00:51:11,697
I love you.
791
00:51:18,829 --> 00:51:20,998
You love me?
792
00:51:21,081 --> 00:51:24,835
I love you and not,
not in a friendly way.
793
00:51:24,918 --> 00:51:27,045
Although, I think
we're great friends.
794
00:51:27,129 --> 00:51:30,507
And not in a misplaced
affection, puppy dog way.
795
00:51:30,591 --> 00:51:32,676
Although, I'm sure
that's what you'll call it.
796
00:51:32,759 --> 00:51:36,221
I love you. Very-
797
00:51:36,263 --> 00:51:39,600
Very simple.
Very truly.
798
00:51:39,683 --> 00:51:44,480
You are the epitome of everything I have
ever looked for in another human being.
799
00:51:44,563 --> 00:51:46,565
And I know that you think of me
as just a friend,
800
00:51:46,607 --> 00:51:49,109
and crossing that line is the furthest
thing from an option...
801
00:51:49,151 --> 00:51:51,028
you would ever consider,
802
00:51:51,111 --> 00:51:55,991
but-
I had to say it.
803
00:51:56,074 --> 00:51:58,076
I just-
I can't take this anymore.
804
00:51:58,118 --> 00:52:01,163
I can't stand next to you
without wanting to hold you.
805
00:52:01,246 --> 00:52:03,624
I can't- I can't look into
your eyes without feeling that-
806
00:52:03,665 --> 00:52:06,752
that longing you only read about
in trashy romance novels.
807
00:52:06,793 --> 00:52:12,508
I can't talk to you without wanting to
express my love for everything you are.
808
00:52:12,591 --> 00:52:18,055
And I know this will probably queer
our friendship- no pun intended-
809
00:52:18,138 --> 00:52:23,769
but I had to say it.
810
00:52:23,810 --> 00:52:27,272
'Cause I've never
felt this way before.
811
00:52:27,314 --> 00:52:32,736
And I don't care.
I like who I am because of it.
812
00:52:32,820 --> 00:52:36,198
And if bringing this to light
means we can't hang out anymore,
813
00:52:36,281 --> 00:52:39,451
then that hurts me.
814
00:52:39,493 --> 00:52:41,995
But, God, I just- I couldn't
allow another day to go by...
815
00:52:42,037 --> 00:52:45,958
without just getting it out there,
regardless of the outcome,
816
00:52:45,999 --> 00:52:51,547
which, by the look on your face,
is to be the inevitable...
817
00:52:51,630 --> 00:52:54,341
shoot down.
818
00:52:54,424 --> 00:52:59,680
And, you know,
I'll accept that.
819
00:52:59,763 --> 00:53:03,600
But I know- I know that some part
of you is hesitating for a moment.
820
00:53:03,684 --> 00:53:07,354
And if there's a moment of hesitation,
then that means you feel something too.
821
00:53:07,396 --> 00:53:09,356
And all I ask, please,
is that you just-
822
00:53:09,398 --> 00:53:14,862
you just not dismiss that and try
to dwell in it for just ten seconds.
823
00:53:16,238 --> 00:53:18,157
Ah.
824
00:53:19,449 --> 00:53:21,743
Alyssa.
825
00:53:21,827 --> 00:53:27,332
There isn't another soul
on this fucking planet...
826
00:53:27,416 --> 00:53:31,795
who has ever made me half the person
I am when I'm with you.
827
00:53:31,879 --> 00:53:35,966
And I would risk this friendship for the
chance to take it to the next plateau,
828
00:53:36,049 --> 00:53:38,093
because it is there
between you and me.
829
00:53:38,177 --> 00:53:41,972
You can't deny that.
830
00:53:50,439 --> 00:53:53,567
Even if, you know-
831
00:53:57,112 --> 00:54:01,074
Even if we never talk again
after tonight,
832
00:54:01,158 --> 00:54:05,621
please know that
I am forever changed...
833
00:54:05,704 --> 00:54:10,083
because of who you are
and what you've meant to me,
834
00:54:10,167 --> 00:54:14,254
which, while I do
appreciate it,
835
00:54:14,338 --> 00:54:19,885
I'd never need a painting of birds
bought at a diner to remind me of.
836
00:54:34,733 --> 00:54:37,778
Oh, God.
837
00:54:37,861 --> 00:54:41,323
Was it something I said?
838
00:54:41,365 --> 00:54:44,284
Fuck.
839
00:54:49,206 --> 00:54:51,917
- What are you doing?
- Get in the car and get outta here!
840
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,211
- You're gonna hitch to New York?
- Yep!
841
00:54:54,294 --> 00:54:57,464
- Aren't you at least gonna comment?
- Here's my comment: Fuck you!
842
00:54:57,548 --> 00:54:59,508
- Why?
- That was so unfair.
843
00:54:59,591 --> 00:55:00,968
You know how unfair that was.
844
00:55:01,009 --> 00:55:02,970
What? It's unfair
that I'm in love with you?
845
00:55:03,011 --> 00:55:05,514
No, it's unfortunate
that you're in love with me.
846
00:55:05,556 --> 00:55:09,017
It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need
to unburden your soul about it.
847
00:55:09,059 --> 00:55:12,312
Do you remember for
one fucking second who I am?
848
00:55:12,396 --> 00:55:14,731
So? I mean, you know,
people change.
849
00:55:14,815 --> 00:55:16,733
Oh! Oh!
It's that simple!
850
00:55:16,817 --> 00:55:19,611
You fall in love with me and
want a romantic relationship.
851
00:55:19,695 --> 00:55:21,613
Nothing changes for you...
852
00:55:21,697 --> 00:55:24,158
with the exception of feeling
hunky-dory all the time.
853
00:55:24,241 --> 00:55:28,203
But what about me, Holden?
It's not that simple!
854
00:55:28,245 --> 00:55:30,664
I just can't get into
a relationship with you...
855
00:55:30,706 --> 00:55:33,834
without throwing my whole
fucking world into upheaval.
856
00:55:33,917 --> 00:55:38,172
That's every relationship. There's
always gonna be a period of adjustment.
857
00:55:38,213 --> 00:55:40,799
Period of adjustment?
858
00:55:40,883 --> 00:55:45,179
There's no period of adjustment,
Holden! I am fucking gay!
859
00:55:45,262 --> 00:55:47,306
That's who I am!
860
00:55:47,389 --> 00:55:53,270
You assume I can turn all that around
because you've got a fucking crush?
861
00:55:55,355 --> 00:55:57,274
If this is a crush,
862
00:55:57,357 --> 00:56:01,028
I don't think I could take it
if the real thing ever happened.
863
00:56:01,111 --> 00:56:03,572
Go home, Holden.
864
00:57:28,532 --> 00:57:32,703
You're back with
Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review.
865
00:57:32,786 --> 00:57:36,707
As always behind us we got wacky-
866
00:57:55,392 --> 00:57:58,145
I take it
that's not good.
867
00:57:58,228 --> 00:58:01,732
Stay here.
868
00:58:01,815 --> 00:58:05,402
Be right back.
869
00:58:24,588 --> 00:58:27,716
Catholic schoolgirls.
870
00:58:27,758 --> 00:58:32,846
The uniform's
what does it for me.
871
00:58:32,930 --> 00:58:36,767
I wish I'd went with more
Catholic schoolgirls when I was a kid.
872
00:58:36,808 --> 00:58:42,356
As it stands, I have no "And then she
unzipped her jumper" stories.
873
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:46,735
You seemed
weirded-out back there.
874
00:58:46,777 --> 00:58:51,365
- That's my couch you were fucking on.
- Sorry.
875
00:58:51,448 --> 00:58:54,743
I wanted to watch some TV.
Hard to do when your best friend is...
876
00:58:54,785 --> 00:58:58,914
wrapped around a naked
rug-muncher on your couch.
877
00:58:58,956 --> 00:59:01,500
She had boxers on.
878
00:59:05,045 --> 00:59:09,466
- This is all gonna end badly.
- You don't know that.
879
00:59:09,550 --> 00:59:13,220
I know you. You're way
too conservative for that girl.
880
00:59:13,303 --> 00:59:17,808
She's been around and seen things
we've only read about in books.
881
00:59:17,891 --> 00:59:21,645
We have read about them,
so we're prepared.
882
00:59:21,728 --> 00:59:24,982
There's no "we" here.
883
00:59:26,733 --> 00:59:29,278
You're gonna have to
go through this alone.
884
00:59:29,319 --> 00:59:31,321
It's one thing
to read about shit,
885
00:59:31,363 --> 00:59:35,492
something different when you're forced
to deal with it on a regular basis.
886
00:59:35,576 --> 00:59:39,371
When you are walking in a mall and your
heads turn at a nice-looking chick,
887
00:59:39,454 --> 00:59:42,499
it's gonna eat you up
inside.
888
00:59:42,583 --> 00:59:47,129
You'll spend most of your time wondering
when the other shoe's gonna drop.
889
00:59:47,212 --> 00:59:51,258
'Cause for you this isn't
about cool, weird sex stuff.
890
00:59:51,341 --> 00:59:53,594
It's about love.
891
00:59:53,677 --> 00:59:56,805
Maybe it is
for her as well.
892
00:59:56,847 --> 01:00:00,100
Somehow I doubt it.
893
01:00:00,184 --> 01:00:03,020
Everybody's not out
to get someone in life, Bank.
894
01:00:03,061 --> 01:00:06,940
Everybody has an agenda,
all right? Everyone.
895
01:00:07,024 --> 01:00:08,650
Yourself?
896
01:00:08,692 --> 01:00:11,653
- My agenda is to watch your back.
- To what end?
897
01:00:11,695 --> 01:00:14,656
To insure that all this time we've
spent together, building something,
898
01:00:14,698 --> 01:00:15,824
wasn't wasted.
899
01:00:15,866 --> 01:00:19,953
Oh, she's not gonna
ruin the comic.
