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^.^.^.^.subtitles by.^.^.^.^®Sud_Arun collections®
1
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,951
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,037
Hey, babe.
So happy to see you!
3
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,232
Hi! I got your flowers.
That was so sweet of you.
4
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,960
Of course.
Well, I know you're finishing
5
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,433
your Global Health
paper today
6
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,176
and you've been working
really hard on it.
7
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,193
Well, I'm almost done,
so, maybe
8
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,797
you want to come over
and Netflix and chill and...
9
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,240
What?
10
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,198
You mean you want to fuck?
11
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,237
I did not say that! (LAUGHS)
12
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,435
Oh, my God!
I know.
13
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,120
No! I was being
more subtle than that!
14
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,200
I know. I'm sorry.
15
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,555
Yes, I am so down for that.
16
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,438
It's been like
three fucking days.
17
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,160
My balls are
so blue right now,
18
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,793
like dark blue,
Uh-oh.
19
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:34,949
Like almost black.
20
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,076
No, I'm fucking serious.
Here, check it out.
21
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,589
I believe you.
(LAUGHING) I believe you.
22
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,760
Okay.
23
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,831
I'll see your
almost-black balls later.
24
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:43,920
Cool, Steph.
25
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,076
Come over any time after 6:00.
Okay, hun?
26
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,117
Okay. Dude,
we are going to Netflix
27
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,873
and chill this shit so hard.
28
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,077
Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt!
29
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,593
Movember's over.
30
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,554
Time to shave the pornstache.
31
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,514
Sorry. Making a Murderer!
32
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,119
Narcos!
(LAUGHING)
33
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,033
Stranger Things!
34
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,555
Black balls!
35
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,556
SCOTTY : Anyways,
Ned followed his dreams
36
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,517
and turned a run-down
old printing press
37
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,953
into the industry
powerhouse
38
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,156
known today
as the Fleming Company.
39
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,976
(ALL CHEERING)
Best boss in the world!
40
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,036
The Fleming Company!
41
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,394
SCOTTY : We're talking
42
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,551
brochures for
Steelcase furniture,
43
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,876
half the specialty jobs
in Grand Rapids
44
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,555
and who could forget
the Domino's Pizza circular?
45
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,915
(WHOOPING)
46
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,831
But before all that...
47
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,151
Ned met a young Michigan
Wolverine, Barbara Welsh.
48
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,032
How did this
older guy get me?
49
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,715
Ned took her on their first date
to see his favorite band...
50
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,997
Kiss!
Kiss!
51
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,434
My favorite band, too!
52
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,828
Rock and roll!
53
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,353
A few years later,
54
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,715
the stork brought
my sister, Stephanie.
55
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,199
ALL : Aw!
56
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,032
WOMAN : She's so cute.
57
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,871
SCOTTY :
They weren't close at all.
58
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,395
Oh, dropping her off at school.
Yeah.
59
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,119
Then came me, Scotty F.
60
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,349
Did we have another child?
61
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,456
I forgot about that second baby.
Oh, we had another child.
62
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,629
Anyways, Big Cheese.
63
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,840
I'm sorry, guys.
64
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:29,911
I promised myself
I wasn't gonna do this.
65
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,353
ALL : Aw...
66
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,072
But I love you, Dad.
Happy Birthday.
67
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,195
Way to go, Scotty!
68
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,793
I love you, too, buddy.
69
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,200
Thank you. Wow!
(ALL APPLAUDING)
70
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,472
That was fantastic.
71
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,440
We've got
one last surprise for you.
72
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,920
That's right.
Ladies and gentlemen,
73
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,752
live from her dorm room
at Stanford...
74
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,751
it's my sister, Stephanie!
75
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,195
(ALL CHEERING)
76
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,679
Hi, everyone!
Hey, honey!
77
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,592
Hey, Steph!
Hey, it's Kevin!
78
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,352
STEPHANIE : Hi, Kevin!
Kevin.
79
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,317
Can we see?
Sorry.
80
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,198
Hi, Momma.
Hi!
81
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,395
Hi, Dad.
82
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,754
The birthday boy.
83
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,955
Hey, honey.
84
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,871
You guys look like
you're having so much fun.
85
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,519
And I wish I could
be there with you.
86
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,278
She's so sweet.
87
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,759
Yeah.
Get out.
88
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,036
Yeah, I just wanted to say,
Dad, that I love you.
89
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,519
I love you, too, honey.
90
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:14,908
I love you more.
No, you don't.
91
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,240
Love you to the moon
and back.
92
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,072
I'll let you win this round.
Okay, Pops?
93
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,388
(LAUGHS)
94
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,317
Even though you're now like...
95
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,675
...ancient.
96
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,159
You are still...
97
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,400
What are you doing here?
98
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,993
LAIRD : You asked me
to come over.
99
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,696
STEPHANIE : You're early.
I said after 6:00.
100
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:30,896
LAIRD : All right.
Give me a sec,
101
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,016
I'm on the phone.
LAIRD : Got it.
102
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,296
STEPHANIE : Sorry.
It's just my friend. Anyway.
103
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,676
(SINGING)
Happy birthday to you
104
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,836
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my goodness.
105
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,115
Oh, Laird, what are you...
106
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,336
LAIRD : Go finish your call.
107
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,320
I'm just getting ready
to Netflix and chill, baby.
108
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,840
No, not now, Laird.
Oh, my goodness.
109
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:45,920
LAIRD : Kimmy Schmidt!
110
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,176
STEPHANIE : Pull up your pants.
Marco Polo.
111
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,918
Oh, my God!
(ALL GROANING)
112
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,640
How do you make it stop?
(CAMERA CLICKS)
113
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,096
Whoa, whoa, Mom,
you just took a screenshot.
114
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,475
Happy, happy birthday
Happy, happy birthday
115
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,696
Kevin, help her out. Kevin.
116
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,790
Happy birthday, happy birthday
117
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,393
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(BARB SCREAMING)
118
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,758
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
119
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,628
Mi oh my,
it's a wonderful life
120
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:18,510
It's a wonderful life
with you by my side
121
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,195
Mi oh my,
it's a wonderful life
122
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,990
It's a wonderful life
with you by my side
123
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,816
Hey, there he is.
Happy birthday, Big Cheese.
124
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:29,840
Thanks, Jim.
125
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,713
Jerry.
Hey, Ned.
126
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,936
Fun dinner last night.
Hey, Jerry.
127
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:34,960
Thanks. Lou.
128
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,360
Hey, Cheese,
can I have a minute?
129
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,232
Sure. Good morning, Joyce.
130
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,839
Great party.
131
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,638
Hold all his calls.
132
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,513
NED : You gotta
be kidding me.
133
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,432
Big Lots is
bailing out on us?
134
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,318
We've had that account
since '06.
135
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,277
They're moving all their
print work to China.
136
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,440
Oh, God.
137
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,398
Cheese, we're already getting
pummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free
138
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,959
and the rest of those
dot-coms.
139
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,634
And at this rate,
we'll be Chapter 11 by March.
140
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,080
What about
Dick's Sporting Goods?
141
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,118
Well, I mean, I'm still
trading calls with my guy.
142
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,236
But, Ned,
can I be honest with you?
143
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,000
I can't keep this
from Patty much longer.
144
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,874
Lou, haven't I
kept us going?
145
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,795
Yeah. I mean,
it's what you do.
146
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,554
I just need a little
more time. That's all.
147
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,711
You are the maestro.
148
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,075
Maybe you'll pull off
a Christmas miracle.
149
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,549
Yeah.
Yeah.
150
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,915
By the way, good job keeping
that game face last night.
151
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000
Oh. Thanks.
152
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,399
That was some
shindig, man.
153
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,480
Yeah, it was fun.
154
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,152
Well, till the kid
had his farter
155
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,673
all over the screen
in 3-D.
156
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:33,989
I was like, "Whoa!
157
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,480
"That's a lot, man."
158
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:36,640
NED : And get this...
159
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,358
Stephanie now wants us
to fly out...
160
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,159
to meet the man behind the
crack over the holidays.
161
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,760
With everything
that's going on here,
162
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,096
that's the last thing
I want to do.
163
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,439
Well, hold on now.
164
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,158
This is the first
serious boyfriend?
165
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,391
Yeah. Apparently.
166
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,639
I mean, it's so strange.
167
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,031
I mean, Stephanie and I
have always been so close.
168
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,919
And yet she has never even
mentioned this guy.
169
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,354
That's the way
it goes, Cheese.
170
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,915
I thought I knew everything
about Lou Junior,
171
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,280
when he was down
at Ohio State.
172
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,789
Out of nowhere,
173
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,757
he comes dragging home
this Buckeye
174
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,753
that he's been dating
for over a year.
175
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,319
No.
Yeah.
176
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,153
Nice girl, but still.
She's so controlling.
177
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,318
I'm sorry.
I don't mean it like that
178
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,879
because I don't know her
that well.
179
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,274
But I don't like her.
180
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,668
I don't.
Lou.
181
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,353
It's just what happens,
you know?
182
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,476
Lou, what is the point
of all this?
183
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,199
Go out there and meet him.
184
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,271
I know we going through
a lot right now
185
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,830
but hell, Lou Junior is talking
about getting married in May.
186
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,920
Married.
187
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,070
Once they're not
under your roof,
188
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,191
there's no telling
what they're into.
189
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,793
Oh, uh, that reminds me.
190
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,336
He does want you
to speak at the wedding
191
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,669
and say some kind words.
Oh.
192
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,195
I told him that I would
talk to you about it.
193
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,960
And they'd like to get married
at your house in the backyard.
194
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,031
Well...
But anyway...
195
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,313
I'm just saying you might want to
get out there and meet this kid.
196
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,708
Because, I mean,
you saw it.
197
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,155
You saw it,
he's a free spirit.
198
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,880
You mean...
199
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,593
You heard him
come into the room.
200
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,512
He came in there guns blazing.
201
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,752
He had that revved up energy
where he was like...
202
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,075
bow-bow-bow-bow.
203
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,390
He just wants to go
and go and go...
204
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,710
and just morning,
noon and night,
205
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,199
and "Stephanie, here I am.
206
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,920
"Stephanie, here I come.
I'm coming again."
207
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,672
I remember being that age,
don't you?
208
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,159
Just always ready.
209
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,754
(EXCLAIMING)
210
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,309
(TIRES SCREECH)
211
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,016
(WOMAN SINGING)
Come on, it's lovely weather
212
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,235
For a sleigh ride
together with you
213
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,314
Thanks for coming.
214
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,716
Oh, gosh,
it is so gorgeous here.
215
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,030
I'm very excited that you
guys are all out here.
216
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,200
BARB : We're very excited.
217
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,096
There's a few things that
I wanna tell you about Laird
218
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,032
that I didn't feel like getting into
over the phone because...
219
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,348
Watch, honey...
220
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:51,949
You missed our exit.
221
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,496
STEPHANIE : Actually,
I missed it on purpose.
222
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:54,953
Laird and I thought,
223
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,670
it'd be better if we all
stayed at his house.
224
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,795
NED : His house?
225
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,720
When did this come up?
Did you know about this?
226
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,071
Are you sure
his parents have enough room?
227
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,616
I mean, he doesn't
live with his parents.
228
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,029
Honey, we're not gonna be
comfortable at some crash pad.
229
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,589
He lives by himself.
It's not a crash pad,
230
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,318
but it's much nicer
than the Sheraton.
231
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:13,913
NED : Nicer than
the club floor?
232
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,399
I smooth-talked the manager.
233
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,516
We got a suite
at the regular rate.
234
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,636
What? That's what
I'm talking about, Big Cheese.
235
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,438
That is impressive.
We have to turn back.
236
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,192
Free continental breakfast.
Yes.
237
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,736
Mint on the pillow,
turndown service,
238
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,056
all things available
at the Sheraton.
239
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,536
I mean, is your lover
going to have that?
240
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,790
Your lover? Your lover?
241
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,956
We already all know
that you've seen his penis.
242
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,109
STEPHANIE : What?
Scott!
243
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,200
SCOTTY : What?
244
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,951
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
245
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,476
Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening
246
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,948
BARB : Well, this is cute.
247
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,872
STEPHANIE : Actually,
this is the gatehouse.
248
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,595
NED : Gatehouse?
249
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,917
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
250
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000
SCOTTY : What the heck?
251
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,310
Is that
a facial recognition scanner?
252
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,555
Mmm-hmm.
253
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,834
That's so cool.
254
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,433
Gone away is the bluebird
Here to stay is the new bird
255
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,158
The hedge is moving.
256
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,114
He sings a love song
As we go along
257
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,714
Walking in a winter wonderland
258
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,917
Honey, who exactly
are you dating?
259
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,976
Laird started this company
called Guerrilla Gang.
260
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,399
You play Ape Assassins,
right?
261
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,754
Are you kidding me?
262
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,256
Yeah, that was my jam
in the eighth grade.
263
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,280
Great, that's him.
264
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,476
So, he makes video games?
265
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,280
SCOTTY : Apps, Dad.
STEPHANIE : This is it!
266
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,793
BARB : This is his house?
Mmm-hmm.
267
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,316
Are you sure this isn't
an Apple Store or something?
268
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,760
(IN A GERMAN ACCENT)
Oh, my God.
269
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,239
What is up, you gang?
270
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,634
STEPHANIE : I know!
271
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,756
The Flemings are here.
You have arrived!
272
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,717
Hi, buddy. Hi.
273
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,434
Hello, sweetheart.
274
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,549
Don't touch anything.
How was traffic?
275
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:43,696
It was okay.
Hi, they're here!
276
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,720
NED : Hello.
277
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,153
Hello to you, Ned Fleming.
278
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:48,760
Barbara.
Yes.
279
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,110
You are perfect.
280
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,271
Well, thank you.
Oh, my God.
281
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,120
And this must be the main man.
Scotty, huh?
282
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,151
Yup.
All right. Hey. (LAUGHS)
283
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,033
Who are you?
STEPHANIE : Gustav.
284
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,553
I am Gustav. Yes.
285
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,078
I never know
how to describe you.
286
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,312
Um, well, estate manager
is cool, Stephy, yes.
287
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,515
That works.
288
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,875
I used to run
the Four Seasons group in Asia
289
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,473
but after some point,
you know,
290
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,336
the corporate life becomes
a bit of a snooze-fest.
291
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,157
You know, "Tiffany's this,
Cartier that."
292
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,715
But, you know. Just dot,
dot, dot. Enough already.
293
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,472
You know what I'm
talking about, Ned.
294
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,840
Oh, yeah. Sure.
(GUSTAV LAUGHS)
295
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:21,960
Boring.
296
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,673
Where's Laird?
Laird is upstairs.
297
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,592
He is just finishing
a teleconference.
298
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:26,720
He'll be right out.
299
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,279
Oh, okay.
Why don't we go up then?
300
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,360
Laird, I'm Ned.
301
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,440
No, no, no.
302
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,576
No, this is Randy.
That's not Laird.
303
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,600
He's our intern.
304
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:36,036
Just graduated
summa cum laude at MIT.
305
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,997
So Randy, shake a leg.
Get their luggages.
306
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,309
Yes, sir.
307
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,075
The motherfucking Flemings
are in the house!
308
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,160
Yes!
309
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,030
This is fucking awesome!
310
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,111
Get up here.
I'm so psyched to meet you.
311
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,280
Family, baby.
Fuck yeah!
312
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,999
Oh, my God.
313
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,513
Scotty.
314
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,752
Yes, my brotha!
Welcome.
315
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,148
Hey, Barb.
Hi.
316
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:03,869
Oh.
317
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:05,960
Welcome.
318
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,071
Hey, Ned. All right.
319
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,593
Oh, yes.
320
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,038
Yes.
Yes.
321
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,474
Yes.
So glad you're here.
322
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,834
Yes.
Hey. Hi.
323
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,075
Hey, baby.
Hi.
324
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:18,909
I fucking missed you.
325
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,196
Why aren't you wearing a shirt
on your body?
326
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,280
Oh.
327
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,520
Don't worry about that.
I have a little surprise.
328
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,273
Let's stay half an hour and
then we go back to the hotel.
329
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,032
That's a good plan.
Thank you.
330
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,553
Dad, come on.
This place is so sick.
331
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,477
Yeah, it's sick.
25 minutes.
332
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560
That's it.
333
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,149
Hey! Just leave her alone.
334
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,713
Hey, oh, Ned. Ned.
335
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,314
Ned, would you look at that.
336
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,833
That's your face, Sis.
Oh.
337
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,194
Very good likeness.
338
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,389
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
339
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,199
The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like,
a week after we met, right?
340
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,918
One week. You know,
right on my heart.
341
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,315
Great. Okay, do you guys
want to go see the house?
342
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,520
Uh...
We probably should...
343
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,671
We came to stop and say hey.
Yeah. We should go.
344
00:12:58,880 --> 00:12:59,880
Actually, no.
345
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,600
No. Before we go, um...
346
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,392
I have a little surprise
for everybody.
347
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,710
(EXHALES) Shit.
I'm fucking nervous.
348
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,096
Do you want to
consult me about it?
349
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,256
You want to talk to me
before you...
350
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,271
You know what? No, I'm just
jumpin' in. All right?
351
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,480
I'm just going to do this.
352
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,312
Laird, it's going to be
fucking great.
353
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,078
Ta-da!
354
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:17,829
Oh, my God.
355
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,238
I just got it done
this morning
356
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,958
SCOTTY : Yeah.
I bet it's red, huh?
357
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,189
I need a little feedback.
358
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,436
Is that our Christmas card?
Yes.
359
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,273
Yeah! That's exactly what
I used. How'd you know?
360
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,616
Look, he even got
Noodle in there.
361
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,789
Hurt like balls.
362
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,396
Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays"
and everything.
363
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:35,629
What?
364
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,677
Get the fuck out of here.
Okay.
365
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,114
It says "Happy Holidays?"
366
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,280
Barb, fuck you.
367
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,634
God damn.
368
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,512
I gave the guy
the Christmas card.
369
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,136
I didn't know he put
"Happy Holidays" on there.
370
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,513
Wow.
Fuck.
371
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,472
Guess it's stuck on there,
huh? (LAUGHS)
372
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,908
Oops.
Fuck.
373
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,991
Well, you know,
you guys were coming over...
374
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,913
I was so excited, I just had
to do something, you know?
375
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,674
Well, that is something,
all right.
376
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,559
You know what? Sometimes, you
just got to say, "Fuck it."
377
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,680
Fuck it!
378
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:02,829
You should...
Laird,
379
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,911
this is a 15-year-old child.
380
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,513
So, we don't really...
381
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,238
Oh, shit.
382
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,595
You don't say fuck?
SCOTTY : No, Mom, I...
383
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:11,760
Heck yeah, I cuss.
384
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,955
No, you don't.
385
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,160
You do?
Yeah.
386
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,673
Oh, he cusses.
No, you don't.
387
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,096
Yeah, bro, what's your
favorite cuss word?
388
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,120
Oh, boy.
389
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,280
Don't egg him on like that.
390
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,395
What's your favorite?
391
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,071
Uh...
NED : Hmm.
392
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,349
Titties.
393
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:26,839
Titties? Titties.
394
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,240
Stop it. Stop that.
(BARB SIGHS)
395
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,713
Titties? Classic.
396
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,871
Okay. We should be going.
397
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,553
Nice one. What else you got?
Asshole.
398
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,216
LAIRD : Asshole.
All right. That's enough.
399
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,376
Okay. Another good body part.
400
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,833
What else?
Dicking. Double dicking.
401
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,479
Double dicking.
Okay.
402
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,834
Wait. Hold on.
Double dicking?
403
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,656
Are you happy?
That's a new one on me, bro.
404
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,680
What the fuck is that?
405
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,030
What the hell is that?
Is that like dick to dick?
406
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,476
Okay! Good night!
We're going to the hotel.
407
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,757
This kid is nasty
and I fucking like it.
408
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,239
Yeah.
Yes!
409
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,833
All right, let's do the tour.
410
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,216
I'll show you around!
All right?
411
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,468
Just throw your shit anywhere.
412
00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,960
You little double-dicker,
come on.
413
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,040
Throw your stuff anywhere.
414
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,314
By the way,
I'm a huge fan.
415
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,719
I'm part of
the online Ape Army.
416
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:04,840
Awesome.
