Original subtitles

On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered round, and they gazed in wide

wonder at the joy they had found.

The head nurse woke up, said, leave this one alone.

She could tell right away that I was bad as a bone, bad as a bone.

I see

I'll make my own.

Look at that.

Let me see a little trigger.

Take your mind off that arm.

You may feel a little pressure.

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

Fire to the bone!

You might

better

give up, senor.

You cannot kill us all.

Nope. But I can clean your colon out. quicker than one of them burritos with

extra guacamole sauce.

A little hand in the bowl.

Fired.

Fired.

Fired.

At ease, Payne.

Relax. Do you know why you're here?

Sir, no, sir!

The promotion board report came out last week.

This is the new lieutenant colonel list.

Your name is not on it.

You get two chances to advance, then we gotta show you the hatch.

Basic man is cutting your discharge orders right now.

General.

You trying to tell me in all this man's military, there's no room left for a

trained weapon of destruction?

The fighting is no longer done on the battlefields, Payne.

Now all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress.

Warriors like us are becoming dinosaurs.

There's got to be somebody who needs some killing.

I'm sorry, Major.

There's no one left.

You've killed them all.

It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man, and already I'm starting to

get the itch.

Problem is, I ain't got nothing to scratch.

God, I'm hungry.

Hungry for action.

Hungry for blood.

Hell, I'm just plain old hungry.

I feel I'm getting weaker.

Our child is growing stronger in the jungle.

I can't lose my edge.

I got to keep my strength up.

I got to maintain discipline.

Because the hard reality was I got to get a job.

And what better place than somewhere that would allow me to employ my skills

as a trained.

Killer. Mr.

Payne?

This is a dramatization of a domestic violence dispute.

You arrive on the scene to find a woman, played by Ms. Goodman.

Hello, ma 'am.

Claiming to have been assaulted by her husband, played by Mr. Shipman.

Happy to meet you, sir.

Your objective is to effectively neutralize the situation.

Neutralize it.

Begin.

You've only been out one week.

It's civilian life, sir.

I had a minor setback.

Listen, I made some calls, and I got an assignment for you.

It's not great, you understand, but it gets you back in the military.

So after two and a half weeks of living a civilian puke's existence, I

was back in uniform.

Back in the Corps.

back to the sweet smell of mustard gas and kill it.

Little did I know what awaited for me.

I've toured 11 separate engagements from Iraq to Haiti, but nothing I did would

prepare me for this newest assignment.

I was told it would be my greatest challenge.

It was sure to be a living hell.

The Glee Club will be meeting three days.

Will the teachers please

report to the choir for the science fair judgment.

You running from the boy?

She's trying to give me a shot.

You don't like needles?

Want me to show you a little trick to take your mind off that pain?

Here, give me a hand.

Now you may feel a little bit of pressure.

Hi, I'm Emily Walburn, the school counselor.

You must be Major Payne.

That's a mighty fine handshake you got there.

You want to wrestle?

Thanks.

I wrestle with these kids all day. This one's usually my big helper.

Come on tight.

Nice meeting you, Major. Nice meeting you, Miss Van.

Major Payne reporting for duty, sir.

What?

Major Payne, the new commandant.

All right.

You're in charge of the green boys.

Come again?

The green boys.

They wear those green things.

You know, it's funny. When they stand in front of bushes, I can't see them.

Why are you here?

The ROTC program.

I understand you've been placing last eight years running in the Virginia

military games. I am here to remedy that.

We have an ROTC program?

The green boys, sir.

All right, between us.

I don't care what you do with those boys, as long as you keep them out of my

hair.

Is that all?

Oh, would you like a tour of the campus?

No, I'd like to see my man.

Fall in movie, you idiot!

Let's go!

Sir! Carry on.

My name is Major Vincent Winterfoot.

Go change your huggies, boy, and be back here pronto. Stop that crying.

You'll get no pity from me.

You think your tears will stop Charlie from taking advantage and sticking you

your little tiny heart?

What the hell was that, you little freckle -faced cartoon?

Did I give you permission to sneeze open?

No, sir.

Then you hold it in, you big -eared turd, otherwise I'll... Kick your ass

to Mayberry.