900
01:00:22,414 --> 01:00:25,042
I wasn't talkin'
about the comic.
901
01:00:27,044 --> 01:00:29,880
I'm gonna go get a bagel.
902
01:00:29,922 --> 01:00:33,634
Clean off my fucking couch
so I can watch TV.
903
01:00:44,561 --> 01:00:46,730
From what I understand,
when you sign with a publisher...
904
01:00:46,772 --> 01:00:49,566
someone else does all this work for you,
and you just sit back and collect.
905
01:00:49,650 --> 01:00:53,028
And miss these late-night cram sessions
with my nearest and dearest?
906
01:00:53,070 --> 01:00:55,489
- Never.
- I don't know what she's bitching about.
907
01:00:55,572 --> 01:00:58,158
All she's done since
we got here is pound Merlot.
908
01:00:58,242 --> 01:00:59,326
Yeah, you're a real help.
909
01:00:59,409 --> 01:01:02,079
I'd like to know
why we're here at all...
910
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:04,081
when we haven't seen
Princess Funny Book in a month.
911
01:01:04,122 --> 01:01:09,086
- Yeah. Who you shackin' up with?
- "Shacking up with"? Please.
912
01:01:10,796 --> 01:01:13,048
I'm so in love!
913
01:01:13,131 --> 01:01:15,342
Ohh!
914
01:01:15,425 --> 01:01:19,763
I know, I know. I feel like such a goon,
but I can't help it.
915
01:01:19,847 --> 01:01:22,766
- We have such a great time together.
- Who is it?
916
01:01:22,850 --> 01:01:24,768
Someone you guys don't know.
917
01:01:24,852 --> 01:01:26,854
That chick you left
the restaurant with that night.
918
01:01:26,937 --> 01:01:28,856
They're not from around here.
919
01:01:28,939 --> 01:01:30,858
Don't even tell me
you met her down the shore.
920
01:01:30,941 --> 01:01:33,610
Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel
Jersey dyke.
921
01:01:33,652 --> 01:01:36,196
With huge hair and acid-washed jeans.
922
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:40,284
For your information, they don't have
big hair or wear acid-wash.
923
01:01:40,367 --> 01:01:42,369
They're from my hometown.
924
01:01:47,166 --> 01:01:49,293
Why are you playing
the pronoun game?
925
01:01:49,376 --> 01:01:53,130
- What are you talking about? I'm not.
- You are.
926
01:01:53,172 --> 01:01:58,552
I met "someone. " "We" have a great
time. "They're" from my hometown.
927
01:01:58,635 --> 01:02:00,804
Doesn't this tube
of wonderful have a name?
928
01:02:08,020 --> 01:02:10,272
Holden.
929
01:02:24,870 --> 01:02:26,955
Well...
930
01:02:29,791 --> 01:02:31,752
here's to the both of you.
931
01:02:35,422 --> 01:02:37,966
Another one bites the dust.
932
01:02:46,725 --> 01:02:49,144
Can I ask you a question?
933
01:02:49,228 --> 01:02:52,940
Don't even tell me
you want to do it again.
934
01:02:55,234 --> 01:02:59,655
Why me?
You know? Why now?
935
01:02:59,738 --> 01:03:03,200
Well, because you were givin' me
that look and I got all wet.
936
01:03:03,283 --> 01:03:05,494
You know what I mean.
937
01:03:05,577 --> 01:03:08,038
Why not you?
938
01:03:08,121 --> 01:03:13,252
Well, I'm a guy. I mean...
you're attracted to girls.
939
01:03:13,335 --> 01:03:15,879
I see you've been
taking notes.
940
01:03:15,921 --> 01:03:19,132
Historically, yes.
That's true.
941
01:03:19,216 --> 01:03:22,010
Then why this?
942
01:03:26,557 --> 01:03:29,893
Well, I've given that
a lot of thought, you know.
943
01:03:29,935 --> 01:03:32,938
Now that I'm being ostracized
by my friends,
944
01:03:32,980 --> 01:03:34,940
I've had plenty of time
to think about it.
945
01:03:34,982 --> 01:03:38,402
And what I've come up with
is really simple.
946
01:03:39,778 --> 01:03:43,115
I came to this
on my own terms.
947
01:03:43,198 --> 01:03:46,118
You know, I didn't just
heed what I was taught:
948
01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:50,038
Men and women should be
together, it's the natural way,
949
01:03:50,122 --> 01:03:52,040
that kind of thing.
950
01:03:52,124 --> 01:03:56,336
I'm not with you because of
what family, society, life...
951
01:03:56,420 --> 01:03:59,923
tried to instill in me
from day one.
952
01:04:01,925 --> 01:04:04,219
The way the world is,
953
01:04:04,303 --> 01:04:09,308
how seldom it is that you meet
that one person who...
954
01:04:09,391 --> 01:04:11,935
just gets you.
955
01:04:12,019 --> 01:04:14,438
It's so rare.
956
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:17,608
My parents didn't
really have it.
957
01:04:17,649 --> 01:04:23,113
There were no examples set for me in
the world of male-female relationships.
958
01:04:23,197 --> 01:04:27,367
And to cut oneself off
from finding that person-
959
01:04:27,451 --> 01:04:31,788
to immediately halve your options
by eliminating the possibility...
960
01:04:31,830 --> 01:04:35,542
of finding that one person
within your own gender-
961
01:04:35,626 --> 01:04:37,753
that just seemed stupid
to me.
962
01:04:37,836 --> 01:04:40,672
So I didn't.
963
01:04:40,714 --> 01:04:43,967
But then you came along.
964
01:04:44,009 --> 01:04:47,971
You, the one least likely.
I mean, you were a guy.
965
01:04:48,055 --> 01:04:50,516
Still am.
966
01:04:50,557 --> 01:04:55,646
And while I was falling for you
I put a ceiling on that,
967
01:04:55,729 --> 01:04:58,524
because you were a guy.
968
01:04:58,607 --> 01:05:03,445
Until I remembered why I opened the door
to women in the first place:
969
01:05:03,529 --> 01:05:07,825
To not limit the likelihood
of finding that one person who'd...
970
01:05:07,866 --> 01:05:10,244
complement me so completely.
971
01:05:14,540 --> 01:05:17,668
So, here we are.
972
01:05:17,709 --> 01:05:20,087
I was thorough
when I looked for you.
973
01:05:22,172 --> 01:05:25,801
And I feel justified
lying in your arms...
974
01:05:25,884 --> 01:05:29,596
'cause I got here
on my own terms,
975
01:05:29,638 --> 01:05:34,434
and I have no question there was
someplace I didn't look.
976
01:05:34,476 --> 01:05:37,229
For me that makes
all the difference.
977
01:05:53,453 --> 01:05:56,540
Can I at least tell people all you
needed was some serious deep-dicking?
978
01:06:03,422 --> 01:06:06,008
- Move!
- Stop!
979
01:06:18,896 --> 01:06:21,815
- What?
- Check out page 48.
980
01:06:33,994 --> 01:06:36,914
- So?
- Did you see the nickname?
981
01:06:39,333 --> 01:06:42,044
- "Finger Cuffs. "
- And?
982
01:06:42,127 --> 01:06:46,548
- Weird nickname. What's your point?
- Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"?
983
01:06:46,632 --> 01:06:49,885
- No. I suppose you do.
- I do.
984
01:06:52,471 --> 01:06:57,059
Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson
and went to North our senior year?
985
01:06:57,142 --> 01:06:59,061
Yeah.
986
01:06:59,144 --> 01:07:02,314
Well, asshole, I ran into him
at the stores the other day.
987
01:07:02,397 --> 01:07:04,858
God, it's been ages
since I've seen him.
988
01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:08,403
- Mentioned you were dating Alyssa.
- Did you?
989
01:07:08,487 --> 01:07:10,739
Yeah. Funny thing is,
you know what he said?
990
01:07:10,781 --> 01:07:15,577
Shit, I know Alyssa Jones.
I mean, I know Alyssa Jones.
991
01:07:15,619 --> 01:07:19,706
Me and Rick Derris used to hang
around her house after school...
992
01:07:19,790 --> 01:07:22,417
and shit, 'cause her parents were,
like, never home and shit, right?
993
01:07:22,501 --> 01:07:25,254
But one day Rick whips it out and
starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit,
994
01:07:25,295 --> 01:07:27,464
chasin' her around the living room;
I was dyin'.
995
01:07:27,548 --> 01:07:30,259
You know what the crazy bitch did?
She fuckin' drops to her knees...
996
01:07:30,300 --> 01:07:33,178
and starts suckin' him off right in
front of me, like I wasn't even there.
997
01:07:33,262 --> 01:07:35,556
I almost died.
But that's not the fucked-up part.
998
01:07:35,639 --> 01:07:39,560
The fucked-up part was Rick, right
in the middle of it, pointin' at her,
999
01:07:39,643 --> 01:07:41,979
and he says "Cohee,"
just like that, "Cohee. "
1000
01:07:42,062 --> 01:07:43,981
So I'm like, "Yo,
I'll give it a shot. "
1001
01:07:44,064 --> 01:07:46,859
I start pullin' her pants down and shit,
all slow 'cause I figure any second...
1002
01:07:46,942 --> 01:07:49,069
she's gonna turn around
and belt me in the mouth, right?
1003
01:07:49,153 --> 01:07:52,614
But she's all into it, man!
She don't try to stop me or nothin'!
1004
01:07:52,698 --> 01:07:55,534
She's all wet and I just start goin'
to work, you know what I'm sayin'?
1005
01:07:55,617 --> 01:07:58,453
Me and Rick are goin' to town on
this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it,
1006
01:07:58,495 --> 01:08:00,455
all moaning and shit.
1007
01:08:00,497 --> 01:08:02,374
It was fucked-up. So Rick
came up with the nickname.
1008
01:08:02,457 --> 01:08:07,045
That day she had us locked in from
both sides like Chinese finger cuffs.
