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00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,405
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
2
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,364
♪ Gonna have myself a time
3
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,887
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
4
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,021
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
6
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,848
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
7
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672
♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
8
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,461
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
9
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,679
♪ I'm headin' on down
to South Park ♪
10
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
11
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,251
♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
12
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
13
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,825
The past few months
have just been...
14
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302
really awful.
15
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955
There were these ICE raids
16
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,093
and my dad's company
went out of business.
17
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,834
Then we lost our house
and had to move
18
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094
into the old folks home
with my grandpa.
19
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,795
It's like
everything keeps changing
20
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446
and I really don't know
how to cope with it.
21
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,063
Uh-huh.
22
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,934
And how exactly do you feel
like shit has changed, bro?
23
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023
Well, Jesus, It just seems like
24
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,724
people aren't really
as kind and giving
25
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,335
as they used to be, you know?
26
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,163
Like, I just got some money
from Saudi Arabia
27
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,642
and I'm thinking of sharing it.
28
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,428
'Cause I feel like that's what
everyone needs right now.
29
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905
Like, a big Christmas miracle?
30
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,436
Sounds like some socialist
bullshit to me, bro.
31
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,091
Jesus, I don't wanna live
32
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,657
in an old folks home anymore,
OK?
33
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,268
Now, I don't know what's
made you change like this,
34
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,444
but we need some
God damn Christmas magic!
35
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,709
Hey, baby, I brought us
some Pinot Grigio!
36
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,667
What took you so long?
37
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536
Don't be mad... I was out
doing my charity work!
38
00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:42,889
I'm a Christian,
39
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800
so I sing to people in need!
40
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281
Just shut up
and pour me that shit.
41
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,026
You wanna make
your life better, Stan?
42
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,723
Join the frickin' club!
43
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,247
This is the time of year we all
wish things were better.
44
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,684
But trust me, nothing miraculous
45
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640
is gonna happen to anyone.
46
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,347
♪ The crib is decorated
47
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,393
♪ And the nursery's
all planned ♪
48
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393
♪ I put holly on the diapers
With all the love I can ♪
49
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351
♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪
50
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223
♪ What's more special than ♪
51
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
52
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360
Only days remain
until America meets
53
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,801
President Trump's demon spawn.
54
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279
How Satan will give birth to
the butt baby is still unclear,
55
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,765
but everyone knows
the crap-out is coming.
56
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
♪ Don the wipes
and mistletoe ♪
57
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460
♪ There's so much to be done ♪
58
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464
♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa
when labor has begun ♪
59
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381
♪ So many reasons to be glad,
and I'll be having one ♪
60
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,433
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
61
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,219
♪ I will love the baby
and so will its dad ♪
62
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,788
♪ We will be so...
Wait a minute.
63
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003
Where the hell is he?
64
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483
Donald?
65
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616
Donald!
66
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183
Where is Donald?
67
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,536
Oh, sorry, Satan.
68
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,928
The President had to fly
to Colorado
69
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491
on an urgent matter.
70
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060
-An urgent matter?
-Are you serious right now?
71
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,458
I told him this was the day
72
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,243
we were going to sing songs
and decorate the nursery!
73
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,419
What is he doing
that's more urgent than that?
74
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,030
Sorry, it's all high-level
classified stuff.
75
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,989
Even we don't have clearance
to know what he's doing.
76
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,819
He is such a piece a shit!
77
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,257
He does this to me all the time!
78
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953
I'm about to have this baby,
and he's out fucking around!
79
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870
Hormones, huh?
80
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090
It is strange
that the President hasn't
81
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,575
even informed me
why he's going to Colorado.
82
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,620
Well, the President said
it's top secret
83
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923
and only he and
the vice president can know.
84
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621
Whatever they're doing...
85
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235
must be part of an extremely
covert military operation.
86
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,419
Merry Christmas!
87
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156
Relax, guy!
88
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899
Hey-hey-hey!
Relax, guy!
89
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,863
OK, Boss, this is the place.
90
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,257
That is the police station
over there.
91
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690
That's where they are keeping
Peter Thiel.
92
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,995
All right,
we just gotta keep it quiet.
93
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738
Nobody can know
I want to kill this baby... ope!
94
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263
Merry Christmas!
Hey-hey-hey!
