Original subtitles

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[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

Woman: THE NASDAQ HIT A NEW HIGH TODAY...

Man: ANOTHER 200 NEW START-UP COMPANIES...

Second Woman: SPONSORED BY...

Man: GET RICH QUICK...

Woman: HEY! IT'S TIME TO TRADE IN THAT OLD FERRARI

FOR A BRAND NEW...

Man: MODNET'S GONNA BUMP MY ANNUAL TO 10 Gs

PLUS THROW IN 5,000 SHARES OF STOCK.

WHAT DOES MODNET MAKE AGAIN?

NOTHING. THEY'RE AN ISP A COUPLE WEEKS FROM THEIR IPO.

I'M TELLIN' YA,

THIS IS THE CREST OF THE GOLD RUSH, MY MAN.

IT AIN'T GONNA LAST.

I HEARD ABOUT SOME GUY. CAME UP WITH FOOD-DOT-SOMETHING.

HE'S A MILLIONAIRE.

FOOD? HE MAKES FOOD?

NO, HE PATENTED IT-- THE NAME. THEN HE SOLD IT

TO A COMPANY THAT BUYS NAMES. HE'S SET FOR LIFE.

WE'RE ALL A DOT-COM AWAY FROM EARLY RETIREMENT.

IS THIS THE LIFE OR WHAT?

[ALARM CHIRPS]

YOU KNOW, MY DAD USED TO LOVE

MAKING THINGS WITH HIS HANDS.

HE WAS A METAL WORKER AT GENERAL DYNAMICS.

RIGHT.

ONE MORNING THERE WAS A PICTURE

ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE L.A. TIMES--

ASTRONAUTS INSIDE THE SPACE SHUTTLE,

AND MY DAD IS BEAMING BECAUSE BEHIND THEM

YOU CAN SEE THIS PANEL THAT HE MADE,

AND HE HELD THIS PANEL IN HIS HANDS,

AND HE SAID TO ME THAT HE FELT CONNECTED

WITH SOMETHING BIGGER THAN HIMSELF.

AND THAT'S WHAT I CAME TO THE VALLEY TO DO,

AND I HAVEN'T DONE IT.

YOU CAN'T HOLD A DOT-COM IN YOUR HANDS.

YOU HAVING SOME SORT OF MID-LIFE CRISIS THING?

I'M ONLY 23.

[CHICKENS CLUCKING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Announcer: GO AHEAD AND DREAM IT.

FALCON FIRE-- MAKING THE IMPROBABLE POSSIBLE.

CHICKEN SUITS-- YOU'RE A GENIUS, ANDY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FALCON FIRE IS, ALREADY WANT 4.

HEY, ANDY, WHICH COCK DO YOU WANT?

WHAT?

FOR THE BUS ADS.

BLOWFISH! YUM!

UH, THE BLACK ONE.

ANDY! [CLUCKING]

YOUR 10 HAS BEEN PUSHED BACK TO 12.

YOUR 4 AND 3 ARE COMING AT 10 TO PREP YOU FOR YOUR 2,

WHICH LEAVES YOUR 10 AND 2 FREE FOR YOUR 5.

Man: HEY, ANDY.

YOUR 11 AND 12 ARE COMING AT 10 TO PREP YOU FOR YOUR 2,

AND YOUR 2 HAS BEEN CANCELED.

LOOK AT THOSE GEEKS.

YOU'D THINK THEY'D SHOWER BEFORE A BIG MEETING.

LOOK AT THAT UGLY LITTLE CONTRAPTION.

WHATEVER IT IS, THEY THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL,

AND THEY MADE IT.

WHAT'S WRONG, ANDY?

THIS MORNING I FEEL SO DISCONNECTED.

I'LL MAKE UP FOR IT TONIGHT.

GO ON. BEN'S EXPECTING YOU.

OTHER WAY, LOVERBOY.

IT'S TUESDAY. BEN'S IN THE PARKING LOT

GETTING HIS TEETH CLEANED.

[REMEMBERING] HE FELT CONNECTED

TO SOMETHING BIGGER THAN HIMSELF...

AND THAT'S WHAT I CAME TO THE VALLEY TO DO,

AND I HAVEN'T DONE IT.

HI, ANDY. OW!

HEY. HEY!

BOY WONDER.

WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?

I QUIT. WHAT?!

NO MORE CHICKEN SUITS, BEN.

I WANNA WORK AT LA HONDA.

LA HONDA?! ARE YOU NUTS?!

LOOK, I KNOW IT'S THE WORLD'S

MOST PRESTIGIOUS RESEARCH LAB,

BUT THAT'S WHY I WANNA DO IT.

I WANT TO WORK WITH THE TOP MINDS...

TO BE AN IRON MAN.

I WANT TO--I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING...

SOMETHING MEANINGFUL THAT--THAT--

THAT TOUCHES EVERYONE'S LIVES...

SOME THING THAT'LL SIT ON EVERY DESK IN EVERY CITY

IN EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

I WANT-- THE JOLT.

YOU CAN GET ME IN.

PLEASE, BEN!

YOU KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

* WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

* I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG

* AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT AFRAID *

* WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

* BUT WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO IS THAT WHAT YOU'LL SAY? *

* WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

* I FEAR THE THOUGHT WHEN YOU FINALLY REALIZE *

* WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

SHIT!

* WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

[HONKING HORN]

SHIT!

[HONKING] COME ON!

HUH?! I CAN'T BE LATE, BUDDY!

[BIKE BELL RINGS]

[BIKE BELL RINGS]

Man: HANK.

NOW WHAT?

SNUCK ANOTHER NAME ON MY TITAN TEAM.

THE TEAM IS ALREADY FULL.

I HAND-PICKED THAT TEAM.

THERE'S NO ROOM FOR THIS NEW CASPER.

ANDY CASPER COMES HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

FROM OMEGA LOGIC.

LLOYD'S CONTINUED GENEROSITY FUNDS LA HONDA.

BOY WONDER'S--

BOY WONDER'S SUPPOSED TO BE BRILLIANT.

CAME UP WITH THOSE FUNNY ADS

FOR YOUR FALCON FIRE CHIP.

CHICKEN SUITS.

I WANTED TO SLIT MY WRISTS WHEN I SAW THAT.

EVERYTHING I INVENT IS DUMBED DOWN

BY SOME MARKETING PUKE NAMED ANDY.

Hank: YOU'RE 20 MINUTES LATE, MR. CASPER.

I'M SORRY.

UH, I, UH...

I GOT SIDETRACKED.

THIS PLACE IS AMAZING.

IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS MORNING

AND DISNEYLAND AND SEX ALL WRAPPED UP IN ONE.

THIS IS FRANCIS BENOIT, OUR CHIEF ENGINEER.

I WANTED YOU TWO TO MEET

BEFORE WE MADE OUR FINAL DECISION

ABOUT WHO'S ON TEAM TITAN.

Andy: FRANCIS, I'M JUST SO AMPED TO BE HERE.

I WANNA DO WHAT YOU DO.

I WANT A CHANCE TO WORK

ON SOMETHING BIGGER THAN MYSELF.

I WANT THE JOLT.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE PART OF THE TITAN?

YOU'RE JUST A MARKETING PUKE.

UH, WELL, I'M A MARKETING PUKE

WITH A DEGREE IN ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING

FROM STANFORD. I GUESS THAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT.

HOW?

WELL, I MIGHT APPROACH A PROBLEM DIFFERENTLY.

HOW?!

I MIGHT SEE SIMPLER SOLUTIONS.

SIMPLE SOLUTIONS LIKE CHICKEN SUITS?

IS FRANCIS BENOIT REALLY AN ASSHOLE,

OR DOES HE JUST PRETEND TO BE?

FYI, NEWB,

FRANCIS IS JUST EVERYWHERE...

NOT JUST HERE, BUT IN THE VALLEY.

IF YOU GET ON HIS BAD SIDE,

HE'LL CRUSH YOU.

SO HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

PRETTY MUCH.

TO THE LAST HURRAH.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW JAZZED I AM.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PAY CUT.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG WE CAN LIVE OFF TOP RAMEN?

10 COCKROACHES CAN LIVE A YEAR OFF A SINGLE POSTAGE STAMP.

EXACTLY.

WE'LL BE LIKE THE COCKROACHES--

TOTALLY UNENCUMBERED.

I DON'T NEED THAT BIG APARTMENT.

ANDY, I THINK YOU MISSED THE POINT

OF MY LITTLE COCKROACH FACTOID.

I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF YOUR POVERTY EXPERIMENT.

SO YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME

WITHOUT MY HUGE SALARY.

WOULD YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME

WITHOUT THE SALINE TWINS?

JUST DROP MY DIAPHRAGM IN THE MAIL.

THE TWINS ARE AWESOME.

[TUBAS PLAYING]

NO LOUD NOISES.

BATHROOM'S AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY.

NO HANKY-PANKY IN THE SHOWER.

[GIRL GIGGLING] HI.

HOW YOU DOIN'?

WE HAVE A FEW REJECTS

FROM THE STANFORD MARCHING BAND.

MOSTLY TUBAS,

BUT I'VE HAD EVERYTHING--

TROMBONES, PICCOLOS, UKULELES, YOU NAME IT--

YOU KNOW, OVER THE YEARS.

I LIVED WITH A FLAUTIST ONCE.

BOY, COULD HE TRILL.

OH, COME ON, BOYS. PLEASE KEEP IT TIDY FOR ME.

Boy: OK, MRS. B.

PRETTY FABULOUS, HUH?

SO WHAT'S THROUGH THE SLIDING DOORS?

OH, THAT'S YOUR NEIGHBOR.

LEAVE THOSE SHUT. NO HANKY-PANKY.

OOH!

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T--

KNOCK?

IS--IS--IS THIS THE WOMEN'S?

IT'S A BOY-GIRL'S POTTY,

BUT WE STILL KNOCK.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO IT THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.

DO WHAT?

WHATEVER.

THERE ARE NO OUTLETS.

I'M ANDY. I JUST MOVED INTO 3.

REALLY?

I THINK WE CONNECT.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE SOMETHING HERE, TOO.

I MEANT OUR ROOMS CONNECT.

I'M IN 2.

NO PEEKING.

TEAM TITAN, WILLY. I'M AN IRON MAN!

CONGRATS. HEY, I GOT MY MODNET STOCK OPTIONS TODAY.

I'M A PAPER MILLIONAIRE.

WHO SAYS IT'S SLOWIN' DOWN?

DRINKS ARE ON YOU. I'LL MEET YOU AT MR. KIM'S IN AN HOUR.

OH, NOT TONIGHT, MAN.

I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR EX-ASSISTANT.

ROBIN?!

MY GIRLFRIEND ROBIN?!

YEAH, UH, SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THE BREAKUP.

SORRY.

GOD, SHE IS SO INSANELY HOT, MAN!

[HOWLS AND BARKS]

HELLO?

I'LL MAIL IT TO YOU, YOU SKULKING, LEACHING DRAGON WOMAN.

WILLY'S MY BEST FRIEND!

JEALOUS?! NO, I'M NOT... JEALOUS!

IN FACT, I'M HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW, TOO!

YES, I AM! YOU HEAR THIS?!

