Original subtitles

So remember, just do the task.

Simply see the person's hands and describe them.

So you've got a little roundy scar

on the knuckle there.

And, um...

...you've got lovely long fingers, really... nice nails.

Don't judge.

It's not about whether the hand is good or bad.

Just about observing, paying attention.

OK?

-May I? -Yeah.

OK, long fingers.

There's a scratch there

on the knuckle of the index finger.

Cat scratch.

And there's another one there just higher up.

It veers off to the left a bit.

The thumb has a little bitten bit to the left

of the nail.

And when you've done the task, just the task, long enough,

uh, you move up to their face,

their eyes.

And the top dark lash line

just cuts off the very tip of the... the dark brown iris.

And there's a... there's a darker line

around the outside of the iris.

And it's... it's hard not to feel a... an intimacy.

An almost instant intimacy and a...

An excitement?

Yeah, for sure, an excitement in the intimacy.

And it's a good way to create an intense intimacy

between your actors and sometimes with you.

You know, and it's an intimacy you'll feel

very comfortable with.

It's our job.

But they need to understand this pact -

what it's for,

that the intimacy is for the work.

OK? Do you want to carry on?

- Yep. - Thank you.

OK.

OK, well done.

Ah, that's always a bad sign.

He was meant to stay with our friend Renate,

but he's peeing all over the place and there's...

Blood in the piss?

Yeah, blood in the urine.

Dearest, why do you say 'urine'?

Well, what do you want me to say?

I want you to tell me what's wrong with him.

I am telling you what's wrong with him.

Is it cancer?

Yeah, tumour in his bladder.

What timing.

Yeah, you could say that.

I could say that, yes. I did just say that, didn't I?

yeah, you did just say that.

Every time you go on holiday,

something bad happens.

Well, it's not just a holiday.

I've got work too and that's harder to cancel.

A visit to your beloved dad

is easier to cancel than work?

-Oh! I get it. -You actually do get it.

Yeah, it's true.

I just don't know if I can burden a friend

with a dying dog.

Might only have two weeks and we wouldn't be around.

If he's in a lot of pain, you should put him down now.

Mmm.

Dogs don't show their suffering.

That's why we love them.

Is that why we love them?

Dear daughter, you know you can't

keep him around just for your sake.

I'm just not sure we can

say goodbye that fast and get on a plane.

Don't hang onto him.

It's the kindest thing you could do.

Maybe.

I'll look after him.

No, you've already got plans, don't you?

I've already changed things around.

I don't want him to suffer.

You can't postpone your trip.

Dad said I should put him down now, not prolong it.

Oh, right. Well, your fucking father would say that.

Sorry, Kirby was his gift.

I feel like he's got a say in it.

Of course.

What does he think about your film?

I haven't talked to him about it yet.

Oh.

Well, you could arrive

to a house full of stray gays

and he won't have time for you or Frances.

Maybe.

I picked up mince from the butcher, and I read that

if you put the tablets in that, he should eat it.

If that doesn't work,

get the vet to make it into a flavoured liquid.

Yeah, if he changes energy levels or appetite,

you let me know.

Sorry.

Yeah, well, the teaching helps pay for the trip over,

but we will see him.

We're staying with him.

Yeah, we're staying with him, Mum.

I'm going so I can see Dad, so, yeah, of course.

Listen, I've got to go,

but, uh, if he changes even his gait

or... or sleeping patterns, you let me know, OK?

Bye.

Are you OK, Mum?

I should have said, "I love you."

To Kirby?

No, to Mum. I just said, "Bye."

I should have said, "I love you."

Have a good flight.

All good?

Yeah, all good.

What did you want to talk about?

It's OK. Now's not a good time.

It's fine. Tell me.

OK.

I wanna live with Jimpa for a bit.

What do you mean?

Mm, I was thinking

I could do Year 11 in Amsterdam with Jimpa.

- No way. - Why not?

He's still recovering from a stroke.

That was three years ago.

No way! It's an important year next year and you're only 16.

And we're your parents, not Jim.

Why don't you wait?

Do it after graduation. You can have a gap year.

Because I need to experience a bigger queer community

than my shitty LGBT club at school

in my shitty little city.

But you love school.

I used to.

Is that why you packed so much?

You just thought you'd stay there?

Oh! What a waste of a return flight.

We could have saved a fortune!

OK, let's talk about this later.

But you asked me to talk about it.

I feel like I need to give you my full attention.

I don't think I can do that at the moment.

OK, well, let's just all relax.

Mum?

Mmm?

It's OK.

Kirby was a gift from my father.

One day he turned up with an uncontrollable puppy.

I didn't want him, but I didn't get a choice.

Says a lot about my dad.

The day my mum gave birth to me,

my grandfather got on the first flight to Adelaide.

I wanted us to be alone

with our newborn baby.

But he rang from the front door

with a painting.

And my mum was so happy to see him.

And she said to me, "Frances,

"this person will tell you about art

"and politics and theatre.

"He will challenge you to be the best version of yourself."

I simply said,

"Frances, this is your grandpa, Jim."

But he thought 'grandpa' sounded too old.

So he gave himself a new name.

He said...

"Hello, Frances. I'm Jimpa."

The thing is, I don't think I would be here

openly trans, non-binary, queer if it wasn't for him.

That's him sometime in the '50s.

He loves art

and he loves to get naked.

And he still has a painting

that he sat for years ago which hangs

in his apartment in Amsterdam for all to see.

He married my grandmother, Katherine, in 1973.

They had Emily, my aunt,

and Hannah, my mum.

Right after my mum was born, Jimpa came out as gay.

My grandma got really skinny after this,

as well as a big perm,

and everyone complimented her on how amazing she looked.

Uh, so, obviously it was devastating for her.

Uh, we expect the... the narrative

of a husband coming out to his wife

to follow the notes of a big betrayal in a marriage.

But she chose to respond differently

than what was expected.

Um, they both decided on a new bond -

to stay together, uh, to co-parent.

Uh, also to have other relationships.

But they chose kindness rather than conflict.

Jimpa always argues.

Look, mate, you know...

I don't think...

He worked in politics

when my mum was little.

And then during the AIDS crisis,

he moved to Amsterdam to work in public health.

And he's never stopped fighting

for those he loves and for who he is.

All the while still enjoying getting naked.

So it's a personal story about my parents,

um, and my main drive is to tell the story of the kindness

they showed to each other over that period

rather than the conflict.

