All language subtitles for Were.So.Dead.2025.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.AVC.DD.2.0.x264-MAD

♪ It's Friday night ♪

♪ I'm gonna get her at the bus stop ♪

♪ I'm gonna buy that ring ♪

♪ I saw last weekend at the pawn shop ♪

♪ I've been dreaming about her ♪

♪ And I think it's time she oughta know ♪

♪ I want her in my life ♪

♪ But I can't go back to Buffalo ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

Gina!

I can't wait to leave and never come back!

-We're just really thirsty.
-I'm on it, Jim.

I got you.

Hey, this is nice, right?

Makes you want to
reconsider quitting, right?

Doug, I'm gonna need you
to give me a moment of peace

in this God forsaken wasteland.

Thank you so much.

Ashley-

-Hey, fellas.
-We're ready to order.

Here you go.

-Thank you.
-I wanted a little

bit more ice.

-Hey!
-Hey, Ashley,

thank you so much,
you're such a lifesaver.

Oh, it's not my first rodeo.

-Hi, Maggie.
-We're gonna

miss you so much.

Oh, can you get that please?

-Red is her favorite color.
-Of course.

Hey, real quick, we're ready to order.

We kinda need some menus.

Awesome. They're right
in front of you, champs.

Hey, Peter, will you go
and pick up that crayon?

Let me switch sections with you.

I really wanna try and get
that MILF's number at table 16.

You mean this number?

Loser.

Incel! Will you pick up the crayon?

-This crayon?
-That one.

Oh, thank you.

Ashley, I don't see the
Querida quesadilla on the menu.

Oh, it's not on the menu.

It was on the menu.

That was six years ago.

-I'll be right back.
-Excuse me, ma'am.

-Yes.
-We'd like to do

the Dollar sangria special.

Can I see your ID?

I got it ready for ya.

Why didn't you ask for my ID?

Well, you're twins, aren't you?

Fuck you, Gina!

My name is Gina and I'm training today.

This is my trainer,

and he tells me that you're all Canadian?

No, I... Hang on a second!

The fuck did you say?

The fuck did you just say?

Oh, I could put that
wherever you want, buddy!

Honey, why didn't he ask for my ID?

Oh, well I didn't want to embarrass you

in front of your sorority sisters!

And I don't card people
who remember Prohibition.

Here's your crayon, Maggie.

Thank you.

I heard it's your last day.

What are you planning to do?

That's the big question, isn't it?

I'm still trying to figure out

what I'm doing... No, no.

No, I mean when you get off tonight.

I put her down around 8:00.

Look, I'm just asking.

You can calm down right now.

What you thought I was
talking about your career?

Runners!

And then when I
showed up a few more minutes,

she was like, "Where have you been?"

But then she said, "I'm not quite ready

because I haven't had a
chance to look at the menu."

And I'm like, "Bitch, you
have been holding the menu

for 15 minutes, what are you even doing?"

Then I thought, "I don't even
know if this lady could read."

We got one!

Are they closed?

I think so.

I wouldn't try looking in though.

We got another one!

I got you getting it, my
angle might even be better.

Guys, come on.

We have so much shit to do
between the party and the clean,

plus no bussers, no hostess.

Relax, Pancake.

Wait, I thought the
party was auto gratuity.

You still have to
serve shit to the tables.

That hardly sounds fair.

I wanna be busy, but not too busy.

Busy is a state of mind.

Mm, busy's only busy if you work hard.

Exactly.

Can you at least eat the
olives I haven't speared?

I haven't washed my hands yet.

Fine, I'll make it up to you.

Uh...

I'm not late, I was on my smoke break.

Points for creativity, I guess.

All right, folks, has everyone purchased

11 company issued pens?

Such bullshit.

I'll take that as a no, so...

Merry Christmas, hoes.

Ashley, are you sure?

Of course. What do I need 'em for?

Doors unlocked.

Oh, we got another one-

- Merry Christmas!

Lock the doors. We're not open yet.

Doors locked.

So Ashley, your last night.

Would you like to go out with a bang?

If you mean, in the Columbine
sense, I'm all for it.

If you stopped scaring female employees,

maybe we can actually staff the place

and not have to work every shift.

That hardly seems worth it to me.

Sorry I'm late.

It took me a minute to get dressed.

You guys are assholes.

I thought we were all dressing up.

You look amazing.

You do.

Kylie, get in here and help set up!

Ah, well, unfortunately we can't accept

any reservations tonight.

We're all booked up.

All righty.

Thank you, bye-bye.

Lining 'em up on me.

Who's in?

Are you even old enough to drink?

How about I make you a cement mixer?

Thank you!

Doug Dougson.

Oh.

No problem at all.

We should do like
800 bucks each tonight.

I'm gonna pay to reanimate
Frank Sinatra's body

just so I can kiss him on the forehead.