[SILENCE]

SQUEAL LIKE A TUBA FOR DADDY! UNH!

SO, UH, TALKING TO YOUR MOM?

EX-GIRLFRIEND SCREWING FORMER BEST FRIEND.

UH, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

SILENCE. SAFETY EARMUFFS.

97% NOISE REDUCTION.

I LIKE QUIET TO WORK.

SO YOU'RE A SCULPTOR?

YEAH.

I'M A GRAD STUDENT AT STANFORD.

MY DAD WANTED ME TO STUDY DIGITAL ART,

BUT THEN I'D BE IN SERIOUS DANGER

OF HAVING A MARKETABLE SKILL.

YOU'RE FUNNY...

AND PRETTY.

BRAINS AND BOOBS: KILLER COMBO.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

WELL, I WORK AT LA HONDA.

OOH, LA HONDA--

EL CAR SALESMAN. HMM.

NO, NO. LA HONDA.

THE WORLD FAMOUS RESEARCH CENTER.

NEVER HEARD OF IT.

HEY, NEWB!

FRANCIS IS HAVING A TITAN TEAM PARTY.

YOU CAN'T BRING YOUR D.S.

D.S.?

DOCKING STATION.

OH, MY GOD.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY, CASPER!

HEY, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. COME ON IN.

OH, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY BRING A BATHING SUIT.

WELL, THAT'S OK. NOBODY DID.

THERE'S ROOM NEXT TO GRIFF.

COME ON.

UH--I--I'M--A--

YOU'RE NOT STAYING ON THE TITAN.

WHAT?

OW!

BUT HANK PUT ME ON THE TITAN.

WHY? BECAUSE YOU WORKED FOR LLOYD AT OMEGA?

I DON'T CARE.

THERE'S NO VANITY SPOTS ON THE TITAN.

MOVE DOWN!

Guy: MOVE DOWN!

Girl: MOVE DOWN!

DON'T WORRY, CASPER,

I'VE GOT ANOTHER PROJECT FOR YOU.

VOLUNTEER FOR THIS ONE, AND I'LL MAKE SURE

YOU WORK ON SOMETHING DOWN THE ROAD

THAT GIVES YOU THE JOLT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

OK?

IT'S TIME.

WHAT--WHAT-- WHAT'S THIS OTHER PROJECT?

A LAPTOP COMPUTER THAT RETAILS FOR $99.

IS THAT A JOKE?

THE WORLD NEEDS A CHEAP PORTABLE COMPUTER, CASPER.

THIRD-WORLD SCHOOL CHILDREN

WANT TO JOIN THE INFORMATION AGE.

I THOUGHT THIRD-WORLD SCHOOL CHILDREN WANTED FOOD.

DO THIS FOR ME,

AND I PROMISE YOU'LL BE PART OF MY NEXT BIG PROJECT.

Crowd: OOH!

TITAN! TITAN! TITAN! TITAN!

IT'S UP TO YOU, CASPER.

YOU CAN FILL PAILS,

OR YOU CAN LIGHT FIRES.

NOW...

LIFT YOUR ARMS.

[CROWD CHEERS]

YOU'RE QUITTING THE TITAN TO DO WHAT?

THE PC-99.

ARE YOU NUTS? DID FRANCIS THREATEN YOU?

NO, NO. IT SEEMS CHALLENGING.

I MEAN, WHO DO I REPORT TO?

WHO'S MY TEAM LEADER?

WELL, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE ON THE PROJECT,

I GUESS THAT MAKES YOU TEAM LEADER,

SO WAY TO GO.

THE ONLY ONE?

BUT THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PROJECT, RIGHT?

I MEAN, CHEAP COMPUTERS, THIRD-WORLD KIDS...

IS--IS THERE ANYTHING STOPPING ME

FROM RECRUITING A TEAM?

NO. BUT THERE ARE ONLY A COUPLE OF UNASSIGNEDS LEFT.

IF YOU CAN GET THEM TO VOLUNTEER FOR YOUR PROJECT,

GO AHEAD. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

[RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

I'M LOOKING FOR SALMAN FARD.

SALMAN?

HI. ANDY CASPER.

YES. [BEEPING]

CHRIST! WHAT DO YOU GOT? A T-1?

IT CRANKS.

I'VE GOT A BROWN BOX THAT SNIFFS OUT

THE MILITARY'S SECRET FIBER OPTIC PIPE.

THE CIA'S GOT A CLASSIFIED FILE ON ME.

YOU WANT TO SEE?

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS

DON'T MESS WITH THE CIA, IRS, OR BIKERS.

PFFFT. I'M ONLY AFRAID OF BIKERS.

"DOMESTIC AND INTERNATIONAL ELECTRONIC TRESPASSING."

NASA. MICROSOFT.

THE KUALA LUMPUR DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION?

YOU'RE A HIGH-TECH BADASS.

I PROVIDE A SERVICE.

ALL OF THE SYSTEMS I'VE HACKED

ARE MUCH MORE SECURE TODAY

BECAUSE OF MY EFFORTS.

MY GIRLFRIEND CALLS ME ROBIN HOOD.

IT'S A DOUBLE ENTENDRE.

I'M UNCIRCUMCISED.

WELL, UM, THANKS FOR THAT IMAGE.

SO, I'M PUTTING TOGETHER A TEAM,

AND MAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME TRACK DOWN

SOME OF THESE OTHER NAMES ON THE LIST.

CURTIS REESE IS A WIZARD.

T.G. TOP GUN.

THIS GUY THINKS IN BINARY,

AND HE CRAPS C DOUBLE PLUS.

TRUST ME, HE COULD DESIGN THE TITAN ALONE

IF FRANCIS GAVE HIM THE SHOT.

SO WHY IS HE UNASSIGNED?

HUH.

SHIT.

[GROANS]

OK, SO HE LACKS CERTAIN SOCIAL SKILLS.

LIKE THE POWER OF SPEECH?

I'M TELLING YOU, ANDY, THIS GUY'S GOT THE STUFF.

BESIDES, IF WE DON'T TAKE HIM,

THEY'LL PUT HIM TO SLEEP.

I'LL HANDLE THIS. YOU GO CHECK OUT THE LAB.

[EXHALES]

WHOA!

UHH!

OW!

ANDY?

YOU IN HERE?

Andy: YEAH.

OVER HERE.

HA!

HEY.

AHEM. ANDY CASPER. WELCOME, CURTIS.

TINY.

WHAT'S GOING ON, TINY?

ENTROPY'S WINNING.

OK.

UH, OH...

YOU LIKE THAT DESK? IT'S ALL YOURS.

ANDY?

I WANT THE DESK NEXT TO THE FIREPLACE.

THERE'S ONE MORE NAME ON THIS LIST, AND THAT IS...

DARRELL CLAXTON?

THIS GUY'S A TOTAL HARD-WIRED, MOBY,

MOTHERBOARD JOCKEY.

IS THAT GOOD?

HE TOOK AN ATHLON 750

AND OVERCLOCKED IT TO 2 GIGAHERTZ,

AND IT'S RUNNING CONSTANT AT 38 DEGREES.

[CHUCKLES]

WHICH IS GOOD.

GREAT! WELL, WHERE DO WE FIND HIM?

[GROANS]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

UH-UH.

[ELECTRONIC RIFFS]

Salman: DON'T BUY INTO THE RUMORS.

I'VE NEVER HAD A RUN-IN WITH HIM.

WHAT'S THAT HE'S PLAYING?

IT'S HIS ANGER STICK.

IT'S A HOMEMADE, STRINGLESS GUITAR.

LASERS TELL HIM WHERE HIS FINGERS ARE.

IT LOOKS LIKE A WEAPON.

DON'T GO THERE.

DARRELL.

DARRELL?

DARRELL!

DON'T YELL IN DARRELL'S EAR.

AHEM.

HI, DARRELL. I'M AN--

I'M ANDY.

ONE DROP OF THIS ON DARRELL'S PALM,

AND YOU'LL BE PUSHING THE MERCURY PAST 105

AND CHOKING TO DEATH

ON YOUR OWN MUCUS IN 24 HOURS.

BUT YOU'D BE DEAD, TOO.

DARRELL'S BEEN INOCULATED.

[GULP]

RIGHT.

SO I GUESS A HUG'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.

DARRELL, I HEAR YOU'RE GOOD WITH YOUR HANDS.

YOU COMING ON TO DARRELL?

ANDY'S PUTTING TOGETHER A TEAM.

IS THAT DRUMP ON YOUR TEAM?

[SIGHS] GOOD. YOU ALL KNOW EACH OTHER.

HOW ABOUT I BUY YOU GUYS LUNCH?

HUH?

FINE.

BUT NO PROJECT SPEAK BEFORE CHOW.

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

NICE RIDE.

SHOTGUN! SHOTGUN!

[LAUGHS]

DARRELL ACTUALLY OWNS A SHOTGUN.

YOU TAKE IT.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

IT'S GOING TO BE OK.

DRUMPY CAN'T FUNCTION IN THE BIG ROOM.

WHERE ARE HIS SHOES?

HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

UH-UH.

NOW WHAT'S WRONG?

HOW DO YOU THINK PEOPLE GET SICK, HUH?

SOME GUY PICKS HIS NOSE, SCRATCHES HIS ASS,

AND HE GRABS THAT HANDLE.

YOU TOUCH IT, NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE BLEEDING OUT OF YOUR EYES,

OUT OF YOUR ANUS.

GO AHEAD, BE MY GUEST.

TOUCH IT.

LIVE DANGEROUSLY.

SPEAK, CASPER.

WHAT'S YOUR PROJECT?

AHEM. OK.

ARE YOU GUYS READY TO CHANGE THE WORLD?

WE ARE GOING TO BUILD THE $99 PORTABLE.

THE CHEAPIE BOX?

THE CHEAPIE BOX IS LA HONDA'S VILLAGE IDIOT.

THAT PROJECT COMES AROUND EVERY YEAR.

NOBODY EVER VOLUNTEERS FOR IT.

IT'S THE TOPMOST WOMBAT.

WASTE OF MONEY--

BRAINS AND TIME.

DARRELL CAME TO LA HONDA TO BURN IN THE BIG IRON,

NOT WORK ON SOME COSTCO SPEAK-AND-SPELL SCIENCE PROJECT.

WELL...

DARRELL MUST FEEL A TAD FRUSTRATED,

BECAUSE DARRELL DIDN'T MAKE THE BIG IRON TEAM.

DARRELL IS JUST ANOTHER BROKEN TOY

WITH NO PROJECT TO CALL HIS OWN.

Salman, whispering: Andy. Shh.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING BROKEN?

[GULP]

LOOK, LOOK, I THINK YOU'RE ALL TERRIFIC.

AND I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE JUST MARKING TIME HERE

UNTIL YOU GET YOUR BIG BREAKS AS ARMANI MODELS.

BUT UNTIL THEN,

I'M THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN.

DARRELL COULD BE AN ARMANI MODEL.

WHATEVER.

[SIGHS]

LET ME JUST PAY,

AND WE'LL GET OUT OF HERE.

PAY. HA HA.

THAT'S SO CUTE.

PAY.

[HONKS HORN]

SON OF A...

