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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,431 Previously on Shining Vale... 2 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,917 When your mom and I saw it, we fell in love with it. 3 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,445 It's 100 miles away from all the crazy in the city. 4 00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:29,447 How many fucking possessed women do you get in here? 5 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,615 Rosemary, get the fuck out of my house. 6 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,892 This is for you, Patricia. 7 00:00:33,917 --> 00:00:35,961 The neighbor killed herself on our fence. 8 00:00:35,995 --> 00:00:37,371 I want to throw a party. 9 00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:38,981 We can invite all of our new friends. 10 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:41,100 - I'm Claire Vanderbilt. - This is Laird. 11 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:44,128 I'm so sorry I peed your floor. Please have me back. 12 00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:46,397 You are the worst therapist ever! 13 00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,716 Gaynor, tell them I'm not crazy! 14 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,427 The electric shock treatment. 15 00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,721 You zapped Rosemary right out of me. 16 00:00:53,746 --> 00:00:55,831 Jake and I don't need you and Dad doesn't remember you. 17 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,350 I don't play VR anymore. 18 00:00:58,375 --> 00:00:59,577 You still scared of that girl? 19 00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:01,145 What game? I'm Daisy. 20 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:03,522 I'm gonna be the best wife and mother. 21 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,369 That's what you'll talk about on the book tour. 22 00:01:05,394 --> 00:01:06,895 What, you already published it? 23 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,737 How do I know you're not gonna go batshit again? 24 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:13,574 Because I am in control. 25 00:01:13,599 --> 00:01:15,017 I am in... 26 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:19,121 Hello, dear. So good to see you. 27 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,679 Fuck. 28 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,337 Oh, my God. 29 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:28,255 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 30 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:29,590 Oh, my God, oh, my God. 31 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,387 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 32 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:39,073 Gaynor, can I talk to you just for a sec? 33 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:40,559 What's the matter... why are you breathing like Roxy? 34 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,686 Because I need to go to... 35 00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,246 Need to go where, Pat? 36 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,442 Get ice cream. 37 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,902 - Yes! - Road trip! 38 00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:51,195 Let's do it. 39 00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:53,405 - Hi. I have a return. - It's not a return. 40 00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,265 I just need a quick outpatient shock treatment. 41 00:01:55,290 --> 00:01:56,841 Uh, sorry. We don't do that. 42 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,036 Gaynor, why don't you go find your dad and brother? 43 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:00,955 Mommy's gonna talk to the nurse for just a second. 44 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,792 Mm, maybe Mommy could've driven herself to the mental hospital. 45 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,335 Listen, I don't think you understand. 46 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:09,213 I'm in a serious crisis. I just need a quick zap. 47 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:11,048 - I'll be out of your hair. - That's not how it works. 48 00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:13,884 - Do you know who I am? - Yes. You're Patricia Phelps. 49 00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:16,362 Your insurance ran out and you're no longer a patient here. 50 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,597 What, am I not crazy enough for you, huh? 51 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,432 What do you want me to do, huh? Do you want me to... 52 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:23,227 You want me to take a shit on the floor? 53 00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:25,287 The state no longer considers that insane, 54 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:26,605 but go for it. 55 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,903 I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! 56 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,154 I'm not! 57 00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:35,274 I am. 58 00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,740 Dad, I'm scared. 59 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,075 She's gonna be fine. 60 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,578 No, I mean, the ice cream place closes at 9:00. 61 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:41,996 We're not gonna make it. 62 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,332 Shh, let's not miss out on this chance to bond. 63 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,502 What kind of dad was I? Hmm? 64 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,629 Honestly, Dad, 65 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,423 right now, I'm just 66 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,341 trying not to rip this chair out of the floor 67 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,759 and throw it through that window. 