Original subtitles

I hear you're havin' troubles.

Well, no wonder. Look at ya.

You want to change things around in your life,

so you come to hear the story.

Well, in high school, popularity ain't a contest.

It's a war, and dizzy harrison is its greatest casualty.

See, his story is really my story,

because behind every so-called hero...

Is a little pissed-off dude that don't get no credit.

[ fist pounds on table ]

we have to go back a ways.

You know, even as a small child,

dizzy harrison had his own particular style.

♪ - [ james brown ] watch me, watch me - [ Singing along ]

♪ I got it watch me

♪ I got it, yeah

♪ I got somethin' that makes me want to shout

♪ I got somethin' that tells me what it's all about, ha

♪ I got soul

♪ and I'm super bad

♪ ha

♪ I got soul, ha

♪ and I'm super bad

♪ - ha - Ha

♪ I'm a lover, love to do my thing, ha ♪

as you can see, I didn't have a whole hell of a lot to work with.

♪ no one else

♪ sometimes I feel so nice

♪ good god

♪ I jump back I wanna kiss myself

♪ I got soul

♪ ha, and i'm super bad

♪ hey, I said i'm super bad

♪ bridge come on

♪ up and down

♪ and around and around

♪ up and down

♪ and all around

♪ right on, people

♪ gimme, gimme

♪ yeah

oof! ah hurt mah'self.

And it's not like things got a whole lot better from there.

As the years went by, he got taller, whiter, skinnier.

First day, senior year.

- and we're gonna be the top dogs. - Ruff!

Ruff! ruff!

- ruff! - Ruff! ruff! ruff!

[ laughing ]

I wish I'd drowned this summer.

We all do, kirk.

Let's face it. we're blips, and we're always gonna be blips.

- "blips"? - Man, we barely on the radar.

Not this year. we're seniors.

Sorry, kids, I gotta go with dizzy on this one.

It's never too late to make a change.

- [ groans ] - Full metal jacket.

[ laughs ] dad, put those away.

- [ laughs ] - You're such a dork.

I say we be home schooling? Who's with me?

- my dad could teach drinking. - A'right.

Nobody bails. Bands stick together.

Guys, relax. music has the power to transform.

- ow! - [ Laughing ]

- [ muffled ] there's some pain. - Good luck, son.

Yo, blip, little help?

- [ grunts ] - Oof!

- [ animal roars ] - I'll never get used to that. I mean...

- [ car alarm wailing ] - Can anyone help me?

Get out of the way.

- okay. - Whoa, hang on.

You're not gonna talk to her.

I mean, that is tina "assgood," man.

So?

That's like a wood elf versus al'kabar.

You'll get power-leveled.

We're not playing everquest. We're here on planet earth.

You speak for yourself.

I'm goin' in.

♪ watch me

take this.

You can do this. You can do this.

- tina. - And you are?

- dizzy. - [ Alarm continues ]

are you gonna help me, or what?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, you gotta know your, uh...

[ clicking ]

[ alarm chirps, stops ]

it's really very technical.

A blip is talkin' to tina osgood.

Yo, look at my boy.

Didn't they tie you up last year...

And make you wear rubber breasts?

[ muffled grunting ]

you remember. That's really sweet.

I imagine god having an ass like that.

Did that sound gay?

I've been thinkin'.

We're seniors now and, um, maybe sometime,

if you wanted to drink coffee, you know,

near me,

I would pay.

Tru yeah? y...

You' type. my...

[ school bell rings ]

you know those moments when a man makes a decision

that'll change his entire life...

And he steps up to become the hero he was meant to be?

This ain't one of those moments.

I was thinking about this whole "type" thing,

and to be honest, you're not my type either.

[ laughs ] did you really think that would work?

No, but I thought it was worth giving it a shot.

You know something?

[ ethereal chord ]

yo, freak! What are you doin'?

Talking, exchanging words, innocent conversation.

Innocent? Then what's this?

[ gasps ]

[ gasping ]

oh, my god! That's disgusting!

Hey, loser, nice pup tent.

We need to cover you up.

[ fabric ripping ]

- [ rock ] - Ow!

Oh!

What is this?

Mrs. whitman, it's my, um...

Well, it's mine now.

Ouch!

Is this a weapon?

You can't bring loaded weapons to school.

Lady, you're... you're tearing the skin!

Mrs. whitman! [ screams ]

ow! my...

I'm showing this to principal zaylor.

- cut it out! - [ Cracks ]

[ no audible scream ]

♪ girl, you really got me got me so I don't know what I'm doin'

♪ you really got me you really got me

♪ you really got me you really got me

♪ you really got me you really got me ♪

I know what you're thinkin'. It's not medically possible.

Let me ask you this... are you a doctor?

[ screeches ]

I have good news. your son's condition is treatable.

Condition? What condition?

That I can pee around a corner?

Dizzy, watch your mouth.

He can't help it. you see, what's wrong with dizzy,

in medical terms,

it's called tourette's syndrome.

[ laughs ] tourette syndrome?

Are you out of your f... [ muffled ]

language, son.

No, no, no.

You're not gonna cure him with force, papa bear.

It's gonna take a lot o' hugs and a lot o' drugs.

Now, only take one o' these a day. nice pack.

♪ your life is going nowhere fast ♪

there he is. Diz?

[ slurred ] they gave me these pills for my tourette's,

but they're not... working.

Come on. It's not that bad.

Not that bad? At least as blips...

we were invisible.

If you break your dick in front of the whole school,

people remember that.

He's right. His life is ruined.

I mean, I'm an idiot.

I'll never be able to go back to school again.

I need more of these pills.

♪ [ choir ] oh, happy day

- ♪ oh, happy day - Oh, happy day ♪

yo, diz, man, how can you be depressed...

With all this beautiful church music like that playing, huh?

Diz?

Diz?

♪ - oh, what a happy day - Oh, happy day

♪ - oh, what a happy day - Oh, happy day ♪

- oh, what a happy day - Oh, happy day

yes, yes, yes!

Thank you, brothers and sisters...

Of the sunshine gospel choir.

Very stirring.

Very hip.

Amen!

Yes, yes, yes.

Now, do the rest of you young people know...

What else is hip?

Sexual abstinence.

Can I get an "amen" on that?

Amen!

Oh, glory, hallelujah!

Glory, hallelujah!

I said, glory, hallelujah!

Glory, hallelujah!

- glory, hallelujah! - Oof!

[ slurred ] ladies and gentlemen,

brothers and sisters,

I'd like to talk to you all about sex.

The devil's middle name. sex!

Amen!

Do you know what the best form of sexual abstinence is?

- bein' me. - [ Murmuring ]

can I get an "amen"?

Amen!

You want to talk about some pain?

Let me hear ya! You want to talk about pain?

That boy's got the spirit.

He's an idiot.

If every member of the opposite sex ever told you...

