Original subtitles

Miss Blues, what does psychopath mean?

Why? Well, so far, it's the nicest thing anyone's said about the new kid.

At his last school, he was voted most likely to draw blood.

What school is that?

St. Freddy's on Elm Street?

Class, I ask you, is it fair to judge someone before you've even met them?

Uh, sure.

When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning, I don't think

I'll ever make it on time.

By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look, I'm at the corner just in

time to see the bus fly by.

It's all right because I'm safe as a pill.

If the teacher pops a test, I know I'm in a mess and my dog ate all my homework

last night.

Right along my chair, she won't know that I'm there. If I can hand it in

tomorrow, it'll be all right.

It's all right, cause I'm safe as a bell.

I can't help feeling sorry for the new kid in school.

Everybody already knows each other, and the only thing he can do is try his best

to fit in.

And each student has his own special way of doing that.

All right.

Pencils down, papers forward, please.

And before I forget, I want to congratulate the only member of class to

perfect hundred on yesterday's quiz.

What can I say?

How about nothing for a change?

Samuel Powers.

All right, now I've left a few moments at the end of class today so that we can

become acquainted with our newest arrival.

Deke.

Would you stand up and tell us a little bit about yourself?

My name is Deke.

What? Did say a little bit.

Freeze! For your homework tomorrow, I want one page on the Battle of Little

Bighorn. One page? No problem.

Zach, I expect a page of writing.

Not a picture of General Custer with an arrow through it.

Deke, what did you do in the quiz today?

Yes. Well, don't worry. You won't be graded on it. It's just to give me an

of what you learned at your last school.

Is this your paper?

Does it say Deke on it?

Yes. Are there any other Dekes in your class?

No. Then it must be me.

Anything else?

Yes.

Why did you answer only one question on your quiz paper?

It's the only one I liked.

Do you expect me to believe that?

I don't expect anything from anyone.

Here we go now, Deke.

Okay, everybody.

Dress rehearsal.

Act one, scene one. The Forest Ranger.

Written by Mickey Coleman.

and starring Lisa Turtle as the forest ranger.

Ready, Lisa?

Ready. And curtain.

Hold it. And cut.

Lisa, what are you doing? I'm acting. You're acting like a fool.

Forest rangers do not wear evening gowns. I visualize my character as a

ranger in downtown Manhattan.

You're missing the entire point of my play.

Miss Palladino, I guess this means I get detention, right?

But you haven't done anything wrong.

I'm about to.

Come back here!

Tina, can I have a word with you, please?

Sure. I'll be back in a minute.

What's up?

Deke Simmons.

Do you have him in class?

Mm -hmm. In fact, I got an apple from him on my desk.

Deke brought you an apple?

Well, he didn't exactly bring it.

It landed there after it bounced off Tommy Kramer's head.

Mr. Belding, I need to talk to you. If it's about Deke, take a number.

No, Mr. Belding, I think there's something wrong here.

Maybe if I took a look at Deke's records... Be my guest.

Miss Bliss, I've looked at his records.

After the first hundred pages, it gets repetitious.

Well, I think his problems run deeper than graves.

All right, he seems to have an attitude problem. But just maybe in a new school

environment, things will change.

Well, according to this, he had eight new school environments in the last two

years. Yes, but the ninth could be his lucky charm.

Just call me Mr. Optimistic.

Mr. Belding. I know Deke has problems.

Miss Bliss, you have a way with kids. That's why I put him with you.

I'm sure you've made a big difference in his life already.

If he needs someone to show you around the school, I'd be happy to.

I could show you the lunch bar.

Shut up.

Or I could do that.

Do you mind lowering me? I need some oxygen.

At every new school I go to, I pick someone out to team up with in the

department.

You do it, I hand it in. Oh, kind of a 50 -50 thing.

Exactly.

And don't forget to disguise the handwriting.

You wouldn't want me getting in any trouble, would you?

No, but I'm not really that great a student.

So, if you want to pick someone else, I wouldn't be offended.

You got a hundred on that quiz, didn't you?

Just a lot of lucky guesses.

Haven't you ever gotten a hundred on a quiz?

No.

I knew that was coming.

All right, everybody.

Here are your papers on Little Peacock.

Miss Bliss, did you like the part I wrote about sitting bull?

I'm looking at sitting bull right now.

Deculate. Yep.

I'm confused. I thought you spelled your name D -E -K -E.

I do.

Oh, that's odd.

On your paper, you spelled it D -E -E -K.

Type of graphical error.

There's a diamond on the board.