68 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,219 I'm gonna walk around. 69 00:03:05,628 --> 00:03:06,829 Hi. 70 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,817 Okay. 71 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:34,089 Let's go. Total bust. 72 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,216 Apparently, I'm not crazy enough for this place anymore. 73 00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,985 I hope you're crazy enough to drive full speed 74 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,637 into the mall, because in one minute, 75 00:03:39,662 --> 00:03:41,155 the ice cream store closes. 76 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,390 Fuck. We're not getting ice cream. We have ice cream at home. 77 00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:45,375 It's not the same and you know it! 78 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:08,999 Gaynor, let's go. 79 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,920 I don't know why I get excited about anything. 80 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:16,089 - Almost. It's Phelps. - We are Phelps. 81 00:04:16,114 --> 00:04:19,536 We are Phelps. We are Phelps. 82 00:04:19,561 --> 00:04:20,861 They're amazing. 83 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,846 I hate this place. 84 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,473 We are Phelps. 85 00:04:30,609 --> 00:04:34,609 - Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com - 86 00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:42,324 Jake, I'm tired of washing your sheets every day. 87 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,259 Either do your own laundry or put a sock on it. 88 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,869 I am a growing boy. 89 00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:47,304 Yeah, well, grow into a tissue. 90 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,123 Hey, Jake, help me out here. 91 00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:51,359 I'm trying to read your mom's book. 92 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,460 Ever since the accident, I still have problems 93 00:04:53,485 --> 00:04:56,655 with abstract word fractions like... look at this. 94 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,440 I'm not allowed to read that. 95 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,634 Well, your dad says you can. 96 00:05:00,659 --> 00:05:03,453 "The mailman obli-ged..." 97 00:05:03,478 --> 00:05:06,198 That's obliged. The G is like a J. 98 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,183 Okay. All right. There you go. 99 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,229 "The mailmen obliged and fin-jer ban-jed..." 100 00:05:12,254 --> 00:05:15,923 Okay, um, that's fingerbanged. 101 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:17,626 - Say it again. - Fingerbanged. 102 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,294 - Say it again. - Fingerbanged. 103 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,546 - I hate this. - Well, no. 104 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,574 We're father-son bonding. "He fingerbanged her tig-hit snatch." 105 00:05:23,599 --> 00:05:24,717 Okay, I'm leaving. 106 00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:27,077 Hey, sorry I overslept. 107 00:05:27,102 --> 00:05:28,429 Did I miss breakfast? 108 00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,705 Twice. It's Thursday. 109 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:32,916 I slept for two days and no one checked on me? 110 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,727 I'm sorry, I was a little busy taking care 111 00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,086 of your newborn husband and your son 112 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:37,938 who's turning his laundry into sheetrock. 113 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,923 Hey, being a mascot is stressful. 114 00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,984 You try walking a mile in my fuzzy shoes. 115 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,635 I'm sorry, honey, I wanted to check on you, 116 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,287 but I'm still having a problem with the stairs, 117 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,406 and the electric chair wasn't working. 118 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,682 The electric chair? 119 00:05:48,707 --> 00:05:52,077 The chair that helps you get up and down the back steps. 120 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,103 Back steps? 121 00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:56,398 Jesus Christ, we have an electric chair that gets old people upstairs. 122 00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:00,069 - Gaynor. - Yeah? 123 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,261 - You don't have to do this. - No, I can do it. 124 00:06:01,286 --> 00:06:02,463 It's not your job. I'll take it. 125 00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:03,565 No, I can do it. No, leave it. 126 00:06:03,590 --> 00:06:04,716 Come on. Give it to me. 127 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,283 - Give it to me. - Leave it. 128 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,743 Oh, my God, what is wrong with you? 129 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,498 You happy? You broke Jake's pillowcase. 130 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:16,877 Jake, you've got to be careful with your VR headset. 131 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,922 I didn't put that there. I don't play with that anymore. 132 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,632 All right, will everybody relax? 133 00:06:21,657 --> 00:06:23,984 I'm sorry, we all don't have the luxury of sleeping for two days. 134 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,177 No one woke me up. 135 00:06:25,202 --> 00:06:26,662 I'm not your alarm clock, Mom. 136 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,197 Okay, you know, I'm your mother. 137 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,348 - Hey. - I respect your stuff. 138 00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:30,791 Hey! 139 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,605 As the leader of this family, I've made a decision. 