Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

...seven, six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two,

one.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Forward progress.

If you look at the entire picture,

you have to ask yourself,

how does employee performance affect the bottom line?

And what I mean by that is, is there a revenue loss

when employees are out?

For example, when I was a manager,

I used to try to spend some time thinking about how I could

boost employee performance.

Well, if you like what you heard

or you have any questions or comments,

uh, feel free to click the link below to like or subscribe.

Thank you for taking the time to watch

"Ken Barber's Management Tips."

I am Ken Barber.

Uh, see you next time.

See you next... I-I'm Ken Barber.

See you next time. Hmm...

There's too much "Ken Barber."

I just said it's "Ken Barber's Management Tips,"

so obviously I'm Ken Barber.

Shit.

So, let's say you're a dad and your kids come to you

when they're like, you know, three or four years old,

and they're curious little people,

they want to know about you, so they ask about your life.

They ask, like, what type of problems you have.

And my advice would be, don't get too specific,

'cause if you give them too many details,

there's gonna be a lot of follow-up questions,

and you do not want to deal with that.

But you dowant to make sure that your kids know that it's

okay to make mistakes,

but not big mistakes, and to not spend too much time

making excuses or explaining yourself, I guess.

That's it for this edition.

If you like what you heard or you have any questions

or comments, click the link below.

Thank you for taking the time to watch

"Ken Barber's Divorced Dad Tips."

I will see you around.

No, I don't think that overgrown hedges

are gonna take care of themselves.

It's like an overflowing trash can in your alley.

You look at it and think to yourself,

"When was the last time this trash can got emptied?"

When is the nexttime it's gonna get emptied?

When is trash day?

Wait, what day is today?

Is it, uh... Is it Thursday?

It's like... It's like we're

living in stasis, you know what I mean?

And I guess, when we're in that stasis, we get upended...

or we canget upended in the end.

You can click the button below to like or subscribe.

This has been "Ken Barber's Lawn Life Tips."

Fuck.

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Forward progress.

I don't have any real numbers, and, uh...

Come on, man, let me hear those numbers.

I don't know, maybe like 10 watches so far.

Overall for all the videos, or individual watches

for just the last one?

10 for the last one.

You mean "Ken Barber's Lawn Guy"?

"Lawn Life."

"Lawn Life."

Yeah, and like 28 for all of them together.

For two days since you posted them?

That's not bad, is it?

Oh, no, that's pretty shitty.

Right, but you got the most looks on the lawn one?

I know... stupid.

You're Ken Barber, and those are lawn guy...

Lawn life.

Lawn lifetips.

Maybe since that one was the most popular,

make another one of those, and maybe this time

with more actual tips about lawns and less thoughts

about the crushing anguish of human existence.

Uh, yeah, maybe.

Oh, and you know what else?

Maybe don't post three different videos all at once.

Maybe just pick a tip topic and stick with it.

Yeah, just throw my shit against the wall

and see what sticks?

It's not shit every time,

But hey, what was up with one of those,

like, taxidermy birds falling behind you?

- What do you mean? - On the "lawn guy" video.

One of your weird, like, stuffed bird things fell off

the shelf right behind you.

It did?

Don't you watch your own videos?

I mean, I, like, skim through it.

Well, watch it, you'll see what I mean.

You mean, like, right now?

Yeah.

Alright, alright, hold on.

"When was the last time this trash can got emptied?"

When is the next time it's gonna get emptied?

When is trash day? Wait, what day is today?

Is it, uh... Is it Thursday?

Oh, damn.

Things don't just fall like that, man.

Oh, wow, that's weird.

Yeah, let me call you later, alright?

What is that?

And finally, on "Ken's Lawn Life Tips,"

an eagle-eyed viewer brought to my attention

that, when I shot my last video a few days ago,

that this little guy fell off the shelf.

Now, you may have noticed that, uh, I like birds.

Uh, I get it from my dad. He preferred live birds.

I prefer formerly live birds.

Live birds are messy, and they make a lot of noise.

And if anybody ever tells you that you eat like a bird,

don't take that as a compliment.

I don't know how it fell off the shelf.

Some folks have commented that maybe my apartment is haunted

and there's a ghost that wanted to play with the birds.

I don't know about all of that.

Anyway, thank you so much for tuning in

to the second installment of "Ken's Lawn Life Tips."