417
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,440
You know, this is what I was trying
to tell you guys in the car.
418
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,118
This is okay here?
419
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,358
Do you want to
take your coat off?
420
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,112
Uh, no.
Nope. I'm fine.
421
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,599
(BARB SIGHS)
Come on, guys.
422
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,736
All right,
so this here's the kitch.
423
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,273
This is where
we keep the food.
424
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,475
The dining room.
425
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,279
That's a sculpture
of a couple people fucking.
426
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,711
(STEPHANIE SQUIRMS)
Painting of a fat squirrel.
427
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,552
And this one's called
"Triple Team,"
428
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,999
self-explanatory.
429
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,438
All right. This is the den.
430
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,433
These dudes are just
testing out video games.
431
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,392
Ned, Stephy says that you're
pretty serious about your bowling,
432
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,351
so I had
a couple lanes installed.
433
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,195
STEPHANIE : Oh, my God.
434
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,376
BARB : None of this was here?
435
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400
No.
436
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,517
You said you were fixing
a crack in the foundation.
437
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,272
Is that us?
438
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,870
Yeah, I got the images off
your league's Facebook page.
439
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,189
SCOTTY : That's so insane.
440
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,828
Dad, look, he even got in
your signature "crotch chop."
441
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,828
Oh, yeah.
442
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,040
STEPHANIE : Wow.
443
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,336
LAIRD : All right, this here is
where we develop a few apps
444
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,237
for the Apple and
Android platforms.
445
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,158
Hey, gang,
say hi to the Flemings.
446
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,429
Hey, guys.
Hey, what's up?
447
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,398
Wait, I don't understand.
Do your employees live here?
448
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,358
Uh, maybe some of them do.
I don't really know.
449
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,550
Gustav is actually
an amazing architect.
450
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,278
We designed
this place together.
451
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,396
BARB : When did you
go to Machu Picchu?
452
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,471
Hun, when did
you put these up?
453
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,358
What the heck is that moose?
454
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,669
That's a Phillip Manfredi.
455
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,068
LAIRD : Great pick-up, Barb.
456
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,277
Stephy told me that you're this amazing
art and photography professor.
457
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,032
That's awesome.
STEPHIE : Mmm-hmm.
458
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,431
I teach a couple of classes
at a local community college.
459
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,079
Don't be so modest, Mom.
460
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,116
You're an amazing
photographer.
461
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,271
Oh, that looks like
a real dead moose.
462
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,794
Well, that's exactly
what it is, Ned.
463
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,679
A dead moose
suspended in its own urine.
464
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,478
It's meant to
symbolize the way
465
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,835
that our culture
has imprisoned our minds.
466
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,080
Oh.
467
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,595
I got to tell you, Ned,
468
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,989
great art really
gets me aroused.
469
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,720
It's actually
a very strong aphrodisiac.
470
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,835
Laird.
471
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,536
Not that you need any help getting
turned on by that gorgeous woman.
472
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,629
Honey.
473
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,438
What? Your mom
is beautiful.
474
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,471
She is. She deserves
some props for that.
475
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,632
Well, I'll take a compliment
wherever I can get one.
476
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,070
Well, here's another one.
You got a bangin' bod, too.
477
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,195
BARB : All right.
478
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,554
Hey, what's going on,
everyone?
479
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,318
LAIRD :
Richard Blais, everybody.
480
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,995
This is the maestro
of molecular gastronomy.
481
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:23,673
Oh, my God.
482
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,990
That's that cute one
from Top Chef.
483
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,798
Oh, he's the one
who goes, "Bam!"
484
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,236
No, that's Emeril.
He's a fucking dick, that guy.
485
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,668
Dickie Blais what's up?
486
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,435
Yeah, so Laird thought it would be a
fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant
487
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,680
just in your honor tonight.
488
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,313
Did he?
Yeah.
489
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,198
And I have here
a little amuse-bouche.
490
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,296
So if anyone's looking for
a little pre-dinner snack,
491
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,389
you can head on up here.
492
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,232
Count me in,
'cause I'm famished.
493
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,320
All right.
494
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,520
There are so many surprises.
495
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,560
(CHUCKLES)
496
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,640
I know.
497
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,016
You're hungry, you've come
to the right place.
498
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,519
I've got surf
and turf for you.
499
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,795
Steak and lobster.
500
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,075
Yum, yum.
501
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:01,113
My version of surf and turf,
edible soil and plankton foam.
502
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,759
Dig in.
Oh.
503
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,189
Wow, can't wait for dinner.
504
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,360
No.
505
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,680
Hey, so I think
it's going great, right?
506
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,717
I think they've already
accepted me.
507
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,314
I'm getting a little bit
of a different vibe.
508
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,913
Oh, really?
Like what?
509
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,399
Don't try so hard.
510
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,834
I'm not,
what do you mean?
511
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,911
You put in a bowling alley
for my dad
512
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,953
and you got a tattoo of my
entire family on your back.
513
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,395
Oh.
514
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,520
Was the tattoo too much?
515
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,715
Yes.
Fuck.
516
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,437
Shit, I knew it.
517
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,079
Yeah, Gustav said
the same thing.
518
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,309
Okay, don't worry...
519
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,392
I won't get any more tattoos
of them while they're here.
520
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,629
Thank you.
Okay.
521
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:38,875
I love you.
522
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,272
I love you, too.
523
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,360
Okay.
524
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,456
Oh, one more thing, stop
calling them motherfuckers
525
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,118
and talking about
how hot my mom is.
526
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,999
Well, she's sneaky sexy,
took me by surprise.
527
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,073
Dude, she is a MILF,
like a genuine MILF.
528
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,397
And if it wasn't your MILF,
she'd be a MIWF...
529
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,073
a mother I would fuck.
530
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,275
Mmm-mmm.
531
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,998
But I won't.
Okay.
532
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,871
Of course.
Thank you.
533
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,353
(BOTH LAUGH)
534
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,028
(NED SIGHS)
535
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,638
All right, it's pretty.
Yeah.
536
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:15,840
You know...
537
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:19,640
It's a lot.
(STAMMERS)
538
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,479
Yes! I mean, the moose...
Yes.
539
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,318
And the language.
Come on!
540
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,038
Mmm-hmm.
A real moose!
541
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,230
And he's coming onto your mother.
That's not okay.
542
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,594
And the tattoo?
543
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,957
The tattoo! And how...
544
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,758
32
Oh, my. And you're...
545
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,069
22.
Yes!
546
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,310
You didn't like the mural
of you and Scotty
547
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,600
down in the new bowling alley?
548
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,756
The bowling alley
with the mural is...
549
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,438
And the bowling alley
is regulation.
550
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,113
That's quite nice
551
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,192
and that's very rare
to have something that nice.
552
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,696
And the polish
that he used was quite...
553
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,720
It was good. But...
554
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:50,949
I'm sorry.
555
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,480
I should have told you.
556
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,952
About everything, of course.
(SCOFFS)
557
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,557
Honestly, I didn't know how to
explain him over the phone.
558
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,432
I just kept imagining...
559
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,153
Mom Googling Laird Mayhew
560
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,629
and you guys
jumping to conclusions
561
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,029
before you even got
a chance to know him.
562
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,592
Well, now we know him.
(SIGHS)
563
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,714
No, you don't.
564
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,438
You've been here
for 15 minutes.
565
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,560
Yeah.
566
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,558
Thank you.
567
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,896
I wouldn't have asked you
to come out here
568
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,120
and miss Christmas in Michigan
569
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,556
for the first time ever,
if he wasn't...
570
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,039
...really important to me.
571
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,669
Hmm.
572
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,320
Okay.
573
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,150
(MUTTERS)
You'll give him a chance?
574
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,675
Okay. Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
575
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,872
Come here.
(CHUCKLES)
576
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,480
I love you.
577
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,039
I love you, too.
578
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,398
So if I did Google him,
what would I find?
579
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,480
Don't do it.
580
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,600
Oh.
581
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,715
Just don't Google him.
582
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,880
Oh.
583
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,317
Well, I still don't see it.
584
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,351
Darling, this is the male,
and he's thrusting.
585
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,520
Oh, God.
586
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,313
All right, everybody,
dinner is served!
587
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,516
Scotty! Come on,
grab a stump.
588
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,875
Dad, you wanna
go there? Mom.
589
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,656
You sure you don't want
to take off your coat?
590
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:26,680
No. I'm good.
591
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,990
We do it family style here,
so everyone just dig in.
592
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,479
It's super cas.
593
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,875
Okay, so we have three dishes
for this evening.
594
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,996
We have sous-vide geoduck.
595
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,957
We have Mission-style
sea urchin burritos...
596
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,040
STEPHANIE : Yum.
597
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,394
...with edible paper.
598
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,398
LAIRD :
Because you're a printer.
599
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,039
And last but not least...
Sweet.
600
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,839
...we have smoked
California bear.
601
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000
Enjoy.
602
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,393
Oh, shit!
603
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:49,709
Thanks, Blais.
604
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,199
Bear?
LAIRD : Mmm.
605
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,640
Yo, Scotty,
you see The Revenant?
606
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,994
No, I wanted to,
607
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,216
but my parents don't really
let me watch R-rated movies.
608
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,880
You're darn right we don't.
He's only 15.
609
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,235
You want some paper?
Yes, certainly. Thank you.
610
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,879
I don't know
what section that is.
611
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,156
Because that bear
fucked that dude up!
612
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,593
Now we're gonna
fuck this bear up.
613
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,233
Hey, what about
that language?
614
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,400
Oh, shit. Sorry.
615
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,036
BARB : Ah, I think I've got
the arts section here.
616
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,272
You better slow down, Barb.
617
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,440
You're gonna be full
before you get to the funnies.
618
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:17,709
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
619
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:19,475
Ned.
620
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,029
(CLEARS THROAT)
621
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,076
So, um, how did
you two meet?
622
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,749
Uh, you want me to go?
Yeah.
623
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:31,880
Okay.
624
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,195
Laird sponsored
a talk on campus
625
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,599
with Doctor Joanne Liu,
626
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,160
the head of
Doctors Without Borders.
627
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,280
Oh!
628
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,356
Melinda Gates
got me totally pumped
629
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,880
about issues
in the developing world.
630
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:42,960
Now I'm obsessed.
631
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,315
Wow.
632
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,792
That's Bill Gates' wife.
LAIRD : Yeah.
633
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,279
She's great.
NED : Yeah.
634
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,759
That's terrific.
635
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,480
That's Steph's field of interest, too,
so that's great.
636
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:53,749
Yeah, I know.
637
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,400
Ned, you should've
seen her at the talk.
638
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,756
She asked the most intelligent
question. I was blown away.
639
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:00,959
Really? What did I say?
640
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,235
You were like...
641
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:03,616
"Hey, what's
the connection between
642
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,915
"women's health
and population density
643
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,599
"in indigenous communities?"
644
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,990
I was like,
"Bam! Who's that?"
645
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,792
That's so sweet of you
to remember that.
646
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,791
Of course I remember. Mmm...
647
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,840
The first time I saw you.
BARB : That's our girl.
648
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,776
She's always been the smartest
person in the room.
649
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:18,800
So true.
Yeah.
650
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,990
And the sexiest. My God.
Well.
651
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,196
I couldn't keep
my eyes off her.
652
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,679
Her hair, and her eyes.
653
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:25,795
Very pretty eyes.
654
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,518
The way her spine
gently arches
655
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,158
to meet the top
of her tailbone.
656
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,816
I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there.
You know what I mean?
657
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,960
No.
You're taking it too far.
658
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,118
Quite the outdoorsman.
659
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,872
I just mean
she's got a great body.
660
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,553
Oh, well, yes.
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
661
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,994
She's a darling girl.
662
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,296
Like you, Barb.
STEPHANIE : Great genes.
663
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,320
Okay.
664
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,554
Two fit women.
665
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,358
I'll have to
agree with you there.
666
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,317
Ol' Slamming Bod Barb.
667
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,549
(LAUGHING)
668
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,710
Two fit women
and two lucky dudes...
669
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,509
And one double-dicker.
670
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,193
(LAUGHS)
671
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,831
Okay, well.
672
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,198
Laird, when did you graduate
from Stanford?
673
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,192
Oh, I didn't go
to Stanford, bro.
674
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,920
I hardly even graduated
from high school.
675
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,868
He's being modest.
676
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,176
He actually
started writing code
677
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,555
for Sun Microsystems
when he was 13.
678
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,318
That's true.
Wow, that's just like me.
679
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,120
I've been interning
at the Fleming Company
680
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,519
since, what,
the seventh grade?
681
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:16,869
Mm-hmm. Yup.
682
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,996
Future CEO,
but you are going to college.
683
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,656
I know, Dad. I know. I know.
Just like your sister.
684
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,671
So, Steph,
weren't your surprised
685
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,673
that this big tech mogul
wanted to date you?
686
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,154
He said he was some
low-level programmer at Uber.
687
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,669
I had no idea that
he sponsored the entire event.
688
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:34,875
So he lied to you.
689
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,359
Oh, Ned, I had to.
690
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,875
I mean there are so many gold
diggers in Silicon Valley.
691
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,389
They just wanna fuck you
for your tech money.
692
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,232
Language, baby.
You gotta be careful.
693
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,391
I didn't spill the beans
till April.
694
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,518
April? That's
eight months ago. What?
695
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,033
Steph, over the phone,
you said
696
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,856
you've only known each other
for a couple of months.
697
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,916
It was super casual at first.
No.
698
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,115
No, it was not.
699
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,430
We exchanged I love you's
on the third date.
700
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,016
Remember? Right after we...
The third date?
701
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,216
made love in the hot tub
at Esalen in Big Sur?
702
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,240
No, no, no.
703
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,236
Where, what?
Esalen in Big Sur.
704
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,435
Really?
705
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,596
Ned. Don't get
the wrong idea.
706
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,593
It was not sexual at all.
It was so much more than that.
707
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:10,920
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm confused.
708
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,399
Did you have
intercourse or not?
709
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:13,788
Scotty, shut it.
710
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,376
Dad, I'm just trying to
connect the dots here.
711
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,799
Look. Yeah, we did.
712
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,555
But what I'm saying is
I was transformed.
713
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,757
Stephy opened up
like a flower.
714
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,319
You should have seen it.
715
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,438
I shouldn't have seen it,
but now I feel like I have.
716
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,999
I just want
your parents to know
717
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,360
that you're
living with someone
718
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,152
who's completely
devoted to you.
719
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,592
Wait a minute.
What-ing with someone?
720
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,796
You say you're living together?
Yeah.
721
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,434
No. We do not.
722
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,631
Okay, five nights
out of seven.
723
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,512
Your stuff is here.
724
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:46,976
You don't really
stay at the dorm.
725
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,274
(EXCLAIMING)
726
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,600
Do you have
a toothbrush here?
727
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:50,760
Yeah.
That's cohabitating.
728
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,797
Scotty, stop talking
and eat your paper.
729
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,678
STEPHANIE : Dad,
we do not live together.
730
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,319
Yeah, we're cohabitating.
731
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,636
"Opened up like a flower."
732
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,633
Honey, I'm looking at
the Esalen website right now
733
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,313
and there's nothing
dirty about it.
734
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,153
You go up there for yoga
classes and things like that.
735
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,993
They've been practically
living together for a year.
736
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,639
Why didn't she
just tell us that?
737
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,197
Where the heck are the towels?
738
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,871
He's even affected Scotty.
739
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,997
What is a double dicking,
for crying out loud?
740
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,349
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
741
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,555
Oh.
Uh...
742
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,680
There she is.
743
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,273
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. She's gonna...
744
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,440
She better explain what
the heck is going on here.
745
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,520
All right,
so be nice.
746
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,976
Be like, "Oh, my God.
I love your boyfriend. He's so normal."
747
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,194
I'm good.
748
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,315
Hi.
749
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:42,395
Hi, uh...
750
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,312
I thought you'd be Stephanie.
751
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,515
Steph's super pooped.
752
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,672
We had a big fight because of
the way I behaved at dinner.
753
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,080
Don't worry, we took a shower
together and worked it out.
754
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,029
But I snuck out
to have a little check in.
755
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,200
Okay. Well...
756
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,995
Ned, would you
come join us?
757
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,359
(STAMMERS) I'm good here.
758
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,869
Oh, please.
This is an Alaskan king.
759
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,553
There's so much room.
760
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,513
So much room.
761
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,231
It'd really mean
a lot to me. Please?
762
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,029
Okay.
763
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,760
Hey.
764
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,229
(BARB CLEARS THROAT)
765
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,069
I owe you two
an apology.
766
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,240
When I get nervous
767
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,039
all kinds of crap comes
flying out of my mouth
768
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,031
and I know that's not
how you guys roll.
769
00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:41,120
No.
770
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,071
I was just trying
to make a good impression.
771
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,912
Yeah. Well, you did.
It was...
772
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,116
I mean you didn't,
but it's okay.
773
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,352
It was an awkward dinner.
774
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,278
It was a unique
situation for...
775
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,072
Yeah, but let's all
just move on.
776
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,478
Okay. Great.
777
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,640
Truth be told,
778
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,031
I haven't spent a lot of time
with parental figures.
779
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,312
I don't know if you know this,
but I never knew my father.
780
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,559
Yeah, he picked up my mom
in this bar in Oakland.
781
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,837
They had some sloppy car sex,
and then never spoke again.
782
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,955
Yeah.
783
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,230
I'm not really close
with my mom, either.
784
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:18,590
To be frank, she's kind of
a motherfucking bitch.
785
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:19,840
(BARB EXCLAIMS)
786
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,596
If I had a nickel
for every time I...
787
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,389
Yeah.
788
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,755
We're sorry to hear that.
789
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,638
That's some tough stuff, pal.
790
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,074
Yup. That's...
791
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:31,640
That's...
792
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,995
All right. Well,
it's getting late, so...
793
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,120
BARB : Yeah.
794
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,957
I'm in love
with your daughter, dudes.
795
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,394
And I'm just so
fucking psyched
796
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,311
to get to know
the people that raised her.
797
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,515
Mmm-hmm.
798
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,353
And we're gonna do Christmas
just like you do at home.
799
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:46,555
Tomorrow night,
800
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,949
I'm gonna throw a party
in your honor.
801
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,016
Oh, you don't have to
go to the trouble.
802
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,109
You don't... It's not.
803
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,760
We're gonna do
all the holiday shit.
804
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,436
Okay. Hmm.
All the shit.
805
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,990
Ned, I'd love some
guy time with you.
806
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,310
So maybe we could take a walk
tomorrow morning?
807
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,799
Okay.
Okay, cool.
808
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,110
Justine, will you set Ned
an alarm for 6:30 a.m.?
809
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:08,280
JUSTINE : You got it, Laird.
810
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,199
Ned, an alarm's been set for
you for 6:30 en la mañana.
811
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:13,918
What? Who is that?
812
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,429
(CHUCKLES)
813
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,033
That's Justine.
814
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,192
Yeah, she's like Siri,
but awesome.
815
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,197
I got that chick from
The Big Bang Theory,
816
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,679
Kaley Cuoco,
to do the voice.
817
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,840
J, say hi.
818
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,190
JUSTINE : Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb.
How are you guys?
819
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,075
Hi.
BARB : Oh, my God.
820
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,792
Stephanie's told me
so much about you.
821
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,359
Anything you need, I'm here.
822
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,669
BARB : Okay.
NED : Thank you.
823
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,990
She can't...
Can she see us?
824
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,315
She says that she can't,
but I think that she can.
825
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,240
JUSTINE : What the fuck
are you talking about?
826
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,509
You know I can't see them.
827
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,069
(WHISPERS) She's a perv.
828
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,240
Laird.
829
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,352
Anyway, I hope you two have
a nice night's rest.
830
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,039
Yeah, have a good night.
Great night.
831
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,235
Have a great night.
Yeah.
832
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,396
My instinct is to
hug you right now.
833
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,278
Oh. No.
BARB : I don't think you...
834
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:01,629
That's okay.
Oh.
835
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,711
Oh, my God.
Barb.
836
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,074
Good night.
837
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,000
Peace.
838
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,599
(ROOSTER CROWING)
839
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,230
(MAN SINGING)
Baby, I want to trim your...
840
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,555
Baby, I want to trim your...
841
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,589
Baby, I want to trim your...
