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Previously on Shining Vale...
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How long have you been in there?
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You have got a good shot
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at a healthy baby.
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You're saying I'm... I'm just gonna have
a normal pregnancy?
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I am exorcist.
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What exactly are you looking for?
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Demonic stuffs.
9
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I'm gonna take one of you.
10
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,288
Wanna be the best
version of myself, you know?
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If that means shootin' up
a little testosterone, then so be it.
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Exorcise me. I want to feel better.
13
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The power of Christ compels you.
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Fuck yeah, it does.
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Excuse me, Wiccan?
16
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Get the fuck out!
17
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Her name is Daisy. She led me to this.
18
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I'm waiting for Daisy to call.
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Bro, you need to relax.
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You're in luck.
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'Cause look at what I borrowed
from my dad.
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What if some of my psychosis
got into the book?
23
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She looked me right in the eye,
and she said...
24
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I did this for you!
25
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These streets aren't safe anymore.
26
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We should probably tell the mayor.
27
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Except he got all chopped up.
28
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Oh, shit! Claire!
29
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I'm gonna clean this place up.
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Claire!
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I brought you some of Leo's things.
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It doesn't seem fair
that someone like me
33
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could possibly have a third.
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Anyone who is as critical
of her maternal skills as you are
35
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is a damn great mom.
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Then I must be the best,
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'cause I am the fucking worst.
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You shouldn't cuss so much
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or they'll send you to the baths.
40
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They lied to you.
41
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Look in your file.
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That's why you're here...
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to make these feelings stop, Pat.
44
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Pat's not here.
45
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I was possessed.
46
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I fucking knew it.
47
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Oh, fuck me.
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Oh, come on.
49
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Are you fucking kidding me?
50
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I ask for so little.
51
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Okay. Here we go.
52
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Finally.
53
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Mrs. Phelps,
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that tape is hospital property.
55
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Oh! Thank you.
56
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We have a runner.
57
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My fucking donut!
58
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I love you, you sick bitch.
59
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- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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_
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Good morning, Shining Vale.
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Coming up, homemade potpourri.
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We're going to meet a woman
who says anyone can do it.
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00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,137
But first, it's been three days
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since the brutal murder
of Mayor Woodcock.
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Today, we meet the first candidate
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to throw his hat into the ring
to replace him.
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Former businessman
and current husband, Terry Phelps.
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00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:51,173
What a pleasure to be here
this morning, Trina,
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on Good Morning Shining Vale.
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I wanna ask what everyone wants to know.
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What's it like being married
to Pat Phelps?
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Uh, great question.
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I'm running for mayor
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because I was searching for a way
76
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,623
to help this little town,
and then it hit me...
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00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:11,109
the lower jaw
of my best friend's girlfriend
78
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,379
who was plowed over by a bus
on Main Street.
79
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,048
- Tragic story.
- That is so random.
80
00:04:16,073 --> 00:04:18,437
Our old host, Lacy,
was also squished by a bus.
81
00:04:18,462 --> 00:04:20,256
But it's not so random, Trina.
82
00:04:20,281 --> 00:04:23,703
Given the pagan origins
of our little town,
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there are no public crosses,
and therefore, no crosswalks.
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It's not safe to raise
a family in this town,
85
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and if I become mayor,
I intend to change that.
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00:04:32,936 --> 00:04:34,646
Speaking of family, I just read
your wife's new book,
87
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and I fucking love it.
88
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Wow. I've never said that on air before.
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Um, anyway,
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00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:43,175
ladies, do yourself a favor
and get this fucking book right now.
91
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Oh, no.
92
00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,519
I know they told me I have
93
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a few minutes before
the dead flower lady comes out,
94
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,289
so I... if we could just steer it
away from my wife
95
00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:50,766
- for a moment.
- Of course.
96
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,085
Let's go to the phones.
We have our first caller.
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00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,130
Hi, this is Pat Phelps.
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Speak of the devil.
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I was just talking
about your fucking book!
