Original subtitles

LILY: Marshall's almost here.

Yes! Look at us,

hanging out again. This is amazing.

This is awesome!

This is... (roaring) (laughing): Okay.

Just settle down, buddy. No!

Settling down is for losers with kids who never go out anymore.

I am in charge tonight,

and the earliest I am allowing anyone

to go home is... 2:00 a.m.

10:00 p.m. 9:45.

3:00 a.m.

Guys, tonight is gonna be legen...

wait for it...

If I leave now,

I could put the kids to bed.

I'll get the check.

..dary!

Legendary!

Guys, the gang is back!

We're back! (sputtering, shouting)

All of us except for Robin.

We never see her anymore.

Okay, in addition to you guys not going home

before 4:00 a.m... yes, it's up to 4:00 now...

new rule: anytime anyone talks about something sad,

we stay out an extra hour.

We said we'd always be there for the big moments.

5:00 a.m. To be fair,

tonight's just us hanging out

until 10:00 p.m., tops.

It's not a big moment.

BARNEY: Um,

yes, it is. Um, no, it's not.

Um, yes, it is. Um... no, it's not.

Um, yes, it is.

I got a phone call today.

A judge in Queens is retiring, so...

I'm gonna be a judge.

(gasps)

(shouting) Yes! Yes!

(laughing) Judge Eriksen!

Yeah! (chuckling) One more.

I told you the phone would ring. You deserve this.

Thanks, Lily.

I love you, Marshmallow. TED: Oh.

1:45 a.m.

Well, you were right, Barney, this night was, in fact,

legendary, but... I know what you're gonna say and I agree.

We're going to Vegas!

TED: I will be awakened

by screaming children in less than...

(crying): four-and-a-half hours.

BARNEY: You're staying.

I'm going.

Judge Fudge, your very first ruling?

(deep voice): He stays.

Hey! See?

Tonight is about

celebrating our enduring bond as friends.

Nay, family. Because that's what we are, Ted.

We are fa...

Okay, fun night, guys. Keep in touch.

Damn it, Barney. (choking)

(strained): Crushing... windpipe.

You're lucky that's the only pipe I'm crushing.

Aah! That woman is half your age.

Haven't you changed, even a little?

No. I haven't.

Look, I know there was a time

when it seemed like I was capable of going the distance,

but... if it wasn't gonna happen with Robin,

then it's just not gonna happen with anyone.

I am never

gonna be a guy who meets a girl

and, from the first time I see her, I'm just like,

"You are the love of my life.

"Everything I have

and everything I am is yours forever."

Really? No, I'm just making a point. Move it along.

That's not me.

I'm the guy who straightens his tie,

says something dirty, high-fives himself

and then goes and talks to that girl over there.

That's me.

Can I please... just be me?

Judge Fudge?

I'll allow it.

Then I'll a-plow it. Self-five.

Stinson out.

(rock music playing)

(cheering) Oh!

(whoops) MARSHALL: Hey, so are you guys

ever gonna tie the knot or are you...

are you just comfortable living in sin?

Someone's gotten a bit...

judge-y. Oh!

Sustained. THE MOTHER: Yeah.

We'll get around to it. It's just, you know,

with life and jobs and kids.

Plus, this one's still insisting on getting married

in a French castle.

I'd get married tomorrow in a White Castle,

but this guy needs more "wow factor."

You're all the wow factor I need.

BARNEY: Aw!

(mimics retching)

Glad someone can be happy on the day of a tragedy. LILY: Aw, Barney,

you know this is all fake, right?

That robot's not really dead.

(laughter) I'm not

talking about the robot, Lily. Everyone,

stop having fun! I'm about to tell a sad story!

Guys, remember back in 2010 when I achieved a perfect week?

Seven girls in seven nights, sure.

BARNEY: Well, recently,

I decided to attempt...

a perfect month.

I put together a brand-new playbook.

No, I can't hear this. This is just too sad.

But I haven't gotten to the sad part yet.

You're in your 40s and you have a playbook.

That's

the sad part.

Lily... just...

Okay?

So I put together a brand-new playbook,

filled with plays I'd never tried before, like...

...where, as in the '80s classic,

I magically come to life, if you know what I mean.

...where I wait till a girl mentions something she likes.

God, I love nachos.

Thank you.

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Jim,

Jim Nacho.

Inventor of the nacho.

So... did you get a perfect month?

Yes.

Then why are you so upset?

That last girl, number 31...

Oh, that's a pretty name. What is that, French?

...she's pregnant.

Wait, you're messing with us, right? Y-You didn't really get a girl pregnant.

It's real.

She's pregnant.

Kind of puts an asterisk on the whole perfect month thing, huh?

Barney, are you okay?

Ah, Jim Nantz.

Thank goodness. You're always here for me in times of trouble.

What should I do?

