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1
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,920
[car engine revving]
2
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,800
Lesi, could you play something
that's got a bit of swing?
3
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,400
I'm in the mood for something modern,
but not Bebop.
4
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,120
[soft music playing]
5
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,200
Ah.
6
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,600
Perfect.
7
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,720
Oh, I wish I could stop
and give you a lift, but I'm so late.
8
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,480
I'm sure someone will stop for you.
9
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:36,840
[clears throat]
10
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,560
How odd.
11
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,360
I'm so, so sorry.
12
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,440
I really do have to get to... Oh!
13
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:48,440
[car brakes]
14
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,560
[Aziraphale grunts]
15
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,120
I'm so sorry, can you be an angel
and give me a lift?
16
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,320
My car's broken down and my phone's dead.
17
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,880
Just to the next town,
there's a garage there.
18
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,440
Oh... yes, well...
19
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,560
I suppose you better climb in, then.
20
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,760
You are the nicest person.
21
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,640
- I'd given up, thank you.
- Yeah.
22
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,560
[suspenseful music playing]
23
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,960
I knew you couldn't resist
somebody under stress.
24
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,000
What a heap of junk this car is.
25
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,440
You'd think you would've upgraded
sometime in the last 90 years, but no.
26
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:32,320
Who are you?
27
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,160
It's Aziraphale, isn't it?
28
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,280
Former Angel of the Eastern Gate.
29
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,840
You have the advantage on me.
30
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,800
I do, yes.
31
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,200
Shax.
32
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,200
Former Admissions demon, senior grade.
33
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,800
[Shax] Now a Hell's ambassador planner,
potentially to this corner of the planet.
34
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,280
Replacing the demon Crowley.
35
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:01,880
Oh.
36
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,720
- Crowley's got Gabriel, hasn't he?
- [car breaks]
37
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,480
I really have no idea
what you're talking about.
38
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,320
[Shax] It's the only thing
that makes sense.
39
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,960
Crowley is hiding the Angel Gabriel.
40
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,120
I think you must have me
confused for someone else.
41
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:22,440
I'm a little bemused as to why
Crowley should risk destruction for you.
42
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,800
[Shax] You don't seem his type at all.
43
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,360
I can tell how Crowley's got him.
44
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,280
Crowley doesn't have Gabriel.
Where would he put him?
45
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,160
Gabriel would never go to Crowley,
he hates Crowley.
46
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,280
He hates you.
47
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,880
I don't know where he is,
but he isn't with Crowley.
48
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,800
- No?
- No.
49
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,200
You know what?
50
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,240
Sometime in the last 18, 19 years,
51
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,480
I remember hearing
that you and Crowley were an item.
52
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,680
[Shax] I didn't believe it then.
53
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,640
Not really.
54
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,680
Poor old Furfur.
55
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,880
He thought you were
his ticket to the big time.
56
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,840
Now he's on requisitions.
57
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,520
I'm afraid I have no idea
what you are talking about.
58
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:15,120
Nor where this Angel Gabriel,
who I've never heard of, might be.
59
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:17,720
You can let me out here.
60
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,280
- This is in the middle of nowhere.
- Sounds about right.
61
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,560
It's okay.
62
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,120
You've already told me where he is.
63
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,040
No! How, how did I tell you
where Gabriel is?
64
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:32,400
You didn't.
65
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,240
- You have now.
- [door shuts]
66
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,600
[suspenseful music playing]
67
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:37,680
[sighs]
68
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,440
[car engine revving]
69
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,560
[intro theme music playing]
70
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,360
[bombs and weapons noises]
71
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,520
If the bomb does land here,
72
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,200
it would take a real miracle
73
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,000
for my friend and I to survive it.
74
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,560
[explosion and sirens]
75
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,400
That was very kind of you.
76
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,240
- [Crowley] Shut up.
- Well...
77
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,360
It was. No paperwork for us to have.
78
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:55,880
Oh, the books.
79
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,280
Oh.
80
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,200
I forgot all the books.
81
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,760
- Oh, they'll all be blown to...
- [Crowley grunts]
82
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,520
Little demonic miracle of man. Lift home?
83
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,040
[soft music playing]
84
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,880
[man through interphone] Hello.
85
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,320
Have a miserable eternity.
86
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,880
We'd like to apologize for the wait
and the conditions, but we won't.
87
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:33,080
Cheer up.
Things could be worse, and they will be.
88
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,600
Shoot number four, all the way down.
89
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,280
Have a miserable eternity.
90
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:39,640
[Shax] Next.
91
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,416
[through interphone]
...for the rest of eternity,
92
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,400
worse and worse and worse.
93
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:45,680
[Shax] Next.
94
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,720
I've had enough of this, I need a cuppa.