842
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,391
Beautiful Christmas tree
843
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,913
I'm gonna bring along
my hatchet
844
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,909
My beautiful Christmas balls
845
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,438
I'll sprinkle my snow
upon your tree
846
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,751
And hang a mistletoe
on your walls
847
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,311
Baby, I want to trim your...
848
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,958
Oh, beautiful Christmas tree
849
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,000
(CLEARS THROAT)
850
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,556
Barb? There's
no toilet paper.
851
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:12,680
Uh-oh.
852
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,398
Would you get
a roll for me, please?
853
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,953
Papa make a poopie?
854
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,951
Yes. I made a poopie.
855
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,394
Did Daddy do a doo-doo?
856
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,636
Barb, just get
the toilet paper, please?
857
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,392
All right.
Well, you sit tight.
858
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,833
I'm gonna go find you some TP.
859
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,000
Thank you.
860
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,160
Of course.
861
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,792
Mr. Playboy.
862
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,632
Unbelievable.
863
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,349
Who is that?
864
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,471
She's a bit of a Plain Jane.
865
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:39,834
BARB : Darling?
Yeah. Yup.
866
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,759
Just, um, crack the door
and toss the roll, please.
867
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,997
It's gonna be a little
more complicated than that.
868
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,639
Good morning, Ned.
869
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,469
(GROANS)
It's Gustav.
870
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:50,600
Great.
871
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,996
As I've already told Barb,
we are a paperless household.
872
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,159
Paperless? What?
873
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,195
BARB : It's a paperless
house, darling.
874
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:00,509
NED : I got that.
875
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,719
But how am I supposed to
complete my business?
876
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,518
Well, all Japanese toilets
877
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,114
have a very effective
and pleasant cleaning spray.
878
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:10,469
And I will be very happy
879
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,790
to walk you through the entire process.
Oh, God.
880
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,838
Ned, please locate the
control panel to your left.
881
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,472
Okay, I see it.
882
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,080
Now on that
control panel is a button
883
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,794
that shows an image
of water spraying up.
884
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,797
Okay. And I just push it?
885
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,149
Just press it, yes.
886
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,480
(COUGHS)
887
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,079
Was that cologne?
888
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,559
Oh!
Cologne? Oh, yes!
889
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,194
That is a designer-scented
talcum powder.
890
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,195
But that button should
not have activated that.
891
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,193
Ned, that is what is called Big
Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren.
892
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:43,429
I'm excited to try.
893
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,872
Can we please just continue?
All right.
894
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,393
Ned?
Yes.
895
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,551
I would like to apologize
sincerely again.
896
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,190
This is the 2018 model
that you are on right now,
897
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:55,475
so they have not yet made
898
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,551
an instruction manual
in English yet.
899
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,871
So I'm going to take care
of this on my end, all right?
900
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,753
So Ned, you focus on
your end in there
901
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,554
and I will focus
on your end out here.
902
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,553
BARB : That's too good.
This is it.
903
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,392
This should do it, Ned.
(PHONE BEEPING)
904
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,040
(WHIRRING)
Okay. Something's whirring.
905
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,036
Something's spinning around
in there.
906
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,911
No! Turn it off!
907
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,116
Turn it off!
Turn it off! Turn it off!
908
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,400
God!
909
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:21,759
GUSTAV : Oh, scheisse!
910
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,070
We are having some
technical difficulties.
911
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:25,798
That was the vaginal cleanse.
912
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,920
The what cleanse?
913
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,752
I just want a square
of toilet paper.
914
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,069
The vaginal cleanse.
915
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,514
Which I hear is refreshing
916
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,636
and apparently
also very stimulating.
917
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,429
Just saying.
918
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,028
(GRUNTING)
919
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:42,960
Ned?
920
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,080
Really?
921
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,440
I'm so sorry, Ned...
922
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,831
but I'm going to have to manually
reboot the system from the inside.
923
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:52,275
In here?
924
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:53,759
I am so sorry.
925
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,955
Fine.
926
00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:58,955
NED : Why not?
927
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,795
Barb, would you
close the door? Sorry.
928
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,393
It's gonna be great.
929
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:06,520
(DOOR SHUTS)
930
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,792
Ned, I am blinders.
931
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:11,515
I see nothing.
I smell nothing.
932
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,471
The print is very small.
Mm-hmm.
933
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:15,834
Okay, forgive me.
934
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,591
I can't see the instructions.
935
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,032
All right.
What do we have here?
936
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,320
Hmm...
937
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,160
(SIGHS)
938
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,349
(FARTS GENTLY)
939
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,279
(STOMACH GROWLING)
940
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,038
I had some
stomach problems last night.
941
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,033
I think it was the bear.
942
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,470
I can guarantee you,
it was the bear.
943
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:05,795
(JUSTINE CLEARS THROAT)
944
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,837
Turning on the fan.
(SWITCH CLICKS)
945
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,710
Great. Wunderbar.
946
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,519
How'd it go?
947
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,389
I am so sorry
that it took so long.
948
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,915
Ned, I'm going to need you
to be completely still
949
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,355
while we try to
lock in your location.
950
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,835
I'm sitting on a toilet,
that's pretty still.
951
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,355
GUSTAV : Searching,
searching, und searching.
952
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,869
And we have target achieved!
953
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,519
And sploosh!
954
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,715
(BIDET HISSING)
Oh!
955
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,395
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
956
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,551
There you go, girls.
957
00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:51,073
You raise chickens?
958
00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:52,912
All free-range.
959
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,274
Cows, too.
960
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,795
Pigs, artisanal llamas.
961
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,313
Everything you eat here
962
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,550
comes from within
a 500-yard radius.
963
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,115
I call it
"lawn to table eating."
964
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:04,280
There she is.
965
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:05,954
Hey, Daisy.
(GRUNTS)
966
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:08,833
Oh.
Hi.
967
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,072
(GRUNTS)
Go on, get.
968
00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:13,880
So glad we're
doing this, Ned.
969
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,056
I feel like I know you after everything
that Steph's told me about you,
970
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,638
but still not the same...
971
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:19,909
(BOTH GRUNTING)
972
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,554
Do you submit?
Fuck you!
973
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,273
Gustav!
Ned, stay away!
974
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:28,400
You wanna fight?
975
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:33,800
Tap out!
(GROANING) No!
976
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,075
You want to tap out.
977
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,832
Okay, okay! Fine!
978
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,479
GUSTAV : Nice work!
979
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,136
And your reactions
are getting quicker.
980
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,160
Really?
Absolutely.
981
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:44,280
Thanks.
982
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,480
I am so sorry, Ned. I just
didn't want you to get hurt.
983
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,953
Wait, so you just do
this Pink Panther thing?
984
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,519
Pink Panther?
Pink Panther?
985
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,955
The Pink Panther
from the Pink Panther movies.
986
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,317
When Cato attacks Inspector
Clouseau to keep him sharp.
987
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,096
Are those really old?
I never heard of it.
988
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,155
I'm not familiar, either,
989
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:02,833
but it sounds
absolutely charming.
990
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,959
Pink Panther.
991
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:07,513
The movies?
Mm-hmm.
992
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,670
Cato is his assistant,
his houseboy.
993
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,193
Houseboy?
Well, it's...
994
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,316
That sounds racist.
995
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,628
He did call him "my little
yellow friend." But...
996
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,096
I'm sorry, you have to
understand, Ned.
997
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,680
Laird is the CEO
of a massive tech company.
998
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,472
LAIRD : I don't like
bodyguards around
999
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,473
so I have Goose train me in case
I get kidnapped or whatever.
1000
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,319
By the way, your Chun Kuk Do
moves were very solid.
1001
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,152
But what happened to
the evasive parkour?
1002
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:33,514
Ah, evasive parkour.
Yeah.
1003
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,033
I totally fucking spaced!
1004
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:36,838
GUSTAV : There's always
room to improve.
1005
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,035
All right.
Thanks, man.
1006
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:39,519
You got it, brother.
1007
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,352
All right, ciao for now,
you friends.
1008
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,954
And you guys have
a lovely chat.
1009
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,640
Ned, come on. I wanna
show you my office.
1010
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,398
You know, that's like
classic Pink Panther.
1011
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,400
This is where you work, huh?
LAIRD : Yeah.
1012
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,552
I have a den in the house
where I do the financial stuff
1013
00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:00,915
but this is where
all the big ideas happen.
1014
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:02,991
Don't you need
a computer and...
1015
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,196
Nah. My girl Justine
records everything.
1016
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:06,475
Right, J?
1017
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,398
JUSTINE : Yep, I'm here.
Hey, Ned.
1018
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,640
Hey, why don't you play back
a blip from yesterday's session?
1019
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,336
All right, hold on. Fuck. There's
so much shit up here in your Cloud.
1020
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,554
Okay, okay got it.
1021
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,393
LAIRD : Come on, idiot, think.
Names for games. Um...
1022
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,353
Ape Assassins Six:
Capuchin Chaos.
1023
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,875
Uh, Silverback Salsa.
1024
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,235
Baboon Bukkake.
1025
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,628
Fuck! Wow, that's awful!
1026
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:28,755
(CHUCKLES) Bad idea.
1027
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:29,915
Why? Why's that?
1028
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,000
Uh...
1029
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:32,559
What does that mean?
1030
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:33,680
Bukkake?
1031
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,029
Oh, um...
1032
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:36,958
Just means a lot of
things are happening
1033
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,256
and you're feeling
overwhelmed.
1034
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:39,554
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
1035
00:38:39,720 --> 00:38:41,597
Yeah.
I've felt bukkake before.
1036
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,720
Hmm...
1037
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,074
Grab a seat. Make yourself
comf. Let's break it down.
1038
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,230
Just pop down
right here on the floor.
1039
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:55,868
There you go.
1040
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:01,072
Ned, I think you and
I have so much in common.
1041
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:04,550
We see something we want
and we just dive in
1042
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:05,720
and we take it.
1043
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:06,760
Know what I mean?
1044
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,035
Yeah.
1045
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,788
Which is why...
1046
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,074
...on Christmas Day...
1047
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,717
I'm going to ask Stephy
to marry me.
1048
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,960
And I know
how tight you two are.
1049
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,080
Mm-hmm.
1050
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,759
So I'd really, really
1051
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:34,955
like your blessing.
1052
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,119
(MUTTERS INAUDIBLY)
1053
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,318
Uh, Laird.
1054
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,616
Really appreciate
you coming to me.
1055
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,640
'Course.
1056
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,990
But, uh, the answer's no.
1057
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,151
Dude, I'm so confused.
1058
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,356
What the fuck?
What the hell?
1059
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:55,794
This went so much differently
1060
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,353
when I rehearsed it
with Gustav.
1061
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,636
Yeah. I asked you
and you were like,
1062
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:01,113
"Yeah, dude. My son."
1063
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,151
Laird. Listen to me, okay.
1064
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,469
Beside the fact that I don't know
you from a hole in the wall...
1065
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,474
Stephanie is just not ready
for this step in her life.
1066
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,632
Oh, I'm totally getting
the signals that she is.
1067
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,439
I'm her father,
I know her pretty well.
1068
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,437
Okay, all right.
All right, Ned...
1069
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,278
Dude, I know
I sprung this on you.
1070
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,994
My bad. Okay?
Let's just back it up.
1071
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,195
All right?
All right.
1072
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,517
Why don't you give me a few
days to win you over, okay?
1073
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:29,874
And by Christmas morning...
1074
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,508
I promise, you're going to be
calling me "son."
1075
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,477
I'm gonna be
calling you "Dad".
1076
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:35,816
Don't think
that's going to happen.
1077
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,831
I think it's gonna, Dad.
1078
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:40,840
Don't.
1079
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,789
(CHUCKLES) Dad, come on.
1080
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,536
Don't call me "Dad."
Don't call you "Dad"?
1081
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:45,560
I'm not your dad.
1082
00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,836
I mean,
you're gonna be my dad.
1083
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:48,920
No. No.
1084
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,758
What, Dad?
(SIGHS)
1085
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,480
Okay, now you're
playing with me.
1086
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,391
All right. Dad.
1087
00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,758
Look, Laird.
1088
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,508
Why do you even care
about what I think?
1089
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,033
You're Stephanie's father.
1090
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,039
I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry
me unless I have your blessing.
1091
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,194
Okay.
1092
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,674
Justine, did you get that?
1093
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,558
JUSTINE : Totes.
Yeah, recorded every word.
1094
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,711
Totes. And totes is what?
1095
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,758
It means totally. But totally's kind of long,
so "totes" is just easier.
1096
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:23,720
Okay. Good.
1097
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:24,840
Okay.
Okay.
1098
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,074
All right, cool.
Yeah.
1099
00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,549
But you gotta
promise me
1100
00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:31,871
that you won't tell Steph
anything about this.
1101
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:33,594
About any of this.
1102
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,394
Trust me, that is the last
thing in the world I will do.
1103
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,120
For reals, dude.
I want it to be a surprise.
1104
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,633
No word. I won't say a word.
1105
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,916
Barb and Scotty, too.
No clowning.
1106
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,475
No clowning.
1107
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:47,709
What?
1108
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,110
I'd just feel a lot better
about this if we pinky swore.
1109
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,912
(LAUGHS)
1110
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:54,795
Oh.
1111
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,277
I see what you mean.
Cool.
1112
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,712
Go get breakfast.
Okay.
1113
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:06,309
Fuck!
1114
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:08,429
Sup, guys?
1115
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,397
DEVELOPER 1 : Hey, boss.
DEVELOPER 2 : Mayhew!
1116
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,616
(MAN RAPPING OVER RADIO)
...took a little longer
1117
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,438
Go into the school
gonna run another banger
1118
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,991
The fuck?
Come with me immediately.
1119
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,398
The hell is this room?
1120
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:21,669
Randy, get the fuck out.
1121
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:22,955
Yes, sir, Gustav.
Mm-hmm.
1122
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,150
I am on the needles und pins.
1123
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,038
I need you to tell me
how it went right now
1124
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,155
or I'm going to burst.
1125
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,157
He said no!
What? Okay, okay.
1126
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,113
But how did you respond?
1127
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,959
I was blindsided, man.
I didn't know what to do.
1128
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,160
I challenged him.
1129
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,197
Okay.
I started calling him Dad.
1130
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,510
Oy vey.
The fuck, man!
1131
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,753
Why would you call him Dad?
You're putting him at unease!
1132
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:51,799
You have to find a way in.
1133
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,309
You have to do something
for him that's truly special
1134
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,835
so that he knows
that your intentions are pure.
1135
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,920
Dude, Goose, I don't know
how to talk to the guy.
1136
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,200
It's like we speak two different
languages or something.
1137
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,320
You do.
Yeah.
1138
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,674
He speaks English.
1139
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,469
And you speak English with
resounding amounts of "fuck."
1140
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,016
All right, Stephanie's been
on my case, too.
1141
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,040
Yes.
I got it.
1142
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:11,160
All right?
Okay.
1143
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,200
Right.
All right, man.
1144
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:13,360
Great.
Great.
1145
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,936
You just fucking really
hit me really hard.
1146
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:16,393
I know. I am sorry.
1147
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,518
It's just, Laird...
1148
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,035
...your relationship
with Miss Stephanie
1149
00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:24,708
is very special.
It's the real deal.
1150
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,840
Hey.
Yes.
1151
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,838
Goose, I know I pay you
a shit-ton of money,
1152
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,359
but you're my best friend.
1153
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,636
Our friendship is priceless.
1154
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,030
Hey. Thanks, brother.
1155
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,392
(BOTH SIGHING)
1156
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:41,677
(GROANING)
1157
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,514
Okay.
1158
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:48,795
(GROANING)
1159
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,075
Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy.
1160
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:53,520
Fuck.
1161
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:56,600
Bro, you're incredible.
1162
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,875
That was very imaginative
1163
00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:59,439
how you took that
tender moment
1164
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:00,960
and used it
as your pivot to attack.
1165
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:02,314
Yeah.
Very good.
1166
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,038
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1167
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,080
What's up, Cheese?
1168
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,076
I'm about to go to
the football game.
1169
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:10,434
Lions, baby!
1170
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,874
NED : Great. How's business?
1171
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:13,229
Tell me something good.
1172
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,594
Oh, uh...
1173
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,110
I talked to my guy
over at Dick's Sporting Goods.
1174
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:18,856
Don't tell me
they're going with China, too.
1175
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:19,915
Worse.
1176
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:21,957
Freaking online banner ads.
1177
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,917
No. Damn it.
All right, listen.
1178
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,269
I'm gonna call Don Millis at
Subaru of Southern Michigan.
1179
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,398
I heard a little rumor that they might
be looking for a new dance partner.
1180
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,113
Yeah, Don,
the big guy, right?
1181
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,032
You guys go back
to your car selling days.
1182
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,872
Yeah. It's worth a shot.
Listen...
1183
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:38,632
I need you to go in
and pull his card
1184
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,256
from my rolodex
while I look for a pen.
1185
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,077
You got it, Cheese.
No, you got it.
1186
00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:45,312
So how goes it in Cali?
1187
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,436
It feels like we've landed
in The Twilight Zone.
1188
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:49,600
Did you find the card?
1189
00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:52,309
Yeah. I got it right here.
1190
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:53,833
Just hang on.
1191
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,393
I have nothing
to write with here.
1192
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,993
This whole house is paperless.
1193
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:58,120
Paperless?
1194
00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:59,599
Well, how do you
wipe your ass?
1195
00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:00,720
You don't.
1196
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,916
They have these Japanese
toilets that... (HISSES)
1197
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,880
It's one of those little
squat jobs, little squatter.
1198
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,639
No. Just... never mind.
Just give me the number.
1199
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,119
JUSTINE : Hey, Ned, I'm here.
1200
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,599
I can take it down for you.
1201
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,990
Justine, please just...
I'm fine.
1202
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,160
Just go away.
1203
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,616
All right,
I'm just trying to help.
1204
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:17,920
You don't have to be
such a dick.
1205
00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:20,310
LOU : Whoa, whoa.
Cheese, who is that?
1206
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:21,656
She's got a foul little mouth.
1207
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,296
Is that the kid's secretary
you fighting with?
1208
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,754
No, no, no. That's the woman
who lives in the ceiling.
1209
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:26,920
Cheese, what she look like?
1210
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:27,960
The woman who lives...
1211
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:29,176
You say she lives
in the ceiling?
1212
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,919
She's a disembodied
voice that...
1213
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,678
Never mind.
I'll explain later.
1214
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:34,875
The voice sounds sexy.
1215
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,200
Are they using
somebody famous?
1216
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,231
JUSTINE :
I wouldn't say too famous.
1217
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:39,496
You know,
million dollars a week,
1218
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,296
biggest show in the world,
no big deal. (COUGHS)
1219
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,320
Lou.
She can hear me?
1220
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:44,120
JUSTINE :
Of course I can hear you.
1221
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,309
How you doin', baby?
1222
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,436
(LAUGHS) Better now
that I'm talking with you.
1223
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:49,600
NED : Just give me the number.
I'm calling him now.
1224
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,353
Let's catch some waves.
1225
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,856
VIDEO GAME GORILLA : Tsunami.
SCOTTY : That guy's cool.
1226
00:45:58,880 --> 00:45:59,880
Yeah, Goose is the best.
1227
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,515
Oh...
1228
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,456
Laird, I'm gonna be
honest with you, buddy.
1229
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:08,480
Okay.
1230
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,511
Gorillas in board shorts
is a fun touch.
1231
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:11,680
Yeah.
I'll give you that.
1232
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,536
But when the only mission
is to get to shore,
1233
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:14,920
I'm not feeling
enough drama there.
1234
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,040
You know?
1235
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,355
You know what?
You're so fucking right.
1236
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:20,555
Fuck!
1237
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,376
We've been developing this
limp dick for months.
1238
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,016
You come and
you play it for five minutes,
1239
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,712
you know exactly
what's wrong with it.
1240
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,030
You're a sharp little fucker.
You know that?
1241
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:29,879
Thank you.
1242
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,031
I mean, for real, man.
I appreciate it.
1243
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,399
It's just nice
to be listened to.
1244
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:36,349
What do you mean?
1245
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,336
I'm gonna be running
my dad's business one day.
1246
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,360
Uh-huh.
1247
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,352
But he won't even listen to any
of my ideas about innovation.
