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1
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,880
- I had no idea so much went into a
wedding.
2
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,680
- Speaking as your wife, that was
clear.
3
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,000
- Hmm.
- CAPTAIN:
- Five boxes...
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,040
..six, seven, eight...in here.
5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,200
And ten in the lobby. Excellent.
6
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,760
Right. Lift from the knees! Trust me,
you don't want a hernia.
7
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,400
- Head!
- What?
8
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,680
- ...chog.
9
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:24,960
Hedgehog. Sorry.
10
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,600
I thought I saw a hedgehog.
- Where?
11
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,480
- Did you?
- Mm-mm.
12
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,720
- No. Ah.
13
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,240
HUMPHREY:
- Chase it out with a broom. They'll
leave fleas in the rug!
14
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,040
- Now, the other bit. I have you down
for night lookout this evening.
15
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,960
- Again? Can't he do it? I mean...
16
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,920
..me do it?
- Hardly.
17
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:45,000
There's a lot of valuable ordnance on
base, and, while your counterpart here
18
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,320
is very dextrous, observation is not
his strong suit.
19
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,520
- OK. Fine. Pick me up at six.
Literally.
20
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,960
- HUMPHREY CHUCKLES
21
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,960
- Very good.
22
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,760
- Oh, no, no, no! I know you're on a
budget,
23
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,720
but where are the oyster forks?
24
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,680
- They're not having oysters.
- What?!
25
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,560
- How much? To hire knives and forks?!
26
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,920
- It's wedding silver, Mike. It's got
to be top quality.
27
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,360
Don't try to bend them!
28
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,120
- That's just what I heard.
- No, don't be daft.
29
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,760
Course it ain't haunted.
30
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,000
Just act natural.
31
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,720
If anyone asks, we're couriers who got
lost in the grounds
32
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,840
while looking for a toilet, cos you
needed to go urgently
33
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,120
due to a recent operation to remove a
small section of bowel.
34
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,920
- That's a lot of detail, Vin.
35
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,440
- That's what makes it believable.
36
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,120
Now, Pete says this place has been
getting deliveries all week
37
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,320
for some big wedding bash.
38
00:01:56,320 --> 00:02:00,840
Silverware, furniture, PA system - all
quality stuff.
39
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,880
- So, what's the plan?
40
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,640
- So we case the joint, find a way
in...
- Uh-huh.
41
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,720
- ..then come back when they're
asleep...
42
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,360
..and nick it.
43
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,600
- # I'll make love to you
44
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,560
# If you want me to
45
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,560
# And I'll hold you tight
46
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:25,560
# Baby, all through the night... #
47
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,040
- I don't want him to!
48
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,280
- # I'll make... #
- OK!
49
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,720
- Great. They're doing Music Club...
Well, they're busy.
50
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,000
They won't even know I'm out.
51
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,280
- You haven't told them?
52
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,240
- It would just become some whole big
thing
53
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,960
and it's better if I just sneak out.
54
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,480
They won't bother you.
- Hmm.
55
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,400
- You've been on your own with them
before.
56
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,920
- Yeah, not at night, with the house
all dark and creepy
57
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,160
and them all dead and weird.
58
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,960
- You still can come with us, you
know?
59
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,640
- Nah. You go.
60
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,840
They're your friends, really. I'll be
fine,
61
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,360
with the...dead people.
62
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,480
- Thanks for waiting.
- No problem.
63
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,240
- This is perfect. They're going out.
64
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,200
Come on, now's our chance.
65
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,920
- But I've still got the thighs.
66
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,320
- God, you eat slowly.
67
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,400
- Well, I have got that bowel thing.
68
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:20,800
- No, you haven't.
69
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,480
- Oh, yeah.
70
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,720
- MIKE:
- Yeah, no, that's cool.
71
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,520
No, no, no. No reason. I just thought,
72
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,280
if you wanted to pop round, play a bit
of Xbox or something,
73
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,440
but it's fine - another time. Yep.