You'll have to wait.
95
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,600
- [all complaining]
- [man] Excuse me. Excuse me!
96
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,880
[through interphone] Hello.
Have a miserable eternity.
97
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,360
We'd like to apologize for the wait
and the conditions, but we won't.
98
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,640
Cheer up.
Things could be worse and they will be.
99
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:09,680
Aargh.
100
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,920
Ouch.
101
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,240
[suspenseful music playing]
102
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:22,680
Unbelievable.
103
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:23,920
Having a rough one?
104
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,120
No, no, it's perfect.
105
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,360
I've spent all morning
processing 52 men called Otto.
106
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,120
You know,
107
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,240
if you really want to get out of here,
108
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,760
I believe they are looking to move some
people from Admissions to Temptations.
109
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,760
Well, it's never come easy to me.
Climbing the greasy pole.
110
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,080
I get all double tongue tied.
111
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:44,920
The thing is...
112
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,640
I do have the ear of the higher demons.
113
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,680
I could always put in a word for you.
114
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:53,840
Really?
115
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,720
If you were to hear something
on the Hell burn,
116
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,000
some demon somewhere up to some good,
117
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,920
just let me know.
118
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,880
I could get you
in front of the Dark Council.
119
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,280
You'd do that for me?
120
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,440
Then some day,
121
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,880
and that day may never come,
122
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,800
I could call on you
123
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,000
to do a service for me.
124
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:18,920
Yeah, yeah I will.
125
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,640
[tense music playing]
126
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,000
You know...
127
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,920
that was a very nice thing
128
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,480
- you did for me.
- Shut up.
129
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,920
There must be something I can do for you
130
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,760
- in return.
- Forget it, will you?
131
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,600
Right.
132
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,120
Spot of business to do.
133
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,840
Spreading the old demon drink.
134
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,640
[shouting]
135
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,520
[car engine revving]
136
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,400
Ah.
137
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,960
The theater.
138
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,240
Bravo! Sophocles, Shakespeare.
139
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,480
- [Crowley] Something like that.
- So improving.
140
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,760
Talking of improving. [thud]
141
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,720
Time for delivery
of some black market joy.
142
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,640
Lovely bottles of joy.
Thank you for sending proof.
143
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,840
We should not be here.
144
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,160
I'm telling you now,
my planning is always exemplary.
145
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,440
I had the Luftwaffe bombing plans
146
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,120
and everything was going
to the East end of London.
147
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,400
Absolutely.
148
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,520
It has something to do
with that swine Crowley.
149
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,240
What did you just say?
150
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,320
It was Mr. Crowley's meddling
that caused this.
151
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,520
Crowley?
152
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,000
Yes, they did say something about...
153
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,480
demonic interventions
just before the bomb hit the church.
154
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,640
They? Who is they?
155
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,400
Crowley and his bookseller friend,
Mr. Fell.
156
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,600
Real sissy type, a proper fear girl.
157
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,520
Schtum for a minute.
So this all happened in a church?
158
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,640
And this Crowley was there?
159
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,160
In a church, on hallowed ground?
160
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,080
Tell me...
161
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,440
everything.
162
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,880
Broken? All of them?
163
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,240
Didn't you have air in your bloody tires?
164
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,720
What's the matter with you,
you great lump?
165
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,960
Right, yeah, I did, I parked right next to
a place where a bomb went off, Mrs. H.
166
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,480
Don't you Mrs. H me, you cheeky sod.
167
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,440
I paid you for 40 bottles
and I bloody well want them.
168
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,120
What a day.
169
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,600
You smashed my Whiskey,
170
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,640
the heating is knackered,
171
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:41,000
and the girls won't go on stage
because it's so bleeding cold.
172
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,000
And to top it all off,
173
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:47,480
tonight's magician has just been
arrested as a deserter.
174
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,480
- I'm f...
- [piano interrupts]
175
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:55,480
Erm, I wonder if I might be able to
help you out on behalf of my...
176
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,480
erm, good friend here.
177
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:03,120
I am no stranger
to the art of prestidigitation.
178
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,680
Right, here is the deal.
179
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,800
I can grant you temporary license
180
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,800
to go back up to Earth
as zombies for 24 hours.
181
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,440
- As zombies?
- Zombies, yes, the living dead.
182
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,240
Then if you are able to find me hard proof
183
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,240
that the demon Crowley and this Mr. Fell,
184
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,760
who from your description
appears to be an Angel,
185
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,320
are not just associating
but actively working together,
186
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,560
I will be authorized to grant you freedom
from Hell and Damnation.
187
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,840
What if this Angel, Mr. Fell,
uses his heavenly powers against us?
188
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,560
No worry about that, I recently qualified
as an authorized miracle blocker.
