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* i'm going down To south park *

* gonna have Myself a time *

* friendly faces Everywhere *

* humble folks Without temptation *

* going down To south park *

* gonna leave my Woes behind *

* ample parking Day or night *

* people spouting "howdy neighbor" *

* headed on up To south park *

* gonna see if I can't unwind *

( * mumbling * )

* so come on down To south park *

* and meet some Friends of mine **

( man over loudspeaker ) Ladies and gentlemen,

Give it up for jimmy !

Thank you.

Wow ! What a terrific audience.

I know what most of you Are thinking...

"hey, that guy Stole my shoes."

Wow, what a great audience.

And how about This michael jackson guy, huh ?

I mean, come on.

Wow, what A great audience.

Uh...

Lights please ?

Hey, jimmy.

Butters, Where is everybody ?

Oh yeah, Well, about that.

Christopher reeve came to town To do some kind of show

And everyone Went to seehim.

Christopher reeve ?

Christopher reeve !

You know, Christopher reeve,

The guy Who played superman.

I know who he is,

But why is everyone ditching My comedy show to see him ?

Well, because He got crippled

But now he can Move his finger.

He's an inspiration To us all.

That's why everyone Ditched on your show.

So then how come You came ?

Well, because I said i would.

Aw, i'm a dork, huh ?

And so Without further ado,

Here is the most courageous, Most amazing man on the planet:

Christopher reeve.

( cheer & applause )

Thank you, thank you, Wow, what a great audience.

I just flew Into south park.

Used to be i didn't Need an airplane !

( all ) Awww !

As most of you know...

I am a strong supporter of Stem-cell research.

Say, fellas,

Thanks a lot for Going to my comedy show !

We didn't go To your comedy show.

I know that !

I was being fac-- Fac-- facetious !

Well, dude, Christopher reeve, dude.

Ooh, christopher reeve !

Whoop-dee Freakin' do !

Dude, That's not cool.

You shouldn't make fun Of christopher reeve.

Yeah, dude, Not cool.

Though it is Controversial...

Stem-cell research Is critical...

In the quest For helping...

The disabled.

I put together A comedy show

And i was crippled From birth !

Uh, guys, i think we better Stay out of this one.

Yeah, this is Starting to look like

Something we shouldn't Be any part of.

Let's go play With trucks or something.

Can you believe This asswipe, timmy ?

Timmy ! Why is a celebrity Who became crippled

More important than us that Were born that way, very much ?

Timmy !

In the coming days...

I will prove To the world

That stem-cell research Is a miracle.

( imitating trucks )

Hey there, Fellas.

Oh hey, jimmy, Hey, timmy.

Say, would you guys Like to join our club ?

Oh, i'm sorry, you can't, You aren't crippled.

Heh heh, Ha, ha, ha.

What ?

To be in our club not only Do you have to be crippled,

But you have to have Been born that way.

You know what that means ?

No butthole-superman-asswipe Christopher reeve !

That's nice, guys.

We're just gonna Stay out of this one.

Hey, wait a minute, you guys Can't just start a club

And tell me I can't be in it !

Sorry, "able body" You can't join.

Can too !

Hey, timmy, how many Able-bodied people

Does it take to screw in A lightbulb ?

One !

You know what you call An able-bodied guy

On the doorstep ?

Whatever his name is.

Oh, goddammit !

Cartman, Just stay out of it.

But they say i can't Be in their club !

Cartman, trust me

We don't want Any part in this one.

Hello mr. Ma-- ma Magillicutty.

Hello, boys, what Can i do for you ?

Timmy and i have made a t-shirt Design for our new club.

We just came up With the name this morning !

Uh, boys i don't think you Want to wear these shirts.

Why not ?

Well, because There already is a group

That calls themselves The crips

And i don't think They'd like it too much.

There's already a crips ?

Well, sure,

They're all over Five-points area in denver,

You've never heard of them ?

No, we never have !

Are they crippled From birth

Or are they cripple wanna-bes Like christopher reeve ?

Ooh, i am staying out Of this one.

Can you believe it, Timmy ?

All this time There was a group

For truly crippled people Like ourselves

And we didn't know it !

Timmy !

Come on, We gotta take the bus

To five points in denver !

My guest tonight Is the brilliant star

Of stage and screen, Mr. Christopher reeve,

Who, with the help Of stem-cell research,

Is now able to move His arms.

Thanks for having me On again, larry.

All right, chris, The whole world is waiting,

Why don't you show us what stem Cell research has done for you ?

( slight grunt )

Amazing.

Isn't that amazing, folks ?

