Original subtitles

Previously on "Everwood"...

I'm gonna volunteer at planned parenthood.

- You are? - Yeah.

I still think cutting class was a really stupid idea.

I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I'm not your father.

I apologize.

You got a lot more going on for you than you realize.

So those pills I found last year, you said they were from a skiing accident.

I was too scared to tell you the truth.

So, how's Jake? Have you talked to him?

He's up in Carbondale.

- The rehab center? - Yeah.

You are not going anywhere except home with me.

- But you said -- - I know what I said.

I'm giving us a second chance 'cause I think that we deserve it.

See? I don't see any bars.

I told you it's broken. I've got a broken one.

No, it's not broken. You just have to turn on the wireless, dad.

Oh.

Oh, cool.

You are a neurosurgeon, right?

Do you know where your globus pallidus is? I don't think so.

Now, show me how to get onto a website thingy.

Address bar right there. Now, what do you want --

CNN, New York Times?

No, I'm good, thanks. You can go now.

Mysoulmate.biz?

Look, no one is more depressed about this than I am,

but this is how people meet these days.

I mean, Diane Lane is doing it. How bad can it be?

That was a movie.

Yes, but it was a movie she agreed to do,

so she must've found the character plausible.

It's no big deal. I didn't know you were looking.

Thought you had a thing for Nina.

Why would I have a thing for a person who's got a live-in boyfriend

of whom she's very forgiving? She's not even available, so, no.

No. No thing.

I mean, what choice do I have?

I tried acceptance. I even tried being happy for her.

Now I have to try something for me.

Better this than think about what I can't have.

Does that make any sense?

Yeah, actually.

What is that?

Somebody is trying to I.M. you.

Who's Hottie Pilate?

Someone very bendy. I'm not sure.

We never actually met. We've just been, you know, sending e-mails back and forth.

This is the first semi-live experience.

I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't spell well under pressure.

She wants to have dinner.

What if she's 93?

You'll have a good mah-jongg partner.

So, this is actually happening, isn't it? Your social life is surpassing mine.

Ephram, I'm flirting with a computer.

What does "T-T-Y-L" mean?

"Talk To You Later."

Oh, and "K-O-S" means "Kid Over Shoulder,"

in case you don't want her to say anything inappropriate.

I have six surgeries this month. I have to spend time learning how to talk in initials?

See, this is why I choose to be alone.

Was that really necessary?

We could've waited for it to set itself,

but it's so much cooler to pop your bones back in on my own.

What are you doing now?

Just a quick checkup, if you don't mind.

You do realize this is your third accident in a month.

Is that weird?

Well, it's a little improbable for a 29-year-old rabbinical student with perfect vision, yes.

Are you ever dizzy or short of breath?

You think I'm out of shape or something?

My mom is always saying I've got her thighs.

Yes or no, Josh?

Sometimes.

- Sure. - Yes.

You know, this isn't a test. I just need you to be honest with me.

What's going on? You think I've got something, don't you?

Oh, my god, it's a tumor the size of a grapefruit, right?

Mom always says it's a grapefruit. Dad always says it's a melon.

The two of them make a deathly fruit salad.

Really? Charming family you got there.

Look, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

All I want to do is run a C.A.T. scan,

get a more comprehensive look inside.

Wouldn't that make you feel better?

I do appreciate your thoroughness.

So, uh, how are Delia's Bath Mitzvah lessons coming?

Aren't you seeing her tomorrow?

Am I?

Oh, yes, yeah.

She's doing okay.

Just okay?

I'm kind of new at this whole Bar/Bath Mitzvah thing.

I hadn't really taken into account

how moody teenagers can be on their spiritual paths.

Teenagers are moody on their paths toward the refrigerator. That's what they do.

But parents usually get involved in this stuff, which sometimes helps.

Maybe you should join us for a lesson.

Well, I'd love to be there. But to be honest with you...

Delia and I haven't been getting along very well lately.

I doubt that she wants me around.

I don't want my parents around, either.

You think they give a flying fig what I want?

One of your duties as a parent is to protect and annoy.

So, can I count on you for tomorrow?

I think it'll really make a difference.

Well, if you think it would help, I'm there.

Oh, wait a minute -- tomorrow?

Oh, you know, tomorrow I can't.

I got a thing with a hottie -- I mean, a pilate.

But I can postpone.

Well, I know it's not my department, Richard.

