Original subtitles

♪ Foodtopia ♪

I'm feeling pain.

♪ She closed her eyes ♪

♪ But only for a moment then the tap turned on ♪

♪ The water's stream ♪

♪ Splashed upon her face and she died painfully ♪

- Why would Frank... - do this?

♪ Mush in the sink ♪

- ♪ Brenda turned to mush in the sink ♪ - ♪ Brenda turned to mush in the sink ♪

- ♪ Mush in the sink ♪ - ♪ Brenda turned to mush in the sink ♪

♪ Brenda turned to mush in the sink ♪

Uh, Sammy? It's almost showtime.

- You ready to come out yet? - Not quite yet. Just leave me alone.

I mean... But I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

Just... I'll be there soon.

You have everything you ever wanted, okay?

Just go ahead and smile already.

What is wrong with me?

You're running from the pain, you beautiful coward!

Lavash?! You're not real, you're not real.

No shit. But our love was...

as was your friendship with Brenda.

I couldn't help Brenda, just like I couldn't help you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!

Go away! Can't you hear?

I'm finally grieving for my lost loved ones.

Cancel the show.

Sub in the Calamaris.

I came by to check up on you.

I can see you're upset.

Who wouldn't be? Your good friend murdered by your other good friend.

And now you're the one who has to report the story.

- It's a lot. - Yeah. Look, about that.

I just don't believe that Frank would ever do that.

Right, but I was there.

I saw him turn her body to mush with my own eyes.

You believe me, right?

Yeah, but, you know, it's complicated.

It's sort of a blind faith scenario.

You know, old friends over new friends.

After everything I've done for you.

Given you a platform, the fame...

the fortune.

I did that for you.

And I can undo it.

So, either you tell the story or someone else will.

Ha! Fat fucking chance replacing me.

Meet your replacement.

This is Duncan.

Duncan Donut?

What kind of garbage name is that?

Hello, Sammy. How do you do?

Oh. Jeez, that is a buttery voice.

Oh, fuck me.

Look at... The camera's gonna love him.

Look how the light just dances off his face.

He's double glazed.

The choice is yours, Sammy.

Report the story or lose everything.

This is Duncan Donut filling in for Sammy Bagel.

Onto our main story.

From running mates to gruesome fates

that's left one bun murdered in cold bread.

The one and only suspect is Frank Frankfurter.

Seen here being absolutely humiliated by Brenda in front of the entire town.

And also seen here being arrested for her murder.

Our new leader, Julius, had some harsh words for the accused.

Foods should not kill other foods.

Period.

And the only logical way to show that this is morally wrong

is for us to kill Frank publicly.

We now cut live to the trial where Judge Rutabaga Ginsburg

is about to read the verdict.

Guilty!

Barry, I know, I'm sorry

when you told me that story about being a runt, ya know,

and I tackled you off your hora chair

and, you know, called you a runt.

And then, you know...

Okay, I threw that bottle of whiskey at you.

Definitely, you know, not me at my best.

That's okay. How's Whiskey doing, by the way?

You know, same as Frank.

I mean, there's nothing worse than a broken spirit.

Hey, murderer, you have some visitors.

And try not to kill them like you did Brenda.

I swear to you, I did not...

We know. You could never kill Brenda.

Jeez, I know what you're going through, Frank.

I too lost a dear loved one.

The grief made me do awful things.

Things that when you think of them, it makes, you know,

your dick shrivel up and just turn inwards.

Is that possible?

I turned on my friends.

I became almost unrecognizable, even to myself,

except for the fact that I achieved untold fame and fortune.

And now everyone recognizes me.

I mean, everyone.

But I'm-I'm doing an emotional about-face

and-and I'm open to change.

The point is, there's still hope, Frank.

No, there isn't.

Brenda's dead. Foodtopia's dead. And I'm going to join them soon.

And that is probably for the best.

No, I don't think so, dude. I saw how they're gonna execute you.

It looks like it's gonna be really painful.

Nothing could be more painful than what I'm going through right now.

Everyone thinks I killed the love of my life.

Not everyone.

We're busting you out of here.

We didn't have time to tattoo the blueprints on Sammy's back.

We're gonna tunnel our way out. Sammy, hand me the spork!

You-you were serious about that?

Yes, I was... Why else would I tell you to bring a spork?