189
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,840
I can stop all that very easily, but...
190
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,480
if you don't want to do it, no problem,
191
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,520
the alternative is this.
192
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,160
[all] Oh!
193
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,520
Not him, that's Asterik,
he just brought me the clicker.
194
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:53,600
Thank you.
195
00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,840
[mechanical noises]
196
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,680
- A spider's web?
- Give me a minute, it's fiddly.
197
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,640
[man shouting]
198
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,160
- [grumping]
- [man shouting]
199
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,160
Comandant Klupps.
200
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,880
[man shouting]
201
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,800
You'd be passed through
this spider's digestive system,
202
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,400
expelled as faecal matter,
203
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,360
reconstituted as a Nazi headed fly
204
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,080
and the whole sorry business is repeated.
205
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,520
For how long?
206
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,680
Let me check for you.
207
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,000
Eternity. So, if you'd rather take
208
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,000
the initial 24 hours
as a living dead on Earth,
209
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,200
just sign here, otherwise it's straight
through there for spinne time.
210
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,600
So...
211
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,480
what do we do when we find the proof?
212
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,000
Just twist the jewel on this,
213
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,840
that summons me, I'll be right there.
214
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:50,760
And then what?
215
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,456
Well, I should be the one
to collect the proof
216
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,040
with this state of the art device.
217
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:55,880
All done.
218
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,000
As newly inculcated members of the undead,
219
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,000
you will experience periods of blood lust
which you will have to satisfy.
220
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,376
These cravings can only be quenched
by the consumption of living human brains,
221
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,800
just to keep you going. Any questions?
222
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,600
Good.
223
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,360
[suspenseful music playing]
224
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,520
[drunkenly singing]
♪ I'll... ♪
225
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,080
♪ Tell you a story ♪
226
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,240
♪ That is sure to please ♪
227
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,960
♪ Of a great farting contest ♪
228
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,080
♪ At Burton-on-Tease ♪
229
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,760
I bet that's worth a packet.
230
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,680
Here, let me try.
231
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,200
- [suspenseful music playing]
- [girls screaming]
232
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,280
[man grunting]
233
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,240
[stomach rumbling]
234
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,600
- I am so sorry.
- Oh, woops.
235
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,760
All right, I'll say it.
236
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,360
I'm starving.
237
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,400
[drunk man singing]
♪ I'll tell you a story ♪
238
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,040
♪ That is sure to please ♪
239
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,120
♪ Of a great farting... ♪
240
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,320
Well...
241
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,320
- At least he has oxygen, eh?
- [sighs]
242
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,160
♪ And this year's event ♪
243
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,000
♪ Had drawn quite a large crowd ♪
244
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,240
♪ And the betting was even ♪
245
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,240
♪ On Mrs... ♪
246
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,800
[man shouting]
247
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,240
I'll be honest, that wasn't...
248
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,400
unpleasant.
249
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,280
I agree.
250
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000
Almost...
251
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,520
chickeny.
252
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,240
- Or chopped liver.
- Mm...
253
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:54,160
Who knew living brains
could be quite so... [stomach rumbling]
254
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,560
♪ But with muscles well-tensed
and legs full apart ♪
255
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,640
♪ She started a final and glorious fart ♪
256
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,640
♪ Beginning with Chopin,
and ending with Wing ♪
257
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:11,320
♪ And went right up the scales
to God Save the King ♪
258
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,520
[stomach rumbling]
259
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,320
He's repeating on me, sorry.
260
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,440
[suspenseful music playing]
261
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,360
This way, this way.
262
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,680
[woman zombie] He'll be in his bookshop.
263
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,480
Cheers for getting me off the hook.
264
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,840
Oh, there's no need
to thank me, that's what...
265
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,040
friends
266
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,520
are for.
267
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,760
You're aware that you're going to be
performing on the West End Stage tonight?
268
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,600
♪ The West End, the West End... ♪
[giggles]
269
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,760
It's just that those stages
take some filling.
270
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,800
You're talking to the Angel
271
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,800
who fooled Nefertiti
272
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,720
with a lone caraway seed
on three cowry shells.
273
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,240
Aha! Professor Hoffmann's modern magic.
274
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,680
Ah, there you are.
275
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,800
"To Mr. Fell," that's me,
276
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,760
"a wonderful student."
277
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,240
[woman zombie]
We must know what they are saying.
278
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,640
[man zombie] Let me look,
I'm an expert lip reader.
279
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,240
Hand me those.
280
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:57,720
Go on, then.
281
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,960
I'm a lonely GI
anxiously awaiting the arrival
282
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,800
of the Ladies of Camelot. Amaze me.
283
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,320
Yeah, erm... [clears throat]
284
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,520
[in old man voice] Go on, Mr. British man,
285
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,000
wow me with your miracles.