What about you guys?

Botox so I could pretend to
be happy when I see my family.

Gym membership so I can do pretzels

with strangers in the sauna.

Two words, white Christmas.

I'm not sure if you mean cocaine

or freezing off your genital warts.

Hey, why not both?

-Those nurses!
-Stop. Stop.

No one can joke with you
without HR getting involved.

What about you, Ashley?

Bury my mom so I could
finally stop using her casket

as a coffee table.

Argh, such a shame.

She really ties the room together.

I'm just glad we're
going to have a good night.

We all deserve a nice Christmas bonus.

-Amen to that.
-Yep.

Why do you look like somebody

took a shit in your eggnog?

How does a party that big cancel?

Because he didn't get
a deposit, that's how.

Do you know how many
reservations we turned away?

Hopefully some of us
will get cut, right?

We're closed tomorrow.

So?

So we have to stay
for the deep cleaning.

Weren't you listening?

Oh my God, please walk
out, please walk out.

Someone needs to.

That would be awesome!

My restaurant, my policy.

Well, is there nothing that we can do?

We'll have a mutiny.

No, we won't
'cause a good manager,

he does not allow mutinies.

Shut up and mop.

I need you
to fall in line on this one.

Uncle Mike, let me call you back.

You know, we don't have to
do deep cleans all the time.

We do deep cleans all the time!

We still make good money.

No one makes any money!

Please don't quit.

They all might quit.

And I love those guys,

but you're already scraping
the bottom of the barrel.

Well, Uncle Mike makes the rules.

Uncle Mike doesn't do deep cleans.

He just profits off of the people that do.

You know Drew and Pamela

who come in all the time, the lawyers?

They mentioned that he's breaking the law.

Look, I know this is BC.

Bull crap.

Doug, we talked about this.

You can say BS.

S is not a curse word.

I'm doing the best I can, okay?

But that assistant manager position's open

if you're interested.

My liver's not as strong as yours.

Thanks.

Doug, what is this?

Wow.

Is this my mom's recipe?

I really miss the Christmases

when she used to bake
cookies for the staff.

Aw.

They look like ass.

Well, that's a heart.

But I guess it does look like a behind.

I'm used to eating ass around here.

Soft ass.

These taste perfect, you
made these from memory?

I am good at some things, you know.

I didn't get you anything.

Ah, it's okay.

But can you help me make
it through the night?

I mean, you're like the mama bear.

I'm afraid if you leave,
it might start a trend.

Yeah, it probably should.

But I'm here for you.

Just for tonight.

Also, you fell for the window thing again.

So what'd you have in mind?

Oh God.

Sorry we didn't come dressed up, Gina.

We had to get dressed here.

So is there something
important you need to tell us

or can we go clean now?

Yes.

Does everyone have 11 company issued pens?

Really?

Nobody needs one? Everyone came prepared?

-Oh.
-God, Gina.

Always come prepared.

Well, in honor of Ashley's last night,

we are going to do
something Christmasy and fun

that we haven't done in years.

Real quick, if this
is what I think it is,

please don't pin it on me.

-We don't need to do this.
-So what we're gonna do

is whenever someone orders a dessert,

we are going to sing
like it's their birthday!

Except Christmas carols!

That's what I was afraid of.

Can I come out from behind
the bar and sing, too?

Yes!

Guys, look, I know it sucks
that the party canceled,

but anyone who comes in
tonight, they didn't cancel.

And remember, it's Christmas
for the customers too

and going out to eat

doesn't make them awful,
horrible monsters.

-How'd you get in here?
-We're not open yet.

Oh, sorry, the door was unlocked.

Unlocked?

Oh, we installed this
dumb app locking thing,

it's probably glitching.

Wokeism, am I right?

Sorry, I'm early.

Just needed a drink.

The holidays, am I right?

-Totally.
-I was here last week,

and you told me you'd see me next Tuesday.

What can I get for you?

I'd love a water for now.

And I know no one wants to clean.

But if we just get together
and do it together as a team,

it'll be done before you know it.

It's not like it's
gonna cost us our lives.

Water 4 Now.

That'll be 6.99.

Just kidding.

Isn't that great?

My friends own a brewery,
I came up with the name.

So funny.

I love that you have these hobbies.

Maybe I'll try it later if that's okay.

Is this a bad time?

No. No, not at all.

We're super delighted to be here.

Can I get a, "Go, team"?

Go, team!

-Go clean.
-Whatever.

We love to see it, Pancake.

One fifth, everybody!

Can you make me the Al Pina Colada?

Sorry, blender's broken.

I can offer it to you
on the rocks, though.

Okay.

Doors unlocked.

Yes, ma'am.

Chef.

Yes, chef.

Why is there a mistletoe in my window?

It's nice, right?

Isn't it festive?

Feels like if I put food in the window,

you're gonna try to kiss me.