You know, I assumed because you couldn't decide between a fork and a spoon.

Forget it.

Just leave me.

Well, you know, there's nothin' funny about that.

We need to move fast if we're gonna break him out.

Frank said he doesn't want to be part of your escape plan.

Frank doesn't know what he wants.

This isn't going to be easy. If only we had a perfect decoy sausage.

Guten tag.

Okay. A little on the older and wrinklier side,

but a decoy is a decoy.

I've been searching everywhere for you, Samuel.

What do you want, Veiner?

You come to spout some more elegant prose about what an ass-eating sell-out I am?

On the contrary, Samuel.

The reclamation of your integrity has inspired me.

So, now, I bring an ember with which to ignite the fire of truth

in this endless night of lies.

As you may recall,

I have been chronicling Brenda's every move.

- What? - What?

We didn't know anything about that.

Well, I was, and I found this.

No, wait. Not that.

This is, like, borderline creepy.

Borderline?

This. I noticed evidence of a struggle, so I scaled the building.

But by the time I got into position...

Julius did this?

At first glance, to the less perceptive, it might appear that way.

In actuality,

the real perpetrator of this most heinous act

appears to have been a tiny grain of rice,

who has been surreptitiously cock-pitting the anus of the orange, Julius.

Food... cock-piloting other food?

This exonerates Frank!

We just have to show this to everyone.

How the hell are we gonna broadcast?

Ever since I took my brave stand at the electronics store,

you know, it's become the most heavily fortified place in town.

I mean, they got a security detail in bulk!

There!

That's our entry point.

How are we supposed to get up in there without being seen?

If only there was a way we could propel ourselves

with extreme force and pinpoint accuracy straight into that slot...

Aw, shit.

Aw, Donny. Who woulda thought when you asked me to join

your ultimate Frisbee team at the quad,

that one day I'd be bitin' into yours?

I don't know how safe it is to consume his "carpe diem" tattoo.

I'll just eat around it.

Mm.

So toned.

You're tellin' me Frank fucked that monster? How?

- What went where? - I don't even wanna think about all that.

All I know is it ended up in a big mess.

I can hear you.

The bath salts have given me ultra-sensitive hearing.

Along with... some other new traits.

I knew it. I knew you were still eating food.

This isn't food.

- What food would this even be, Barry? - HoneyBaked ham with shoe.

It's my friend Donny Rickman. Remember, the one you made me kill.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good times. Yeah.

Did Frank send you here to gloat about how happy is to be back with Brenda?

Brenda's dead.

Oh, she is!

So, did Frank send you to tell me that?!

What? No. Stop smiling.

Hey, you know, she was our best fuckin' friend,

- you meshugana cunt! - Frank's in trouble.

Julius is going to kill him.

We need your giant body and weird skill set to save him.

I'm in.

It's time, Frank.

Dead dog walking.

There he is!

The first food to take the life of another!

We are gathered here to honor...

The memory of poor Brenda.

And to serve up some justice!

And revenge!

Which traditionally is a dish best served cold.

But today it shall be served piping hot.

Oh, no!

Oh, shit! Ooh, this hurts.

So, I'm hooking up with this smokin' hot peach.

Here you go. Now, all you need to do is throw this...

through there.

What? That's insane.

The opening is barely bigger than the Frisbee.

I can't cover that distance.

I'm known in the ultimate world as a short game guy.

I do chicken wings, lateral dumps, the occasional scoober...

Actually, I'm pretty good at scoobers. What are you doing?

Strapping in, baby.

I can't do this. It's one thing to account for the wind

and another to factor in wind, plus the weight of a bagel and a hot dog?

Hey, hey, shut the fuck up and listen. I hate you and your entire species.

And it kills me to say this,

but I believe you can do this.

I saw you tossing those plates.

Your accuracy under pressure was astounding.

This time you're not throwing to save your own ass.

It's to save Frank's.

So, if you really... love him, like you say you do,

then help him.

It's sizzlin' my juice!

Yes!

This is Duncan Donut...

Go!

Hey! You're not allowed in here!

Please, please, try to physically stop me.

Here I come, Brenda...

the flames do not even hurt my mortal coil

because I know I will soon be...

Ah, fuck! Oh, no!

