Original subtitles

I love movies so much,

but some movies are more than movies.

You know, they become a part of you.

And for me, that's "Forrest Gump."

I mean, I think if I could be anybody,

I'd want to be Forrest.

I just love the guy.

He's pure.

He's funny. He's thoughtful.

He's historically important.

And, I mean, his relationship with his mother,

that scene at her bedside when he's like,

"Mama, what's my destiny?"

And she says, "Forrest,

you got to find that out for yourself."

It...

It just kills me, you know.

Excuse me.

Sorry about that.

What was I saying?

Hello.

Gotcha.

You got to see your face. Give me that.

Give me that.

Mom!

Wolfie. - Stop.

Cut it out!

Get inside.

Open sesame.

Mayday! Mayday!

Pilot to tower, we have an emergency landing...

It's not an airplane, Mom. - Coming in.

No, there's not an airplane.

No, there's not.

What is up with you?

Why are you so grumpy? - I'm not grumpy.

I don't like you filming me. Give me my camera.

I have been filming you since you were pooping your pants.

This is not your camera. It is my camera.

It is basically my camera at this point.

I lent it to you.

What is the matter with you now?

Why are you so grumpy?

I am not grumpy, Mom.

I can become grumpy if you would like

to keep calling me grumpy.

Well, did have a surprise for you.

No, no, we're not doing that.

No.

What?

I... I may have to take it back.

What?

No peeking.

Not peeking.

Stop there.

Surprise.

Mom, this is nice.

This is my stuff.

My posters.

Hit play.

I love this song.

I love...

Mom!

Wolfie?

He smells so good.

Hey, Mom, what happened to Wolfie?

What happened?

Don't you remember?

When you were about six,

you had a really bad dream one night.

And when you woke up, you had torn his little head off,

and I put it back on for you.

Why didn't you sew it all the way?

So you would remember what you did.

♪ Sara looked down

♪ I was beckoned by a smile

♪ She grabbed me by the wrist

Hey, whose... whose bed is this?

It's a rented house.

This... this is... this is not my special bed.

It came furnished.

Where are my trophies?

Where... what is... whose hatboxes... whose room is this?

Whose room is this?

Now you need to just calm down.

We're going to deescalate a little bit.

No!

No!

I think we have a hungry baby wolf on our hands.

I'm not hungry.

This is your mama, and I know what you like.

♪ Sara loves her Juicy Fruit ♪

Wait, did you make a special trip to the store?

Silence of the lamb chops.

♪ She struts while she chews ♪

♪ Nothing there to slow her down ♪

So good.

Yeah.

Okay, I was a little hungry.

You think?

Okay, so what's up with Wolfie?

Well, don't be mad.

I might have watched "Forrest Gump" again.

Honey, that is not a healthy film for you.

I know, I know.

I just love it so much.

And I love Forrest.

He just... he's such a great guy.

He makes friends everywhere he goes.

And I just can't do that.

You know, I try to make connections.

They end badly.

I kind of feel like a failure.

That's a natural feeling.

All you need is a good, old-fashioned Mama Bear

and Wolfie jammy night.

Just the two of us?

Just like the good old days.

Man.

Man.

This is going to be a good night.

Yes. Yes.

Let's get our jammies on. Watch a trashy film.

Hey, hon.

There's a strange looking car in the...

Hey.

I didn't...

Wolfie, this is my friend Albert.

Albert, this is my favorite son, Wolfie.

Hey, man.

It's good to meet you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Man, I've... I've heard a lot about you, man.

Yeah. - Wolfie?

Honey?

Wolfie?

Did I...

Wolfie?

God.

This is not how we get attention.

Hello?

You get out of there.

This is not funny.

Get out of there and come inside

and be nice to my friend.

Wolfie?

7Wolfie?

Gotcha.

There he is, Alberto.

Hey.

Looking good, man. - Thanks. You too, man.

Thanks.

Hi, Mom.

Go and put on a shirt.

Why?

Because people are going to be trying to eat.

Bother you if I have dinner shirtless, Albert?

It's all good.

Come on. - Albert doesn't mind.

So, Albert, tell me, what do you do for a living?

I'm a jack of all trades kind of guy, you know.

Pretty simple.

Yeah. Yeah.

Make good money doing that? - Yeah, I do all right.

Yeah?

What... what do you... what do you make in a day,

just out of curiosity?

I don't think much about that, you know.

But, hey, what do you do?

I'm a filmmaker, Albert.

Really? - Yeah.

Man.

You know...

I always wanted to try my hand at... you know, but...

Really? - Yeah.

Mom, Albert wants to be a filmmaker.

It's interesting because I am often

looking for collaborators.

Pretty high turnover rate in my profession,

and I pay a pretty good rate, Albert.

I actually pay $1,000 a day for someone to come film me.

Ooh. - Yeah.

I don't know if you're interested in trying it,

but I could... I could teach you. It's not rocket science.

I mean, I can give you the camera.

I can show you how to do it tonight.

No, no, no, no. Bad idea.

You guys are cute together.

Look at you guys, little lovebirds.

Little lovebirds. How did you guys meet?

What's the story? I want the meet cute.

Give it to me. - The classic tale.

You know, she saw an advert I had

posted up in the bulletin board down in the town, you know.

And she had a plumbing issue, and I took care of it.

And one thing led to another, and here we are.

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah.

What thing was that, Albert?

I'm sorry?

Wolfie.

What? I'm just curious.

Albert said one thing led to another.

I'm just curious what the thing was.

Um...

You guys are being super awkward right now.

I'm just trying to be included here

and figure out where you guys are at in this relationship.

Okay. I mean, what are we doing?

Are we holding hands? Are we kissing?