74
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,800
All right, say hello to...
75
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,440
- BEEP
76
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,440
- Hello?
77
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,200
Ah!
78
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,200
- HE SIGHS
79
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,640
TV:
- Coming up tonight in The Love
Nest...
80
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,200
- WOMAN:
- I like ya and I love ya, but I don't
like ya - know what I mean?
81
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,520
- MAN: Yeah. I mean, no.
82
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,640
- I just don't think you've shown me
the real you.
83
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,840
- I have. You touched it.
84
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,320
- That's not what I mean. I just think
you're a bit...
85
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,360
- TV OFF
86
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,120
- Right. I know you can hear me...
87
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,960
- HIGH-PITCHED:
- # Amazing Kitty, so... #
88
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,880
- Now, I'm going to stay in here, OK?
89
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,080
And you stay...anywhere else.
90
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,280
- # Hurray for Kitty! #
91
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,400
- I don't want any trouble.
92
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,120
I just want to watch my show,
93
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,440
and eat my trifle, and go to sleep...
94
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,520
Not that I will sleep.
95
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,200
Haunted house. On my own. In the
middle of nowh...
96
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,120
- HE SNORES
97
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,040
VAN APPROACHES
98
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,840
- Oh.
99
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,080
Oh, visitors!
100
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,280
Intruders?
101
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,880
Intruders.
102
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,200
Intruders!
103
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,800
- # Rum tuka-tum, rum tuka-tum Rum
tuka-tum... #
104
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,280
Snare drum! # Pom pom pom
105
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,640
# Pom-pom pa-rum-pum pa-dum
106
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,120
# Ba ba ba... #
107
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,560
- Intruders!
108
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,120
- # Ba ba ba-dum ba pom pom pom pom...
#
109
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,680
- Anyone?
110
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,560
- # Ba ba ba-dum dum ba-dum
111
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,880
# Ba ba ba ba ba
112
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:10,760
# Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba-dum ba ba
113
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,320
# Oh, ba, ba
114
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,280
# Rum, rum, rum! #
115
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,640
- HE SNORES
116
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,800
TO THE TUNE OF IT'S A LONG WAY TO
TIPPERARY:
- # Ba ba ba ba
117
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,400
# Ba-ba-ba ba ba
118
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,960
# Ba ba ba ba
119
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,000
# Ba ba... #
120
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,120
Horn section!
121
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,120
# Brum ba-rum bum bum bum... #
122
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,440
Piccolo! # Bum bum ba ba
123
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,840
# Bum bum ba ba
124
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:35,920
# Daddle-addle-ah
125
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,200
# Bum bum ba ba bum bum bum bum
126
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,320
# Baaa-nup
127
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,120
# Ba ba ba doof!
128
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,920
# Ba ba... #
129
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,320
- PIANO KEYS CLASH
130
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,000
- Sh!
131
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,280
- Whatever was that?
132
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:49,600
- It's the Coldstream Guards.
133
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,040
- No, no. It come from down stair.
134
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,400
- Now...
135
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,440
Ah, ah, ah!
136
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,200
- JULIAN:
- Oh! I know what this is!
137
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,480
- A masked ball!
138
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,800
- No, no. We had this at the
Bramptons'. It's, um...
139
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,480
- A burglary!
- ..insurance fraud.
140
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,560
Oh, yes, I suppose it might actually
be a burglary. Yeah.
141
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,640
- Good Lord, there's another one.
142
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,040
- Well, I can't see no cameras.
143
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,160
- Oh, it's you, Nev.
144
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,120
I didn't recognise you.
145
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,880
- I was just wearing a hat.
146
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,160
- Oh. Right.
147
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,320
Let's see what's worth nicking, shall
we?
148
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,120
- All right. We have enemy insurgents.
149
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,560
Somebody warn Alison. Tell her to
inform the authorities.
150
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,640
- Where is she?
151
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,400
- In bed, I think.
- I'll go!
152
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,520
- In the meantime, we must NOT lose
sight of them.