I don't run the White House, either. It doesn't mean I don't vote.

Goodbye.

I'll just leave this right here.

Throw it on my desk.

I really need to vent. Do you have five minutes?

Sure.

So, Dr. Kingsley resigned.

He was 76 and very with it, but more importantly he was the only one

at the teaching hospital who could give instruction on the abortion procedure.

I can't believe that.

Doesn't anyone else know how?

Whatever students he had are spread across the country by now.

The blue parts, anyway.

Can't they just hire someone else?

No, it's not that they can't. They're not gonna look very hard.

With no one left to teach it, fewer people are gonna know how to do one.

Soon it's not gonna matter whether abortion is legal or not.

Because nobody is gonna actually know how to perform one.

I know someone who knows how.

Really? What kind of circles are you running in?

Well, no, it's my dad, actually.

He's a doctor, and I know for a fact that he can do the procedure.

I could talk to him about it.

That's amazing. Do you actualy think he'd be interested in helping us out?

I don't know. I mean, he's always talking about how he wants to get involved in my life.

I can ask him. It can't hurt, right?

Absolutely.

What a relief. Wouldn't it be great if we could make this happen?

You're my savior, Amy.

I can't believe this is how I choose to spend my days off.

What thanks do I get for saving you from the bus?

I'll put you in my liner notes one day.

Are you gonna tell me about your dad?

I heard he called you.

I wasn't planning on it, but I guess my mom did, huh?

I think she just wanted to make sure everything's okay with you.

So, is everything all right?

Have you been watching lifetime or something?

I know things are weird with you and your dad.

I want you to know that you can talk to me about it if you want to.

Trust me. I know how it feels. I hated my dad until, like, this morning.

I don't hate him.

So, what's the problem?

It just sucks how things are with him and my mom.

I know he was a crappy husband to her, but he wasn't a bad dad.

And we actually got along pretty good when he was home.

So you want to see him?

I didn't say that.

Relax. You're not on trial. I'm just asking. Would you want to?

It doesn't matter.

Going to see my dad would be like treason or something.

I can't do that to my mom.

What if she doesn't know about it?

You mean, like, lie?

No, I mean, like, spare her feelings.

He's your dad. You have a right to see him if you want to.

Your mom doesn't have to be in the middle of it.

If that's something you wanted to do,

I could go with you.

You want to meet my dad?

No, I don't have to meet him, but I could give you a ride.

Besides, it wouldn't feel right if I didn't spend every free moment driving you around.

I could get you a chauffeur's cap.

Cover up that mop you call hair.

Hey, babe. Lasagna tonight.

Oh, man, that looks amazing, but

I don't know if I'm gonna have time to sit down with you guys.

Really? Why not?

'Cause I have to go to that N.A. meeting.

Oh. Oh, I thought that was just last night.

No, actually I'm supposed to go every night this week.

Did I not tell you that?

- Did you? I'm sorry. I totally -- - Maybe I didn't.

But I'll be here tomorrow night because

I'm gonna try and switch to morning meetings from now on.

Okay, well, whatever works best for you.

Okay.

And I kind of can't have this, either.

Really? It's not like you had a drinking problem. Or did you ?

No, I didn't. Not at all.

But if I'm gonna follow the program, then I shouldn't have any of that stuff.

Kind of a slippery slope, you know?

Of course. That makes total, total sense.

I'm so sorry. I just -- I didn't know.

Stop apologizing. It's not a big deal.

It's just a couple adjustments here and there.

But nothing that we can't handle, right?

Right.

- Okay, I should get going. - Okay.

An hour there and an hour back, so...

We'll have a warm plate waiting for you.

Okay. Save me a corner piece, buddy.

- Have a good meeting. - Okay, thank you.

How long is Jake not gonna have dinner with us?

That's a good question, sweetie.

I have no idea.

Good morning, Nina.

Going to work, huh?

Thinking about it.

Something wrong? Sam okay?

Oh, Sam's great. Little bit of a transition period with Jake.

I guess it's to be expected. Everything got turned on its head there.

But, you know, he's trying, and I'm trying, and everybody is trying.

Tell me you can be five minutes late.

I can be five minutes late.

Okay.

So, what's the problem?

I'm the problem.

I don't know how to do this, Andy.

I... I thought Jake would just come home,

and I would be loving and supportive, and it would all magically be okay.

But I guess it doesn't work that way. There's rules and steps.