What is this?

That's the paper I, uh, you wrote.

E plus?

If I wanted a D, I would have done it myself.

Look, I can't write under pressure.

Ask around.

Joke's my middle name.

Look, I got a D minus. Does that make you feel any better?

You know what would make me feel better?

Erasing the lines in the basketball court.

With your face.

Have you considered counseling?

Screech, you're talking to your french fries.

What's wrong?

Deke Simmons is making me do his homework.

And if it isn't great, he's gonna slam dunk my head.

Wow. What are you gonna do?

I don't know, but I gotta do something.

My face ain't much, but I'm kind of attached to it.

Look, if Deke wants you bad enough, he'll find you.

The trick is to make him not want to. Could you do that?

What's in it for me? I'd be alive.

Isn't that enough?

Not really.

I'll be your best friend.

And I'll give you ten bucks.

Okay, but only because we're pals.

86th, you are not planting trees on my stage.

We're not planting them, Michael. We're nailing them.

That's worse.

Wooden nails come under my jurisdiction. And on my stage, the two don't mix.

Your stage? I am the drama teacher. This is my stage.

I was here when they laid it down.

Plank by plank, board by board.

It's sort of like a child to me. I even named it Woody.

This is a stage. The show must go on. And Woody's getting nailed. Over my dead

body?

What's going on here with you two?

He won't let me put my trees on Woody.

Woody?

Now,

I don't know what the big problem is, but it seems to me the appropriate word

here is compromise.

I can go along with that.

I got it. Why don't you take Forest Ranger and redo it as...

Desert Ranger.

Desert Ranger?

Sure. You don't have to nail sand to the floor.

Fine. I'll use sand.

But I'll glue it on.

Glue? No way. Hey, wait a minute.

Glad I could be of help.

You changed everything.

You wore my thing.

No, I didn't. I made it better.

Miss Bliss, could you help us?

We're having creative differences.

Yeah, I'm creative and she isn't. You're so self -centered.

I'm not. You're not.

There seems to be an epidemic going around.

And the cure is compromise.

You know, I could go with that.

Nikki, you should be in the play with me. Really? Yeah, I think you should

a stump.

I think compromise with Lisa is impossible.

If you want to talk about impossible, let's talk about how impossible it is to

act in a boring play.

Well, I'm two for two.

Deke.

Uh, Mr. Simmons.

Get lost.

I think we should talk.

It's about Screech. You know that little wimpy guy who does your homework?

Right.

Uh, never mind. You can handle him.

Never mind what?

Well, Screech. Breach may not look like much, but believe it or not, he's a

frail male fighting machine.

You talking about the same guy?

Hey, you betcha. He knows all those self -defense things, like kung fu, jiu

-jitsu, Mitsubishi.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, I've seen him beat up so many people. I want the violence to stop.

Thanks a lot.

Made a big difference.

Hey, glad I could help.

You did.

See, I let that little twerp off because I felt sorry for him. But since I know

he can fight back, I'm going to take him out right now.

How'd he go?

Well, the good news is I'm not charging you that $10.

Thanks, Jack.

And I've got good news for your brother, too.

You know how he always wanted to have his own room?

Jack, any luck finding Screech?

Nope. Nobody's seen him since lunch.

Yeah, rumor has it he's halfway to Grom.

Can't take it anymore.

How long have you been in there?

I'm not sure.

I think I passed out sometime last period.

I got to my vice.

When Dee kicks you, fall on a fat kid.

Yeah, look on the bright side.

When you're unconscious, you can't feel pain.

Don't try to turn me up, Jack.

If I were you right now, I'd be running.

If you were me right now, I'd be happy.

Let's get on with it.

Mr. Kelly!

Hi, kids.

I'm gonna knock you into next semester.

Take your hands off him right now.

Get into my classroom.

You can't hide behind your teacher's skirt forever.

That's enough.

All right, school's over. Go home.

Unless you'd like to spend quality time with Mr. Burton in detention hall.

Samuel, Samuel.

Are you all right?

No, I'm not all right.

Why did you have to stop it? You made me look like a wimp.

He was going to hurt you.

So? The school nurse says I have terrific clotting time.

Samuel, you can't be serious.

Sure I can.

At least if I were dead, I could live with myself.

dare you threaten another student.

Why don't you just leave me alone?

You've been on my case since I got here.

Dig, believe it or not, I'm not the enemy.

Yeah, and I bet the next thing you're going to say is that you really want to

help me.

I take it you've heard that speech before.

You take it right.

Oh, and so the way you deal with your problems is that you hit people.