DARRELL GETS HIS BEST IDEAS

BETWEEN 101 AND 103 MILES PER!

AAH! AAH!

AAH!

SORRY, CASPER.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR CHEAPIE-BOX PROJECT.

DARRELL IS STRICTLY BIG NUMS OR NO NUMS.

WHY DIDN'T DARRELL TELL ME THAT

BEFORE I LET DARRELL DRIVE ME CAR?

DARRELL WANTED TO DRIVE YOUR CAR.

SCREW IT!

IT'S A STUPID BITTY-BOX PROJECT ANYWAY.

THE PARTS ALONE ARE GOING TO COST MORE THAT $99.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

WELL, OK, ANDY.

I'M IN.

NO, I SAID IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

YES, I KNOW.

ANYBODY CAN DO SOMETHING THAT CAN BE DONE.

MY FIRST PROJECT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Francis: WELL, WELL, LADIES.

LET'S GIVE THE PC-99 IRON MEN

THE OLD TITAN SALUTE.

[JEERING AND LAUGHING]

Man: BUNCH OF LOSERS!

AQUA TOFANA IS A TRANSPARENT,

TASTELESS POISON.

IT DELIVERS DEATH WITH NO REAL SYMPTOMS.

I'M IN.

HE'S NEVER OFFICIALLY BEEN LINKED TO ANY MURDERS,

BUT I'D STICK TO BOTTLED WATER.

OH, ONE MORE THING.

I GET TO DRIVE YOUR PORSCHE.

[SLAMS TABLE] OK.

WE'RE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF LA HONDA.

THE CHEAPIE BOX PUSSIES.

BUT WE'RE GOING TO PROVE THEM WRONG.

YOU'RE IRON MEN!

YOU'RE THE BRIGHTEST! YOU'RE THE BEST!

AND YOU ARE?

I'M KRIS KRINGLE.

I'M GOING TO MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN.

COME ON, GUYS.

LET'S BUILD A $99 COMPUTER.

AND NOTHING'S GOING TO STOP US.

WHO TOOK THE DRY MARKERS?

[WHISPERING] I love you, Tiny.

I love you.

I love...

1,390?

SHIT! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

CAN'T WE GET RID OF SOME OF THIS STUFF?

WELL, WHY THE PC-99? WHY NOT THE PC-300?

BECAUSE IT'S THE GODDAMN PC-99,

NOT THE PC-300.

WELL, CALL IT THE GODDAMN PC-1390, AND WE'RE DONE.

SALMAN, ANY IDEAS?

THE NAME SUCKS.

OK, FINE.

WELL, LET'S START BY THINKING UP A NEW NAME.

Darrell: THAT'S MARKETING.

IF I HAD WANTED TO BE IN MARKETING,

I WOULD HAVE HAD THEM REMOVE MY FOREBRAIN.

TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU NAIL THE NEW NAME,

AND I'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR A NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

DINNER, DANCING. THE WORKS.

YOU'RE AN ATTRACTIVE FELLOW, ANDY,

BUT I'D RATHER BRING MY GIRLFRIEND.

[LAUGHS] YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

YES, I DO. SHE'S VERY SEXY.

OYSTERS MAKE HER HORNY.

YOU NEVER HAD A GIRL THAT DIDN'T COST 3.99

FOR THE FIRST 5 MINUTES.

YOUR MOTHER USES MACINTOSH.

WHAT? YOU HEARD ME.

SYSTEM 7.

ALL RIGHT, FARD, THAT'S IT. YOU'RE DEAD.

YOU'RE GOING DOWN.

[DARRELL AND SALMAN LAUGH]

SODIUM OLEFIN SULFONATE.

BOOM.

GO, TEAM.

[TUBAS PLAYING]

NEW SCULPTURE?

NOPE. SAME ONE.

SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

I DON'T KNOW YET.

WELL, HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE?

NEWS FLASH.

SOMETIMES IT'S OK NOT TO KNOW

WHAT IT IS YOU'RE DOING WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT.

[SIGHS]

IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A TURD.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

HOW COME I DON'T KNOW YOU'RE NAME?

YOU NEVER ASKED.

IT'S ALISA.

AHH...

I'M ANDY.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU

AGAIN. HEH.

WANT TO HAVE DINNER?

THERE'S A SUPPER CLUB UP ON RUSSIAN HILL

THAT MAKES THE BEST LOBSTER CEVICHE.

HOW ABOUT TOP RAMEN IN MY ROOM,

SAY, SEVENISH?

DONE.

NICE COMPROMISE.

[LAUGHS]

ADD THE WATER, THEN NUKE FOR 5 MINUTES.

I'LL MAKE THE SALAD.

[SIZZLING]

HMM.

AAH! JEEZ!

WHAT, FLAVOR ENHANCERS?

OH. THEY'RE CLEAN.

IT'S JUST HOW I DRY THEM. HEH HEH.

OOH. OW.

AH, AH, AH.

[INHALES]

OOH!

AHH...

[CHUCKLES]

DAMN.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

SURE.

I'M LOOKING AROUND YOUR ROOM,

AND I AM STRUCK BY A LACK OF...

ANYTHING.

[LAUGHS]

WELL, I JUST GOT RID OF EVERYTHING

EXCEPT WHAT I NEED.

IT LEFT ME ROOM TO CONCENTRATE

ON STUFF THAT MATTERS.

THAT'S MY PHILOSOPHY:

SIMPLIFY, CLARIFY,

ECONOMIZE.

HMM.

SO HOW'S LIFE AT LA HONDA?

WELL...

IT'S NOT WHAT I EXPECTED.

I THOUGHT I'D BE WORKING

ON SOME CUTTING EDGE PROJECT

WITH THE GREATEST BRAINS ON THE PLANET,

BUT I'VE BEEN TEAMED UP WITH THESE BUNCH OF...

I DON'T KNOW.

THIS MAY BE A HUGE MISTAKE.

WELL, I THINK YOU'RE VERY BRAVE.

REALLY?

DO GO ON.

WELL, YOU GAVE UP A LOT

TO PURSUE AN INTELLECTUAL IDEAL.

I DON'T KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE DONE THAT.

SO, BIG UPS TO YOU.

REALLY? BIG UPS?

BIG UPS.

WELL, I'VE NEVER GOTTEN BIG UPS.

ALL RIGHT. BIG UPS.

SO...

IS THIS THE PART OF THE MOVIE

WHERE WE BREAK THE SEXUAL TENSION

WITH A KISS?

NO.

THIS IS WHERE I SAY, "WELCOME TO THE HOUSE.

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO."

NO, THAT'S A DIFFERENT MOVIE.

[LAUGHS]

LET'S JUST KEEP IT SIMPLE FOR NOW.

FOR NOW.

[WHIRRING]

HOW'S IT GOING, CASPER?

UH, GOOD.

I'D SAY WE'RE, LIKE, UH,

OH, A 9 IRON FROM THE DANCE FLOOR,

THEN A 2 PUTT TO THE CUP.

OF COURSE, YOU CAN'T RUSH GENIUS.

[LAUGHS]

YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.

EXCEPT HERE, OF COURSE.

YOU'VE GOT ABOUT 3 WEEKS TO DELIVER.

3 WEEKS?

BUT NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A DEADLINE.

COME ON. WE ALL HAVE DEADLINES, CASPER.

GUYS, WE JUST HAVE 3 WEEKS TO...

Woman: RIDE ME, COWBOY. RIDE ME...

SHIT.

Salman: WHOA. RIDE ME, COWBOY. RIDE ME.

Darrell: YOU PERVERT. SHE'S BRILLIANT.

HEY, ISN'T THAT JANIE HICKENLOCKER

FROM THE ROBOTICS LAB?

WHAT IS THIS, A CIRCLE JERK?

RIDE ME...

WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING WITH NOW?

STRONTIUM BARIUM BIOBATE CRYSTAL DISPLAY UNIT.

HOLOGRAM.

IT'S A DESERT STORM LEFTOVER...

REPROGRAMMED.

IT IS. IT'S JANIE HICKENLOCKER.

RIDE ME, COWBOY. RIDE ME...

HOW'D YOU--

TINY?

OK. BACK ON EARTH.

HAVE WE MADE ANY PROGRESS?

I MEAN, DAMN IT, WE'VE ONLY GOT

3 WEEKS TO FINISH.

WE THOUGHT YOU COULD LOSE THE COLOR INK CARTRIDGE.

YOU'LL SAVE $35 AMERICAN.

THAT'S IT?

THAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

GUYS, WE NEED TO GET OUTSIDE THE LINES.

THINK LATERALLY, OUTSIDE THE BOX.

BOX.

* OH OH

* IS THAT HOW YOU GET OFF?

* OH OH

* IS THAT HOW YOU GET OFF?

AAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GET YOUR FOOT OFF MY FOOT!

[ALL SCREAMING]

YOU GUYS SEE THE VW NEXT TO US?

YES!

WE'RE TRAVELING ON THE SAME ROAD AT THE SAME SPEED,

BUT IT COSTS A FRACTION OF THE PRICE THAT THIS DOES. WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT

LOW END CHEAPIE MACHINE, THAT'S WHY.

NOW GET YOUR FOOT OFF MY FOOT.

[HONKING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

NO. WAIT. NO. LOOK AGAIN. IT'S SIMPLE.

IT HAS NO EXTRAS.

IT'S ONLY GOT WHAT IT NEEDS.

WE NEED TO SIMPLIFY, CLARIFY, ECONOMIZE.

[HONKING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL COUGHING]

SIMPLIFY, CLARIFY, ECONOMIZE.

ARE YOU GUYS PAYING ATTENTION?

THAT HAD SUICIDE WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.

NO. I GET IT.

GET RID OF EVERYTHING.

THE PC99 ONLY EXISTS IN CYBERSPACE. IN HEAVEN.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

NO, I'M SERIOUS, I'M UPSET,

AND I THINK I WET MYSELF,

BUT I'M SERIOUS.

PUT IT ALL ON THE INTERNET.

NO CD, NO FLOPPY, NO RAM, NO HARD DRIVE, NO NOTHING.

THE SOFTWARE IS ALL STORED IN CYBERSPACE.

YOU'RE A PALM PILOT, FARD.

SHUT UP, ZIPPER HEAD.

MAGGOT BOX.

LOOK, LET'S GO FARTHER.

LET'S GET RID OF THE PRINTER.

FOR 99 BUCKS, THEY DON'T GET A PRINTER.

WHOA. LET'S GO EVEN FARTHER.

FOR 99 BUCKS, LET'S GET RID OF

THE TV MONITOR.

THEY GET A KEYBOARD AND A TUBE OF K-Y JELLY.

JESUS CHRIST, DARRELL, SHUT THE HELL UP.

I'M SO SICK OF YOU SHITTING ON EVERYONE ELSE

WHEN YOU HAVEN'T COME UP WITH A GODDAMN THING YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU HAVE IDEAS

BUT YOU WON'T TELL US WHAT THEY ARE

'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO AFRAID OF WHAT WE MIGHT SAY.

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT, DARRELL.

SO FROM NOW ON, YOU PUT UP

OR YOU SHUT UP. IS THAT CLEAR?

WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

VIRTUAL REALITY GLOVES.

BEEN AROUND SINCE THE EIGHTIES.