100
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Why the cock do I keep swearing?
101
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My book has hidden messages in it
102
00:05:02,828 --> 00:05:05,080
that make people do really bad things.
103
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I was possessed when I wrote it.
104
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,059
Well, I am also fucking obsessed!
105
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,936
Uh... Pat?
106
00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:12,913
Honey, I'm... I'm doing something here.
107
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,690
I know, sweetie,
you're doing your mayor thingy.
108
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But this is really important.
109
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- Please do not read my book.
- Pat!
110
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No one should read my book!
111
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- Pat!
- Sorry!
112
00:05:22,213 --> 00:05:24,671
Hey, could you pick up some 2%
on your way home?
113
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,119
Yeah, I'll get milk.
114
00:05:27,144 --> 00:05:29,221
Okay. Thanks, sweetie. Bye.
115
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What a treat.
116
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I'd like to thank Pat Phelps
and her husband, Teddy.
117
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The book is called Rosemary's Revenge.
118
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Up next, don't turn that dial,
119
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and don't throw out your old roses.
120
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Oh.
121
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,312
Yo, dude. Where are you?
122
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I'm outside.
123
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Come on in. And... and bring weed.
124
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I'm almost cashed out.
125
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No. Outside as in outside.
126
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:02,838
My cousin Nirvaan's coming over
127
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,490
and we're gonna dig a wicked big hole.
128
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You should come over.
It's gonna be epic.
129
00:06:06,892 --> 00:06:08,226
I love Nirvaan.
130
00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:09,620
And I love holes.
131
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,789
But I can't go.
132
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What if Daisy calls?
133
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Bro, it's been, like, six months.
134
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And she's dead.
135
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She's not calling.
136
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Anyways, I gotta go.
137
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Peace out, bro.
138
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Save some hole for me.
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00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,135
I hope you're happy.
140
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That was, like, the best
hole-digging opportunity
141
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:29,056
of my entire life.
142
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,142
What should I do?
143
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Give me a sign!
144
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Bye-bye, bye-bye.
145
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,702
Bye...
146
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,037
- Ugh.
- Ow!
147
00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:10,237
Skip.
148
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:18,230
♪ The time has come To make or break ♪
149
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:20,440
♪ Breakout ♪
150
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:24,695
♪ Don't stop to ask ♪
151
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:28,699
♪ And now you've found
A break to make at last ♪
152
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,742
♪ You've got to find a way ♪
153
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,036
♪ Say what you want to say ♪
154
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,789
♪ Breakout ♪
155
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,794
♪ Don't stop to ask ♪
156
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,796
♪ Now you've found ♪
157
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,214
♪ A break to make ♪
158
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:53,532
Ennio, open up.
159
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:54,892
It's me, Gaynor.
160
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:56,750
Ennio?
161
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,235
What the hell?
162
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,241
You shouldn't be here.
163
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,870
Oh, hi.
164
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:18,415
I'm looking for Father Ennio.
165
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:19,791
Italian? Good-looking?
166
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,752
Big... hat?
167
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:24,254
I don't think I know a Father Ennio.
168
00:08:24,326 --> 00:08:25,494
It's cool.
169
00:08:25,519 --> 00:08:27,774
I'm not trying to catch
a predator or anything.
170
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,260
He just hasn't returned
my texts or calls.
171
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:32,787
Perhaps you're mistaken.
172
00:08:32,983 --> 00:08:34,110
Perhaps.
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My bad.
174
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:37,315
Um, have a nice day.
175
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Father, mother... fuck.
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Whatever.
177
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,614
Listen, asshole,
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I don't know how it works
at the Vatican,
179
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but when you sleep
with a girl in America,
180
00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:55,711
you call her back.
181
00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:57,291
It's Gaynor.
182
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:06,463
Hey! Hey, Wiccan. Hi.
183
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,215
Shit.
184
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,134
I don't know if you remember me,
but I came into your shop last year.
185
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,160
I was possessed.