You were not her type!

Amen!

Let me hear ya shout "amen"...

If you've ever had duct tape-uh ripped off-uh...

Your naked buttocks-uh!

Amen!

Let me hear ya shout "amen"...

If you've ever had your manhood right-angled...

In front of the entire-uh congregation!

Now, let me hear ya shout "amen" up high...

let's go, white boy.

Amen!

Let me hear ya shout "amen."

this boy was in pain.

He was in trouble. He needed guidance.

He was about to get a lesson in bad

from the best in the business.

[ flashbulbs popping ]

[ door slams ]

what happened to paco?

I got no answer to that question.

Back up. The new man is mine.

[ whip snaps ]

not the crazy eyes, luther. I was just messin'.

You been lookin' at my janet?

No. no way.

Eighteen years and forty-one days...

it's me and you, baby.

[ whip snaps ]

um,

okay, I'm scared.

- guard? - Oh, that's so...

Relax, white boy.

Okay.

What'd ya do to get in here?

Um, well, I-I-I'm not really sure.

S-see, I've been heavily medicated lately,

- and the last thing I remember... - [ Sniffing ]

is my dad dropping me off in school.

- you in high school? - Yes.

I still get chills thinkin' about it.

Fish sticks!

[ spits ]

well, I've officially become...

The biggest loser at my school,

so I don't think I'll be going back there.

So it's okay.

I know what you mean.

[ whispering ] I see that.

I was a bi-itch at the last prison.

I remember they strapped me to a chair...

With duct tape... in a dress!

With... makeup?

- fake... - [ Together ] rubber breasts.

My brother,

come on over here and sit down.

You know, high school is a lot like prison:

Bad food, high fences.

The sex you want, you ain't gettin',

the sex you gettin', you don't want.

I seen terrible things.

Yesterday, an 80-year-old librarian broke my penis.

You win.

So how did you change things?

Got myself thrown out the last prison,

then I started fresh here.

That worked?

- watch this. - [ Whip snaps ]

[ gasping ]

- [ whip snaps ] - [ Gasps ]

wow. that's what I gotta do...

Switch prisons and start over.

You gotta tell me what you did to get kicked out.

I'll do anything.

Well, the first thing I did...

Was broke all the rules.

I can break all the rules.

Then I started actin' crazy.

Yeah, I can act all... [ imitating luther ] crazy.

Then I grabbed a broken mop handle

and snapped it across the warden's butt.

[ school bell ringing ]

hey, listen, you guys, i've been thinking.

I don't have to do this alone.

Why don't we get expelled together?

Nah, that's okay. You can go.

- what about you, glen? - No.

I talk a big game, but I'm not as tough as I look.

Okay, here we go.

Exactly what are you thinking, mr. harrison?

You know, you're right.

What am I thinking?

Hey, everybody, the answer to number 23 is "guam."

thanks, broke wood.

And, mr. luberoff,

there's more where this came from at finals time.

[ sputtering ]

♪ watch me

[ screeches ]

my lord, dizzy... cheatin', bribery.

Those are grounds for expulsion...

or an obvious cry for help.

Would be badly upset.

Others, like the praying mantis, often eat their mates...

[ flips switch ]

what's broke wood doing?

♪ walkin' through the corridors

♪ third-year sophomore feelin' like an amateur

♪ a spy in canada

♪ talkin' to the counselor who's bored with his own jokes

♪ - checkin' on my story - [ Students ] huh?

♪ I must be immature

♪ my brain's on a detour never gonna live

♪ to be a senior

♪ but I don't care 'cause I know it's unfair

♪ I got plans to be the dropout millionaire

♪ oh, no, don't get me wrong

♪ me and school just don't get along ♪

yo, that's principal zaylor.

[ gasping, laughing ]

[ groaning, straining ]

you're a fighter. Try this!

Chicken! chicken!

Say "mercy." [ groans ]

oh, you're almost at the head of the class.

- [ flatulence, splashing ] - [ Groans ]

[ splashing ]

and... cut.

[ laughing ]

[ screeches ]

this is the part of my job I hate.

Expelling people?

No, silly goose, we're gonna double your medication,

increase your therapy and you may stay another year.

Hey, loser, how's it hangin'?

You're kidding.

That toilet-cam was your best work ever.

Looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for the rest of my life...

Or am I?

Hey! hey!

What are you doing?

[ cracks ]

huh? halt!

Did you just break that mop, harrison? give me that.

Yes.

You destroyed school property. You're expelled.

Yes!

I did it. I busted out.

A'right, kid. I knew you had it in you.

You ready to be luther-sized?

Preach, my brother.

Man, I'm gonna take you from bitch to bull.

[ laughs ]

[ horse snorting ]

you wanna get a reputation at your new school,

you have to crack open heads in the yard day one.

Find the biggest, baddest cat and whup his ass.

Make sure everybody sees him go down.

"everybody sees him go down." got it.

[ grunts ]

you know, some people are born with that knowledge.

[ grunting ]

like barclay.

Who's barclay?

He's the bully at my last school.

[ grunts ]

he might be born with it,

but with my insight, street smarts...

And knowledge of every action movie ever made,

we gonna perfect it.

- [ horse neighs ] - Uh-oh.

[ gunshot ]

ah, don't worry about that.

Happens every day. Same cat.

Never gets away. Come on.

The first thing you wanna do...

Is gouge the dude's eyes out so he can't see to fight.

Hey, this kid's in high school.

Oh, then you're gonna wanna fight dirty.

All right, set your feet,

spread your palms... tiger claw!

[ gong sounds ]

are you sure it's not "tiger paw"?

- [ groans ] - [ Hits ground ]

- tiger claw! - [ Gong sounds ]

now you're ready.

[ growling ]

just watch my hands. Watch my hands.

- [ bell rings ] - [ Groaning ]

- [ laughs ] - [ Laughing ]

grab some rope. We gotta build some muscle.

Oh, you act like you can't get up there.

Well, motivation's on the way. heh, heh.

Yes, indeed-y. Feed the needy. there you go.

Luther, what are you doing?

Yes, indeed. Oh, get up there.

What's that burning? That's me!

[ screams ]

uh, just roll around. You'll be all right.

If you can't act tough, you gotta look tough.

- ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... - [ Sizzling ]

butch up, girly-pants.

Got a sec?

Phone call for you, warden.

Wife again?

[ horse neighs ]

[ gunshot ]

[ laughing ]

I'll never get tired of that. [ laughs ]

if you talk the talk, you walk the walk...

Hey, luther.

Otherwise, you be lined in chalk.

Let me introduce you to somebody.

[ metal door clangs ]

- the funk master. - [ Hissing ]

[ trumpet fanfare ]

somebody... give me a beat!

♪ stand on the stage lookin' good in the light

♪ a young black rapper I do all right

♪ and you can feel the kids a-kickin' his songs

♪ and when I'm on the mike

them crazy eyes...