153
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,560
Fanny, keep eyes on the leader.
- Right.
154
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,000
- Kitty, Mary - make a note of
anything that they try to steal.
155
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,240
We'll need a full inventory.
156
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,720
- Ahem...
- A list!
157
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:38,760
- Oh.
158
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,320
- And as for you...
159
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,400
- No! Leave this one to me.
160
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,800
I am placing you under a citizen's
arrest.
161
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,840
You do not have to say anything, but
anything you do say will be taken...
162
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,240
Wurgh! Ohhh!
163
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,120
Cheeky little blighter.
164
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,560
- Tray. One tray.
165
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,720
Silver tray.
166
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,120
How dare you!
167
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,000
- You contemptible, odious...
168
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,720
- Candlestick. One candlestick.
169
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,520
- No, no, no. Those come as a pair.
170
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,880
- Forks.
- Just forks? You need a full canteen.
171
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,160
A dinner service requires a full
canteen!
172
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,560
- He's taken nothing.
173
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,680
Still nothing.
- Yes, thank you, Mary.
174
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,760
- Young man, you are heading down a
dark path.
175
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,120
But it's not too late, you know.
176
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,840
You're yet to commit a serious
offence...
177
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,240
- HE GASPS
178
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,240
- Borstal.
179
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,640
You're going to borstal. They're going
to eat you alive.
180
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:41,960
- Nothing here.
181
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,040
- See?
182
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,360
- GROANS SHE
183
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,920
HE SNIFFS
184
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,280
VINNY:
- Anything?
185
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,280
- NEV GASPS
186
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,040
Can you smell that? What is that?
187
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,240
HE SNIFFS
188
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,240
- What?
189
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,000
- I'm telling you - this place ain't
right.
190
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,080
- You ain't right. Come on, I think
I've found the DJ kit.
191
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,200
- Right.
- DJ kit...
192
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,000
- She's not here! Alison! He's alone
up there.
193
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,200
Maybe she's left him!
194
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,920
Or gone out? Probably just gone out.
195
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,280
- Gentlemen...
196
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,760
..we're on our own.
197
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,280
- Right. Box, 'nother box, bigger box.
198
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,520
And some worms.
199
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,160
- It is a lot to remember.
200
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,760
- No, it's only...
201
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,960
What did I just say?
202
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,240
- Oh! Alison taught me a clever way of
remembering things
203
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,760
when I kept forgetting the colours in
a rainbow.
204
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,640
You make a sentence with the same
first letters.
205
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,560
So, it's Richard Of York
206
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,760
Gave Battle In Vain.
207
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,760
So that's red, orange, yellow...
208
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,040
..grey...
209
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,520
..blue...
- Yeah?
210
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,280
- ..indigo...
211
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:56,400
..v-v-v...ery light blue.
212
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,560
A rainbow!
213
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:58,720
- Sounds right.
214
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,360
- So, candlesticks, cutlery
215
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,600
and silver tray could be...
216
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,440
- Cups?
- Yes!
217
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,360
- Cups. And...
218
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,280
S-s-s-s-s...
219
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,120
...some more cups.
220
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,600
- Exactly!
221
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,120
- Oh, that muddles things.
- Oh.
222
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,800
- ALL YELL
223
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,800
JULIAN YELLS
224
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,920
- Move it along, man! Push for the
finish!
225
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,120
- CHEERING
226
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,960
RINGING TONE
227
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,320
- Emergency services.
- ALL: Yes!
228
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,280
- What service do you require?
229
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,040
- The police, please!
- The constabulary.
230
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,240
- Do you need fire, police or
ambulance?
231
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,800
- We not think this through.
232
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,160
- Hello, is anyone there?
233
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,880
- Oh! The plague girl can be heard!
234
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,200
- Yes!
- To the pantry!
235
00:09:58,920 --> 00:09:59,960
- Hang on.
236
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Was that always like that?
237
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,040
- Ghosts! It was definitely ghosts!
238
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,000
Or I might have knocked it. I do do
that.