1009
01:08:07,129 --> 01:08:08,380
He's full of shit.
1010
01:08:08,463 --> 01:08:11,383
Cohee's a lot of things,
but an exaggerator he's not.
1011
01:08:11,466 --> 01:08:13,510
- The dude's Catholic.
- She's never even been with a guy.
1012
01:08:13,594 --> 01:08:16,805
That's what she says.
But I say her on her hands and knees...
1013
01:08:16,847 --> 01:08:20,142
getting filled out like an application
constitutes "being with a guy. "
1014
01:08:20,184 --> 01:08:23,187
Look, man. Cohee Lundin is
pulling your chain, okay?
1015
01:08:23,270 --> 01:08:26,356
The fact you even believe him makes you
look like a complete fuckin' idiot.
1016
01:08:26,440 --> 01:08:28,692
I'm getting your back,
asshole!
1017
01:08:28,775 --> 01:08:31,361
People don't forget shit
like "Finger Cuffs. "
1018
01:08:31,445 --> 01:08:34,990
What if it got out that she's queer as
well? How's that gonna make you look?
1019
01:08:35,073 --> 01:08:38,410
- Well, I give a shit what people think.
- Fuck!
1020
01:08:38,494 --> 01:08:41,622
All right.
What if she's carrying a disease?
1021
01:08:41,705 --> 01:08:43,665
- Fuck you!
- What?
1022
01:08:43,707 --> 01:08:46,877
Oh, it's not possible
that she's all crudded-up?
1023
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:50,464
Cohee I can vouch for is clean.
The dude never got laid in high school.
1024
01:08:50,547 --> 01:08:53,383
But Derris?
He's an arch-fucking-bushman!
1025
01:08:53,467 --> 01:08:57,179
Name me one chick in our senior class
that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake!
1026
01:08:57,262 --> 01:09:00,516
Let it go, okay? I'm telling you,
she's never even been with a guy,
1027
01:09:00,557 --> 01:09:02,601
much less these two
fuckin' zeroes.
1028
01:09:02,684 --> 01:09:06,313
And the bitch could be a bigger germ
farm than that monkey in Outbreak!
1029
01:09:06,396 --> 01:09:10,317
Would you let it go, okay?
I'm fuckin' tired of this shit!
1030
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:15,364
She's my goddamn girlfriend!
Show a little fuckin' respect!
1031
01:09:15,447 --> 01:09:18,659
And I swear to God, if I ever hear you
so much as fucking mention...
1032
01:09:18,742 --> 01:09:23,747
Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put
your fucking teeth down your throat!
1033
01:09:26,750 --> 01:09:29,586
Maybe I'll put your fuckin'
teeth down your throat.
1034
01:09:29,628 --> 01:09:32,214
Yeah, maybe.
1035
01:09:37,094 --> 01:09:39,805
I've been workin' out,
ya know!
1036
01:09:40,889 --> 01:09:44,017
You better be ready
to make that deal.
1037
01:09:46,270 --> 01:09:49,189
So, where's that bitch partner
of yours been?
1038
01:09:49,273 --> 01:09:50,482
Sulking.
1039
01:09:50,566 --> 01:09:52,568
He's having a real problem
with this Alyssa thing.
1040
01:09:52,651 --> 01:09:56,905
I think it's more like Banky's having a
real problem with all things not hetero,
1041
01:09:56,989 --> 01:09:59,867
and I'm just another paradigm
of said aberration.
1042
01:09:59,950 --> 01:10:05,164
- Banky does not hate gays.
- But he is a bit homophobic.
1043
01:10:05,247 --> 01:10:08,792
This latest episode between you
and Miss Thing has tapped into that.
1044
01:10:08,876 --> 01:10:13,380
In his warped perception, he lost you
to the "dark side," which is she.
1045
01:10:13,463 --> 01:10:15,382
You make it sound like
me and him were dating.
1046
01:10:15,465 --> 01:10:16,800
Don't kid yourself.
1047
01:10:16,842 --> 01:10:19,803
That boy loves you in a way
that he ain't ready to deal with.
1048
01:10:23,807 --> 01:10:29,062
- He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa.
- Uh-uh, honey!
1049
01:10:29,146 --> 01:10:35,027
And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury
uncovered about your lady fair?
1050
01:10:35,110 --> 01:10:37,821
He heard some bullshit
story that she took on two guys.
1051
01:10:37,905 --> 01:10:39,948
Really?
1052
01:10:40,032 --> 01:10:43,994
Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree
if he wants to split you up, isn't he?
1053
01:10:44,077 --> 01:10:46,497
He's not gonna make you see
the error of your ways...
1054
01:10:46,580 --> 01:10:48,665
by pointing out
how truly gay she's not.
1055
01:10:48,749 --> 01:10:51,585
- This one?
- I have it.
1056
01:10:51,668 --> 01:10:56,715
- Actually, it has kinda gotten to me.
- How so?
1057
01:10:56,798 --> 01:10:59,301
Well, Banky's got
a pretty good bullshit detector.
1058
01:10:59,343 --> 01:11:01,678
- He's not known for misinformation.
- So what if it is true?
1059
01:11:01,762 --> 01:11:04,306
- Would that bother you?
- Sex with multiple partners?
1060
01:11:04,389 --> 01:11:06,350
At the same time?
1061
01:11:06,391 --> 01:11:08,352
Ah! Ooh!
1062
01:11:08,393 --> 01:11:11,021
Thanks for being so comforting.
I appreciate it.
1063
01:11:11,104 --> 01:11:13,023
So, what do you care?
1064
01:11:13,106 --> 01:11:15,317
That's just it, you know?
I shouldn't care.
1065
01:11:15,359 --> 01:11:17,319
- But it just- It gets to me.
- Look,
1066
01:11:17,361 --> 01:11:20,197
the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't
think she's been in the middle...
1067
01:11:20,239 --> 01:11:22,658
of an all-girl group grope?
1068
01:11:25,369 --> 01:11:28,872
You see, that doesn't bother me, right?
But just the thought of her with guys-
1069
01:11:28,956 --> 01:11:32,584
Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't
drop 50 stories in my opinion of you...
1070
01:11:32,668 --> 01:11:35,712
by falling prey
to that latest of trendy beasts.
1071
01:11:35,796 --> 01:11:37,840
- Which is?
- Lesbian chic.
1072
01:11:37,923 --> 01:11:42,261
It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl
nowadays. People think it's cute.
1073
01:11:42,344 --> 01:11:45,722
Got this fool picture of lipstick
lesbians in their heads,
1074
01:11:45,806 --> 01:11:49,852
like they all resemble Alyssa,
while most of 'em look more like you.
1075
01:11:49,935 --> 01:11:52,855
Do I detect a little
intersubculture cattiness here?
1076
01:11:52,896 --> 01:11:55,232
Gay or straight,
ugly's still ugly.
1077
01:11:55,315 --> 01:11:57,943
And most of those boys are scary.
1078
01:11:58,026 --> 01:11:59,945
I thought you fags were all
super-supportive of one another.
1079
01:12:00,028 --> 01:12:01,905
Screw that all-for-one shit.
1080
01:12:01,947 --> 01:12:04,575
I gotta deal with bein' a minority
in the minority of the minority,
1081
01:12:04,658 --> 01:12:06,827
and nobody's supportin'
my ass.
1082
01:12:06,910 --> 01:12:10,247
While the whole of society's
fawning over girls-on-girls,
1083
01:12:10,289 --> 01:12:12,249
here I sit, a reviled gay man.
1084
01:12:12,291 --> 01:12:14,751
And to top that off,
I'm a gay black man,
1085
01:12:14,793 --> 01:12:16,753
notoriously, the most
swishy of the bunch.
1086
01:12:16,795 --> 01:12:18,797
- Three strikes-
- Hey, hey! There's a line.
1087
01:12:18,881 --> 01:12:21,800
Are you Hooper X?
1088
01:12:25,053 --> 01:12:29,183
- Salaam alaykem, little brother.
- Could you sign my comic?
1089
01:12:33,729 --> 01:12:35,814
Hey. You see
that man right there?
1090
01:12:37,149 --> 01:12:40,903
He the devil.
Understand?
1091
01:12:40,944 --> 01:12:43,906
Never take your eye
off the Man.
1092
01:12:50,287 --> 01:12:53,624
- Fight the power, little G.
- Word is bond.
1093
01:12:53,707 --> 01:12:55,959
Word is bond.
1094
01:13:00,255 --> 01:13:03,550
Look at what I have to resort to
for professional respect.
1095
01:13:03,592 --> 01:13:06,929
What is it about gay men
that terrifies the rest of the world?
1096
01:13:09,014 --> 01:13:12,768
- As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past,
- Um-hm.
1097
01:13:12,851 --> 01:13:16,772
maybe what's troubling you is that
your fragile fantasy might not be true.
1098
01:13:16,855 --> 01:13:20,108
- What does that mean?
- Holden, don't even try to come off...
1099
01:13:20,192 --> 01:13:22,277
like you don't know
what I'm sayin'.
1100
01:13:22,361 --> 01:13:27,074
Men need to believe that they're
Marco-fuckin'- Polo when it comes to sex.
1101
01:13:27,115 --> 01:13:29,785
Like they're the only ones
who've ever explored new territory.
1102
01:13:29,868 --> 01:13:32,454
And it's hard
not to let 'em believe it.
1103
01:13:32,538 --> 01:13:34,915
I let my boys run with it for a while.
1104
01:13:34,957 --> 01:13:37,668
Feed 'em some of that "I've never
done this before" bullshit...
1105
01:13:37,751 --> 01:13:40,170
and let them labor under the delusion
that they're rockin' my world...
1106
01:13:40,254 --> 01:13:43,131
until I can't stand 'em no more,
then I hit 'em with the truth.
1107
01:13:43,173 --> 01:13:45,133
It's a sick game.
1108
01:13:45,175 --> 01:13:47,135
The world would be
a better place...