95
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655
Relax!
96
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,229
Are you sure this
Peter Thiel can do it?
97
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705
Yes, Boss.
98
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,885
But we must find a way
to break him out
99
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,278
of that police-
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
100
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276
Happy holidays!
101
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452
Hey-hey-hey!
102
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,633
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have
any spare change, mkay?
103
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500
The government cut
school funding
104
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546
so I lost my job.
105
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,247
Then, you know,
everything costs more
106
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377
with all the tariffs,
and my health care got cut,
107
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163
so I'm just struggling
like a lot of Americans are.
108
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081
All right,
well, Merry Christmas!
109
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346
We better hurry, Boss.
110
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826
The town might be onto us,
111
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002
and the crap-out could be
any minute now.
112
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,834
OK, let's synchronize
our watches.
113
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,707
It's time to complete
Operation Kill My Own Baby!
114
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057
♪ I'll be home
for Christmas ♪
115
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499
♪ If only in my dreams,
my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪
116
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,114
Hello, seniors,
I'm Peggy Rockbottom
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00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460
here to spread
a little holiday cheer.
118
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811
You know, sometimes we forget
the reason for the season.
119
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074
But there's only one man
in my life,
120
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,689
and that man is Jesus Christ.
121
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,299
And I wrote this song for him.
122
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
123
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,394
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
124
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
125
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
126
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,708
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
127
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577
♪ Saying merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
128
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319
Come on, seniors, sing along!
129
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
130
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
131
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
132
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
133
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
134
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
135
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570
I don't know if you can hear me,
136
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,659
but I've been kind of wishing
for a Christmas miracle.
137
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622
If miracles can
still even happen,
138
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756
please, make it happen now.
139
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295
Yay!
140
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,606
Look, guys, it's Stanny!
141
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,782
Stanny!
142
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,261
Oh, no!
143
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565
-Did you miss us, Stan?
-Oh, no!
144
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,011
That son of a bitch.
145
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316
I could give birth any minute.
146
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579
"Oh, hey, Satan,
you about to go into labor?
147
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,368
"OK, how about
you go do everything,
148
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974
and I'll do nothing?"
149
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194
Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald!
Just like you always do.
150
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,073
Ugh.
God, he is so disgusting.
151
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550
Ugh, he's such a pig!
152
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,474
A blue jock strap?
153
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,433
He doesn't wear
a blue jock strap.
154
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127
Who does this belong to?
155
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:59,961
Vance.
156
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,836
It's Vance.
157
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357
They're together.
158
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229
What are you talking about?
159
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321
They just wanna kill the baby.
160
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758
What?
161
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633
-The President... Vance...
-so much sex.
162
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,204
I can't understand you
'cause you're covered
163
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506
in dried-up milk!
164
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291
It's not milk.
165
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032
Eww!
166
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,563
Oh!
167
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785
Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
168
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439
Tell me everything you know!
169
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834
-I will, but first...
-please...
170
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622
I need to get...
just a little high.
171
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191
Go away!
172
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,634
What do you guys want?
173
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,549
Well, didn't you hear, Stan?
174
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851
Satan's gonna give birth
to the antichrist!
175
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,162
Yeah,
he's gonna have a butt baby
176
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987
and there's gonna be
a big crap-out!
177
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,163
And nobody loves a crap-out
more than us!
178
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,344
Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.
179
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,780
This doesn't make any sense!
180
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,129
You guys are just something
that Cartman made up
181
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258
in his head!
182
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304
Aww, are you really gonna
over analyze a crap-out?
183
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,528
-No way!
-Crap-outs have no rules!
184
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,182
Yay!
185
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702
All right, y'all,
Stan wished us here
186
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,579
to help the Prince of Darkness,
so we gotta do what he says.
187
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,363
I didn't wish for that!
188
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,234
I didn't know anything
about Satan having a baby
189
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754
or crap-outs.
190
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,847
But you asked
for a Christmas miracle, Stan!
191
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628
And this crap-out's gonna
make everything better!
192
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892
It is? Are you sure?
193
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460
-Of course!
-Crap-outs are the best!
194
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,510
-Come on!
-Let's get to it!
195
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683
Yay!
196
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,561
Oh, it's been so long.
197
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,391
So then Vice President Vance,
198
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,132
he doesn't want you
to have the baby, right?