140 00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:38,232 We need professional help. 141 00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:40,651 I'm gonna get us to the best doctor we can afford. 142 00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:43,529 I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised 143 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,988 to hear from you, Terry. 144 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,407 You were in my phone under "cheap therapist." 145 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,243 Terry fell down the stairs and suffered 146 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,371 a traumatic brain injury and lost his memory. 147 00:06:52,396 --> 00:06:53,806 Ah, I see. 148 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,207 Yeah, and then this one went batshit, 149 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,917 leaving me to clean up their mess. 150 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,377 That's our story. 151 00:06:58,402 --> 00:07:01,939 Actually, the epilogue is, I'm home and I am healthy. 152 00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,732 And the sequel is, I had to drive her back 153 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,275 to the mental hospital two days ago. 154 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,928 And the reboot is, I was too healthy to be let back in. 155 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,556 Guys, please. He's a professional. 156 00:07:10,581 --> 00:07:12,208 We paid a lot of money to hear from him. 157 00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,693 Please, Doctor. 158 00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,602 Thank you, Terry. 159 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,772 You've all been through a lifetime's worth of trauma. 160 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,151 Healing as a family requires a lot of individual work 161 00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:23,460 - and patience. - Screw that. 162 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,195 Listen, something's happened to my memory, 163 00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:27,339 and I need it back now. 164 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,032 - That's not an ashtray. - I don't mind. 165 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:33,036 Something disturbing happened in my past. 166 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,789 I feel like it's right here... 167 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,041 and I can't get to it. 168 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,626 What about art therapy? 169 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:43,714 Painting allows people with physical and verbal challenges 170 00:07:43,739 --> 00:07:47,075 access to thoughts, emotions, and fears 171 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,436 they can't otherwise express. 172 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,138 I've had quite a bit of success at it. 173 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,221 I'm sorry. Can we go? 174 00:07:58,246 --> 00:08:00,122 I'm the only one in this family with a job, 175 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,398 and I can't afford to get fired. 176 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,150 No one asked you to quit school. 177 00:08:03,175 --> 00:08:04,885 Well, I have to take care of this family. 178 00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:08,163 That's a big job for a girl. Or even a boy. 179 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:12,384 You have to find a way to resolve that stress, 180 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,412 or it can lead to long-term psychological damage. 181 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,957 Your mother is a fine example of trauma run amok. 182 00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:21,226 Ah, thanks for those genes, Mom. 183 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,545 Okay, well, I also gave you my thigh gap, so... 184 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,940 Obviously there's some mother-daughter issues at play. 185 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,508 No, I don't have any issues. 186 00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:31,203 I just want to go back to being a loving wife and mother. 187 00:08:31,228 --> 00:08:34,656 Why don't you try something you're good at instead? 188 00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:35,765 Good one. 189 00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:38,243 Button, let's be respectful to our mother. 190 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,602 She's an amazing woman. 191 00:08:39,627 --> 00:08:41,580 Everybody in this family needs a break. 192 00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:44,066 Reward yourself with something you enjoy. 193 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,584 You-you're a writer. Do that. 194 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,486 No writer enjoys writing. 195 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,489 Besides, my book is finished. 196 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,450 I guess I could promote it, but... 197 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,161 I really want to focus on this family. 198 00:08:56,186 --> 00:08:57,346 Anyone here in favor of that? 199 00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,705 - Fuck no. - No thanks. 200 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,482 - I'll call Kam on the way home. - Outstanding. 201 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,704 What about you, my furry friend? 202 00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:04,962 Sometimes the youngest in the family gets lost in the shuffle. 203 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:08,924 Now is your time to be seen and heard. 204 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,096 Last year, there was this... 205 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:17,391 girl in my VR headset, and... 206 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,144 she was, like, trying to get me to do something... 