Why would I try to kiss you?

Because it's mistletoe.

Mistletoe is for kissing.

No, mistletoes are for Christmas.

Yeah, for kissing on Christmas.

How the fuck do you not
know what mistletoe is for?

I can take it down if you want.

Thank you.

Pancake, you're forgetting something.

God dammit.

You don't even deserve this.

Mwah.

Happy?

Yeah, you can leave it up.

So you just keep those Santa costumes

on you at all times?

Yeah.

Got any more?

Sorta.

Perfect.

Sorry I didn't come dressed.

I had to get dressed here.

Hey, Gina.

Sorry you didn't get any pens earlier.

-Here you go.
-Oh, thank you.

Will you have enough?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

You're right, you have
that really cool one.

I love it.

No!

Sorry, that was...

That was a reflex.

Do we have to redo your training?

What are the four rules of serving here?

Come prepared, dead
food goes directly to you,

never touch a customer's food

but you can bring it into
the bathroom with you

and let the air waft over it-

- Pancake, what the fuck?

And don't reach for Ashley's pen.

Sorry, I forgot.

Hey, hey, hey.

It's all good. It's all good.

Look, she's new, she
didn't know, all right?

Know what?

Ashley's mom gave her
that pen before she died.

Really?

Yeah, it was
gross too, open-casket.

Big mistake, but very sad too.

I cried, I don't like death,
not even a little bit.

I'd like to move
to a table, if I could.

Anywhere, I'm not picky.

Oh, but not there.

This will be great.

Ma'am, I see you already have a drink,

so I'll be right with you.

Are you going to smoke?

Well, yeah.

I bet they're menthols.

Yum.

Hmm.

I never smoke, but a
cigarette sounds great

right about now.

It does, that's why I'm gonna smoke one.

Maybe I'll take a
little smoke break myself.

Oh my God, that sounds
like a great idea.

I just don't have a cigarette.

You need a cigarette to smoke.

These are lovely, by the way.

I wish I could light them.

You would need a lighter to light that.

Can I go smoke or?

Yeah.

She's gonna make me a cliche.

Hey, Pancake-

- There's five of us here,

I'm doing one fifth of the
clean and getting out of here.

They can fire me if they want to.

I just set a table,
has anybody been there?

That is Kylie's section.

Yes?

So?

So the answer's probably
no, nobody's been there.

But since you set it, now
somebody has to go find her.

Sounds like a server problem.

Hey, head server, can you greet a table?

41.

Guess that is still technically
my title for the night,

but there is nobody at 41.

She was just there.

Where'd she go?

Sorry to bother you,

but my server hasn't been by in a while.

My apologies.

I will go find her right now.

I'm working.

Hey, shh-

Have you seen Kylie?

No sirree Bob.

Did she leave?

Like, fuck.

Look, I'm trying, Doug.

I am really trying, I gave
the speech and everything.

What is that?

Oh, we sold a ton of sangria at lunch.

Remember?

I wish I could forget.

That explains the bathroom.

Oh, speaking of, I gotta
get Peter to unclog the-

This isn't your job, what are you doing?

Runner!

Runner!

Can you take 41, please?

I am doing one fifth.

One fifth of the clean, I know,

but Kylie's hiding spots
keep getting better.

Maybe she quit.

Hopefully, she quit.

Wait, would that mean I have
to do one fourth of the clean?

This woman's alone on Christmas.

She probably feels invisible,

and you can make her feel seen.

I'd rather make my own family feel seen.

Some of us can still do that.

Oh no.

Looks like she's in your section now.

See that, bitch.

What a fucking cun-

Can I help you, ma'am?

I'm here to make everything A-okay.

Thank you.

I've never tried this Italian red blend

and I'd love to give it a shot.

Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am, we
only sell that by the glass.

It's just a little server joke.

Anyway, is there anything
more I can get you?

This is the last fucking time!

This is all I have, we're closed tomorrow,

this place fucking sucks.

Does she think lemons
grow on fucking trees?

This is the last fucking time!

It's always people like
this come here on a holiday.

I mean, do they have a fucking life?

Do they know that we wanna go home?

Sorry, could you remind
me what we have for dessert?

We don't have dessert.

Really? Because my table's asking-

- We don't have dessert.

♪ Jingle bells, dear customer ♪

♪ Jingle bells to you ♪

♪ And many more ♪

-No!
-Your beautiful ear!

Hey, Doug.

Hey, Drew and Pamela.

How are you?

We're good. We're good.

We were just passing by, we
thought you were booked up.

Oh, well, we were.

Mind if we come in for a quick bite?

Yeah, yeah.

Of course.

Right this way.

Forks.

Here we go.

Fresh ground pepper?

Just say when.

Unacceptable!

Ashley, get over here,
you gotta hear this.

Hey, you two.

