Original subtitles

Our junk drawer's a lot bigger than most families.

But you know what they say.

One man's trash is another girl's next invention.

Sweet! This'll work perfect

for that snow machine I wanna build.

You are not building a snow machine.

If you wanna remember winter, go stand in front of the freezer.

Staring at frozen taquitos? Not as fun.

Why do you think I wanna build a snow machine?

Hey! It's the gift certificate my parents gave us

to that bed and breakfast.

Oh, yeah.

Right by the sea. So romantic.

They probably expected us to re-gift it back to them.

They knew we'd never go.

Well, joke's on them. It expires Sunday.

We should go. We could get a sitter for the kids.

I think we burned that bridge.

Brought you something pretty from the garden.

TOM: What about the other one?

MAN: Not cool, guys, not cool.

That guy was a Navy SEAL.

Just go. We don't need a babysitter.

Rachel's 16. She can totally take care of us.

Rachel?! In charge?

(laughs) Come on, Harls.

That is clearly a desperate attempt

to get rid of us.

No.

Yes. I want to build that snow machine,

but Rachel never steps up,

so the rest of us never get to live the dream--

a house where the parents go away and the kids go nuts.

Rachel can totally do it.

(Daphne whooping)

Hey, do not run with these scissors.

See. Told you she's responsible.

I need them to trim my split ends.

Use these.

Whoo!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

She handed them to her point down.

Very safe.

Seriously?

You still can't put metal in a microwave? Ugh!

I've got my work cut out for me.

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin, let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

If I wanted Mom and Dad to leave

so I could build my snow machine,

it was gonna take a major snow job.

What's goin' on?

How is everyone already up and dressed?

We wanted to enjoy this magnificent morn.

Early bird gets the worm, and I like worms.

Don't mind me, just checking my extra-credit homework.

Tea, Mother?

Funny. That sweet little girl looked just like Daphne.

May I offer you some fresh-squeezed orange juice?

It'll go great with the delicious breakfast I made for you.

I don't know what you made, but this is bologna.

- What's going on? - Rachel woke up early

to make sure everyone got a proper start on the day.

BOTH: Rachel?!

Morning. Isn't it a lovely day?

You made this happen?

It's amazing what you can do

when you put your mind to it.

I'm 16 now.

I should be helping my parents,

and showing more leadership.

Sorry. Love the breakfast, not buyin' the show.

I don't blame Mom and Dad.

You leave a kid home alone,

there's a chance they'll get into trouble.

With seven kids,

there's seven times the chance.

Even if Rachel was faking,

she taught Daphne how to curtsy.

She got Beast to take a shower.

Did you smell his hair? It's actually safe to do that now.

Wow. The closest Beast has come to washing his own hair

is giving himself a swirly in the toilet.

If Rachel could pull this off, maybe she can handle being in charge for one night.

She can. This was all Rachel.

Okay, remember the rules. No one leaves,

no one comes to visit, no one burns down the house.

Although if the house is on fire, you should probably technically leave.

Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

All right. Bye, everyone. Be good.

( all saying good-bye)

- Enjoy yourself. - Don't worry about us.

(raucous cheering)

Everyone quiet.

I'm in charge now.

Yeah, even saying that was too much work.

There are no rules. Do whatever you want.

Hey, you know that list Mom and Dad made

of all the things we're not allowed to do in the house?

The Diaz Don't List.

Let's do every single one of 'em.

Boom!

I'm gonna watch TV nonstop. Boom!

Ditto that. Boom!

I'm gonna go build my snow machine. Boom.

Why are we all still standing around?

Everybody on three.

One, two, three.

Freedom!

All right, we did the first one.

Don't leave the cabinet doors open.

Hang on. Is the refrigerator a cabinet?

I'm not sure.

Just to be safe.

Okay. Not as much fun as I thought it would be,

but it was a good warm-up.

Let's see what's next.

Don't pass gas in the kitchen.

Done.

Wow, we're making good time.

So what should we watch first?

I was thinking a horror movie.

I wanted to watch the bowling finals.

I know a horror movie that takes place in a bowling alley.

Strike Of Death. They use heads for balls.

Oh, I've seen that poster.

"No one will be spared." I'm in.

Let's do it.

Sorry, Daphne. We're older than you.

We get dibs on the TV.

Take it up with Mom and Dad.

Oh, wait, they're not here.

Fine. You watch for a while,

and we'll trade off. Good idea, right?

If you're the guy without the remote.

I only get an hour of TV every day,

and I wanna watch all the channels I've been missing.

( reporter speaking indistinctly )

I am very concerned about this fiscal year.

(sighs)

(sighs louder)

When someone sighs like that,

you're supposed to ask what's wrong.

Harley, I'm talking to you.