207 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,438 Well, get used to that. 208 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,733 Ah, that's our time, Phelps. 209 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,068 He's good. 210 00:09:38,353 --> 00:09:39,471 Hello, dear. 211 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,331 Get the fuck out of my house. 212 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,209 Honey, are you okay? 213 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:46,670 Yeah. Why do you ask? 214 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,339 You're screaming at our neighbor. 215 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,633 - Hi. - Hi, Ter. 216 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,096 You see her? 217 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,264 Yeah. 218 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,351 I let her in. Pat, this is Ruth. 219 00:10:01,376 --> 00:10:02,577 Levin. 220 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,813 I- I just bought the house next door. 221 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,774 Apparently, the former owner, she committed suicide. 222 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,443 What are you gonna do? 223 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,361 Oh, that's for me. 224 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,530 Guy named Lard called. 225 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,116 Said he's my best friend. I don't know. 226 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,032 Ter-bear, think fast. 227 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,038 I just don't have it yet. I... 228 00:10:21,063 --> 00:10:22,857 No, no. You're-you're getting better. 229 00:10:22,882 --> 00:10:24,634 No, I'm not. 230 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,213 What are you doing here? 231 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:32,774 Well, like I said, I'm just, you know, 232 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,052 doing a little juicing for Terry and the kids. 233 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:38,013 I'm just trying to help out a little bit around here. 234 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,473 Are you okay? 235 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:47,981 You're real. 236 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,110 You're real too. 237 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,237 I used to know someone who looked just like you. 238 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,489 Isn't that funny? 239 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,450 I- I was thinking you look so familiar too. 240 00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,576 Are you from Brooklyn? 241 00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:01,144 Everyone in Connecticut is from Brooklyn. 242 00:11:01,169 --> 00:11:03,889 Okay, so did you walk your dog in Prospect Park? 243 00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:04,998 No. 244 00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:06,391 Did you possess me in my attic? 245 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,834 No. 246 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,544 Hold on. We'll get it. 247 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,064 All right, so it couldn't be Rizzo's Butcher 248 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:15,008 because I was a vegetarian back then. 249 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,594 So we never met there. 250 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,388 And it's not Murray's Cheese 251 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:22,140 because I was lactose intolerant. 252 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,017 Oh, June Cleaver. 253 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,435 - What? - Ah. 254 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,647 You were in a prenatal yoga class 255 00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,524 about 17 years ago. 256 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,859 - Cobble Hill Kundalini. - Yeah. 257 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,861 - Yes. - I only went twice. 258 00:11:34,886 --> 00:11:36,304 I went on the regular. 259 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,757 I mean, in fact, I did absolutely everything 260 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:40,033 Dr. Spock recommended, 261 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,327 which really bugged the crap out of you. 262 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:46,790 I remember one day, I said that having a baby 263 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,668 was what my whole life was leading up to. 264 00:11:49,693 --> 00:11:51,269 And then you called me June Cleaver 265 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,755 and everyone laughed, except me. 266 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,733 - I found it hurtful. - Oh, my God. 267 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,428 Last year, I was 268 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:03,014 tormented by this imaginary '50s housewife. 269 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:05,142 You must've made a real impression on me, 270 00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:07,252 because she had your face. 271 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,646 Oh, I don't know what to do with that. 272 00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,731 Nothing. 273 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:15,402 I just met the face of my mental illness. 274 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,613 Ah. Well, do me a favor, dear. 275 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,908 Will you hand your mental illness that knife? 276 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,744 Oh, yeah. 277 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,496 - Thank you. - Wow. 278 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,333 So if you were in that yoga class, 279 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,419 you must have a kid Gaynor's age. 280 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,588 It is the worst, right? 