You're on your own this time, bro.

Congratulations, Papa.

Stop it. This is a disaster.

Why?

Why? Because I'm too old.

I was about

to enter my golden years, my Clooney years,

my daddy issues years,

where I don't just remind messed-up girls of their dads

because I'm emotionally distant.

I freaking look like their dads. That's the dream.

My life

is over.

So where are you guys registered?

TED: Another fun fact about the Goliath National Bank building,

the sleek but historical facade has been described

by Architecture Vision Monthly as "modern classicism."

I can see that.

Mm-hmm. Any questions from the group?

I have a question.

What happened to the building that used to be here?

It was way nicer.

Robin!

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

I thought you were in...

Greece, uh, Morocco, Moscow.

Yeah, World Wide News keeps me pretty busy.

And pretty famous.

I mean, you're everywhere.

I am not everywhere. The...

Okay, I'm some places.

(laughs): Hi, Penny.

Oh, my gosh, I haven't seen you in forever.

I like you, bus lady. Oh,

I like you, too.

Never call me that again.

(giggles)

And that was it.

Wow. Hm.

A genuine Scherbatsky sighting out in nature.

At this point, that's like seeing Sasquatch.

No, Sasquatch is a warm and affectionate creature.

At this point, Robin's more like the yeti...

cold and aloof.

Hey, Ted.

Ask me if the Abominable Snowman called.

Has the Abominable Snowman called?

Not yeti.

Here we are again.

Another big moment for us, and Robin's missing it.

MARSHALL: I know, baby.

I mean, the birth of her ex-husband's love child

is a bit of a stretch... but I know, baby.

(sighs)

Well?

It was... crazy in there,

but...

I threw up, and now I feel better.

Where were you?

In the can. I knew I was gonna urp,

so I put this on over my suit.

Number 31 won't let me in the delivery room.

We're gonna need a name eventually.

Mr. Stinson?

Yes? Congratulations.

Congratulations because

the blood test came back and I'm not the father?!

Happy Not a Father's Day!

No. Congratulations.

It's a girl.

Would you like to meet her?

Nah, I'm good.

I don't... Oh, just go meet your daughter!

This is Ellie.

I'll give you guys a minute.

*

You are the love of my life.

(trembling breath)

Everything I have...

and everything I am...

...is yours.

(gasping breath)

Forever.

What?

Do I have stuff in my teeth?

Give me your engagement ring back.

Just because I have stuff in my teeth?

We-we can work through this.

(laughs): Just give it back.

(clears throat)

Five years is past the statute of limitations on proposals.

If you don't get married in that time, you have to re-propose.

Will you...

Yes. Yes, you silly man.

Let me finish.

Will you...

Yes! Sorry.

Yes.

Will y...

Will you marry me...

on Thursday?

I called your office... you got nothing on Thursday.

Will you marry me on Thursday?

Yes.

(laughs)

(groans)

Same ring.

(laughs)

LILY: I can't believe it.

It's Ted Mosby's wedding day!

Yes! After only seven years and two kids.

Guys, am I rushing into this?

Whoa.

Oh, buddy, are you okay?

So tired.

Baby no sleepy.

Barney dying.

Well, we're staying out till 3:00 a.m. tonight.

9:45!

Seriously, though, I am so proud of you.

Not that you're a dad.

It's like you're a totally

different pers... Whoa!

And... we're back.

Hey.

Hi. What to join us for shots?

(chuckles): Shots?

Before lunch on a Thursday?

It's like you're trying to make bad decisions.

You young ladies need to go home,

put on some decent clothes

and take a good hard look at your lives. Get!

Call your parents...

they're probably worried sick.

I have officially

seen everything.

Not everything.

Hi. Hi.

I-I know I've... missed a couple lately, but...

we said we'd always be there for the big moments.

Aw, crap.

Mascara running.

Nobody let her out of your sight.

Hi, Daddy. Whoa.

Look, Robin, I'm really happy to see you,

but I don't think of you that way anymore.

No, dummy, you had a kid.

Congrats. Right, yeah.

Thanks. A kid.

I'm tired.

Oh. But, uh,

she's awesome. Yeah?

Yeah.

Daddy's home.

Mm.

Judge Fudge? Hey? (laughs) Hey...

Actually, um, little announcement for everybody.

I'm gonna be running for State Supreme Court.

Yeah. So if everything goes well,

in a couple of months, you won't be calling me

Judge Fudge anymore.

You'll be calling me Fudge Supreme.

(others chuckling)

The man of the hour.

Yeah.

You RSVP'd no.

I did.

But someone pretty persuasive talked me into it.

*

Sorry. I know it's bad luck

to see the bride in her dress.

Worth it.

But I couldn't miss this.

I want to get a picture.

Get in! I want to take a picture of you guys.

Come on, get together.

Are you ready?

All right, get in. All right. All right.