186
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,862
Yeah, your neck snapped 45 degrees,
187
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,055
and you wore me like a sock puppet.
188
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,615
That's not something you forget.
189
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,641
Oh, good.
190
00:09:17,666 --> 00:09:19,584
I really need your help.
191
00:09:19,798 --> 00:09:21,592
You wanna walk with me?
I got an appointment.
192
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,438
Is it a wizardy thing?
193
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,566
Ish. I'm gettin' my roots done
for the solstice.
194
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,527
- So what's up?
- Okay, I...
195
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:31,571
I think the devil wrote my book
when I was possessed,
196
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,865
and now it's making women
kill their husbands.
197
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,993
And I... I just...
I need to know how to stop it.
198
00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:37,494
Well, first, let's get our terms right.
199
00:09:37,519 --> 00:09:39,388
The "devil" did not possess you.
200
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:43,040
You're talking about Satan,
the Great Deceiver, the Beast.
201
00:09:43,065 --> 00:09:44,893
He's interested
in overthrowing governments
202
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:48,088
and disrupting world order,
not writing shitty chick-lit.
203
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,091
Okay, I didn't come here
for a fuckin' book review.
204
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,010
So who possessed me?
205
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:56,221
Probably a low-level trickster demon.
206
00:09:56,246 --> 00:09:57,990
Maybe Berith. He likes to dress up.
207
00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,349
Why would Berith possess me?
208
00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:01,159
He probably wanted
to reach your audience
209
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,103
of vulnerable women who like bad books.
210
00:10:03,128 --> 00:10:04,871
Now it's starting to feel personal.
211
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,190
Ah, it happens all the time
in pop culture.
212
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,027
Music, theater, almost all of TikTok...
213
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,362
all the work of demons.
214
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,198
So you think this is just a fad
and it... it'll go away?
215
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,783
Absolutely.
216
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,703
Unless...
217
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:24,541
it might be step one of a larger plan.
218
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:26,626
I wouldn't be surprised.
219
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,919
A larger plan?
220
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,313
Wait, what? Surprise?
221
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:31,173
I hate surprises.
222
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,301
Surprise!
223
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:37,738
Hi, Pat.
224
00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:38,972
Hi.
225
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,265
What's happening?
226
00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:41,291
Jesus fuckin' Christ.
227
00:10:41,316 --> 00:10:42,951
Oh, it was supposed to be
your baby shower.
228
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,561
But with that haircut,
it's also your roast.
229
00:10:44,586 --> 00:10:46,087
I got a makeover, okay?
230
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,483
It's bad luck not to have a baby shower.
231
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,443
At least it was for me.
232
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:54,863
So I floated the idea by Terry,
and he said that you would love it.
233
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:56,907
I do.
234
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:59,910
Uh, is he around?
I just... I wanna thank him.
235
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,581
Hey... holy...
236
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,916
What happened?
237
00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:08,393
Well, I followed my Wiccan
into the salon,
238
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:11,129
and they kept cutting,
and I forgot to say when.
239
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,672
So then I went shopping
240
00:11:12,697 --> 00:11:14,733
to try to distract from the haircut,
241
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,093
and, well, here we are.
242
00:11:16,118 --> 00:11:18,621
Well, it's kinda working.
243
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,264
Yeah, I wanted to go
into my bedroom and hide,
244
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,750
but I can't,
because there's a party for me
245
00:11:23,775 --> 00:11:25,077
in the living room.
246
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,520
Were you surprised?
247
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:28,772
I really fucking was.
248
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816
Now, maybe you forgot,
249
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,652
but I hate parties,
and I hate surprises.
250
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,114
And I hate randos in my house.
251
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,950
So right in there
is the tri-fucking-fecta.
252
00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:41,701
No, no, Pat, those women aren't randos.
253
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:42,994
Three of them are in the Shining Vale
254
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,788
Ladies Auxiliary who have successfully
255
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,832
picked the last 65 mayors.