199
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347
'Cause he thinks
your baby is gonna hurt
200
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,093
his chances
of becoming president.
201
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789
So he convinces Trump to try
to get rid of the baby himself,
202
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358
but every time he tries,
he gets blocked by the FCC.
203
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,062
If he didn't want the baby,
why didn't he tell me?
204
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,281
They couldn't let anyone know
they wanted to get rid
205
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411
of the baby because, you know,
Republicans, abortions...
206
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891
it's a bad look.
207
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,985
So then Vance gets this guy
Peter Thiel
208
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,422
to get rid of the baby,
and Thiel's about to come do it
209
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,072
when Pam Bondi
suddenly finds out
210
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769
there's a plot to kill the baby.
211
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947
So crazy, man.
You can't write this shit.
212
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819
What did I ever see in him?
213
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:48,042
So then The President,
he's pissed off at Vance.
214
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,436
He says, you've been
lying to me, but Vance says,
215
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,785
I was just trying
to protect you,
216
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,308
and then they start having sex
217
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,614
over and over
and over and over...
218
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569
Enough!
219
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182
The president hath deceived me.
220
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,015
He hath deceived us all.
221
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188
And I shall make him pay.
222
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628
-Oh, hell yeah, man.
-Let's go get that motherfucker.
223
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,898
♪ What a special time,
it's a special day ♪
224
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,378
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
225
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897
Crap-out!
226
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,735
Hey! Merry Christmas!
227
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214
-Merry Christmas!
-Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!
228
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825
Hello, we're with
the Salvation Army!
229
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,858
We brought some food
for your prisoners!
230
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181
-Food for the prisoners?
-Hey, relax, guy!
231
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,492
This is the time of year
to give to the needy!
232
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,099
-We brought 'em this cake!
-We don't need your cake!
233
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,845
The president's gonna come
for us, and he's gonna... oof!
234
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582
Well, I guess there's no harm.
235
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,109
Mitch, let 'em in.
236
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,938
Hey, thanks, buddy!
237
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,723
♪ We're headin'
for a crap-out ♪
238
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416
♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪
239
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,728
♪ We smell a crap-out
comin' soon ♪
240
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683
♪ Don't take the hard route
♪ Just get to the crap out
241
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730
♪ Satan's gonna crap out
his anal womb ♪
242
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688
OK, hold on a second.
243
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,563
You said that Satan
was in Washington, D.C.
244
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953
Yeah, he was,
and now he's about to be here!
245
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607
But how can you know that?
246
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,657
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny,
will you just get on board
247
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,614
with the crap-out already?
248
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,181
Don't worry, Stanny.
249
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,183
Everything has been foretold
and nothing can stop
250
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658
the antichrist from coming.
251
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,968
Except, of course,
for Peter Thiel!
252
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793
P-P-P-Peter Thiel!
253
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,621
Wait, you mean
the six seven guy?
254
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928
You know Peter Thiel?
255
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,890
Yeah, he did a big dumb
assembly at the school.
256
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496
He's here?
257
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,937
What are you gonna do, Stanny?
258
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978
Are you gonna kill him
and eat him?
259
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240
All right, look.
260
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,637
If I'm gonna get
on board with something,
261
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,770
I need it make at least
a little bit of sense.
262
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246
Well, OK, Susan Sontag,
we'll make sure
263
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205
it all lines up perfectly
for ya.
264
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642
Yay!
265
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,956
Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.
266
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867
Come in, Red Dragon.
267
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260
-Go ahead, guy.
-This is Red Dragon.
268
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,136
I got the walkie in the cake.
269
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,138
Awaiting further instructions.
270
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483
Excellent.
271
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,358
Just stand by, and we'll
find a way to get you out
272
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834
so you can kill my baby.
273
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,318
Let's synchronize our watches.
274
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,537
Donald!
275
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100
Uh-oh.
276
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496
You have lied to me.
277
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,156
Satan! We were just doing
some charity work!
278
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,245
Yeah, I don't think so!
279
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550
I told Satan every detail
of your expertly-crafted plot.
280
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944
Boss, it's your cum rag!
281
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,951
I stayed with you
while you two are fucking
282
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557
behind my back?
283
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604
Did Donald tell you
he has genital warts?
284
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130
Hey, relax there, guy.