286
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,760
[clears throat] Can I just say that I do
287
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,720
only allow myself one tiny weeny miracle?
288
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,640
Just to warm the audience and myself.
289
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,200
Erm...
290
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:23,960
For instance,
291
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,560
turning a common turnip
292
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,800
into an inkwell.
293
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,320
[clears throat] But before...
294
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,080
that, everything...
295
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,680
I do is accomplished by...
296
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,080
skillful conjuring alone.
297
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,160
Now... [clears throat]
I have here
298
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,560
a sixpence
299
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,320
and a farthing.
300
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,560
But...
301
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,080
if I close my hand thusly,
302
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,520
for but a blink of an eye...
303
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,040
[zombie] Well?
304
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,160
- What is he saying?
- He says...
305
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,800
- Banana.
- Banana.
306
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,320
- Fish.
- Fish.
307
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,080
- Gorilla.
- [woman zombie] Gorilla.
308
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,800
- Shoe lace.
- [woman zombie] Shoe lace.
309
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,320
A dash of nutmeg.
310
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,640
[woman zombie] Banana, fish, gorilla,
shoe lace with a dash of nutmeg.
311
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,760
[speaking German]
312
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,720
And...
313
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,800
[blows]
314
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,240
The farthing...
315
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,960
has vanished. [wheezes]
316
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:30,800
Right.
317
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,560
[in old man voice]
What you just did is remarkable,
318
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:39,000
I don't have the foggiest notion
how it's done. [laughs]
319
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,320
[in normal voice] But that's a trick
for close quarters, eh?
320
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,680
What you do tonight has to be bigger.
321
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,280
I see, yeah, you're right, of course.
322
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,240
We need something new, something dramatic.
323
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,440
You know if there's somewhere we can...
324
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,320
I don't know, buy tricks.
325
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,280
Well, there is ah...
Will Goldstone's magic shop.
326
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,680
But that's for
professional conjurers only.
327
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,400
You, my Nefertiti fooling fellow,
328
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,480
are about to perform
on the West End Stage.
329
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,520
If that doesn't make you
a professional conjurer,
330
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,640
I don't know what does.
331
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,960
[soft music playing]
332
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,960
[music intensifies]
333
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,680
[zombies growling]
334
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,280
[magical music playing]
335
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,240
[door shuts]
336
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960
[tense music playing]
337
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,080
[shopkeeper] Oh, that's marvelous, sir.
338
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,000
- Are you familiar with it?
- No.
339
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,080
Well, please hand me the contents
and I will gladly show you.
340
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,640
[both shout]
341
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,080
[laughing] A lot of fun that,
a lot of fun.
342
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,880
- And it's only two and six.
- Oh, well, that's...
343
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,280
not the sort of thing we're looking for.
344
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,760
I need a showstopper.
345
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,040
Erm, oh.
346
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,160
Like these beauties.
347
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,800
Oh, yes.
348
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,240
- You see, I do have a gift for prop...
- [object clatters]
349
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,640
Erm.
350
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,960
[clears throat]
Well, a sort of natural dexterity.
351
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,080
[things clattering]
352
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,560
What about this?
353
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,880
We call this one
the professor's nightmare.
354
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,080
Now, I've got a big piece of rope,
355
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,320
a medium size piece...
356
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,800
- Ah, with you in a few moments, sir.
- [grunts]
357
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,560
[shopkeeper] And a wee baby piece.
358
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,920
Now, if I gather up the ends here,
359
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,280
and collect all of the unequal ends here,
360
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:03,800
a little tug,
361
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,400
and they all stretch to become
exactly the same length.
362
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:11,000
You see the big piece is the same length
as the medium size piece
363
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,320
and the short piece is the same length
as the other two.
364
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,736
[shopkeeper] See, this one here,
this one is the long piece.
365
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,520
You can tell it apart
from the others, right?
366
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,280
Perhaps is the light.
You see, there's the long piece,
367
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,040
there's the medium piece,
and there's the short piece.
368
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,760
Now this is perfect
for a talented amateur such as yourself.
369
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,240
A talented amateur?
370
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,120
Well, I'll have you know
I'm booked to appear in the West End.
371
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,800
Erm, the Windmill theater
at 8:30 p.m. tonight.
372
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,320
Thank you very much.
373
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,016
[Aziraphale] I'm looking for something
with a bit more scale.
374
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,480
Something climactic.
375
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,640
[Aziraphale] Like that.
376
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,000
[Crowley] A Bullet Catch, lovely.
377
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,200
No, no, no.
I'm afraid that's not for you, sir.
378
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,520
- What about this?
- No, no, I've found my showstopper.