I see we have a sickly boy on our hands. Well, we're going to have to boost your

immune system, son.

What's your name, tubby?

He's good, sir.

He's cool.

You know, you remind me of the dough boy. If I poke your stomach, we'll make

go. You know what? I'm going to help you make room for lunch, bacon boy. Drop

down.

Red Fox?

No, better yet, you, Richard Pryor, ain't you?

What's your name, girlfriend?

Dwight Williams, but boys call me Dick, so you call me Dick.

Dick, huh? Yeah, brother.

You like the way I handle these white boys, Dick? Oh, yeah.

You think you feel good to see a black man run down, huh?

Malcolm X.

Let me tell you something, Dick. Yeah, brother?

Why don't you come closer?

Actually, he is deaf.

Oh. Well, thank you.

Now drop down and give me 25 more for speaking out of line!

One, sir.

I'm sorry, Mr. Handicapped Man. I didn't mean to offend you.

Do you speak sign language? Can you read lips? Let me break it down.

Welcome to my party.

You know you're out of uniform there, Mr.

Fondarelli. Yeah, bro. I like this look better, General.

Admiral. Whatever.

It's major, boy.

Ooh, looks like we got another major on our hands here, guys.

Cadet Alex Stone, sir.

Yes, sir. Hey -ho, sir.

I'm glad to see you got a sense of humor.

So do I.

From

now

on, my little group of scrotum sacks... You will strive to be like me.

You will walk like me, talk like me, and until you...

help me to understand why you shave the children bald?

Oh, that's my little incentive program.

These boys have to earn their due.

Their hairdue, that is.

Do they have to earn their bathroom privileges, too?

What do you want, Mr.

Peabody?

Well, he's upset about this morning.

Apparently, he had a little accident.

Apparently, he pissed all over the front of his pants.

Well, maybe that's because he's six.

Maybe because he's six. Woman, when I was six years old, I had a full -time

Well, I told him that you have something that you'd like to say to him.

You think I owe you an apology?

Want me to take back some of those mean and hurtful little things I said?

Okay.

I'm sorry you're just a little turd that can't hold your liquid out in public.

Now you get on out in my face while I pick you up and toss you out that

Major, have you ever done this kind of work before?

Woman, under this here hat, I've trained 20 ,432

combat killing machines.

Well, that's just my point. You see, now you're dealing with children, and

children have special needs.

Do you know what positive reinforcement means?

Is there anything like where you take a POW and you snap his neck after you

torture him so he don't have to go through life with a colostomy bag?

Sort of.

I'd like to make a suggestion.

Why don't you and I become partners in the emotional growth and development of

these little ones?

What do you say?

Can you be my big helper and help me do that?

Yes.

this pig.

I know I'm gonna shave him.

Damn major.

I want you to be my damn brother. You know that most of your body, he travels

through the head, you know. It means I'm gonna be colder and I get... Man, that

damn pain's already starting to get on my nerves.

Turd this, turd that. Who do you think he is?

Just shut up.

You telling me to shut up? Why don't you shut your damn mouth and stop being all

that damn candy, you fat pig?

I look like Curly from the Three Stooges.

Did I say you could touch my bed?

No.

Get off.

Ow!

Pain's gonna kill us.

You know I have a heart condition.

I'm not sure he's familiar with my medical history.

Let's go, let's go, let's go! Come on, move it! Shut up that horsey and run!

You ever hear of knocking, Dotson?

You won't have to worry about that anymore.

I have good news for you assholes.

Pack your bedding, your kit, and your clothes.

Let's go.

Where to?

Hello, cue balls.

Welcome to the house of pain.

A squad that lives together, wins together.

Unity, turds. That is the key word in unit.

Without the Y.

Garbage. Grab a rack and settle in.

Let's move out.

You eyeball me again, I'll snatch it out and put it in Heathcote's cookie bag.

It's so damp.

What about my allergies?

You know how far we are from the kitchen.

Shut up.

As I said so, Terry. Major. Hey, sir.

What?

Sir, I think I speak for everyone when I say that this place is unacceptable.

Sir. Yeah?

Really?

Love my barracks night and day.

Love my barracks night and day.

Won't complain as we're all safe.

Won't complain as we're all safe.