Oh, Peter. They're not here to work.

Leave them alone.

She's right.

Tell her all this is illegal.

Look, we're not trying to stir the pot,

but we like you guys.

So is it?

Yeah, it sounds like they're
taking advantage of you.

A deep clean would be
referred to as a dual job.

-When.
-Washing dishes

or dusting furniture, they
have to pay you minimum wage.

"When."

It could result in a
large payout to the servers.

-When!
-Will you f-

St-

- Was that too much?

Do you have a card?

I will take that, trust me.

Keep it in case you wanna fight back.

How about I get you some waters?

I do have a mild sensitivity to pepper.

Oh no!

Well, around here, when
someone makes a pepper mistake,

we call that grounds for dismissal.

It's a coffee joke, but
it works for pepper too.

Please, let me replace this for you.

Fuck.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Hello?

Say when!

When!

When! When!

When!

When.

I don't see a reason to
bother those fine folks

this Christmas Eve.

Can you relax?

They forgot their glasses.

Oh, I can call them about their glasses.

I'm the manager, I'm very happy

to call them about their glasses.

I'm the manager.

I'm very happy to call
them about the glasses.

Doug, you can stand up to Mike.

Did Martin ever replace her soup?

I don't know, I haven't seen him.

Do you think he's okay?

He pulls this shit every
time we have to clean.

If people keep bailing,
we'll never get outta here.

He did do one fifth of the work, right?

Mm.

31 is his table.

There's nobody at 31.

Well, looks like she's at my table now.

Fuck it.

Gross.

Excuse me, Chef?

Liv.

Excuse me, Liv.

Dirk is looking for a martini dryer?

A what?

A martini dryer.

I think I have something.

I went ahead and got you a new soup.

I am so sorry for the confusion.

I'm sorry for being a pain by moving,

but my server never came back.

Oh, it's okay, I work as a team here.

May I get you anything else?

Yes, but I need to
share a few allergies.

Oh.

This is so embarrassing.

I swear I'm a big mess.

No, no, no, no.

It's no worries at all.

Go ahead, let's have 'em.

I can't have eggs, dairy, peanuts,

cinnamon, iodized, salt, nutmeg,
ginger, gingerbread, soy,

whey, wheat grass.

Regular grass, and fennel.

You wrote that down?

I really appreciate that.

Is that pen from Italy?

Sorry.

No, my mom gave it to me.

Oh, what does your mom do?

Dies.

She's dead.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm sure she's very proud of you.

She was, actually.

Just for serving.

I know a bit about loss myself.

You don't always realize what you have

until it's...

Yeah, yeah, she acted like I was

a rocket scientist or something
just for waiting tables.

A mother's love.

Anyway, with all my
allergies, what can I have?

Here you are.

Oh, this martini dryer will do for now,

but they've released a new model,

so just keep an eye out for it.

Okay.

Stupid.

How was your boiled
chicken and broccoli?

I hated it, can't you tell?

Oh, yes.

I tasted a bit of iodized salt.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

It's quite all right.

It happens all the time.

I'll be right back.

Hey, I wanna get her a gift card.

We never give gift cards anymore.

You already comped her chicken.

Well, gift cards are a gift.

Kill her with kindness, I guess.

The fuck?

Hey, remember we are
selling pens if you need a-

- No thank you, the fuck are
you, a fucking pen salesman?

Thank you so much.

So due to the salt, we have a-

- Oh, thank you.

I know you tried.

Between me and you, you
deserve better than this.

This as in this place?

This industry. Either way.

Oh, hey Ashley, she
left her credit card.

You wanna try and catch her?

Oh, I would, but I'm feeling
a foot cramp coming on.

You have my pen?

I didn't see it.

I can try and catch her
since you have a foot cra-

- I will beat the bronzer off a bitch!

Fuck!

Gina, more side work!

And that's how we transfer

cold air from the one side
of the cooler to the other.

-Did you catch her?
-Focus!

You get the really good air

from the bottom, Gina.

No, not that air! The other air!

I need hands!

I need hands!

Put your phones away, assholes!

When Doug needs hands, we go.

I need hands!

What does, "I need hands" mean?

Why don't you look it up?

I need hands!

Where the fuck is everybody!

So "hands' means you
need help running food."

Did you find out what it means?

Doug, take their phones.

I won't be mocked for doing my job.

Oh, is it mocking?

You can't just make up rules.

It's already a rule, Doug
is just scared to enforce it.

Let's go.

Sorry, she's terrifying.

Thanks a lot, Gina!

You could have just
told me what it meant.

What? Wait, it's not your fault.

I gotta find the martini dryer!

This doesn't help me
make it through the night.

Look, if I'm working,

I need the staff to do their jobs, okay?

And if you don't make them, I will.

- But I mean-
- She forgot her credit card.

You do
realize this is a holiday.