379
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,160
- How much is it?
- You do not understand.
380
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,680
Twelve people have died
presenting this effect.
381
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,720
Years ago, I sold one to a lovely Chinese
fella and he ended up six foot under.
382
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,776
I'd hate to see
the same thing happen to you.
383
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,560
- How much?
- Are you sure?
384
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,680
- Are you sure you are sure?
- Quite sure. How much?
385
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:14,640
Two pound ten.
386
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,200
And another four pound 15 shillings
for the rifle.
387
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,520
But you'll need a firearms license.
388
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,960
Oh, I have one of those already.
389
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,760
- You what?
- Oh, yes, I keep a Derringer
390
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,080
in the bookshop,
inside a hollowed out book.
391
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,120
[Aziraphale] In case I get into a scrape.
392
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,680
You read too many books.
393
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,160
And seven pounds, and...
394
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,880
five shillings.
395
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,200
Your life is worth a lot more
than seven pounds five shillings.
396
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,440
Well, is a life worth more than...
397
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,040
27 pounds and five shillings?
398
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,600
On your head be it.
399
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:53,800
I mean, I have warned you.
400
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,416
It'll take a miracle for you
to be able to perform this safely tonight.
401
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,960
That's why you just sell us the trick.
402
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,480
Leave the miracles to us.
403
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,560
You don't understand, look.
404
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:04,960
[shopkeeper] Where are we?
405
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,920
Here, you need nerves of steel.
406
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,800
And a hand as steady
as the rock of Gibraltar.
407
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,800
Well, I have those.
408
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,600
Sir, go and take a look
at the pocket tricks over there, go on.
409
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:19,880
I'll be with you in a minute.
410
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,960
You're going to need
a 100% reliable marksman.
411
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,040
Someone you can really trust.
412
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,240
Otherwise, it's lethal.
413
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,400
Oh, I've got the perfect man for the job.
414
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,360
At least,
415
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,640
I think I have...
excuse me, for one minute.
416
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,960
You'll do the shooting,
I'll catch the bullet.
417
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,840
I'll do all the hard bits.
418
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,880
As a demon, you must have
fired off a lot of guns, yeah?
419
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,800
- I'll do it.
- Yay.
420
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,280
But if anything goes wrong,
can we agree that we break your...
421
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,000
one miracle limit?
422
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,120
Neither of us wants the paperwork, do we?
423
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,480
[laughs]
424
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,840
[suspenseful music playing]
425
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,200
[door opens]
426
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,920
[door shuts]
427
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,760
Excuse me, sir. Fake ears
are two shillings, thank you very much.
428
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,960
It's not fake.
429
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,720
It's my own.
430
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,120
I didn't mean it, sir.
431
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,040
I mean,
432
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,120
take everything you want.
433
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:43,800
It's my treat.
434
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,520
[shopkeeper] Sir?
435
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,120
Sir?
436
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760
Please. Sir!
437
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,560
[shopkeeper screaming]
438
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,200
[Cabaret music playing]
439
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,520
[applause and cheering]
440
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,680
[announcer] And now,
a master of misdirection,
441
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,920
marvelous in his mysteriosity,
442
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,800
with miracles at his fingertips.
443
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,720
Let us welcome
the death defying prestidigitation
444
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,880
of the amazing Mr. Fell.
445
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,520
You're on. Get on with it.
446
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,400
Those were the Ladies of Camelot,
447
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,880
they're the bees knees.
448
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:56,680
I bet you're all thinking,
449
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,640
"What's that man doing up there,
450
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,880
on the stage?
451
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,560
Is he here to amaze and befuddle us all
452
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,520
with his prestidigitation
453
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,960
and jiggery-pokery?"
454
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,880
- [man in public] Get on with it!
- Oh.
455
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:12,960
Erm...
456
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,120
Well, the answer is, yes, I am.
457
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,200
Erm...
458
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:18,880
To amaze you,
459
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,320
first, I shall require
460
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,080
the assistance of a gentleman
461
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,920
from the audience. Now,
462
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,120
is anyone here
familiar with using firearms?
463
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,320
Oh.
464
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:36,720
Erm...
465
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,880
[curious music playing]
466
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,560
Erm... you, sir!
467
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,480
[Aziraphale] You look like
you might have a steady hand.
468
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,120
- Yep.
- [Aziraphale] Ah.
469
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,600
Erm, yep, we'll escort you up
onto the stage.
470
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,840
[Aziraphale] Erm...
471
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,640
Before we... thank you.
472
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:03,720
Before we begin,
473
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,160
[Aziraphale] we just need
a little something
474
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:08,880
to check
475
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,360
that the magic
476
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:11,760
is working
477
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,000
[whispers] today.
478
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,280
Miracles blocked.