There are 12 of them, but they take a while to climb.

I feel like I need to take a crash course to understand this stuff,

and I don't want to keep doing the wrong thing.

I mean, I tried to give him a glass of wine last night.

Hmm. That's not such a good idea.

Okay, see, I know that now.

Now I won't even keep cookies in the cookie jar

'cause I'm afraid sugar will be a gateway drug.

It's not funny.

I pulled him out of that rehab center and told him I'd get him through this,

except I have no idea what I'm doing.

I need help.

- Okay. - Okay, great.

So, you'll come over for dinner tonight?

We need to have one regular dinner with normal dinner conversation,

at least until I have time to read up on this, on how I should be handling it.

Please say that you'll come tonight.

I can't. I've got this thing with Delia and her rabbi.

Okay. Well, how's tomorrow?

I pushed my original tonight to tomorrow night.

I'm begging you.

Well, I guess I could reschedule.

You're saving my life here. Maybe Jake's, too. Thank you.

Thank you so much. I'll see you tomorrow night.

Hey, dad.

Amy, have you watched this "Beauty and the Geek"?

This is truly fascinating stuff.

That's great, dad.

Do you have a minute?

Of course. That's what tivo is for.

What can I do for you?

Okay. Well, I have been talking with my professor, Laurie.

I told you about her, right?

On a thrice-daily basis, I believe.

Well, there's something big happening on campus,

something that we could actually make a difference in,

and I thought that maybe you could help.

I have been known to make an academic difference or two.

I once persuaded the dean of students to enforce a dress code in the dining hall.

Can you imagine people eating in their shorts?

Right. Um... this has a little more to do with A&M medical.

One of the doctors just retired,

and he was the only one left who taught the abortion procedure to the med students.

I see.

And Laurie doesn't think that the board is gonna bother finding a replacement,

at least not one who'd be willing to teach the procedure.

So, I thought, "why not you?"

Me?

Yeah. I don't think it's gonna be time-consuming, if that's what you're worried about.

And it's not like you have to join the faculty.

I'm sorry. I -- I don't know why you would think

I would be qualified to teach something like that.

Well, are you saying that you're not?

Well, of course I'm not.

I've never performed an abortion,

so I hardly seem like an appropriate candidate to be teaching that procedure.

I guess I just thought that you would know.

Sorry.

Won't be able to help you, sweetheart.

My favorite geek. Join me?

So, what are we talking about here?

I've written a speech or two in my day.

They were usually about procedures to salvage the frontal lobe,

but maybe we could steal something.

It has to fit the theme of my Torah portion.

Great. What's the theme?

Delia's Bath Mitzvah takes place during the week of Kedoshim,

so her Torah portion deals mostly with laws --

laws about the festivals and how you deal with the lepers

and goats and scape goats.

I told you this was hard.

You didn't say there'd be goats.

There is also the law of love thy neighbor as yourself.

Pretty good one.

It makes more sense in today's society than the leper thing,

unless, of course, you're in one of those colonies, you know?

Forgive me if you've done work in that area, doctor.

Love thy neighbor, huh? I think I could work with that.

It's about me, not you, dad.

I know. I'm just thinking out loud here, okay?

Forget it. You probably don't remember too much from when I was a kid.

First of all, you're still a kid, at least until your Bath Mitzvah.

And second of all, I happen to remember a lot.

Like that trap you set for the tooth fairy that almost took my whole finger off.

Why would I want to kill the tooth fairy?

You didn't want to kill her. You wanted to talk to her.

'Cause you thought she'd be pretty.

Don't you remember that tiara you made for?

I don't remember that.

Ow! That's gonna be a bruise!

Are you okay? You want to sit down or something?

Moving around helps me think.

Teeth, tiaras. This is good stuff.

What about the time you broke your arm going down Mr. Cooper's fire escape?

I never broke my arm.

You're right. That's right.

It was Lizzie Dean. Patient of mine.

She hurt her head pretty bad when she fell. That's why they brought her to me.

Great, maybe Lizzie Dean needs help with her Bath Mitzvah.

I once had a girlfriend named Lizzie.

Freckly thing.

Can we take a break, please?

She's right. We've done enough for tonight.

Good call. Go out on a high note.

Do you know what I like to do during the chilly months?

Eat ice cream.

I say we all go out and get a scoop.

Sounds good.

Where are my keys?

I'll drive.

Here. You can have the rest.