If you have not already, please click below

to like and/or subscribe,

and I will see you all next time.

One of my viewers told me about it.

- Was it Terry? - No.

Wasn't Terry. It was somebody else entirely.

But yeah, all the comments are saying it might be a ghost.

You should find out if anybody died in your apartment.

- I'm not gonna do that. - Oh, come on. Find out.

- Why would I want to know that? - Because ghosts!

I could research it for you, even.

- No, thank you. - You get creeped out too easily.

Always have.

- No, I don't. - Mm-hmm.

Except for your creepy birds.

Hey, my birds are not creepy. They are comforting.

Did the building owner say anything when you moved in?

About people dying in my apartment? No.

Yeah, don't they have to reveal stuff like that

to you when you rent it?

The building was built in, like, 1905.

Mm, so maybe somebody croaked there like 100 years ago

and the building owner doesn't even know about it.

Are there any weird bloodstains on the floor?

Or, like, tapping noises in the walls?

or terrifying, blood-curdling screams in the hallway?

Yeah, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you,

but the only weird screams are mine.

- The kids are at Donna's? - Mm-hmm.

Hanging out with her girls. Yeah.

So, other than your new apartment being haunted,

is there anything going on with you?

I'm just doing my video stuff.

Are you getting outside at all?

Uh, I think I'm good here.

It's not healthy, holing up like that.

Ken, especially in a new town and a new place.

I disagree.

I think this is a perfect opportunity for me

to get to know every inch of my apartment.

Any job prospects?

Nothing yet.

'Cause you're applying, right?

I'm working on it.

You do realize that posting homemade self-help videos

isn't really working on it.

Seriously, it could augment things.

If I get enough views, I can make some real cash.

Can.

Excuse me if I don't have two incomes coming in like you.

You don't have one income coming in, and wait.

Are... Are you blaming me and Isaac for having jobs?

No, no.

I'm happy for you, and I'm glad you all are doing well,

but you know I got downsized, okay?

It's just about moving forward.

Hey, will you call the girls tomorrow?

They would really love that.

Maybe in the morning?

- Okay. - Good.

- Well, I should go. - Yeah.

Take care of yourself, okay?

Forward progress.

Yep. Forward progress.

Bye.

Forward progress.

Okay.

Built in 1905.

Death.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Roberta Wellwood.

Cause of death...

Oh, fuck. God damn it.

Okay, so, thirdly, there's been a lot of talk

about the weirdness with the bird falling,

and some people think that it might be a ghost.

Well, at the suggestion of one of my viewers,

I did some research to find out

if anybody died in this apartment,

and I found an article from 1915.

Turns out that a young woman died

when she fell out of the window after attacking her

father with an axe.

He survived. She didn't.

Her name is Roberta...

was Roberta.

Roberta Wellwood. She was 19.

Hello?

Hello!

Hello!

Hello?

Who is it?!

You... I don't know how you got in here,

but you're not supposed to be in here!

Yo, get away from my door before I call the police!

Aah!

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three, two.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Forward progress.

You know what?

Maybe you should turn your whole video channel

into a ghost thing.

You think?

Have you ever watched those ghost-video

compilation channels?

No.

So, these people that run these channels,

they get like millions of hits per video.

There's this one I saw. It's called, um...

It's called "Dark Corners."

They got two million hits on a video in a day.

Damn.

What if...

What if you got your video on one of those channels

and it linked back to your page?

That's a thought.

Then you could start pulling in that ad revenue.

Right, 'cause this just be a side thing.

I say go for it.

Send Dark Corners your little ghost video,

you get to compile this and take all the videos that you have,

complete a set, and you win.

You win.

I started poking around on the Internet, right?

On how you could get your little ghost girl

or whatever it is to come out and show herself.

And I came across this thing called a spirit jar.

- Okay. What's a spirit jar? - Can you hear yourself?

A spirit jar is a jar with tape around it

or some other material,

and you draw, like, symbols on it,

and it helps you to capture your ghost.

You think I should capture it?

Capture it, draw it from the ether.

I'm not a seance master. Don't worry about that.

I'll send you the link. You figure it out.

Oh, before I forget, Rachel wanted me to ask you

how Kylie's doing in middle school.

Okay, tell your wife that Kylie is doing fine,

I think.

Didn't you just talk to the girls the other morning?