479
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,840
What have we here?
480
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,560
A common or garden turnip.
481
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,520
[Aziraphale] But in a blink,
482
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,200
and before your very eyes,
483
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,160
I transform it
484
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,560
into an inkwell.
485
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,760
What on earth is he playing at?
486
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,080
- I thought you said he was a magician.
- He is.
487
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,520
I say again.
488
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,440
From turnip
489
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,120
to inkwell.
490
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,480
- [booing]
- [crowd booing]
491
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:03,880
Oh, well.
492
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:05,760
Sometimes...
493
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:07,880
you meet a...
494
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,200
stubborn turnip.
495
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,800
[Aziraphale clears throat] So...
496
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,600
best get on to the main event.
497
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,040
Tonight...
498
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,440
I will take my life in my hands,
499
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,160
as I dare to perform...
500
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:22,520
the bullet catch!
501
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,800
[tense music playing]
502
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:28,080
A round of applause for
503
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,560
this total stranger.
504
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,760
[applause]
505
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:38,640
Yeah.
506
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,640
- My miracles aren't working.
- Neither are mine.
507
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,400
Now, would you be so good
508
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,120
as to...
509
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,680
take this rifle...
510
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,000
- [camera flash]
- Ah!
511
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:57,280
The gentlemen of the press
are intrigued already, I see.
512
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,360
- [Aziraphale] Now, sir...
- Got you.
513
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,000
...I would ask that you take this bullet
514
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,640
and load it into the rifle.
515
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,040
Very carefully.
516
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,480
It's perfectly simple. Aim for my mouth,
517
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,680
but shoot past my ear.
518
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:22,920
I just squeeze that there, do I not?
519
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,280
Haven't you fired a gun before?
520
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,680
Not as such.
521
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,160
If you would...
522
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,080
load the bullet into the gun.
523
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:41,720
That's right.
524
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,560
Bullet loaded!
525
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:45,920
Yes, thank you.
526
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:47,720
Ladies and gentleman,
527
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,480
my volunteer
528
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,600
here, will on...
529
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:54,880
on my signal,
530
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,920
fire the rifle at my head,
531
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,240
and in that explosive moment,
532
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,000
I will attempt to catch that bullet
533
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,720
in my teeth!
534
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,920
[suspenseful music playing]
535
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,040
Are you ready, sir?
536
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,400
When you hear my signal, sir,
537
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,400
shoot.
538
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,040
[drum rumbling]
539
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:31,640
Ready?
540
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:35,720
Of course, we are hooked.
541
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,160
Aim.
542
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,000
If that gun goes off in his face,
now it'll be a right old mess.
543
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,696
Never mind the paperwork,
they probably won't be able
544
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,200
to put him back together again.
545
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:49,760
[drum rumbling]
546
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,280
Get on with it, for God's sake.
547
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,480
[suspenseful music intensifies]
548
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,320
Fire!
549
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,160
[gun fires]
550
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,320
- [bullet impacts]
- [Crowley grunts]
551
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:21,800
What the f...
552
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,920
[applause and cheering]
553
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,320
[Aziraphale] Thank you!
554
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,200
No paperwork.
555
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,000
Oh, thank you.
556
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:38,920
Thank you!
557
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,520
[Aziraphale] Oh, thank you!
558
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,760
Get on, girls, for God's sake.
559
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,400
But do you really think it went well?
560
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:51,920
Absolutely.
561
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,000
Chalk up a win for the side of the Angels.
562
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,400
Ah! [laughs]
563
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,320
- [knocking on door]
- Enter.
564
00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,000
[door shuts]
565
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,960
Hmm, well, well, well...
566
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:06,720
What have we here?
567
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:08,560
Sorry, have we met?
568
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,760
Oh, no, you never had the pleasure, but...
569
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,000
we have, haven't we?
570
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,080
Have we?
571
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,120
What do you mean "have we?"
You know we have.
572
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,400
We were in the same legion.
573
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,440
Just before the fall.
574
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,640
Doing dubious battle
on the plains of Heaven.
575
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:25,600
Remember?
576
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,800
I remember going into battle,
I don't remember being there with you.
577
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:31,360
[Crowley] Sorry.
578
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,000
I was right next to you.
579
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,840
We did loads together.
580
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,080
You said jump on me back
like a monkey in a waist coat.
581
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,640
Anyway, whether you do
or whether you don't, it doesn't matter.
582
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,080
I'm here to inform you,
583
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,040
as a representative
of the high powers of Hell,
584
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,560
that you, Crowley,
585
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,800
are in breach of the infernal code.
586
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:57,280
Consulting and collaborating
with an Angel,
587
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,880
Fell the Marvelous, aka...
588
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,160
Azirapalala.