Hey, listen, if you want me to help you with your speech later...

or not.

You're gonna help Delia with her Bath Mitzvah speech?

You don't know what "Mazel Tov" means.

That's the cookie that tastes like biscotti, right?

Oh, no, no, that's mandel bread. Sounds like Mazel Tov.

What class is all that stuff for?

Uh, it's for Kyle. I'm trying to find him a Juilliard scholarship.

The Masons will pay a musician to go to school, but you can't contact them directly.

Sounds like you've put a lot of thought into it.

It's not like Kyle or his mom have the resources. I got nothing else going on.

No, just your own life.

I thought we agreed I don't have a life.

You could if you didn't spend your time with a kid who doesn't pay for your services.

You've been treating half the town for three years for free.

I'm allowed one.

I'll give you 20 if you can tell me what this is about.

Why do I have to have a reason? You don't.

No, I do have a reason.

I made a promise to your mother. So what's your excuse?

Do I really have to explain this for you?

Social leper, piano prodigy, issues with his dad. Does it sound familiar?

Look, Ephram, I get that you relate to the kid, but I'm just worried about you.

One week you're making his audition tape,

and the next you're helping him figure out how to pay for it.

Isn't it painful giving the life that you should have?

It's not like I was robbed. I chose not to go to Juilliard.

You could change your mind. Instead of working on your own stuff,

you're spending all your time and energy on Kyle.

It's like setting up one of your friends with Amy for a date.

It's nothing like that.

Are you kidding me? Okay, you don't understand.

As messed up as I was last year, Kyle is worse.

And he's about to be more upset for something that'll end up being my fault.

It's your fault if Juilliard rejects him?

No, it's my fault if his dad rejects him.

The guy is in town for a couple of days. He wants to see Kyle.

Kyle wants to see him. So I tell him to go for it.

Seems like the right thing to do, right?

Who knows what a jerk his dad is? Maybe he wants to see him

so he can tell him he's getting remarried or that he's going to Iraq.

What if those things are true? What has that got to do with you?

I'm the one who told him to go do it.

Why are you not getting this?

No, no, I'm trying to. I don't understand what this kid's problems

have to do with your life.

Okay, you know what? I didn't ask for your opinion.

Why don't you go back to online dating?

And I'm gonna go handle a tortured teenager.

- He's not here yet. - We're still early.

Okay, well, thanks.

Are you sure you don't want me to hang out?

I could sit over there. I'm actualy lind of hungry.

No, it's cool. You could leave if you want.

I don't want you to be stuck without a ride.

It's fine.

You know what? I'm gonna hang out.

I'll sit over there. You won't even know I'm here.

You're weird, you know that?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Hey, so, I talked to my dad.

Oh, fantastic. What did he say?

I didn't really go the way I planned.

He told me he doesn't know how to do it.

I thought you said he did.

I know. I think I -- I guess I was wrong.

Amy, I've lost two days on this. Why would you think--

It's all right. You know what? Never mind. Doesn't matter.

- Professor Fields? - Yes?

Do you mind going over that essay with me now?

Sure. Walk with me to my office.

Unless there's something else?

Nope.

Hey.

Just checking in.

We can stay here. Whatever you want to do. It's up to you.

It's late, huh?

It's been a little while, yeah.

Yeah.

Whatever you want to do is fine with me. Just let me--

He's not coming, is he?

I don't know what to tell you, Kyle.

I'm sorry.

Let's just go.

Fancy stuff here, babe. What's the occasion?

No occasion. Just some new recipes I wanted to try.

Hope you like the potatoes.

So, how's work, Jake?

Actually it's been pretty slow. I've cut back on my hours.

I'm not doing much of the minor stuff anymore.

Hey, you and Hal should pick up some botox clients.

It's pretty simple stuff. A chimp could do it.

That's not true. Your work is very challenging, sweetheart.

How are you otherwise?

Uh... well, actually I've been a little off, if you wanna know the truth.

Which is completely normal -- normal to feel that way.

You know, studies say it's all about the first 30 days.

Studies?

I picked up a few books. I thought they might help... me.

Not you. You don't need help.

I mean, obviously you need help, but not from me or my books.

Unless... do you want my books?

Uh... how about you, Sam? What's new?

I got yelled at for eating boogers in class today.

Excellent.

Oh, Andy, I'm sorry. I forgot to offer you some wine.

You drink red, right?