So it's a drama without conflict.

But...

...isn't drama by very definition conflict?

I think it's possible to make a compelling film

avoiding it completely.

I don't think it is.

I think you're wrong.

See, is that conflict?

Well, I think that's someone

expressing a different opinion.

A conflict of opinion.

Therefore...

...conflict.

Maybe.

So he's not just my grandpa.

I think he's my true forever hero.

Any questions?

We should wake Frances up.

Don't. Let them sleep.

It's probably just a passing fancy,

the excitement of travel.

So you do think it's a bad idea.

I think once Frances spends some time with Dad,

they'll soon change their mind.

Really?

Frances idolises him.

But they only see each other once every couple of years

and Frances has built up

this idea of him in their head.

And Dad can be very appealing,

but just because he's got all these great,

very admirable ideals

doesn't mean he necessarily puts them into practice.

Can you imagine living with Dad for a year?

No.

And we don't want to be the ones saying no to Frances.

It doesn't help.

I'm quite happy saying no.

But you prefer Frances to be

disappointed by your father rather than by you.

Or...

. ..we let Frances come to understand Jim a bit better...

. ..and make a better choice then.

Their food's getting cold.

So the food gets cold. Let them sleep.

Is making our daughter go hungry

really worth avoiding this conversation?

Do you think Frances would rather we use the word 'child'

than 'daughter'?

Why don't we ask them?

Richard!

What a beautiful sight!

There he is.

Richard.

Smiling.

Hey.

- Oh, look at you! - Oh!

Oh, wow!

Sorry, we didn't sleep much on the plane.

Why are you apologising? Do we smell?

No, it's 'cause Richard's

so perfectly put together.

You're so stylish.

Oh, thank you.

Welcome, my smelly, unfashionable Australians.

Welkom in Amsterdam.

Where's Dad?

The Professor is "working".

He sent me to collect you with the boat.

-Oh, we're going by boat? -Yeah, I know.

It's ridiculous and touristy,

but he said that Frances always loved the boat.

I'm not sure we'll all fit in.

Oh, let's just go. I really need to eat something.

Oh!

- Shut up. - OK. Alright.

Let me grab this.

- Wait, are they... - Nuh-uh-uh.

Sorry!

As his valued research assistant,

do you do many domestic errands?

Who said anything about research assistant?

I'm his damn everything assistant.

At least for now.

Is everything OK?

He's leaving the university at the end of the month.

Well, that wasn't gonna last forever.

Mmm.

Does that mean you won't have a job after that?

He says I will, but I don't see how.

I'd follow him to the end of the earth anyway.

You know what he'd say to that?

"Be grateful and fuckin' move on."

Oh, it's so nice to see you.

Well, it's really nice to see you too.

Yeah.

Where'd you get that piece of shit?

Oh!

Why don't you borrow one of mine?

No, no, don't you dare! It's only got 27 shots.

-Oh, OK, well, get it... -Dad!

-Why not? -Give it back.

It's mine!

Very good.

Photographer! Like father, like child.

Whoa.

Makes me sound like a kid.

Hiya! We're very wet!

Hey, um, I've been meaning to ask.

Would you prefer 'daughter' or 'child'?

Hmm, I mean, 'daughter's not great,

but, um, I don't want you to be calling me 'child'

when I'm an adult.

Dad still calls me child.

Because you'll always be my child!

Hello!

It's the celebrity children!

Come here, come here. Oh!

Never be afraid to be called a child.

It's humbling.

- Harry! - Hi! Hello!

-How are you? -My glorious grand-thing!

Oh, you're all soggy.

I told you it was going to rain today, Richard.

No hugs for you.

You also told me to take out the boat.

Yeah, think for yourself. That's what I pay you for.

Old man, that is the one thing you do not pay me for.

Oh, years later and not one single sexual favour.

Dad!

No, he's not good for anything except making tea.

So go make tea, assistant.

Dad, you can't say this stuff.

You don't know what you're talking about, Professor.

- You never let me make tea. - I'll make the tea.

Yes, you go, Harry.

Milk in first, otherwise you'll...

. ..get pregnant.

- Yeah. - Look. Look, look, look, look.

Look what I got out.

-Ooh! -Look.

Decades worth.

Here. Uh, this one.

'Dorothy's Best Friend'.

Hmm! What does that mean?

Oh!

My dear grand-thing, you have so much to learn.

That's when there was such a thing as subtext.

The unnamed.

When we had to use euphemism to show solidarity,

to codify and identify.

That sounds horrifying.

You're all text now.

No subtext.

No nuance.

Yeah, well, it's tough not being repressed.

'Talk with us, not about us'.

Hobart, 1988.

Yeah. You see, Richard? Good memory.

Well done, Professor.

Ah, this one. '3rd National Conference on AIDS'.

We asked everyone with HIV to take the stage.

That was when we first discovered

that 50% of the staff were positive.

Including me.

It was a scary moment,

but rallying.

More than half would be dead within only a few years.

As a friend of mine once said,

"The toll of being at the epicentre

"was very large."

'It's Not Just a Phase Week, 1984'.

- Very cute. - Hmm.

These are all for you.

What?

-I'm bequeathing them to you. -Why?

What, my daughter doesn't want them?

Surely there's an archive you can donate them to?

Well, yes, but they're for you.

I'll definitely take them.

I feel a bit ambushed - this is quite morbid,

like there's gonna be the reading of a will.

They're just badges!

Why have you decided to do this now?

What's the doctor say?

You worry too much.

I thought Frances would like them and she did.

They!

Oh!

Would they like to give me another hug

or are they too busy self-identifying?

Why do you have to be so provocative all the time?

Oh, I missed you.

I love you too much!

I love you too, Richard.

- Hmm. - My beautiful assistant.

I don't want your badges either,

but thank you very much.

Oh, shit! It took me all morning.

- I cried twice. - You did not!

Three times.

I might have a little lie-down.

I didn't get much sleep on the plane.

-Mmm. -You don't want your tea?

Blatant display of heterosexuality.

That's enough now!

Oh, oh, oh.

There's one I especially wanted to find.

Mmm?

That's you.

Yes!

Hmm?

hmmm?

You should have woken me up.

You're too cute when you sleep.

Why would I wake you up?

I wanted to get through some work

so I could spend the day with Dad and Frances.

They know you have to work.