239
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,880
What? Do you think someone's here?
240
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,160
- Shouldn't be, but...
241
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,520
Let's be on the safe side.
242
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,160
Cut the phone line.
243
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,880
No - the main one.
244
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,280
No - the main one!
245
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,400
Outside.
246
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,800
- Come! Come!
- This way. That's it.
247
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,600
- What? Who did that?
248
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,760
- JULIAN STRAINS
249
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,080
- Right, pay attention.
250
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,880
Just ask for the police. Tell them a
burglary is in progress
251
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,440
at Button House, then give them the
address. Got it?
252
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,680
- HE SHUDDERS
253
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:44,960
ALL CHEER
254
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,200
- Emergency services. What service do
you require?
255
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,320
- Yes, please, Jemima.
256
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,640
- # Ring a ring o' roses
257
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,960
# Pocket full of posies... #
258
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,400
- Hello, is anyone there?
- # A-tish-oo, a-tish-oo... #
259
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,240
- I think maybe that's all she does.
- Honestly.
260
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,440
Why is no-one ever alive when you need
them?
261
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,440
- Well...someone is.
262
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,800
- ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
263
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,600
ROBIN STRAINS
264
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,000
- Still nothing.
265
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,560
- Is he dead?
- I wish.
266
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,800
No, I don't. Wait. Hang on...
267
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,200
- MIKE SNORES, ALL GASP
268
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,280
Scratch his head.
269
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,000
- Thatcher's dead?!
270
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,880
- No. Scratch his head. Or, like, jab
him.
271
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,680
- Come on. I'm exhausted!
272
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:33,240
- Don't complain about it. It's a
gift.
- All right! Da-da-da-da!
273
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,360
Give me some space.
274
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,160
Shwa-da!
275
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,960
- HE SNORES
276
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,480
Oh, man!
277
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,200
Eeny meeny miny...
278
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,560
Main one.
279
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,400
BANG, HE SCREAMS
280
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,560
JULIAN STRAINS
281
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,520
- You could try prodding his...
282
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,800
- No!
283
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,160
- No?
284
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,280
- PHONE:
- Hello? Can you hear me?
285
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,480
- TO THE TUNE OF RING A RING O' ROSES:
- # Burglary in progress! #
286
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,680
- If you can hear me, all you have to
do is...
287
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:27,960
- CONTINUOUS TONE
288
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,720
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
289
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,920
Hmm.
290
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,560
Did you cut the wrong cable?
291
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,360
- It's possible.
292
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,360
- HE SIGHS
293
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,440
What d'ya reckon?
294
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,480
- Well, it's a fine piece. Look at the
brushwork.
295
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,520
- Dunno.
296
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,600
- Oh, you "dunno". How are things at
Sotheby's?
297
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,840
- The frame's all cracked.
298
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,360
- Well, forget the frame, just cut out
the canvas!
299
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,480
Ugh!
300
00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,560
- Trust me, it'll work.
301
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,680
- Well, look, I just... I don't feel
comfortable...
302
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,040
- Oh, not still asleep?
303
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,240
- I HAVE been trying!
304
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,280
- But we need his help. He's our only
hope.
305
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,880
- Star Wars!
306
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,360
- Well, I've done my bit. Good luck
with it all.
307
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,440
- Wait!
308
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,000
In case of emergency...
309
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,800
..break glass!
310
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,520
JULIAN SIGHS
311
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,520
- Fine.
312
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,000
But if I get RSI, I'm suing.
313
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,040
- Come along.
314
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,280
- Shammo!
315
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:27,960
Mi-wadi-wadi-wadi...
316
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,240
- Push that! Push!
317
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,560
ALL GROAN
318
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,000
- Ah, good quality.
319
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,960
- TOGETHER: Ooh!
320
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,840
- Ah! Made in Britain.
321
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,400
- Right.
322
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,640
- CLATTERING, MIKE GASPS
323
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,880
Shhh!
324
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,400
- Vin!