281 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,424 Well, my Leo's an angel. 282 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,927 Oh, well, you're lucky. My Gaynor is... she hates me. 283 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,472 I mean, my Leo's an angel. 284 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,765 - He was stillborn. - Oh. 285 00:12:49,007 --> 00:12:50,884 What are you gonna do? 286 00:12:50,909 --> 00:12:52,786 Oh, God. 287 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:56,026 So I based Rosemary on this woman I used to know. 288 00:12:56,051 --> 00:12:57,469 Well, can she sue? 289 00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,112 - I don't think so. - Then who gives a fuck? 290 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,947 Okay, I think we're done. 291 00:13:00,972 --> 00:13:02,090 Thank you. 292 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,116 How do I look? 293 00:13:03,141 --> 00:13:04,809 You look great. 294 00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,025 She looks like the Joker. 295 00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,501 I've done everything I can. 296 00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,290 I know I'm sweating. 297 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,542 I just think I'm nervous to talk about the book. 298 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,211 You know what, honey? I say, let's just call it. 299 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:15,545 Let's get out of here. 300 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,881 They can go long with the snake therapy segment. 301 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,008 No, I have to do something productive. 302 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,426 - I need to mic you. - Okay. 303 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,011 Okay, well, you never get a second chance 304 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,946 to make a first impression, so let's stick to the story. 305 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,640 No ghosts. No demons. 306 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,974 You had a mental breakdown 307 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,392 while you were writing your book, 308 00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:30,535 and now you're recovered. 309 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,728 That is the story. 310 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,313 Yup. Just like that. 311 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,361 Jesus fucking Christ. 312 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,154 And then my catalytic converter... 313 00:13:41,179 --> 00:13:43,006 do you know what that is... got stolen, so that was 314 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,492 kind of sucky, but... oh, also... 315 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,245 Terry, I have a girlfriend now. 316 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:49,663 Oh. 317 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,542 Yeah, we met at your party. Oh, Claire's a writer. 318 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:56,002 Wicked smart. What else? 319 00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:59,531 Um, well, she's in a coma. Do you remember Claire? 320 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,008 No. Honestly, I don't remember you. 321 00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:03,735 Oh, come on. 322 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,346 Sure you do. Terry, I'm you best friend. 323 00:14:06,371 --> 00:14:07,581 Right. 324 00:14:07,606 --> 00:14:10,450 I peed on your floor before the ambulance came. 325 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,851 Stupid. 326 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,687 Now, I-I do remember an ambulance. 327 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,524 And I remember lying on the floor. 328 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,817 Oh. 329 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,069 Yeah. There's lots of colors. 330 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,304 Uh-huh. Coming back to me. 331 00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,781 And there was yelling. 332 00:14:25,806 --> 00:14:29,310 It was loud and scary and... 333 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,705 and... 334 00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:32,799 And? 335 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,294 And... and-and... 336 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,631 Just fucking say it, Terry! 337 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,383 No. I forgot it. 338 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,427 That happens. 339 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,429 Anyway, I'm about done here with the painting 340 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,531 if you want to take a peek. 341 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,640 Wow. 342 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:54,603 I wish Claire's brain was alive to see this. 343 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,564 I'm gonna go and rub ice chips on her lips. 344 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,608 - See ya, buddy. - All right. 345 00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:02,682 I'm gonna figure out what happened to me. 346 00:15:02,707 --> 00:15:06,323 We're here with soft porn publishing phenom Pat Phelps. 347 00:15:06,348 --> 00:15:07,799 Try saying that three times fast. 348 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,243 So great to have you on the show, Pat. 349 00:15:10,268 --> 00:15:12,846 Ah, thanks, Lacy. Is it hot in here? 350 00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,791 Not for me, but I'm younger. 351 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:20,462 Let's talk about your new book, Rosemary's Revenge. 