Original subtitles

So my last housemate left all of a sudden,

but, fortunately, through my work, a position came up in Los Angeles,

so I needed to find a new housemate.

Hello.

The Grandmaster was the only one who answered my Craigslist ad.

Imagine that. I was the only one.

Well, lucky me.

At first, I thought he was just another Hollywood-type person,

then I realised he was more than likely from another planet.

I like learning about your culture.

Now, what do you call this?

- Toast. - Yes.

I come from Sakaar. It's a haven for lost things.

That sounds kind of poetic, but it's really kind of a catch-all place.

And now, without boring you with the details,

I had formerly, and for rather a long period of time,

an assistant/bodyguard named Topaz.

And now, you know, I'm looking for a new assistant,

and you know who seems to fit the bill just perfectly?

Believe it or not, it's Darryl.

He's starting to make me dress up in Topaz's armour.

He's getting me to do a lot of things for him.

Do the dishes, drive him around, and also do his laundry.

He says he's over one million years old, which I find hard to believe

because he acts quite young, almost immature.

He is a really nice guy.

It's the first thing I noticed about him.

He's very charming and persuasive,

but sometimes, he completely loses his temper.

Damn it. God damn it!

I don't do this for everybody,

but I'm going to share with you some of the drawings that I've made

here in Darryl's house.

They're all of Darryl. Now watch this.

So here's the first one.

I gave him an extra-long tie. Tickle, tickle, tickle.

This is Darryl on a horse. Oh, he's so happy.

And the horse has my face. Did you notice?

That's also Darryl as a crying cyclops.

Oh, my golly! Well, look at this.

Here is Darryl asleep right there,

and, of course, he's dreaming about me.

My eye fell upon him, and then I kind of knew it right away.

He's kind of like my muse.

He just interests me strangely.

What am I working on at the moment? Well, um...

You know, I'm fixing to move in on this new planet.

Now, I've kind of taken a liking to it.

So I'm gonna rule Earth.

Lately, he's started talking about taking over Earth.

I'm not sure how he would go about starting to take over Earth,

but we made a video.

Peoples of Planet Earth, my name is Grandmaster,

and I'm about to become your ruler.

Those who resist me, let me say, will become melted.

This is my melting stick.

Yeah, if people displease me, I can melt them.

How many views have we got now?

- One. - One? That's not bad.

That's just us because we're watching it.

Maybe you need to refresh the window.

- Okay. - Okay.

- And how many views do we have now? - Now we've got two.

Ah! Good, good. Two, so we're... Now we're in business.

That second one is us, too. We've seen it twice.

We might need to make another video advertising the original video.

You know anybody who can play music, some of your work friends?

From the top, ready?

Three, four.

Nope, nope, nope.

Wow, David, why are you playing a zimbeldorp

when we're obviously doing a zets?

Why are you doing that?

I don't know what that is.

All right, from the top.

One, two. One, two, three...

I don't wanna go to sleep without clearing up a few things, okay?

I wanna apologise for melting David.

We might wanna call his parents and just let them know.

I guess I should be the one to call.

But can we practice what we're gonna say...

- Practice calling Mrs Richardson? - Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Ring, ring, ring.

- Hello? - Hello. Who's this?

This is Mrs Richardson.

Oh, Mrs Richardson...

I'm not sure that's the best way to start.

Well, let's see what happens.

You try to channel her... Mrs Richardson.

How are you, Mrs Richardson? You can call me Grandmaster.

Mrs Richardson, what are you wearing?

I'm just wearing a nightgown.

Oh, you've got to be kidding! What colour?

- Uh, blue. - Oh!

That's my favourite colour.

Mrs Richardson, David's melted.

So you may be wondering what will become of Darryl

when I take over this planet.

Well, he's going to, uh, rule beside me.

Well, he's gonna stand beside me when I rule.

I'm gonna be ruling, but he's gonna be standing beside me.

I don't like saying this,

but you look at him, and he stares right back at you,

and I can't tell if he wants to just

hang out or melt me.

I love you, Darryl.

Do you have anything to say to that?

I love you, too.

I didn't force him to say that.

Um...

That warms me terrifically.

Thank you.

I think... I never thought I'd say this,

but I'm really beginning to miss my old housemate.