Yeah, I know, but it doesn't mean they like it.

Are you afraid that Frances

will spend some time alone with Jim?

At some point, he is gonna hurt Frances.

Yeah. Isn't that your plan?

Frances spends time with Jim.

He eventually disappoints them

and they change their mind

about wanting to live here for a year.

Yeah, but there is a difference between

being disappointed and being hurt.

So talk to our child.

Tell them what to expect.

He said, "I love you," to Frances.

And to Richard.

He never used to say, "I love you."

He used to say, "You show love

"with actions, not empty words."

He's softened since the stroke.

He's different.

Your cunning plan might not work.

Oh. Maybe.

Hmm.

Go get 'em, tiger.

I love it. I really do.

I do find it hard to believe there wasn't any conflict

when your dad finally left you at...

13.

...13.

Conflict would have been there even if it's repressed.

I think any 13-year-old would be sad

being without their father.

Why did he leave, then?

After staying with your mother for so long after coming out?

Uh, work.

As a gay man and a political one, he hit a ceiling,

and, uh...

. ..he needed to find opportunities

in a more progressive part of the world.

OK.

So there is conflict there for him.

Do I stay with my family and sacrifice my own ambition?

Or do I owe it to myself

to fully explore who I am and my opportunities?

But he hit the ceiling and he made the choice

at the expense of his family.

The family accepted him,

loved him,

he was able to be himself, but...

...still left them.

You weren't hurt

or angry at your father leaving?

Uh, we understood that he needed to leave.

What matters to me

is how hard everyone tried to do the right thing.

Uh, it's not important if I was hurt or angry.

What if I'm angry now, for instance?

You're angry now?

Mmm. Would it help to express it?

Uh, I'm not so sure.

And would it help with this meeting

or us working together?

Definitely not.

O... ok, um...

Fuck me.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

I bet he hasn't left one for you.

Oh!

You should take it while you're here.

I'm sorry we've taken over your bedroom.

Well, it's definitely not my bedroom.

And I've been staying here less and less.

You think...

Oh!

It was convenient for a while, but now not so much.

Have you moved closer to Amsterdam?

No, no, it's just I need to work when I'm in town

and, you know, your father takes up a lot of time.

He does demand attention.

I've been wanting to talk to him about it for a while.

I see.

He's still struggling.

Emily said.

Since your sister left,

Richard's been doing most of the heavy lifting.

He has sent me a lot of articles

and grant applications

to finish off and smooth out when I can.

You shouldn't be the one covering for him.

I'm sorry none of us have been here to help.

You can stop looking after him.

Hmm.

You sound like him.

Over the years, he has taught me

to need him less and less, but...

But he's still hurt

that you're not around as much.

Hmm. Yeah.

Thank you, Matti.

Hot, I hope.

If only you were hot.

You have to be careful with steroids

if you're taking warfarin.

Why are you taking steroids?

A date the other week said I looked too skinny.

- A date? - Yes!

He means a hook-up.

You've looked exactly the same for 97 years, Mark.

You've had no problem before.

Whoo!

Steroids don't work on old men.

I sense you've already tried.

Of course.

But what are you into, Frances?

What can we help you with?

Uh, 'into'?

Are you a lesbian?

Don't be so old.

What? That's not a bad question, is it?

You can't be a lesbian if you're not a woman.

Oh.

I like women and I'm also attracted to

people who don't identify as a gender either way

but are a bit femme.

I love how much your generation

knows what they want.

It doesn't sound like anything.

It's not a preference, it's a non-preference.

So...

. ..you don't like men.

Cis men.

Penis?

I don't know.

Jim, can we talk about how unsatisfying

getting your penis sucked is now?

Oh, you too?

I feel it's getting lower and lower

on my pleasure scale.

That's because you go straight for hole.

Oh, you're right. I do love ass too much.

Frances has still not stated a preference.

Well, genitals aren't really what attracts me to people.

How are we talking about genitals

all of a sudden, anyway?

Because you're talking to us.

It's all for show, Frances.

We mostly talk about real estate now.

In that regard, Amsterdam has gotten much better.

You're such a conservative.

I'm just being encouraging

towards Frances's idea of moving here.

You know, Amsterdam used to be about

squatter protests and housing rights, but the government's

free-market push is a disgrace.

None of my students will be

able to buy in their lifetimes.

And the sale of social housing

has only increased the problem.

Says the man who owns one of those apartments.

Hmm!

This is their way of getting me to change the subject.

A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind.

Sit anywhere you like. I won't be long.

Hello!

Hi!

Who is it?

It's me.

You should say your name, not just hello.

Don't know who it is or what you want, otherwise.

You do like self-identifying, you hypocrite.

Hello, it's me, your daughter, Hannah.

That's it? Just a daughter?

And a filmmaker and a mother and a woman.

Is that better?

Impressive.

So Mirjam gave me her key today

'cause someone didn't leave one behind for me.

Who else has a key to the apartment?

No-one.

Like my body, my home is my temple.

And what happens if you have another stroke?

Oh, god.

If I have another stroke,

even if you're here, go out and have a coffee.

Jimpa!

No, I'm deadly serious.

Let me die.

A diminished life is no life for me at all.

A diminished life?

That's a little bit ableist, Jimpa.

So, is that why no-one else has a key?

Well, of course.

No-one.

That's everyone off the hook, then.

No-one feels the need to check up on me.

And if you keep calling and there's no answer,

wait a week before you break the door down.

I should be dead by then.

Richard has a key.

Oh, yes, Richard has a key.

And although my sister lives in another country,

I bet she still has a key.

Well, of course Emily has a key.

She lived here for three years

while she looked after me like an angel.

I should have a key.

You most certainly will need a key,

if you're gonna live here.

Have you talked about that, have you?

Yeah, it was my idea, even before Frances mentioned it.

I was thinking she needed...

They, Jim. They.

. ..they needed to get out of Adelaide

before it suffocates them.

I love Adelaide, by the way,

and I'm very glad you made something of yourself there

when I wasn't able to.

- Thank you. - Fucking miracle.

Yeah, it's an idea that Frances just had.

We haven't had a chance to talk about it much.

Even the small part of Amsterdam

that I saw with Jimpa today just felt so good.

It feels like a proper city.

Hm. The timing couldn't be more perfect.

I... I think it's perfect.

What do you think?

I think Frances is too young.

For what?

Well, Harry doesn't mean 'too young' exactly.