Are we in second base, third base mode?

Are we... wait a minute.

Are we fornicating?

Are we sleeping in the same room?

No, we're not.

Not fornicating, huh?

We're not sleeping in the same room.

I have sleep apnea.

I sleep in the guest room downstairs.

Well, isn't that interesting.

So Albert sleeps in my room

in my special bed?

So now it's your special bed?

Yes, it is my special bed, Mother.

Yes, it is my special bed.

And since it's my bed, I would like to know

what happens in my special bed.

Wolfie. - Don't you Wolfie me.

We tell each other everything, right?

No secrets, Mom. No matter what.

Go ahead.

What... what happens in my special bed?

Everything happens in your special bed.

You remember when we watched "91/2 Weeks" together?

Yes.

I'm living "91/2 Weeks" 52 weeks out of the year.

Well, I think that is wonderful.

And I am very happy for you two.

So don't ask me anything

about what he does to my breasts.

Wow.

Wow.

What?

You just crossed the line, and you know it.

Those breasts are sacred to me,

and you're going to whip them out at the table

and wield them as weapons of war against me?

You're just going to give them away to the first plumber

that comes along? No offense, Albert.

You seem like a really nice guy.

But you breastfed me for six years.

You made me addicted to them.

Wow, Mom!

Wow!

What are you even, like, talking about?

I never breastfed you.

Don't... don't start.

I never did. You were too aggressive.

Shut up! Shut up!

You were, like, biting and tugging.

You made me bleed, okay? I couldn't breastfeed you.

I wanted to, but I couldn't, okay?

I'm sorry.

You know, I noticed that you have a rear...

right rear axle that's sitting kind of low.

You got a jack?

I can probably fix that for you.

Let's do it, Albert.

Excellent.

Let's do it.

Know what's funny, Albert?

What's that?

Albert Natural is my favorite band.

And here you are, my new favorite friend,

and your name is Albert.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Wait, what are you doing?

I'm getting the jack out.

The jack's in the trunk?

Yeah, it's generally in the trunk.

Huh.

Okay.

Okay, now, you're probably thinking one of three things

right now, Albert.

The first one, you'd like to be true.

But, I mean, let's face it.

We both know we're awake right now.

It's not a dream, okay?

The second thing, you'd really like to be true,

but even the most elaborate of pranks,

they're not this elaborate.

And the third thing is exactly what it is.

But I don't want you to be worried.

It's going to be okay.

This isn't the first time it's happened.

It won't be the last.

Okay?

You may have found out about this a little early

in our relationship than I anticipated,

but it's not a bad thing, because if your relationship

with my mother is headed where I think it's headed,

you're going to be my new dad, Albert.

And this is going to be something

you're going to need to know...

Albert, Albert, stay with me.

Hey, hey, right here.

This is one very important thing, okay?

Very important.

Mama Bear cannot know about this.

She is too sensitive.

Boys.

What... what is going on out here?

Nothing.

What's taking so long?

The dessert is ready. It's getting cold.

Albert, you want to come in for some cobbler?

Huh?

Cobbler. Come on in soon.

Yeah, we'll be right in.

Okay.

Love you, Mom.

Hey, hon.

Hey, hon, I... I need to talk to you.

What is wrong, Albert?

I... I think there's a problem with your son.

He's a very complicated boy.

No, no, no.

I mean... I mean, a real problem.

Well, you know, in fact, he does have a... a tendency

to be just a teensy little bit conflicted about new men

in my life, which is why I didn't tell him

about you up front.

But I think he's now mature enough

to not get confrontational.

No, no.

You're... you're not hearing me.

I... I think

your son might have killed someone.

What?

I opened the trunk to his car and...

Wolfie!

What did you do?

I liked him.

I liked him too.

Then why did you do that?

It's complicated.

It is very, very naughty and messy.

This is on you.

You're digging this one all by yourself.

That's right, mister.

Fine. I'll dig the hole.

I don't care.

What does this remind you of, Mom?

It's like Forrest and Bubba.

"I gotta find Bubba."

Maybe a little help here, please?

Nope.

Thank you.

Chop, chop.

When did you dig this?

Remember when I said I went to the bathroom earlier?

I didn't go to the bathroom.

My naughty, naughty boy.

You know...

Look, in fairness,

I didn't know jacks are kept in the trunk.

Like, you did all the car stuff.

I didn't... you didn't teach me any of that.

And he was the one who kept insisting

to get in there in the first place. I wasn't even planning on doing it this early.

Yeah, but you didn't have to give him the keys.

You did not have to do that.

You know what? You're right.

Thank you for that.

I'm sorry.

I just... I struggle with the new men.

I always have.

Don't walk away.

Where are you going?

It's time to say goodbye to my Albert.

L'amour, l'amour.

Do you remember when I was 10,

and you were trying to get me into that good school,

and they didn't think I was good enough?

And you invited that principal over.

And you served him lamb chops and red wine.

And you told me to go outside and play in the woods

until you came and got me.

I was naughty that night, Mama.

I stayed on the porch.

And I listened.

I heard what you did with that man.

I heard his deep, orgasmic grunting.

I was just a poor Southern boy,

braces on my legs and a substandard IQ.

Wolfie! - What... what?

You're doing it again.

Doing what? - You're misremembering.

That's a scene from "Forrest Gump."

No, it's not.

Right.

Could it be both, though?

Could it be "Forrest Gump" and us?

Honey.

I'm sorry I never told you about the breastfeeding.

Okay?

I knew how you felt about my girls.

I didn't want to break your little heart.

You think it's too late for us, Mom?

I don't know.

We're pretty different kind of people.

We're never going to have a normal life.

No, not that. I mean...

Do you think it's too late for us?