Original subtitles

What are you doing?

I thought I was going to be taking a shower.

Get out. Get out.

No, get back here. I'm not done yelling at you yet.

You can't just go around barging in on people in the bathroom.

Oh, gee, you're right.

It's a shame they haven't invented a mechanism that will prevent somebody

entering a room wherein somebody else needs privacy.

Oh, wait, that's right, they have. It's called a lock.

How dare you.

You are my housekeeper.

I let you and your daughter live here because I thought you would respect our

privacy. Angela!

Do I need to remind you that you are in my employ?

I'm in charge here.

Well, do I need to remind you, Charles, that you're still in your birthday suit?

Tony, get off your high horse and learn your place around here.

Aren't there some dishes that need washing?

Hey, oh, oh, wait.

Get off my high horse, Angela.

Get off my high horse.

Well, if the horseshoe fits.

Oh, very funny.

Well, if you want high horse, I'll give you high horse. So giddy up, Angela.

Oh, by the way, I may be just a dumb housekeeper to you, but I was smart

to grab the last towel.

Oh,

I thought that lecture would never end.

I know.

Who knew it would take so long to get through the Hundred Years' War?

Do you ever wish we could go back to high school?

It doesn't seem like there's this much learning going on like it is in our

college. Yeah, learning is the pits.

Oh, come on. You guys can't be serious.

College is great.

I mean, doesn't it get you excited to think about how much there is out there

for us to learn? And then we have infinite potential and unlimited

knowledge? Whoa!

It looks like my daughter.

It sounds like my daughter.

But with those words coming out of her mouth, it can't be.

Imposter, what have you done with my sweet Sam?

Dad. Hi, Mr. Missali.

Hey, Mr. Missali. Hey, guys.

I'm going to head out for a bit.

There's some brain food in the fridge in case Einstein here gets a little hungry

later. Where are you going, Dad?

I'm going to show Angela the highest horse she ever seen.

Did he just say he was going to get a horse really high?

Honestly,

do you two really think that college is a waste?

Well, it's fine for me, but it's probably just a waste of time for you

And why is that?

Because you're girls.

Because we're what?

It's not that you can't learn.

You don't have to.

I mean, if you can read a cookbook, you're set.

Right? Come on, Sethi. Who wants to read a cookbook?

The plots are stupid.

I can't believe you actually think that.

Chill out, babe. Don't get all hormonal on me.

This is the way it's always been.

And just because that's the way it's always been doesn't mean it's to stay

way. Women can do anything they want to now.

Women can be doctors and lawyers.

I could be the president one day if I wanted to.

Well, maybe not me, but another woman.

Nah. You get all emotional and nuke all of Europe.

They don't bring you sandwiches fast enough.

Ooh, that was bad.

I'm going to nuke you if you don't take it back.

I'm sorry.

Babe, you can be anything your pretty little head desires.

Mm -hmm. And right now, I desire some sandwiches.

So you better go get me some.

Now.

Boys.

Girls.

I didn't know they were stocking those at the grocery store.

I need to find a new one.

Hi, Mona.

I mean, ma 'am.

I was just making some sandwiches for Sam.

Oh, Jesse, we're all friends here.

It's Mona.

Let's talk.

Um, okay, but just for a minute because I really got to get Sam these

sandwiches. Oh, let her wait.

No one ever died from sandwich withdrawal.

So, uh, how are you doing?

Oh, just fine.

Um, wow, this is really nice weather outside, huh?

Very nice.

Yeah. Why don't you come back over here?

Oh, come on.

I don't bite.

Much.

Ma 'am, I mean Mona. I mean ma 'am whatever's going on Sam is just right

next And

while

he's at the store, he should probably get some new feathering gel.

He probably needs a lot to cover that giant head

Hi, Mother.

Jessie?

Hello, Angela.

Just showing Jeffy here some moves he can use on the ladies.

Remember how much he loved a man who could dance?

Oh, that was crazy about them.

I remember Edward Powell.

Oh, could he move.

Bravo.

um um

Oh. Oh.

I love you.

Mmm.

Exactly. And he's too dense to even do that right.

He probably got distracted by something shiny.

Well, I can understand that.

I like a shiny thing or two.

I mean, I can't make up my mind if I like shiny or sparkly.

And is bangly the same thing as sparkly?

Hello, major relationship meltdown over here?

Right. Sorry for the space cadet move.

I know you do.

You just have an interesting way of showing it.

Hey, whoa.

Take it easy over there, Mrs. Ed.

The next thing is going to be a can of dog food.

Was that a horse outside, Dad?

Of course it's outside. If I brought it inside, there'd be hay and poop

everywhere. It'd be like the time we visited your great -uncle Guido in the

asylum.

Anyway, if you two will excuse me, I'm going to go make some Monaco.

I don't get him. I don't get any man.

Yeah, we should lose them all together.

Exactly. I mean, who needs them anyway?

Definitely not us.

Except for car maintenance.

I can't change oil.

Right. And maybe to help open up a stubborn jar from time to time. But

than that, no men.

Except for sex. We'll need them for sex.

Actually, I don't think so.

I think it might be easier without them.

What do you figure?

Well, you know, there's less hair, less extra parts

flopping around, poking things, less goo.

Less stuff in general.

Hmm. I guess I never really thought about it that way.

Well, there's really only one way to find out.

And we'll never find out unless we try.

And it sure does beat studying.

Anything but studying.

hmm hmm

Thank you.

You got me the shirt for Christmas.

No, not the shirt.

Those tight jeans, the boots, and what's with the hat?

Oh, never mind.

What are you making? It smells delicious.

Oh, you won't like it. It's for the common folk.

I'll prepare steak for your highness after.

Tony, the folk your steak.

Very funny, Angela. Very funny. Party.

Your servant was here to do your bidding.

That's very mature, Tony.

I'm going to help.

Oh, come on.

Oh, Angela!

I'm so sorry.

Now look what you've done. I was just trying to help.

I'm sorry.

What?

I just feel like we've seen a lot of each other today.

Oh, I see.

Don't want to get too close to the eye and help. No, I understand.

I'll just sit back and cook and clean and keep to myself.

Tony, that is not what I said.

Don't put words in my mouth.

Well, what else would you like me to put in your mouth?

Since the sauce is all ruined.

Oh, and I suppose that's all my fault, too.

Well, I don't see who else's it could be.

Well, is there any way I can make it up to you?

Megan, this is my mom, and this is Tony.

He usually wears shirts.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Tony. You usually wear a shirt?

Yeah. We have college midterms to study for, so we're going to go do that.

Come on, Megan.

Bye.

Did you see that girl?

You bet I did. Tony.

I mean, yes, yes, Angela. I saw that girl. What was that? What was she

She looked like, you know... Kind of fun?

No!

Fast. Like a whore.

A corruptor.

Come on, Angela.

There's no way a girl like that would mess around with Jonathan. I mean, he's

wimpy, he's a freshman in college, and I don't even know if she really goes to

college, but she's definitely not a freshman.

There's no way she'd be interested in Jonathan.

Oh, baby.

You know how to do that?

I can try.

Is

that

good? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh,

yeah.

Right there, right there, right there.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Look at that gland.

It's like you're telling all over it.

You like the way that tastes? Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

good at this.