This year I'll pack enough punch to take out an entire football team.

Payne will never get off the can.

He'll be making beef still until graduation.

Yeah, man.

Payne will never know what hit him.

Major Painter?

You see I'm eating, turd?

There's a call for you, sir.

Thank you.

Damn, G, he nearly put you in a coma.

It can't be legal the way he's been treating us.

Let's just tell Phillips.

Nah, nah, that senile fool ain't gonna help us.

You gotta get rid of that son of a

bitch.

Listen, we're gonna have to prove that pain did something so vile,

so perverse.

Disgusting. That Phillips will have no choice but to fire him.

Like what?

Why me?

Because you have got the biggest tits.

Come on. I'm not full of you.

This wolf has got to take the pictures.

Four hours. He hasn't blinked. I'm telling you, these special forces guys

see with their eyes open.

Trust me.

What happened to the other dress?

This one's prettier.

Shut up, Brian.

Shh. Come on.

Williams, go.

Matt, you sure about this? He looks the way to me.

I checked on that.

Watch this.

Yo, turd sniffer.

Maggot face.

See? He's dead to the world.

Get in. Get in.

Get in.

Now put your head on his shoulder.

Are you crazy?

Do it.

Closer.

Closer.

Now, now, now put your arm around.

Good. Now hold it.

Hold it.

Good.

Hello.

Weren't you going to be my big helper?

Yeah, but they started it.

Oh, I'm stopping it.

Don't you listen.

I was just going to...

They may not like me, but they will respect me. Let me be more direct.

They hate you.

Good. Then draw them close together. Make them a team.

That's a very cynical plan.

Yeah, but it won't backfire.

Here. I would like you to consider an alternative approach.

I want you to have this book.

Read it.

Apply it.

The ABCs of the loving male role model.

I don't need your book.

Take it. I don't want it. Take it. I don't want it.

Please, Major.

I got a surefire plan to get rid of that son of a bitch.

What is it? What is it?

What's it going to cost us?

How much you got?

Twenty. I got twenty -five.

Put me down. All right.

All right. We're taking out Payne tomorrow.

Love is the key to

understanding.

The three B's.

Be a good listener.

Be sensitive to their needs.

Well, hello, Miss Wahlberg.

I just came by to let you know that Williger has a slight temperature, so

might not want to torture him this evening.

I will be sensitive to his needs.

Have you been... reading the book well i might have glanced at it once or twice

oh well that's very good i'm very proud of you major oh it ain't hard being

sensitive he's back he's back who's back the man who lives in my

closet oh boy get on out of here with that i'm scared of dark crap go on now

Hello there, fella.

You know what you're having?

It's called a nightmare.

You know what a nightmare is?

Boy, that's all this is.

Why don't you run on back to your room before that man jump out the closet and

chop your little head off.

Sensitive.

You call that being sensitive?

you a little history on Kevin Dunn. Both of his parents are dead.

Car accident, 1989.

Lived in the chest and off it is till 1991 when the school adopted him. I know

all about it.

Well, then you should also know that the last thing he needs right now is a

sadistic father figure scaring the life out of him.

Maybe what he needs is for you to pop your titty out his mouth and let the boy

grow up.

Excuse me? What did you say?

I didn't stutter. I said, pop your titty out

his mouth and stop babying him. I don't call it babying. I call it

nurturing. And I call it neutering.

And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, dictatorial...

You in there?

If he's still in there, he ain't happy.

just trying to show you some affection.

I don't like it.

It makes me feel all funny.

Good night, Mr.

Fulmer. Good night, Major.

You really did it?

I did it. Sure.

Squad, attend.

Go, Maggots, follow my lead.

Payne's not here, he's in our ass.

Payne's not here, he's in our ass.

But so tight he can't pass gas.

What's your name?

Bushwick Bill?

No, let me guess. You Snoop Diggity Dog.

Turd! Front lean and rest position.

Move! I'm going to teach you how I...

I heard

you've

been giving these boys a hard time.

In fact, I heard you couldn't cut it in a real man's military.

I heard that it's time for you to leave.

You know what I heard?

I heard your mama was so fat, she played pool with the planets.

You thinking about leaving yet?

Well, actually, I think the party just be good.