325
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,800
- WHISPERED: Maybe someone is in here.
326
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,240
- Or some-THING.
- Shut up, Nev.
327
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,960
Grab that candlestick.
328
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,320
- Right.
329
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,520
- Not that. That!
330
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,120
- I thought this WAS a candlestick.
331
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,520
- That's just a candle.
332
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,080
- But it's in the shape of a stick.
333
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,000
- Yes, it's the shape of a stick,
but...
334
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,440
Look, just grab that!
335
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,640
SWITCH CLICKS
336
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,600
- All right, this isn't funny.
337
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,000
Stop messing about. Seriously.
338
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,840
- He's up.
339
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,640
- Yes, but how do we communicate with
him?
340
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,000
SNAPS FINGERS
341
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,000
- Morse code!
342
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,160
- Will he know Morse code?
343
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,120
- BOTH: Everyone knows Morse code.
344
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,520
- Fine. I'll try.
345
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,400
But something light! Getting crampy.
346
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,600
- FAINT CLICKING
347
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,560
CLICKING CONTINUES
348
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,080
CLICKING SPEEDS UP
349
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,640
HE SCREAMS
350
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,280
- Eh... Ah.
- Yes, probably not the best choice.
351
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,440
- Hmm.
352
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:40,640
- DANCE MUSIC
353
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,480
They've... They've gone what?
354
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,040
Mike, I can barely hear you.
355
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,840
- Rogue! They've gone rogue! The
ghosts.
356
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,200
- He on phone!
357
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,240
- Robin?
358
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,840
- Ooh! It Alison!
359
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,840
- ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
360
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,840
- Alison! There are insurgents!
361
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,760
- I don't know why, but they've
wrecked the joint
362
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,400
and broke the lights and blown the
power
363
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,160
and I don't know what I'm going to do.
- Mike!
364
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,880
Mike. Sorry, can you stop talking? Can
you open the wardrobe door?
365
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,920
- What makes you think I'm in the
wardrobe?
366
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,720
- Are you?
- Yes.
367
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:07,760
- Yes.
368
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,160
- Shush up! Shush up! One at a time.
369
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,160
Alison, there is a burglary in
progress.
370
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,920
The authorities must be notified at
once!
371
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,440
- Oh, my...
- Over.
372
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,760
- Mike! Mike, there are burglars in
the house.
373
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:20,880
- What?!
374
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,960
- Can you just hang up, and stay where
you are and call the police?
375
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,120
I'm on my way!
- Right.
376
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,600
- Oh, no.
377
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,760
- Oh, come on!
378
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,640
- VINNY: Anything?
379
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,000
- Nope. No-one here.
380
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000
Yeah, well, I definitely heard
something.
381
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,600
- Come on. Let's finish up and get out
of here.
382
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:02,120
- Right, if you can hear me, knock
three times.
383
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,400
- Why THREE times?
384
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,920
- HE STRAINS
385
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,000
KNOCK
386
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,120
KNOCK
387
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,480
HE YELLS
388
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:15,520
KNOCK
389
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,000
- Yes! Well done.
390
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,280
- Well, yeah, you know.
391
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,600
- Right. OK. Where are the burglars
now?
392
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,760
- Well, how the hell am I supposed to
answer that?
393
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:24,960
- No, that doesn't... Um...
394
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,360
- What DOES she see in him?
395
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,560
- Right, OK...
396
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,640
What weapons have they got?
397
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,640
No. How many burglars are there?
398
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,000
- Ah, yes, can do that.
399
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,040
- And where are they?
400
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,040
- ALL SIGH
401
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,440
- Oh, this is futile.
402
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,200
- Are they bigger than me? No...
403
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,600
Or smaller?
404
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,120
- PAT: Oh, I think I've had an idea!
405
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,760
- Me? Again?
406
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:51,240
God! I haven't worked this hard since
that animal welfare bill.
407
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,720
- YOU had an animal welfare bill?
408
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,680
- No, no. I was lobbying against it.