I think what Harry means is

that you're a child for such a short amount of time

and then there's so much life that happens afterwards.

But that time as a young person, as a young family,

is limited and then...

. ..you know, then it's gone and you can't get it back.

But also Amsterdam is full of people who've had to leave

in order to survive

or, you know, find who they are or...

Like, you know, my own father, for instance.

So who am I to say what... what a person needs?

Are you making your pea and ham soup?

Yeah.

Yeah, for a little gathering we're having tomorrow.

- Ham? - Yeah.

Dad used to make it for me all the time.

Don't worry, I'll make something for you vegans.

Right, I'll make something for us.

Dennis?

I want you to meet my grand-thing, Frances.

You two should sit down and talk.

You know Dennis. We used to be together.

Hi, Dennis.

And your grandfather is a huge cunt.

And now we're just good friends.

Oh, the best, best friends.

- Let's chat later, OK? - Please, yeah.

- Great. - Uh, everyone!

Everyone!

If you haven't met my grand-thing, this is Frances.

Hi, Frances!

I want you to introduce yourself to them.

Yes, Frances is one of those young people

who... suddenly has no gender, for some reason.

So please respect that.

Uh, anyway,

I know most of you might be aware that my life

is going through a small transition right now.

I am finishing up my work at the university.

-No, no. Boo! -No, no, no, no.

I know, I know.

But it's time I moved on from...

. ..some of you old farts anyway.

But... but don't worry -

I'm not ready to sit behind my geraniums just yet.

In fact, I've just been on a call

with a certain organisation in Helsinki

about a job opportunity.

Yes. That's in Finland, boys and girls.

So I just wanted you all to be aware.

They haven't made up their minds.

I haven't made up my mind.

But I want to acquaint you with the possibility...

Ok, so... ok, what do i do?

Keep your body still except for your arms.

Uh-huh. OK, yeah. Like I said, the arms.

-Arms. -And marching.

Marching, marching.

Make the arms, like, intentional.

Tiny steps. Uh-huh.

And... no.

What?

-It has intention. -OK, show me, show me.

You don't have to go, like, fast all the time.

You can go slow, slow. Slow, slow, slow.

- Ba-ba-ba. - Hey!

Soft. Soft. Soft.

And...and do soft.

Whoo-hoo!

I knew it.

Hmm.

Leading Frances on like that.

Oh?

Encouraging the idea of them moving over

and then the next minute saying

you've got job opportunities in another country.

When did you organise that?

Mirjam hadn't said anything.

Oh, you've seen Mirjam?

Yeah, she's at the party now.

Is she?

Yeah.

And she gave me her key yesterday, remember?

Oh, yes.

See, sometimes I don't know if you've lost your memory

or you just don't care about these things.

Come here.

We haven't had nearly enough cuddles yet.

OLDER Mmm!

I'm sure it was just a passing fancy.

The excitement of coming to see me.

Are you taking a new job in a new country?

Shouldn't I?

Why don't you retire and just...

And be an old man?

-Water my geraniums? -Yeah, why not?

Because there's so much to fight for.

Because work is everything.

Oh, it isn't everything.

Oh, look who's talking.

We need to feel useful,

the two of us, hmm?

Mmm.

Mm-hm! Mademoiselle!

Hmm. OK.

But Professor Jim said to me that

teenagers can't be into polyamory.

They just like to cheat.

Jim's never been monogamous in his life.

Also, non-monogamous is so different

from polyamorous.

True.

Well, I'm still working that out.

We know, baby, we know.

We know.

I'm definitely into polyamory.

I'm a big believer in compersion.

Oh, my God! I love you.

I love you too!

So, what do we think?

- Wow! - Cute!

It looks cute on you.

-Oooh! -It's cute.

Thank you.

Frances certainly doesn't see you as useless.

I thought you didn't want Frances to move over here.

Well, it's not up to me to tell them what to do.

I want to support Frances.

Well, so do I.

Ah!

Hey, where are you?

I'm standing in the hallway.

OK.

Um, can I go out with Isa?

She's a friend of Richard, she's 19

and she likes that I know about compersion.

- What's compersion? - Compersion.

It's taking pleasure in

witnessing someone else's pleasure

but not related to you.

It's a polyamory thing.

OK.

'OK' I can go out with Isa, 'OK'?

She's 19.

Well, does Richard have

this 19-year-old Isa's phone number?

I got her number.

-She's spunky, Hannah. -Spunky? Ugh.

Have fun, Frances,

and don't come back till you've got a story to tell.

Thank you, Jimpa.

She's hot.

And smart.

And very nice.

You set this up.

Frances is 16!

I remember you at 16.

Yeah, but you do realise

Frances has no experience whatsoever?

Really?

Yeah, it's like they know the lyrics to the song

but they've never sung it out loud.

You don't know if you can sing

until you sing.

Hmm.

Are you ready to see Amsterdam?

Yeah!

Here you can go... I think it's open 24 hours, so...

You don't sing?

Oh, no, I love to sing.

You're cute.

To the lesbian bar!

Yes, let's go!

I'm definitely not a woman,

but I'm still into women.

Is it OK that I'm here?

-Roosje. -Mmm?

This is Frances.

They're non-binary. Are they welcome here?

-Oh, fuck, yes. -Yes.

- Cheers! - Ah, ja, ja, ja.

She knows her shit.

So you and Bis are... something?

We've been together since high school.

Since before he transitioned.

And I like his new, uh, qualities.

His more masc energy.

What?

And... and you two are...

are monogamous or...

That's what's great about being queer, right?

How we state things -

by what our boundaries are,

by what we want.

Yeah.

I want you, Isa.

Exactly.

For example.

Exactly.

Right.

You're still cleaning up!

You're still cleaning up too.

You didn't want to go out with the others?

Not really.

You?

No.

Well,

if you're gonna stay up like an anxious mother...

. ..you can have another drink.

'Anxious mother' sounds old.

Not old.

Older.

Aren't you, like, 10 years older than me?

-12. -Nothing!

No lovers waiting for you, then?

Just a few boys here and there.

How about you sing me a song?

What?

Come on!

Please.

What do you know about compersion?

It's the opposite to jealousy.

It's a polyamory thing.

How do you know about it?

It's just wanting someone you love

to be happy and fulfilled.

It's a nice idea.

Were you pretending to sleep?

No, I think I was trying to sleep.