Yeah, I love red.

Uh, we don't have any wine, actually.

Seriously?

Oh, I don't need any.

You didn't have to throw away the wine.

I just thought it would be easier this way. Maybe I don't need it, either.

I think I'm having a reaction to tannins anyway.

You know, I thought that we would just...

have this instead.

Who wants cider?

Me!

Okay. Any for you, Andy?

I'm good.

All righty.

Oopsy.

Oh, good, you're here.

Taste this. I'm working my way through Julia's cookbook.

Tonight we trying coq au vin.

I told Laurie that you couldn't help out, which was really humiliating

since I thought that you would.

I'm sorry that you couldn't present me to your teacher like a bright, shiny apple,

but I can hardly be blamed for your jumping to conclusions.

I didn't make that jump out of nowhere, dad. I know you've done it before.

I saw your name on a file at the clinic.

You've performed an abortion before.

More than once, so...

So, you've seen?

You lied to me.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

But I want you to know that I've never lied to you before.

Why would you choose now to start,

especially since this is something that we agree on?

Sweetheart, we don't agree on this.

I don't work at the clinic anymore.

I haven't in almost two years, and I don't plan to return.

Why not?

You have to understand.

This was a promise that I made to my father

as I stepped into a role that he created...

back when the options available to women

were much more limited than they are today.

So, I did what I had to in his name, all right?

In his name only.

But I cannot go to your university and

invite others into a nightmare that I still haven't made my own peace with.

So, you don't think it should be legal?

Oh, heavens, I can't get into that.

And you probably think that what I've been doing with my time is --

Sweetheart, I think it is wonderful that you've gotten so involved in a cause

that you care so passionately about.

But you think it's the wrong cause.

Your opinions are your own, Amy.

That's the beauty of forming them. I can't take that away from you.

But you'd probably be a lot happier if you had someone like Hannah for a daughter?

What? Honey, that's ridiculous.

You'd agree on everything, talk the things that you have in common,

like how you both think I'm a terrible person for what I believe in.

Sweetheart, stop. I do not for a moment think you are a terrible person.

I'm sure that Hannah doesn't, either.

Hannah and I haven't talked in two weeks, so you don't know what she thinks.

I'm sorry.

I was not aware that you girls were having problems.

It must be difficult to be swimming against the tide of those closest to you.

I just never thought I would have to.

Amy.

This is a nice surprise.

Hi, dad.

You want to, uh, go into my office?

I don't have another patient for a little while.

We could continue our discussion from last night perhaps,

now that our emotions have quieted a bit.

Actually, my emotions are right where they were.

I don't see them quieting any time soon.

I see.

And we really don't need to discuss anything.

I mean, we disagree. Let's just leave it at that, okay?

Um... is he here?

Oh, Dr. Brown? He's running a bit late.

But you can wait in his office, if you like.

Okay, thanks, Louise.

You're going to ask Dr. Brown about the A&M position?

Just trying to swim in the right circles. That's all.

Hi, Andy. Hey. You going to work?

Thinking about it.

Could you be five minutes late?

You know, I can't, Jake. I'm sorry.

Three minutes? It's about Nina.

You don't say.

I know she talked to you about me.

She told you?

Oh, please. It was so obvious.

Look, Nina just came to me out of concern for you, Jake.

I knew it. She's freaking out, right? I'm freaking her out?

She wants to help you, Jake.

Nina likes to think of the world as an ideal place.

And if it's not, she'll try and fix whatever is broken.

Right now she thinks that you're broken.

Well, that would explain the pamphlets in my dob kit.

It's sweet that she wants to be helpful, but I don't think

I can handle her micromanaging my recovery process.

Hey, maybe you could talk to her, just get her to ease off.

No, I can't do that.

Why not?

Because I've got my own life to fix.

I got a daughter who won't talk to me, not even in hebrew.

My son is taking on the weight of the world for reasons I still don't understand.

And I just blew a chance to spend the entire night with a contortionist!

- Really? - Yeah!

- That's a bummer. - Yeah!

And most of all, I cannot be the guy to save your relationship with Nina.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry. I totally missed that.

I'm an idiot.

Look, I got to go to work. I got some heads to examine.

Particularly my own.

Absolutely. Have a good day, buddy.

Oh, hey, Josh. Come on in.

Sit down.

I prefer to stand.

It's not bad news, Josh. Please, sit.

Do you remember when you got that C.A.T. scan?