Now, chris, there's Some people who say

Stem-cell research Is wrong,

That taking cells from A fetus is... Unethical.

Well, it just proves That the public

Needs to be Educated...

About stem-cell research.

See, the stem cells From a fetus like this one

Can form into whatever cells Of the body are damaged.

They are the most powerful thing On the planet.

And now how does Someone like yourself

Make use Of the stem cells ?

Well, it's very simple.

( slurping )

And now you can see My arms have better movement.

Wow-- wow !

( sirens, gunshots & screaming )

Excuse me, sir,

We're looking for a group of People called "the crips".

You are ?

Do you know Where they meet ?

We've already tried The rec center and the library.

The crips hang out In that old warehouse Down there.

But nobody goes in there.

Oh, it's okay, We're crips ourselves.

Come on, Tim, tim !

Timmy !

( rap music playing )

Well, hello everyone !

I'm jim swanson and This is my friend, timmy.

Timmy !

Uh... Timmy !

Well, let us tell you A little about ourselves.

Timmy and i are both True crips, born and raised.

We're the only crips in South park, where we live,

And would love to join Your fantastic denver chapter.

Is they for real, man ?

We just have one question Before we join your club.

Do you think it's better To be born a crip,

Or to become a crip Later by accident ?

The only real crips Was born crips, dawg !

Yeah, you can't become A crip by accident, fool !

I agree.

I mean, it's like come on, Why do all these people

Who become crips later in life

Think they have Such great potatoes ?

Timmy !

We're glad you see it Our way, fellas.

So can we Join your group ?

All right, you wanna thug With the five-points crips ?

Bitches, all you Gotta do is

Pop some Punk-ass bloods.

Well, sure, tim and i would love To pop some punk-ass bloods.

We're terrific at it.

Timmy ?

I don't know, timmy, Just play along.

Timmy !

So you saying, You're down ?

Down like A clown, charlie br--

Down like a clown, Charlie brrr--

Down like a clown, Charlie bah, bah--

Down like a clown, Charlie b-brown.

* kickin' it with A nigga *

* why i have His wife for dinna' *

* another silly nigga Wants to fight *

* well fightin' Is for chumps *

* didn't ya know *

* in the nine yo *

* it's all about The flow-flo *

* i can't stop it we're Bad apples in a bunch-- **

Say, timmy, Did you notice

That all the crippled people In that club are negros ?

Timmy ! That's an amazing Coincidence.

I mean, there's not one crippled Colored person in south park.

Hey, you kids.

Well, Hello, officers.

What the hell do you think You're doing ?

We're going to pop Some punk-ass b-bloods.

Timmy !

Look, timmy, there's A convenience store,

That must be what The fellas meant

By "pop some punk-ass bloods",

They want us to get them Some soda pop and treats !

Oh, timmy !

Let's buy them ginger ale And marshmallows.

Then they'll let us In the club for sure.

Oh sh-( beep ) !

Suh, s-- s, S-sunday driver.

Yo yo, listen up, Y'all.

Let me tell you bout my gs Roller and four legs, here.

They just smoked 13 bloods in one night.

That ain't never Been done before !

And they got us marshmallows And gingerale.

So does that mean We can join the club ?

You're not just in,

You're the baddest Mo-fo crips in town.

C-pop, turn up the beats So we can celebrate

Our new gs Five-point style.

A'ight.

Wow, these guys Really are crippled.

( rap music )

Timmy, I have a feeling

This is the start Of something wuh, w-wonderful.

Timmy !

Thanks for The ride home, fellas !

We sure had A terrific time.

All right, Keep it real, lil' dawgs.

You dawgs Keep it real too.

Timmy !

Well, that sure was A terrific time.

Let's go all around tomorrow

And show everyone Our new outfits, timmy.

Timmy !

There you are, Jimmy !

What up, masey, Yo pops !

Jimmy, your mother was Getting worried about you.

No need to worry About me,

I'm cool like a fool

In a swimming P-- p-- p-pool.

Tom, i'm standing Out front of

The stem-cell Research facility

With terrific news.

Christopher reeve, Who was once paralyzed,

Claims that He can now stand.

Thank you, everyone.

To most people, this is Just an ordinary fetus,

But to people like me, It's hope.

( slurping )

( oohing & ahhing )

Mmmm.

( cheers & applause )

What an inspiration !

Tom, many celebrities Have spoken out

In protest Of stem-cell research,

But after seeing this, How can they protest now ?

( slurping )

Stay clear, guys, Stay clear.

Yup, i'm not Saying anything.

Hey.

Hey, i no want No trouble !

Hello.

We'd like two orders of Kung pao chicken, please.

I no want No trouble !