1248
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,033
What?
Right?
1249
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:45,394
You're next gen, dude.
1250
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,920
It's where all the new seeds come from.
Everyone knows that.
1251
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,176
And I told him that.
I was like...
1252
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,668
"Dad, if you're gonna unleash
me to my full potentsh...
1253
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:52,960
"I need a seat
at the table."
1254
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:54,195
He just won't
listen to me.
1255
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,588
Um... Get that seat!
1256
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:56,760
I will get that seat.
1257
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,640
Gotta get that seat, Scotty.
That's my seat.
1258
00:46:58,680 --> 00:46:59,908
Nobody else touch it.
No.
1259
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,719
Where is that seat?
It's at the fucking table.
1260
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,956
(SCOFFS) And I'm gonna
get that seat at that table.
1261
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:06,872
You deserve
a fucking throne, dawg.
1262
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,400
Yeah, the Iron Throne.
Iron Throne.
1263
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,056
Iron Throne.
Game of Thrones over here!
1264
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,216
I'm breathing fire and grabbing
titties left and right.
1265
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:13,416
Fucking King Joffrey
up in this.
1266
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,440
Those are my titties!
1267
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,551
You're the next in line.
That's me.
1268
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:17,920
My man.
1269
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:22,754
Oh, God.
1270
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:27,594
They're paying
your student loans.
1271
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:29,195
Oh.
1272
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,119
NED : Stamp Free Invites.
1273
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,434
(CHIMES)
1274
00:47:49,240 --> 00:47:50,753
Oh, man.
1275
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,116
Ho, ho, ho!
(DOG BARKS)
1276
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:58,634
(LLAMA GRUNTS)
1277
00:47:58,760 --> 00:47:59,795
BARB : Wow.
1278
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:01,240
Is that a horse?
That is a llama.
1279
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:02,440
Oh, a llama.
Hi.
1280
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:03,635
Hello.
1281
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,631
BARB : Oh, my goodness.
Hey, girl.
1282
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,119
We don't have those in...
1283
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:08,639
Dad!
1284
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,950
There you are.
This is insane!
1285
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:12,473
Oh, you working on the books?
1286
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:14,471
Uh, yeah, you know.
Just the little stuff.
1287
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,475
I was thinking about
Laird's Christmas party.
1288
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:20,471
Gustav gave me a preview
of the guest list.
1289
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,551
And, Dad, it is a veritable
"who's who"
1290
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,039
of Silicon Valley
power players.
1291
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,838
Tyson Modell is coming!
1292
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,831
Wait, who is he?
What?
1293
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,016
He's the kid
who founded Ghostchat.
1294
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:30,109
Oh, right.
1295
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:31,696
He turned down three billion
dollars from Facebook,
1296
00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:33,153
and he's only
24 years old.
1297
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,470
I'm gonna broker a sit-down
between you two.
1298
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,716
Dad, thank you for telling me
to pack a blazer.
1299
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:41,096
Now, should I throw on a tie or
should I keep it business casual?
1300
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,678
Scotty, just listen to me,
all right?
1301
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,910
Most of these
Internet companies
1302
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,036
are built on
smoke and mirrors.
1303
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,235
What?
1304
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:49,360
Don't get sucked in.
1305
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,670
That whole industry
is based on hooey.
1306
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:53,956
I'm gonna drop
some knowledge on you.
1307
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,354
Times are changing, Pops.
1308
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,556
And not everything you think
is hooey is hooey.
1309
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,671
Wow. That's profound.
1310
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:02,394
Profound.
1311
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:04,794
And you...
1312
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,157
Hooey-meister himself.
1313
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,911
You're nothing but an octopus.
1314
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,119
An octopus.
1315
00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:18,039
(EDM PLAYING)
1316
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,152
LAIRD : (ON TAPE)
Merry fuckin' Christmas
1317
00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:30,992
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1318
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,399
What are you pouring?
1319
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,391
We are doing a deconstructed
eggnog tonight.
1320
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,596
Eggnog. Yes. Thank you.
1321
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,034
Where you from, boss?
1322
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:51,120
Michigan.
1323
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:52,753
Oh, Michigan.
You in the car business?
1324
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,036
Uh, no. Printing.
Ned Fleming.
1325
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:56,758
Elon Musk.
Elon Musk?
1326
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:58,509
Yeah.
Tesla, Elon Musk?
1327
00:49:58,720 --> 00:49:59,914
Yeah.
Wow.
1328
00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:02,240
How do you know Laird?
1329
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:03,714
Uh...
1330
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,597
He's dating my daughter.
1331
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,074
Uh-oh.
1332
00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:09,434
Nice talking to you.
Yeah.
1333
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:10,635
What?
1334
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,116
Oh, hey! Hi, honey!
1335
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,470
Could I get a glass
of white wine, please?
1336
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:19,753
Ooh, hiya, handsome.
Hi!
1337
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,592
You look great.
Oh, come on.
1338
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,432
No, you do.
Thank you.
1339
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,319
I'm just getting in
the holiday spirit.
1340
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:30,155
So what were you talking to
Laird about for so long?
1341
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,791
I got the entire
Mayhew family saga.
1342
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:34,279
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
1343
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,432
No, no, turns out it was
pretty interesting actually.
1344
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,751
His mother was a secretary at
one of these tech companies.
1345
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,275
Can I interest you
in a Kobe beef slider?
1346
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:44,759
Ooh, yum.
Real food?
1347
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:46,797
Yes, I'm starving.
1348
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,518
Wait, what?
1349
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:50,239
Oh, God.
1350
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,078
Ma'am? Kobe squirt?
No, thanks.
1351
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:53,240
Thank you.
1352
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,433
It's actually pretty tasty.
1353
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,592
Anyway, she saw all these
young programmers getting rich.
1354
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,320
So she basically
forced Laird
1355
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,439
to spend his entire childhood
inside, learning computers.
1356
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,273
I think that's
kind of sad, right?
1357
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,313
He ate it.
Hmm.
1358
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,159
He's an octopus.
1359
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,151
That kid is
wrapping his tentacles
1360
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:27,998
around every member
of this family.
1361
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,513
He's manipulating you.
1362
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:31,989
Darling, we need to bring this
down a notch.
1363
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,310
Okay? You think you're
at war with Laird.
1364
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:37,153
But he's not fighting.
It's just you.
1365
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,976
Come on,
let's go meet his friends.
1366
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,035
They look darling.
1367
00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:41,832
Oh, God.
1368
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,958
Totally tanked porting the
thin-client apps for the JDK build.
1369
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:46,536
The fuck? So you had to
rewrite all the code?
1370
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,551
Mm-hmm. By myself.
1371
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,915
LAIRD : But did you do it?
Oh, you know I did!
1372
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:52,479
Hey, there they are!
Hi.
1373
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:53,640
Looking like a babe.
1374
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:54,869
Look who's looking sharp.
1375
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,314
Okay!
Hello!
1376
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,800
Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents,
Mr. and Mrs. Fleming.
1377
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,871
Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please.
1378
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:02,758
So it was fucked up, man.
1379
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,512
It took me two weeks
1380
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,358
on the J2EE database...
(MOUTHING)
1381
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:08,696
trying to get the interface
to react with the server...
1382
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:10,711
so I can get the containers
up and running again.
1383
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:15,192
I'm sorry.
Tyson, what's a J2EE?
1384
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,231
Java 2 Platform
Enterprise Edition.
1385
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:18,714
Do you not write code?
Sorry.
1386
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,359
This guy's the worst.
Yeah.
1387
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,640
I'm actually more of a personal
relations kind of guy.
1388
00:52:22,720 --> 00:52:25,280
Like account management, client services.
That kind of stuff.
1389
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,078
Dude, this kid is
fucking awesome.
1390
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:30,676
Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty
to take over our family business.
1391
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:31,840
That's right.
1392
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,552
We own a printing business
in Michigan.
1393
00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:34,936
Really?
I'm sure you're familiar
1394
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,280
with those two siblings
over there
1395
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,072
since you're
in the printing business.
1396
00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:40,515
Yo, brother-sister act!
You gotta meet this guy.
1397
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:41,600
Hello!
1398
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:43,432
Hey! Blaine
and Missy Pederman.
1399
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:44,749
Hi, I'm Barb Fleming.
1400
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:46,239
This is my husband.
Ned.
1401
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,868
I'm Scott Fleming.
Nice to meet you.
1402
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:50,712
I'm sorry, we were told
we might know you,
1403
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:52,074
but I'm afraid we don't.
1404
00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:54,754
Blaine and Missy started
Stamp Free Invites.
1405
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,431
Oh, okay.
1406
00:52:58,600 --> 00:52:59,749
Right.
1407
00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:00,920
What's up?
1408
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,456
Did the server forget
to send a reminder
1409
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,311
for your birthday party
or something?
1410
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,438
No, he is actually
in the printing business.
1411
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,759
Oh, shit.
Whoops.
1412
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:10,880
No, no.
1413
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,256
We didn't put you
out of business or anything?
1414
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,280
No.
1415
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,675
What? Ruin our business?
No, no.
1416
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,512
We're doing quite well.
Thank you.
1417
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:18,635
Oh, that's great!
1418
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,136
Good for you!
Honestly, good for you.
1419
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:21,832
We love little
mom-and-pop printers.
1420
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,076
So inspirational.
So important. Mm-hmm.
1421
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:25,593
My dad has more of a factory.
1422
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,136
Not to brag,
but we're a pretty big shop.
1423
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,936
People need paper. They need
something to write on.
1424
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,656
They love the feel of that
card stock in their hands.
1425
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:31,680
Yeah.
1426
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:33,631
MISSY : I've never heard
anyone say that.
1427
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,320
Hmm. We have not
found that at all.
1428
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:37,629
Yeah. Nope.
1429
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,416
I think we come from
two different worlds.
1430
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:40,475
Yes, we do.
1431
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,632
You better start learning code
pretty fucking fast, dude.
1432
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,074
Dude, Ned was crushing it
1433
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,794
since before you two were fighting
over your mother's titties.
1434
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:49,720
BLAINE : Our mom
didn't breastfeed us.
1435
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,512
Laird, you know
we had a wet nurse.
1436
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:52,680
Oh, I can tell.
1437
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,176
Boy, I'll tell you,
I don't know what's going on.
1438
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,200
I'm lost.
1439
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,594
I'm overwhelmed.
Yeah! Me, too.
1440
00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,637
There's bukkake
floating all around me.
1441
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:00,875
BARB : What?
Hm?
1442
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:02,155
What's bukkake?
1443
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:03,355
Oh, Laird told me.
1444
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,033
It means when
you're overwhelmed
1445
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,360
and you got too much going on.
1446
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:08,198
BARB : Oh, my gosh.
Can't figure things out.
1447
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,669
Then, I'm drowning in bukkake
at this point.
1448
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:11,976
Okay, I'm gonna be
real with you guys.
1449
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:13,080
It means jizz on your face.
1450
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:15,520
I'm sorry?
1451
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,033
Bukkake means
covered in jizz.
1452
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:18,394
Tons of jizz, ejaculate.
1453
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:19,959
Usually after a gangbang.
1454
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:21,348
Not as bad as it sounds.
1455
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:22,714
TYSON : Yeah,
post-gangbang.
1456
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,633
Or during. Depends
if someone finishes early.
1457
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:26,909
NED : What the heck?
1458
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,216
I was trying to
protect you, dude.
1459
00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:29,832
Protect me?
LAIRD : Fucking Justine.
1460
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,149
You mean embarrass me?
1461
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:32,656
It was a really
sensitive conversation.
1462
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,696
I didn't want
to start talking
1463
00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:34,816
about guys jerking off
on each other.
1464
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:36,336
NED : Why'd you tell me
it was overwhelming?
1465
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:37,509
Justine brought it up!
1466
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,194
I hope this is an opportune
time to show a video.
1467
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,360
LAIRD : It's not.
1468
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:42,674
NED : Oh, God!
TYSON : Yeah.
1469
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:44,518
Oh, and this
is a teaching moment.
1470
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:45,999
Here's another.
NED : Oh, my God.
1471
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:47,336
STEPHANIE : No. Scotty.
NED : Don't look at that.
1472
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:49,157
It's all good.
You don't have to see this.
1473
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:50,878
Is that you?
1474
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,395
No.
1475
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,828
LAIRD : Oh, my God.
1476
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:01,872
(RAGE THE NIGHT AWAY PLAYING)
1477
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,234
(CROWD CHEERING)
1478
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:07,998
We alive right now, now
1479
00:55:09,720 --> 00:55:11,039
Let's get hot right now
1480
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,477
We don't give a damn
about money
1481
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,913
We alive right now
1482
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,311
All we do is party, party
1483
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:18,515
And get hot right now
1484
00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:24,632
(SCREAMING)
1485
00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:26,073
Are you okay?
1486
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:28,955
BOTH : Yeah!
1487
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,553
Come on, Daddy.
You're okay!
1488
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,557
Okay, I just need to
take a breather. One...
1489
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:35,594
Do it again...
1490
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,318
Lost my mind,
I'm a lose it again
1491
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,038
I love this kid.
1492
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,395
Oh, my God!
1493
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:43,033
Rage, rage the night away
1494
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,712
Forget about the money
I spent today
1495
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,512
Rage, rage the night away
1496
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,398
DDT your ass.
I love you, dawg.
1497
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,436
Forget about the money
I spent today
1498
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,438
(CHEERING)
1499
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:57,433
(SHOUTING)
1500
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:03,758
(SCREAMING)
1501
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:11,235
Hi, Pops.
1502
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:14,360
I just need some fresh air.
Can I come?
1503
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,754
We've always been straight
with each other, haven't we?
1504
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:26,920
Yeah, of course.
1505
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:28,336
Okay, I need to
ask you a question.
1506
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:29,475
And I mean this honestly.
1507
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:30,834
Okay. What?
1508
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,000
You're scaring me.
1509
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:33,149
No. It's just...
1510
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:35,360
What?
1511
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:37,634
Why Laird?
1512
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,153
I mean, come on.
Oh, my God.
1513
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,912
Why?
(GROANS) Dad.
1514
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,111
You are so smart
and you're beautiful.
1515
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,475
You could be dating anyone.
Why?
1516
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,000
I don't get it.
You want the truth?
1517
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,269
Yes.
1518
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:50,631
He kind of reminds me of you.
1519
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,160
What?
1520
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:55,469
Me?
Yes.
1521
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,398
Okay, I need you
to explain that one.
1522
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:58,480
How?
1523
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:01,154
You're both the most honest
and authentic men that I know.
1524
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,776
It comes out
in totally different ways.
1525
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:03,800
Oh, well...
1526
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,313
Laird has literally no filter.
1527
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:08,034
I don't know that to be true.
Is that right?
1528
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:09,713
Okay.
Sorry.
1529
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:11,836
Trying to help you out here.
(SIGHS)
1530
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,839
But I swear his heart
is always in the right place.
1531
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,352
He's a very good guy.
1532
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:21,833
And I love him.
1533
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:27,880
You love him?
1534
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:34,994
(WHINES)
What?
1535
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,233
I'm processing.
1536
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:38,560
We had the...
Very funny, Dad.
1537
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:42,157
Okay. Okay.
1538
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,558
Just try to be cordial.
1539
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:45,755
I will. I'll try.
1540
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:47,592
Okay? I'll try.
Try to what?
1541
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,398
I'll try to just...
1542
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:55,032
...understand
that person better.
1543
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:57,633
(LAUGHS)
1544
00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:58,720
Come here.
1545
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:10,755
Hey.
1546
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,720
Hi.
1547
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,712
(SIGHS) Long night.
What are you doing?
1548
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:19,599
Just chilling.
1549
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,636
Barb, is that my shirt?
1550
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,711
I don't know, is it?
1551
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:26,438
Want me to take it off?
1552
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,114
Would you, please?
I only brought two dress shirts.
1553
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,554
I really don't feel
like ironing
1554
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:32,073
while I'm on this trip.
1555
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,558
(GROANS) I'm so exhausted.
1556
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:38,629
Oh, yeah.
1557
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:40,119
Take it off, baby.
1558
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:43,716
Yeah! Take it off.
Take off those shoes, girl.
1559
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:47,156
Let me see those feet.
I wanna see those feet!
1560
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,680
Did you hit your head
or something?
1561
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:51,109
Yeah. Let me
smell that shoe.
1562
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:52,256
You don't wanna
smell my shoe.
1563
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,280
Yeah, I want feet!
1564
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,436
I want those feet
out of those socks.
1565
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:56,919
Barb, what happened to you?
1566
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:58,957
I am so stoned right now.
1567
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:00,080
What?
1568
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,310
Yeah, I am so baked.
1569
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:04,277
I am like super baked.
1570
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,635
Barb. What?
Where did you? (LAUGHS)
1571
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:09,439
I was very lonely
after you guys left.
1572
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,912
And I saw this guy,
and he had a cigarette.
1573
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,514
I thought it was one of those
electronic cigarettes.
1574
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:17,749
They're called E-cigs.
1575
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:18,840
Yeah.
1576
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:20,797
But turns out...
1577
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,791
I was vaping.
1578
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:23,995
What?
1579
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:25,474
I was vaping.
1580
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:26,640
What is that?
1581
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,758
It's marijuana that comes
out of some kind of machine.
1582
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,632
Keep your voice down!
Ned, it's legal.
1583
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:34,633
Oh, this poor boy
had it for sleep apnea.
1584
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,638
At his age? So sad.
I'm going to bed. That's it.
1585
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,717
No, no, no. Wait!
1586
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,136
Barbara, I'm tired.
Wait a minute. (MUTTERS)
1587
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,160
And I've got a headache.
1588
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:44,311
Let's play a little bit, huh?
No, no.
1589
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:46,630
I'll give you
one of my patented massages.
1590
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,119
Barb.
Let's take the Little Cheese
1591
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:49,315
out for a spin.
No, no, no.
1592
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:50,880
Come on, let me just see him.
Don't.
1593
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:52,616
I just want to see him.
Don't call him that.
1594
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:53,709
Please. Come on.
1595
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,915
Oh, my God!
1596
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,560
You used to love getting high
and fooling around.
1597
00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:59,119
What? Barb! No, Barb.
1598
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,016
We're on vacation!
But someone could walk...
1599
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:02,519
There's no locks
on the door!
1600
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:03,680
What?
1601
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,559
Justine! Do you have any Kiss?
1602
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,358
JUSTINE : Oh, hell yeah!
1603
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:09,839
Are you kids gonna do it?
Yes.
1604
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:12,190
NED : No.
We're doing it already.
1605
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:13,634
We're doing it right now.
Barb!
1606
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,200
I'm doing it with my feet.
One foot.
1607
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,356
That's Kiss!
Honey, you love Kiss!
1608
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:18,919
But not right now.
1609
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,389
(I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU
PLAYING)
1610
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,349
Ned was made for loving Barb
1611
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:26,555
Yell!
1612
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:30,030
(GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)
1613
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:32,958
Yeah. Yeah.
1614
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:34,136
Look what I learned
at the party.
1615
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:35,160
What?
1616
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:37,216
There was this real cute girl,
and she was going like this.
1617
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,037
(EXCLAIMING)
1618
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,032
She was doing this cute,
new dance.
1619
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:42,878
You're gonna
throw your back out.
1620
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,678
I'm not gonna throw my...
1621
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:45,909
I'll throw you out.
1622
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:47,800
Let me get on you.
Wait, do you smell that?
1623
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,432
I'm putting him in.
What is that scent?
1624
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:50,749
There. Oh, it's in.
1625
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:52,677
(MOANING)
1626
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:54,552
What is that?
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
1627
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:55,755
Oh, my God!
1628
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,918
Is that Indian Summer
by Priscilla Presley?
1629
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,230
I used to wear
that perfume in the 90s.
1630
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,231
JUSTINE : Yup, pumping some in.
1631
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,119
I saw you mentioned it on your
college reunion's Facebook page.
1632
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:07,918
I know what you like, Ned.
1633
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,957
Oh, I know you do, dawg.
1634
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,350
Yeah, get in there. Get it!
1635
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,039
Barb!
Get you some!
1636
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:15,952
Get it! Good. Oh, that's...
Okay.
1637
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:17,599
Yeah. You're almost in there.
1638
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:19,591
No, you're, like,
six inches away from it.
1639
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,035
Get in there.