It's Christmas, Doug.

I'm sitting here with ham
in front of me, stuffing,

the family running around.

Come the fuck on, Doug.

You know better!

I done told you about this.

The next time those sharks
decide to eat at our restaurant,

I need you to turn 'em away.

Don't forget who your family is.

Hey, Dirk. You think
Gina's crying in the walk-in?

Totally, but she said she's
looking for the martini dryer,

because she thinks that
sounds less embarrassing.

I should go help her.

What, help her find the
martini dryer or help her cry?

Both.

Time to go jingle her bells.

Time to come down her chimney.

Put that elf on a shelf.

Hey, we have new beers on tap, right?

You know what, let's
try them as the staff.

We can't do that anymore.

Everything has to be rung in, even tastes.

Let me worry about my uncle.

Oh!

You in here? Hello?

Find it yet?

Very spicy.

"Spicy." Spicy's good.

Argentinians, not so much.

Someone ask for spicy?

Hello.

This one has a really rosy flavor.

-Mm, yes.
-Like floral.

-Mm-hmm.
-But not too floral.

Not like a rose, but more like a carnation

with no baby's breath.

-I love carnations.
-Oh, well, you would.

Mm-hmm.

Don't cry.

Ashley's just having her bimonthly.

It'll be okay.

While you're down there...

Gina?

Am I allowed to taste beer, too?

Oh, look who's back from the walk-in?

The walk-in?

Gina?

Ashley?

It's you?

Whatever. You'll do.

Whoa!

Cougars really are aggressive.

It's like old men's street but for a lady.

Do you bite?

Yeah.

Wait. Ow.

Ow! Fuck, stop!

Don't you want me to tap that?

Isn't that what the dude
says to the chick in 2002?

Here's a nice blood orange sour.

I'll try that.

Chunky brown porter!

Mm! Earthy.

Ah, and coffee flavor.

I can taste the peanuts.

And corn for some reason.

Sounds so nice.

This one's a little bit spicy,

but it feels a little
bit like tortilla chip.

Eggnog stout.

Creamy, salty.

Not impressed.

I'd recommend more
pineapple, less asparagus.

Hmm.

Yeah.

I feel...

Faint.

Dehydrated.

You do seem thirsty.

And tapped out.

You guys are planning
on tipping me, right?

Okay.

This will do just fine.

Dessert up

so you can break my
fucking eardrums again.

We don't have to sing anymore.

Sorry about that.

Yes.

We do.

Oh, actually it's more like this.

1, 2, 3, 4.

♪ In his master's steps he trod ♪

♪ Where the snow lay dinted ♪

♪ Heat was in the very sod ♪

♪ Which the Saint had printed ♪

♪ Therefore, Christian men, be sure ♪

♪ Wealth or rank possessing ♪

♪ Ye who now will bless the poor ♪

♪ Shall yourselves find blessing ♪

Oh!

Hey, sorry to bother you,

but I was hoping that we could
make a family meal tonight?

Okay, I can't tell if that's a yes or no.

Okay, well, that one felt like a no.

Well look, I know we haven't
done it in a few years,

but it's been kind of a rough night.

And well, it's Christmas!

Okay, well, that feels like a yes.

Is it like a one hand or
two hand kind of deal?

Or is this like one hand mean yes or?

They'd have to take
whatever they can get.

We barely have shit in here as it is.

Heavens.

Thank you.

Is that a, "You're welcome?"

That feels like a "You're welcome."

I'm gonna take that as a "You're welcome."

Real fucking funny, assholes.

Doors locked.

Well, I guess that's a wrap.

Hey, where's Peter?

Passed out somewhere.

How much more to clean?

Well, you guys kept
ahead of it pretty well,

so I can clean the rest
if you guys wanna go.

Help yourselves to some cookies, folks.

Doug made them.

Well, we'll stick
around and help you clean

if there's more beer to wash it down.

I can make that happen.

That's a lighthouse!

Enjoy.

Good job so far.

Oh, are we still having a family meal?

Oh, I hope it's fish heads again.

Chef Liv gave me the MF
when I asked, so probably not.

Neither middle nor finger are bad words.

-Ayudame.
-You know I could taste

the difference between a gingerbread man

-and a gingerbread house?
-Hmm.

Ayudame!

-Ayudame!
-Ayudame!

Mucho cerveza! Fiesta!

Fiesta means party.

Ayudame!

-Ayudame?
-Ayudame!

Ayudame means party.

Wait you just said fiesta means party.

I like to eat the head to
the gingerbread man first

so I don't think that they're
judging me or looking at me.

Mm-hmm, that's real.

Ayudame!

Does anybody else have
any opinions on gingerbread?

Wait, doesn't "ayudame" mean help?

"Ayudame," that's way too
many syllables to be "help."

I can go check on him.

He might have coke.

Ayudame means coke.