It's like somebody hit you in the back of the head...

And your eyes almost jump out your skull.

Try it!

This is your "brother, where my money" walk.

Where it at? Where it at?

'bout to bust a cap. 'bout to bust a cap.

Flare your nostrils out. You gotta open 'em up...

So everybody can see the rocks, the bullets in there.

Loosen the ass.

That's too loose.

They gonna try and play you like a bitch,

so you gotta hit 'em with a "bitch" first,

like "who's the bitch now"?

Watch this.

[ whip snaps ]

try it! try it!

[ squeaky scratching ]

[ together ] who's the bitch now?

I'm thinking, half brad pitt, fight club,

half anne heche, if these walls could talk.

This is for your student I.d.

Your new driver's license.

And this one's for the player's club.

Este! quieto, papi.

[ laughing ]

ha... that ain't right.

Billycock it! you know? Cock it. fire!

Cock it. Shoot the gun.

Shoot the gun! Cock it...

[ hits floor ]

tiger claw!

[ gong sounds ]

[ laughs ]

- [ yells ] - [ Bell rings ]

♪ pick up on this wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this watch me ♪

[luther] now you're ready for your new prison.

♪ just want to cling on swing on and so forth

♪ go on, fall off the ho's roll on

♪ till the next rock superstar with no shame ♪

hey, mascot, you dropped your bagpipes!

[ honks ]

oh, thank you. [ groans ]

suck on that, pal!

[ panting ]

hey, tuba midget.

Have a nice day.

This place is a zoo.

He did say 12:30.

Yeah.

So where is he?

[ vehicle approaching ]

[ murmuring ]

[ beeping ]

[ hydraulics hissing ]

[ whirring ]

[ chains rattling ]

ooh.

- what the hell is that? - [ Heavy breathing ]

[ heavy breathing continues ]

[ chains rattling ]

[ heavy breathing continues ]

[ whispering ] good luck, kid.

Flip him!

[ chains rattling ]

back in the truck!

[ both ] whoa.

Is that... diz?

- oh, my god. - [ Laughing ]

he's got kind of a...

Brad pitt thing going there.

From bitch to bull, baby.

I saw a little anne heche there too.

Does that sound gay?

"find the biggest, baddest mother in the yard...

And knock his ass out."

lift the knees, maggot.

Maybe we'll win one sorry-ass game this year.

- I think I'm gonna puke, coach. - Use it!

Keep lookin' at the horse's ass and run.

♪ on those saturdays when kids go out and play

♪ yo, I was up in my room I let the stereo blaze

♪ wasn't faded, not jaded just a kid

♪ with a pad and a pen and a big imagination ♪

biggest and baddest, baby...

A-t-t-a-c-k the leader of the pack.

Punch. a-t-t-a-c-k...

Carmen, more cheer, less bull dance, okay?

We don't want guys stuffing bills down your panties.

What panties?

♪ click, click, boom, I'm comin' down on the stereo

♪ hear me on the radio

♪ click, click, boom i'm comin' down ♪

[ whimpers ]

don't I have a dreamy boyfriend?

And make sure everybody sees him go down.

Careful.

Hey, you mind if I sit down?

Wrong level, bitch.

Bitch? say what?

I think we got a real serious problem here.

Yeah? well, if it's you, there's no pro...

[ screams ]

[ grunting ]

whoa!

[ laughing ]

[ school bell ringing ]

♪ I'm comin' down on the stereo hear me on the radio ♪

- hi. - Okay.

♪ click, click, boom

dude, what's with you?

Who's the bi-itch now?

- [ bell rings ] - [ Grunting ]

you guys might want to come scoop up your friend.

Shit.

[ panting ]

[ grunting ]

[ grunting ]

god...

[ panting ]

what are you doin', freak?

Knocking you into the hall and me into the history books.

[ whispers ] okay...

[ shouts ] who's the bi-itch now?

You've gotta be kidding me!

[ body skidding on wall ]

oh, god.

[ panting ]

- [ glass breaks ] - [ Glass hitting floor ]

don't push away.

[ hits floor ]

help.

[ alarm ringing ]

who's... the...

bitch... now?

- [ grunts ] - [ Gasping ]

- [ alarm continues ] - [ Murmuring ]

coming through. Look out. look out.

Look out. coming through. Take your hat off in school.

- [ alarm continues ] - [ Key chain zips ]

- [ alarm stops ] - [ Key chain zips ]

can we all have a round of applause for conner maguire?

Everyone? Come on. yeah.

Everyone? You? yeah.

Come on. Don't be shy.

Stop it! All of you!

Hello, son.

Now, I told you last time, you start something, you're what?

You're gone!

Well, my friend, looks like it's last call, huh?

Last call?

He didn't start it.

I did.

Who the hell are you?

I'm the new guy.

[ whip snaps ]

[ gasping ]

[ whip snaps ]

hey, man, how's the nose?

Shut up.

Look at "dat" freak sitting on "tob" of the tower.

Move!

I think we should unroll the welcome mat.

Yeah? I think I should go kick his ass.

Great. I've dreamed of dating the expelled guy.

Expelled guys rock.

Later.

Later.

You're not going over there.

Well, I wasn't. Now I am. later.

Hey, man, she just dissed you.

Dude, shut up.

Hey, new guy. Got a name?

Harris. gil harris.

I'm courtney. that's carmen. that's danielle.

So how do you like our little slice of paradise?

Well, I gotta tell ya,

it's nice to be somewhere without... bars.

You were in jail?

Did they give you a full body cavity search?

Forgive my friends. they get really shy around strangers.

My fault. I talk too much.

- that's hot. - Well,

there's a party tonight at my house... if you can come.

- [ paper crumples ] - I don't make plans.

Not my style.

[ phil collins ] and I can feel it coming

♪ in the air tonight

♪ oh, lord

♪ but I've been waiting for this moment

♪ for all my life

♪ oh, lord

♪ [ band ] I, I, I'm just a love machine

♪ and I won't work for nobody but you, ooh, yeah

♪ - I'm just a love machine - Yeah, baby ♪

a huggin', kissing thing

- [ guitar chord ] - Whoo!

We love you, rocky creek!

We'll be here all week! We love texas,

and we love you too!

So I'm guessing that it went well.

For the first 18 years, things were one way,

and in ten minutes it completely changed.

They bought it.

Things have changed.

You know you just made it to the 50th level of kunark.

Better. I got invited to a party.

Me. dizzy gillespie harrison.

Excuse me while I do the boogaloo.

♪ watch me, ha

whoa, slow down, funky white boy.

Did they invite you or gil harris?

Whatever. The point is, today...

Nobody stuffed me in my locker or singed off my ass hair.

- please... - No offense.

Hey, are you saying these chicks party on a school night?

Courtney does.

That is, without doubt, the sluttiest girl I have ever seen.