I-I didn't get a chance to call.

You got to call your kids.

I don't need you to remind me to call my kids.

Sounds like you do.

Okay, maybe I do.

Whatever. Never mind that now.

I'm grabbing another beer.

You know what? I think I will grab myself a beer, too.

You got beers?

Just the six.

All right, man, whatever. Meet back here?

Yep, yep.

What the fuck?

You getting outside at all?

H-Hey, man, I-I got to call you back.

What the shit is this?

I-I was just now talking to my buddy,

and I-I got up to get a drink.

I-I came back into my office, and... and then, uh...

That was my... That was my front door.

I definitely lock my front door.

I al... I always lock my front door.

I'm very particular about that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

Ten, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Oh, Ken.

And finally, just to reiterate,

this has not been some sort of elaborate hoax,

as some people have said,

Quite frankly, I would not characterize anything in my life

as elaborate right now.

There are only two apartments in this building.

No one else lives in the other one.

No one else has a key.

Thank you to all the new subscribers.

Please keep telling your friends,

and thank you for watching "Ken's Lawn Life Tips."

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Forward progress.

I present to you the spirit jar.

That looks damn good.

Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

You got those symbols off the link I sent?

Uh, yeah, what you sent me, and then I had a...

Uh, hold on, hold on. I'll show you.

I got it.

This book... "Ghosts and Their Personas."

Holy shit. Where'd you get that?

I got off the Internet, where I get everything.

So, what? It's all about ghosts and their personas?

It is, in fact, about ghosts as well as their personas.

Who wrote it?

A gentleman named Colin Albertson.

Colin Albertson?

So, which symbols are the ones from that?

Uh, this one, and I think these.

Oh, you did a total spirit-jar mish-mash.

To the mish-mash.

Ha-ha!

Should we give it a test run?

Like, right now?

- Yeah. - Okay, yeah.

Spirit jar test run. Do it up.

I should tell you that I am, uh,

more than a little bit frightened.

- Oh, I'm totally terrified. - Okay.

- So, what's first? - Uh, read from this thing.

So read that thing.

The first part...

is, "Contra absecro hoc spiritum

justa ad vicinitum voluntatum."

And the second part is, uh,

"malice omnus ad me vinite."

Okay, creepy Latin.

What does it mean?

The first part translates to, "I pray that the spirit

of the just against the wishes of mayhem."

Cool.

And the second part...

"Come to me all the bad."

Okay, now what?

- Now hold up the jar. - Then hold it up.

- Holding it up. - Now do you open it?

I open it, but I don't know what happens next.

Aaaah!

Hey. Ken!

Ken!

Hey.

The fuck happened?

Ken, can you hear me?

Ken!

Hey, Ken, can you hear me?

Hey, the hell was that?

What was what?

- What happened to you? - I fell out of my chair.

Yeah, plus the door and the lights and the screaming.

What door and light and screaming?

Everything that happened just now.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Hey, man, I got to go. I think I'm about to barf.

Oh, yeah. Me, too.

Oh.

Wow.

I mean, that whole thing sounds really weird.

Oh, it was, Kelsey.

But you didn't record it?

It was just a test run.

But you didn't see any of what Terry said happened.

I just remember falling out of my chair.

So you were sitting in the chair

and then you fell out of the chair,

but then then nothing after that?

And you haven't experienced anything since then?

Yeah, I don't remember experiencing

what he said happened in the first place.

Except falling out of your chair.

Wait, how did the spirit jar get closed?

Who told you the spirit jar was closed?

- Terry e-mailed me. - He did?

Yeah. You should, for sure, keep investigating.

Yeah, I-I don't... I don't know.

- Oh, come on, man. It's so cool. - It is kind of cool.

Yeah. We want more ghost videos!

Why?

Okay. Oh...

Full disclosure, we have both kind of

gotten into ghost videos lately.

Seriously, that's what you're into now?

- Yeah. - Ghost videos are thebest.

We watch this ghost-video compilation thing.

We're especially into that guy Dark Corners.

His compilations are the fucking creepiest.

"Did you catch it?"

"And now for something truly terrifying."

Last night, we binge-watched like 30 of his posts.

It made me have the most horrifying nightmares.

It was great.

You have to send a link to Dark Corners.

Yeah, not really anything to send, so...

Oh, so all the more reason to keep making videos.