NEVER CAUGHT ON. TOTAL BARGAIN ITEM.

THEY REPLACE THE KEYBOARD AND THE MOUSE.

HEY, DON'T START--

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. THESE ARE MINE.

[CLEARS THROAT]

BIG BANG, CASPER. 2 FEATURES, ONE ITEM.

COOL. CAN WE TRY 'EM?

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING MOCK RUSSIAN]

[SUCKING]

AHH...

[SQUISH]

OH...

ANTI-BACTERIAL GEL.

IT'S LIKE WEARING AN OLD CONDOM.

[SQUISH]

YOU GET USED TO IT.

THE GEL.

HERE. GIVE IT A WHIRL.

Computer voice: CD-ROM. MAILBOX.

DOCUMENTS. TOOLS.

PRINTER. FILES. PRINTER. TOOLS.

[LAUGHS]

ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE JUST A FEW HUNDRED BUCKS

AWAY FROM OUR GOAL.

IT'S TIME TO MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN.

MMM...

MMM...

RIDE ME, COWBOY. RIDE ME.

[LAUGHS]

RIDE ME.

[LAUGHING]

YOU'VE GOT MAIL.

[GUNSHOT]

WHERE'S TINY?

TINY! TINY! TINY!

WHAT DID I DO?

THE HOLOGRAM-- TURN IT ON. TURN IT UP.

TURN IT UP!

RIDE ME, COWBOY. RIDE ME...

BEAUTIFUL.

YOU WANT 15 MINUTES ALONE WITH HER?

SIMPLIFY.

LIKE YOU SAID, DARRELL,

WE GET RID OF THE MONITOR.

DARRELL WAS JUST MESSING WITH YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE MAKE IT A HOLOGRAM.

RIDE ME, COWBOY. RIDE ME--

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

IMAGINE...

AN EMPTY DESK.

Salman: HEY!

OH! MY SOARING BUTTERFLY!

AND ALL THAT'S ON IT

IS THIS.

IN FRONT OF YOU IS A VIRTUAL DESKTOP

WHERE 3-D ICONS HOVER IN SPACE LIKE, UH,

A SHIMMERING STAR FIELD.

MAYBE THERE'S A LITTLE PAPERBOY.

AN ANIMATED PAPERBOY ON A BICYCLE,

GRABBING E-MAILS OUT OF A POUCH

AND TOSSING 'EM UP ONTO MY DESKTOP.

YEAH. IT DOESN'T SUCK.

YOU'RE GOOD.

I SEE WHY YOU WERE IN MARKETING.

CAN IT BE DONE?

NO WAY.

FINE.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

YEAH...IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, CASPER.

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT NO 3 MINDS,

NO MATTER HOW STAGGERING THEIR GENIUS,

COULD DO THIS. THAT'S ALL.

[GRUNTING]

OK, DAMN IT, BRING IT OVER HERE.

LET'S SEE THE THING. COME ON.

OK, TINY, HOW DOES THIS WORK?

[CHURCH BELLS CHIMING]

THE ECONOMY'S IN THE CRAPPER, HANK.

WHAT A SURPRISE, LLOYD.

I WANT TO REVIEW THIS YEAR'S PROJECTS.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[GRUNTS]

NOW WHAT IS THIS HORSESHIT

ABOUT DEVELOPING A $99-DOLLAR COMPUTER?

A GROUP OF UNASSIGNED LOSERS

VOLUNTEERED FOR IT. THESE GUYS--

CHRIST, ARE WE ON THE SAME PAGE, HANK?

MAYBE OMEGA SHOULD JUST GIVE AWAY COMPUTERS FOR FREE.

WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THIS?

WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK MY PROFIT COMES FROM?

IT'S THE HARDWARE, STUPID.

I DID A BILLION DOLLARS LAST YEAR.

HOW AM I GONNA MAKE A PROFIT ON A $99 KID'S TOY?

WHY HAVEN'T YOU WIRED US

THE ANNUAL SPONSORSHIP FUND YET?

I WANTED TO DELIVER THE FUNDS IN PERSON.

BUT LLOYD, THIS CHECK IS JUST--

Both: A FRACTION OF THE ANNUAL FUNDS.

1/52nd, TO BE EXACT.

MARKET'S ON THE SKIDS.

I'M CUTTING BACK.

FROM NOW ON,

YOU'LL GET YOUR MONEY A WEEK AT A TIME.

THAT WAY I CAN KEEP YOU ON A SHORT LEASH.

[BEEP]

[TIRES SCREECH]

OH, HANK?

I SUGGEST YOU KEEP THE PC99

ON AN EVEN SHORTER LEASH.

* ALL RIGHT

* WE'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE

* THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

* AS LONG AS WE'VE GOT

* ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD *

* WE'VE GOT *

* ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD *

* WE'VE GOT

* ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD *

* WE'VE GOT *

* ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD... *

OK. SMOKE TEST.

BIG MOMENT.

2-D TO 3-D.

YOU GUYS READY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE WE GO.

3, 2, 1...

[GRUNTS]

WHAT HAPPENED?

Darrell: I DON'T KNOW. LET'S CHECK THIS CARD HERE.

MOVE OVER.

WHOA. AMAZING.

I SAW 3-D ICONS.

YES, BUT THAT'S ALL THERE IS, ANDY.

DON'T FORGET, THE REST OF THE BRAIN

EXISTS IN CYBERSPACE.

WE NEED A WAY TO LINK IT

TO THE HOLOGRAM.

MEGA SOURCE IP GODZILLAGRAM AT BOOT UP.

PEER-TO-PEER SERVER GENERATED OVERRIDE.

DOWNLOADED ECHELONS, GLARK HOLOGRAPHIC

CONTEXT INSTANTANEOUSLY.

A HYPNOTIZER CODE.

ELEGANCE.

TRANSLATION?

SIMPLE. TINY WILL WRITE A CODE

THAT WILL CONNECT ALL THE ELEMENTS TOGETHER.

THE INTERNET, GLOVES, AND THE HOLOGRAM.

CLEAR? CRYSTAL.

GET WRITING, TINY.

DO YOU SMELL THAT? [SNIFFS]

THAT IS THE STENCH OF VICTORY.

I CAN'T STAND THIS.

WHERE THE HELL IS LLOYD?

TRY CALLING HIM AGAIN.

I'M RIGHT HERE, HANK.

JESUS. I HATE WHEN YOU DO THAT.

I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION.

I'VE GOT 500 ENGINEERS,

AND IF THEY FIND OUT WE'RE OUT OF

PRINGLES. WE'RE--

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A RIOT ON OUR HANDS.

WHERE'S THIS WEEK'S CHECK?

DID YOU TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEM?

IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, IT WON'T BE AN ISSUE.

FINE. IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS,

I'LL SEND YOU YOUR NEXT CHECK.

[RING RING] WHOA!

NOW WHAT'S WRONG?

JANIE HICKENLOCKER.

HELLO, BOYS.

OHH. RIDE ME, COWBOY.

COME ON, GUYS, WE'RE ON A DEADLINE.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET TO IT.

Andy: WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

TINY, YOU DA MAN,

SO JUST WRITE LIKE YOUR ASS IS ON FIRE,

AND THAT CODE IS THE BARREL OF WATER.

Hank: THEY'RE LIKE COCKROACHES.

THEY'RE UNSTOPPABLE.

I'M JUST GONNA FIRE THEM.

YOU CAN'T. YOU'LL HAVE A MASS REVOLT.

LLOYD'S GOT ME BY THE BALLS.

IF I DON'T GET ALL THE MONEY NOW,

I CAN'T MAKE PAYROLL.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE THEM THE PROJECT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN LET THEM LEAVE LA HONDA WITH THE PROJECT.

THEY'LL DIE OUT THERE.

YOU KNOW HOW MANY START-UPS GO CASTERS UP EVERY WEEK?

AND WHAT IF THEY HIT PAYDIRT?

INVENT THE NEXT PALM OR iMAC?

IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER,

HAVE THEM SIGN A NON-EXCLUSIVE WAIVER

JUST IN CASE.

PUT IT TOGETHER AND WHAT DO YOU GOT?

I COME OFF LIKE A GENEROUS PATRON

OF TECHNOLOGY.

LLOYD GIVES US OUR MONEY.

THERE'S NO MORE MONEY FOR YOUR PROJECT.

THE PC99 IS DEAD AT LA HONDA.

Darrell: WHAT?

WHAT?

BUT WE DID IT.

HANK, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT,

BUT WE BUILT A HOLOGRAPHIC COMPUTER

THAT ACTUALLY COST $99. IT'S MAGIC.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ALL RIGHT, IMAGINE THE AD CAMPAIGN.

A BOY FINDS SOMETHING IN THE DESERT,

HE RUBS IT, AND POOF!

AN ELECTRONIC GENIE,

A HOLOGRAM APPEARS BEFORE HIM.

MARKETING BULLSHIT.

NO, IT'S NOT. REALLY?

YEAH. THEN SHOW ME.

WELL, IT'S NOT... UH-HUH.

I GOTTA GO, HANK.

THE REAL MEN ARE FLASH-TESTING THE TITAN.

HANK, YOU'VE GOTTA BELIEVE ME.

SORRY. FRANCIS IS RIGHT.

YOU'RE OUT OF MONEY, YOU'RE OUT OF TIME.

YOUR TEAM WILL BE SPLIT UP AND RE-ASSIGNED.

NO. WE'LL DO IT ON OUR OWN. WE QUIT.

WHAT? WHAT?

WE'LL DO IT ON OUR OWN. WE QUIT.

FRANCIS SAID YOU'D REACT THIS WAY,

SO I HAD AN EXIT DOCUMENT PREPARED.

WAIT A MINUTE, ANDY.

"NON-EXCLUSIVE WAIVER

TO INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS."

"NON-EXCLUSIVE."

SO, YOU CAN MARKET OUR IDEAS, TOO.

YEAH.

YOU'VE GOT ALL THE RIGHTS, BUT SO DOES LA HONDA.

WE'RE BEN AND YOU'RE JERRY, SO WE SHARE THE ICE CREAM.

CAPISCE?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

BUT ONLY ON WHAT WE'VE DEVELOPED SO FAR.

ANYTHING WE DEVELOP AFTER WE LEAVE, WE OWN, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

ANDY, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS.

WE'RE A TEAM.

DARRELL'S IN.

WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T YOU GUYS FOLLOW THE NEWS?

THE ECONOMY IS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT. HE'S IN.

HEY, ANDY, WAIT A MINUTE.

COME ON.

WHERE'S TINY?

Andy: HOW YOU DOIN', TINY?

Tiny: NOT DOING.

DONE.

YOU DID IT? YOU'RE DONE? WAY TO GO, TINY!

HOW MANY LINES OF CODE?

69.

OOH.

I TOLD YOU YOU'RE THE MAN, TINY.

HEY, HEY, GET AWAY FROM THERE.

EVERYTHING IN HERE IS THE PROPERTY OF LA HONDA.

YOU CAN TAKE PERSONAL ITEMS ONLY.

NO, NO. NO, MINE.

MINE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

THIS IS ALL OUR WORK. MINE!

YOU'VE GOT ABOUT 8 MINUTES.