589
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,320
Azirapapap.
590
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,360
Aziphapalala.
591
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:12,000
Aziraphale.
592
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,800
Pure coincidence. I happen to be here,
593
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,720
he asked for a volunteer.
594
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,920
The miraculous Bullet Catch
595
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,200
requires the use
of a trusted stooge and confidant.
596
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,840
Where did you get that booklet?
597
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,360
It's only available
to working professional magicians,
598
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:31,920
such as myself.
599
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,560
[speaking German]
600
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,520
- [suspenseful music playing]
- [zombies grunting]
601
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,040
Be it be.
602
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,080
Got it from the man in the magic shop
just after you left.
603
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,680
It was... [laughs] his last wish
that we should have it.
604
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,320
But you're dead.
605
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,280
Living dead.
606
00:33:58,920 --> 00:33:59,920
Now,
607
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:01,240
agents of Hell.
608
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,000
[zombies screaming]
609
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,160
Don't bother trying any funny business,
610
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,880
I think you'll find someone
who has great authority
611
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,640
has put a half hour miracle block
on this entire theater.
612
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,160
- Who?
- Me! Who do you think?
613
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:32,360
Come on, come on.
614
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:34,680
Erm...
615
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:39,840
All right, Crowley.
616
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,440
- Shall we?
- Oh, we shan't, this is ridiculous.
617
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,480
No, what's ridiculous is demons like you
doing what they please.
618
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,080
And somehow still getting on,
while demons like me graft
619
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:50,656
for hundreds and hundreds of millennia
620
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,400
and never get a sniff of a promotion.
621
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:54,440
Well, not this time.
622
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,880
Expect a legion to come for you
first thing tomorrow.
623
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,800
Enjoy your last night on Earth.
624
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,200
But first, what about our deal?
625
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,880
- Freedom from Damnation.
- Absolutely.
626
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,120
You're free to go. Ta-da.
627
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:17,960
But you can't leave us like this.
628
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,760
You need to make us into living humans.
629
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,160
Oh, no... clause 17.
630
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,520
Un-revocable eternal life on Earth
631
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:27,760
as zombies.
632
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:29,520
Granted.
633
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,000
[suspenseful music playing]
634
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:35,960
Might be all right.
635
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:37,560
[thud]
636
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:39,880
[sighs]
637
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:45,480
[zombies grunting]
638
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,120
Thank you for seeing me,
your maleficences.
639
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,880
I took this photograph of
Crowley and Aziraphale together.
640
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,040
So you have your audience
for the dark council then?
641
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,000
There are vacancies in...
642
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:00,400
Temptations?
643
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:05,640
Indeed there are.
644
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,560
But I'm afraid it looks like
you'll be staying right here.
645
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:13,920
Eh?
646
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:17,800
Oh, hang on, that's not...
647
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:21,680
[sighs] But...
648
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,160
[funny music playing]
649
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:30,680
[Crowley] How?
650
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,896
There was a miracle blocker in the room,
I saw you put it back in the envelope.
651
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,040
Who needs a miracle when
you've had private lessons
652
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,160
from the great Prof. Hoffmann himself.
653
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,480
I simply say the magic words.
654
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,080
Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace,
655
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,160
with a dash of nutmeg, and...
656
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,200
Well, I got it right
the time that mattered.
657
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,320
You really are...
658
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,520
terrible at magic.
659
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,160
Shall we retire the act?
660
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:05,800
Perhaps.
661
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,880
- Might be for the best.
- Hmm.
662
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:11,480
I...
663
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,160
I knew you would come through for me.
664
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,200
You always do.
665
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,640
Well, you said "trust me."
666
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:20,760
And you did.
667
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:24,920
You could've walked away.
668
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,000
If you were truly
669
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,280
as evil as you like to paint yourself,
you would've done that.
670
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:31,360
Nah.
671
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,416
That's the trouble with you lot.
672
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,200
You don't just see things
in black and white.
673
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,360
Sometimes,
674
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,160
you've just gotta blur the edges.
675
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,120
Well, maybe there is something
to be said for.
676
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,680
Shades of grey.
677
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:47,200
[glasses clink]
678
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,600
Well, shades of...
679
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:52,160
dark grey.
680
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,520
Shades of a very light grey,
681
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,000
I'd rather fancy.
682
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,880
[suspenseful music playing]
683
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,880
State your business.
684
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,320
Oh, for Satan's sake, you know who I am.
685
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,600
I have an appointment with Lord Beelzebub.
686
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,400
State your business.
687
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,200
[sighs]
688
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,800
I am Shax, demon of the fifth house,
689
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,440
earthly representative of plenipotentiary
690
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,280
of the vastness of Hell.
691
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,360
Here to see Lord Beelzebub.