Yeah, that's the spirit.
1640
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:23,753
Barb.
Oh! Yeah!
1641
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:24,920
Barb!
That's good.
1642
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:26,911
Oh, that's good.
You're getting into it now.
1643
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:28,235
That's it!
(SQUEALS) No!
1644
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:30,470
No, no!
Take me! Yes! Take me!
1645
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:31,709
I'm not...
Take me.
1646
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,776
I'm taking you right to bed.
That's what I'm doing.
1647
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,074
(SQUEALING)
Here you go. Yes.
1648
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:36,275
No, I wanna do sex.
1649
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:37,776
We are not gonna do sex.
No, honey.
1650
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:38,915
But I want to.
1651
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:40,376
Justine, turn all the music
off please...
1652
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:41,435
I wanna do it.
1653
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:43,136
...and leave us alone
for the rest of the night.
1654
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:44,388
It's gonna be
full penetration!
1655
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:45,788
NED : Would you stop!
1656
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:48,196
(SIGHS, SNIFFLES)
1657
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:51,632
JUSTINE : Psst... Hey, girl.
1658
01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,639
Fifth button from the right.
1659
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,279
You'll thank me later.
1660
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:05,473
(NOZZLE HISSING)
1661
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,760
Mama, won't you please let me
Mama, won't you please let me
1662
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:13,994
Mmm...
1663
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:15,320
Mama, won't you please let me
1664
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,395
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1665
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:29,835
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1666
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,309
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1667
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,835
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1668
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,315
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1669
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,675
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1670
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,149
Mama do the hump
mama do the hump hump
1671
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,629
Mama won't you please
let me do the hump hump
1672
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:49,511
(CALLING)
1673
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:54,034
There we go, girls.
1674
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,034
(CONTINUES CALLING)
1675
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:12,359
(SQUAWKING)
(GRUNTS)
1676
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:31,440
Oh!
1677
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:33,549
Okay. You all right?
1678
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,233
Yeah. Oh, man.
1679
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,435
That's it.
1680
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:37,856
Dude, I thought
I was gonna make it.
1681
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,393
I know. You almost did, but...
1682
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:41,599
Very good evasive parkour.
1683
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,392
Yes, but the last move
you ate shit.
1684
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:44,675
I know.
(GUSTAV LAUGHS)
1685
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,096
GUSTAV : I'll put you
on the table later
1686
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:47,400
and we'll do
a little adjustment.
1687
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:01,593
Ah!
1688
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:05,436
Christmas tree shopping
with the Big Cheese.
1689
01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,750
Ned, you don't know
how excited I am about this.
1690
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:09,876
I don't know
if I ever mentioned this,
1691
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:12,200
but I never had a father
to do this kind of stuff with.
1692
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:14,589
I'm glad we're getting
a chance to hang out.
1693
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:16,635
That's nice.
1694
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,751
Uh, it's not getting me hard.
1695
01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:23,075
You need an erection
to buy a Christmas tree?
1696
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:24,640
Helps.
1697
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:26,109
(CHUCKLES)
1698
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:27,953
I wanna get to
know you better.
1699
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,439
I mean, you're so perfect.
1700
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,353
Seriously, did you always
have your shit together?
1701
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:33,440
Oh, heck no.
1702
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:35,312
I got fired selling Datsuns.
1703
01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:39,789
How'd you fuck up
selling little dogs?
1704
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,951
No. Datsuns.
1705
01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:44,675
What's that?
1706
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:45,909
It's a car. Doesn't matter.
1707
01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:47,354
It doesn't exist anymore.
1708
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:48,999
But you're still here.
1709
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:50,475
(SCOFFS)
1710
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,831
You ever get nervous
about shifting tides?
1711
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:57,629
Well, you know, every business
has its ups and downs.
1712
01:04:57,800 --> 01:04:59,358
Yeah, I know it, bro.
1713
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,988
Guerrilla Gang, it's been
struggling a little bit.
1714
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:04,153
Really?
1715
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:06,595
Yeah, it's just a fucking
tough landscape, dude.
1716
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,510
What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger.
1717
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,472
Whoa. (EXHALES)
1718
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,668
Chills. Did you
come up with that?
1719
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,159
No, Laird.
1720
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:22,320
Whoa, whoa.
1721
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,039
There she blows, Ned.
1722
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:27,198
It's our motherfucking tree.
1723
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,630
Why not? It'll look great
opposite your moose.
1724
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:32,396
Ned, Ned. Not that one.
1725
01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:34,994
That one.
1726
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:39,958
Oh, no. See, Laird...
1727
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,513
that doesn't belong
to this lot.
1728
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:42,680
See, it's owned by...
1729
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:44,671
Wet games?
Wewt Games.
1730
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:46,068
Like, 'woot-woot'.
1731
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:47,633
I know those dudes.
They're dicks.
1732
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,392
Tried to rip off
Ape Assassins.
1733
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,835
Plus, it's the first Christmas
with the family, dude.
1734
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:53,000
Gotta do it right.
1735
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:54,160
Hey, buddy.
1736
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,200
Yeah.
1737
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:56,673
Can I borrow that chainsaw?
1738
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:57,875
Are you serious?
1739
01:05:58,520 --> 01:05:59,520
Yeah.
1740
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:02,191
(GRUNTING) Fucking...
1741
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:04,035
Come on.
1742
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:06,869
Will you hurry up?
1743
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:08,553
I'm trying.
1744
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,029
Come on, guy.
I need my chainsaw back.
1745
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:12,553
Just give me a second.
1746
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:13,960
Should we call
an ambulance now,
1747
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:15,393
or wait till
he loses a finger?
1748
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:18,549
Can I borrow those?
1749
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:20,669
Have at it.
1750
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:22,759
Okay. Laird just...
1751
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:23,989
Okay.
1752
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:25,080
Hand it over?
1753
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:26,235
You sure, Ned?
Yup.
1754
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:33,518
(MOTOR STARTS)
Oh!
1755
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,917
Total fucking Dad move!
1756
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,394
(ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE
PLAYING)
1757
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:51,789
(MOUTHING) Oh, shit!
1758
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:54,480
You keep on dancing
and the room gets hot
1759
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,311
You drive us wild,
we'll drive you crazy
1760
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:05,392
I wanna rock and roll
all night...
1761
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:08,232
Love Kiss!
1762
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:11,279
Kiss, baby!
1763
01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:12,839
These guys are awesome!
1764
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,639
Stephanie and I do karaoke
to Kiss all the time.
1765
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:17,796
Dude, I know,
that's why I put it on!
1766
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:19,791
And we do
a pretty good job, too,
1767
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:21,109
if I might say so.
Oh, man.
1768
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:23,232
That's cute.
Yeah.
1769
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:24,960
(SIGHS)
1770
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,594
Listen, Laird,
I've been thinking about
1771
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:29,272
our teepee talk yesterday.
1772
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:30,959
Oh, dude, me too.
1773
01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:32,951
I've got so many ideas
for the proposal.
1774
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,951
No.
No. Ned, hear me out.
1775
01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:37,315
I was thinking about
getting the Goodyear blimp,
1776
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:38,560
releasing a thousand doves.
1777
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:39,675
No. Wait.
1778
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:41,200
Laird, just hold on
a second, okay?
1779
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:42,320
Slow down.
Okay.
1780
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:46,110
Look, I get it that Stephanie
really likes you.
1781
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:47,280
But...
Uh-huh.
1782
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:49,638
Look. Man to man.
Yeah.
1783
01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,360
Now is not the time.
1784
01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,592
Dude, Ned, I thought we were
getting past all that.
1785
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,153
No, it's not me.
1786
01:07:57,320 --> 01:07:58,469
It's all about Stephanie.
1787
01:07:58,640 --> 01:07:59,709
Stephanie?
Yes.
1788
01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:00,840
I don't know, dude.
1789
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,992
These last few semesters
are gonna be so intense.
1790
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:05,639
And then there's graduation,
1791
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:06,994
and she'll be
looking for a job.
1792
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:08,680
And who knows
where that will take her.
1793
01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:10,353
It's just...
All right, Ned...
1794
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:11,816
I wasn't supposed to
tell you this,
1795
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:13,558
but I just wanna
put your mind at ease.
1796
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:18,153
Stephanie is not going back
to school next semester.
1797
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:20,840
What?
1798
01:08:21,240 --> 01:08:24,949
Dude, I know you're probably
shocked, but do not worry.
1799
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:26,832
She's already
got this awesome job
1800
01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:28,512
lined up
at this non-profit.
1801
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:29,680
(STAMMERS)
1802
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:32,035
What organization
is that exactly?
1803
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,869
She's going to be president of
the Laird Mayhew Foundation.
1804
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,239
That's me.
1805
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:46,189
Stephanie!
1806
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:47,360
Barb?
1807
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,074
Everybody upstairs right now,
family meeting!
1808
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:51,896
JUSTINE : Ned, would you like
me to schedule a meeting?
1809
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:52,955
Oh, fuck off!
1810
01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:54,040
Just trying to help.
1811
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:55,576
You don't always have to be
such an asshole.
1812
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:56,828
Yes, I do!
1813
01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:59,391
Dad.
You are so dead.
1814
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,994
Shut up. Of course
I was going to tell you.
1815
01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:03,679
I told Mom yesterday
at the mall.
1816
01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:05,856
I was just waiting for
the right time to bring it up
1817
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:07,216
and that hasn't happened.
Wait a minute.
1818
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:08,240
You knew?
1819
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:12,399
Honestly, honey, we thought
you might freak out.
1820
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:14,437
So we decided to wait until
1821
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:16,755
after Christmas
to bring it up.
1822
01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:18,960
But, okay, he told you
about the foundation, right?
1823
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:20,872
Yes.
Yes, okay.
1824
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:22,376
This is a big part of
why I wanted you
1825
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:24,436
to come out here
and meet Laird.
1826
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:28,949
Stephanie, even if he wasn't
this abject lunatic,
1827
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:30,235
which he is,
1828
01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:33,278
I still wouldn't
understand why.
1829
01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:34,959
You've only got
a few semesters left
1830
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:36,195
before you graduate.
1831
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,072
Why would you
just throw that away?
1832
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,576
I'm not throwing
anything away, Dad.
1833
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:40,736
The year I spent
in Central America
1834
01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:42,079
doing this kind of work,
1835
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:46,430
I know you think that I'm
making some rash decision
1836
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:47,600
and I'm not.
1837
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:50,115
We've spent months
figuring it out.
1838
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:51,508
All the months
1839
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:53,716
where you didn't even tell us
you had a boyfriend.
1840
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:54,880
All those months?
1841
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:56,753
Darling...
1842
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,439
I think you should
hear her out
1843
01:09:58,600 --> 01:10:00,955
because it actually sounds
very interesting.
1844
01:10:01,080 --> 01:10:02,080
Does it?
1845
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,111
STEPHANIE : Are you
willing to listen to me?
1846
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,280
Give it your best shot.
1847
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,793
The plan is to focus
on women's health
1848
01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:10,776
as a function of environmental
change in the Third World.
1849
01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:11,800
Right.
All right.
1850
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:12,976
And when all that
goes belly-up,
1851
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,200
you know what
you're left with?
1852
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:16,276
What?
Being a college dropout.
1853
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:17,959
That's it.
You don't get it.
1854
01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:19,120
Oh, I don't get it?
1855
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:20,952
No, you just, like,
don't get it at all.
1856
01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:22,799
Oh. What is that?
1857
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:25,429
It's a tattoo.
1858
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:26,953
With his name?
You got a tattoo?
1859
01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:29,116
You've marked your body
with his name on it.
1860
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:30,349
Look at that, Barb!
1861
01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:31,953
Oh, no.
1862
01:10:32,160 --> 01:10:33,832
That is so cute.
1863
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:35,280
SCOTTY : Let me see.
I wanna see.
1864
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,200
Laird's been telling me
I should get a neck tat.
1865
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:38,588
I see what
Laird is doing here.
1866
01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:40,600
I see what he's doing.
(CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY)
1867
01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:44,150
He is trying to put his
imprint on this entire family.
1868
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:47,437
And that is why we've got
all these secrets now.
1869
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:48,999
And it's all because of him!
1870
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:51,037
Why do you have such
a big problem with Laird?
1871
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:53,031
Great question.
You know why? Why?
1872
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:55,156
Because of his influence,
1873
01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:56,673
you drop out of college.
1874
01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:59,035
Because of his influence,
you get a "too."
1875
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:00,320
Dad, I think you mean "tat."
1876
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:01,440
You definitely mean "tat."
1877
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,616
I mean "tat?"
It's not a "too?"
1878
01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:03,776
"Tat." No, it's not a "too."
No.
1879
01:11:03,800 --> 01:11:05,313
No, I saw it on Geraldo.
1880
01:11:05,480 --> 01:11:07,232
They call them "toos," okay?
Okay.
1881
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:09,470
This is what's going to be
your downward spiral.
1882
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:11,232
First you get a tattoo,
1883
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:12,992
then you start vaporizing.
1884
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:14,792
What?
NED : You're vaporizing.
1885
01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:16,518
STEPHANIE :
What are you talking about?
1886
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,638
When you have...
It's an e-cigarette.
1887
01:11:19,800 --> 01:11:22,473
But instead of tobacco
or a fake tobacco,
1888
01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:24,358
no, you have marijuana
in that e-cigarette.
1889
01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:25,748
Dad, I know what it is.
Yeah.
1890
01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:27,319
How do you know
what it is?
1891
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:30,358
Because I've been around.
Haven't I?
1892
01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:32,038
(STUTTERS)
1893
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:33,195
Mm-hmm.
1894
01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:34,952
Then you go
from there to heroin.
1895
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:36,075
Mm-hmm, that's right.
1896
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:38,470
After that, after you
get hooked on drugs,
1897
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:39,640
you know what happens next?
1898
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:40,720
What?
1899
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:41,856
You'll become a hooker,
a prostitute...
1900
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:42,995
a pimp's bitch.
1901
01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:44,752
That's what's
going to happen to you.
1902
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:46,194
I see it very clearly.
1903
01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:48,868
Oh, my...
How long do I have?
1904
01:11:49,040 --> 01:11:50,917
I'm glad you asked.
Not long.
1905
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,231
You keep going down this path,
at this rate, not long.
1906
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:56,868
You're clearly not in a place
to listen to me right now.
1907
01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,080
So I'm gonna go.
1908
01:11:58,240 --> 01:11:59,560
Thank you, Pops,
for the guidance.
1909
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:00,914
Thank you.
You're welcome.
1910
01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:38,471
(BAD MOTHER FU**ER PLAYING)
1911
01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:49,438
When the line froze,
what did I see?
1912
01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:52,115
A bad mother fucker
standing next to me
1913
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:53,435
Boom!
1914
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,633
(EXCLAIMING)
1915
01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:59,949
Be free like a bird
so today I'ma fly
1916
01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:02,588
Bad, bad motherfucker
'til the day I die
1917
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:05,592
Boss, let me
get this straight.
1918
01:13:05,760 --> 01:13:06,875
You want me
to hack into
1919
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:08,791
Stephanie's
boyfriend's computer
1920
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:10,552
and find out
if there's any record
1921
01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:12,119
of him starting a foundation?
1922
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:13,320
Yes, I do.
1923
01:13:13,480 --> 01:13:15,391
Listen, Kevin,
you are my IT guy.
1924
01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:16,680
I've got nowhere else to turn.
1925
01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:19,149
You know I've always thought
so highly of Stephanie.
1926
01:13:19,320 --> 01:13:21,629
Yeah, she thinks
a lot about you.
1927
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:23,677
Really? Oh, yeah.
1928
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,637
That's so crazy.
Now, listen.
1929
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:27,176
I know that this character
has money,
1930
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:29,120
but there's something about
this whole foundation
1931
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,480
that sounds like
a bunch of hooey.
1932
01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:34,030
If this guy's running hooey,
then I'm gonna find out.
1933
01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:35,400
Okay,
first thing's first, Ned,
1934
01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:37,038
you have to break into
his computer
1935
01:13:37,200 --> 01:13:39,839
and download a program
that I'm gonna send you.
1936
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:41,319
That's hacking?
1937
01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:45,990
I took a shower,
washing every body part...
1938
01:13:47,480 --> 01:13:49,357
Yeah, okay.
I'm getting online.
1939
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:51,035
(KEVIN GRUNTS)
1940
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,991
Kevin, what are you doing?
Huh, baby?
1941
01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:55,390
Oh, I'm helping Ned
with something IT-related.
1942
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:56,834
Oh, tell Ned I said hi.
1943
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:58,000
Okay.
1944
01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:00,080
KEVIN : All right, webcam's on.
1945
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:02,760
(WHISPERS)
Okay, I'm in the office.
1946
01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:04,836
All right, now get
in front of the computer.
1947
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:07,918
All right, good.
Press the spacebar.
1948
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:11,351
Oh, darn.
It's asking for a password.
1949
01:14:11,480 --> 01:14:12,480
No surprise.
1950
01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:16,195
A lot of guys have passwords related
to their girlfriends or their wives.
1951
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:19,878
Kevin, you're a genius.
That's what I have!
1952
01:14:20,040 --> 01:14:22,873
It's "Barbsguy1989."
The year we were married.
1953
01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:26,348
The younger generation tends
to go a little bit racier.
1954
01:14:26,560 --> 01:14:28,320
I'm gonna get into some
sensitive areas here,
1955
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:29,719
so just bear with me.
1956
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:33,270
We need to focus on Stephanie's
more defining qualities
1957
01:14:33,440 --> 01:14:35,078
that this guy
might latch onto.
1958
01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:36,600
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
1959
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:38,392
Would you just get to it?
1960
01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,391
For example, like,
would you say...
1961
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,516
Stephanie has perky breasts?
1962
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:45,389
What?
Okay.
1963
01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:47,198
I would say yes,
because she does.
1964
01:14:47,360 --> 01:14:49,874
Please try "Stephanie's boobs"
one word, no caps.
1965
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:51,075
I'm her dad!
1966
01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:52,912
I understand that
you're her dad,
1967
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:54,672
but you gotta think like him.
1968
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:55,915
Okay?
1969
01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:02,760
No.
1970
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:04,438
We're gonna have to
kick it up a notch.
1971
01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:06,278
You said that
this guy was edgy?
1972
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,434
Please try
"Stephanie's tight ass."
1973
01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:10,595
Give that a whirl.
1974
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:13,631
Are you messing with me,
Dingle?
1975
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:15,711
I wish I was messing with you.
1976
01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:17,074
I'm trying to help you, Ned.
1977
01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:19,475
Make the two "S's"
dollar signs in "ass."
1978
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:20,755
God!
1979
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:23,275
I am going straight to hell
just for typing this.
1980
01:15:23,440 --> 01:15:25,112
Tight ass.
1981
01:15:26,320 --> 01:15:27,878
No.
Hey, guys?
1982
01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:29,760
Do you wanna raise the volume
on the movie?
1983
01:15:29,800 --> 01:15:30,800
GIRL : Okay.
1984
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,719
Okay. I'm just gonna list
some off, you type them in.
1985
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:36,430
All right,
try "Stephanie's sweet slit."
1986
01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:38,591
I am not writing that!
1987
01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:40,472
Okay,
"Stephanie's pink canoe."
1988
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:41,680
No!
1989
01:15:41,840 --> 01:15:43,080
Listen, this isn't fun for me.
1990
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:48,599
Oh, my God.
What is it?
1991
01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:50,159
It's the password!
1992
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:52,356
The one piece of paper
in the entire house.
1993
01:15:52,520 --> 01:15:53,936
What does it say?
I'm gonna log it in.
1994
01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:56,110
"Stephanie's dude."
1995
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,197
Aw, that's actually sweet.
1996
01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:00,509
"2016."
1997
01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:01,680
Boom! We're in.
1998
01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:02,840
Oh, gosh!
1999
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:04,149
What? What is it?
2000
01:16:04,320 --> 01:16:06,276
It's a nude photograph
of Stephanie.
2001
01:16:06,440 --> 01:16:07,998
May I see it, please?
No.
2002
01:16:08,160 --> 01:16:09,160
May I please see it?
2003
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:10,753
I said no!
Okay.
2004
01:16:10,960 --> 01:16:12,840
Go to your EarthLink account
in the web browser.