1109
01:13:47,177 --> 01:13:49,221
if people would just accept
there's nothin' new under the sun,
1110
01:13:49,304 --> 01:13:51,223
and anything you can do
with a person...
1111
01:13:51,306 --> 01:13:54,184
has probably been done
long before you got there.
1112
01:13:54,268 --> 01:13:57,688
- Hey, I can accept that.
- Honey, that almost sounded convincing.
1113
01:13:57,771 --> 01:14:02,484
Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl
about her past point-blank.
1114
01:14:02,568 --> 01:14:05,487
Get it out of the way before it gets
too big for both of y'all to move.
1115
01:14:05,571 --> 01:14:07,489
Ooh! Yanni!
1116
01:14:20,335 --> 01:14:23,922
Boo! Boo!
1117
01:14:26,925 --> 01:14:29,386
Since most of these people
are rooting for the home team,
1118
01:14:29,470 --> 01:14:31,388
I'm going to cheer
for the visitors.
1119
01:14:31,472 --> 01:14:33,724
I'm a big visitors fan.
1120
01:14:33,807 --> 01:14:37,352
Especially the kind that make coffee
for you in the morning before they go.
1121
01:14:39,396 --> 01:14:42,524
That was a joke.
Bah-dum-bah.
1122
01:14:42,608 --> 01:14:45,652
A little wacky wordplay.
1123
01:14:45,736 --> 01:14:48,489
Wha-What do you mean,
"visitors"?
1124
01:14:48,572 --> 01:14:50,532
Was I being
too obscure?
1125
01:14:50,616 --> 01:14:55,787
The kind that, until recently,
had no dicks and would stay the night.
1126
01:14:57,080 --> 01:15:01,001
So, uh, that was
until recently, right?
1127
01:15:01,084 --> 01:15:03,170
Uh, yeah.
1128
01:15:09,092 --> 01:15:13,180
Hey! Foul! Foul!
He was traveling or something.
1129
01:15:13,263 --> 01:15:17,559
So, nobody but me has spent the night
at your place since we got together?
1130
01:15:17,601 --> 01:15:19,561
Somethin' on your mind,
Holden?
1131
01:15:19,603 --> 01:15:24,024
- Just wondering.
- If I've been faithful or something?
1132
01:15:24,107 --> 01:15:27,528
I was just asking.
1133
01:15:27,611 --> 01:15:30,906
Oh, sweetie.
1134
01:15:30,948 --> 01:15:34,368
I only have eyes for you.
1135
01:15:38,956 --> 01:15:43,710
If you don't start usin' that whistle,
I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass!
1136
01:15:43,794 --> 01:15:45,712
Right?
1137
01:15:47,214 --> 01:15:50,217
What's uh-
What's with "Finger Cuffs"?
1138
01:16:03,814 --> 01:16:05,774
"Finger Cuffs"?
1139
01:16:05,816 --> 01:16:10,696
In your senior yearbook your nickname
was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean?
1140
01:16:10,779 --> 01:16:13,448
- It was?
- Yeah.
1141
01:16:13,532 --> 01:16:17,244
Shit.
Damned if I can remember.
1142
01:16:17,327 --> 01:16:20,497
I'd look it up, but I threw
all that shit out years ago.
1143
01:16:20,581 --> 01:16:23,458
- Where'd you see a North yearbook?
- Do you know a Rick Derris?
1144
01:16:25,627 --> 01:16:28,505
- Rick Derris?
- Yeah.
1145
01:16:30,799 --> 01:16:33,802
Sure. We used to
hang out in high school.
1146
01:16:33,886 --> 01:16:36,263
Punch him in the fuckin' neck,
number 12!
1147
01:16:36,346 --> 01:16:39,558
Come on. Come on!
1148
01:16:39,641 --> 01:16:42,060
Did you guys, like,
date or something?
1149
01:16:42,144 --> 01:16:46,398
Date Rick Derris?
No, no. We just hung out a lot.
1150
01:16:46,482 --> 01:16:48,901
Just-Just you and Rick.
1151
01:16:48,984 --> 01:16:52,988
No. Me, Rick and, um-
1152
01:16:53,071 --> 01:16:55,282
God, what was his name?
1153
01:16:55,365 --> 01:16:57,659
Um- What was his name?
1154
01:16:57,701 --> 01:17:00,204
- What was his name?
- Cohee.
1155
01:17:00,245 --> 01:17:02,498
Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin!
1156
01:17:02,581 --> 01:17:04,833
God, I haven't thought
about that name in years.
1157
01:17:08,045 --> 01:17:11,548
Those guys used to come over to my house
almost every day after school.
1158
01:17:11,632 --> 01:17:15,761
They'd bug my sisters, look through
my dad's closet for porno tapes,
1159
01:17:15,844 --> 01:17:17,930
raid the fridge.
1160
01:17:18,013 --> 01:17:21,099
They really took advantage
of my parents' never being home.
1161
01:17:24,561 --> 01:17:26,522
This one day,
1162
01:17:26,563 --> 01:17:30,526
Rick pulled his dick out and started
chasing me around the house with it.
1163
01:17:30,609 --> 01:17:32,778
Right in front of Cohee, man.
I couldn't believe it.
1164
01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:39,201
Rick pulled his dick out?
Really?
1165
01:17:39,243 --> 01:17:41,829
What did you do?
1166
01:17:41,912 --> 01:17:44,540
I blew him
while Cohee fucked me!
1167
01:17:49,586 --> 01:17:52,714
- Excuse me?
- That's what you wanted to hear.
1168
01:17:52,798 --> 01:17:57,845
That's what this little
cross-examination of your is all about?
1169
01:17:57,928 --> 01:18:00,389
Well, next time try not to
make it so obvious, all right?
1170
01:18:00,430 --> 01:18:04,852
There's subtler ways
of badgering a witness. Am I right?
1171
01:18:04,935 --> 01:18:08,188
Geez, man. Even I knew
what you were gettin' at.
1172
01:18:08,272 --> 01:18:11,692
If you wanted background information
on me, all you had to do was ask.
1173
01:18:11,775 --> 01:18:13,735
I would have gladly
volunteered it.
1174
01:18:13,777 --> 01:18:16,321
You didn't have to go playing
Hercule-fucking-Poirot.
1175
01:18:22,452 --> 01:18:24,413
Told ya these were
good seats.
1176
01:18:34,173 --> 01:18:37,092
Hey. Hey!
1177
01:18:39,136 --> 01:18:41,430
- Hey, would you wait a minute?
- Get the fuck off me!
1178
01:18:41,472 --> 01:18:45,601
- So it's true, right?
- Is that what you wanna hear?
1179
01:18:45,642 --> 01:18:47,603
Yeah, Holden, it's true.
1180
01:18:47,644 --> 01:18:51,607
In fact, everything you heard
or dug up on me is probably true.
1181
01:18:51,690 --> 01:18:54,109
Yeah, I took on
two guys at once!
1182
01:18:54,151 --> 01:18:57,613
You wanna hear some gems
you might not have unearthed?
1183
01:18:57,696 --> 01:19:00,782
I took a 26-year-old guy
to my senior prom...
1184
01:19:00,824 --> 01:19:05,245
and left to have sex with him
and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo.
1185
01:19:05,329 --> 01:19:10,375
How about in college when I let Shannon
Hamilton videotape us having sex,
1186
01:19:10,459 --> 01:19:15,088
only to find out he broadcast it
on the campus cable station.
1187
01:19:15,172 --> 01:19:20,135
They're all true. Didn't you know?
I am the queen of suburban legend!
1188
01:19:20,177 --> 01:19:22,429
Did you somehow fuckin' fail
to mention this to me?
1189
01:19:22,513 --> 01:19:24,765
What the fuck's wrong with you?
How could you do all those things?
1190
01:19:24,848 --> 01:19:26,350
Easily!
1191
01:19:26,433 --> 01:19:31,313
Some I did out of stupidity, some
I did out of what I thought was love.
1192
01:19:31,355 --> 01:19:34,399
But good or bad,
they are my choices,
1193
01:19:34,483 --> 01:19:37,528
and I am not making
apologies for them now!
1194
01:19:37,611 --> 01:19:40,989
Not to you,
or not to anyone!
1195
01:19:41,031 --> 01:19:45,911
And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me
about it, in public, no less?
1196
01:19:45,994 --> 01:19:49,540
Who the fuck do you think
you are, you judgmental prick?
1197
01:19:49,623 --> 01:19:51,875
How the fuck am I supposed
to feel about all this?
1198
01:19:51,959 --> 01:19:54,127
How are you supposed to
feel about it?
1199
01:19:54,211 --> 01:19:58,048
Feel whatever the fuck you want
to about it, all right?
1200
01:19:58,090 --> 01:20:02,427
The only thing that matters
is how you feel about me.
1201
01:20:04,346 --> 01:20:06,557
- I don't know how I feel about you now.
- Why? Why?
1202
01:20:06,640 --> 01:20:09,351
- Because I had some sex?
- Some sex?
1203
01:20:09,393 --> 01:20:13,939
Yes, Holden.
That's all it was, some sex.
1204
01:20:14,022 --> 01:20:16,358
Most of it
stupid high school sex.
1205
01:20:16,400 --> 01:20:18,902
Like you never had sex
in high school.
1206
01:20:18,944 --> 01:20:23,240
There is a world of fucking difference
between typical high school sex...
1207
01:20:23,323 --> 01:20:27,202
and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys
at the same time!
1208
01:20:27,244 --> 01:20:31,582
- They fuckin' used you.
- No! I used them!
1209
01:20:31,623 --> 01:20:35,961
You don't think I would have let it
happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you?
1210
01:20:36,044 --> 01:20:40,132
I was an experimental girl,
for Christ's sake!
1211
01:20:40,215 --> 01:20:44,511
Maybe you knew early on
that your track was from point A to B,
1212
01:20:44,595 --> 01:20:48,432
but, unlike you, I was not given
a fucking map at birth.