692
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:44,640
Well,
693
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,440
you're not on the list.
694
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:49,480
What's up, babe?
695
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,120
Let me in to see Lord Beelzebub
696
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,160
or I will rearrange your vital organs
and hang them on the wall.
697
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,120
In a frame.
698
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,000
Ah, fair enough.
699
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:07,600
[door opens]
700
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,280
Shax, demon of the fifth house.
701
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,040
[suspenseful music playing]
702
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:17,880
Well?
703
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:19,400
What news?
704
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,200
- The Angel went to Edinburgh.
- Which Angel?
705
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:23,360
You know which one.
706
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,040
[Shax] Crowley's pet.
707
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,520
- Why Edinburgh?
- Not sure.
708
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,680
Maybe they want us to think
Gabriel is in Edinburgh.
709
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,200
Maybe Crowley wants the Angel
to make us think Gabriel is in Edinburgh.
710
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,960
- Maybe...
- Maybe he actually is in Edinburgh.
711
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:38,800
- Oh, he's not in Edinburgh.
- Why not?
712
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:40,640
Because he's in the bookshop.
713
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:44,120
Gabriel's in the bookshop?
714
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:46,520
You're certain of it?
715
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:47,640
Yes.
716
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,640
Thank you, Shax.
717
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:51,600
Good work.
718
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:56,400
Yes?
719
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,560
Now that we've located Gabriel,
720
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:00,360
what do we do?
721
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,080
- Well, we formulate a plan.
- I formulated a plan.
722
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,120
I take a legion of demons
and we storm the bookshop,
723
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,680
killing anyone and anything
that stands in our way.
724
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000
We capture Gabriel
and we drag him as tribute
725
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,000
before the throne of Satan, our master.
726
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,160
Can you enter the bookshop,
727
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,600
without permission?
728
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,560
Not technically, no.
729
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,280
But give me a legion
of Hell's finest troops
730
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,320
and see what I can do.
731
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,640
It's a chance I've been waiting for,
Lord Beelzebub.
732
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:33,440
To be clear,
733
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,560
you are hereby authorizing me
734
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,200
to storm the Angel's bookshop,
735
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,760
sending wave after wave of demons
736
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,520
to besiege it until it falls
and capture the Archangel,
737
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,520
destroying anything and everything
that stands in our way?
738
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:47,120
No.
739
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,640
I am not authorizing you to do that.
740
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:51,760
[Shax] Oh.
741
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,960
I am commanding you to do it.
742
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,200
I want you there, Shax.
743
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:58,960
On the ground.
744
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,840
Bravely leading the attack
into the bookshop,
745
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,520
leading the army of the damned.
746
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:07,600
I can do that.
747
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,160
[car engine revving]
748
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:16,360
[door shuts]
749
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:19,880
[sighs]
750
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,440
[happy music playing]
751
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:29,520
Oh.
752
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,360
Oi, you need to put your brakes on.
753
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,120
Now go back to where I parked you.
754
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:47,680
[door shuts]
755
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:48,880
[phone beeps]
756
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,840
[sad music playing]
757
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,640
[door shuts]
758
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:03,920
There you are!
759
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:05,936
I was worried something
might've happened to you.
760
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,400
Erm, no, nothing happened to me.
761
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,280
Very uneventful journey indeed,
no strange things at all.
762
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,160
Good, that's what we want to hear.
763
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,680
Erm, everything okay with...?
764
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:16,280
Oh, yeah, fine.
765
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:17,760
He's singing to himself.
766
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:19,400
I think he must've been asleep,
767
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,160
I heard snoring coming from his bedroom.
768
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:22,520
Did you miss me?
769
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:24,520
I bet you did.
770
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,160
- I'm sure it did.
- [Crowley] So...
771
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,280
Any more clues from the mystery
of the missing Archangel?
772
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:32,640
Not exactly.
773
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:36,400
Or, if there are,
I haven't yet cracked the case.
774
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,640
But I'm certainly hot
on the trail of something.
775
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,160
I'm sure you are.
776
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,520
Oh, by the way,
777
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,280
the whole sudden rain and awning thing
was a complete washout.
778
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:48,640
Sorry?
779
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:50,400
You know, project
780
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,160
making Nina fall in love with Maggie.
781
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:53,840
I failed, it's your go.
782
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:54,960
Oh, I see.
783
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:56,400
Well, then.
784
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,800
Whickber Street Traders
and Shopkeepers Association
785
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,600
monthly meeting, here we come.
786
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,560
You're really hosting the meeting?
787
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:03,880
Absolutely.
788
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:05,560
And I can guarantee you
789
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:06,760
it will be a night
790
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:08,040
to remember.
791
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:11,440
[outro theme music playing]
55452
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