Yeah, I...

Send, send, send!

More, more, more!

Uh, anyway, I'm gonna go watch TV.

Talk to you later, Ken.

Yeah. Catch you later, Isaac.

Oh, and, uh, good luck with the continued job hunt.

Thanks, man.

What?

I just forgot how excitable he can be.

Mm.

You know, you could have this, too.

A new relationship?

A good relationship.

Yeah, good relationships are hard.

Yeah, he said to his ex-wife.

But, uh, otherwise you're okay?

Otherwise?

No, I-I didn't mean to imply you're not okay.

I just, you know.

Same concerns I've had... unemployment,

new town, new job, isolation.

And now, uh, falling out of a chair.

Uh...

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

Well, what's waking you up?

I don't know. I...

I go to sleep fine, and then I-I just wake up.

Will you please keep making more ghost videos?

- Oh, sure, fine. - Yay!

Yay! Yay!

Did you catch it?

Just please promise not to show the girls.

Oh, my God, no.

They would never come visit you

if they thought your apartment was haunted.

When do you think that might happen anyway?

Oh, a visit? Uh, soon.

When soon?

Uh, real soon.

Okay. Well, we should go.

Hey, maybe give the girls a call Saturday morning?

- Yeah, for sure. - All right.

Take care, okay?

Alright, bye.

It's time for the "Dark Corners" clip of the week.

Ghost blogger Catherine Ohau

sent us this clip from her channel, "Haunted Ohau,"

where she investigates haunted and abandoned buildings.

In this particular investigation,

Catherine was searching the long-empty St. Ambrose School

in Winston, New York,

and as she moved down the first-floor hallway,

she noticed a few bits of discarded clothes on the floor

and a number of overturned desks.

With her camera, though,

she caught something truly terrifying.

Did you catch it?

Uh, I have your book, "Ghost and Their Personas."

Wonderful.

So, do you have your spirit jar handy?

Uh, yeah, it's right here.

Can you hold it up so that I can see it?

Mm-hmm.

Move it a little closer.

Spin it around.

Okay. Yes.

Thank you.

Can you tell me what offerings you've included

with your spirit jar?

Any coins or herbs?

Maybe some hair?

I-I was supposed to put hair in I?

Or coins or herbs.

No, I didn't put anything in it.

Oh, I see. All right.

Uh, and then the symbols that are written on the spirit jar...

where did they come from?

Uh, from a list that a viewer sent me.

And then the rest of the symbols...

those are from my book?

Yeah. From your book, yeah.

Well, based on examining your spirit jar

and now hearing that you hadn't included any offerings,

along with a mish-mash of symbols,

I'm inclined to believe that your jar is empty.

And since it's empty, you may now open the jar.

Are you frightened to open the jar?

Yeah, if... if I'm being honest, I am.

Well, if it helps, I'll say once more,

there is currently nothing

trapped inside your homemade spirit jar.

If there is, what should I be prepared for?

Nothing, Ken.

Ghosts... they're like smoke.

They can't do anything to you.

They have no true physical form, no real power.

Ghosts are like a thin veil drawn across our reality.

Right.

So even if there were a ghost in your jar, which there isn't,

it couldn't do a damn thing to you.

Open the jar.

Okay.

Empty?

Yeah.

Was there anything else you needed?

Uh, no, I guess not.

Good luck making your spooky videos.

I look forward to watching the next one.

What the fuck?

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one.

Ten, nine, eight...

...seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Come on.

Roberta, Roberta, Roberta.

Please let me out. Please, please, please.

Ah, ah, oh.

Are you in your closet?

- Are you bleeding? - Something happened.

Like, ghost-wise?

I don't think that it's just Roberta here.

I think there's something else.

- Something... Something worse. - Worse how?

Like, dangerous?

Can we just talk in private?

Well, be careful, Ken.

Okay, what exactly happened to you?

Something tried to fucking kill me!

Oh, my God. Oh, my...

Honey, you need to go to the hospital.

No, it's fine, it's fine. I'll be fine. It's fine.

It's fine? What, are you drunk or something?

Oh, my God. You are.

You're drunk.

It's okay, Kelsey. It's fine.

Well, when did you start drinking again?

I had a beer with Terry like a couple weeks ago.

So with Terry.

That's not the point. It's fine.

Okay, okay. But it doesn't help you.

