Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

SPIDER-MAN: The dictionary defines "defenestration"

as the act of throwing a person or thing out a window.

Really not my favorite word.

Okay, where's the dude with the nasty 'tude?

[CACKLING]

Present and accounted for.

[CROWD SHOUTING, GASPING]

Hey. Did I mess up your costume?

Leave off the threads, Emerald Elf,

and that's an order.

Ah, but the Green Goblin

doesn't take orders from insects.

The Green Goblin swats them into oblivion.

See, that's a common misconception.

Spiders are actually arachnids--

[CACKLING] Uh-oh.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Living on the edge ♪

♪ Fighting crime Spinning webs ♪

♪ Swinging from The highest ledge ♪

♪ He can leap upon my head ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Villains on the rise And the city's victimized ♪

♪ Looking up with no surprise Arriving in the speed of time ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

♪ Spectacular ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

[CACKLES]

[CROWD SHOUTING]

May I see your invitation, Spider-Man?

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave.

Leave now? When Table 7 needs more hors d'oeuvres?

SPIDER-MAN: How'd a night that started out so sweet

go south so fast?

And how'd I manage to leave my tux at tonight's

other black tie affair?

[SCRATCHING]

[TECHNO SONG PLAYING]

Thanks for the ride, Harry. No prob.

My chauffeur's at our beck and call.

Don't forget to vote for king and queen of the ball.

Who are you voting for, Glory?

Me and Liz, of course. Who else is worthy? Ha-ha-ha!

I think we know the answer to that, don't we, Rand?

Far as I'm concerned, Osborn can have the crown.

His limo. His afterparty.

Dude rules.

We're going to Le Hisayfitte,

the best restaurant in town.

My treat.

Osborn, you the man.

You know it.

Hi, Harry. Did you just get here?

Hey, let's get a picture. You know, preserve the moment.

Guess that bow tie stops the blood

from reaching his ears or brain.

And the chocolate soufflé is a must.

They top it with powdered sugar and gold dust.

I don't believe it.

It's true. Real gold dust. Uh, guys?

[♪♪♪]

JAMESON: Miss Brant.

This fershlugginer bowtie's defective.

I want a new one round my neck in four seconds.

Come on, Mr. J.,

an investigation into Spider-Man's identity.

"See the face behind the mask."

And if the face is Joe Shmoe?

Hold still, please.

All you'll do is make the web-head a regular guy.

And who'll pay to see pictures of a regular guy?

MAN: Depends on what that regular guy does,

right, Pop?

John, my boy.

Ah, give your old man a hug.

Hey, Mr. Robertson. You keeping Pop in line?

I do my best, son.

You know he's awful proud of you.

Why shouldn't I be?

Betty Brant, Ned Lee, meet my son,

Air Force Colonel John Jameson.

John's piloting his first mission

on the space shuttle next week,

so I'm taking him out for one final

night on the town-- Uh, planet.

Ha. Get it? Foswell. Benny.

Come meet my son the astronaut.

Ned.

That Spider-Man exposé?

Run with it. See where it leads.

Mary Jane Watson, this is Professor Warren.

I'm his star pupil.

GWEN: He said he wasn't coming.

Guess he meant he wasn't coming with me.

FLASH: How the heck did Puny Parker land her?

Pete cleans up well.

You know, it's not just the food.

The view from the private room--

Geeks like Parker do not get girls

who look like her. I mean, like us.

She must have lost a bet.

Ah, the bet. That's it.

Mary Jane Watson, I'd like you to meet

Flash, Liz, Rand, Sally, Glory,

and my best bud Harry.

They're popular.

Ah. The in-crowd.

Exactly.

So, Parker,

you actually got yourself a date.

I mean, sure, Mary here's not

the 20-year-old you wanted to bring,

but at least she's nonfictional.

So I guess you win the bet.

[CHUCKLES]

What'd you bet?

Loser dresses as a cheerleader for Halloween.

Well, big boy,

I hope you've got the legs for the skirt.

Come on, tiger, let's hit the dance floor.

I want to see what you've got.

[♪♪♪]

We're dancing.

Uh, shall we?

Maybe when everyone has a little less to prove, you know?

Less to prove. Right.

Want some punch?

Please.

KENNY: Look, Glory,

I-I know I was a jerk, but--

But I'm really sorry.

Just give me one more chance. Please?

Oh, Kenny.