256
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,335
Who gives a shit?
257
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,212
Well, I do, Pat.
258
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,630
I give a shit.
259
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,049
I really think becoming
mayor of Shining Vale
260
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,135
might be my calling.
261
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,345
Your calling is to be the mayor
262
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,389
of a town you've only lived in
for a year?
263
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:05,517
I don't know. Maybe. Maybe it is.
264
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,936
Not really your decision, is it?
265
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,037
I'm sorry.
266
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,522
I wanna support you. I do.
267
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,399
But this is a really bad time for me.
268
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,025
Well, has it ever occurred to you
269
00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:15,627
that everything that happens
in this family
270
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,697
isn't necessarily about you?
271
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,407
- No.
- Okay.
272
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:21,867
Well, I'm gonna ask you, for once,
273
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:25,203
to just set your feelings aside
for a moment
274
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,831
and do this for me.
275
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,584
You think you can do that, Patty?
276
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,836
Darling?
277
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,213
Love of my life,
278
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,756
light of my soul,
279
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:40,469
do you think you can do
this one fucking thing
280
00:12:40,619 --> 00:12:41,912
for me?
281
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,155
Mm.
282
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,849
Okay.
283
00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:48,518
Great.
284
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,479
Go enjoy your baby shower.
285
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,025
Terry...
286
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,943
yes.
287
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,278
Oh.
288
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,323
Oh, wow.
289
00:13:02,252 --> 00:13:04,534
- It's a creeper.
- It sure is.
290
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,369
It's adorable.
291
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,763
Gaynor, mark down the onesie
from Mrs. Court.
292
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,333
Okay. One nightmare clown outfit.
293
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,894
- Got it.
- It's a sailor suit, dear.
294
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:15,795
One nightmare sailor outfit.
295
00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:17,447
- Uh...
- What?
296
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,549
How many funeral outfits
does a baby need?
297
00:13:19,574 --> 00:13:21,284
I mean, that's literally a baby hearse.
298
00:13:21,309 --> 00:13:22,986
It's a pram, and it's "Midnight."
299
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,972
- Holy fuck.
- All right, my turn.
300
00:13:25,997 --> 00:13:28,416
Giving birth is one
of the most magical things
301
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,868
a woman can do.
302
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,770
I remember when my Leo was born,
303
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,730
I was gazing
304
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,816
into his blue... skin.
305
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,111
And then when the doctors
took him from me,
306
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,072
I said, "Hurry back!"
307
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:45,825
And of course, at the time,
you're not thinking,
308
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,745
"Why are they zipping him
into that bag?"
309
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,831
'Cause the mind sees
what it wants to see.
310
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,792
Is she for real?
311
00:13:53,817 --> 00:13:54,935
Is it weird?
312
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,127
I don't even notice anymore.
313
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,592
But eventually,
314
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:07,514
I did accept that
my Leo wasn't coming back.
315
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:12,143
Either as a baby doll or a boy.
316
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:17,774
And, uh, a part of me died with him.
317
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,443
That part was never repaired
318
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,029
until now.
319
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,286
Pat...
320
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:33,659
your baby gives us all hope
for a better world.
321
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,750
Hail Pat!
322
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,962
Hail Pat.
323
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,505
Oh, hell no.
324
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,632
Anyway, I got you a present.
325
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,551
No, Ruth. No.
326
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,011
Not after that speech
327
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:49,472
and Leo's little unused pacifiers.
328
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:50,782
You've done enough.
329
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,976
Well, what are you gonna do?
330
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,936
Aw, okay.
331
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,981
Wow, what is this?
332
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,609
That is a "heir-loom"
333
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:05,405
that my grandma smuggled
out of Europe in her 'einie...
334
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:06,799
Mm...
335
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,744
and I am giving it to you
336
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,746
because you're my best friend.
337
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,416
Aww.
338
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,293
Well, thank you.
339
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,778
I'm gonna wear this...
340
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,088
every time I think I'm gonna see her.