Did you have fun?

-I had the best time, Mum. -Oh!

Yay, I'm so glad.

So you liked Isa?

I'm in love.

Guys.

But I'm in love, Dad.

- Yeah, great. - Oh!

Oh, don't!

- There you go. - Thank you.

Tell us about your film.

Thank you, Matti. Hot, I hope.

It's impossible for it to be any hotter, Jim.

Yes, you haven't told us about your film yet.

I'm just trying to cast it right now.

Why don't you just put your mouth under the machine, Jim?

Your film?

Hannah hasn't told me a thing about it. She's avoiding it.

Why?

So she's bisexual?

Who?

Isa, the student.

There's no such thing as bisexuality.

- Oh! - OK, maybe tone it down a bit.

Tone what down?

What? I'm just trying to talk about these things openly.

Are you sure you talking openly

isn't just you wanting to express your opinion?

So, what is a conversation

except a collision of opinions?

Uh, a conversation can also be working towards agreement.

Says the only straight person at the table.

Yeah, but, you know, it's more complex

than you are making it out to be

because you have actually been in love with women.

My mother, for instance.

Is...

Is that what your film is about?

About what?

Me and your mother?

Not exactly.

If you say you're bi, you're just confused.

If you're attracted to the same sex, you're gay.

It's as simple as that.

If you say otherwise, you're in denial.

- Here we go. - I never said Isa was bi.

You know how many men have said to me

that they're straight while sucking my cock?

You can't be straight with a dash of gayness.

He's just being provocative for the sake of it.

- Mmm. - Ignore him.

No, I once heard someone say

that they're 'mostly straight'.

Now, what the hell does that mean?

They're just cowards.

So, Isa's a lesbian. What's wrong with that?

Well, it's not useful...

"Not useful"?

Dad, maybe just let Frances speak.

Well, you know...

Are you worried that Frances has had sex

with a 19-year-old lesbian?

-Uh, I haven't had sex. -I'm not worried.

And don't put words in my mouth.

I'm not.

It's fine if that's what they want.

And by 'they', do you mean plural or singular?

Because only one of them is a consenting adult,

so only one of they is able to consent.

And I think that's the lesbian.

It's not my place to tell Frances what to do.

Well, that's nonsense.

I tell you what to do all the time

and whether or not you wanna do it is up to you.

So, about this lesbian.

She's not a lesbian. She's queer.

Shhh!

-See? There's that word again. -What, queer?

-Queer. -Here we go.

This is the exact same conversation

we've been having for the past 30 years.

Dear, you might be queer.

- But I'm gay. - Yes.

And I've spent my whole life fighting for it

as... as a visible, gay, HIV-positive man.

Because someone had to.

-We all have. -Yeah, we all have.

- I understand that, but... - Yeah, that's true.

We haven't lived through that.

Mum.

I think what Dad's trying to say is...

No, no, what I'm trying to say is

if Frances wants to fuck

a hot 19-year-old who calls themselves

Greenpeace Rainbow Warrior Princess,

they can do it,

but calling everyone bisexual

negates the rights that I have demanded and fought for.

Yes, it's like we had to fight

so hard for same-sex rights -

things Frances doesn't have to deal with.

But that's a good thing, isn't it?

Hey.

Hey!

You know, walking out like that

could be seen as quite hostile.

Don't be too disappointed. They're all still hurting.

Oh, by 'they', do you mean singular or plural?

'Cause you're just being wilfully confusing.

I know.

Jimpa is...

He's so determined

to say that Isa has to be a lesbian.

But for him, 'lesbian' means attracted to women, right?

And I'm not a woman, Mum.

Then why didn't you point that out to Jimpa?

Do you know how much easier it is

for you to do it than for me?

Do what?

To stand up for me.

You don't think I stand up for you?

Well, this is what he's like.

How are you gonna do this when I'm not here?

-It's Isa. -Go ahead, answer it.

Oh, hi there.

Where are you and what are you doing?

Oh, nowhere interesting. Doing nothing much.

I doubt that, but I was wondering

if you wanted to go for a ride with me.

If you need to ask your mom or Jim, that's cool.

No, I don't need to do that.

Australians are afraid of the sun.

What's over there?

- There? - Mmm.

It's a big cruising spot. 24/7.

Oh, is that why you brought me here?

Do you want to go take a look?

Uh...

Did you wanna talk anything through?

I think I'm a bit sick of talking.

Is that ok?

Of course.

No, I tried that.

It's not working.

It says I have two more attempts

before it locks me out.

My grand-thing

has done a grand thing.

Let's celebrate.

Hmm?

Are you gonna tell Hannah?

You don't think I should?

I think sex is simpler for her.

Mmm.

I feel sorry for straight women.

Having to lie there,

people assuming you just want to be fucked.

No-one talks about it.

They just do what's expected.

The benefits of who we are

is you can't assume anything about anyone.

You always have to ask for what they want.

State what you want.

Consent's sexy.

Understanding what someone wants.

Sure, as long as it's not like

instructions for a washing machine.

Has Mum talked to you about me staying in Amsterdam?

Your parents love you.

You're very supported by them.

And?

And it sounds like schools in Australia

are much better now.

School's fine.

It's not like I'm... I'm getting beaten up or anything.

I'm not scared exactly, just not...

. ..connecting.

I'm tired of the feeling that I'm somehow

rubbing my queerness in everyone's face.

Hmm.

That might never stop.

But it will never stop us.

You're the president of an LGBT club at school.

So it... it can't be so bad.

Maybe you don't need to leave your family just yet.

But you had to leave your family.

No, I didn't have to.

I wanted to.

What do you mean?

Katherine offered to move with me with the children.

I decided to come to Amsterdam on my own.

Does Mum know this?

I'm not sure.

What does your grandma say?

That she thought it best that they stayed in Adelaide.

For Hannah's sake. She was only 13.

That's a lie.

Most of the people who left home,

their families and came here,

they did so because they had to.

Mmm.

It was a matter of survival, of having a future.

But not me.

I was purely selfish.

Go on.

It'll do you good.

Did you... connect with Isa?

Did you understand what Isa wanted?

Not at all.

I forgot to ask.

Nothing fit into my idea of things.

I don't even know what I liked.

I just thought things would be clearer.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Nice to meet you, Tilda.

I don't want to play her as too passive.

But she does seem to sacrifice her needs and wants

for the sake of her husband.

Mmm.