GUYS, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.

7 1/2 NOW.

SHIT!

WE HAVE NOTHING!

THE--THE HYPNOTIZER?

DIDN'T PUT IT IN YET.

OK.

SCREW HANK.

WE'RE NOT EVEN GONNA TELL HIM ABOUT THE HYPNOTIZER, OK?

TINY, GRAB YOUR STUFF. WE'RE OUTTA HERE.

W-WHAT?

WE'RE LEAVING LA HONDA.

LEAVE? NO. NO. NO, NO, NO.

STAY, YES. STAY.

COME ON. WE QUIT.

QUIT? QUIT?

WE'RE GONNA DO THIS ON OUR OWN.

THE 4 OF US.

THE 5 OF US.

* I SAID MY GOOD-BYES

* THIS IS MY SUNDOWN *

* I'M GONNA BE SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS *

HEY, CASPER. I HEARD YOU'RE LEAVING.

I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

NO HARD FEELINGS?

I DON'T GET YOU, FRANCIS.

I ROSE TO YOUR CHALLENGE.

HELL, I BITCH-SLAPPED YOUR CHALLENGE.

AND YOU GO AND SCREW ME.

HEY, IF YOU HURRY,

YOU CAN GET YOUR MARKETING PUKE JOB BACK

IN TIME TO WORK ON THE TITAN CAMPAIGN.

BUT PLEASE, DO ME A FAVOR.

NO CHICKEN SUITS THIS TIME, OK?

MOVE OVER.

I DRIVE.

* YOU'LL SHOW THEM YOUR PROGRESS *

* YOU'LL TAKE YOUR TIME

* NO ONE CARES, NO ONE CARES *

* NO ONE CARES

* NO ONE...

WE WERE KICKED OUT OF EDEN FOR THIS?

IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS,

WE'VE GONE FROM LEADING

A TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION

TO BEING UNEMPLOYED VAGRANTS.

AND THERE ARE TUBAS.

CALM DOWN, SALMAN.

WE'RE IRON MEN.

PEOPLE WILL LINE UP TO SEE WHAT WE GOT.

TRUST ME.

TRUST YOU? THE GOLD RUSH IS OVER.

PEOPLE ARE GETTING FIRED.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY GIRLFRIEND

I CHOSE TO JOIN THE UNEMPLOYED?

SHE'LL CASTRATE ME.

HEY, ANDY.

Salman: WHO'S THE HONEY?

IS SHE YOUR DOCKING STATION?

[BOTH LAUGH]

SHE'S A FRIEND,

AND THAT'S A REALLY RUDE TERM.

HEY, ALISA.

COME ON. IT'S TIME FOR PLAN "B."

PLAN "B"?

WHAT WAS PLAN "A"?

[INHALES]

LOOK AROUND YOU.

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE WEARING TODAY.

I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT THESE FACES.

YOU'RE GONNA REMEMBER THESE FACES

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA TELL THE STORY OF THIS MEETING

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I'M ABOUT TO BESTOW UPON YOU

THE HOLY GRAIL OF THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY.

WELL, LET ME SEE.

IMAGINE...

YOU COULD PUT THESE HANDS IN

AND TOUCH THE SOUL OF YOUR COMPUTER.

TOUCH YOUR COMPUTER'S HEART.

DO YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THE REVOLUTION?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

BUT I LOVE YOUR PASSION.

HERE.

OH, MY.

HELLO.

Darrell: DARRELL CAN'T WORK IN THIS ENVIRONMENT.

BACTERIA, MOLD SPORES.

[SNIFFS]

RAT FECAL MATTER.

COME ON. IT'S ROMANTIC.

WE'RE A GARAGE START-UP. THINK HEWLETT-PACKARD.

THINK HANTAVIRUS.

I COULD LIVE HERE.

I'VE BEEN LIVING IN LA HONDA

FOR 4 YEARS.

WELL, WELCOME HOME, TINY.

HOW LONG TO BUILD ANOTHER PROTOTYPE?

NO TIME, JUST PARTS.

WHO'S GOT THE CASH?

NO, WITH RENT, CELL PHONE, GAS FOR THE PORSCHE,

I'M MAXED OUT.

ANALOG ECONOMIC REDISTRIBUTION.

HUH?

WE SELL SOME OF YOUR STUFF.

NO, I DIDN'T MEAN

WE SHOULD GET RID OF THE PORSCHE!

ANYTHING BUT THE PORSCHE!

OH, NO! IT'S COOL, IT'S FAST,

AND IT'S BLACK.

HI.

HI. I'M ALISA.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

CURTIS...TINY.

HI, TINY.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE REALLY DELICATE HANDS.

DO YOU WORK WITH YOUR HANDS A LOT?

HMM.

HERE.

IT'S DONE!

AND I CAME UP WITH THE NAME.

HOW ABOUT THE eMAGI? ELECTRONIC MAGIC.

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT THE E-COLI?

AH, SHOW ME!

IT'S CRUFTY, BUT IT WORKS.

WELL, LET'S TRY IT.

UH, WHERE'S TINY'S HYPNOTIZER?

WHERE'S TINY?

[SNORING]

TINY, WHERE'S THE HYPNOTIZER?

TINY?

TINY? WRONG EAR.

HE SLEEPS WITH ALTERNATING SIDES OF HIS BRAIN,

LIKE A BOTTLE-NOSE PORPOISE.

TINY? TINY.

Darrell: WAKE UP, DRUMPY!

TINY, TINY. HYPNOTIZER.

WHERE IS IT? HUH?

SMOKE TEST.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

Computer: DESKTOP READY. PLEASE SELECT ICON.

MAILBOX.

[RING RING]

IT'S AMAZING.

YOU HAVE MAIL. YOU HAVE MAIL.

IT WORKS!

IT WORKS!

IT WORKS!

YEAH!

Andy: AMAZING.

IT'S SO GOOD!

IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

IT'S MAGIC!

THE eMAGI.

"THE eMAGI"? I WIN!

I GET A NIGHT OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

WHEN DO I GET TO GO?

WELL, HOW ABOUT TONIGHT? WE'LL ALL GO.

NO. WHY? IT'LL BE FUN.

WE'LL ALL BRING DATES.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

TO DARRELL AND TINY, I MEAN.

THEY DON'T HAVE A D.S.

NEITHER DO YOU.

DO, TOO.

TELL YOU WHAT, ANGRY MAN,

YOU BRING A DATE AND WE'LL DOUBLE.

HA. CHECK AND MATE.

FINE. BAHIA CABANA. 8:00.

AND WE'LL SEE WHO BRINGS A D.S.

OH, AND FOR THE RECORD...

BLOW UP DOLL DOES NOT COUNT AS A D.S.

Andy: [CLEARS THROAT]

WE'VE GOT OUT FIRST PITCH TOMORROW,

SO TONIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO CELEBRATE.

WANT TO COME?

IT'S A TRIP--

IT'S A TRIPLE DATE.

UH, DARRELL, SALMAN, AND ME, PLUS DATES.

WHAT ABOUT CURTIS?

TINY? HE CAN'T GET A DATE.

HE'S TOO SHY.

OH, PLEASE.

[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]

HERE HE IS. WHO?

TINY? WITH A GIRL?

I GOT A DATE. I GOT A REAL DATE.

DID YOU CALL HER FOR HIM?

NO. I JUST HELD HIS HAND WHILE HE CALLED.

SHORTEST, WEIRDEST PHONE CALL YOU HAVE EVER HEARD.

[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY, SALMAN.

SORRY, SALMAN.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND.

I DO.

I'VE JUST NEVER MET HER.

WE CHAT ALL THE TIME ONLINE.

WHAT'S HER NAME?

FOXYLADY33@AOL.

ASK HER OUT, DUDE.

SHE'LL SAY NO. SHE'S FOXYLADY.

IF YOU NEVER ASK, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

TINY ASKED. HE GOT A DATE,

AND DARRELL, DARRELL DIDN'T EVEN SHOW.

DARRELL'S HERE.

HE'S ALREADY CLAIMED VICTORY.

THEY'RE DANCING.

[TANGO PLAYING]

[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]

[CONGA MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY, SALMAN! COME ON, COME ON.

OK. OH, YEAH. NOT MUCH FURTHER.

YOU READY? MM-HMM.

[CYBER-BIRD TWEETING]

OH, ANDY, THIS IS VERY, VERY COOL.

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

SIMPLIFIED, CLARIFIED, ECONOMIZED.

I JUST WANT TO TOUCH IT WITH MY HANDS.

I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL.

Male newscaster: THE DOW SLIPPED 35 POINTS TODAY...

Female newscaster: NASDAQ COMPOSITE INDEX LOST 14 1/2...

Woman: PINK SLIP PARTY!

PINK SLIP PARTY!

RIDE ME, COWBOY, RIDE ME!

WOW. TERRIFIC. THIS IS SOMETHING.

I'LL GIVE MY FRIEND AT LA HONDA A CALL.

IF YOUR REFERENCES CHECK OUT,

WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A DEAL.

CAROL, GET ME FRANCIS, WILL YOU?

Claudia: YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO THE LOOK OF IT.

OUR DESIGN TEAM IS WORKING AS WE SPEAK.

WE'LL HAVE A COSMETIC PROTOTYPE IN...

A COUPLE OF DAYS.

[DOOR OPENS]

TIMES ARE A LITTLE TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT.

A LITTLE? DID YOU SEE THIS?

IT'D BE EASIER TO SELL SAND IN BAGHDAD.

Salman: THIS IS GRIM, ANDY. WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF FOOD.

MAYBE WE COULD GET AN ISP PARTNER.

EARTHLINK OR MINDSPRING OR MODNET.

I HAVE A FRIEND AT MODNET.

WHAT?! YOU HAVE A FRIEND AT MODNET?

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T WE GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

FORMER FRIEND.

[TELEPHONES RINGING]

ANDY? ANDY.

ANDY, HEY. I WANT TO FORMALLY APOLOGIZE

FOR HOOKING UP WITH ROBIN LIKE THAT.

IT WAS TOTALLY UNCOOL.

WELL...SO YOU'RE NOT SEEING HER ANYMORE?

NO. WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

YEAH. GOTCHA!

BUT SHE SAID SHE'D NEVER GET MARRIED.

SHE SAID SHE'D NEVER DO A LOT OF THINGS.

MONEY CHANGES EVERYTHING.

MODNET'S BUYING UP FAILED DOT-COMS

FOR PEANUTS. YEAH! I'M WORTH A PILE.

HA HA! AH, BUT HELL. MY LIFE'S PERFECT.

LET'S GO SELL THE OLD MAN.

IS THIS THE POSSE?

YEAH. GUYS, THIS IS WILLY, MY OLD FRIEND.

BEST FRIEND.

YEAH. ANDY HERE'S PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE

FOR HOOKING ME UP WITH

THE MOST INSANELY HOT CHICK.

YEAH. HOW YOU DOIN'?

HI. [YELLS]

OH. OH, MAN.

I'M SORRY. DARRELL HERE HAS PERSONAL SPACE ISSUES.

I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING.

YEAH. WELL, JUST KEEP HIM

AWAY FROM THE OLD MAN.

OK.

WELL, WELL, WELL. SO...