And tonight, you were drinking alone.

People do that, Kelsey.

To the point that they need stitches?

I didn't do this to myself.

Is it possible that whatever happened tonight,

that you imagined it?

I didn't hallucinate, and I'm not fucking drunk.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called.

God damn it.

Damn it.

Terry. Wake up, Terry.

- Terry, wake up. - What?

We... We shouldn't have did what we did.

Mm-hmm. What's that?

We shouldn't have messed with the spirit jar.

Okay.

I-I was in my room.

- Terry, wake up. - Hmm?

There was, um...

- Terry. - It's great talking to you.

Bye.

Terry, wake up.

Fuck.

- It's complete bullshit. - Total bullshit.

I saw what I saw.

I know.

You even said you saw it before,

when we did the spirit jar.

I didn't really seeanything.

I mostly just... I heard stuff,

and then there was the light and the door

and then you fell off your chair, but...

I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I totally agree.

What's going on isbullshit.

People are leaving comments saying it's all just a big hoax,

that I made it all up.

I don't know. Maybe just shut down the comments?

Yeah, but then it looks like I'm hiding something, right?

And also, why would anybody do this?

Why would I put myself through all of this?

Some people would.

What people?

People who like attention.

You think I want this type of attention?

I don't mean you.

I mean, that's why other people would do it.

- My videos aren't fake. - I didn't say they were fake.

This is really happening.

Look, I know it is.

What did Kelsey say?

I haven't talked to her in a couple of days.

Maybe give her a shout.

- She told me you e-mailed her. - She told you that?

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Yeah, I think I was just telling her

about what happened with the spirit jar.

Why'd you think she needed to know I fell out of my chair?

'Cause she was the one who told you to do some research.

Who told you she was the one to tell me to do research?

You did.

No, I didn't.

I think you did.

I would really appreciate it

if the two of you did not conspire against me.

We're not.

Did you tell her I was drinking?

Hell no.

Do you have a problem with me drinking, Terry?

I guess I'm just worried about your state of mind, man.

I'm not a drunk!

But nearly two years ago, you didhave a nervous breakdown

which led to you drinking way too much,

which led to you losing both your job and your family, right?

What's happening right now with me in this apartment

has nothing to do with that.

Okay, and why did you have to move so far away from your kids

anyhow... and from me, for that matter?

What are you trying to escape... reality?

I needed a fresh start.

This shit is your fresh start.

You know what, if you think I'm such a fuck-up, just say so.

I don't think you're a fuck-up.

You're bad friend, Terry. You're a fucking enabler.

If I'm an enabler, then you're fucking indulger.

If I'm an indulger,

why would I make up a fake haunting

just to ruin a life that I don't want?

You know what?

You wanted to do this ghost-video stuff

so you could make money so you wouldn't have to go

get a real job out in the real world.

Terry...

you've known me since grade school.

Everything that is going on with me is not like before.

It's really happening. None of it is fake.

Fine.

- You believe me? - Never said I didn't.

And hey, I didn't tell Kelsey about us having a few beers,

and I don't care if you want to hide from the world.

Maybe we should all be hiding.

You good?

Yeah. Maybe.

I suppose what I'm saying is, the last time we spoke,

when I examined your spirit jar and said that it was empty?

Wait, it's not?

No, the jar was empty,

but I took the liberty of doing some research

on your Roberta Wellwood,

which in turn led me to some medical reports

that date back to about five years

after the young woman's tragic fall.

These reports that I found involve Roberta's mother,

Yvonne Wellwood,

whereas she confessed that, in a fit of rage,

she pushed Roberta out the window

after the failed axe attack on the father.

Holy shit.

Holy shit, indeed.

These reports go on to reveal that,

not soon after Yvonne's confession of murder,

she committed suicide.

She committed suicide in this apartment?

No, not there,

but in a psychiatric facility where she was being kept.

Now, my theory is that

when you attempted to use your homemade spirit jar,

you inadvertently harvested her deranged soul.

Whoa, whoa. I harvested her soul?

Yes.

And it took a while for Yvonne Wellwood

to reincorporate from the astral plane

back into your apartment.

So that's why she didn't immediately present herself.

But once she did, Yvonne began to wreak havoc

in the hopes of capturing Roberta's spirit

so that she could replay her daughter's murder

again and again.