You just take what You rant and reave !

Timmy !

Aah ! Okay, okay !

I'm opening Register !

Timmy !

What's that ?

Oh, and one Medium lemonade, please.

Timmy.

Here ! Here $112 !

It's all i have, You take !

Huh ?

You take ! $112 !

Are you sure ?

I no want no trouble, Just take it and reave !

Well, gee, that's really Nice of you mr. Chinese person.

Look tim tim, We got a cash prize.

We must be the 100th customer Or something.

Here, here two order kung pao Chicken and small iced tea.

Actually, it was A regular lemonade.

Aaaghgh ! I sorry, i sorry !

I no want no trouble, Here, remonade.

Now go, just go !

Gee, thanks a lot, See ya next time !

Timmy !

Herro, porice ?

I just been robbed By two gang members !

Jimmy ?

Jimmy, could you come Into the kitchen please ?

Yo, mamsy, What's up, pops ?

Have a seat, jim, your mother And i need to talk to you.

( grunting )

Son...

Your mother and i have noticed A change in your behavior.

And... We're worried that you Might be involved in a gang.

A what ?

Oh, you mean The fellas.

Well, sure.

But i can't talk About the club

On a count of It's super-secret, dawg.

Then, it's true !

Oh, ryan, It's true !

Why you be Trippin', mom ?

I mean, come on,

I'm finally a part Of something very much.

Jimmy, those people You're hanging out with

Are no good.

Yo, don't be dissing My niggas, dawg.

They're my f-f-friends.

And what about Your stand-up comedy, jim ?

Huh, are you just Giving up on that too ?

Nobody cared about My stand-up comedy !

All that hard work Just to be outshined

By christopher reeve The super butthole.

Jimmy, we've Told you before,

God made you the way he did For a reason.

Right, because You and mom

Used to make fun of Crippled kids in high school.

That's right.

You were sent here Through the vengeful

And angry hand of god to teach Your mother and i a lesson.

And that's a big Responsibility, son.

Look, my gang, Which i can't talk about

Because it's super-secret,

Is the most important thing To me now.

And if you two Don't like it,

You can just pass the blunt To the nigga on your left.

( sobbing )

Where is that delivery Of new fetuses ?

I'm feeling weak again.

Here's the new Shipment, sir.

Hello, there, Christopher.

Well, well, Gene hackman,

My old nemesis From the movies !

How are you ?

I'm good and you ?

I'm better with Each passing day !

Stronger and more agile !

( slurping )

Christopher,

I've come to ask you To stop what you're doing.

What ?

Using stem cells Is like playing god.

You should leave Nature alone.

And go back To the way i was ?

Is that what you're saying, Hackman ?

I'm saying that sometimes

You need to just Live with the cards

You're delt, Christopher.

Stop calling me Christopher !

That name no longer Has meaning to me.

Christopher was someone who Lived in a wheelchair,

Always being pushed Around by others !

The old christopher reeve Is dead !

From now on i am...

Chris.

* 65 bottles of beer On the wall... *

Payback time, Mother ( beep ) !

Jesus christ !

Holy guacamole !

Freakin' frijoles !

Leapin' lengosta !

Eastside bloods !

We're detectives hyde And richardson

From the special Gang unit in denver.

Any word on Who shot up

Me and timmy's houses, Officers ?

Word on the street Is it was

A retaliation hit By the bloods.

The bloods ?

You know, smart mouth, Your rival gang.

The bloods are at war With the crips.

They kill Each other all time.

They do ?

Don't act like You don't know,

You little punk !

The crips and bloods Hate each other

And if you stay in that gang, You're gonna end up dead too.

But why do they Hate each other ?

Look, kid, i used to be A crip myself,

But i'm not anymore !

Oh, so you used stem cells Like christopher reeve ?

Come on, The only way these kids

Are gonna get out of Their gang is to get killed.

( weeping )

Sarah !

Oh boy, timmy,

We should have never Started a gang

For people Crippled from birth,

Now they're at war With the people

Who were crippled In an accident.

Boy, were we wrong.

Tim-my.

Wow, we've got to Do something, timmy.

We've got to get the crips And bloods to stop fighting !

I bet if we could Just get them together.

But how ?

Wait a minute, I've got it !

A lock-in At the rec center.

We did it For our church once.

All we do is rent out The rec center overnight.

They lock the doors So nobody can leave

And everyone has the whole night To play in the swimming pool,

And laugh and talk.

Timmy !

You get all The crips you can

To the rec center Tomorrow night,

Timmy, and i'll try To get all the bloods there !

Timmy !

This is gonna be T-terrific !