Now what I'm going to do is take this right foot and I'm going to put it

the left side of your face.

Don't give me that Billy Jack bullshit!

You said you were going to kick me in the face.

What, you calling me a liar?

I guess nobody's responsible.

Guess I just had that one a -comin'. Well, you know what y 'all got

comin'? Seven 23 -hour days full of fun

and adventure.

I'm gonna make you boys strong.

Sir?

Yes, turd?

It was me, sir. I hired him.

Well, that's one death warrant sign.

Do I have any more volunteers?

What about you, brown nose?

I acted alone, sir.

The rest of the squad was unaware of my activities.

Well, that's a pretty bold move there, Mr.

Stone.

What do you think I ought to do with you?

I don't know, sir.

You don't know?

I guess you should probably expel me, sir.

What, and send you on a vacation?

Doxon! Sir, yes, sir! You are no longer the squad leader.

Stone, you are now cadet sergeant.

If these men win the Virginia military games... it'll be because you have led

them to a victory.

If they lose, it'll be because you failed them.

I don't accept their responsibility.

It's not negotiable.

Battle Squad Leader, my first order is to screw you, sir.

What did you say to me, turd?

Why don't you go back to hell where you came from?

Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice and a glass of milk

and a paper plane in a snowstorm.

I will put my foot so far up your ass the water on my knee will quench your

thirst.

Try it.

You want me gone, boy?

Yes. Sir. I said, do you want me gone, soldier?

Yes, sir!

When you meet me outside the ROTC building at 2100 hours, you ladies

want me gone, you get your chance.

Where is the first place trophy from the Virginia Military Gang?

Virginia County, sir!

I want that trophy.

If you turds can bring me that trophy, I will resign my command.

This is a block off, gentlemen.

If you are discovered, I will deny all knowledge and you will pay

the price.

Then bring me my trophy.

All right, guys, this is it. We've got a big chance to get rid of Payne. We've

got two miles to get to Wellington. Let's get it out of there as fast as we

Hustle! Move it! Go!

Go, go, go!

Your last chance, Dutch.

What, you think I'm going to come and help you make me look bad?

Anyway, I've called my dad. I'm leaving this stupid school.

Bye. Have a good time.

Where are you going?

I'm going on a bike up.

No, you can't come. You're too little.

Why don't you stay back here and guard the base, okay?

Ah, phooey.

What about all the stories about the little people that do big things?

Like Little Red Riding Hood, them three little pigs, Spike Lee, or them little

rascals? You ever hear the story about the little engine that could?

Once upon a time, deep, deep in the jungle, there was a little engine that

could. And he was chugging his way across the enemy line.

Chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka

-chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka

-chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka

-chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka

-chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka -chooka

-chooka

plenty of opposition.

Think that stopped the little engine that could?

No sirree Bob, he just kept chugging along.

Chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga.

Toot! Toot!

Not even when they climbed aboard the train and popped out the eyes of the

conductor and blood and snot was ripping out his eye sockets.

Think that stopped the little engine that could?

Damn, skip me. He just kept chugging. Chugging along.

Chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga

-chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga

-chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga

-chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga

-chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga -chugga

-chugga -chugga -chugga

-chugga

-chugga

Both legs missing.

Lula fade, baby boy.

He look up at me. He said, Pete, I can't feel my

legs. I said, Bubba, they ain't there.

And I looked down, and them little bloody nubs was kicking real fast like

here. And I said, Bubba, it's 30 miles to the next town unless you can flip

upside down and walk. on your head, you ain't gonna make it.

All of a sudden, Tyler was all over the place.

Just me and my sidearm.

In fact, I'd love to talk to you about that story.

Perhaps over dinner?

Okay.

Okay, I'll go get ready.

You do.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Do be continued.

I come back, I tell you what Bubba used as a penis.

I think I'll wait a moment. My stomach's a little upset.

Them's a mighty fine bitter.

Wouldn't let them go to waste.

You know, I think she's really making some wonderful strides with the way

dealing with the children.

That was almost a really good thing you tried to do for Tiger tonight.

Can I make a suggestion?

Proceed.

Well, your story, while colorful, a bit rough.