Why would... Why would she do that?

It's called a ghost loop.

It happens when restless spirits

are fated to repeat their tragic circumstances.

Okay. Okay.

Um, you said you had good news?

The good news is, I think I may have a way I can help you.

I'm going to priority mail you my very own personal spirit jar,

complete with the correct markings,

which should, A, capture

and hold the demented spirit of Yvonne Wellwood

and, B, release the confined spirit of poor Roberta Wellwood

so that she may then enter the light.

Your spirit jar could do all of that?

Yes, it could.

Yes.

You do want to help Roberta, yes?

Of course, yes.

But first, before I set our plan in motion,

I'm wondering if you could show me

the ribbon you e-mailed me about.

I'd like to examine it.

Okay, okay, I'll get it. Hold on.

With these gifts, mark this place.

With this root, I stain this flame.

In this room, with threefold law,

and with these seeds, begin to draw.

With these words, the tree now bends.

Ad ligundum eos perito,

eos corum nostrus vende.

Okay, I got it.

Hey. Uh, what was that noise?

I accidentally stepped on my cat.

Is your cat okay?

Probably. Is that the ribbon?

Oh, yeah, this is it.

Ah.

Very interesting. Thank you.

So, Ken, do nothing

until you receive my spirit jar in the mail.

Don't contact any spirits or record anything.

Understand?

I won't, I promise.

Do know that I believe you,

in regards to all that you've shared.

And listen, Ken.

I know we don't know each other well,

but I do know that you live alone, as do I.

So I, too, understand the strain that life gives us,

especially when things seem out of our control.

But if I could, I'd like to give you some advice.

Put your world in order.

Forget all the problems that are outside of yourself

until everything is less, well, diagonal.

Once you've tackled your assumed uncertainness,

your self-loathing, your inability to move forward,

then and only then can you begin to manage your external issues.

Understand?

I-I think so.

I'm saying, help yourself,

then help Roberta, then help everyone else.

I promise we'll fix this, Ken.

- Together. - Oh, yes.

But anyway, more about your amazing news.

Yeah. Right. When's it happening?

I just got the e-mail this morning.

- When'd you send the clip in? - That's just it. I didn't.

So how did he hear about it?

He must have found it on his own,

or one of my viewers submitted it.

He said he's got to check out a few things first

but that he really dug the videos.

Dug how?

His words... they are undeniable proof.

- Wow! - That is so damn cool.

Uh, now I got a little bit of ad revenue coming in,

and you will both appreciate that next week,

I have two job interviews.

Hot damn!

Everything's coming up Ken Barber.

Yeah.

Uh, Kelsey, thanks a lot for making time today

so I could talk to the girls.

- I appreciate it. - Oh, yeah, of course.

They honestly... They can't wait to come see you next month.

Yeah, they said you're getting them a futon?

Picking it up on Sunday.

Oh, it must feel so nice to finally be settled.

Yeah, it's been, uh...

it's been a pretty shit couple of years.

No, it hasn't been total shit.

It hasbeen total shit.

I'm sorry.

Nah, it's not on you.

It's been me, whole time.

Well, don't lay the blame on yourself too thick.

It's just, it's good you're back on track.

And hey, we're right here for you,

for whatever you need, okay?

Yeah, okay, thanks. But, uh...

I'm doing okay for now.

Uh, okay enough.

"Okay enough" is okay enough.

Would you stop being such a fucking cheeseball?

I can't stop being a fucking cheeseball.

I ama fucking cheeseball.

- Oh, damn. - What? Who is it?

Hold on. Shit, is that him?

Answer it, go on. Good luck.

Okay, uh, tell the girls I can't wait to see them.

- Okay. Okay, go. Bye. - Okay, bye.

Hello.

After Ken started doing these self-help video blogs,

I noticed something behind him fell off a shelf all on its own.

So that's where all this started, I guess.

I think this cleansing is exactly what Ken needs.

He's been through a lot of stuff in the last few years.

Yeah, but, you know, what's happening now?

- It's so great for Ken. - Yeah, I just...

I-I just think he needs a reboot.

He's on a live stream for "Dark Corners."

It's totally amazing.

- Very exciting. - Yeah.

- Good luck, Ken. - Good luck.

You're gonna kill it.

The history of Ken's building coupled with the need to save

the soul of a young woman who died a tragic death.