Yeah, you could say that.

Because even though he's gay,

I mean, it's still the man

who gets to go and explore himself

while the woman stays at home.

Yeah, you could say that too.

I mean, and it's still the man that,

you know, doesn't actively look after his children.

Which is... I mean, that's probably

the reality for many.

Right? I mean, especially in that time.

I just thought that might not be how you want to...

...portray him.

Or her.

All... all those, uh, thoughts

are really interesting, um...

-Was that about your film? -Yes.

Have you made up with Frances?

I didn't think I needed to.

You do know it's actually OK

to disagree and say hurtful things to someone?

You didn't have to push so hard.

Is this about the fact that Frances had sex?

Oh. You didn't know.

How could I know?

I'm sure Frances will tell you all the details in no time.

Don't worry.

They've got more of a head start than I ever had.

When I was Frances's age,

I didn't even have the word to describe the way I...

I know, Dad.

But Frances has all the words.

Frances will be fine.

They can...

. ..idolise me from afar.

That's just the way I like it.

So you're still going for the Helsinki job?

Oh, you don't think I should?

What are we cooking?

My osso buco.

I might make something for us.

Oh, fuck!

-Let me see. -No, no.

I'm fine. Fuck.

Is it deep? Does it need stitches?

-No, no, I'm fine. -Dad?

I don't need a fucking hospital! Oh!

Easy.

Just lean here.

Hold it.

Hmm.

Tell me about your film.

Uh...

It's about a couple.

It's about commitment

and our contradictory feelings about it.

Well, my feelings about it. And, um...

. ..I don't think people are getting it.

Hmm.

Do you remember Stephen?

Oh, I loved him so much.

So did Frances.

Yeah. So did I.

But he was a fervent monogamist, poor thing.

Didn't you tell him what you wanted?

Yes, and he agreed.

At first.

Until he didn't.

And you didn't change.

I don't believe in monogamy, dearest.

Oh, he was so lovely.

You don't believe in monogamy either.

But I also know how great it can be.

Constancy. Loyalty.

Sounds like you're talking about a dog. Hmm!

How is the dog anyway?

Oh! I need to call Mum.

I'm not very open.

No. I guess not.

Are you awake?

Are you not hungry?

I was thinking you should stay here

while I go to London.

Why?

I don't know, just...

. ..gives you the chance to soak up Amsterdam.

Sounds like you had a really good time with Isa.

I was... I was going to tell you.

It's OK, Frances. It's fine.

OK.

I'm excited for you. It's a big thing.

Jim Hill in Helsinki.

Jani! How are you?

You... you got the study I sent you?

Yeah, yeah, of course. Fascinating stuff.

Nothing gets my heart racing like social housing theory.

I mean it, Jim.

-It's good to see you. -You too.

So this is still a huge focus for me.

Building scientific capacities for community groups.

I remember you raised this even all the way back

at the CDC symposium at AIDS 2018.

It was in my plenary talk, the one I gave at the IAS.

2019.

We can't keep up.

Oh. You were there, Karolina.

I was, I was, but I still couldn't keep up!

So...

. ..is this an area that you'd like

someone in this new position to focus on?

We were very excited

when you called to say you'd be in town

and wanted to talk about the position.

It's such an honour, personally speaking.

Of course we jumped on the opportunity to meet up.

We would be honored to access someone

with your knowledge and experience.

Yes.

We were talking that maybe we can even

formalise something in an advisory capacity

or a board position, when they come up in three years.

Mmm. Yeah.

While you're here in Helsinki,

I was hoping to take you out for lunch or dinner.

And why would you want to do that?

Well, we were very impressed by Mirjam Oerlemans.

Mirjam?

She's young, but her advocacy for equality care

aligns really well with some of our new impact areas.

You've been a kind of mentor to her for years.

10 years.

And you're considering her for this new...

Hence my clumsy invite to dinner.

You want my opinion on Mirjam Oerlemans?

Well, you're her reference.

But we respect your opinion.

Your honesty especially, it's legendary.

I wish we could do dinner, but...

. ..I came without a bag, and I... I have work back home.

But you don't need dinner for me to tell you Mirjam...

. ..would be perfect.

She's pragmatic. Evidence-based.

Her success is focusing on young people

and marginalised groups.

Her stellar rights-based approach

has meant actual policy change, not just...

'Cause that is beautiful. OK?

Hello!

Hello!

Say your name.

-Why? -Hi, guys.

Just dropping the professor home.

You need to say your name, not just hello.

Otherwise, we don't know who you are

or what you want.

Who else would it be?

Uh, I think it's time for bed.

Well, how did it go?

-Oh, wet and miserable. -Hmm.

But really good.

Let me, uh...

It went really well.

They'd be lucky to have me.

It reminded me... Oh.

. ..of all the ideas...

Of the ideas i still have.

Of the energy I have.

Ahhh.

What... what time is it?

Let's get you to bed, Professor.

I think she could be interesting.

She had some interesting ideas.

But at least she's invested.

One second.

Have fun.

I think it makes sense for you to stay here.

Mm-hm.

This was always gonna happen.

Don't make your mum feel guilty.

Yes, don't shame your mother for working, Frances.

I'm not.

You rather have a mother who stayed home

and cooked biscuits for you?

You want that kind of a mother?

Yep. I should go. I need to go and get the train.

No, I don't want that kind of a mother.

Yeah. Good.

Oh! For fuck's sake!

Um, originally I had said Frances might come.

Tell your mother you'll be fine.

Or tell me nothing.

Hmm.

But I... I did want to tell you.

I just... I hadn't yet.

That's not what I meant.

It's fine. You didn't have to tell me.

OK?

OK? Of course it's OK.

Uh...

You don't want to stay in Amsterdam?

Do you want to come with me?

But Dad's fine. He's been to Finland for an interview.

You need to tell your father

that he's being ridiculous and selfish.

He doesn't need me to tell him those things.

Tell him he needs to retire with some fucking dignity.

We don't need to tell him anything.

He's feeling old, Mum.

Have you talked to him about your film yet?

Uh, kind of.

You're worried that he's not gonna give you

his divine blessing?

I just don't want to get into an argument.

Then he'll tell you

there are far more interesting parts in his life,

so be ready.

Maybe.

You never come visit anymore, Mirjam.

-You told me not to. -I never!

You did.

You did.

Thank you for the kind words you said about me.

I meant them.