I know. Isn't it great?

You have to do her, and while you're with her, think of me.

Okay, that sounded gay.

That's the thing. Courtney's expecting...

"gil" at the party tonight.

She's right. How would gil harris party?

I think the question is,

how would gil get jiggy with this courtney chick...

And make her say "who's your daddy"...

[ laughs ]

while respecting her as a woman.

Diz, you ready for this?

Look, my dad loves this bike more than he loves me.

That's not true.

No, it is. he wrote it in my birthday card.

[ sighs ]

so, please, be very careful.

This is a vintage, flat track racing bike.

- it's very powerful. - [ Pats cycle ]

you have to know what you're doing.

Stand back.

I'll start it for you.

[ engine starts, revs ]

[ screeching ]

now, remember, I won't always be around to do that for you.

Now I don't see things the way I did before

can't stand feeling this way

courtney got tony hawk to come to her party?

It doesn't make any sense to feel so different day to day

there's nothing cooler than that.

When nothing's changed except for, oh

- whoa! - [ Horn sounding ]

♪ things have changed I don't feel the same ♪

dude's crazy.

[ urinating ]

hey, man! These are dockers.

I made it.

[ yells ] bush!

Hey!

Courtney, did you see that indy 360?

Tony, please.

Rani, did you see that indy 3? I could do it again.

[ wheels squeaking ]

have any trouble finding the house?

Um...

Well, aren't you the strong, silent type.

[ laughs ] well, I...

Wanna come upstairs with me?

Um, I...

Wanna make out with me?

Uh, heh. Uh, well, I...

Wanna take my clothes off with your teeth?

Okay, you talked me into it.

Aren't you coming?

Almost.

Courtney is such a slut.

Which didn't stop you dating her two months.

It was four.

[ cat screeches ]

- [ hip-hop, indistinct ] - [ Chattering ]

hey, new guy.

You wanna dance, new guy?

Heh, heh, heh.

Know why I like it out here?

The view?

Nope. it's because there's all these people around.

Doesn't that turn you on,

knowing we could be caught at any moment?

[ laughs ] yeah, well, that, um,

does make things interesting.

Mmm.

Wanna make out?

Okay.

Oh, I forgot something.

[ rustling ]

[ hitting glass, cat screeches ]

ready for dessert?

Gil?

Hello?

[ hip-hop ]

[ whimpering ]

courtney, what's the matter?

I can't... believe it...

What? what happened?

Gil... blew me off.

[ laughs ] it sucks to be you.

Carmen, put it away.

Honey, I knew that boy was trouble.

Shit.

Hey, hey, girls. I know what you're thinkin'.

"he's too good-looking for me," right? right?

Hola? habla ingles? hello...

- [ metal creaking ] - [ Yells ]

where'd you come from?

I'm exercising. You got a problem?

No. no, no. It's cool. it's cool.

Hey, what does that hit? Your, uh, lat's?

Delt's? tri's? bi's?

Back curls. Great for the calves.

Ab's, cool. so you really blow off courtney?

You can tell us.

[ both ] you blow her off?

I didn't exactly blow her off.

Oh, wait. stop, stop, stop. Stop right there.

Any dude who disses courtney must date...

The most outrageous women on earth.

Whoa, whoa!

Hey, what can I say?

What can I say? You are the man.

You are the man! [ laughs ]

did he say you're a fraud?

I don't think you've been with anyone.

[ murmuring ]

yeah, you're right. She's not just "anyone."

dude, this babe's got it all.

Yes, she does.

I bet she knows how to make a guy happy, huh?

Hey, I'd love to stay and chat, but, um,

josefina's waiting for me.

You're not goin' anywhere.

Don't make me do crazy eyes.

- [ whip snaps ] - [ Gasping ]

josefina. exotic. Me gusta josefina.

Guys, don't you see what's goin' on here?

Yeah, if we wanna get chicks, we gotta work on our ab's.

Let's go. come on.

Come on. up. ready? One, two...

[ groans ]

I got it, I got it. Check me out, baby. bat wings!

Hey, chump change, get down.

Backbones, baby! whoo!

[ engine clicking ]

watch. that bike won't even start.

He trashed it when he landed.

- [ clicking continues ] - Please start. please start.

[ engine starts, tires screech ]

[ engine switches off ]

it's a full-time job tryin' to save his butt.

I almost got laid!

- whoo, hoo! - Did he say "brake"?

[ screeching ]

whoa!

I almost got laid! Hoo, hoo!

[ laughing ]

♪ she's a bad mama jamma

♪ just as fine as she can be

♪ hey, she's a bad mama jamma

♪ just as fine as she can be

♪ hoo, hoo

hey, waiting up for me, dad?

Yes, we are.

"we"?

Hi. hey.

Uh, dad, what is miss pierce doing here?

Kiki's here to help us.

Help us with what?

An intervention.

We're surroundin' you with love.

Now sit.

Okay, dramatic change in appearance,

lack of communication,

altered patterns of behavior...

What are ya on?

- [ squeaks ] - Is it crystal meth?

Is it the crank?

Are ya ridin' the white pony, son?

[ mouthing words ]

um,

no, I'm not on drugs, dad, I-I'm... I'm happy.

For the first time in I-I can't remember when,

I'm actually happy.

[ squeaks ]

it occurs to me to tell you...

That "de-nial" is not just a river in egypt!

Look, son, it's all my fault.

I've been so worried about alarms goin' off at work,

I missed the alarms goin' off right here at home.

But I'm gonna make it up to you.

Come monday, i'm quittin' my job...

so we can be together 24-7.

But, dad, how will you pay the mortgage?

I'll sell the house.

Dad, do not...

I repeat, do not do that.

Look, son, there's no possible way for you to understand this,

but when things get truly bad,

sometimes you have to make a drastic change...

completely revamp everything in your life...

[ mouthing words ]

just to get what you want.

But I do understand that. I'm not sick.

I'm revamped. I'm revamped. I'm revamped.

It's very sweet.

Underneath the tourette's and the crank,

he still wants to be like his daddy.

I am so onto you.

[ muffled ] you are?

You pretend to not want to be a part of this school,

but you totally get off on being a bad-ass.

[ coughs ] oh. you caught me.

Yeah, and that's why I want to use you.

Okay, but, um, only for a couple of years.

Come to the football game.

Our team sucks, nobody shows.

It's more socially acceptable to sit on a car and drink...

And puke than it is to watch a game.

It's hard work pretending not to care.

Yeah, but if you showed up

maybe some of these other fools would too.

I'm in.

[ speaks albanian ]

you-yam-what?

My grandmother's albanian. It means "I owe you one."

what was that about?

Just asking the new guy a favor.

And what could you possibly need from him?

Oh, just things I'm not getting elsewhere.

[ marching band, dissonant ]

[ cheerleaders ] go, fight, win!

Go, go!