Ken's willingness to participate in this cleansing ritual

is sincerely a heroic act.

It's very dangerous, this kind of ritual.

So there's bound to be a few supernatural fireworks

in the room tonight.

Fasten your seatbelts, fuckers.

Welcome to tonight's amazing "Dark Corners"

live-stream investigation of the bizarre and terrifying

Wellwood ghosts.

Before we head to our investigation, though,

I want to take a minute to reintroduce our expert panel.

First from "Thriller Vids," paranormal expert

and popular ghost blogger Lyden Knight.

It's great to be here, D.C.

And also, best-selling author and award-winning

paranormal researcher Colin Albertson.

And of course, there's me, your host, Dark Corners.

Colin, you were the person who originally

turned me on to Ken's videos of the Wellwood ghosts.

What made you want to send me his link?

I actually discovered Ken's posts rather by accident.

He referenced my book in one of his first videos.

I contacted Ken,

offering to help him better investigate his haunting.

We should note, you've been out of the paranormal-research loop

for a while now, right?

I admit I've had my share of recent legal kerfuffles,

but I've put all that aside.

Tonight's event is far too important.

Now, Lyden, you've examined the videos

of Ken Barber's purported Wellwood ghosts.

- Thoroughly. - What's your take?

In Ken's first encounter

with the spirit that he refers to as Roberta,

she appears to be wearing a white dress.

I've heard some people say they also think

she appears to be screaming.

The reason Roberta most likely is screaming is...

Right, Colin, you said you've done

some additional research on the building.

I discovered that Roberta's mother, Yvonne Wellwood...

The second Wellwood ghost,

whom we are hoping we encounter tonight.

Yes. That Yvonne had actually confessed to murdering Roberta.

Yes.

Additionally, there is reason to believe

that that haunting will continue.

Colin's theory is... and correct me, Colin, if I'm wrong.

Colin's theory is that Ken's homemade spirit jar

might have somehow pulled the spirit of Roberta's mother

from the astral plane to our earthly plane

to torment her daughter again and again.

Let me remind everyone what we're referring to.

And let me warn you, this video is truly terrifying.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

Did you catch it?

No, no, no, no, no...

There.

But what is it?

I have to say, that thing

doesn't look like it could be the ghost of Yvonne Wellwood.

When the spirit of Yvonne Wellwood

entered our earthly plane,

she underwent a radical ectoplasmic transformation.

Whatever it is, it looks dangerous.

Well, Yvonne was a psychotic murderer.

According to whatever medical files you found?

Exactly.

Well, I did a little research into Yvonne Wellwood myself,

and I found no record of her at all.

That's strange.

Either way, it seems there's no denying

there are likely two paranormal entities haunting this location,

which should make for an intriguing investigation.

And so, with that, how about we head on over

to Ken Barber, currently at the Wellwood investigation site?

Ken Barber.

Oh, h-hey, D.C.

I have to say, we are so amped

to be delving into your haunting.

Tell me, is there anything happening there right now?

Uh, no, nothing.

But i-if something does happen,

I will make sure to let you know.

Along with tonight's "Dark Corners" live stream,

we've got something special planned for our investigation.

Ken, would you like to elaborate?

Uh, sure. Colin sent me this.

That's Colin's personal spirit jar, correct?

It is.

Is it safe to use?

Of course. Perfectly.

I just hope it works.

It will cleanse the space. Promise.

We're hoping we might actually

exorcise both Wellwood ghosts from your apartment.

Is that right, Ken?

It is.

Let me introduce, live, in-person, our special guests,

Terry Gilson and Kelsey and Isaac Dees.

Hey, what's up?

- Oh, hello. - Hey, D.C.

So jazzed to be here.

It is so cool to have everyone here.

Okay.

Okay, if you're just joining us,

we're hoping to use an authentic paranormal device

called a spirit jar to call forth

and actually release the purported spirit

of the young Roberta Wellwood to the astral plane

and capture and contain her murderous mother,

Yvonne Wellwood.

Is that right, Colin?

- Yes, D.C. - Okay.

Ken, hey. Are you nearly ready?

Uh, yeah, I think we're good to go.

It looks like we've officially begun our live stream.

Take it away, Colin, whenever you're ready.

Ken, along with my spirit jar, I've included a velvet bag.