2005
01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:15,634
EarthLink, EarthLink, okay.
Press.
2006
01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:17,309
I give it my password.
2007
01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:18,675
Okay.
2008
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,952
Okay.
I just emailed you a file.
2009
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,951
Download that and
open it on his desktop.
2010
01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:25,870
Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy!
We're good!
2011
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,513
We're hacking, baby!
2012
01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:28,874
We're gonna nail him.
2013
01:16:29,040 --> 01:16:31,280
We're gonna nail him the way
he's been nailing Stephanie.
2014
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:32,536
STEPHANIE :
Just come with me right now.
2015
01:16:32,560 --> 01:16:33,560
LAIRD : What?
2016
01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:34,696
Why are you
taking me to my office?
2017
01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:35,755
Everyone's downstairs.
2018
01:16:35,840 --> 01:16:37,478
Oh, shit! Someone's coming!
Okay. Escape!
2019
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:38,595
Oh, God!
2020
01:16:38,680 --> 01:16:39,880
LAIRD : Baby,
what are we doing?
2021
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:41,313
Christmas Eve
is about to start.
2022
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:43,280
What is the matter with you?
What's happening?
2023
01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:44,816
I specifically told you...
Don't say anything.
2024
01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:48,196
that I wanted to be the one to
tell my dad about Stanford.
2025
01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:50,200
I know. We were just...
Then why did you do it?
2026
01:16:50,360 --> 01:16:52,669
We were bonding so hard,
it just sort of slipped out.
2027
01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:55,638
STEPHANIE : You clearly have no
idea what this means to him.
2028
01:16:55,840 --> 01:16:58,229
He was so proud of me
when I got into Stanford.
2029
01:16:58,400 --> 01:17:02,359
He worked so hard
to make it happen.
2030
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:06,035
Me dropping out is like
a huge slap in his face.
2031
01:17:06,920 --> 01:17:07,920
Okay.
2032
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,235
I just never had anyone
like him in my life before.
2033
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:11,879
Oh, my God!
2034
01:17:12,680 --> 01:17:14,511
I thought we could
just talk it out.
2035
01:17:14,680 --> 01:17:17,240
You could see how that's not
your place to do that, right?
2036
01:17:17,440 --> 01:17:18,509
LAIRD : Okay. Maybe not.
2037
01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:19,829
STEPHANIE : Definitely not.
2038
01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:22,355
Okay, you're right.
He was super pissed.
2039
01:17:24,440 --> 01:17:26,431
Sometimes I feel like
you're not capable
2040
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:28,238
of being in a relationship.
2041
01:17:28,400 --> 01:17:30,675
It's time that
you get a handle
2042
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,600
(MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY)
on these father issues.
2043
01:17:32,680 --> 01:17:33,715
LAIRD : Wow.
2044
01:17:33,880 --> 01:17:35,393
That's the truth.
2045
01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:38,435
When you call me
on my shit...
2046
01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:42,434
My God! It makes me
feel so close to you.
2047
01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:45,797
Your honesty has
such an effect on me.
2048
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:49,435
You're making me so
fucking horny right now.
2049
01:17:49,800 --> 01:17:50,949
What?
STEPHANIE : Yeah.
2050
01:17:51,040 --> 01:17:52,598
LAIRD :
That face is boner-bait.
2051
01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:54,600
STEPHANIE : Can you not see
that I'm mad at you?
2052
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:56,176
LAIRD : Yeah, I see it.
That's what's...
2053
01:17:56,200 --> 01:17:57,856
STEPHANIE : Oh, my God.
You're driving me crazy!
2054
01:17:57,880 --> 01:17:59,711
You're not listening to me.
2055
01:18:00,640 --> 01:18:01,640
LAIRD : I'm listening.
2056
01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:03,554
I'm sorry.
2057
01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:04,789
Do you...
2058
01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:07,639
You need therapy.
(MOANING)
2059
01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:12,308
Not working.
No?
2060
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:13,754
Mm-mm. Not today, buddy.
2061
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,319
Okay. How about this?
2062
01:18:15,960 --> 01:18:17,075
Is this working?
2063
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:20,554
A little bit.
2064
01:18:21,280 --> 01:18:22,429
Okay, how about this?
2065
01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:25,239
(MOANING)
2066
01:18:25,320 --> 01:18:28,676
Okay. That's working
a little bit more.
2067
01:18:28,840 --> 01:18:30,398
STEPHANIE : Laird,
I love you.
2068
01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:31,919
But I'm still
mad at you.
2069
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:33,433
I'm sorry.
2070
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,149
(BOTH MOANING)
2071
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:44,678
I'm so sorry.
(MOUTHING) No, no!
2072
01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:46,120
Okay?
2073
01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:47,360
Yes!
2074
01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:48,480
No!
2075
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:52,480
LAIRD : You...
(WHIRRING)
2076
01:18:53,440 --> 01:18:55,016
I'm gonna make it up to you.
What is happening?
2077
01:18:55,040 --> 01:18:57,560
You just lie back, and I'll give you
an early Christmas present.
2078
01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:59,636
STEPHANIE : You are
such a freak. (LAUGHS)
2079
01:18:59,800 --> 01:19:00,949
I know.
2080
01:19:04,840 --> 01:19:05,875
LAIRD : Here comes Santa.
2081
01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:07,040
STEPHANIE : Oh, really?
2082
01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:09,151
Ho, ho, ho.
Oh, my God.
2083
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:10,514
Merry Christmas.
2084
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:14,313
Somebody's been
naughty this year.
2085
01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:17,835
KEVIN : Boss?
2086
01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:20,195
Ned. Are you there? Hello?
2087
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:21,320
Hello?
Oh.
2088
01:19:21,400 --> 01:19:23,994
Yes. Kevin, I'm here.
What's happening?
2089
01:19:24,120 --> 01:19:25,120
I'm in.
2090
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:26,680
Do you have access
to the Internet?
2091
01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:28,199
Yes, I do. Hold on.
2092
01:19:28,360 --> 01:19:29,634
Wait a second.
2093
01:19:29,800 --> 01:19:31,392
Log into your
EarthLink account.
2094
01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:33,480
Okay. Got it.
2095
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:36,677
I'm gonna send these
to you right now. (LAUGHS)
2096
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:38,796
Good.
You're done, Mayhew.
2097
01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:40,040
(CAMERA CLICKS)
2098
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:41,355
What the fuck?
2099
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:43,832
What happened?
Oh, my God.
2100
01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:45,319
Wait, what?
What's going on?
2101
01:19:45,480 --> 01:19:47,630
I don't know. He has my face.
2102
01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:48,856
What do you mean
he has your face?
2103
01:19:48,880 --> 01:19:49,880
I'm locked out.
2104
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:51,353
I can't use
my computer anymore.
2105
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:52,480
What?
Stop that!
2106
01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:54,000
What's happening?
He's onto us, Ned.
2107
01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:55,040
What are you doing?
2108
01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:57,760
We have to abort.
Oh, God. Oh, no.
2109
01:19:57,920 --> 01:20:01,071
Move back, motherfuckers
Mayhew's here
2110
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:02,200
Oh, fuck!
2111
01:20:02,240 --> 01:20:03,440
He's a mythical creature, Ned.
2112
01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:04,520
He's what?
2113
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:08,073
What the fuck? Oh, God.
2114
01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:10,077
He's pulling out his penis!
2115
01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:12,433
Oh, my God.
2116
01:20:12,600 --> 01:20:14,511
He's balls deep
in my digital butt.
2117
01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:18,216
MARNIE : Are you watching porn?
2118
01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:19,355
Turn that off!
2119
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:20,589
KEVIN : Ned, he's doing it!
2120
01:20:21,200 --> 01:20:22,553
Marnie, it's not good!
2121
01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:24,558
Stay the fuck out!
Turn that off!
2122
01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:25,755
Kevin!
2123
01:20:25,920 --> 01:20:26,920
Kevin!
2124
01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:28,560
(GASPS)
2125
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:32,239
KEVIN :
He has control of the house!
2126
01:20:32,400 --> 01:20:33,435
Come here!
2127
01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:35,376
Kevin, what is happening?
We gotta get out of here!
2128
01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:36,400
Go, go, go!
2129
01:20:36,600 --> 01:20:37,600
What?
MARNIE : Kevin!
2130
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:39,079
Kevin!
2131
01:20:49,760 --> 01:20:51,876
Oh, my...
2132
01:20:53,760 --> 01:20:57,639
(CHOIR SINGING)
Silent night
2133
01:20:57,800 --> 01:21:01,509
Holy night
2134
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:05,676
All is calm
2135
01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:09,508
All is bright
2136
01:21:12,240 --> 01:21:13,468
Hi.
Hey.
2137
01:21:13,680 --> 01:21:14,999
You know what?
Let's not fight.
2138
01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:16,115
Okay.
2139
01:21:16,280 --> 01:21:18,680
I'm sorry, truly, that you found out
about Stanford that way.
2140
01:21:18,760 --> 01:21:19,760
Thank you.
2141
01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:21,720
It was not okay of Laird,
and he knows that now.
2142
01:21:21,880 --> 01:21:23,256
But I'm confident
this is a really good idea.
2143
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,936
Honey, before you continue,
I need to tell you something.
2144
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,599
Laird has been lying to you.
2145
01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:29,160
I tried.
2146
01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:30,759
No, no, no. Hey!
It's unbelievable!
2147
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:32,797
He is in serious
financial trouble.
2148
01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:34,757
In what way?
It's Christmas.
2149
01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:36,148
Ned, you're making a mistake.
2150
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,595
He doesn't have enough money
to finance his business,
2151
01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:40,079
let alone a foundation.
2152
01:21:40,160 --> 01:21:41,856
STEPHANIE : What exactly
makes you think that?
2153
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,199
Wait till you see this.
2154
01:21:43,360 --> 01:21:44,475
What's this?
Here.
2155
01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:46,551
Look at this,
his own bank records.
2156
01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:48,233
All in red.
2157
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:51,349
Is this for real?
2158
01:21:51,520 --> 01:21:52,589
Yeah, it's true.
2159
01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:55,360
Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushed
one in a couple of years.
2160
01:21:55,520 --> 01:21:57,078
So you lied to me?
2161
01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:58,434
I'm dropping out of school
2162
01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:00,960
to start a foundation that
you're supposed to be financing.
2163
01:22:01,040 --> 01:22:02,109
Yeah.
Yeah.
2164
01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:04,350
Baby, the foundation
is all good.
2165
01:22:04,560 --> 01:22:06,278
What are you talking about?
2166
01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:09,790
Ned, there has been
a very big misunderstanding.
2167
01:22:09,960 --> 01:22:12,918
These are only
Laird's business holdings.
2168
01:22:13,080 --> 01:22:14,080
On the personal side...
2169
01:22:14,280 --> 01:22:15,376
I have put together
a moderate,
2170
01:22:15,400 --> 01:22:17,231
conservative private
equity sleeve
2171
01:22:17,400 --> 01:22:19,277
that has been
performing delightfully.
2172
01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,032
You could say that again.
Mm-hmm.
2173
01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:22,599
So you followed
the Buffett rule?
2174
01:22:22,760 --> 01:22:23,880
(GUSTAV LAUGHS)
Always, dude.
2175
01:22:24,080 --> 01:22:25,752
70/30, stocks to bonds.
2176
01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:26,840
Buffet.
2177
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:27,960
Nice.
2178
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,136
Your little hacker, Dingle...
2179
01:22:29,160 --> 01:22:30,160
Hacker?
2180
01:22:30,320 --> 01:22:31,992
...was worming down
the wrong hole.
2181
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:34,549
Does he mean Kevin Dingle?
LAIRD : Probably.
2182
01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:36,079
No, must be another Dingle.
2183
01:22:36,240 --> 01:22:38,674
Only dingle I know of
is the berries on the butt.
2184
01:22:38,840 --> 01:22:40,637
Look, how much money
do you have?
2185
01:22:40,760 --> 01:22:41,816
Babe, you don't
have to answer this.
2186
01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:42,909
Yes, he does.
2187
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:44,797
LAIRD : Fine! Full disclosure.
2188
01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,154
It's bad.
2189
01:22:47,120 --> 01:22:50,078
I'm down to
my last 97 million.
2190
01:22:50,360 --> 01:22:51,918
GUSTAV : (CLEARS THROAT) Laird.
2191
01:22:53,440 --> 01:22:55,271
197 million.
2192
01:22:56,840 --> 01:22:57,875
Boom.
2193
01:22:57,960 --> 01:23:00,155
He's just barely scraping by.
2194
01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:01,480
All you had to do was ask me.
2195
01:23:01,600 --> 01:23:03,636
Gentlemen, I need
Deck the Halls, allegro, now.
2196
01:23:04,120 --> 01:23:06,873
Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
2197
01:23:07,080 --> 01:23:08,672
LAIRD : Ned, it's the holidays
2198
01:23:08,840 --> 01:23:10,478
and I think
we should start over.
2199
01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:13,189
So this is for you.
2200
01:23:17,320 --> 01:23:18,320
What is it?
2201
01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:19,600
It's a little
stocking stuffer.
2202
01:23:19,680 --> 01:23:20,749
I think you'll like it.
2203
01:23:22,480 --> 01:23:24,152
A phone?
Press the button.
2204
01:23:26,320 --> 01:23:28,914
This is from my bank
in Grand Rapids.
2205
01:23:29,080 --> 01:23:30,195
Merry Christmas.
2206
01:23:30,320 --> 01:23:31,416
STEPHANIE :
Someone fill me in here.
2207
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:32,440
LAIRD : Well, Steph...
2208
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:35,074
I bought
your father's company.
2209
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:36,795
Sort of.
2210
01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:40,714
Ned, I purchased all your debt
as a Christmas present.
2211
01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:42,199
What the fuck?
2212
01:23:42,640 --> 01:23:44,517
You son of a bitch.
What?
2213
01:23:44,680 --> 01:23:46,920
Dude, I'm trying to be nice,
so you can avoid bankruptcy.
2214
01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:48,759
Are you guys
talking Chapter 11?
2215
01:23:48,840 --> 01:23:50,160
I don't even wanna
hear that term.
2216
01:23:50,240 --> 01:23:52,959
Okay, gentlemen,
I need Jingle Bells, and step on it!
2217
01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:56,317
I can't believe that
you didn't tell us about this.
2218
01:23:56,480 --> 01:23:58,550
What? No, it's just...
2219
01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:01,228
The business has been running
a little rough lately.
2220
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:03,096
I'm already working on
a new deal right now.
2221
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,031
So you had no idea?
No.
2222
01:24:05,200 --> 01:24:06,640
How the hell
did you know about this?
2223
01:24:06,920 --> 01:24:08,797
It was Justine.
Oh.
2224
01:24:08,880 --> 01:24:10,074
JUSTINE : Yeah, it was me.
2225
01:24:10,240 --> 01:24:12,976
She played me back a little bit of a
conversation you had the other day...
2226
01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:14,000
with a guy named Lou.
2227
01:24:14,600 --> 01:24:16,636
Of course,
I had to help.
2228
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,376
JUSTINE : Ned,
I'm sorry if I overstepped.
2229
01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:19,400
Yep.
2230
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,516
But I was really,
really worried about you.
2231
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:23,272
LAIRD : She was.
No clowning.
2232
01:24:23,440 --> 01:24:24,953
And just so
you don't stress,
2233
01:24:25,160 --> 01:24:27,469
you're still gonna be
the Big Cheese, dude.
2234
01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:29,551
I plan on being
a very hands-off owner.
2235
01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:33,108
So what do you say, partner?
2236
01:24:33,960 --> 01:24:35,518
(GROANS)
(EXCLAIMING)
2237
01:24:35,680 --> 01:24:37,320
Ned, what are you...
LAIRD : What the fuck?
2238
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:39,357
Why would you do that, Dad?
2239
01:24:39,440 --> 01:24:40,440
Dad!
2240
01:24:40,520 --> 01:24:41,919
Fuck you, paper man!
2241
01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:43,399
(EXCLAIMING)
2242
01:24:43,640 --> 01:24:44,959
Oh, scheisse.
2243
01:24:45,120 --> 01:24:46,120
Ned, I'm sorry, bro.
2244
01:24:46,280 --> 01:24:47,872
Are you okay? Oh, man.
(COUGHING)
2245
01:24:48,040 --> 01:24:49,314
My training,
it just takes over.
2246
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:51,715
Everybody is feeling
a lot of tension.
2247
01:24:51,880 --> 01:24:52,949
Calm down.
Dad!
2248
01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,394
Or we can hit people square
in the face with an iPad.
2249
01:24:58,400 --> 01:25:00,072
Disengage.
Disengage and run!
2250
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:01,719
(BARB EXCLAIMING)
2251
01:25:03,680 --> 01:25:05,336
Dude, that was kind of cool.
You gotta be honest.
2252
01:25:05,360 --> 01:25:07,237
Ned, I love you.
I was just trying to help.
2253
01:25:07,320 --> 01:25:08,719
(YELLING)
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
2254
01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:09,800
Ooh!
2255
01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:12,560
Laird, disengage him!
2256
01:25:12,640 --> 01:25:14,153
Ned, let go of his balls!
2257
01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:19,358
Laird! Evasive parkour!
2258
01:25:19,520 --> 01:25:20,589
Laird, get away!
2259
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:22,711
Evasive parkour!
Do the wall pop!
2260
01:25:23,560 --> 01:25:24,560
Wall pop!
2261
01:25:28,120 --> 01:25:29,758
Goose! Did you see that?
2262
01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:32,639
That's right! Because you
finally engaged your core!
2263
01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:33,800
Get down here!
2264
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:36,696
GUSTAV : You see the difference of the feeling?
How it feels differently?
2265
01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:37,755
I know!
2266
01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:39,835
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
2267
01:25:40,440 --> 01:25:41,736
Don't breathe in.
I'll save you, brother!
2268
01:25:41,760 --> 01:25:42,840
GUSTAV : Scotty, no! Scotty!
2269
01:25:42,880 --> 01:25:43,880
BARB : No, honey!
2270
01:25:44,800 --> 01:25:45,920
I'm here to save you, Laird!
2271
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:51,669
Scotty, watch out!
2272
01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:55,469
(SCREAMING)
2273
01:26:00,080 --> 01:26:01,877
Laird! You okay?
2274
01:26:03,040 --> 01:26:04,040
Yeah! (LAUGHS)
2275
01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:05,474
Fantastic!
You're okay.
2276
01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:07,678
You're okay.
Wait. Where's Scotty?
2277
01:26:07,840 --> 01:26:09,114
BARB : Scotty! Oh, my God.
2278
01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:11,357
Scotty!
He's under the moose!
2279
01:26:11,560 --> 01:26:12,976
(STEPHANIE AND BARB SCREAM)
He's under the moose!
2280
01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:14,149
Scotty!
2281
01:26:14,360 --> 01:26:16,112
(GRUNTING)
2282
01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:17,240
Oh, shit.
2283
01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:19,670
These fucking moose balls
are in my mouth.
2284
01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:21,876
Oh, shit,
he's teabagging you, bro!
2285
01:26:22,040 --> 01:26:23,359
I got you.
2286
01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:26,038
(YELLING)
2287
01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:31,189
Come here. Come here.
2288
01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:33,032
Oh, my God. It's okay.
2289
01:26:33,200 --> 01:26:34,200
It's okay.
2290
01:26:37,680 --> 01:26:39,989
Honey, I'm so sorry
it turned out this way.
2291
01:26:40,160 --> 01:26:41,160
Me, too.
2292
01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:43,000
I'll call you
when I get home.
2293
01:26:43,120 --> 01:26:45,111
Okay. Good luck with Scotty.
2294
01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:47,359
Thank you. I'll need it.
Yeah.
2295
01:26:49,440 --> 01:26:52,079
Steph, listen. I never...
2296
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:54,435
I'm done listening.
Have a safe flight.
2297
01:26:57,880 --> 01:26:59,632
See you, sis.
Bye, Scotty.
2298
01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:03,949
Can't believe I have to
go back to toilet paper.
2299
01:27:06,440 --> 01:27:08,749
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2300
01:27:10,680 --> 01:27:13,433
Hey, Don Millis.
Merry Christmas, sir.
2301
01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:15,400
You too, Ned. Look, I hate
to call on Christmas.