Fight, fight!

Win, win! Go, fight, win!

[ counting off unenthusiastically ]

[ danielle ] here we go, guys! come on!

Come on, east highland!

Okay, ready?

♪ [ chanting ] how funky is your chicken

♪ how loose is your goose

♪ so come on, east highland

so danielle finally dragged you out

to one of these football games.

I'm not at the game. I'm with you guys.

Plus, I just like to watch her jump around.

♪ come on, east highland

yeah, right.

[ imitates whip cracking ]

[ continues imitating whip ]

ride 'em, cowboy!

Will you shut up!

Man, that's not funny.

♪ east highland bend and shake your caboose ♪

- whoo! go, east highland! - Come on, east highland!

- come on! - Come on, people.

- guys? - Hello?

[ players ] one! [ coach ] one, two, three!

- two! - One, two, three!

[ grunts ]

guys, this is bullshit. we haven't won a game in five years.

We might as well forfeit. We're dead anyway.

Ten-hut!

He's out of his mind.

Dead?

Did you say dead?

All this hoo-ha about being dead and not wanting to fight...

And staying out of the game...

Is a load of crap!

Did we give up when pearl harbor was bombed?

I thought that movie made money.

We didn't give up then, and we're not gonna give up now!

American high school students traditionally love to fight.

All real football players love the sting of battle!

The only thing we have to fear is...

- [ mutters ] I don't know. - Fear itself.

What is wrong with you people?

Where's the hunger?

Where is the school spirit?

Washington high?

We're gonna beat 'em.

Lincoln high?

We're gonna beat 'em.

Hardin high?

We're gonna beat 'em.

Yes!

Let's do it!

Let's... do it!

- [ grunts ] - [ Whinnies ]

go!

That's my goddamn horse.

Hit 'em high! Hit 'em low!

[ all ] hike!

♪ - [ singing ] yo - Hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em

♪ - hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em - Hit 'em, g

♪ hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em, hit 'em

♪ - hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em, hit 'em - What you gon' do

♪ - hit 'em high - Hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em, hit 'em

♪ - hit 'em low - Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em ♪

[ continues, indistinct ]

- [ cheering ] - [ Whistle blows ]

- yes! - Touchdown! touchdown!

Yes! how about that, highlander fans?

That's our first victory since the last bush was president!

- [ bell tolling ] - We won a game! we won a game!

Can you believe it? We actually won a game!

Whoo!

[ dizzy ] go, highland!

Danielle, what the hell's goin' on?

You're insane. But thank you.

[ speaks albanian ]

how'd you learn how to say you're welcome?

From the only other person in the albanian chat room.

Oh, what, you're impressed 'cause this guy showed up on a horse?

No, I'm impressed because he showed up for me.

Let's go.

She just dissed you again.

Dude, do you ever shut up?

Most guys wouldn't be caught dead shopping.

Well, I'm not most guys.

You did say swimsuits, right?

♪ [ singing ] yeah

♪ - uh-huh - Tell me that you want it listen

♪ tell me can you handle it

♪ show me how you work them hips

♪ - and maybe you can go get it - Uh-huh

♪ - uh-huh - I know that you want it

♪ tell me can you handle it

♪ - show me how you're workin' it - How you're workin' it

♪ and maybe you can go get it

♪ girl, you messed up when you let me in

♪ told your best friend that you wanted me

♪ then she called me up and hipped me to your steez

♪ told me you were lookin' for a guy like me

♪ so I said hold on, I ain't the one

♪ unless shorty really wanna have some fun

♪ then she said that you told her I was what you want

♪ - when I call you don't try to front - Come on

♪ I'm the guy in your dream that you had last night

♪ I'm the benz with the twenties that you wanna drive

♪ I'm tha thug in your life that'll treat you right ♪

got ya hooked 'coz I'm bringing everything you like

♪ uh-huh

♪ I know that you want it listen

♪ tell me can you handle it

♪ show me how you work them hips

♪ - and maybe we can roll wit it - Uh-huh

♪ - I know that you want it listen - Uh-huh

♪ - tell me can you handle it - Uh-huh

♪ show me how you're workin' it ♪

sorry about that. I been in prison a long time.

Now, this is real music.

So, you're saying if I listen to all this, I'll get you?

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout,

danielle. I didn't see you come in.

Oh. Hey, emily.

How's it goin'?

Uh, great. How about you?

Great.

Uh, hey, do you have the new creed cd?

Yeah. I-I'll check for you.

[ sighs ]

- who was that? - Emily.

We used to be friends when we were younger.

Oh? What happened?

I don't know.

I started dating conner. You know how things go.

I understand.

Oh, come on.

You're not the type who would drop your friends.

[ clerk ] all right, time to go.

- I'm shopping here! - You're not shopping.

You've been listening to this same song for six hours.

You're squatting!

Listen, bro, I've had a bad day.

So squat on this, puke face!

That's it. You're tossed.

Seth, you're not a bouncer anymore.

You've moved up.

Come on, man. who can toss her better than me?

Relax.

Come on, man! I'm sick of this!

- diz! you made it! -[ Glen ] perfect timing!

Man, I was starting to think you never check

the e.q. Message boards anymore.

Gil, do you know these people?

Uh, no.

Let's go.

[ p.a. system: feedback ]

if anyone's lost a pair of balls, we have found them.

Wait, there's a name here.

Dizzy harrison, please pick your balls up. and scrotum.

That's balls and scrotum at counter five.

You know what? I have all these.

That's my microphone!

- oh, no! - Wait! no!

Aaah!

[ blow lands ]

harris, get your punk ass in here!

[ sobbing ]

colonel, what are you doing here?

You stole my horse, maggot!

Do you have any idea what the penalty is in this state

for stealing another man's horse?

Death?

This isn't iraq, son.

But I can tell you

there's probably a hefty fine.

You know what this is?

It's a bill for manure cleanup,

resodding the football field,

and to top it all off,

somebody urinated all over mrs. campanella's rose garden.

Uh, that was me, sir.

And you want to know something else?

[ heartbeat pounding)

it was all worth it!

Come here! Come here!

That was our first victory in five years,

and it's all because of you!

I love you more than my own good-for-nothin' son.

Sit down. Take a load off.

We got a problem.

We got a homecoming dance coming up.

It has been the most...

God-awful experience for everyone involved.

Right, coach? I mean, aah-h-h-h!

You have any ideas how we might turn this thing around?

- good music? - Music!

Hey, that is a fantastic idea, son.

You see that? Hey!

What kind of music?

The only music worth being called music.

I'm talkin' 'bout the funk.

♪ [ singing ] ohh, yeah

♪ who

♪ mr. big stuff

♪ who do you think you are

♪ - mr. big stuff - [ Sighs ]

♪ you're never gonna get my love ♪

hello? singing?

Who are we kidding? We can't play funk

- without a bass line. hey. - Or black guys.

