Original subtitles

Almost there.

No peeking.

Oh, Charlie,

this is so nice.

Look, it's the wine we had at our wedding.

I think it's only fair to warn you, my intentions are not entirely honorable.

Mr. Henelky.

I'm home.

Don't move.

Maybe she won't see.

I'm such an idiot. You're having a date and I'm totally intruding.

I'll just go up to my room.

I hate to get in the way of love.

Because it will never get in the way of...

supposed to be?

Young?

Ready. Let me guess.

You're... I'm throw up.

And you are the woman who threw him up?

Dad, I'm famine.

On a night when we mindlessly pass out candy, I want to remind everyone that

millions of people around the world are starving.

Would you rather be Tinkerbell?

Bye. Wait.

You have your keys? Yes. Your phone? Yes.

Your good judgment?

and it's four houses down. Do you want to drive me there?

Kind of.

Come on, guys. Let's go.

We now return to our Friday the 13th marathon, Jason Takes Manhattan.

You take that city, Jason.

You take it by storm.

customer, Goldilocks. Let go of my arm. Let go of my candy, you derelict.

Look, why don't we both let go on the count of three, okay?

One, two, three.

Now beat it.

Stupid Halloween.

Trick or treat.

Sorry to bother you, but my nephew Andrew has something to say to you.

I'm sorry for being rude and obnoxious.

And? And if I keep up this kind of behavior, I'm going to end up like

Ronnie. Cousin Ronnie lives in his car.

Well, Andrew, I accept your apology.

Thank you. My pleasure.

So, um, is this a costume, or are you always this beautiful?

Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Well, I'd invite you to come trick -or -treating with us, but you probably have

to stay home and pass out candy.

Actually, we just ran out of candy, so I'm totally free.

So what'd you get for number seven?

Me too.

Did you share your work?

Me too.

How is he with that bonus problem?

I need the phone.

Are you still talking to your boyfriend?

Could you hold on for a second?

Edwin is not my boyfriend.

He's my math partner.

Invite him over for a study date.

No way.

Why not? You talk to him every night. Go away.

Fine, I'll do it. Give it back. Bye, Edwin.

Haley wanted me to ask you to come over to study tomorrow afternoon.

Great, we'll see you at three.

Oh, my God, look.

The phone's free.

I feel pretty.

Oh, so pretty.

I feel pretty and witty and...

excited to meet my future husband?

Faith, he's only been dating him a week. And what a week.

Oh, I was just telling Charlie that if Paolo asked me to move in with him

tonight, I'd say yes. I swear, at this moment, no one on Earth is happier than

me. I feel pretty.

Oh, so pretty.

I feel pretty and witty and bright.

Is Paolo here yet? Not yet, but he just got...

He's a schizophrenic prison guard covered in tattoos.

His name was Rodney, and only one of his personalities was cheating on me.

I'll get it.

Hi, I'm Paolo.

And you must be Charlie.

Come in.

Hi, I'm Hope. This is my daughter, Sydney.

Hola.

Well, it's nice to finally meet the family.

Faith has told me all about you.

You seem perfect.

Faith says you love to cook.

Oh. Tuscan olive oil.

Wow.

Thank you. That's very thoughtful.

So, is that a tattoo?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sort of embarrassed. I got it when I was a teenager.

Some kind of gang thing?

No. It's Mother Teresa.

She's sort of my hero.

I hear a good thing.

So after two years of drought and starvation, we were able to build an

irrigation system to sustain the entire village.

Did you hear that?

The entire village.

It was the happiest time of my life. Well, until I met my guapacita.

Did you hear that?

I'm his guapacita.

So, how did you become a management consultant?

That's pretty tall. Not like what you do, Charlie.

Being an orthodontist must be very rewarding.

Well, we are sort of the rock stars of the dental world.

Oh, um, I'm sorry. I'm expecting an important business call. Would you

one second?

Hello?

Isn't he fantastic?

He is. He really is.

Hope, I have to admit, he does seem pretty amazing and freakishly handsome.

He is.

He really is.

You know, I was just going to serve vanilla ice cream, but I think I'll

out a Bundt cake.

Stick a bride and groom on it, let's call it a wedding cake.

I can't talk right now, sweetie.

Yeah, tell Mommy I'll see her tonight.

All right, fine. It wasn't Sidney who lost your earring.

What? I'm not talking about... Sorry about that. Sorry.

Oh, Paolo.

This dinner must seem nice, huh?

You probably spend most of your time lying around your apartment eating cheap

O's.

Well, actually, I eat a lot of dinners with my family.

I'm very close with my mom.

Yeah, right.

Your mom.

Well, does your mom know about your little guapasita?

Yes?

Oh, I'm so sorry. Hello?

Say hi to your mom.

No. While you were in the kitchen looking for Bundt cake, did you

open up a can of Krazy?

What is wrong with you?

Faith, he's married.

So?

This is so typical.

You're never like anybody I bring home. They're either too young or too

unfocused or too drunk at Christmas.

Actually, that was you.

Well, this one's too married. I saw him playing with his wedding ring.

Hope, don't be ridiculous. I've been to his apartment. He is not married.

Okay.

My mistake.

Oh, look. His wallet.

Whoop! Hope!

It was going so well.

Ha!

I knew it.