You mean explosion?

Yes. And the eye -gouging part.

You need to loosen up.

Not everything can be about war.

What do you like to do for fun?

Hang upside down, blindfold, and just take my gun apart and put it back

real fast before my nose starts to bleed.

Well, that's great.

But is there anything that you like that doesn't have to do with battle?

Like what?

Like golf.

Negative.

Well, do you like to go to the movies?

I'm supposed to dance.

I've been known to cut a little rug in my day.

This only one place where we can go to see freaky girls doing shows, doing

tricks to make us holler.

Ain't you gonna dance?

Benson.

Benson.

I guess I got to

dig further into my repertoire.

And spread them, girl. Show me those cultured pearls. Put that button, don't

quit. Then blow me a freaky.

You take these guys and pan out the left flank of the school. Go. Got it.

We'll look at it. You take these two and cover the right. Got it? Got it. All

right, come on.

This is losers.

and his chest kept exploding.

Boom!

You know, that was the first time I ever drove a man's nose up into his brain,

causing instant death and simultaneous bowel evacuation.

Wasn't nothing about me, woman.

What's your story?

I'm surprised you ain't dropped about 12 puppies by now.

Ain't you never been married?

Yeah, I was.

What happened? Did you terminate his command?

No. Actually, he left.

I wanted children. He didn't.

Any man that leave you ought to be monkey stomped and have his brains

back to his mother.

Well, thank you, Vincent.

How about you?

Was there ever a Mrs. Payne?

Negative.

I figured if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they'd issue me one.

Well, I had a really nice time tonight, Benson.

Heck, being with you is almost better than cleaning my gun.

I got something for you. Oh, what is it?

It's a bullet.

Special.

It's from my heart.

Really? Well, where'd you get it?

From my heart. Left ventricle. I took it out myself with a field knife.

And I want you to have that.

Thank you, Vincent.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, Princess.

What the hell are you doing in my office?

It was a trap.

You set us up.

I might have made a little anonymous call.

You didn't think they were just going to hand it to you, did you?

We got the crap kicked out of us because of you.

Tonight wasn't about fair or unfair.

It was about achieving your objective.

Did you?

Did you even see that trophy?

Oh, I saw it.

And when you saw it, did you want it?

Yeah, to get rid of you. That's not what I asked.

Did you want it?

I wanted it.

To own it?

Yeah.

Deserve it?

Yeah. To win it? Oh, yeah.

Then let's win it, you bruised up turd.

If you really want it, I'll show you how to earn it.

Welcome, parents, to Madison School.

For your convenience, we will be announcing activities throughout the

Hey, Heathcote, your parents coming today?

Nah, of course not.

How about you, Williams?

What, are you kidding me? Shut up. My parents said they'd come, but... What

hell happened to you?

It ain't nothing.

I'm great.

Look at you, though.

Regular little soldier man.

You're a hard ass now.

What are you doing here?

It's Parents' Day, and I am your legal guardian.

I'm drunk.

Won't you walk away from me?

Oh.

Give me a little salute.

I'm not going to salute you.

You salute your superiors.

Or don't they teach that around here?

What superior?

They kicked you out, remember?

Don't you suss me like your mother.

You're mine now. I own you.

And you will respect me.

Now you salute me.

No.

You hit that boy again, I'm going to do more than salute you.

This is between me and my son. Stepson.

Whoever he is, he's on my time now.

Now, let me ask you nicely.

Please, return to your vehicle.

You're gone now.

I'm going back to your bunk, son.

Major Payne, sir.

Yeah.

I want to get that trophy, sir.

Come again?

I want to get that trophy, sir.

But you won't steal it?

No, sir.

You want to win it?

I want to earn it, sir.

The rest of you men feel the same way.

Meet me on the parade ground 1 ,700 hours.

We got work to do.

Squad, attend hut!

still a shit sandwich.

You're just not a soggy one.

From now on, you are no longer turds.

You've graduated to maggots.

You're a family, a team.

Let's win them games.

Major, I have news so good I've decided to deliver it personally.

America needs you.

There's a situation in Bosnia that requires your special services.

As of this moment, you are reinstated in the United States Marines at the rank

of Lieutenant Colonel.