We'll find someone. We don't need diz.

Oh, you don't?

So somebody else is getting you paying gigs.

We're headlining at homecoming

two weeks from tonight.

- is someone talking to us? - I don't hear anything.

It was diz. What's wrong with you people?

Look, I was an asshole at the mall.

A world-class asshole.

They're scouting me for asshole olympics.

I'm carrying the torch. [ chuckling ]

come on, you guys. I'm sorry.

I got no good excuse for what I did.

It's not easy being the big bull.

You're the big bullshit.

Gil's the big bull.

- yeah, but that's me. - Is it?

So what makes you any different from any other high school thug

since the beginning of time?

♪ I know it's been a long road

♪ to get these towns behind me

♪ and I

♪ will gladly reap what we may sow

♪ I am there for you

♪ and you're there for me

♪ I stopped believing

♪ a long time ago

- quit it. - It wasn't me.

- then who was it? - Him.

Hi, guys. Ed liggett. tuba.

The marching band's collecting bottles and cans

for the homeless,

ironically, taking away the only job the homeless have.

Any donation would be greatly appreciated.

Hey, buddy, you know what the homeless need?

A midget.

Why would the homeless need a midget?

Shut up.

Hey! quit it! [ shrieks ]

[ all laughing ]

[ shrieking continues ]

- what a throw. - [ Shrieking continues ]

little ed, are you okay?

Y-yeah. I'm from a rodeo family.

You remembered my name.

Come on.

♪ into this morning light

[ continues ]

what's gil doing?

He's taking him up the tower.

Ed liggett's gonna get his little ass kicked.

♪ another day

♪ are you waiting for

♪ heart in hand

who is that little dude?

♪ see me where I stand

hey, conner,

what did ed ever do to you?

♪ heart in hand

♪ heart in hand

♪ - it's all for a woman - [ All gasp ] ♪

all right, freak. [ spits ]

we don't call people that here.

♪ [ continues ]

danielle.

[ ed ] she's going down there with the geeks.

- emily. - Danielle.

Look, emily...

I know. [ giggles ]

[ applause, cheering ]

you backed him instead of me.

Caught that, did you?

This is bullshit, danielle.

My girlfriend's supposed to back me up.

You're right. your girlfriend should back you up.

- find one. - [ Students gasp ]

I don't need you. I could have anyone.

Look, man,

I'm really, really sorry me and the guys

pissed in your tuba.

- you did? - Yeah.

I thought it tasted funny.

♪ love to see you whip it sure could treat you right

♪ give me just a minute of your time tonight

♪ we're both here to have some fun ♪

[ continues ] well, that's another win

for the highlanders.

Mark's gonna help you pass trig.

Hey.

You don't remember me, do you?

"stop, please. Your ass is crushing my head"?

- oh! was that you? - Me.

[ grunts ]

[ announcer ] highland wins again!

♪ whip it, baby whip it right

♪ whip it, baby whip it all night ♪

what's your trip, child let it whip

that's what I'm talkin' about.

[ continues ]

hey, courtney,

I'd like to introduce you to a few old buddies of mine.

Hi, I'm... hawk.

And I'm... apache.

- yeah, hawk, apache and I... - Spent time in prison together.

Mostly in the shower.

[ continues ]

[ announcer ] can't you just smell the play-offs?

Before I met gil... I probably would've just

looked at you with disgust and walked away.

Wiggling my ass just so you'd know what you were missing.

Yeah, well, the universe is upside-down.

And in a few minutes you will be too.

♪ oooh-ooh-ooh, let it whip whip it, baby

♪ - whip it right - Let it whip

♪ whip it, baby whip it all night

♪ let it whip go on, whip, go on, whip

♪ let's whip it, baby child, let's whip it right [ grunts ]

♪ let's whip it, baby let's whip it all night

♪ well, what's your trip. No, no, ch... ♪

hey, I finally understand this song, a'right?

Aaaah!

♪ come on, whip come on, whip ♪

- [ whistle blows ] - Yeah!

♪ - whip it right - Aaah!

♪ - whip it baby, whip it all night - Whoo! ♪

[ roars ]

♪ there is no time to lose

♪ you're the one I choose

♪ you're the right one to choose, whoo-hoo ♪

guys! hey, baby!

♪ let it whip whip it, baby, whip it right

♪ - touchdown! - Whip it, baby whip it all night

♪ - such a trip - No, no, child

♪ let it whip

♪ - come on, whip, come on, whip - Go, danny!

♪ - dance, danny, dance! - Whip it, baby whip it right ♪

- let it whip - Whip it, baby whip it all night

♪ - such a trip - No, no, child

♪ let it whip

[ announcer ] unbelievable!

We're going to the state championship!

[ gunshot ]

[ announcer ] the highlanders are on fire!

Whoa. A little spill.

Remember... turn, don't burn.

Son, I just want you to know

that when you go off to college,

me and this house roll with you.

Dad, do not...

I repeat, do not do that.

[ shrieking ]

just roll around, dad.

- you'll be all right. - [ Shrieking continues ]

- we're closed. - Hey, it's okay. he's with me.

Andale.

♪ well, I spent a lifetime lookin' for you ♪

[ continues ]

you're really good at that.

It's the best part about working at this place.

I get to ride the bull for free.

And I get a lot of good tips for wearing a bandanna as a shirt.

Watch it, hoodlum.

That's estelle.

- she must like you. - Hi, estelle.

- ohh! - Hi.

Don't mind estelle. She's like my big sister.

She worries.

What could she possibly be worried about?

That I'll end up like my mom.

Working the day shift here

and raising three kids by myself.

I didn't know all that.

Well, it's hard to keep track of all the white trash cliches

well, I'm not worried about you.

You're not? that's a relief.

- you want a pad? - For what?

- [ groaning ] - Estelle!

[ grunting ] look... danielle...

If I can do what I've done, you can do anything.

- I wish I had the confidence you have. - Don't ever wish that.

Why? you know exactly who you are.

[ continues grunting ] but you don't know who I am, danielle.

Before I came to east highland...

Hey!

[ groans ]

you get good distance with the skinny ones.

Gil, are you okay?

That's just it. I'm not...

hermano!

- they killed paco! - Paco?

Paco!

Ah, paco.

- um, amigo grande. - Si!

Las aranas negras.

Black spiders.

[ speaking spanish ]

hey.

Danielle, see this tattoo?

I don't need to hear it.

There's some things about me that I need to tell you,

and you're not gonna like it.

Gil, it doesn't matter.

Anything you did in your past, I don't need to know.

Let's just think about now.

But I'm really dizzy.

[ chuckles ] so am I.

- [ whip cracks ] - She's going to college, punk.

Hey, lady, nobody's stopping her.

That's a buzzkill. Good night, estelle.

So, you ready for state finals tomorrow?

Hey, all I do is ride a horse.