I thought it meant party.

Coke means party, party means coke.

Just when you think you know someone.

You know, I like ginger,
but I don't like bread.

But I like gingerbread!

Ayudame!

Oh, now it means help.

Well, if everybody's gonna do coke.

Corner.

He's dead.

He's so dead!

-Heard.
-Heard.

Who coulda done this?

I think I know.

The lady at table 41?

No way.

She wouldn't do this,
Ashley gave her a gift card.

Didn't you?

I couldn't catch her.

Ashley! I told you
a gift card is a gift!

She wouldn't have killed
him if you had a gift card!

I think we might be
dealing with a Karen.

A what?

I've been doing this for a long time.

I've seen things you'd never want to see.

The name Karen bestows
magical powers upon women.

The speed of a gorilla, the
strength of a pronghorn.

These are evil powers

replenished by day spas
and essential oils.

These are the powers of a Karen.

You're an idiot.

Am I?

We're all gonna die!

The emergency exit's blocked!

Let's call the police!

Doug took our phones!

Ashley did that!

'Cause of Gina!

'Cause of y'all! Just use the landline!

We haven't paid the bill in months!

-What?
-What if a customer

calls to complain!

Exactly!

No one ever calls to complain!

Exactly!

Dammit, Doug, unlock the fucking door!

I did! I don't have my phone!

-What?
-We said no phones!

You're the manager!

I'm still a part of the team!

You and your bullshit!

-What the fuck!
-So we bust out the windows!

Anything you break, they
take outta your paycheck!

Oh.

We installed bulletproof
windows last month.

In the middle of Middle America?

Oh, this country is going
to shit with the libs!

God, Mike spends
money on the dumbest BC!

To be fair, I did
negotiate a very fair deal.

I can't die with all of you!

Are you kidding?

Are we sure they're bulletproof?

Let's find out!

Oh no.

We really are trapped!

No.

No, we're not.

We just have to get the
phones from the office.

Are we allowed to use
weapons against a customer?

No!

Hold on, this is important.

Ma'am?

Now the tables have turned.

I thought they were behind us?

We gotta help them.

We're already halfway there.

We help them by getting the phones.

Ashley.

Did you hear that?

What is that sound?

She's been here!

Is this a trap?

Fucking speed rail!

You forgot my side of ranch.

Did I?

I think we're okay.

Unless she's planned a slow and
prolonged way of killing us.

How vile.

You're hurting me!

I think I will try Water 4 Now.

I need a bottle opener.

No, you can't borrow me.

That's cute, but could
you make an exception?

So I have a friend in marketing

and she has experience
with alcoholic beverages

that could really help you
with your product launch.

Really?

Mm-hmm. Water 4 Now could be a big hit.

I'd love to connect you two.

I'll even set up a Zoom.

When?

Oh, I'm not sure, I haven't
spoken to her in a while

and I know she's been really busy.

I gotta get back at book club.

So remind me after the
holidays and I'll reach out.

Okay, thanks.

If you're still available, that is.

Tastes good too!

What's this?

1985 death in local restaurant.

What? That's nonsense.

BJ's Grill O' Rama?

That's what we used to be called, right?

I don't think so.

I remember from the server test.

There must be some sort of typo.

Let me.

Why are you doing this?

You don't wanna know.

But you're still gonna tell me, right?

It was a cold December
night, just like this one.

My happy sauce was well mixed,

but my grilled cheese was undercooked.

Few people had nut allergies back then.

Help! Somebody help!

He's dying!

You could say my dad
was something of a pioneer.

Help!

She's too close to the AC!

We asked not to be sat by the AC!

We're still waiting on
his well-done steak!

Where is his well-done steak?

He's starving!

My uncle starved to death.

I'm dying.

Grandpa?

You never turned on the game!

They never
changed the TV for him,

and the game was lopsided.

-He's dying of boredom!
-Boredom.

Your bill, ma'am.

You didn't separate the checks!

We asked them
to separate the checks,

but they didn't!

So much math!

Worst of all, it was my birthday month.

It's my birthday month too!

Survived by their
eight-year-old daughter, Karen.

She really is a Karen.

Shut up and mop!

What are we doing?

We gotta help them!

Uncle Mike, why aren't we helping them?

Shut up and mop.

I will not shut up and mop.

How's that foot cramp?

Stop.

It's a note.

She's turned the coffee maker into a bomb?

It's gonna explode unless-

- Unless what?

Unless we drain all the water.

Oh my gosh.

Gina, I have something to tell you.

I'm afraid of bombs.

Me too!

Well, I've never told anyone that!

No one's coming to save you.

But we have to do this.

Hey, what if we empty the tank?

There is no tank, it's
connected to the water supply.

I don't think you can drain this.

I think maybe this is a trap.

There's no time to
think! We need to drain!

Maybe waitresses
aren't rocket scientists.