285
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,527
Look, there he is!
286
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133
It's Satan!
287
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,966
Yay!
288
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095
Just as the prophecy foretold!
289
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,101
Towelie? What's going on?
290
00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101
What's going on is the most
exquisitely woven tapestry
291
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,456
of ideas
that you've ever seen, man.
292
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,243
Your deception is over,
Donald, and so are we.
293
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025
This child will be born.
294
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115
And for once,
you are going to have to live
295
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205
with the consequences
of your actions.
296
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658
Keep your hands off
my president, bro.
297
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,058
Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!
298
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,668
Aww!
299
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,496
This happens to be a great man
300
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,020
who's protecting our country
from fags.
301
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,066
What the hell happened to Jesus?
302
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,111
He's all Christian now.
303
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938
This man is a con artist,
and I will deal with him!
304
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159
Don't think so, bro!
305
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033
Yeah! America! Whoo!
306
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,262
Oh, my God, this just keeps
getting crazier.
307
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222
What's wrong, Satan?
308
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574
-It's the baby.
-I think it's coming.
309
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,625
-Oh, wow, y'all, it's time!
-What do we do, Stan?
310
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,931
I don't know!
311
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929
You gotta get him to a hospital!
312
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372
Oh, boy! The big crap-out
is almost here!
313
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,683
-I can hardly wait!
-Can hardly wait!
314
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246
Look, it's the doctor!
315
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,948
Yay!
316
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,775
All right, we're almost ready.
317
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,386
We just wanna run
a quick ultrasound,
318
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,214
and we'll get you into the OR.
319
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737
-Doctor, we must hurry.
-There are evil forces at work.
320
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051
-All right!
-This guy's incredible!
321
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,145
OK, now set Peter Thiel free!
322
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061
-Mr. President! What happened?
-I don't know!
323
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,415
I got another Christian dipshit
to help me get what I want!
324
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760
Let's go, Christianity!
325
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285
Then we can proceed.
326
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,900
We have very little time to stop
327
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506
the antichrist from coming.
328
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,468
Boss, just so you know,
329
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467
I don't care if my asshole
is filled with genital warts.
330
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991
I still love you.
331
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258
I can't believe
he turned out to be
332
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912
this big of a piece a shit.
333
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177
I seriously fall
for the worst guys.
334
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745
Now, now, Satan, you need
to save your strength!
335
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,448
I mean, I knew he sucked, OK?
336
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,364
I knew it, but I didn't think
he would go this far.
337
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667
-I am so stupid.
-No! You're not stupid!
338
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,848
Stanny,
tell Satan he's not stupid.
339
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,939
-You're not stupid.
-No, I'm stupid!
340
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980
I saw how he treated everyone,
341
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,246
but I was willing to look
the other way.
342
00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:11,425
All because I just wanted
my Christmas miracle.
343
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510
Your Christmas miracle?
344
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556
My little baby.
345
00:17:15,685 --> 00:17:20,651
The only thing in my life
that could actually be good.
346
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:23,912
But now Donald has Jesus
on his side,
347
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,480
and we'll never be free.
348
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,530
Satan's right.
349
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,969
If the President has Jesus
on his side, he's unstoppable!
350
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705
It's only a matter of time
351
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,190
before they come here
and ruin everything.
352
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883
Aww!
353
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537
Now, don't be down, y'all.
354
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,631
-We have our own secret weapon.
-That's right!
355
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327
They might have Jesus,
but we've got Stan!
356
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937
Yay!
357
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,078
♪ What a special time,
it's a special day ♪
358
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,514
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
359
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947
Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!
360
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175
Let's do this!
361
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394
Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!
362
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833
What are we gonna do?
363
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664
Where is room 6-7?
364
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,280
Thank you!
365
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,175
-Hey, kid! Get out of the way!
-No.
366
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,960
If you wanna get to Satan,
you'll have to go through us.
367
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915
I am fully embracing
this crap-out.
368
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,790
Yay!
369
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312
Do not listen to these foul
creatures of darkness, child!
370
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575
I don't know
who to listen to anymore.
371
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,537
All I know is,
I might as well help someone
372
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100
get their Christmas miracle.
373
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885
'Cause nobody's helping me
with mine.
374
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,978
At least that's what
Christmas used to mean.