Yeah, well, I'm worried. Those drillers can be brutal.

The drillers?

Yeah. rocky creek high. You know where it is?

I do.

Um, look, danielle, uh...

I can't go to that game. I hate that school.

How can you not come?

It's complicated.

I hate that school too, but if you don't show up nobody will.

Please don't bail now.

[ announcer ] let's welcome our undefeated...

- state champions, - Yeah! drillers!

- the rocky creek drillers, - [ Crowd cheering ]

and their opponents, from east highland high,

[ haltingly ] the highlanders.

[ cheering stops ]

I can't believe those kilt-wearin' wussies

aren't gonna show up.

[ bagpipes, faint ]

[ murmuring ]

[ cheering, shouting ]

hold!

What's going on?

♪ well, I'm an outsider outside of everything

♪ I'm an outsider

♪ outside of everything

♪ - [ continues ] - [ Whinnies ] ♪

[ bagpipes squeaking ]

♪ everything you know

♪ everything you kno-o-ow

♪ - [ continues ] - Come on! go! go! hurry! go! go!

♪ I'm an outsider

♪ - outside of everything - [ Whistle blows ] ♪

[ marching band ]

[ announcer ] my, oh, my!

What a miraculous, momentous occasion...

In highlander history, sports fans!

With just eight ticks left on the clock,

the score is tied 24-all.

The drillers have the ball on the 50-yard line

and there's only time for one last play.

If the highlanders can stop the drillers,

we're looking at overtime!

Who's that little dude?

[ whistle blows ]

[ twins shouting ] let's go, highland!

[ twins shouting ] let's go, highland!

This is the biggest day for texas 5-a football...

Since back in '93 when johnson killed kennedy!

[ marching band continues ]

[ chanting ] r.c.! r.c.!

Come on, highland!

- yeah! - Yeah!

- yeah! yeah! - Highland!

[ both ] highland! yeah!

Do you really understand what's going on here?

Their team isn't killing us, their fans are!

- whoo! - Whoo!

Get your heads in the game and let's concentrate!

Yo, man, we gotta split left.

Quick toss 29 on one. on one. Duncan gets the ball.

No way, asshole. Not duncan.

My team, my game, my championship, my ball!

Just do your job. I'll do the rest.

Watch the back! Watch the back!

Red 71 down!

Go, rocky creek! Go, rocky creek!

Go, rocky creek! Yeah!

Go, rocky creek! Go, rocky creek!

Whoo! rocky!

Aah!

Go on, get outta here, rocky creek!

Defense! defense!

[ crowd joins in chanting ] defense! defense!

Defense! defense! Defense! defense!

Defense! defense! Defense! defense!

Defense! defense! Defense!

Defense! defense! Defense!

[ horse whinnying ]

[ crowd chanting ] defense! defense! defense! defense!

- [ announcer ] fumble! - [ Crowd gasping, shouting ]

whoo!

Whoa!

[ announcer ] highland wins!

- [ horse whinnying ] - Go, highland! go, highland!

This is for you, son.

Thank you.

Go, highland!

Whoo!

No-o-o-o-o!

Is that...

[ cheering continues ]

8: ♪ 00 wednesday night and I'm waitin'

♪ to finally talk to a girl a little cooler than me

♪ her name is nova

♪ she's a rocker with a nose ring

♪ she wears a two-way

♪ but I'm not quite sure what that means

♪ - hello... whoa! - And when she walks

♪ oh, the wind blows

♪ - and the angels sing - Hi! ♪

she doesn't notice me...

-[ off ] -Hey!

Hey, dizzy dipshit!

- [ all murmuring ] - Where are you?

Yo, dipshit!

How you doin', buddy?

- how's it goin', barclay? - Who is this guy, gil?

Just an old friend.

Any friend of gil's is a friend of mine.

-I'm travis. -Lonnie.

Pete.

Ed liggett, tuba.

How you doin', man?

[ shrieks ]

better now.

- what is wrong with you, man? - So I tossed a freak.

Excuse me, but we discourage name-calling around here.

What do you want?

You stole my state championship, asshole!

Again, let me remind you,

if you must talk like that I'm gonna ask you to leave.

Oh, I'm leaving...

As soon as I tell you the truth about your leader.

We know he was in prison . we forgive him.

Prison? are you shitting me?

All right, buddy boy, that doesn't fly arou...

Okay, you guys, back it up.

This is my fight.

Oh, baby, come on. Make my day.

- get him! - [ All yelling ]

- [ barclay screaming ] - [ Fabric tearing ]

I'm gonna go wild on your ass!

- take this! and this! - [ Barclay screams ]

[ fabric tearing ]

♪ she's the girl all the bad guys want

♪ she's the girl all the bad guys want

♪ 'cause she's the girl all the bad guys want

♪ 'cause she's the girl all the bad guys ♪

[ groans ]

I wanna know what you know.

[ rock ]

diz, somebody spread the word about our band.

Hello. I think that was us.

But half of rocky creek is out there.

What? how did they hear?

- hey, guys. check this out. - "Creed"?

What idiot would fall for this?

There's a cafeteria menu on the other side.

Hey, anybody know where the v.I.p. room is?

Excuse me, ladies. Hello.

Thank you. [ microphone feedback ]

- who did that? quiet. - Hey, fat ass!

Uh, hi.

Uh, well, I didn't think I'd live to see us win the state championship.

[ cheering ]

quiet!

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

suburban funk.

We can do this.

♪ hey, do it now

♪ yeah, hey

♪ once I was a boogie singer

♪ playin' in a rock and roll band

♪ [ nora ] I never had no problems, no

♪ burnin' down the one-night stand

♪ and I decided quickly yes, I did

♪ to disco down and check out the show

♪ and they were dancin' and singin'

♪ and movin' to the groovin'

♪ and just when it hit me

♪ somebody turned around and shouted

♪ play that funky music white boy

♪ - play that funky music right - Yeah

♪ play that funky music white boy

♪ lay down the boogie

♪ and play that funky music till you die ♪

- [ stops ] - [ Equipment feedback ]

[ conner ] ladies and gentlemen, creed...

will not be here tonight... repeat, will not be here tonight.

And drop curtain.

Cue.

[ whimpering ] mrs. whitman, it's my, um... my p...

[ mrs. whitman ] it's mine now! no, mrs.... you're...

- [ cracks ] - [ All gasp ]

yo, east highland, you know gil harris.

[ cheering ]

hey, rocky creek, you remember diz harrison.

- [ muffled yelling ] - [ Barclay ] guess what, folks.

Gil and diz are the same guy.

[ students murmuring ]

[ barclay ] he made fools of all of you.

You don't believe me, ask him yourself.

Maybe for once he'll tell the truth.

[ all shouting ] this sucks! what's going on?

- hey, hey, hey! - No, it's all right.

I can handle this.

Um, look, I can explain.