352 00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:24,507 It's kind of a slashy thriller with a retro '50s vibe. 353 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,344 Well, actually it's about mental illness and recovery. 354 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,262 Well, you haven't really recovered. 355 00:15:29,287 --> 00:15:32,082 Have you, you crazy bitch? 356 00:15:32,107 --> 00:15:34,284 Yes, I have, and that's not nice. 357 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,685 Oh, well, what about Terry? 358 00:15:35,710 --> 00:15:38,204 Does he know about the choppy choppy choppy? 359 00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:41,056 Um, can we talk about something else? 360 00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:43,026 Of course. What's gonna happen 361 00:15:43,051 --> 00:15:45,303 now that Rosemary lives next door? 362 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,030 No, her name is Ruth. 363 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,449 That's exactly what a demon would say. 364 00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:51,226 I think I'm done here. 365 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:54,295 Ooh. 366 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,348 Get me the fuck out of here! 367 00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:01,619 Help! 368 00:16:01,644 --> 00:16:03,963 I'm sorry, Pat. This isn't the loony bin. 369 00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:05,982 You're not getting out of here early. 370 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,426 Get me the fuck out of here! 371 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,223 Oh, my God. 372 00:16:13,248 --> 00:16:16,834 Wow. Thank you, Pat Phelps. 373 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,897 We're gonna cut to commercial and, uh, call our legal team. 374 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:24,150 Up next, 16 more minutes of snake therapy 375 00:16:24,175 --> 00:16:25,760 than we originally planned. 376 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:27,320 I'm sorry. 377 00:16:27,345 --> 00:16:28,672 Yeah, I'm okay. 378 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:29,989 Cut. 379 00:16:30,014 --> 00:16:31,056 What the hell happened? 380 00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:32,801 I don't know. I fell asleep. 381 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,052 I'm not ready for this. 382 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:36,996 Trish, look at me. You're fine, okay? 383 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,665 You fucked up on Good Morning, Shining Vale. 384 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,040 I mean, maybe four people saw it. 385 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,445 What the hell? 386 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,540 ♪ You and no one Else will do ♪ 387 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:24,085 ♪ And I ♪ 388 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:29,549 ♪ I've got to have My way now, baby ♪ 389 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,050 ♪ All I know is that to me ♪ 390 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,011 ♪ You look like You're having fun ♪ 391 00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,138 ♪ Open up your loving arms ♪ 392 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,265 ♪ Watch out, here I come ♪ 393 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:40,894 ♪ You spin me right 'round Baby, right 'round ♪ 394 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,773 ♪ Like a record, baby Right 'round, 'round, 'round ♪ 395 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:48,276 ♪ You spin me right 'round Baby, right 'round ♪ 396 00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:51,905 ♪ Like a record, baby Right 'round, 'round, 'round ♪ 397 00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,154 Gaynor. 398 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:34,322 Get out! 399 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,784 Holy fuck. 400 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,327 Hey, Ruth. 401 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,595 Hey, Pat. 402 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,497 I'm just doing a little gardening. 403 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,959 The soil here is so fertile, especially near the fence. 404 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,877 Don't you think it's a little weird 405 00:18:47,902 --> 00:18:50,104 that out of all the places that you could move to, 406 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,815 it's right next door to someone 407 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,217 who used to bully you almost 20 years ago? 408 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,636 And that you're the face of my mental illness? 409 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,888 You know, Pat, 410 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,640 I've been through so much in my life, 411 00:19:00,665 --> 00:19:03,785 so I've stopped asking myself, "Why me," 412 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,603 and I've started asking myself, "Why me?" 413 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,564 I don't hear the difference. 414 00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:08,982 Do you believe in signs? 415 00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,900 No. Yes. 416 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,529 I don't... I'm neutral. Why? 417 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,282 A few months back, 418 00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:19,309 I was feeling really down, you know? 419 00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:22,795 I was tired of city life, and all of a sudden... 420 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,290 one sec, I have it in here somewhere. 421 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:28,585 What do I get in the mail? Ah, here it is. 422 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:29,961 Look at that. 423 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,591 "Priced to sell." It means murder house. 