You get the really
good air from the bottom.

Do we have
to redo your training?

If we just do
it together as a team,

it'll be done before you know it.

Ow! My hand!

What about the bomb?

I'm smarter than you think.

What about Doug?

He is as smart as you think.

Guns are too easy.

Like a spray tan.

Where's the fun? Where's the risk?

Now you don't have a weapon.

Neither do you.

I came prepared.

Ashley grab the ticket stabber!

If only somebody else was here

who could grab the ticket stabber!

I like that pen.

Ayudame!

Okay, what the fuck just happened?

Maybe you hit her in the eye.

Holy fuck! Are you okay?

I just got stabbed the
neck with my own pen.

At least she didn't hit anything major.

Besides your neck.

Well, does it look bad?

-We should take it out.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You'll bleed out. Why do you
think she was reaching for it?

She said she liked it.

Where is Doug?

He's emptying the coffee maker.

She turned it into a bomb?

That's what the note said,

-but it was a lie.
-We have to help him!

Let's go!

Gina, you have to drain the
fucking coffee maker every night

so it doesn't explode!

-I didn't know! I'm sorry!
-Fuck!

I can't believe this fucking shit.

We're gonna die in here tonight.

Who the fucking schedules their
last shift on Christmas Eve?

Who schedules their first
shift on Christmas Eve?

What do people do on holidays
when they're not working?

You just sit alone at home in the dark,

drinking straight outta the bottle

with the deafening absence of your mother?

I'm only still here

because I feel like I
know how to make people

feel seen and taken care of,

even if it's just for a little bit.

And sometimes they make
me feel that way too,

and this is the only place

I feel like I know what I'm doing.

At least...

At least, that's how I used to feel.

I think that's beautiful.

I am alive!

That explosion hurt so
much I wish I wasn't!

She's zip-tying my hands
and taking me hostage!

We gotta help him.

That's what she wants.

It's a trap.

Now she's bashing my knee caps

with a meat tenderizer!

I thought you the badass
that everyone turned to.

That's not what I see.

She's sticking a meat thermometer

directly in my pee hole!

They were right about you.

You don't wanna solve problems,
you just wanna criticize.

Criticize ownership,
criticize Doug, criticize us.

She's opening an industrial sized

can of tomato sauce.

I hope it's not to cut the
skin in between my fingers

with the edge!

That's why you never made manager.

Yes it is!

That's why you're quitting.

You're a coward.

I can see under
the prep table, gross!

Now let's have some real fun!

Too obvious.

Oh, barnacles!

No!

What did you want? Was it the salt?

No!

Did you wanna free your hands?

Well, they're free now.

Look what I found.

My phone!

It's still intact!

I have to let myself out.

Go ahead, pick it up.

You can't save yourself,
but you could save them.

I said pick it up.

I need hands!

I need hands!

When Doug needs hands, we go.

She ran away when I
threw that cookie at her.

She's allergic to ginger.

She really is a creature
with magical powers.

Creatures with magical
powers always have a weakness.

This is hers.

She really some damage
with that ticket stabber.

Didn't Doug drop a cookie in here earlier?

Cookies are dense and sink in liquid.

And lemons have a lot of
juice, juice is a liquid,

-so it must have sunk.
-Okay.

I don't know why I asked.

God, fucking holy ha be as corpus!

Fantastic.

That was unbearable.

Let's do this.

Ah, fuck!

Let's go.

That bitch stole my pen.

You take good notes.

You're supposed to be allergic!

And that gave you the confidence

to come in here after me, didn't it?

You liar!

No, it's more of a
sensitivity to ginger.

What did you do to him?

What did you do to his feet?

His feet?

Nothing, they were like that.

I've been in this
industry for a long time.

You think it's no big deal
when you ignore our requests.

You think it's no big deal!

That's my pen.

No it's not.

You stole my pen?

No, I was just borrowing it!

You think it's no big deal
when you ignore our requests?

Do you know what it's like?

Do you?

Every time a waitress
slacks off, every time,

to be reminded of seeing
your entire family die!

Do you know what that's like?

Of course you don't!

I'm sorry!

What?

Kill her with kindness.

Look.

I know what it's like to lose family

and there's nothing we
can do to bring them back.

All I can say is I'm so sorry.

And I see you.

Do you mean it?

Yeah.

You can leave this place if you want.

Really?

Before I go,

there's something I want
to do to make it up to you.

I was just borrowing it.

Face not recognized.

Face too dead.

Prince not recognized.

Choose a thumb not so bloody,
broken, mangled, and dead.

Doors unlocked.

Hey, I think I forgot my glasses...

You know, when we
told you to fight back,

this is not what we meant.

I literally had
cranberry sauce on my fork!

What's the problem now, Doug?

This is your head server.

You need to call a janitor, Uncle Mike.