341
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,465
Okay.
342
00:15:24,218 --> 00:15:25,330
Are we done?
343
00:15:25,355 --> 00:15:26,651
Oh, no. No, no, no.
344
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:29,012
My goodness, there's more presents.
345
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,097
Here we go.
346
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,932
"To Pat,
347
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,018
from your number one fan."
348
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:36,686
- Hmm.
- Could be any one of us.
349
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,483
Okay.
350
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,695
All of Them Bitches.
351
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:49,366
A History of Hysterical Women
in Southeast Connecticut.
352
00:15:49,391 --> 00:15:50,550
That's...
353
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,118
Okay, who's this from?
354
00:15:52,143 --> 00:15:53,345
Well, the pram is from me.
355
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:54,429
I got the rocking horse.
356
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,472
I gave you the... the creeper.
357
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:56,765
I gave you the tushy necklace.
358
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,249
Okay. Gaynor?
359
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,043
Why would I get you something?
360
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,211
Fair enough.
361
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,420
Kam?
362
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:03,546
- Oh...
- This is... this is a good one.
363
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:04,923
Yeah, it wasn't me.
364
00:16:04,948 --> 00:16:06,566
I... I didn't think
this was a real thing.
365
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,393
I got you adult diapers,
'cause you're 80.
366
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,889
Fine, I'll... I'll Venmo $500.
367
00:16:12,914 --> 00:16:15,325
I haven't been to a baby shower
in 100 years.
368
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,977
I... I don't even have kids.
369
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,605
None of us have children either.
370
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:21,998
And we still got her presents.
371
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,233
Okay. Mm.
372
00:16:24,293 --> 00:16:26,379
What do you mean
you don't have children?
373
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,279
You're in the PTA.
374
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,657
None of you are Ps or Ts?
375
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:31,991
Just As.
376
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:35,036
All right, well, I'm gonna get my A
377
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,579
the F back to NYC.
378
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,689
I'll drive you.
379
00:16:37,714 --> 00:16:39,463
Wait, you're gonna drive
all the way to New York?
380
00:16:39,488 --> 00:16:40,975
Well, it's either that or into a lake,
381
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,210
so bye, everyone.
382
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,838
Okay, Kam? Wait a minute, please.
383
00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:45,948
Kam.
384
00:16:45,973 --> 00:16:47,524
Hey, please don't go.
385
00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:50,093
Honey, I love you, but there is
not enough Xanax in Connecticut
386
00:16:50,118 --> 00:16:51,236
to keep me here.
387
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,971
We gotta talk about the book.
388
00:16:52,996 --> 00:16:54,322
You have to pull it.
389
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,432
Trish, the book is bigger than you.
390
00:16:55,457 --> 00:16:56,741
That's my ride.
391
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,601
Kam. You don't understand.
392
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,420
I was possessed when I wrote it.
393
00:17:00,445 --> 00:17:02,030
I can tell by your bangs
you've got a lot going on.
394
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,848
Please don't leave!
395
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,525
Just call me, okay?
396
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:06,943
And good luck.
397
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,529
If you leave me, I'll kill you!
398
00:17:09,554 --> 00:17:12,073
Well, this was fun. Looks like
the... the party's breaking up.
399
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,757
Oh, no, we can't stop yet.
400
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,993
We still have to do
the most important part.
401
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,662
It's an ancient ritual
402
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:21,290
which reveals the deepest
secrets of the universe.
403
00:17:21,315 --> 00:17:23,601
Who has a question
for the cootie catcher?
404
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,002
I'll go first.
405
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,255
Is Pat going to have a girl or a boy?
406
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,966
Ooh, great question,
Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
407
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:36,139
Is Pat having a girl or a boy?
408
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:37,891
Ahh...
409
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,727
Neither.
410
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:41,936
Mm.
411
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,037
Ohh.
412
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,147
- Interesting.
- Modern.
413
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,398
Ooh.
414
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,900
Will the baby come early?