1213
01:20:48,474 --> 01:20:50,684
So I tried it all.
1214
01:20:50,767 --> 01:20:55,939
That is until we-
that's you and I- got together.
1215
01:20:56,023 --> 01:20:59,026
And suddenly I was sated.
1216
01:20:59,109 --> 01:21:02,654
Can't you take
some fucking comfort in that?
1217
01:21:02,738 --> 01:21:06,742
You turned out to be
all I was looking for,
1218
01:21:06,825 --> 01:21:11,163
the missing piece
in the big fucking puzzle.
1219
01:21:15,792 --> 01:21:20,380
Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you
were the only guy I'd ever been with.
1220
01:21:20,464 --> 01:21:23,509
I should have been
more honest.
1221
01:21:23,592 --> 01:21:27,805
But it just didn't- It seemed
to make you feel special in a way...
1222
01:21:27,846 --> 01:21:33,769
that me telling you over and over how
incredible you are wouldn't get across.
1223
01:21:34,853 --> 01:21:37,856
Holden, I'm sorry.
1224
01:21:37,940 --> 01:21:39,942
Just don't do that.
1225
01:21:43,195 --> 01:21:48,242
Do you mean to tell me that,
while you have zero problem...
1226
01:21:48,325 --> 01:21:51,286
with me sleeping with
half the women in New York City,
1227
01:21:51,370 --> 01:21:54,790
you have some sort of half-assed,
mealy-mouthed objection...
1228
01:21:54,873 --> 01:21:58,585
to pubescent antics that took place
almost ten years ago?
1229
01:21:58,669 --> 01:22:01,922
What the fuck
is your problem?
1230
01:22:03,423 --> 01:22:06,009
I want us to be something
that we can't be.
1231
01:22:06,051 --> 01:22:08,011
And what's that?
1232
01:22:08,053 --> 01:22:10,514
A normal couple.
1233
01:22:12,391 --> 01:22:16,311
So why don't you give
your little voice a rest
1234
01:22:16,395 --> 01:22:19,523
- Fuck!
- Come on up inside my bed
1235
01:22:19,565 --> 01:22:23,277
And just pretend you need me
1236
01:22:25,028 --> 01:22:29,575
You don't have to lie
about what you know
1237
01:22:29,700 --> 01:22:35,289
Even though
I've been sufferin'
1238
01:22:36,999 --> 01:22:40,961
And I don't need to be
your only one
1239
01:22:41,044 --> 01:22:44,047
I don't need your comforting
1240
01:22:44,131 --> 01:22:48,302
I just need you with me
1241
01:22:49,803 --> 01:22:54,266
Stay, stay, stay with me
1242
01:22:54,349 --> 01:22:58,812
Stay, stay with me
1243
01:23:00,397 --> 01:23:02,316
Stay and don't you ever
roll away from me
1244
01:23:02,357 --> 01:23:03,817
The girl?
1245
01:23:06,236 --> 01:23:08,155
Stay
1246
01:23:08,238 --> 01:23:12,534
Stay with me
1247
01:23:12,618 --> 01:23:14,578
Oh, and did she ever
1248
01:23:21,376 --> 01:23:24,838
Well, look at this
morose motherfucker right here.
1249
01:23:27,966 --> 01:23:31,470
Smells like someone shit
in his cereal. Nooch.
1250
01:23:31,512 --> 01:23:33,931
What took you guys so long?
What are you, at the mall again?
1251
01:23:34,014 --> 01:23:38,477
Bitch, don't even start, all right?
We stopped that shit years ago.
1252
01:23:38,519 --> 01:23:40,479
Toss the salad.
1253
01:23:46,401 --> 01:23:49,488
Damn, this likeness rights shit
is more profitable than sellin' smoke.
1254
01:23:51,073 --> 01:23:53,534
How did a dirt merchant like you
ever learn about likeness rights?
1255
01:23:53,617 --> 01:23:57,120
We deal to a lot of lawyers.
You know what I'm sayin'?
1256
01:23:57,204 --> 01:24:00,833
Speaking of which-
A little signin' bonus and shit?
1257
01:24:00,916 --> 01:24:06,713
No, I'll pass.
Did you guys take a look at the issue?
1258
01:24:06,797 --> 01:24:09,341
Yeah.
1259
01:24:09,424 --> 01:24:13,679
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1260
01:24:13,720 --> 01:24:15,848
You need to throw some pussy
in that book, man.
1261
01:24:15,931 --> 01:24:18,767
Like, throw some supervillain
with big fuckin' tits...
1262
01:24:18,851 --> 01:24:21,728
that shoot milk or somethin',
and I'll just, like, suck her dry...
1263
01:24:21,770 --> 01:24:24,398
and bust some moves
on her.
1264
01:24:28,360 --> 01:24:31,738
Then she has to fuck me.
I mean, fuck us.
1265
01:24:31,780 --> 01:24:34,366
I'll see what I can do.
1266
01:24:36,326 --> 01:24:40,247
- All right, boys. What'll it be?
- I'm all set, thanks.
1267
01:24:40,330 --> 01:24:44,501
Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up
a toasted bagel with cream cheese.
1268
01:24:44,585 --> 01:24:49,631
You want one too? Make that two,
and kiss my grits. Nooch.
1269
01:24:51,383 --> 01:24:55,053
Did you ever watch that show, Alice?
That show was funny as hell, man.
1270
01:24:55,095 --> 01:24:59,600
So why the long face, horse?
Banky on the rag?
1271
01:24:59,683 --> 01:25:02,936
I'm just, uh- I'm just havin'
a little girl trouble.
1272
01:25:02,978 --> 01:25:05,564
Bitch pressin' charges?
I get that a lot.
1273
01:25:05,606 --> 01:25:09,234
No. I'm just, uh-
1274
01:25:10,694 --> 01:25:12,905
I'm just at a point where
I don't really know what to do.
1275
01:25:12,946 --> 01:25:16,700
Kick her to the fuckin' curb.
Girls get to be too much trouble.
1276
01:25:16,783 --> 01:25:19,912
There's always the band... of the hand.
1277
01:25:21,455 --> 01:25:24,291
Can't do it, G.
I'm in love.
1278
01:25:24,374 --> 01:25:28,420
Nah, there ain't no such thing. You
got to boil it down to the essentials.
1279
01:25:28,504 --> 01:25:33,300
It's like Cube says: Life ain't
nothin' but bitches and money
1280
01:25:34,968 --> 01:25:38,430
Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed.
Advice from the 'hood.
1281
01:25:38,472 --> 01:25:43,143
- So who is this girl?
- Oh, I don't think you know her.
1282
01:25:44,394 --> 01:25:47,231
Come on, man.
I'm people who know people.
1283
01:25:47,314 --> 01:25:49,233
You sound
like Barbra Streisand.
1284
01:25:49,316 --> 01:25:52,069
Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch
playin' her greatest hits tape...
1285
01:25:52,152 --> 01:25:54,071
in my ear all the time.
1286
01:25:54,154 --> 01:25:58,367
You gotta see it. When she starts
singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers,"
1287
01:25:58,450 --> 01:26:01,578
this faggot starts cryin' like a little
girl with a skinned knee and shit.
1288
01:26:01,662 --> 01:26:05,499
Big fuckin' softie.
So what's the skirt's name?
1289
01:26:05,582 --> 01:26:08,001
I'm tellin' ya, man.
You don't know the girl.
1290
01:26:08,043 --> 01:26:12,339
I ain't playin', man.
Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio.
1291
01:26:14,049 --> 01:26:16,009
Alyssa Jones.
1292
01:26:18,262 --> 01:26:21,181
Holy fuckin' shit.
Finger Cuffs?
1293
01:26:21,223 --> 01:26:25,894
You're dating Finger Cuffs,
you silly son of a bitch?
1294
01:26:25,978 --> 01:26:28,188
Wait a second.
I thought she was all gay and shit.
1295
01:26:28,230 --> 01:26:31,150
She was, or she is.
I don't know.
1296
01:26:31,191 --> 01:26:34,319
And you're dating her.
Man, you're a lucky fuck.
1297
01:26:34,361 --> 01:26:36,321
She ever bring bitches to bed
with you?
1298
01:26:36,363 --> 01:26:38,574
Get a little of that
Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on?
1299
01:26:38,657 --> 01:26:41,160
Yeah, you know what
I'm talkin' about, baby. Right?
1300
01:26:41,243 --> 01:26:45,122
What's up? Yeah.
So four tits and what?
1301
01:26:45,205 --> 01:26:48,876
- No, man. It's not like that.
- What's it like, then?
1302
01:26:48,959 --> 01:26:52,838
Right now?
I don't know.
1303
01:26:52,921 --> 01:26:55,883
I love her, you know?
But, uh, she has a past.
1304
01:26:55,966 --> 01:26:59,887
I'll say. Stuffin' two guys,
eatin' chicks out and shit.
1305
01:26:59,928 --> 01:27:02,222
You know, I heard
one time she had this dog-
1306
01:27:02,306 --> 01:27:05,517
Eat your fuckin' bagel already
and shut up.
1307
01:27:05,601 --> 01:27:09,521
Look at this touchy
motherfucker right here.
1308
01:27:09,605 --> 01:27:12,065
So if you're all in love and shit,
what's the problem?
1309
01:27:12,107 --> 01:27:15,777
The problem is
stupid shit like that.
1310
01:27:15,861 --> 01:27:17,696
It was bad enough when it was
just girls, you know?
1311
01:27:17,779 --> 01:27:21,700
You throw guys into the mix-
two guys at once, no less-
1312
01:27:21,783 --> 01:27:24,870
All that experience, you know?
What am I supposed to think?
1313
01:27:24,953 --> 01:27:29,875
Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead,
'cause now she'll be all true and blue.
1314
01:27:29,958 --> 01:27:34,755
Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin'
for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass.
1315
01:27:34,838 --> 01:27:38,050
Settling for my boring ass.