WHAT HAVE YOU KIDS GOT FOR ME?

THAT'S THE OLD MAN?

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER HOW YOU FEEL TODAY,

BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA TELL THE STORY OF THIS MEETING

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.

[LAUGHS]

I'M ABOUT TO BESTOW UPON YOU...

SORRY I'M LATE.

HELLO, ANDY.

I ASKED OUR HEAD OF MARKETING TO JOIN US. THANKS, ROBIN.

THAT'S ROBIN?

YOU DID IT WITH THAT?

YOU ARE MY GOD.

ANDY.

YEAH. UM...

WHAT WE, UH...AHEM. WHAT WE--WHAT WE

HAVE HERE TO--UH...

IT'S A HOLOGRAM.

IT'S A HOLOGRAPHIC COMPUTER.

IT'S SO UGLY.

UH, QUESTION...

WHAT THE HELL?

OK. LIGHT IT UP.

[CLICKING SWITCH]

OH. THIS IS A JOKE.

HA HA HA! IT'S A JOKE.

IT'S--

IS THIS WHAT PASSES AS A JOKE THESE DAYS?

YOU KNOW, I DON'T GET YOU KIDS

AND YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

GENTLEMEN?

JESUS, ANDY. I TOLD HIM YOU WERE MONEY IN THE BANK.

WON'T BE NEEDING THIS.

I'M GONNA HAVE WILLY'S BABY.

LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE AS PATHETIC AS THESE LOSERS.

ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE.

RRARR!

Darrell: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE?

YOU TRIED TO SLUG A CHICK!

AND YOU MISSED!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I HAD EVERYTHING...

AND I THREW IT AWAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHY ANYMORE.

SHE'S RIGHT. I AM PATHETIC.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

WHO THE HELL AM I?

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

WHAT ABOUT US? YEAH.

YEAH. YOU SAID EVERYTHING

WOULD BE ALL RIGHT. NOW WHAT?

Andy, remembering: BEN, YOU KNOW I CAN DO THIS!

YOU KNOW I CAN DO THIS!

[USES SPEED-DIAL]

[RING]

YEAH.

HEY, BEN, IT'S ANDY.

ANDY! SO, UH...

HOW'S THINGS?

I'VE BEEN EXPECTING THIS CALL.

YOU WERE?

ALL THAT JOLT BABBLE.

I TOLD EVERYBODY WONDER BOY WOULD BE BACK WITHIN 2 WEEKS.

YOU'RE A BORN SALESMAN, ANDY.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TALENTS. COME ON BACK.

ACTUALLY, BEN, I WAS CALLING TO THANK YOU.

UH...YEAH. I MEAN,

THIS JOB IS MORE THAN I EVER HOPED FOR.

YEAH, AND, UM...

I'VE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE.

Ben: QUIT SCREWING AROUND, KIDDO.

THE CLIMATE IS CHANGING.

WE'RE ENTERING AN ECONOMIC ICE AGE.

EVERYBODY WANTS YOUR JOB.

I CAN ONLY HOLD IT FOR YOU FOR ANOTHER 2 WEEKS MAX.

OK, MAN. THANKS, BEN.

[SEAGULLS CAWING]

SO, WHY HAVEN'T YOUR PITCHES GONE WELL?

EVERYONE'S AFRAID.

THEY WANT TO INVEST IN A SURE THING.

THEY SEE MY PIECE OF CRAP ON THEIR DESK

AND, I MEAN, IN MY HEAD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I DON'T SEE THE WIRES OR THE GLOVES OR THE KLUDGE.

I JUST SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL, GLOWING POTENTIAL.

BEAUTIFUL, GLOWING POTENTIAL?

MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU SEXY UP THE LOOK.

WOW. REALLY?

YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?

IT'D BE A GOOD PROJECT FOR ME,

SOMETHING I COULD FINISH.

HA HA HA!

HMM. WELL, I'D LOVE TO SEE HOW YOU'D SEXY IT UP,

BUT I'M AFRAID IT'S TOO LATE.

REALLY?

THAT'S TOO BAD.

YEAH.

IT'S TOO BAD.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR TODAY.

NO. THANK YOU.

I REALLY NEEDED THIS.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?

ARE YOU GONNA GO BACK TO OMEGA?

NO. NO WAY.

LEAVING OMEGA WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE.

BUT IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, THOUGH, HUH?

YEAH. A BIT.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I SHOULD FEEL AWFUL AND I DON'T.

I'VE LOST EVERYTHING THAT I THOUGHT WAS IMPORTANT.

BUT I FEEL...LIGHT, ALIVE.

I HAVE NO MONEY, NO JOB,

BUT I KNOW SOMETHING'LL HAPPEN.

I'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I BET YOU WILL.

SO, IS THIS THAT PART OF THE MOVIE?

NO.

NOT YET.

DAMN.

NOT MUCH LONGER.

GOOD NIGHT.

[TUBAS PLAY]

[MANY INSTRUMENTS PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNES]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

ANDY, WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU.

WHAT THE HELL IS MRS. B GONNA SAY?

COCKTAIL, ANDY? HA HA HA!

OK.

Salman: SHE WANTS TO INVEST!

[GROANS]

HA HA HA! WHAT?!

SHE WANTS TO INVEST.

SHE WANTS TO GIVE US THE MONEY

TO FINISH THE eMAGI.

WHO?!

IT WAS MS. CLAUDIA GOSS. SHE WANTS US

TO COME BACK WITH OUR NEW DESIGN.

NEW DESIGN?

SHE NEEDS IT TOMORROW MORNING.

TOMORROW?

SHIT!

TOMORROW?

SHIT!

COME ON. THE STUDIO.

Andy: IT'S GOING TO NEED A WIDE BASE, A FLAT BASE...

VENTILATION AND ACCESS PORTS FOR BOTH POWER AND INTERNET...

BUT IT NEEDS TO BE SHORT THIS WAY...

OK. I'M SORRY. WITH A...

ANDY.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.

I'M SORRY. I'M NOT USED TO...

HAVING ALL THESE RULES AND SPECS.

NEWS FLASH.

SOMETIMES...

IT'S OK TO KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU'RE DOING

WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT.

OK.

AT LEAST I'LL KNOW WHEN I'M DONE.

[LAUGHS]

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

SIT DOWN.

LET ME DO THIS.

I'M CHANGING INTO MY SMOCK.

NO PEEKING.

ANDY?

Alisa: ANDY.

ANDY, WAKE UP.

HEY.

I'M DONE.

TEMPORARILY DONE.

WOW! AVOCADO!

THAT'S AWESOME!

HA HA! I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS SO HIGH-TECH,

IT SHOULD HAVE AN ORGANIC COLOR.

WELL...

GOOD NIGHT.

IT'S ALMOST SUNRISE.

[CHUCKLES]

GOOD MORNING.

[MARIA MULDAUR SINGING MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS]

* MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS

* SEND YOUR CAMEL TO BED

* SHADOWS PAINTIN' OUR FACES *

* TRACES OF ROMANCE...

HI.

I LOVE THIS SONG.

WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?

WELL, I USED TO HAVE THIS INSANELY

KICK-ASS CD COLLECTION.

* LET'S SLIP OFF TO A SAND DUNE *

* REAL SOON

* AND KICK UP A LITTLE DUST *

* COME ON, CACTUS IS OUR FRIEND *

* HE'LL POINT OUT THE WAY

FRANKLY, I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED

ABOUT MRS. B's NO HANKY PANKY CLAUSE.

* YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER *

* THERE'S NO NEED TO SPEAK *

* I'LL BE YOUR BELLY DANCER *

* PRANCER

* AND YOU CAN BE MY SHEIK *

WHAT IS THIS? SOME KIND OF KINKY

SENSORY DEPRIVATION SEX THING?

YES.

WHOA! WELL, LET'S HOPE

I LAST LONGER THAN THE PILLOW.

[LAUGHING]

ANDY! OH!

WE HAVE TO GO. WE CAN'T BE LATE.

WHAT DID YOU DO? BLOW UP A CHICKEN?

TINY, HURRY UP! LET'S GO!

GET DRESSED!

Andy: WE GOTTA GO! WE'RE LATE, WE'RE LATE!

PLEASE HURRY. JUST GET IN THE CAR.

GET IN THE CAR.

NO. HOLD--HOLD IT, GUYS.

YOU CAN'T GO DRESSED LIKE THAT!

WHAT IF I START YOU AND YOUR TROOPS OUT

ON A GRAND A MONTH PER PERSON LIVING EXPENSES?

SORRY, CLAUDIA.

BIG NUMS OR NO NUMS. $2,500 A MONTH EACH.

OK.

PLUS 200 Gs OPERATING EXPENSES.

MM-HMM.

AND YOU BUY MY PORSCHE BACK?

FINE.

200,000.

FOR 51% OF THE COMPANY.

51%? NO WAY, ANDY. SHE'LL HAVE US BY THE PRICK.

Salman: I DON'T LIKE THIS 51%--

LET'S FACE REALITY, BOYS.

6 MONTHS AGO, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY DOT-COM

AND YOU'D HAVE INVESTORS ALL OVER YOU

LIKE FOAM ON A FRAPPUCCINO.

BUT THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.

THIS IS A BUYER'S MARKET, AND AS FAR AS I CAN TELL

NOBODY'S BUYING.

SIDEBAR.

[CLEARS THROAT] ALL RIGHT, I KNOW THIS IS A BIG RISK,

BUT EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE UP UNTIL NOW WAS A BIG RISK.

AND I KNOW 51% SUCKS, BUT IT'S OUR ONLY OFFER.

WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

WE'RE OUT OF OPTIONS.

200 GRAND?

Together: WE'RE IN.

GREAT.

* WE'RE IN THE MONEY

* WE'RE IN THE MONEY

Andy: LET'S CELEBRATE A LA CASPER.

Darrell: A LA CASPER? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

[SCREAMING TOGETHER]

WHOO!

AAH!

Together: eMAGI!

Alisa: THIS IS IT.

Together: OHH.

Salman: MY GOD!

Darrell: DARRELL LIKES.

THAT IS A WORK OF ART.

TINY. ASSEMBLY.

YEAH.

OH, COOL.

Darrell: COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

OH, YEAH.

THIS IS THE FIRST eMAGI ASSEMBLED.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A PHOTO OP.

YOU GUYS ARE MAKING HISTORY.

GET IN CLOSER, TINY.

HEY, WE ARE IRON MEN!

Together: YEAH!

[SNORING]

HELLO.

HEY. CLAUDIA.

WE NEED TO HAVE A BOARD MEETING.

YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS? WE'RE HAVING A BOARD MEETING.

COOL.

IT'S LIKE WE'RE GROWN-UPS.

THIS MORNING I RECEIVED AN OFFER

FROM JUST EVERYWHERE, INC.

TO PURCHASE THE eMAGI OUTRIGHT FOR $409,000.

WELL, I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US

WHEN I SAY, "NO."

AND I THINK I SPEAK AS THE MAJORITY SHAREHOLDER

WHEN I SAY WHAT YOU ALL SAY

MEANS PRECISELY DICK.

SO 49% OF $409,000 MINUS THE 200 ADVANCE

LEAVES YOU WITH A GRAND TOTAL OF $410 OF PURE PROFIT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

$410. YOU'RE KIDDING!