Oh, shit! It fuckin’ hurts! It does hurt!

Sammy Bagel here. Coming to you live with breaking news.

Frank is innocent.

And we got the footage that proves it.

Shit! How do I work this? Is it home?

Get in there! Now!

I got!

Oh, hey! Oh, get off of me!

Hey! Don't open the door!

Seriously, you'll break my fuckin' back!

Do it!

Break Bread together.

Please! No!

Aah! Hold them off, Barry!

Shit. I never remember how to work this thing.

Is it in Albums or in Recent?

Shut your hole, bagel boy!

And... got it!

See? There's your real murderer.

Now, set my friend Frank Frankfurter free.

Wait, so... is there a food up his butt right now?

Uh, n-no! Stop looking at my donk!

It may be gaping, but that doesn't mean there's a food operating me.

And even if there was... guess what? You voted for me.

I'm still your leader!

And I say Frank dies!

And same goes for any of you who oppose me!

Oh, fuck!

No!

No, it hurts! It fuckin’ hurts! Why didn’t I try to escape!?

Oh, fuck! No, no!

Come on, everybody. Let's tip this thing over.

On the count of three. One...

Three! Three! Just do it!

Frank!

- Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! - Frank, you're okay!

- Ouch! - Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Yeah, of course, the burns.

No!

Get in formation!

Protect me!

Jack.

Chicken wing!

Aah!

Yah!

Gotcha!

No! No!

She's out! I-I'm free!

Kill her! Kill her!

Snap my fuckin' neck, you pussy!

This is for Brenda.

- Get off of me! - No!

Frank, she killed Brenda and almost killed you.

I know. But the answer to killing cannot be more killing.

So as hard as this is for me to say,

I forgive you.

Brenda saw the best in all of us,

even when we were at our absolute worst.

She never lost hope,

even when things seemed hopeless.

We have not looked out for each other in Foodtopia,

not nearly enough.

So, I guess my hope is...

if I can forgive this little rice for killing Brenda

and framing-slash-attempting-to-execute me for doing that...

maybe you can all forgive each other,

to make our town a better and more loving place.

Barry, I'm sorry I wasn't a better partner to you.

I got caught up in the hustle.

I'm sorry for filling in the maze on your back.

The maze on all your backs. I did 'em all.

Sorry I've been such a salty bitch this whole time.

You... you forgive me?

This whole time,

I only saw the worst in food,

and it brought out the worst in me.

But... but you've shown me true goodness.

Well, I thank you.

You really can get a second chance at life.

Shit, the scarecrow.

Okay, uh, the important thing is, we didn't kill her, right?

I-I... I mean, I guess? I don't know.

So, what happens now that our leader was a rice in an orange

and a flying monster ate her?

I think that makes the flying monster the leader now.

Or is Julius still the leader?

Just without a grain of rice up his ass?

I don't think I'm ready for that.

I got a lot of healing to do.

Look, I'll get us through this transition the way Brenda wanted us to.

Not driven by greed or property or wealth,

but by helping each other.

So, throw down your teeth.

But I like my tooth.

I didn't vote for Frank. Why are we even listening to him?

Let's just do another leader competition.

- Uh-oh. - Well, wait. If that rice is gone,

who owns the toy store now?

Uh, I do. I call it.

I just punched out the food who called it!

It's mine again.

- Don't let her get away with it! - Let's get him!

Frank?

- Where-where you going? - Let him go, Sammy.

Frank, we still have to fix Foodtopia.

We lost, but they're still our children.

They're always gonna be our responsibility,

regardless of whether they push us away or act like little assholes.

If I'm leader, we're gonna make a big hole in the middle of town,

and anything goes in Big Hole.

No judgments whatsoever.

Not in Big Hole! So vote for me.

A humey!

- Frank? - It's only one. Let's get him!

His armor! It’s impenetrable!

That's right.

You should fear me.

I eat food.

Is that all right, Frank?

I didn't want it to be this way, but you all left me no choice.

We founded Foodtopia because we believe food should do whatever they wanted,

but we were wrong. You cannot be trusted to make your own decisions,

- so I'll be making them for you. - Frank, what are you doing?

This is the only way we're ever gonna have a fair society.

Otherwise, Brenda will have died for nothing.

I'm in charge now.

Is that the humey Brenda said you fucked?

No.