You have a wife and kids.

Actually, that's my sister and her kids, but thanks for going through my wallet.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how do you explain the fact that I saw you playing with your wedding ring

in the kitchen, Mr. Answer -for -everything?

It's my dad.

He died a year ago this week.

I miss him so much.

Your sister's very pretty.

She looks just like my dad!

She went to Paolo's. Oh, and she told me to tell you.

Oh, God.

I feel so bad.

I have to go over there and apologize.

So, how's Haley's big study date going?

Well, they look like a cute couple, but I have a feeling he might be married.

Earlier, I heard him call his mom.

Hey, what are you crazy kids doing?

Math.

Cool.

Haley, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure. I'll be right back.

So, how's the date?

It's not a date. Besides, he hasn't said a word.

I don't think he likes me. Of course he does.

Why would he?

You're smart, funny, and pretty.

Why are you being nice to me?

I don't know.

It's weird.

Totally.

So what should I do?

Ask him questions.

Boys love to talk about themselves.

And if that doesn't work, just compliment him.

Now go.

It'll be fine.

Edwin? Yeah?

What kind of peanut butter do you like?

Smooth or chunky?

I'm allergic to peanuts. If I eat even one peanut, my tongue will swell up to

the size of my fist.

I'm going to anaphylactic shock. I'm going to have to stab myself in the

with an adrenaline vent.

I like your cap. See you later.

Thanks. Solar powered.

Do you want to try it?

Sure.

I'm not going to risk letting him have another encounter with Psycho Hope.

That's what he calls you, by the way.

Psycho Hope.

Wheezes, babe.

Oh. Hi, Paolo.

It's me, Psycho Hope.

I just wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday.

I face my little sister, and sometimes I get a little overprotective.

But actually, I'm a pretty decent person when I'm not acting like a raving

lunatic.

Anyway.

I hope we can start fresh.

Of course, Hope. I understand about family. I'm the same way with my nephew.

So we're bueno?

Muy bueno.

Ah.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Don't leave your wallet.

Thank you, Hope. That was very big of you.

Oh, this is a nice apartment.

It's small, but it has a great view of Paolo.

Oh, is this his dad?

He's so... I'm sorry about that.

When you are your own boss, your job never ends.

Oh, my God, we have to go.

Why? We have a thing.

What thing?

I'll tell you in the car.

No, I'm staying.

Please? I feel like we never see each other anymore.

I live in your house.

You have a giant zit.

Bye, Paolo. I'll call you later.

Oh, my God. Do you think he saw it? Where is it? You don't have a zit. We

to get out of here.

Paolo's a drug dealer or an assassin.

I saw a gun and a lot of cash stashed behind that photo of his dad. Whoa,

whoa.

I don't have a zit?

I thought he was a management consultant.

Why wouldn't he tell me that he's a cop?

Maybe he's a crooked cop.

Maybe he's an undercover cop disguised as a cop.

Why don't we follow him and see where he goes?

Oh, that's sneaky and underhanded.

I like it.

We don't want him to see us.

What do you think he's doing on a jewelry store?

All right, everybody get down.

All right, this is the third and last time this happens to me.

I said, everybody get down.

Faith, I was a management consultant, but I quit to go to medical school. It's

my dream to be a doctor, and this is just how I pay the rent.

I was going to tell you, but I really like you, and I didn't want to scare you

off. Scare me off?

Yeah. Oh, honey, your stock just went through the roof.

Follow Santiago.

Oh, hey, look, your backup dancers.

Woo -hoo!

Get down!

Ma 'am.

Come on, show me what you got. Faith!

Paolo Santiago, you're under arrest.

Under arrest?

Stripping is not a crime.

But bilking rich single women out of their life savings is.

Rich?

I don't have a dime to my name.

What?

But you're a famous soap star. You said you have a mansion in Beverly Hills.

Oh, Paolo, that's just a figure of speech.

I can't believe you lied to me.

Does honesty in a relationship mean nothing to you?

I hope you can forgive me.

Forgive you?

For what?

For this.

Paolo!

Paolo!

Edwin? Yeah?

I think my arm is cramping.

Mine's all tingly.

Oh, I'm late for dinner. Oh, okay.

Sure. It was fun.

Me too. I mean, I had fun too.

You did?

Yeah.

Me too.

I know. You just said that.

Oh.

Did I tell you what happens when I eat peanuts?

I can't believe you ran after Paolo for three blocks.

I would have caught him too, but that police van ran the light.

Faith.

Come on.

I just wanted one last look at his pecs.

He was cut like a diamond.

Aren't you hurt that he was just using you?

Using me?

Ha! Nobody uses Faith Fairfield. I was using him.

Really? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm through having superficial

relationships with sexy, gorgeous men.

If I'm ever going to be happy, I'm going to have to settle like you did.

You know what I mean.

What you and Charlie have is really special.

That's what I want.

Well, that's what I want for you, too.

Thanks for always looking out for me.

Hey, that's what big sisters are for.

Oh, hey.

Check it out.

Well, goodbye.

That's what big pictures are for.

Did you see? It's totally... Oh!

Honey,

you have to snap out of this depression.

There will be other men, but I think you've learned a valuable lesson.

You can't jump into things so quickly, or you're bound to get your heart

But I really thought he was the one.