That's comforting. Thanks, Jay.
1316
01:27:38,133 --> 01:27:43,096
- That's what I'm here for.
- I'm just havin' a problem with it.
1317
01:27:43,180 --> 01:27:47,392
It's like I can't get these visuals out
of my head of her doing all this shit.
1318
01:27:47,476 --> 01:27:51,855
And I don't know why I can't let
it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl.
1319
01:27:51,939 --> 01:27:55,943
- I look at her, I see kids, grandkids-
- You're scarin' me.
1320
01:27:56,026 --> 01:27:58,654
Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself
'cause I think so much of this girl...
1321
01:27:58,737 --> 01:28:01,782
that I can't get stupid shit
like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head.
1322
01:28:03,408 --> 01:28:07,120
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doin'.
1323
01:28:10,666 --> 01:28:12,626
Chasin' Amy.
1324
01:28:14,461 --> 01:28:17,631
What?
What did you say?
1325
01:28:19,842 --> 01:28:22,970
- You're chasing Amy.
- What do you look so shocked for, man?
1326
01:28:23,053 --> 01:28:27,015
Fat bastard does this all the time. He
thinks 'cause he don't say anything...
1327
01:28:27,099 --> 01:28:29,768
it'll have some huge impact
when he does open his fuckin' mouth.
1328
01:28:29,852 --> 01:28:31,770
Jesus Christ,
why don't you shut up?
1329
01:28:31,854 --> 01:28:36,275
Always yap-yap-yapping all the time.
Give me a fuckin' headache.
1330
01:28:36,358 --> 01:28:39,153
I went through somethin' like what
you're talkin' about a couple years ago.
1331
01:28:39,236 --> 01:28:41,530
- This chick named Amy.
- When?
1332
01:28:42,948 --> 01:28:45,159
A couple of years ago.
1333
01:28:45,242 --> 01:28:47,452
What, she live in Canada or something?
Why don't I remember this?
1334
01:28:47,536 --> 01:28:49,496
Bitch, what you don't
know about me...
1335
01:28:49,538 --> 01:28:51,498
I could just about squeeze
in the Grand-fucking-Canyon.
1336
01:28:51,540 --> 01:28:55,961
Did you know I always wanted to be
a dancer in Vegas? Huh?
1337
01:28:56,044 --> 01:28:59,756
Bet you didn't even know
that shit, did you?
1338
01:28:59,840 --> 01:29:02,676
Just tell your fuckin' story so
we can get out of here and smoke this.
1339
01:29:04,428 --> 01:29:09,308
So there's me and Amy. And we're
inseparable. Just big-time in love.
1340
01:29:09,391 --> 01:29:12,311
Then four months down the road
the idiot gear kicks in,
1341
01:29:12,394 --> 01:29:15,856
and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which,
as we all know, is a really dumb move.
1342
01:29:15,898 --> 01:29:19,318
But you know how it is: You don't want
to know, but you just have to know.
1343
01:29:19,401 --> 01:29:21,320
Stupid guy bullshit.
1344
01:29:21,403 --> 01:29:23,864
So, anyway, she starts
tellin' me about him.
1345
01:29:23,947 --> 01:29:28,243
They fell in love, went out for
a couple of years, lived together.
1346
01:29:28,327 --> 01:29:32,247
Her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay.
1347
01:29:32,289 --> 01:29:35,334
But then she drops the bomb on me,
and the bomb is this:
1348
01:29:35,417 --> 01:29:38,712
It seems that a couple of times,
while they were goin' out,
1349
01:29:38,754 --> 01:29:41,048
he brought some people
to bed with them.
1350
01:29:41,131 --> 01:29:43,509
Menage-a-trois,
I believe it's called.
1351
01:29:43,592 --> 01:29:47,054
Now this just blows my mind, right?
I'm not used to this sort of thing.
1352
01:29:47,137 --> 01:29:51,517
- I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes.
- Saint Shithead.
1353
01:29:51,600 --> 01:29:53,519
Do somethin'.
1354
01:29:53,602 --> 01:29:56,855
So I'm totally weirded out by this,
right? And I just start blastin' her.
1355
01:29:56,939 --> 01:29:59,691
I don't know how to deal with what I'm
feelin', so I figure the best way is...
1356
01:29:59,775 --> 01:30:02,736
if call her "slut," right,
and tell her she was used.
1357
01:30:02,820 --> 01:30:05,906
I'm out for blood.
I really want to hurt this girl.
1358
01:30:05,948 --> 01:30:09,827
"What the fuck is your problem?"
And she's just calmly trying to tell me,
1359
01:30:09,910 --> 01:30:13,831
"It was that time, that place," and she
doesn't think she should apologize...
1360
01:30:13,914 --> 01:30:15,999
because she doesn't feel
that she's done anything wrong.
1361
01:30:16,083 --> 01:30:20,879
I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in
the eye and tell her it's over. I walk.
1362
01:30:22,673 --> 01:30:24,758
Fuckin' A.
1363
01:30:24,842 --> 01:30:27,553
No, idiot.
It was a mistake.
1364
01:30:27,636 --> 01:30:29,721
I wasn't disgusted with her,
I was afraid.
1365
01:30:29,763 --> 01:30:33,559
You know, at that moment I felt small,
like I'd lacked experience,
1366
01:30:33,600 --> 01:30:38,147
like I'd never be on her level, never be
enough for her or something like that.
1367
01:30:38,230 --> 01:30:41,650
But what I did not get,
she didn't care.
1368
01:30:41,733 --> 01:30:46,280
She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore,
she was lookin' for me, for the Bob.
1369
01:30:46,363 --> 01:30:51,577
But by the time I figured this all
out, it's too late, man. She moved on.
1370
01:30:51,618 --> 01:30:55,455
All I had to show for it was foolish
pride which then gave way to regret.
1371
01:30:57,082 --> 01:31:01,420
She was the girl.
I know that now.
1372
01:31:01,461 --> 01:31:04,256
But...
1373
01:31:05,841 --> 01:31:08,385
I pushed her away.
1374
01:31:14,391 --> 01:31:18,687
So I've spent every day
since then chasing Amy.
1375
01:31:20,772 --> 01:31:22,733
So to speak.
1376
01:31:22,816 --> 01:31:27,571
Enough of this fuckin' melodrama.
My advice? Forget her, dude.
1377
01:31:27,654 --> 01:31:32,034
There's one bitch in the world,
one bitch with many faces.
1378
01:31:32,117 --> 01:31:36,622
Get up, tons of fun.
We gotta book.
1379
01:31:36,705 --> 01:31:40,459
- Catchin' a bus to Chi-town.
- Why? What's there?
1380
01:31:40,501 --> 01:31:44,254
Business, yo. How many more of those
fat envelopes we get comin' to us?
1381
01:31:44,338 --> 01:31:47,174
Uh, I don't know.
1382
01:31:47,216 --> 01:31:49,676
I don't know how much longer
the book's gonna be around.
1383
01:31:49,760 --> 01:31:52,846
Yeah, good.
I'll be glad as shit when it's gone.
1384
01:31:52,930 --> 01:31:57,100
There's a million people who'd love
to see themself in a comic book.
1385
01:31:57,184 --> 01:31:59,895
But that ain't like us at all,
all slapsticky and shit,
1386
01:31:59,978 --> 01:32:01,647
runnin' around like
a couple of dickheads.
1387
01:32:01,688 --> 01:32:04,608
Sayin'- What's that shit
he got us sayin'?
1388
01:32:04,691 --> 01:32:08,028
Oh, um...
"snootchie-bootchies. "
1389
01:32:08,070 --> 01:32:13,492
"Snootchie-bootchies. " Who the fuck
talks like that? That is baby talk.
1390
01:32:15,202 --> 01:32:18,413
It's a big world, G.
We're bound to run into you again.
1391
01:32:18,497 --> 01:32:22,376
- Till then, keep your unit on ya.
- I'll try.
1392
01:32:22,417 --> 01:32:25,879
No, no, no, no, no.
Do or do not. There is no try-
1393
01:32:25,963 --> 01:32:30,259
Knock that shit off!
We got a bus to catch.
1394
01:32:30,342 --> 01:32:34,304
Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin' gay story for?
1395
01:32:34,388 --> 01:32:36,265
- Man, shut up.
- You shut up, you fat fuck.
1396
01:33:25,564 --> 01:33:27,524
Okay.
1397
01:33:27,608 --> 01:33:32,154
You guys are probably wondering
why I asked you here at the same time...
1398
01:33:32,237 --> 01:33:35,949
knowing that we have shit
to settle between us separately.
1399
01:33:36,033 --> 01:33:39,286
I just figured you wanted
to kill two birds with one stone.
1400
01:33:39,369 --> 01:33:42,206
You know, by telling her
to fuck off with me here...
1401
01:33:42,289 --> 01:33:44,750
so you wouldn't have to
go through the story again later on.
1402
01:33:44,791 --> 01:33:48,212
- Fuck you.
- Not even if you let me videotape it.
1403
01:33:48,295 --> 01:33:51,256
Okay, enough.
All right?
1404
01:33:52,674 --> 01:33:55,719
Enough.
1405
01:33:55,803 --> 01:33:59,765
Now, I've been going over and
over and over this whole thing,
1406
01:33:59,807 --> 01:34:02,476
and I've dissected it
a thousand different ways.
1407
01:34:02,518 --> 01:34:06,230
Banky, there's tension between you and I
for the first time in our lives.
1408
01:34:06,313 --> 01:34:11,068
You hate me dating Alyssa and you want
me to sign off on this cartoon thing.
1409
01:34:11,151 --> 01:34:13,320
How perceptive.
1410
01:34:13,362 --> 01:34:17,616
Alyssa,
1411
01:34:17,699 --> 01:34:19,743
you and I have hit a wall...
1412
01:34:19,827 --> 01:34:24,289
'cause I don't know how to deal
with your, uh, your past, I guess.