375
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,502
Trying to make things
a little easier
376
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,069
for someone else who needed it.
377
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,374
I don't know what happened
378
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,028
to your Spirit of Christmas,
Jesus.
379
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941
Let's face it, you gave up,
and now you've hit rock bottom.
380
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075
Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?
381
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035
I mean, all right, maybe I did!
382
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906
But Peggy was asking' for it!
383
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,783
That's actually not at all
what I was talking about.
384
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,525
No. You're right.
385
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436
You're right, my child.
386
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,920
I gave up and I lost faith.
387
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,531
I don't want to do this.
388
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573
-Hey!
-Don't forget I can sue you!
389
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622
Then go ahead and sue me.
390
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,543
I'm not going
to be afraid anymore.
391
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018
Excuse me, everyone.
392
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,763
Sorry... sorry to interrupt,
393
00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:59,985
but I'm afraid we have
some really bad news.
394
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376
-What?
-What? What happened?
395
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508
We've looked
at the ultrasound, and...
396
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,472
it appears that at some point
when nobody was watching,
397
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861
the baby hung itself
and took its own life.
398
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,218
-What?
-What are you talking about?
399
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,477
I'm afraid you can
see it all in the video.
400
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696
The baby got ahold
of some bedsheets.
401
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,180
There's a couple minutes
missing from the ultrasound,
402
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,139
but it's definitely a suicide.
403
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,923
You gotta be kidding me!
404
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,794
The baby hung itself?
405
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316
Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!
406
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926
But does that mean
407
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,281
there's not gonna be a crap-out?
408
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541
This is a Fox News
special alert.
409
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327
Fox News has just
received confirmation
410
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,290
that the unborn child
of Satan and President Trump
411
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,640
has decided to take
the easy way out
412
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377
and end its own life.
413
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,557
Definitely an unfortunate
turn of events.
414
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,038
Fox News has
analyzed the ultrasound.
415
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,084
You can see the baby probably
considering suicide right here
416
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,651
and then...
a little bit missing...
417
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,087
and it killed itself.
418
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998
Obvious confirmation of suicide.
419
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783
You can see
a little chair there.
420
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133
Just what babies do sometimes.
421
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136
That's right, and if you
or someone you know
422
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,751
is a fetus
contemplating suicide,
423
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360
we urge you to call Fox News
as much as you possibly can.
424
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,496
In the meantime,
all our thoughts and prayers
425
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364
are with the president tonight,
426
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,805
Who will be holding a funeral
for his unborn child
427
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803
at the White House.
428
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,342
Hey, Merry Christmas!
429
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732
Did you hear the news?
The baby's dead!
430
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343
Yes, Mr. President,
we are so sorry.
431
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519
-Happy holidays!
-The baby's dead!
432
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,699
Are you OK, sir?
433
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483
-Yeah, it's really hard!
-Here, have a cigar!
434
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,619
Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas!
The baby's dead!
435
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965
You're so strong,
Mr. President.
436
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,058
And you're taking it
really well.
437
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753
Hey! Thanks, Pam!
438
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,073
I win! I win! I win again!
439
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695
-Christmas letters from home.
-Here you go.
440
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,728
Some Christmas joy
from your loved ones.
441
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,529
There you go.
442
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353
Hey, there's one for you today.
443
00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,369
Dear Stan,
I'm writing this
444
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933
because I owe you an apology
445
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544
and a thank you.
446
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286
You asked
for a Christmas miracle,
447
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462
and I didn't listen.
448
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725
So now, go to this address.
449
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031
No way.
450
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066
Thank you.
Thank you!
451
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,945
I'll be here, Stan,
watching over everybody.
452
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,469
Be good.
453
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,819
And remember,
never give up on the things
454
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338
that you commit to.
455
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340
He's so great, isn't he?
456
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603
Merry Christmas, everyone!
457
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,480
Let's all have
the happiest holidays!
458
00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609
♪ A Christian Woman knows
her place ♪
459
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,529
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
460
00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,880
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
461
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,709
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
462
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
463
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625
♪ Saying Merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
464
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193
Come on, seniors,
sing along!
465
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
466
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
467
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
468
00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,339
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
469
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,778
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
470
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
471
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,871
♪ A Christian woman
knows her place ♪
472
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
473
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959
♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪
32606
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