You could have told me.

I didn't know you were going for the same job

until you announced it

in front of everyone at your party.

If you'd known earlier,

would you still have gone for the position?

If there is a job,

think of Richard, won't you?

Get him out of my hair.

Two hugs.

Aren't you lucky?

I can't believe I feel jealous.

It's OK, I understand.

It's not ok.

It's stupid. It's so fucking...

It's so fucking stupid.

Maybe things were just a bit fast.

My God.

It's so immature of me, isn't it?

Can we just go home?

We will.

Talk to Jimpa about your film and let's go home.

I will.

I don't think I want the job.

I think... I'll stay in Amsterdam.

I... I think Amsterdam could be

really great for you, Frances.

I'll stay here so you can live with me.

-Are you sure? -Of course.

It'll mean that you'll come visit more often as well.

Yeah.

What do you say, grand-thing?

- OK. - Good.

Is that what you want?

Yeah, I mean, sounds amazing, Jimpa.

Good.

Fuck me.

Your cunning plan

really didn't work out as expected, did it?

How old are you?

Old enough.

Hm. Just wanting to be safe, you know.

Always safe.

I once fucked an older guy,

then discovered he'd escaped from a nursing home.

The perils of being a daddy chaser.

Hmm!

So come on.

Chase me.

I did say I regretted Frances

not spending enough time with him.

Mmm.

It is a great city.

-Really good cafes. -Mmm.

Good schools too.

Hey, Richard.

Uh, I don't know what they've told you...

. ..but two days ago, you had a bad stroke.

So you've been in a coma to protect your brain.

And now they've taken you out of the coma

to see how you are.

And they told us that you can hear us now. Is that right?

Apparently you can squeeze my hand.

So if you can hear me, Dad, can you squeeze my hand?

OK.

So we'll do once for yes, two for no.

OK.

So are you OK? I mean, are you in any pain?

No? Good. OK.

And do you know who I am?

It's me, Hannah, your daughter.

And a filmmaker

and a woman and a mother.

And Frances is here as well, your grandchild.

Hi, Jimpa.

Don't worry, Dad, OK? I know what to do.

OK, I know.

Do you feel like you?

No, of course you don't. Stupid question.

Strange, you not talking.

Shall I tell you about yourself?

OK.

You were born in 1951.

Your parents were Mary and Bill.

You don't believe in monogamy.

Uh, you've had many lovers.

Stephen, who we all loved.

And then when you first got here, there was a, um...

He was a photographer.

Tall, blonde.

He took that photo of you that I really loved.

Daan.

His name was Daan.

I remember. Yeah, Daan.

He can't remember?

I'm just making sure that he understands who he is.

Hey. Sorry.

Oh, God, look at him.

Jesus.

Oh, Hannah, I can't bear that.

- Hey, he can hear you. - OK.

So he can't breathe on his own?

- No. - OK.

Not yet, anyway. Hmm?

Jesus, can they just prop him up or something?

He looks fucking horrific like this.

Why don't we just sit and talk to him?

OK.

I mean, I don't really know what to say.

He's usually the one doing all the talking.

You talk just fine.

Yeah, I know that. I know I do.

Oh, my God, Hannah, look at our dad.

He can hear you.

Oh, god, dad, you look like shit.

Hi.

It's OK.

Oh.

I am here.

It's OK.

The doctor said there was a similar patient

who can now sit in the backyard

with a cup of tea and a dog on their lap

and... and that there's... there's no reason

Dad couldn't have that life.

Oh, this coffee is awful.

What have they done to the milk?

Look at your risotto.

-Who puts tofu in risotto? -It's fine.

No. Excuse me! If it's bad, you send it back.

I've already eaten a quarter of it.

Jesus, Hannah, they need to know if their food is bad.

I will tell them and I'll get them to take it back.

No, please don't.

Why not?

Who puts tofu in risotto?

Would you like me to remove the tofu?

No, it's fine.

I've... I've already eaten some.

And honestly, it's fine.

Let her have the terrible risotto if she wants.

Fine, yep.

Just tell the kitchen that it's terrible.

And look, these eggs, they're way overcooked. Look at that.

Have a proper look. They're solid, they don't even move.

Uh, shall I get the kitchen to make them again?

No, you just tell the kitchen that they're terrible.

OK.

We could get him a dog

and he could sit in the garden...

Probably hooked up to machines.

. ..the dog on his lap, and they... they said that

he might even be able to communicate a little bit.

In the words of the doctor, "Maybe,

"and after an extended and difficult

"period of rehabilitation."

It's still possible.

It could take years, Em,

with no guarantee,

and that's the best possible scenario.

But it's still a life.

And no-one should give up their life to look after Dad.

-He wouldn't want that. -Oh, Jesus, Hannah.

-It's not what he wants. -How do you know that?

There was no advanced care directive.

There's no recent will either. Stephen's still in it.

Because it wasn't updated. But we know what he wants.

That's not the same.

He told me, Em, and he was very clear.

If he ends up more diminished, let him die.

And... and what?

What, we just go and get coffee?

Is that what he said?

You know what Dad's like. He just says shit like I do.

He could have written it down,

he could have... he could have left instructions,

but he didn't.

And maybe he would be very happy

just sitting in the garden with a dog on his lap.

That's his idea of hell.

Well, lately he's been happy

to sit on the couch and eat yoghurt.

He has been very diminished

since his first stroke, Hannah.

You just haven't been around.

I have seen him sit on the couch and eat yoghurt.

Oh.

Well, there were these panels and they were about 3x6

and, well, there were all different kinds of fabrics

and... and we would decorate them

with gems and buttons and...

Everything.

Anything. Whatever we wanted.

Sequins,

stuffed animals.

Hair. Condoms.

But everything you got you then...

. ..sewed together to form the quilt.

I felt like we were doing that every week. I loved it.

How could you love it? I mean, it's so... sad.

- I think it was just... - Hmm.

I was 15.

I think it just felt like family arts and crafts to me.

It was important work

because some didn't get funerals or celebrations.

Or families were ashamed.

You know, or didn't want to bring attention

to how they died.

So it's the only way

people who had an AIDS-related death

are remembered still.

- Mmm. - One day it's, uh...

"Have you heard about Felix?

"He's gone back home to his family."

And then we hear from the family.

Felix suddenly died from

lung cancer or something ridiculous.

Yeah. We knew the truth.

But you didn't really know in those early days.