Tom, several years ago Actor christopher reeve

Had a horrible accident And was paralyzed.

The irony, of course, Was that the man

Who played superman Could no longer walk.

America watched in wonder As he managed

To move one of his fingers, Then his arms, and now,

Seen for the first time On h-b-c, christopher reeve

Is going to lift a truck Up over his head.

Oh, what a fighter.

That brave, Brave man.

He's an inspiration To us all.

Tom, the irony Is even more irony-y,

As it appears the stem cells Have given christopher reeve

Almost super-human strength.

Chris, That's enough.

Hello, gene, So good to see you.

You're cured, chris.

It's time to stop Using stem cells.

Stem-cell research Has made me stronger

Than i ever Thought possible !

Why stop now ?

Uh, tom, Apparently gene hackman,

The man who played Superman's enemy,

Lex luthor in the movies,

Has now shown up As a celebrity protester

Of stem-cell research.

If that isn't ironic, tom, I don't know what is.

They're affecting Your mind, chris.

If you won't Stop using stem cells,

Then we'll stop you.

Stop me ?

Stop me ? Ha !

You won't stop me, Hack-man !

( cackling )

Tom, if irony were made of Strawberries,

We'd all be drinking a lot Of smoothies right now.

Come on in, everybody,

Lots of surprises And treats inside.

Great to see you all, What a terrific audience.

You sure you got everything You need, young man ?

We sure do, Thanks, mr. Applebee.

Just remember To make sure

The kids play it safe In the pool area.

You bet.

I'll be back at seven To let you out.

You kids have a good time.

Oh, we will.

The bloods !

Oh ( beep ), It's a trap!

Mother ( beep ) crips

Trying to smoke us All out !

What the hell Is going on here ?

It's called a lock-in At the rec center.

We can use all The rec center facilities.

We can play basketball, Go swimming

Or even just kick it In the lounge area

With games and puzzles.

Timmy !

But nobody can leave Until seven a.m.

So if you want To have a good time,

You're all just gonna have To learn to get along.

* there's pizza ! *

Tom, over five years ago, Doctors told actor

Christopher reeve that He would never walk again.

But the resilient actor Fought back,

Struggled against all odds,

And has now built His very own legion of doom.

The once-immobile mr. Reeve

Says his new organization Will be committed

To world domination And evil.

What an inspirational story, Tom.

I have chosen each member of This elite group

Of super villains for Their outstanding treachery,

Their desire For world conquest

And their hatred Of all things good.

And i have assembled This group for one purpose

To once and for all

Find a way to...

Get rid of hack-man !

( cackling )

Uh...

How about domination Of the world ?

Yeah, or death to The infidels !

Silence !

Our job is to see to it That hack-man

Is put out of commission !

Ooh boy, General dissaray

Maybe we just ought to Stay out of this one.

Not so fast, chris.

Hack-man !

We've just helped pass a ban On stem-cell research.

Your fetus-sucking days Are over !

No, no !

And now we're going To put you somewhere

Where you can never touch Another fetus again !

You stupid mo-fos Are dead !

Make the first shot, Punk !

Hold it !

Don't you see, It doesn't matter

If we were crippled from birth Or crippled in an accident.

We're all brothers !

Save it, fool, Crips ain't our brothers!

Look, we have the whole Rec center to ourselves,

Can't we all just try Having some fun together ?

You talkin' Crazy, dawg !

Yeah, we ain't Playin', sucker !

Why don't we at least Give it a chance ?

I mean, come on.

Wait a minute, What did you say ?

I said, "i mean, come on."

You know, Maybe he's right.

I mean,come on.

Come on.

I guess we could at least give Having fun together a try.

It's like,come on.

Yeah, come on.

Yeah, that's right, Come on.

( all ) Come on.

( rap music playing )

Gotta give you Two dawgs props

For puttin' an end To all this hatin'.

I told you, lock-in At the rec center always works.

And you know, I've learned something too,

I was player-hatin' Christopher butthole reeve

Because he got more attention Than me

But just like you guys,

I need to learn To control my anger.

Right on.

Hey, lil' roller, try Some of this chronic ( beep ).

Timmy !

Well, i guess we all learned That trying to get along

Is way better Than p-player hatin'.

The gang wrote a song about it, Why don't we listen in ?

* used to Be crips and bloods *

* didn't get along *

* but now we're all a family And so we wrote this song *

* na na na Crips and bloods *

* na na na hope and love *

* na na na Friendly thugs **

( christopher ) You haven't seen

The last of me, Hack-man !

I will be backkkk !

Dude, i am so glad We stayed out of that one.

Meeee too !

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Captioned by Soundwriters™