You are? I thought you had an earpiece in

and were talking to your friends.

I'm mad at my squad right now.

Phoebe and Zia went to Costa Rica on a vacay,

and they didn't invite me.

There's a lot of things you don't like there.

Plants, trees, insects.

Insects in plants and trees.

Hello. I don't want to go.

- I want to say no. - (text alert chimes)

They're posting tons of cool pics.

How dare they have that much fun without me?

Yeah, that's really rude of them...

enjoying a vacation you didn't wanna go on.

Totally. What is that?

I'm building a snow machine. This is the model.

With Mom and Dad gone,

it'll be Christmas in July.

Hold on.

Can you make it look like I'm on a ski vacation?

I guess so.

I could put a ramp up in the backyard

so it looks like you're on a ski slope.

You could tell people you're in Australia.

If you could do that, it would be so cool.

I could tell my friends I'm skiing with Chris Hemsworth.

My best friends would hate that. I love it!

Okay, that's the first time Rachel's ever called me cool.

It's also the most sentences in a row

she's ever said to me. The old record was three.

And the third one was "Shut up."

So you really can do it?

Of course, and the beauty is,

Mom and Dad will never know.

I love that they actually thought we trust Rachel.

We've raised them to think we're dumb. Good on us.

I think this looks pretty good.

And the best part is, "Go play in the snow"

is not on the Diaz Don't List.

So Lewie and Beast have zero interest.

You're a genius.

Oh, please. I'm just a girl

with an invention bag, taking it one day at a time.

Okay. Photoshoot.

Want one where Chris Hemsworth is checking you out?

Nah. Get in here. Let's do one together.

You wanna be in a picture with me?

Yeah. Come on. It'll be fun.

Throw on a jacket. I brought some spares.

Only a rookie does a photoshoot without multiple looks.

This is the first time Rachel's ever wanted

to spend time with me.

(gasps) This is a good one.

I'm tagging it "snow sistas."

She even tagged me.

And this time, it wasn't "nerd alert."

She's sound asleep.

The joke's on her for wanting to watch something educational.

Now we can watch our movie.

Her grip's like iron.

Yeah. She works out her right claw just for moments like this.

No worries. Got a back-up plan.

The shaving cream in the hand trick.

Yes. Go with the classics.

Look who's got the remote now.

Hey, Daphne, you got a little something on your...

everywhere.

Laugh now, because very, very soon,

you won't be.

X marks the spot.

I can't wait to see what Daphne does for revenge.

I bet she puts vinegar in their mouthwash.

No. They'll be expecting that.

I'm saying pail of water over the door.

No. Too soft. Pail of rocks.

Okay. You're on. Twenty bucks.

Our kids are really entertaining when we don't live with them.

Let's see what's on the Lewie and Beast network.

Don't sumo wrestle in the house.

(both grunting)

SUZY: Wow!

They're already up to number 14 on the Diaz Don'ts.

- Are those my good ties? - Not anymore.

Let's mess with these guys.

( phone ringing, boys grunting loudly )

- Hello. - SUZY: Hey, guys.

Just checking in. What are you up to?

- We're reading. - And discussing.

Good to hear.

Hey, by the way, I think I left a five-dollar bill

on the floor of your room.

Never mind.

Here it is in my pocket.

Listen, I forgot to tell you something.

Don't eat the kale salad that's in the fridge.

Okay? Bye.

We just got another "don't" to do.

To the kitchen.

They're gonna get more vitamins than they've had all year.

So Mt. Harley still open for business?

Yeah. Rachel and I are just chillin' in the snow.

No bigs.

You're hanging out with Rachel? Did she lose a bet?

No. It's not like that other time.

She even posted a photo of us.

Hey, how'd you get the remote from Daphne?

We pranked it out of her.

Are you out of your mind?

You never take something from Daphne

without her permission.

What?

It's just one fry.

(plate shatters)

Good luck. You're gonna need it.

( bowling pins clatter, people screaming )

That's them.

Don't go to sleep.

We've made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Hey, I got the...

Oh. Cuff's here.

I didn't know anybody was coming over.

Oh... (laughs)

I wouldn't have a party without my bae.

I thought we were taking saucer selfies.

Snow saucers?

That's like a snowmobile for your butt!

New plan. I'm posting pictures

of my rockin' snow party

that those girls weren't invited to.

Phoebe and Zia are gonna be crying in their Costa Rican whatever.

But don't they think you're in Australia?

You uploaded our selfie.

Luckily, I didn't.

I noticed one of my eyes was squinty,

so I deleted it.

Locked and secured.

Okay, I think we're good.

I don't see how Daphne could get in here.

This is way scarier than watching heads roll down a bowling alley.

Oh, yeah.

(both laughing)

I am so glad we blew off our reservation.

Look how scared they are.