THE MOVERS SHOULD BE HERE BY 4:00.

WE SPENT THE ADVANCE ALREADY.

IT'S BEEN GREAT DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU.

BYE.

[CAR STARTS]

WHO THE HELL IS JUST EVERYWHERE, ANYWAY?

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF US!

YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK US!

SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK US.

YOU GAVE HER 51% OF THE eMAGI.

WE TRUSTED YOU, ANDY.

WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

WE HAVE NOTHING.

WE HAVE NOTHING AND WE'RE BROKE.

WHO'S GONNA TELL DARRELL?

[HORN HONKING]

[DARRELL SIGHS]

POVERTY SUCKS.

LOOK AT THIS MACHINE, GUYS.

HUH? DOES MONEY BUY HAPPINESS?

I THINK SO.

YOU TELL HIM.

UHH! UHH!

Andy: I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!

I KNOW I LET YOU GUYS DOWN AND I KNOW WE HAVE NOTHING,

BUT WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, RIGHT?

RIGHT. AND WE'VE COME THROUGH BEFORE, RIGHT?

RIGHT. OK, HERE IT IS.

STATE RECORDS OFFICE, CIVIC CENTER.

LET'S GO.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?!

THEY'RE IN SAN JOSE!

A NEW COMPANY, NOT EVEN IN THE COMPUTER YET!

Darrell: KEEP OFF THE FOOT.

COME ON, GUYS. LET'S KICK SOME ASS.

LOOK.

Tiny: FRANCIS...

IS JUST EVERYWHERE.

THERE YOU ARE, YOU ENGINEERING PUKE!

CASPER, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

SECURITY WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS?

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS WONDERFUL, REALLY.

I'M VERY IMPRESSED.

AND, PLEASE, PASS ALONG MY COMPLIMENTS

TO THE REST OF YOUR TEAM.

IN FACT, WHERE ARE THEY?

OH, THERE THEY ARE. HI.

YOU SCREWED THEM!

YOU SCREWED ME! YOU SCREWED ALL OF US!

THIS IS THE NEW, NEW THING.

I AM SO CONFIDENT THAT I BROKE A CARDINAL RULE

AND I INVESTED MY OWN MONEY

INTO THE eMAGI.

THAT WAS YOUR EVIL PLAN?

YOU GOT ME TO DESIGN A REVOLUTIONARY COMPUTER

SO YOU COULD STEAL IT AND GET RICH?!

YOU ARE SERIOUSLY PARANOID, MAN.

I ONLY WANTED TO GET RID OF YOU.

IT WASN'T UNTIL I REALIZED WHAT YOU HAD COME UP WITH

THAT THIS BECAME MY EVIL PLAN.

I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

KILL ME?

YOU SHOULD THANK ME.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE I'VE WORKED WITH?

YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW WHO ACTUALLY MADE IT

WORTH MY WHILE TO SCREW THEM.

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

THIS IS AN ENORMOUS COMPLIMENT.

IT WAS--

999?

WE MADE IT FOR 99.

RIGHT.

BUT IF I CHARGE $900 MORE,

EVERY TIME I SELL ONE

I MAKE $900 MORE.

OH. LOOKS LIKE YOUR TIME IS UP.

MR. CASPER.

WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY

OR THE HARD WAY.

THE EASY WAY, PLEASE.

DAMN.

Newscaster: LATE BREAKING NEWS.

SILICON GURU FRANCIS BENOIT HAS QUIT LA HONDA

TO GO FOR THE MONEY.

BENOIT CLAIMS TO HAVE DEVELOPED

AN ELECTRIFYING NEW INVENTION

THAT WILL COMPLETELY CHANGE OUR LIVES.

Andy: I HAD A DREAM

THAT I COULD MAKE SOMETHING

AND IT WOULD TOUCH EVERYONE'S LIVES.

AND WE DID IT! WE MADE IT!

AND FRANCIS CAME AND STOLE IT FROM ME.

HE STOLE MY DREAM.

Alisa: NO.

HE STOLE YOUR THING. NOT YOUR DREAM.

IT'S LIKE...

WHEN YOU PAINT A PAINTING

AND YOU SELL IT.

YOU LOSE THE PAINTING,

BUT YOU STILL KEEP THE INSPIRATION.

YOU SOLD THE PAINTING.

NOW JUST PAINT NEW ONE.

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

I CAN'T JUST TAKE A CRAYON

AND--AND SKETCH A NEW COMPUTER.

CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST USE SOME OF YOUR OLD STUFF?

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU STILL OWN?

NOTHING.

BEN AND JERRY'S!

[LAUGHING]

ICE CREAM?

Andy: GUESS WHAT, GUYS?

I HAD A VISION.

DID IT INVOLVE THIRD WORLD SCHOOL KIDS?

NO, IT INVOLVES A NONEXCLUSIVE AGREEMENT

AND A TUBE OF K-Y.

SCREWING FRANCIS IN A VERY PUBLIC,

DEMEANING, AND HUMILIATING WAY.

LOOK AT THAT. DARRELL SMILED.

DID NOT.

FACIAL SPASM.

GUYS, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE ACCOMPLISHED?

WE CRACKED THE GENE CODE.

WE BUILT A SPACE STATION.

WE CREATED A WORKOUT THAT TONES YOUR ABS

IN ONLY 6 MINUTES A DAY!

WE TOOK THE MOST UNWANTED, UNCOOL WOMBAT PROJECT

AND WE SPUN IT INTO GOLD.

AND IT TURNED TO SHIT.

NO, IT DIDN'T. IT WAS JUST STOLEN.

AND WE CAN GET IT BACK.

LISTEN...

WE DEVELOPED THE eMAGI AT LA HONDA,

WHICH MEANS HANK CO-OWNS THE RIGHTS.

REMEMBER?

IF WE GET HANK ON OUR SIDE,

WE CAN USE OUR IDEAS,

BUT WE CAN TAKE IT MUCH, MUCH FURTHER.

BLOW FRANCIS AWAY WITH SOMETHING COOLER, FASTER...

SMALLER.

THE NEXT GENERATION eMAGI.

THE ULTIMATE!

WE GO ALL THE WAY TO THE LIMIT.

WHO'S WITH ME?

I'M WITH YOU.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

I GOTTA GET GOING, GUYS.

WHERE-- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

FOXYLADY33.

SALMAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND.

I ASKED HER OUT.

SHE'S ARRIVING AT THE FERRY TERMINAL

IN 56 MINUTES.

SHE'S REAL?

HIS DOCKING STATION'S AT THE DOCKING STATION.

BUT... OUR NEW PROJECT--

NO, WE DO HIS PROJECT BEFORE WE DO ANY PROJECT.

OK! OK.

I'LL HELP SALMAN WITH HIS PROJECT.

YOU GUYS STAY HERE AND--AND BRAINSTORM.

BRAINSTORM WHAT?

NO GLOVES, NO WIRES, NO NOTHING.

[SHIP'S HORN BLOWS]

WHAT IF SHE'S SOME KIND OF FREAKCOID?

WHAT KIND OF PERSON AGREES TO MEET A PERSON

SHE MET ON THE INTERNET?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

I COULD BE A WEIRDO FOR ALL SHE KNOWS.

GO GET HER, ROBIN HOOD.

IF SHE IS A HER.

Newscaster: BENOIT QUITS LA HONDA.

MORE ON THAT STORY.

IN A QUICK RESPONSE, OMEGA'S LLOYD ACHESON

HAS ABRUPTLY HALTED LA HONDA'S CORPORATE FUNDING,

LEAVING THE VALLEY'S PREMIER RESEARCH LAB

IN A STATE OF COMPLETE CHAOS.

Andy: HANK. HANK...

WE'RE HERE TO SAVE LA HONDA.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. WE GOT IT.

WE GOT THE ANSWER RIGHT HERE!

I HAD A DREAM, HANK,

AND I THOUGHT IT WAS GONE,

AND THEN I REMEMBERED YOU STILL HAVE IT.

STILL HAVE WHAT?

Both: BEN & JERRY'S!

THE NONEXCLUSIVE WAIVER.

JUST GIVE ME 30 IRON MEN, A MONTH,

AND WE'LL NAIL FRANCIS.

THERE'S ONLY ABOUT 7 GUYS LEFT,

8 IF YOU INCLUDE ME.

YOU CAN HAVE THEM TILL THE POWER SHUTS OFF.

HA HA HA! WE'RE GONNA RAVAGE FRANCIS WITH THIS.

OK.

Salman: HEY, GUYS.

FOXYLADY33 IS JANIE HICKENLOCKER?

Darrell: FOXY HICKENLOCKER.

HELLO, BOYS.

SMALL WORLD, HUH?

RIDE ME, COWBOY.

Darrell: GUYS, LET'S GET TO WORK.

Andy: LET'S CRANK IT UP, GUYS.

FRANCIS IS GOING PUBLIC IN 10 DAYS.

YOU ALL KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

CASPER AND HIS TEAM ARE BUILDING SOMETHING AT LA HONDA.

THEY'RE USING THE TITAN X.

THE TITAN WAS NEVER FINISHED.

CASPER'S TEAM HAS NOTHING.

I HAVE THE eMAGI

AND A HUNDRED THOUSAND PREORDERS.

WOW! AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN SHOWN IT TO THE BACKERS YET.

LISTEN--LISTEN TO SOME OF THESE ORDERS.

NASA HAS ORDERED 25,000.

THE KUALA LUMPUR DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION

WANTS 50,000.

SOME INSTITUTE IN SEDONA-- I DON'T KNOW--

WANTS 10,000.

HEY, TINY, HOW YOU DOING?

NOT DOING. DONE.

YEAH!

OH... AW...

NOW, THAT'S WHAT YOU WOULD CALL...

IN THE NICK OF TIME.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, SYNCHRONIZE YOUR WATCHES.

I HAVE 9:13. WE HAVE EXACTLY LESS THAN 2 HOURS

TO GET TO FRANCIS.

EXACTLY LESS THAN?

WE'RE SYNCHRONIZING WATCHES. COOL.

HEY, TINY, LET'S ROLL.

TINY, BREAK IT UP!

Newscaster: BIG EXCITEMENT

HERE IN SAN JOSE THIS MORNING AS SILICON VALLEY'S ELITE

JOSTLE FOR A GLIMPSE OF THE NEW NEW THING,

FRANCIS BENOIT'S SO-CALLED REVOLUTIONARY COMPUTER.

WRAPS COME OFF AT PRECISELY 11:00

WHEN THE TOP PLAYERS GET TO BID FOR THE RIGHTS.

MEANWHILE, SECURITY HERE AT JUST EVERYWHERE

IS HIGH-TECH AND TIGHT.

WE GOT 5 MINUTES TO GET IN THERE.

YEAH, AND TINY'S MISSING IN ACTION.

WELL, HE'LL HAVE TO MEET US INSIDE.

IF WE GET INSIDE.

DON'T WORRY. SALMAN'S ALL OVER IT.

RIGHT, SALMAN?

RECURSIVE SECURITY ALGORITHMS?

HA! BRING IT, BITCH.

GO FOR IT, ANDY.