409
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:55,800
Balls to animals.
410
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,200
- This way, everyone.
411
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,280
To the bog!
- Knock twice if you're still here.
412
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,000
- TAP SQUEAKS
413
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,960
JULIAN YELLS
414
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,960
- That's it.
415
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,120
- Oh.
416
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,160
- Very good.
- Good, good.
417
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,920
- Very good.
- Yes, yes.
418
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,240
Ooh!
- OK, Robin.
419
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,280
- Every time.
420
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:27,440
There we go.
421
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,440
- OK...
422
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,040
..how many burglars are there?
423
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,000
- Ah.
- All right.
- Here we go.
424
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,920
- HE STRAINS
425
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:37,960
- Come on.
426
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,240
- Two.
427
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:44,760
20?
428
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,160
I need to get out of here!
429
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,480
- What are you doing? There's not 20!
430
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,440
- No, I was writing, "2 of them."
431
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,800
- Just write, "2."
432
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,560
- Well, you know, hindsight is a
wonderful thing, isn't it?
433
00:18:58,560 --> 00:18:59,680
- Moron!
434
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,760
- Hi. Do you have a car?
435
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,320
- 30 minutes.
- Could it be 20?
436
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:06,400
- It could be 40.
437
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,320
- I'm sorry, are you haggling
with...time?
438
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,320
Look, it's an hour, love - take it or
leave it.
439
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,680
- What are you doing? Oi! What the...?
440
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,000
- CAPTAIN:
- Well, that's just wonderful, isn't
it?
441
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,040
Michael's gone AWOL, Alison is
off-base, and we have absolutely no
way
442
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,800
of contacting the authorities. We have
to do something. Any ideas?
443
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:29,880
- Uh...
- Ooh!
444
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,040
- Yes, please, Robin.
445
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,000
Oh, that's very helpful, isn't it? A
deserter!
446
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,280
I could have you shot for that, you
know!
447
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,720
- Ooh...
448
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,760
- Well...
449
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,040
- NEV:
- Do you think this is gold?
450
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,080
- VINNY: No, it's silver.
451
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,080
FLOORBOARDS CREAK
452
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,880
- How do you know?
- Because it's silver.
453
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,360
Just put it in the bag.
454
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,160
- Hyah!
455
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,440
- CLATTERING
456
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,440
- Why is everything so old?
457
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,920
- NEV:
- Who's there?
458
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,960
- Me, you moron.
- Oh, sorry, Vin.
459
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,440
- Well, swaddle them in something!
460
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,840
If they crack, they're worth nothing.
461
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,320
- # Cut glass decanters! #
462
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,320
- Caused Godwin's dog...
463
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,560
- # Three pewter tankards! #
464
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,960
- ..to puke up...turnip?
465
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,000
- # Ju-u-ugs! #
466
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,320
- Juice!
467
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,480
- I think putting it to music helped.
468
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,320
- To be honest, I think I was nailing
it anyways.
469
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,240
- ROBIN PANTS
470
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,960
SHE SIGHS
471
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,000
Hello.
472
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,000
- Hello.
473
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,200
Were you murdered while hitch-hiking,
too?
474
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,360
- Huh?
475
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,760
Oh, no. Oh...
476
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,840
No. Er, no. I was...
477
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,680
I've got to go. I...
478
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,600
NEV:
- Anything else?
479
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,880
- VINNY:
- Pete said there's disco lights.
480
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,160
- HE HOWLS
481
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,520
DOGS BARK
482
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,240
- Oh, what's got into them?
483
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,760
Burglars?
484
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,920
Stay there, Bunny.
485
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,240
They'll rue the day!
486
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,800
- Hi. Hello?
487
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,680
Hi. Sorry, um, I know this is a long
shot,
488
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,840
but I need to get home urgently...
489
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,480
GIRLS SHRIEK
490
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,040
GIRL:
- Oh, look! Hi!
491
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,960
- Hi.