You were constantly checked, but you were always scared.

Always fucking scared.

We went on holiday to Spain. You were there?

-Yeah. Tom. -Yeah.

- And Jim. - Jim.

And we went to the gay beach.

There was this man,

very skeletal man, with just his, uh...

. ..how do you call this, swimming, uh...

-Swimmers. -Swimmers, yeah.

And when he got up from his bed to go to the sea,

you could see that he was covered in Kaposi sarcoma.

Hmm.

Honestly, all over his body. It was horrible.

And I was thinking what a horrible sight it was,

but at the same time, I thought,

no, but it's also brave and it's also beautiful

that he felt comfortable showing his body like this.

But Jim wasn't interested, no.

Jim just pointed to a small purple spot

on Tom's neck or shoulder

and he said...

"You need to get that checked, otherwise... eugh."

No!

He just never has any fucking tact.

No tact.

Like, none at all.

We were on the beach.

There was no etiquette about these things.

No.

But still, yeah, it was... it was rude.

Tom was kind of a sensitive man,

unlike Jim.

And he said, "Well, thanks, Jim.

"Thank you very much for ruining my holiday.

"Muchas gracias, darling."

But he did have it.

- Ohh. - He did have it, yes.

-Yes, and he did get a quilt. -Yeah.

It's so... it's so horrific.

Sorry. It's terrible.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

It's a terrible story. It's not funny at all. It's not.

I don't even know why I'm laughing about it.

Sorry.

Oh, God, I just don't want him to die.

But I do need more wine, so...

Coming up.

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

I think that... Yeah.

I do, you know.

What?

Want him to die.

Because you don't need him like they do.

He thinks we have a thing.

I know.

Dark pink skin on the knuckles.

Prominent tendons.

Little cut.

Hmm!

There's a few dark hairs on the outside of the hand.

Be grateful and fucking move on.

Do you think Emily knows Jimpa better than you do?

Do you?

Emily's lived with or close to Jimpa her whole life

so she's got a... different relationship to him

than the one we have.

We have?

What's that?

Long-distance.

Mm.

I just wanna know what Jimpa wants.

You don't think I know what he wants?

The story you tell

about how he eventually had to leave to come to Amsterdam,

about how Grandma decided it was best to stay in Adelaide.

Yeah?

It's not true.

Grandma said to Jim that she could come with him

and bring the kids.

You could all move here together.

And Jimpa said no.

He said he wanted to do it on his own.

He could have

brought you all with him

but he didn't want to.

Is that what he said to you?

Do you think he was lying?

No, I don't think he was.

Are you and Dad monogamous?

Mostly.

Why don't you talk about it?

I'm not as open as Jimpa.

Hmm.

And you were Director of Public Health for five years.

Do you remember that?

Yeah? And...

Thank you.

And... and...

Emily's here.

Hannah, you don't have to do it.

No shit. I'm not eating ham.

What? Fuck.

No, Hannah, I'm talking about our dad.

No, it won't be me that actually kills him.

Fucking hell, Hannah. I'm...

I mean that you don't have to look after him.

If that's what scares you, I will do that. You know this.

You're not gonna have to give up anything.

Emily.

No, it's my fucking life.

I can help.

I can stay here and live with them.

Jimpa would love it and...

. ..I can properly experience this place.

- No. - Why not?

You were ready to let me live with him before.

No, no, not necessarily.

You weren't?

Hannah, can you please say something?

It's not what he wants.

It's OK, Mum.

Sorry, don't take this as hostile, but I need to go.

Go for a walk.

-Is that Stephen? -Mmm.

What did you say to him?

I told him he was

being stubborn for not updating his will.

I told him I never wanted anything from him

except for his constancy

and that was the one thing he refused to give me.

And I asked him what's the use

of all of his ideals and opinions

if he can't give the people he loves what they need.

You know, you're allowed to be angry

or disappointed by him

and still think the world of him.

I know.

Are you sure?

I'm not sure if you remember much about

what we talked about the other day.

Or if you remember much about anything.

But I'm Hannah,

your youngest daughter.

And a filmmaker.

A mother.

A woman.

And we have to decide what to do with you today.

You tell me off

for not answering my phone when you call.

And for not visiting enough and for working too hard,

but you taught me those things.

And I'm about to make a film about you

and I kept saying I couldn't visit yet

and you kept saying to

block out the time in my diary

and just to tell everyone I'm working with

that it's happening and to come for a visit.

This is one way to keep me around longer than planned!

Are you OK? Are you in any pain?

No? Good.

So I'm gonna tell you about my film.

It starts in 1977...

...which is obviously a different and difficult time

to come out as gay.

But it's extra hard for my main character

because he's married,

with a toddler and a newborn baby.

But he does tell his family.

And instead of conflict,

he and his wife work out how to keep living together

and to raise their two children.

They start creating a different bond

where they co-parent and they share a life and...

...both of them having various relationships,

some good, some bad, and...

...they go on living like this for over 10 years.

And, um...

...you know, they build a home together,

they... cook biscuits.

They coach each other through life

to make a good life, a good family.

And because of this, their youngest daughter grows up

seeing their dad as gay and a father as one thing -

as one whole thing, with no hidden or separated parts.

But then all this changes when she turns 13.

The father is finding it harder

to get work in Adelaide.

He's considered too political, too controversial,

and... he feels limited by

the views, the place, the lifestyle,

and so he says he needs to leave.

And so, just like that, after 13 years, he leaves.

But instead of it being a terrible decision...

. ..it's presented as something wonderful...

. ..that will prove to open up all their lives.

And it did.

So that's what the film's about.

It's about a daughter learning

to not need her father so much.

Because she doesn't want him

to stay at home and cook biscuits for her.

And her being grateful for that.

Do you like that story, Jimpa?

And do you think it's true?

Jimpa.

Do you want to die now?

Em...

Hmm.

You've said goodbye to him a hundred times.

He'll be OK, Mum.

I just don't want him to feel alone. He must be so scared.

Hello?

Jimpa always thought he was right.

You might have heard him say,

"I'm not often wrong and I'm right this time."

But he did change his mind sometimes.

He was just used to fighting for it.

He told me recently he was selfish.

And it's true that he could be careless.

He hurt people.

I always said he was my hero.

But I didn't really know him that well.

I just had an idea of him.

I'm grateful for that idea.

I love you.

I love you too.

You're my hero.