2302
01:27:15,520 --> 01:27:17,238
Oh, don't worry about that.
2303
01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:19,152
It was great
catching up yesterday
2304
01:27:19,320 --> 01:27:21,480
and I wanted to ring you
as soon as we made a decision.
2305
01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:22,560
Okay.
2306
01:27:22,640 --> 01:27:24,520
I talked with the group here
about your proposal
2307
01:27:24,600 --> 01:27:26,192
and we just can't go for it.
2308
01:27:26,360 --> 01:27:27,634
I'm sorry, pal.
2309
01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:30,513
We really appreciate you offering
us such a sweetheart deal.
2310
01:27:30,720 --> 01:27:33,296
But fact is we 're just not doing a
whole lot of printing these days.
2311
01:27:33,320 --> 01:27:34,469
You know how it is.
Yes.
2312
01:27:34,680 --> 01:27:35,776
It's a whole new world, right?
2313
01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:36,800
Yes.
2314
01:27:37,720 --> 01:27:38,755
Sure is.
2315
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,720
I sure wish we could've
done business, Cheese.
2316
01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:42,159
All right, listen, um,
2317
01:27:42,360 --> 01:27:44,715
if you're sure I can't
change your mind there, Don.
2318
01:27:44,880 --> 01:27:46,108
Yeah, unfortunately not.
2319
01:27:46,320 --> 01:27:47,992
Okay. All right.
2320
01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,236
You have a happy holidays.
You, too, Ned!
2321
01:27:51,400 --> 01:27:52,799
Best to Barb and the kids.
2322
01:27:55,840 --> 01:27:57,239
JUSTINE : Excuse me, Ned?
2323
01:27:57,400 --> 01:28:00,358
I'm sorry to bother you,
but your flight leaves in an hour.
2324
01:28:03,240 --> 01:28:06,676
Must seem strange
to you, my friend
2325
01:28:06,840 --> 01:28:08,239
JUSTINE : I'll miss you.
2326
01:28:08,320 --> 01:28:11,630
Some things are always
heaven sent
2327
01:28:12,560 --> 01:28:16,189
The more you want,
the harder it gets
2328
01:28:16,640 --> 01:28:20,872
The more you let go,
the more you get
2329
01:28:20,960 --> 01:28:22,439
It's a crazy...
2330
01:28:28,280 --> 01:28:30,032
...beautiful life
2331
01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:34,793
Some things make sense
and you don't know what
2332
01:28:34,920 --> 01:28:39,391
It's a crazy beautiful life
2333
01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:42,438
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
2334
01:28:46,400 --> 01:28:48,311
Welcome home, Flemings!
2335
01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:49,595
Lou, what...
2336
01:28:49,720 --> 01:28:50,789
You guys must be freezing.
2337
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:53,155
Come on, get in here.
Let me get that. Come on, Cheese.
2338
01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:54,600
Lou, what's going on?
Barbara, hey.
2339
01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:55,835
Hi.
2340
01:28:55,920 --> 01:28:57,016
Barb, you look great.
JERRY : There they are!
2341
01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:59,508
ALL : Merry Christmas!
2342
01:29:01,760 --> 01:29:02,909
Wow!
2343
01:29:03,440 --> 01:29:06,830
Um, Lou, I texted you that
I needed to talk to you.
2344
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:08,000
I mean, what's...
2345
01:29:08,160 --> 01:29:10,151
Come on,
you hear this guy?
2346
01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:11,759
Hank Rouse
from First National
2347
01:29:11,920 --> 01:29:14,309
shot me a congratulatory
voicemail this morning
2348
01:29:14,440 --> 01:29:15,839
about the
Mayhew deal.
2349
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:17,000
You did it,
Big Cheese!
2350
01:29:18,600 --> 01:29:20,040
You pulled off
the Christmas miracle.
2351
01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:21,957
(CHEERING)
2352
01:29:22,040 --> 01:29:24,156
Cheese, Cheese, Cheese!
Cheese, Cheese, Cheese!
2353
01:29:24,320 --> 01:29:25,435
Barb!
2354
01:29:26,440 --> 01:29:27,440
Scotty.
2355
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:30,319
Ned, as a little token
of our appreciation,
2356
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,948
we all chipped in
and bought you something
2357
01:29:33,120 --> 01:29:35,759
that we're pretty sure
you don't own.
2358
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:36,955
(ALL LAUGH)
2359
01:29:38,200 --> 01:29:39,872
You shouldn't have.
2360
01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:41,553
Open it. Yeah.
2361
01:29:42,280 --> 01:29:43,280
Yeah, right there.
2362
01:29:43,480 --> 01:29:44,480
(LOU LAUGHS)
2363
01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:46,790
It's an iPad.
(CHEERING)
2364
01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:49,313
Hit the home button
right there.
2365
01:29:49,480 --> 01:29:50,480
Yeah.
2366
01:29:51,840 --> 01:29:53,856
JERRY : We had a little fun
with that down in Graphics.
2367
01:29:53,880 --> 01:29:56,030
I got the images off
Scotty's Facebook page.
2368
01:29:56,320 --> 01:29:57,799
(JERRY LAUGHING)
2369
01:29:58,000 --> 01:29:59,718
He looks like a stand-up guy.
2370
01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:01,552
Like a younger version
of you, Ned.
2371
01:30:02,320 --> 01:30:03,355
MAN : Make a speech!
2372
01:30:03,480 --> 01:30:04,799
JERRY : Speech!
Oh, yes, speech!
2373
01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:06,319
Speech, speech, speech.
2374
01:30:09,680 --> 01:30:11,636
(CHOPPER APPROACHING)
2375
01:30:11,880 --> 01:30:13,074
The heck is that?
2376
01:30:17,240 --> 01:30:19,515
STEPHANIE : Laird, a jet and
a helicopter? Where are we?
2377
01:30:19,720 --> 01:30:21,199
LAIRD :
Hang on, babe. Almost there.
2378
01:30:32,880 --> 01:30:34,359
One second.
Mayhew!
2379
01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:35,536
Guys, stay here
for a minute.
2380
01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:36,696
Honey, go inside
and get a jacket.
2381
01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:37,896
That's Mayhew.
Is that the guy?
2382
01:30:37,920 --> 01:30:38,920
Laird!
2383
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:40,194
Where are we?
2384
01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:41,360
That looks weird.
2385
01:30:41,440 --> 01:30:42,920
It's kind of Fifty
Shades of Grey-ish.
2386
01:30:43,120 --> 01:30:44,712
Cold?
Yeah.
2387
01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:49,508
And here we go.
2388
01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:52,594
Surprise!
2389
01:30:53,560 --> 01:30:54,675
(LAIRD CHUCKLES)
Hi, honey.
2390
01:30:56,080 --> 01:30:57,195
Ta-da.
2391
01:30:59,720 --> 01:31:01,278
You brought me home?
Yeah.
2392
01:31:01,440 --> 01:31:03,078
Without telling me?
2393
01:31:03,240 --> 01:31:06,550
I realize I violated the
sanctity of mystery date
2394
01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:09,598
but I just thought the family
should all be together today.
2395
01:31:09,760 --> 01:31:11,520
Okay, that wasn't your
place to do that, hon.
2396
01:31:11,640 --> 01:31:13,471
Steph, I know,
2397
01:31:13,640 --> 01:31:15,039
but it is Christmas.
2398
01:31:15,240 --> 01:31:16,275
And we're glad
to see you.
2399
01:31:16,440 --> 01:31:17,509
This isn't what
she wanted.
2400
01:31:17,600 --> 01:31:18,669
No, it's not.
2401
01:31:18,760 --> 01:31:20,318
What I wanted was
for us to spend
2402
01:31:20,400 --> 01:31:21,799
Christmas in
California together
2403
01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:24,394
like I planned, before
everything went to shit
2404
01:31:24,560 --> 01:31:26,312
because you made it
all about yourself.
2405
01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:28,469
Mm-hmm.
2406
01:31:29,160 --> 01:31:30,388
You both did.
2407
01:31:30,560 --> 01:31:31,754
I did?
Yes!
2408
01:31:31,960 --> 01:31:34,918
You idiots think you can
pass me back and forth
2409
01:31:35,080 --> 01:31:36,911
like I'm your property
or something?
2410
01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:38,000
I'm done.
2411
01:31:38,080 --> 01:31:39,559
This is the worst
Christmas ever.
2412
01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:41,432
Steph.
Steph. Honey.
2413
01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:47,594
I think she's pissed.
2414
01:31:50,520 --> 01:31:52,351
Yeah, she's pissed.
2415
01:31:52,480 --> 01:31:53,480
Shit!
2416
01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:57,753
I just thought that you guys
should be together today.
2417
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:01,355
All right.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
2418
01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:03,633
Happy holidays, Ned.
2419
01:32:03,800 --> 01:32:05,119
You too, Laird.
2420
01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:13,759
Uh, Laird.
2421
01:32:13,960 --> 01:32:15,951
You're doing a "I'm
gonna walk away slowly
2422
01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:17,640
"'cause I really don't
wanna leave" walk.
2423
01:32:19,840 --> 01:32:21,193
Maybe.
2424
01:32:21,640 --> 01:32:22,640
Come here.
2425
01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:24,949
Come here.
2426
01:32:25,120 --> 01:32:26,997
So what happened?
You didn't propose?
2427
01:32:27,160 --> 01:32:28,275
How could I?
2428
01:32:28,480 --> 01:32:29,520
I never got
your permission
2429
01:32:29,640 --> 01:32:31,471
and we pinky-swore
I wouldn't ask without it.
2430
01:32:33,720 --> 01:32:35,358
You are remarkable.
2431
01:32:36,520 --> 01:32:39,876
You don't have a gear
to be dishonest, do you?
2432
01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,039
Guess not, dude.
2433
01:32:43,800 --> 01:32:44,869
(SIGHS)
2434
01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:46,712
Laird, you never needed
my permission
2435
01:32:46,800 --> 01:32:48,199
to ask Stephanie
to marry you.
2436
01:32:49,880 --> 01:32:52,030
But if it still means
anything to you,
2437
01:32:53,480 --> 01:32:54,549
you have my blessing.
2438
01:32:57,320 --> 01:32:58,355
For reals?
2439
01:32:58,920 --> 01:32:59,920
No clowning.
2440
01:33:01,520 --> 01:33:02,520
Whoa.
2441
01:33:04,320 --> 01:33:06,709
But, Laird,
Stephanie's right.
2442
01:33:06,880 --> 01:33:09,155
It's up to her.
It's always been up to her.
2443
01:33:09,240 --> 01:33:10,309
Not us.
2444
01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:14,240
It just took me a while
to realize that.
2445
01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:16,715
It's so true.
2446
01:33:17,680 --> 01:33:19,159
Dude, we were such jerks.
2447
01:33:19,360 --> 01:33:20,509
Yeah.
2448
01:33:20,680 --> 01:33:21,874
I bit your dick.
2449
01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:24,672
Shaft and balls.
Oh.
2450
01:33:26,440 --> 01:33:27,668
I'm sorry.
2451
01:33:28,360 --> 01:33:29,918
I'm sorry, too, dude.
2452
01:33:30,120 --> 01:33:33,192
Look, Laird, if you wanna
ask Stephanie to marry you
2453
01:33:33,360 --> 01:33:35,396
when the time
is right, just do it.
2454
01:33:36,960 --> 01:33:39,030
Okay. Is it cool
if I do it right now?
2455
01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:41,430
Because, uh, just in case
it worked out
2456
01:33:41,600 --> 01:33:44,717
I had Goose put a shit ton
of doves in the helicopter
2457
01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:46,280
and I have
a couple other surprises.
2458
01:33:46,440 --> 01:33:48,874
Laird, this is
totally your call.
2459
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,031
But can I give you
some advice?
2460
01:33:51,560 --> 01:33:52,629
Dude, please.
2461
01:33:52,720 --> 01:33:53,776
I'm so fucking
nervous right now.
2462
01:33:53,800 --> 01:33:54,835
All right, look...
2463
01:33:54,920 --> 01:33:58,196
Stephanie doesn't care about
all the bells and whistles.
2464
01:33:58,400 --> 01:33:59,958
You know her.
2465
01:34:00,120 --> 01:34:01,553
She cares about you.
2466
01:34:01,720 --> 01:34:03,073
She loves you.
2467
01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:06,437
So you get down
on one knee
2468
01:34:07,320 --> 01:34:09,709
and you speak to her
from your heart.
2469
01:34:10,600 --> 01:34:12,238
That's what
you're best at.
2470
01:34:14,160 --> 01:34:16,390
Isn't that right,
Justine? (CHUCKLES)
2471
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,399
JUSTINE : Totally agree.
2472
01:34:18,960 --> 01:34:19,960
Holy shit.
2473
01:34:20,560 --> 01:34:23,233
My first time in Michigan.
It's cold as balls here.
2474
01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:25,400
Yeah.
2475
01:34:25,440 --> 01:34:27,795
Dude, that's
fucking great!
2476
01:34:28,600 --> 01:34:29,749
Do it Ned Fleming style.
2477
01:34:29,920 --> 01:34:31,478
Old school!
2478
01:34:31,680 --> 01:34:32,749
Fuck yes.
2479
01:34:35,080 --> 01:34:36,638
Okay. Well, look...
2480
01:34:36,800 --> 01:34:38,816
I'll go in there and see if
I can get her to come out.
2481
01:34:38,840 --> 01:34:39,840
Okay.
2482
01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:41,632
Good luck.
Thanks.
2483
01:34:45,120 --> 01:34:47,156
Hey, promise me
one thing.
2484
01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:49,952
You will treat
her well.
2485
01:34:51,520 --> 01:34:54,478
Dude, I'm gonna treat her
like a motherfucking queen.
2486
01:34:56,320 --> 01:34:57,514
I'll take that.
2487
01:34:57,680 --> 01:34:58,680
Okay.
2488
01:35:00,640 --> 01:35:02,790
Gustav, change of plans.
2489
01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:05,554
We're go on the proposal.
No go on all that other shit.
2490
01:35:05,640 --> 01:35:06,640
I have only one bar.
2491
01:35:06,800 --> 01:35:08,199
You're saying
we are a go, yes?
2492
01:35:08,360 --> 01:35:09,952
No. No go.
2493
01:35:10,120 --> 01:35:12,111
Go on the proposal,
no go on the shit.
2494
01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:14,191
Laird, are you saying
it's a no go
2495
01:35:14,360 --> 01:35:16,476
or are you saying, "No. Go."?
2496
01:35:16,560 --> 01:35:17,629
God damn it, Goose.
2497
01:35:17,880 --> 01:35:19,656
You're making me fucking
nervous. Just shut up.
2498
01:35:19,680 --> 01:35:21,272
Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck.
2499
01:35:21,480 --> 01:35:23,789
Oh, and by the way,
please, Laird, breathe.
2500
01:35:24,040 --> 01:35:26,634
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
2501
01:35:26,720 --> 01:35:27,755
Okay.
2502
01:35:27,840 --> 01:35:29,831
And no cursing, okay?
2503
01:35:30,000 --> 01:35:31,513
Fuck, you're right. Good call.
2504
01:35:33,640 --> 01:35:34,755
Hi.
2505
01:35:37,800 --> 01:35:39,153
I'm sorry.
2506
01:35:39,800 --> 01:35:43,315
I know that out in California
I disappointed you
2507
01:35:43,480 --> 01:35:45,357
and that kills me.
2508
01:35:45,520 --> 01:35:47,158
And I'm really sorry.
2509
01:35:50,680 --> 01:35:51,680
I'm sorry, too.
2510
01:35:53,720 --> 01:35:54,976
I threw you in the
deep end out there.
2511
01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:56,400
I should've never
asked you to come.
2512
01:35:56,520 --> 01:35:57,520
Honestly. No.
2513
01:35:57,680 --> 01:35:59,079
No, you didn't do
anything wrong.
2514
01:35:59,240 --> 01:36:00,389
What was I thinking?
2515
01:36:00,560 --> 01:36:01,675
It was me.
2516
01:36:02,680 --> 01:36:05,069
It's just that, when we
got out to Laird's...
2517
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:09,398
I just didn't feel like
I knew you anymore
2518
01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:12,032
and I got scared.
2519
01:36:13,880 --> 01:36:15,518
I just went crazy.
2520
01:36:18,240 --> 01:36:19,514
This is me.
2521
01:36:22,040 --> 01:36:23,393
I'm doing good.
2522
01:36:25,080 --> 01:36:26,399
Oh, Dad.
2523
01:36:32,640 --> 01:36:33,640
Oh, my God.
2524
01:36:33,800 --> 01:36:35,199
Okay, look. I forgot...
2525
01:36:35,360 --> 01:36:36,416
STEPHANIE : Oh, God.
He's still out there.
2526
01:36:36,440 --> 01:36:37,509
NED : I know.
2527
01:36:37,600 --> 01:36:38,856
STEPHANIE :
In a tank top and a scarf.
2528
01:36:38,880 --> 01:36:40,096
And he knew
we were coming to Michigan.
2529
01:36:40,120 --> 01:36:41,120
NED : Yeah.
2530
01:36:41,280 --> 01:36:42,520
Why doesn't
he just come inside?
2531
01:36:42,560 --> 01:36:43,896
He has to talk to you
about something...
2532
01:36:43,920 --> 01:36:46,434
He kind of wants to make
things right with you.
2533
01:36:46,600 --> 01:36:48,033
Oh, does he?
Yeah.
2534
01:36:48,200 --> 01:36:51,272
I think it'd be cool
if you gave him a chance.
2535
01:36:53,240 --> 01:36:55,549
You want me
to give Laird a chance?
2536
01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:59,474
I thought that if you saw
fit to give him a chance...
2537
01:36:59,640 --> 01:37:02,279
I thought that
it'd be cool.
2538
01:37:03,600 --> 01:37:04,635
(LAUGHS)
2539
01:37:04,720 --> 01:37:05,720
That's all. Well?
2540
01:37:05,840 --> 01:37:07,432
Hi.
Hey.
2541
01:37:07,600 --> 01:37:09,556
What's going on?
Oh, my God, it's cold out here.
2542
01:37:09,760 --> 01:37:11,910
I know you're pissed,
but just hear me out.
2543
01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:13,479
Can we talk inside?
No.
2544
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:14,640
Oh, my...
Look.
2545
01:37:14,760 --> 01:37:17,399
Oh, my God.
It's so romantic.
2546
01:37:17,600 --> 01:37:18,794
I told him to keep
it simple.
2547
01:37:18,960 --> 01:37:20,154
BARB : Oh, our little girl.
2548
01:37:20,320 --> 01:37:22,456
He's gonna get down to his
knee and keep it real simple.
2549
01:37:22,480 --> 01:37:23,754
How do you know all this?
2550
01:37:23,920 --> 01:37:25,069
I gave him
a few pointers.
2551
01:37:25,240 --> 01:37:26,468
Oh.
2552
01:37:27,640 --> 01:37:29,471
This has been the
happiest year of my life.
2553
01:37:31,440 --> 01:37:34,591
And fly! Go, go, go! Go!
2554
01:37:36,440 --> 01:37:38,271
Oh, no.
What?
2555
01:37:38,640 --> 01:37:40,198
(DOVES COOING)
2556
01:37:40,600 --> 01:37:41,600
Ah.
2557
01:37:42,960 --> 01:37:44,951
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
2558
01:37:45,120 --> 01:37:47,156
Goose. God damn it.
I said no go! No go!
2559
01:37:47,320 --> 01:37:48,355
NED : Oh, my...
2560
01:37:48,440 --> 01:37:49,475
BARB : Oh, gosh. Wow.
2561
01:37:49,600 --> 01:37:50,656
Why did he do that?
Smart boy.
2562
01:37:50,680 --> 01:37:52,716
Absolute fucking shit fest.
2563
01:37:53,720 --> 01:37:55,438
Babe, I'm so
sorry. Uh...
2564
01:37:58,680 --> 01:38:00,159
Stephanie Fleming...
2565
01:38:00,680 --> 01:38:02,033
will you...
Are you proposing?
2566
01:38:02,200 --> 01:38:03,997
Yeah.
2567
01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:05,838
Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES)
2568
01:38:05,960 --> 01:38:07,279
Did my dad know
about this?
2569
01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:09,592
Yeah, I asked
for his blessing
2570
01:38:09,680 --> 01:38:11,113
that first morning
back in Cali.