492
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,720
# I will survive
493
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:05,160
# Oh, as long as I know how to love I
know I'll stay alive... #
494
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,480
DOGS BARK
495
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,160
- What? Out there? In the garden?
496
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,360
- DOGS BARK
497
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,680
- Who goes there?
498
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,600
- HOWLS
499
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,800
DOGS YELP
500
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,160
HE SIGHS
501
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,160
Bitches!
502
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,720
- No, no, no. Those were only pewter.
503
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,600
Save that space, and go back for the
champagne!
504
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,920
- Just here, driver!
505
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,600
- # Go on, now, go! #
- Can you drop me...?
506
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,520
I can jump off at the turning.
507
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,160
GIRLS:
- Bye!
- Bye!
508
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,120
- I reckon that's it.
509
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:45,680
- You've made your bed.
510
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,720
Don't come crying to me when you bend
over in the shower
511
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,920
and someone puts drugs in your bottom!
512
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,880
I watched a film about borstal.
513
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,400
Bits of it.
514
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,800
- Well, mission very much NOT
accomplished.
515
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,280
At least, tell me you got an
inventory.
516
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,520
- KITTY HUMS
517
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,520
- Caused...
518
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,600
- # Two... #
519
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,280
- ..Godwin's dog to...
- # Three...
520
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,040
# ..one... #
- ..to puke up...
521
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,720
- # Drink... #
- ..turnips...
522
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,040
Cups.
523
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,680
- And a rainbow!
524
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,520
- VINNY: Just give them here. NEV:
- What?
525
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,240
- Let's get out of here.
526
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,920
What?
527
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,760
CLANKING
528
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,880
- Oh, my God, it's a ghost! I told
you!
529
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,800
- CREAKING
530
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,040
MIKE SCREAMS
531
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,880
Get in the van, Nev.
532
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,080
MIKE:
- Yeah, run away. Go on...
533
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,080
- Oh, just leaving the witness alive,
are we?
534
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,800
Not even a threat of violence?
535
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,960
At least, take some identification
536
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,560
and say you'll be back if he contacts
the authori...
537
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,520
What have I become?
538
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,400
- SHE PANTS
539
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,840
NEV:
- I can't believe we got away with it.
540
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,320
- See? Absolute piece of...
541
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,840
VINNY YELLS
542
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,400
CRASH
543
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,360
DOGS BARK
544
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:20,720
- Ah!
545
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,320
- Don't bally move!
546
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,160
- I've got a problem with my bowel!
547
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,920
- Move an inch and you will have.
548
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,200
- Good girls. Good girls!
549
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,240
- Ah! Annabel!
550
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,760
- SHE PANTS
551
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,760
Alison.
552
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,520
- ..pivots in the middle.
553
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,520
- HUMPHREY YELLS
554
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,200
- Ow!
- I fought in an actual battle...
555
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,440
- There are burglars!
556
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,840
But you know that.
557
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,840
- POLICE RADIO CHATTER
558
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,080
- As a pivotal member of the local
neighbourhood watch,
559
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,120
I was keeping my usual vigil over the
surrounding estates...
560
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,040
- The operator thought she heard a
child,
561
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,880
so we traced the number and got the
address.
562
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:56,920
- What?
563
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,280
- But we'd have been too late if it
weren't for your friend here.
564
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,520
- Thank you.
565
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,480
- No, no. Least I could do.
566
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,320
- No-one to blame but yourself,
Neville.
567
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,760
You mark my words. They're going throw
the book at you, son.
568
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,080
- What do you reckon?
- No previous. Probably probation.
569
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,880
- You what?!
570
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:23,200
- I mean, they do still freak me out.
But, well...they did good tonight.
571
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,640
- Yeah, they properly saved our skins.
572
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:30,560
And to think, when I first met them,
they seemed so selfish.
573
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,560
TAP GUSHES
574
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,680
SPLUTTERS
575
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,280
- Well, close the door, then!
576
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,280
I've had a hell of a day.
577
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,360
- HE EXHALES DEEPLY
38452
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