424 00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:35,925 I got one too. 425 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,511 Yeah, but maybe God put me here 426 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,680 so that we could try again. 427 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,473 This time as friends. 428 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:43,933 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 429 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,602 Are you okay? You're shvitzing. 430 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,730 I've been sweating a lot lately and I'm just really tired. 431 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,315 Why am I telling you this? 432 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,233 Because I'm easy to talk to, Pat. 433 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,528 Look, when I was your age, 434 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,781 many years ago, I went through the change. 435 00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:00,925 Many years ago? How old are you? 436 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:04,829 Well, a lady never tells, but I had the hot flashes. 437 00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:07,290 I had the bags under the eyes. I had the dry coochie 438 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:11,878 until I discovered a miracle. 439 00:20:11,903 --> 00:20:13,654 Weed? 440 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,132 - I can't. No. - No, no. 441 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,968 This is herbal tea. It's au naturel. 442 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,262 It comes from the herbs in my garden. 443 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,140 Hand to God, if you drink this, 444 00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,225 you are gonna feel 25 again. 445 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,311 You are gonna be moist in all the right places. 446 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,443 No, I can't. 447 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,820 No offense, but it's your face. 448 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,198 And you just said "moist" to a stranger. 449 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:42,158 But we're not strangers, Pat. 450 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,243 We're neighbors. 451 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,870 You'll be back. 452 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,000 Hey. 453 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:54,170 Look, I found your ancient iPod recorder in the pool table. 454 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,006 It's called a Walkman, and it's not mine. 455 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,383 And it doesn't work. 456 00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,259 Try pressing the power button. 457 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,845 I played it before. It was pretty fucking creepy. 458 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:05,598 These batteries expired in 1985. 459 00:21:05,623 --> 00:21:06,991 That was 20 years ago. 460 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,513 It was almost 40 years ago. 461 00:21:08,538 --> 00:21:09,998 No, it's not. It's... 462 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:12,730 Okay, what do you think you heard? 463 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,315 I don't know, It was the kind of music 464 00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,359 in the movies you and Dad used to think were hilarious 465 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:19,654 and now suck and then someone screamed, "Get out." 466 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,115 You know I used to hear things. 467 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,325 No, this was different. It was real. 468 00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:27,203 I thought it was real too. 469 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,997 If you want to talk about it... 470 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,748 No, I'm just... 471 00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,500 I'm fucking with you. 472 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,086 Didn't they have jokes in the mental home? 473 00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:44,804 What the hell? 474 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:00,903 Are you kidding me? 475 00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:21,758 Come on, Terry. 476 00:22:21,883 --> 00:22:23,676 Put it together. 477 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:24,969 What happened? 478 00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,307 What are you missing? 479 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,142 It's gotta be here. 480 00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:00,797 Terry! Terry! 481 00:23:00,822 --> 00:23:02,651 Patty! 482 00:23:02,676 --> 00:23:04,127 Terry! 483 00:23:04,152 --> 00:23:05,320 Patty! 484 00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:08,805 Hang on. 485 00:23:08,830 --> 00:23:09,901 Terry! 486 00:23:09,926 --> 00:23:11,261 I'm coming. 487 00:23:19,006 --> 00:23:20,208 Terry! 488 00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,484 I'm about halfway. 489 00:23:22,618 --> 00:23:23,786 Ah, shit. 490 00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:39,585 Patty! 491 00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:45,299 Patty? 492 00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:46,509 Yeah? 493 00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:48,219 I came as fast as I could. Are you okay? 494 00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:49,512 Yeah, why? 495 00:23:49,679 --> 00:23:51,389 You were screaming. 496 00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:54,183 Oh, I had a nightmare, but that was a while ago. 497 00:23:56,352 --> 00:24:00,565 Yeah, I mean, I-I gotta get that chair motor fixed or something 498 00:24:00,731 --> 00:24:02,692 'cause it's getting a little... 