415
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,568
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
416
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,571
Will the baby come early?
417
00:17:53,556 --> 00:17:54,758
Most definitely.
418
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:55,867
- Ohh.
- I knew it.
419
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,244
All hail the Dark One.
420
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,496
Okay, it's my turn.
421
00:17:59,521 --> 00:18:01,023
Give it. All right.
422
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:08,338
Should everyone get
the fuck out of here?
423
00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:09,481
It'll say no.
424
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,341
Let's see.
425
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,595
Most definitely.
426
00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:16,698
What?
427
00:18:16,723 --> 00:18:17,739
- Aww.
- Come on, guys.
428
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:18,765
Let's get your cooties out.
429
00:18:21,042 --> 00:18:23,119
Hey, button, come on in here.
430
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,066
Sorry, I was texting someone.
431
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,901
I think I got ghosted.
432
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,945
Oh, no. Do I know him?
433
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,989
No, it was just a guy I was seeing.
He was in and out.
434
00:18:35,046 --> 00:18:36,798
Doesn't matter. What's up?
435
00:18:36,823 --> 00:18:39,909
First of all, have a button, button.
436
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:42,872
"Phelps."
437
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,333
Wow, what came in second? "Terry"?
438
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,669
What? No, you're... you're...
439
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,770
you're reading it wrong.
440
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,463
The "P" is, uh, separate.
441
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,550
"Pee helps."
442
00:18:53,575 --> 00:18:55,360
Uh, no. I... it's not...
443
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,444
it's "Phelps helps."
444
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,054
It... people will get it.
445
00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,722
You don't understand politics.
446
00:18:59,881 --> 00:19:02,572
Hey, let me try out my campaign
speech for you. It's really good.
447
00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:04,223
Don't you mean "G-ood"?
448
00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,647
Uh, never mind. Go on.
449
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,316
Okay. Uh, Webster's
450
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,735
defines "community" as a unified...
451
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:13,939
Stop.
452
00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:16,322
People don't want you
to read the dictionary at them.
453
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,490
Right. Right.
454
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,576
Just get to the, uh... the meat of it.
455
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:20,702
All right. So...
456
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,705
"50% of bus accidents happen w..."
457
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:24,973
Stop.
458
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,000
Don't read statistics or facts.
459
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,002
It just reminds people
how stupid they are.
460
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,796
Okay, but my speech is made up
of facts and statistics
461
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,423
and peppered with definitions, so...
462
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:34,966
If you want people to vote for you,
463
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,926
you have to tell them your story.
464
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,761
You're the guy who rebuilt his life
465
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,848
after his wife tried
to split him like a log.
466
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,350
Right. Right.
467
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,769
So...
468
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:50,023
A Story.
469
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,775
Collier's defines "adversity..."
470
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,569
Holy fuck, Dad.
I'm gonna write it. Move.
471
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,529
- What?
- Get up.
472
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,864
It's not that easy.
473
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,353
Yeah.
474
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,787
Ooh. That's a bit dark, no?
475
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,623
Have you met your wife?
476
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:32,315
Will my book kill more people?
477
00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:35,526
"Read page 72."
478
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:36,694
What?
479
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,489
Um...
480
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,741
Can I stop it?
481
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,288
"Read page 72."
482
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,753
Do I like my kids?
483
00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:00,093
Oh, fuck. This thing works.
484
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:07,517
72... 72... 72.
485
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:10,770
"and Rosemary was gone forever."
486
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,355
I've been here before.
487
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,152
Let's do it.
488
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:35,294
I've got to manage my time better.
489
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,219
What the hell?
490
00:21:57,233 --> 00:22:00,361
"Shining Vale Home
for Hysterical Women."
491
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:01,779
"Covens."
492
00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:05,158
"Human sacrifice and torture."
493
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,702
"Now divided into large
494
00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:12,165
single-family residences."
495
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,836
Fuck me.
496
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,550
"This room was the portal to hell."