[GRUNTS]

OTTO: H-hello?

Is someone there?

[CRIES OUT]

Look at yourself, Otto.

You're afraid of your own shadow.

[CHUCKLES]

Next you'll be seeing gremlins in the machinery.

Or little green men.

Oh. Oh, oh, the glider.

N-n-no, that's Mr. Osborn's TechFlight glider.

[CACKLING]

[CROOK GRUNTING]

CROOK: All I'm saying is I could have cracked it open there.

Cops would have cracked you open.

Cops or Spider-Man.

Look, Hammerhead's waiting for the Big Man's cut.

Forget the crowbar, blow it up.

Aw, blow yourself up.

Did someone mention explosives?

Get the freak.

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

I meant g-get the freak a-anything he wants.

What I want is your undying loyalty.

Or the dying kind.

The Green Goblin is nothing if not flexible.

Appreciate the help, but we work for the Big Man.

We switch loyalties,

and we might as well tie on the toe tags ourselves.

I'm good with knots too.

As for the Big Man,

the party's over.

[BOTH MEOW]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[BAND PLAYING LIGHT JAZZ]

[APPLAUSE]

If I might have your attention.

As many of you know, I am your host,

L. Thompson Lincoln.

Thank you all for coming to support

the Lincoln Dynamic Youth Center.

Some shindig, eh, Johnny boy?

It's great, Pop, but to be honest,

I was looking forward to it just being you, me and a rare steak.

Then come on.

Lincoln's got enough of the Bugle's money.

We can be at Luigi's in 88 seconds.

Sorry. Elevator's out of order. Stairs too.

Course, you could try a window.

[GREEN GOBLIN CACKLING]

Oops. Too late.

[CACKLING]

Hello. Good evening. Bon soir.

I am the Green Goblin,

and I am looking for the Big Man.

Sir, I don't know who you are, but--

Of course you don't.

That's the point of the mask, genius.

[CACKLES]

But I know who you are, crime king.

So step down or I start sharing secrets.

You're making an enormous mistake.

Security.

This man is obviously troubled.

Take care of him.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Still hiding behind an army of thugs, are we?

[CACKLES]

Oh, he swings through the air,

dishing all kinds of fear.

This daring goblin on the big chandel--

Pop, move. We have to--

Johnny.

Now, now. Stay put.

Or else.

There's no need to threaten my guests.

There is if I want witnesses, big guy.

John? [GRUNTS]

I'm okay, Pop. [BEEPS]

[PHONE RINGING]

Robertson. Jonah?

Jonah, slow down. A-a green what?

Goblin. Green Goblin. No, no reporter.

I'll cover the story myself and save a few bucks,

but get me Parker.

This is right up his freak show alley.

Oh, and maybe call the police.

[TECHNO SONG PLAYING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Killer look, girl.

Thanks. I put it together myself.

The top's from a thrift store on 22nd.

You and I so need to hang.

So, uh,

what do you think of Midtown High?

Doesn't look much different from my school.

Your basic brain pit.

[BEEPS]

Well, we also have the top-ranked

theater magnet in the city.

Theater magnet? Mm.

I'm starting to feel the attraction.

Uh, that was the Bugle.

There's a maniac terrorizing my boss and--

Well, he wants me to go shoot pictures

and I kinda have to, or he could fire me.

Uh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's okay.

But hustle back, tiger.

You owe me one more dance.

Really? You're not ticked?

That-- That's so cool.

I-I won't be gone long, Red, I promise.

Ooh, ditched by the King of the Geeks.

That must sting.

Oh, painfully,

but if I can't dance with Pete,

I guess I'll dance with-- It's Randy, right?

Very.

What do you hope to accomplish here tonight?

So the whole wanting to destroy you

and take over your empire thing wasn't clear?

Well, darn.

SPIDER-MAN: Uh, yoo-hoo. Excuse me.

Can I come in this way or do I have to break my own window?

ALL: Spider-Man.

Your timing is impeccable.

So. Your latest superloser turned on you, huh, Tombie?

I don't know who he is yet, but he's not in my employ.

That's okay.

I can always pretend he's yours while I trounce him.

I'll still feel all warm inside.

Hello.

I'm in the room.

Really, you're both too rude.

Ah, where are my manners?

Here you come to terrorize the Tombster,

and I don't even say thank you.

My only excuse is that you're also holding

innocent people hostage.