499 00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:04,443 - Whoa. - Oh, my God. 500 00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:06,696 No, no, no, it's-it's good. It's fine. 501 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,781 It's-it's better than fine. Nice job. 502 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,242 No, it just feels really weird 503 00:24:11,409 --> 00:24:13,452 for you to see me naked for the first time. 504 00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:15,538 It's not the first time. We have two grown children. 505 00:24:15,705 --> 00:24:18,374 Yeah, but you were used to it. 506 00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:19,959 It's like if you grow up in Cleveland, 507 00:24:20,084 --> 00:24:22,128 you think, "Oh, isn't that a beautiful city?" 508 00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:23,796 But if you see it for the first time, 509 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,381 you're like, "Ew, is that a river on fire?" 510 00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:27,383 Well, maybe Terry likes downtown Cleveland. 511 00:24:27,550 --> 00:24:29,552 Maybe we stop calling me Cleveland. 512 00:24:29,719 --> 00:24:32,889 I'm sorry, Terry. It's just... it's not happening. 513 00:24:33,055 --> 00:24:34,807 Well... 514 00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:37,727 I don't understand. Did we not love each other? 515 00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:40,354 Oh, we did. We do. 516 00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:41,814 We will. 517 00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:44,483 I just got out of the hospital and I don't feel sexy. 518 00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:45,943 I'm not there yet. 519 00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:47,737 Maybe I should kiss you. 520 00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:52,158 Yeah, okay. 521 00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:00,041 Get that... 522 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:09,675 - See what I mean? - Well, give it a second. 523 00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:14,347 Ah, there's nothing. 524 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:18,768 Not with you. Not with these goddamn stairs. 525 00:25:18,935 --> 00:25:20,853 I'm gonna go paint. 526 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:24,273 Try and figure out why all my pictures have axes in them. 527 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,026 - What? They do? - Yes, Pat. 528 00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,320 Apparently, I have an axe stuck in my head. 529 00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:31,656 Terry, wait. 530 00:25:31,822 --> 00:25:32,949 Let's do it. 531 00:25:32,974 --> 00:25:34,091 - Really? - Yeah. 532 00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:35,201 - Hit the lights. - Okay. 533 00:25:35,226 --> 00:25:36,519 And get the night-light. 534 00:25:36,544 --> 00:25:38,763 Oh, maybe we should wait 535 00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:40,122 till the moon goes behind that cloud. 536 00:25:40,147 --> 00:25:43,651 Ah, yeah. Ooh, it's gonna be a minute. 537 00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:46,217 - Won't be able to see anything. - Exactly. 538 00:25:46,242 --> 00:25:48,439 And while you're up, will you hand me my purse? 539 00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:50,216 I think my mom put some lube in there. 540 00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:54,303 I... 541 00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:55,488 Wait. Where are you going? 542 00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:56,806 I'm going to paint. 543 00:25:56,973 --> 00:25:58,975 I-I don't want to have deep space sex 544 00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:01,185 with your mom's lube. 545 00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:03,896 I'm sorry. I promise I'll get there. 546 00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:07,566 Dammit. 547 00:26:17,368 --> 00:26:18,744 Ugh, screw it. 548 00:26:20,705 --> 00:26:22,248 Hello, dear. Here it is. 549 00:26:22,273 --> 00:26:24,150 Now, it's very important you only take one cup... 550 00:26:24,175 --> 00:26:25,537 - Just give me the tea. Thanks. - Oh, 551 00:26:25,562 --> 00:26:26,811 - Yeah, I need it. - You don't need... oh. 552 00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:28,254 - Oh. Oh. - Thanks. All right. Bye. 553 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:45,229 Hello, Cleveland. 554 00:26:51,485 --> 00:26:52,987 Oh, this is pointless. 555 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,353 "She co-hopped her family 556 00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:27,480 up with an axe." 557 00:27:28,814 --> 00:27:30,691 Holy fuck. 558 00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:35,821 Jake. 559 00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:37,198 What do you want from me? 560 00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:46,707 Hello, Jake. 561 00:27:48,793 --> 00:27:50,419 Come and play with me. 562 00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:52,338 I don't like this game. 563 00:27:52,463 --> 00:27:54,590 It's not the same game. 564 00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:36,215 What the fuck? 565 00:28:37,992 --> 00:28:39,235 Crazy bitch. 566 00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:52,565 Oh, my God. 567 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,575 Hey, Lacy. 568 00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:04,702 - Hi. It's me, Pat. - Hi. 569 00:29:04,827 --> 00:29:06,829 Hey. I was just on your show. 570 00:29:06,954 --> 00:29:08,414 Are you serious? 571 00:29:08,539 --> 00:29:10,624 There's nothing to be afraid of. 572 00:29:10,791 --> 00:29:11,834 Okay. 573 00:29:13,085 --> 00:29:15,629 Hey, I think I know who Rosemary is! 574 00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:16,922 What? 575 00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:22,219 Shit. 576 00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:27,099 What are you gonna do? 577 00:29:30,053 --> 00:29:34,053 - Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com - 40898

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