Yeah, sorry to interrupt, Colin,

but could you explain the symbols on the jar?

The symbols are an ancient language. Each symbol...

By "ancient," how old do you mean?

They are quite...

old.

And what specific language are the symbols derived from?

I'm sorry, D.C., and I apologize,

but now that I have begun the ritual,

I'd ask to not have any interruptions.

Oh, right.

Sorry. Apologies.

Thank you.

Ken, go ahead and open the jar.

Good.

I sent along a few items in a velvet bag.

Uh, right.

Now, call out each individual item

as you remove it from the bag.

A, uh... A purple rock.

Good.

- The next item, please. - A raven's claw.

Good.

A piece of broken mirror.

Excellent.

- And finally. - Um...

It's, uh...

My thumb.

- No fucking way. - Go ahead.

Put my thumb in the spirit jar, Ken.

- Oh. - Oh, hell no.

Oh, hell no!

Good. Now, Ken, You should have also received an envelope.

Go ahead and open that envelope and remove its contents.

Ye... Yeah. Yeah.

Now, in order for the cleansing to work,

I'll need you to light the candle, then both of us

will say the first half of the incantation.

- We should read it together? - Yes, together.

Well, go ahead, light the candle.

Etsa talakel.

Etsa talakel. Tes zel samante.

Tes zel samante.

Telana une runa.

Cons noma tel telana une runa.

Mene khanala.

- Mi shanala, etsa talakel. - Etsa talakel.

Etsa talakel, etsa talakel.

I think I messed that up.

Ken?

- Ken? - Yeah?

A-Are you hearing anything?

Footsteps or... or breathing,

or any other sounds?

No.

D.C., I would like to continue the ritual, if I may.

Uh, yeah, sorry. Thank you, Colin.

Ken, if you could pick up the spirit jar

and put it in your left hand.

We'll now read the second half of the incantation

so we may release Roberta from her earthly binds.

Are you ready?

Yeah, le... let's just get this over with.

Come, etsa talakel.

Come, etsa talakel.

You who wish entry.

You who wish pain.

You who wish fire.

You who wish flame.

Take the sacrifice bound here, trapped here.

Feed and grow.

Haruite mea vota sic erit.

Ken?

- Ken, what... what's happening? - She's right there.

- Who's right there? - Roberta.

She's right there. You don't see?

She's right... She's right there.

Gah! Oh!

Okay, what do I do? What do I do?

- Shit. - Ken, where is the spirit jar?

- It's gone! - Um...

It's gone. The spirit jar's gone.

- The spirit jar isn't there? - Oh, shit.

Oh, God, she's coming towards me. What do I do?

- Stop it. I want it to stop. - What the fuck?

She's coming towards me. What do I do?!

- Um... - Turn it all off. Just stop.

Uh, Colin, any... any thoughts?

Colin?

Colin?

I-I don't want to do this anymore.

- Colin! - What is happening?

- I have no idea. - I want it to stop now!

Okay, hey, hey. Hey, Ken, just hang in there.

Everything is gonna be all right.

Turn it all off. Turn it all off.

- Shit! - Fuck!

Did you hear that?

There's something else here.

I'm... I'm assuming that to be the second Wellwood ghost,

the ghost of Yvonne Wellwood?

- Right, Colin? - Colin?

Okay, any... any advice on what Ken should do right now?

Um, Colin?

D.C., I really don't think that thing

is the ghost of Yvonne Wellwood.

Colin!

I now welcome to this mortal existence,

the fully realized and corporeal form

of the most corrupt and holy Etsa Talakel!

What the fuck is he doing?!

The one and true lord of the malicious flame!

Oh, shit.

What the hell is happening?

Stop playing. Ken!

Is that it?

Is it over?

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What is happening?

- Is Ken okay? - I don't know!

Come on, man. Y'all stop playing. Ken!

- Ken! - Okay, okay.

Everybody just calm down. Okay?

Everybody calm down.

Ken? Ken?

- Ken! - Colin, what have you done?

Welcome, everyone!

What the hell have you done, Colin?

Welcome to the new and everlasting

age of torment.

What the fuck?

Shit!

Fuck!

Ken!

- Ken, hey. - What the fuck?

Oh, my God.

What the hell is happening?

What the fuck is happening?!

- No. - It's okay.

No!

Aah!

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three,

two, one.

Forward progress.

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