It's confusing to my poor spider-brain.

Yes, quite the puzzler,

but the Green Goblin

has a solution.

You and I join forces.

Consider what we could accomplish

by combining our powers.

We could rule New York.

We talking Manhattan or all five--? Nah. Sorry.

I make it a rule not to partner with anyone green,

or, you know, psychotic.

Oh, well.

Your loss...of life.

[CROWD GASPING]

[GRUNTS]

Okay, where's the dude with the nasty 'tude?

Present and accounted for.

PRINCIPAL DAVIS: If I might have your attention,

the votes are in for king and queen of the ball.

Your king is Flash Thompson.

BOY 1: That's my man. BOY 2: All right.

BOY 3: Get up there. BOY 4: All right, all right.

And your queen is--

Uh, "the red-haired girl who came with Peter Parker"?

Is--? Is that right?

BOY 2: Yeah. Woo-woo-woo-woo.

Woo, all right. Yeah.

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

Okay, I know it's totally petty,

but seeing Peter's date crowned alongside Flash makes me smile.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

May I see your invitation, Spider-Man?

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave.

Leave now?

When Table 7 needs more hors d'oeuvres?

[GRUNTS]

Oh, did you want a ride?

Keep our guests comfy, boys.

I'll be back in a New York minute.

SPIDER-MAN: Seriously, Gobby,

do you have a license for this thing?

Don't panic, Spidey.

Still one web-shooter left.

Okay, now you can panic.

[♪♪♪]

Web-shooters empty,

but I've learned never to web-sling unprepared.

Yes.

Web-head, one, gravity, zero.

GREEN GOBLIN: You know the old saying:

"If you can't join 'em, beat 'em."

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Is that a felony? I certainly hope so.

This little goblin wouldn't be caught dead

committing a misdemeanor. Ooh, nice banter.

Aim still needs work. Well, practice makes perfect.

SPIDER-MAN: Keep telling yourself that.

That's for making me protect Tombstone.

Okay, wow. Just-- Wow.

[CACKLING]

[CHUCKLING]

Now what's so funny?

Just the special fire and brimstone pumpkin

I left behind as a present for our Mr. Lincoln.

Any minute now the crème de la crème

of New York City is going to paint the town red.

Well, the ballroom, anyway.

[CACKLING]

CROOK 1: What are we supposed to do?

CROOK 2: Keep everyone here until the Goblin comes back.

SPIDER-MAN: Or maybe evacuate

before the Goblin's bomb goes off.

Clear the room.

[HOSTAGES SHOUTING]

What are you doing? You have to get out.

Bad guys included.

CROOK: We work for the Goblin.

Every single blasted fragment of you?

You're bluffing. Is that a risk

you're prepared to take?

Especially when you've already taken so many.

Everybody down the stairs.

If the bomb goes off,

the elevators won't be safe.

Stay calm. Don't push.

Go, Pop. I'm right behind you.

Okay, if I were an evil pumpkin, where would I hide?

I'm surprised you're sticking around.

My party. My mess.

GREEN GOBLIN: This daring goblin on the big--

The chandelier.

John, don't.

We can still get that steak.

[GRUNTS]

Spider-Man. Chandelier.

Thanks. Now, go.

Ugh, we're going back down?

Now you're just torturing me.

[TICKING]

[TICKING FASTER]

[CLAPPING]

You know, applause from you makes me wanna shower.

Perhaps,

but someone should point out

I offered you a handsome salary to do

just the sort of thing you did tonight,

and instead you've done the Big Man's business for free.

That, my heroic friend,

is what grownups call "irony."

[SIREN BLARES]

JAMESON: Robbie, I got your headline:

"Colonel John Jameson saves New York's elite--"

Dad, there'll be an investigation,

they could scrub me from the mission.

[SIGHS]

Robbie? Scratch that headline.

Give the credit to Spider-Man. To Spider-Man, confound it!

But fire Parker. The kid never showed up.

What?

What do you mean he just e-mailed photos?

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

SALLY: See, Glory, you're so selfish.

Everyone knows you don't dump the guy

with the limo-- Nothing personal, Kenny.

--until the day after the dance.

FLASH: Where is Osborn, anyway?

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

Nice, Pete.

You blew it.

Again.

MARY JANE: I wouldn't say that.

I saved the last dance for you, tiger.

[SLOW DANCE SONG PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]