[ booing, shouting ]

[ whistle blows ]

- boo! - [ Shouting continues ]

[ all gasp, shouting stops ]

- let the brother speak. - Luther!

It's not just luther. Spiders.

You play my kind of music.

- [ feedback ] - Hey! [ chuckles ]

hey, red. Out of the way, red.

- I been in the pen quite a while. - [ Whimpering ]

everything you saw on that screen...

Was completely true.

- [ gasping, murmuring ] - [ Giggling ]

they're right. I'm a liar.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Well, actually, I do know what I was thinking.

- [ sniffing ] - I was trying to become...

something more than just a blip on the radar screen.

So I made someone up.

Someone I thought you'd all like.

And all because...

I cared more about what other people thought of me...

Than about what I thought of me.

[ sniffling ]

but I'd bet

- I'm not the only person here... - Hold me, baby.

Who's ever let that happen.

What the hell's this?

- [ murmuring continues ] - Broke dick!

- broke dick! broke dick! - Broke dick!

[ conner, barclay, crowd ] broke dick! broke dick! broke dick! broke dick!

Broke dick! broke dick! Broke dick! broke dick!

Broke dick! broke dick!

You'd better come scoop up your friend.

- [ shotgun cocks ] - Move it!

[ students continue shouting ]

anybody got a staple gun?

[ together ] who's the bitch now?

Diz! oh, my god! You're bleeding.

- my nose! - The crowd out there,

they're animals.

No, animals are kinder.

They don't boo when they're killing something.

Ow! ow.

Diz, you are amazing.

♪ - you came along and stole my heart - What was that for? ♪

- can't I appreciate you? - When you entered my life

you're scaring me. What's going on here?

You inspire me.

I have to do something I've been wanting to do for the longest time.

I have to let somebody know how I feel about them.

- I want you - Um, you know, nora, I can't...

[ grunting, moaning ]

better than playstation 2?

Now it is.

Yo, I guess it's me and you, man.

- and us. - And us.

And me.

[ grunting, moaning continues ]

would you two get a room?

I'm sorry.

I don't even know what to call you.

Broke dick seems to be popular.

You're the biggest liar I've ever met.

You're right. I'm a liar.

[ danielle sighs ]

you know, they called me dan the man.

- what? - Yeah.

Of course, that was before I lost the braces and grew my boobs.

Then I became danielle the body.

I dropped all the friends I ever had

because they looked like the old me.

Very selfish and mean,

but, you know, I just wanted so badly to fit in.

Been there.

Do you even ride the motorcycle?

Yeah, actually, I do.

But it usually takes a station wagon or a bush to stop me.

So, what do we do now?

Don't ask me. the last plan I had blew up pretty badly.

Yeah, no kiddin'.

[ speaks albanian ]

[ students laughing ]

[ both grunting ]

so, you see,

I saved his narrow behind...

and he got to kiss the girl.

I hope that inspires you.

It has. It's taught me a lot.

It's easy for a man like myself

to forget what most poor slobs will do to get a woman.

♪ I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare ♪

my fault. I talk too much.

[ bleep ] that really did burn me. sorry.

Nobody cares

'cause I'm alone in the world and

- nobody wants to be alone... - Oh, god.

- you okay? - That one clipped it, dude.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

i'm just a kid I know that it's not fair

nobody cares 'cause I'm alone and the world is

having more fun

- than me. -That's why I want to use you.

[ crew laughing ]

♪ and maybe when the night is dead

♪ I'll crawl into my bed [ continues ] ♪

- you starin' at my janet? - No. no way, man.

Shall we do that again? ' cause you couldn't understand

what the [ bleep ] I said.

[ garbled nonsense ]

- cut. - I'm sorry. that sucked.

Here on my own

and here it goes i'm just a kid

and life is a nightmare

i'm just a kid

I know that it's not fair

- man, look at that! -Ohh!

[ all yelling ]

don't give them mercy...

Oh, god, I blew the line.

Check me out! Bat wings! whoo!

- whoa! - Cut! cut!

It's the worst night ever

you know what I need? I need three gallons of mineral water.

I need about 16 martini olives.

And I need enough hummus to cover this beautiful girl's entire body.

- you got that? - [ Whimpers ]

[ together ] who's the bitch now?

Hey, man, you got a smoke, man?

I know that it's not fair

nobody cares 'cause I'm alone in the world tonight

how you doing? [ grunts ]

- better now. - Ooh!

Okay, cut!

[ whinnies ]

[ funk ]

♪ uh-oh! Uh-oh!

♪ [ grunts, rapping ] you don't know me,

♪ -do ya. -No.

♪ but I bet you recognize me when I start to bring it to ya

♪ I ain't from around here

♪ and this is what I miss it's a little different out here

♪ that's probably why they watch me

♪ don't worry when I finish with the mumble make 'em jock me

♪ you can't help you can't stop me

♪ yo know you can't stop me 'cause I'm swingin' like rocky

♪ you can snap those two feet

♪ the girls got to be bomb they callin' me new meat

♪ what's wrong with this lady

♪ but if you really wanna grab hold of me, baby

♪ she'll say, "oh, no"

♪ until I show her attention say, "oh, lord"

♪ don't knock it till you try

♪ the next thing you know i'll be knockin' out the side

♪ that ain't hard for the new guy

♪ you didn't think I was gon' hit it, huh

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ clean up your act and change your clothes

♪ did you get it don't see you no more

♪ don't come around here

♪ unless you're doin' what I'm doin' to the man right here

♪ you can practice till you get tight

♪ you can stand in front of the mirror all night till you get it right

♪ tell me what's wrong with ya

♪ wouldn't have no soul but an afro comb to ya

♪ about to teach ya how to talk

♪ gotta move your legs 'fore the sister show you how to roll

♪ dip a little bit move your neck

♪ 'cause you probably couldn't catch a rhythm in a net

♪ you're all beat with no stance

♪ can't sing, can't dance can't jump 'cause you off balance

♪ gotta listen to the groove

♪ that's if you ever could call yourself new and improved

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ tell me who you know who rap album full of singles

♪ we're ready to play 'can't sing my jingle

♪ your mama tell 'em don't talk to strangers

♪ when the video come on hey, let 'em sing "danger"

♪ they go outside and shake a feather

♪ just make sure you don't break it

♪ rhymin', signin' behind the beat

♪ so if you hear 'em cursin' don't blame it on me

♪ stand on stage lookin' good in the light

♪ a young black rapper I do all right

♪ and you can feel the kids a-kickin' his songs

♪ and when I'm on the mike I can't do no wrong

♪ I break 'em off I do my thang

♪ trend-setter cuttin' up ain't nothin' gon' change

♪ I tear down a disc break for two

♪ and now I'm payin' my dues I wish they would call me new

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this

♪ watch me

♪ pick up on this

♪ wit' yo bad self

♪ get up on this