How could I forget?

They slapped 40 electrodes on me and made copious notes.

And those hurt when they come off, just so you know.

Well, yeah, that was the quantitative EEG.

It's what we call brain mapping, and basically it measures your alpha-wave activity.

And when that's particularly high,

it could be an indication of a certain condition.

Death?

Who was your doctor back in New York?

I didn't have one.

All right. Who was your pediatrician?

I didn't have one of those, either.

My family is kind of wonky about doctors.

What did you do when you got sick?

My mom always said that doctors look for problems

that don't really exist 'cause that's their job.

Ergo, if I never went to a doctor, nothing would ever be wrong with me.

Well... that's an interesting philosophy.

It's totally psychotic, I know.

Which is why I was so happy when I got health insurance through my school.

You're my first doctor ever.

I wish I had known this earlier.

All this time I've been looking for a complex problem,

and, in fact, I think your issue is pretty simple.

That's probably why we missed it.

Because I'm slow?

My mom could've told you that.

She always said I was a stain on the stein family.

She's particularly fond of that little catchphrase.

You're not slow, Josh.

You have adult A.D.D. --

Attention Deficit Disorder.

It often goes undiagnosed or, in your case,

misdiagnosed as a stain on the steins.

No... way.

Yep. That's why you have trouble following through things,

focusing for long periods of time,

staying in your own lane.

Wow.

Wow!

You don't understand.

You just gave me 29 years worth of comebacks.

This is awesome!

Well, it's going to take a little work on your part.

I'm gonna put you on some medication.

But more importantly, I want you to start these therapeutic exercises.

I printed those for you.

I-I just -- I can't believe it.

You spend a lifetime worrying that you're dying, and you just don't know it.

Then you find out that not only are you not dying,

but your whole miserable existence didn't have to be miserable

if only you weren't so afraid to peel back the onion

and maybe get a checkup every once in a while!

Fear makes people do very silly things.

You know what?

You are going to make a terrific rabbi, Josh.

I sure hope so.

Hey. Hope you don't mind. Your mom told me to come right up.

Have we talked about the state of your room?

Because this prison vibe you got going on is a little grim.

Want to show you something.

What is it?

Well, it turns out there's an artistically frustrated rich guy living in Colorado

who is desperate to pay some kid's tuition to Juilliard.

You fit the bill perfectly.

It's not like it matters anyway. I probably won't even get in.

I don't believe you think that for a second,

the way you've been strutting around all year.

You have a shot. Why change your mind now?

Okay. Never mind. I know why.

You can't let what happened mess with your head.

I'm sorry I pushed you into it.

You didn't. I thought it was a good idea --

me and my awesome dad spending time together like the old days.

You must think I'm so stupid.

No, I don't.

Well, I am.

I just keep forgiving him.

When he says he's gonna call, he doesn't.

He says he'll meet me for lunch, and he doesn't show.

The guy bought me some piece-of-crap keyboard eight years ago,

and I think he's the greatest dad ever.

That doesn't make you stupid. That makes you human. He's your father.

You're programmed to love him.

I hate him.

Why would he do that? Why would he just leave like that

and never want to see me again?

I don't understand.

I don't know. What he did was awful. You have a right to be pissed at him as long as you want.

But you can't give up on your dreams because you're mad.

- Why not? - Because I did that.

I blamed my dad for messing up my shot.

At the end of the day...

I did it all by myself.

You're better than that.

You're better than me.

Only at piano.

Fill that out for me.

You'll be all right.

Hey.

Keep on forgetting that you get home early now.

Little light reading there?

Yeah.

So, Sam and I will just order chinese while you're at your meeting tonight.

I'll get you sesame noodles since they're better cold anyway.

You don't have to do that.

It's no problem.

Babe, I got to talk to you about something.

Okay.

I'm not going to go to the meetings anymore.

What?

Why? That sounds bad.

No, I'm not falling off the wagon or depressed or anything like that.

It's because N.A. didn't work for me before, and it isn't working now.

Some people heal themselves through prayer and being anonymous.

I need to be a little more active than that.

Does that make any sense?

I don't know. I've only been covering the N.A. angle.

I don't know about the other stuff.

What it means is I actually want it to work this time,

but I have to do it my own way.

Okay, so, which way is that?

Well, I don't really know yet.

I have to figure that out.

But I don't need you to make this place recovery central on my account.