One, two,

three.

(shutter clicks)

*

Hey. Hey, you kids.

Yeah, you didn't sound a thousand there.

Do you have any idea what happened right here

in this very bar?

No. What happened?

(chuckles)

Just...

...just all kinds of stuff.

A toast.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, first off...

to everyone at this table...

...I love you guys so much,

I can't even...

Just move to the second part. Okay, okay.

Secondly, to Ted...

Don't say it.

OTHERS: ...Evelyn Mosby.

Thanks. Thank you for that.

A man with...

more emotional endurance

than anyone I know.

It was a long,

difficult road.

Thank God we finally got here.

Hear, hear.

OTHERS: Hear, hear.

NARRATOR: Aunt Lily wasn't wrong.

It was at times a long, difficult road.

But I'm glad it was long and difficult,

because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there,

the lesson might not have been as clear.

You see, kids, right from the moment

I met your mom, I knew...

I have to love this woman as much as I can

for as long as I can, and I can never stop loving her,

not even for a second.

I carried that lesson with me through every

stupid fight we ever had,

every 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning,

every sleepy Sunday afternoon,

through every speed bump.

Every pang of jealousy

or boredom or uncertainty that came our way,

I carried that lesson with me.

And I carried it with me when she got sick.

Even then, in what can only be called the worst of times,

all I could do was look at her and thank God,

thank every god there is, or ever was, or will be,

and the whole universe,

and anyone else I could possibly thank...

* Will I see you tonight?

...that I saw that beautiful girl

on that train platform,

and that I had the guts to stand up,

walk over to her, tap her on the shoulder,

open my mouth,

and speak.

Excuse me. Hi. Hi.

I'm the... The best man. Yeah. Get in here,

get in here, get in here. Oh, thanks. Here, let me.

Oh, okay. Thank you.

Great show tonight. Yeah. Oh, thank you.

You're Cindy's ex-roommate, right?

Yeah. And you are the professor.

I took one of your classes.

Really? Which one? Mm-hmm.

Econ 305.

Econ 305. I don't teach...

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, I'm gonna jump onto the tracks now. No.

No, no, no, don't. You were great, you were great.

Wait a second.

This is my umbrella.

I left this umbrella at Cindy's... you totally stole my umbrella.

(laughs): What? No, I didn't.

This is my umbrella. I bought this.

Excuse me. It even has my initials

on it right here: T.M.

Ted Mosby.

Yeah. Look again, Ted Mosby.

Those are my initials: T.M.

Tracy McConnell. Um, no, Tracy McConnell,

it's T.M... Totally My umbrella.

Uh, you're T.M... Terribly Mistaken,

because this umbrella has always belonged T.M.:

To Me.

(laughs)

Although... I did lose it for a few years there.

Um... so, I went to this dance club...

On St. Patrick's Day.

...on St. Patrick's Day.

And you left it there.

And I left it there.

And you never thought you'd see it again.

And I never thought I'd see it again.

Funny how sometimes you just...

find things.

* Will I see you tonight?

Hi.

(laughs): Hi.

*

* Every night

* It's just the same

* All upon a downtown train.

And that, kids...

is how I met your mother.

That's it?

That's it.

No. I don't buy it.

That is not the reason you made us listen to this.

Oh, really?

Then what's the reason?

Let's look at the facts here.

You made us sit down and listen to this story about how you met mom,

yet mom's hardly in the story. No.

This is a story about how

you're totally in love with Aunt Robin.

And you're thinking about asking her out,

and you want to know if we're okay with it.

I can't believe this.

I kept this story short and to the point,

and you guys still missed it.

The point of the story is that...

Is that you totally, totally, totally have the hots for Aunt Robin.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

You're grounded.

Wow, you are really into Aunt Robin.

You're grounded, too.

Okay, suppose I were interested in Aunt Robin in that way...

it's not like I'd do anything about it.

I got you guys to think about. My gosh,

we lov Aunt Robin.

Whenever she comes over for dinner, you guys

are so obvious.

Come on, Dad.

Mom's been gone for six years now.

It's time.

What, I just... just call her up on the phone

and ask her out on a date?

Yes. Yes.

And that... that's something

you guys would want?

Yes! Yes!

All right, I'll give her a call.

Do it. I am.

Call her. I'm calli her.

Great.

Here I go.

Or...

*

All right, home sweet home.

Oh. Wait one second.

Okay.

Stay.

(sighs): We'll work on that.

(intercom chimes)

Television, display front door security.

(sighs) Television, dis...

Oh, for Pete's sakes.

* May come and go

* Our crooked dreams

* Will always flow

* Remember

* Remem...

* Ber

* All we fight for

* Remember

* Remem...

* Ber

* All we fight for

* Remember

* Remem...

* Ber

* All we fight for

* Oh, oh, oh, oh...

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org