I really like tonight's lineup on the bad decision channel.

It's time to lob in a Dad grenade.

The best part about this show...

it's interactive.

(phone rings)

- Hello. - Hey, it's Dad.

- I just wanna make sure Daphne's in bed. - Oh, yeah.

She's all tucked in and dreaming of...

lollipops and puppy dogs.

Great.

Because I just remembered I left out some Incredi-Glue.

She could really get in some trouble with that.

(laughs)

But if she's in bed,

it's all good. Bye now.

Daphne is armed.

She's got Incredi-Glue.

Um...

let's flip this mattress up against the door.

Come on.

Oh, this is fun.

We should get out of the house more often.

Ugh. This is really bad.

My mouth tastes gross.

But I think my eyesight is better.

It's getting late.

We're never gonna get through this list.

We're still on the first page.

We better jump straight to the top.

Numero uno.

The biggest "don't" there is.

BOTH: Don't take a pudding bath.

This is going to be glorious.

We are so over this party, Chris.

- Hey, Harley. - Yeah?

Can you hook us up with a little more snow?

Sure.

(screaming)

Oops.

Sudden flurry. Sorry.

Whoa. Your sister just shot you with snow.

I can see that, Cuff.

Actually, I can't.

Rachel might be cold,

but I'm colder.

I'm glad she can sleep so soundly.

I was tossing and turning all night

with that knife in my back.

(squishy sounds)

More cream, my good man?

Don't mind if I do.

Hey, Georgie.

Wake up.

It looks like we dodged Daphne and her death posse.

What a relief.

Your eyebrows.

They're gone.

What?! Daphne.

Is it noticeable?

Only when you look at you.

Phew! Still have mine.

Well-played.

Is it possible I could have one of yours?

(shrieking)

What is the big...

(shrieks)

How great is this?

Looks like somebody's had a visit from the eyebrow fairy.

Ironic. She's making an angel.

Tom, wake up.

There's some kind of glitch with the tablet.

Look at this. The camera in the living room

is completely white.

What are we going to do?

I don't know. I'm starting to panic.

You are? It's hard to tell without the eyebrows.

How did all this snow get in here?

The snow machine!

Why isn't it melting in here?

That's on us. Number 21.

Don't blast the air conditioning.

(phone ringing)

(all chattering)

Everybody quiet! It's Mom and Dad!

(phone rings)

Hi, Mom.

Hey, Harley.

How's everyone there?

Oh, you know.

Same old same old.

Great. Well, just wanted to let you know

we're coming home early.

- Perfect. - We're on our way.

See you in a few. They're on their way.

All right, everyone, you know what to do. Hide!

You know what?

We're never going to clean this up in time.

Call 'em back and warn them what they're coming home to.

This isn't my fault.

You're the one who built the snow machine. You call.

No way. You're the one who left it on all night.

This is your thing. I figured you'd take care of it.

It was your idea to have the party.

It was your idea to convince Mom and Dad

to leave me in charge. I never said I could do it.

You're right.

I stuck my neck out.

You never stick your neck out for anyone.

I let you use my snow machine, and what did you do?

Had a party and didn't even invite me.

I didn't think you would want to hang out with my friends.

I don't care about them.

I wanted to hang out with you.

I mean, for the first time in forever,

we were actually having fun.

You acted like you liked me.

Of course I like you.

You sure don't show it.

I shouldn't have to.

We're sisters.

We're family.

Those are the people you don't have to be nice to.

You just know they love you, and you love them back.

No one's calling Mom and Dad,

and no one is going down for this crime,

because there's still time to fix it before they get back.

Everyone here now!

Ethan and Georgie, upstairs.

Lewie and Beast, bathroom.

Harley and Daphne, get started on the snow.

(all complaining)

Anyone who doesn't get moving now

is going to answer to me.

Just when I need it most,

Rachel's stepping up and being responsible.

When a regular person might say sorry,

Rachel says...

Move, move, move!

Looks a little bit like a squirrel's tail,

but I can work with that.

With seven kids home alone,

there might be seven times the chance for trouble.

But it also means that the clean-up can happen

seven times as fast.

♪ ♪

Mom and Dad will never know.

Good.

Because I want them to go away again.

By the way,

the picture of you and me got 71 likes.

You posted a photo of us?

Yeah. I tagged it "sister squad."

We look cute.

Cool.

Hey, it's more of me than she's ever posted before.

Hi, everyone. We're back!

(kids clamoring)

Wow, this place looks great.

It really does.

Looks even better than when we left.

This was all Rachel.

Harley helped a little, too.

I gotta say, I'm really proud of you guys.

Uh, Tom, come here for a sec.

Okay, what went on here while we were gone?

♪ ♪

Number 48: Don't have a snowball fight in the house.