Works for me.

Well, it didn't work for me when you only answered one question on your quiz.

And it didn't work for me when you misspelled your name.

Hey, so I'm not gifted.

I want you to do an extra credit report on one of our presidents.

Choose from this list.

Pick one.

Abraham Lincoln.

He's not on the list.

George Washington.

He's not on there either.

Thomas Jefferson.

Then who is on the stupid list?

Uncle Ben, Betty Crocker, and Sarah Lee.

It's my shopping list.

You can't read, can you?

Well, solve the puzzle.

Can I go now? Do your parents know?

Who do you think taught me not to read?

Now, what about your teachers?

Hey, look, I'm a troublemaker. Just give me a passing grade and I'll become

someone else's problem.

Deke, you're in my class now. My students' problems are my problems.

Just back off. No, I won't. You have to learn to read.

And I promise I'll do everything in my power to help you.

Yeah, and while you're helping me, everyone else will be laughing at me

my back.

Nobody will laugh.

They always have before.

Let's forget it.

I'm going to make it on my own.

All right, Deke.

Yeah, sure, maybe you will.

Who knows, you may be even one day a big success.

And someday someone might even write the Deke Simmons story.

But I wonder about one thing.

Who's going to read it to you?

I know what you're going to say, Miss Bliss, but I've already made inquiries

into having him transferred.

Transferring isn't the answer. That's what they always do to him. Yes, but no

one's tried Siberia.

Mr. Belding, Deke can't read.

Well, if we send him there, it won't matter because they don't speak English.

Mr. Belding, he really can't read.

And he refuses to go to our remedial education program.

If he refuses to go, our hands are tied.

Well, I can't accept that.

Deet needs help, and I won't just sit around and do nothing.

Miss Bliss, in all my years as a principal, I never knew a teacher who

loved than you.

But nobody can touch them all.

Except, of course, for poor Mr. Claymore, who blew up the science lab.

If actors were supposed to write, they'd call them writers.

But to the actor, the script is just a guide.

Without me, you're nothing!

that since the fifth grade? Yeah.

It was around the same time as our last fight.

Oh, yeah, I remember. We both wanted to be the lead ribbon in the maypole dance.

We swore we'd never talk to each other again.

And we stuck to it for at least 20 minutes.

It was murder.

You still want to do the play?

Yeah.

But I have a suggestion.

Get yourself another star.

I want to be the producer.

I don't have time to find a lawyer, so I'll just tell you guys my will.

Nikki, Lisa, you can have my calculators.

Mikey, you can have my stereo.

Screech, you're talking crazy.

But who's getting the speakers?

Jack, I gave the best for you.

You can have my condo on Mars.

I'm touched.

But only if you're willing to spread my ashes over my fly farm.

Screech, nobody wants your stuff. Just go. home before Deke finds you?

I want him to.

Deke, I want you.

Let me get this straight. Screech is looking for Deke? This is exactly what

happened in West Side Story when Tony was looking for Chino.

What happened to him?

He got killed. I'm out of here.

Deke, come and get me.

Someone take a picture of me and give it to the plastic surgeon.

You and me.

Boys room. Now.

Wait a minute.

Deke, you're going to have to go through me to get to Screech.

Just you?

No. The both of us. Me too.

No, guys.

It's my fight. I'm going for help.

No.

I need to do it this way.

You know exactly where Sly Farm is?

Not very often somebody looks for me.

Yeah, well, I'd just like to get this over with so I can swing by the hospital

and still get home in time for dinner.

The hospital part I can guarantee.

Um, I hate to be a bother, but I have this tricking, and I have some dental

done. So if you could avoid these key areas, I would appreciate it.

Huh, I've never beaten somebody up with so many rules before.

Huh.

you care.

You don't know what it's like to be laughed at all the time.

What do you know?

I know I want to live to be 15.

I get laughed at a lot.

Yeah, right.

You don't believe me? No, I don't. I can't read.

How come you're not laughing?

It's not funny.

No, no, you're messing this up. I tell you I can't read, you laugh, and then I

beat you up.

Look, I'm not gonna laugh at you.

But if you're going to beat me up, let's get it over with now.

I don't want to worry about you the rest of my life.

Forget it.

I don't want to fight you.

Now get out of here before I change my mind.

Goodbye.

scared you.

I was just wondering, uh... What?

Forget it.

Oh, Deke, is there something I can do for you?

Do you still think you can help me read?

Yes.

You've taken the first step yourself.

I have?

You're here, aren't you?

Boo.