I asked you to come here. You didn't force me to do that.

You had no idea what you were getting into. Now you do.

And if it's too much...

I'd understand.

It's not too much.

I guess I just don't know how to help you without taking it on myself.

I don't need you to take it on.

I don't want you spending your free time reading self-help books.

There's a reason that they call them "self-help" books.

You just need to be you,

and I'll be me, and we'll see how it goes.

So, how do I be me?

Live a little.

I was just going to my room. I didn't mean to bother you.

Can I read you something?

I've been working on my speech.

It's rough. But I don't have to give it for three months, so we have some time.

I'll keep that in mind.

"In the week of Kedoshim, God sets forth laws

that teach ushow to be honest and fair.

One of the laws tells us not to turn to ghosts.

That's the law I want to talk about today."

Great beginning. Very clear.

"When we first moved to this town,

my dad and I were both turning to one ghost a lot --

my mom.

For a long time, we were counting on her to tell us what to do.

My dad even tried to talk to her.

But she couldn't answer anymore, so we finally had to turn away.

And that's when we started over.

I didn't know my dad very much when I was little,

but now he does everything for me.

Since we've been here, he's thrown birthday parties, and he's learned how to cook.

He tried to take me camping.

He found me a rabbi in Colorado, which was really hard.

And I know things about him now, too.

I know that sometimes he's sad, and sometimes he's lonely.

Even though we fight a lot, it's better than when we turned to the ghost.

Because now we have each other."

How did you come up with that?

I kept trying to think back to the beginning.

But when I just started writing about the stuff that happened here,

it was so much easier.

Yeah. Sometimes we miss the obvious stuff.

Obviously.

Come here.

- Professor Fields? - Yeah.

I was wondering, did Andy Brown get in touch with you?

Yeah, I met him earlier. Thank you so much for sending him our way.

No worries. Is he gonna do it?

I don't know. He's gonna meet with the board tomorrow.

We've got a few strong candidates now, so something is bound to work out.

Good. I'm so relieved. I was really scared that I messed things up.

You were just being enthusiastic.

You were right, though. I was so excited about getting involved,

I wasn't thinking.

Man, you were raised well.

Your dad must be so proud of you.

Except for the bleeding-heart liberal stuff, right?

Yeah, right.

So, how come you never told me that Dr. Brown was so sexy?

Oh. I never really thought about it until now.

Now I feel weird.

Hey. I wasn't expecting you tonight.

You want to practice? I could get out of your way.

I didn't want to go back to my place yet.

I'd ask why, but history shows you're not too fond of that question.

I don't know what I'm doing with this Kyle thing.

Forcing him into this thing has turned out to be

a bigger nightmare than I could've imagined.

The guy didn't even show up.

Oh, no. I'm sorry, Ephram.

I'm the one who should be sorry. You were right.

I just ended up making it worse for Kyle.

You didn't. His father might have.

Yeah, but if I hadn't pushed him, he never would've known what a jerk his father was.

Now he has to deal with it.

He's gonna have to deal with it eventually.

At least he had you there while it happened.

Maybe you helped to cushion the blow.

I don't know if you can cushion something like this.

I mean, who does that?

Who abandons their son right before they head into the most confusing time of their life?

I don't know.

That's what he's gonna think.

The baby, my baby, is gonna think that I abandoned him.

Is that what this has all been about?

I don't know, maybe. I saw this kid who looked like he needed somebody.

I thought maybe that should be my responsibility.

Maybe I'd ease my guilt a little bit along the way.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn't abandon anyone.

You didn't even know about him.

Yeah, I know that, you know that, but he'll never know that.

There's nobody there to tell him the truth.

He'll think that I didn't want him, that I didn't love him.

And then one day he'll come looking for me.

He might.

I think about it all the time.

It's like it might be 10, 20 years,

but I'm always gonna be waiting for that knock.

And when it comes,

I have no idea what I'm gonna say.

You'll just tell him the truth.

From the heart.

It's weird, missing something that you never even had.

Now I know how Kyle must've felt.

It's like there's this hole in my life, and I can't --

Sometimes I have to make stuff up just to get through the bad times.

For a while.

But then the hole fills up with other things.

But it takes some time.

And every once in a while you remember what caused it,

but it won't hurt the same.

If anything, it'll remind you how far you've come.

How will I know when that happens?

I don't know.

But I'll be there for you until it does.

Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss - www.forom.com -