497
00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:23,926
Oh, God.
498
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:26,012
Please don't be the portal to hell.
499
00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:36,230
Oh, no.
500
00:22:36,397 --> 00:22:39,692
Because this is a story of redemption.
501
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:42,654
This is a story about rebuilding
the town that we all love...
502
00:22:42,679 --> 00:22:43,730
Whoo!
503
00:22:43,755 --> 00:22:46,299
Returning Shining Vale
to the sort of safe place
504
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,508
where you can cross the street
505
00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,494
without being hit by an oncoming bus.
506
00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:50,736
How 'bout that?
507
00:22:50,761 --> 00:22:52,221
Or... or enjoy the park
508
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:54,457
without worrying about
fallin' into a hole.
509
00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:56,793
Look at that damn thing.
510
00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:58,294
This is a great speech.
511
00:22:58,319 --> 00:22:59,854
- Not on my watch.
- Yeah, I know.
512
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:00,980
I wrote it.
513
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:03,424
As your mayor, I promise
514
00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:05,826
to fill every hole in this town.
515
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:07,845
You ever notice your dad's superhot?
516
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:09,138
- Huh?
- Ew. Gross.
517
00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:11,432
- That's my dad.
- I know, and he's ripped.
518
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:13,034
Do you know if he's seeing anyone?
519
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,811
Yeah. My mom.
520
00:23:14,836 --> 00:23:17,622
Don't be jelly.
Your boyfriend's also hot.
521
00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:19,315
Oh, my gosh, you remember him?
522
00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:20,917
Oh, I thought I was going crazy.
523
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,126
Of course I remember him.
524
00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:23,444
He was like an Asian Jonas brother.
525
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:24,654
As mayor, I'm gonna make sure...
526
00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:25,988
Not Ryan.
527
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:29,325
Ennio. Italian priest?
528
00:23:29,350 --> 00:23:30,551
He used to come
in the store all the time
529
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:31,619
when I was closing up.
530
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:33,329
Could be anyone. You have a picture?
531
00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:34,580
Yeah.
532
00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:36,207
Terry Phelps.
533
00:23:36,332 --> 00:23:39,043
But I cam back, because I realized...
534
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:40,545
He looks like you.
535
00:23:40,711 --> 00:23:42,505
And I could see what this town could be.
536
00:23:42,530 --> 00:23:45,108
That is me. I must have deleted it.
537
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:46,542
I think I texted it to him.
538
00:23:46,567 --> 00:23:47,819
There's a lot of people,
539
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:49,053
they move to Mystic,
they move to Salem...
540
00:23:49,078 --> 00:23:50,404
I hope he's a better priest
than he is a boyfriend.
541
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:51,722
He never texted you back.
542
00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:54,183
What the fuck?
543
00:23:54,208 --> 00:23:55,535
You know, I... I'd like to take a moment
544
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,436
and just get personal here, if I could.
545
00:23:57,603 --> 00:24:01,691
Um, I was hit in the head
with an axe some time ago.
546
00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:04,569
But I came back,
547
00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:06,404
came back stronger than ever.
548
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:08,406
And people still ask me,
549
00:24:08,573 --> 00:24:11,784
"Terry, how strong are ya?"
550
00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,203
Can I show you how strong I am?
551
00:24:14,228 --> 00:24:15,388
Yes, please!
552
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:16,430
Who wants to see it?
553
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:17,515
Show me!
554
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:18,891
I wanna see how strong!
555
00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:27,633
One, two, three...
556
00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:40,563
Fucking Terry bought the portal to hell.
557
00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:50,323
Hello?
558
00:24:58,372 --> 00:25:00,541
Are you fucking kidding me?
559
00:25:18,601 --> 00:25:19,952
Fuck!
560
00:25:23,564 --> 00:25:26,609
Oh, God. I hate this house.
561
00:25:26,734 --> 00:25:28,277
I hate this house.
562
00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:29,946
Oh, poor dear.