1413
01:34:24,331 --> 01:34:26,291
That's a nice way
of putting it.
1414
01:34:26,333 --> 01:34:28,335
I'd have said
"the whole double stuff" thing.
1415
01:34:34,925 --> 01:34:38,512
I'm only gonna
tell you this once: Shut up.
1416
01:34:40,931 --> 01:34:42,850
Now,
1417
01:34:42,933 --> 01:34:46,979
I know I'm to blame one way
or another on both accounts.
1418
01:34:47,062 --> 01:34:51,024
Alyssa, with you
because... I feel inadequate,
1419
01:34:51,108 --> 01:34:54,361
because you've had such a big life
and so much experience,
1420
01:34:54,403 --> 01:34:57,156
and my life's been
pretty small in comparison.
1421
01:34:57,239 --> 01:35:00,409
- That doesn't matter to me.
- Please.
1422
01:35:00,492 --> 01:35:03,787
I have to get
through this, okay?
1423
01:35:03,871 --> 01:35:08,625
Banky, I know why you're having such
a hard time with me and Alyssa.
1424
01:35:08,709 --> 01:35:11,628
It's something that's been
obvious forever and I guess-
1425
01:35:11,712 --> 01:35:14,882
I guess I just didn't
acknowledge it.
1426
01:35:16,425 --> 01:35:18,385
You're in love with me.
1427
01:35:20,637 --> 01:35:22,556
What?
1428
01:35:22,639 --> 01:35:27,436
You're attracted to me. Just as, in
a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you.
1429
01:35:27,519 --> 01:35:30,230
It makes sense. We've been together
so long, we have so much in common.
1430
01:35:30,272 --> 01:35:33,233
Well, I gotta get goin'.
1431
01:35:33,275 --> 01:35:35,861
I gotta catch the last few minutes
of Little House.
1432
01:35:44,453 --> 01:35:47,080
It's somethin' you're
gonna have to deal with, Bank.
1433
01:35:48,582 --> 01:35:50,792
And that would explain
your jealousy of Alyssa,
1434
01:35:50,876 --> 01:35:53,545
your homophobia,
your sense of humor-
1435
01:35:53,629 --> 01:35:56,381
Jesus, just 'cause a guy's
got a predilection toward dick jokes-
1436
01:35:56,465 --> 01:35:59,134
Bank. Stop.
1437
01:35:59,218 --> 01:36:02,262
Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.
1438
01:36:04,640 --> 01:36:06,850
Okay.
1439
01:36:11,897 --> 01:36:15,818
Now, you guys are probably
asking yourselves the same question...
1440
01:36:15,859 --> 01:36:19,822
that I've been going over and over
in my head the past few weeks:
1441
01:36:19,905 --> 01:36:21,824
What does one have
to do with the other?
1442
01:36:21,907 --> 01:36:23,116
Don't.
1443
01:36:23,200 --> 01:36:26,787
And when I did some
serious soul-searching,
1444
01:36:26,829 --> 01:36:29,122
it came to me
from outta nowhere.
1445
01:36:29,164 --> 01:36:34,294
And it all made sense.
And a calm came over me.
1446
01:36:34,336 --> 01:36:37,422
I know what we have to do.
1447
01:36:37,506 --> 01:36:41,760
And then you, Banky,
you, Alyssa, and I-
1448
01:36:41,844 --> 01:36:46,765
all of us-
can finally be... all right.
1449
01:36:46,849 --> 01:36:49,059
Please don't say it.
1450
01:36:51,687 --> 01:36:54,606
We've all gotta
have sex together.
1451
01:37:03,907 --> 01:37:05,868
I mean, look,
don't you see?
1452
01:37:05,909 --> 01:37:09,663
That would take care
of everything.
1453
01:37:09,705 --> 01:37:12,749
Alyssa, with you, I won't feel
too inadequate or conservative anymore,
1454
01:37:12,833 --> 01:37:16,003
because I'll have done something
on a par with all your experience.
1455
01:37:16,086 --> 01:37:20,799
And it will be with you, which will
make it that much more powerful.
1456
01:37:20,883 --> 01:37:22,801
Banky, you can take that leap...
1457
01:37:22,885 --> 01:37:25,220
that everyone else but you
sees you should take.
1458
01:37:25,262 --> 01:37:28,640
And it'll be with me,
your best friend for years.
1459
01:37:28,724 --> 01:37:30,684
We've been everything to each other
but intimates,
1460
01:37:30,726 --> 01:37:33,353
and now we'll have been
through that together too.
1461
01:37:33,395 --> 01:37:36,190
And it won't be a total leap for you
because a woman will be involved.
1462
01:37:36,231 --> 01:37:40,360
And when it's over, all that hostility
you feel toward Alyssa will be gone...
1463
01:37:40,402 --> 01:37:43,238
because you'll have shared in something
beautiful with the woman I love.
1464
01:37:43,280 --> 01:37:46,033
It'll be cathartic.
1465
01:37:46,074 --> 01:37:48,994
This will keep us together.
1466
01:37:58,629 --> 01:38:01,089
What do ya say?
1467
01:38:15,562 --> 01:38:17,481
Sure.
1468
01:38:33,372 --> 01:38:36,375
You know I need this.
1469
01:38:36,416 --> 01:38:39,002
You know it'll help.
1470
01:38:39,086 --> 01:38:41,421
No.
1471
01:38:41,505 --> 01:38:43,674
Thank Christ.
1472
01:38:46,260 --> 01:38:48,554
Sorry.
1473
01:38:54,476 --> 01:38:58,438
No? I thought
you'd be into this.
1474
01:38:58,522 --> 01:39:02,901
You did?
What does that say about me?
1475
01:39:02,985 --> 01:39:06,071
Sweetheart, you've done stuff
like this before.
1476
01:39:06,155 --> 01:39:08,073
This should be
no big deal for you.
1477
01:39:08,157 --> 01:39:12,536
You don't want this.
You really don't want this.
1478
01:39:12,578 --> 01:39:18,292
No, I do want this. This has
to happen. Can't you see that?
1479
01:39:18,375 --> 01:39:22,963
I mean, how can you not? No?
What does that say about me?
1480
01:39:23,046 --> 01:39:25,382
You can take it from two guys
whose names you can hardly remember,
1481
01:39:25,424 --> 01:39:29,636
but I ask you to share an experience
about intimacy, and you say no?
1482
01:39:29,720 --> 01:39:34,224
- I can't.
- Baby, yes, you can.
1483
01:39:34,266 --> 01:39:38,520
I'll be there. And when it's over we'll
be the strongest we've ever been...
1484
01:39:38,604 --> 01:39:40,522
'cause we'll have been
through this together.
1485
01:39:40,606 --> 01:39:44,568
Then we'll be on the same level and
there'll be nothing we can't accomplish.
1486
01:39:44,651 --> 01:39:47,779
Oh, Holden.
1487
01:39:50,115 --> 01:39:52,284
That time is over for me.
1488
01:39:52,367 --> 01:39:54,286
I've been there
and I've done it...
1489
01:39:54,369 --> 01:39:58,290
and I didn't find
what I was looking for in any of it.
1490
01:39:58,332 --> 01:40:02,294
I found that it you.
In us.
1491
01:40:02,336 --> 01:40:06,006
Doing this won't help you forget
about the things you're hung up on.
1492
01:40:06,089 --> 01:40:10,469
- It'll create more.
- No. I've thought about all that.
1493
01:40:10,552 --> 01:40:13,514
Yes, it will!
1494
01:40:16,350 --> 01:40:20,562
Maybe you'll see me
differently from then on.
1495
01:40:20,646 --> 01:40:25,818
Maybe you'll despise me for going along
with it once you're in the moment.
1496
01:40:25,901 --> 01:40:27,820
Maybe I'll moan differently,
1497
01:40:27,903 --> 01:40:31,824
and then you'll resent Banky
and become suspicious of us.
1498
01:40:31,865 --> 01:40:34,868
Or you'll alienate him
because of it.
1499
01:40:34,952 --> 01:40:40,624
You'll grow to blame and hate me for
the deterioration of your friendship.
1500
01:40:40,666 --> 01:40:43,919
Or what if- and God,
I sincerely doubt it-
1501
01:40:44,002 --> 01:40:48,132
but what if I saw something
in Banky that I've never seen before,
1502
01:40:48,215 --> 01:40:52,344
you know, and I fell in love
with him and left you?
1503
01:40:53,428 --> 01:40:57,558
I've been down roads
like this before.
1504
01:40:57,641 --> 01:40:59,560
Many times.
1505
01:41:02,604 --> 01:41:07,151
I know you feel doing this
will broaden your horizons...
1506
01:41:07,234 --> 01:41:10,529
and give you experience.
1507
01:41:10,612 --> 01:41:15,450
But I've had
those experiences, on my own.
1508
01:41:15,534 --> 01:41:19,079
And I can't accompany you
on yours.
1509
01:41:19,163 --> 01:41:21,707
I'm past that now.
1510
01:41:27,379 --> 01:41:30,924
Or maybe I just love you
too much.
1511
01:41:31,008 --> 01:41:36,472
And I feel hurt and let down that you
would want to share me with anyone.
1512
01:41:37,556 --> 01:41:40,934
Because I would never
want to share you.
1513
01:41:53,071 --> 01:41:55,824
Regardless,
1514
01:41:55,908 --> 01:41:58,744
I can't be
a part of this.
1515
01:41:58,785 --> 01:42:03,290
Or you.
Not anymore.
1516
01:42:05,459 --> 01:42:09,546
I love you.
1517
01:42:09,588 --> 01:42:12,090
I always will.
1518
01:42:12,132 --> 01:42:15,093
Know that.
1519
01:42:21,600 --> 01:42:24,770
But I'm not
your fucking whore.
1520
01:42:29,817 --> 01:42:31,777
He's yours again.
1521
01:43:30,377 --> 01:43:32,337
A blast from the past.