Thank you, sir.

Congratulations.

Your unit will be leaving out of Washington. You will arrive tomorrow at

for briefing.

Here are your tickets.

General, tomorrow the military games, and I was hoping games.

Payne, I fought to get you reinstated.

You wanted in. I got you in.

You don't take this.

There won't be any more chances.

Sir, the major will be there, sir.

Good, man.

I'll see you in Washington.

Major, where you going?

Back to killing.

You want to come?

I didn't think so.

Go lead your men into victory.

Great. What happened to unity and family and all that other bullshit that you

taught us?

Hey, I never said family don't break up.

Don't you watch, Oprah.

So it's true.

You're just going to leave.

You know, when they're through with you, they're just going to cut you loose

again.

I asked to leave.

These boys are making me soft.

Them boys need you.

All that hard work they did, they did for you.

They did it for themselves.

Benson.

Look, woman, I toured 11 separate engagements.

I didn't do all that to come back and be conquered by no woman and a bunch of

kids.

What did you really think I was going to do? Marry you?

Put up a white picket fence?

Adopt Tiger and become the loving male role model?

That's not me.

It's not pain.

You guys better start getting ready. We gotta be there in an hour.

We don't have to go to the games. Pain's gone.

We don't have a chance without pain.

Listen, pain or no pain, I'm gonna go out there and win that stupid trophy.

We busted our asses off out there getting ready for this.

No, I didn't go through all that to come out empty -handed.

So how about it, guys?

Are you with me?

I can't hit you.

Junior ROTC Virginia Military Games.

This morning, you are all equal.

But by the end of the day today, we will honor the finest of you with a trophy.

The trophy of a champion.

Let the games begin.

Get set.

Open the wall. Go. Go.

Come on. He's gone. You can do it. I know you can. Come on. Move. Move.

Move. Come on. See you later.

like that

This is unsatisfactory. I demand that the entire medicine squad be

from the final competition.

Lieutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance.

That's not enough.

Look at him.

These animals are so pathetic, their own commander didn't bother to show up.

Ain't no need for name calling.

Major Payne, what are you doing here? I was told you were on an important

assignment.

What could be more important than my boys winning this here competition?

I suggest we get this party started.

That okay with you, Colonel?

Cadets, I'm pleased to announce the two top -rated squads who will compete for

first and second place in the parade drill competition.

Wellington Academy and Madison Academy.

Wellington Academy.

Trophy leader, Sir Michael Rexfeld.

All right, gentlemen, let's look alive here. We got trophies to win.

Hello, Mr. Denial.

While you were on vacation, we've been having some real problems here.

I haven't seen the problem.

You made it to the finals, didn't you?

Yeah, no thanks to you.

So why'd you come back?

We don't need you.

Maybe I didn't come back for you.

Why'd you come back then?

Maybe I told myself that I want to see you win first place and ain't gonna

until you do.

So that's it?

It's all about the trophy?

Maybe I like you.

Just like?

Maybe I like you a lot.

That's it?

Don't push the maybe, baby.

Now let's win this thing.

We have nobody to lead the drill.

Of course we do.

Tiger.

That's right. That boy know to drill like the knob on the back of his head.

I can't do it. I'm too little.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Wellington Academy Pro Team.

You need me to tell you the story about the little injure that cut again?

And you get out there and you toot that horn, boy.

Toot.

Toot.

Ladies and gentlemen, Madison Preparatory School.

Group team leader, Private Kevin

Tiger Dunn.

Sir, squad is formed, sir.

Host.

My name is Major Vincent Winifred Payne.

I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the medicine school.

What we've tried to do...

One of trust and understanding.

I'd like for you to think of me not only as your commanding officer, but as your

friend.

And what the hell is that?

He's mine.

Attaboy. Sit.

Good boy.

You know, there ain't no pets allowed on these here premises, Mr. Ace Ventura.

Yeah, well, maybe that doesn't apply to me. He's my blind seeing eye dog.

What in the world would anybody want with a blind dog?

The dog ain't blind.

I'm the one that's blind, you idiot.

I see you and your friend Cujo here got a little attitudinal problem. Needs some

readjusting. I'm going to fix that up quick, fast, and in a hurry.