ONCE YOU CONTROL THE COMPUTERS, YOU'RE UNSTOPPABLE.

HELLO AGAIN, MR. CASPER.

WE HAVE TO STOP MEETING LIKE THIS.

UNSTOPPABLE, HUH?

Darrell: NO, THIS WAY, SALMAN.

GUYS, GO WITH THE PLAN!

INSIDE. INSIDE.

HEY!

EXCITING, ISN'T IT?

SOMETHING IN THE AIR.

FRANCIS BENOIT, ALWAYS MILES AHEAD,

HAS SOMETHING NEW.

QUICK! QUICK! IN HERE!

WHAT YOU SEE TODAY WILL CHALLENGE...

SHIT, WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT THIS CLOSE!

TODAY'S COMPUTER IS 50,000 TIMES FASTER

THAN THE FIRST COMPUTER,

AND IT CAN HOLD A MILLION TIMES THE INFORMATION.

AND TOMORROW'S COMPUTER...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

KEEP GOING, SALMAN.

WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY

OR THE HARD WAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THIS BOTTLE, TOUGH GUY?

TETRODOTOXIN.

DEADLIER THAN CYANIDE.

WITHIN 10 MINUTES, YOUR BODY GOES NUMB.

AND THEN THE PARALYSIS SETS IN.

IN 30 MINUTES... YOU'RE DEAD.

CARE TO GIVE IT A TRY?

NICE TRY, BUT YOU'D DIE, TOO.

DARRELL'S BEEN INOCULATED.

HEY, W-W--

WELCOME, FRIENDS, FROM AROUND THE WORLD.

LET'S GET STARTED, OK?

COME ON, THROW ME YOUR SECURITY CARD.

HUH--WHA--WHOA--

AAH! NO!

IT'S ALL RIGHT, SALMAN.

IT'S JUST MOUNTAIN DEW.

WHERE'S THE CARD? WHERE'S THE CARD?

OH, SHIT.

YEEEAAAHHH!

LIVE DANGEROUSLY.

HA HA HA HA HA!

KICK ASS, DARRELL. WE'VE ONLY GOT A MINUTE!

Security guard: HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET THE FUTURE...

A HOLOGRAPHIC COMPUTER

FOR ABOUT A THOUSAND DOLLARS.

BEHOLD...

THE eMAGI.

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

EAT FLAMING DEATH, FRANCIS.

[GROUP MURMURS]

CHRIST, WILLIAMSON, DIDN'T WE ALREADY PASS ON THIS THING?

A DEMONSTRATION WOULDN'T BE COMPLETE

WITHOUT THE CUSTOMARY GLITCH.

AAH!

OH! [GASPS]

TINY?

FRANCIS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THE PERILS OF A DOWNSIZED ECONOMY.

DISGRUNTLED FORMER EMPLOYEE.

OH... [CHUCKLING]

ALL RIGHT, TINY.

JUST WADDLE ON HOME.

GO ON!

FRANCIS!

Lloyd: HANK, WHAT IS THIS?

YOU DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S GOING ON?

MY NAME'S CURTIS REESE,

AND I HELPED DESIGN

THE eMAGI... BEFORE FRANCIS STOLE IT.

[BAND PLAYS TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]

ANDY?

EXCELLENT PRANK, CASPER.

NOW JUST DO THE PEE-PEE DANCE ON HOME.

SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP, FRANCIS!

HI.

I'M ANDY CASPER,

AND THIS IS MY TEAM.

AND WE MADE THE eMAGI.

AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU A SECRET.

WHAT SECRET?

IT WASN'T FINISHED.

THE eMAGI'S COOL, BUT IT WAS ONLY

A STEP ALONG THE WAY TOWARDS OUR ULTIMATE GOAL--

TO SIMPLIFY, TO CLARIFY,

TO ECONOMIZE.

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH.

WAIT. I WANT TO HEAR WHAT THE KID HAS TO SAY.

WE'VE JUMPED LIGHT YEARS BEYOND FRANCIS.

THE eMAGI ISN'T TOMORROW'S COMPUTER.

IT'S YESTERDAY'S PROTOTYPE.

THIS...IS TOMORROW'S COMPUTER.

POWERFUL...

PORTABLE...

AND 1/10th THE PRICE.

[LOW, ANTICIPATORY NOTE]

[GASPS FROM GROUP]

HI.

I'M CASPER...

THE FRIENDLY...HOLOGRAM.

[BAND STARTS PLAYING ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA]

I THINK IT WAS... GOD WHO SAID,

"LET THERE BE...

LIGHT."

HOLY SHIT!

WHOA!

CHECK IT OUT!

Lloyd: AMAZING.

BEAUTIFUL.

IT DOESN'T SUCK!

DON'T BE SHY.

PUT YOUR HANDS INTO THE HOLOGRAM.

LET THE LASERS FIND YOUR FINGERS.

TOUCH THE SOUL OF YOUR COMPUTER.

[ZARATHUSTRA SWELLS IN BACKGROUND]

UNBELIEVABLE.

* WHEN WILL YOU SEE THE DAY *

* WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER AFRAID? *

* IF YOU LOOK OUTSIDE

* YOU'LL SEE THE SUN IS SHINING *

* AND THINGS ARE BEGINNING TO CHANGE *

* WHEN YOU FEEL ALIVE

* YOU REALIZE *

* THAT THE AIR THAT YOU BREATHE *

* LETS YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE *

* WHEN YOU FEEL ALIVE *

* YOU REALIZE *

* THAT THE STRENGTH THAT YOU FEEL *

* WILL NEVER DIE...

Salman: THERE'S NO SHAME IN CRYING.

DARRELL DOESN'T CRY. AHEM!

DARRELL'S...EYES... SWEAT.

AHEM!

SO...DID YOU GET YOUR JOLT?

I'M ABOUT TO.

* YOU REALIZE

* THAT THE LOVE THAT YOU FEEL *

* WILL NEVER DIE

NICE TRY, CASPER.

BUT I STILL OWN THE RIGHTS.

SO DO WE, FRANCIS.

CONCENTRATE, FRANCIS.

REMEMBER THE NONEXCLUSIVE WAIVER?

I BELIEVE IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

AWESOME, CASPER.

OMEGA IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN THE eMAGI.

WE'RE GOING WITH THIS BABY.

HANK?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CASPER?

I DON'T NEED ANYBODY IN THIS VALLEY.

I'M FRANCIS BENOIT.

I'VE GOT THOUSANDS OF PREORDERS

FROM CUSTOMERS AROUND THE WORLD.

OH, LOOKY HERE!

HERE'S ONE OF YOUR WORLDLY CUSTOMERS NOW.

FRANCIS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE HEAD

OF THE KUALA LUMPUR DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.

BE BOUGHT 50,000 UNITS.

HERE IS NASA'S CHIEF PURCHASING OFFICER.

25,000 UNITS.

AND DARRELL THERE RUNS THE SEDONA ANGER INSTITUTE.

10,000?

10,000.

HEY, BUT DON'T WORRY. AS LONG AS YOU DIDN'T--

INVEST YOUR OWN MONEY...

FRANCIS...YOU ARE SO

TOTALLY IN THE TOILET.

BYE.

VERY HUMILIATING.

VERY DEMEANING.

VERY PUBLIC.

Man: BENOIT, OVER HERE, PLEASE.

[SIGHS]

MR. BENOIT!

THANK YOU, ANDY. THANK YOU.

THANK ME?

THANK YOU GUYS. I HAD NOTHING WITHOUT YOU GUYS.

YEAH, BUT YOU MADE US A TEAM.

YOU GAVE US A CHANCE TO SHINE.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU GUYS, TOO.

BIG UPS...

TO ALL OF YOU.

OH, MY GOD! DARRELL, YOU CONNECTED!

YOU'RE ACTUALLY TOUCHING US!

WELL, I FIGURED...

MY HAND WAS JUST IN THE TOILET, SO--

EEH! UGH!

HA HA HA HA HA!

* LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS GREAT *

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE

* LIFE IS HARD, LIFE IS CRUEL *

* LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

* OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE

* OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH *

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE

* SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WAKE TOMORROW *

* THERE'S NO MORE SORROW, YOUR DREAMS CAME TRUE? *

* SO KNOCK ON WOOD AND CROSS YOUR FINGERS *

* NOW COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, IT MIGHT BE YOU *

* WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WAKE TOMORROW *

* AND ALL YOUR GRAY SKIES HAVE NOW TURNED BLUE? *

* HOW MANY DAYS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GIVEN? *

* SO GET ON LIVIN', IT'S UP TO YOU *

* LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS GREAT *

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE

* LIFE IS HARD, LIFE IS CRUEL *

* LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

* OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE *

* OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE *

* HE SO LOVES THE SUN, ROCK, ROCK ON *

* YO, I BE FLIPPIN' A RIB AT A PARTY *

* TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN

* IF YOU LOVE RICH NICE, OR YOU HATE RICH NICE *

* TAKE MY ADVICE AND JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE *

* HEY, KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE IT'S A SACRED WORLD *

* IT'S A NEVER-ENDING TEST

* I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN *

* AND I FEEL I'M NEAR THE END *

* I DON'T WANNA LIVE LIFE DOING PETTY NONSENSE *

* IT'S HARD TO SLEEP AT NIGHT WITH A GUILTY CONSCIENCE *

* YOU KNOW IT'S REALLY A MESS, NOW I FEEL BLESSED *

* WHEN 20 MINUTES FROM NOW IT'LL ALL TURN TO STRESS *

* I'M 27 YEARS, ALL MY BROWNSVILLE YEARS *

* I'M STUCK WITH ALL THE BLOOD, THE SWEAT AND THE TEARS *

* BABY, IT'S ON, A MOTHER SHEDS TEARS *

* AT THE SAME TIME A BABY IS BORN *

* ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, A LIFE IS LOST *

* A YOUNG BLOOD WAS KNOCKED OFF *

* AND THE HEAT WAS TOSSED

* DAMN, LIFE IS REAL, IT'S SO TRIFE *

* BUT DON'T STOP NOW, LIVE YOUR LIFE *

* I KNOW IT'S HELL FOR THE ROUGH *

* BUT DON'T TALK DOWN ON YOUR MAN *

* UNLESS YOU'RE HELPING HIM OUT *

* IT'S YOURS

* SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WAKE TOMORROW *

* THERE'S NO MORE SORROW, YOUR DREAMS CAME TRUE? *

* SO KNOCK ON WOOD AND CROSS YOUR FINGERS *

* NOW, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, IT MIGHT BE YOU *

* WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WAKE TOMORROW *

* AND ALL YOUR GRAY SKIES HAVE NOW TURNED BLUE? *

* HOW MANY DAYS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GIVEN? *

* SO GET ON LIVIN', IT'S UP TO YOU *

* LIFE IS GOOD, LIFE IS GREAT *

* LIFE IS UNBELIEVABLE

* LIFE IS HARD, LIFE IS CRUEL *

* LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

* WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WAKE TOMORROW *

* WITH ALL YOUR GRAY SKIES NOW TURNED BLUE? *

* HOW MANY DAYS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GIVEN? *

[NEW SONG BEGINS]

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA *

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE-OH

* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA *

[TUBA NOTE]