1522
01:43:32,379 --> 01:43:35,174
Do you know how much it's
going for these days? $110.
1523
01:43:35,215 --> 01:43:37,217
You sign it, it'll
push that up even higher.
1524
01:43:37,301 --> 01:43:40,012
You sell it
I want a kickback.
1525
01:43:40,095 --> 01:43:41,555
I don't know if it's true,
1526
01:43:41,597 --> 01:43:43,724
but I heard once there was
going to be an animated series?
1527
01:43:43,807 --> 01:43:46,059
- There was going to be.
- What happened?
1528
01:43:46,143 --> 01:43:49,146
You're lookin' at it.
No Chronic, no cartoon.
1529
01:43:49,229 --> 01:43:52,566
- That would have been awesome!
- Tell me about it.
1530
01:43:52,649 --> 01:43:55,402
So is that what happened
with you and Holden McNeil?
1531
01:43:55,486 --> 01:43:57,988
You got into a fight over
the rights or something?
1532
01:43:58,071 --> 01:44:01,366
- It was more complicated than that.
- Whatever happened to that guy?
1533
01:44:01,450 --> 01:44:04,244
I don't know.
Quit the biz, I guess.
1534
01:44:04,328 --> 01:44:06,330
So, you guys don't
talk anymore?
1535
01:44:06,413 --> 01:44:10,334
No. Not really.
1536
01:44:10,417 --> 01:44:14,755
Yeah. That happened to me once.
Me and this guy started a comic club.
1537
01:44:14,838 --> 01:44:19,843
And we got into a fight over who looked
better in bare legs, Electra or Robin.
1538
01:44:19,927 --> 01:44:25,682
Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck
out on my own, kinda like Nomad.
1539
01:44:25,766 --> 01:44:29,394
I'm rambling on now.
What I meant to say is...
1540
01:44:29,478 --> 01:44:32,189
that you probably shouldn't
have killed off Chronic.
1541
01:44:32,272 --> 01:44:36,652
Guess not. Some doors just
shouldn't be opened.
1542
01:44:36,735 --> 01:44:39,404
Oh, like the door to death
in Baby Dave's Winter Special,
1543
01:44:39,488 --> 01:44:41,448
which you did on your own.
1544
01:44:41,490 --> 01:44:45,744
See? You don't need that McNeil guy,
anyway. You do great work on your own.
1545
01:44:45,786 --> 01:44:49,915
Look at your line work. Look at all the
detail in this douche bag on page 18.
1546
01:44:49,957 --> 01:44:51,750
Look at how you draw a fart.
1547
01:44:51,792 --> 01:44:55,129
And tell me you're not better off
without Holden McNeil.
1548
01:44:55,212 --> 01:44:57,798
I mean, you were just carrying
that guy like a brown-bag lunch,
1549
01:44:57,881 --> 01:44:59,800
you know what I'm saying?
1550
01:44:59,883 --> 01:45:03,637
- You're so right.
- Yeah, well, the true fans always are.
1551
01:45:03,720 --> 01:45:08,725
Well, keep up the good work, man.
Love those dick jokes. Love 'em.
1552
01:45:11,061 --> 01:45:12,980
See ya.
1553
01:45:15,482 --> 01:45:17,442
Yeah.
1554
01:45:19,736 --> 01:45:21,655
Bye.
1555
01:45:33,417 --> 01:45:35,627
Okay. Who's next?
1556
01:45:37,379 --> 01:45:39,339
Hi.
1557
01:45:45,512 --> 01:45:48,432
Thanks for readin' it.
1558
01:45:48,515 --> 01:45:51,477
I can't believe this place.
These people are so weird.
1559
01:45:51,560 --> 01:45:53,520
You wanted to come.
1560
01:45:53,562 --> 01:45:55,898
God, I can't believe you call
these people contemporaries.
1561
01:45:55,981 --> 01:45:58,525
Look at this guy over here
with the pointy ears? What's that?
1562
01:45:58,609 --> 01:46:00,527
- He's a Vulcan.
- A what?
1563
01:46:00,611 --> 01:46:02,988
A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer.
1564
01:46:03,030 --> 01:46:05,532
Why don't you take a walk
and get us something to drink?
1565
01:46:05,616 --> 01:46:07,034
Okay, I will.
1566
01:46:25,928 --> 01:46:27,930
Um, this isn't
one of mine.
1567
01:46:28,013 --> 01:46:29,932
It's mine.
1568
01:46:31,600 --> 01:46:33,769
I saved you a copy.
1569
01:46:37,064 --> 01:46:40,984
Hi.
1570
01:46:41,068 --> 01:46:43,403
How've you been?
1571
01:46:43,445 --> 01:46:47,908
Uh, good. Really good.
Yourself?
1572
01:46:47,950 --> 01:46:49,910
Good.
1573
01:46:56,625 --> 01:47:00,212
The new issue's selling
like crazy, for some reason.
1574
01:47:00,295 --> 01:47:04,007
Yeah, well, it's because it's
really good. I liked it a lot.
1575
01:47:04,091 --> 01:47:06,009
Thank you.
1576
01:47:08,637 --> 01:47:11,306
I haven't even seen this yet.
Did it just come out?
1577
01:47:11,390 --> 01:47:14,935
Uh, oh, about a month ago.
I did a really small run.
1578
01:47:14,977 --> 01:47:17,104
Self-financed,
only about 500 issues.
1579
01:47:17,146 --> 01:47:19,815
Will I enjoy it?
1580
01:47:21,024 --> 01:47:23,527
You might.
It's familiar subject matter.
1581
01:47:41,044 --> 01:47:44,840
Looks like
a very personal story.
1582
01:47:48,010 --> 01:47:52,097
I finally had
something personal to say.
1583
01:47:57,102 --> 01:48:00,647
Well, I'm gonna go.
I don't wanna hold up your line here.
1584
01:48:00,689 --> 01:48:03,275
Yeah.
1585
01:48:03,358 --> 01:48:07,279
I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw
this nun call a small child a cunt-rag.
1586
01:48:15,704 --> 01:48:18,123
You know, read that,
if you have a minute.
1587
01:48:18,207 --> 01:48:20,667
I will.
1588
01:48:24,379 --> 01:48:29,301
If you get the chance, call me. I'd like
to hear your thoughts, or... whatever.
1589
01:48:29,384 --> 01:48:32,137
Okay.
1590
01:48:33,722 --> 01:48:35,641
Okay.
1591
01:48:37,976 --> 01:48:40,103
It was really nice
seeing you again.
1592
01:48:40,187 --> 01:48:43,398
It was really nice
to see you too.
1593
01:48:56,912 --> 01:49:00,207
- Who was that?
- Huh?
1594
01:49:00,290 --> 01:49:02,167
Who was that?
1595
01:49:12,094 --> 01:49:16,181
Oh, just some guy I knew.
1596
01:49:29,486 --> 01:49:33,282
Next. So, what do you want
to do tonight?
1597
01:49:34,616 --> 01:49:40,080
I was tappin' my foot
on a Friday night
1598
01:49:40,164 --> 01:49:45,127
To my favorite band
I was pushed aside
1599
01:49:45,210 --> 01:49:50,132
I said hey, don't push me
No, no, no one pushes me
1600
01:49:50,215 --> 01:49:55,137
When I was face to face
with a woman I admired
1601
01:49:55,220 --> 01:49:57,639
And she gave me this look
1602
01:49:57,764 --> 01:50:00,100
I could not believe
1603
01:50:00,184 --> 01:50:05,314
And the cold stare remained
I wanted to leave
1604
01:50:07,733 --> 01:50:12,988
Yeah, I do believe anger
is offset by sorrow
1605
01:50:13,071 --> 01:50:17,868
But you destroy today
you might regret tomorrow
1606
01:50:17,951 --> 01:50:20,579
When you're young
and defensive
1607
01:50:20,621 --> 01:50:22,956
It comes off offensive
1608
01:50:23,040 --> 01:50:27,961
And it's hard to repay the
tolerance that you borrowed
1609
01:50:28,003 --> 01:50:33,175
The lasting relationship
sinks right off the pier
1610
01:50:33,258 --> 01:50:37,846
Who wears the pants
It's faded but clear
1611
01:50:40,349 --> 01:50:44,812
She's your girlfriend
and she ain't too fond of me
1612
01:50:44,853 --> 01:50:50,567
I guess if that's the way
it was meant to be
1613
01:50:50,651 --> 01:50:55,531
There we were
just we three
1614
01:50:55,614 --> 01:50:59,284
You, your girlfriend and me
1615
01:51:22,349 --> 01:51:27,312
I've known you forever
You two just met
1616
01:51:27,354 --> 01:51:31,942
So easily amused
how fast we forget
1617
01:51:32,025 --> 01:51:37,156
Ain't my jealousy
my self-righteous greed
1618
01:51:37,197 --> 01:51:41,994
She's a bit like a book
I'm too farsighted to read
1619
01:51:42,035 --> 01:51:47,040
And I wish you the best
but sometimes feel the need
1620
01:51:47,124 --> 01:51:51,336
To say
Remember me
1621
01:51:53,839 --> 01:51:59,219
Yeah, she's your girlfriend
as far as we can see
1622
01:51:59,303 --> 01:52:04,224
Does she look at you
the way she looks at me
1623
01:52:04,266 --> 01:52:09,354
And here we are
just we three
1624
01:52:09,438 --> 01:52:13,942
You, your girlfriend and me
1625
01:52:16,236 --> 01:52:21,074
She's your girlfriend
it's gettin' harder to see
1626
01:52:21,158 --> 01:52:25,954
Better just take her home
Better just let her be
1627
01:52:26,038 --> 01:52:31,251
When she walks out that door
you come looking for me
1628
01:52:45,349 --> 01:52:47,893
Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin' gay story for?
1629
01:52:47,935 --> 01:52:50,562
- Man, shut up.
- You shut up, you fat fuck.
130239
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