563
00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:31,447
And that haircut?
564
00:25:32,990 --> 00:25:35,034
I guess it goes with the collar.
565
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:38,537
What are you gonna do?
566
00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:41,666
I think I feel a little bit bad for her.
567
00:25:41,691 --> 00:25:42,934
Don't you?
568
00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:45,127
Eh, if I felt bad about all the things
569
00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:47,546
I feel bad about,
I would never leave the house.
570
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,675
Besides, we're doing this
for her own good.
571
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,344
She could never raise
this baby by herself.
572
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,388
You think she knows?
573
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,056
Well, even if she does,
574
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:58,516
I mean, who's she gonna tell?
575
00:25:58,683 --> 00:25:59,767
No one would believe her.
576
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:01,811
Everyone thinks she's nuts.
577
00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:03,312
And I say this as a feminist.
578
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,440
It's all about her baby anyway.
579
00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:07,900
Our baby.
580
00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:09,568
His baby.
581
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:11,529
My baby, twats.
582
00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:12,863
Who's there?
583
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:14,407
Oh, hi, Pat.
584
00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:17,285
Fuck.
585
00:26:18,786 --> 00:26:23,499
133.134.135.
586
00:26:23,524 --> 00:26:24,684
136.
587
00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:27,003
136!
588
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:28,170
Yeah!
589
00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:29,964
You gotta be in good shape to stand up
590
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,424
to those boys in city hall,
591
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:33,009
and that's what I intend to do.
592
00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:35,928
I'm gonna fight
for the city of Shining Vale.
593
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:37,471
I was born in Iowa,
594
00:26:37,638 --> 00:26:39,807
but I was reborn
right here in Shining Vale.
595
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,607
With a vote for Terry Phelps,
596
00:26:48,774 --> 00:26:51,402
this whole town's gonna be reborn.
597
00:26:53,279 --> 00:26:54,530
Who's with me?
598
00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:56,157
I'm with you!
599
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,867
I am...
600
00:26:58,973 --> 00:27:00,094
with you!
601
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:01,178
Whoa.
602
00:27:01,203 --> 00:27:02,455
Hey.
603
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:06,000
P-helps! P-helps! P-helps! P-helps!
604
00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:08,461
No, no, no. It's "Phelps Helps."
605
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:10,254
You're doing it wrong.
606
00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:12,381
Phelps Helps! Phelps...
607
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,633
Oh, fuck it.
608
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:18,054
P-helps! P-helps! P-helps!
609
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,725
I love you!
610
00:27:22,892 --> 00:27:25,353
P-helps! P-helps! P-helps!
611
00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:27,897
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you.
612
00:27:28,064 --> 00:27:29,648
Thank you very much. Okay.
613
00:27:39,450 --> 00:27:41,452
Where the fuck am I?
614
00:27:44,246 --> 00:27:45,539
♪ Time has come ♪
615
00:27:45,706 --> 00:27:46,791
♪ To make your break ♪
616
00:27:46,816 --> 00:27:47,941
Sorry, wall.
617
00:27:47,966 --> 00:27:49,310
Some holes are meant to be closed.
618
00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,670
♪ Don't hesitate ♪
619
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:53,672
♪ Breakout ♪
620
00:27:53,839 --> 00:27:57,676
♪ Don't stop to ask ♪
621
00:27:57,843 --> 00:28:01,972
♪ And now you've found
A break to make at last ♪
622
00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:03,849
♪ You've got to find a way ♪
623
00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:06,268
Shit.
624
00:28:06,293 --> 00:28:07,411
♪ Looks unsure ♪
625
00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:08,938
Hello!
626
00:28:08,963 --> 00:28:09,997
Help!
627
00:28:11,941 --> 00:28:14,110
Hello? Help!
628
00:28:15,111 --> 00:28:16,654
Hello, Patricia.
629
00:28:21,434 --> 00:28:24,470
You should have killed yourself
when you had the chance.
630
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:30,806
- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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