2571
01:38:11,320 --> 01:38:13,356
Oh, my God. (LAUGHS)
2572
01:38:13,680 --> 01:38:14,795
Oh, my God!
2573
01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:17,474
No wonder he acted
so crazy. Honey.
2574
01:38:17,640 --> 01:38:19,551
Yeah, that's why he was
a little out of whack.
2575
01:38:19,720 --> 01:38:21,790
Yeah, we could have had
a really nice holiday.
2576
01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:24,673
I know. But we're all
good now. Okay?
2577
01:38:24,840 --> 01:38:26,990
This is a lot.
2578
01:38:28,320 --> 01:38:29,878
Oh, my God.
Stephanie Fleming...
2579
01:38:30,040 --> 01:38:31,440
That's a ring.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
2580
01:38:32,560 --> 01:38:34,357
Goose! No!
2581
01:38:34,560 --> 01:38:35,675
(ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING)
2582
01:38:39,000 --> 01:38:40,991
And, go! Go, guys!
Go, go, go!
2583
01:38:41,880 --> 01:38:43,154
Stephanie!
2584
01:38:44,560 --> 01:38:45,560
Oh, my God.
2585
01:38:45,720 --> 01:38:47,233
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2586
01:38:57,520 --> 01:39:00,830
Laird, what is Kiss
doing here?
2587
01:39:01,680 --> 01:39:02,829
Um, well...
2588
01:39:05,040 --> 01:39:06,075
Is that...
Whoa!
2589
01:39:06,200 --> 01:39:07,394
He got look-a-likes!
2590
01:39:07,560 --> 01:39:09,516
BARB : Those aren't
look-a-likes, Ned.
2591
01:39:09,600 --> 01:39:10,874
That's Gene and Paul.
2592
01:39:11,040 --> 01:39:14,032
It's Gene and Paul!
Gene and Paul!
2593
01:39:14,200 --> 01:39:16,236
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
2594
01:39:16,400 --> 01:39:17,799
Kiss is in
the front yard!
2595
01:39:17,960 --> 01:39:20,428
(SINGING) Tonight
2596
01:39:20,640 --> 01:39:23,029
I wanna give it all to you
2597
01:39:24,920 --> 01:39:25,920
In the darkness
2598
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:28,753
Originally, I had this more
elaborate proposal plan
2599
01:39:28,920 --> 01:39:30,592
but your dad gave me
this awesome advice
2600
01:39:30,720 --> 01:39:31,869
and told me
not to do it.
2601
01:39:32,040 --> 01:39:33,439
But they're here,
2602
01:39:33,560 --> 01:39:35,437
and I know how much
you love their music, so...
2603
01:39:35,600 --> 01:39:36,874
What? Hi.
2604
01:39:37,040 --> 01:39:40,794
I was made
for lovin' you, baby
2605
01:39:40,960 --> 01:39:44,714
You were made for lovin' me
2606
01:39:44,880 --> 01:39:46,711
And I can't get...
2607
01:39:50,240 --> 01:39:52,117
Is he still proposing?
What's...
2608
01:39:52,280 --> 01:39:53,713
NED : They've stopped
playing now.
2609
01:39:53,920 --> 01:39:55,831
His name's Ned.
BARB : Oh, my God, are they...
2610
01:39:55,960 --> 01:39:56,960
What?
2611
01:39:57,080 --> 01:39:58,096
Are they coming in the...
Oh, my God.
2612
01:39:58,120 --> 01:39:59,216
They're coming up
the sidewalk!
2613
01:39:59,240 --> 01:40:00,240
They're heading in!
2614
01:40:00,320 --> 01:40:01,880
They're coming in our house!
Oh, my God!
2615
01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,831
Everybody act natural!
Act naturally!
2616
01:40:04,000 --> 01:40:05,228
I have to redecorate
the house!
2617
01:40:16,680 --> 01:40:17,749
Hey.
2618
01:40:17,920 --> 01:40:18,920
Hi.
2619
01:40:19,080 --> 01:40:20,115
NED : Hi.
2620
01:40:20,320 --> 01:40:21,753
(STAMMERS)
2621
01:40:22,280 --> 01:40:23,429
Uh, hi.
2622
01:40:24,600 --> 01:40:26,113
I'm Ned.
PAUL : Hey, Ned.
2623
01:40:26,280 --> 01:40:27,429
Hi!
Hi!
2624
01:40:27,600 --> 01:40:29,192
This is my wife, Barb.
2625
01:40:29,360 --> 01:40:30,759
This is our friends,
Lou and Patty.
2626
01:40:30,840 --> 01:40:31,989
It's Lou.
2627
01:40:32,160 --> 01:40:33,593
NED : So excited
you're here.
2628
01:40:33,760 --> 01:40:37,036
I gotta tell you.
Uh, we are huge fans.
2629
01:40:37,200 --> 01:40:40,875
We've been members of the Kiss
Army for, like, 30 years now.
2630
01:40:41,040 --> 01:40:43,679
Yeah. Our first date was
the Crazy Nights Tour.
2631
01:40:43,840 --> 01:40:46,274
Yeah! And, boy,
was that crazy.
2632
01:40:46,360 --> 01:40:47,429
Crazy.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
2633
01:40:48,160 --> 01:40:49,160
Did you get laid?
2634
01:40:52,480 --> 01:40:53,480
Um...
2635
01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:56,312
I gave him a handjob.
2636
01:40:57,360 --> 01:40:58,873
(SNICKERS)
NED : Scotty.
2637
01:40:59,320 --> 01:41:00,992
I'm having
an awesome time,
2638
01:41:01,120 --> 01:41:02,473
but are you having
a buffet here?
2639
01:41:02,640 --> 01:41:04,198
Oh, my God.
What was I thinking?
2640
01:41:04,360 --> 01:41:05,793
Are you hungry?
Starving.
2641
01:41:05,960 --> 01:41:07,712
Oh, God, of course!
Where's our manners?
2642
01:41:07,800 --> 01:41:08,835
We're terrible hosts.
2643
01:41:09,000 --> 01:41:10,136
LOU : Let's get those
guitars, guys.
2644
01:41:10,160 --> 01:41:11,354
Come on,
let me get that axe.
2645
01:41:12,640 --> 01:41:13,709
See my body?
2646
01:41:13,800 --> 01:41:14,800
Wow! Kiss is
in our house!
2647
01:41:14,880 --> 01:41:18,031
Yeah. I'm kind of
juiced up a little bit.
2648
01:41:18,480 --> 01:41:20,357
Oh! I almost forgot
about them.
2649
01:41:20,520 --> 01:41:22,351
Well...
The happy couple.
2650
01:41:22,520 --> 01:41:23,999
Congratulations.
2651
01:41:24,520 --> 01:41:25,839
She said no.
2652
01:41:26,720 --> 01:41:27,720
I'm sorry, what?
2653
01:41:27,880 --> 01:41:29,154
She said no.
2654
01:41:31,040 --> 01:41:32,040
Well...
2655
01:41:33,720 --> 01:41:34,869
Honey.
2656
01:41:35,520 --> 01:41:37,158
I'm so flattered
2657
01:41:37,360 --> 01:41:39,351
that you wanna marry me
2658
01:41:39,840 --> 01:41:40,880
but I'm not ready
for that.
2659
01:41:44,400 --> 01:41:45,719
And I'm gonna
finish school.
2660
01:41:45,880 --> 01:41:47,199
For me.
2661
01:41:47,360 --> 01:41:48,839
Because that's what
I wanna do.
2662
01:41:49,040 --> 01:41:50,519
Got it?
2663
01:41:50,680 --> 01:41:52,352
LAIRD : That's really smart.
2664
01:41:52,520 --> 01:41:55,273
It's just,
I had this big plan
2665
01:41:56,400 --> 01:41:57,674
and it didn't work out.
2666
01:41:58,520 --> 01:42:00,590
(SIGHS) Yeah.
Well, that's life, pal.
2667
01:42:02,560 --> 01:42:05,233
That is so
well put, Ned.
2668
01:42:06,040 --> 01:42:07,712
It's really,
really smart.
2669
01:42:07,880 --> 01:42:09,552
Dude, did you
come up with that?
2670
01:42:09,720 --> 01:42:11,358
The words, "That's life?"
2671
01:42:11,560 --> 01:42:14,199
Ned, you're so full of
practical wisdom...
2672
01:42:15,040 --> 01:42:16,176
I was just really
looking forward
2673
01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:17,428
to you being
my father-in-law.
2674
01:42:17,640 --> 01:42:18,640
Aw.
2675
01:42:19,720 --> 01:42:21,631
I'm not breaking
up with you.
2676
01:42:21,800 --> 01:42:22,800
You're not?
2677
01:42:22,920 --> 01:42:23,920
No, honey.
2678
01:42:24,080 --> 01:42:25,560
No, no, no.
I'm still your girlfriend.
2679
01:42:25,640 --> 01:42:27,358
We're still together.
2680
01:42:27,440 --> 01:42:28,440
LAIRD : Oh.
2681
01:42:29,800 --> 01:42:31,074
Oh, thank God!
2682
01:42:31,240 --> 01:42:32,275
Come here.
2683
01:42:43,240 --> 01:42:44,389
Merry Christmas.
2684
01:42:44,560 --> 01:42:45,560
Ned.
Hey.
2685
01:42:45,680 --> 01:42:47,238
Dude, your employees
are so cool.
2686
01:42:47,400 --> 01:42:48,674
Yeah, they are.
2687
01:42:48,840 --> 01:42:50,990
Maybe it was wrong of me
to interfere like that,
2688
01:42:51,160 --> 01:42:52,957
but why don't you
let me save your company?
2689
01:42:54,320 --> 01:42:56,072
(SIGHS) No, Laird,
I can't.
2690
01:42:56,240 --> 01:42:58,231
That old model
doesn't work anymore.
2691
01:42:58,440 --> 01:43:00,271
I guess...
I don't know.
2692
01:43:00,480 --> 01:43:02,277
I guess I just didn't
want to believe it.
2693
01:43:03,120 --> 01:43:04,758
But since you
mentioned it...
2694
01:43:04,920 --> 01:43:07,070
I do have a business idea
I wanna run by you.
2695
01:43:07,280 --> 01:43:08,793
Dude, elevator pitch me!
2696
01:43:08,960 --> 01:43:10,154
Okay.
2697
01:43:11,520 --> 01:43:12,794
No, hold on.
2698
01:43:12,960 --> 01:43:15,315
This wasn't my idea at all.
One second.
2699
01:43:15,480 --> 01:43:17,232
Scotty, come here.
SCOTTY : Yo, what's up?
2700
01:43:17,320 --> 01:43:18,320
Come here.
Yeah?
2701
01:43:18,440 --> 01:43:19,936
I want you to tell Laird
about the business idea
2702
01:43:19,960 --> 01:43:21,359
you mentioned
on the plane.
2703
01:43:21,520 --> 01:43:22,520
Go ahead.
Wait, really?
2704
01:43:22,600 --> 01:43:23,600
Yeah.
2705
01:43:23,680 --> 01:43:25,400
Told you to get that seat
at the table, bro.
2706
01:43:25,440 --> 01:43:27,040
You did. He told me,
Dad. He was, like...
2707
01:43:27,160 --> 01:43:28,256
"You're gonna
get that seat."
2708
01:43:28,280 --> 01:43:29,696
I can't believe
I finally got the seat.
2709
01:43:29,720 --> 01:43:30,948
Dragons and
titties, baby.
2710
01:43:31,120 --> 01:43:32,951
Dragons and titties!
(ROARS)
2711
01:43:33,200 --> 01:43:34,600
Breathe that fire.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
2712
01:43:34,720 --> 01:43:35,720
Get up in there.
2713
01:43:36,800 --> 01:43:38,518
Get up
in those titties!
2714
01:43:38,680 --> 01:43:40,000
Gonna get those dragons.
(HISSING)
2715
01:43:40,800 --> 01:43:41,949
Dad...
2716
01:43:42,480 --> 01:43:43,799
Scotty!
(LAUGHS)
2717
01:43:43,960 --> 01:43:46,520
Stop motorboating your dad,
and elevator pitch me.
2718
01:43:46,640 --> 01:43:48,119
Sorry. Uh...
2719
01:43:48,480 --> 01:43:51,313
Laird, I can't stop thinking
about your toilets, dude.
2720
01:43:51,480 --> 01:43:53,152
My toilets?
Yeah.
2721
01:43:53,320 --> 01:43:54,958
The fresh feeling,
the scented talc.
2722
01:43:55,160 --> 01:43:57,310
I was thinking if you can
get the controls in English
2723
01:43:57,480 --> 01:43:59,240
and maybe lower the price
point a little bit,
2724
01:43:59,320 --> 01:44:00,456
we could have
a potentially untapped
2725
01:44:00,480 --> 01:44:01,480
market here in America.
2726
01:44:01,520 --> 01:44:03,158
Oh, shit.
Right?
2727
01:44:03,320 --> 01:44:04,976
And look, we can contact
a Japanese manufacturer
2728
01:44:05,000 --> 01:44:06,035
about pricing...
Ooh.
2729
01:44:06,200 --> 01:44:08,555
No, Scotty. Pardon my French,
but fuck that noise.
2730
01:44:09,160 --> 01:44:10,195
Whoa.
2731
01:44:10,320 --> 01:44:13,312
Listen. We have a factory
right here in Grand Rapids
2732
01:44:13,480 --> 01:44:15,675
with 37 of the best employees
you're ever gonna want.
2733
01:44:15,840 --> 01:44:17,751
Let's build our own.
2734
01:44:18,840 --> 01:44:20,751
Hells yes, Grateful Ned!
Yeah!
2735
01:44:20,840 --> 01:44:22,239
(MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND)
Boom!
2736
01:44:22,360 --> 01:44:23,713
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
2737
01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:25,515
Okay, sorry. Yeah.
2738
01:44:30,040 --> 01:44:35,876
ALL : (SINGING) The first noel
the angels did say
2739
01:44:36,080 --> 01:44:41,393
Was to certain poor shepherds
In fields as they lay
2740
01:44:41,560 --> 01:44:47,112
In fields where they lay
keeping their sheep
2741
01:44:47,280 --> 01:44:52,798
On a cold winter's night
that was so deep
2742
01:44:52,960 --> 01:44:54,518
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
2743
01:44:54,720 --> 01:44:57,553
It turned out to be a pretty
cool holiday after all, huh?
2744
01:44:58,400 --> 01:44:59,549
It did, son.
2745
01:45:00,360 --> 01:45:01,360
(MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND)
2746
01:45:01,480 --> 01:45:02,480
Dude.
2747
01:45:03,040 --> 01:45:04,040
What?
2748
01:45:04,120 --> 01:45:06,000
Told you you'd be
calling me "son" by Christmas.
2749
01:45:06,040 --> 01:45:07,837
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
2750
01:45:07,920 --> 01:45:09,717
That's just
a figure of speech.
2751
01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:10,915
Sure, Dad.
2752
01:45:17,480 --> 01:45:25,480
Merry Christmas,
I don't want to fight tonight
2753
01:45:27,960 --> 01:45:29,598
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2754
01:45:31,560 --> 01:45:34,233
Hello there, you gang!
It is I, Gustav.
2755
01:45:34,400 --> 01:45:36,675
It's so great to see you!
2756
01:45:36,840 --> 01:45:39,400
Hey, what do you think
of the new facial hair, huh?
2757
01:45:39,600 --> 01:45:41,397
I'm based in Michigan now,
so you know...
2758
01:45:41,600 --> 01:45:42,816
I'm trying to do this
whole kind of
2759
01:45:42,840 --> 01:45:44,159
Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing.
2760
01:45:44,320 --> 01:45:45,440
I wanted to fill it all out.
2761
01:45:46,120 --> 01:45:49,078
So Scotty, Laird, and Ned
took the printing company...
2762
01:45:49,320 --> 01:45:50,456
turned it into
a toilet factory...
2763
01:45:50,480 --> 01:45:51,959
and it's going great!
2764
01:45:52,120 --> 01:45:54,998
The toilet is water efficient
und eco-friendly.
2765
01:45:55,080 --> 01:45:56,479
It's state of the art.
2766
01:45:56,640 --> 01:45:59,757
I'm telling you, they have
invented the Tesla of toilets!
2767
01:46:00,240 --> 01:46:01,468
It's amazing.
2768
01:46:01,640 --> 01:46:03,312
Barbara has made sure
that each toilet
2769
01:46:03,400 --> 01:46:05,118
has a state of the art
vaginal cleanse.
2770
01:46:05,560 --> 01:46:09,872
You know
exactly what I'm saying.
2771
01:46:10,040 --> 01:46:11,598
Every single model
comes with Justine.
2772
01:46:11,760 --> 01:46:12,800
Talk about a smart toilet.
2773
01:46:12,960 --> 01:46:14,176
She knows
if you need a little sploosh
2774
01:46:14,200 --> 01:46:15,200
or if you actually need
2775
01:46:15,280 --> 01:46:16,800
the fountains
of the Bellagio up there.
2776
01:46:18,600 --> 01:46:21,034
Scotty has finally
got his seat at the table.
2777
01:46:21,680 --> 01:46:22,715
It's beautiful.
2778
01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:24,678
He went a little too far
with the dragons,
2779
01:46:24,760 --> 01:46:26,240
and the titties,
and the motorboating.
2780
01:46:27,800 --> 01:46:28,800
Oy vey.
2781
01:46:29,560 --> 01:46:30,629
Oh, Miss Stephanie.
2782
01:46:30,920 --> 01:46:33,309
She had the idea to link
the Fleming-Mayhew company
2783
01:46:33,480 --> 01:46:35,277
with the new foundation.
2784
01:46:35,400 --> 01:46:37,630
So now, they're sponsoring
sewage projects
2785
01:46:37,800 --> 01:46:39,916
all over the Third World.
I told you.
2786
01:46:40,000 --> 01:46:42,434
Smart, smart, smart girl.
2787
01:46:43,000 --> 01:46:45,833
So, things are working out
really well for the gang here.
2788
01:46:46,240 --> 01:46:47,719
The company is
a smashing success.
2789
01:46:48,320 --> 01:46:49,878
And my dear Laird
2790
01:46:50,280 --> 01:46:52,475
has finally gotten
what he's always wanted.
2791
01:46:52,920 --> 01:46:54,194
To be part of a family.
2792
01:46:57,640 --> 01:46:59,358
All right, ciao for now,
you friends.
2793
01:46:59,440 --> 01:47:00,589
Until we meet again.
2794
01:47:00,760 --> 01:47:02,776
Laird, it doesn't count as
a sneak attack if I can see...
2795
01:47:02,800 --> 01:47:04,552
Fuck you, Goose!
Scheisse!
2796
01:47:04,680 --> 01:47:06,796
(ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE
PLAYING)
2797
01:47:07,280 --> 01:47:11,831
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2798
01:47:12,840 --> 01:47:14,910
And party every day
2799
01:47:15,280 --> 01:47:18,636
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2800
01:47:19,800 --> 01:47:21,597
And party every day
2801
01:47:25,040 --> 01:47:27,759
You keep on saying
you'll be mine for a while
2802
01:47:28,280 --> 01:47:31,397
You're looking fancy
and I like your style
2803
01:47:31,920 --> 01:47:36,198
You drive us wild,
we'll drive you crazy
2804
01:47:39,280 --> 01:47:41,999
You show us
everything you've got
2805
01:47:42,400 --> 01:47:44,994
Baby, baby, it's quite a lot
2806
01:47:45,720 --> 01:47:50,191
You drive us wild,
we 'll drive you crazy
2807
01:47:52,520 --> 01:47:55,637
You keep on shouting,
you keep on shouting
2808
01:47:58,760 --> 01:48:03,231
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2809
01:48:04,320 --> 01:48:06,117
And party every day
2810
01:48:06,280 --> 01:48:10,068
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2811
01:48:11,320 --> 01:48:13,117
And party every day
2812
01:48:13,240 --> 01:48:16,994
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2813
01:48:17,960 --> 01:48:19,757
And party every day
2814
01:48:19,880 --> 01:48:23,429
I wanna rock and roll
all night
2815
01:48:24,640 --> 01:48:26,392
And party every day
2816
01:48:26,492 --> 01:49:26,392
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