He got yourself a big fucking mess.

Good job tonight.

You can achieve anything
you set your mind to.

I worked my way up to general manager

by not dying or suffering
severe brain damage.

Now the restaurant's in
its most profitable year

and I'm in the process of purchasing it

from Doug's Uncle Mike.

That's amazing.

All right, Head Server, what-

- And Head Martini Dryer.

And Head Martini Dryer.

What is the one rule of serving?

Never steal Ashley's pen

because then she'd be
justified in stealing it back,

even if it's the only thing preventing you

from life threatening blood loss.

Very good.

Knock 'em dead.

Doug, did you open an article?

1985...

Excuse me, my sister
left her credit card here

and I was hoping to pick it up.

When was this?

Exactly one year ago today.

Survived by her young daughter, Karen,

and her twin sister, Carol.

Wait.

Your sister, what's her name?

Carol.

The killer's name is Carol.

That means the real
Karen is still out there.

So your name is...

Yeah, I love it.

No.

I'm sorry.

One fourth.

-One fifth, whatever.
-One fifth.

-One fifth.
-There's a script here.

Let's cut.

Feels too insensitive.

Insensitive?

That's what we're
thinking about right now?

Insensitive?

Yes!

Action.

Eggnog stout.

Let me say action.

Sorry, I was ready to
drink this big glass of cum.

Oh, no.

How'd that look?

You don't even deserve this.

You don't even, fuck me, sorry.

-Cut.
-She's so pretty.

Thank you.

-What's that?
-Can I throw an egg roll?

At the
very end, yes, you may.

Okay.

Oh my!

-Oh, my god.
-Let's restart.

It was open casket. A bad decision.

It was gross.

But still very sad nonetheless.

You know, I don't normally cry.

Ah, they did it!

♪ Well, that's it ♪

♪ You finally worked my last nerve ♪

♪ And when I call it quits,
there'll be no ever after ♪

♪ Oh, I love you, babe ♪

♪ And I love what it was ♪

♪ But I can't stand what it's become ♪

♪ So it's time for me to cut and run ♪

♪ Oh, I'm tired ♪
♪ She's tired ♪

♪ Of trying to be understanding ♪

♪ For far too many nights,
I didn't do much sleeping ♪

♪ Nah ♪

♪ 'Cause you got problems
you don't wanna see ♪

♪ And for far too long,
they've fallen on me ♪

♪ It's no fun, my friend ♪

♪ We are done ♪

♪ So take your records back ♪

♪ And gimme my headphones
that I've been lacking ♪

♪ I'm deleting photos from my phone ♪

♪ And that movie we made
when we were alone ♪

♪ Yeah, we had good times, but
the bad times got in the way ♪

♪ And if things ain't gonna change ♪

♪ Why should I stay? ♪

♪ Ah ha ♪

♪ Oh, I love you, babe ♪

♪ And I love what it was ♪

♪ But I can't stand what it's become ♪

♪ So it's time for me to cut and run ♪

So I was told the first time

that I ever watched the credits

that I should record myself
so we can see my reaction.

So here we go, I'm watching
the credits for the first time.

So these are the people who-

These are the people who invested in it,

and I'm just thrilled.

I know so many names on here.

When we first put the concept trailer out,

we didn't charge people to watch it

because we wanted people to see it.

But we did ask for people
to tip if they enjoyed it.

And apparently there
were over 1,200 of you.

So that is a lot of names.

Oh my god.

♪ Gimme my headphones
that I've been lacking ♪

♪ I'm deleting your photos from my phone ♪

♪ And that movie we
made when we was alone ♪

♪ Yeah, we had good times ♪

♪ The bad ones got in the way ♪

♪ And if things ain't gonna change ♪

♪ Well, why should I stay ♪

♪ Ah ha ♪

♪ I love you, babe ♪

♪ And I love what it was ♪

♪ But I can't stand what it's become ♪

♪ So now ♪
♪ So now ♪

♪ It's time ♪
♪ It's time ♪

♪ For me ♪
♪ For me ♪

♪ To bid adieu ♪
♪ Bid adieu ♪

♪ I'll see you ♪
♪ See you ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪
♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Sometime ♪
♪ Sometime ♪

♪ Down the line ♪
♪ Down the line ♪

♪ But right now ♪

♪ It's time for me to cut and run ♪

Wow.

Man, this is incredible.

I've never seen this many
names in a thank you credits

or helped support kind of role.

This is amazing.

And...

Okay, there we are.

And we made it all the way through.

Pretty cool. Thank you.

♪ She got a bad reputation ♪

♪ She's got a big appetite ♪

♪ She sneaks off at sunset ♪

♪ Deep into the night ♪

♪ She's been chasing the locals ♪

♪ And putting up quite a fight ♪

♪ She'll drink like a guppy ♪

♪ That shit's dynamite ♪